Falling Into You
By Spike SpeigelRamifications
“Buffy, what’s wrong?” Tara moved over to Buffy while Dawn remained on the counter, looking on, unsure of the recent events that had just transpired. Tara’s voice stirred Buffy from her initial shock, her eyes falling to the floor, where the phone now lay. She could still make out Xander’s voice, although not that well. He was screaming now based on the decibel level being emitted from the speaker. Buffy bent over slowly, moving the phone back to her ear.
“Buffy! Buffy! Are you there?!?”
“I’m here, Xander.” Buffy looked at Tara, then at Dawn, reassuring them with a meek smile. However, she felt the opposite of sure upon hearing Xander’s news. Willow was awake. But which Willow? The sweet, innocent Willow that had been her best friend or the evil, malevolent Willow that killed Amy. That hurt Dawn. That took Spike away from her. Buffy took a deep breath before she spoke again. “How is she, Xan?” Xander’s voice returned to a more composed, calm state upon hearing her voice.
“I’m not sure. The doctors are still running some tests on her. They wanna make sure that everything’s okay upstairs.” Buffy nodded at the phone, knowing that Xander wouldn’t be able to see her understanding.
“Did you see her?”
“Just through the door.” Xander sighed before he spoke again. “What a week, huh?” Buffy gently laughed, a hint of sorrow in her voice.
“Tell me about it. So, have the doctors said when we can see her?” Buffy needed to see her. To make sure everything was okay. To make sure that Willow was okay. To make sure that Willow was still Willow. To stop her if she wasn’t. Xander’s voice stirred her from her thoughts.
“Should take a few minutes before we can go in.”
“Okay. We should be there by then.” Buffy didn’t want to say the words, but she had to. “Be careful, okay? Don’t do anything until we get there.” Xander’s voice was now tinted with sorrow and understanding.
“Yeah. No prob. An and I will be in the waiting room.”
“Okay.” And with that, Buffy replaced the receiver back into the cradle. Then she looked at the two women in front of her. “Guys. Get your coats. We’re going to the hospital.”
Spike hated admitting to himself that he had an okay night with the Watcher. Maybe it was the fact that he finally got out of that damn flat that made the curry go down more pleasantly. Or maybe it was that he realized that he and Giles had a lot in common. God, did he just think that? A Watcher having something in common with a faux vampire? Now that was an oddity. But they did have things in common. Their love of music. Their affinity for a good drink. Their dislike of American football. Everyone knew that the only real football was the one where the ball actually looked like a bloody ball. But their commonalities didn’t end there. There was also a certain Slayer. Buffy. As they neared the flat, Giles spoke.
“Think we’ll sober up before our meeting with Quentin?” Spike looked at him, a smirk on his face.
“Don’t know, mate. But I know one thing.” Giles didn’t look at him as he entered the lobby, Spike following close behind him as they made their way to the elevator.
“And what’s that?”
“Should be an eventful day.” Giles chuckled as they waited for the elevator, his hand pressed against the wall for balance. It was evident that the Watcher had imbibed more than he should of. That’s not to say he was thoroughly pissed. He was holding it together just fine. But the headache in the morning? Spike didn’t envy him. Funny thing, was, Spike didn’t feel plastered at all. In fact, he felt fine.
“Right. After all, you get your answers that Doc hinted at. To tell the truth, I’m rather curious myself.”
“Is that right?” Giles nodded, a hint of inebriation in his eyes.
“Of course. I mean, one moment you’re dead. The next you’re in London. Call me crazy, but I can’t make the connection, lad.” Spike eyed him, a thought suddenly emblazoning itself in his head. He knew that he probably shouldn’t ask. What, with Giles not entirely in control of all his faculties. But he had to know.
“How did it happen?” The bell for the elevator dinged, the doors sliding open. Giles made his way into the car, Spike following. He repeated his question, thinking the Watcher didn’t hear his first inquiry. “Rupert. How did it happen?”
“How did what happen?” A hint of frustration tinted Spike’s voice.
“Don’t be so dense. You know what I mean.” Giles’ smile was an awkward one. Spike knew that it was probably uncomfortable to talk about. But, why should it? It wasn’t like they gave a damn for him. But, that wasn’t entirely true, now was it? He was here, in London. With Buffy’s Watcher. While back in Sunnydale, a man was keeping his promise to look after Buffy. Even though Spike could clearly recollect that Xander hated him with a passion. Maybe he was wrong? Maybe they did care for him? Before Spike could ponder the thought any further, Giles spoke.
“Are you sure you want to know like this?” Spike eyed him suspiciously, Giles catching the look. “I mean, wouldn’t it be better if you recalled that event? Might be more effective in your memory recall.”
“Thanks for the kid gloves, Rupert. But I think I’ll be able to handle it either way.” Spike grinned at Giles, trying to put him at ease as well as himself. “Now, spill.” Giles adjusted his glasses, his brow furrowed. He opened his mouth, about to speak, but instead closed it once again. How did one go about telling a person about their own death? It’s not like there was a handbook on situations like this. Was there? Giles looked down at his feet, not wanting to see Spike’s expression as the words left his lips.
