Armadillos & Salsa

By Syn

Chapter Three: Urban Cowboys and the 12:15 Flyby

The Burkle Ranch, San Antonio, Texas

"I still say we kill it."

"Shut up, Connor." Gunn said, smacking the teen on the arm as he watched Roger mounting one of the horses. The horse danced in place the as Fred's father settled his weight in the creaking saddle with ease. "Looks easy enough."

"As easy as milking a cow?" Connor countered with a laugh, noting the brand-new shirt Gunn was wearing. Gunn glared at him and then turned back to Fred, who was being helped into the saddle by Grayson. His eyes narrowed and he clutched at the reins of the horse he'd been handed. The mare tossed her head and made a whuffing noise as if she sensed his anger. He distractedly laid a hand on her nose and continued to watch the blonde cowboy helping Fred onto her horse.

As if she needed the help.

"Thanks." Fred replied with a wide grin as she shooed flies off her filly's ears. "Come on up, Charles!"

"Need a hand up, Chuck?" Grayson said with a barely concealed smirk. He patted Fred's leg and moved toward Gunn's horse. Gunn swung up in the saddle before he could cross the brightly lit barnyard, glaring at Grayson, his jaw working in anger.

"I got it." He said as he gingerly attempted to wheel the horse's head around like Roger had showed them and, to his surprise, the horse obeyed him. It turned around and snorted at the pair standing before it as Grayson walked back into the barn.

Wesley smiled to see Gunn horseback, while Faith was busy rubbing her ass for some reason. Connor's eyebrows rose as he watched her feeling the plump round curve, craning her neck around to get a good look at it.

"What are you doing?" He asked as Faith looked up with a troubled expression on her face.

"Do I have a fat ass?"

"What?" He exclaimed as Wesley snorted with laughter.

"Tell me the truth, is it too fat?" She turned her rear end in Connor's direction and he happily examined it, a smile on his lips.

"It's um...nice?"

"See?" Faith said turning back around and smacking Wesley in the stomach. He winced, but still kept his grin. "Told you it was a nice ass."

"I didn't say it wasn't nice--it's just--"

"Whoa, okay! No ass talk! Not around my D-A-D!" Fred exclaimed in mock horror and gestured to her father, who was trotting his horse around the small barnyard.

"I didn't hear a word." Roger said as he passed by, leaving Fred to blush and turn back to Wesley and Faith. Faith squeezed her butt with both hands again and mimed pushing it inward as Grayson came out of the barn guiding two horses. His eyes trailed over the two newcomers and he waved at them.

"More friends, Winnie?"

"Oh! That's Wesley and that's Faith!" Fred said as she pointed to them both. Wesley nodded at him as Faith looked up and took in Grayson with raised eyebrows. "Guys, this is Grayson."

"How y'all doin'?" Grayson asked, as Faith looked him up and down. He smiled that charming white grin at her and tipped his hat like a gentleman.

"Yeah, whatever." Faith said as she rolled her eyes and then stalked toward one of the horses. She snatched the reins out of his hand and led the horse away as Grayson stood there with a sour expression on his face. Gunn grinned to see him so easily put off. Grayson handed the reigns to the other horse to Wesley and disappeared into the barn again.

"Aren't you going to help me up?" Faith said, batting her eyelashes at Wesley as he started to mount Rufus, the horse he'd groomed earlier. His eyebrows rose and he looked less than amused.

"Are you serious?"

"Come on! I thought you English were all proper and chivalrous or something! You're supposed to help a lady into the saddle."

"Faith," Wesley said, leaning forward in the saddle to stare down at the Slayer. "They day you become a lady will be the day I get 'God Save the Queen' tattooed on my ass."

"Hey! Ass-word!" Fred interjected as Faith smirked and swung up into the saddle of the horse before her--without using the stirrups. She acted like she was born to ride, but Wesley knew it was just one of her abilities as a Slayer to adapt well to new situations. Still, she sat a pretty seat.

"Everybody ready?" Roger asked, turning his mount's head back toward the others with ease. He watched as Grayson brought two more horses out of the barn and climbed atop one of them, leaving Connor climb up on the remaining horse. The horse's eyes rolled around in its sockets as Connor nervously sat on top of it. He didn't look like he liked the feel of it underneath him any more than the horse liked the way he sat on top of it. He glanced at the cowhand beside him and then back at Fred and Gunn, a sly smile playing over his lips.

