Sweet Revenge
Part Six
The sound of his alarm pulled Xander out of the deepest sleep on record. Eyes still screwed shut he fumbled for the off switch. Ah peace. He slowly began to wake up, but something was niggling at him, telling him that waking up was not a good idea, what the hell was it . . ?
Oh Shit!
He flew bolt upright in bed as the memories of last night rushed to meet him, and sat rigid as shame and humiliation stickily spread through him like someone had just up ended a bucket of scum over him. He buried his head in his hands thinking helpful things like /Oh no. God no. Please no. It didn't happen. It was just a dream. Please make it not have happened./
He wanted to turn back time.
He wanted to be beamed into outer space.
He wanted to die.
He definitely, definitely never wanted to see Spike again.
Ever.
Something that was going to be pretty impossible to pull off as Xander was fairly certain that Spike was still asleep on his couch.
Maybe he'd gone. /Yeah Spike took a walk in the dawning sun to save me embarrassment/
Maybe he could stay in here until Spike left, but he absolutely balked at the thought of spending another minute in here alone with his thoughts. Thoughts were not going to be happy today, he had to get out and go to work. And that meant leaving the bedroom.
Okay he could do this. On shaky legs he went to the door, noting in an abstract way that his hands were clammy. He opened the door and immediately saw Spike's outline huddled underneath a blanket on the couch.
/Shitshitshit/
He silently and quickly got ready for work, but it seemed to take forever, when he was eventually ready he headed for the front door only to be stopped dead as Spike's voice floated over from the depths of the couch.
"No goodbye kiss? Now that's what I call morning-after bad manners"
Xander flinched. Obviously praying that Spike had been struck with a bout of amnesia hadn't worked.
"I want you out by the time I come back."
"Yes I'm sure you do" came the amused reply.
"And I'm doing a de-invite spell tonight."
"That'd probably be wise."
"I'm going now" he added unnecessarily.
"I hate to see you go" Spike sighed, " I *love* to watch you leave."
With shaking hands Xander opened the door.
"Almost as much as you love to drool over *my* ass."
Xander whirled around, "I don't! I've never . . ." He trailed off as Spike sat up and let the blanket fall away. /Ohmigod I kissed that mouth, I clawed that back, I tossed that guy off!!/
And beneath all the embarrassment and self disgust, something stirred.
"I don't have time for this" he said firmly, and slammed the door behind him. Alone Spike grinned madly. /Hmm lets recap. Invite? Check! Sexual encounter? Check! Secrecy? Check! One humiliated Scooby? Check! On track for one hurting Slayer? Double check and mate!/
He hadn't felt this good since the chip had been shoved in! Should've tried something like this long ago. Of course it wasn't as much fun as ripping the heads of everyone she loved and leaving them lined up on her doorstep, but hey he wasn't complaining. Spike was completely convinced that after Xander had battled through the whole 'ooh what have I done' reflex, that he was going to be ready for round two.
/Recipe for round two . . .take one dark haired young lad in denial, add drop dead gorgeous blond vampire, male of course, stir in a hot night, and mix together in an intense wanking session, separate immediately and leave dark haired lad to simmer for a couple of days. Simmering process could be skipped, but you run the risk of dark haired lad crumbling under pressure, best to let him rise on his own. When lad has reached boiling temperature re-introduce vampire. Serve on bed and let the shagging begin. Should write a seduction manual, this is just so pissing easy. So why didn't it work with Buffy?/
The thought crept unbidden into his head and pain flashed through him at the thought of her, but he ignored it. /No good getting soft on her again, you've started this, so bloody well finish it/
Anyway, revenge thoughts, Spike was ready for round two right now, was actually looking forward to it, and not just in a 'screwing the Slayer' kind of way, last night had been something of a surprise, he hadn't expected Xander to be so . . .passionate. That was the best hand job he'd had since . . .well he couldn't remember a better one. He tried to remember for a moment, then shrugged, probably it was just because vampires weren't much with the fooling around thing, full sex was pretty much a given. He'd forgotten how good the lead up could be, the anticipation . . .and what was it Xander had muttered? "Want you, always wanted you". His cock twitched at the memory of Xander panting that in his ear as his hands scratched down Spike's back and their hips ground together . . .
This revenge thing just got better and better! Of course the destination was the same, but it made it so much more fun if the journey included some good shagging.
In the highest of spirits Spike headed for the shower.
---
Xander slowly walked home. He was dead tired, work had been long, then he'd been patrolling with Buffy. And if he'd kept his eyes open for a certain bleached vampire nobody needed to know that but him. It had actually been on the tip of his tongue to ask Buffy if she wanted to go by Spike's crypt just to check he wasn't up to anything, but then he'd remembered Spike had been looking for a new crypt after the vampire attack, he wouldn't be there anyway. It had been two days since the night with Spike. Two of the longest days of his life. The whole never wanting to see him again thing had lasted approximately 10 hours.
Until he'd gone home to an empty apartment and was aware inexplicably of disappointment. And no. He hadn't asked Willow to come and do the de-invite spell for him. He told himself it was because she'd ask questions, questions he wasn't up to answering.
Bull.
Shit.
As the days passed he couldn't stop thinking about it. He'd alternatively been flashing hot with a shameful lust and ice cold with fear.
Not fear that he'd see Spike again. Fear that he wouldn't. He was hurt, humiliated and he couldn't stop thinking about it.
Couldn't stop thinking about Spike's skin that was every bit as silky as it looked.
The whimpers and growls he made when he was close.
The things he'd said. "I want to nail you to the mattress and fuck you into oblivion . . ."
Something in Xander's stomach kind of twisted over at the memory of it and a shiver of arousal ran through him. He shook himself, he was so *stupid*! He'd given Spike blackmail material for the rest of his life. It could never, ever happen again.
"Let me use you. Use me. Fuck ME." And Spike's voice was rough and sweet all at the same time like honey over wood . . .
No! Wrong. Wrongest. Couldn't get much wronger.
And why the hell hadn't he? Fucked him that is. Spike had *said*, he wanted to fuck him. So why had he stopped at, um well why had he stopped?
/Shouldn't ask why, just be grateful for it/
But he wasn't. Confused and frustrated as hell, yes. Grateful, no.
