Destiny

By PSUBrat

Guidance & Understanding

Connor quietly followed Anya up the steps and towards the bathroom of the Summers' home, thoughts of a warm shower playing on his mind. After his father had gone to the kitchen to talk to Buffy, he had joined the others on the opposite side of the living room, making sure he was well out of earshot of what was being said between the two. As he looked into the faces of the group that he was about to join, he realized that he was still an outsider to them. Anya, the one that had been a demon, seemed to accept him more readily than the others. He couldn't say he blamed them for their standoffish attitude towards him, especially after all the things he had done. Lorne, Gunn and Fred distrusted him because of what he had done to Angel and Xander was probably none too happy with him for what he had done to both Dawn and Buffy. He knew that he still owed Buffy an apology for his transgressions and hoped that, eventually, she would forgive him. As for Dawn, well, he knew that an apology just wouldn't be enough; he would need to do more. Perhaps that thing his father called groveling would do.

He didn't realize that Anya had been chattering away as they had climbed the stairs. She had been the one to suggest a shower after Buffy had come downstairs with pillows and blankets for those who wanted to catch some sleep. His appearance had been the last thing on his mind but he had immediately become aware of it after Anya had pointed it out to him. She had asked him if he had been injured since his shirt was covered in blood. Absently he had tugged at the shirt, trying to remember exactly whose blood it had been when it occurred to him that he had been in the fight earlier with the Master's minions. So much had happened to him that day he could barely remember his own name.

"Here," Anya stated as she handed him a towel from the linen closet. "Just put your clothing in this bag and we'll wash it as soon as you're out of the shower."

"What am I going to wear while this is being washed? I'm not gonna walk around in a towel the rest of the night."

"Good point. Stay here, I'll be right back."

He watched as the woman disappeared into an open room and listened as he heard drawers opening and closing. Obviously she was looking for something specific, because when she found it she let out a triumphant sound.

"Okay. Here's a pair of Buffy's sweatpants," she stated, handing over the pile of bulky material. She paused when she saw him wrinkle up his nose and frown. "I know it's all girly but it's better than nothing. Besides, who's going to even notice?"

He looked at her skeptically as he held up the pair of pants. They looked small but then again, the Slayer was a petite girl. Hopefully the material was loose enough that it would fit him. "Thanks," he replied and headed into the bathroom.

***

While Xander and Gunn continued to discuss all things evil, Fred and Lorne opted to get some shuteye while they could. Both felt extremely guilty for being tired, knowing that their friends, new and old, would be facing the toughest challenge of their lives in the next eighteen or so hours but they just couldn't keep their eyes open any longer.

"Is anyone going to offer me a pillow?" Lilah growled from her chair. "Or a bathroom break for that matter?"

"No," Gunn replied tersely. "Now shut your mouth and let people sleep."

"Who is she?" Xander asked as he studied the dark haired woman. He thought she was attractive but knew that on top of the Hellmouth, looks were definitely deceiving.

"A crazy ass bitch is what she is. Actually, she's a lawyer. Of the demented and demon-y type."

"They have lawyers for demons in L.A.? Wow. That's insane."

"Hence why I said she was a crazy ass bitch."

Lilah scowled at them and went back to trying to loosen her restraints.

"I wouldn't bother," Xander stated, watching her look for weak spots in the rope. "Buffy tied that so save your strength. You're not going anywhere."

"We'll see about that..."

At that point, a highly agitated and sobbing Cordelia swept into the room. To Xander she looked like she had just been told her cat had died or that her daddy had just lost all of their money. "Cordelia, what's wrong?" He asked as he quickly stood and motioned for her to take his seat.

"Nothing. Everything. I don't know," she sobbed, throwing herself down on the couch and burying her face in her hands.

"Calm down," Gunn demanded gently. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"I bet I know what happened," A voice from the doorway stated. "Angel happened, didn't he?"

***

Connor slowly toweled himself off. He had taken the longest, best, hot shower of his entire existence. As a result, the bathroom was now a sauna; steam circling and clouding the room. Thoughts of Dawn had plagued him while he had tried to relax under the soothing spray. How was he going to make things right? Could he ever make things right? These questions and others floated through his mind making his heart wrench and ache. He wanted her to know that he was sorry, needed her to know actually. Maybe when she got up in the morning, he would take her outside and they could sit on the front porch and talk like they did the night they shared their first kiss. The memory of that night brought a smile to his face. He remembered every facet of that evening. The way her hair framed her face, the way her eyes sparkled and danced when she saw him arrive and how her warm lips felt against his. He definitely needed to tell her how he felt, before it was too late.