"Hey...uh...where's that Cordelia gal?" Grayson asked, craning his neck to stare back into the shadowed confines of the barn. Connor's eyes narrowed as he tried to handle the nervously whickering horse beneath him. "Don't she wanna ride with us?"

"She said she'd catch us later." Fred said as she turned her horse toward her father, who was moving toward the big wide pasture, where they could ride along the dirt trails beaten into the dusty grass.

"Oh." Grayson's face fell as he dug his heels into his horse's flanks and headed up the rear of the pack. He glanced at the barn once more before turning his head to the beaten, dusty trail, where the warm, early-summer sun invited them with open arms.

****

Up in the hayloft, Angel watched them go, his back against the rough wooden beams, his boots just inside the warm shaft of sunlight that striped the hay and turned it a bright gold. It was warm up here and even he could feel the heat the barn sucked in through the black-shingled roof. The sweet smell of hay swirled into his lungs as he took a deep breath and then expelled the unused air.

As he turned his attention back to the view of the huge pastures and the corral of well-fed cattle, he felt a whisper of breeze at his elbow and the sharp scent of Cordelia told him all he needed to know. He hadn't missed the fact that she wasn't with the others as they rode out on the horses.

"Why didn't you go? I know how much you were looking forward to riding."

"Yeah, that would have been nice, but I'm not really in the mood for physical labor right now. Besides, we'll be here for two weeks, the horses aren't going anywhere." She answered, her gaze riveted on the beautiful scene before her. He glanced at her, seeing the sweat breaking out across her skin from the oppressive heat of the loft. She pulled up her short brown hair with one hand and fanned the back of her slender neck with her other. "Plus, hey...quality time. Alone."

"Oh, it's time for that, huh?"

"Yup. Why do I think I insisted on getting you in the barn? You can't really run away and if you try to be all avoid-y, I'll just poke you with a pitchfork." She glanced at him and he saw the mischief shining in her eyes. Oh yeah, she'd do what she said; he had no doubts about that. "So..."

"So, what should I say?"

"How about, 'I know things are weird and dammit, I don't want them to be and couldn't we just get over it and move on with our lives?' That sounds good to me." Cordelia said as she blew out a breath, lifting the damp strands that were plastered to her forehead.

"We are moving on, Cordelia. That's why we're here."

"Is it? 'Cuz I was under the impression we were here because we were running from responsibility."

"What?"

"So many bad things happened back in L.A., Angel. Some demon went all Bodysnatchers on me and slept with Connor and Angelus was let out...people died. When I woke up, I nearly had a full-term demon baby--AGAIN! Can I just tell you how old that's getting? I am not some demon surrogate mother, all right? Jeez!" Cordy exclaimed, throwing up her hands in aggravation.

"I'm sure you had a point in all that ranting..." Angel said in amusement as she glared at him, dropping her damp hair back onto her neck.

"The point I was getting at was that we kinda just split after we killed my aforementioned demon brat and <b>The Woman</b> or whatever the hell she was called. We left everything we called home and came here to escape the past. That can't be healthy."

"Well, we could have stayed and dealt with all the death and destruction and painful, awful memories that happened there. And something bad would have happened again and we'd go back through the cycle of never-ending badness that we always seem to come up against. Gee, I don't know about you, but I'd rather not."

"Angel, is that what you think would have happened if we'd stayed?" Cordelia said lightly, biting her lip as Angel crossed his arms over his chest and moved one step to the right to avoid the expanding sunbeam coming in through the open doors.

"Well, judging by my record at lasting happiness--yeah. Every time I think things are going to work out, something happens. My only son gets kidnapped or I get thrown into the ocean and when I come back, the only person in my life that matters is gone. And when I finally think you're back--you're not. Yeah, I think that's what would have happened."

"Angel...do you blame me for what happened?"

"I already told you I don't."

"I know...I just feel like sometimes you can't look at me because of what that thing did. You know I'd never, EVER, do that with Connor right? It's...I get cold chills trying to imagine it..."

"Try seeing it first hand. That'll keep you nights, completely terrified..."

"What? Why, didn't I look good? I know I looked good!" Cordelia exclaimed and then stopped herself with a laugh. "Oh dear God...what the hell am I saying?"

"I'm not sure, but you're not coming off the best in this conversation."

"No surprise there." She said with a roll of her eyes. Then she looked up, studying his face. "So...are we okay? I mean, are things un-weird between us?"

"Do you want them to be un-weird?"

