Enemy Incognito

By Wynn

Chapter Twenty: Choices

The midnight sky was a blur shooting past the speeding SUV, the black marred only by occasional globes of blinding white light, descending upon the velvety darkness from the curved streetlights high above the interstate. The passenger window was down, allowing the cool ocean breeze to whip into the car, tossing Buffy's long golden hair around with wild abandon. She leaned her head out the window, drawing in the crisp winds, letting them flow over her, cooling her flushed skin. She was nervous and desperately trying to hide it.

Slipping back inside the car, Buffy rolled up the window and sat back against her seat. Her eyes darted to the side, covertly observing Spike from beneath her lashes. He had one hand slung over the steering wheel, casually guiding the car down the vacant highway, while the other was propped against the window, the tips of his fingers playing with the fraying edges of the fabric covering the roof. Snapping her gaze down to her lap, she trailed her fingers across her smooth grey seatbelt and said, "So. What did Angel say on the phone?"

"About what?"

About what. The voice in her head repeated the phrase over and over again until a multitude of little Buffy's chirped the innocent words in a jarring melody of annoyance. About this. You and me going to L.A. Together. "About Lilah?"

"Oh. He was surprised she and the rest of the evil crew hadn't set their sights on the Hellmouth before now."

"He didn't, uh, say anything else?"

"Not really."

Buffy nodded, an absentminded shake of her head, as she gritted her teeth to stop the question she wanted to ask, needed to ask from escaping her lips.

"We weren't on the phone very long, you know," Spike continued, glancing at her as the car passed under a streetlight.

Buffy unclenched her jaw and forced a smile to appear on her face. "Yeah, I know. Just curious. Like a cat." Oh god. Shoot me now. She turned her head back to the window and chewed on her lower lip. She watched the exit signs fly by, ticking off the rapidly disappearing miles, and estimated the time of arrival to L.A. What was she going to say to him, about her and Spike? Not that she cared about what Angel thought of how she was living her life; he had given up the privilege to comment upon it long ago. It was just that the trip would go a hell of a lot smoother if he didn't revert into Angelus mode upon learning about the events of the last few years, especially the more… physical aspects of her relationship with Spike.

She ran a hand through her hair, pulling at the wind induced tangles, and shifted in her seat. She would just walk up to Angel, nice and slow, and state calmly-

"He already knows."

Buffy blinked, a faint frown pulling at her lips. She looked at Spike and said, "What?"

His blue eyes staring straight ahead, glued to the road visible through the windshield, Spike said, "Angel knows. About us."

Twisting in her seat so she could face Spike, Buffy leaned back against the passenger door and crossed her arms across her silk and lace black tank top. "You told him? Were you looking to be staked?"

"No. I was looking for help."

"For help? What for… Oh. Help of the vampire with a soul variety."

Spike nodded.

Drawing her legs underneath her, Buffy inspected the cuticles of her fingernails as she said, "So what did he say? When he found out?"

"Not much." Spike shrugged. He pushed his fingers through his bi-colored hair and continued, "He didn't believe me at first. That we had been… together. Then when he did, he wanted to kill me."

"So why didn't he?" Hazel eyes widening, Buffy looked up at Spike and said quickly, "Not that I want you dead o-or him to kill you. I meant, why didn't he want to? He kicked Riley's ass up and down Main Street. Well, I think Riley picked a fight with Angel first, so really, Angel was defending himself. But… Sorry, off topic. I figured Angel would freak out and stake you, not invite you to live in his hotel."

"At first, he wanted to. Stake me, that is. He couldn't though. Wasn't physically up to it. Then he figured you'd get pissed if he interfered in your life again without you knowing about it. And there was the fact that I had a soul." He glanced at her, his eyes hidden in shadow. Voice low, Spike said, "Did you not want him to know?"

Buffy shook her head. "I don't care if he knows. I was thinking of how to tell him myself. I just don't want to have to deal with any irrational overprotective-ness he might exhibit." Among other things, including the intense scrutinizing of me and how I feel about you that I know will come as soon as I step into his hotel. "I get enough of the manly man protective vibe from Giles and Xander when it comes to you and our, um, relationship… friendship… thing."

"They only want what's best for you."

Buffy arched an eyebrow. "Aren't I supposed to decide what's best for me?"

"Yes. They just want you to be safe and happy, that's all."