“Willow.” Nothing but silence coupled with the steel cable groaning against the pulley above them. Giles decided to fathom a look, hoping that Spike was still of sound mind after hearing the name. Willow. How could someone so trusted become the object of discussion in Spike’s death? And why was it that Giles suddenly felt pity for the vampire now while uncertainty for his memories of Willow?
“Willow? Keep hearing that name. Buffy’s best friend, right?” Giles expected Spike to be furious, to be spiteful, to be violent. So, it came as a genuine surprise when Spike chuckled. Giles looked at him, puzzlement encompassing him. “Musta done something to tick that bird off.”
“Hmm, yes. I mean, no.” Giles sighed before he continued, still a little shaken at Spike’s reaction. “Are you sure you want to hear the details? They do get rather unseemly.” Spike shook his head, a small smile playing across his face.
“S’alright. Just wanted to see if you were still being on the level with me.” Giles was about to protest the accusation before Spike waved him off. “After all, you’re a part of the Council. This could all be some play, eh?” Spike could see that Giles was still having trouble comprehending the point he was trying to get across. Might as well go the direct route. “Tell me the truth, Giles. You were in my position, you’d be suspicious of blokes that make their living killing your kind, right?” Giles had to nod at Spike’s perceptiveness. Spike hit it right on the head.
“I’d probably grow eyes in the back of my head.” Spike smirked at the Watcher.
“Get back to you if I find out later I can.”
“Right.” The bell dinged once again, the doors to the car sliding open once again. Giles motioned to Spike to leave the car first, which he did without any qualms. Once they stood in the hallway, Giles fumbling for his keys, he spoke. “What’s say we try and salvage what sleep we can before our meeting tomorrow?” Spike nodded.
“All right, mate.” Giles worked the lock open, both men entering the flat once again. However, Spike was too wired to sleep. He was so close to the answers that had eluded him that he wished there was some way for time to speed up. But he knew that wasn’t possible. Well, not without the use of some mystical proponent. Spike knew one thing for certain. It was going to be a long night.
Buffy could see Xander and Anya through the glass doors of the hospital, Xander pacing while Anya was seated in one of those hard plastic chairs that were molded for the back of a four year old infant, her eyes following Xander as he moved back and forth, no words between them. Buffy walked into the hospital, the automated glass doors separating as if by magic. She didn’t know how they did that. Had to be magic. Dawn and Tara were on either side of her, both unsure of what to feel at this moment. Tara in particular. The sound of metal scraping against rubber caught Xander’s attention, his gaze moving to the doors. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw the group entering.
“Hey guys.” Buffy spoke.
“Hey.” Right now, there were no words. Not for what was happening right now. Buffy knew that Willow would eventually get up. After all, Faith did. And Willow was nowhere close to battered as Faith was. At least physically. Mentally, one could only fathom a guess. Tara disrupted the silence, her inquisitiveness getting the better of her.
“How is she?” Xander turned to Tara as Dawn sat down next to Anya. Dawn could see that Anya was having a hard time at it. She was so close to marrying the man she loved. But now, with Willow awakening, the future was very uncertain. After all, what do you do with a friend that tried to bring on the end of the world? Dawn gently rested her head against Anya’s shoulder, the nonverbal gesture showing Anya that she wasn’t the only one that was doubtful of what to do. Anya smiled back at Dawn as Xander spoke to Buffy and Tara.
“The doctors are done with her. Say she has to stay here a few more days before she can be released. But she’s okay for visitors now.” Another moment of silence between friends. It was inevitable. They had to see her. They had to be sure. If it was Willow, which one was it? Their once trusted companion? Or their newly formed nemesis? Buffy sighed a faint, wavering sigh.
“Well, we should go and see her then.” She turned back to Anya and Dawn. If Willow did indeed still hold them all in contempt and still had access to her power, there was no reason to bring Dawn into the crossfire. “Anya, could you stay here with Dawnie while we check in on Willow?” Anya nodded, understanding Buffy’s gesture. Dawn, on the other hand, did not.
“Wait. I want to see her too.”
“No, Dawn. Not until we’re sure it’s safe.”
“But…”
“No.” Buffy walked over to her sister while Tara and Xander stayed back, looking at the event unfolding in front of them. They too were feeling a wave a trepidation washing over them. Their Willow. Possibly a threat? They didn’t think it at first. But that had almost cost Dawn her life. And it had cost Amy and Spike theirs. However, Spike was now back among the living. But Amy. Amy remained a constant reminder. A reminder they’d never forget. “Look, we have to make sure, Dawnie. Don’t fight me on this one. Please.” Dawn could see the sincerity in her sister’s eyes. The fear. Dawn finally nodded agreement, Buffy gently squeezing her little sister’s hand before moving back to Xander and Tara. Before they could move down the hall, Anya called out to them.
“It wasn’t Willow that night.” The group turned back, Xander questioning his fiancée.
“What do you mean, An?”
