Here Is Gone

By Terri

Chapter 11

The following day Spike made his way to the hospital via the sewers. He knew that today was the day Joyce would be diagnosed with the tumor and he wanted to be there. He found Buffy comforting a distraught Dawn but there was no sign of Joyce.

"Hi Spike," Dawn greeted listlessly.

"They take her in?" he asked when Buffy looked up at him.

Buffy nodded, her hand absently stroking Dawn’s hair. "They took her in about twenty minutes ago."

He nodded but didn’t say anything. Instead he looked around before settling down on a chair next to Buffy and waited in silence. Half an hour later a nurse appeared at the entrance to the waiting room and called Buffy back to see her mother.

"Stay with Dawn, please?" she asked him, her eyes sad and worried.

Spike nodded and moved into the chair next to Dawn as Buffy followed the nurse. Dawn looked stricken and Spike swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Don’t worry, Nibblet. I’m sure Mum’s just fine," he lied after several tense moments, trying to be cheerful.

Dawn turned to him with reddened eyes. "No she’s not."

Spike seemed put off., his brow creasing. "How do you know?"

"Coz they only wanted Buffy. If Mom was fine, they’d have asked for both of us, but because I’m the little sister…"

Spike tried to deflect her fears. "Now, Bite Size, I’m sure there’s a good reason for why they only wanted Buffy…"

"I’m not a baby, Spike. I can tell when someone is trying to ‘protect’ me. I watch TV y’know. It’s always the youngest who finds out last."

Spike snorted. "Piffle. You want too much TV, Nibblet. TV isn’t real life and real life doesn’t work that way."

"Doesn’t it?

Spike was about to respond when Buffy returned. The look on her face broke his heart.

"Buffy?" Dawn asked timidly.

Buffy sat down on the other side of Dawn and reached out a shaky hand. "Dawnie…"

"Mom’s gonna be okay, right?"

Tears welled in Buffy’s eyes. "We don’t know. The doctors… they found a shadow in Mom’s brain."

"A shadow?" Dawn repeated.

"They don’t know what it is. They’re taking her into surgery to do a biopsy."

"Surgery? Now?"

Buffy nodded.

"Can I… can I see her before…?" Dawn asked.

Buffy nodded again. "I’ll take you back."

As she and Dawn got up, Buffy looked at Spike, an apologetic expression on her face "Spike…"

"I know, Slayer. Family only."

Buffy confirmed it and gave a little shrug.

"Nibblet, tell Mum I’ll be seeing her soon and I’ll make the cocoa."

"I will, Spike," Dawn agreed, and followed her sister down the hall.

Buffy came back a minute later. "I’m going to call the Magic Box, let them know what’s going on."

"Okay."

"You stay here and wait for Dawn, okay?"

"Not a problem. Whatever you need, whatever I can do."

She gave him a soft smile and headed for the payphones. She returned a few minutes later, quiet and pensive, and sat next to him. It was all he could do to keep from putting his arm around her. Dawn joined them as they wheeled Joyce on a stretcher down to the OR. The older woman gave him a small wave and wan smile, which he returned as he watched her go, then the three of them settled in for the long wait. It was hard on Spike because he already knew the outcome and he was never good at waiting. Thankfully the waiting room had a television and he watched soap operas. Dawn fell asleep at some point during the afternoon and he covered her with his duster.

Buffy was staring off into space, Dawn was sleeping and he was watching Passions when Riley entered the waiting room, looking flustered.

"Riley?" Buffy said, surprised to see him.

Spike just sat back and smirked to himself. Since Soldier Boy hadn’t caught him sniffing Buffy’s sweaters that morning, he hadn’t known about Joyce’s tests.

"I just came from the Magic Box. They told me about your mom. Buffy, why didn’t you call me?"

Buffy looked away guiltily. "I didn’t want to worry you until we knew what was going on."

"Well you did worry me. I went by your house this morning and no one was there. I had no idea what was going on…" His voice was steadily rising.

"Oi! Keep it down. Nibblet’s sleepin’ and I’m trying to watch the telly," Spike groused.

Riley glared at him. He sneered back.

"What is he doing here?" the ex-soldier complained.

Buffy rolled her eyes impatiently and Spike silently cheered. "He was there last night when Mom told us about the test results and he asked if I minded if he came. I said no. He and Mom are friends. He cares."

Riley tried to whisper but he didn’t account for vampire hearing. "Buffy, do I have to remind you that Spike is a vampire…"

Buffy cut him off. "I don’t have time for this, Riley. He asked, I said yes. End of discussion."

Riley backed off, hands raised in surrender. Buffy caught sight of Joyce’s doctor scanning the room and rose to her feet. She walked over to him, motioning Riley to stay behind. Spike waited a few beats, then got up, giving Riley a nonchalant shrug.

"Never was good at doin’ what I was told," he quipped and headed over to the other side of the room.

"Do you have results yet?" he heard her ask as he joined them. She cast him a glance but didn’t make him leave.

"Why don't we sit down over–" the doctor said after a pause.

Buffy interrupted him, "No. Excuse me, no, Doctor. Not to be rude, but I don't wanna sit down. I've been doing nothing but sitting down for hours. Just tell me..."

The doctor sighed and gave in. "Your mother has... The term is ‘low- grade glioma.’ It's a brain tumor..."

Spike saw Buffy’s eyes glaze over in shock, then her knees give out. He used his vampire speed to get a chair underneath her before she fell, but then stepped back, giving her space. This was proving to be more difficult for him than he had originally thought, but he had to see it through for Buffy. Still it was so hard not to give himself away, so hard not to reach out. But he couldn’t. He hadn’t been given that right yet.

"The clinical name's Oligo...dendro... glioma. It's in the left hemisphere of the cerebrum. In your mother's case, the tumor seems to have started there. In other words, it hasn't spread

there from another part of the body... which, in a way, is good news..."

The doctor moved to sit across from Buffy, his face compassionate. "I know this is very difficult. And, unfortunately, because of the nature of your mother's illness, things could progress very quickly."

The words snapped Buffy out of her stupor. "Things? What things?"

"Symptoms. There are a fair variety that might present. Loss of vision or appetite, lack of muscle control, mood swings, personality changes…"

"But what can we do?" she asked.

The doctor gave her a gentle smile. "Not much until we determine if the tumor's operable. Which we're working on."

"Well, I... is there something I should be doing? Can I... help?"

The doctor nodded. "Well, there's some literature you might want to look at. If we aren't able to go in surgically, there are a number of new treatments which are very promising. Your mother's prognosis is a lot better today than it would have been only a year ago. Even if the tumor's not operable, she has a real chance."

Buffy, shrewd as ever, replied, "What's ‘a real chance?’"

The doctor hesitated, but Spike’s growl made him answer. "Nearly one in three patients with this condition does just fine."

The words hit Buffy hard and Spike saw her hands start to tremble.

"Now. Let me ask - does your mother's insurance company require copies of MRI and pathology reports?" the doctor was asking.

Never having dealt with such a situation before, Buffy was at a loss. "I’m not… sure."

"Just let me know as soon as possible. And I could use some information regarding your mom's lifestyle and home environment. For instance, does she use a cell phone?"

Buffy was looking overwhelmed and Spike ached to step in, but he didn’t know what to say.

"I think. She uses one of those... She had an ear thing, but..."

"Okay... Is your house near any power lines? Chemical plants? Waste disposal facilities?"

"I don't think so... Maybe."

"Dump’s on the other side of town," Spike commented.

"Well, the more we know..."

"I'm sorry..." Buffy trailed off.

Someone new joined them and Spike turned in time to see Ben touch the doctor on the shoulder and tell him that he was needed in ICU. At the sight of the intern, Spike’s vision went red and he clenched his fists.

‘Kill you. Kill you, I will. You and the Hell Bitch. Not gonna touch my girls.’

The doctor was standing, giving his condolences, but Ben was still there.

‘Bomb your car. Put poison in your drink…’

Ben was explaining that he saw Buffy foundering and had fabricated the story of the page to get rid of the doctor and give her some space. For a moment it looked like he was going to sit down next to Buffy, but one look from Spike made him change his mind.

"Listen," the intern said nervously, casting odd glances at the vampire that was looming protectively and glaring at him. "Your mom's gonna be unconscious for at least another six, seven hours. Why don’t you take a break?"

"A break?" Buffy repeated, stunned.

"I just mean, go out. Get some air. Come back later this evening, talk to the doc then if you want," he backpedaled.

Buffy hesitated and Spike moved in closer, menacing. Ben threw up his hands, good-naturedly.

"My unsolicited advice of the day."

He waved and moved off, stopping when a nurse showed him a chart. Spike never took his eyes off him, not even when Riley approached.

"Buffy..."

Much to Spike’s ire, Buffy hugged Riley, leaning on him for comfort.

"It's bad, Riley."

"I know."

"I've got to do something," she blurted, looking at him.

"Do something?" Riley asked.

"Maybe there's some magic or something -- a healing spell," she offered.

Spike creased his brow and gave a shake of his head. Buffy didn’t see it but Riley did, and for once they agreed on something.

"Healing spell? Buffy... People get sick. I don't think magic can help…"

"That attitude's not helping. I have to try," she snapped.

"Okay," Riley gave in.

Pulling out of his arms, Buffy fought to get her thoughts in order. "I need to talk to Giles. Can you drop Dawn off at school for me? Tell her I'll meet her at the magic shop when she gets out."

"Whatever you need me to do," Riley agreed.

"I’ll meet you at the Magic Box, Slayer. In the meantime, I’ll swing by the Gallery and see if I can’t get some of the insurance info the doc needed," he added, trying to be helpful.

"The Gallery?" Buffy questioned.

"I know the way through the tunnels. I’ll pop up, have a chat with whoever’s in charge when your mum’s not there, maybe make a couple of phone calls, and see what I can find out, alright?" he clarified.

Buffy looked about to cry but she nodded. He nodded back and went to retrieve his coat from across Dawn, waking her in the process.

"Spike?" she murmured sleepily.