And it wasn't getting better. If anything as the time passed it was getting worse. An ache had set up camp in his body and wasn't going anywhere. That night hadn't been nearly enough. Not by a long stretch, had just fanned the flames inside him and they were still burning away. Something had been set in motion, Spike had reached out and bent the parallel lines, then left, leaving unfinished business hanging between them. Leaving Xander in a state of half horror, half aching need.
/Knew it was just a head game. He's probably gonna resurface and say how crap I was and that's why he doesn't want to sleep with me/
But somehow Xander didn't think that was the case. He'd *felt* Spike, and known, instinctively that whatever else was going on in Spikes mind, his body was enjoying what was happening.
So where the hell was Spike?
Xander shook his head at himself /losing it much Harris? Does the term bitter enemies mean nothing to you?/ and went to open the door to his apartment block.
"Well, hello lover."
Xander came to an abrupt halt, then, his heart in his mouth, slowly turned around.
/There's the answer to one question anyway/ The bleached wonder was right in front of him.
And. Wow. Surely it couldn't be right for a guy to look that good. Scuffed DM's black jeans, black T-Shirt, black duster.
Kind of made Xander wish he was wearing something more low key than purple pants and an orange shirt.
"I'm not your lover." Xander muttered. How come if Spike was the harmless one, Xander felt like he was the one with a chip in his head? Defenceless. Stripped bare. "What are you doing here?"
"You live in there" Spike jerked his head towards the apartment block in front of them.
Oh. /He's come looking for me/ The memory of Spike coming over his hand suddenly flashed through him and his fists clenched compulsively.
Spike ignored him anyway, flicking the butt of his cigarette away and flung his hand wide, acknowledging and disregarding the stars in one gesture. "So isn't it a nice night we're having, how 'bout them Redskins, well that's the small talk all taken care of. Ready to finish what we started the other night?"
Xander swallowed back the urge to scream "Yes!" at the top of his voice and ignored the blood throbbing in his veins in a seductive slow beat.
"It's never going to happen again Spike," he said strongly, "in fact there is no again because it never happened."
/Yeah/ a small amused voice popped up in his mind /you talk the talk, but you know you can't walk the walk, and Spike isn't going to take no for an answer. You hope anyway./
Spike's eyes narrowed and he stared hard at Xander. /Got to love the way he keeps trying. Course it'd be a whole lot more convincing if I couldn't smell the potential hard on from 50 paces/ He decided to have a little fun with the lad. /Play with this fish a little before reelin' him in and gutting him/
"Oh well. If that's the way you want it." He feigned disinterest, not missing the flash of disappointment that fleetingly appeared on Xander's face. "I do have a reason for being here."
"What?" Xander asked warily.
"Left something in your apartment."
"No you didn't, I haven't seen anything."
Spike smirked, "Oh trust me mate it's there"
Xander heaved a long suffering sigh. "Fine, whatever, get it and get the hell out."
He opened the door and they walked down the corridor in silence. Xander stole another look at Spike, the plaster on his cheek was gone, the skin smooth and unmarked.
They reached his apartment and as he unlocked it Spike pushed past him and was inside before he could draw breath.
Spike raised an eyebrow at him, "Never got round to doing that de-invite spell I see"
Xander shut the door and thanked God for the dim light hiding his warm cheeks. "No time," he lied.
He went to turn the light on, but Spike's hand shot out and grabbed his wrist before he could reach the switch.
"What are you doing?" he yelped. As much as he hated to admit it, it definitely was a yelp.
Spike didn't answer, but his thumb began tracing the hot skin on Xander's pulse point.
"You said you left something in here" Xander stammered, trying to ignore the distracting sensation of Spike's caress.
Spike's eyes glittered. "I did. Unfinished business."
Part SevenXander tried half heartedly to pry Spike's fingers from his wrist. "Spike if you try anything with me I will stake you."
Spike grinned. "Well I'm game mate, but I really see it more as me staking you. At first anyway, if you're a good lad, and a fast learner though . . ." /Yeah and I'll be handing out ice skates in hell before I let you do that to me/ Xander closed his eyes helplessly as the image suddenly hit of with all the force of a kick to the stomach of Spike /fucking me/ thrusting into him. That arrogant smirk for once wiped out. Opened them to find Spike looking at him intently as his thumb still circled on his wrist, and his stomach felt like it had been hollowed, a low hot throbbing began to pound through him.
"No Spike." /Yep going with the denial. It's my best friend. Try it again without the erection/
"Never happened remember?" The words were meant to come out strongly, but came out more pleadingly. /OhGodohGod what the hell *is* this, please don't do this to me, he *used* me, he's going to do it again, and I'm so completely *fucked up* and want him so badly I think I'm going to let him . . ./
"But it did," Spike lowered his voice "I was the one that was pressed up against you that night, hearin' those sweet little noises you make when your about to . . ."
"Shut up!"
Spike let his eyes flicker down to the lads mouth, moist and panting, then back up to meet his eyes. "Make me. I won't bite. You're quite safe."
Safe? Safe? The words Spike and safe did not belong together, Spike didn't make him feel safe, he made him feel like prey, like the hunted, like he was burning from the inside out and he was gonna die if he didn't get just one more taste of that cool skin and wicked mouth, made him so turned on and so hard that he could fuck if the world was ending and here it all was being just handed to him, but they hated each other, and Spike was up to *something* . .
"No." Just a word. Doesn't mean anything. Not when you don't mean it.
"Don't start lying to me. You've never lied before. You want me." Spike inhaled deeply. "I can smell it."
"What . ..what do you want?" Xander managed to choke out.
/I want to have this bloody chip out of my head. I want to kill each and every one of you I want to kill the Slayer and turn her and make her my bitch for eternity. But this will have to do so don't fucking push me/
Instead of answering Spike tightened his fingers on Xander's wrist and pulled him until the lad was pressed against him, leaning in so his lips were hovering millimetres away from Xander's and he could feel the heat radiating from his mouth, the tremors running through him. He let go of Xander's wrist and waited for a moment to see what he would do. His breath was coming in short pants, but he didn't try to move away.
