Living ArrangementsBy Taltos
Chapter Nine
I see him go down out of the corner of my eye. Rage like I've never known flows through me. With brutal force I lop off the head of the last Thrask demon and run to Xander's side. Buffy and Willow are already there.
Dropping to my knees beside him I rip his shirt off and inspect the wound. His stomach is torn open all the way across. There's so much blood that the sight and smell of it makes me sick. I hear Red on her cell phone calling an ambulance. They won't make it in time, he'll bleed out before they get here. I move to his head cradling it in my lap, stroking the hair from his face.
His eyes meet mine and I see death already clouding his vision. His hand reaches for mine.
"I-I'm s-sorry, Spike. I-I...love you."
I hear Buffy and Willow crying. I want to scream, howl, rage at the world. It's too soon. No. I can stop this, he may not like it but he's not leaving me. His eyes drop closed and I hear his heartbeat slow to an impossible pace. He's only taking small gasping breaths now.
"Red, you still got that spell, the one you used on Angel?"
"What?"
"The spell, the soul one, do you still have it?"
"Yes, but why-"
"Spike, No. You can't."
I hear Buffy's voice next to my ear.
"Don't bloody well tell me what I can and can't do, it's not your lover laying here dying. I'm not losing him, do you hear me, I'm not."
I throw off my duster and look at Willow.
"You've got twelve hours to figure out how to take the clause out."
Without further words I open my wrist and hold it over Xander's mouth.
"C'mon, pet, drink."
His eyes flutter as the first few drops land on his lips. His tongue snakes out to catch the moisture. Within seconds he's latched onto my wrist and sucking greedily. His eyes fall closed again and the harsh lines of pain disappear from his face. Buffy gasps as she watches the edges of the deep wound in his stomach come together and seal. I lift his body in my arms, with a last look at Buffy and Willow, I walk toward home tossing my demands over my shoulder.
"Be at the apartment in twelve hours, spell and fresh blood in hand."
Once home I strip and wash him and then lie him gently in bed. After covering him I leave the room. I don't fool myself into not knowing exactly what's going to happen when he wakes.
No one knows more than I, how much he didn't want this. But I couldn't let him go, not yet. Funny that, how I couldn't let him go but now I'm going to lose him anyway. Knowing he's still out there, knowing that someday there may be a snowball's chance in hell that he'll forgive me is so much better than never seeing him again.
Wandering around the apartment I debate packing. Every room holds happiness for me. I can clearly recall every touch, every kiss in the last six months shared in this apartment.
Sighing I head for the shower, too soon I'll be forced to give all this up and all I want right now is to lie down with Xander next to me and wrap myself around him until Buffy and Willow get here.
After toweling off I climb in bed next to him. Even in the sleep of the dead, his body curls around mine seeking contact. I spend the next hours touching, kissing and looking. I burn every aspect of him into my memory.
Too soon I hear the faint knocking on the door. Extracting myself from Xander's arms I go to the door.
I swing the door open letting them in. Both have red eyes and looks of sorrow. Shutting the door I keep my back to them and speak before either of them have the chance.
"I'm sorry. I know he's going to hate me, but I couldn't..."
My voice cracks and I feel the wetness gathering in my eyes. Christ this hurts.
I feel arms wrap around me and I turn into Willow's embrace. She strokes my hair as my head falls to her shoulder. I hold her like a life-line as she comforts me.
"Shh, he'll understand."
I shake my head. She's wrong, he won't understand and I won't blame him for hating me. My head snaps up at the sub-vocal growl I hear coming from the doorway to the bedroom. Quickly releasing Willow I walk toward Xander.
When I reach him he buries his head in my shoulder. Turning his head he gently laps at my neck and I can't stop the shiver that runs down my spine as desperate need floods my body.
"Now Red."
I hold him as he nuzzles my neck unaware of Willow chanting behind us. I feel his body go rigid as Willow shouts the final words of the spell. Pulling back I watch the light flash in his eyes. When his eyes meet mine I step back as the anger begins to form.