Quantum Xander II

By JamesChick

Part 16

Buffy came, but she wasn't alone. Willow, Tara, Dawn and Anya were all with her. Xander sighed and opened the driver's door and Buffy scooted into the middle between him and Anya.

"They insisted on coming with."

"No big."

"So, where to?"

"Where do you think? Back to the hellmouth, source of the big evil. Some vamp said she saw a bunch of robed guys dragging Spike in there earlier."

Willow popped her head in between Xander and Buffy.

"And you believed her? 'Cause I'm thinking, you know, vamps not so big with the honesty."

"There's a lot of that going around."

Buffy put her hand on Xander's thigh and squeezed it in support. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little frustrated. Yes I believe her; I have my reasons to, and can we just go and check this out without the second-guessing. Please?"

No one said anything else until they were at the school and standing in front of the blood-covered wheel that was positioned in front of a big bronze-looking thing in the floor.

"The Seal of Danthazar."

"Huh? The seal of who?"

"Danthazar, Buffy. It's bad. Very, very bad."

Xander looked at his ex-fiancée and saw the way she was slowly backing away from the seal.

"What's this thing do, An? I mean other than sit here and look evil."

"It opens. And then bad things happen. If it's been opened - and by the blood I'd say it has - then trouble is on its way."

"Okay, that doesn't tell me a whole lot, An."

"I'm sorry, Xander. But that's all I know. If I hear anything, I'll let you know."

Anya teleported out and Xander was left standing there looking down at the seal.

"Okay, people. What say we bury the satanic manhole cover and call it a night?"

Xander left the room and returned shortly with an assortment of shovels. Everyone grabbed one and got to work. Xander was silently going insane; he could smell Spike's blood on the wheel and he was scared something horrible might have happened. By the time the seal was buried, everyone was tired and Xander drove them all back to Buffy's house.

After Dawn went to bed and Willow and Tara were immersed in books researching the seal, Xander slipped out the back door and sat wearily on the step. Buffy joined him moments later.

"Hey, Xan. How you holding up?"

"Okay. Well, I could be better. You?"

"About the same. What happened at Willy's? You look like you haven't slept in days."

"Just a bit worn out. I kinda turned a bar full of demons into kittens."

Buffy gaped at Xander and then snorted in laughter. She tried to cover it with her hands but couldn't hold it in. It was infectious and Xander soon found himself joining in despite the desperate situation they were all in.

"Oh, God. I'm so sorry, it's just... Kittens? Cute, fuzzy, little kittens?"

"Yep, cute and fuzzy. Now imagine Willy having to clean up after all those kittens."

Xander smiled and Buffy laughed again. Soon her laughter turned to sobs and Xander pulled her close and held her. He rocked her and made soft shushing noises while she pulled herself together.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't keep doing that. I need to be focused; strong."

"Nothing wrong with leaning on a friend, Buff. It's what makes you better than other slayers, your ability to trust others to be there for you. Besides, if anyone knows how you feel, it would be me."

Xander looked at her seriously.

"How do you feel, Buffy? It might be none of my business but ... Do you love him?"

"I... I don't know. I care about him, Xander. But I don't know if I love him."

"That's okay. You don't have to make any decisions yet. But just so you know, it's okay if you do."

"Thank you."

The pair sat in silence for awhile longer. Then Tara opened the back door and they looked up at her.

"I'm sorry to interrupt. Willow and I were thinking - maybe a locator spell would help? We could use it to try and find the First - I could try it."

Buffy and Xander both stood. Buffy smiled at the shy witch and nodded her head.

"It couldn't hurt, right?"

Xander groaned noiselessly. Leave it to Buffy to jinx the whole thing. He followed the two women back inside where Willow was sitting in front of her computer still researching the seal. He knew she had sworn off magic - only performing the one spell since his disappearance and that was a locator spell to find him. He was proud of her, even if he was still angry for her actions. Perhaps he could learn to forgive her in time - as long as she stayed away from the magic. He didn't trust her when it came to spells - she abused her gifts.

While Tara set up the spell, Xander watched Willow. He could see her resolve not to participate, and it melted some of the ice that had formed around his heart. He still wasn't ready to forgive and forget but this was as least a step in that direction. He was brought out of his musings by Tara's screams.

Xander was shocked by what he saw. It had to be the First; there was no other explanation. Tara slumped to the floor crying, saying that she could still feel it - that the evil was inside of her now. Buffy and Willow both held her and assured her she would be okay. Xander shook his head ruefully. It wouldn't be okay, not for any of them. This was way more than anything they had ever faced before.

"Hey, Buff? I'm gonna head home."

"You sure? We could make up the sofa?"

"Nah. Thanks anyway. I got a few things I have to take care of at home."

"Okay. Xander?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful. Don't do anything ... stupid. Okay?"

"Okay. Nothing stupid."

Xander drove home at breakneck speed and took the stairs up to his apartment. He knew there had to be a way to find Spike. They should have done the spell on him instead of the First, but after what had happened to Tara he couldn't ask her to try again. No, he would do it himself this time. Then, he would get Buffy and they would rescue the vampire.

Part 17

Xander was back at Buffy's house before daybreak. He knew where to find Spike, where he was being kept - but he wasn't stupid enough to try and rescue the vampire by himself. A bar full of demons was one thing but the evil that all things evil were afraid of? Nuh uh, no way. He was smarter than that. Besides, he knew Buffy needed to be involved in this. Even if she wasn't ready to admit it, she felt something for Spike. It was obvious she was jealous of the closeness that he shared with the vampire.

He was a bit surprised to find Buffy up and alert at this hour - it was no secret that the slayer was not a morning person. He had to assume that like him, she hadn't bothered going to bed.

"Morning, Buffy."

"Xander. Come in, did you..."

"Did I what? Do anything stupid? No. But I did do a locator spell on Spike. I know where he is."

Buffy sagged in relief.

"Thank God. Alright, where is he?"

"I can show you."

"Let's go then."

Buffy opened the door again only to step back in surprise.

"Giles."

"Buffy."

Buffy smiled and was about to reach out for her former watcher when she was elbowed aside by a strange teenage girl - followed by two others. Giles smiled somewhat sheepishly and shrugged his shoulders.

"Sorry to barge in. We have a slight apocalypse."

Xander groaned and followed behind Buffy as she trailed Giles and the three girls into her living room. He just knew something like this would happen. He really wanted to just leave Giles and the new girls and drag Buffy off to find his vampire! Roommate! His vampire roommate! He was not feeling possessive of this Spike.

"I'll go wake the girls."

Xander sighed as he trudged upstairs to wake the other members of the estrogen brigade. How the hell Spike could stay in a house full of women - even if he was in the basement - was beyond Xander. He loved them all dearly but he did not want to cohabitate with them.

He knocked on Dawn's door and grinned when she sleepily muttered 'bugger off' at him. He just knew she had picked that up from Spike. He knocked again and then covered his eyes before opening the door - he didn't want to see Dawn in any state of undress; she was like a little sister to him.