"Duh!" She exclaimed, throwing up her hands again. "I bothers me that we're not...close anymore. Ya know? I haven't seen you in over a year, really. And we've kinda grown apart. I don't want to be apart."

"Me neither."

"So, we're cool?"

"I think it's safe to say we are."

"Good." Silence fell over them again and he watched her toeing a pile of hay with her ragged sneaker. His gaze traveled up her body, noting the cut off jean shorts and the small red tank top that hugged her curves. He swallowed hard as she looked up and caught his eye. "What?"

"Nothing." He said quickly as he turned back to look out at the pasture, where the rest of the gang could no longer be seen for the small hill they'd crossed over a few minutes ago. He felt the air stir as she stepped close to him, her skin giving off a heat that scorched him through the thin fabric of his white button-down shirt. He'd actually managed to put on a color that wasn't black today, know it would make her happy. "Cordy...?"

"Angel, I just want you to know that...I'm not going anywhere from now on. No ascending, no skipping off to Mexico with certain Grooselugg's who shall remain nameless and no getting body jacked. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. You can be happy. Okay, not perfectly happy, but happy. Got it?"

He felt a stab of guilt go through him, but he didn't correct her. Instead, he leaned away from the wall and cupped her sweaty face in his cool hands, then kissed her forehead tenderly. "Okay, I got it. As long as--"

His words were cut off as Cordelia grabbed his head in both hands and slammed her mouth against his.

****

Out on the trails, Connor was busy attempting to get a handle on his nervous stead as Grayson gave him directions.

"Now, boy, you gotta show him whose boss! Horse who don't know who his master is'll just take it into its head to bolt and to hell with whoever's on it's back. Ol' Montezuma there's gotta be shown whose boss."

"So what should I do?" Connor said in mock exasperation as he attempted (and failed) to hold the reins like Grayson was showing him. Gunn watched him struggling and couldn't help the grin that spread as he thought of how well he was doing compared to Connor. His horse was a gentle mare that didn't seem to have any cares in the world and he couldn't blame it.

Who could be upset on a gorgeous day like this, with the air so fresh and un-polluted? He took a deep breath and glanced over at Fred, who was riding her horse next to him, her face turned up to the sky, her skin soaking up the rays of the bright golden sun. She looked so beautiful that his heart seized and he couldn't keep his eyes off her.

"Gorgeous, isn't it?" Fred said, glancing over at him.

"The most gorgeous thing I've ever seen." He said, not tearing his eyes off her face as their eyes met. She smiled widely and then glanced behind her, where Grayson was attempting to get close enough to Montezuma and Connor to loop the reins over the pommel of his saddle. Slightly ahead of them, Faith and Wesley were loping along with her father leading them. It sounded like Faith and Wesley were arguing again and she felt a slight shudder of dread come over her as she thought about what they could possibly be saying in front of her father. Wesley she could trust to keep the conversation civil, but Faith had a runaway mouth.

"Uh-oh." She said, her nose scrunching.

Gunn followed her gaze and smiled. "Maybe we should go rescue your dad from the dangerous duo?"

"Good idea...but I promised Grayson I'd ride with him..." Fred's voice trailed off as she looked behind her at the struggling Grayson, who was still attempting to get a hold of Connor's horse. It seemed like Connor was deliberately making the horse shy away from his outstretched hand.

"Hey, if you guys need to go ahead, don't let us stop you." Connor said, flicking his long hair out of his face with a jerk of his head that sent the horse dancing to the left. Grayson's suntanned face was disgruntled as he looked up and waved them off.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah! We'll catch up!" Connor said brightly as Grayson hopped off his horse and grabbed Montezuma's bridle in his callused fingers. Fred waved goodbye and then gestured to Gunn to keep moving.

They moved down the bumpy path, slowing moving into the scrubby wooded area that sat on the farthest edge of the Burkle's ranch. The blistering sun was immediately dimmed as they moved into the cool shade. Fred sighed happily and glanced at him again.

"You know, you make a good cowboy."

"A black cowboy? That's gotta be a first."

"Well...not really. The very first cowboy was black."

"What? Really?" Gunn exclaimed, glancing over at her in amusement.

"Yup! Umm...I think his name was...William Pickett maybe? I think. Possibly. I'd have to look it up on the Internet..." Fred said with a frown, a thick line between her eyebrows.

"Don't worry about it. I'll take your word for it. After all, you are the smartest person I know." He said with a chuckle as he ducked a low tree branch.

