When There's Nothing Left To Say

By Spike Speigel

“Look, Buffy. I’m all for these nightly patrols, but c’mon. Don’t you think you’re running the girls a little ragged?”

Buffy continued walking in step with Spike, the potentials trying their best to keep up with them. He had a point. She had upped the training regimen ever since Amanda had joined the ranks. When she heard the joy in their voices as they described to Amanda how easy it was to take out the vamp she and Spike had locked them in with, Buffy realized that she had to make the situation more…

More what? Dire? That didn’t sound right. Felt all doom and gloom. Serious maybe? Buffy let out a small sigh as she finally answered Spike’s question.

“It’s for their own good.”

“Is that a fact?” Spike casually looked back at the haggard Slayers in training, his eyebrow cocked as if to say otherwise. “Hate to see what’s bad for them.”

“Drop it, Spike.”

“Hey, guys. Can we slow down a bit? I think I have a pebble in my shoe.”

Buffy called back, never losing a step as she answered Vi’s question. “No, Vi. Do you think a vamp will stop attacking if you call a time out?”

Spike chimed in, realizing that things were getting out of hand. “Jesus, Buffy. They just want a breather.”

“Spike, would you stop contradicting me?!?” She didn’t mean it to come out like that, but it was too late to stop.

“The hell? How am I contradicting you? I’m just saying, the girls need a rest, and you’re trying to rip me a new one.”

Buffy didn’t realize that they had stopped walking until she pointed her finger into his chest. Hard.

“I’m just trying to prepare them for what’s coming.”

“Not if you don’t kill them first, you mean.”

“How dare you…”

“Oh, look. A lover’s quarrel.” Buffy and Spike turned to the girls, Rona and Kennedy sharing a big grin as the other girls looked on in awe. Rona continued her observation. “Go on. Don’t mind us. Just pretend we’re not here.”

“We’re just friends, Rona.”

Kennedy threw in her two cents. “Oh yeah. And that whole ‘let me look at your sexy wounds’ the other night was just a friend thing too, right?”

Buffy quickly answered, not realizing what she was saying until it was too late. “I could never love a vampire, Kennedy. We’re mortal enemies. I’m the Slayer and he’s just a…” Buffy quickly closed her mouth, realizing the royal faux pas she just made. She looked over to Spike, seeing only anger in his eyes.

“Just a what, Buffy?”

“Spike…”

“Just an animal, right? That’s what you were going to say. Just a bloody animal.” The anger was definitely there as well as the sorrow.

“I didn’t mean…”

Spike cut her off as he walked toward the girls. “I’m done for tonight. You girls have fun. Try not to kill ‘em all, pet!”

“Spike!” No use. He had already disappeared in the sea of tombstones. Buffy shook her head out of frustration as her eyes eventually fell to the ground.

“Pet?”

Buffy looked up toward Molly. “What?”

“He called you pet. Is that like, a friendly name?”

Buffy sighed as she sat upon one of the numerous headstones surrounding her. “Vi, didn’t you have to get a pebble out of your shoe?”

Vi looked at her cheerfully as she spoke. “Sorry. Wasn’t a pebble. I guess I just imagined it.”

Buffy slowly rolled her eyes, wondering if the night could possibly get any worse.

The five girls ran past Buffy as they made their way to the living room that doubled for their bedroom. Willow called out to them as they moved quickly through the kitchen. “Hey, don’t you guys want dinner?”

Amanda answered Willow’s query, the other girls ignoring her, wanting nothing more than to lie on their makeshift beds and fall quickly to sleep. “We’re all kinda tired. We’ll eat it in the morning, okay?”

Amanda followed quickly behind Vi while Willow spoke to no one in particular, her audience already out of earshot. “But, that’s when you eat breakfast.” Willow reluctantly placed the cover over the saucepan as she turned off the oven range. She looked over to Buffy as she walked over to her. “So, tough night?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Hmm, okay. Hungry? I’ve got enough here to feed a small army. Literally.”

Buffy smiled slightly as she looked over the meal that Willow had prepared for the girls. “Sorry that you went to all the trouble. We’ll just put it in the fridge for tomorrow night.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Willow moved to the kitchen cabinet, fishing out a roll of aluminum foil and a pair of freezer bags.