"Xander!"

"Ah, the high-pitched shriek of a startled female. I've missed that sound."

Xander grinned goofily and continued to hold his hand over his eyes.

"You decent, Dawnie?"

"Nope. I'm completely naked here. Wanna see?"

Xander opened his mouth to reply but only managed to squeak as he brought his other hand up to cover the first one - just in case his fingers moved of their own volition.

"Relax, Xander; I'm kidding. Although, I think I'm insulted. What's so horrible about the thought of me naked?"

Xander could feel himself blushing and wished that Dawn hadn't spent so much time around Spike. She was picking up very bad habits - embarrassing him being one of them.

"Oh. Uh, nothing. I - I mean, I'm sure you're very... attractive. Just not for me to ... see? I mean, you're like my sister. I..."

Dawn burst out laughing and shook her head.

"God, Xander. You are too easy. Like I'd want to be naked in front of you. Gross. You're like my big brother."

"Okay, good. Now that that's settled, I came up here for a reason. I'll be damned if I can remember what it was now, though."

"Hmm, the idea of me being naked just made you lose all thought, did it?"

Xander was about to stammer out a denial but then saw the smirk on the girl's face. He shook his head and chuckled at her.

"You're evil. You know that?"

Dawn smiled at him.

"You say that like it's a bad thing?"

"Get up, brat. We have company - Giles and a bunch of teenage girls are downstairs; something hellmouthy this way comes."

Dawn groaned and flopped back down on the bed. Xander headed down the hall to Willow and Tara's room to wake them, as well. Hopefully Giles wouldn't take all day to tell them what was happening. He had a bad feeling about Spike and really wanted to get him away from the big evil thing that had him.

They were all assembled in the front room listening as Giles told them about the fate of the council. Xander was the only one not surprised by Anya's sudden arrival; the new girls screamed and ran for cover. Anya rolled her eyes in annoyance and turned to Xander.

"Did you find anything?"

"Yeah, but we haven't been able to do anything about it yet. Giles was just about to explain to us what happened in merry ole England."

Giles took a deep breath and then continued speaking as though he hadn't just been interrupted by the sudden appearance of a millennia old demoness.

"As I was saying, the council is gone."

Willow interrupted by asking a question.

"So does that mean all their records are destroyed?"

Giles motioned to one of the girls and she opened a pack and took out a stack of files and a couple of books. She laid them out on the coffee table and then stepped back.

"That is what is left."

Giles motioned to the table and then continued.

"The mystic secrets of the Watchers. And whatever I could find on the First. When I learned what was happening, I-I, um, I stole them."

"And you blew the council up! See, this is what happens when you're all stuffy and repressed. You overreact."

Anya looked at Giles and shook her head pitifully at him. She just knew he had a personality buried somewhere under all that tweed. And after Xander telling her about how happy she had been with the Englishman in another reality, she often found herself wondering what he was really like - what the man - Rupert - was like, as opposed to the watcher - Giles.

"I most certainly did not! It must have been an agent of the First. Demons do that sort of thing; but you would know all about that, wouldn't you, Anyanka?"

Xander interrupted before things turned ugly.

"Okay, G-man, so what do those files say about the First?"

"Very little. Only that it can change form. It ah, only appears in the guise of someone who has passed away."

Willow looked sadly at Dawn and then whispered,

"Our ghosts."

Xander and Buffy exchanged a look, as well. They had both assumed it was the same entity that had been messing with all of them - now they knew for sure. Xander was furious. The nerve of that thing pretending to be his mate. He would see it destroyed if it was the last thing he did. Giles snapped him out of his thoughts when he continued speaking.

"It has eternities to act, endless resources. How to defeat it ... I ... I honestly I don't know. But we have to find a way. If the slayer line is eliminated, then the hellmouth has no guardian. The balance is destroyed. I'm afraid it falls to you, Buffy. Sorry. I mean, we'll do what we can, but you're the only one who has the strength to protect these girls - and the world - against what's coming."

One of the newbies - Xander was pretty sure her name was Kennedy - stood up and looked at Giles as if he were crazy.

"And if this thing is the root of all evil, isn't the hellmouth its number one vacation spot? I mean, don't you think we should be hiding our asses on the other side of the globe?"

One of the other girls cried out in shock at her outburst, but Buffy was quick to step in.

"No. She's not wrong. We need more muscle. We need to find Spike. Xander? You're with me. The rest of you? Hit the books. I want everything you can find on the First."

Xander grinned and followed Buffy out the door. He loved it when she got into full-on slayer mode. He was well aware he had issues with dominant women. Faith, Buffy, Cordelia, Anya - it was a good thing he was gay now.

Part 18

This is a fucking mess! Giles came back - potential slayers in tow - and informed us that the First - the newest and biggest evil we've faced to date - is trying to wipe out the slayer line. Add to that the fact that Spike has been abducted by said evil and we were unable to get to him because of a fucking Neanderthal vampire, and I'm far from being a happy Xander.

I led Buffy to the place where the spell said he'd be. She went down in this hole - apparently she'd been there before, years ago when Angel was the vampire with a soul that was being targeted by this thing. At least last time it didn't have a fucking crazy-super-strong-ubervamp working for it.

It almost got Buffy. Fucking hell, how tough does that thing have to be if it almost got her? I mean yeah, Angelus came close - so did Spike a time or two - but that was before. That was when Buffy was still trying to be a normal girl. Now she accepts who and what she is - she is the slayer. She beat a hell God; she came back from the dead - twice. But this vamp? It kicked her ass.

To make matters worse? We lost one of the new girls. She panicked - ran out into the night. The damn Turok Han - aka ubervamp - got her. Then it went after Buffy again. I found her under a pile of rubble - she looked as dead as she did the night she fought Glory. Thank God it was just in appearance this time.

So now what? I won't give up on getting Spike out of there. No way am I leaving him at that vamp's mercy. I could smell his blood on that thing. It made me want to rip it to pieces.

Which brings me to my feelings for Spike - this Spike. Oh, don't get me wrong, I still want my mate back, and I will find a way to bring him back, but I feel something for this Spike. Something more than just friendship - something base, primal, like on an instinctual level I feel connected to him. It has to be the bond - the claim I have with my Spike. The blood that this Spike spilled on the counter - the blood that I ingested without his knowing - must tie me to him in a way, as well.

I know he loves Buffy, but he feels something for me. Something that goes beyond friendship, beyond gratitude. He looks at me almost possessively at times. I have to wonder if he feels something from the claim my Spike made - or would he have to drink from me to feel it?

I tried to will Spike back - you know, the same way I turned a bar full of demons into kittens - but it didn't work. Too bad too, 'cause if I could get it to work, I could use it to bring my Spike back, as well. Fuck, I miss him. I really wish he were here right now to hold me. I always felt safe in his arms. I haven't felt safe since I lost him. Not completely anyway; there was that one night when the other souled Spike held me while I slept, but that wasn't even close to how I feel when I'm with my Spike, my lover, my mate.