"Not that smart." She said bitterly, casting her head down to stare at her filly's ears. He opened his mouth to say something, but she suddenly snapped her head up and her eyes went wide. "Oh! See that over there?"

He followed her finger and saw a tiny wood structure in the trees; so old it was warped and rotted. "Yeah, what is it?"

"It's a deer stand. You sit on it and...shoot deer."

"Oh."

"But that's not all. It's where I used to..." Her eyes got really big as she pinched her thumb and index finger together and brought it to her lips. His mouth fell open. "Yup, I spent many a day baked out of my skull in that old deer stand."

"I can't believe you smoked pot way back in the day. You just don't seem the type."

"Oh yeah, because super-smart, loopy-brained physicists can't work a bong!" Fred said with a giggle, as the deer stand disappeared into the trees. "You don't give me enough credit, Charles."

"I'm ain't sure what to give you, girl! I'm just surprised is all. You--"

"Hey!" They both looked up to see Roger looking back behind him from where he had his horse stopped on the path. Faith and Wesley were stopped too and they weren't fighting anymore. "Either of you got a watch?"

"Yeah, why?" Fred called in confusion, holding up her thin wrist to display the tiny watch strapped to it.

"What time is it?" Her father called as he turned his horse's head back toward her.

"12:13, why...OH!" Fred's eyes went wide and she quickly clamored off her horse. "Hop off Charles, quick!"

He did so immediately as the others did the same. "Why, what's going on?" He asked in confusion, his legs hurting and bowed from riding for even that small amount of time. Faith and Wesley also looked perplexed as they led their horses back toward Fred and Gunn.

"Where's Grayson and the kid?" Roger asked, squinting at the sky.

"They're back there...uh-oh..." Fred said, biting her lip in worry. "Should I hurry back and tell em what time it is?"

"Not enough time. Let's just hope Grayson realizes what time it is and gets that kid off of Monty before it happens."

"What happens? Enough with the mystery!" Faith exclaimed, throwing up her hands in frustration.

"You just keep ahold of them reins cuz you're about to find out..." Roger said with a sigh as he continued to squint at the sky. Everyone else looked up too, waiting as if they were in anticipation of a battle.

****

Back in the barn, Angel was doing his own kind of battle as Cordelia jumped him. Surprised, he fell back against the wall, bringing her with him. His arms immediately went around her waist and he lifted her against his chest. Her mouth was hot and sweet under his as he greedily accepted kiss after kiss, their tongues battling as she writhed against him.

Finally, he managed to pull away for a moment. "Cor--Cordy!"

"Huh?" She gasped, her cheeks even more flushed than before, sweat rolling down her temples and her chest heaving up down as she drew in lungfuls of hot air. Her eyes were dark brown and seductive in the light.

"What's...what?!" He stammered in shock, letting his hands wander up her back, where the red shirt gaped open above her shorts.

"You don't know how long I've been wanting to do that!" She exclaimed as his eyes went wide. "What? You don't wanna?" He immediately answered her by capturing her mouth again, his hands trailing back down her back where he cupped the rounded globes of her ass and lifted her against him. Her legs went around his middle as she clung to his neck with both arms. He stepped away from the wall and moved away from the encroaching beam of sunlight.

Cordelia grunted as they fell backward, the huge piles of hay softening their landing. Warmth spread between them as he leeched it out of her body. Her hands slid between them, her fingers popping buttons and reaching inside his shirt to caress along cool muscles. Her back arched as he petted his hands along the soft curves of her hips.

"I thought you weren't in the mood for physical labor?" He teased as she pulled away for air.

"Shut up." She gasped as he moved his head away from her mouth, kissing along her jaw line and down to her neck. His tongue flicked out, catching tiny droplets of her tangy sweat. He moaned against her as the flavor spread and he yearned to taste more. She twisted her head to the side as he kissed down the crook of her neck and landed tiny bites along the sweaty skin.

"Cor--" He muttered into her skin as his fingers slid up the inside of her thighs and down into the hot cleft of her body. The old denim was damp and warm as he pressed is fingers into her, teasing her with his nearness.

"Angel...let's not go too far..." Cordelia said in a pained voice as she arched her back, her belly sliding against his. He looked up from his careful marking on her skin to stare into her desire-darkened eyes. He felt warmth spread throughout his limbs and he opened his mouth to tell her the whole truth.

And that's exactly when the walls of the barn started to rattle so hard they thought it was going to crash down around them. Then, with a deafening blast of sound, the sky exploded.