/Good lad, you make it nice and easy for me to hurt you./
He should throw the lad on the floor and take him right now. Hard. He could do, he could get round his chip enough to do that. And it wouldn't be rape either. The lad was begging for it, with his eyes, his scent, far more eloquent than words. But he felt oddly reluctant to do it that way as happy as it would have made his demon. And yes, fine his own erection. Yeah it was all ultimately a plan to screw the Slayer over, but still . . .The lad was doing things, awakening sensations he hadn't expected. The way Xander was staring at him with such a look of aching want, desperation clear in his eyes, because he knew there was no way he was going to win this . . .Spike couldn't remember when anyone had ever looked at him like that before. It was beautiful, intoxicating, and, oh yeah, as sexy as hell. Instead he flicked his tongue out, letting it dart along Xander's lips. Xander made a strangled sound in his throat the tremors became more apparent and Spike could feel him, straining against his pants, rubbing against Spike's own erection, and well well what was this?
Xander shuddered as he pressed against Spike, feeling his hands, that had apparently developed a will of their own slide around Spike's waist. A part of Xander's mind appeared to be screaming something along the lines of /No! STOP! That's Spike!/
"Spike...." he moaned, grinding his hips into Spike, and that felt so good, he just had to do it again.
Spike shivered, pleased. "You remember it don't you?" Spike murmured, his lips brushing Xander's with every movement. "Us coming all over each other? Haven't been able to stop thinking about it have you? Wanking off about it, imagining it's me. Don't have to imagine tonight. Remember what I said that night?" Spike's hands were sliding under his shirt like smoke, reaching to trail lightly over his hard nipples, pulling and pinching gently.
"Yeah." Xander gasped. Insanity. This was insanity. He had to pull away. But he couldn't move, didn't *want* to move, the slim cool fingers sending delicious shivers sparking though him, Spike was almost magical in his moment, enchanting, hypnotic, creating a fog of desire in Xander's mind. So gorgeous, he'd wanted this for so long, and he was right *there*. . .
"Liked it didn't you?" Spike let one of his hands slide out from under his shirt, ghost along Xander's body until it came to rest, just over his heavy arousal.
"Yes" Shifting slightly, rocking into Spike's hand.
"Yeah. Knew you did. Could tell. Got you all hot and bothered didn't it? What'd I say that got you the hardest?"
Xander felt his face flame, even as the bolts of excitement leapt straight to his groin.
"Well?" Spike prompted, his hand toying with the fastening to Xander's pants. Xander shuddered, tried to look away from Spike's eyes that were just drawing him in, swallowing him whole, and couldn't.
"That . . .that you wanted to . . .to" He gulped. As he spoke Spike was slowly popping open the buttons on his pants. "To . . . nail me to the mattress and . . .and . . ." He stopped, painfully embarrassed.
"And?" Spike was relentless, shifting his hand away, sliding it around the waistband to his boxers his thumb brushing Xander's wet tip.
A groan flew from Xander's mouth before he could stop it. He took a deep breath. "And . . .fuck me into oblivion" he gasped out.
"Well" and there was the faintest hint of amusement in Spike's voice. "Since you ask so nicely."
Spike's mouth was suddenly ravaging his, using tongue, teeth, as he freed Xander's erection and oh *yes* that was it, that sweet fucking rhythm that was just the best feeling in the whole world and God it was like being stuck by lightening, and fucking hell so much better than he'd dared let himself remember. Xander moaned in the back of his throat wrapping himself around Spike, one hand tangled in his hair, the other on his ass, pulling him in trying to get closer to him, whimpering under the attack Spike was making on his mouth, and kissing back just as hard to stop himself from begging for more and he wasn't going to think, he wouldn't let himself stop and think . . .Except that Spike tasted just like he smelt, like smoke and cold and danger. And he had *way* to many clothes on, and he was trying to do too much, shove off Spike's duster, and unbutton his jeans and pull up his T-Shirt.
Spike pulled back and arched an eyebrow at him. "So. Do I need to ask if you're ready?"
As he spoke he squeezed a little harder making Xander jump and clench his fingers a little tighter on Spike. He couldn't say anything. But he didn't have to. He knew his answer was written all over his face.
"Right then" Spike smiled a truly evil smile, /I love it when a plan comes together/ "Lets get the hell on with it."
Part EightLying on the bed, not sure how he's got there, well he knows how he got there. Spike pushed him on to it, but not sure how this is happening, how he and Spike have ended up here. Out of a million possible future this was the one least likely to happen. Doesn't really care about that as long as it carries on happening. Clothes. His and Spike's. Seem to be vanishing. That's good that's fine and doesn't Spike have nice feet, and arms and shoulders and chest and nipples . . .
Hot. Too hot, but Spike was on him, pressing his cool body onto Xander's. Pressing it back on the cool sheets. So he wasn't going to melt. Wasn't going to vanish in a pool of molten Xander and any small chance he might of had of stopping this from happening has long gone, was gone the second he let Spike touch him again, and now Spike was pulling roughly at his pants and Xander was helping, kicking them off, and the boxers were going as well, and oh yes.
Spike's cool, talented fingers were wrapping around him again, with the other hand holding him still, like Spike was worried Xander was going to try and stop this, like Xander wasn't arching up into Spike's touch, moaning at the friction, toes and fingers curling on the sheets for something to hold on to, cause this was being up on the tightrope with no safety net, this, this was going to happen, right now, wrong, wrong, wrong, but he can't understand what the hell wrong could possibly mean. Because this feels so good. And yeah evil vampire using him and maybe being used isn't so bad if this is what he gets out of it. The cool slide of his tongue and the slightly rough fingertips driving Xander mad, right away from common sense and he couldn't care less.
Nothing mattered because Spike was so fucking gorgeous and he's running his hands over the satin skin on Spike's bare back, and now letting them move round to trace the bulge straining against those jeans, that just have to come off and oh he wanted this, but fear was dancing through him but he couldn't stop and think about it, because if he did he might just stop . . .
And he doesn't want to stop. The only thing he really wanted was more and Spike seemed to get that and his hand is moving fast on Xander now . . .
"Oh God." Whimpered fast. Fingers clenching a little tighter in the sheets as his back arches again.
/Nah, far from it actually, but you'll be on your knees to me soon enough/ Spike thought dizzily. For some reason Spike had always thought Xander would be a clumsy kisser, a theory that had not stood up to the test. The lads wise cracking tongue silent now tangled with his, sucking and nipping at his bottom lip. /A guy could really get used to this/ Spike felt his cock throb a little harder at the thought of all the other uses he could put that mouth to.
"Very quiet for a change mate. Vampire got your tongue?" Having to joke or something, just to remind himself that he is in control here, because the heat is scorching, and Xander is all golden, smooth and tight. . .