“So, did Spike show up?”

“Spike? No, don’t think so.” Willow turned around, beginning to cover the casserole with a sheet of foil as she continued talking. “Wasn’t he with you and the girls?”

Buffy sighed, trying not to think of the unpleasant feelings that were stirring in her. “He was. I think I hurt his feelings.”

Willow looked at Buffy intently, the realization of her words beginning to register. “Did he say something to you?”

“No, nothing like that. You know that it’s over between us.”

“Do I?”

“Don’t you start with me too, Will. I already had to put up with Rona and Kennedy.”

Willow tucked the corners of the foil against the corners of the ceramic pan, making her way to the fridge as she spoke. “Buffy. I see the way you look at him. Everyone sees the way you look at him. Even Andrew sees it and he’s an idiot.”

“I am not an idiot!”

Buffy and Willow spoke in unison. “Shut up, Andrew!”

Andrew turned back to the television, realizing that Dawn was gaining the upper hand and totally kicking the tar out of his super Saiyan. “You guys are so mean to me. Hey, that’s cheating. I thought we said no flying!”

Buffy turned her attention back to Willow, wondering in the back of her mind if Dawn was spending a little too much time with Andrew. “Everyone?”

“Pretty much.”

Buffy sighed as she rested her chin in the cups of her hands, her elbows now planted on the island. “I don’t know what I’m feeling for him. It’s just, I don’t see him as just a vampire anymore.”

“Then what do you see him as?”

“I dunno. I wish I did, though. At least that way I’d finally be able to put him behind me.”

“Well, there’s only one way you’ll be able to do that.”

Buffy realized what was coming next. “Please, don’t say it, Will.”

Willow shook her head slightly, knowing that Buffy had to hear the truth. “You have to talk to him. Figure out what you’re feeling.” She began to place the pork chops into the freezer bags, one by one. “It’s the only way you’ll be able to move on.”

Buffy frowned slightly, comprehending the fact that Willow, albeit bluntly, was obviously right. “What’s the name of that bar he hangs out at again?”

He couldn’t take his eyes off the reddish black substance sitting in his glass, the smell wonderful to his olfactory. However, he wasn’t thirsty. His mind made sure of that as it kept on replaying the previous events.

“Why do I let her get to me like this?”

“What’s that?” Spike looked up, his eyes falling upon the bartender. “Been nursing that drink for a while now. Something you need to get off your chest?”

“You really wanna hear this?”

“Ehh. It’s breaks up the monotony that is my life.” Spike grinned at the bartender. “So, what ails you, bub? Woman troubles?”

“How’d you know?”

“Because it’s always woman troubles in here.”

Spike smiled slightly, the glass gently turning in his hands. “There’s this girl. She’s perfect in every sense of the word. But she’s also this annoying little thing that you just want to shake some sense into.”

“That’s pretty much every woman you fall in love with, bub.” Spike nodded slightly in agreement, feeling glad that he was finally getting this weight off his chest. “So, what happened?”

“She ended it. The relationship. If it was that in the first place. But, the hard thing is, we still spend a lot of time together. A lot of time. And…” Spike sighed deeply, the pain beginning to swell in his chest. “…it’s hard. Hard being around her, still feeling the way I do about her.”

“So, what? She doesn’t feel the same way about you anymore?”

Spike chuckled bitterly as he spoke. “She never felt for me what I felt for her. Just used me to get her rocks off.”

“And this is your perfect woman? Thought my wife was cold.”

“No. That’s not right. Deep down, I knew she was just using me. But, I thought that, maybe, it could be something more, yeah? Something that could eventually be something.” Spike sighed, finally taking a gulp of the bitter liquid. “I’m not making any sense, am I?”

“Dunno, bub. Let me see if I got this straight so far.” The bartender casually wiped a mug with a towel as he spoke. “You love her but she just used you for downtime between the sheets. You knew she was using you, but you thought that maybe, if you kept it up long enough, she’d eventually fall in love with you if you could make her see your side of things. How’m I doin’?”

Spike nodded slightly, taking another sip before pounding the glass down on the bar. “Hit it right on the bloody nose.” The glass returned between Spike’s fingers, twirling about, as he spoke. “So, how do I put her out of my mind? How do I make these feelings stop?”

