This MorningBy Liz
Buffy rose a little later than usual and noted the absence of the familiar warmth at her side. She was surprised Riley didn't wake her up for a kiss, but she smiled at the thought of him creeping about to get dressed in the morning, taking care not to interrupt her slumber. Buffy appreciated how thoughtful he could be sometimes. He'd been so understanding lately, giving her space, helping her take care of Dawn and everything. It was nice to know she could depend on him to be there when she needed him.
She'd definitely needed last night. All the stress had just melted away, and she hadn't had to think about anything. No world in peril, nobody needing anything from her. Just a great guy who was there for her and made her feel loved.
Buffy was glad that Riley had finally gotten over trying to be Superman. The way he'd gone off the deep end there had really scared her, and she couldn't understand why he'd been so stubborn. I mean, I know there's that whole ego thing, she thought, but it wasn't like Riley to be so reckless. She always said she'd wanted a nice, normal guy, and now she finally had one. And she'd proved last night he could still touch her.
She rose slowly and moved down the hallway, looking forward to a nice, hot shower. Her mom would be coming home in a few days, and Dawn was still at Xander's (Gotta remember to call Riley later to pick her up for me), so she had the house to herself for the morning. Once she reached the bathroom, Buffy decided she was in more of a bubble bath mood, so she put the stopper in the tub and looked under the sink.
Among the curling irons and tile cleaners, she found lots of different tubes and bottles. There was a melon-scented bath gel she'd gotten her mother the Christmas before, then "liberated" a couple weeks later. Next to that was an apple body creme Dawn had saved her allowance for but never used. She was waiting for Dawn to open that one, mostly because Buffy wanted to try it herself but didn't want Dawn to notice it had already been sampled when she finally remembered it.
That was kind of the rule in the Summers' house. Three girls under one roof meant a lot of sharing, but you didn't swipe somebody’s stuff until they'd used it first. Dawn and I should get Mom some nice bath gels for when she gets home. It's been a while since we had a spree at Bath and Body Works. That settled it – soon as Riley had a chance to drive them, it would be a pearberry and honey apricot bonanza.
Buffy smiled at the prospect of a little mall fun. It seemed like forever since she'd had time just to hang out at the food court without having to blow things up. Never did find out what Xander did with that rocket launcher afterwards... She stopped herself before her thoughts drifted to the fight there with Angel. She was getting pretty good at that. Unwelcome thoughts? Unwelcome. More important things to do than stress about stuff she couldn't change.
As she continued her search, her eyes rested on a bottle of Mr. Bubble. It was Dawn's, but her sister hadn't used it in years. Probably lacking in the bubbly department by now, Buffy mused. Still, the detail amazed her. Dawn had been inserted into their lives just a few months earlier, and their memories shifted to accommodate a sister she hadn't grown up with. But here, underneath the sink, was something of Dawn's that had sat unused since long before Dawn ever became human.
Finally, her eyes rested on her elusive prey, the vanilla almond. She stashed her stressful thoughts under the sink, turned on the water, and poured in a heaping helping of it. One capfull, my ass. They should say, "Keep pouring until you can't possibly need any more, then add a few teaspoons." A bubble bath just wasn't right without billowing bubbly goodness.
Minutes later, she was nestled in a warm tub, surrounded by scented, foamy clouds. This is the way every day should start, she decided. Of course, it would be even better if Riley'd been here to pull in after me... Buffy smiled and plucked the washcloth from its place by the soap dish. As she worked the lather into her skin, she imagined his strong hands caressing her soapy shoulders. Lifting a leg out of the water, she pointed her toes towards the ceiling and watched the bubbles trail down her calf. As they trickled over her skin, she closed her eyes and saw him in front of her, tracing the curves of her leg with kisses.
Buffy leaned her head back languidly and relaxed into the scene unfolding in her mind. She ran her fingers across her collarbone then dipped them under the water to brush across the smooth skin above her breasts. Her hand, his hand, moved slowly, softly, down her chest. Then he gently cupped her breast in his hand, squeezing so lightly, as he trailed kisses over her shoulders. As he cradled and kneaded her, a thumb brushed over her nipple. It responded instantly to his touch, rising to meet him, and she shivered despite the warmth of the bath. She heard him sigh his approval as his lips worked their way down to her other breast.
She arched her back, moaning encouragement, and she felt the familiar tingle begin low in her belly. She gasped as his teeth grazed across her breast, and she silently pleaded for more. Of course, he was nothing if not an obliging lover. His hand trailed down her body, caressing her hip before gently drawing her thighs apart. Buffy's breath caught in anticipation as she felt his hand moving lower, and the feeling in her belly grew…
"That’s it, Slayer, come for me."
