Never Feel Again

By Bri

Lorne looked up in interest when he saw Lindsey walk in. Slumped. Defeated. Anguished. His aura was so strong that Lorne didn't need for him to sing to tell what had happened. Lindsey was crushed. Something had gone wrong in Sunnydale, and Lorne didn't need a degree in "duh" to realize it had to do with Faith.

He held his breath, wondering who Lindsey would go to first. Him, or his old friend the microphone. Lorne smiled sadly when Lindsey trudged over to the stage, brushing off the protests of the FlorJess demon that was waiting its turn to sing. After the vampire on stage had finished wailing "Shadows of the Night" by Pat Benatar, Lindsey slowly ascended the steps. Taking the microphone out of the stand, he paused for a moment, and the crowd hushed, waiting for whatever was coming.

Smiling painfully, Lindsey opened his mouth and addressed his audience. "I'm singing this in memory of a woman, the most beautiful, courageous, and heroic woman who ever lived."

Lorne's jaw dropped. Faith was *dead*? How in the hell had Lindsey let that happen?

"She gave her life to save the life of someone she barely knew. She went back to a life she left behind, in order to do what was right. And when she sacrificed her life, she did it with a smile. She whispered to me that she'd finally reached the atonement she'd spent the last few years looking for. And she told me that made her luckier than the people who were going to live because of her selflessness."

By this time, tears were dripping down his face, and Lorne had to admit he was sniffling as well. He'd never seen the ever-cool Lindsey lose it. He'd seen anger and pain before, sure, but he'd never seen the broken shell of the man who was standing on stage, looking out at the sea of faces in hopelessness.

"I'm singing this song to let the world know what she did for me. Even if she never will." And with that, Lindsey nodded to the music master and indicated he should start the song.

"I believed that love was sacred
As I dove blindly into her sea
You see, that warm embrace felt more like drowning
As endless waves crashed over me
She was an insatiable black hole
Feeding off my mind and off my soul
I find love humiliating
Sick and desperate need that drains me
God I hope I never feel again

But I've never been loved by an angel
I've never felt anything so pure
And I've never been loved by an angel
Until tonight when your heaven filled my room"

Lorne lost the battle to keep his cool. He, along with many of the room's occupants, unashamedly let the tears flow down their faces. It didn't seem right that the man on stage should bear the pain alone.

Lindsey's eyes were closed, as he didn't need to read the teleprompter to sing the heartfelt words. As a result, he missed seeing the slight figure who ducked unobtrusively into the doorway of Caritas.

"She showed me love could lift me higher
With a kiss she repaired these broken wings
She revived my fading spirit
Restored my faith in everything
I have never felt I had a home
Even in a crowd I felt alone
I'd almost given up on life
I'm fully determined now
And never thought I'd ever feel again

But I've never been loved by an angel
I've never felt anything so pure
And I've never been loved by an angel
Until tonight when your heaven filled my room"

The figure in the doorway also had tears flooding down its face, but despite that, it was smiling beautifully. Leaning back against the wall, it crossed its arms over its chest and waited for Lindsey to finish his tribute.

"I believed in nothing
But you believe in me
I thought that life was worthless
But you told me I'm a star

`Cause I've never been loved by an angel
I've never felt anything so pure
And I've never been loved by an angel
Until tonight when your heaven filled my room
Until tonight when your heaven filled my room"

The music trailed away and Lindsey opened his eyes, naked torment shining in their depths. The crowd paused collectively, unsure whether it was appropriate to applaud his talent when it meant mocking his pain. Finally someone clapped a few times in polite appreciation, and the others followed suit. Lindsey nodded, acknowledging the gesture, before he slowly descended the steps.

His eyes flew open in astonishment and fear when he saw the figure standing in the doorway. He looked quickly to Lorne, then back to the figure. Warily, he walked towards the woman standing in the shadows. "What's going on?" he asked in trepidation.

Tara smiled, a beautiful smile that lit her face up like a Roman candle. "I just had to know that we did the right thing, and now I know we did," she said happily.

"What are you talking about?" Lindsey queried in confusion.

"The ritual," Tara explained.

"What ritual?" Lindsey questioned impatiently.

Tara shook her head gently. "You don't understand," she murmured.

Lindsey was growing more and more agitated. "I'd understand better if you told me what the hell you're talking about!" he shouted.

