Perfect World

By CousinJean

Part Ten: We Now Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Life

Gunn and Lauren sprang to their feet. Spike gently laid Buffy down and stood up.

"Halfrek."

"William." Halfrek's hands dropped to her sides. "Don't tell me you summoned me."

"No, Giles did. But he's dead now."

Halfrek frowned at the bodies littering the floor. "Well, he had no business calling me, anyway."

"Uh huh." Spike looked at Lauren. "Get her."

The Slayer rushed Halfrek, but she teleported out of reach. "Rude! I answer your summons and this is how you treat me?"
"I hear you're the one to blame for all this," said Lauren.

"Ha!" Bitch had the nerve to look indignant. "Me? All I did was grant William's wish. Don't blame me if you're not happy with the way it turned out. Anyway, Xander Harris is dead, so I don't see what you're comp--"

"Who the hell's William?" asked Gunn.

Halfrek looked around for Spike, but he'd snuck up behind her. He grabbed her by the hair and jerked her head back. "That'd be me," he said, snatching the pendant from her throat.

"Hey!" Halfrek tried to pry his hand out of her hair with one hand, and flailed for her necklace with the other. "Give that back!"

"Don't think so." Spike shoved her away and searched for something to smash the stone.

"What are you going to do?"

In answer, Spike picked up a discarded crossbow. He laid the pendant on the floor, knelt beside it, and poised the butt of the bow over it.

"You don't want to do that," warned Halfrek.

"The hell I don't." He raised the bow.

"You'll be stuck with me!"

He froze and looked at her. "What?"

Halfrek wrung her hands and stared at the necklace. "If you destroy my power source, I'll become human. You'll be stuck with a human me. I don't think any of us wants that."

Well, she had that much right. Spike lowered the bow. "Then undo my wish. Put it all back the way it was."

"I can't."

He nodded. Then he lifted the bow.

"Not that easily!" she amended. "I mean, I can't just snap my fingers and poof, you're back home. My powers don't work like that."

Spike rolled his eyes. "Fine. Then I wish the Initiative captured me and put a chip in my head." He considered this, then laughed in spite of himself. "There's something I never thought I'd say."

"You can't wish it, William. Honestly. You've already used your wish."

Spike sighed. "You're wearing my patience, Cecily, and my arm's getting tired."

"Who's Cecily?" asked Gunn. Lauren shrugged.

"Buffy!" Halfrek pointed to her, lying on the floor. "With all she's been through, she definitely has a wish coming. A wish upon you, no less. That's really more Anyanka's territory, but I suppose I could make an exception."

"Good."

Spike looked over at Buffy. She'd rolled onto her side and lay watching them. She pushed herself up, wobbling a little as she got to her feet.

Spike went over to help her. "You all right?"

"Amen for Slayer healing," she mumbled.

"Sing it, Sister!" Lauren shouted out, then squirmed sheepishly in the silence that followed.

Even so, Buffy managed a weak smile. "So, I get a wish?"

"That's right," said Halfrek. "And you can use it however you want, as long as it's in pursuit of justice against the one who wronged you."

"Or," said Spike, holding up the necklace, "I could just destroy this little bauble and we can all get on with our lives. I'm sure Anya can help you out with the whole suddenly human part."

Halfrek folded her arms and glared at Spike. "Your wish?" she asked Buffy.

Buffy took the pendant from Spike. "I don't know. Seems to me you're the one who wronged us all, by creating this place."

With a sigh, Halfrek rubbed her forhead. "D'Hoffryn help me, I'm speaking to children," she muttered. "That was also his doing." She gestured towards Spike.

"Right." Buffy took a deep breath, then blew it out. "Guess I'd better be pretty precise, huh? And here I thought I wouldn't wish this chip on my worst enemy."

"Hold up." Gunn raised a hand. "Just ... one question. What happens to us in this other world?" He gestured to himself and Lauren.

Buffy raised her eyebrows at Spike. He shrugged. "I don't know either one of you. I s'pose you're probably still working for my grandsire. And you," he turned to Lauren, "I guess you don't have to be the Slayer."

She frowned, and gazed at Giles's body. "What about him? He's still alive there, right?"

"Yes," said Spike. "Very much so."

