New BeginningsBy PSUBrat
Secrets & Wealth
The sun was higher in the sky now and the earlier breeze that had been gently blowing through the trees subsided. Two figures sat on the ground of the UC Sunnydale campus oblivious to those that passed by them. The blonde Wicca sat in front of her lover and studied her closely trying to discern whether or not she could see anything physically different about the other girl. Nothing seemed out of place. She continued to listen intently as the red head explained the circumstances behind her wish. Most of the time she sat in stunned silence and at other times she interrupted for more details. This was one of those times.
"Willow, you absorbed the text right off the pages? How is that possible," Tara asked in disbelief.
"I-I don't remember how exactly," Willow whispered, "most things are kind of a blur. Except the big parts." She glanced at Tara assuming that the girl in front of her who loved her and knew her best of all, would have hatred in her eyes. Instead, Willow saw compassion and concern. It was all she could do to keep herself together long enough to finish the story.
Tara looked over at Willow who was now in tears. As the story continued to unfold, Willow seemed to shrink in front of her, and away from her. Tara wanted to reach out and put her hand on Willow's to reassure her that things would be okay but Willow had to go through this alone. From the look on Willow's face, Tara knew that Willow had only scratched the surface of what happened in the other reality.
"Willow," Tara said soothingly, "I know this is hard for you but you have to get it all out in order for the healing process to begin. I'm not going to judge you."
"But you haven't heard everything yet, Tara! I've done awful things. Awful. You have no idea," Willow cried, "I don't deserve to be this happy. Ever." Months of pent up guilt started to flow through her body. She began to sob as she got to the worst part of all, Warren's death.
Tara gasped in shock and horror as Willow recounted how she murdered Warren in cold blood. How could her lover be capable of something this horrendous? The sobbing girl in front of her didn't look like a murderer, she looked more like a lost puppy trying to find it's way home. She had promised Willow she wouldn't judge her but it was becoming more and more difficult by the second. Especially since Willow was now explaining how she tortured Giles and tried to kill Dawn and Buffy. Not to mention the fact that she had tried to kill Jonathan and Andrew even though they had nothing to do with Tara's death. How could she ever look at Willow the same way again?
"And then, after Xander talked me out of destroying the world, I said the one thing that changed it all. I said, 'I wish Tara had never died.' I didn't know that Anya was a demon again. I swear. I didn't say it on purpose. I was in a lot of pain and I was confused. It just…came out." She finished the tale without looking back at Tara and let the sobs rip through her body. It didn't seem to make her feel better that she had finally bared herself to Tara. Despite the warmth from the sun, she felt chilled to the bone.
It was all Tara could do to not get up and run away, as far away as possible. She tried to wrap her mind around the things that Willow had just told her but she couldn't. It was too much to absorb. She should have questioned Willow more closely that day Warren showed up with a gun to kill Buffy. Willow had never had visions before that but Tara had accepted her lover's explanation because she loved Willow with all her heart. Despite everything, she still loved her.
Willow couldn't take the silence between them. She needed to know that things were going to be okay, that Tara still loved her despite what happened in the other reality. She hesitantly reached out and put her hand on Tara's shoulder.
The hand on her shoulder brought her out of her thoughts. She looked over at Willow. The girl's tears had been replaced with fear.
"Please, Tara," Willow pleaded, "please don't hate me."
***
"So do you think Buffy will let me have my 16th birthday party at the Bronze," Dawn asked Anya.
Anya stopped counting her newly acquired money and looked over at Dawn. Didn't the girl know not to interrupt her while she counted money? She would have to teach the teen that certain times were quiet times. "Dawn, can't you see that I'm counting the money right now? Never interrupt me while I'm with the money.""Sorry," Dawn said defensively.
"And no," Anya continued as she went back to what she was doing, "I don't think Buffy will let you have a party anywhere but at home."
Dawn was starting to become annoyed with the demon. "Why not," she asked with irritation in her voice.
"For one, it would cost too much money…"
"What would cost too much money?" Buffy asked as she entered the room.