I need to call Angel. I should have done it awhile ago - after Spike told me about Darla being resurrected by some demonic lawyers in L.A. But, as usual, the hellmouth rears its ugly head and interferes with my life. The spell they used had drawbacks, though. Darla came back human. I don't want a human Spike - I want my Spike, demon and all. But I'll do what I have to do. Even if it means convincing Angel to turn him again.

He won't be happy about it. I know he won't; he refused to do it for Darla, so I doubt he'll do it for Spike - or me, for that matter. I wonder if Angelus would be a better choice? I'm sure I can find a way to strip him of his soul if necessary - but I doubt I could trust Angelus to follow through on the turning. He'd probably just drain Spike and leave him for dead. Oh God. Or worse - he could claim sire's right and take him as mate - taking him away from me. No, not going to risk that! Have to find another way - a way to bring him back as a vampire. Shit, this sucks!

Xander closed his eyes and sighed in frustration. This was getting him nowhere. He had hoped that if he wrote it down it would make more sense - that somehow the answer would just magically appear out of thin air. He stared at the blank page opposite of where he had written - willing it to fill with the answers he desperately needed. It didn't.

"A bit much to expect it to be that simple. Blank pages will remain blank... Unless they're in a spell book!"

Xander jumped up off his bed and ran to his closet. He pulled the book he had purchased from the strange Asian woman - demon - whatever, down and opened it.

He turned page after page; they were still blank. He was about to give up when he saw it. It was very faint, but it was there. He could see the words if he looked just hard enough. Xander concentrated and the words filled in before his eyes. It was a spell to banish a Turok Han.

"YES!"

Xander read and re-read the spell - committing it to memory in case the words faded once again. Once he was sure he wouldn't forget a single thing, he closed the book - put it back where he had hidden it in the first place - and left for Buffy's house. He would need some supplies and he would need Buffy to keep it distracted while he cast the banishment spell.

Buffy was wary about the spell, but having no other options at the time, agreed to Xander's plan. She wanted him to discuss it with Willow and Tara first, but Xander refused. He explained that he just wasn't ready for Willow to know about him and that even if he was, he just knew he had to do this on his own. The spell had appeared for him, after all, not Willow or Tara or anyone else.

So while Buffy fought the ubervamp, and the potentials - including a new girl who had shown up that morning - watched, Xander hid just out of sight and set up his spell. He had to wait until the vamp was in position before he could banish it. It was up to Buffy to get him there.

It was a hell of a fight. Xander was afraid - more than once - that Buffy would lose or that she wouldn't be able to get the Turok Han into position. But finally, it happened. The whole thing flowed together seamlessly and Xander couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe someone up there was looking out for them all.

With the final words of the spell still ringing in his ears, Xander watched as the vampire disintegrated as though he had been staked. He knew that to everyone else it looked as though Buffy had gotten him. That was exactly what they wanted them to think, as well. He cleaned up his supplies as the others rushed out of their hiding places and ran to the battered slayer.

Buffy got to her feet and staggered toward Xander. They smiled at each other and then sent the girls back to the house with Tara and Willow. They had a vampire to rescue.

---

Spike opened his unswollen eye and glared at Buffy as she walked toward him. He knew it wasn't her - that it was just that thing that liked to pretend it was her. Or Dru, or Angelus, or Glory, or any number of the thousands of people he had killed. But without its pet vampire, it was unable to hurt him. He waited for the verbal taunts, knowing that that was the worst it could do to him.

"Come to tell me I'm a bad dog? Won't work any better than last time. I won't join you. They will come for me."

Buffy pulled a knife out of her sleeve to cut the leather straps that held him in place. Xander watched them from a few feet away. He wanted to give Buffy some privacy, just in case she decided to come to any decisions.

"Knives now, is it? You can't hurt me; you're not real. Just a figment of my bloody imagination."

Buffy cut him free and he touched her face. He felt her skin and smiled.

"You came for me?"

"We both did."

Buffy pointed to Xander who stepped out from the shadows.

"Xander."

"Hey, Spike. Let's go home."

Spike nodded and let Buffy and Xander help him walk out of the underground cavern. He looked back and saw himself standing in the far part of the room. He knew it was not over yet, but he was too tired, too relieved that they didn't abandon him, too hurt and weak to care right now. He just wanted to leave this place, to go home.

Part 19

By mutual agreement, Xander took Spike back to his place for the day. With the new girls and Giles all staying at the Casa de Summers, it made more sense for Spike to not be there. Xander was doing a little happy dance in his head at the thought of having Spike to himself again. Then he mentally slapped that thought right back out again.

As they entered the apartment, Xander pushed Spike toward the shower with a gentle nudge and then headed for the kitchen to warm up some blood for him. He wanted nothing more than to take the blonde in his arms and hold him close. He knew that Spike must have been terrified by what he had been through, but he also new that he would never admit it, not even to him.

By the time Spike emerged from the bathroom, clean and looking better than he had when he'd gone in, Xander was waiting for him with a mug of warm blood in his hand.

"Drink up, plenty more where that came from. You probably haven't eaten in awhile."

"Thanks, luv. I'm bloody starved, plus I'm hurtin' something fierce. Don't know what the hell that thing was but it was stronger than it was ugly - an' it was plenty ugly."

Xander snorted.

"Turok Han. The Neanderthal of vampires. Or as we so affectionately named it - Ubervamp."

"What happened to the bloody thing anyway?"

"Banished it. But as far as the others are concerned, Buffy slayed."

"Got it. Still not ready to out yourself to the group, then?"

Xander choked and Spike laughed.

"I meant about the magic, pet. Not the sexual issues. Although, I doubt you have anything to worry about there either. The witches are together and Rupert and that wizard of his were more than friends back in the day. Slayer doesn't seem to have a problem either."

"I know, but if I bring that up then I have to bring up the spell, and I'm not ready for that yet."

"Alright, fair enough. But don't leave it too long; these things have a way of festering if you don't deal with them."

"I know."

They spent several minutes in silence while Spike heated and consumed more blood and Xander watched him. Finally, Spike had drunk enough to feel his body start to heal and he looked over to see Xander watching him with concern.

"What's up, Xan?"

"Nothing. I was just... "

Xander broke off. The emotions of the past few days were catching up to him. He could feel his eyes well up with tears - tears he hadn't allowed himself to cry before. He was so scared that he was going to fail this Spike as well. That he would be too late to save him. He felt cool arms wrap around him and he let himself go, leaning into Spike and allowing the smaller man to support him as he wept.

Spike was relieved. This was a long time in coming. Xander had been so strong for so long he was afraid the man would never let himself grieve. He knew that his capture had only brought up painful memories for Xander of his mate's capture and subsequent death.