Lauren nodded, and wiped her nose with the back of her hand.

Gunn nodded. "Sounds good to me." He reached out and took Lauren's hand, gave it a squeeze, and smiled. "Been nice knowin' you." Lauren couldn't quite manage a smile in return, and threw her arms around his middle instead.

"Right, then." Spike turned back to Buffy. "It's up to you now, Pet."

Buffy held Spike's eyes for a long moment. Something was at work behind hers, but Spike couldn't tell what. Then she looked at Halfrek. "I want two wishes."

Halfrek's arms went limp at her side. "You ... come again?"

Spike squinted at her. "Buffy, what're you --"

"I think I deserve two."

"But that ... That's not how it's done."

Buffy studied the pendant in her hand. "Y'know, it's been a long time since I've tested out my Slayer strength. I wonder if I could crush this with my bare hands."

"I suppose I could make an exception." Halfrek waved her hands and smiled magnanimously. "It seems I'm all about the exceptions tonight."

"Yeh, you're a real saint," muttered Spike.

"Actually, it depends on the religion." Halfrek raised an eyebrow at Buffy. "Well?"

She glanced at Spike, then turned to face Halfrek. "I wish that when Spike came back to Sunnydale, in November of 1999, that the Initiative captured him and made it so he couldn't harm any living being."

***

"The top ten outtakes from the State of the Union address, Ladies and Gentlemen."

Spike didn't know how long he stood there, blinking at the telly, before he reached out and shut it off. He yanked his shirt up. The wounds he'd received from Adam and the Franken-soldiers were still there -- not a good sign. He scanned the crypt, taking inventory. Fridge, stereo, candles, comfy chair ... well all right, then. This was more like it. No dead bodies, nobody trying to kill him --

The door slammed open, and Xander stormed in, stake in hand. Well. So much for that last part.

"Harris." Spike stood his ground. "I take it your continued existence means the end of mine."

Xander stopped in his tracks. "Huh?"

Spike looked at the stake. "Come to finish the job, then?"

Xander's fingers opened and closed on the stake. "Look, Spike, believe it or not, I don't want to do this." Spike snorted. Xander took a step closer. "I don't. I mean, sure, I hate your guts, and I also hate all of your non-guts parts. But bottom line, you've helped us out. You've done some good, and that should count for something. I get that."

Spike raised an eyebrow. "But?"

"But you've also done a lot of damage. And I'm not gonna wait around for you to do more. Sooner or later, you're just gonna get somebody hurt, and then Buffy'll have to ..." He shook his head. "I don't want to see her go through that again."

"And you think I do?"

"I think you're too screwed up to know what you want."

"Oh ho! You're one to talk, Mister King of Cold Feet."

Xander closed the gap between them and grabbed Spike by the lapels. "Listen up, Chip, I'm trying to play fair."

"You got a warped sense of fair play," Spike muttered, staring at the stake.

"I want you out," said Xander. "Out of our town, out of our lives. If I see you back here again, I will kill you."

"That's not your call, Harris."

"I just made it my call."

Spike really did not have the patience for this. "Too fucking bad!" Bracing for the pain, he shoved Xander away. Nothing happened. Astonished, Spike put a hand to his head. Then he looked up at Xander and grinned. "Well, how 'bout that?"

Xander's eyes widened. "How 'bout what?"

Spike advanced on Xander and shoved him again. "No pain."

Xander swallowed and backed up of his own accord. "No ... but ... the chip?"

Still stalking him, Spike shrugged. "'S not working." The "Oh shit" look on Xander's face would go down as one of Spike's more priceless memories. So would the way he almost tripped all over himself trying to get up the steps to the door. Before he could reach it, Spike flew up the steps after him. He grabbed Xander, turned him around, and slammed him into the door.

Oh, the things he could do to this boy. Three years' worth of violent fantasies flashed before his eyes, interspersed with memories of getting shoved around, put down, and beaten up. But there were other memories, too. Memories of pool matches and poker games, shooting the breeze on patrols, fighting side by side. The betrayed look on his face after Spike had slept with Anya. Giles's haunted eyes as he told of Xander getting tossed down the Hellmouth. Spike being dragged away from that very same spot as the ceiling came down around them, too dazed to make it out without the boy's help.

