The Voices Made Me Do It

By Angel Jade

//Evil Xander POV//, ‘Xander POV’

I didn’t exactly intend on getting hurt like that. I was supposed to kill the thing. Save the day…be the hero.

Just thought I might get a chance for once.

And it all went well, until the stupid demon started muttering in Latin or some dead language that I have no knowledge of.

Buffy ran it through while I phased out a little…nothing major…just a little head rush.

So Buffy got the credit, I got a…‘Xander, are you okay?’ And suddenly everything’s back to normal.

Or so I thought.

*****

//Come on, you’re wearing that again?//

“Stop complaining about my outfit.” I yell back at my figure in the mirror.

“I didn’t say anything about your outfit.” Spike says, watching me dress from across the room, still tied to the chair. “But now that you mention it…”

‘Is he watching me dress?’

//Course he is, he’s got eyes hasn’t he? Who wouldn’t?//

And this you see, is my problem. He won’t shut up…this…voice in my head. I knew it was only a matter of time before I went crazy, but this is ridiculous. I can’t control him.

At first it was the odd comment…and believe me when I say, the comments are odd. But he started talking more…me, I mean…’cause it’s my voice. Two me’s. But the things he comes out with…they’re not me.

I walk over to Spike, now fully clothed and grab my bag from near the bed. I take great pleasure in leaning over in his view…not my fault if he gets a good look.

//Dirty little fuck. There’s a word for that, ya know. Cocktease.//

“Shut up!”

“What? I didn’t bloody say anything!” Spike complains.

“Not you.” I reply, keeping up my cold tone. Couldn’t have him know about my little…infatuation, could I?

Spike gives me a look. “You talking to yourself?”

“Yeah, what of it?” I reply shortly, really not meaning to be so off, but unable to find the words to say…what I mean.

“Something tells me you’re off your nut.” Spike leers. “Better tell the watcher…can’t stay ‘ere anymore. Not with you. You’re a danger to yourself and others, mate.”

“Don’t I know it.” I mutter, walking out.

*****

You see, now that this voice in my head has become so much more active…I’ve found myself doing very stupid things.

Very stupid embarrassing things.

I actually grabbed a guy’s ass the other day because I wasn’t concentrating and the little voice decided to take over.

Yeah…guess what, my little voice is gay.

//And you’re not?//

‘Don’t start with that…’

//Oh come on…you’re so desperate you take days off work so you can watch the vampire for hours on end.//

‘I do not.’

//Listen to me…you have a guy…tied up in your basement, who can’t hurt you…that you happen to want to screw…so take him already!//

‘What?’

//He’s helpless…just the way you like it.//

This is sick. I am a sick, sick man. Who else gets voices like this in their head?

“Xander?” Willow calls me.

I snap out of it and focus on her, smiling through the comments that the little voice starts making about Willow, Tara and a pair of handcuffs. “What?”

“You okay there?” She asks. “You seem kinda out of it.”

“I’m fine Wils, you know…just thinking.” I say.

“About Anya?” She asks me. “You know, if you call her, I’m sure she’ll…”

“Tried it.” I say. “She’s not interested.”

Yes, courtesy of my voice, I told my girlfriend I was gay and had no interest in her when I could have someone as hot as Spike. Aren’t things going well?

“Well, give it time…I mean, whatever it was you said, it couldn’t have been that bad, right?” She says.

“No…not bad at all.” I say, gritting my teeth as my voice laughs at me.

//Don’t worry, I got the demon out the picture for you…now all you need to do is take advantage of the blond god in the basement and you’re happy.//

“I don’t want Spike.”

Oh God I said that out loud.

Willow looks a little shocked, then smiles. “Giles is gonna take him back as soon as his friend’s left…don’t worry Xander. Is he bugging you much?”

“Uh…yeah…Spike, ya know. Hate the guy.”

//But you wouldn’t mind bit of him…tell her that.//

‘Shut up. I do not want Spike…period.’

//Mmmhmmm, and you dream about which naked vampire fucking you senseless every night?//

‘I can’t help what I dream.’

“Xander?”

