Beyond Expectation

By Talula

Part 11: Unintended Secrets

Tara walked into the Magic Box to meet Buffy and found the slayer wasn’t there yet. Anya was helping a customer choose the appropriate conjuring powder while Giles completed ringing up a sale.

“Thank you for shopping the Magic Box,” he said, glancing up when Tara approached. The customer left and Tara sat on the stool by the counter.

“Hi, Mr. Giles,” she said with a smile.

“Tara, hello,” he replied. “You’re meeting Buffy here?”

“Yeah,” she answered. She looked at her watch. “I’m early.”

“Yes, well Buffy will very likely be late,” he commented dryly. Tara nodded her head in agreement.

“Yeah, I’m starting to get used to that.”

Giles smiled and then moved to his desk to start reviewing some invoices. Tara noticed an air of discomfort surrounding him. It appeared he was perpetually uncomfortable around her. It had been that way since she and Buffy had started dating. She tried to shrug it off as she pulled out a book to read, but she saw out of the corner of her eye as he kept glancing over at her.

“Mr. Giles, is something wrong?” she asked, setting her book down on the counter and turning to face him. He looked up and seemed flustered for a moment before he stood and approached her, a serious expression filling his eyes. “Are you uncomfortable that Buffy and I are dating? Because—”

“No, it’s not that,” he said, grinning slightly. “I know the accent is deceiving, but I’m not that uptight. That’s not the issue.”

“But there is an issue?” Tara asked, now concerned. She respected Giles, and she didn’t want to have an issue with him. He glanced toward the shop door and removed his glasses, leaning on the counter beside her.

“I suppose this is as good a time as any to have this discussion.”

“Discussion?” Tara was becoming more and more uneasy by the second.

“I think you’ve noticed by now that Buffy is very much like a daughter to me,” he began. Tara saw where this was going immediately. She simply nodded her head. “I have come to care about her a great deal, and I know her very well. I know from experience that she often follows her heart above all else. It’s part of being the slayer to run on instinct. But it’s also part of being Buffy, vampire slayer or no.”

Tara wasn’t sure if she should interrupt just yet. She hadn’t expected this at all, but it didn’t surprise her. Giles’ protective nature was part of what made him Giles.

“You are a very intelligent young woman, and I know you will think things through before jumping into something,” he said. “So I suppose I’ll just be entirely old-fashioned and ask you what your intentions are.”

“My, um, intentions?”

“Yes,” he said. He replaced his glasses and waited for an answer.

“Well, I-I, um…I’m not sure what you expect me to say,” she said. “I care about Buffy a lot. I w-would never intentionally hurt her.”

“I suppose I’m concerned based on your history with her.”

“If you knew Buffy before, you-you would understand,” she said. “Nobody’s more surprised than me h-how different she is. Our history in Los Angeles doesn’t matter anymore.”

“My point is, Tara, that I’ve seen Buffy in love, and I’ve seen that love hurt her in the worst of ways,” he said seriously. “I don’t wish to see that again. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir,” she answered, becoming more serious as well. “But have you ever been in love?” Giles looked at her with a raised eyebrow, seeming slightly offended. She stumbled as she continued. “Um, I-I just…I mean, you understand that I can’t, you know, know what’s going to happen. I don’t wanna hurt her. But sometimes what people want doesn’t stop the hurt.”

“Understandable,” he agreed. “I just wanted you to be aware of my concern.” He looked up when the bell above the main shop door rang and saw Buffy and Willow enter. He stepped back from the counter. “We’re understood?”

“Yes, sir,” Tara said with a nod as Buffy came up behind her, wrapped her arms around her waist and rested her chin on Tara’s left shoulder.

“‘Yes, sir’?” Buffy asked. “What’s that about?”

“Oh, nothing,” Tara said with a smile. She turned her head and gave Buffy a quick kiss. “Mr. Giles was just running something by me. Magic stuff. You’d be bored.”

“Magic stuff?” Willow asked curiously. Giles nodded his head.

“Yes, just reviewing herb reactions to Styx water,” he commented. “Nothing earth shattering.”

“Unless you mix it with the wrong herbs,” Willow said with a smirk. “‘Cause if you do…boom!”

Her eyes widened and she threw her hands up for emphasis. Giles smiled, exchanged a brief look with Tara and then returned to his invoices. Tara had been thrown off guard by that conversation. Giles’ concern was admirable. He really was like a father to Buffy. Tara tried to imagine what his life might have been like had he not become a watcher. She had a feeling he often tried to imagine the same thing.

“So, you ready for the big night?” Buffy asked.

“Big night?” Willow repeated, not knowing what Buffy would be talking about.

“Dinner with my mom.”

“But Tara’s had dinner with your mom before,” Willow said, confused.

“This is different,” Tara said.

“Just us and my mom. No Dawn or anyone else,” Buffy explained. “It’s ‘the’ dinner.”

“Oh, the ‘meet the parents even though you’ve met the parents’ dinner,” Willow said in understanding. “I did that with Oz’s parents. We ended up ordering pizza and watching Dazed and Confused.”

“Somehow I don’t think we’ll be that casual. Dazed and Confused isn’t in the Joyce Summers repertoire,” Buffy said with a smile, amused by the image of Willow, Oz and Oz’s parents watching that particular movie together. “Mom’s been all supportive, but I think she’s still a little weirded out.”

“It takes getting used to,” Tara said as Buffy stepped to stand beside her. “Your mom’s been great.”

“Yeah, I guess she has, but this is new territory,” Buffy said. “Not just in the obvious way, either. I haven’t done the bring a date home to mom thing since we moved here.”

“Not even Angel?” Tara asked, her curious tone twinged with a hint of apprehension. She saw Buffy and Willow exchanged a surprised look. “I mean, that was pretty serious…your relationship with him.”

“Angel was…different,” Buffy said nervously. “He was kind of a bad boy type. Not a guy to bring home to mom.” She sighed and smiled, needing desperately to change the subject. “So, we should go.”

Tara didn’t understand why Buffy had suddenly become so nervous about Angel, but she decided to ignore it for the time being.

“Yeah, but let me use the restroom first,” she said as she stood. As she walked away, Willow turned to Buffy, wide-eyed.

“Have you told her Angel’s a vampire yet?” she asked. “Because it seems like she doesn’t know.”

“I thought she did. I thought Spike told her. ‘Cause, I mean, I know Spike mentioned him, and the curse. I’ve mentioned the curse, too. I just don’t think anybody has actually said the word vampire,” Buffy said. “It hasn’t come up. She doesn’t like talking about Angel, and I thought that was why. It’s just bad. Very bad. Lots of badness.”

“You’ve gotta tell her.”

“How? I can’t just say, ‘Hey, Tara, I’m a necrophiliac.’ Not a real big turn-on for most people.”

“She’s gonna find out!” Willow exclaimed. But their conversation ended abruptly when Tara returned.

“Okay. All set,” she said. She led Buffy out of the shop. The slayer shot one last look of desperation at Willow, who mouthed the words, ‘Tell her.’ Buffy wanted to, but the question of ‘how’ would not answer itself for her.

---

The two women entered the Summers household to be greeted by the smell of home-cooked lasagna. They hung their coats up and then Buffy called to her mother as she headed for the kitchen, which was where she expected to find her.

“Mom, we’re here,” she called. They stepped into the kitchen, and sure enough, Joyce was there working on putting a salad together.

“Oh, hello, girls,” she said, glancing at the clock. “Right on time.”

“Yeah, Tara’s always early and I’m always late. So between the two of us, we break even,” Buffy joked.

“Well, unfortunately, I’m running late,” Joyce said. “It’ll be a little bit. Dawn’s been a terror this afternoon. She’s not even gone to Melinda’s yet.”

“Want me to light a fire under her?” Buffy asked. Tara noticed the mischievous grin on her girlfriend’s face and couldn’t help but be amused. Buffy was a little too eager to pester her little sister.

“If you could,” Joyce said. “I’ve yelled up those stairs one too many times today.”

“With pleasure,” Buffy said. She smiled at Tara as she backed out of the kitchen. “Be right back.”

Tara sat on one of the stools as Joyce returned to concentrating on the salad.

“Need help with anything?” she offered. Joyce smiled and shook her head.

“No, thank you,” Joyce said with a smile. She started slicing a tomato and beginning a conversation with Tara at the same time. “You know, Tara, I’ll be honest and say that I’m still adjusting to this new…development in Buffy’s life, but I am relieved that she’s found you.”

“Oh?” Tara asked.

“Yes, I mean, she’s probably told you she hasn’t even intentionally introduced me to any of her boyfriends…um, dates…not since we moved from Los Angeles.”

“Yeah, she mentioned that. She said Angel wasn’t the ‘meet the parents’ type,” Tara commented. Joyce laughed and then sighed.

“Angel. Now there’s a man to have a future with,” Joyce said. “I know they loved each other, but sometimes love just can’t overcome some barriers. I mean, what were they going to do when she was 80 and he still looked like a young man? Immortality certainly has some drawbacks.”

“What?” Tara asked. “Immortality?”

“And vampires can’t exactly have children,” Joyce continued. Tara’s eyes widened and she stood from her stool.

“V-vampire?!” she exclaimed. Joyce stopped slicing the tomato and looked up, surprised by Tara’s outburst. She then realized what she had just done, desperately searching her mind for a way to recover.

“Buffy hasn’t told you that yet, has she?”

Just then Buffy entered the kitchen with a triumphant smile.

“Dawn is gone. Hey. That rhymed,” she said. Her smile faded when she saw the stunned expression on Tara’s face.

“Angel’s a vampire?” Tara asked. Buffy’s mouth gaped open and she wanted to respond, but the words wouldn’t form. Then she shot an angry glance at her mother, who could only offer an apologetic smile. “You dated a vampire? You w-were in l-love with a vampire?”

“Uh…I, uh…yeah,” Buffy stumbled. Tara backed away from Buffy and stared at her like she didn’t know her. “It’s not as bad as it sounds.”

“I mean, I-I knew Angel and I had a lot of differences, but I didn’t think, you know, having a pulse was one of them,” Tara said sarcastically. “And I sure was wrong about why you don’t have any pictures of him.”

“Okay, I should’ve told you this a long time ago, but in my defense, I thought Spike mentioned it when he was…” Buffy stopped abruptly before finishing that sentence. Tara scowled at her.

“When he was torturing me?” she asked sharply. Buffy and Joyce both shifted uneasily. “Well, he might have, b-but I couldn’t really take notes. Sorry.”

She turned and walked toward the foyer. Buffy hurried after her and grabbed her by the arm when she pulled her coat off the coat rack.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m n-not really in the mood for dinner anymore,” Tara said as she jerked her arm away.

“You can’t go out alone. It’s after dark,” Buffy said, holding her hand up against the front door to keep Tara from leaving.

“God, Buffy, I’m not just some-some damsel in distress for you to save all the time,” Tara said, roughly throwing her coat back on the coat rack. “I’m your girlfriend.”

Buffy flinched slightly at the word, but she didn’t move her position. Neither of them had actually referred to each other as girlfriends yet, and Buffy didn’t like the fact that the first time was during an argument.

“I’ve shared everything with you. There is nothing important about my life that you don’t know,” Tara said. “But in order to find out something important about you, I have to almost die or find out from-from someone other than you. Ev-everything’s a secret with you. I’m getting tired of it.”

Buffy sighed and looked away from Tara, realizing that she was right. She hadn’t intentionally revealed anything important about herself to Tara. It had all been forced to be revealed by circumstance. She took Tara’s hand and led her into the living room to sit on the sofa.

“You’re right. I haven’t been real forthcoming with the personal history,” she said. “I’ve been treating you like some helpless little kitten that I have to protect. I’m sorry.”

Tara said nothing, simply waiting for Buffy to get back to the topic of Angel. The slayer knew exactly what she was waiting for.

“Angel isn’t a typical vampire. He has a soul,” she explained. Tara was noticeably surprised. Buffy continued. “It’s very Brad Pitt in Interview with the Vampire. But anyway, a long time ago, he killed a woman in a gypsy clan and the gypsies restored his soul so he would be cursed to live with the guilt from all the people he killed as a vampire. That’s the explanation. That’s how I could fall in love with a vampire.”

“I guess that’s a little bit of a relief,” Tara said with a slight grin. It was short-lived as she became serious again. “Why did he leave?”

“Aside from the fact that there’s no way we could have a normal future?” Buffy asked. “It’s pretty ridiculous when you think about it. Nighttime wedding. Adopted children asking why daddy always sleeps during the day. He looks gorgeous as ever when I’m a wrinkled old lady in a nursing home. He outlives me and my children and my grandchildren.”

Tara nodded her head in agreement. Just the thought of Angel and Buffy together seemed absurd. Then another thought crossed her mind.

“Xander,” she said.

“Is not a vampire,” Buffy commented with a smirk. Tara chuckled and shook her head.

“No, he mentioned something…about loss of soul. He-he didn’t mean to say it, but…well, he said it.”

“That’s the curse,” Buffy explained. “If Angel experiences one moment of true happiness, he’ll lose his soul. Unfortunately, we all know from experience.”

“One moment of true happiness,” Tara repeated. “What happened?”

“Look, I promise that I will tell you all the gory details of that really long story,” Buffy said, not entirely ready to rehash those events from her past. “But it is a really long story. One I’m, again, so sorry I haven’t told you about yet.”

Puppy dog eyes stared at Tara and the young witch smiled. There was just something about Buffy that made it impossible to stay mad at her. She forced her smile to go away so she could scowl at Buffy.

“Tonight, after we leave here. All the gory details,” she said seriously. “Deal?”

“Deal,” Buffy agreed, extending her hand. Tara shook her head.

“I don’t make deals on handshakes,” she said demurely. Buffy knew exactly what that meant and leaned forward, kissing her gently at first and then became lost in the kiss. They forgot where they were.

“Ahem.” They broke apart quickly and looked over at Joyce, embarrassed. “Dinner’s ready.”

“Great!” Buffy said as she stood, pulling Tara up with her.

“Looks like you two worked everything out,” Joyce commented as she led them to the dining room.

“Pretty much,” Buffy said. She glanced over at Tara who was smiling in embarrassment. “I’ve just got some storytelling to do.”

---

Dinner was finished and the three women were enjoying a good laugh as Joyce told stories about Buffy’s childhood, much to Buffy’s chagrin.

“So I come back outside and there’s Buffy with her hands covered in mud and Dawn looks like some kind of swamp monster,” Joyce said. “Covered head to toe in mud, courtesy of her big sister.”

“Hey, she didn’t complain,” Buffy said defensively. “People pay lots of money at spas for mud baths.”

“Not quite the same thing,” Joyce said. She stood and began clearing the dishes off the table.

“Does Dawn remember this?” Tara asked as she and Buffy stood to help Joyce.

“Nah. She was too young,” Buffy said. “Of course, there’s plenty of other stuff I’ve done to her since then that she does remember.”

“You tormented her,” Joyce said.

“It’s in the big sister job description,” Buffy said. “I’m just doing my job.”