"Hey, Sweet Bit. Mum’s out of surgery. Big sis is headed out to get a break while Soldier Boy takes you to school. We’ll meet you at the Magic Box later, after school, okay?"

"What happened with Mom?" the teen asked.

He shook his head and lied. "No news yet, luv. It might be a while."

He stepped back and turned to Buffy as Riley came close. "I’ll see you later, Slayer."

She acknowledged him with a nod and he headed out. He saw Ben at the end of a hallway and stopped to stare for moment.

‘Cut the brake line on your nancyboy car…’

Growling, frustrated, he stalked down to the basement and the tunnel entrances. He swung by the blood bank on the way down and nicked a couple of bags for lunch. What Buffy didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.

Chapter 12

It took Spike close to three hours to make his way to the Magic Box. The woman who Joyce had hired as her assistant had been helpful in providing information about the Gallery employees’ health insurance provider, but she had also been extraordinarily chatty, asking questions about Joyce, Buffy, Dawn and himself while gathering the information Buffy needed for the hospital. By the time he finally extracted himself from the woman, it was late afternoon.

He entered the store from the basement and came into the shop just as Riley was leaving. The ex-soldier gave him a hateful glance before storming out.

"Afternoon all," he greeted.

"Spike, what are you doing here?" Giles demanded.

"Told the Slayer I’d meet ‘er here after doin’ a bit of research for her at Mum’s gallery. Docs needed some insurance info that I promised to get for her," he looked around, not seeing Buffy. "Where is she? In the back room pummeling something into the wall?"

"I’m afraid not," Giles admitted, then paused for a moment as if thinking. "Spike, have you heard of any new demons coming into Sunnydale recently? Any very powerful or old ones?"

One of the hardest things he ever had to do in his unlife was lie at that moment. "Can’t say that I have. Why?" he replied nonchalantly, sitting down at the reading table.

The Watcher gave Xander a look, then sighed. "It would seem that a new threat has entered Sunnydale and we’re not sure what we’re dealing with."

"Yeah, Buffy ran into her a few nights back and got the crap beat out of her," Xander added.

Spike struggled to keep his features from giving anything away. "Sounds tough. Have we got a name?"

"Unfortunately, no. Whatever she is, she’s very powerful and about to conjure a cobra demon," Giles admitted.

"Cobra demon?" Spike repeated.

Giles cleaned his glasses. "Yes. I’m afraid I… inadvertently sold her the necessary spell components for a Sobekian transmogrification spell."

Spike gave him a sarcastic salute. "Way to go Rupert, and did you give her a map of the zoo so she’d know right where to go?"

"Sarcasm is not appreciated. In any case, that is where Buffy has gone. She is going to try to stop her from completing the spell."

Spike appeared about to retort something when the phone rang. Giles answered it, speaking sparsely, his face growing more and more concerned until he hung up. Spike knew the call it was from Buffy, but he refrained from revealing that fact.

Giles put the phone back on its receiver and cleaned his glasses.

"That was Buffy."

"I gather she was unsuccessful in stopping her from conjuring that snake demon," Spike said.

"Unfortunately, no she wasn’t."

Spike let his concern show. "Is she alright?"

"She sounded tired and… in pain, but not seriously harmed. She is back at the hospital waiting for Joyce to wake. We’re to keep an eye out for a large animorphed cobra and wait here for Dawn."

"Nibblet should be here soon. School’s out. Maybe one of you ought to go get her."

"She is undoubtedly already on her way here. We are to keep her here, and safe, until Buffy comes for her. We are not to tell her about her mother," Giles informed.

Both Spike and Xander nodded in understanding.

"Snake demon, eh? Any chance it’ll come here?" Spike asked.

"I honestly don’t know."

Spike stood and moved purposefully to the training room. He came back out carrying a large sword and a whetting stone. The others looked at him as he sat down again and began sharpening the blade.

"Spike, what are you doing?" Giles asked, confused.

"I’m getting’ ready to kill me a big snake. What’s it look like?"

The Watcher was non-plussed. "Yes, well…"

"Never met a snake that could live through gettin’ its head chopped off," Spike said, twirling the blade. "An’ this beauty ought to do the job quite nicely."

Neither man had any answer to that so they both went about their business as Spike resumed his sharpening. A short while later, Dawn came in with Willow and Tara.

"Look who we found on the way back from the Expresso Stop?" Willow commented cheerfully.

"Any word on Mom?" Dawn asked Giles hopefully.

Giles looked apologetic. "I’m afraid not. Buffy called a few minutes ago. They expect your mother to wake soon."

Dawn looked excited. "Am I supposed to go to the hospital?"

"No. You’re to stay here and wait for Buffy."

The teen deflated and turned away. "Oh."

"Oi, Nibblet," Spike called, motioning her over and distracting her while Giles updated Willow and Tara on the latest events. "Why don’t you come over here and do your homework? Bis Sis’ll be here soon."

Dawn obeyed, pulling her bookbag off her shoulder and setting it down on the table.

"That’s a big sword."

Spike kept sharpening. "Yeah. Two-handed bastard sword. Not as big as a Scottish Claymore, but pretty hefty. Good for chopping up nasties into bits."

"Ewww."

Spike shrugged and looked down to his work. Dawn sat down at the table and began doing her homework.

Time passed. Spike sharpened the sword. Willow and Tara left to look for the snake demon and returned empty-handed. Giles and Xander did more research, and Dawn tried to do her homework. All of them were nervous and on edge. Finally, sometime after sunset, Buffy made her way slowly into the shop.

"Buffy?" Spike said softly.

Dawn, seeing her sister, got up and ran to her, hugging her tight.

"Is she awake yet?"

Buffy nodded, "Yeah, she's waiting for us."

"Can we take her home now?"

Buffy paused. "We’ll see." She looked at the others. "Any monster reptile sightings?"

"None," Gile replied.

"Tara and I did a mini-patrol earlier, but the big snakie was nowhere in–" Willow added.

Just then, there was a large smash and the cobra demon came crashing through the Magic Shop front window. Buffy moved to face it but it knocked her into some shelves, collapsing them on top of her.

"Buffy!" Spike cried and rushed to her aid as the snake moved in on Dawn.

Dawn screamed.

"Dawn!" Xander cried, trying to go to Dawn’s aid, but the snake demon hissed at him and he froze in place.

‘Bloody thing’s got the snake hypno. ‘S worse than Dru’s thrall,’ Spike thought to himself, moving into action.

He was reaching for the sword when both Dawn and the snake let out ear-piercing shrieks. The sound blasted Spike’s sensitive hearing and he howled in pain, covering his ears.

Buffy was about to charge when the snake suddenly stopped screeching. It then whipped around and streaked out of the shop through the broken front window. Spike, shaking off the pain from the twin shrieks, lunged for the sword.

"Why was the big snake afraid of Dawn?" Willow asked, confused.

"Giles!" Buffy cried, and they met eyes. "It knows."

They mobilized, but Spike was faster. Grabbing the sword, he raced out after the cobra. Using all of his vampiric speed, he ran, duster flying behind him. He saw the cobra make a turn and headed down an adjacent alley to head it off. Buffy and Giles’ pursuit spooked it and it turned in Spike’s direction. He was there, waiting for it, sword held high. The cobra saw him and hissed.

"Sorry, mate. The mojo don’t work on me," he said and struck, lopping the demon’s head neatly off.

Buffy and Giles caught up in time to see it writhe out its final death throes with Spike standing over it. They stopped and stared in shock.

"Told ya, Rupert. Never met a snake that could live through beheading."

"Yes, well, good job, Spike," Giles said, catching his breath.

"Thanks. Now all we need to find out is why the bint conjured it in the first place."

"Glory," Buffy said, still coming down from her panic.

"Glory?" Giles repeated.

"That’s what she called herself. Glory."

"Well, at least we have a name now."

"It’s something I can mention when I’m knocking demons’ heads in looking for information," Spike said.

Giles nodded.

"I have to get back to the hospital. Mom’s waiting for Dawn and me," Buffy noted suddenly.

Spike didn’t want to face Joyce or spend any more time in the hospital. "How about I take care of ol’ scaly here. Bound to be a few bits and pieces that are worth a pretty penny. ‘S not everyday you come across a Sobekian cobra demon. Venom alone would fetch a decent price. I’ll split the take with you, 70-30."

Both Giles and Buffy were too tired and traumatized to argue. "That sounds like a very generous offer, Spike. You do what needs to be done, and I’ll take Dawn and Buffy to the hospital."

"Sounds like a plan, Rupert."

"Thank you."

Giles moved to guide a nearly catatonic Buffy away from the decapitated body of the demon.

"G’night, Slayer. Tell Mum I’ll be in to see her soon."

Buffy looked back, a small smile on her lips. "I will," she whispered. "Thanks, Spike."

He gave her a genuine smile and nodded his head. Giles then came up alongside Buffy and led her gently away. After she was gone, Spike set to processing the Sobek demon. He decided to broker most of it through Anya, and then set up separate accounts for himself, Buffy and Dawn. Even if Joyce survived, his stint over the summer of Buffy’s death taught him that Joyce had been too busy paying for Buffy’s medical bills and damage to the house, to set up investment accounts for her daughters.

‘It’s never too late to start thinkin’ about your future…’

Chapter 13

The following night Spike paid Joyce a visit in the hospital. Both Dawn and Buffy were already there, and Joyce was trying to convince her daughters to bring her something else to eat.

‘Ah, lovely hospital food. There was a reason me an’ Dru would never feed on inpatients.’

He grinned to himself and patted the small box of chocolates he’d stashed away in his coat.

"Evenin’ ladies," he greeted, sauntering in.

Dawn beamed at him and he saw the first glimmers of the crush she was beginning to develop. "Hi, Spike."

‘Save a girl from a giant snake, and they just fall all over you. Now if only that’d work on the Slayer…’

"Hello, Spike," Joyce said, a genuine smile on her face.

"Spike," Buffy said. Her voice was neutral but her face was wary.

‘Haven’t quite got me figured out yet, have you, Slayer. I’m just full o’ surprises these days, ain’t I?’

"I was in the neighborhood and decided to pop in. Did I hear you complainin’ about the quality of the food, Mum?"