“Why’d you want them to stop?”

“Because there’s no chance of us ever getting back to where we were.”

“And this is bad, why?”

Spike looked up at the bartender, his unique hairstyle beginning to resemble an awkward upside down triangle. “What are you getting at?”

“You said the relationship was unhealthy, right?” Spike nodded. “So, maybe you should go at this from another direction. If she’s worth it, you should try everything to get her back, right?”

“It’s more complicated than that. We’re…” Spike tried to find the right words. “We’re different, me and her. It’d never work.”

“You’ll never know unless you try, bub.” The bartender took the glass from between Spike’s fingers, pouring the contents into the sink beneath him. “Last call.”

“What? But it’s not even eleven yet?”

The bartender smiled at Spike. “Let me rephrase. Last call for you.”

“And why’s that?”

“If that blonde standing in the doorway’s any indication, I’d say you’re better off without any more alcohol for the rest of the night.”

Spike turned around slightly in his barstool, his eyes making their way to the entrance of the bar. And, lo and behold, there she stood. “Buffy.” He turned back around to the bartender, curiosity lacing his voice. “How’d you know…?”

“She seems like your type.” Spike nodded, his hand moving into his jacket pocket to pay for his drink. “Don’t worry about it. The story was payment enough.”

Spike nodded as he moved away from the bar. He paused for a moment, looking back at the bartender. “Never got your name.”

The bartender grinned as he spoke. “People call me Logan.”

Spike returned the grin before making his way toward Buffy.

Buffy gazed over the sea of people, wondering why on Earth she was even here. Okay, she was there for Spike. But, what was she going to say once she saw him? ‘Hi there. Come here often?’ Buffy groaned in frustration. That’s when she heard the voice.

“Buffy?”

“Spike.” Excuse, excuse. Time for an excuse. “What are you doing here?” Oh yeah, that was smooth, all right.

“Um, I was about to ask you the same thing.”

“What?” What had just been a twangy guitar rift in the background turned into a full-fledged rock choir, accompanied with the requisite high pitched shriek that denoted singing. “I can’t hear…”

Spike got the hint, motioning over to the entrance. Buffy followed suit, moving to the entrance that now played the part of exit. She stepped into the night air, the smell of cigarettes and alcohol still lingering on her. She would have hated the smell, but it reminded her of another time. With him.

She turned around, blocking the memory from her mind, as Spike stood in front of her, his arms crossed and his brow furrowed. He gave her a once over, curiosity on his face as he spoke. “How’d you find me?”

“Hello. Slayer. I could find you in a…” She hated looking into his eyes when she spoke to him. Because she always lost her train of thought. “…wet…paper…bag?”

“You okay, Buffy?” Spike’s hand gently moved across Buffy’s brow, checking for a fever. At first, Buffy welcomed the touch, but then that other part of her screamed out. This wasn’t right.

She pulled away from Spike’s touch, leaving him more confused than ever. “We…we need to talk, Spike. About earlier.”

“Nothing to talk about.”

Okay. She wasn’t expecting that. Instead, she was expecting another go with a mightily pissed off Spike. “Look, we said things that we didn’t mean to say and…”

“I meant what I said.”

“What?”

Spike’s hand found its way back to his chest, folded against his other arm. “You’re pushing them too hard, Buffy. They’re not you. They can’t endure what you can.”

He was still thinking about the potentials? “No, that’s not what I wanted to talk about.”

“Then what? Everything else tonight was pretty much cut and dry.” The anger was beginning to seep back into his voice. “All vampires are animals. So sayeth the Slayer.”

“You know I didn’t mean that.”

Spike sighed, turning his gaze away from Buffy as he spoke. “It’s getting harder and harder to figure out what you do mean these days.”

“What do you…?” She never finished her question. Mainly because Spike’s cold, blue eyes came into her view once again, all semblance of thought leaving her once again.

“What is this? This thing between us?”

“Thing?” Buffy’s voice began to tremble as the awkwardness of the situation began to weigh her down. “We don’t have a thing.”

“Bollocks! Then why’d you save me?”

“Because I need your strength to protect the girls…” Even to her ears, the words sounded hollow.