“If that’s the case, you’re doing it very well,” Joyce commented. She set the dishes in the sink and then turned to take the dishes from Tara. Before she could take them, however, she scowled and grabbed the edge of the kitchen island, as if she was dizzy or in pain.

“Mom?” Buffy asked, immediately concerned. She and Tara both quickly put their dishes in the sink and moved to either side of Joyce.

“Mrs. Summers are you okay?” Tara asked. She could sense the answer to that question already, but she didn’t know specifics.

“That was odd,” Joyce gasped. She held one hand to her head. “I was just…dizzy, and…”

Her sentence trailed off as she started to go limp. Buffy and Tara each grabbed an arm and eased her descent as she collapsed to the floor.

“Mom? Mom!” Buffy called, resting her mother’s head in her lap. She looked from her mother to Tara desperately. Tara responded by jumping to her feet, grabbing the phone and dialing for an ambulance.

Part 12: When Everything’s Made To Be Broken

Dawn rushed into the emergency room waiting area with Giles trailing not far behind her. Tara and Buffy both stood, not releasing each other’s hands at first. Then Buffy stepped forward and hugged Dawn.

“Is mom okay? What happened? Where is she?” Dawn rattled off all in one breath. Buffy stepped back, but kept one arm draped around her sister’s shoulders.

“I don’t know, I don’t know and they’re still examining her,” Buffy said in response to the three questions, clearly frustrated with the waiting.

“And she just collapsed? There was no indication that she was feeling ill?” Giles asked in concern.

“No,” Buffy replied.

“We were just cleaning up after dinner, she-she got dizzy and then she passed out,” Tara explained. “She seemed fine all night.”

“She’s had a bunch of headaches lately,” Dawn commented. Buffy shot a shocked look at her that said ‘Why didn’t I know that?’ The younger girl recognized it and explained. “It’s not like you’re home all the time to know this stuff. You’re at school and all out of the loop. I don’t think mom thought they were serious anyway.”

“Yeah, well looks like they probably were,” Buffy said dryly. “I just wish they would tell us something.”

Tara took Buffy’s hand again and squeezed it, offering her a sympathetic smile. She remembered all too well what it was like waiting for the doctors to explain things. Waiting was the worst part. Not knowing, thinking the worst.

“Well, perhaps, while we’re waiting…would anybody like something to drink? Coffee?” Giles offered, obviously not enjoying the uncomfortable silence or the short few minutes he had been playing the waiting game with them. Dawn shook her head.

“Coffee,” Buffy and Tara said at the same time, with Tara adding a ‘please’ on the end. They smiled at each other and the three sat while Giles left to retrieve what was bound to be horrible caffeinated swill. By the time he had returned, there was still no word from the doctor. It was nearly a half hour before a doctor finally emerged. Buffy and Tara set their barely touched coffees to the side and everyone stood.

“Okay, we’ve run some tests,” the doctor said. “We’re still waiting for some results, but for now we’ll be releasing your mother.”

“She’s gonna be okay?” Dawn asked.

“Nothing’s definite right now, but she’s looking good,” he said. He turned and led them toward the examination room. “She’s back here.”

Joyce looked more embarrassed than anything when the group entered the exam room. She had changed back into her street clothes from the hospital gown and she was just getting her shoes on when Dawn and Buffy flanked her, wrapping their arms around her.

“Well, this was a thrilling evening,” she said sarcastically. She looked to the doctor pleadingly. “Can I leave now?”

“I’ve got a couple forms you’ll need to sign and then you’ll be free to go,” he said. “I’ll be giving you a prescription for your headaches, and we’ll call you when we get the test results back.”

He left and Joyce sighed. Buffy looked to her accusingly.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were having headaches?” she asked, pouting slightly.

“I didn’t want to worry you,” she answered. “Plus, it didn’t seem that serious at the time.”

“Told you,” Dawn commented, not really trying to be smug but coming off that way regardless.

“You all don’t need to wait around like this,” Joyce said. “Rupert, thank you for picking up Dawn and bringing her here, but you should go. And I know you girls have classes tomorrow. You should get back to campus.”

“Forget classes, mom,” Buffy said.

“Your schooling is important, Buffy,” Joyce argued.

“Not more important than you,” Buffy shot back. “Until the doctors figure out what’s going on, I’m taking care of you for a change.”

“It’s probably nothing,” Joyce said. She scowled sternly at Buffy. “And you are not missing any classes.”

“Mom—”

“No arguing with me.”

“Compromise.” They all looked over when Tara spoke up. “After you get out of here, we’ll go back to your place, get you in bed, I’ll make you some tea and once you’re settled, Buffy and I will go back to campus.”

“Yeah, but what about tomorrow?” Buffy asked, not backing down. “Dawn has school.”

“And you have a full day of classes,” Tara said. “I only have one class in late afternoon. I’ll stop by and…hang out with your mom for a while.”

“Thank you, Tara, but that is really unnecessary.”

“Is it?” Tara asked. She gestured to Buffy with a smile. “If you’re alone in that house, you know she’ll skip classes to be with you.”

“She’s right,” Buffy said. Joyce sighed, knowing she had to concede.

“Fine then,” she said, throwing her hands up in defeat. “I agree to Tara’s terms.”

“Then it’s a plan,” Buffy said, shooting a grateful look to Tara. That argument would’ve been a losing battle for Buffy otherwise. She knew that. It was rare that she could truly out-stubborn her mom on something serious. Tara’s compromise worked brilliantly. All they needed was for the doctor to return, and then they would do everything they could to make sure Joyce was well-rested and in perfect shape.

---

Joyce argued the entire time, but they managed to carry out every task Tara had mentioned, right down to the tea and fluffing of the bed pillows before the two young women finally gave in to Joyce’s protests and headed back to campus. They arrived at Tara’s dorm room and paused in the door.

“I should probably go fill Will in on what happened,” Buffy said. “I think mom’s kind of a substitute mom for her. Everybody. Will and Xander’s parents aren’t that great. They’ll wanna know about this.”

“Sure,” Tara agreed.

Buffy didn’t move and Tara could see her reluctance to relay the night’s events to anyone else. She could see the fear and helplessness surrounding Buffy in waves. It was something nobody else saw, only visible to Tara. She reached forward and grabbed Buffy’s arm, gently pulling her into the room and closing the door. There was only a small lamp on, and in the darkness Buffy looked smaller and weaker than Tara had ever seen. She guided her to the bed and they sat together.

“I’ve never been so scared in my life,” she said quietly, staring down at her hand joined with Tara’s. “Mom has never been sick. Never. I don’t even remember her getting morning sickness when she was pregnant with Dawn. She’s like super immune lady. She never caught the flu or colds or anything from us when we caught them from other kids at school. She’s never had surgery done. I’ve only seen her in the hospital twice before now—when she had Dawn and when she was bitten by a vampire the year we moved to Sunnydale. This is just…unreal.”

“I know,” Tara said. “My mom was the same way.”

“Oh god,” Buffy said, terrified at what that statement implied. Tara’s mom had been healthy until she died of cancer. Tara’s eyes widened and she realized what she had said.

“Oh, no. I-I don’t mean…your mom’s gonna be fine. I’m just saying…stuff like this is-is overwhelming. It’s a lot to deal with and-and it’s okay to be scared.”

They sat in silence for a while before Buffy spoke again. She still didn’t look at Tara.

“What kind of cancer was it?”

“What?” Tara asked, caught off guard by the break in the silence.

“Your mom.”

“Oh, um, it-it was liver cancer,” she replied. “She was on the list for a transplant, and they did the chemotherapy. It didn’t work and the waiting list for transplants was so long…there wasn’t enough time.”

“And what did you do? Like how did you react to it?”

“Kind of like you did tonight,” Tara replied with a small smile. “I promised her I would take care of her. When she was at home she was confined to bed, and I made her meals and tea and read books with her and played cards with her. When she went back into the hospital, I was there as much as I could be…a-as much as dad would let me.”

“So were you there when she…?”

Tara nodded her head, remembering the last days she spent with her mother. “Yeah. A w-week before she went back into the hospital, she had a ‘do not resuscitate’ order set up. She told me she was tired of fighting. She went into a coma about a day before she died. At that point, dad left me alone, and I was there the whole time.”

“Was she able to talk to you? Right before the coma?”

“Yeah. The last thing she said to me…” Tara paused and chuckled, having not realized the relevance of what her mother had said to her before she died. It had never occurred to her how well it connected to recent events. “She said, ‘Beware the biters.’”

“Beware the biters?” Buffy repeated. “Was she talking about vampires?”

“I think so. I never realized it until now,” Tara said. Then she explained. “Mom had some psychic abilities. She could read palms and tea leaves and sometimes she could just pull an impression of the future out of being close to a person.”

“You never wondered what that meant? ‘Beware the biters.’”

“She was pretty delirious before that,” Tara explained. “She said a bunch of other weird stuff, too. I just shrugged it off.”

“Well, it’s good then. If you had listened to her, things might have turned out different for us,” Buffy said with a smile. Tara smiled back and leaned over, kissing Buffy in response.

“I’d like to think we would’ve got together without the vampires,” she said.

“Oh sure, you say that now,” Buffy joked. The two of them enjoyed a good laugh, Buffy sighing in relief, the stress of the evening starting to dissipate with each laugh. She stood finally and Tara followed her to the door. “I better go. And you are getting up bright and early for mom duty.”

“Yes, I am. Good thing I’m a morning person,” she said. She placed her hands on Buffy’s hips and pulled her close. “Unlike some people.”

“Yeah, well, late nights at cemeteries kind of make me wanna sleep in a lot,” she replied. She placed one hand on either side of Tara’s face, gave her a long deep kiss and then stepped backward into the hallway. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Tara said. She didn’t release her grip on Buffy’s wrist just yet. When she pulled Buffy back gently, the slayer looked to her, confused. “Hey. Your mom’s gonna be okay.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Buffy said. “You have a habit of being that way.”

“I don’t try to be,” Tara responded. She waved Buffy off. “Tomorrow.”

“Goodnight.”

Tara shut her door and laid back on her bed, hoping she was right about Joyce.

---

After Buffy had relieved her of Joyce duty and her class was over, Tara met Willow in the dorm room she shared with Buffy. Tara knelt in front of Amy’s cage and held her hand out until the witch-turned-rat moved into her cupped hand. Then she stood, stroking Amy’s fur with her forefinger.

“Okay, so I just thought you were quirky with the whole pet rat thing,” she commented. “But this is Amy?”

“Yep,” Willow said. “I’m sure she’d gladly change herself back if she could, you know, talk.”

“You’ve been trying to change her back for three years?” Tara asked.

“Pretty much. No success as of yet, obviously. I was hoping you could help with that.”

“I would think a simple reversal of the spell she cast would undo it,” Tara responded. She smiled when Amy sat up on her hind legs and appeared to regard Tara with a very human-like scrutiny, as if she were trying to decide if she could trust her.

“Oh, believe me, that’s the first thing I tried,” Willow said. “I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong.”

“You might not be doing anything wrong,” Tara replied. She returned Amy to her cage and the two not-so-rodent witches sat on Willow’s bed. “Could be that you just need more power behind the reversal. If you have all the supplies, we could try it now.”

“Actually, there’s some stuff I’m out of that I was planning on picking up at the Magic Box. You wanna come along?” she asked. Tara nodded her head and the two of them left the dorm room. Willow changed gears as they headed out of the building. “How’s Joyce? You were there earlier, right?”

“Yeah. She’s okay, I guess. She was just taking it easy. Trying to relax till the doctor called,” she replied. Willow nodded her head, satisfied with that answer.

“What about Buffy? She was kinda quiet last night after she told me what happened,” Willow said.

Buffy had been stone-faced. Had Tara gone with her back to tell Willow about Joyce the previous night, she would’ve noticed a considerable change in Buffy’s demeanor during the short walk down the hall. She did notice the change, however, when Buffy arrived after her classes earlier. She seemed very abrupt. Tara had just chalked it up to worry.

“She was okay. I think she was. You know, Buffy. When something serious is going on, she gets all protective and takes charge.”

“Yeah, that’s Buffy. She’s a brave little toaster,” Willow commented. “And what about Dawn?”

“Very Dawn-like. I think she was getting on Buffy’s nerves,” Tara said. “She’s playing the baby of the family card. It’s understandable.”

“Sure. Scary unknown illnesses make you revert,” Willow said. “It’s just weird. None of us ever get really sick. It’s always demons and evil beasties. Not viruses.”

“Buffy was saying the same thing about her mom last night,” Tara said. “I guess with all the demons, you guys tend to forget about real life, huh?”

“Fighting the flu kinda dwarfs in comparison to fighting vampires,” Willow commented. Then her eyes widened. “Oh, but this one time, Buffy got the flu and she ended up in the hospital and having the flu helped her see this demon that only really sick people could see. Apparently the demon sucked the kids’ life energy out through these two weird things that came from his eyes. It sounded really gross. I’m glad I couldn’t see it.”

“Wow,” Tara said quietly. “There’s really no limit to the scary stuff we could run into, is there?”

“Not really. Nasties come in all shapes and sizes,” Willow replied. When she said ‘sizes’ it made her think of their encounter the previous Halloween. Gaknar had definitely been the smallest demon they had ever encountered. “Sunnydale’s just a giant grab bag of evil.”

---

The bell over the shop door jangled as Buffy and Dawn walked in. Buffy strode through the shop with purpose. Her tunnel vision was on and she didn’t even see Tara and Willow to the side of the shop talking about different herbs. Dawn appeared to be angry that she was being dragged along with her older sister. She sat down at the table in a huff, tossing her bag down heavily and letting it slide almost to the other side of the large table.

“Look, would you stop with the pissy stuff already?” Buffy asked, glaring at Dawn. “Mom said she wanted some alone time so we’re giving it to her.”

“I still don’t see why I couldn’t go over to Janice’s house,” Dawn said. “It’s not like I’m four or something. I don’t need Giles to baby-sit me while you patrol. This is totally stupid.”

“Mom wanted you to be here. So you’re going to be here. Right here,” Buffy said, pointing at the spot where Dawn was sitting. “Work on your homework.”

“Work on your homework,” Dawn said, parroting Buffy in a nasal tone.

“Don’t start,” Buffy said. “Is it your mission in life to be this annoying?”

“Well, you’ve got your mission,” Dawn retorted. “I should have mine.”

“Whatever,” Buffy said, shaking her head. She had had enough of Dawn for one day. She sighed and was about to head to the training room when someone grabbed her arm from behind. Without thinking, she grabbed the person by the wrist and just reacted.

Tara cried out as she went flipping over Buffy’s shoulder. The wind rushed out of her lungs as she slammed on her back on the shop floor. Her vision went white for just a moment before she gasped in a ragged breath. When her vision restored she saw Buffy’s shocked face.

“Oh geez, Tara!” she exclaimed, crouching next to Tara to help her up. “I am so sorry. I don’t know why I…I’m so sorry.”