"Shut up" Xander muttered fast, quick fingers working at Spikes jeans, unbuttoning him, "If you talk I'm either gonna come right now or kill you, don't talk, I don't want to . . .I just want . . ."
He pulled at Spike's jeans, heat rising as Spike slid out of them. Naked at fucking last, and he couldn't seem to see enough of Spike, not looking away appalled this time, cos Spike is so beautiful all of him, dark hard nipples, tight muscles, pale skin, fathomless eyes, narrow hips, long hard cock, couldn't keep his eyes on one point of his body, trying to devour him with his eyes, but it wasn't enough and he just had to *touch* Spike, had to believe he was really there, pulling him down on top of him, the cool heavy press of Spike's body holding him down, so he couldn't get out of this now . . .
And that's just great, just fine why would he want to get away, especially when Spike's quickening his strokes like that, making Xander gasp and buck, and gasp, and no! Moving his hand away.
Spike grabbed the lube out of his discarded jeans and slicked his fingers ignoring Xander's whimper of protest as he took his hand away. /Be whimpering even more if I don't use this mate/
Watching Spike with wide eyes, get himself ready, and suddenly Xander's thinking maybe he needs a little time to get ready, a couple of years maybe, just to get used to the idea but suddenly Spike's hand was back on him moving it down, past his balls, tracing along the tight skin between them and his ass and oh. A slick finger, pressing into him now, just moving around his entrance, and suddenly ridiculously he's wishing that he's done this to himself, practised or something, because at least then he'd know what to expect, but too late now, Spike pushed it in and *ow*, how can anyone want to do that? It hurts, and that moving in and out thing is not good, it's making him feel shaky and sick, and he wants it to stop, shifting uncomfortably, ready to try and pull Spike out, but when he moves it feels good, so he does it again, and Spike's in just a little deeper, and weirdly the further in it is the less it seems to hurt and still not pleasure, not really, but it feels something, so okay he'll let Spike do it a little more, and suddenly he's being stretched more, a lot more, what the hell?
Oh another finger and Xander bit his lip, because as Spike's working past the opening he's just gonna scream, not biting it enough apparently because a pained moan flew out and he can't help it, his whole body tenses up, but suddenly Spike's other hand is sliding towards his cock and fancy that he'd forgotten about it with all the fingers up the ass, and Spike's pumping, squeezing, his hand getting slippery with pre-come and Xander's bucking, but that just sends the fingers further in, and owowow.
Hand pumping and fingers thrusting around like their searching for something and what the hell is Spike looking for up there and Oh yes, yes, YES...
"Fuck!Yes!" He yelled it out and he flushed embarrassed, stupid maybe cos Spike is seeing him naked right now with his fingers inside him and what's a yell of pleasure between bitter enemies? But still he's embarrassed and shoves his hand in his mouth to muffle the cries, but Spike knocks it away, looks almost angry with Xander and a huge wallop of fear hits him.
"Want to hear you" Spike growls, his face rigid, and okay that's just fine, whatever Spike wants, one less thing for Xander to worry about, and the fear recedes as Spike touches that place again, that place that sends Xander arching up off the bed shouting. And does it again, and again, and yeah he'd read about it, but didn't know anything could actually feel so good and body is out of control now, jumping and thrusting around, jerky, hard movements, pushing back on Spike's fingers now, trying to get them in deeper and moving faster and it's gone from kind of awful to just the *best* fucking feeling in the world and Spike's hand is still fisting his cock, and it's all way too much and Spike had maybe better hold him still 'cos /oh yes just like that, that is so fucking good, don't stop don't . . ./
"So good, so good. Spike! Oh I'm gonna . . . ." Jerking and bucking under Spike, fingers clenching, cock jumping, shooting over Spike, over himself. Shivering and moaning and eventually relaxing back on the bed, Spike's fingers sliding out of him, and that feels a bit awful, and Xander looks up at Spike, who raises an eyebrow in a kind of suggestively amused way, the intensity gone now, his glance oddly . . .gleeful? And Xander feels a little cold all at once, but then Spike is kneeling between his legs slicking his cock and pumping it before Xander's fascinated eyes and Xander's legs are over Spike's shoulders.
And that brings the fear right back up, and Xander placed his hands on Spike's hips trying to push him back.
"Wait, no, you're too big . . ." No doubt blistering shame will follow, and bitter regret but he can't let Spike do this, it'll rip him apart.
"Shhh." Spike ran his hands soothingly over Xander's sides, waiting for the trembling to lessen. He kissed him again, long and wet, feeling the hot velvet mouth under his moan as Xander began to relax under him, buck under him just a little. He let his fingers play with Xander's rock like nipples and lowered his mouth to one lapping and sucking hard. Smiling to himself as he heard the gasp from Xander /yeah take it while you can get it mate/ probably meant he was ready as he was going to get for this.
Spike moved himself into position, running his cock along Xander's entrance. He had been going to do this from behind, it'd be easier, but he wanted Xander to know exactly who was fucking him, indelibly burned into his memory, he wanted Xander to see his face, to remember that his hated enemy was taking his virginity. Making him ache for more.
Spike pushed in a little, and Xander clenched his teeth against the pain, squeezing his eyes shut, but Spike pushes in a little more, and Xander's heat is calling to him, he's so hard now, so ready for this, for beautiful Xander, sweet and hot and he knows in a vague kind of way that he wasn't supposed to find this so exciting, was meant to be in control but the scent of lust and fear coming from him is just so *fucking* sexy, can't ever remember having a lover wanted him like this before and he's going to get it, oh yeah, gonna get it good and God how he wants to be inside. But Xander's hands were suddenly back on his hips and his teeth were clenching in frustration, /he can't stop me, just stop fighting me/ maybe should pull back and tease a little more, but didn't want to do that, needed this now and couldn't help but say, "Don't stop me . . . don't." Biting his lip to stop from begging Xander, hot, tight Xander to let him in.
"God no, don't want to stop" Xander gasped using his hold to pull Spike in deeper, and they both froze, shocked into stillness by Spike's sudden and easy slide in. Spike gasped as his hands clenched on Xander's hips. The heat, the incredible tightness was overwhelming, drowning him sending hot flashes all through him.
