New Beginnings

By PSUBrat

Fatherly Advice

Buffy looked down at her hands. They were folded tightly in her lap. She didn't want to tell Giles anything about her and Spike. She was afraid that he would think less of her. The tears started to slide down her cheeks. Great. More tears. That's all she'd been doing lately. This had to stop. She was Buffy the Vampire Slayer not Buffy the Constant Crier. She wiped her tears away and looked at Giles. He was sitting patiently on the couch waiting for her to begin. Apparently, Spike hadn't told Giles much of anything except that he had tried to rape her. The fact of the matter was, she needed to come clean to Giles about everything.

"Buffy, I'm sure it's not that serious," he said reassuringly, "You can tell me anything, you know."

She shook her head. "That's the thing Giles. It is serious. I made a lot of bad decisions while you were gone. A lot of things happened that I'm ashamed of."

He set his teacup down and took off his glasses again. "Bad decisions are part of growing up. Buffy please, perhaps you'll feel better if you just get it all out in the open."

She stood up and walked behind the chair she was sitting in. Without looking at him, she began, "Giles, I know you're going to be disappointed with me…"

"I'm very proud of you Buffy. No matter what."

She nodded her head slightly and lowered her eyes. "When I came back from wherever I was, I-I felt alone. No one understood what I had gone through. Spike was the only one who didn't want anything from me. He wasn't pushing for me to be myself again. While everyone else expected happy Buffy, he just let me be me, ya know?"

Giles nodded.

"I started hanging out with him more. I knew how he felt about me…and I used that to feel again. We became involved."

"Involved?" Giles asked with a frown, "Exactly how 'involved'?"

"I was sleeping with him." She looked over to see his reaction.

He smiled somewhat and then looked back at her. "I had assumed that was the case, but I'm glad that you finally told me."

"You're not mad? Or disappointed," she asked quickly.

"No. Actually, I'm a bit amused. Please continue."

"Are you sure? No, 'Buffy you need to get your priorities straight' or 'Are you out of your bleeding mind'?"

Giles laughed and shook his head. "Buffy, you're a grown woman now. We all make mistakes. It's called being human. Don't be so harsh on yourself."

Buffy sat back down in her chair amazed at his answer. She had been sure that he was going to be upset and disappointed with her. "There's more."

***

"Dawn, come help me with the inventory," Anya requested of her teenage helper.

"That's Halfrek's job," Dawn replied making a sour face. She hated helping Anya with the inventory simply because the ex-demon was so demanding. She'd rather dust and help the customers.

"I gave her the day off and besides, you know better than to call her that. It's not who she is anymore."

Dawn rolled her eyes and plunked down into the chair next to William who was now busily writing in his journal.

"Dawn, mind Anya," William said without looking up from what he was doing.

"But…"

"Dawn," he said locking her gaze with his, "I understand you have a debt to pay off. Now go."

"Fine," she said in a huff.

Anya walked over to William. She couldn't get over how much he had changed. He was quite attractive. "William," she said getting his attention, "Thank you for your help with Dawn. Sometimes she can be…difficult."

He smiled warmly at her. "You're welcome. You just have to be firm with her is all. She'll listen."

"It was good sex," Anya blurted out.

"Pardon," he asked startled and shocked.

"The sex. Between us. It was good. I just wanted to let you know that."

"Uh," he sputtered, "Thanks." He could feel his cheeks flush.

"But if I had known that the person who had hurt you was Buffy, I would have never done it. I didn't know. But it was still good sex." She smiled at him and patted his arm, then went back to the inventory with Dawn.

William sat in stunned silence as he watched her walk away.

***

"I assumed there would be more," Giles said matter of factly. He had known that Spike had not been telling him everything, but now, he knew that the former vampire was just trying to protect Buffy's personal life.

"Giles," she started hesitantly, "It wasn't a good relationship that Spike and I had. It was…unhealthy." She hung her head again in shame. "I used to beat him up whenever I felt like it. That's how it all started. The sex."

"I see." This might be more information than he wanted to know, but he would allow her to continue, for her own piece of mind.

"I guess I took everything out on him. So when he…when things got out of hand in the bathroom, I'm partly to blame. I changed the rules and didn't tell him."

"Buffy, no one deserves something like that. It's the worst thing that a man can do. You do realize that, don't you?"

"But Giles. I didn't stop him. Not until it started to go too far. I could have stopped him right away if I had wanted to. And now I think I know why."

"I'm not quite sure I understand where this is going…."

"I'm in love with him." Had she really said that out loud? And to Giles? She sat back and waited for his reaction.