“And what was that in the cemetery? You playing doctor to my patient?”

“I…I was worried about you.”

“Why?”

“Because…because I need you healthy so you can protect…”

Spike finished her sentence, the acerbic tone evident in his words. “Protect the girls. I’m not buying it. You’ve got the witch. You’ve got the muscle. I don’t really fit the equation, now do I?” He walked closer to her, the distance between them becoming scarce. “So, honestly. Why do you still need me?” She began to turn her gaze away from him, but his hand caught her chin, forcing her gaze back to his. “Tell me the truth, and I’ll drop this. Just…just tell me why you need me.”

“I told you. I need your strength.” She had to be strong. She had to fight her urges. She had to lie to him. “That’s it. Honest.”

Spike’s hand fell from her chin quickly, as though it hurt him just to touch her. “Whatever you’ve got to tell yourself. But I saw the way you looked at me in the cave. There’s something still there. A part of you that cares about me.”

“You’re right. I do care about you.” Spike couldn’t believe his ears, the smile beginning to grow across his face. “But that’s all it is. It can’t be anything more. It’ll never be anything more.”

“Just like that?”

Buffy mustered all her will as she tried to keep her voice steady. “Just like that.” Spike nodded, a look of sadness on his face, as he began to turn away from her. She didn’t want to hurt him, but if that meant putting this all behind her, then so be it. “Spike, I know that’s not the answer you wanted, but…”

“Look me in the eye and tell me there’s nothing more than friendship between us.”

“Spike…”

Spike’s hand fell gently on the side of her face, cupping her cheek as he turned her gaze once again to his. “Tell me.”

Buffy tried to look away, but his hand prevented her from doing so. She tried for the words once again, but they wouldn’t come. Not with his thumb gently grazing against her cheek. Buffy moved her hand up to his, tenderly holding his hand against her face, beginning to lose herself in his gaze.

“Spike…”

“Please, Buffy. Just tell me and I’ll leave you be.” Their eyes locked, the moment frozen in time for the both of them. “Please.”

Her bottom lip began to quiver as she searched for the words. This felt so right, his touch. His gaze. His love. It all felt so right. Buffy opened her mouth slightly, unsure of what was about to come out. However, she never got a chance to hear her words, the loud crash down the alleyway pulling both of them from the moment.

Their gaze moved down the alleyway, both seeing the trouble that was heading their way. Spike pulled his hand away from Buffy, Buffy thankful for the distraction from her emotions that were beginning to get out of hand.

“How many you reckon?”

Buffy’s eyes swept across the scene as she took a quick estimate. “Thirty at least.” The thirty or so in question being the First’s Harbingers, or, as they had nicknamed them, Bringers.

“What’s the plan, pet?”

Buffy weighed her options, looking around her surroundings as the Bringers began to close the distance between them. The alleyway was too narrow. Not enough room to operate in. And the only way out of the alleyway was through the horde threatening to tear them limb from limb. Her eyes remained on the advancing group while she answered Spike’s question.

“We run.”

“Run where? If you haven’t noticed, Buffy, the only way out of this alleyway is…”

Buffy finished the thought. “Through them.”

The understanding of her words finally came through loud and clear. “Oh.”

“That’s right. They all say ‘oh’.” Spike looked over at her, not getting the joke. “Simpsons reference.” Spike nodded, somewhat amused that Buffy could still come up with the witticisms, even now.

“In that case, ladies first.”

Buffy gently chuckled as she readied herself, Spike’s posture moving to a more defensive stance. “On three?”

They looked at each other, each knowing what the other was thinking. Their gaze fell back to the Bringers, their count synchronous.

“One.”

“Two.”

“Three!”

Spike didn’t know exactly when it was when he lost track of Buffy. At first, they were back to back, each making sure that the other was okay. Then, she was gone. Spike began to look around the battlefield, realizing that they hadn’t gotten that far from their starting point. But, there was no other choice. It was either fight through them and live or fight against them and most likely die right there on the spot.

“Buffy!”

Spike quickly ducked the knife that was swung across his jugular, taking it from the Bringer and deftly plunging it into said Bringer’s chest. He was beginning to lose ground since his back was no longer protected. He had no choice but to make his way back to the bar, knowing that was his best chance to stave off certain death.