"Open your eyes." And Spike wondered briefly if that was his voice because it didn't sound all cool and in control the way he was used to sounding with Xander, it sounded all tight and shaking, intense.
Xander's eyes flew open. Spike looked down at Xander whose chocolate brown eyes were almost coal black with desire as he stared at Spike, and there was pain in them, pain and lust and just enough to push him over the edge and he starts moving, pulling out almost to the head before slamming back in again, and Xander's eyes are bright maybe with tears because this had to hurt, but Xander, hot, passionate Xander was thrashing under Spike, trying to hold on to him as Spike thrusts and pulls and thrusts and pulls.
/Fuckfuckfuck/ One part of Xander's mind was screaming as Spike began to move even faster but he didn't know if it was a cry for help or a beg for more it's too much and his body is all out of control, somehow he's hard again, aching for release again, but can't even think or feel anything except it's too good and /Spike stop please stop, but if you stop I'll have to kill you/ and it's all pleasure and pain and sparks shooting violently all through his body, shocks crashing though him, Spike's hard strokes hitting him just where he wants it, needs it and he can hear things that must be them, the smack of flesh to flesh and his cries echoing around the room and a weird kind of gasping noise and Xander doesn't know what the hell is going on, doesn't know if he's laughing or crying, but he's doing something, and he can't take anymore, but now Spike is whimpering his face twisted in that way that's so gorgeous pleasure so intense it hurts and somehow even though he's the one being fucked here, he feels powerful in this moment, cos he's making Spike cry out and lose it, making him thrust so hard Xander thinks he's gonna die and that's okay, cos there couldn't be a better way to go. Making Spike feel it, the heat the drive, the want to get as deep in as he could get, faster and faster and seeing that wicked gorgeous mouth part, and the words;
"Oh fuck, yes! *Xander*. . ."
And his name spilling from Spikes' mouth, and somehow that's better than anything although Spike's cock hitting that place and Spikes hand fisting his cock is coming a close second, and he's coming again, over Spike, with Spike. And too much, too much. Wants to say Stop, stop, stop, but what seems to be coming out is "Spike, Spike, Spike."
/Mine now/ The thought flashed through Spike's mind too fast to stop as his cool dead seed spurted into Xander, possessing him. Gradually letting his thrusts stop. Collapsing on Xander, still inside him, waiting for the after come shivers to fade away, soaking up the lads heat for just a little longer before going back out into the cold. Xander's fingers gradually easing away from their tight grip on his hips. Reluctantly he pulled out and rolled over on to his side. Waiting for his legs to stop trembling. He glanced at Xander. His eyes were closed, his face turned away from Spike.
Something flashed though Spike an inner hurt that no amount of time had ever been able to heal. Angelus. Drusilla. Always good enough to shag, but never to talk to. Never to love.
Impossible to love. Or so Bitchy thought. The thought of Buffy snapped him back. She was why he was doing this. Payback for her. What did he care if the lad didn't want to look at him? That was all part of the plan. To make the lad ache for him, his sworn enemy even as he hated him. To humiliate him, steal his pride and self respect until he was only a shell of a Scooby, and then . . .
Shaking off the memories, with a huge effort to pull himself back under control he slid off the bed and began to dress himself, keeping his eyes on Xander.
Xander eventually opened his eyes, watching Spike dress. Spike snickered slightly at the sight of him rumpled and still sweaty. Obviously well shagged.
Xander swallowed as the cold feeling began to trickle through him. Reality was back, and he hated the man in his bedroom who was looking at him with a mixture of amusement and triumph. Had he actually been stupid enough to think that Spike was going to lay with him, hold him? Actually maybe like him? Yeah, right.
Hating his stupid body at the minute for wanting this so much. Hated feeling so good, so sated. Hated the feel of Spike's come trickling down his legs.
"What was this all about? Really?" Xander asked voice shaking with the aftermath of two intense orgasms and anger.
Spike shrugged indifferently as he located his duster. "I told you luv. Unfinished business, thought you'd be pleased. I'm doing what you said. I got what I came for and now I'm getting the hell out." The undisguised laughter and satisfaction in his voice made Xander flinch. He leaned into Xander to kiss him. Xander moved back sharply.
"Get out." he spat, hate and hurt blazing from his dark eyes.
Spike grinned then grabbed Xander by his hair and crushed his mouth to his ignoring the brunettes' struggles to pull away, running his tongue lingeringly over the hot mouth until he felt the lips begin to part under his. He released Xander and straightened up.
"I'm going. Don't worry though, I'll be coming back. You were right. You really are a nummy treat."
In a swirl of black leather and cigarette smoke scent he left. He banged the door behind him and hit the streets with a grin on his face. Unlife was good. Xander lay back on the bed, covering his face with his hands, blinking back the tears. He wondered what the hell was going to happen next. But for now he just wanted to lie very still and not look at anything.
Part NineXander stared up at the ceiling. The apartment was so still he could hear a tap dripping in the kitchen from lying on the couch.
Drip.
/Hate him/
Drip.
/Hate him/
Drip.
/Hate him/
Drip
/Hate him/
BANG BANG
/Bang bang? That's not supposed to be in the routine/ Routine was important. Without routine everything was chaos, everything went wrong, bad things happened. Like letting a bitter enemy fuck you then stroll out of the room while you lay there feeling like a whore who hadn't been paid. Well and truly fucked.
In more than one way.
"Xaaaander!"
With a monumental effort Xander slowly hoisted himself off the couch and padded over to open the door to possibly the only person in the world he'd let in right now.
"Hey Will."
"Hi! I thought I'd bring some food," she held up two bags that appeared to be crammed with edible goodness. "I thought we could spend lunch time together."
"It's nine in the evening," Xander pointed out with perfect accuracy.
"Yes, and it's Saturday and you haven't been to see me, so I'm thinking you've been in bed all day, which would make this lunch time."
"Whole day on the couch actually." Xander said with a pained smile. /Not the bed. Oh dear God definitely not the bed/ but he stood back and let her slide past him. She tripped into the kitchen, cuffed the dripping tap, emptied the bags of food out on the counter and began to make coffee. Xander had long since stopped wondering how she managed to do all these things at the same time, he just sat at the table and watched as she worked her magic.
It was kind of soothing to watch her flit around, though she looked nothing like soothing. Her pink top and checkered skirt clashed wildly with her hair, but it was Willow, and he felt some of the screeching tension begin to ease up from his body.