“Are you okay?” Willow asked, wide-eyed. She couldn’t believe Buffy had done that.

“I-I think so,” Tara said as she and Buffy stood. She staggered a little and then found her footing, rubbing her neck. “It’s okay. It was fun. Like a…like a ride.”

“Yeah, the whole ‘I tried to kill you’ ride,” Buffy said, rubbing Tara’s back gently. “I am so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Tara said with a smile. “Just make sure there’s something soft around for me to land on next time you decide to play ‘flip the girlfriend.’”

“Sorry. Again with the sorry,” Buffy said. “I’m just kinda…a little…on edge.”

“I’d say a lot on edge,” Tara observed. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Well, you know, all the stuff…everything,” Buffy said. Tara gently ran her hand up and down Buffy’s arm, offering her a sympathetic smile. Buffy smiled uncomfortably, shrugged her shoulders and stepped away toward the training room. “I’ve gotta patrol.”

“Okay,” Tara said. “Are you gonna be back at the dorm tonight or…?”

“Um, I think…I’m probably going to stay at my mom’s,” Buffy answered. “It’ll be late. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay. See you,” Tara said quietly as Buffy disappeared into the training room. She glanced at Willow and Dawn, wondering if they noticed the stand-offish presence surrounding Buffy. It was obvious that they did, and the sympathetic expression she was getting from Willow proved her suspicion that the stand-offish presence was mostly because of Tara.

---

As nights went in Sunnydale, this was a slow one. Buffy had regular routes that she took, varying the route each night. One route usually took her a couple hours to complete, and then she reversed it and headed home. This night she skipped her reversal tactic and hit another route. So far she hadn’t come across a single demon or vampire.

“As quiet as it is, you’d think it’s Halloween,” Buffy said to herself. “Of course, Halloween in Sunnydale hasn’t been quiet since I moved here. Maybe this year will be different.”

She entered Parkview Cemetery and allowed her mind to wander. The situation with her mother caused her to go through all the loss she had experienced over the past five years. From Jesse to Jenny Calendar to Kendra to Angel; even if Angel was only temporary, it had ended up virtually permanent anyway. All of them were lost to evil. After five years on the Hellmouth, her mother had survived a vampire bite, possession by demon eggs, Spike, zombies and various other evils because Buffy had protected her. Now she was facing a threat that Buffy couldn’t save her from. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to kill something. She needed to protect someone, no matter who it was.

She strode past a row of tombstones and paused when she heard noises. A large crypt, one she knew as the McFadden crypt, stood between her and whatever was making the noise. She carefully approached it, pulling out a stake for what she assumed would be a simple fight with a newly risen vampire or at worst, a vampire nesting in the crypt. To gain the advantage she quickly climbed up a tree to the roof of the crypt.

The noises had, in fact, come from inside the crypt. Through the skylight she could see three large demons. Each one was at least six feet tall, if not taller. They were dressed in black body armor. They had sharp claws on their fingers with extra sets of claws on the back of their hands, three sharp blade-like protrusions, much like Wolverine from the X-Men. Their pale faces were gray, rectangular and smooth. Had it not been for their long, black, braided hair, Buffy would’ve thought they were the inspiration for the statues at Easter Island, which she knew some believed were inspired or built by aliens. As she surveyed the apparent possible strengths and weaknesses of these demons, she also weighed her odds. Three against one weren’t the best odds, but they also weren’t the worst she had ever faced.

“Three,” she muttered to herself. She gazed around the inside of the crypt. There were various objects she could use as weapons. She knew a stake wasn’t going to do her any good. She finally decided how she was going to proceed. “I can do three.”

Glass showered down around her as she dropped into the crypt. As soon as her feet hit the concrete she jumped and did a back flip out of the center, landing near the front door of the crypt. The demons turned just as Buffy grabbed a nearby candle holder. She used it like a quarter staff, sweeping two of the demons off their feet. Just as she was about to go after the third she noticed that her count was a little off. Two more of the demons had been out of sight near the rear of the crypt.

She used the candlestick like a jousting stick and hit the third demon closest to her, pushing it backward over the tomb behind it. As the four others advanced on her she decided this space was too tight for her to fight five demons. She spun completely around, catching two of the demons across the jaw. Then she pushed the crypt door open and moved out into the open air. The demons didn’t disappoint her as they followed her out.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I work better outdoors,” she said.

The demons spread out and circled her. She listened as they made clicking noises at each other. She assumed it was their way of communicating. As soon as the clicking stopped they all converged. She swept the candlestick around but they all managed to jump backward away from her. One of the five struck out and sliced off the end of the candlestick with the three claws on the back of its hand. Buffy glanced at it in amazement.

“Wow. Hugh Jackman’s got nothing on you,” she said.

She choked up on the candlestick and swung it like a baseball bat. Again, the demons dodged her attack. Two of them grabbed her arms while a third took away the candlestick by snapping her wrist backward. She kicked forward as the remaining two attempted to grab her legs, catching each of them in the chest and propelling herself into a back flip of the shoulders of the two that held her. As the turned around she caught them both with a roundhouse kick to the jaw. They recovered quickly and all five converged on her. One of them struck out with its claws, creating three deep gashes across her left bicep.

They tackled her and pinned her up against the wall of the crypt. One of them back-handed her across the jaw, the metallic taste of her blood spreading over her tongue, and then it kicked her in the stomach. As the wind was knocked out of her and she was sure a rib had broken, she had to struggle to lash out with her legs and kick away two of them. The remaining three launched her through the air, sending her several yards until she came crashing into an angel statue. Buffy stood and staggered away from the statue. She pressed her hand over the gashes on her arm and watched the blood seep over her fingers. She looked at the demons and knew she was out-matched. She took the only option she knew she could and she ran. She leapt over the short cemetery fence and sprinted down the street as fast as she could.

When she looked back, she saw the demons were trailing her, but what they had in strength, they equally lacked in speed. She rounded the corner and looked back again; the demons had given up. She only slowed her pace a little, knowing to get to her destination she had to preserve her energy. She hoped Giles would be able to help bring down those demons in a very painful way.

---

She stopped at her mother’s house and crept inside, hoping that she could get in and out unnoticed. She headed up to the bathroom and removed her clothing, examining her injuries. There was a large purple bruise along her ribcage. Her wrist was slightly swollen and her jaw was starting to swell. She winced as she ran her fingers over the gashes on her arm. The blood had dried during her escape. She carefully and quietly cleaned up and then she went to her room to change. As she put on her jacket to leave the house, she noticed the light was on in her mother’s room.

“Mom?”

Joyce looked up from her reading at the sound of Buffy’s voice. “Finished patrolling?” Then she noticed the swelling on her jaw, the split lip and the bandage wrapped around her wrist. “You’re hurt.”

Buffy shrugged her shoulders. “It’s nothing. I was just about to head back to the Magic Box to get Dawn.”

“Actually, I’m glad you’re here,” Joyce said. She set her book down and waved Buffy over. “Come sit down.”

“You’ve got your serious face on,” Buffy said with a smirk, trying to lighten her own anxiety about what her mother wanted to talk to her about. “What’s up?”

“Dr. Mitchell called right after you left with Dawn,” Joyce explained. “The tests revealed a…shadow on my brain.”

“A shadow? What does that mean?” Buffy asked. “Is it what’s causing your headaches?”

“It’s a tumor pressing on my brain,” she said. She rested her hand on Buffy’s knee. “He scheduled surgery in three days.”

“Surgery?” Buffy asked, her eyes widening in shock. “Like…like opening up your head and digging around?”

“Basically, only not so much digging as cutting,” Joyce answered. “They know where the tumor is located.”

“Cutting,” Buffy said. “Because digging wasn’t bad enough.”

“Dr. Mitchell is confident that they can get the tumor out without any problems,” Joyce said. “He said this procedure isn’t as uncommon as you might think.”

“What if they don’t get the tumor out? What would happen?” Buffy asked. Her mind and heart were racing. This was more than she could possibly comprehend. “I mean, it’s pressing on your brain so it could...what? Turn you into a vegetable?”

“Possibly, yes,” she replied.

Buffy sighed and looked down at her hands. She couldn’t believe this was happening. Of all the possible illnesses she had dreamed up in her head, none of them were close to this. She had thought treatment would involve medication, simple as that. She had never imagined surgery. It was terrifying.

“I wanted to tell you first,” Joyce said. “I wanted you to have time to deal with it before I tell Dawn. I’m going to need you to be strong for me tomorrow morning when I tell her.”

Buffy looked up and made eye contact with Joyce, her eyes brimming with tears. She sniffed as Joyce ran her hand through her hair.

“I’m always strong for you, mom,” she said. “I always will be.”

“I know that sweetheart,” Joyce said. She reached forward and pulled Buffy into a tight hug. “It’ll be okay.”

Buffy said nothing. She simply held her mother, gripping onto her as if she would never see her again. She would be strong. Starting now she would be strong, and she would do whatever she had to in order to protect those she loved. She was the slayer. It was her job.

Part 13: As Closed Down As I Am Sometimes

When Buffy arrived at the Magic Box she was surprised to see that Tara was still there. She was sitting at the table with Dawn looking at a book that appeared to be one that was not a text for school. The two looked up when Buffy approached them, and the slayer pointed at the book.

“That doesn’t look like algebra,” she said.

“I finished algebra three hours ago,” Dawn said. “Tara’s been showing me magic stuff.”

“Magic stuff?” Buffy asked, shooting an annoyed glance at Tara.

“Just history and background stuff. No spells,” Tara explained, knowing how particular Buffy and Joyce were about making sure Dawn didn’t get into something she couldn’t handle. Then she noticed the bruises on Buffy’s face and the bandage on her wrist. She stood and walked around to Buffy’s side. “What happened? You’re hurt.”

“I’ll live,” Buffy said. She winced when Tara wrapped her arm around her, and she stepped back. She tried to alleviate Tara’s concern. “I’ll be good as new by tomorrow. I’ve just gotta fill Giles in on the new big uglies and then get Dawn home.”

“New demons?” Giles asked as he emerged from the back of the shop. He saw her injuries and a concerned expression crossed his face. “Are you all right?”

“Fine,” Buffy said. “But they got away. Or more like, I ran away and they couldn’t keep up.”

“You ran?” Tara asked. She knew it wasn’t often that Buffy ran from a fight.

“Had to. Giles, these things were super strong. There were five of them,” she explained. “They had these claws. It was like Wolverine without the cuddly charm.”

“Wolverine doesn’t have cuddly charm,” Dawn said.

“Exactly.”

“And what did they look like, aside from the claws?” Giles asked.

“Uh, pale faces. Kinda like those statues. You know, on Christmas Island?”

“You mean, Easter Island?” Giles corrected. Buffy nodded her head.

“Yeah, them. They also were in major need of new hairstylists,” she commented. “Big on the leather and the teamwork. They really ganged up on me.”

“I’ll see what I can find,” he said. “You should get Dawn home and get some rest. I’ll let you know if I find anything.”

“Okay, Dawn, get your stuff,” Buffy said. Tara took the slayer’s uninjured hand and looked her in the eyes.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked. “You seem really freaked out.”

“You know, it’s those demons,” Buffy lied. She wasn’t as concerned about the demons as her mom. “Evil things are supposed to run away from me, not the other way around.”

“You’ll get ‘em,” Tara said with a reassuring smile. Buffy nodded her head.

“Do you want me to walk you back to the dorm before I go home?” she asked. Tara shook her head.

“That’s okay,” she responded. She gestured to her bag on the table. “Got my stake, cross and holy water. I’ll be okay.” She smiled. “You know, I didn’t even carry pepper spray when I lived in L.A.”

Buffy smiled, but the smile was short-lived when she saw Dawn was ready to go. Her expression returned to a serious one as she backed away from Tara to leave.

“Well, we should get going. Be careful going back,” she said to Tara, who nodded her head and watched the Summers girls leave.

As Buffy and Dawn walked down the street, Dawn kept shooting confused looks at Buffy. Finally the elder of the two noticed and decided to find out what was going on.

“Do you want to ask me something or are you going to keep boring holes into my head?”

“What’s your problem?” Dawn asked abruptly.

“In general?” Buffy asked sarcastically. “Do you really want me to answer that?”

“You know what I mean,” Dawn said.

“Actually, I really don’t,” Buffy said. “Clairvoyance isn’t a slayer power.”

“You and Tara,” Dawn said, annoyed that Buffy didn’t realize what she thought was completely obvious. “What’s the deal?”

“There’s no deal,” Buffy lied. She hated that she couldn’t be discreet. Everyone was seeing what she didn’t want them to see. They were seeing her walls go up. “And even if there was, you wouldn’t know anything about it.”

Dawn chose to drop it even though she knew Buffy was lying. They continued their walk home in silence with Dawn contemplating the situation between her sister and Tara, and Buffy contemplating the situation with their mother.

“I’m going to be heading out as well, Tara,” Giles said as a signal that she should get going as well. He noticed the concerned scowl on the young woman’s brow and looked to her curiously. “Everything all right?”

“Uh, yeah,” Tara said, pulled out of her thoughts. Buffy didn’t say good bye or goodnight or anything. She just left. She didn’t understand what was going on. It was like Buffy was changing into a different person.

“If you’d like, I could give you a ride to your dormitory,” Giles offered, not convinced that everything was all right. He had noticed the tension from Buffy as well.

“No, thank you,” Tara said quickly. She turned and grabbed her bag to leave. “Goodnight, Mr. Giles.”

“Goodnight,” he said quietly as he watched her go.

He wasn’t quite sure what it was between Buffy and Tara that night that had him on edge. He hadn’t previously sensed anything amiss between the two women. Their relationship had been progressing nicely. He knew Buffy had a lot of things on her mind at the moment. He hoped that he was wrong about the tension between them, and he tried to put it out of his mind as he chose a few volumes to take home with him in order to research the new demons Buffy had encountered.

---

Buffy and Tara entered Tara’s room together after class. Tara closed the door behind them and tossed her bag on the floor at the foot of her bed. She stood next to Buffy and ran her hand down the slayer’s arm. Buffy gave Tara’s hand a gentle squeeze and then stepped away from her to stand beside the desk. Tara stared at her back in confusion. She had no idea what was going on.

“Buffy, did I do something to...?” she began to ask, trailing off on her question. Buffy turned and waited for her to finish.

“What?” she asked.

Tara shook her head. “Never mind.” She forced herself to plaster on a smile. “Willow and the others and I were going to, um, catch a movie tonight. You should come.”

“I don’t think so. I’m patrol bound,” Buffy said reluctantly, sitting on the end of Tara’s bed. She wasn’t sure she was up for a group outing. “But you guys should go have fun.”

“You should come,” Tara said, doing her best to persuade the slayer. She knelt on the bed behind Buffy and gently rubbed her shoulders. “You’ve been really stressed the past few days, and you really need to relax.”

“How can you possibly expect me to relax when my mom is sick and I’ve got five demons on the loose doing god knows what?” Buffy asked, standing and walking away from the bed. Tara’s disappointed and confused scowl didn’t go unnoticed by the slayer. But it did go ignored. “I’m incapable of relaxing right now. It’s barely in my vocabulary.”