“Yeah.” I’m back with the program, ready to go, wide awake…

“Uh…could you get your hand from my ass, it’s kinda making me nervous.” Willow says, blushing red.

Muttering apologies, I scarper…this is getting worse. I have to tell some one. Giles perhaps…

*****

Giles’ new girlfriend opens the door and smiles at me. “Rupert!”

Giles appears wearing very un-Giles-like clothing that I would usually have made comments about, but I have to get things off my chest. “I hear voices.”

Well, that was one way of doing it I suppose.

Giles frowns and throws a look at the confused woman standing at the door. “Xander? Have you been taking anything?”

I push my way past the girl and walk straight up to him. “I told Anya I was gay and I’d rather have sex with Spike because the voice made me do it.”

I realise I have a bad way of putting things.

“I see. Sit down. Olivia, I don’t suppose…?” Giles asks.

“I’ll pop to the shops…I think we need some more wine after last night.” She smiles, and I catch a wink that makes Giles blush slightly.

Okay and ew. That’s like hearing your parents have sex next door.

//You used to enjoy that if I recall.//

‘Grow up.’

//This from the guy who collects Star Trek action figures.//

“Shut up!”

“Xander?” Giles looks at me worriedly.

“It’s okay, we’re just fighting.” I tell him. This only makes him frown more and he stares at my forehead as if he can see the person in there.

“Perhaps you ought to explain what’s been going on.” He says.

“Well, I started hearing a voice…my voice actually…except it isn’t me…it says things that…they’re bad things. And when I’m not concentrating, it can make me do things.”

“For example…” He probes.

“Well, I told Anya that…then I put my hand on Willow’s and a strange guy’s…asses. I told a waitress that she had a fat ass…are you seeing a pattern here? My voice is an ass-man.”

Giles isn’t sure whether to back away slowly or laugh at me, so he sticks with what he knows…awkwardness. “Ah…I see.”

“Giles, you gotta help me. I’m not mad…this has to be a demon thing. That demon that started talking in a funny language at me…it made my head go funny. Could that be it?”

“Perhaps…I suppose it is an option.” He says.

I panic. “Don’t say it like I’m a crazy person. I’m not…this *is* a demon thing, Giles…look it up for me…come on, before I do something I really regret.”

He nods. “Of course, I’ll do anything I can. Perhaps you’re just stressed though…it is an option. I’ll research more on the demon…and you go home to rest.”

Dammit…need to feed Spike.

All this and all you can think about is feeding your pet vampire? That’s logic.

//Depends on what you feed him.//

I can almost hear this guy smirk…it’s disturbing. And the imagery…okay, I won’t complain about the imagery, but he’s putting ideas into my head. I most definitely did not want to sleep with Spike before this stupid voice started.

//Sure you didn’t.//

“Fuck off!”

“I’ll assume that was at the voice and not me.” Giles says dryly.

Again I find myself apologising and running away. This is getting ridiculous.

*****

I’m almost terrified of going down there. Spike’ll know…he’ll smell the feelings my voice is *making* me have.

“Oi whelp…you gonna make me starve to death as well as die from boredom?” Spike yells angrily.

“I’m coming.” I say.

‘Don’t you say a word!’ I threaten the voice.

//Nope…you got that one all on your own. I’m so proud.//

“You having a fit or something? Food now.” Spike moans.

I realise I’m making strange facial movements as I talk to my voice, so I relax and find the vamp food.

“You forgot to put the TV on before you left.” Spike reminds me.

“You forgot to remind me.” I remind him.

He rolls his eyes and stares at the blood as I pass it to him.

“It’s not poisoned.” I tell him.

“S’just you’re being…nicer than usual. Don’t trust ya.” He says.

I untie one of his hands and let him drink, turning away because it’s just damn disgusting watching it.

He takes great pleasure in throwing the cup at my head when he’s done. The only pleasure he gets these days, so I guess I can forgive him.

//Could remedy that…pleasure Spike...make him pleasure you.//

‘There will be no pleasure involving Spike.’

//Spoil sport.//

‘I’m straight, I don’t want to…’

“Fuck me.”