Suddenly revenge didn't taste so good.

Swallowing the bitter taste in his mouth, Spike let Xander go and opened the door. "Get out."

Xander stood there for a moment, doing a pretty good impression of a fish. "Huh?" he finally managed.

Spike sighed. "I've just been to hell and back, Harris, and I'm really too tired to deal with you. Leave. Now. And if I were you, I wouldn't come back here."

He looked torn between arguing and running for dear life. Finally some sense kicked in, and he did the latter. Spike slammed the door shut behind him and rested his head against the jamb.

"Well, that was disappointing."

Spike whirled around to see Halfrek standing in the spot he'd last seen her, fingering her necklace protectively.

"I mean, you could've at least hit him or something."

"Where did you come from?"

She sighed and waved a dismissive hand. "I'd have been here sooner, but the Slayer felt the need to chat before she made her second wish."

Spike's hands balled into fists as he stalked toward her. "You didn't exactly grant her first wish, did you? I'm still not chipped, you didn't put it right."

Her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh, did I forget to restore your chip?" With a giggle, she shrugged. "Oops, my bad!"

"Your --" Spike shook his head. "You realize you've eliminated Buffy's only excuse not to stake me?" His shoulders slumped as it dawned on him. "That was her second wish, wasn't it?"

"Don't be ridiculous. Just think of that as a personal favor."

"You know, I think I can do without any more favors from you."

Halfrek sniffed. "I don't know what you're getting so worked up about. I've given you the best of both worlds. You're back in your own dimension, and Xander can't bully you any more. Of course, I thought you'd take better advantage of being able to hurt him, but ..." She shrugged. "Now stop being such a crybaby."

Spike's eyes narrowed. "Remind me why I don't just kill you."

Halfrek smirked at him, then disapparated. She reappeared directly behind him. "Because you can't, silly." She sighed. "Cheer up, William. Soon you'll appreciate the gifts I've given you."

"Gifts? What gifts? All you've done is bollixed it up for me! Without the bloody chip --"

"Piffle. You don't need that ridiculous artificial conscience. You have a soul."

"Buffy doesn't know that!"

Halfrek raised an eyebrow. "Doesn't she?"

That was it. Maybe Spike couldn't kill her, but he could have a good time throttling her. He lunged for her throat, but she disappeared. He stumbled, then composed himself and looked around. She didn't reappear.

"Halfrek?"

Nothing.

Spike closed his eyes and sighed. "Bloody hell."

***

Buffy opened her eyes and blinked up at the face of her sister.

"Buffy? Are you okay? I've been trying to wake you for, like, five minutes."

"I ... You. You're Dawn."

Dawn straightened up. "Okay, you're scaring me."

Buffy sat up. Her hands flew to her head. She breathed a sigh as she felt her hair fall past her shoulders, then looked around. She was still on her front porch, where she'd fallen asleep in the wicker loveseat.

Dawn sat down beside her. "Buffy, are you okay?"

Buffy shook off her confusion, then looked at Dawn. Then she pulled the girl into a hug. "I am so glad you're in my life."

"Um ... thanks? Me too." When Buffy didn't let go, Dawn started to squirm. "Buffy? Now you're just freaking me out."

Buffy pulled back and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry." She brushed Dawn's hair behind her ear. "I just wanted you to know that."

"I do." Dawn's brows knight together as she studied Buffy. "You're not okay, are you? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just ... I had this dream."

Dawn's eyes grew wide. "A Slayer dream? What was it? Is there gonna be another apocalypse?"

Buffy shook her head. "No, nothing like that. It's ..." She closed her eyes against the memories flashing through her mind, all of them too real for a mere dream. She opened her eyes and looked at Dawn. "I need to go see Spike. Will you be okay by yourself for a little while?"

"Hello, sixteen now? Trained with you all summer? I think I can stay home by myself for a few hours."

"I know. And I shouldn't be gone that long."

She started to get up, but Dawn seized her wrist. "You had a Slayer dream about Spike? Is he okay?"

Buffy took her hand and squeezed it. "He's fine, as far as I know. And it wasn't a dream so much as a ... a vision?" She sighed. "I don't know what the hell it was. That's why I need to see him."

