You Always Smelled Like Rain

By Mys

Spike lazily traced a finger along Xander's bottom lip as the youth lay sleeping next to him. Xander was facing the blond, half lying on his side, half on his belly, one leg tucked between the vampire's slender ones.

Spike felt the corners of Xander's mouth twitch up in a small answering smile although he knew Xander was still asleep.

He looked beautiful like this.

A whispered touch of fingertips made Xander's eyelids flitter for a moment before a content sigh left his lips and he turned his head around to snuggle against Spike who was propped up sideways on his elbow next to the youth, watching him.

As Xander dropped a slumberous kiss on one of the vampire's nipples, Spike felt it harden in response and his eyes flashed yellow for a moment but he merrily ignored it for the satisfaction of watching over hiss boy's sleep.

He loved this time of the night.

Xander never let Spike just stare at him during the day. Especially not when he was naked.

Not that there weren't plenty of occasions, mind you.

They spent most of their time together naked, anyway.

Even more so, since they were more or less officially living together in Xander's apartment and the Scoobies had learnt their lesson not to interrupt unannounced the hard way. Buffy still blushed, although a week had passed since their little encounter, each time she saw Spike, Xander, or someone leaning over a table, and Spike had made a show of doing exactly this each time they were researching something at the Magic Box.

Spike dropped a few soft kisses on Xander's right cheek. He didn't mean to make the other one jealous but since Xander had buried the rest of his face either in the pillow or against the vampire's chest the other cheek would just have to deal with it.

He smiled as he thought of all the blood that spent so much time rushing up there just so the youth could blush each time Spike looked at him a bit too long.

Then Xander would turn away and it would take all of Spike's seducing skills to make him relax again.

A low growl raised in Spike's chest as he thought of the people that had caused this low self-esteem.

His Xander wasn't a goof.

He frowned. Well, yeah, Xander *was* a goof, but it wasn't the right of anyone to treat him like that.

He was smart, and witty, and handsome and yes, he was beautiful and he was intelligent.

It gave Spike's undead heart a sting remembering that most of all those witty remarks were self-defences and most of the things the boy came up with were either ignored or rejected because they came "just from him".

He would have taken those wankers out one by one a long time ago.

Spike flashed a bit of his fangs but calmed down shortly after.

Who was he to make a fuss if his boy still loved this people?

He smiled an affectionate smile and rolled one of the thick brown locks between his fingers.

Spike had never met anyone as loyal, and as much trusting in people, as Xander.

That was what made Xander vulnerable.

But it also was what made him be able to love a hundred twenty-some years old vicious Master Vampire.

Just because he trusted Spike.

Spike knew he couldn't promise anything. No one ever could. But he could damn well try to give his best not to disappoint the boy.

Yeah, he loved him, so what of it?

Spike concentrated for a moment on the youth's heartbeat but it was still calm and steady and gave no sign that Xander was awake. Spike always made sure that Xander didn't wake up.

As much as Spike hated this life-rhythm, Xander insisted on keeping his job and most of the time he also insisted on getting his beauty sleep - as if he needed it, anyway - and he was very strict about the rules he had made up for said sleep. For example Spike wasn't allowed to wake him up in the middle of the night for a blowjob.

Of course rules were made to be broken, especially if one's a rebel like Spike. And most of the time Xander wasn't complaining. Least of all when he was on the receiving end.

Is there a better way to wake up than with someone going down on you till you're a quivering puddle of goo? Yes? Well, not if your lover is Spike. Remember? No gag-reflex, no need to breathe, hundred years of training…

Spike put his arm flat on the bed above Xander's head and lay his head on top of it, the other arm lay lazily dropped around Xander's waist. At the movement of the blond Xander reacted, turned fully onto his back and dropped his own arm over the pale one on his waist.

Spike took a deep breath and nuzzled his face into the dark hair that always looked as if the wind had just ruffled through it. It had grown out a bit and Xander spent most of the time pushing it out of his face and, although it never stayed longer than a few seconds where he wanted it, he didn't cut it. Just because Spike liked it that way.

Yeah, Xander did a lot for him. The light-proofed curtains over the windows, the weekly blood-delivery and the fact that the first thing Xander had wanted to do after they had had their sappy moment of love-exclamations was telling his friends.

Not that Spike wanted it any different but he never would have guessed that Xander would want his friends to know. And so soon even.

But he had just told him that this was real, that this was what he wanted and that they would have to deal with it.

There had been some questioning looks, some shovel talks - Spike shuddered at the memory - and let's say every demon that happened to cross the Slayer's path that night wasn't a happy bugger anymore afterwards, but besides that there had never been much of a problem.

Xander's friends must have seen the happy look in his eyes when he'd told them.