I clench my eyes as I realise what that bastard voice has done to me now.

Spike raises his eyebrows. “You what?”

“I said…fuck me, Spike…” Turning it into an insult, good on ya. “I’m always nice to you. I let you stay here, don’t I?”

“Yeah…and I’m so thankful.” He smirks.

“Then get on your knees and show it.” I blurt out.

‘Stop, please…you’re ruining my life.’

//But it’s sooooo much fun.//

“Uh…Harris? That’s not the kinda humour you wanna use round me. Or at all.” He says.

“Was a joke Spike, just forget it.” I say, walking over to bed and climbing in.

“You’re going sleep now? With clothes on?” Spike asks me.

“Tired.”

“But Xander…” He says in a voice that just reeks of mocking. “I haven’t shown you how thankful I am yet.”

“Fuck off Spike.” I mutter.

“Don’t you mean…‘fuck me’?”

//Don’t let him tease you…teach him you won’t take his crap anymore.//

‘Go to sleep, you’ve done enough.’

//You’re gonna do it sooner or later, I can promise you that.//

‘Threaten me tomorrow. I’m tried.’

*****

Evil Xander POV

*****

So wasn’t hard to get out. Getting stronger…more influence. Idiot went to sleep, knowing full well if he doesn’t pay attention, I come out to play.

Only this time, I’m thinking more permanent.

Now for the real fun. Sleeping vampire…tied up…helpless. Hard just thinking about it.

I walk over and stand real close cocking my head with a smirk. How could the other me, not? This is…I’d wanna screw him all day everyday. And maybe now I will.

“Spike.” I say huskily.

His eyes jerk open in vamp reflex mode and he looks up at me with a frown. “What?”

“Has anyone ever told you you’re adorable when you sleep?” I ask him.

‘Oh God.’

//Shut up…it’s my turn to play now.//

‘What are you doing?’

“Whelp…you’re acting a little weird…you drunk?” Spike asks.

I begin to untie him. “Nope. Not drunk.”

“Concussed?” He asks, looking a little worried about my hands slipping as they pass his chest in an effort to free him from the chair.

“Nope.”

‘Get me out of here!’

//Stay put and enjoy the show.//

‘Spike! Can you hear me?’

//Face it Xander…you’re just a voice now. I’m in charge.//

As soon as he’s free, he stands up and tries to get past. He ends up standing with his back to my bed. Just the way I want him. With a nicely timed shove, he’s on his back.

“Hey!” He complains as I crawl on top, straddling his hips playfully.

“Hey what?” I ask, running my hands up, under his tight black t-shirt and carefully lifting it over his head with a little help from him.

“Hey…you’re gonna go mad when you get your sense back…gonna blame it all on me.” He says. I can tell he wants this…he’s so hesitant about telling me to get off. Just trying to make sure I’m not teasing him I suppose.

How’s this for teasing?

‘Stop! You’re biting Spike’s nipple…are you insane?’

//Well, there is a rumour…//

“Oh…God, Xander…what…where…did you learn to do…that?” He asks, as I tease his nipples with my mouth and run my hands over his tight chest.

‘I didn’t learn to do that, it’s not me!’

//Yeah, keep it up, he might hear you.//

‘Screw you, there is no way Spike will think this is me.’

“Took you long enough, Pet. Thought you’d never do it.”

“You been waiting long?” I ask him.

“Only since you started smelling so damn good.” Spike says, gasping as his flies are undone and his pants eased down.

“And that started…?”

“’Bout the time I got the chip. Not long.” Spike says, as I tease his rock hard cock.

“He was afraid you’d laugh at him.” I say.

“He?”

“I…I was afraid.” Got to be careful there.

“I would have.” Spike tells me simply.

“That’s very naughty, Spike.” I tell him, pulling my shirt over my head.

“Yeah? What you gonna do about it?” He asks me, a questioning smirk forming.

I’ll show you what I’m gonna do about it.

‘Fuck…get your mouth off his dick!’

//But he likes it.//

‘That’s my mouth!’

//But you like it.//

‘You’re gonna pay for this.’