“Look, I know things are crazy right now, and I know it’s hard for you,” Tara said, trying to be sympathetic. She was trying not to get annoyed with the way Buffy was acting lately because of the family circumstances. It was hard to not get annoyed. “But you’re still recovering from your first fight with those demons, and Giles hasn’t pinned down what they even are yet. Relaxing really could be the best thing for you right now. It’ll only be for a couple hours. If you really feel like you have to, you can patrol after the movie and maybe even before it.”

Buffy didn’t say anything, but it was obvious she was still hesitant to let her guard down with everything that was going on.

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” Tara said. “Xander, Anya and Oz wanna see Underworld. It’s a vampire movie. We can make fun of how unrealistic it is.”

“Underworld? That doesn’t seem like your kind of movie,” Buffy said, her eyebrow raised in doubt. Tara just shrugged her shoulders and Buffy smiled in realization. “You like Kate Beckinsale, don’t you?”

“Well…hey, there’s-there’s nothing wrong with that. She’s a very talented actress,” Tara said defensively. Buffy laughed finally and conceded.

“Okay, we can go to the movie so you can make googly eyes at the pale woman dressed in black leather.”

“I don’t make googly eyes,” Tara argued, pretending to be appalled at the mere suggestion.

“Right, and all that time before you got with the smoochies on New Year’s you were just admiring my pants,” Buffy shot back. Tara blushed.

“Xander is so dead for telling you that,” she said. She climbed off the bed and stepped in front of Buffy, wrapping her arms around the slayer’s waist. She did her best to ignore it when Buffy tensed up. “So you’re coming tonight?”

“Yeah, I’ll go,” Buffy agreed. She allowed Tara to kiss her briefly and then backed away, looking at her watch. “Mom wanted me to pick Dawn up from school. I should get going.”

“Okay,” Tara said quietly.

“Weren’t you gonna meet Willow for some Wicca thing or something?” Buffy asked as she grabbed her bag from where she had set it on the floor.

“Yeah. We’re still working on changing Amy back,” she said. “I think we’re getting pretty close.”

“Well, that’s cool,” Buffy said. She opened the door and shot a brief smile. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Okay,” Tara responded as Buffy left. Buffy was out of sight before she also muttered to herself, “See ya.”

---

The gang left the movie theater together on their triple date. Buffy walked arm in arm with Tara on one side and Willow on the other. Oz walked slightly behind Willow, and Xander and Anya trailed them, their arms wrapped around each other’s waists.

“What’s with all these vampire movies that try to change parts of the legends?” Xander asked. “It’s hard to enjoy a good vamp movie when they change the rules.”

The group had spent most of the movie muttering sarcastic commentary to each other.

“Just tell me I don’t look like that when I change into a wolf,” Oz said.

“No, you don’t sweetie,” Willow said, reaching back with her right hand to grab his left arm. “You’re more like a really big puppy.”

“A really big and really angry puppy,” Xander said.

“I have to say ultraviolet bullets might come in handy,” Buffy commented. “Think we could pick some of those up, Will?”

“Sure thing, Buff,” Willow said sarcastically. “I’ll get right on that.”

As they passed one of Sunnydale’s many cemeteries, a scream interrupted their conversation. All of them jumped and turned in the direction of the scream.

“What was that?” Tara asked.

“That was a blood-curdling scream,” Anya said nonchalantly. “You’ll get used to it.”

“I better check it out,” Buffy said, stepping away from the group.

Another scream pierced the silence and Buffy took off running. The others glanced at each other briefly and then they followed after her into the cemetery. She had a good lead on them, and when they finally caught up to her, they found her standing near a crypt, staring at the crypt wall. When they followed her gaze the other’s jumped back in shock. Xander, Willow and Tara all cried out at the sight.

The crypt wall was splattered with blood, and pinned, spread-eagle to the wall was the skinned body of a woman. It was hard to tell, but she appeared to be young, possibly not much older than all of them. Above her head a symbol was etched in blood. It was an upside down pentagram with an eye in the center.

“Eugh,” Willow said, observing the gruesome sight before them from the safety of Oz’s arms.

“I’ll see your ‘eugh’ and raise you an ‘egads,’” Xander said. “Whatever did this makes the Predator look like something cute and fluffy.”

“Where’s Arnold Schwarzenegger when you need him?” Oz commented.

“Okay,” Buffy said, being the first to overcome the astonishment of what they all were looking at. “I don’t have to be Giles to know that symbol looks ritualistic. Looks like we’ve got another new big nasty in town.” She noticed their group was short one person. “Where’d Tara go?”

“She’s vomiting behind that tombstone over there,” Anya said frankly as she pointed in the direction that Tara had retreated, as if it were the same as relaying the time of day or the location of a gas station. They all finally heard the sounds of her retching, and Buffy moved over to check on her, the others following close behind. Buffy knelt next to Tara and held her hair back as she finished. Finally Tara sat back, and Buffy gently rubbed her back, noticing that she looked equally sick and embarrassed. Willow offered Tara a tissue to wipe her mouth off.

“That…that wasn’t very Scooby-like, was it?” Tara asked sheepishly.

“Psssh,” Xander said, dismissing her embarrassment with a wave of his hand. “Who here hasn’t tossed their cookies behind a random tombstone?” Slowly Oz, Willow, Anya and Buffy all raised their hands. Xander shrugged his shoulders. “Well, at least I’m not alone anymore.”

“It’s okay,” Willow said as Buffy eased Tara up off the ground, wrapping her arm around Tara’s shoulders. “We’ve all seen some pretty barf-worthy stuff. Your stomach will adjust.”

“I hope so,” Tara said as they all started walking. She gestured to the grave they were leaving behind. “I don’t think that guy’s family is going to be happy if they come by to leave him some flowers tomorrow.”

Buffy shot one last look at the symbol on the wall of the crypt before they all left the cemetery to report to Giles.

---

Giles paced in the Magic Box, looking at the sketch of the symbol that Buffy had drawn for him. He removed his glasses and looked to the group who was sitting around the large table.

“And you saw nothing else?” he asked.

“I think we saw enough,” Tara muttered, her stomach still unsettled by the horrible sight of that girl.

“I’m sorry. I meant, perhaps, the demon or creature that flayed the girl,” Giles clarified.

“Whatever did it took off fast,” Xander said.

“We heard her screaming barely a minute before I found her,” Buffy said. “It had to be something pretty powerful.”

“What about that symbol? Does it mean anything?” Willow asked.

“It’s vaguely familiar, but I’ll need to reference my books,” he said. “Anything else distinctive about this, other than the symbol and the, um, method in which the girl was killed?”

“Nothing really,” Buffy said. “I should get out and patrol. The thing that did this could be out there doing it again.”

“I don’t know, Buffy,” Willow said. “Like you said in the cemetery, this all looked way ritualistic. Ritualistic stuff usually all happens in the same place at the same time.”

“Willow’s right, generally speaking,” Giles said.

“Still, I should try to find this thing,” Buffy said. “If this is a ritual, I’m thinking I definitely want to stop it before it gets any further.” She saw Giles was going to continue to protest. The others looked ready to join as well, especially Tara. “Look, I need to find this thing. You know I’m better at the killing than the studying.”

“Buffy, maybe you should at least wait until we know what the symbol means,” Tara said, attempting to make a sensible, compromising argument. She tried to lighten the mood slightly. “I don’t mean to be superficial, but I really prefer my girlfriends with the skin on.”

“I’ll be fine. If I get in over my head, I’ll do the retreating thing,” Buffy said. “I just need to get out there.”

“Okay,” Tara conceded. “Just be careful.”

“Always,” Buffy said as she stood. She headed back to the training room to retrieve an axe before going out to patrol. The others turned to their research, hoping to figure all of this out before they had another skinless body on their hands.

---

After several hours of patrol, Buffy found no sign of the demon or demons that she was hoping to find. She did come across one stray vampire, which she quickly dusted in order to return to her primary hunt. Finally, a couple hours before sunrise she made a quick stop at home to change clothes. Then she returned to the Magic Box. It appeared the others had all taken breaks at some point to change clothes and refresh. A box of donuts rested in the center of the table, surrounded by books. Most everyone had a cup of coffee in front of them, and there were several empty To Go cups on the table as well. When Tara saw Buffy, she smiled, relieved to see her still in one piece. But when Buffy simply stood at one end of the table, barely giving Tara a second glance, the young witch was slightly confused.

“Hey, Buffy, did ya kill anything?” Xander asked. Before Buffy answered, he paused and considered his question. “In any other town, I would be disturbed that I even asked that question.”

“No such luck,” Buffy answered. “Well, I dusted one vampire. No demons with a skin collection, though. What about you guys? Figure out the symbol?”

“Yes, we did,” Giles said. “It’s the symbol of the Ordinatio de Letum. It’s a possibility they left the symbol simply as a calling card, but we aren’t ruling out a ritual.”

“Okay, I forgot my whatever language that is to English dictionary at home,” Buffy said. “What does Ordinatio de Letum mean?”

“Order of Annihilation,” Giles answered. “It’s an order of demons bent on destruction and ruin.”

“I thought all demons were bent on that,” Buffy said.

“Pretty much, yeah,” Willow said. “But this order is a specific species of demon. They’re called mesklar demons.”

“The order used to be really big back in the day,” Anya said. “There were hundreds of thousands of them. But then they started to die off. Now there’s probably less than a dozen of them left. Nobody really knows what killed them. But anything that could make that many mesklar demons just croak has got to be pretty gruesome. Personally, I wouldn’t want to find out what did it.”

“Why? What are mesklar demons like?”

Giles shuffled through the stacks of books and found the one he was looking for, opening it to a marked page and handing it over to Buffy. She looked at the illustration of the mesklar demon and her gaze darkened, disappointment and anger obvious.

“What is it?” Tara asked, noticing Buffy’s expression.

“That’s the kind of demon I fought the other night,” Buffy answered. She dropped the book on the table and shook her head. “That girl didn’t have to die.”

“You did your best, Buffy,” Giles tried to reassure her. “Mesklar demons are notoriously strong and fierce, and unlike most demons, they work in groups. You were out-matched. I doubt there was anything else you could’ve done.”

“I could’ve killed the demons. That would’ve been a start,” she said. “I shouldn’t have run.”

“Sweetie, they practically killed you,” Tara said. “If you hadn’t run, you might’ve been the one up on the crypt instead of the girl.”

“Still doesn’t change the fact that she’s dead and the demons are still out there,” Buffy said dejectedly. She picked up her axe again and backed away from the table. “I have to go back out there and find these things. I don’t care what kind of order they belong to.”

“You shouldn’t do that just yet,” Giles said. “You shouldn’t go alone against them, Buffy.”

“They’ll kill you,” Tara said, worry and fear in her tone.

“Not if I don’t let them,” Buffy said. “I’m not letting them get away this time. I’m not letting them kill again.”

“You said yourself that you can’t stop them alone,” Giles said. “What do you expect to do?”

“I already told you. I expect to kill them,” Buffy said. “I ran into them at the McFadden crypt the other night. It’s not the same crypt where we found the girl. Any idea why they’d be there?”

“I know the McFadden crypt,” Giles said. “It’s rather large. I suppose they might be nesting there.”

“It has sewer access in the back, too,” Willow said. The others were confused. “What? I got it off the city plans.”

“Then I’m going there,” Buffy said. She started to head for the door, but Tara stood and followed her.

“Buffy, I think you should really listen to Giles,” she said. “At least let us try to find some kind of weakness or something.”

“It truly would be best,” Giles said. “It’s best to have a plan before charging into the fray.”

Buffy sighed and decided not to argue. Tara smiled and the two of them went back to the table to research some more.

---

It didn’t take long for Buffy to find an excuse to leave the shop and get away from the research. She saw that everyone was out of coffee and volunteered for a coffee run. Tara was uneasy about letting Buffy go, but she had a feeling there wasn’t a good way to stop her. It was close to sunrise so she hoped that would make a difference.

“Has Buffy talked to you at all about her mom?” Willow asked as she and Tara looked over some spells that could help with the mesklar demons. “With the surgery coming up she’s been all quiet and stuff. She’s been making Oz look chatty lately.”

“Surgery?” Tara asked.

“Yeah, you know, to get the tumor out,” Willow said. “In a couple days.”

Tara was stunned. She knew nothing about the surgery or any tumor. Buffy hadn’t told her anything about any of that. She tried to play it off. “Uh, no. No, she-she’s been really quiet about it. Because she’s, um, scared, I guess.”

“I’m kinda worried about her,” Willow said.

“Me too,” Tara agreed quietly.

She returned to research for all of one minute before the nagging feeling at the back of her mind forced her to go after Buffy. She announced that she was going to help Buffy with the coffee run and no one argued as she hurried to catch up. When she arrived at the 24-hour coffee shop, Tara found Buffy was not there. She knew exactly what that meant. The cemetery that housed the crypt where Buffy had first encountered the demons was nearby. Giles had said that the demons were possibly nesting there. It was the only other place Buffy could be.

She debated whether or not she should go back to tell the others. On the one hand, Buffy would probably find the demons and be in serious danger before she could rally the troops. On the other hand, Tara wasn’t sure how much help she would be to Buffy by herself. She had a few spells up her sleeves, but if any of the demons got a claw on her, she was as good as dead. Her internal debate raged on for about a minute before she made her decision and headed for the cemetery.

The McFadden crypt was one of the largest crypts in the entire cemetery. Tara knew exactly where it was, and even if she didn’t, she could easily identify it by its size. She hurried through the tombstones and before she could see the battle, she could hear it. She heard growls and blows landing and things breaking. She heard Buffy’s grunts and shouts as she fought. Tara came up beside the crypt and saw five of the huge mesklar demons battling against the out-matched slayer. Buffy was holding her own, but it was obvious to Tara that she was already tired. She had a few cuts on her arms already. Tara wasn’t sure what to do. Then one of the demons stabbed Buffy in the stomach with one of its protruding claws. Buffy staggered backward and fell with her back against the front of the crypt. The demons started to advance but stopped short when Tara stepped between them and Buffy. They only stopped for a moment before they began advancing again.

She dug through her memory for the proper spell and then she began chanting in latin, holding her hands out in front of her. Suddenly a translucent spherical field encased the demons. They began to swing at it and it flashed when their claws hit it. Tara knew it wouldn’t hold for long and she turned back to Buffy, discouraged to find that she was unconscious. Tara looked back to see that the field would collapse soon. She couldn’t carry Buffy. She could drag her, but that wouldn’t buy them any time. Quickly she remembered another spell. They had to make a stealthy escape. She chanted again in latin, holding her left hand toward the demons as she wrapped her right arm around Buffy, preparing to drag her. Once she completed her chant, a thick white smoke shot from her left hand, obscuring the demons’ vision and providing a sufficient enough cover for her to drag Buffy into the McFadden crypt.