Joyce looked guilty. "Well, I am used to a higher level of culinary choices…"

Spike grinned and pulled the chocolates out. "Well, I might be able to sweeten the deal a bit for ya."

The woman’s eyes lit up at the sight of the foil wrapped box. "Oooohh, you evil man you…"

Buffy intercepted the contraband gift. "Hey! Hey, no caffeine allowed. Doctors orders," she announced, then gave a little smile that gave her away. "Dawn and I will just have to suffer and eat these for you."

"Hey, no fair. He smuggled those in for me."

"A little lax on the manners training, eh, Joyce?" Spike commented. "You know, in my day, we sent our girls to finishing school. Came back right proper ladies, they did. Never a bad word spoken or a fork out of place."

"This from Mr. Homicidal Killer who’s great love belonged in a loony bin," Buffy snapped, stung.

"Buffy!" Joyce admonished, but Spike swallowed the pain and gave a shrug.

"What can I say? Love is blind. Or rather … Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails," he recited, the words of Corinthians rolling off his tongue like a bittersweet memory.

‘I love you. And I will not fail.’

He stopped and there was a moment of tense silence, then a doctor entered.

"Oh hello, Dr. Kriegel. You've met my girls, Buffy and Dawn," Joyce said.

Dr. Kriegel gave them a smile. "Yes, of course. You two are becoming part of the regular crew around here."

"And this is…" Joyce began, but Spike interrupted, shaking the doctor’s hand.

"William. I’m a friend of the family."

The doctor gave him a weak smile. "Pleased to meet you, William. I’m sure Joyce is glad to have so many visitors."

"Just keeping her company," Buffy explained.

"Good for you. Just be careful you don't wear her out," the doctor warned.

"Don't worry about that. I woke up exhausted, there's really no more exhausted to get," Joyce sighed.

"Well, maybe some good news will help. The bloodwork has come back from the lab and everything seems fine. So, we've gone ahead and scheduled your surgery for the day after tomorrow at ten in the a.m. How does that sound to you?"

Joyce managed a small joke, "I think they have me scheduled for volleyball, but I'll work around it."

Dr. Kreigel smiled at her attempt at humor. "Alright then. Joyce, you take care. Make sure to get some good solid rest. And I mean that."

Joyce’s face fell as the doctor left and she looked forlorn.

"What’s wrong, Mum?" Spike asked.

"The day after tomorrow? I don't know if I can stand to be stuck here for two more days just waiting."

"Waiting? Gimme a break- We've got tons to do," Buffy said.

"Yeah, we've got soap operas to watch and trashy magazines to read ..." Dawn added.

"Can’t miss those, Mum," Spike agreed.

"Ooh, and an adjustable bed to fiddle with. That alone'll keep me going for the next four hours or so," Buffy announced, discovering the controls.

"Now Buffy, I really don't need you to stay here all night. I know you've got patrolling to do."

"Not tonight. Tonight I have Mom taking-care-of to do. Besides, Riley is filling in for me with the others. I'm sure they've got everything under control."

"You left the Scoobies with Soldier Boy?" he blurted, knowing full well that Riley was spending more and more time at Willy’s and the vamp whorehouse.

Buffy looked defensive. "He can handle it, and they know what to do."

"Still, I’ve noticed that the Captain’s been a little off his game lately, lookin’ a little paler than his usual White Bread pasty."

Buffy raised her chin. "Riley’s fine. He’s just having a hard time right now. He’s still recovering from the stuff the Initiative did you him and I’m…" She trailed off.

"All the better reason for me to lend a hand. ‘Sides, I like a spot o’ violence before bedtime."

Impulsively, not thinking and not seeing the shocked looks Buffy and Dawn gave him, he leaned over and kissed Joyce on the cheek.

"Night, Mum. Gotta go. Stuff to kill."

Joyce gave him a tender smile. "Goodnight, Spike."

He gave them an absent wave as he swaggered out. "Ta, luvs. I’ll pop by tomorrow."

He didn’t see Buffy staring after him, a deep frown on her face.

Chapter 14

As he thought, Soldier Boy had abandoned the Scoobies in deference for a vamp suck-job, and he came upon Giles, Willow and Xander grossly outmatched by a pair of female vamps. Throwing himself into the fray, he dusted one while Willow scored a lucky shot with the other.

"Good work, Red," he complemented.

Willow gave him a shell-shocked look, but smiled. "Thanks, Spike."

The three humans were breathing heavily. Giles and Xander took quite a few blows and the pain showed on their faces.

"My god, a rough night," Giles gasped.

"Whoa, I did one of 'em! Yay on me! Pretty cool except for the part where I was really terrified and now my knees are all dizzy," Willow said, losing her balance. Spike caught her and steadied her on her feet.

"And Spike got the other," Xander said.

"Good for you, Spike. Now why are you here?" Giles asked, catching his breath.

"Just came from the hospital. Buffy said you were out here with Soldier Boy, so I thought I’d lend a hand. Where *is* Captain Cardboard anyway?" he replied, making a show of looking around.

"Good question," Xander replied, getting to his feet. "Not so much a big success-night for me, but I think I should get points just for showing up."

"Yes, that was disappointing. Things would've been much easier with Riley here."

They began to stumble out of the graveyard. Spike followed closely.

"Oh piffle. Who needs him -- whoops!" Willow scoffed, then tripped on her own feet and nearly fell. Spike caught her again and set her back on her feet.

"Okay, it might have been good if he'd showed," she admitted. "But, hey Spike’s here so it wasn’t like we didn’t have *some* super-strength help."

"I suppose he just forgot," Giles offered.

"Doubt it," Spike said dryly. "Boy’s problem is that he’s a real boy now and not Super Soldier. That kinda thing does somethin’ to a man."

"Yes, well, I’m sure he had a good reason for not being here," Giles covered.

"Yeah," Spike agreed, sighing. "Look, you lot go on home. I’ll finish up here, then head back to my crypt. If I run into Captain Cardboard, I’ll tell him I gave you the night off."

The three gave him blank looks, and he ground his teeth. "Are you all stoned? Go home. You can barely walk as it is. Big Bad’s got it so you kiddies can toddle off to beddie-bye."

Confused but exhausted, they moved to obey. Spike watched them leaving, his face calm and neutral. Giles turned around, a question on his lips.

"Joyce’s surgery’s in a couple of days. Buffy and Dawn are with her. I need to kill something. You go on and get me some info on that Glory bint so the Slayer and I can take her down," he spoke before Giles could speak, then he nodded at the stunned man and stalked off into the graveyard.

Once he was out of sight and earshot, he switched to gameface and began to Hunt. He knew that the space-roach demon would be arriving soon, but he wasn’t quite sure when. It would be some time between now and when Joyce came home from the hospital to wait for her surgery date. He planned to kill it when it tried to hurt Joyce. In the meantime, he was free, free to wreak havoc on the demon population of Sunnydale.

He was worried about Joyce, sick with the knowledge of what was to come, and tortured by the fear that he wouldn’t be able to stop any of it. His soul took a back seat as his demon ran unfettered, and left a trail of carnage in his wake. By the time he stumbled into his crypt, exhausted and battered, he’d killed a dozen vampires and four lesser demons. It was empty, thankfully. Harmony had left the previous evening to hunt and shop in LA, and she wouldn’t be back until…

‘Until Druscilla returns,’ he thought, remembering his sire even as he collapsed into bed. He’d deal with Dru when the time came.

He slept sleep of the exhausted and did not wake until the following evening. When he did, he ate two bags of blood and headed to the hospital. He took the DeSoto, preparing for the possibility that he might drive Joyce and her daughters home. He found Dawn sitting by herself in the hall right outside her mother’s room.

"Hey Nibblet," he said quietly, coming to stand in front of her.

One look at her face when she looked up at him made his unbeating heart ache.

"Spike."

Softening, he crouched down to her level. "What’s wrong, Sweet Bit?"

The teen sniffed back a sob. "It’s Mom… She’s… She says awful things, but she doesn’t know she’s saying them…"

He nodded. "Uglies in the brain make people do and say things they normally wouldn’t."

Dawn bit her lip and looked down. "She wants to come home to wait for the surgery. Buffy’s arranging it now."

Spike looked around, trying to see if the demon he had nicknamed ‘Space Roach’ was around, but he saw no sign of it.

"’S that a good idea, Bit? Hospital’s the safest place for her if somethin’ goes wrong."

Dawn shrugged. "She’s really upset here. I think she’ll feel better waiting at home."

"I suppose that’s true." He stood, looking at the door to Joyce’s room. "Lemme see if I can find out what’s going on."

He knocked lightly on the closed door. A moment later Buffy opened it and peered out.

"Spike?" she said, surprised.

"Hey, Slayer. How’s Mum?"

Buffy cast a glance behind her. "Umm, Dr. Kriegel said she can go home and come back for her surgery. She’s getting dressed while the doctor gets her medications ready."

"Do you need a ride? I have my car tonight," he offered.

Buffy looked taken back and for a moment he thought she might actually take him up on his offer, but then she shook her head.

"We have Mom’s SUV."

"I didn’t know you could drive, Slayer."

"I can’t," she admitted.

"Drivin’ without a license then?" he said with an amused wiggle of his brow. "Decided to walk on the wild side, eh pet?"

Buffy smiled and shook her head. "No. Buffy and cars do not mix."

"Gonna let Mum drive then?" he asked, concerned.

She nodded.

"Is that wise?"

Buffy shrugged. "It’s not that far."

Spike didn’t like it. "I’ll follow you home at least, make sure you get home all right and settled in."

"You don’t have to…"

"Look Slayer, I don’t want to be the one that has to explain to Giles that you, your Mum and Little Sis got wrapped around a tree because I let you put a woman with a brain tumor behind the wheel."

Buffy still looked unconvinced.

"Slayer, what harm is there in my making sure you get home in one piece?" he pressed.

Buffy sighed and relented. "Okay. I guess it’s probably a smart thing to do. Mom’s… not been herself today."

Spike nodded. "Bite Size told me she’d been saying things that weren’t very nice."