****

Lorne sauntered toward the barn as everyone hopped off their horses. He stopped short as Wesley and Connor limped into the barn, followed by Faith who was grinning widely.

"What the holy hell happened?" Lorne exclaimed, taking in the gash across Connor's forehead and the way Wesley winced every time he took a step. His hands hovered near his crotch and his face was pale.

"Dude, you so missed it!" Faith said, her face lit up as she clapped Wesley on the back. He grimaced and shrugged away from her hand as he led Rufus into his stall.

"What was that noise?" Angel's voice suddenly split the air. Everyone turned to stare at him as he started climbing down the ladder that led to the hayloft. There was straw and hay in his hair and his white shirt gaped open where it was unbuttoned.

"The 12:15 flyby." Roger, Grayson and Fred chorused in amusement as Angel hopped off the last rung and attempted to straighten out his hair.

"The what?"

"San Anton is just full of air force bases and at 12:15 every morning we get a nice little how-do-you-do from Brooks down the road. Spooks the horses every time." Fred said in fond remembrance.

"You think?" Connor groused, touching his tender forehead where blood was drying in a thin line.

"Do I even want to know?" Angel asked as he stepped up to Connor and gingerly touched the wound. He glanced at Wesley, who was moving very slowly now that Rufus was put up. He collapsed down onto the milking stool Fred had recently abandoned.

"Can I tell him? I want to tell him!" Faith exclaimed, nearly jumping up and down as Gunn laughed out loud. Angel's eyebrows rose and he looked from Wesley to Connor and back again.

"Tell me what?"

"Let's just say Connor's a sucky ass horseman and that Wesley didn't get out of the way in time." Gunn said as he mimed someone getting plowed over by a rather large something else. Faith gave a great huff of annoyance at being beaten to the punch as Angel's eyes widened.

"I hit a branch and finally fell off the horse, which is when I hit Wesley...in the balls." Connor said, glancing at Wesley, who was still sitting on the stool trying to appear brave.

"You okay?" Angel asked, as he looked him over. He didn't have a scratch on him, but he looked like he was in pain.

"Fine." He said through a tight-lipped smile. Faith grinned deviously.

"He may never have kids, but he's fine." Faith said as Wesley glared at her, obviously not as amused as everyone else.

"You're better off without them, Wes. They're just a pain in the ass." Angel said with a grin as Connor's mouth flew open. He glared at his father and then tentatively smiled to see the glint in his eyes.

"Why do I miss all the funny stuff?" Lorne lamented as he patted Connor on the back and then turned his attention on Angel. He looked away and then did a double take, his mouth dropping open. "Already!! What? But! What?"

Angel's face went red and he looked away quickly. "Lorne, stay out of my aura!"

"I'm not the one dipping my pen in the company ink, cinnamon buns!" Lorne said in mock astonishment. Every eye in the barn was suddenly riveted on Angel, who's mouth opened wide for a moment before he grabbed up a blanket darted past Gunn and escaped into the sunshine. Everyone watched him go, especially Grayson.

"Am I missing something?" He murmured to Roger, who just gave him a quelling look and went back to his work. A second later, Cordelia suddenly appeared at the bottom of the loft steps, a big smile on her face. She too, was covered in bits of hay and straw.

"Hey! Hi...have a nice ride?" She asked as everyone stared at her with wide, knowing eyes. "What?"

****

"Angel?!" Cordelia shouted as she left the barn, looking around frantically for some sign of Angel. The sun was bright and just as deadly as a stake in the heart.

She swung around, her eyes going wide as she saw Angel sprinting toward her, half covered in a horse blanket, smoke rising. Her heart jumped into her throat and she quickly pushed him inside the nearest shelter--the motor home parked next to Trish's yellow school bus.

Once inside, he yanked the blanket off and patted the smoking places with a wide grimace of pain.

"Are you okay?"

"Not a big flame-y pile of nothing, so yeah, I'm fine."

"Good." She said and then proceeded to smack him. He flinched away from her flailing, deadly hands and sank down into the booth. "Why the hell did you run out into the sunlight for? Stupid ass!"

"Sorry! I just...." He said guiltily as she sank down onto the shallow couch opposite him. The motor home was even hotter than the hayloft and she was already sweating. "About what happened in there..."

"Oh, you mean the hot, groin-y, action that was so rudely interrupted by the Powers That Don't Want Us to Screw?"