Once inside, Tara looked around frantically for a way to barricade the door. Thanks to Willow’s adept way of accessing security-protected city schematics, Tara remembered that there was sewer access in the back of the crypt. She just had to delay the demons long enough to make that escape. A statue near the door was her best bet. She stood to one side and pushed with all her strength. At first the statue didn’t budge, but she gave it another try and it started to tip. She stepped back as it wobbled and she stepped forward again, using her momentum and the wobbling to make the statue fall over across the width of the doorway. It was only a temporary solution, but it was the only thing sufficient enough to be a door block.

She turned back to Buffy, wishing the slayer would regain consciousness. She had no such luck and resigned herself to dragging Buffy toward the door that led to the sewer access. The door squealed as Tara pushed it open to reveal stone stairs leading down to the sewer tunnels. She dragged Buffy through the door and then shoved it closed. The demons were just starting to bang against the front door of the crypt as Tara made her slow descent down the stairs with Buffy in tow.

At the bottom of the stairs, Tara tripped and the two of them fell backwards into about a foot of sewer water. She made sure Buffy’s face wasn’t submerged in the water and then took only a brief moment to rest. So far the demons weren’t following her. She knew that was only a temporary relief. She resumed dragging Buffy along, noting the natural gas lines that were running along the walls, until she found a small alcove. She leaned Buffy against the wall and crouched down in the darkness, trying to formulate a better plan. She was hoping the demons would go in the opposite direction than she had gone, but she had a feeling she wouldn’t be that lucky.

She looked across the sewer tunnel from her hiding spot and saw a broken gas pipe. She held her breath and listened intently, a plan formulating when she heard the slow hiss of the gas. In part the plan was pure genius, but it was also extremely dangerous. However, she knew they were as good as dead if she didn’t do something fast. She glanced down the sewer tunnel and then crept over to the pipe. She began to force the pipe to turn it in the direction from which she had just come. She got it turned and looked for something metal to strike it with. She discovered a piece of wrought iron from a sewer gate and picked it up, immediately swinging at the gas pipe and trying to make a spark. As she swung, the demons emerged from the staircase. She saw them and they saw her. She swung harder, frantic to get this to work.

Just as she thought she was dead, a spark flashed and the gas from the pipe ignited. The explosion threw Tara backward, the intense heat and flames lighting up the dark tunnel. When she was certain she herself wasn’t on fire, she looked up and smiled at her success. The flames were obstructing the entire width of the tunnel, causing the demons to recoil backward. She had hoped that the fire would engulf the demons, effectively killing them, but she was satisfied with the fact that it held them back to allow her escape.

“Just call me MacGyver,” she said with a chuckle before moving over to Buffy. Thankfully, the slayer was starting to regain consciousness. Tara helped her stand and they moved back out into the tunnel. Buffy noticed the fire and demons and was shocked. Tara saw Buffy’s confused look and nudged her in the opposite direction of the fire. “I’ll explain later.”

With her grogginess and injury, Buffy was willing to accept that response, and the two of them turned to make their way out of the sewer.

---

Buffy sat on Tara’s bed and inspected her injuries while Tara made her last check-in phone call.

“Yeah, Joyce, she’s here with me,” she said, glancing over at Buffy. “I promise she’s fine. A few cuts and bruises, but nothing major. Okay. Bye.”

She hung up the phone and moved over to her dresser to retrieve all her first aid supplies. After finding out about Buffy’s nighttime activities, Tara felt it was a good idea to be prepared for injuries. They seemed to be a common thing. She paused for a moment with her back to Buffy.

“Hey, thanks for not giving her too many details,” Buffy said. She winced as she moved, holding her hand to the puncture wound on her stomach. “If mom knew I had actually passed out—”

“What the hell were you doing?” Tara asked, spinning around and scowling at Buffy. She caught her completely off guard. “Were you trying to get killed? Is that it?”

“What? Tara…”

She watched in confusion as Tara knelt on the floor near her and lifted up her shirt to tend to her wound. The young witch was obviously very upset, but Buffy didn’t entirely understand why.

“I mean, Giles told you how dangerous those demons were. You know from experience how dangerous those demons are. You still went off to try and fight them on your own,” Tara said as she cleaned the wound. She placed a gauze pad over it and then started wrapping more gauze around Buffy’s waist. “You didn’t wait for-for back-up or anything. You just went off without telling us, without telling me.”

Buffy sighed. That was it. Tara felt hurt because she had done this behind her back.

“It’s not about that. You guys would’ve gotten hurt. I couldn’t let that happen,” Buffy explained. “I’m the slayer, Tara. What do you expect me to do? Those demons are dangerous. Honestly, you got damn lucky tonight.”

“I got lucky? What about you?” she asked. “You got skewered by that-that thing. You would’ve died if it hadn’t been for me.”

“Do you want a gold star?” Buffy asked sarcastically. “You escaped some demons. Go you.”

“How many times would you have died if it hadn’t been for your friends?” Tara asked angrily. “I know I’m the junior partner in the Scooby gang. I haven’t been around as long as Willow or Xander or Giles, and I’m not a werewolf or ex-demon like Oz and Anya. But it’s not like I don’t know anything. They’ve told me about demons you’ve faced, times you’ve almost died and the time that you actually did die. Haven’t you learned anything from that?”

“I’ve learned that sometimes you guys ignore the risks and do things that you really shouldn’t be doing.”

“Like you did?” Tara asked, making eye contact with Buffy, who quickly looked away. Tara stood and threw away the bloody gauze before putting the first aid supplies away. “You always have to do everything on your own, right? Things get tough and you turn into reckless loner girl. Your mom’s sick, you can’t deal with it and you-you go and nearly die. It’s how you operate.”

“How would you know? You haven’t seen enough of this to know how I operate,” Buffy said.

“I’ve seen enough to know it’s a pattern.”

“You don’t know anything,” Buffy growled.

“Because you won’t let me know,” Tara shot back. “What do you think relationships are like? Do you have any idea?”

“I’ve got a pretty good one.”

“Do you? Because it’s not a one-sided thing.”

“I have been nothing but supportive of you. I’ve been there for you,” Buffy said. She couldn’t believe that Tara was having issues with their relationship. She couldn’t understand how this went from the demons to their relationship.

“There’s more to it than that. Real girls don’t want a knight on a white horse,” Tara said. “You’ve been so independent for so long. You’ve forgotten how to depend on other people. You don’t have to be the hero all the time. It’s not healthy.”

“What? Are you going to psycho-babble me now? I thought you were an English major,” Buffy said sarcastically. “And don’t talk to me about not healthy. You came around and got all attracted to me and you told me your deepest darkest secrets. Made yourself all vulnerable. Worked like a charm.”

“That’s n-not why I told you all that,” Tara said, her voice low and hurt.

“You spent 18 years getting emotionally kicked around by your dad and then you expect me to depend on you? A couple years on your own and you think you’re stable?” Buffy asked. She was speaking without inhibition now. It was starting to wear Tara down, but not completely yet. “So, tell me Miss Dependable. How do you think you can help me? Why do you think depending on you is going to change anything in my life?”

“I just don’t understand why you won’t let me in. You didn’t even tell me your mom was having surgery. Again, I found out from someone else,” Tara said. Buffy rolled her eyes.

“Oh please, not that again. I’m not trying to keep secrets from you,” Buffy said sharply. “I just didn’t get around to telling you. Sometimes I don’t have time to give you a detailed picture of everything that’s going on.”

“How about a blurry picture? Or a sketch? Something would be nice,” Tara said. “I probably wouldn’t have known your mom was sick if I hadn’t been there when she fainted. You’re closed off, alone. Just give me one reason why you have to be alone. Why are you like this?”

“Why am I like this?”

“Why do you help me when I need it and push away when you need it?” Tara asked. “What did this to you?”

“Angel,” Buffy said. She was still angry. Tara was softening, but Buffy wasn’t. “You wanna know the story about Angel? No more secrets, right? Well, here you go. Angel’s one moment of true happiness was when he was having sex with me.”

Tara said nothing. She hadn’t been expecting that. She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting. Buffy continued.

“He lost his soul, killed the love of Giles’ life and tried to destroy the world. And I sent him to hell,” she said. She glared at Tara. “My mom found out I was the slayer and practically disowned me. I sent Angel to hell, and that’s when I knew I was alone. In the end, I would be alone. That’s why I’m like this. That’s why I take charge. That’s why I don’t depend on people. I let them help, but in the end, I’m alone. We all are. If mom dies, she’ll die alone. Even if I’m there or Dawn’s there. Your mom died alone, and you were there. We are all alone.”

“You don’t really believe that,” Tara said, a stunned expression dominating her face.

“You don’t know what I believe,” Buffy said. She backed to the door. “Thanks for the rescue and everything. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta go clean up. I smell like a sewer.”

When the door slammed behind her, Buffy jumped at the noise. She just stood in the hallway for a moment as she let everything that the two of them had just said sink in, wondering if Tara would come after her. When Tara’s door didn’t open, the slayer turned and moved toward her own dorm room. She was thankful when she saw Willow was still at the Magic Box. She wasn’t ready for more confrontation. She hadn’t anticipated that fight with Tara, and she was too drained emotionally and physically to deal with anything more.

She moved over to the sink and looked in the mirror at herself. Her eyes were dark and tired. Dirt, blood and bruises marked her features. She really looked like hell, and in the back of her mind, she knew she had been an idiot to go after the mesklar demons alone. But facing a tangible evil was easier for her than facing all the other problems in her life. As she thought of her mother’s illness and her fight with Tara, she began to succumb to tears.

She leaned on the sink and sobbed, almost relishing the pain it caused her from her fresh injury. She could accept that. The sting and pain of that wound was physical and real. It was understandable. It wasn’t like the abstract and more difficult pain of emotion. The physical pain would go away. It wouldn’t last forever. She feared that the emotional pain would.

Part 14: At the Risk of Burning

Later that morning, Buffy knocked on Tara’s door before heading to the Magic Box, but there was no answer. She guessed that Tara had already left, and wished she had had a chance to talk to her before facing the rest of the gang. Part of Buffy was still angry. Her pride was getting in the way of her more sensitive side, the side that felt Tara was right. She was just tired of being asked to reveal herself, to open up. She wished Tara could get that she didn’t work that way. It wasn’t who she was.

When she arrived at the shop, everyone else was there. Oz, Xander and Anya were sitting at the table, looking through some books. Giles was standing at a bookshelf nearby, and Willow and Tara were by the counter, discussing a book in front of them. They all looked up upon her arrival, but nobody said anything. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs and sighed.

“Okay, Giles, go ahead. Give me the lecture,” she said. “I was reckless and stupid and foolish and other words that’ll make me feel like I’m three inches tall.”

“I think you’ve got a fairly good grasp of the error in judgment that you made,” he said calmly. “And your injury should serve as a temporary reminder.”

“We’re just glad you’re still alive,” Xander said, trying to be understanding and non-judgmental.

“Yes, because if you died then we wouldn’t have a slayer to stop the demons from raising their demon god and overrunning the world,” Anya said.

“Demon god? What’d I miss?” Buffy asked.

“Willow discovered other similar murders in the area,” Giles said. “Four more, in fact.”

“So five total,” Buffy said. “Does that mean anything?”

“We weren’t sure at first, but then Tara figured out each of the murders occurred on a location that represents one of the five spiritual elements,” Willow explained. “Earth, air, fire, water and metal. The cemetery represented earth.”

“Okay, I feel like I’m riding the short bus here,” Buffy said. She glanced at Tara, but then quickly looked away, not able to bring herself to keep eye contact with her. Tara was avoiding eye contact as well. The two of them could feel the tension between them, but they did their best to not let it get in the way.

“The five locations are the points of a pentagram, like in the symbol we saw on the crypt,” Tara explained. Oz, Xander and Anya moved their books off the table and Buffy saw there was a map spread out on it. The locations of the five murders had been marked and lines connected them to form a pentagram. A sixth marker was placed in the center of the map.

“So someone else is going to die in the center of the pentagram,” Buffy guessed. Giles shook his head.

“We don’t believe so,” he said.

“This demon god, Parthos,” Anya began to explain. “It’s been rumored for centuries that it was buried deep in the earth near a hellmouth. There are a bunch of hellmouths all over the world, so nobody ever really knew where to look.”

“Evil needle in a haystack,” Xander commented.

“It’s going to rise at the hellmouth,” Buffy said. She looked closer and saw that the center location actually wasn’t anywhere near the hellmouth. “Or not.”

“The rumors said it was buried near the hellmouth,” Willow said. “Not on it. The caves outside of town are close enough to work.”

“When are they going to try to raise it? And how do I stop it?” Buffy asked. She didn’t see it, but she could feel Tara scowling at her. She decided to correct herself. “How do we stop it?”

“We’re not sure on the when,” Willow said. “We’re still working on that.”

“As for how to stop it, it should simply be a matter of killing the demons before they can perform the ritual,” Giles said.

“Easier said than done,” Tara said. She crossed her arms over her chest and shot daggers at Buffy with her gaze. This didn’t go unnoticed by the others.

“They’ve gotta have some kind of weakness,” Xander said. “We just need to find their kryptonite.”

“You said you got away by starting a fire,” Oz said to Tara.

“Yeah, I blocked the tunnel with it,” she replied. “They didn’t try to follow us.”

“So we need flamethrowers,” Xander said.

“There might be a spell we can do that would be like a flamethrower,” Willow said. “Is there anything you noticed about the demons, Buffy?”

“Not really,” Buffy commented. She noticed Tara was still staring at her. No more avoidance on her end. Buffy couldn’t bring herself to look in that direction. “Just that they’re strong. Really strong. And they really thrive on the teamwork.”

“We’ll keep researching Parthos and the demons, and I’ll do my best to find out when this ritual will take place,” Giles said.

“What if it’s today?” Buffy asked.

“I’ll work as quickly as possible,” he replied. “We’ll figure this out.”

“And what happens if we don’t?” Buffy asked. “What happens if Parthos rises?”

“Standard apocalyptic stuff probably,” Anya said casually. “Destruction, fire, stealing souls, torment and torture.”

“I don’t have enough information on Parthos just yet to know for sure,” Giles said.

“We’ll stop it, Buffy,” Willow said confidently. Buffy nodded her head and then sighed.

“I’m gonna go do some rehab,” she said, gesturing to the training room. She couldn’t stand being under Tara’s gaze any longer. She retreated to the safety of her world and began stretching out. She was about to begin throwing punches at the large punching bag when Xander came in.

“So…what’s up with you and Tara?” he asked, getting straight to his point.

“Nothing,” she lied. He smiled and moved behind the punching bag to hold it while she hit it with every combination of punches she had in her repertoire.

“Okay. Now tell me the truth,” he said. She glared at him and punched the bag harder. “The tension out there between you two was thick enough to cut with a chainsaw. It’s been kinda thick with you two for a couple days.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said.

“I think I do,” he said. “I know you, Buffy. You’re closing off, and I’ll bet you anything Tara called you on it. I’ll give her credit for getting up the nerve to do it.”