Dawn nodded and took back her hand. "Just be careful, okay?"

Buffy smiled. "Spike won't hurt me, Dawn."

"Oh, I know that. But it's late, and there are plenty of creepy things out there." She considered this. "Want me to go with you?"

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "I think the Slayer can handle walking alone at night. As for the Slayer's sister, isn't she up past her bedtime on a school night?"

Dawn rolled her eyes, but she got to her feet. "Fine. But I mean it. Be careful."

"I will," Buffy said, watching her sister go inside. With a deep breath, she stepped off the porch and set her path for Spike's crypt.

On the way, she tried to process everything she'd seen. It didn't feel like a dream. It didn't even feel like the visions she'd had. Some of it -- a lot of it -- was just too awful to contemplate; but somewhere in there were things she knew she had to remember, truths she couldn't allow herself to forget. She closed her eyes and focused on the last part. Something had happened right before she'd woken up.

***

Everything went white.

"Where ... what happened?"

"Wish granted."

"So it's all put right."

"The fabric of reality has been restored to the way it was before William made his wish, yes. More or less."

"More or ... what? What did you do?"

"Me? Nothing! Why do you people keep insisting on blaming me for everything?"

"Look, whatever. Just give me my second wish. I get another one, right?"

Halfrek sighed. "That was the deal. Can I have my necklace back now?"

"After I've made my wish."

Halfrek rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Well?"

"I want to remember."

"Can you be more specific?"

"This world. Everything that happened to me here. I want the other me to remember."

"Well that's highly irregular."

Buffy looked at the pendant clutched in her fist, then set it on the ground and raised her foot.

"Wait! I didn't say it couldn't be done!"

Buffy nodded, but didn't put her foot down. "Spike too. He should remember what he experienced here. That's my wish."

"That technically counts as two extra wishes --"

Buffy made as if to stomp.

"But with all he did to you here, I suppose that would be a fitting punishment."

Satisfied, Buffy scooped up the necklace and tossed it to Halfrek. With a relieved giggle, the vengeance demon dusted off the pendant and refastened the chain around her neck. Then she winked at Buffy and waved her fingers.

"Wish granted."

***

Buffy was so gonna kick Halfrek's ass the next time she saw her. She wished she could kick her own ass -- or, her other ass, or ... something -- for dumping all those memories in her head. As if things weren't complicated enough.

Rounding the cemetery's front gate, she saw Xander headed towards her. Yay, more complications. "Xander? What are you doing here?"

"I just came from Spike's." He had that look on his face, like he needed to tell her something important and not good. Buffy hated that look.

"What's wrong?"

"Buffy, Spike ... the chip ..." He shook his head. "I don't know if he got it out, or it stopped working, or what. But let's just say the Joker's out of Arkham."

"And you know this how?" Her eyes drifted to the stake clutched in his hand. "Xander, what did you do?"

"What I ..." He looked at his stake. "Nothing!" He put it in his pocket. "I just went over there to threaten him. You know, the big, manly, protective big brother routine."

"Did he hurt you?" She scanned him for damage, but he didn't have any visible injuries.

"No. I mean, he shoved me around a little, hence the chip-free discovery."

"But he ... I mean, when you beat him up earlier, the chip still worked."

"I thought it did. He could've been faking it. My guess is, that's where he was all these months. Figuring out a way to get rid of it."

Buffy shook her head. "No. That's not where he was."

"How do you know?"

"I just do, okay?" Buffy remembered something. "'More or less'," she muttered, shaking her head. "Stupid vengeance demon."

"Huh? What's Anya got to do with this?"
"Nothing. And not her. Just ... okay, he shoved you. Then what?"

"Then ..." Xander had the grace to look sheepish. "He told me to leave."

Buffy raised her eyebrows. "That's it?"

"Yeah."

"Well. Let me hurry over there and take care of this menace to society."

"Buffy, this is serious."

"I know. I am serious. Spike could have killed you. At the very least he could've gotten you back for what you did to him tonight. He didn't. Why do you think that is?"

"He --" Xander slumped a little, defeated. "I don't know."