"You. Eat something." She ordered as the rich coffee smells began to fill the kitchen.
Xander stared blankly at the food in front of him. Slice of pizza or a burger? Maybe just a sandwich? And if a sandwich which one? Chicken or Cheese? Tuna or beef?
He rearranged them thoughtfully, then as no inspiration was forthcoming put them back in their original positions.
Willow paused in making the coffee to look at Xander in concern, he was staring at a beef sandwich as if he couldn't quite remember what it was.
She pulled out a chair and sat next to him at the table, her eyes wide with worry.
"What's wrong?"
"Wrong? Nothing. Why?" /If Spike's told anyone I'll kill him, then I'll kill myself/
She gestured at the food. "You usually eat everything."
Xander resisted the urge to smack his head with his hand. Of course he did. That was why he couldn't decide. The thing was . . .he really wasn't all that hungry. Couldn't ever really imagine being that hungry again.
"Besides for the last few days you've barely said a word. What's up?" She put her hand over his. "Is it Anya? Are you really missing her?"
Xander conjured up a mental image of his last words with Anya. She'd been struggling into the car with her bags, pausing to give him one last kiss. He'd grabbed her hand, and said desperately; "Don't leave." All he could say to make her stay. And it felt like it had been ripped out of him, but it still wasn't nearly enough. She'd dashed the tears away and gently pulled her hand from him. "Got to. Goodbye."
Goodbye silky hair, wide eyes. Goodbye to one of the most cynical, yet innocent women he would probably ever meet. Yeah, this was something to do with Anya. But mostly . . .it was to do with Spike.
Spike.
But he couldn't tell Willow that. He knew he could supposedly tell Willow anything. But how could he expect her to understand when he didn't get it himself?
How could he have let it happen?
He didn't know. He just knew he'd been lost, lost the minute Spike had touched him, couldn't have said no anymore than he could have stopped breathing. And now everything that he used to do, patrolling, working, even this, him and Willow felt weird, not quite real, like he was suddenly an actor playing his own life, because outwardly everything was the same, but it wasn't because he was different, Spike had made it different. He had slept with Spike. He couldn't take it back.
He didn't know if he wanted to.
It had been . . .the sex had been . . well how did he go about describing something like that?
He couldn't think of the words, could only remember the feelings. His mouth going dry and his breathing quickening as he thought of it. So intense it was frightening. Painful. Yet somehow just the most beautiful, wrenching pleasure he had ever felt. And try as he might he couldn't regret experiencing it. What he did hate and wished with every part of him that he could take back was the fact that it had been Spike that gave it to him
Maybe he should just admit he was bi or gay or whatever the hell he was and find a non evil guy to have sex with. Maybe even a guy he actually *liked*.
He tried to imagine letting anyone else do what Spike had done to him, *wanting* anyone else to do what Spike had done to him, and couldn't. Maybe sex with any guy would have effected him like that, but somehow he doubted it. He might be very ignorant about it, virgin territory so to speak, but he didn't think that just the fact it was with a guy could explain sex like that. It was Spike. Spike had made it what it was. His mind just kept coming back to Spike. Spike biting his lip as he pushed into Xander, Spike sinking deep inside him, Spike gasping his name as he came, Spike, Spike, Spike.
Was it even possible to want someone so much, even though you hated them?
And he did hate him. After Spike had gone /fucked me and left bastard, bastard, bastard/ and Xander had roused himself from his horrified stupor he had suddenly had to move, had to erase it, had to, changed the bed, but it hadn't been enough he'd scrubbed the mattress, scrubbed himself in the bath until he was almost raw, getting rid of the kisses, the semen, but even though the physical evidence was gone Spike was still fucking him in his mind, over and over.
And it was good damn it.
And if Willow could understand any of that could she explain it to him? And for a second, he didn't just hate Spike, he *fucking* hated him, for pulling him away from his friends like this, for making him keep secrets. But then again, this was nothing new. There was so much stuff he never told people. Like about Cordelia, when that first started, like when he felt left out and alone. Like exactly why he didn't go home to visit anymore. Like these feelings he'd been busy suppressing before Spike came along and blew his defences apart.
Willow knew so much about him, but she didn't *know*. She knew cos she'd always been around, not because Xander had talked about it. Couldn't tell her. Couldn't tell her about the sex, about the /wantingwantingwanting/ thump he still got right in the stomach every time he thought of it. Couldn't tell her about the prison of steam and too hot water he'd incarcerated himself in, trying to wash the memory right away. About hammering the mirror with his fists, shattering it because he just couldn't stand to see himself right then. Couldn't tell her about shoving his fist in his mouth to choke down the sobs, because he never cried. Wasn't going to start over this.
Couldn't tell her.
Instead he raised his familiar defences /hey had a lot of practice/ and smiled at her. "I guess I am missing her yeah."
She gazed at him sympathetically "I know it doesn't feel like it now, but maybe it really is for the best."
"How?" he asked, genuinely perplexed. How could it be for the best that the one girl he might have actually had a shot at living reasonably happy ever after with had walked out? Besides if Anya had been around, the chances were none of this Spike madness would have happened. He'd still be in ignorance of the dark, hungry look Spike's eyes got when his pace became frantic, wouldn't know how it felt to be stretched so wide it seemed impossible that he'd ever get back to what he was . . .he tuned back into Willow quickly.
"I mean it wasn't love was it? Not really?"
"Well, maybe, kind of . . ." Had he loved Anya? He didn't know. He knew life had been better with her in it, he knew he missed her, knew it had hurt like hell when she'd left. Was that love? A kind of love he guessed. But not *in* love. Not passionate. The only passion he and Anya had had was in the bedroom, but that wasn't being passionate about her, that was just bodies. Whatever it was, it was as close as he thought he could get to being in love, as much as he could give.
"Whatever it was Will it wasn't enough for her. It was all I could give though. Probably won't be enough for anyone." He concluded painfully. /So useless. Such a failure./
"Don't say that! You will fall in love, completely one day, and all those barriers you think you need? You'll want to take them down, cos you'll just know, this is the person you can't do without."
"It's a nice thought Will."
"It'll happen, best friend promise."
Xander smiled as he remembered the best friend promise they had devised and they solemnly shook thumbs. Then he pulled her close in a hug.
"Love ya Will."