“I’m closing off?” Buffy asked, scoffing at the comment. She punched the bag harder, causing Xander to stagger a little.

“Your mom’s sick and you’re doing the whole independent woman thing,” he said. “It’s understandable, but it’s not what you need.”

“Look, Tara tried to pull this same crap on me last night,” Buffy said angrily. “So don’t start.”

“I knew it,” Xander said with a smirk. Buffy reared back and punched the bag so hard it came off its chain and Xander fell back a couple feet, the bag landing on top of him. He took a moment to regain his composure as he pushed the bag away. Then he stood.

“What do you all expect me to do? Burst into tears and cry on her shoulder? I’m supposed to indulge her by making her feel useful? I don’t have time for that,” Buffy said angrily.

“It’s not about making her feel useful. It’s about making her feel like you really have a relationship,” Xander explained. “It’s about getting over your pride for two seconds and letting someone else in. It’s about getting over your fear.”

“My fear?” Buffy asked, confused and agitated. “What the hell are you talking about now? Did that bag hit you on the head?”

“You know what I’m talking about,” Xander said. He paused a moment, knowing he was about to run into dangerous territory. “You let Angel in and he left. You let Parker in and he turned out to be the biggest creep in the world. Now here’s Tara knocking on your door, but you’re afraid to open it. You’re afraid to let her in and lose her.”

“And when did you become a psychiatrist?” Buffy asked, too proud to admit that Xander was pretty dead on with what he was saying.

“Okay, I’m no expert,” he said. “My track record’s worse than yours. But I’ve watched you over the years. I’ve seen you follow your heart and get burned. This time you’re holding back because you know it’ll burn worse than any time before. Because Tara’s not like Angel and Parker. You know the only way Tara would leave you was if she died.”

Buffy said nothing. All she could do was look down at the floor, starting to concede to what he was saying.

“Problem is that the times when it’ll burn the worst are the times when it’s worth the risk,” he said. “Tara’s the best thing to happen to you in, well, pretty much ever, in my opinion. She’s beautiful, sweet and completely devoted to you. Not to mention how she kept you from becoming a Buffy-kabob last night. I’m probably risking life and limb saying this, but you’re stupid if you’re going to screw this up with her.”

The two of them stood in silence, facing each other. Buffy simply tried to process everything he said. He wasn’t wrong. But she wasn’t sure how to change herself. She was used to the independence. It wasn’t often she actually asked for help. Her friends helped, but never because she asked them to. They just did it. That’s what she was afraid of. She wasn’t asking for Tara’s help, but she was getting it, no questions asked.

“Uh, hey,” Oz said from the doorway. The two of them looked over. He pointed his thumb over his shoulder back into the shop. “Giles figured out when Parthos is going to rise.”

“When?” Buffy asked. Oz’s face only betrayed him slightly with a conveyance of worry.

“Tonight.”

---

“Parthos is a form of basilisk,” Giles explained to the group. “Pliny the Elder described the basilisk simply as a snake with a golden crown. By the Middle Ages it had become a snake with the head of a cock.”

The girls all looked to Giles with raised eyebrows. Anya’s gaze was accompanied by a smirk. Xander cleared his throat.

“Head of a what?” he asked. The others chuckled slightly.

“Good lord, do you always have to be so juvenile?” he asked, his tone agitated. “A rooster. The head of a rooster.” He removed his glasses and began cleaning them as he often did when Xander made an inappropriate comment. “Anyway, according to legend, there are two species of the creature. The first kind burns everything it approaches, and the second can kill every living thing by simply making eye contact. Both species are so dreadful that their breath wilts vegetation and shatters stones.”

“So, which kind is Parthos? Pyro or non-pyro?” Oz asked.

“Are we gonna need fire proof clothing?” Willow asked.

“Firemen wear rubber,” Anya commented. It was innocent enough in her own mind, but the others—excluding Giles—had difficulty stifling their laughter.

“Why do I even bother?” he asked. He gestured with his glasses. “This is serious, you know. Parthos is rising tonight. Remember?”

“Okay, sorry Giles,” Buffy said, clearing her throat and doing her best to stop her own laughter while the others had a harder time following suit. “We’re done. Parthos…how do I kill it?”

“As far as I can tell, standard weaponry should work,” he replied, replacing his glasses to return to his lecture mode. “Only problem is that you can’t make eye contact with the demon. Parthos is the second kind of basilisk. If you make eye contact, it will annihilate you.”

“Hence the Order of Annihilation,” Oz commented.

“How’s she supposed to kill it if she can’t look at it?” Tara asked, concerned for Buffy’s safety during battle.

“I’ve fought invisible girls before,” Buffy said. “I think I can handle fighting something without seeing eye to eye with it.”

“So we mount up and we kill this thing, right?” Xander asked.

“I’d prefer to stop the mesklars before they manage to raise Parthos,” Giles said. “But weapons for everyone, yes. Tara, perhaps you and Willow could cast a grander version of the smoke screen spell you used to help Buffy escape last night. Give us a bit of advantage.”

“Sure,” Tara agreed. She glanced at Buffy, noticing the slayer’s discomfort upon mention of the rescue. “Shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Yeah, we can change a few words and make it totally smoky,” Willow said with a smile. “It’ll be smoke-tacular.”

“You’re the smokiest,” Oz commented, gripping Willow’s hand affectionately.

“Yes, well, we should get to it then,” Giles said. “We’ll still need to locate the precise cave where Parthos is buried once we get there.”

Xander and Anya stood to go collect weapons for everyone. Willow began mentioning books to Oz that she wanted to consult for spells other than just the smoke screen spell. Buffy and Tara simply looked at each other, holding eye contact for a moment. Tara couldn’t read Buffy at the moment. She figured her own emotions were clouding her ability to sense what Buffy was feeling. Finally, without a word, she broke eye contact and stood to discuss spells with Willow. Buffy sighed and turned to Giles. Her relationship problems would have to wait. They had bigger demons to fry.

---

The group arrived at the caves in Oz’s van and piled out, everyone toting a club, axe or sword of some kind. Willow and Tara had performed a locator spell, so they had a pretty good idea of where the demons were located. Buffy led the group and it wasn’t long before they reached the cavern occupied by five ritual-performing demons. Buffy held her hand up, signaling for everyone to hold back for a moment. Then she turned back.

“Okay, Will and Tara, you’re up,” she said. “Let’s get smoking.”

The two witches stepped forward and were about to begin their chant when the ground and the cave walls around them began to shake. The entire group was suddenly very aware that they could get buried in a cave-in. A bright light appeared in the cavern within the center of the circle that the mesklar demons had formed for their ritual. It wasn’t long before the light dissipated and a loud screech pierced the air.

The Scoobies watched in awe as Parthos appeared in full glory. As Giles described, it had the body of a snake with the head of a rooster, along with two arms with razor sharp claws. It wasted no time in demonstrating its power. After only a few moments it looked upon each of the mesklar demons, setting them all ablaze with the power of its gaze.

“Kinda ungrateful,” Xander whispered. “After all they did for him…”

“I guess that saves us the trouble of killing the mesklar demons,” Anya commented.

“Just leaves us with a really big chicken,” Oz added.

“Willow. Tara. Best get that smoke screen going before Parthos spots us,” Giles said.

The two of them knelt just at the edge of the tunnel and held their hands up with their palms facing Parthos. They chanted quickly and quietly, managing not to draw the attention of the demon until smoke began forming. The cave filled quickly with white smoke.

“Okay, all of you stay back,” Buffy said. “This rooster’s mine.”

She could see Parthos’ shadow in the smoke as it screeched and howled. Thanks to the smoke, it couldn’t see Buffy well enough to use its power. She swung her axe in a high arc, bringing it down to hit Parthos near what could be considered its neck. She was shocked when she felt the axe practically bounce off the demon. Judging from the impact, she guessed that she only scratched it.

“Giles, I’m gonna need a sharper axe!” she shouted as she dodged a swipe of Parthos’ claw.

The others jumped into action with their weapons, but Parthos’ tail swung wide and knocked all of them backward into a pile. The smoke was starting to clear, and Buffy knew she didn’t have much time before Parthos worked its power on her.

She fell to her back as Parthos loomed over her, and she tried not to look at the demon as she had been instructed. But it was hard to fight when she couldn’t look at her opponent. She blocked a swipe of Parthos’ claw and kicked her legs upward, hitting the demon in the chest and causing it to rear backward. She stood and jumped, hitting Parthos in the side of the head with a flying kick. It screeched loudly and swept its tail around, knocking her into the cave wall.

“It’s a basilisk,” Tara muttered as she and Giles got to their feet from where they had fallen earlier. She turned to him, suddenly remembering something she had read. “Mr. Giles, basilisks die if they see their reflection, right?”

“That is what the mythology says. Although, there’s no confirmation on that. It’s simply said they die of fright,” he answered. He realized what Tara was getting at. “Buffy needs a mirror.”

“And we’ve got one,” Tara said.

She rushed out of the cave past the others, who were regrouping to help Buffy fight Parthos. When she got outside she ran the few yards to Oz’s van and looked around. She found a thick tree limb and picked it up, using it to knock the driver’s side mirror off the van. She picked up the mirror, relieved that she hadn’t cracked it and then returned to the cave and the battle in progress. The entire group was swinging blindly with their clubs, swords and axes in an attempt to wound or deter Parthos from killing them all. None of them looked at the demon for fear of instant death. Tara saw Buffy was cornered, trying to crawl away from the demon and regain an advantage. When she stood, Tara called to her.

“Buffy!”

The slayer looked over and Tara tossed the mirror underhanded to her. Buffy caught it with ease, was confused for just a moment and then made an educated guess as to why Tara would give her a mirror. If they couldn’t look at the demon, then it couldn’t look at itself. As Parthos advanced on her, Buffy turned her head to the side and held the mirror toward the demon. An ear-piercing screech caused the others to drop their weapons and cover their ears. Buffy winced, but she didn’t change her position, wanting to be sure Parthos was dead. The beast’s cries echoed in the cave as it burst into flames. The others jumped backward and shielded themselves from the heat and brightness of the fire. After several moments, Parthos’ painful cries ended and the fire was gone. They all looked over to see only a pile of black ash where the demon had stood.

“One order of rooster demon extra crispy,” Xander said jokingly.

“Excellent thinking, Tara,” Giles commented as they all gathered closer around the pile of demon ash.

“I just remembered something I read,” she said with a shrug of her shoulders.

“Is that from my van?” Oz asked, looking at the mirror in Buffy’s hands. Tara smiled apologetically.

“Yeah, sorry,” she said. “We, um, needed a mirror.”

Buffy tossed the mirror to Oz and he looked it over. “No problem. I can probably put it back on.”

“So vampires don’t have a reflection. Basilisks can’t look at their reflection,” Willow said, an incredulous smirk curling on her mouth. “Mirrors really do come in handy in this line of work.”

The gang gathered their weapons and started to move out of the cave, chatting about the fight. As they walked, Buffy kept glancing over at Tara, knowing she was ready to take a risk.

---

The walk back to the dorm was dominated by silence. Tara and Buffy simply walked side-by-side, not even holding hands. Tara had the feeling Buffy was only escorting her home out of obligation. Buffy wasn’t entirely sure what to say just yet.

“You saved my life again back there,” she commented as they came to Tara’s room. Tara opened the door and turned to face Buffy. “You’re on a roll.”

“Pretty much makes us even,” Tara said. “Next time it’s your turn.”

“Goody,” Buffy said with a less than enthusiastic tone. “I’m sure it won’t take long for that to happen in this town.”

“I-I know I can’t force you to trust me,” Tara said quietly out of the blue. “I, um, really don’t know what else to do. So I’m just gonna back off. I’m done pushing.”

Buffy sighed and stepped through the door to Tara’s room, closing it behind her. Tara wasn’t sure what Buffy was going to say.

“You can’t change me. I’m not going to curl up and play the victim. I’m still me,” she explained. Tara looked down at her hands and said nothing. “But you weren’t entirely wrong. I was pushing you away, and not just because of my mom being sick. Things were getting too…between us it was...it was just too close. I got scared.”

“Scared because you were close to me?” Tara asked, confused.

“Scared because I love you,” Buffy said abruptly. Tara was shocked. Buffy’s eyes widened and she suddenly felt very on the spot. “I, uh, I’ve…fallen in love with you. And-and it scared me and I was afraid that I would lose you.”

“Why would you lose me?”

“Because it happens. I let people in. I let them get close. Then they go away. One way or another,” she explained. “That’s why I got so mad about you showing up in the cemetery. Even if you saved my life. I love you too much to let what I do get you killed. I mean, all the people…Jesse, Jenny, Kendra, Angel.”

“Giles, Willow, Xander, Anya, Oz. They’re all still here, and I know you love them,” Tara said. She smiled a little. “Even Anya, in a way.”

“Yeah, but I don’t love them the way I love you,” Buffy said. “Angel’s the only other…and we know how fantastic that turned out.”

“I’m not a vampire. I’m not cursed to lose my soul for any reason, and I love you, too,” she said. She stepped forward and took Buffy’s hands in hers. “I’m not going anywhere, and neither is your mom. None of us are. We’re all staying put. I’m staying so put, I’m practically glued here.”

“Glue, huh?” Buffy asked with a smile. “Could be fun.”

Tara laughed, gave her a quick kiss on the lips and slipped her arms around Buffy’s waist, pulling her close.

“I’m sorry I went off on you,” Tara apologized. “The whole thing with you almost dying freaked me out, and I just kinda let loose.”

“Don’t apologize. I’m the one who should be sorry,” Buffy said. She sighed. “You were reacting to me and all my tenseness. It just really surprised me. I don’t blame you for being cranky with me.”

“You gonna be okay?” Tara asked. Things seemed okay between them now, but she knew Buffy still had a lot ahead of her. “And no brave slayer stuff. I want Buffy without the slayer.”

“You don’t want Buffy without the slayer,” she replied jokingly. “Buffy without the slayer is the Buffy you hated.”

“Not anymore,” Tara said. “Seriously. I want the truth. Especially with your mom’s surgery tomorrow.”

“The truth is…” Buffy began as she rested her arms on Tara’s shoulders. “The truth is that I’ll be okay. As long as you’re there tomorrow.”

“I’ll be there tomorrow,” Tara said. She kissed Buffy on the neck. “And the day after that.” She kissed Buffy on the cheek. “And the day after that.” Then she gave Buffy a long kiss on the lips. Buffy smiled when they separated. “So on and so forth.”

“I like the so on and so forth,” Buffy said. Tara smiled back.

“I thought you might.”

Buffy sighed, thinking about their argument again. “God, I really was a bitch last night, wasn’t I?”

“You really were,” Tara agreed. Buffy scowled in a mockingly offended way.

“What’s the psychology term for going back to old habits? Regression?” she asked.

“I wouldn’t know,” Tara answered mischievously. “I’m just an emotionally unstable English major.”

“Ugh!” Buffy exclaimed. She leaned her head on Tara’s shoulder momentarily to hide her embarrassment. When she looked up she was offering an apologetic smile. “Will you ever forgive me for my horrible talent of taking touchy subjects and using them as ammo?”

