Let The Sun Fall DownBy Mys
//Close the door and leave the world behind you//
//Open the window and listen to the breeze blow through the pines//When Xander entered the room, Spike could immediately tell, that something was wrong. He didn't know what, though, and the fact, that Xander just stood there, next to the door he had slammed and didn't say anything wasn't helping.
Spike acted, as if he hadn't noticed the boy. They weren't close enough, that Xander would tell him what bothered him anyway, although Spike wished, that they were.
^^Come on, pet. Speak to me…. ^^
Over the past months he had lived with the whelp, they had become something like friends. Not really, because neither Spike nor Xander admitted it. Or talked about it. But Spike laughed about Xander's jokes and Xander rinsed Spike's bloody mugs, if he forgot to do it himself. Not without a strict "eeew"-face of course, but he did it.//Take a deep breath, what more can you do//
Spike could hear Xander breathe. Slow, to calm himself. What had upset his boy that much? He peeked over the edge of the book he hadn't really been reading and noticed the wet tracks of shed tears on Xanders cheeks.
^^What the…?^^
He tried to stay calm. Yeah, he was upset. He admitted it. It wasn't like he never noticed the whelp. Or like he didn't like him. In the past few weeks he had found himself more and more often reading something, without really reading and watching TV, without really watching. Whatever he used to distract himself was forgotten after a few minutes, when he started to think about the relationship he had with Xander. He didn't really understand
it, but he liked the whelp. And now he had to sit there, without being able to do something to comfort him. He peered at the crouched figure next to the door again. He looked so vulnerable. He hugged himself, arms tight around his chest, and Spike wished he could replace them with his own. He sniffed the air and caught a faint scent of alcohol.
^^Had he been drinking and got into a fight? Doesn't suit him.^^
He kept sniffing, silently, so Xander wouldn't noticed. The alcohol didn't seem to come from Xander himself, though. And he could also smell a faint scent of blood in the air. Xanders blood, he could tell. He had smelled it before, when Xander had cut himself on a paper or once, when he had tried to cook something, but even if he hadn't he could tell, that it was Xanders blood. Rich and sweet. And Spike swore that the boy wouldn't smell that
sweet, if he didn't have such an affection for chocolate.
^^Or if I wasn't that much in love with him^^
He shook his head to clear his mind. Something had hurt his boy. HIS, even if Xander didn't know it. Didn't return the affection, it didn't matter. He was concerned and he promised himself, to protect the boy.
Spike stood up and approached Xander, who was still standing by the door, much more crouched than before.
As Xander noticed the movement, he flinched, sobbed dryly and sank down to the floor, shaking. Spike had crossed the room in a second and hovered over Xander, slightly touching his head.
"Hey…" He stopped, as Xander raised a hand to push him away and rested his arms over his head in a defending gesture. Or more, as if he was hiding.//Let the sun fall down, all around you//
//Let the night surround you in a blanket of starlight//Spike cowered next to him, rocking back and forth on his heels, and didn't really know, what to do.
^^Xander's afraid. Afraid of me? I didn't do anything… did I?^^
He raised his hand again, more slowly, than he had intended, but he didn't want to scare Xander again. He touched Xanders left cheek, softly stroking over it. Xander didn't flinch this time, but started to whimper. He didn't want to. He wanted to huddle up in a corner and be left alone. But he couldn't help it.
"Shush, luv. I'm here"
Spike kept petting Xanders cheek, when he suddenly saw the bruises on his wrist, the scratch on his arm and the fading spot on his other cheek, definitely made by a hard bash. He caught the scent of alcohol again, and suddenly understood.
^^Xan's lousy excuse for a father. He beat him… again. Damn it!^^
"Come here, it will be okay. I'm here for you"
Spike wrapped his arms around the shaking body, stroking one hand up and down Xanders back, trying to soothe him somehow. As Xander started to speak under his sobs he even had to concentrate with his vampire-hearing to hear the faint voice coming from under the still protectively risen arms.
"He told me.." another dry sob. "I came home, and he was there, and…"
"Hush, luv. You don't have to tell me."
Xander shook his head, sadly. "He said I deserved it…"
Spike could feel the demon roar inside him. The demon who wanted to protect, what was his, what should be his. The demon who wanted to make sure, that this… human wouldn't get away with, what he had done. In response the chip in his head started to buzz warningly.
^^I can't do a bloody thing! And what about the slayer? Hunting demons while there are humans, who are much worse? And I'm sitting here and can't help. Can't do a thing to take revenge on anybody who would hurt the boy. Bloody useless I am!^^
He felt Xander shift a little bit under his embrace and felt his warm hand catch the edge of his shirt, holding him there.
^^Or maybe I can do something…^^//Let the sun fall down//
//That old dark cloud acts like he knows you//Spike kept the calming rhythm of strokes on Xander's back, whispering in a hushed voice into the boys ear.
"Let me tell you something. You didn't deserve it."
Another dry sob and an angrily shaking head, but Spike ignored it.
"You don't deserve anything of this shit. No one does. If I could I would go, and kill this… bloody idiot."
He felt his demon roar again, trying to break through, but there was no time for vengeance, there were more important things to do right now.//He takes up too much time//
//Time you could be spending holding me//"Luv, listen to me. Are you listening?"
A faint nod from beneath Xanders arms and his own convinced him, that Xander was paying attention.
"We will find a way. I have some money aside. Tomorrow we'll go, and look for a flat or an apartment or something. I'll make sure, that you're out of this basement tomorrow night. And till then, I'll be here. You're safe."//But he can't have you now//
//It's you and me here in this room//As Xander didn't answer, Spike tightened the embrace and rested his chin on the boys head, shaking him softly back and forth. Xander already started to relax into the touch, when a sound of something hitting the floor upstairs nearly made him jump and run. Spike held him close, made sure, that he wouldn't go anywhere.