Buffy looked away and hugged herself. "Yeah," she agreed faintly.

"How you holdin’ up?" he asked.

"I’m…"

She was cut off by her mother, fully dressed, coming out of the room. "If feels so good to be out of that damn hospital gown." She stopped when she saw Spike. "Spike!"

"Hello, Mum."

"Come to help me escape, have you?"

He gave her a wry smile. "I tried Joyce, even offered to drive the getaway car, but your eldest would have none of it. I have to settle for backup this time ‘round."

Joyce chuckled and pushed past him, heading for the nurse’s station where the doctor was filling out forms. Dawn jumped to her feet and both girls joined their mother at the counter. Spike stood back, but kept an ear out, as Dr. Kriegel gave Buffy instructions. He was looking for Space Roach, but so far still no sign of it. That made him uneasy because he knew from secondhand accounts that the demon was nearby.

"Well, I guess we're all set then. You've got my phone number, pager number ... And here ..." the doctor said, handing Buffy three prescription bottles. "Those are the medications I talked to you about. The sedative and so forth. Pain killers ..."

Buffy looked at the bottles, uncertain. "Right. I remember…"

"If this is going to be too much for you, we can make your mom perfectly comfortable here …"

Spike thought he heard something and whipped around to face the mental ward doors, but there was nothing. Wary, he moved closer to Joyce and the girls, taking up a protective stance. Dawn gave him a confused look, but he waved her concern away.

"No, no. I've got it. And I really appre-" Buffy was saying when her mother suddenly snapped at her harshly.

"You look like your father when he cries."

Buffy blinked and looked wounded, triggering Spike’s protective instincts.

"Hey now Joyce…"

Joyce turned on him, eyes hard and crazed. "You think it will make a difference? It didn’t for Angel. He was still a monster."

Spike froze like a deer in headlights at Joyce’s words.

‘She can see my soul!’ he thought frantically.

"Mom…" Buffy said, tugging at her mother’s sleeve.

Joyce snarled and put herself in front of Buffy. "You’ll never touch my daughter!"

Buffy looked apologetic. "Spike, she’s…"

"I know, Slayer. Dementia. Lived with it with Dru, know all about it and all the nasties it entails."

Buffy gave him a grateful smile, thankful that he understood, then turned to the doctor. "I told you she's been…"

The doctor nodded. "I know," he said, then got Joyce’s attention. "Joyce? Joyce. We're done here. Why don't you take your girls home now?"

Joyce’s eyes focused on him and she slowly returned to herself. He smiled at her reassuringly.

"Yes. Yes, thank you. Thanks for all your help, Doctor," Joyce said after a moment.

"I'll see you in a couple of days," he said.

"Thank you," she told him, then turned to Buffy and Dawn, smiling. "Let's get the hell out of here."

The ride home was nerve-wracking and he couldn’t smoke because Dawn decided to ride home with him. She sat, forlorn and small, in the passenger seat of his DeSoto and didn’t even play with the radio.

"Mum’s gonna be fine, Sweet Bit," he comforted, desperately needing a smoke.

Dawn nodded sadly and examined her fingernails.

"Spike…" she said after a moment.

"Yeah, Bit?" he answered absently, concentrating on following Joyce’s SUV.

"Am I real?"

His stomach bottomed out and he almost jerked the car to a stop. "What?" he said in a panic.

‘Does she know? No, she can’t know. She didn’t find out until Buffy’s birthday when we broke into the Magic Shop…’

"These guys, crazy guys, two of them… both of them said I wasn’t real."

"Well, you said it yourself, they were clear off their rockers," he covered. "What are you doin’ listenin’ to a loonies like that?"

Dawn shifted uncomfortably. "I dunno. It’s just that sometimes…"

"Look, Dawn, you’re 14 and goin’ through a lot of changes. It’s normal for you to be questionin’ yourself, but don’t take it too far." She looked unconvinced. "Do you feel real?" he finally asked.

"Yes. I think…"

"Lemme put it this way, Nibblet, if I didn’t have this chip in my head, you’d be a nummy treat."

"You’d bite me? Really?" She sounded happy about it.

"In a heartbeat."

He gave her a sideglance to see her smiling at him. "What?"

"That’s a compliment coming from you. Thanks, Spike."

He shook his head and focused back on driving.

‘Teenagers.’

Chapter 15

Once at the Summer’s house, Spike supported Joyce while Buffy unlocked the door. The woman visibly sighed with relief the moment she crossed the threshold.

"It’s nice to be home," she admitted.

"Nice to know you are home, Mum," Spike said.

"Do you want to get in bed, Mom?" Dawn asked.

"I…"

Buffy turned on the foyer light and Joyce shielded her eyes. "Oh that light. Oh, Buffy no, it's too bright. It's too bright! It's too bright!" she cried, starting to panic.

"Okay, Mom…" Buffy said, hurrying to turn off the light.

"Buffy it hurts, it hurts! It hurts my eyes!"

Buffy looked at a loss, not understanding.

"It’s all the lights, pet. Even the ones in the other rooms. Gotta turn them off. You go ahead and turn off the lights upstairs while I help Mum up and Nibblet turns off the lights down here," Spike told them.

"O… okay…" Buffy agreed, getting flustered.

The girls scattered, hurrying to turn off the lights and Joyce started to calm down. Spike steadied her and took her by the elbow, guiding her to the stairs.

"’S alright Mum, I can see in the dark. I won’t let you stumble," he whispered soothingly.

"Okay."

Slowly, they made their way up the stairs. Buffy met them at the top, offering her hand.

"Here we go. It's okay now."

Together they helped Joyce into her room and Spike let Buffy take it from there. He waited until she came out of the bedroom before setting phase two of his plan in motion.

"Gonna patrol, Slayer. I’ll check in tomorrow and see how things are," he lied.

She gave him a nod and he gave her a smile. Dawn was coming up the stairs as he was going down.

"I’m off to keep SunnyHell safe from my friends, Bit. I’ll see you tomorrow," he quipped, passing her on the stairs.

"Goodnight, Spike. Thanks for your help."

"Nite, Bit."

He detoured through the kitchen and picked up a large knife from the butcher block on the counter. He remembered that Space Roach could be killed by severing its spinal cord, or whatever it had in the place of a spine. Tucking the knife into his duster, he left the house to stand sentry. When Space Roach came crawling, he’d be ready to squash it before it could come anywhere near Joyce or the girls. He did a few sweeps of the block and the neighborhood but no extraterrestrial bugs revealed themselves. He returned to stand sentry, taking his place behind ‘his’ tree, and waited.

The night passed. Spike heard the television playing in the living room. There was a brief commotion a while later that appeared to be Joyce having another fit of dementia, but the girls got her back to bed. Shortly thereafter, Spike heard Buffy in the kitchen. She had turned on the radio and was playing salsa music. Confused, he approached the back door and peered in through the window. There he saw Buffy crying at the sink, water on, music baring to hide her tears. Feeling like an intruder, and not sure of he could keep his presence secret much longer because the urge to comfort her was so strong, he backed off the porch and stood on the edge of the lawn.

A moment later he heard the first scream, followed closely by a second.

It took him a moment to register that it was coming from inside the house, but then he heard another scream. It was Dawn’s scream and he would recognize her voice anywhere. Realization hit him like a brick and he cursed.

‘Damn thing is already in the house!’

No longer worried about Buffy seeing him, he burst into the house.

"Buffy!" he yelled as he raced through the house, headed for the stairs.

"Spike! What?" he heard her say, but he didn’t stop. Dawn’s screams were in his ears and he was insane with panic and rage.

He took the steps three at a time, moving as if the very legions of Hell itself were on his heels, and barreled for Joyce’s bedroom. He found Dawn trying to help a writhing Joyce clear her face of viscous goo.

"Dawn!" he hollered.

"Spike! The bed! It’s under the bed!" Dawn screamed.

Just then the creature skittered out from under the bed, leaping up and crossing over Joyce’s legs. Dawn screamed again and Spike roared. He lunged for the demon, but it leaped up. Spike spun, swinging with his fist and hit its hard shell, slamming it towards the doorway… and into Buffy who’d come running after Spike.

"Buffy!" Dawn yelled.

Buffy ducked, kicking out with one foot, at the creature, but she missed and it skittered down the hall.

"Oh my god. Mom!" she cried, turning and rushing to her mom’s side.

"She’s all right Slayer, but Space Roach is still in the house!" Spike said.

Buffy briefly checked on her mom then nodded. "Dawn, stay here, close the window, lock to door. Don’t come out until I say it’s okay."

Dawn, traumatized, her face streaked with tears, gave a shaky nod.

"Where’d it go?" she demanded of Spike.

"Down the hall," he replied, pulling out the knife.

"Where’d you get that?" Buffy asked, recognizing it as hers.

"Your kitchen," he answered absently, tracking the demon.

Buffy would have questioned him more, but he suddenly took off, leaping down the stairs in a single bound. She tore after him and found him slashing at the beast as it tried to climb the wall. Grabbing the broom, she slammed it down. It shrieked as it fell and spit more goo, striking her in the face. Repulsed, she swiped the mucus off her, but in doing so, turned her back. The creature jumped on her.

"Slayer!" Spike howled.

Buffy was threatened and instinct, already triggered by the threat to Joyce and Dawn, went into overdrive. Roaring, the demon coming forth, Spike grabbed the demon and slammed it against the kitchen wall. It spit goo into his eyes and used his momentary blindness to climb the wall again. He snarled with rage and leaped after it, brandishing the knife in one hand.

With a strike that was powerful enough to slam through the drywall, he skewered the Space Roach and yanked it down, gouging the wall as he did so. The Space Roach screamed and writhed, trying to get away, but it couldn’t use its spit because Spike had it pinned face down. He hacked once, then twice, holding the demon down with his free hand, and sliced through the hard shell, slashing with unfettered fury.

‘Die you bloody piece of shit! You’ll never hurt my girls again!’

The red rage was tempered by Buffy’s hand on his wrist.

"Spike, it’s dead," she said, her eyes wide and shell-shocked.