"Shh, s'oky, luv. I'm fine. I never doubted that you'd come for me, not for a moment."

Spike rubbed soothing circles on Xander's back and then walked him toward his bedroom. He gently undressed the man and tucked him into bed.

"Sleep, luv. You'll feel better for it."

Spike turned to leave and Xander grasped his hand.

"Stay? Please, I... I don't want to be alone."

Spike studied Xander quizzically. He wasn't sure what Xander was asking of him, and he wasn't sure what the answer would be either. After a minute he gave up on trying to figure it out for himself and gingerly sat on the edge of the bed.

"What are you asking, Xander? I mean is this just about not being alone or are you looking for..."

"No, I just want to hold you while I sleep. Nothing else, I promise. I want... comfort, Spike. Don't you want comfort?"

Spike thought it over for about all of thirty seconds before stripping down to t-shirt and boxers like Xander and climbing into bed beside him. He did want comfort; it was all he had wanted since he'd gotten the damn chip in his head. Now that he was souled, it was even worse.

"Comfort sounds... bloody comforting, mate. Yeah, could use some of that about now."

Xander smiled softly and pulled Spike into his arms. He breathed in the familiar smell of the man in his arms and smiled. It was a bittersweet feeling - having this familiar and well-loved body in his arms again. He missed his mate, but that wasn't what this was about. This was about gleaning comfort in the arms of a friend. Maybe more than a friend. He sighed and then leaned up on his elbow and looked at Spike.

"Are you okay? I mean really? I know you don't believe me, but you don't have to pretend with me. You can be yourself here, Spike. I promise you, I won't think any less of you if aren't the Big Bad all the time."

Spike studied the serious expression on Xander's face and then felt his resolve crumble. He knew Xander was serious, that he was offering him a place to just be himself, where he didn't have to be "Spike" all the time; where he could be William or Spike, or as was most often, a combination of the two. He could relax and let down his guard. It was an attractive idea, but at the same time it scared the hell out of him.

"I don't know if I can do that, luv. It sounds like an appealing offer, but I don't know if I can let it go. I feel like I've been in a play for the last century or so. I've been playing this part so long I don't remember how to stop. What if I switch it off and I can't get it to come back? Buffy doesn't need a snivelling poet right now; she needs a master vampire. She needs Spike's strength, Spike's viciousness, Spike's cunning."

"Are you sure about that? I mean, you got the soul for her; don't you think she'd want to see it?"

Spike fell silent for a moment and then sighed.

"I don't know. I mean, after what I did, it was the only thing I could think of to do that would show her how bloody awful I felt about it. I wanted to give her the man she deserved. William - I - was a pathetic mother's boy with allusions of grandeur, but I knew how to love; I was a good man. I wanted Buffy to have a good man. She deserves that much, you know?"

Xander nodded and waited for Spike to continue.

"I'd like to be William for her. I can see that Spike still scares her, that she hasn't forgotten what I did, what I almost did to her. She's never going to love me, Xander. Not in the way I want her to. You know, I once told her and Angel that I was "love's bitch"; I really and truly am. All I ever wanted was for someone to hold me in their arms and tell me they me they loved me and mean it."

Spike closed his eyes before the tears that had welled up had a chance to spill over. He might be a souled poof now, but he was not going to cry like a chit. Xander pulled the cool body closer to him and placed a soft, chaste kiss against his pliant lips.

"I love you, Spike. And I'm not just saying that; I do. Not the same way I love my mate, but I do love you. You're Spike. How can I not?"

Spike shuddered in Xander's arms and felt the tears rolling freely down his cheeks. He didn't even care that Xander could feel him shaking, that his tears were soaking into the man's shirt. He was loved. Not by Buffy, but by Xander. Not as a lover, but as a friend - as a person. It wasn't everything he had hoped for, but it was more than he had expected.

"Give Buffy time; she does care about you. Maybe in time she'll come around. She won't let herself love Spike because he's a demon, but now that you're William, as well... Give her time Spike; don't give up hope."

Spike nodded into Xander's chest and allowed himself to relax into the warm embrace. His demon felt content lying in the arms of its mate - its claimed, and the soul felt at peace for the first time in longer than he could remember. He wasn't alone in the world; he had a friend who loved him. He felt himself purring and for once didn't care that it might make him look soft. Xander loved him, accepted him for who and what he was. He could be himself here.

Xander relaxed to the sound of a soft, rumbling purr coming from the man next to him. He had a dopey grin on his face as he drifted off to sleep.

Part 20

"Mmmm, the beach again?"

"You seem to like it here, and I'm not complaining about the sun, love."

Xander smiled and leaned back into Spike's chest. He tilted his head as he felt his mate nuzzle into his neck. His eyes closed and his lips parted slightly as a cool tongue washed over his claimant scar. He shuddered.

"Like that, love?"

"Love that. I always love it when you're touching me."

"Good, 'cause I like touching you. I miss touching you."

"Me too, Spike. This is nice, though."

"That it is, love."

"How much time do we have?"

"Long enough."

Xander smiled and turned in his lover's embrace. He gently lowered Spike down and rose over him.

"You are so beautiful. God I love you."

"Show me?"

Xander dipped his head and brushed his lips softly across the cool lips of his mate. He smiled as they parted in anticipation. He let the tip of his tongue out to trail along the full lower lip of his lover.

"Xander. Don't tease, please, love."

Xander lowered himself until he and Spike were touching from head to toe. Their lips fused together as they moved against one another. Xander groaned at the sensation of all that cool, silky skin against his own.

"I've missed this, missed you so much, Spike."

"Me too, love, me too."

They rolled until Spike was on top; he drew back and looked into Xander's eyes, his own flashing amber with repressed desire.

"Mine."

"Yours, always yours."

Spike kissed Xander ferociously, his fangs coming down and nearly slicing the flesh of lips. Xander didn't care; he only kissed back harder, spreading his thighs in invitation. He was thankful that he was always naked and ready in his dreams, no matter which way they played out.

Spike slid into Xander and swallowed his cries with his mouth. He kissed him, softly this time, as he started to move. Xander wrapped his arms around Spike's shoulders and his legs around his waist. He hung on for all he was worth, wanting to savour the feeling - knowing that all too soon he would wake up and he would be alone again.

Both of them struggled to hold off their orgasms - not wanting this to be over so soon. It had been too long though, and they both cried out as they came, Spike burying his fangs deep into his mark on Xander's throat. Xander bucked up and came again.

As they lay still connected, Xander petted Spike's hair and felt him vibrating against his chest. He held him tighter, not ever wanting to let go. He thought that maybe if he held him tight enough, he could pull him out of his dreams and into the real world with him.

"Are you really here? I mean is this just a dream or are you real?"

"Don't I feel real to you, love?"

"Yes. You do. Does that mean you are?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'm the one dreaming; maybe you aren't real."

"I haven't given up. I will find a way to bring you back. I promise you that."