***

Giles took his glasses off the table to clean them. He had known this was coming. However, it was still difficult to hear. Dawn had talked to him about Buffy's feelings while they had chatted about the portal. The teen was concerned that if Buffy didn't come to terms with her true feelings, that she would be too distracted to do her job. He had agreed.

When Giles didn't respond immediately to her confession she assumed that he was about to lecture her. She braced herself and waited for the worst.

"Buffy, I know that you're expecting me to tell you that you're out of your mind and that you need counseling, but I'm not going to say anything of the sort. As I said previously, you're a grown woman now. I cannot make these decisions for you. Only you know how you feel about Spike. About William actually."

"But Giles," she sighed, "That's just it. I loved him before he became William. I just didn't want to admit it to myself. It's too weird."

Giles chuckled. "Believe me I'm the first to agree with you on that one." The smile faded from his face and his tone became serious. "Can I offer you some advice? Not as your watcher, but rather as a father figure."

"Please."

"I don't necessarily approve of Spike or what he did in his past. However, I have gotten to know William the human over the last few months and I have to say, in all honesty, he's a good man; and he loves you very much. God help me for saying this but, if you love him as well, you need to tell him."

"But the others," she said hesitantly.

"To hell with what anyone else thinks Buffy. You, of all people, deserve to be happy. You've been through enough pain and suffering. Don't punish yourself with this as well. Embrace it. I for one am not going to stand in your way."

Buffy stood up and rushed to give Giles a hug. She felt liberated at last. "But how will I tell him? I don't think he wants a relationship with me again. Not that I can say I blame him. I was a total whack job to him."

"Just tell him. Because if you don't, if you keep harboring this feeling, you're going to be miserable for a very long time, and it will affect your slaying abilities. You can't afford to have an off night because your mind is elsewhere. I don't think I need to remind you of that."

Buffy smiled her first genuine smile in a while. "Nope. No need to go there."

"Now that we've had our chat," Giles said getting up and heading towards the door, "why don't we head to the shop to talk to William about the Master. I think he would be quite interested in what you have to say. He's been having dreams himself."

"What?" Buffy exclaimed in surprise.

Giles was already out the door. She quickly grabbed her keys and went to catch up with him.

***

"Okay Bit. Ready for lunch," William called down to the teen. She was down in the basement going through inventory. He could almost hear her silent cheers as she bounded up the steps.

"Anya do you want us to bring back anything for you?" Dawn asked as she grabbed her wallet.

"No thank you. Xander is supposed to stop by. He's going to spend money on me," the ex-demon said cheerily.

"Probably best that I'm not here then," William said with a grin.

Dawn snickered as she followed him out the door into the bright sunlight. Spike walking in the daylight, it was all so surreal. "Think we should have waited for Buffy and Giles?" She asked.

"No. That's all right. I'm sure they can fend for themselves. It's William and Dawn day," he added with a smile.

They walked along in silence for several moments. "She's in love with you, you know," Dawn said suddenly.

William's head snapped around to look at Dawn. "I'm sorry. But I don't think I heard right."

"You heard me just fine," Dawn said with a grin.

"Dawn. I would rather we not discuss Buffy if that's alright by you."

"Suit yourself but I think we should. You guys can't go on hiding it forever."

"Hiding what," he demanded.

"Your feelings."

"I am not discussing this with you, Bit."

"That's just what she said," Dawn stated as she came to a complete stop. "Why are you two being so difficult?" She was so frustrated. What was their problem? Why couldn't they just be up front about how they felt? She thought it would be cool if her sister and Spike would get together.

William stopped and turned to face the teenager. "Dawn, there are just certain things in this world that aren't meant to be…"

"Stop it," she said as she grabbed his arm, "I'm not a little kid. I know about these things. I'm older than you and Buffy combined."

Suddenly the area around them darkened and the air began to hum and ripple.

"What is going on Dawn?" William asked in awe.

Dawn looked over at him and shrugged. "Portal."

They both peered through the portal once it had stabilized. There on the other side looking shocked and confused was Buffy and Giles.

***

The meeting at Wolfram & Hart adjourned. They were to meet back at the offices later that evening and then leave for the ceremony together. "Wesley?" Lilah asked once they had reached the front entrance. "We're going back to the hotel for a while, are you coming?"

He shook his head. "No. I think I'm going to wander around for a bit. Try to get reacquainted and all."

Lilah smiled. "Just remember, you work for us now. And don't be late tonight."

He nodded and closed the limo door for her. He stepped back from the curb and watched the limo pull away. He'd already decided that his first stop would be the Magic Box. Better to get it out in the open that he was back in town, rather than run into one of them out on the street. There would be fewer questions this way and less suspicion. He patiently waited for the traffic to pass by before he crossed the street to the shop.

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