"Hush, pet. You're safe. I'll make sure of that. Nothing will happen to you. I'm here. I'll protect you."
Xanders body was tense again, and Spike hardly managed to calm himself enough, to not start crying as well.
It wasn't fair. His boy was the most loyal person he had ever met. The perfect white knight. Bloody perfect. Too perfect to be the child of… someone like this man(,) upstairs who managed to make Xander feel like he wasn't worth the clothes he was wearing. And the scoobies? Of course they loved him, but they still thought about him as the Zeppo. The only one of them without any special power. The one who had to be protected all the time. And they let him feel it, all the time. It's not, like they do it on purpose. They aren't even aware of how much they hurt him.
Spike had seen him wince each time, when the Slayer asked Red to help her, because she needed something… witchy. And he had seen him raise his head like a trained dog, when Buffy was talking about going on patrol and how his chin had sunken back down on his chest, looking like a kicked puppy, when the Slayer told him, he should stay at home, in safety. He had been the brave boy, made a sappy comment about 'staying to guard the books' or
'protecting G-man and Fangless at home' and smiled. They never noticed. Too occupied with their own things. To wrapped up in their own lives.//Let the sun fall down, all around you//
//Let the night surround you, in a blanket of starlight//After what seemed like an eternity, the shivering body Spike was wrapped around like a cover finally calmed enough, so that he was only trembling slightly, as Spike loosened his grip a bit.
"I'm sorry, I…I…" Xander struggled to get free, as he caught up with what had happened since he had got into the basement.
He was embarrassed and he didn't want to give the vampire more blackmail material than he already had now, anyway.
But Spike wasn't having any of this.
"Stay." He said, pleadingly. And Xander noticed, that he still had a death-grip on Spikes shirt. He swallowed.
"Why…?"
Spike rearranged himself, let his arms slide down to lay next to Xanders arms, who were now wrapped around his knees instead of his head. His belly was pressed against Xanders side and he ducked his head a little bit, nuzzling his face into the soft skin in the dell between Xander's shoulder and his neck.
"Comfy.", he sighed, waiting for the hand on his chest to push him away instead of pulling him close, like Xander had before. He wanted to enjoy it, as long as it lasted. Spike closed his eyes, breathed in deep to capture the scent of his lovely boy and waited, but the push didn't come.
"I didn't mean…" Xander coughed and Spike could even feel him blushing.
"Why are you doing this?"
Spike frowned and tilted his head a little bit, so he could se the brown eyes of his boy, who strictly avoided to meet his glance.
"Doing what?"
"Being so nice to me. It's not, like I deserve it…" he trailed off.
Spike sighed heavily.
^^Gee… Can you spell inferiority complex?^^
"Don't let that shit make you believe something entirely stupid like that!"
"But…"
"Hush, luv! Not tonight. Not now."
Spike lay his palms flat over Xanders hands, easing the hug the boy had huddled himself into, still waiting for the boy to push him away, but he didn't. Not even when Spike took Xanders arms away from his knees, not when he turned him around to face him, giving him a gentle smile.
^^Don't kiss him! Don't scare him! There's time for everything and he certainly doesn't need that right now!^^
and not when he picked him up from the floor and led him to the bed.//The world will keep on turning//
//It's all be there come morning//As Spike tugged on Xanders shirt he automatically lifted his arms over his head and let Spike strip him. It wasn't awkward, it wasn't humiliating. It felt normal. Spike cared about him. Spike liked him. Spike stripped him and put him to bed. Ok, maybe not entirely normal, but this was the hellmouth after all.
//I'll whisper you a lullaby//
Xander stepped out of his jeans, that were now around his ankles. Gladly he had missed the opening of his button and zipper by Spike's hands, because he was occupied with thinking.
"I'll take care of you. Tomorrow we'll pack your things and take them to the watcher. And then we will look for a comfy apartment we can afford. Everything will be fine. We will deal."
Xander smiled, as Spike made him first sit, then lie down on the bed, bubbling in a dizzyingly whisper, more to himself than to Xander. Or maybe to both of them. It made Xander happy and sleepy at the same time.
Spike pulled the covers up to Xanders chest, placed a gentle kiss on his forehead and turned around to go to his chair to watch over the boy's sleep.//Let the sun fall down all around you//
//Let the night surround you, in a blanket of starlight//Xander peered his eyes open, as he felt the cool comforting body move away.
"Spike?"
Spike turned around and was once again captured by those big, brown eyes.
"Stay?"
He smiled, as Xander indicated, what he had pleaded before and nodded firmly. He stripped down to his boxers and sat on the edge of the bed, before lowering himself down next to the boy, avoiding any touch, not demanding anything, not pushing him. He covered himself and the boy with the blanket again and felt the mattress shift a little bit.
"We will think about everything tomorrow, right?"
Spike nodded, slightly frowning.
"Tonight doesn't matter?"
Spike, who thought Xander was talking about his father nodded. "Forget about tonight, it doesn't count."
Xander lay on his back, watched the ceiling, then turned around to face Spike. He was once again astounded at how blue his eyes were, and how bright they could sparkle, when they looked at him. He didn't understand, why. Not yet. But he raised a hand to gently stroke over Spike's scared eyebrow and down his cheekbone and smiled.
"Can we make it count?"
Xander blushed a little bit, but it faded, as Spike smiled happily back.
"Only, if you want to."
Xander snuggled himself closer to Spike, one arm around his waist, the other one under the vampires neck and drifted off to sleep, smiling.//Let the sun fall down all around you//
//Let the night surround you, in a blanket of starlight//
~Fin~