As he gathered his clothes and began to clean up the bathroom, his sensitive hearing caught the sounds of muffled sobs. At first, he thought that it had been the witch still crying over what she had seen in her vision, but as he moved closer to the door, he realized that they were coming from Dawn. Hesitantly he tiptoed through the hallway and paused at her door. There was no doubt now that the sobbing was coming from her. The sounds of her sadness tugged at his heart. Was he the cause of this? He needed to find out, to console her. Gently he knocked on the door so as not to alert the others of what he was doing.

"Come in," Dawn's quiet voice told him.

Cautiously he opened the door and stepped inside the room. She was laying on her bed with her back to him. "Dawn, are you okay?" He asked as he closed the door behind him. He already knew the answer but he felt that this would at least get the conversation started.

Immediately she rolled over to face him. Her tear stained cheeks were red and flushed. "What do you want?" She demanded, anger welling up inside of her.

He met her cold stare and then looked away. She was in pain because of him and it killed him to see her this way. "I'm sorry," he mumbled as he hung his head in shame. He had started this relationship as a way to get to Buffy, but it hadn't taken long before he had come to care for her, to love her.

"You should be," Dawn sniffled as she sat up in bed, making room for him to sit down at the bottom.

"I hope you can forgive me for being so horrible to you and your sister. I-I never wanted to hurt you..."

"No, you just wanted to hurt Buffy. Why?"

"It's...complicated."

"Try me."

"I overhead Fred and Gunn discussing how my father probably would never be able to love another woman because of the love he had for someone named Buffy. She supposedly she loved him as well. That's when I decided to find her and eliminate her. I felt that she didn't deserve to live because she loved a beast."

"That's pretty messed up Steven, uhm, I mean...Connor. Your name is Connor, isn't it? I really can't keep up with all the deception."

He smiled shyly at her and nodded. "I know I was wrong, and yes it is messed up...was messed up..." Connor slumped; he just couldn't find the words to describe what he'd felt.

"Understatement of the century," she replied in a harsh tone. She paused, softening her tone as she watched him lower his head again in shame. "Connor, I don't know exactly what you went through in that other dimension but believe me, I totally get what it's like to be angry at everyone around you and to blame them for what happened. I did some pretty stupid stuff after I found out who I really was, granted I only did things to myself but I was pretty bitchy to everyone around me. I felt like a total freak and that people didn't love me because they wanted to, but that they had to because of the implanted memories. It was awful." She sighed and took a deep breath in order to continue her diatribe. She had no idea if she was getting through to him. "My point is, it's okay to mess up but it's not okay to try to kill people, especially your father."

"I know," he said quietly, barely above a whisper. "I was just so angry and Holtz had told me so many horrible things about my father...I just didn't...All I knew was that I wanted him to hurt but I never wanted you to hurt. I love you too much for that."

Her eyes widened. "You what?"

***

"What does Angel have to do with this?" Xander demanded as he watched Buffy walk into the living room, avoiding the sleeping bodies on the floor.

"Buffy," Cordelia responded with a groan. "You are the last person I want to talk to right now."

"What did Buffy do to you?" Gunn inquired with a frown.

"Never mind. I just don't want to talk about it."

Buffy sighed. "Guys could you give me and Cordelia a minute, please?

"Uh. Sure Buff. We'll just go help the watchers read their musty books. Come on Gunn."

Buffy waited until the two men had disappeared into the dining room and then walked over to where Cordelia was sitting. "Cordelia, I think you and I need to have a talk."

"I don't want to talk to you."

"I know," Buffy stated sadly. "And I can't say that I blame you but I want you to listen, okay?"

Cordelia nodded slowly as she wiped away more tears from her eyes. She had hated Sunnydale before coming back but now she really hated it. It held nothing for her anymore and now neither did L.A. At least in L.A. she could find something else to do, maybe even concentrate on her acting again but Sunnydale was definitely a dead end. Always was, always will be.

"Look Cordelia, I know that you think that I love Angel and that he loves me. I can't speak for him but I can say this...I don't love Angel. Not that way. I'm in love with Spike."

"If that's true then why is Angel acting all possessive-y about you? Huh? He can't even tell me that he loves me anymore!"

"I know and I'm sorry that he's acting like King of the Jerks," she said comfortingly as she sat down on the coffee table in front of the couch. "Listen, he's just being a typical man. Wants what he knows he can't have; that kind of thing."

Cordelia snorted. "Just something else Mr. Broody can get all dark and depressive about."

"Exactly," Buffy replied with a grin. "He doesn't really love me, not the me now. He's just in love with the idea of what we used to be. Seriously, what's the one thing that you know would get under his skin the most and make him act this way?"

Cordelia thought for a moment and then looked up at Buffy with wide, wet eyes. "Spike?"

Buffy nodded her reply.

"So he's acting all crazy because you're in love with Spike now?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Oh my god! He doesn't really love you then!" She declared standing up and smiling.

"Uh, probably not, no."

"Of course. I should have known. Thank you so much Buffy," she exclaimed as she threw her arms around the Slayer.