"Well yeah...there's something I wanted to tell you and--"

"Why the hell did you run out? Why?"

"Because...they all know what we were doing up there and, and..."

"And what? Are you like, ashamed?"

"NO!"

"Then what is it?" Cordelia cried, throwing her hands up in the air and glaring at him.

"It's...complicated." Angel said shakily, licking his dry, blistered lips.

"I have the time." Cordelia said through clenched teeth, her hands balling into fists he knew would be landing on his face sometime soon if he didn't spit it out.

So, he squared his shoulders and said the hardest thing he'd ever had to say to the woman before him.

"Thecurseisgoneandwecanhavesex."

"Pardon me?"

"I...we can have sex."

"No we can't." Cordelia insisted with a emphatic nod of her head, as if she were completely and utterly sure of herself and she would not be contradicted.

"Yes we can, Cordy. Willow changed the curse when she restored my soul. There's no happiness clause now. I can't lose it unless it's stolen or something. We can...make love."

"No we can't." She insisted with a stone face.

"Yes we can!" Angel exclaimed, as if he could hammer it into her skull if he said it loud enough.

"No we can't. I don't want to." She said sulkily, crossing her arms over her chest.

"What?"

"You lied to me, Angel. All this time...what, you thought I couldn't handle it or something? Do the others know?" He nodded his head and she glared at him. "What!? They all knew and I didn't? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was waiting for the perfect opportunity and...sitting in a motor home that smells like an Innit demon in heat is not how I wanted to do it."

"And what...you thought me learning you were suddenly sexually available would automatically get me in the sack? I'm not a whore, Angel!"

"What?! I never thought that...you're blowing this way out of proportion!" He protested as she moved toward the door of the motor home.

"I am not! You didn't trust me enough to tell me right away and then you suddenly spring it on me out of nowhere and just expect me to jump into bed with you--"

"First off, I don't expect that!! I was about to tell you when we got the most badly timed flyby in the history of the world! It was the perfect moment and then it got ruined--just like I knew it would. And besides, you were the one who started the whole hot, groin-y action back there, not me!"

"This isn't about what I started--this is about what you didn't tell me and what you didn't tell me has a lot to do with what you'll never get! EVER!"

"WHAT?" Angel sputtered, his head spinning. Whatever the hell it was she was arguing about was going right over his head. He blinked rapidly and clutched his head. "I have no idea what we're even fighting about!"

"Well...if you don't know then I'm not telling you!" Cordelia shouted and kicked open the door to the motor home, the disappeared into the sunshine, leaving him to stare after her in complete and total confusion.

****

A few hours later saw a light wind sweeping the dust into little tornadoes that twirled around the little farmhouse. The sun was still shining brightly down, turning the world into a bright, bleached blister. Gunn stepped outside, enjoying the refreshing breeze passing over his skin. Down the wide wooden porch, he saw Lorne, Trish and Connor standing in a circle, talking in low voices.
"Hey guys." He called as they jumped and broke up, nervous smiles on their faces. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." They all chorused as one. Lorne shot Trish a knowing look and watched as she walked off into the house. She came out a few minutes later with Cordelia and Fred in tow. Gunn watched Fred climb into her mother's pick-up truck with a longing in his gut. She met his eyes across the driveway and waved as Trish turned the truck down the big, long gravel lane that led away from the ranch.

"Where are they going?" He asked Connor as he sat down next to him. Lorne walked past them, heading toward motor home, where he knew Angel was still brooding or doing whatever it was he did when he wasn't around them.

"The mall."

"Cordy ought be happy about that one." Gunn commented, sitting down on the steps with a smile. He looked up at the sun, not caring that it would make his vision blotted out by a big red after-image. He just wanted to make sure it was still there.

"So, hey...I heard Grayson talking about going out to some bar tomorrow night. Might be fun." Connor said nonchalantly as he picked up a rock from the driveway and smoothed his fingers over the bumpy surface. He lifted one hand to the Band-Aid across the cut on his forehead and rubbed the sore flesh a little.

"Oh, really? Who's he taking?"

"I think he said something about asking Cordelia. I don't know."

"What did Fred have to say about that?" Gunn asked in a tight voice, his eyes following the truck as it disappeared behind a hill on the road.

"She said it might be fun. She was worried you wouldn't go though, since it's a country bar or something and she knows how much you hate that kind of music."

"She said that? Really?"