Xander felt his eyes tear up and then a cool thumb brushed the tears away as they fell.

"I know, but if you can't..."

"I will."

"But if you can't, you have to promise me you won't waste your life trying to save me from my fate. You have to live, love. You deserve to be happy, to be in love, to have someone real."

"I only want you."

"Yeah, well, m'not exactly one of a kind now am I? You could have him; he's me. Sort of."

"No."

"Just think about it, Xan, okay? I'm not asking you to give up on me, not yet anyway. And hey, I am still with you in your dreams, love, and that's better than not getting to be with you at all. I'll take this over nothing any day."

They fell quiet for a few moments, both just enjoying the feel of the other man in their arms. Eventually Xander broke the silence.

"I read your journal. I'm sorry, I just... I missed you so much and I wanted to feel close to you again."

"S'okay, love. They're just words; was going to show it you someday anyway. So, how bad were they?"

"How bad were what?"

"The poems, what else?"

"Poems? You wrote me poems?"

"In the back of the book. Guess you never looked there, huh? Should'a kept my bleedin' mouth shut."

"I didn't look. I... I won't if you don't want me to."

"Only words, Xander, nothing more. Never do you justice anyway."

Xander kissed Spike and rolled them onto their sides; groaning as Spike's softened penis slipped out of Xander's hole. Xander traced over the scar in Spike's eyebrow and then down one sculpted cheekbone. He cupped Spike's face and brought their mouths together again. This kiss was full of feeling, full of love, sadness, pain, and a hint of desperation.

"I won't give up, Spike. I need you."

"Okay love, okay. We won't talk any more about that for now. It's time for you to wake up anyway."

Xander tightened his hold on Spike and crushed him to his chest.

"No. Not yet, please, not yet."

"It's alright, Xan. I'll be here waiting for you next time. I love you."

"I love you too. God. Don't leave me again."

Xander woke with Spike crushed to his chest and tears in his eyes. He gasped and then opened his eyes, hoping beyond all hope that his mate was here in his bed, in his arms. He saw blonde hair and tried very hard not to be disappointed. After all, it wasn't Spike's fault that he wasn't the vampire Xander was hoping for.

Luckily, Spike was still asleep and didn't see the tears in Xander's eyes or the disappointment on his face. Not to mention the evidence of his dream that stuck to the inside of his boxers. Carefully, Xander climbed out of bed and stumbled across the hall to the bathroom.

Xander turned on the taps and stepped into the shower. He quickly washed away the evidence of his climax and then began his regular shower activities on auto-pilot. He couldn't help wondering if he was going crazy, or if he was just so miserable that he was conjuring up visions of his mate in his dreams.

He squashed down the tiny flicker of hope that it was more than that. That somehow, he still had a connection to Spike and that he really was there, that he was in his dreams - not some figment of his imagination.

After stepping out of the shower, Xander dried his body and hair and then wrapped the towel around his waist and went to the sink. He got his razor and his shaving cream and was just about to make himself presentable when he noticed it.

His mark was bleeding.

He had been bitten.

It was fresh.

"Oh fuck!"

Part 21

Spike was disoriented when he awoke. He couldn't remember where he was; at first he hadn't remembered Buffy and Xander coming for him. He thought he was still being held captive by the First. Of course the nightmares could have had a lot to do with that.

He sat up in bed and grimaced. He was alone and the room smelled like tears and semen. He wondered where Xander was, if he was okay. It was obvious the boy had been crying.

"Probably dreaming of his Spike - good dream too, I'm betting, by the smell of things."

Spike got up and pulled his jeans on. He left the bedroom and stopped in the hallway. Xander had left the bathroom door open and was now just standing in front of the mirror wearing only a towel.

Spike took in the appearance of the man in front of him. Xander had filled out nicely, had muscles in all the right places. His hair was damp and fell in tousled waves around his face, the ends curling where they rested on his shoulders. He was touching his neck with the first two fingers of his right hand, right over the scar Spike had seen the night Xander fell asleep on the couch with him.

Not knowing what was going on, Spike scented the air and his eyes blazed as he picked up the fresh blood smell. Xander's blood. He raked his gaze over the man but didn't see any injuries; needing to know that he was okay, Spike walked into the bathroom and stood behind Xander.

Xander was still staring off into space, his eyes fixed on the mirror, so he didn't see the vampire come in and take up position behind him. He was trying to work out what had happened. How he had been bitten. It could be a coincidence; maybe Spike had bitten him in his sleep - he might have been having dreams about claiming Buffy. It might be one of those manifestations - like stigmata, or an hysterical pregnancy. He almost laughed at that - remembering pregnant-woman Xander. He didn't dare hope that it was his mate's bite - that what they shared in his dreams was real - that Spike wasn't really gone for good.

Absently, Xander pulled his fingers away from his wound and looked at them. Without even thinking, he sucked the bloody digits into his mouth. He heard a strangled groan from behind him and turned to see Spike looking at him. The vampire's eyes were flecked with gold and he had a hard on that could pound nails. For a minute he stupidly wondered what had happened to cause such a reaction. Then of course he realised. He was bleeding, and had just licked blood from his own fingers in front of him.

"Er, morning, Spike."

Spike blinked and tried to find his voice. He couldn't. His demon was screaming at him that his mate was bleeding, that he should be allowed to taste - to clean up the enticing trail of blood that was slowly making a path down over Xander's shoulder and heading for his nipple. He tried to fight it - he really did - but instincts overruled his better judgement and with a growl he grabbed Xander by the waist and hauled him close.

Xander gasped as Spike's mouth latched onto his chest, sucking and licking a trail up to his shoulder. He couldn't suppress the moan that escaped as those cool lips ran over his wound. He tilted his head back and grabbed the vampire - tugging him closer as Spike sucked on the mark, bringing more blood to the surface.

Somewhere deep down - buried under the force and need of his demon - William was crying out that this wasn't right. That they were jeopardising the only true friendship they had ever known. Unfortunately for William, the demon wasn't listening.

Xander was lost in a haze of sensation. He wrapped his arms around Spike and pulled him impossibly closer. He could feel Spike's erection pushed hard into his hip; his own cock was throbbing in need as well. He knew it was wrong, so very wrong, but he did it anyway.

"Spike, please."

Xander cradled the blonde's head and pushed it further into his neck, hoping Spike would understand what he was asking for. He groaned as he felt the tiny pinpricks of pleasure-pain as Spike morphed and sank his fangs into his neck. He felt the vampire thrusting against him and wrapped one leg around him to get a better angle on his own aching need.

Spike was mindlessly humping against Xander as he drank from him. It had been so long since he had tasted blood this good. He was in no danger of draining him; his demon recognised that the man in his arms was not food, but rather his mate - his claimed. He savoured the last mouthful of blood, tasting Xander's orgasm, then removed his fangs, threw his head back and roared as he came in his jeans.

