Fallen AngelsBy Kristi
Belonging
@--Buffy--@
The light blinds me. I cover my face and fold into myself on the ground. There is so much pain I am numb. The image of my Angel crucified is burned in my mind. I can also see the image of him giving me that special crooked grin that is mine alone. I can’t breathe. I will never be able to breathe again. My heart doesn’t beat. I’m dead inside. It seems like time stretches on forever in this moment although like most surreal moments, I’m sure it was only a few minutes at the most.
I feel a warm hand on my shoulder and look up through tears. It is the Oracle. I don’t think, I can’t think. I growl like a wild, feral animal and try to bite her hand.
“Stand up. He needs you.” The Oracle says.
I look behind her and I can’t believe my eyes. My Angel, he’s there, lying on the floor, broken, bruised and bloody but he’s there. I know I should be angry for whatever joke the Oracle is playing on us. I don’t care. I just want to touch him and make sure he’s real.
I cradle his head in my lap. My tears bathe his face. “Angel.” His name is my prayer, my sacrament. It sounds like a question even to me. It always sounds like a question. Maybe because I can never truly trust that my eyes are seeing something I’ve dreamed of so often. He opens his eyes slowly.
“Buffy,” His voice is weak and rough but my name still sounds precious on his lips.
“I’m here, Angel. I’m always here.” I wipe at some of the blood on his beautiful face. I look up at the Oracle. “You’ve got some explaining to do.”
The Oracle smiles at me. “My sister told me about your Champion. She said he sacrificed every drop of human happiness and love he had ever known for you. I have my own gift to give, but I had to see if it was true. I had to see if he was truly the warrior my sister and brother said he was. I had to see if his love was strong enough to sacrifice his life. I had to see if his love was strong enough to fight for. A price had to be paid.”
“So you did all this to make sure your sister wasn’t lying?” My voice is getting louder with every word.
“No. I did all this to give him the chance to fight for his soul, to fight Angelus for it.”
My mind is whirling. I can’t take in anything she is saying. “Ok, look, I’m tired, I hurt, I’m bleeding and I just watched my lover be tortured nearly to death. You’re going to have to drop the cryptic and talk in short complete sentences, nothing over two syllables.”
The Oracle smiled again. “He won his soul. It’s anchored. He can’t lose it ever again. Angelus can never make an appearance.”
Oh God, I can’t process anything else. I stare open mouthed at her. “There’s no clause?” I ask, needing it to be explained in the most simple of terms.
“There’s no curse anymore. Your warrior has won his soul. It is his, just as surely as your soul is yours.” She says patiently.
“Then that would mean it’s mine.” I say in wonder, looking down at Angel’s broken body.
“Yes,” The Oracle says simply. She waves her hand and there is another flash of light.
*
We’re sitting on the steps of the downtown Los Angeles library. I’m cradling Angel’s head in my lap. I take his duster off and drape it over his mutilated torso. I fumble in the pockets and find his cell phone, the one Cordy made me promise to turn on. I can see the dawn already beginning to lighten the sky. I dial the private number to the hotel and listen to it ring.
“Pick up pick up pick up pick up.” I chant to myself.
After the seventh ring a very sleepy sounding Gunn answers. “Yah?”
“Gunn, it’s Buffy. Get Angel’s car and get it to the downtown library now. We don’t have any time.”
“Buffy?”
I can tell he is still half asleep. “Gunn, dawn is coming. I can’t carry him.” There are desperate tears in my voice. That seems to wake him up.
“Yah, I’ll be right there.”
“Drive fast.”
I hold Angel as close to me as I can. I glance up at the sky. I need to at least try and get him into the alley. I’m not sure Gunn is going to make it in time. “Angel, this is going to hurt. I’m sorry. I’ve got to move you though. I need you to try and stand up.”
He nods very slightly. I get one arm over my shoulder and stand up slowly. Angel moves with me. He is trying not to cry out in pain. He hops on the leg Angelus didn’t smash and leans heavily on me. We start down the steps, one at time. I feel the wound in my gut reopen and blood begins to flow at a rather alarming rate.
We’re down the steps. “Come on, Angel, just a few more feet to the alley. You’ll be safe there until Gunn comes.” He’s getting weaker and so am I. The sky is getting darker, but I think that’s just me. I’ve only got a little further to drag him and we’ll be in the shadowed alley.