"Oh yeah! She's really excited to show you the sights around town. I'd hate to see you disappoint her." Connor said, glancing slyly at him. A smile spread across Gunn's lips and he took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I'd hate that too...maybe I could mingle with the American Honky Tonk Bar Association for one night, at least."

"Cool, it'll be fun." Connor said in triumph

"What? Whoa...you can't go!" Gunn said forcefully, snapping out of his reverie in a hurry.

"Why not?"

"Do the words 'under' and 'age' mean anything to you?" Gunn said, ruffling Connor's hair as the teen crossed his arms and muttered under his breath.

"I never get to have any fun."

****

"Knock, knock sugar plum!"

"Go away Lorne." Angel said as Lorne swung the door to the motor home open and stepped inside anyway.

"Now, is that any way to talk to your favoritest demon ever? Barring your little flapjack Cordy, that is." Lorne said as he sat down on the couch Cordelia had occupied not long ago. He immediately started fanning his face; the heat in the motor home was stifling.

"Oh yeah, she's my favorite psychotic, unpredictable half-demon Seer with a vengeful streak a mile long. I just loooove her." Angel said bitterly, taking a swig of something liquid from a brown, unlabeled bottle.

"Whoa! Angelface, tone it down! And give me that!" Lorne reached forward and snatched the bottle from his hands. He lifted it to his nose and took a whiff. "Oh sweet muscular Jesus! Wild Turkey? Where did you get this?"

"Your bag."

"Oh yeah." Lorne said with a smirk as he took a drink. "So...you wanna tell me what happened?"

"What? After you intruded on what was none of your business? Sure! Let's go there!"

"I didn't intrude! You were practically screaming at me!" Lorne protested, setting the bottle down on the little table.

"I don't care...you really should learn tact."

"Cordelia doesn't have any tact and you like her."

"Yes, but she has breasts and therefore deserves to have certain things overlooked. You...don't." Angel said as he mimed cupping two giant breasts in front of Lorne. The demon smacked his hands away and glared at him.

"First off--calm down the misogyny and second of all why the hell are you all drunk and surly?"

"We had a fight."

"Really? What about?"

"You know...I don't have a clue. And now she's probably off talking to that cowboy guy who reminds me of that one actor...you know who I'm talking about? Remember, he was in that that Jackie Chan movie with the cowboys Cordy made us watch a million times? He's got the same nose..." Angel said, biting his lip as he reached for the bottle again.

"Owen Wilson?" Lorne said, snatching the bottle back before Angel could grab it.

"Yeah! That's the guy. I don't like that guy."

"Owen or Grayson?" Lorne asked, obviously very confused.

"Grayson! Keep up!" Angel exclaimed as he chewed his lip some more. "He likes her, doesn't he?"

"He barely knows her, Angel-pie. But he's definitely looking."

"See? I'm not completely dense. I get these things sometimes. So...is she looking?"

"I don't know...maybe. Uh, he's probably going to invite her to this bar in town that he mentioned earlier. Everyone's going tomorrow night, I think. What do you say?" Lorne said, turning the bottle around and around in his lime green fingers as he watched Angel.

"You think she'll say yes?"

"If she's mad at you she will."

"She's definitely mad."

"Well, maybe I should go...I could keep an eye on her." Lorne suggested, feeling his stomach clench. He hadn't expected a fight to happen so soon; not since they had been getting along so well, but it just served to further his goals. Making Angel jealous was very easy actually.

"Yeah, you could and uh, I could go too. Keep an extra super-human eye on her. Not that I care!" Angel said quickly.

"Of course. So, is it a date?"

"You bet. Now hand me that bottle."

"Sorry, I'm cutting you off. Get your own Wild Turkey!" Lorne exclaimed as he stood and looked around the motor home. "And for goodness sakes, sober up! You're a Champion, not a whiny loser!"

Angel nodded and laid his head in his hands. "Got it. Anything else?"

"Yeah, put my underwear back in my bag!" The demon said, gesturing to the tiger-striped g-string that was strewn across the floor next to his opened bag. Angel followed his gaze and stared morosely at the tiny garment as Lorne went out the door.

"My life sucks."

****

Wesley hissed as a large plastic baggie full of ice cubes landed on his crotch. He jerked up in the lawn chair and glared at Faith as she laughed and straddled the other lawn chair beside his. They were both sitting in the backyard, just beside the back porch.

"How's ya nuts doing?" She asked, tossing her hair over her shoulder. He picked up the baggie of ice cubes and tossed it at her. She caught it with one hand as he sat back down, putting his book down on the ground next to his chair.

