Epilogue

By Spike Speigel

Spike sat in his apartment, fingers gently grasping the phone’s handset, debating whether or not he wanted to remove it from the cradle. It had been over a year since he last saw her. A year since he last touched her. Last talked to her. Last convinced her that she didn’t love him. But he was grateful for it, giving her an out, nonetheless. However, in the here and now, he was as far from grateful as he could be at the moment.

And with good reason. He was about to put his life on the line once again to help Angel and his friends take down the Circle of the Black Thorn. Spike shook his head in resignation, the thought troubling him. Why did he even have to help that stupid wanker? He had remained in Los Angeles longer than expected. Once his body had become corporeal again, he should have boarded the first plane, via the cargo hold of course, and made his way to Europe. To Buffy.

But, he hadn’t. Instead, he remained to help Angel. To keep fighting the good fight, even in this city of sin, despite the fact it was named after something more heavenly. Unfortunately, the question remained, weighing heavily on his shoulders. Why did he have to stay now? He’d done more than his fair share. It wasn’t like Angel would care if Spike stayed one way or another. But, Spike knew the reason why he had to stay. Because of the girl with the southern accent in glasses. Because of Fred.

Spike felt his grip slipping, the phone returning to its cradle. He slumped backwards onto the couch, a deep sigh escaping his lips. What would Fred think if he left Angel at this pivotal moment? Left Wesley? He owed it to her to make sure every one of them came through to the other side of this fight, even though he knew that it was more than likely none of them would. How could he leave them now? The answer was simple, really, when you got right down to it. He couldn’t. Not even that poofter, Angel.

Besides, what good would calling her do? She had already moved on, with the Immortal of all people…demons…whatever. It didn’t matter now. What would he say? What could he say? Hello, Buffy. Turns out my heroic sacrifice in the Hellmouth didn’t take. But don’t you worry any, luv, cos I’m about to sacrifice myself once again to stop an evil law firm from taking over the world. How are you doin’?

Spike groaned in disgust, knowing he’d never talk to her again. It was better this way. He went out a hero, just like Buffy ultimately thought he could be. That was good enough. Right? Besides, she had already moved on, Spike thought to himself for what had to be the hundredth time that day. It was that repeated thought that kept him from picking up the God damned phone and calling her. Because she was getting on with her life. Without him. Which was good, of course. She deserved normal. Even if it was with that son of a bitch, the Immortal.

The knock at the door stirred Spike from his thoughts. His evil, devious thoughts about rending the Immortal limb from limb. Spike slowly rose from the couch, making his way to the door, which had received another rap at its wooden frame.

“Yeah, hol’ on. I’m coming.”

Spike wondered who would even bother knocking. Angel, Wesley, Gunn, hell, even Lorne always let themselves in, invited or not. And, it wasn’t like Spike had any other friends in this city. The answer, however, was one that Spike was not ready for as he opened the door. The sight was one he thought he’d never see again in his life. However, before he got the chance to speak, the fist connected squarely with his jaw, sending Spike flying back into the apartment and onto his butt.

He looked up toward his assailant, a look of confusion and wonder in his eyes as she walked into the apartment.

“You jerk! A year! And you couldn’t even call me?!?”

Spike grinned slightly, making his way back to his feet. “Glad to see you too, Buffy.”

*********

Buffy was seated on the couch, her gaze examining the apartment. It was fairly sparse, as though Spike hadn’t really settled in yet. That is, if he was even planning to. Two vampires with a soul in the same city? The world definitely wasn’t ready for that. Maybe he was planning on finding her? Whenever he was done with whatever he had to do here, that is. Or, maybe he was getting on with his life. Why else would he tell Andrew to not tell her of Spike’s resurrection?

“Here you go. Sorry, but I really don’t entertain much.”

Buffy smiled slightly, taking the glass of cola from Spike. “Didn’t know you drank soda.”

Spike took a seat next to Buffy, leaving enough distance between them so as to not make her uncomfortable. In reality, however, the space was for him. Because he didn’t trust himself. “I don’t. They’re for Fred.”

So, he did have friends. Well, one at least. “That’s kinda sweet. Stocking up drinks for him…”

“Her.”

“Her?” Buffy could feel her hand balling up into a fist.

“Yeah. Friend of mine. She works…” Spike corrected himself, “She worked for Angel. Died in the line of duty. Real shame.” Buffy could hear the sympathy in his voice as he spoke. “She really grew on me.”

“I’m…I’m sorry. I didn’t…”

“It’s okay. You had your hands full elsewhere.”

Buffy could tell that Spike was trying to tread carefully, but one of them had to get things out in the open. It had been a year, after all. Waiting for the right time seemed to be moot at this point.

“I didn’t have to.”

Spike looked at her quizzically. “What…?” Unfortunately, he never got a chance to finish his question.

“Why didn’t you tell me? That question’s been bothering me ever since Andrew slipped up and told me that you and Angel were in Rome looking for me.” She turned her gaze to Spike, their eyes meeting. “Why come all that way and not tell me?”