"GAH!" Buffy's fingers froze as she recognized the voice in her head. Riley didn't have an English accent…
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Buffy grabbed the washcloth out of the water and finished her bath in record time, pointedly ignoring the knot of unfulfilled tension inside her. Can't deal, won't deal, moving on. Scrub clean, drain the tub, get dressed. She wasn't about to dwell on the fact that the voice in her head had made her muscles clench and… nope. Not dealing. What the hell did Spike think he was doing, invading her private thoughts like that?! Jerk.
She pulled on a pair of jeans and threw on a sweatshirt and sneakers. She twisted her hair into a makeshift bun and decided to forego makeup for the day. Well, maybe just a little mascara… What Buffy really wanted to do now was get in some training. Work off the tension. Hit something.
Swallowing the guilt that was nagging at her (I didn't do anything wrong!), she picked up the phone and dialed Riley's number. Buffy let it ring for a while, but he didn't seem to be in yet. Maybe he's already headed over to pick up Dawn from Xander's? Oh, well, if Riley's not around, Xander can always bring her to the Magic Box later. It was a shame Riley'd gotten rid of his pager – it would have made getting in touch with him a lot easier.
What ever happened to that pager I had in high school? Maybe it was a good idea to get a new one so Giles could reach her if he needed to. Ooh, or may be a cell phone. Either way, it'd make a lot more sense than always having to find somebody to run over to the shop to relay info. No cell phone for Xander, though. Anya'd probably call him while they were scoping out some beasties' nest. Nothing like the Mexican Hat Dance sounding from Xander's pants pocket to alert a pack of demons. She made a mental note to mention the phone idea to Giles later and to try Riley again after she worked out.
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Things at the Magic Box were pretty slow for a Saturday. A couple customers 'ooh'ed and 'aah'ed at assorted gems and crystals while Anya did her level best not to hover.
"Hey, Anya. Thanks for taking care of Dawn last night," Buffy called to her. "You guys have any fun?"
"Oh, hey, Buffy," Anya replied cheerfully. "We'd have had more fun if she'd chosen the monkey, but Xander has promised to make it up to me."
Buffy debated asking what Anya meant about a monkey but thought the better of it.
Some things are just better left unexplained.
Before Anya could decide to explain it anyway - or expand on just how Xander was going to make it up to her - Buffy slipped into the back room, taped her wrists, and spent a satisfying hour punching things.
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After working out, Buffy found Xander and Dawn had arrived, but there was still no word from Riley. It wasn't like him to disappear like this… had she done something to upset him? Buffy wracked her brain for anything she might have said the night before to make him mad or hurt his feelings, but she came up empty. Still, it seemed like he was avoiding her today for some reason. She called to Xander and gestured for him to come with her back into the training room. Maybe he'd know if something was bothering her boyfriend.
"Yeah, Buff, what's up? Need me to hold the punching bag? Be the punching bag?"
"No, thanks, Xander, I just…" She felt kind of strange talking to him about this, but she knew she could count on him to give it to her straight. Even when she really didn't want him to. Hopping up onto the vaulting horse, she picked at the ends of the frayed tape that covered her hands, not sure exactly how to start.
"I just… um… have you noticed anything weird about Riley lately?"
Xander hesitated a moment. Truth was, he had. Several things, actually. But he didn't want to bring up the wrong one if Riley hadn't talked to her about it yet. He ventured a guess, "You mean his whole 'reckless commando' thing?"
"Oh, no, not that – that's old news. We talked, he had the surgery. Xander, you knew that. I'm talking about since then."
"So am I, Buffy." Great. He'd probably just busted the guy, but it was about time somebody besides him tried to talk to Riley about it anyway. "Look, I don't know if you knew this, but he's been kind of, um… gung ho. In a serious way and for a while now. Patrolling by himself, taking some pretty stupid chances."
Buffy just stared, open-mouthed. She couldn't believe this! She'd talked to Riley about this so many times – why couldn't he just listen to her? "Damnit, he knows how dangerous that is now. Why would he still be doing that?"
"I don't know, Buffy. Maybe he doesn't care." Xander paused a moment before venturing, "Maybe he's just hoping you'll notice him and appreciate it."
"Appreciate it?! Why the hell would I appreciate him going off and getting himself killed?" She jumped off the vaulting horse, looking for something nearby to start hitting again.