Coming back to himself, his demon face melting into his human features, he looked down to see that he had hacked the bug to bits. He was breathing hard, the adrenaline rush ebbing from his body, leaving him numb, and dropped the knife from his nerveless fingers. Slowly, he shifted himself away from what was left of the body and slumped back against the counter. Buffy was staring at him in shock, but he shook his head, his eyes closing.

"Go check on Mum and the Bit," he rasped, still breathing hard.

She silently obeyed, and he let himself relax. The kill had been oddly satisfying, the one bloody thing he’d been able to do since he’d been sent back, but he worried that he might have given away too much. He heard Buffy come back downstairs and felt her staring at him, but he couldn’t look at her.

Whatever questions she might have asked him were abruptly cut off, however, when Riley arrived with a team of Commandos. He used the distraction to stumble out, escaping her piercing gaze.

Unfortunately, it was a brief reprieve, and his actions hadn’t gone as unnoticed as he thought.

Chapter 16

“I’ve called this Scooby meeting to talk about our favorite blood-sucking pain in the ass, Spike,” Buffy addressed the group in the Magic Box.

She, Tara, Willow, Xander, Anya and Giles were all gathered around the reading table in the shop. The recent events had convinced her that something was up with Spike. With her mom so sick, and the threat of Glory looming over them, she couldn’t take any more strain.

While she would have liked to believe that Spike’s seeming change of heart was genuine, she knew better. Spike was a soulless demon, unable to love and incapable of doing good. His recent behavior opened old wounds earned during her time with Angel, wounds caused by her ill-fated love affair with a demon. She could not repeat her previous mistakes. Joyce and Dawn adored Spike, and he was making progress in winning over her friends, but she couldn’t afford the luxury of forgetting what he was; to do so could mean the death of them all.

So if she could not bring herself to see him as anything other than a serial killer in prison, then she had no choice but to conclude that he had some hidden agenda for being so helpful. With so much a stake: her mom, her sister, her friends, she had no patience for unexpected variables. If the bleached wonder knew something, he was going to give over, even if she had to drag it out of him by his insides.

“I think he knows something that he isn’t telling us. He’s been around an awful lot lately and it seems like he’s been in all the right places at the right times. I don’t think it’s a coincidence,” she continued.

Giles cleaned his glasses, his face pensive. “I will admit that his presence has been rather fortuitous as of late.”

“Exactly. He knew about the space demon, and I’m pretty sure he knew about the snake. We know he knew about the spell of un-seeing Tara cast. He’s been patrolling, hanging around my mom and Dawn, and behaving like a guard dog for the past four weeks, and it’s giving me the creeps. He’s up to something and that can’t be of the good.”

Tara, concerned by the look in Buffy’s eyes and the general looks of wariness on the others, felt compelled to speak up in Spike’s defense. She knew that something had profoundly changed the vampire. His aura was completely different, and she strongly suspected that he had a soul, but she wasn’t sure. She would need Willow’s help to ascertain that, and she knew from Spike’s reaction to her questioning looks that he didn’t want anyone to know. Still, she was certain that his motivations were noble.

“I… I d--don’t think he means us any h--harm,” she stuttered. “I mean, ev--everything he’s done so far has been to help us.”

Buffy and Willow gave her sympathetic looks, and Buffy had to harden her heart at the sight of Tara’s earnest face. She hadn’t known Spike during the time of Angelus, or lived through the terror of those months. Tara couldn’t know Spike’s true evil nature because she’d never seen it.

“Tara, baby, I know you haven’t been with us all that long, but Spike’s plotted against us before,” Willow said gently.

“I know about…about what he d--did with Adam,” she argued, slightly miffed. “What I’m… I’m saying is that I… I don-- don’t think his motivations are evil here.”

“He’s a demon, Tara, his motivations are always evil,” Xander countered.

“B… but he’s helped us before,” she pressed.

“While Spike has been useful in the past, he is still a demon, Tara,” Giles explained. “As a demon, he is not capable of unselfish acts. Every time he has helped us, ultimately it has been revealed that his reasons were self-serving in some manner.”

Tara was convinced they were wrong, but afraid to tell them why. She had seen the look on Spike’s face the night he stood with them against her family. He knew that she could see through his façade and had been afraid. Whatever his secrets, they weren’t hers to reveal and she wasn’t about to break the confidence.

“But… but how can his helping us now be self-serving?”

“His ultimate agenda may yet be revealed,” Giles answered.

“Unless he’s working with Glory,” Buffy said. It was a stretch, but it was possible.

“No!” Tara denied. “I can’t believe that. Everything he’s done has been to help us fight Glory. Even when he was working with Adam and pretending to be working with us, it was obvious that he had ulterior motives.”

Willow, surprised and concerned by her lover’s vehemence, and inclined to trust Tara’s intuition, tried to find a reasonable explanation.

“Maybe he isn’t working with her, but I don’t think we can deny that he knows what’s going on. Maybe he has some kind of inside information.”

Giles nodded. “He does seem to have quite a few contacts in the demon world. Perhaps one of them is feeding him information.”

“Which he is using to help us,” Tara pointed out.

“How ever he knows what he knows, I’m convinced he knows about Dawn, and about Glory,” Buffy interrupted. “I also think he knew about Mom.”

“You did say that he was awfully vehement about taking your mother back to the hospital for a CAT scan,” Giles noted.

Buffy nodded, a lump forming in her throat. “I think he knew about the tumor.”

“And kept trying to get her back to the doctor,” Tara insisted.

The others gave her impatient looks and she wilted in upon herself, feeling rejected and outcast.

“I think he may know what is going to happen, and we need to find out what he knows,” Buffy declared, an angry glint in her eye. She’d had enough. There was no room in her heart for doubts or sympathy for the undead. Too much was on the line. Her mom and sister’s lives were at stake, and she wasn’t going to let them down.

“And how he knows it,” Anya piped in.

“Exactly,” Buffy agreed.

Willow, seeing Tara’s hurt look, tried to placate her. “We… we could do a spell. A… a truth spell, to see what he knows. That way he can’t lie to us.”

Buffy nodded. “I’ve asked him to come here tonight. He should be arriving any time now.”

Willow moved to stand. “D… do you want us to get the spell ready?”

Buffy shook her head. “Not yet. I want to see what I can get out of him without the spell. Then we can compare the two stories we get and try to figure out the truth.”

“How do you intend to get him to talk to you?” Giles questioned.

A knowing smirk came to Buffy’s face and she clenched one of her fists. “How else? Demons respond very well to pain.”

“But Buffy, Spike can’t fight back,” Tara said, concerned. She had seen Buffy use violence to vent her frustration and feared for Spike if he fell into the grieving Slayer’s sights.

“Don’t worry. I won’t hurt him too much. He still has to be able to talk.”

She had no qualms about beating information out of Spike. She’d done it many times before. But lately he’d looked so… wounded when she hurt him. Her heart twinged, but she pushed it aside. Soulless demons couldn’t feel, so it didn’t matter if what she did to him caused him pain. The very fact that she was having such thoughts made her angry; angry at herself and angry at Spike for making her doubt everything she’d ever been taught.

It looked like Tara was going to protest, but the door opened and the subject of their conversation entered. He walked briskly over to them, all business and concern, and her heart ached for him.

“All right. I’m here,” Spike said. “What’s the news?”

“In the training room. I need to talk to you,” Buffy answered.

Without hesitation, Spike nodded and headed for the back room. Tara didn’t like the look in Buffy’s eyes as she watched him go. Then the Slayer turned to her and Willow and gave them a knowing nod. Tara swallowed the lump in her throat as she and Willow rose to prepare for the truth spell.

She flinched when she heard the closing of the training room door.

Chapter 17

Okay, Slayer," Spike said, taking off his coat and turning to face Buffy as she joined him the training room and closed the door. "What did you need to talk to me about?"

The blow came from nowhere and knocked him straight across the floor. The duster fell from his hand, landing in a crumpled heap.

"Buffy? What the?" he tried, struggling to catch his breath and sit up, but her foot slammed him back down and pinned his chest to the floor.

"What do you know?" she demanded.

"What?" He was shocked, confused and cut to the quick that she had hit him, again, after he had been so good and helpful.

"I know you know about Glory. You’re gonna tell me what, how and when."

His stubborn streak kicked in and he gritted his teeth, growling. "I don’t know what you’re talking about."

Her face hardened, eyes two glittering flints of glass. "Wrong answer."

She kicked him, snapping his head back and breaking his nose. Blood flowed freely down his face, but the pain went deeper than that, into his soul.

"Let’s try this again. How do you know Glory and what do you know about her?"

He tried to defend himself against the next blow, but the chip fired when he raised his arm against her. He screamed as the pain hit from the chip and her kick.

"Poor Spikey. It’s your own fault. Just tell me what I want to know," she taunted.

He glared at her, nearly blind with pain and set his jaw defiantly. "Sod off, bitch."

She tsked and shook her head. "I see you’re going to make me get nasty with you. Oh well. I tried to be nice. Gonna have to sweep the floor with you," she sing-songed, her eyes glittering. "And if I break your back again, oh well. Bonus."

She kicked him in the stomach and he howled, but refused to give in. Instead he curled in on himself, retreating into his mind the way he had whenever Angelus beat him. Every blow she dealt made his soul shrivel and he came to an awful realization.

‘She’s always been this way. It wasn’t because she came back from the dead. She’s always enjoyed causing demons pain. It’s retribution for destroying her normal life. She’s scared and hurting. Her Mum’s sick, her sister isn’t real, she’s got a Hell God on her heels… She’s at the end of her rope. And she’s taking it out on me. She’s always taken it out on us, just like I go out and kill when I’m feeling poorly.’

His head spun as she grabbed him and threw him across the room. Not from the blows that rained rage and retribution upon him, but from the realization of the futility of it all. No matter what he did, he would never be able to convince her that he had changed, not if he didn’t tell her about the soul, and even then, she would believe that it was the soul that made him good. She had been force-fed the belief that only those with souls could be noble and fight the good fight, and she clung to it even when she had numerous examples that proved the opposite was true. She clung to it with the desperation of a zealot who sees his entire belief system crumbling around him like a house of cards.

