Tell Me Again

By Annaluna

Three

Fortunately for Spike there was documentation that explained the circumstances and stressed the importance of preserving Dawn's life. The other Council leaders who signed the documents didn't remember them, but Angel convinced them it was true. Researchers drilled Spike and he recounted everything he could remember about that day, and the weeks leading up to it. Dawn was tested, poked, and prodded by the science and mystical divisions.

They all reached the same conclusion. Willow was the last living person who remembered the Key. When her memories were fully reset, the magic that had been sustaining Dawn's life force left her body. She should have died instantly, and it was assumed that Spike interrupted the final moments of the spell that was releasing her soul.

Throughout all of it, Spike was never more than a room away from her, and always within earshot of her calls. They had installed her back in her old room, only this time with an IV drip and some other monitoring equipment. Spike held a constant vigil over her sleeping form, waiting for the moment every few hours she would wake up enough and he could tell her he loved her and they were doing all they could. She would stay conscious for a few minutes up to a half hour, but she was never strong enough to get out of bed. A week passed like this, with no signs that her condition would ever improve.

Besides the doctors and mystics assigned to her care, Angel was the only person who made regular visits to the sanctuary. Others may have been concerned for Spike, but they didn't remember her and he couldn't stand to see it in their eyes. Out of respect they left him alone as much as possible. Angel even, was careful not to approach her bedside too closely. He always lingered in the doorway when he came to check up on them.

"I know what you're going to say, Angel." Spike voice was low and emotionless. He did not turn from his position at her side.

"You need to let her go, Spike."

"Like hell I do."

You'd be doing her a favor."

"Come again?" His voice was steady and deadly.

"She doesn't belong here. She never did. You need to accept that." Spike turned to his sire with yellowed eyes and bared his fangs.

"How dare you. She belongs with me."

"No, Spike, she doesn't. The living have all forgotten her. The spell is wearing off. Her soul has almost completely left her body and what's left is only anchored there because of you. Let her go Spike. Let her be free." Spike growled and pointed out the door. He didn't want this conversation anywhere near her.

His face shifted back to normal as he shut the door behind him. He was surprised to find Willow waiting in the sitting room, sitting comfortably in a chair. He might not have been suspicious except for the fact that it was intentionally moved between him and the door.

"So it's like that is it? An intervention for poor old Spike?"

"We're concerned about you, Spike." Willow seemed to be the Council's representative more than a worried friend, and that irritated Spike. Angel, at least, still understood how much Dawn meant to him.

"I love her. Can't you understand that?" He turned to Angel. "If it were Buffy there would you just sit back and let her die?"

"Buffy is a champion and when her time comes...I'll let her go. She deserves that much, and so does Dawn."

"Bollix!" He pushed away in disgust and walked the length of the sitting room. "If this happened to Buffy, you'd turn her in a heartbeat." Willow and Angel exchanged a nervous glance behind him.

"Spike," Willow said slowly. "You're not thinking about--"

"Not thinking about it. I'm bloody well planning it!" He looked over at Angel, the challenge in his eye. Angel met his gaze head on.

"You were feeding from her."

"What of it?"

"Regularly?"

"Yeah. What. Of. It."

"You're not thinking clearly, Spike. You haven't had any of her blood since you got here. Hell, you haven't had hardly anything at all." He gestured at the full cup of blood that had been sitting on the table since it was delivered hours earlier. "The demon is craving her blood and you're letting the bloodlust drive you."

"Am not! I'm doing this for her. For us!" He beat his fist on his chest.

"If you really loved her like you say you do," Willow interjected softly. "You'd let her go."

"Like you did with Tara?" The words sliced through the air and Willow's eyes grew cold and dark.

"SPIKE!" Angel's voice lashed out at him and he flinched.

"Sorry," he muttered. He looked over at Willow, whose eyes were slowly returning to normal. "Sorry, love."

"You're right," she admitted, her eyes relaxed but her voice remained cool. "You're a bastard, but it's true."

"I didn't mean it, Red. I just-" She held her hand up for him to stop.

"Save it, Spike. You are so not winning friends right now." He shrugged and backed away. "The Council would never allow something like that."

"But those documents Angel turned up tell you to do everything you can to help her. Turning Dawn is the perfect solution. The demon takes care of her health, you work one of those magic spells and her soul comes back nice as you please and everybody's happy." Angel shook his head.

"There's just one problem with that, Spike. You turn her and then your memories go. What happens then? She looses you like she's lost everyone else, and now she's immortal."

"I haven't forgotten her and neither have you. It can't affect vampires."

"It will eventually."

"You don't know that."

"And you don't know that it doesn't! Are you willing to take that risk with Dawn?" Angel sighed abandoned the circular argument they'd been having for days. He rubbed at the headache growing between his eyes.

"Look mate, either you and the witch help me or I vamp her without you. Is that what you want?"