"I'll answer that question with a large ouch and a piss off." He shot back at her as she turned around and reclined the plastic lawn chair. She fanned her hair out across the headrest and tilted her face to the sun. "What are you doing?"

"Catching some rays. Been awhile since I've had the chance to soak up the sun and not worry about someone pulling a knife on me in the yard. Unless you're going to try something?" She asked as she grabbed her t-shirt and pulled it over her head.

Wesley swallowed as her pale blue bikini top was displayed for the entire world to see. "Uh...no...I'm not quite that dense."

"Damn, how are you not sweating? I'm about to die!" Faith said as she fished an ice cube out of the baggie and slid it along her throat, and then dipped it between her breasts, drawing a glistening wet trail across her skin.

"Well I'm...manly and...wearing light colors..." He said slowly, his eyes zeroing in on the piece of ice in her fingers.

"And you're hogging the only patch of shade near the house." She pointed out as she tossed the ice cube aside and reached down into the bag at her side, bringing out a tube of what looked like suntan lotion. "Can I ask you a favor?"

"Huh?"

"Get my back?" Faith looked at him with that dewy-eyed simpleton grin that irritated him so much. Wesley narrowed his eyes and looked her up and down. "Look, I can't reach it on my own and if I burn my back then I'm going to blame you, got it?"

"Well...it's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it." He said, taking the tube from her and squirting some in his hands as she rolled onto her stomach. He gingerly moved her hair to the side and started rubbing the coconut-scented lotion on her skin. She sighed unconsciously and arched against his hand.

"Damn Wes, where have you been all my life?" She said as she laid her head on her arms.

His mouth snapped closed and he cleared his throat. "So umm...what were the others doing?"

"I don't know. Cor and Fred went to the mall with Fred's mom."

"And you didn't go?"

"Fuck that. I don't do the mall. Besides, I think C was going to bitch about Angel or something. I so don't want to be there for that angst-fest." She declared, turning her head and staring him down. "Do you think they're going to screw soon?"

"I'd really rather not go into their personal lives. If Willow hadn't anchored his soul, then I'd be concerned."

"What about Fred and Gunn? They seem like they're getting along..."

"I really don't want to talk about that either."

"Still sore? I thought you gave up on her?"

"I have. But that doesn't mean I want to discuss her love life."

"Point taken. And I can already tell that you've been working on that thing we talked about. Good job! If I had scratch-n-sniff stickers, you'd definitely get the banana kind." Faith said with a grin as she dipped her fingers into the baggie of ice. She brought the melting cube to her lips and sucked on it thoughtfully. "You know, I really think we're the lucky ones."

"What do you mean?"

"Okay, I was listening in on Lorne and Trish this morning and they're totally planning something. I think they're trying to hook Fred and Gunn up again and I know for a fact they're trying to get Angel and Cordelia to get off the diving board and into the pool. I just feel lucky is all."

"I don't follow."

"Well, there's no pressure for you and me to hook up with anyone on this trip because let's face it, we're the social rejects of the group. We wouldn't even be here if Angel wasn't all psychotic about keeping his family together. Nope, we're just the leftovers and for once, I'm glad no one's attempting to get down my pants."

"Right." Wesley said as he tore his eyes away from his view of Faith's rear end. "And no one's trying to get down my pants either. That's...depressingly familiar, actually."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that..."

"Huh?" Wesley asked as Faith launched out of her chair and landed on top of him. He yelped at the pain in his crotch as she straddled him in the grass and dirt. "Faith!"

She grinned like a Cheshire cat and suddenly grabbed the front of his pants as he tried to scramble out from under her. Her hand suddenly plunged into the front of his jeans and he gasped as he felt an ice cube sink around his lower extremities. Faith laughed as he grabbed her arm and let go a steady stream of obscenities that would make a sailor blush.

He threw her off of him and reached for the bag of ice cubes. She squirmed around as he settled his knees on her thighs and pushed an ice cube down her shorts. The cold make her screech and wriggle beneath him, laughing all the way.

"What are they doing?" Connor asked from just inside the house. He staring out the rusty screen door at Faith and Wesley wrestling around on the ground, hands down each other's pants. Lorne looked over his head and smiled.

"That is none of our concern, boy wonder."

"Thank God. This matchmaking stuff is hard." Connor said with a frown as Lorne led him back into the kitchen.

"Welcome to my life, Connor. Welcome to my life."

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