“You’ll have to make it up to me,” she replied with a coy grin.

Buffy responded by pulling her into an intense kiss. She guided Tara toward the bed until her legs hit the edge and she was forced to sit. They parted only long enough for Tara to scoot backward on the bed and Buffy to kneel over her. Then they resumed their kiss, Tara lying back on the bed and Buffy positioning herself over her. She leaned on her right elbow while running her left hand along Tara’s neck.

As Buffy moved to kiss along Tara’s neck, Tara massaged Buffy’s hips with her hands. Slowly her left hand slid up Buffy’s shirt, but as she approached her breasts, Buffy stopped what she was doing and gripped Tara’s wrist to stop her. They were both breathing heavily as they made eye contact. Tara could see nervousness in her eyes. She could also see embarrassment. She understood.

“It’s okay,” she whispered. “It’s okay.”

Buffy sighed and flipped over onto her back. “God!”

“It’s okay,” Tara repeated. She sat up and rested her hand on Buffy’s shoulder. “It wasn’t a quick thing for me my first time, either.”

“This shouldn’t be so hard,” Buffy said, her tone exasperated. “It’s not like I don’t...I can’t think of any other woman that I would want to be my first. It’s just...I don’t know.”

“It doesn’t mean anything. It’s not that important,” Tara responded, trying to reassure Buffy. “Deena and I never even, you know, said ‘I love you’ to each other and we...well, we went far. It goes either way.”

“Deena?”

“Ex.”

“Right,” Buffy said. She sighed and rested both her hands on her forehead. “We’ve been together for months and we haven’t even...I mean, all we do is kiss and...”

“It’s not a huge thing. It’s not school. There’s no deadline,” she said with a chuckle. She lowered the tone of her voice and her face took on a mock serious scowl. “The final exam in lesbian sex is in two weeks.”

“I think that class would have high enrollment,” Buffy joked as she rested her arms on her stomach. Tara laughed and laid back down beside her, propping herself up on her left arm. She gently brushed a strand of hair away from Buffy’s face with the back of her hand and the two made eye contact. “I really do love you.”

“I know,” Tara said quietly. They kissed softly and then Tara sighed. “What time is your mom’s surgery?”

“She has to be at the hospital by seven tomorrow morning,” Buffy replied quietly. She closed her eyes and exhaled, trying not to let herself cry. She was still falling back on that habit of keeping up walls. “God, they are actually going to be going into her head. They’re going to see her brain. It seems so wrong. Brains aren’t supposed to be seen. Unless they’re demon brains on an axe, and really, I could do without that, too.”

“Did your mom say anything about how the doctors thought the surgery would go?”

“She said they do this kind of thing a lot and that they seemed confident,” she replied, looking up at the ceiling. “But I don’t know. I have this horrible feeling in my gut. Like I ate too much pizza and tried to run a marathon. It just...”

Her voice wavered and she closed her eyes again, biting her lip. A few tears escaped and Tara gently wiped them away. She rested her hand on top of Buffy’s and then gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“You’re just scared. That’s what that feeling is,” Tara said, trying to reassure her. “It’s normal.”

Buffy’s tears went unabated now. She couldn’t stop them, whether she wanted to or not. “I don’t know what I would do if I...there aren’t a whole lot of people that I can’t live without. Less than ten. She’s one of them. A big one. If she...”

She couldn’t bring herself to say it. Tara pulled Buffy over to her and coaxed her to lie next to her. Buffy rested her head on Tara’s left shoulder and wrapped her arm around Tara’s waist as Tara wrapped her arms around her and held her tight, doing her best to comfort her.

“Shhh. It’ll be okay,” she whispered as Buffy wept on her shoulder. The slayer cried herself to sleep in the young witch’s arms, and Tara laid awake, hoping she could be strong enough for both of them.

Part 15: Not a Prediction

Buffy and Tara sat cross-legged on the sofa in the waiting room, their college algebra texts and notebooks between them. Dawn was reclined in a nearby chair reading a Teen People magazine. Suddenly Buffy grunted in frustration and threw her pencil down.

“I can’t do this,” she said. “X’s and Y’s and squared stuff. It’s all too complicated.”

“Don’t give up. You’ll get the answer,” Tara said. She leaned forward slightly and looked at the problem Buffy was working on. Then she used her pencil as a pointer, tapping Buffy’s notebook with the eraser. “You have to get x by itself. So to get rid of the 2 from 2x, you need to do what?”

“Erase it?” Buffy asked, half-serious.

“You divide both sides by two,” Dawn said from behind her magazine. Buffy shot a glare at her little sister that went unnoticed.

“I was gonna say that,” she said defensively before sighing in defeat. “Why do I need college algebra? I’m not gonna use this stuff.”

“It’s to get a well-rounded education,” Tara said. Buffy raised an eyebrow in skepticism, noting how unconvinced Tara sounded. “Okay, yeah, it’s stupid, but it’s required. You can do it.”

“No, I can’t. And I’m gonna stage a protest in the Quad next week. Big anti-algebra rally. I’ll make signs and everything. Ooh, and buttons,” she said, firmly making her stance on the issue known.

“If I can do this, you can do this,” Tara said. Buffy shook her head.

“You’re way smarter than me. This has been well-established over many years,” Buffy said. “One subject I’m good at is history. Especially our history.”

“I almost failed trig in high school,” Tara said. Buffy was visibly shocked by this news. She didn’t think Tara could fail anything. “Only reason I passed is because Mr. Detmeyer is a big pervert.”

“No arguments there, but how did that help you pass trig?”

“It was after everybody found out I was gay,” she said with a smirk. “The whole lesbian thing got him off so he gave me a C-minus.”

“Ew,” Dawn said, finally lowering her magazine to shoot Tara a look that was a combination of disgust and disbelief.

“Yeah, but at least it didn’t destroy my gpa before college,” Tara commented with a shrug. She returned to pointing at Buffy’s notebook while Dawn returned to her magazine. “Now, Buffy, if you divide both sides by two, what does x equal?”

“Uh, y minus 3,” she said. She looked at the rest of the problem and started the gears in motion. “So…if I put y minus 3 in for x in the equation we started with I can get the answer for x and y.”

“See, I told you could do it,” Tara said with a smile. Buffy smiled triumphantly as she quickly figured out the numerical values of x and y. Then she dropped her pencil and looked to Tara in gratitude. A little bit of pride was mixed into her gaze as well. Tara became curious about her expression. “What?”

“You’re gonna be an amazing teacher,” the slayer said, reaching across their books to grasp Tara’s hand.

The loving exchange was brief as the rest of the gang entered the waiting room. Willow, Oz and Xander were each carrying two To Go cups from the Espresso Pump while Anya carried her own. Oz and Willow handed their extra cups to Buffy and Tara while Xander handed his to Dawn.

“We did a quick patrol,” Xander informed the trio. He spoke with a little bit of pride. “I almost slayed a vampire.”

“Until Oz pointed out it was actually a life-size angel statue,” Willow said with a smile. Xander became defensive.

“I swear that thing moved!”

“I hate that you guys are out there patrolling by yourselves. It’s dangerous,” Buffy said, concerned for her friends.

“Don’t worry, Buffy,” Willow said. “We know our limits. We wouldn’t attempt anything slayer-like that could get us killed. Remember our motto from before? Don’t get killed.”

“So far, so good,” Oz commented. “Obviously.”

“Xander and I have practiced our running away technique many times,” Anya said. “When we’re done running away, we go back to our apartment and—”

“Watch Wheel of Fortune,” Xander interrupted nervously. Anya shot him a confused glare. “You know An. She loves that Wheel.”

“Any news about your mom?” Willow asked. Buffy shook her head.

“The doctor said this kind of surgery takes a long time,” Tara said.

“But it’s been all day,” Dawn said with a pout. “I’m really getting tired of waiting. I just wanna see mom.”

“So do I,” Buffy said, offering Dawn an understanding smile. “Hopefully we’ll know something soon. The longer the better, right? Means they’re being extra careful fixing her up.” She looked to Tara. “They were fast with your mom, right?”

“Uh, yeah,” she replied quietly. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, unnoticed by most of the group. “Couple hours.”

“So if things weren’t going well, they would’ve been out real quick like bunnies,” Buffy said. Upon the glare she received from Anya, she corrected herself. “Or something else really fast.”

Tara smiled at Buffy and gently rubbed the slayer’s knee before she stood. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Sure,” Buffy responded. She slammed her text shut. “We should take a break from algebra.”

She excused herself and headed down the hall to the women’s restroom where she splashed her face with cold water and then stared at herself in the mirror. She cried out in surprise when Xander’s reflection appeared behind her. She spun around and glared at him.

“God, Xander, what are you doing in here?” she asked. “You know this is the women’s room, right?”

“Yeah, I stole the ‘closed for cleaning’ sign and stuck it to the door,” he said. “You looked like you could use a talk.”

“No,” Tara said, shaking her head. “I’m okay.”

“Bad memories?” he asked, ignoring her denial. She scowled at him, not understanding how he could be so sure. “I saw how you reacted when Buffy asked about your mom.”

Tara sighed and leaned back against the sink. “It’s not her fault. I’ve been really open about it when she’s asked me before. It’s just, you know, here…”

“Makes it more vivid, live and in color,” he said in understanding. “Maybe you should tell Buffy that.”

“No, I don’t wanna do that,” she said adamantly. “I don’t want her to worry about tip-toeing around me. She’s got enough to worry about.”

“Yeah, I guess she does,” he agreed. “What about you? You got enough to worry about?”

“Huh?” Tara asked, clueless as to where Xander was going with this.

“It’s just…you’ve been super supportive of Buffy…and Dawn and Joyce and everything,” he said. “You’ve been like super woman lately, and I think the rest of us are kinda forgetting that you’re just a regular person like us. Who’s supporting you?”

“Buffy’s got this fear of ending up alone. Even with all these people to support her, she’s got that fear,” Tara said. Xander nodded his head knowingly. “Thing is I know exactly what she’s afraid of. I-I lived it. I was alone with my mother. I had no one to support me, and when she-she died, that was it. Solitary me.”

“You’re not solitary you anymore,” he responded. “The thing with a group of friends is that there doesn’t have to be one supporto person. We all support each other.” He got a disturbed look on his face for a moment. “And I really need to steer this in a different direction because I’m getting bra images.”

She looked down at the bathroom tile, wringing her hands in front of her. “I just don’t want Buffy to truly know what it’s like…her fear. I don’t ever want her to experience that. It was horrible.”

Xander stepped beside Tara and draped his arm around her shoulders. “And she won’t because we’re all here. Not just you. You don’t have to do it all yourself. Don’t be afraid to be a little selfish and actually have a problem of your own. Okay?”

“Sure,” she agreed with a smile. “Buffy’s lucky to have a friend like you.”

“She sure is,” he said with a smug smile. Then it turned into one of endearment. “You’re on that luck train, too, you know.”

She nodded her head to acknowledge that fact and then pushed away from the sink. “So, you ever been in a women’s bathroom before?”

“Don’t think so,” he said as they headed for the door. “It’s a lot cleaner than the men’s room. I think I might start coming in here more often.”

“Somehow I think the women of the world will have a problem with that,” she responded as they headed back to the waiting room. They saw Buffy and Dawn hugging as a doctor walked away. Tara looked questioningly to the group. “What’s up?”

Dawn pulled away from Buffy and tackled Tara in a bear hug, catching the witch off guard and causing her to stagger. “Mom’s gonna be okay! He said everything was perfect.”

“Oh, that’s great, sweetie,” Tara said, relief washing over her as she returned Dawn’s hug under the amused and relieved gaze of Buffy. Finally the teenager released her grip and Tara moved over to embrace Buffy.

“You know, if this wasn’t the best news ever, I would be getting annoyed by this whole you being right all the time thing,” Buffy said sarcastically. Tara laughed and stepped back, holding her hand.

“Okay, next time there’s something to be right about, I’ll try to let you have a turn at it,” Tara said. “So, you guys are gonna get to see her soon?”

“Yeah, he said it’d be like a half hour,” Buffy replied. Then she addressed the group. “You know as soon as Dawn and I get in there, we’ll probably be here all night, or at least until they make us leave by force. You guys can all go.” She noticed a concerned look begin to creep onto Tara’s face and added, “And this is not me pushing people away, this is just me knowing that all of you would really rather be somewhere that’s not here.”

“You’re sure?” Tara asked, still willing to stay as long as Buffy needed. The slayer nodded her head and ran her hand gently up and down Tara’s arm.

“Yeah, we’ll be fine,” she said. “I know you thought I didn’t notice, but I know this is all rough for you. You know, the hospital and the everything. Your mom. I want you to get out of here and forget all this stuff for a little bit. Do something you love. Like read some Shakespeare or something crazy like that.”

Tara smiled and gave Buffy a quick peck on the cheek. “Okay, I will. You’ll say hi to your mom for me?”

“Absolutely, and I’ll see you tomorrow,” she replied. She kissed Tara on the lips. “I love you.”

“I loved you first,” Tara said with a smile as she backed away. Xander gave Dawn and Buffy quick hugs before the whole group filed away, chatting animatedly about the good news. As they exited, Tara shot one glance back at Buffy, the two of them exchanging a smile before they were out of each other’s sight.

---

A couple weeks passed and life more or less returned to normal. Everyone was healthy and happy. Random demons here and there did little to disturb any of them. Joyce had even had a date, much to Buffy and Dawn’s chagrin at first. Dawn’s initial reaction had been to squeal in horror, “Moms don’t date!” Once the initial mortification had passed, the girls warmed up to the idea, seeing how happy their mother was to even have the date. Along with Willow and Tara, the girls helped Joyce pick out an appropriate dress to wear and answered any questions she had about appropriate dating protocol. Having been out of the dating game for so long, the older woman was more than a little nervous about how to act.

“I still don’t understand why you don’t want to celebrate your birthday,” Tara said as she and Buffy walked into the Magic Box. They had just left Joyce to her own devices before her date and were now moving on to other topics that Buffy seemed adamant to avoid.

“Okay, let’s do the Buffy party rundown, shall we?” Buffy said sarcastically. Giles nodded his head in greeting to the two women as they sat at the table. “Arm in a box tried to strangle me, Angel lost his soul, zombies, no slayer powers while locked in a house with a psychotic vampire and last year I almost killed Giles when he turned into a demon.”

Tara looked over at Giles curiously.

“It was temporary. Long story,” he said, still embarrassed that he had ever left himself vulnerable to Ethan Rayne’s magic.

“Parties and birthdays in Sunnydale tend to go crazy,” Buffy continued.

“It doesn’t have to be a party,” Tara said. “Just a little thing, the-the Scoobies and your family. All of us get together at your house, you get presents and cake. Plenty of fun.”

“That sounds very much like a party,” Buffy said with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s just a gathering of your close friends to celebrate the day you came into existence,” Tara said with a scowl. “In w-what crazy dictionary is that a party?”