“Buffy!”

Still nothing. Could she be…? No, he couldn’t think like that. Buffy was tough. But, where the hell was she, then?

“Spike!”

A quick roundhouse made fast work of three Bringers that verged on the periphery of Spike’s person. His eyes darted to the sound of Buffy’s voice, seeing her in the middle of a group of Bringers, almost like a lily pad in the middle of a pond.

“I’m coming, luv!”

“No! Too much work! Make your way to the other side…!” She threw an uppercut, sending one of the First’s minions into a wall of his buddies. “We’ve got to get out of this alley!”

“Agreed!” He almost didn’t see the Bringer coming up behind him in time, barely avoiding a dagger being planted into the small of his back. Spinning around, Spike crashed his head firmly against the Bringer’s, knocking him onto his back. However, he couldn’t move quickly enough to avoid the other Harbinger, its knife plunging into his side.

Spike’s howl echoed through the alleyway, Buffy’s attention momentarily drawn from her assailants and toward Spike. She can see the handle jutting out of his side as Spike broke the neck of the Bringer that stabbed him. “Spike!”

“Keep going! We’re almost there!” His hand pulled the blade out of his side, the blade glistening in the moonlight - well, the parts that weren’t covered in his blood. Spike’s head dropped down as he charged headfirst into a group that blocked the path between him and Buffy. It was almost cartoonish, running headfirst, but damn if it didn’t work like a charm. He winced as he spoke, throwing the remaining Bringers from his path. “We’ve got to get out of here, Buffy!”

“Spike?!? Where’d you come from?”

“Not…not gonna let you have all the fun over here.”

They fell back into position, Spike against Buffy’s back, she against his. “Nice of you to join the party.”

“Join? Hell, the real party was back there.”

Buffy smiled slightly as she kicked an assailant away from her, her elbow following up by landing against another’s Adam’s apple. “How’s that cut?”

“Don’t worry ‘bout me. Just worry about getting the hell out of here.”

Buffy could see that the herd was beginning to thin, but it’d be a matter of moments before the Bringers that were just knocked out instead of being eliminated regained consciousness and resumed the fight. She instinctively grabbed Spike’s hand as she began to run through the least congregated patch in the huddled mass of eyeless fiends.

Spike didn’t ask questions, instead followed Buffy’s lead. He could see what she had in mind as he began to run next to her, their strides almost in unison. Both threw roundhouses, clearing the way of the few Bringers still in front of them. Buffy expected them to dodge the evident attack; but instead, they all took the brunt of the blows, ultimately falling to the pavement.

“C’mon. Let’s get the hell out of here!”

Buffy couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right, but she pushed it to the back of her mind as she stayed with Spike as they ran toward the outlet of the alleyway. Buffy chanced a look back, seeing that the group of Bringers were still in pursuit, but not running nearly as hard as she’d seen them before.

“Something’s wrong, Spike.”

“You’re telling me. Those pillocks couldn’t handle the likes of us.”

“No. That was too easy. It’s almost like they wanted us to get away.”

“Hello. I’m bleeding here and you’re saying it was too easy?” Buffy shook her head, the uneasiness of the situation beginning to come back. “I’m sure it’s just your imagination, pet. After all, we got past them. What could possibly go wrong…” Upon exiting the alleyway, Buffy finally realized why the Bringers had eased up on their pursuit. So did Spike as they both stood in awe at the three Turok-Hans standing in the middle of the street, their maws drenched in blood. “…Now?”

Buffy turned to Spike, he to her. They had jumped from the proverbial pit and into the fire.

“They kept us occupied until the main event got here.”

“You can say that, luv. So, what’s the plan?”

Buffy looked out at the Turok-Hans, doubt beginning to overcome her. “I…I don’t know.” Her eyes swept over the area, looking for some advantage that they could exploit. However, she couldn’t find anything.

“Buffy. By their feet.” Her eyes fell to the spot Spike indicated, seeing the manhole cover in the middle of the street. “Looks big enough for us. Small enough for them.”

“It’s no good. We’d never be able to get it open in time to avoid their attack.”