"Help you?" Willow stood up. "Have you gone completely insane, Spike?"

"I need your mojo to defang her like Peaches, here." He tossed a thumb in Angel's brooding direction. "Not about to turn her into some soulless harpy."

"The Council is not in the business of creating and ensouling vampires."

"Oh screw your sodding council! This is Dawn we're talking about! Of course you don't have any bloody idea what that means any more, do you? Why should you care what happens to her? Who is she to you?" He wanted to throw something, but his hands were frustratingly empty. So instead, he threw his hands up in disgust and stormed away from them. When he reached the end of the small room, he unleashed his anger back at them. "Who is she to any of you but me?!"

Willow studied the carpet at her feet while Spike seethed, panting with breaths he didn't need.

"She is our friend, Spike." Angel's voice was calm and almost soothing, energy he rarely wasted on his protégé. "She is family. You may think you're the only one who cares about her, but you're wrong. You barely understand what has happened to her. You haven't stood by her through all of this. You haven't watched her sister, her husband, and all her friends slowly forget. You've been dealing with this for what? Two months? Try a year, Spike. Try two." Spike clenched his fists at his side.

"I want her with me. I will take care of her. Always. I promise!"

"Quit being such a drama queen, Spike."

"I will when you stop being such a right wanker," he grumbled, tucking his arms across his chest.

"I heard that." Angel rolled his eyes.

"Stop it, both of you." Willow stood up and pointed towards the bedroom. "There is a young woman in there that is barely holding onto life right now. Your petty bickering is not helping!" Spike growled and his features twisted.

"Don't talk about her like you don't know who she is." His voice strained through the clenched jaw. Willow's eyes went dark.

"Don't threaten me, vampire."

"And this pissing contest is helping how?" The stillness of Angel's voice chastised both of them and they backed down. Willow eased back into the chair behind her while Spike turned away. "Now look, Spike. I know you well enough that when you get like this you're more likely to end up doing something stupid if left to your own devices. Something that would probably get you both killed."

"Hey! Now who's slinging mud?"

"Doesn't make it any less true." Angel stood up and Spike eyed him warily. "We'll help you. But on one condition."

"Name it, mate."

"This has to be her decision." Spike laughed.

"Is that all? Niblet and I have been talking about this for days, mate!" Angel narrowed his eyes at Spike.

"You know I don't believe you, right?"

"You can bloody well ask her when she wakes up." As if on cue, both vampires turned their heads and looked towards Dawn's bed in the adjacent room.

"Her heart rate's increased."

"Means she's awake you dolt." Spike rushed past both of them and into the other room, closing the door behind him.

"Angel," Willow turned to him after the door had shut. "You can't be serious about this."

"I am serious, and knowing Spike, he's going to want to do this as soon as possible. Get ready anything you need for the ritual."

"You're just gonna do this?" She clenched her teeth and spoke with a quiet urgency. "Without discussing this with me at all?"

"As the senior council member assigned to this case, I'd overrule any objections you might have."

"Well, yeah, but you can't just-"

"Yes, I can." Willow flustered at his trademark stoicism, but she knew it was pointless to discuss it further. He was right. He outranked her, and a Council vote would go his way no matter what she said.

"I hope you know what you're doing, Angel." Willow said as she turned to leave.

"I don't," he admitted. "But she does."

********

There was always such a hopeful look in his eye when she woke up, but something was different about her favorite nurse this time. He seemed anxious, but she couldn't tell if it was good-anxious or bad-anxious. He was always smiles when he saw her, no matter what was on his mind. He rushed to her side as she stirred. She frowned when she didn't have the strength to push herself. He gently helped her to a sitting position and handed her a glass of water.

"You know I hate it when you coddle me, Spike." Her voice was thick as the water loosened it.

"And you know I don't care that you hate it, love." He smoothed her hair back and thumped her on the nose. She reached up and gently caressed his cheek.

"What's wrong, Spike?" He sat on the bed so that he faced her.

"You're...you're really sick, Dawn."

"I'm dying." He shook his head no, but the fresh anguish on his face told her the real story. Her head sank back into the pillows. "It's okay, Spike. I figured it would happen."

"You did?"

"It makes sense. Once everyone forgot about the key, what purpose would it serve? Why not release whatever energy was keeping it around back into the world? That's what the universe does, Spike. I just thought…thought I might have a little more time with you before it happened."

"It doesn't have to be that way, love. You can stay here with me." She coughed.

"And do what, Spike? Look at me. I'm too weak to sit up without help. The mystics say it's not going to get any better." She looked out the open window as tears began to fall. "It's almost like I'm not here anymore already."

"You know that thing we talked about yesterday?" She turned back to him.

"About turning me into a vampire?" He nodded eagerly. "I thought you were kidding."

"It's just your soul, pet. Other'n that you're fine."

"Oh, is that all?" She rolled her eyes but he ignored the sarcasm.