"Buffy, listen. You know it's stupid. I know it's stupid. But guys in love do stupid stuff sometimes." Xander laughed a bit. "Trust me, I know of which I speak. Or, I know of that of… wait. I know that about which… Look, just trust me on it."
"Great. So he loves me so much, he's gonna get himself killed? What the hell is that about?"
"He's not trying to get killed, Buffy. He's trying to be part of your life." Xander thought about what Riley had confided to him. He knew Riley wouldn't have said anything to her, but it was time she knew…
"Buffy, he knows you don't love him."
She slowly turned to face him. "He… what?"
"Buffy, he knows. I mean, he tries to pretend it doesn't matter, but it does. He's—"
"Of course I... what do you mean I don't love him?"
"Look. He told me a while ago. He seemed okay with it, kinda sad. But maybe it's getting to him, I don't know."
"Why would he think I don't...?"
"Why would he think you do?"
Xander paused again. This needed to be said. Buffy'd probably be mad at him – chances were, she already was – but it wasn't like that had ever stopped him before. "Why should he think you love him, Buffy? You don't. I mean, you like him a lot, and he's great to have around, but you don't love him. You've never told me you do. Ever tell Willow? Giles? Anybody?"
"Fine, Xander. So I didn't inform you. But I even told Angel, for god's sake!"
"Great. So you talked the new guy up to your ex. But did you ever tell Riley?"
She must have. Hadn't she? She couldn't remember when, exactly, but… hadn't she? Riley said he loved her all the time, and she… She'd never once said it back. Not a single time.
Because she didn't.
God, last night, he'd been so wonderful. He did his best to make everything perfect – the music, the candles, listening to her fears, telling her how strong she is, dancing with her… He made love to her so tenderly and told her every way he could how much he treasured her, and it never even occurred to her to love him for it.
No wonder he hadn't picked up the phone today.
Buffy wandered over to the couch against the far wall and sat. It was true. Xander was right. And after last night, when she still hadn't said she loved him… after he'd given her such a wonderful evening… no wonder he was keeping to himself today.
Xander knew it was time to make his exit, so she could be alone for a while. "You okay, Buff?"
"Um, yeah," her voice cracked a little. "Thanks."
"Look, I know I'm overstaying my welcome in this conversation, but I just wanted to say… you didn't do anything wrong here. You're not required to love the guy. And it's not your fault he still wants to be Joe Commando. But if Dawn wants to stay over again? If you guys wanna talk tonight...?"
"Thanks, Xander. That's probably a good idea." She had no idea what exactly she was supposed to say to Riley – assuming she even got in touch with him today – but they definitely needed to talk.
Buffy and Xander exchanged half-smiles before he walked back out into the store. He found Dawn sitting at the table, trying to convince Giles that her delicate psyche would not be forever scarred by looking through "Alastair's Demon Compendium".
"Hey, Dawnster, what would you say to another night at Chez Xander?"
Dawn rolled her eyes in that way that only a teenaged girl can. "Jeez, can't they give the sexcapades a night off? It's my house too, you know."
Giles quickly excused himself from the table, wishing fervently to have no part of a conversation that included the word 'sexcapade'.
"No, Dawn, that's not it at all," Xander said. "We just had so much fun last night, I thought…" Dawn wasn't buying it. "All right, you got me. Buffy and Riley may need to talk about some stuff tonight, and between you and me, it could get ugly. Tell you what – come on over, we'll rent a movie, order a pizza, and you and Anya can talk about girl stuff Buffy doesn't think you're old enough to know about yet."
Anya winked conspiratorially, and Xander knew he'd cinched the deal. And she hadn't even fussed about his volunteering her evening again – later on, big appreciation. He knew Anya could probably suggest a much more fun evening for just the two of them, but it seemed like she was starting to get the hang of this whole friendship thing. Not long ago – and it still happened, occasionally – she seemed to resent the demands the rest of the group placed on Xander's time. However, he had been amazed to see how sincerely his girlfriend had leapt to Dawn's defense when Harmony's minion (that phrase would never sound right) had jumped her. Anya still lacked the subtleties of human behaviour – such as common courtesy – but Xander was enchanted nevertheless. He was fascinated by the contradiction within her. How could someone so cynical and jaded still manage to be so guileless and naïve? More to the point, though, how could someone who'd spent centuries punishing the males of the species manage to make him feel more like a man than he'd ever felt in his life? Not for the first time, Xander realized just how much she meant to him. He'd fallen completely in love with this woman. And after Dawn went home, he aimed to make sure Anya knew that.