"I do," Buffy said. "Xander, will you do me a favor? Can you go over to the house? I know Dawn's a big girl now and all, but I still don't like the idea of her being alone this late. And I don't know how long I'll be gone."

"Sure. Where are you going?"

"To see Spike."

Xander nodded. "Buffy, look. I know you have feelings for the guy. If you can't ... maybe I should go with you."

She shook her head. "I have to do this alone."

"Do you know what you're gonna do?"

Buffy looked up at him. "What I wish I did last night, when he came to my house."

"You ... you mean dust him?"

"No. I mean forgive him."

Xander's mouth dropped open, then he closed it and hung his head. "I love you," he said finally, raising his eyes to meet hers. "You know that, right?"

"Of course I do."

"I just don't want to see you get hurt. Not by him. Not again."

Buffy smiled, then stepped in and pulled him into a hug. "I kinda think Spike and I are through hurting each other."

Xander tightened his embrace. "God, I hope you're right."

"Me too." Buffy pulled away. "There's some ... stuff ... about all this that you don't know. I'm not even sure about it myself, but ... when I get home, explanations will be forthcoming. Okay?"

Xander looked like it was killing him not to argue, but finally he nodded. "Okay. Just, be careful?"

"I will." She squeezed his hand, then let go and headed for the crypt.

It didn't matter that she hadn't been there in over a month. Her feet still carried her there on instinct, without her having to think about it. She stepped up to the door and put her hand against it, then paused. All of those times she'd just barged in, no thought to whether she would be welcome or if she'd come at a bad time ... Over the summer, the few times she'd had occasion to visit Clem, she'd taken to knocking. Because it was polite. Because it was common courtesy. Didn't she owe Spike the same consideration? It would be so easy for them to fall back into their old habits. Things had to change for them, and those changes had to start somewhere.
Buffy let go of the handle, raised her hand, and knocked. It took a while for him to open the door. When he did, the first thing she noticed was that he didn't look like he'd been in a fight, but a war. All haggard and weary and scarred -- inside, if not on the outside. Though his outside had gotten some damage too, judging from the fresh bandages covering his bare torso.

The second thing she noticed was the way he looked at her. Like he'd never been happier to see her. Like she'd never looked more beautiful or more precious to him. Like he longed for nothing more than to fall into her arms and forget everything that he'd just been through. And it hit Buffy -- that other life, the way things could've gone down between them. At that moment she felt this Spike's love just as keenly as she felt the other one's hatred, and she didn't know what she, right there and then, felt in return. Then it passed, and all of the pain this one had endured -- both because of her and for her -- washed over her, and she knew. And she wanted nothing more than to oblige him.

But then a wall of caution went up over that longing. Buffy felt her certainty dwindle to a faint glimmer of an idea of what she truly felt for him that, given time, could grow into certainty once again. If they could just not screw it up this time.

Spike stiffened, almost imperceptibly, but Buffy could feel the tension. "Well, that was fast," he said, turning away from her and going back into the crypt. He left the door open. Buffy followed him in.

"What was fast?"
He looked around for something, then picked up a dark gray pullover from his chair and started to pull it on, wincing as he lifted his arms overhead. Buffy resisted the impulse to help him.

"Figured I at least had until morning before Harris tattled about the chip."

"That's not why I'm here."

"It's not? You mean, he didn't --"

"He told me," she said, shutting the door behind her. She shrugged. "Guess it's a good thing you've got that soul, huh?"

Spike froze midway through tucking in his shirt, then he recovered and nodded as if remembering something.

"So," Buffy said, stepping down into the crypt, "were you ever gonna share that particular piece of news?"

"I was. In due time." Buffy moved to stand next to him. She wanted to look into his eyes. He held her gaze for the briefest moment, then swallowed and turned away from her. "Guess the Bit beat me to it." He went to the back of the crypt and started packing up the first aid supplies spread out on the sarcophagus. "Shoulda known she couldn't keep something that big a secret."

"Wait a minute -- Dawn knew?"

Spike looked panicked. "Well, I mean ... she came to see me earlier. Gave me a right telling off, she did. It, um, it might've come up." He fiddled with a roll of gauze. "So ... how is she? She all right?"