‘She clings to it because she needs to believe it, because if demons can love, then it means Angel could have loved her without the soul, but he didn’t. She doesn’t understand that he *did* love her. That was why he hated her so much. And she hates herself for loving him, for falling for a demon, because it made her a bad girl. She’s the Slayer, she’s supposed to be a Warrior of Light, but she’s done dark things and she liked them.’

"Tell me what I want to know! What do you know about Glory? What do you know about my mother? Why are you trying to get in good with her, and with me!?"

‘And she knows it. She knows she’s got darkness inside her, that she’s attracted to it. Attracted to me…’ The thought brought all new epiphanies to him. ‘She’s already attracted to me and she hates it, hates me for it. She wants to see me evil, defeated, because then she’s vindicated. She’s punishing me for how she feels. It’s not about me.’

His wrist broke and several ribs cracked as she smashed him against the vault horse, screaming at him. He raised his eyes to her and part of him died all over again.

‘Nothing, nothing I can do will make any difference. I’ll never be anything but a soulless evil thing to you. Why did I ever hope I could make amends?’

"What do you know about my mother?!" she seethed.

He managed a crooked smile before she bashed his face and sent him crashing to the hard floor again. He didn’t even try to fight.

‘Go ahead, girly. Do your worst. I’ve been tortured by blokes much better than you and they couldn’t break me. I’ve survived a Hell God and my own Grand-sire. Your little tantrum’s nothing compared to them. There’s nothing you can do to me that hasn’t already been done, except stake me, and at this point I don’t give a damn if you do.’

He heard her still screaming, felt her land more blows, but he was losing consciousness and everything seemed so far away. He let himself fall into despair. He was there, quiet in his pain, both physical and emotional, when he heard the training room door open and several gasps.

"Oh dear God," Giles’ voice breathed.

Then Buffy’s incoherent blows ceased and hurried footsteps made their way to his side. He recognized Tara and Willow’s scents before they even reached him. Both of his eyes were swollen shut so he had to rely on his sharp hearing to tell him what was going on.

"Spike… oh God. Willow, he’s covered in blood…" Tara’s voice said, hitching on choked breaths.

"There’s a first aid kit by the wall. I’ll get it," the witch announced and he heard her leave his side.

Somewhere nearby Xander and Giles were talking quietly as Buffy sobbed.

"He… he wouldn’t tell me… and I…" he heard her admit, her voice thick and trembling.

Giles then asked Xander to take her out of the training room. Shortly thereafter, he heard the Watcher join Tara.

"He’s… he’s all broken, Mr. Giles."

"Yes, I can see that, Tara. However, since he is not dust we can assume that he is still with us."

"Barely," he managed to croak through bloodied lips.

Willow returned with the first aid kit. He heard her open it and spill out the contents.

"Willow, I doubt that will be helpful. Spike’s injuries are too extensive," Giles said.

"We could do a healing spell," Tara offered.

"Won’t work, Glinda," he whispered. "No living flesh…"

"A… a pain spell then," Willow amended.

He gave a slight nod. "Might work."

"O… okay. I’ll get the stuff," Willow agreed and he heard her leave.

There was silence for a short time, and he concentrated on quelling the pain and listening to the breathing of the two mortals next to him. Tara was crying softly, he could smell the salt of her tears.

"Don’t cry, Glinda," he told her faintly. "Ol’ Spike’ll be fine. Takes more than a Slayer’s temper-tantrum ta do me in."

He heard her laugh softly. "You… you called me Glinda."

"’S what you are, innit? The good witch."

She didn’t reply as Willow came back in. He heard the jingling of the spell components and a second set of footsteps.

"Oh man, you are so trashed," Xander’s voice said. "G-man, is he gonna be okay?"

"Yes, I do believe so," Giles replied. "Where is Buffy?"

"Sitting at the table. Anya’s with her. She… she looks pretty sick."

"Yes, well, I’ll get to her in a minute. For now, I have other matters to deal with," Giles answered tersely, and Spike was certain he detected a note of disapproval in his voice.

"Do you need my help?"

"Not yet. Willow and Tara are going to cast a pain-blocking spell so we can set his bones and move him. I’ll need your help carrying him."

"We’re almost ready, Giles," Willow announced.

Spike heard Xander come close. "Geeze, man, why didn’t you just tell her what she wanted to know?"

‘Bitch can fuck off,’ he thought to himself, but answered, "Don’t respond well… to pain."

The witches cast their spell. He could feel the fine powder they had prepared sprinkling down on his face. As soon as they finished their incantation the pain eased considerably and he relaxed.

"Is that better?" Willow asked.

"Yeah. Made it tolerable. Thanks, ducks."

"Here, help me arrange his limbs. We need to set the broken bones before they start to heal," Giles said.

Spike felt several pairs of hands on him, realigning and straightening his bones, and he was touched by their gentleness with him. ‘Maybe I do have a chance with them after all.’

"Spike, do you have full feeling throughout your entire body?" the Watcher asked.

"If you’re askin’ if she broke my back, Rupert, the answer’s no."

"Well, thank God for small favors. At least you aren’t looking at an extended recovery time."

"A week at least," he predicted.

"Xander, bring my car around back. We’ll take him out the alley door," Giles decided.

Spike heard Xander give a grunt of agreement and the jingle of keys as Giles passed them over.

"Will he be okay in his crypt?" Willow asked worriedly.

"We’re not taking him there," Giles responded.

"Oh? You’re not?" he said, confused.

"No, as much as I hate to admit it, you would be too vulnerable there. No, I’m afraid I have no choice but to bring you to my place during your… convalescence," the Watcher replied, then gave orders to the two witches. "There’s a set of tent poles and a canvas in the basement. We can make a stretcher out of it to move him more easily. Would you get it for me, please?"

"Right away, Giles," Willow agreed and Spike listened to them leave. He was getting tired, struggling to stay conscious now that the pain had eased, but there was one more thing left to do.

He waited until he knew they were out of earshot before addressing Giles.

"Her scent," he admitted, even though it was a lie- well, not really, he *had* smelled something wrong with Joyce, but before he hadn’t spent enough time with her to pick up on it..

"I beg your pardon?"

"Joyce’s scent. ‘S how I knew. Big bad predator. Could smell the sickness on her."

Giles was silent for a moment, then said quietly, "Yes… yes of course." His voice was tired, defeated, as if he felt he should have discerned that for himself and was angry that he didn’t. "Rest now. You need to conserve your energy."

"Mind if I pass out, Rupes?"

"No. No not at all. It would probably be best if you were unconscious while we move you."

"Yeah, coz I’m feelin’ just a bit knackered."

"I can’t imagine why," Giles responded dryly.

"I can’t either," he breathed softly, the darkness coming up to take him. "Hey Rupert?"

"Yes?"

"Don’t forget my coat. Dropped it somewhere when she hit me."

"I’ll be sure to get it."

"Thanks."

It was the last thing he said before he fainted.

Chapter 18

Spike slept for the better part of the next two days, only regaining consciousness to drink blood that had been prepared for him. The wiccas’ spell lasted almost twenty-four hours before wearing off. By that time vampire healing had kicked in and most of his bones had set. His other wounds, however, the ones no one could see, they still ached and his soul was still in shock. It would be weeks before it came out of its shell. In the meantime, his demon, much better at handling pain, was seething and angry at the treatment that had been visited upon it.

Giles came and went, as did most of the Scoobies, but Buffy was strangely absent from the visitor’s list. He wasn’t sure how he should feel about that, and in truth he was very conflicted. Giles had alluded to Buffy’s deep remorse for beating him to a pulp, but no one had come out and actually said that she was sorry. He felt that if Buffy’s guilt was truly genuine, then the Slayer would have made some attempt to make amends, but so far he hadn’t seen hide nor hair of her, not even a message sent through another member of the group.

He knew Joyce had gone back into the hospital for her surgery and was crushed that he had missed it. Dawn and Joyce actually treated him like a man, and even if he had decided to give up on Buffy, he had no intention on giving up on the rest of his girls, or abandoning his plan. He took comfort, however, in knowing that the woman came through the surgery fine and was expected to make a full recovery. Knowing in advance that Joyce would die of a blood clot gave him some options. After thinking about it, he decided that the best course of action was to convince Joyce to go on blood thinners as soon as possible.

Of all the Scoobies, Tara was the most solicitous, but her attentions made him uncomfortable because she always looked at him with those all-knowing eyes. She would cast him questioning glances and make leading comments, and he was hard pressed to relax around her because he was afraid of slipping up. The girl was too observant and too smart. One wrong comment on his part and he would give everything away. As it was, he was certain that she was onto him.

Giles seemed perplexed by him as well, and Spike wondered if he wasn’t being enough of a pain in the ass. The Watcher kept giving him odd looks, perhaps comparing this visit against the last time he had been a guest in the Watcher’s house. The notion irritated Spike, not only because his soul berated him for wanting to be a poor houseguest, but also because he felt that he deserved to be quiet and withdrawn after his ordeal.

‘Next thing you know, he’ll be busting my chops for not being evil enough.’

The Watcher was particularly disturbed by Spike’s nightmares, and he was terrified that he’d said something revealing during one of his dreams. Giles hadn’t said anything, and he’d explained it off as post-traumatic stress from being beaten to within an inch of his un-life, but he could see the doubts in the human’s eyes; questions that swam just beneath the surface, and he knew he had to get out of there. Besides, the wheel was still turning, and there were things he had to do if he wanted to protect Dawn and Buffy. He decided to leave as soon as he could fight again.

On the third day he fell asleep on the couch and woke up sitting upright. An experimental tug of his arms revealed that he was chained to one of Giles’ dining room chairs.

‘Oh goody. Bloody deja-vu.’

He opened his eyes and raised his head to see Giles sitting on the couch, facing him. The Watcher was watching him quietly, his face pensive and sad.

"Oi, Rupert. What’s this all about then?" he asked, trying to stay calm.