“When Willow opened the gate. It wasn’t really her. I mean, it was her, but it wasn’t.”
“Honey, we all saw her.” Anya shook her head. She hated human emotions at this moment. They made everything so much harder to deal with. Especially the bad ones.
“It wasn’t her. Her eyes.” Throughout the midst of that night in the cemetery, energy swirling about uncontrollably, Anya noted that one observation. Willow’s eyes were different. They were darker than the night, a hint of malcontent and hatred evident behind those once warm eyes. “Something, or someone, was controlling her that night. I’m telling you, don’t accuse her of things she’s not responsible for.” It was weird, defending Willow. The woman that once took up a large part of Xander’s heart. But, after that night, no one would talk about what had transpired. The general consensus was that things were better left unsaid. Couple that with the newfound knowledge that Buffy had indeed been in love with Spike and had lost him, it was better for all if the incident never be mentioned again. A final plea from Anya. “Please, just consider what I’m saying.” Before Buffy could voice her concern, Tara spoke.
“Okay. We’ll be careful with her.” Anya smiled at Tara, Dawn gently squeezing Anya’s hand. Buffy looked at Tara, her eyes telling Buffy all she needed to know. It was better to go in as friends instead of flinging accusations. With that, Buffy, Xander and Tara made their way to Willow’s room while Anya sat with Dawn in the waiting room, both worrying about the events that were about to transpire in the next few minutes.
She looked normal, lying in the bed, her eyes closed. The white sheet contrasted sharply with the fiery red hair as she lay there. At first, they thought she was sleeping, but the doctor had given them the okay to go in and check in on their friend. In fact, the doctor had told her that her friends were just outside, waiting to see her. Maybe that’s why her eyes were closed. She didn’t want to see them. Maybe she was ashamed of what she did. Or maybe she still hated them. With a deep breath, Buffy slowly pushed the door open, Xander and Tara following right behind.
The groan of the hinges alerted Willow, her eyes flying open. So, she wasn’t sleeping. The three friends stood at the doorway, hesitant of what to do. Willow stared back in equal confusion. After a moment, Buffy made her way closer to Willow, standing at the foot of the bed, allowing enough space between them to not pose a threat. A deep breath and she spoke. “Hey.” Willow looked at her, noting the small smile now on Buffy’s face.
“Hey.” Tara and Xander stayed back, letting the two former best friends feel out the situation before entering the conversation. Willow could see the hesitation in the two as they hovered behind Buffy. Willow looked at both of them, gently smiling at them as she looked more intently at Tara. God, how she missed her. “Hey guys.” Tara spoke.
“Hi, Will.” Tara moved closer to the bed, standing near to Buffy’s right side while Xander followed suit, moving to Buffy’s left. “How you feeling?”
“A little groggy. But I guess that’s what four months of sleep does to a person, huh?” A small chuckle from Willow, feeling the awkwardness in the air. There was a time when these four could talk for hours on end about nothing in particular. Now, they were having trouble with simple pleasantries. Xander spoke.
“So, the doc toldja, huh?” Willow nodded, not ready to discuss why they were really here. After all, they couldn’t still care for her. Not after what she had done. Buffy, seeing the worrisome look on Willow’s face, decided to move the conversation to more pleasant situations.
“Um, have the doctors told you when you can come home?” Home. That sounded so odd, hearing those words coming from Buffy’s lips. She still regarded Willow as a friend. Or maybe she was seeing too much into Buffy’s question.
“They’re waiting on my cat scan. Once they get that and there’s no evidence of head trauma, I’m free to go.” Willow could see the optimism in her friends’ eyes mingled with uncertainty. They still cared for her. But there was the incident still looming over them like a harbinger. Silence enveloped the room once again, each individual unsure of where to go from here. Buffy, her caution now getting the best of her, had to ask.
“Will?”
“Yeah, Buffy?”
“How much do you remember?” Willow looked at her for a moment, trying to feign innocence. But she knew that she had to tell them. If there was ever a chance of having what they once had. She had to tell them.
“All of it.” Her head slightly dropped, her gaze now on the sheet spread over her legs. Before Buffy could respond, Willow continued, looking at no one in particular. “I can’t believe I lost my way. I almost…” The sorrow was evident in her voice as she tried to continue on, but the words didn’t come. The images in her mind engulfed her, making it hard to remain coherent. “Amy. Dawn. I killed them.” Tara interrupted Willow’s narrative.
“It wasn’t you, sweetie. It was the magic. It has that effect on people that…” She didn’t realize what she was saying until it was too late. Willow completed Tara’s thought.
“Abuse it?” Willow turned away from the group standing in front of her. They weren’t here because they cared. They were here to blame her again. To make her feel insignificant once again. Buffy spoke, a hint of concern in her voice upon seeing Willow’s mood change.
“That’s not what she said, Willow.”
“But that’s what she meant. That’s what you all think.” Her voice was hushed, but the anger was evident in her inflection. Without hesitation, Buffy answered.
“That’s right.” Willow looked up again, not believing the words that had just come from Buffy’s mouth. But there they were. “You abused your magic, Willow. People are dead because of you.” The reality of Buffy’s words began to sink in, Willow speaking, her voice wavering.