"We can get it back though. All we have to do is turn you. Then Willow will do the magic thing and you're right as rain. Soul and all."

"...But I'd be a vampire."

"What's wrong with that?" He bristled slightly.

"Well...I..." She slipped a hand into his. "I'm just not sure I can take living forever, or at least for a very long time."

"You don't want to be with me?" His voice was hollow, and for the first time, had a bit of fear. It amazed Dawn how easy it was to wound him and how vulnerable he was even after everything he'd been through.

"Oh, Spike. Of course I want to be with you." She gave his hand a weak squeeze. "I just...what happens to me when you forget about me? Even if it takes a hundred years? What happens then? When even Angel forgets? Since nobody can hold onto memories of me, I'd be doomed to a very lonely immortal life."

"It was just the living, pet. Angel and I are unaffected by the spell."

"Really?" Her face twisted a bit in disbelief.

"I promise." He grabbed both her hands in his.

"I...I thought it just took more time for you."

"Bollix. Those mystics don't know what they're talking about. I know what I feel."

"Spike..." He cut off the reservation in her voice.

"Don't you see, love? You and I, we could be together always." He leaned down and kissed her. When they separated, he rested his forehead against hers with their noses touching. She lifted her arms and draped them over his shoulders. He pulled her shallow breaths into his lungs, inhaling the scent of her. His voice was soft and earnest. "We'll make new memories, Dawn. We'll have all the time in the world."

"And Willow and Angel? They're okay with this?"

"They're coming around to it. Got'em convinced I'm a loose cannon and liable to turn you myself if they don't help."

"Well, you are." She smiled at him. "It sounds too good to be true."

"It's true, Dawn. You just say the word and Angel sets the whole thing in motion." She pulled on her bottom lip with her teeth. For a girl afraid of what might or might not be waiting on the other side of her not-real life, it was almost too tempting to pass up.

"Tell me again, Spike. Tell me about the day we met."

"You haven't asked me that in weeks, love. Not since that first night."

"I know. I just...just want to hear it again."

"Of course, pet." He sat up, recalling the memory as he did so. "It was the year Dru and I came to Sunnydale. Angelus wanted to unleash the chaos demon and I was trying to get Buffy's help. You were in the other room, doing homework or something and she threatened to kill me if I went anywhere near you."

Fresh tears spilled out of her, but she managed a feeble smile. "That's right, Spike. That's exactly how it happened." He leaned down and kissed her again.

"You see, love. I'm not forgetting. I won't ever leave you."

"I know." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Stay with me, Dawn. I need you. I love you."

"I love you, too. I always will, Spike." She took a deep breath. Her mind was made up. "Talk to Angel. Find out what we need to do."

He let out a small whoop of joy and hugged her. "I promise, pet, I promise. We'll make it as smooth a transition as possible. You'll be a blood drinker by tomorrow morning." With a final kiss on her forehead, he rose and walked to the door. He stood there for a moment, looking back at her from the same vantage point he had two months earlier.

"Get out." She smiled at the memory.

"I love you." She laughed and pointed playfully at the door behind him.

"Get out, Spike. Don't make me say it again." He winked and disappeared around the corner.

She reached over to her nightstand where a small notepad and a pen were kept. She lacked the strength to hold the pen tightly, so the script came out large and loopy. When she had finished saying her goodbyes, the pen slipped out of her hand.

A pale green mist floated out of her mouth and dissipated into nothing as she exhaled for the last time.

Two Days Later

"But it wasn't enough, was it mate?"

"You made her last two months worth living. That's something nobody could have done but you."

"I just thought...thought if I could love her enough she'd stay." His hands clenched on the edge of the coffin, threatening to topple it. Angel put his hand on Spike's arm and Spike relaxed his grip. Being the only two left to mourn Dawn had healed any lingering animosity between them.

"You loved her just fine, Spike, but you didn't have the power to combat a spell designed to thwart a God. None of us do." Spike leaned over the coffin once more and kissed her one last time. When he turned back to the door, he noticed that Willow and Buffy were sitting in the back row of chairs. Their heads were close together as they talked quietly. Spike picked up bits of the mundane conversation and growled at their indifference. The women looked up and Angel reached out again to prevent the anger from consuming him.

"I'll be alright, mate." He shrugged off Angel's grip. "Think I'll step outside and get a bit of fresh London air." Angel nodded and stepped aside. Spike walked through the doors, head high, without looking at either woman.

********

It took a month for the Watcher's Council to find him. Xander and his crew discovered him lurking in New York, prowling the parks at night. After alerting headquarters, they invited the wayward hunter back into the fold. Xander was a bit surprised when he accepted. Spike had never been "a joiner," but the vampire seemed eager for something to do. Angel called him personally to check up on him.

"She would have liked this idea, Spike. Maybe fighting the good fight will help you deal with Dawn's death easier, too."

"With who's death?"

~Fin~