"Dawn thinks that you will allow her to have a party at the Bronze. But we all know that it would be too expensive for your meager budget," Anya stated matter-of-factly.
Buffy looked over at Dawn who stood with her head down. They had been through a lot this past year. Plus, it was her sister's sweet sixteenth birthday. How could she not throw her the best party ever? She put on a smug smile and pulled the envelope out of her back pocket. Waving it in the air, she said, "I think we can arrange something."
***
In the office Giles could hear the voices coming from the shop. He was sure that Buffy was sharing her new found wealth with her sister and Anya. The shrill screams were the first hint that the cat had been let out of the bag. He smiled to himself as he remembered the long drawn out argument that he had with Quentin about compensating Buffy for her Slayer duties.
"Rupert," Quentin had said staring incredulously at the younger Watcher, "this is unprecedented! The Slayer has never been given wages of any type."
"Well maybe it's about time that changed," Giles had stated with a glare.
"Why on earth should we change the rules now, Rupert? What makes this Slayer so special? Should we give her a company card and an expense account as well? Would that make you happy?"
Quentin had been flippant with the last statement so Giles had gone into total Ripper mode. He hadn't meant to, but it just happened. He had grabbed Quentin by the shirt collar and growled, "Because, Buffy is the only Slayer that you have right now. And if you don't help her out financially, soon you won't have a Slayer to save the bloody world!"
Looking back, Giles was sure he would have strangled the pompous man, which would not have helped Buffy's cause at all. In the end though, Giles had gotten what he wanted and what his Slayer needed, a tidy sum of money that would be sent to her monthly. Not to mention the nice little expense account set up in her name to pay for damages incurred in the line of duty. Which he had forgotten to mention to her. She had been so excited about the paycheck that he had forgotten about the account. As soon as she was done sharing her good news, he would be sure to tell her the rest of it. This way she could pay for the house repairs with the account money and use her salary for other things. It was the least he could do for the girl he thought of as his daughter.
Giles took off his glasses, closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He needed to make the phone call to the airline to book his trip back to England. But he just couldn't bring himself to pick up the phone. As much as he wanted to go back home, he wanted to stay in Sunnydale more. He needed to go back to make sure that his replacement was properly trained. The man had proved to be an apt pupil and Giles was pleasantly surprised by that. He hadn't been totally convinced that the new Watcher could handle Buffy but the man's background and devotion to becoming a Watcher had convinced him otherwise. However, he did have some personal reservations about him. But those reservations were due to certain factors in the man's past. Not that the past didn't matter, but the present was more important at this time.
He smiled again as he heard the excited buzzing turn to laughter. It was good to hear Buffy laugh again. He sighed and picked up the phone. However, after he glanced at the calendar, he dropped the phone back into it's cradle. Written on the calendar in large letters was "Dawn's 16th Birthday." Of course! That's why her powers were getting stronger. All the more reason for him to stay, at least until the party was over and he could make sure the girl wasn't going to harm anything or anyone, including herself. With that thought, he picked up the phone again and made reservations to go home one week from today.
***
"Oh my God, Buffy," Dawn screeched, "this is so great! We don't have to worry about food or clothes or…"
"Social Services, breathing down my neck," Buffy stated with a grin.
Dawn smiled brightly at her sister. This was so totally cool. Now Buffy didn't have to worry about anything but doing her job. Spike would have been happy for her too, Dawn thought. The thought made her sad and the smile slowly faded from her lips.
Buffy had noticed Dawn's expression change and was about to ask what was bothering the teenager but Anya had ripped the paycheck out of her hands and was talking to her now.
"Buffy," Anya stated with authority, "I could help you invest this. You really should invest most of your paycheck you know. For retirement purposes. When you deposit this, I'll help you set up an Ameritrade account. I have a great understanding of stocks and bonds as you know. I can help you make a lot of money. It's very easy."
"Uh. Thanks Anya. I think," Buffy said trying to return the demon's enthusiasm about money. She noticed that Anya was grinning from ear to ear. She had to hand it to the girl; she did know money and how to make lots of it.