"She's good." Buffy stood next to the chair and pulled at a loose thread. "She's existing and everything."

Spike's eyes narrowed as he turned to face her. "How did you know about my soul, Buffy?"

"Funny you should ask." She abandoned the thread and started to approach him, slowly. "See, I woke up on my porch a little while ago with this whole other set of memories. Memories of things that never happened, and of ... other things, that I think maybe did."

Spike's eyes widened in astonishment. "You remember ..."

Buffy nodded. "So do you. That was my -- her -- second wish. For us to remember."

His mouth drew into a grim line. "Guess she got her vengeance after all."

"No. No, that's not why she did it." She reached him and started to help pack up the first aid kit.

Spike moved away from her, putting the sarcophagus between them. He kept his eyes cast down, away from hers. "How much do you remember?" he asked softly.

"All of it."

Spike squeezed his eyes shut and leaned against the tomb.

"Some if it's kinda fuzzy, though," she went on, "like trying to remember the details of a dream. But other parts are really clear, like I lived them. The empathy spell, the fight ..."

"What I did to you?" He finally met her eyes, and Buffy flinched at the pain there. God, this was tearing him apart.

She shook her head. "What he did to her."

Spike barked out a laugh. "Yeh, right. Big difference."

"Actually, yeah. It is."

He closed his eyes. "I almost did that to you, Pet."

"You didn't."

"Because you stopped me."

"But that ..." Buffy took a deep breath to steady her voice. "It wasn't the same thing."

"Wasn't it?"

"No! That -- the things he did to her -- it came from a different place. From hatred. God, that Spike hated her as much as ... as much as you love me."

He opened his eyes, but he wouldn't look at her. He just stared at a spot on the tomb. Then he shook his head. "The important thing is that that's in me."

Buffy sighed. "Spike, don't take this the wrong way, but ... you're a vampire. I always believed that sort of thing was in you. The only surprise for me is that you didn't. And the important thing is that you won't ever do anything like that again. Will you."

"No. God, no."

She made her way around the tomb to him, thinking of the despair he'd felt, both after he'd left her in the bathroom and after he'd broken the link during the empathy spell. And as he lay on the floor of that cave after winning back his soul. For so long, despair was all he knew. And he did that for her. As she reached him, she realized she needed to say all of this as much as he needed to hear it. Before he could pull away again, she grabbed his arm, then put her hands on his shoulders and turned him to face her.

"Spike, look at me. I'm ..." She swallowed. "I'm sorry."

He furrowed his brow and shook his head. "What --"

"Sh. Let me talk." She let go of him, but she held him with her eyes. "We both did things to each other that were inexcusable. But hopefully they're not unforgivable. I already know you're sorry. I want you to know that I am, too."

He stiffened a little, and lifted his chin. "So. I've a soul now, means I'm real. Suddenly my feelings matter. That it?"

"No, that's not --"

"'Cause I got news for you, Sweetheart. I'm the same as I was before. I mean, sure I'm all conscience-having and what-all, but the things I feel?" He put his hand over his heart. "That hasn't changed."

"I know that."

"Do you?"

Buffy folded her arms. "You know what else hasn't changed? You're still an idiot."

"Ooh, nice apology. Your sincerity has truly touched my soul."

She whacked him in the chest, knocking him back a few steps. "Shut up and listen!"

He rubbed his chest and glared, but held his tongue.

Rubbing her forehead, Buffy sighed. "Look, Spike, I know how angry you've been with me, and how frustrated. I know how much you loved me. That it was real, and that I was stupid not to see that. And I know how much I hurt you." She heard her voice crack, and felt the prick of tears stinging her eyes. "I know because I felt it. I told you I remember the empathy spell. The things I did to you, everything I put you through ... I can feel it like it happened to me. And I'm so sorry!"

Spike just watched her, his face, for once, void of expression. Then his lips curled into a sad smile. "I don't want your pity, Buffy."

Buffy actually laughed at that. "You big dummy. Would you stop feeling sorry for yourself for two seconds and hear what I'm saying to you?" She walked back up to him and took his face in her hands. His jaw clenched. She could see him struggling to keep his expression neutral.