Angel’s black GTX screeches to a halt beside the curb. I look up to see Gunn jumping over the passenger side and I know I can quit. I never even feel myself hit the ground.
*
The smell of rubbing alcohol hits my nose. I take a sudden, deep breath and grabbed franticly at the tubes in my nose.
“Buffy, Buffy, its okay. You’re safe.”
I know that voice. “Giles?” I open my eyes and Giles is smiling at me and nodding.
“You’re going to be just fine.” He assures me.
That is not the question I need to know. “Angel?” My voice trembles. I’m afraid to know the answer but I have to.
Giles drops his shoulder and indicates behind him. I sit up slightly and I can see Angel laying on the bed next me. He has as many tubes coming out of him as I do. I lie back down with a sigh of relief.
“Apparently you passed out when Gunn got there. He brought both you and Angel to the hospital.”
I panic. “No! Angel doesn’t have a heartbeat, he can’t be here.”
“It’s alright Buffy. It’s a demon hospital. They see vampires all the time.”
I struggle to sit up. Giles puts a firm hand on my shoulder. “Buffy, you have fifteen stitches in your abdomen. You need to stay lying down.”
“No, Giles. I need to touch him.” I look up at Giles frantically.
He nods hesitantly. “Just a moment.” He disappears behind a curtain and returns with a nurse of undetermined demon origin. They rearrange all my tubes and machines. Then they rearrange Angel’s. The nurse lowers the railing on one side of the bed and she and Giles roll my bed up next to Angel’s. She lowers the railing on his bed and then locks the brakes on both beds. I turn on my side and take his still hand in mine.
“Now, be still. If either of you start moving around, I’m separating you.” The nurse says.
“Yes Ma’am.” I feel like a scolded school child. Giles stands at the foot of my bed. I look at him with teary eyes. “Thank you.”He nods and smiles at me. “I’m going to tell them you’re awake.”
“Okay, stall them for me. Give me a few minutes alone with him?” I ask.
Giles nods and leaves the room.
I squeeze Angel’s hand and reach my other hand over to lay it upon his chest. I am careful to avoid the multitude of bandages covering burns. “Angel, I’m here. Angel, wake up for me, please.”
He doesn’t disappoint me. His beautiful eyes flicker and he looks down at me. He even manages a slight smile. He brings his other hand up and entwines it with the hand I have on his chest.“Buffy,”
And I can’t breathe anymore.
*
*
*
@--Angel--@
I don’t remember a lot of it. It was too much like my nightmares, and thank God, less like my reality. I’ve still got the injuries to prove it happened though. They let Buffy and I out of the hospital after 24 hours. Once they got us stitched and gave us blood there wasn’t much they could do our bodies wouldn’t take care of themselves. They also got tired of telling Buffy and I that we weren’t allowed to share a bed.
My shattered knee is healing but I’m confined to using a cane and staying off it as much as possible for the next few days. My skin is knitting over the places that the holy water burned it off. There are some particularly deep cross burns that will scar. All this is made extremely trivial because my soul is anchored now.
“Tell me what she said again, one more time.” I ask Buffy. I have asked her this at least a dozen times over the past two days. We are lying in our bed with the door wide open under strict Cordelia orders of “No Hanky Panky” and this time to my utter joy it’s not because I’ll lose my soul. It’s because Buffy has 15 stitches the doctors don’t’ want her ripping.
Buffy smiles at me and busies herself with playing with my hair. “She said your soul is anchored. There is no more curse, no more clause. Angelus can’t come out and play anymore. Your soul is yours.”
Those are beautiful words.
*
The hotel lobby is aglow with candle light. I have a CD of Buffy’s playing on the stereo. There is a small round table sitting in the center of the lobby. Dinner is sitting on the table and I have included all of Buffy’s favorite foods. A bottle of champagne is cooling in a bucket .I have turned off the phones and locked the doors. Gunn and Fred are staying in The Ritz, which I paid for, for the night. Buffy is upstairs getting dressed. She got her stitches taken out this morning.
I am wearing my tuxedo. The last time I wore it was at Buffy’s prom. I adjust the bow tie and check for the final time that everything is perfect. Buffy just spritzed herself with vanilla perfume, my sensitive nose tells me. It’s the last thing she does when she’s getting ready. I have butterflies in my stomach. She opens the door to our bedroom and steps out onto the landing. She is wearing her pink prom dress. I smile remembering that then she called it “a kick dress”. I have to agree with her, it is a “kick dress” but what’s inside the dress is more amazing.