Panting, he rested his head on Xander's shoulder. He could still smell his blood and looked at the wound. It was still seeping slowly so he dragged his tongue over the holes, closing them with his saliva. He came back to himself with a start as he realised what he had just done.

Spike leapt out of Xander's arms.

"Xander. Oh hell, luv. I'm sorry - so sorry."

Xander shakily took a breath and looked up at Spike through his tousled bangs. He looked the very picture of satisfied debauchery and Spike felt himself begin to harden again.

"I don't know what came over me. The blood and the smell and then you sucked your fingers..."

Xander chuckled weakly and shook his head.

"It's okay, Spike. It was my fault just as much as yours. Maybe more."

"I bit you, Xander. How is that your fault?"

"You're chipped, Spike. You couldn't have forced me, I wanted it; hell I asked for it."

Spike thought that over and then looked at Xander closely.

"Why did you do that? And why were you bleeding in the first place? And more importantly, did you know what would happen? That this would happen?"

Spike looked pointedly at the stain on his jeans and then the matching one on the front of Xander's towel. The towel that must have magical properties to have remained on during all that humping and thrusting.

"Yeah, sorta. I... God. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking - it just... when you grabbed me and starting licking my chest..."

Xander dropped his eyes and blushed as he thought about the way that had felt.

"It felt good. Really good, and I sorta just stopped thinking at that point. I'm sorry."

Spike leered playfully at Xander.

"I do tend to have that effect on people, Xan. You can't be blamed for finding me irresistible. After all, you're just a man."

Xander laughed and then let out a relieved breath.

"So, we're okay then? This isn't going to be a problem?"

"Yeah, we're good. But we have to be more careful, pet. This can't happen again - I love Buffy, and I'm not the Spike you want, anyway."

"I understand. So, still friends?"

"Yeah, luv. Still friends."

"Okay. Well, I need a few minutes in here to clean up and then you can have the shower."

"Right. Try to be quick, eh? Not looking forward to peeling these jeans off if this mess dries."

Xander laughed and watched as Spike grimaced in distaste as he left the bathroom. He cleaned up quickly and decided to forgo shaving today; he didn't want to take any chances that he might slip and cut himself.

Spike stood outside the bathroom door and frowned as he realised that Xander had skirted the question of how he had come to be bleeding in the first place. Oh, he knew he'd been bitten - it was obvious, as was the fact that it was his bite. But how did it get there? He certainly didn't remember biting Xander, well not that time anyway.

Spike licked his lips; he could still taste Xander in his mouth. It was causing all sorts of reactions in him. He wanted to taste him again - he wouldn't because it would only confuse both of them. He wanted to fall at his feet and beg forgiveness - he assumed this was the soul's influence as the demon didn't think it had done anything wrong. Mostly, he just wanted to ask if Xander loved him. If he could still love him after what had just happened.

Part 22

Xander was never so thankful for a Monday morning in his life. After he left the bathroom, he quickly dressed, scribbled a note for Spike letting him know he'd be working late and he'd meet him at Buffy's later that night, and left.

So now here he was, after spending the entire day worrying over what had happened between them that morning - where that left him when it came to his Spike, what would happen if - no when - he got his mate back, and where the hell Buffy fit into all of this. It wasn't as if he were averse to having both Spikes in his bed - he'd done that once before and a good time had been had by all. Hell, throw Buffy in the mix and it was "High school fantasy meets Grown-up Xander fantasy" and it was doing nothing to make his erection go away.

But he still wanted to know if it was just a dream. Of course, he could always just go home, open his night table drawer and take out Spike's journal. If it had been more than a dream - if Spike was really there in his sleeping hours - then he would find poetry in the back pages of that book. But if it wasn't real, if the book was empty, how would he ever be able to face dream-Spike again, knowing that it was all just in his head?

Xander still hadn't made a decision on that by the time work had ended. He drove to a little out-of-the-way diner and parked the car. The truth was, he wasn't actually going to be working late, he just wasn't sure he could face being alone with Spike just yet. So he went inside, sat in the farthest corner booth and perused the menu. He really wasn't even hungry - eating alone had always depressed him.

Xander didn't even jump when Anya materialised in the seat across from him. He just looked up at her and smiled. She seemed to have a knack for showing up when he needed her; he really felt bad about their doomed romance - she deserved so much better.

"God, am I glad to see you."

"Really? Thank you; you know, most men still scream and cower in fear. It's a good thing I don't have an inferiority complex or this would be devastating."

Xander smiled one of his biggest, happiest smiles and then leaned across the table to whisper conspiratorially to her.

"Yeah, but most men don't know you're deathly afraid of bunnies; see, I have a secret weapon."

Anya mock-glared at him and he solemnly swore to take her secret to his grave. She smiled then frowned at him.

"What happened? Something's wrong, isn't it?"

"A lot of things are wrong, An. We're being stalked by the uberevil, I have mysteriously appearing wounds, and I've developed... feelings for my vampire roommate. Which one would you like to discuss?"

Anya took a minute to think about that. The waitress came over and took their orders and then disappeared again. Finally, Anya looked at Xander and nodded her head affirmatively.

"Spike. I think we should talk about him first."

"Why?"

"Because I have news, but I'm not going to tell you yet because it will make it even harder for you to figure out your feelings."

"What news?"

"Not yet, Xander. First, tell me about Spike."

So Xander did. He told her about everything, actually - the dreams, the bite, the bathroom incident. By the time he was finished he felt a lot better. Like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. It was nice having a friend you could confide in.

"Okay, so you had sex with Spike in the bathroom after he attacked you."

"No! It wasn't sex, and he didn't attack me."

"Whatever. And what is it with him and bathrooms?"

"Anya."

"Sorry. Anyway, it was sex. You came, he came, there was rubbing and thrusting. It was sex."

"Fine, it was sex. Happy?"

"The question is, are you?"

"I... "

Xander trailed off and thought about that. Was he happy? No, not particularly. He wasn't not happy, but he wouldn't call the way he felt happy. More like confused.

"No. I'm more confused than anything. I mean, I shouldn't want them both."

"Why? You love Spike, and they're both Spike. It makes sense. When you were split in two, I loved both Xanders. I'm still angry that you wouldn't sleep with me, though. It's not fair; you got to have sex with two Spikes at once. Hypocrite."

Xander chuckled.

"Yeah well, I was also under a pretty heavy compulsion to ignore my homosexual urges at the time. Besides, that would have been like sleeping with my twin."

"Well, I wasn't asking you guys to have sex with each other. Just me."

"I'm sorry."

"You should be. You deprived me of a very erotic experience."

Of course, that was the moment the waitress chose to come back with their dinners. Xander was out of practise for dealing with Anya's bluntness and couldn't help but blush and stammer apologies at the waitress until she shook her head and walked away. He looked back over at a grinning Anya and sighed.

"What?"

"I missed that. You were so cute when we first started dating, all the blushing and stammering."