Giles sighed, swallowed and took a deep breath. "While I don’t support or condone what Buffy did to you, I do share her sentiment that you are not being entirely forthcoming with us. It’s been three days since the… incident in the training room and I felt that you were sufficiently along in your healing to answer a few questions."

Spike swallowed and set his jaw, inwardly trying to calm the butterflies in his stomach. Giles removed his glasses and cleaned them.

"I don’t suppose that you feel up to answering truthfully of your own free will?"

He didn’t answer, but raised his chin and straightened his shoulders defiantly. Giles sighed and looked away, to a book and bag on the sofa next to him.

"I thought not."

Giles reached for the book and bag, and Spike knew with frightening clarity what the man intended to do.

"I’m afraid you have left me no choice but to cast a truth spell on you and force you to answer. These are dangerous times we are in and we need to know what you know."

"I’m not working against you, Rupert. Leave it at that," he tried, a note of warning and desperation creeping into his voice.

Giles opened the book to a pre-marked page and removed the spell components from the bag. "I’m afraid I can’t accept that from you, Spike. Your history and very nature lend you to dishonesty."

His mouth went dry and he tugged at the chains. "Believe me, Watcher, you don’t want to do this."

"I’m quite sure I don’t, however, you’ve left me no choice."

He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth as Giles cast the spell. He felt the magic move into him, tingling through his borrowed blood, and he fought to hold back tears. He heard Giles set up a tape recorder and set it running.

"Let us begin with your name. Who are you?" Giles asked.

Spike tried to fight the compulsion, but his mouth opened and words came out. "Spike. William the Bloody, Scourge of Europe, Slayer of Slayers."

"Why are you here?"

He bit his tongue but it made no difference. "To fix it," his mouth betrayed.

There was a pause, then Giles asked tentatively, "To fix what?"

"What happened."

"You mean what happened with Glory?"

"Yes."

His hands clenched and unclenched. He felt the shackles digging into his wrists. His mouth was full of his blood from biting the inside of his cheek, but it was a losing battle. The spell was too strong and he was too weak.

"You know what she is planning?"

"Yes," he replied, beginning to rock and sweat from the strain.

"You have an informant in the demon underground?"

"No."

"Are you working with Glory?"

"NO!" he roared, his demon coming forth. "Never! I would never help that Hell Bitch!"

"And yet you have knowledge of her plans. How do you know this?"

He shook off the demon and set his jaw, fighting the compulsion. He started to shake.

‘No, no, no. I will not answer. Dru said daises always die. They die, they die, they die. Run and catch, run and catch, the lamb is caught in the blackberry patch…’

"How do you know this?" Giles demanded forcefully.

Spike bared his teeth and howled, trying to rip his arms free of the chains.

"How do you know this? William the Bloody, answer the question!" Giles ordered, pulling on the magical line of compulsion.

"Because I saw it!" the reply tore out of him, shredding his efforts to contain himself.

"You have knowledge of future events?"

"Yes."

"How?"

He snarled and growled, writhing on the chair, but he was unable to break the shackles and he realized that the Truth spell was also a spell of Binding. "You’ve Bound me, you bastard."

Giles was relentless. "It will wear off in a few hours. Answer the question. How do you know of future events?"

"Because I was there! I lived it!"

The answer broke him and he slumped back in the chair, his head bowed. Tears streamed down his cheeks.

"You lived it? How?"

He gave the man a hateful glare, breathing hard. "How do you think?"

Giles looked at him, stunned, then the shock of realization came over the man’s face. "You’ve come back in time?"

"Yes."

"How far?"

"Two years."

"How?"

"Demon. In Africa."

"Why?"

"Because I wished it."

"Why?"

"Because I have to make amends."

"Why? Did you betray Dawn to Glory?"

"NO!"

"Why do you need to make amends?"

He was crying freely now, the tears running down his cheeks as he fought the pain and memory. "Because I hurt her."

"Who?"

"Buffy. And I wished to make it better, to do it different so none of it would ever have happened. I didn’t say when or how far, and the demon sent me back here. I thought it was so I could make all of it better, stop Glory before… before…"

Giles stopped and both men stared at each other, breathing hard, then Giles spoke softly, "Something truly horrible is going to happen, isn’t it?"

Spike nodded. "Yes."

"Buffy dies trying to save Dawn."

He gave a hysterical laugh that broke into a sob. "Oh Rupert, that’s only the beginning."

Chapter 19

Over the next several hours Giles dragged the story out of him, ripping it out with endless questions until Spike finally gave over, too exhausted and raw to fight any longer. The details of events came out in all their sordid glory, and a few times Giles had to stop to get a stiff drink. Spike asked for some bourbon himself, but Giles refused on the account that it would mean him having to unchain Spike before the interrogation was over.

As the session wore down, Giles took another swig from the bottle and swallowed it down shakily.

"So, after you tried to… to rape Buffy, you left Sunnydale."

"Yeah. Heard about a demon shaman over on the Dark Continent. Granted wishes if you passed his tests."

"You passed, and wished to go back in time."

"Not exactly."

"You didn’t pass?"

"Oh I passed alright. If I hadn’t, I’d be a pile of dust, although there are times when I think I am and this is just some twisted version of Hell."

"I assure you that this is not Hell, unless of course, we’re in it together."

"Seen any demons with horns and pitchforks lately?"

"Can’t say that I have, and I will not be distracted. You haven’t answered my question."

"What question is that?"

"If you didn’t wish to come back in time, what did you wish for?"

Spike gave a deep sigh and looked away. "My soul."

"Excuse me, did I just hear you say you wished for a soul?" Giles blurted.

"Yeah."

"You asked the demon to curse you?"

Spike's head shot up and his eyes flashed. "Hell no. I *earned* this. Passed that bloody pillock's trials fair and square. The soul was my reward."

"So it's permanent?"

"Damn straight it's permanent! Didn’t let a legion of scarabs play Pac-man with my insides just to lose it on my first happy."

Giles took another drink. "Yes, well, thank you for the visual."

"No problem. Damn beetles pinch by the way."

"I'm sure they do. So, you have a soul."

Spike frowned. "Yeah. I'm all soulful. Just call me Peaches Junior."

"On the contrary. Angelus was cursed with his soul against his will. You, on the other hand, sought it out and accepted it willingly. That's quite remarkable for a demon we have believed to be incapable of higher motivations and emotions."

Spike growled angrily. "See, now that's where you’re wrong. Demons *can* feel, we *can* love, we can do all of that. It's just that some of us feel more than others. You wankers are under the delusion that a vamp's just a demon inhabiting a borrowed body, but that isn't true. Everything I lived, everything I knew, everything I was, I still am. It's still here inside of me. I was passionate in life and I'm passionate in death. I love, I hate, I care, I feel pain…"

He stopped, unable to go on for a moment. Giles waited him out.

"It wasn't the soul that went to Africa, it was the demon. It was the demon that sought and fought for the soul. The *demon* who loved Buffy, the demon who felt guilt over what he had done, and the demon who decided that it was change or die. The demon did all of that, no soul required."

Giles nodded, then rose to his feet. "As I said, quite remarkable."

He walked over to Spike, retrieving a key from his pocket and unlocked the shackles. As Spike was rubbing his raw wrists, he handed the vampire the bottle of bourbon. Spike accepted and took a deep swig.

"Thanks, Watcher, much obliged."

Giles sat back down with a heavy sigh. "So, now that we've had this chat, we must decide on a course of action."

"'S easy. We kill Ben."

"No, I refuse to believe that's our only option."

Spike almost spit out his latest mouthful of liquor. "What? Are you completely knackered? Did you not just hear me tell you that Ben is Glory?"

"I heard you, but I also heard that he was pretty much an innocent in all this…"

"Bollocks! He knows full well that he timeshares with the Hell Bitch!" he yelled, standing up.

Giles held up a hand for patience. "I know. I know."

"And he took Dawn back to Glory after she escaped!"

"Yes, yes, I understand that…"

"So what part of ripping his entrails out and stuffing them down his throat are you having trouble with?"

Giles turned green. "Spike, you really need to learn to control that temper of yours. I'm not saying that we won't have to kill him, but I want to explore other options. A binding spell, perhaps."

"Bind this, Rupert!" Spike countered, giving him two-fingers. "The Hell Bitch has to die, ergo Ben has to die. I'd do it myself, but this little piece of government plastic in my head prevents me from hurtin' humans, even if they do turn into Hell Gods that want to kill the people I love!"

Giles punched Spike in the nose, sending the vampire falling back to floor. Spike yowled and grabbed his face but Giles' punch wasn't hard enough to break anything.

"Now that I have your attention," Giles said coolly as Spike glared at him. "We will kill Ben only if it is our only option."

Spike fumed but looked away. "Have it your way then, Watcher."

Giles reached down a hand to help Spike to his feet. Spike accepted and slumped back into the chair, jaw tight and angry.

"We both want the same thing, Spike. We want to protect Dawn and save Buffy. The information you've given me may allow us to do that without any bloodshed at all. Can you blame me for wanting some time to explore all avenues?" Giles said gently.

"Yeah, well, you'd best get crackin' coz things are gonna start heatin' up pretty soon."

"Indeed," Giles agreed and sat down again.

Spike grabbed the bourbon and drank deep.

"'S one more thing, Rupert," he said after a bit.

Giles put his head in his hands. "No more, please. I can't take any more."

"It's important."

Giles sighed and looked up. "What?"

"You didn't ask me about Soldier Boy."

"Riley? I… I just assumed he was helping us with Glory."

Spike shook his head. "Nope. Soldier Boy flies off to save the world after Buffy finds out about his extra nocturnal activities."

"What do you mean?"

"Captain Cardboard can't stand bein' just a normal boy with the Slayer for a girlfriend. He's been walkin' a bit on the dark side, visitin' bars and warehouses on the wrong side of town, and payin' vamp whores to bite him," Spike replied, smirking. 'Let Ole Rupert handle this one…'

Giles gasped in shock. "You can't be serious!"

Spike shrugged and took another drink. "You take that truth spell off me yet?"

Giles sighed, defeated. "No."

"Then you know I can't lie. He's been goin' at night, after he leaves Buffy. Last time around yours truly was the one to give 'im away, but I think I'll let you have that honor this time."