I remember she was beautiful on her prom night. It was tinged with such sadness though, it can not compare with tonight, when there is no sadness, no leaving and no stopping. She was a beautiful girl the night of her prom, tonight she is a breathtaking woman.
She covers her mouth with her hands as she reaches the foot of the stairs. “Oh, Angel, you are beautiful. I’d forgotten what you look like in a tux.”
“You’re stunning.” I tell her very simply and take her hands away from her beautiful mouth. Buffy’s mouth has always been one of my favorite things about her. The way her bottom lip is fuller then the top. It lends her a perpetual pout. I lean down and just barely brush that bottom lip with mine.
Her entire being lights me on fire.
The song “Wild Horses” comes on. I remember it’s the song we danced to at her prom. I hold my hand out to her. I want her to have a memory of dancing to this song that doesn’t include leaving. She takes it with a teary smile and I pull her into my arms. She lays her head on my chest like she did that night but the smile on her face isn’t bittersweet. It’s the smile that makes me forget I haven’t seen the sun in 250 years. I am in awe, once again, at how perfect she was made for me. She’s tiny, her head rests on my chest where my heart would beat, just as it should, since she is my heart. Her tiny hand enfolds completely into mine. I can feel her breathing and I find myself falling into the same rhythm with my own unnecessary breathing. Her warmth radiates through me and I feel alive.
The song ends and she pulls away from me a bit and looks up at me with her sunshine smile. “That was nice.” She says.
“It was. Are you hungry? Do you want to eat now, or do you want a glass of champagne?” I ask, my nerves are returning.
She looks over at the table. “Mmm, I want—“ she stops and looks up at me. Need, desire and love swell in her eyes. “You.” Her voice is husky and deep with desire.
I sweep her up in my arms. Her hands come up to cradle my face. Her lips meet mine. Her kisses are soft, gentle at first. They become more heated and passionate. She devours my mouth, like she will take every bit of me in and never let me go. She gently nips at my bottom lip and I smile, knowing this is something I taught her. Her lips bruise mine and she licks across my mouth apologetically. She drops whisper soft kiss along my jaw, pausing to nuzzle my ear and nip at the ear lobe. She continues down my neck, stopping at the place my pulse would be. She rests her nose there, breathing me in. Then her lips are touching my skin again. She nips at my neck.
I notice we are standing in front the bedroom door. I think we may have been standing here for awhile but I can’t remember anything but Buffy’s kisses. I fumble with the doorknob and decide it’s not worth it. I kick the door in and walk to the bed. She almost brings me to my knees when she bites down on my neck hard with her blunt little teeth. She giggles and whispers “Sorry,”
We fall down on the bed together and I capture her mouth with mine. She tastes like cookie dough fudge mint ice cream and peanut butter and chocolate. My fingers find the zipper on her dress and I slip it down her body. I fight for breath I don’t need. She’s not wearing anything underneath the dress.
“Buffy,” It is the only thing I can say. I have no words for how beautiful she is. Just as I don’t give her pet names or call her love because there is no name precious enough for her. I have no words for how much she means to me.
“I’m getting cold, come here.” She beckons me back to her side and she starts slipping my clothes from my body. Once she has me undressed she stops and just stares for a moment. Her breath catches and I can her heartbeat speed up. I take her in my arms and pull her back down to me. We are one, skin to skin, just as we were made to be. I trail butterfly kisses down her throat, stopping to slowly lick the hollow of her throat. She breathes out my name “Angel,”I return to her mouth. I am determined to take things slow and remember each moment of this night. She tastes salty and I look into her eyes. “Buffy, why are you crying?”
“I’m so afraid I’m going to wake up and this will be a dream.” Her voice has gone from husky seductress to little girl lost in a matter of minutes.
I capture her hands in mine and kiss her knuckles. “My dreams were never this sweet.” I reach over and fumble in my nightstand. I hadn’t intended to do this tonight, but somehow it seems right. I take the tiny silver claddagh ring I found in the mansion all those years ago and slip it over the fingertip of the third finger on her left hand. “Buffy, I told you once this ring means you belong to someone. Please, belong to me.”
She smiles her sunshine smile through her tears. “I always have, Angel.”