"Spike, last year, when all I wanted to do was crawl back into my grave and stay there, you were there for me. You made my life bearable." She paused to let that sink in, to gauge his reaction. She thought she could see tiny, hairline cracks in his veneer. "I want to do the same for you. Not because I feel sorry for you, or because I want to even the score. I needed somebody to understand me, and I had you for that. And now you need somebody to understand what you're going through. Well I do understand, because I felt it. I know. And I want to be here for you because I care. I care about you, Spike, and you deserve to have somebody here for you."

The veneer shattered then, falling away completely. His face twisted up as he choked back a sob. Buffy pulled him to her and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "Let it out," she told him, and he did. "I'm here, Spike." She stroked his hair as he clung to her and cried. "You're home, and I'm here." He buried his face against her neck and fisted a hand in her hair. Eventually his shoulders stopped shaking. For a moment he was still; then he tightened his arms around her, and they just held each other.

It occured to Buffy that this was their first official hug. She giggled.

Spike pulled back and looked at her suspisciously, and a little self-consciously. "What?"

She shook her head and reached up to wipe his cheek. "Nothing."

His eyes narrowed. "Anybody ever tell you you got a morbid sense of humor, Pet?"

Buffy snorted. "Like you're one to talk."

Spike smiled. Then he turned serious. "So what happens now?"

Buffy shrugged. "We figure out how to get over it?"

He nodded. Then he shoved his hands in his pockets and shuffled his feet, looking for all the world like a shy little boy. "We do that together?"

God, he sounded so hopeful. A few months ago, her first instinct would have been to quash that hope with every weapon in her arsenal. But tonight she realized she had no reason to. She nodded. "I'm gonna need some time," she told him. "I mean, all this new information ... I have to sort through it all, figure out what it means."

"Right. 'Course."

Buffy remembered something. "I also made a wish tonight, you know. Me me, not the other me. Of course, I didn't make mine out loud to a vengeance demon, because I don't happen to be a dumbass." She smiled to let him know she'd meant that as a gentle admonishment. Not that that prevented a dirty look from him. "But I wished for things to be simpler. I'm not sure how yet, 'cause God knows there are a lot of weird memories to sort out; but underneath it all ... I think I got my wish."

She looked into his eyes one last time, and saw that he was all right. Confident he would stay that way after she left, she turned to go. She opened the door and for a moment just stood there, looking out into the night, breathing in the fresh air. Something out there probably needed to be slain. Her best friend and her mystical sister waited for her at home, where one was hopefully fast asleep and the other was confused and worried, and in need of a good talking to. A vampire stood behind her, dealing with his own pain and, she was sure, wishing like hell that she could stay with him just a little longer. Not just a vampire, but a man who loved her, who she was in serious danger of loving in return. It was a possibility now, of that much she was certain. Maybe even an eventuality. Calling it an inevitability wouldn't necessarily be crazy talk.

It wasn't a perfect world, but it was hers. At that moment, she felt truly grateful to live in it.

She turned back to find Spike watching her. "Xander's with Dawn," she said, "so I don't have to hurry home. I thought, since I'm up, I might get in a quick patrol."

He nodded. "Sound thinking."

"Wanna come with?"

Spike broke into a wide grin. Then he looked away from her. "Yeh," he said, obviously struggling to regain his cool. "Just let me grab a smoke." He retrieved his coat from the chair. When he picked it up, a lone cigarette fell out. Spike picked it up and gazed at it for a long time, running his thumb over the tip. He looked up at Buffy, and she raised an eyebrow. With a wink, he popped it in his mouth and lit it.

"Let's go fight that good fight," he said, and followed her out the door.

~Fin~

Notes: You can tell which of my betas don't read Harry Potter, 'cause they all tried to tell me "disapparate" isn't a word.

Anyway. Thanks to all and sundry for the encouragement and cheering on, and for the feedback. And huge, massive props to all of my beta-readers.

I told some archive people that they could have this fic when it's done. So sorry, but I don't remember who. You're welcome to it, just drop me a note at cousinjean@hotmail.com and let me know where it's going.

I worked up a rough & dirty timeline for the Adamverse before I started this fic. I'll get it cleaned up and post it as an appendix, so if you're interested watch for that.

Thanks for reading!