“You don’t think I know that? Because I do. I was there, Buffy. I remember seeing Amy dying in front of me. I remember Drusilla slitting Dawn’s throat. And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it!” Xander interrupted, unsure of Willow’s words.
“What do you mean you couldn’t do anything about it? You did those things, Will.” Willow’s gaze now shifted to Xander, her once best friend. He seemed almost like a stranger standing in front of her. This Alexander Harris was definitely different from the Alexander Harris she knew earlier. Before Buffy.
“You think I’d actually do those things?!?” Buffy and Xander looked on as their friend began to lose her composure. Tara was beginning to piece the picture that Willow was trying to illustrate with her incoherent thoughts. “I didn’t want Amy or Dawn to die…”
“But the magic began controlling you.” Willow turned her attention to Tara, seeing only sadness and sympathy in her eyes. Tara understood what Willow was going through. If anyone would, it would be Tara. After all, she had a working knowledge of magic. And the repercussions of using too much. Willow’s head slumped slightly, her voice once again a whisper.
“Yeah.” She took a deep sigh before she continued. “I could see what was happening around me, but I wasn’t in control of my body, you know? It was like someone else was flipping the switches, and I was along for the ride.” Buffy nodded, finally understanding what Willow had really gone through. Anya was right, after all. It wasn’t really Willow that night. But she knew what she had done. That couldn’t be good. Could it? Buffy turned to Xander, seeing that he comprehended Willow’s words as well. Buffy had to know. She needed the answer to the question that plagued her ever since Willow fell into her coma.
“But, why? Why would you do something like that, Will?”
“To prove that I mattered.” Buffy shook her head, unsure of what Willow was trying to convey. She looked at Xander. “You had your wedding to Anya.” Her gaze fell to Buffy next. “You had Dawn to take care of as well as keep Sunnydale safe.” Finally, her eyes stopped on Tara. “And you had me. Until you left me.” Tara, upset by the generalization, voiced her thoughts.
“I had no choice, Willow. You were using your magic for your own gains.” She frowned as she continued. “You made me forget we had a fight. You made Buffy forget that she was pulled from Heaven and, instead, made us all forget who we were.” Willow jumped in, seeing that all the blame was being placed on her now.
“Yeah. I was the only one that wanted Buffy back.” She looked at Xander and Tara, avoiding Buffy’s gaze. “You both wanted her back as much as I did. But I did something about it. I’m the one that cared enough to do something about it.” Buffy felt sick to her stomach, upon hearing those words coming from Willow’s mouth.
“No, if you cared, you would have let me rest.” Willow turned her gaze to Buffy, realizing that she had let her anger get the better of her once again. The fierceness in her eyes dissipated as she saw Buffy near the brink of tears. “I was finish. I was done. And the only one that seemed to understand that was Spike.” Buffy smirked at the realization. Even in death, Spike loved her. “You were greedy.” Buffy’s eyes moved to Tara and Xander as she continued. “You all were.” The two friends remained silent as Buffy spoke. “But I forgave you.” Her gaze moved back to Willow, a hint of sincerity and kindness in her voice. “Because that’s what friends do.” Willow continued looking at Buffy, the weight of her words finally sinking in.
“But I don’t deserve to be forgiven. I’ve killed.”
“It wasn’t you, Willow. It was the magic.”
“But Amy. Dawn…” Buffy decided to give Willow the bad news as well as the good.
“You’re right. Amy’s dead. There’s no denying that.” Willow hung her head in shame as Buffy spoke. “But Dawn’s alive.”
“What?” Willow’s voice was mixed with both happiness and fear. She was glad that Dawn was still alive. But how? Drusilla had cut her throat open. She died in Spike’s arms while Willow tried to open the gate. Xander spoke, verifying Buffy’s statement.
“Yeah, she’s in the waiting room with Anya.”
“Why aren’t they in here?” There was no reason to tell her the truth. Not when things were already so fragile as they were. Tara concealed their fears.
“The doctors said that we shouldn’t overcrowd the room. Not sure how you’d react.”
“Oh.” Willow looked disappointed upon hearing the news. She wanted to see Dawn. She wanted to apologize to her, even though she didn’t deserve retribution. Buffy saw the look of dismay on her face, knowing exactly what was going through her best friend’s head.
“She’ll pop in later, once we’re done. Okay?” Willow looked back at Buffy, noting the sincere smile on Buffy’s face. She returned it in kind.
“Okay.” As her mind drifted back to that fateful night in the cemetery by the mention of Dawn, Willow’s fingers instinctively moved to the crook of her neck, tracing against the skin. That’s when she felt it. Two small deposits of scar tissue. If she were to look in a mirror, she’d be able to see the slight discoloration between the two marks and the rest of the skin surrounding the area. Willow spoke once again, a hint of shame and sorrow in her voice. “Spike’s dead, isn’t he?” Buffy looked at Tara and Xander, a hint of confusion on their faces. How could they possibly explain Spike’s situation without disrupting Willow’s fragile psyche? Xander went for the tried and true method. He made a joke.