Spike looked over at Buffy, realizing what he had to do. “Time enough for you, though.” With that, he charged toward the group of Turok-Hans, Buffy screaming out after him, her heart dropping into her stomach as she saw the onslaught they began to inflict on Spike.

Buffy looked on as the Turok-Hans began to toss Spike around as though he were a rag doll. Spike tried his best to fight back, but since he was already mending wounds inflicted by one of those monsters, Spike could hardly put up a fight. Buffy fumbled at the edge of the manhole cover, her frustration getting the better of her. Finally, she found her grip as she yanked the manhole cover from the opening, the disc gripped firmly in her hand.

She walked defiantly toward the group of ravenous Turok-Hans, anger beginning to boil to the surface. She got close enough and waited until the moment was right.

“Hey, ugly!”

The Turok-Hans turned toward Buffy, dropping Spike onto the street. Buffy could see his face covered in blood, the pain evident based on his expression.

“Chew on this!” With that, Buffy threw the manhole cover toward the group of Turok-Hans. Her throw was true as it decapitated the one nearest to her, the cover ricocheting against the other two’s heads. As they hurtled through the air, Buffy ran toward Spike, quickly gathering him up in her arms. “Come on. We’ve got to get out of here.”

“Leave…leave me. Only slow…you down.”

“I lost you once. I’m not losing you again.” She didn’t realize what she had said until it had left her lips. However, it didn’t seem as though Spike had heard her, as he remained slouched against her, his head hanging limp on his neck.

Buffy could hear the gurgled growls behind her, meaning the two remaining Turok-Hans were regaining consciousness. She began to walk faster, literally dragging Spike toward the manhole. Upon reaching the opening, Buffy looked at Spike, a look of sadness on her face. “Sorry about this.”

With that, she dropped him into the hole. She quickly turned back to see the Turok-Hans back on their feet. Without a second thought, Buffy jumped into the manhole, falling into the murky depths of the Sunnydale Sewer System.

Buffy landed soundly on top of something soft. Soft and wet. Buffy looked down to see that what she had landed on had ultimately been Spike. A battered and bloodied Spike.

“Oh, God. Spike?”

No response. Buffy gently turned him over on his back, the sight making her wince in pain. His left eye was completely bloodied, the gash over it bleeding profusely. His nose was broken and by the feel of him in her lap, a few ribs were out of place as well. Again.

“Spike. Can you hear me? Spike?”

He stirred in her lap, his good eye opening slightly. “Did I…did I stop ‘em?”

Buffy chuckled softly as her hand ran through his drenched hair. “You’re an idiot, you know that? What were you thinking, taking on those things by yourself?”

“Only way…for you to live.”

“Idiot. You love this, don’t you? Making me worry like this.” Spike winced as he tried to get up. “Don’t. They broke your ribs. Again.”

“Bloody worthless demon…I’ve got. Can’t even heal proper.”

Buffy didn’t realize it, but her hand was now encircling his as her other continued to stroke his hair. “Hate to tell you this, but your demon doesn’t have anything to do with this. You getting your ass kicked has something to do with this.”

Spike chuckled through the pain as he spoke. “Nice. So, what now fearless leader?”

Buffy looked around her surroundings surveying the area. Her eyes fell upon a doorway in the adjacent wall. A storage room perhaps?

“Can you walk?” Spike nodded as he began to push lift himself up from Buffy’s lap. Buffy helped him to his feet, his arm wrapped about her shoulders as she led him toward the room. She tried the knob. It was unlocked. Buffy pushed the door open and led Spike into the vacant room save for a couple of traffic cones in the corner and a metal table in the center.

Buffy made her way toward the metal table, gently laying Spike along the surface. Spike looked up at her, a slight grin on his face. “Don’t suppose…you brought any blankets?”

Of course he was cold. He was still losing blood. And a cold-blooded being without blood would just be cold in the end. Buffy tore off her sleeve, fashioning a makeshift bandage. She placed the fabric against Spike’s side, her hand holding it still until the amalgamation of blood and fabric adhered the cloth to his wound.

She wiped the blood from his face with her other sleeve, the wound above his eye beginning to clot. However, the internal bleeding would only be cured by blood, the only remedy for a vampire.