Anya sighed and Xander glared at her.

"I wasn't cute. I was embarrassed."

"Yeah, but you're cute when you're embarrassed."

Xander picked up his fork and started picking at his food. He still wanted to know what news Anya had, but he knew she wouldn't tell him until she was ready.

"Xander? Do you love Spike?"

"Which one?"

"Both."

"Yes. I love my Spike - I'm in love with my Spike, but I love this Spike too. He's... well my friend, I guess."

"Could you fall in love with him?"

"No. I... maybe. Yes. Yes, I could. But that's not going to happen. Besides, he loves Buffy."

"So, you're sure that whatever happens, you and this Spike will never end up together?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. Without my Spike, I'm not sure I could be with this one - not without using him as a replacement. I won't do that."

"Okay. Then I'll tell you my news."

Xander waited while Anya took a drink of her iced tea. He wasn't sure he wanted to know, not after all that. He just knew it was going to be bad news.

"Hallie lied."

Part 23

Hallie lied. The words were still ringing in his ears hours later. He was distracted - that was the only explanation for why he had let everyone go on thinking that Dawnie was a potential. If he had been paying attention, he would have noticed right away that it wasn't her. Dawn didn't give off the same vibe as the other girls, she was definitely something more than normal, but it wasn't slayer power that made her hum - it was something else entirely.

Buffy had commandeered Spike to help train the potentials, and he was left with Willow and Tara while Tara performed a tracking spell to find the newest potential - one of Sunnydale's own, even.

If he had been paying attention, he would have noticed when Dawn slipped out; he wouldn't have just sat there while the poor girl went through her own personal hell. It was bad enough knowing that you were the creation of monks and mystical energies. It was bad enough to have had a hell god try to kill you and open the barriers between worlds; but to finally think it's over - that you're just another teenage girl now, only to find out you're a slayer-in-waiting? He couldn't imagine what she was going through. He waited while Tara did another spell to find Dawn; Willow had gone off to call Buffy on her cell phone. Dawn was at the high school - big shock there.

It was good that Buffy and Spike had arrived when they had, otherwise Xander would have blown his cover for sure - there was no way he would have let that vamp or the Bringers touch Dawnie. No way.

So, now here he was, after all the excitement had died down, still reeling from the words Dawn had spoken - that maybe his power was knowing, seeing things. She didn't know how right she was. He did see things - like that spell to banish the ubervamp. He knew things, too. When it counted, he knew exactly what to do without even thinking about it. He had a barroom full of kitten demons to attest to that.

All in all, it had been a hell of a night. He was glad to be home - even though Buffy had decided to keep Spike at her place tonight. Maybe it was for the best; they were both acting like skittish virgins around the other right now. Some space just might be the thing. Xander took out his journal; he looked at Spike's and debated on checking it for poems. Shaking his head, he opened his own journal; he wasn't ready to know yet. Maybe after he came to terms with what Anya had told him.

Halfrek lied.

Anya told me tonight, during an impromptu dinner date. Hallie didn't change things back. She lied to me, just to hurt me. And I should be surprised, why? Hello? Demon. She didn't actually have the authority to change anything, at least not anything major. Spike and Dawn are still in the reality I left them in, the Spike that Angel drained is still dust, and the Spike and Xander that I helped to get together are still together - living in sin with the Buffy-bot! Hee hee.

But she did manage to screw with a few things; the spell I gave Willow - the permanent soul restoration - was destroyed. So, God only knows what happened there. I just hope Spike and Angel didn't give each other a moment of pure happiness. Bitch! It seems that anything tangible that I left behind was destroyed - as if I hadn't been there, but the people who died, or the people who shifted with me are still the same. Which is good, 'cause the thought of Riley Finn being resurrected makes my blood boil!

Now I understand why Anya wanted to know about Spike and me. This Spike, that is. See, I no longer have to worry about her sending him back to his dimension. If I find a spell, I can use it right away. I don't have to find a way to take care of Halfrek first. I guess Anya was worried that I would have to choose between my lover and my friend. She wanted to spare me that. I really love her, I'm glad we're friends.

So, now I need to find a spell. I looked in my book - stared at the pages until I thought I'd burn a hole through them - no luck. I guess it's just not time yet, or it isn't in there. Damn it! I need to find the damn thing. I can't keep on like this; I need Spike.

I dreamed that he bit me last night. Then I woke with a fresh bite on my neck. I don't know what happened, whether it really happened, or whether Spike - this Spike - bit me. He slept with me last night. In the sleeping sense of the word, not the groiny sense. Of course, that doesn't explain why we made out in the bathroom like a couple of horny teenagers.

Yep. That's right. I had sort-of-sex with Spike. We were fully dressed, or at least he was. I was in a towel, but there was a lot of rubbing against each other and we both came, so therefore, sex. In the sort-of sense. But no kissing. At least there wasn't kissing. That would have made it far too personal - too intimate.

He bit me. I asked for it. Hell I practically begged for it. He started it. No, actually I did, but I didn't know he was there. I was still bleeding from the bite I woke up with, and I stuck my fingers to the wound - then I sucked them into my mouth. I guess from a vampire's point of view, that could be considered erotic. It must have been to Spike, 'cause he grabbed me, and the next thing I knew he was licking the trail of blood off my chest - up to my shoulder- and then suckling at the wound.

I lost it. I grabbed him, pulled him close, and begged for more. He bit. I wrapped my leg around him like a slut and humped for all I was worth. He did too. So, sort-of-sex was had in the bathroom. Now we're all weird with each other. Spike was almost blushing when I saw him tonight. I swear, if vamps could blush, he would have been as red as Willow's hair. I wasn't much better. I was torn between embarrassment and arousal. I wanted to touch him, and I was embarrassed that I wanted to.

I can't keep this up. I miss my lover, my Spike, but I want this Spike. I want to touch him, kiss him. I want to find out if he tastes the same, if he'd moan the same way if I were to bite his collarbone. I want to know if he'd scream my name as I drove inside him hard and fast.

I'm scum. I'm worse than scum. I'm falling for Spike. For a souled version of the demon I love. How is it even possible? Okay, William has always been a big part of who Spike is, even before the soul. Even I could see that. So, I guess maybe it's not so hard to believe that I could fall for this Spike. But what about my Spike? How do I explain this to him? Better yet, how do I explain it to this Spike? Should I explain it to him? I mean, yeah, he's obviously attracted to me on a physical level and he likes me as a friend but he told me himself that it can't happen again, that he loves Buffy.

And, I think Buffy loves him too. Or she could, at least. If she'd let herself. I can't hurt her like that. I have a Spike of my own; having them both - while a nice idea - would be greedy.

I need sleep. Tomorrow I'll call L.A. and talk to Angel, see if he has any ideas about how to get Spike back. If I have to, I'll go with the "bring Spike back human and have him turned" option. Maybe this Spike would do it? God, how Freudian - siring oneself. I'm sure somewhere, some psychiatrist would have a field day with this one!