“Well, he’s been dead for a while, Will.”
“That’s not what I meant.” From the tone of her voice, she was serious. “I mean, he wasn’t really a part of the group…” Buffy looked down, the truth in Willow’s words wounding her. “…but he was okay. I mean, he saved the world, right?” Buffy nodded at Willow, a sigh of relief escaping her lips. Willow was telling the truth. She remembered everything that transpired that night. And she was feeling remorse.
“Yeah. He did.” Buffy almost glowed as she answered Willow’s query.
“God. I’m the one that deserved to die.” Tara was about to interrupt Willow’s train of thought, but Willow didn’t give her the chance. “Amy. Spike. Why do I deserve to live when they didn’t?” Tara finally got her say.
“But, Spike’s alive.” Willow’s eyes widened in amazement. First Dawn. Now Spike.
“H…how?” Buffy gently chuckled, shaking her head.
“It’s a long story. One that he should tell you when he gets back from London.” Xander winced at the mention of Spike’s supposed return. He and Spike both knew that Spike was never coming back to Sunnydale. Spike had all but told him so, that night in the hospital room after their incident with Doc. Xander wondered if he should tell Buffy. After all, he only promised Spike that he’d look after her. He never promised that he’d keep the truth from her. Before Xander could ponder the thought, Willow spoke.
“There’s a London, now?” Tara giggled.
“Yeah. It’s north of France, east of Ireland.” Willow looked at Tara before a small smile played on her lips.
“I know where it is. But why is Spike there?” Buffy spoke.
“We’ll talk about that later. Promise.” Buffy didn’t want to open up the wound that was barely healing. It had been only two weeks and she missed him so much that it hurt. “But for right now, you should get some rest. It’s been a long night.” Willow nodded, noting that the subject about Spike wasn’t a comfortable one for Buffy, so she let it go. That’s when she realized just how lucky she was.
“I can’t believe it. Things shouldn’t be this way.” Xander was confused now.
“What way, Willster?”
“This. Us. I don’t deserve this…this second chance.” The tears came as she tried to continue speaking. “After all I’ve done…” Tara moved to the side of the bed, gently cradling Willow into her arms as Willow began to sob louder into Tara’s shoulder. “I don’t deserve your friendship.”
“Deserve’s got nothing to do with it.” Willow looked up, her vision blurred by tears. Buffy spoke calmly yet sincerely. “You’re our friend. Through thick and thin. Don’t ever forget that.” Willow gently smiled as Tara tightened her hold on Willow, pulling Willow closer to her. Willow’s eyes moved to Xander, seeing that he was near the verge of tears as well, moving to the other side of the bed, taking a seat next to Willow, his hand gently gripping Willow’s. She looked back to Buffy who was smiling as well.
“I won’t forget. Never again.” Buffy nodded as Willow’s tears abated.
“Good. Then let me go get Dawn and Anya. I’m sure they’ll be glad to see you too.” Willow nodded as Buffy moved out of the room. She smiled slightly as she closed the door behind her. Things were going to be rough for Willow in the upcoming weeks, but she’d be there for her friend. She wouldn’t let her friend down again. “Never again.”
Tara remained with Willow as the others finally left to their respective homes. Xander was still feeling a bit under the weather with his ribs, so Anya decided it was time to take him home. Buffy seconded that motion since it was a weeknight and Dawn had school the next day. While no one really wanted to leave Willow, she ultimately understood. At least she wasn’t alone. Because Tara was with her.
Willow sat back on the pillow while Tara sat in the chair next to her, both watching one of those mundane sitcoms. The one with the friends in the coffee house. If life were that simple, Sunnydale wouldn’t exactly be the same. Because even with the problems that came with the city, it was still better than the fiction that was now on the television. Willow gently laughed at the thought, Tara turning to her.
“What’s so funny?” Tara didn’t really understand since a commercial was on. And it wasn’t funny.
“Oh, nothing. Just thinking.” Tara pulled her chair closer to the bed. Closer to Willow.
“About what, sweetie?”
“About life.” Tara smiled at Willow, pulling her legs under her as she propped her hands under her chin.
“What about it?”
“Even with everything we’ve been through, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.” Willow’s eyes moved to Tara, who was looking intently at her, absorbing every word she was saying.
“I know what you mean. After living in Sunnydale, normal seems kinda…” Willow finished her sentence.
“Boring?” Tara’s lips curved slightly upward.
“That’s the word I’m looking for.” After sharing a gaze that lasted longer than either could recount, Willow spoke, her voice a whisper.
“You know, if you have somewhere you need to be, I’ll understand.” Tara stretched her arm out toward Willow slowly, her hand gently squeezing Willow’s arm.
“I know you would. But, I think I’m where I should be.” Another shared smile between the once former lovers before the sitcom came back from the commercial break. Tara turned her head back to the television, Willow still looking at her. Tara’s hand moved from Willow’s arm, finding its way around her hand. Willow gently squeezed back, her gaze also falling back onto the television, a hint of a smile on her face. Willow was home.