"Aww Xander!" She hugged him back hard, and he wondered briefly how differently his life might have turned out if he had noticed Willow back when she thought he was the greatest guy in the world. That would have been sweet. No Spike madness there. /And you thought *Cordelia* was against all laws of God and man, Wills, if you only knew./ He squeezed his eyes shut tight, trying to push the memory of Spike away, just for a few moments.
"So where's Buffy?" He asked as they released each other, trying to distract her from the truth he felt sure was written on his face.
Willow rolled her eyes. "Where she always is."
---
In the graveyard with a surge of satisfaction Buffy dusted her second vampire of the night, and looked up just in time to see a third launch straight for her. She raised her stake, but before she had time to begin to fight, the vampires eyes widened in shock and it burst into dust.
She looked down at her stake in confusion, then up to see Spike smirking at her, showily brandishing his stake. A surge of annoyance flooded through her.
"Spike! What the hell are you doing here?"
Spike felt a weird kind of joy that she was there, in front of him, talking to him, albeit a through clenched teeth kind of deal. /Now, now, hate the bitch, hate the bitch, hate the bitch . . ./
"Slaying, Slayer, same as yourself, enjoying it?"
"I was. What do you want?" She willed herself not to react as Spike openly leered at her /eww shouldn't have said that eww Spike likes me eww/
"To save the world from the evil undead" he dead panned letting his eyes flick appreciatively over her lithe form, noticing her eyes were bright with satisfaction from the kill.
"Looks more like lurking to me." She challenged her arms folded. /Yuck. This is beyond creepy and disgusting, how long has he been watching me?/
See there was a sentence she didn't have to say! She was talking to him. She was coming round, getting used to the idea that there was something between them. "Well if you want me to lurk . . ."
The pull of her was still strong. If she'd only let him, he could be good to her wouldn't hurt her stupid friend, wouldn't hurt her, it still wasn't too late, they could all still get out of this with a minimum of heartache . . .
"Spike, I don't want you to lurk. I don't want you near me. I *hate* you. The only thing I want from you is out of this town, out of my life, and if I could wipe the memories as well I would, what isn't clear about that?"
Snippy little bint! The pain that had settled into a kind of simmering ache at her rejection of him flared up again, ripping through him. "Fine! But don't blame me when I finish what I'm doing!"
"What reaching new levels of patheticness? Cos I have to say you're already way ahead of anyone I know!"
"Oh yeah? What about Xander?" Shit! He hadn't meant to say that it had just slipped out. /Not yet for Gods sake, not yet, it's too soon./
"You leave my friends out of this. He's way more of a man than you'll ever be."
/Yeah and last week your manly little friend was letting me break in that virgin ass of his and begging for more. How manly do you think that is bitch?/
"And if he knew that you'd tried anything with me . . ." Buffy continued.
"But he doesn't. And you're not going to tell him" he blurted out quickly. /He can't know, if you fucking dare tell him . . ./
Buffy rolled her eyes. "As if I'm going to talk about it. I don't even want to think about it."
"Whatever you say Slayer." He turned away from her, hiding his relief.
"I mean it Spike!" She called after him, "Off this planet remember!"
He ignored her as he stalked away. Lighting up a smoke when he got away from her. Fine so the revenge plan was still all systems go. Just thought he'd give her a chance to change her mind, try and be all decent like. Give her a chance to save her friend. She didn't want it. Suited him fine. Bitch.
It was just . . .he'd really been hoping she'd come round, and not just because he still wanted her under all the hate he was carefully nurturing. He'd almost hoped he wouldn't have to go on with this. The lad was unsettling. Spike hadn't expected to feel so . . .carried away. Yeah he'd expected to enjoy it, but he'd thought it would be the idea of screwing Buffy that really got him turned on.
But he hadn't thought of her at all. Instead Xander had been all he could think about, all he could see, all he could feel. He cursed softly as his cock began to throb insistently as he remembered Xander under him, his eyes dazed, his mouth soft and wet and open. All that scorching heat and tightness.. . his hand tangled in Xander's soft dark hair as they kissed, frantic with need. Need Goddamnit! Need wasn't part of this fucking plan! Even now, even while he was giving her the chance to let him out of this with his pride intact he barely knew how to wait for the next time. And he didn't like that. In fact he fucking hated it. Not that he was going to get out of his depth or anything, of course not, not with Xander for Gods sake, okay so it had been a good /fucking incredible/ shag, no need to go nuts. But still . . .
It had been painfully exciting.
He shook his head in confusion, what the hell was wrong with him? This was the perfect plan, and it was all working beautifully. So the lad was better in bed than he'd expected, that was no reason to stop, it just made it more fun for him. Besides the better the sex was, the harder it'd be for Xander to say no,
which would make Xander hate him all the more every time he shagged him into the floor and left. Right. The perfect plan.
Right then. He'd best go and find his little nummy treat. He'd kept his distance for a few days, aware that Xander probably hated him so much right now he'd be staked on sight, but he'd waited long enough damn it. Anyway he'd proven he could take the boy, proven that he still had nothing but contempt for him. Now it was time to show the lad that this wasn't going to be stopped, no matter how much he might think he wanted to. That this would be over when Spike said so. Only when Spike said so.
Part TenWillow left Xander less than reassured about him. He'd looked a little better, but she knew something was wrong, it was just so hard to get Xander to talk about stuff that was upsetting him. He kind of had this thing were if he thought if he covered it up with jokes he could fool everyone that everything was ok. More importantly fool himself that everything was ok, and while she didn't agree with it, it was his way and she respected that. But lately he hadn't even been making jokes, it was like things had gone so wrong Xander couldn't even fool himself anymore. It was probably that Anya leaving was upsetting him too much to keep his defences all the way up.
She made her way across the road, then paused, slapping her hand to her head as she remembered her new spell book she'd left in Xander's apartment. For a moment she hesitated, she really didn't want to leave it any later before going back home to Tara, she could get the book another time, but then again she had only just got it, she would like to look at it tonight . . .
She turned back to Xander's and stopped dead as she saw Spike stride into the building. He was unmistakable, the streetlights picking out his sharp cheekbones, reflecting off his bleached hair. Open mouthed she watched as he confidently entered the building.