"Uh. Sure. I think."

"I am so going to go kick his ass now. Men!" With that Cordelia stomped off to track down the errant vampire.

***

"I said I love you Dawn," Connor responded as he locked his gaze on her eyes. Since he had let it slip while he had his head down, he figured it was important to look her in the eyes the second time, to make sure she knew that he meant it.

Dawn gasped in shock as she covered her mouth, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. She had known that there was something developing between them but she hadn't dared to think it was anymore than a mutual like for one another. Now, she had no choice but to face her feelings for him head on. There was something about this that felt right, as if they had been made for one another. She didn't know what to say so instead; she sat quietly while the tears rolled down her cheeks.

Her silence cut through him like a knife. Had he said too much? Had the words been wrong? "Please Dawn, I didn't mean to upset you. I'm not very good with these kinds of things. I'm better at killing and hurting. I'm sorry. Please don't cry." He reached out and cupped her cheek in his hand, gently brushing a tear away with his thumb.

"I'm not upset," she managed to finally say as she leaned into his hand.

"Then what's wrong?"

She smiled slightly, looking into his eyes. "I love you too, Connor."

Now it was his turn to be shocked at her revelation. He had hoped, but hadn't known for sure. "I'm not worthy of your love Dawn. I've been horrible. I don't deserve you."

Her hand reached up and covered the one that was cupping her face. "Connor," she whispered. "There are a lot of things in this world that are more terrible than you'll ever be. All I ask is that you don't become one of them."

His eyes searched her face for reassurance that she was being honest, letting him back into her life. As soon as his eyes locked with hers, he knew that he had been forgiven and that she truly loved him. Slowly he leaned in to kiss her, his lips gently brushing hers. "I love you."

***

Xander stood on the back deck and watched as Angel paced the length of the backyard, stopping occasionally to mutter something to himself that only he could hear or understand. He knew that the vampire had to sense him, smell him, know that he was there otherwise, if he called out to him and surprised him that would not be of the good. Finally, Angel paused long enough for Xander to make his move. He couldn't believe that he was doing this. He had to be insane, out here about to face a vampire who could at any moment become the most vicious monster in the word. Yeah, he was insane all right.

"Angel?"

Angel spun around and looked at Xander, pain and confusion written on his face. "Xander. Hi. What's up?"

Xander snorted as he put his hands in his pockets and strolled over to where the vampire was standing. "What's up? Isn't that the question of the evening?"

"I'm not sure I follow..." Angel stated with a frown.

"Then let me make it perfectly clear for you. There's a very beautiful, young woman in the house who is beside herself because of you. And no, it's not Buffy, just in case you're wondering."

"Cordelia." He felt his stomach drop as he said her name. What had he done? The last thing he ever wanted to do was to hurt her.

"Yeah. That would be the one. She's pretty head over heels in love with you. At least it seemed that way to me. You know, I'm not the greatest person to be giving advice..."

"Then don't." Suddenly he felt very angry. He didn't want Xander, of all people, to be having this conversation with him. What did he know anyway; he was just a boy.

"But it's a good thing for you that I will anyway. You see, I know that you're trying to win Buffy back and that she's having none of it. Before you get all huffy with me, Buffy didn't tell anyone anything. It wasn't hard to figure out, what with you following after her like a lost puppy. I could have told you, you weren't going to get anywhere with her and saved you the trouble. How do I know this, you might ask. I've been there. I use to be the one waiting around for that little scrap of hope to fall off her table."

"You better have a point to all of this..."

"Hold your horses, dead boy. I'm just about finished. What I'm saying is this...Buffy is Spike's now. She probably has been a lot longer than she's willing to admit or that any of us are willing to accept, but she loves him and he loves her. So take it from some guy who's been there, waiting, if you've found something even remotely close to what you think you could have had with Buffy, then go for it. Embrace it. Never let it go. Don't let Cordelia slip through your fingers, man. Don't make the same mistake I did."

"Are you through?" Angel growled at him.

"Yeah. I'm done and feeling strangely ill. Excuse me while I go ask my girlfriend to eviscerate me. No need to do it yourself, An's got it covered."

"Relax Xander. I'm not going to hurt you."

"You're not?"

"No."

"Oooookay. I should probably go then. Back inside. Where it's safe. Have a nice night." He turned quickly and almost stumbled over his own feet trying to make a hasty retreat into the house.

"Xander?"

Doh! He had been so close. He stopped abruptly, cringing and beating himself up for trying to get involved in something that was none of his business. "Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," he said giving Angel a nod and a slight smile. "One last thing..."

"You're really pushing your luck Xander..."

"I know. That's okay though. Don't wait too long to tell her you love her. Tomorrow's too uncertain." With that being said, he turned around and walked into the house, leaving the vampire to think about what he had said.

Continue