Xander fell onto the bed rear first, a groan escaping his lips. While the body vest started to annoy him, he was thankful for it during that moment. Because if he wasn’t wearing it, Xander was sure that his ribs would have all popped out of position. He didn’t mean to collapse onto the bed, but his injury coupled with his fatigue got the better of him. And Anya’s sex drive wasn’t making things any easier.
As Anya walked into the bedroom, carrying a glass of water for him, Xander could tell from the look on her face that something was bothering her. Upon taking the glass from her and placing in on the nightstand, he spoke. “Something wrong, hon?”
“No, not really.” He knew that tone. Something was definitely bothering her. Xander pulled the medicine bottle from his pants pocket, snapping the lid off onto the bed. As he shook out the mandatory capsules into his hand, he decided to call her on it.
“What’s wrong, An?” Before she could refute his claim, Xander continued. “And don’t say nothing, because I know that tone. Something’s bothering you.” Anya looked down at her fiancé, seeing that he had found her out. As Xander popped the pills into his mouth, taking a generous helping of water to down them, Anya spoke.
“Are you going to call off the wedding again?” Xander almost choked on the water as he heard the question. A quick cough to clear his throat, and he looked up.
“What?”
“Are you going to call the wedding off?”
“I heard you the first time, An. Why would you even think that?”
“Because things are different now.” Xander knew where she was going with this tirade. “Because of Willow.”
“What about Willow?” Xander stood up, facing his bride to be. He tried to alleviate the situation with some of his trademark humor. “She can come to the wedding. We’ll find room somewhere.” It didn’t work.
“This isn’t funny, Xander. Things are different.”
“Why?” Anya answered, a hint of frustration in her voice.
“Because.” There was no combating that argument. Well, with logic anyway. Xander sighed, his hands moving to Anya’s shoulders. He looked at her, his voice now serious.
“Okay. Things are different. But this doesn’t change anything.” Anya started to turn her head away, but Xander gently grabbed her chin with his hand, turning her gaze back to him. “By this time next week, we’re going to be Mr. and Mrs. Harris.” Anya gently smiled upon hearing his reassurance. “Okay?”
“Okay.” Xander’s hand moved from her chin, sliding down her side slowly. Anya giggled as Xander spoke.
“So, how about giving me some of that good ol’ loving?” He pulled her closer to him, nuzzling his lips against her neck. This produced another giggle from Anya.
“Hey, I thought you were still hurting?”
“Maybe. But you know how to kiss it and make it better.” Xander’s lips moved across Anya’s cheek, trailing a kiss before hovering over hers. “Tell me I’m wrong.” She answered him by placing her lips on his, gently pushing him back onto the bed. As they fell onto the bed, Xander issued a small groan of pain, followed by moans of pleasure.
Spike lay in bed, his eyes wide open. He couldn’t sleep. The anticipation was too overwhelming for him to even fathom sleep. Giles, on the other hand. Spike had to help the Watcher to his room before he collapsed onto the living room floor. The mix of alcohol and fatigue didn’t actually help Giles’ physical health. Spike grinned at the thought of Rupert in the morning. He was going to be totally knackered.
He turned to his side, looking at the watch laying on the bedside stand. Almost four. The meeting was at noon, so Spike still had some time to get a sizable amount of rest. But first, he had to get the excitement from his system. It was almost like Christmas in a way. Waiting for that moment when you tear into the wrapping paper to see what lies just beneath. In Spike’s case, what lay beneath would be his repressed memories. Hopefully.
Spike sighed, swinging his legs out over the side of the bed. What time was it in Sunnydale anyway? Were they even up? “Should be around eight there.” Spike slowly pushed his hands against the mattress, his body propelled into a standing position. The pads of his feet softly planted against the floor, not wanting to wake Giles. Not like he could, anyway. The bloke was passed out. Spike would have to check on him in the morning. After all. No Watcher, no admittance.
As Spike moved into the living room, he grabbed the phone, pulling it with him onto the couch as he slumped into the cushions. He examined the black rotary phone for a while, wondering if this was a good idea. He knew that he wasn’t sure about her. But everything in his being said that this was right. She would be the only one that could possibly understand what he was going through. Spike exhaled slowly before picking up the receiver. As he cradled the receiver in the crook of his neck, his finger picked at the holes, turning the numbers out.
Tara had chosen to remain with Willow at the hospital while Xander and Anya headed home. After all, Xander still wasn’t up to snuff, what with his damaged ribs. It was almost an hour until they decided to leave Willow and Tara alone. Buffy had to admit; it was a bit like a catharsis. It was almost like a huge weight was lifted from her shoulders, seeing her friend awake and caring again. But the nagging voice in her head kept on throwing up what ifs. What if Willow was lying? What if she was still addicted to the magic? What if she still hated them all? Buffy shrugged the thoughts away, Dawn walking into the house just ahead of her.