“Dunno. I guess part of me wanted to make sure you still cared about me, but after seeing you with the Immortal and Andrew detailing your…” Visions of Buffy snuggling up to the Immortal on the couch began to upset him, so he decided to sidestep the issue. “Uh, relationship with him, I…” Spike searched for the words, not sure of what he was feeling in that moment. “I guess I was ready to move on. Like you did.”

“Is that what you think I’m doing?”

“Well. Yeah. Andrew said…”

Buffy cut him off, anger beginning to get the better of her. “Andrew wouldn’t know if a vampire came up and bit him on the ass. And this is the guy you’re taking relationship advice from?”

“Well, when you put it like that.”

“Did Andrew tell you what I did after the Hellmouth collapsed in on you?”

“Can’t say as he did, pet.”

“When it really sank in that the Hellmouth was sealed, that Sunnydale was gone, I realized that you were gone too. That’s when I broke down.” Buffy was near the verge of tears, but kept her composure as she spoke. “A year. A year had gone by, and I couldn’t tell you how I felt until it was too late. Until you were burning up.”

“Buffy.” His hand gently tilted her face toward him. “It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it.”

Before Spike knew what was happening, Buffy pulled herself away from him, a look of disbelief and anguish on her face. “Didn’t mean…you son of a bitch. How can you say that? If anything, you didn’t love me! I mean, how could you? You’ve been here in Los Angeles for a year, and not one word. Not one!”

Spike could feel the frustration beginning to swell within him as he spoke. “That’s ‘cause I didn’t want you to think any less of me.”

“What?”

Spike sighed softly, his eyes now facing the floor. “I died a hero’s death. That was the last memory you had of me. But, as soon as I came back, I knew that there’d be more memories after that. Memories that couldn’t match the one in the Hellmouth.”

He felt Buffy’s hand on his shoulder, her face coming into his vision as she knelt in front of him. “I don’t understand. What…?”

Before Buffy could finish her question, Spike answered. “I was afraid that I’d never live up to your expectations.”

“Oh, God.” Spike looked up to Buffy, expecting to see more anger in her face, but instead was greeted with an expression of grief. “You didn’t call me because you thought you’d disappoint me? Do you realize how stupid that sounds?”

“Think Angel and Riley would think it sounds stupid?”

“That’s not fair.”

“Don’t think fair’s got anything to do with it, luv.” Spike rose from the couch, needing to get some distance between himself and Buffy. He needed to think with the right head for once. “We talked about this once, when I was chained up in your basement. After I bit Andrew. We both know you need your men to hurt you.”

Buffy interrupted him, her anger beginning to swell once again. “Bullshit. You’re the one that keeps on beating that dead horse.”

“Yeah? Then how does the Immortal fit in? Last I remembered, bloke was a right bastard.”

“That was…” The words didn’t come. Because she really wasn’t sure what it was she had with the Immortal. “The Immortal and I…we…”

“Don’t owe me any explanations. I’m dead, right?”

Buffy turned around, rising to her feet so she could look him in the eyes. She knew what he was doing. Trying to put some distance between them. Trying to think things through. They’d had a year to think things through. The time for thinking was over. “Look, I don’t know why you’re trying to push me away, but I’m here. I came halfway across the world.” Spike didn’t want to look at her, but her hand on his cheek prevented him from doing so. “For you. Do you remember the last thing I said to you?”

How could he not? It’d only haunted him every night since he came back to the mortal coil. “Course I do.”

“Remember what you told me after that?” Spike nodded slightly, his head gently tilting into the curve of her palm. “I meant it.”

“No, you did….”

Buffy’s hand slid from his cheek, her fingers gently coming to rest over his mouth. “No, let me finish.” Spike just looked at her, his eyes focused intently on hers as she continued. “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like this. I had something like this with Angel, but that was just a childhood fantasy. The knight in shining armor and all that. I thought I loved Riley. I really thought I did. But, I was just trying to fill a void in my life, and, at the time, Riley seemed to be the answer. Then there was you.” Buffy smiled slightly, her fingers gently moving from Spike’s lips and reaching for his free hand. “I hated you so much. God, did I hate you. Every time I saw you, I had this uncontrollable urge to retch.”

Spike frowned slightly upon hearing her words. “Not helping your case, luv.”

Buffy continued on, ignoring Spike’s objection. “But, you had to prove me wrong. You had to prove to me that you were more than just a monster. So much so, you got your soul back. Got it back for me. Do you know how many men would go to those lengths?”

Spike finally interjected. “Not really sure.”

“Give you a hint. I can count them all on one finger.” Spike smiled slightly, Buffy sharing it with him. “So, this is where we rewind the clock a year and change things. Okay?”

Spike grinned slightly, his fingers gently twining with hers. “Okay.”

Buffy moved closer to Spike, the only thing separating them were their entwined hands. Then, with a deep breath, Buffy began, reenacting their final words in the Hellmouth. “I love you.” Spike hesitated, instead just looking at her, taking in her beauty. He had dreamt of moments like this. But, he had always gotten up before he had a chance to answer her. What if this was a dream? A beautiful, cruel dream? “Spike?”