As Anya went back to counting her own money, Buffy and Dawn began to discuss what they should buy first, new furniture or new clothing. "Both," they shouted in unison. As Buffy went to ask Giles to drive them to the mall, she started having a strange sensation. She slowly looked around the shop but couldn't see anything. Shrugging it off as nothing, she continued on her way.
***
The two girls had walked back to the dorm in total silence. Willow's tears had finally stopped but she had a throbbing headache. She walked over to the sink and took two aspirin to ease the pain in her head. It was after lunchtime now. Even though she had been hungry before she and Tara talked, she seriously doubted that anything she ate now would stay down. She stood in front of the mirror and stared at herself. She didn't like what she saw. Standing before her was someone she didn't know. A murderer.
Tara sat quietly on the bed staring straight ahead. She had been too lost in thought to remember the walk back to the room. Now she was trying to think things through with a clearer mind. From what she understood, the wish had taken Willow back in time, before the shooting. This meant that everything "Dark Willow" had done was erased, giving this Willow a second chance to set things right. Willow was definitely different now. This Willow refused to use magic, even when they were in danger. And even when Warren had rendered Tara unconscious. Tara knew that this had to count for something. But how was she going to get past the fact that even within her Willow was a dark side that was deadly?
Willow turned to look at her lover who sat silently on the bed. The silence was still deafening. She couldn't take it anymore. Hanging her head, she said softly, "I can move out if you want. I'll move back into Xander's place."
"What would you tell them?" Tara asked quietly. She wasn't sure that she wanted Willow to leave. Ever. But she wasn't sure if she wanted her to stay either.
Willow contemplated Tara's question. What would she say to her friends? "I'm sorry but we're all living in an alternate reality that I created, please pass the salt?" That didn't sound quite right, or real.
"I could tell them that the room was just too small for the two of us…"
"Willow, I don't think they'll believe that."
"Yeah," Willow sighed, "You're right. I guess I'll think of something." She grabbed her suitcases out of the closet and began to pack. The tears that she thought had stopped were now beginning to sting the back of her eyes again.
Tara walked over to Willow and put her hand on her shoulder. "What are you doing?"
"I-I'm packing. I understand why you don't want me around."
"Willow, I never said that I wanted you to leave. I was just wondering what you would tell everyone."
Willow stared at her lover. The tears began to flow again. Through the tears she cried, "I'm so sorry that I've messed things up for us. All I ever seem to do is make a mess."
Tara cupped Willow's chin in her hand and stared into her lover's eyes. She saw pain and remorse. This Willow, the Willow she knew here and now, was not capable of such demonic acts. Her heart knew this to be true. She put both of her hands on either side of Willow's face and kissed the red head gently on the lips.
Willow looked at Tara in surprise. "Are you forgiving me?"
"No Willow. I'm not forgiving you."
"But I don't understand…"
"First, before there is any forgiving, you need to come to terms with the darkness that you have within yourself. You need to confront it and deal with it in order to become whole. Our love cannot do that. But I will help you and I will stick by you because I love you Willow. I will always love you, no matter what.
Willow threw her arms around Tara and cried. She wasn't being forgiven but she was being given the chance to make it right. That's all she could really ask for at this point in time.
***
The dark haired teenager had thought for sure that Buffy had seen him peering in the front window of the Magic Box. He had never met her but he was sure that the petite, blonde girl was Buffy. It had to be her. She was beautiful. Now he understood what that monster had seen in her. Why he loved her. The more he thought about the two of them together, the angrier he became.
"No one should willingly give love to a monster," he whispered as he slowly moved to look through the window again. The dark haired girl was now dusting books at the front of the shop. He studied her closely. This girl was somehow related to that Buffy person, perhaps sisters? The thought brought a smile to his face. Maybe he could use that to his advantage.
He hid in the afternoon shadows as Buffy, Dawn and Giles came out of the shop and got into the rental car. He had heard them say something about a mall and shopping. The mall. It was the perfect place for him to blend in and watch his prey.