Buffy got up on the table and pulled Spike once again into her lap, hoping that her body heat would be enough to keep him warm for now.

“What…what are you doin’?”

She whispered gently as he lay in her lap. “Trying to keep you warm, silly.”

“Know a better way how you can get me warm.”

Buffy looked down at Spike, the grin on his face unmistakable. “You know, for an injured man, you sure are feisty.”

“What can I say? You do strange things to me.” The silence came, Buffy gently stroking her fingers through Spike’s hair. As she began to lose herself in the feeling, Spike broke the silence. “You’ve gotta go.”

“What?”

“You’ve got to get out of here. Before those things figure out a way to get down here.”

“Not an option. I’m not going to leave you here by yourself.” Spike tried to sit up, but Buffy held him close to her. “Stop fidgeting. You’re bound to puncture a lung.”

“Don’t need ‘em.”

“Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt if you puncture them though.”

“Buffy, please. Just leave me and get out of here.”

“I told you I’m not going to leave you.”

“You are so damn stubborn. You can’t do anything for me. Not like this.”

Buffy gently stroked his temple with the tips of her fingers, trying to think of an alternative. “Can you make it home? If we were to walk through the tunnels, do you think you’d be able to make it?”

“No go. I’d bleed out before we got halfway there. I’m already getting kinda empty what with the new air holes those bastards put in me.” Buffy looked at him questioningly, wondering what he was talking about. “My back.” Her hand cautiously slid under Spike’s frame until she felt the moistness on her skin. Upon pulling her hand back to the surface, the sight was unmistakable. Blood. Lots of it.

“Spike…”

“Got their claws in me good.”

“I’ve got to stop the bleeding. I’ve got to…”

Spike cut her off, knowing that the situation was pretty much predetermined. “Buffy, you’ve got to go. No way I’ll patch up in time before those things get down here. There’s nothing…you can do for me now.”

Buffy could feel the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks, choking them back as she realized that there was only one way they’d both be able to get out of the sewers alive. “You’re too big for me to carry, but you could carry me out.”

Spike chuckled softly, coughs invading his laughter. “Not really in the best shape to even carry myself out of here.”

“Not yet.”

His eyes slowly met hers, a quizzical look on his face. That was, until she moved her wrist in front of his lips. “Buffy?”

“I’ll lose consciousness, but you’ll be strong enough to get us both out of here. It’s the only choice.” Her words were gentle as her eyes remained fixed with his.

“What are you saying? You want me to...”

“Spike, you know this is the best chance for the both of us. Please.”

The comprehension of her words finally sunk in as Spike began to see the enormity of what Buffy was offering him. “No. I’ve hurt you enough. I’m not gonna feed off you too.”

“Dammit, Spike! We’re running out of time.” There went the floodgates. “You think you’re doing the noble thing by telling me to leave you behind? You think you’re doing this for my best interest? You’re wrong. How could you possibly think I’d be capable of leaving you here?”

“You’ve got to get back to the girls. To Dawn. To your friends.” He could see the tears spilling down her face, the look of anguish evident. “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. They need you, Buffy. You’ve got to…” He never got the chance to finish his thought.

“I need you.”

Delirium must be setting in right about now. “What?”

“I need you, Spike. I didn’t want to admit it to myself. I didn’t want to believe these feelings. But when I saw you strung up in the cave, I knew. I knew. I knew what I was feeling. Ever since the church. I finally knew what this feeling was. I…”

She felt his finger on her lip, ceasing her declaration. Buffy blinked the tears from her eyes, their gaze locked once again. “Just…just let me know when it starts to hurt.”

Buffy nodded as she wiped the remaining tears from her eyes. “Okay.”

His lips were cold, yet tender, as they came in contact with her warm skin. Then came the prick against her wrist. Almost like a needle. She could feel the blood leaving her body, his tongue gently lapping against her pulsing vein, the touch on her skin sending shivers down her spine. Her fist began to relax as she began to lose herself in the moment, her eyes still on his. She could see the fire beginning to blaze in his blue pools, the life flowing out of her giving him the strength he so desperately needed.

Before she realized it, his lips were no longer on her. She hazily looked at Spike as he sat up from the table, Buffy immediately falling into his arms as he rose.

“You okay, luv?”