“Sorry. Got lost in the moment.” He sighed slightly before continuing. “You’re really here, yeah? This isn’t a dream?”

Buffy felt the tinge of remorse coursing through her. She didn’t need an answer. She already knew it. He still loved her. A year removed, and things were still the same. He still loved her. She leaned closer to him, placing her lips gently on his cheek, savoring the touch of him. After a moment, she pulled back and took his head in her hands. “Did you feel that?”

Spike was almost breathless as he spoke. “Yeah.”

“Then, this isn’t a dream. This is real.” She flashed back to when Spike came back to Sunnydale, after winning his soul back. Back to when he offered his help, no strings attached. To prove he was a better man than before. “Ball’s in your court.”

Spike leaned forward, his forehead resting against hers. “Is there any doubt as to how I feel about you?”

Buffy answered truthfully. “There never was.”

Spike closed his eyes, trying to will the next words out of his mouth. “I’m glad then.”

“I feel a ‘but’ coming.”

Spike grinned, marveling as to how Buffy could still read him. “But, you’ve got to go.”

The statement took Buffy aback. “I don’t understand. I thought we both…”

“Got nothing to do with us. Got everything to do with what’s right.” Spike raised his head, his eyes locking with Buffy’s, sensing the confusion in her gaze. “Something major’s happening tonight. And, there’s a chance none of us are gonna make it. So, I want you gone. This thing takes us, it’ll be up to you and your girls to save the world.”

A fierce case of déjà vu overcame Buffy as she remembered her words to Angel before closing up the Hellmouth. “What are you talking about?”

“Wolfram & Hart. We’re taking the fight to them tonight.”

“We? You mean you and Angel?”

Spike nodded. “Among others. But, yeah. Way things are going, there’s no other choice. We’ve got to do this before it’s too late.”

Buffy thought for a moment before speaking. “I’ll call Giles and we can have a group of Slayers here in a matter of days.”

“Don’t have days, luv. Way things played out, tonight’s the night. There’s no going back from this. That’s why you’ve got to go.”

“Fine, I’ll stay. I’ll fight…”

“No. Not your fight.”

“It’s not yours, either!” Buffy retorted, a hint of desperation in her voice.

Spike frowned, letting out a small sigh. “Moment Fred died, it became my fight. They took someone special from me. I owe it to her to see this thing to the end. You know I’m right.”

Buffy nodded solemnly, realizing the truth in his words. “Then, it’s my fight, too.”

“How so?”

“Because you’re here.” Buffy could feel tears beginning to form in her eyes. “I left you once. Don’t ask me to do it again.”

Spike pulled her into his arms, her head resting on his shoulder. “Alright. I won’t ask. But, you’ve got to see things from my point of view. You’ve finally got that little piece of normal you’ve always wanted. How do you think I’d feel if you threw that all away because of me?” He could feel the tears seeping through the fabric of his shirt. “Heart and soul, Buffy. You’re my world. I’ll come back. I swear.”

Buffy spoke through muffled sobs. “You just said you might not make it through this.”

“That was before.”

“Before what?”

“Before I realized we have a year to make up for.”

Buffy laughed softly into his shoulder, her tears beginning to subside. “You mean it?”

“Wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t. But, this is all contingent on whether or not the Immortal’s still in the picture.”

Buffy alleviated his worries rather quickly. “As soon as Andrew told me you were alive, I broke up with him and hopped the first flight to L.A.”

Spike chuckled heartily, releasing his arms from Buffy. They stood face to face, both smiling gently at the other. “Good, ‘cause I’d hate to snuggle with you and the Immortal at the same time.”

“Andrew is a dead man. This I swear.” Another shared laugh before she continued. “I’ll go. But, as soon as you’re done here, you’ll come home?”

Home. It sounded even better than he’d ever imagined it would. “First flight out. Promise.” With that, Spike leaned closer to Buffy, his lips gently falling on hers. It’d been nearly two years since he last kissed the woman in front of him. And, it still felt as heavenly as the first time. In that moment, Spike finally realized the intentions of the woman in front of him. She really did love him.

*********

“And in terms of a plan?”

The rain continued to pour down in torrents, the four warriors standing in the alleyway awaiting Armageddon. However, even in the face of overwhelming odds, Angel answered Spike’s question, confidence in every word. “We fight.”

Spike couldn’t help but stifle the chuckle at Angel’s words. “Bit more specific?”

“Well, personally. I kinda wanna slay the dragon.” Figured he would. Angel was always the show-off of the group. Before Spike could voice his objection, Angel readied his sword. “Let’s go to work.”

With that, Angel lunged into the fray, Gunn and Illyria close on his heels. Spike tightened the grip around the hilt of his sword, one thought running through his mind as he joined his friends.

I will make it through this. Made a promise I intend on keeping.

 

~Fin~