Dawn could see that her sister was emotionally drained. First Spike, now Willow. The life of a Slayer wasn’t an easy one, that’s for sure. But, with a little sister around, the trouble could be passed on. After all, two heads were better than one. “Hey, Buffy. You okay?” Buffy looked at her sister as she hung up her coat.
“Yeah, I’m fine, Dawnie. Why?”
“It’s just…you know. With Willow.” She paused, thinking of the best way to phrase her thoughts. “I know I’d be overwhelmed.” Buffy softly laughed, moving over to her sister and grabbing her in a gentle hug.
“Everything’s going to be okay. You wait and see.” Buffy pulled back slightly, her eyes locking with Dawn’s. “How are you doing?” Dawn seemed confused by the concern in Buffy’s voice. “She was kinda responsible for what happened to you that night.” Dawn spoke, a hint of sorrow in her voice.
“Yeah, kinda. But it was the magic. We can’t blame her for that.” Dawn sighed, memories of that cold night flooding her thoughts. “Anyway, Spike’s the one that paid for it.” Dawn looked back at her sister, seeing the pain evident on her face. Buffy suffered the most when Spike died. It was evident by the number of times Dawn heard her break down into tears when she went to bed during the summer. Dawn wanted to comfort her sister, but knew better. She couldn’t possibly understand what Buffy was going through.
When Buffy had finally come to the realization of her feelings about Spike, he was taken from her. Before she had the chance to tell him. And now that he was back, she was still in the same predicament. Because he didn’t remember the past. He didn’t remember their time together. Their history. Only the twisted version that Doc had supplied him. That’s why Spike was in London now. And that’s why Buffy was hopeful. If things worked out the way she thought they would, there was a chance. A chance to tell him. A chance to get back their lost time.
“Yeah, he did. But he’s back now.” Dawn smiled at her sister as she continued speaking. “Things will get better.” Dawn nodded as Buffy smiled, gently squeezing her sister’s hand. “I’m gonna get ready for bed. Don’t stay up too late, okay?”
“Okay, Buffy.” As Buffy moved up the stairs toward the bathroom, the phone rang. Dawn moved to the table, grabbing the receiver from the cradle. “Hello?” When Dawn heard the voice on the other end, Dawn waved frantically at Buffy, a smile spreading across her face. As Buffy descended the stairs, her eyes still on her sister, Dawn spoke. “I’m doing okay, Spike. How are you?” Buffy smiled upon hearing Dawn’s words.
“I’m doing okay, sweet bit. You sound good.” She did, at that. It was almost like she enjoyed talking to him. He had to admit, it felt good talking to Dawn again. Almost like she was his own sister. “So, how’s school going?”
“It’s okay. I could really use your help though. We’re reading Lord of the Flies right now and I’m having trouble with some parts. What’s up with that pig’s head?” Spike chortled before stifling the laughter.
“Well, some say that became the lads’ god on that island.”
“And the others?” Spike smirked into the receiver.
“They just think those boys are off their bleeding rocker.” Dawn’s laughter made him smile.
“Well, I think I’m gonna go with the latter. So, how’s living with Giles?”
“Honestly?”
“Honesty’s good.”
“He’s a bit stiff around the edges, but he’s a pretty amenable person once you get to know the bloke.”
“That’s good to hear. Cause Buffy thought you two would be boozing it up and acting like teenagers.” That’s when he heard the voice. Her voice. She was there with Dawn, probably shocked at her sister for even confiding that bit of information to him. He couldn’t help but smile. He tried to sound casual as he spoke.
“Is she there, niblet?”
“Yeah, you wanna talk to her?” Of course he did. She was the reason he called in the first place.
“Yeah, if she’s able to come to the phone.” He could hear Dawn and Buffy’s voices off in the distance. Apparently, the receiver was no longer near Dawn’s mouth. The two women were probably having a little scuffle right now. Sisters did that, and rightfully so. “Okay, she’s here. Talk to you soon?” He answered truthfully.
“You know it, bit.” After a moment of silence, there was a slight sound of breathing on the other end of the receiver. Then the voice.
“Hello, Spike.”
“Hello, Buffy.”
A moment of silence surrounded the two locations on the planet before Buffy spoke. “So, what are you doing up so late? Isn’t it almost morning there?” Spike smiled at the sound of her voice. She sounded concerned.
“Yeah. It’s a little after four here.” Buffy could hear the weariness in his voice.
“What’s wrong? Can’t sleep?”
“Something like that, yeah.”
“Well, any chance you can grab a Squishie over there?” Spike smiled at the memory. It was one of his better memories of her. Not that it was really that hard to beat since his head was still filled with memories from the Eye of Veritas. With memories of a very different Buffy. Spike shook the feeling away, trying to hide his emotion.
“Pet, I’m trying to get to sleep…” Buffy interrupted him.
“So, you thought I’d bore you into a coma? Nice.” Spike chuckled at her remark.
“Oh, come now. If anything, you’re anything but boring.”
“Now you’re just teasing.”
“I’m serious, luv. Any time I’m around you…” Spike trailed off, wondering if those words had really come from his mouth.