Straightening in her seat, Buffy gazed at Spike, her hazel eyes alight with confusion. "What's the deal? Why are you all supportive of their disapproval over our friendship? Is this some way of telling me that you don't want to be friends anymore?"

"No, that's not-"

"Do you think it would be best for me if we weren't friends?"

"Maybe."

Mouth falling open in shock, Buffy stayed silent for a minute. She blinked a few times and shut her mouth with a snap, attempting to wrap her mind around the 'maybe,' around the possibility that he thought they shouldn't be friends. Buffy closed her eyes, her tongue darting out to moisten her lips, the faint flames of fury beginning to ignite in her gut.

"Buffy-"

"Do you want to know what I think, Spike?" she asked softly, her voice a deadly murmur, as she opened her eyes. "I think you spent way too much time with Angel. You are not allowed to follow in his footsteps and decide I'm better off not having you in my life. You won't walk away from me just because you think it's what's best. You do not get to make those kinds of decisions for me. I am a grown woman, not a child, and I am able to decide how I want to live my life and who I want to be a part of it. Now, if you don't want to be involved in my life, then tell me straight out. I deserve that much."

"You deserve more! More than friendship with something like me! You-"

"What is this about really?" She tilted her head to the side, peering through the darkness to look into his eyes. He was avoiding her gaze, staring out the windshield. "Because it's not about me."

Hand slamming against the steering wheel, Spike turned towards her, his voice wrought with emotion. "It is always about you! Being friends, or whatever the hell we are, is dangerous for you. You are risking more pain."

She watched him, silently, taking in the curve of his shoulder, the whites of his knuckles as he gripped the steering wheel. He was trembling. From what, she wasn't sure. Softly, she said, "Are you going to hurt me?"

"No. Never." He drew in a deep shuddering breath and said, "But I might hurt someone else." Spike turned his head and locked his tormented indigo eyes onto her calm hazel. "The chip. Doesn't work anymore."

A few moments passed before Buffy burst into laughter. She curled into a ball, body shaking with the force of her giggles. She tried to compose herself, but the absurdity of the reason for their conversation caused her to laugh harder. Her giggles died down after a few minutes, fading into the silence that stretched over his half of the automobile. Buffy slouched against the passenger door, shaking her head in disbelief. "This is all about the chip? I already know."

"You know it doesn't work on you. Now-"

"-it doesn't work on anyone. I know." She paused, pulling one leg close and setting her chin upon her knee. "You fought against the assassins. Against humans. Without the massive migraine attack. Did you think I wouldn't notice?"

"Without the chip, I'm dangerous."

Buffy shook her head. "Without the chip, you're just like everyone else. Free to make a choice. About what you want to do and what you want to become. That doesn't make you dangerous. It makes you human." She reached out, brushing his ash blonde curls off his face, the tips of her fingers threading through the silky strands. "I'm not afraid of the choice you'll make. You wouldn't have fought for your soul if all you wanted was to return to killing."

One tear slid down his face, forging a brilliant, glistening, moonlit trail across the curve of his cheekbone. "The soul doesn't mean I will never kill again. What if it isn't enough to control the demon? What if… Buffy, if that happens, you'll have to stake me. And I don't want you to have to do that. Not after everything…"

"I won't have to," Buffy said. "A soul doesn't mean you'll automatically do the right thing or never make another mistake. It gives you the opportunity to do what you want. Whether that's good or evil. But I think you've already made that choice." She paused, trailing her fingers through the curled ends of his hair. A half-smile curved her lips as she said, "So cut the crap about how maybe we shouldn't be friends. You say it again then I'll have to stake you."

"Buffy-"

"No. You made your choice and I made mine. You can't-"

Spike grabbed her hand, stilling the exploration through the tips of his hair, and held it within his own. He turned his azure eyes on her, a wisp of a smile playing upon his lips. "Thank you."

Glancing down at their joined hands, Buffy smiled, the blush returning to her cheeks. She looked into his eyes and whispered, "You're welcome." She held his gaze for another moment before turning towards the window and watching the blurred night sky, her hand still curled within his own. Her free hand moved toward the door and twisted the small grey knob, lowering the passenger window, flooding the interior with the cool winds.

Angel is so going to freak out.

Her eyes flickered back to Spike. Then to their clasped hands.

Big time.

"Buffy?"

Tilting her head towards Spike, she said, "Yeah?"

"There's something else I need to tell you," Spike said as he glanced at her from the corners of his eyes. "It's about Angel. And his son Connor."

What?!?

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