She took his hand. "Come with me," she insisted softly.

Lindsey had no choice but to fall in step with her. She led him to a dark building two blocks down, and Lindsey looked around, his eyes alert to any danger. Tara merely smiled.

"It's protected," she assured him. "There's too much pure energy here for anything evil to get in."

"Damn, if it's so easy, how come we don't just fill everyplace with pure energy, so there's never any evil?" Lindsey sniped. He was tired, tormented, and anxious to get away from a Sunnydale representative. He ached for Faith, and he didn't want to see any of the people she'd sacrificed herself for. Tara was alive because Faith was dead.

Tara ignored his nasty rejoinder, and instead led him into a room in the back of the building. Lindsey's breath caught in his throat and he choked on a sob when he saw the shrine in the middle of the room.

"What is she doing here?" he whispered in agony.

Tara smiled. "She's waiting for you," she said simply.

Lindsey walked over to the raised platform, draped in white satin, and bearing up to him the angel he'd fallen in love with. He picked up her delicate white hand and his heart stopped.

"Her hand is warm," he stated uncertainly.

Tara nodded. "She's alive," she verified.

Lindsey whirled around to glare at her. "You have to be lying!" he yelled. "I saw her die!"

Tara nodded again. "She did die," she admitted. "But we brought her back."

"How?" Lindsey asked suspiciously.

Tara shrugged. "She was able to give herself because she had the Slayer blood in her, same as Buffy, same as Dawn. Because of her sacrifice, Buffy realized that Faith had changed, and deserved a second chance. She was sad that she never got a chance to thank her. Well, a few days after the funeral, Willow and I came across a ritual."

Lindsey held his breath, looking down at Faith's wan features fearfully. She was warm, but didn't appear anything close to alive. Tara continued.

"Buffy and Dawn agreed to it, so it was simple, really. We invoked The Powers That Be and Buffy and Dawn both offered pieces of their souls to be placed into Faith's body. Since they all essentially shared the same essence, the essence of the Slayer, it was like reviving Faith's spirit."

Lindsey's head reeled with the knowledge. "Then why is she still unconscious?" he asked in confusion.

Tara watched him closely. "The ritual isn't complete yet," she explained. "The last phase requires Faith's love to give her his blood. `Of one soul, of one blood, of one love.' You can look at it as a blood transfusion, or like a vampire siring."

Lindsey looked up at her. "That would be me," he said calmly. He rolled his sleeve up. "Have at it."

Tara laughed. "It's a little more than that," she explained. She handed him a small knife. "Make a tiny slit above her heart, and one on your palm. Press your palm to her heart, and the blood will mingle and the ritual will be complete."

Lindsey took the knife and stared at it with loathing. "I don't want to hurt her," he said quietly. "Why can't you do it?"

Tara shook her head. "It has to be you," she insisted. She smiled impishly. "I'm a witch, I know these things. Trust me."

She stepped back as Lindsey knelt over Faith's still body. With a look of remorse etched on his handsome features, he ran the blade over Faith's heart, pained when a thin red line of blood welled up from the wound. Without hesitation, he slashed his own palm, pressing his hand to Faith's body.

They watched in fascination as the blood began to glow. It seeped back into the cut on her chest and the skin closed, leaving only a thin white line as a reminder. Lindsey held his breath while he waited for some sign of reaction, unaware of when Tara vanished into thin air, a serene smile on her face.

Faith coughed, and Lindsey's heart leapt. Her eyes slowly fluttered open, and the first thing she focused on was Lindsey's hopeful face.

"What the hell happened?" she croaked.

"The Powers That Be decided they needed you on their side," Lindsey said softly. "So they sent a couple witch-angels to bring you back to the land of the living."

Faith groaned as she sat up. "Well damn, couldn't they have managed to return me sans the pain of plummeting twenty stories to land on my head?" she mock-complained. She tossed him a smile. "Happy to have me back, bitching and all?"

Lindsey gingerly took her into his arms and breathed in the smell of her hair. "You have no idea," he groaned.

Faith smiled. "That's nice to know, `cause I'm not going anywhere anytime soon," she promised him.

Lindsey smiled back, his heart soaring that he had his dark beauty back in his arms. He'd never been in love before, but his heart was in his eyes as they caressed her face. "Good, because until you, I've never known the love of an angel," he whispered softly. "And to live without you, would be nothing short of hell."

~Fin~