//And I promise to be all scared in a couple of hours…for now, just let me do what you never had the guts to do.//

“Shit…you have done this before.” Spike cries out.

I pull away, smiling as he moans in protest. “No…beginners luck I guess.”

“Too bloody right.” He says, as I lower my mouth back down onto his cock.

‘Please don’t make me watch this.’

//Stop pretending it isn’t turning you on…you can’t lie to me. I am you. I know what you want.//

‘But not this way. It isn’t me…this is so wrong.’

//But fun. Wrong but fun.//

I hear him grunt, feel him climax before he comes down my throat and I pull away. “Now you’ve had your fun, I get mine.”

“What did you have in mind?” He asks.

I smirk and reach into Xander’s…our…bedside table drawer. I pull out a box of old baseball cards and dig in deep, until I pull out a little tube.

Spike’s shocked. “Been thinking about this long?”

“You have no idea.” I say, beginning to apply it to my erect cock. “Turn over.”

“You’re a demanding little fuck when you’re horny, aren’t you?” He asks, bemused by my change in behaviour.

“Demanding? You haven’t even gotten onto my kinky side yet.” I say with a quick raise of the eyebrows.

“You sure you’re okay?”

“I won’t be until you turn the fuck over…” I say, impatiently.

‘Stop being so mean!’

//He likes it.//

‘He does not.’

“What’s got you in such a bad mood?”

“Not bad.” I say, playfully. “Horny. Remember?”

Grinning, I help him over onto his front and push a lubed finger inside his ass.

He moans in appreciation…but I don’t intend on wasting time making it easy on him. I pull it out and quickly place my cock at his entrance. One shove and I’m inside him, my hands bearing down on his hips as I thrust into him.

“Fucking hell, Xander!” He cries out.

‘You’re hurting him!’

//Don’t cry…vampire, remember? Gotta be rough.//

As I keep going, he starts to make more pleasurable sounds and I know I’m making this good for him.

“Fuck, Xander…harder.” He cries out as I hit his prostate.

//See?//

“Spike…you’re so tight.”

‘How would you know?’

//It’s what you’re supposed to say. Remember the gay porn you watch?//

‘I do NOT watch gay porn…it was just once…or twice.’

“I’m gonna come, fuck…” I thrust into him one last time, coming loudly as he arches his back into me.

“Xander!” He cries out.

*****

‘I can’t believe you had sex with Spike.’

//We had sex with Spike.//

‘If you ever touch him again…’

“He’s not yours.” I yell.

“Who’s not?”

“No one.”

“You…are acting very weird.” Spike tells me.

“You want me to go back to how I was? Or do you want to fuck day in, day out?” I ask him.

“Good point…be as crazy as ya like.” He grins.

‘I don’t believe this…well, of course he prefers *this* Xander…I’d never be like that. Well, fuck him.’

//I already did.//

‘Giles knows about this…he’ll save me.’

//Sure he will. Until then, there’s far too much sex to be had.//

*****

“Xander?”

I sit up in bed, Spike naked beside me and smirk at Giles, who isn’t sure what to think as he looks at us.

Spike opens his eyes and looks a little worried. “Now wait a minute, watcher…ain’t what you think…he jumped me, not the other way around.”

“Don’t act like a baby, Spike. Giles here knows why I’m acting like this. Just a little relapse. But they it’s gone now, the voice. I promise.”

“What’s going on?” Spike asks.

“This isn’t Xander…a demon cursed him with a split personality of some sorts. A bad conscience if you like. It grows strong until it’s able to take over.” Giles explains.

“Okay, okay…so I’m not perfect…but it’s still me.” I tell them, flashing them my famous goofy grin.

“Bloody hell. Explains a lot.” Spike says.

“You weren’t complaining.” I said, snidely.

“I am now…don’t wanna shag a bad you…prefer the whelp, thanks very much.”

‘Me! He prefers me!’

//As if…maybe he just prefers to top.//

“Yeah, well, the loser version isn’t around anymore…and as much as he’s wanted to jump you since you came here, he won’t have the chance.” I say smugly.

Giles raises his eyebrows at me. “Is that so?” He throws some power in my direction and mutters some more of that Latin crap.