“Little…little lightheaded.”

Spike lifted her into his arms as he stood up. Her arms fell about his neck, her head resting against the crook of his neck. “Come on. Let’s go home.”

Buffy looked up at Spike, a small smile on her face. That was the last thing she remembered before losing consciousness.

The first thing she saw upon opening her eyes was Willow sitting next to her bedside. Asleep.

“Will?”

Willow stirred from her slumber, greeting her friend with a languid smile. “Hey, you. Thought you’d sleep the rest of the night.”

Buffy sat up from her pillows, her hand testing the bandage about her wrist. “What time is it?”

Willow glanced at her watch before answering. “A little past four.” She moved closer to the bed, a look of concern on her face now. “Spike said you let him drink from you.”

“I did.”

“Figured so. Xander was about to level him out, but me and Dawn cooled him off.”

“Is he okay?”

“Xander?”

Buffy smiled timidly as she spoke. “Spike. How are his wounds?”

“He’s doing okay. Dawn bandaged him up with some help from Amanda.”

“That’s good.”

“What happened Buffy? Spike mentioned something about ubervamps.”

Buffy sighed as the memories came flooding back. “The First is back. Tried to take me and Spike out of the equation. We did some damage, though. Got rid of one of those Turok-Hans.”

The surprise in Willow’s voice was unmistakable. “One?”

“Yep. There’re two more of those things out there somewhere.”

“Oh, God.”

“It’s okay, Willow. We know how to kill them now. When the time comes, we’ll be ready.”

“I hope you’re right, Buffy.”

“I know I’m right.”

Willow smiled at her friend as she reached out, gently squeezing her hand. “Then, in that case, I’m going to my comfy floor mat. Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“I will. Night.” Willow nodded as she walked out of the bedroom.

Buffy looked around the room for nothing in particular, her eyes eventually coming back to the bandage about her wrist. She pulled the sheets away from her body, her feet falling to the floor. She walked out of the room and down the stairs quietly, trying her best to prevent the wooden planks from creaking.

She took a quick glance toward the living room as she reached the first floor, seeing that the girls were all fast asleep either on the couch or on the floor. Buffy was about to make her way to the basement when she saw the shadow fall across the wall next to her. She turned around to see that there was someone outside. The someone she was looking for.

“Shouldn’t you be resting up?”

Spike chuckled softly as he looked back over his shoulder, sitting soundly on the porch steps. “Could say the same to you. How you feeling, pet?”

“A little groggy, but none the worse for wear. You?”

He tilted his neck slightly, trying to work the kink out of it. “Sore, but alive. So to speak.”

Buffy nodded as she moved to the steps, sitting next to him in the cool winter night. “I guess we need to talk.”

“’Bout what?”

Was he serious? “About what happened in the sewers.”

Spike looked over to her, his hands laying palm down on the floorboards of the porch. “You did what you had to do to get me to feed. I don’t blame you for that.”

“Did what?”

He sighed softly, his gaze falling back to the street that stretched in front of the house that sat on Revello Drive. “I know you’ll never love me. You know you could never love me. You’ve made that clear on more than one occasion. It’s okay. I’ve gotten used to the fact. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. You still taking up a huge part of me. But this is for the best. I can see that…” He never got the chance to finish, mainly because Buffy’s lips were now on his.

He began to lose himself in the kiss, the feeling so foreign, yet so familiar to him. He inhaled her sweet aroma as her hand gently cupped his cheek, her thumb softly grazing his skin. Before he knew it, he was pulling away from her, the look of confusion on her face undeniable.

“Spike?”

“Don’t start something here unless you’re certain you want to go all the way with this. I don’t think I could handle losing you twice in one lifetime.”

Buffy gently smiled at Spike, her hand gently encircling his. “I know what I want now. I know what I need.” Her gaze never wavered from his as she spoke. “I need you.”

One could have easily seen her declaration as a misstep into a former bad habit, using Spike solely for pleasure. But Spike knew better. Her tone told him everything he needed to know. The smile was a warm one, her hand on his feeling like returning to someplace familiar.

He leaned closer to her, she leaning closer to him. The last thought that went through his mind as he felt her lips on his once again was one word.

Home.

 

~Fin~