Spike wiggled around a bit to be able to look down on Xander's face again. No wonder his friends - their friends now, he still wasn't used to that - couldn't resist those big brown puppy eyes and once again he wished Xander would wake up so he could see his eyes.

If he'd been a painter he would have filled paper after paper with watercolours of those eyes. And once he'd been a poet and even if he'd been a bad one he would have tried to capture the beauty of those eyes in words.

But he wasn't even that anymore.

He was just a vampire so he'd satisfy himself with spending hours just looking into his boys eyes if Xander would just let him.

Mirror to the soul and all that crap.

When he saw Xander he knew it was true. Didn't matter how hard the boy tried to make his friends believe that he was fine, one look into his eyes and everyone who bothered could see what he was really feeling.

When he was happy, they sparkled and looked like melted chocolate, a bit lighter, milk-chocolate maybe, and he got those tiny wrinkles in the corner of his eyes that made the vampire shiver each time he saw them. He knew that Xander was really smiling about something when he'd get the wrinkles.
It was something that always exposed him when he tried to look pissed off, by something that Spike had said or done, just to let the vampire squirm for a while.

But when he was really sad they were darker, just a bit. Always moist with unshed tears cause his father had taught him that boys didn't cry - oh, and how he'd taught him! - and while living on the Hellmouth he had learnt , if nothing else, that crying didn't help, so Xander never cried.

Almost never.

Sometimes Xander would wake up in the middle of the night, climb out of the bed and go into the living room. Spike would remain silently lying on the bed, just listening to Xander leaf through a book - a photo album as Spike had found out - and when he heard the first tears dropping on the sheets he would go and hold his boy close.

Xander never explained and Spike never asked.

He probably would, eventually, tell him who the other dark haired boy on the picture, next to Xander himself, was. The picture in the album that held the most tearstains.

Xander would tell him when he was ready to do so, and Spike could wait.

Spike didn't like to see Xander sad and at the same time he loved it, just because it was a part of Xander. A part that only he got to see. Because Xander trusted him enough to give himself over to the vampire when he felt too weak to deal with the world around him.

But there was an expression Spike loved even more than sad or happy or puppy-eyed Xander.

When they were alone, when they were kissing, fooling around or just watching a movie together Spike sometimes caught Xander looking at him, without really looking.

Lost in thought, adoration and amazement clearly written over his face.

Adoration for the beautiful creature that shared his apartment. His bed. His life.

Amazement that it really wasn't a dream. That all this was real.

These were the moments when Spike felt thoroughly whole and loved.

And he would return the feeling the only way he knew.

By scooping the boy up in his arms - Xander didn't like it but always smiled just to humour the vampire and that made it even better - and taking him to bed.

He would kiss, and snuggle and grope and purr and whisper sweet words about reality and dreams coming true. About past and future and that nothing but the here and now mattered to him. About beauty and perfection.

About love.

By then Xander's eyes were dark with desire, almost dazed by want and need and passion and at the same time moist with tears. Dark and cloudy and wet, forceful as a rainstorm.

That was how Spike always felt when he was near his boy.

Drowning in rain, lost in the storm, helpless against the wind and he hadn't felt so good in a long time - had he ever? - and the only thing he could do was trying to explain all he felt in touches and kisses, cause words could never cover it.

Xander moved again and this time as his eyes flattered open, he blinked a few times before waking up for real and focusing on the pale face above him.
He smiled before turning around a bit so he could face Spike.

"Go back to sleep, git."

Spike lay down and snuggled up against the warm body, chin propped up on Xander's shoulder.

"Told you I can't sleep at night. Soddin' human hours!"

Xander snickered, dropped a chaste kiss on Spikes ear before pulling the blanket up and over both of them.

"What were you doing anyway?"

"Thought about the rainstorm."

With that Spike buried his head between the pillow and the boy's neck, showing that the discussion was over for him.

Xander was left awake and puzzled, listening hard for raindrops falling on the window. He was sure there wasn't a storm outside, so what had Spike been talking about?

Then he remembered that Spike had told him once, he smelled like rain.

Xander hadn't understood it back then - still didn't - but it didn't really matter to him.

Spike had spent most of the night awake just to watch him sleep.

Xander knew that this wasn't the first time. He had caught him doing it before. And before Xander could blush bashfully, he smiled.

Spike thought he was beautiful.

Spike loved him.

Spike was apparently horny because beside the fact that he *looked* like he was asleep one hand had found it's way under the sheets and was now ghosting over Xander's left thigh.

And who was he to refuse a quick shag in the middle of the night?

Rules? Yeah there were rules… but where would the fun lie if not in breaking them…

"Love you."

"Love you more."

~Fin~