Everything goes black.

*****

Xander POV

*****

Oh God…

I open my eyes and look around.

I’m me again!

‘Hello?’

No voice. No voice!!!

And Spike and Giles looking at me. Naked me.

“Um…do you mind?” I say, covering up.

“You’re back?” Giles asks.

“Yes…voice gone…and oh my God, I am never going to live this down.” I say.

“Perhaps I should…tie…Spike back up?” Giles asks me. “I should really get back.”

Spike smirks. “Afraid of what I’ll do when you ain’t…watchin’, watcher?”

“Leave him Giles…” I say, still hiding under the sheets, completely naked.

Giles nods and leaves us alone. And here comes the torment.

“So you’ve wanted me since I came here, huh?” Spike asks me, walking closer to the bed.

“Are you ever gonna let me live this down?” I ask him.

“Not likely. Might take some convincing.” He says.

I groan. “Got no money or blood Spike, sorry to burst your bubble.”

He cocks his head. “Then how about you take a leaf out of your evil side’s book and finally admit you want me.”

“I don’t…” Okay, I realise it’s pretty useless arguing that point. “Fine, I wanted you. Big deal.” I say, feeling my cheeks flush.

“And now?”

I shrug.

He pulls his t-shirt back over his head and discards it. “And now?”

I swallow nervously. “Might take some convincing.”

He smiles and drops his pants, crawling over the bed until he’s straddling me over the sheet. “And now?”

“And now I’m wondering why the hell there’s a sheet between us.” I say, pushing it away as he helps by shifting a little.

As soon as it’s gone, he pressing his lips onto mine, nothing between us…our skin touching the way I’ve been dreaming about so often.

My hands venture onto his arms, afraid that if I touch him the wrong way, he’ll move away…both so desperate to explore skin that I do it anyway.

His hands run through my hair, pulling me back into the pillow until I feel nothing but his face on mine. I can feel my dick getting harder and I pray this is no joke because if I don’t have him inside me soon, I’m going to die.

He must feel the same way, because he pulls back and grabs the lube from earlier, stroking it over his hard cock, before applying a little to my ass. He slips a second finger in, easing in and out…obviously no vengeance needed for my earlier lack of preparation before I took him…he took him…evil me, not me. This is my first time. I wanna remember this…not what he looked like through someone else’s eyes.

“God Spike…please…”

“Please what?”

“I need you inside me…please…” I can’t think of anything I can say that will make him understand how much I need this. And thankfully, I don’t have to.

He smiles at me as he places his cock at my entrance, waiting until my eyes lock on his before he pushes inside, easing in carefully.

His chip…he’s afraid of setting it off. I wondered why he was being so nice.

“You okay, Pet?” He asks me.

I nod. “God…yeah. I…need more…harder.” I beg as my hips move with him, a gentle pace of our bodies meeting with thrusts that send my head spinning. I feel an orgasm coming and before I can cry out, he pushes me over the edge with one last thrust.

It’s hours before we move from our slightly huddled position on the bed. I don’t think either of us know what to say…or do.

When I finally move, Spike watches me intently. I keep expecting him to throw an insult at me…but instead, “You were amazing, Pet.”

Slightly shocked, but ecstatic at the same time, I reply, “You didn’t prefer the other me?”

“You luv, not accepting any imitations.” Spike jokes.

“You’ve really been waiting for this?” I ask him.

“So have you.” He reminds me.

“Well, my evil side was right about one thing.” I say. “Should have done this sooner.”

“Not arguing there, Pet.” Spike says, nuzzling into my neck.

“So…uh, what do we do next?” I ask.

“Shag.”

“Again?”

“Vamp, luv. Don’t get tired.” Spike reminds me.

“Oh…okay, well, if we have to, I guess.”

“Like you don’t want to.”

I grin. “Didn’t say that, did I?”

“Besides…we got time to make up for.”

“Then I guess we better get started.” I say, as he moves so he can lean down to kiss me again.

Something tells me I might have trouble handing the vampire back to Giles once his girlfriend leaves.

I kinda like him right here.

~Fin~