Why was Spike going to see Xander? As far as she knew they loathed each other. . .He was probably going to try and borrow money or something, but Xander didn't need Spike in his face right now. On the other hand Spike bugging him might give Xander a little fighting spirit. She made her way towards the window to see what was going on, if Xander looked like he couldn't deal she'd tap on the window and ask Xander to pass the spell book to her, and mention it might be a very nice idea for Spike to get the hell away from him and walk her home. If Xander looked okay she'd just leave them to it . . .
Peering through the window she saw Xander apparently yelling at Spike, nothing new there, but Spike was inside, that was weird, Xander had never mentioned he'd given Spike an invite. She wished she could hear what Xander was yelling, Spike was lounging against the wall, looking at him with an expression she couldn't quite place, and wasn't sure she liked, amusement, and . . .she didn't know . . .maybe complacency? /Like the cat that's got the cream, like it doesn't matter what Xander's saying, cos Spike knows its going to work out the way he wants it/. Fascinated she leaned a little closer. Spike raised a hand to Xander, not violently though, slowly, she couldn't see properly, Xander's body was blocking her view, maybe flipping him off or something because Xander jumped back sharply, turned away from Spike and gestured to the door again.
She dithered, should she interrupt or leave? A sudden sound of movement behind her made her jump, whirling around, her heart pounding she saw a crowd of young girls laughing as they wandered down the street.
However it was a reminder that Sunnydale wasn't the safest place to hang around at night. Whatever Spike wanted he was harmless, irritating, but harmless. Xander would be fine. She might not be if she carried on hanging around in the dark.
She decided against getting the book, she just wanted to get straight home, reluctantly tearing her eyes away, she began the walk home.
---
Xander noticed Willow's spell book a moment or two after she left, when he heard the knock at the door he just assumed she'd come back for it. With a light hearted remark on his lips he flung the door open . . .to Spike.
For a moment he froze, taking in the bleached hair, the pale skin. Then he slammed the door. Too late. Spike had already jammed his foot in the way. There was a shamefully brief pushing match, and Spike was inside, kicking the door shut behind him.
"Out!" Xander yelled.
"You know" Spike said with a smirk, "You're beautiful when you're angry."
"Spike I'm not joking, if you don't get out now I'll . ."
"What? Let me have a hell of a shag like you did last week?"
"Shut up and get out!" Xander yelled, borderlining on hysteria.
"Tut, tut, lover," he sighed with mock sorrow "I'd almost think you were ashamed of what happened or something if you keep talking like that."
'Ashamed doesn't begin to cover it, I'm not your lover and again I say get OUT!"
"Can't mate." He watched Xander through half lidded eyes. He wasn't joking before, Xander was beautiful when he was angry. Not as beautiful as he could be though. Naked, sweating and riding Spike's cock ...and he was so close to having all that, just as soon as they got this pointless yelling out of the way. He felt his breath catch, cleared his throat as he finished. " I had to come back."
Xander glared at Spike. He was leaning against the wall, watching Xander with that smug look that set Xander's blood straight to boil. At this moment he didn't think he'd ever hated anyone more in his life because Spike had left, he'd just *left*, and no he hadn't been expecting true love or even a 'kind of like you', but something, not for Spike to actually try and make him feel like shit, and now he strolled back in after a week, a week Xander had spent feeling scared, lonely, ashamed and used and he expected a replay?
Xander advanced until they were nearly nose to nose. "What do you just want another shot at making me feel like a complete whore?" he spat into Spike's face furiously; "because I have to say you did a pretty good job of that last week, you really don't need a second go!" He was shaking, his fists clenched, so close to punching Spike in the face, except if he did that he wouldn't be able to stop, would have to beat him to a bloody pulp, and then maybe give him a taste of his own medicine? See how *he* liked being fucked for Xander's pleasure. And that wasn't him. Wouldn't ever let that be him. He doesn't get mad and hit people, especially if they can't hit back, no matter how much they deserve it. So he let his nails dig into his hands clinging on to his temper, but though he could control his fists he couldn't control his voice, it was full of anger and hate . . .and hurt.
Maybe Spike heard that, or maybe he was just standing a little closer than he should because the smirk vanished as Spike stared at Xander's mouth, his eyes darkening.
"I didn't make you feel anything mate," he said slightly huskily. "I don't control your bloody feelings. All I did was make you feel this . . ."
He raised his finger, stroking down the side of Xander's face, Xander leapt back like Spike had burned him, and in a way it felt like he had, he could still feel the path of Spike's finger down his cheek. /don't let Spike touch me/. It was a simple rule for self preservation. Though it would probably be easier to walk through fire. A memory of Spike kneeling on the bed, sliding into him slammed into his brain, and he turned his back on Spike, his legs trembling, the desire that had been simmering for a week, hidden under the anger breaking free.
"Am I not saying this right?" Voice shaking, and he can feel the heat rising in him radiating throughout his body. Knows the fight, such as it was, is over. Can only hope Spike doesn't know. Will take his words at face value. Pointing at the door, not looking at Spike. "Out."
Silence. Then Spike's arms were sliding around his waist. The slim fingers that already know his body very much too well playing with him. One hand reaching under his T-shirt, teasing his nipples, the other freeing him from his jeans, and he should push Spike away, throw him out, but it seems like so much effort.
Far easier to just stand here. Not moving, just watching those fingers, skilful and quick, touching him, manipulating him, in more ways than one, and he's never felt so alone, so completely helpless because he'd *sworn*, never him, no, no abusive people in relationships with him. And what happened? Spike comes along with the his bleached hair, black leather wearing, universal, bad boy uniform and Xander had caved. Couldn't even throw him out now, because, deep down, he just didn't want to. Spike began to kiss up his neck, as those fingers finished unbuttoning him and he's so hard already, his breath beginning to come in pants as Spike began to jack him off. Slow and steady. Spike pulls him closer so he's leaning against Spike a little harder and he can feel Spike's erection pressing into his backside as Spike starts rocking his hips against him. Eyes closed. Can't watch that hand touching him like that anymore.
And yeah, there were a million and one reasons to throw him out, but put them all together and they still couldn't come close to this, this overpowering *want*, this need deep inside him. This need that he couldn't seem to fight. And as much as he hated Spike, he hated himself more for not being able to stop it. And what did that make him? Some sick weirdo who got off on being treated badly?
Still keeping his eyes closed. Maybe it wasn't happening if his eyes were closed. So desperately tired, he didn't want to fight, but he didn't want to be here either. Right now all he wanted was to just wish it all away.