“You what?” Spike could hear the hope in Buffy’s voice. The small glimmer that he remembered something. Something about them.
“Well, I’m definitely not bored.” Spike paused, then smiled as he spoke. “More like irritated.” The laughter on the other end made his smile grow.
“So, you remember me annoying you? Well, that’s a two way street buster.”
“What? You have the hairs stand up in the back of your neck when you see yourself too?” Another small chuckle from the both of them.
“When I see you, you idiot.” While the words could have been an insult, the tone in her voice conveyed no such meaning. She was enjoying the moment. “When you get your memories back, you’ll see what I’m talking about.”
“Maybe sooner than you think.” That was an odd comment. Buffy spoke questioningly.
“Hmm?”
“The Council’s finally ready to see me. Later today, actually.” He could hear the sigh of disgust on the other end of the phone.
“Those sons of bitches. You mean, you’ve been waiting for two weeks for those stuffy bureaucrats?”
“That about sums it up. But, I’m guessing it woulda been longer if Giles didn’t put his two cents in.” He could hear Buffy sigh on the other end.
“That’s good to hear.” A slight pause before she continued. “So, how are things working out with you and Giles?” Her voice had a hint of humor as she spoke. “He’s not threatening to stake you, is he? Because if he is…” Spike chuckled before speaking.
“No worries, pet. Everything’s okay between me and the Watcher. Poor bloke can’t hold his liquor though.”
“What?”
“He’s totally pissed.” Buffy frowned at the news. So, Dawn was right. They were getting drunk.
“Tell me you didn’t.”
“Oh, yeah we did. We went out to celebrate the news. Had Indian cuisine, too. Think I’m getting fond on the stuff.”
“Well, I know what to serve when you get back, then.” It was Spike’s turn to frown at her voice. He still wasn’t sure about a future in Sunnydale. Not until his memories were his once again.
“Right. So, how are things coming along for the wedding? The whelp getting cold feet again?” Buffy laughed at the comment.
“No, Xander’s not getting cold feet. And he’s not a whelp.”
“Fine, a git. Happy?” Buffy smiled at the sound of his voice. That’s when it hit her.
“Wait, you remember the first wedding?” Spike looked out into the darkness of the living room, considering Buffy’s words. It was like that bit of knowledge decided to come to the surface as he spoke with her. He grinned.
“Guess I do. Hmm.”
“What?”
“I just think it’s odd remembering that. Not like that was a major memory.” Buffy nodded, knowing that Spike wouldn’t be able to see her.
“Well, at least it’s something, right?”
“Yeah, I guess.” The silence once again overcame them, each wondering where to go with the conversation. It was obvious that the memory issue was a painful one for Spike. Buffy mentally kicked herself in the head as she tried to get back to a more comfortable area of conversation.
“So, the wedding’s next week. Any chance you and Giles will be done with the Council by then?” She could hear the sincerity in his voice.
“Honestly, luv. I don’t know. Took me two weeks to get my foot in the door. I don’t know how long they’ll leave me in the waiting room twiddling my thumbs.” He didn’t expect Buffy to laugh, but she did. “I say something funny, luv?”
“You, twiddling your thumbs. That’s funny.”
“Is it now?”
“Yeah. The old you wouldn’t take any crap from anyone.”
“Yeah?”
“Yep. So, if they do make you wait, just kick the door in and give Quentin a piece of your mind. And maybe your fist too, while you’re at it.” Spike didn’t want to laugh, but the image of him hitting a Watcher was too much to resist.
“Alright, pet. I’ll keep your advice in mind.” Another moment of awkward silence between the two before he continued. “Well, I should go. Don’t want to be running up Rupert’s phone bill.” Buffy didn’t want him to go. She wanted to talk about Willow. But it wasn’t the right time. Not when Spike already had so much on his mind.
“Okay. Good luck today. And, remember. Don’t let them push you around. You’re the one with the power.”
“I’ll remember, pet. Thanks again.” Buffy was somewhat stunned at the compliment.
“For what?”
“For being here.” Buffy smiled at his words.
“Spike?”
“What is it, luv?” She knew she probably shouldn’t tell him, but he sounded like she felt. She decided to risk it.
“I miss you.” The words floated in his head as he tried to comprehend what Buffy had just said. She missed him. Even after all the horrible things he had put her through, she still cared for him. Spike cursed himself for not being able to reciprocate in kind, his memories not allowing him to. But even so, she still cared for him. Now, more than ever, Spike was determined to get the answers from the Council that he needed. No matter what.
“Good night, Buffy.” He could hear her sigh on the other end, a hint of disappointment evident. However, her next words reaffirmed her faith in him.
“Good night, William.” Before Spike could respond to the use of his former name, the phone clicked. Where there was once Buffy’s voice was now the monotonous tone of the open line signal. Spike sighed as he placed the phone back into the cradle, his eyes focusing on nothing in particular. He smirked at the recollection of the name.
“William.” With that, he placed the phone back onto the table before he went back to the bedroom to try and get some rest, knowing he wouldn’t because of the reminder of her voice still in his head.
I miss you.