“Every dictionary,” Buffy said. She shot Tara a playful smile and they kissed briefly before Tara turned to Giles.

“Mr. Giles, what do you think? Don’t you think there should be a party?”

“Well, Buffy’s history aside, birthdays are always an excellent time to unwind and just enjoy yourself,” Giles said. “It’s good to celebrate.”

“See, he’s on my side,” Tara said.

“Giles is always on your side,” Buffy said, shooting a look at her watcher. “It’s like the Giles and Tara team. And actually when it comes to parties in my honor, my friends tend to forget history and go with it. They don’t seem to learn.”

“It’ll be fun and free of craziness. Well, bad craziness, anyway,” Tara said. “I promise.”

Buffy reached over and laced her fingers between Tara’s. “If you promise.”

“Besides, your mom really wants to do something, too,” Tara continued. “After everything that’s been going on, she wants lots of happiness and stuff.”

“All right, I agreed already,” Buffy said in defeat. “You don’t have to pull out the mom card.”

“Just wanted to make sure, in case you were thinking about changing your mind,” Tara said with a grin. Buffy shook her head.

“Nope. No mind-changing,” she said. “I like my mind the way it is.”

“Good,” Tara said. Then a playful scowl creased her brow. “Now, what to get you for a present. I was thinking maybe The Canterbury Tales or maybe a collection of poetry. Oh! The complete works of Franz Kafka.”

“You know I’d hate for you to spend so much money on books that you know I’d love since those sound like they’re all hard to find,” Buffy said, playing along. “I could probably live with, you know, jewelry or clothes. Don’t spend too much time looking for just the right book. It’s totally the thought that counts.”

“Well, then I better put a lot of thought into this,” Tara said. “But on the topic of present buying, I need to go do that. Xander said he needed girly assistance, since you’re girly and he’s not. His phrasing, although he was more defensive about it.”

Buffy chuckled as Tara stood. “Just remember I like all things shiny and frilly…and sometimes in combo.”

“I’ll remember that,” Tara said with a smile. She leaned over and kissed Buffy briefly before waving goodbye to Giles and leaving the shop. Buffy didn’t notice Giles shaking his head as he observed her watching Tara’s departure a little too intently.

---

Buffy sat on the sofa, flanked on either side by Willow and Tara. Wrapping paper and ribbons littered the floor at her feet while assorted already unwrapped gifts covered the coffee table and the others watched her tear into a present marked as being from Xander. Willow, Tara and Xander all had mischievous grins on their faces as Buffy lifted the lid to the clothing box. Her eyes widened and she quickly slammed the lid down again.

“Xander!” she exclaimed in shock. Most of the others remained confused. Dawn moved over, seemingly to lift the lid of the box, but Buffy had a death grip on it so no one else saw the contents.

“What is it?” the younger Summers asked curiously.

“Nothing you need to see,” Buffy said sharply before returning her appalled gaze back to Xander.

“Tara said you liked all things shiny and frilly. So we agreed you’d look great in that,” he said. This caused Buffy’s gaze to fall on her girlfriend next to her.

“You what?” she asked. Tara laughed and couldn’t keep up the ruse any longer.

“Sweetie, put your eyes back in your head,” she said, rubbing the slayer’s shoulder. “It’s a gag gift.”

“That’s not your real present,” Willow added amidst her own laughter. Buffy’s posture relaxed a little, although her eyes were still very wide.

“Thank god,” she said, turning back to Xander. “Because you were moving into very inappropriate territory.”

Xander reached into his back pocket and pulled out an envelope, which Buffy gratefully accepted. Tara took the box containing the gag gift and placed it behind her on the couch.

“I think we’ll hang onto that,” she said quietly to Buffy, who blushed slightly as she tore into the envelope and pulled out a gift certificate.

“A certificate for a manicure and pedicure,” she said with a pleased smile. “Much better. Very friend appropriate.”

“You know, I figured you’re breaking nails all the time fighting the demons and vampires,” he said. “Might as well make them all nice and pretty before next time.”

“Yes, I’m sure the vamps will really appreciate a French manicure before I turn them to dust,” Buffy said in mock seriousness. She looked around, seeing that there appeared to be no more presents. “Oh, no more? Darn. Maybe we should’ve invited more people.”

“And that pouting would be the universal signal for cake time,” Joyce said with a smile as she began to retreat to the kitchen.

“Oh yay!” Buffy said happily. “Sugar with my name on it.”

“Literally,” Oz commented.

Joyce returned with the cake and Buffy blew out her candles after a fairly off-key rendition of happy birthday coming from most of those present. The main exceptions were Giles and—much to Buffy’s surprise—Tara, who was harmonizing with the watcher. Once the cake had been doled out, Giles and Joyce retreated to the kitchen to allow the younger attendees their space to have their fun.

After a while, Tara excused herself to get a drink refill. She entered the kitchen to find Joyce and Giles chatting and sipping wine. They smiled at her presence, but Tara stopped short. She stared at Joyce, and the two others immediately were concerned. They could see shock and fear in Tara’s gaze.

“Tara, is something wrong?” Joyce asked. Tara took a moment to find her voice.

“Are you feeling okay, Mrs. Summers? I-I mean, Joyce,” she stammered. Joyce had insisted long ago that Tara drop the formalities and call her Joyce. She said Mrs. Summers made her feel old.

“Fine,” Joyce said in confusion. Then she smiled and gestured with her wine glass. “I mean, the wine might just be getting to me, but otherwise…”

“Why do you ask, Tara? That seemed a little out of the blue,” Giles observed.

“It’s just…” she trailed off and looked over her shoulder. The others were all still out in the living room enjoying the party. “Can-can we talk out back?”

“Sure,” Joyce said. She was becoming more confused by the second. Giles was right there with her.

“Both of us?” he asked.

“Uh, no…well, I guess…it-it doesn’t matter,” Tara said. She led them out onto the back deck and Giles closed the door behind them. Tara turned to them and saw two expectant faces. “One of the things I can do, as a witch, is that I can see auras.”

“Of course, that tends to be a common power,” Giles said. Tara nodded her head.

“You see auras?” Joyce asked. “Like you see how people are feeling?”

“Yeah,” Tara answered. “But something happened a while ago where I saw a relative who-who didn’t have an aura. I was about ten. It was my Aunt Doris. It scared me because I had seen everyone’s auras all my life. I’d never seen somebody without one. Then a day later, Aunt Doris, um, died of a stroke.”

“I assume there’s a point to this story,” Giles said, both confused and intrigued.

“I realized later that, um, in people I care about, I can see when they’re going to die soon. Their aura goes away. It’s not always definite. Sometimes it’s like-like a flicker. Like a bad light bulb. But when it’s gone…it’s gone. It happened with my mom. The day she died, her aura was gone,” Tara said. She paused and swallowed hard. Her voice wavered slightly when she looked at Joyce. “Just like yours is now.”

Joyce and Giles stood in stunned silence. Giles looked at Joyce as if he was attempting to see her aura.

“I think maybe you should go back to your doctor,” Tara said. “Usually it happens within 24 hours. Maybe he can, you know, find something. Maybe it can be stopped.”

“You’re wrong. It’s a mistake,” she said, her voice wavering. There were tears in her eyes, but she had an angered expression on her face. “It’s just too dark. That’s why you can’t see it.”

“Lighting doesn’t matter,” Tara said, saddened that she had to tell Joyce this. “I can see them in light or dark. You don’t have one.”

“I’m telling you, you’re wrong. I feel fine,” Joyce argued. “The doctor said I was fine just last week.”

“Maybe it doesn’t have to do with the tumor, but something’s going to happen to you,” Tara continued. She didn’t know what else to do. She didn’t want Joyce to die. She had prevented it from happening once before. “Just start with the doctor.”

Joyce shook her head.

“Maybe you should,” Giles said finally, agreeing with Tara. Joyce shook her head.

“Well, if I have no aura is there really any preventing it?” she asked. Tara could tell by her tone that she was still not believing this. “What’s the point in trying?”

“I’ve stopped it before. Once,” she said. “When I was with my first girlfriend in high school, her aura disappeared. I trusted her enough to tell her about it and that she’d believe me. She went to the doctor and he found a blood clot on her brain. If she hadn’t gone to see him, she would’ve had an aneurysm and died. He took care of it and her aura came back. Please, see your doctor.”

“And what am I supposed to tell him? That my daughter’s girlfriend predicted I was going to die?”

“It’s not a prediction, it’s the truth,” Tara said bluntly. Joyce turned and started to go back inside. “Joyce, I’ve seen it too many times for it not to be true.”

Joyce paused at the door, shook her head and then went inside. She hurried up to her bedroom before anyone else saw her. Outside, Giles turned to Tara, his eyes filled with concern.

“Tara, are you absolutely sure about this?” he asked.

“I’m positive,” she said. “I’ve only prevented it that one time. Every other time, it happened.”

“Then tell Buffy,” Giles said. He saw Tara’s skepticism and shook his head. “I know you don’t want to, but if anybody is going to convince Joyce to see her doctor, it’s Buffy.”

Tara sighed and agreed with him. She would have to tell Buffy. They started to walk inside and she looked over at Giles with a sad smirk.

“So much for a craziness-free party.”

---

Blank eyes stared at the floor. Everyone was silent. Dawn and Buffy sat beside each other on the sofa. Giles had protested Dawn’s presence, but Tara, who had become quite close to Dawn, knew how much the youngest Summers girl despised being treated like a child. She had just as much right to know as Buffy.

The others were still trying to grasp the gravity of the situation. Xander and Anya stood by the fireplace. Willow sat on the opposite side of Buffy from Dawn while Oz rested on the arm of the sofa beside Willow. Amazingly, the commonly stoic werewolf was the first to speak.

“So, you could just walk out the door, see someone and, like, know they’re going to die if they don’t have an aura?” he asked.

“No, not just anybody,” Tara explained. “It has to be somebody I care about. It’s never happened with a stranger.”

“And you’re sure Joyce doesn’t have an aura?” Xander asked. Tara nodded her head.

“But you said you’ve saved someone once before,” Willow said, pointing the conversation toward its intended purpose. “So it’s not a definite.”

“She saved someone once,” Anya interjected, putting the pessimistic spin on the situation. “How many people have you seen lose their auras?”

“Too many to count,” Tara replied quietly. It was the truth. Even with this frightening power, she continued to open herself to people. She was very shy, but once someone met her, she began caring for them. Even Deepak, the boy she had spent her first college New Year’s Eve with, had qualified.

“So, one person saved out of a whole bunch more people who weren’t,” Anya said.

“All it takes is one time to know it can be prevented, Anya,” Giles said, trying to inject some hope into the conversation.

“You’ve tried to stop it every time, right?” Xander asked. “And you only stopped it once.”

“I tried to stop it almost every time. The first few times, I didn’t understand it,” Tara explained. She paused, thinking about the one time she intentionally didn’t try to stop it. “And with my mother…I saw it, but there was no helping her. She-she was sick, in pain.”

Buffy and Dawn had said nothing. Tara sat on the coffee table in front of them and looked at them pleadingly.

“You have to talk her into seeing her doctor,” she said. “She’ll listen to you.”

“Especially you, Buffy,” Giles said. “She trusts your opinion on these matters.”

“She wouldn’t listen to you, Giles,” Buffy responded. “What makes it any more believable coming from me?”

“You’re her daughter,” he replied.

“He’s right, Buffy,” Willow said. “At the very least, you can guilt her into going to make you and Dawn feel better.”

Buffy sighed and looked into Tara’s sad and sympathetic eyes. She knew Tara wished she was wrong. The one person in the room who knew the pain of losing a parent was the one person who had to deliver that pain to the woman she loved.

“You’re sure about this?” Buffy asked her, wanting to see in Tara’s eyes as she said it.

“I am,” she replied quietly, not breaking eye contact with Buffy.

Buffy looked over to Dawn, who had been silent the entire time. When she felt Buffy looking at her, Dawn blinked and spoke finally.

“I trust Tara,” she said. “I wanna help mom.”

Buffy gave Dawn’s shoulders a comforting squeeze and then stood, pulling her sister with her. “Then let’s go.”

---

Joyce had insisted on going to the doctor alone. Dawn had school and Buffy had class. She didn’t want her daughters pushing off their education for this. When the two Summers girls arrived home that afternoon, Joyce hadn’t returned from her appointment yet. But the entire gang was there to meet them and find out if there was any news. There were no messages on the machine so they all sat in the living room in an awkward silence.

“We could play a word game,” Anya suggested. Xander sighed. Anya noticed the looks on everybody’s faces. They were annoyed with her. “What? It could be fun and distracting. Or we could play Monopoly. That’s a very enjoyable game.”

Xander was about to explain to Anya that nobody wanted to play a game when the phone rang. Buffy leapt up from the sofa and grabbed the phone after the first ring. Dawn and Tara both stood, moving over to stand by Buffy.

“Mom, hi. What’d the doctor say?” Buffy asked. She noticed everybody watching her and interrupted Joyce. “Actually, the gang’s all here. It’ll save me some breath if I put you on speaker phone.”

Buffy did so and everyone listened as Joyce spoke about the results from the doctor.

“Clean bill of health,” she said. They all could hear the relief in her voice. However, Giles and Tara exchanged a look, knowing that if it wasn’t Joyce’s health that was going to kill her there was still something else. “The doctor was confused, but he ran every test he could think of and there’s nothing wrong with me.”

“Thank god,” Buffy said with a sigh of relief. She hugged Dawn and then noticed the worried look on Tara’s face.

“Joyce, where are you right now?” Giles asked.

“I’m about to leave the doctor’s office,” she replied. “Why?”

“You should come straight home,” he suggested. “If Tara still can’t see your aura when you get here, that means there may still be some danger to your life.”

“Please, drive carefully,” Tara added.

“Okay, I will,” Joyce said, her momentary relief being replaced with worry again. She hung up her cell phone and Buffy turned to the gang.

“You know, you all don’t have to wait here,” she said. “I can call you after mom gets back if there’s anything you might be able to help with.”

“Nah, that’s okay, Buff,” Willow said. “We wanna wait. Because if Tara does see your mom’s aura when she gets back, I wanna be here to go ‘Woo hoo.’”

“Yeah, me too,” Oz said with a slight grin. Willow smiled and squeezed his hand.

“So this means more waiting,” Anya said, feeling awkward. “Waiting in horrible silence.”

Dawn noticed that Anya wasn’t very pleased with Willow volunteering the entire group to stay and wait. She offered to distract Anya.

“I’ll play a word game with you, Anya,” she said. “It actually might help me with my English homework.”

“Okay,” Anya said with a smile. Dawn motioned for Anya to follow her to the dining room where her school books were.

“I’ll join you,” Oz said, following the two. “I like word games.”

“Oz playing a word game?” Xander asked sarcastically. He also followed into the dining room. “This I gotta see.”

The four remaining members of the group smiled and decided they couldn’t resist the fun. They all went into the dining room, hoping this game would momentarily ease their tension until Joyce returned home.

 

Continue