Giles put out a hand in askance for the bottle and Spike gave it to him, feeling somewhat vindicated. It made him evil, wanting a little payback for what had done been to him, and he gave a little mirthless grin.

"Y'know, Rupert. I'm glad we had this talk. I mean, I did fight you fist and fang, but you bested me- by cheating I might add- and forced me to give over. But now that I have, I feel as if this great weight has been lifted off my shoulders because I'm not alone with it any more." Seeing Rupert’s glazed expression made him want to twist the knife just a little bit more.

"Thank you, Rupert, for being strong enough to do what you had to do. It took a lot of balls, but then I always knew you had it in you, didn’t you, Ripper?"

Giles looked up at him dazedly and shook his head at the smiling vampire.

"I'm glad one of us feels better," he said, taking a swig from the bottle.

Chapter 20

Spike was awakened from his slumber by Giles closing the front door. Turning around slowly, he rolled to face the man, watching him with interest as he moved about the kitchen, removing items from a paper bag. He then saw Giles pour himself a glass of scotch.

"Oi, Watcher, bring one of those over here, will ya?" he called.

Giles nodded, poured the requested drink, and joined Spike in the living room. The dejected slump of his shoulders and weary look as he sat down, told Spike all he needed to know.

"Did you get more Wheatabix?"

"Yes, and two more bottles of bourbon."

"Nothin’ like drownin’ your sorrows. Thanks," he said, taking the offered drink. "I take it you followed my advice?"

He was referring to Giles’ revealing Riley’s ‘habit’ to Buffy.

The man sighed and nodded sadly. "Yes."

"How’d she take it?"

"Not well, I’m afraid. She… she was very distraught."

Spike nodded, remembering. "He’ll be gone soon. Off to save the world or some such rot, and abandoning her. All because he needed to feel self-important. Pillock. She’s better off without him. Deserves someone who’ll stay. What is it with men leaving our girl, Rupert? First her useless prat of a father, then Angel, and now Riley. Hell, even you left her. You’ve made her think she’s wasn’t good enough for anyone to stick around."

Giles rubbed his forehead tiredly. "I’m sure I had good reasons for leaving."

"No. It was just that seein’ your Slayer die a second time broke you, then seein’ how she was after they brought ‘er back, broke you again. You were just protectin’ yourself," Spike replied plainly. There was no malice or gloating in it, just a simple statement of truth.

"Yes, well. Hopefully, together we can avoid all of that."

Spike’s eyes took on a faraway look, and he spoke into the bottom of his empty glass. "Do it or gonna die trying. Y’know, she said it. On the night it all went down. She said not all of us were gonna make it. I thought it would be me that died. This time ‘round I’m gonna make sure, if somebody’s gotta go, it’s gonna be me."

Giles refilled his glass from the bottle.

"On a happier note," Giles said. "Joyce is doing very well and should be released from the hospital very soon."

"Knew she came out of it alright. Was only after…"

"A blood clot you said?"

Spike nodded. "Yeah. Real sudden-like. Buffy and the Nibblet were all happy, and everyone thought it was all over, then she up and died. Buffy found ‘er on the couch. Poor woman hadn’t known what hit her."

"Buffy found her?"

Spike nodded sadly. "Yeah."

Giles rubbed his temples. "Good lord."

"Way I see it, the best way to prevent that is to get ‘er on blood thinners," he said.

"Blood thinners? A good plan. And one that shouldn’t be too hard to execute."

Spike agreed, downing the rest of his drink. Giles paused, looking down, and Spike knew there was more news.

"Buffy asked about you today," Giles admitted.

Spike reached for the scotch and poured another drink. He took a gulp of it before replying. He needed the alcohol to dull the pain.

"Did she now?"

The Watcher fingered his glass. "Yes. She wanted to know how you were doing. She was… concerned."

"Not concerned enough to not hit me in the first place," he grumbled.

"Spike… Buffy… Buffy is under a great deal of strain…"

"You don’t have to make excuses for her, Watcher. I know what kind of strain she’s under."

"It doesn’t condone her behavior, but…"

"But you forgive her. Because she’s Buffy and she’s under a lot of pressure. I know, and really, I do understand. ‘S not the first time she’s done this to me anyway."

Giles looked surprised. "She’s beaten you before?"

"In the future. The nerd trio tried to make her think she’d killed this girl. Buffy wanted to turn herself in. I tried to stop her. She ended up pummeling me to the concrete in the alley by the police station. When she was done she just left me there. I could barely move. I had to drag myself back to my crypt," he remembered sadly.

"But the worst of it was, I knew why she did it. Hell, I’d even told her to put it all on me. I knew I could take it. It was afterwards… she never once said she was sorry. Not once. I was just a soulless demon to her. It didn’t matter what she did to me."

‘You don't have a soul! There's nothing good or clean in you. That's why you can't understand! You're dead inside! You can't feel anything real! I could never... be your girl!’ he recalled, eyes squeezing shut.

"She said… she said there was nothing good or clean in me because I didn’t have a soul. That I couldn’t feel anything real."

He stopped, hand trembling as he took another drink of scotch. Giles cleaned his glasses nervously.

"Yes, well, that is what she would say."

Spike’s head snapped up. "You know that’s bollocks, don’t you?"

Giles looked away, nervous. "I’m beginning to understand that."

"Anyway, back to our Slayer askin’ after me. What did you tell her?"

"I managed to hedge some. I told her that you were recovering. I also told her what you told me about smelling Joyce’s illness. She seemed to accept that."

"’S true. I mean, if I hadn’t known about her illness from before, I still would have known something was wrong. All I had to do was spend some time with her and I would have smelled it right off."

"Yes, and it is something we should have thought of."

"Anyway, what about my showin’ up in all the right places?"

Now it was Giles’ turn to drink. "I couldn’t tell her the truth. Told her that you had gotten some tips from a demon in Willy’s."

"Didn’t think she could handle it?"

"Frankly, I’m not sure *I* can handle it," Giles retorted back.

Spike shrugged. "Told you, ya didn’t want to know."

"And for once I can say you were telling me the absolute truth."

They fell silent as they each took another drink.

"To be honest, I’m very worried about Buffy," Giles confessed. "Her behavior tonight and her beating of you is deeply disturbing to me. I fear my Slayer is coming apart at the seams and I am helpless to stop it."

"Our girl is tough, Watcher. She keeps it together real well. If we can save her mum, it’ll do a lot of good. Joyce’s death was a real shock," he told Giles.

"That is heartening, however, I do think that things are too volatile for me to leave. I was planning to return to England to speak to the Watcher’s Council about information on Glory. But since you have told me everything I need to know…"

"No," Spike interrupted. "You have to go, Watcher."

Giles was taken back. "Why?"

"’S one of those things I knew I couldn’t change. While you’re gone, Red and Demon-girl have a bit of a spat while Red’s trying to cast a spell. Things go wonky and she ends up conjuring a troll."

"A troll?!"

"Yeah, turns out he was one of Anya’s ex-boyfriends. He cheated on her and she turned him into a troll. Anyway, he had a thing about witches. Went on a rampage and smashed up the Magic Box. Then he headed over to the Bronze and did a fair bit if damage there."

"And I should allow this to happen why exactly? To satisfy your lust for carnage?"

Spike rolled his eyes. "A few injuries and a couple of smashed up support posts constitutes carnage to you? Watcher, you have no idea what real carnage is. Angelus and Darla in Paris in 1890 was carnage. A troll in the Bronze was a minor incident. Besides, I’d love to stop it. The Bronze was closed for weeks afterwards and after they reopened, they raised the drink prices and took the blooming onion off the menu. My point is, after Red sent him off to Troll Paradise, he left his hammer behind. If we end up going against Glory, that hammer will be what Buffy uses against her."

Giles shook his head, understanding. "So I have to let that happen because we need the weapon."

Spike tapped his nose. "Got it in one. Knew you were an Oxford man."

"Cambridge actually. What else, pray tell, comes of my trip?"

Spike thought a moment. "Well, the Council sends a team to interrogate the Slayer. Need to make sure she can handle the information they have on Glory. Put her through all kinds of tests. Threaten to close the Magic Box and have you deported if she doesn’t comply."

"Those pillocks!"

Spike put up a hand. "Now, now, Rupert, don’t get your knickers in a twist. Our girl turns one on ‘em and gets the best of ‘em. Even gets you your job back, with retroactive pay."

"She does?" Giles repeated, astonished.

Spike nodded. "She does. Told you our girl was tough."

"Would you please stop calling Buffy our girl."

"Why? ‘S what she is, innit?"

"I think both she and I would beg to differ."

Spike shrugged. "Have it your way then."

"Oh I doubt that," Giles muttered.

"In any case, there’s some things we can change and some things we can’t. Believe me, I’ve spent a great deal of time working out what I can do and what will mess me up. Olaf the troll was one of those forgone conclusions."

Giles shook his head. "Olaf."

Spike chucked. "You should’ve seen the look on the whelp’s face when he said he used to be Anya’s boyfriend."

Giles laughed with him and wiped a tear from his eye. "Yes, I can imagine that was quite amusing."

Spike took another drink and poured both himself and Giles more. "Was until he knocked the second level platform down."

"Oh dear."

They drank a bit more, then Giles asked, "So, tell me what other events are forgone conclusions. I need to know if I’ll need more insurance."

"Well… Glinda’s spell of non-seeing was one. Captain Cardboard leaving’s another. You going to England. Red conjuring the troll. The Council comin’ here to test Buffy. And… oh bloody hell!" Spike answered.

"What?"

"The ‘bot. The damn Buffy-bot. We use her as a decoy to distract Glory. I have to go to that geek Warren and order him to make me a Buffy-bot."

Now it was Giles’ turn to chuckle. "Let me get this straight. I have to let my shop be demolished by a troll that Willow conjures by accident because we need his hammer. And you have to contract with a sociopathic, homicidal technophile to make you a sex-bot that looks like Buffy."

"That about sums it up, Rupes."

Giles raised his glass. "Welcome to life on the Hellmouth. Cheers."

Continue