Xander closed his book, put it back in the drawer and turned off the light. He snuggled into his pillow, breathing in the lingering traces of Spike's scent and drifted into a peaceful slumber.

Part 24

Xander sat slumped dejectedly on Buffy's couch. His call to L.A. had been a bust - not only was Angel not there, he was once again Angelus. So, now he had the added pressure of having to find a way to quietly get to L.A. without Buffy knowing about it. She was needed here, and he could handle Angelus on his own.

Spike sat next to him and opened his mouth to speak, only to grab his head and scream in pain. Xander panicked and pulled Spike into his arms and tried to soothe him. After a minute Spike fell still and silent and Xander let out a breath.

"What the hell was that?"

"Chip went off."

"For no reason?"

"Yeah, does that now and again."

"How often?"

"Lately? More than I like."

Xander realised he was still holding the vampire and rubbing his hand up and down his back - at the same time as Spike noticed. They both drew away from each other somewhat reluctantly and smiled softly.

"How often, Spike? Once a day? Once a week?"

"Used to be just every now an' then. It's happened three times already today. Slayer made a phone call earlier, there was a whole "Ghost Busters" moment and everything."

"Who did she call?"

"Put in a call to Captain Cardboard."

Xander growled at the mention of Riley, and Spike pulled away in alarm.

"Sorry. I have issues."

"Yeah, I get that. You do know that this Finn never touched me, right? I mean other than the fake stake through the heart. I wasn't... violated, or nothing."

"I know. But he was capable of it. If circumstances had been different..."

"About that, I've given it some thought and I think I know what was different in those realities. The Initiative was still active, yeah?"

"Yeah. So?"

"Well, they were pumping him full of drugs here, weren't they? So what's to say that they didn't continue there. Give the soldiers something to make them ruthless, uncaring. Easier to control. No sense of right or wrong, no conscience to make them question what they were doing?"

Xander had to admit that Spike could very well be right. He didn't care what had driven Riley to do those things to his mate; he did them all the same. He would not regret what he had done in retribution.

"Alright. I'll give you that. But I still don't like him."

"Makes two of us; but if he can get this soddin' chip to stop firing off, I might just bend over and offer it."

Spike abruptly found himself on his back with Xander looming over him.

"No. You will not bend over for Riley fucking Finn."

"Joke, pet. You really think I'd let farmboy stick it to me? Please. Never been buggered by a human before and he's the last one I'd give that privilege to."

Xander sat up and ran his hands through his hair.

"Sorry, Spike. I don't know what came over me. Just the thought of you and him."

"I know, pet. No worries, eh?"

Just then Buffy came into the room and looked sadly at Spike and then Xander.

"Did he tell you, Xan?"

"About the chip? Yeah. So what's the scoop? They gonna tell us how to fix him?"

"No. They said that the chip was never meant to be in use this long, that Spike should have starved to death by now or fried his brain. There's no way to take it out, no way to turn it off, and no way to fix it."

Xander swore a blue streak that impressed even Spike. He looked back at the sofa where the vampire and the slayer sat side-by-side, both depressed by the news, and felt his anger rise. He couldn't believe they weren't even going to try to help him. Spike had a soul now; he wasn't "just another demon" not that he ever was, but that's how they thought about him.

Spike gasped and sat up in alarm. Buffy looked at him then followed his line of sight. She too gasped as she saw what had startled Spike. Xander was surrounded by an aura of magic; it crackled like lightning.

Without even thinking about it, Xander grabbed Spike and hauled him to his feet. His hands came up on either side of the vampire's head and then they were both floating about a foot off the ground. The lightning enveloped Spike's body and he screamed. Buffy watched, helpless, as Xander and Spike both fell to the floor, the strange light still flickering around them. Finally the light faded and the two men slumped into unconsciousness.

It was over an hour later that Xander stirred and sat up. He glanced around, surprised to find himself on the couch. He immediately looked for Spike and saw Buffy watching him.

"Hey, Buff."

Xander fell back on the couch. He felt like shit - like he hadn't slept in days.

"What did you do to him, Xander?"

"I fried his chip. I think."

"You think?"

"Well, I'm not exactly a doctor here, Buff. Or a scientist. I just... I had to, you know? I couldn't let it kill him."

"I know."

"How is he? Where is he?"

"He's still out. I put him downstairs."

Xander struggled to get up and finally gave up on doing it unassisted.

"Hey, Buff? Help a guy out here? I want to check on Spike."

Buffy helped Xander to his feet and together they went down to the basement. She was just glad that Giles and the S.I.T.'s were off in the desert, and Willow and Tara were out picking up food and spell supplies. She wasn't sure how much longer she could keep Xander's secret.

Part 25

When Spike came to, he was in agony. He felt as though he'd gone ten rounds with a whole pack of ubervamps. He groaned and tried to sit up only to be pushed back by warm hands and told to stay still. His senses were all working just fine though, so he knew it was Xander who was holding him down and that Buffy was nearby.

"Xan? What the hell'd you do t'me?"

"Not entirely sure, Spike. But I think I might have fried your chip once and for all."

Spike lay still and let the repercussions of this wash over him. Okay, firstly, he was ecstatic; he hated that damn thing and not having it go off for accidentally stepping on someone’s toes would be a relief. But it was the chip that had made him slow down and take a good long look at the people around him. It had made him realise that there was more to them that just blood, that they weren't cattle. He had fallen in love with the woman Buffy was; the slayer part just made it poetic in his mind. He had come to care a great deal for the witches, and Dawn had become the sister he'd never had. Would he lose them now that he was... unfettered? He had a soul, but then hey, so did Hitler. A soul could be corrupted; he had killed recently despite having both a chip and a soul. With the loss of one - would his little adopted family still want him around?

He wasn't worried about Xander. He knew he'd still have the boy's friendship if no one else's. He loved - was mated to - an unsoulled version of himself. Although, he wondered what Xander would do if his Spike suddenly found himself unchipped? Would he still trust him not to hurt innocents? Not to kill his friends? The other version of himself had no ties - no loyalty to these people. The only thing that would keep him from feeding on them was his love for Xander. Spike knew it was enough, that the vampire wouldn't do anything to upset his mate, but he wondered if Xander did?

"What exactly do you mean by 'not entirely sure'?"

"Damn it, Spike! I'm a warlock not a doctor!"

Xander feigned his best McCoy accent and grinned when Spike laughed weakly.

"Been waitin' long to use that one, luv?"

"You have no idea."

Buffy watched with sad eyes as the two men carried on joking and laughing in front of her. It wasn't all that long ago that she would have had to talk Xander out of staking Spike. Now here they were, the best of friends. Possibly more from the looks they were giving each other. She decided to interrupt before anything she didn't want to think about could happen.

"Well, as much fun as this has been, we need to find out if it worked."

"How d'you suppose we do that, love?"

Xander interrupted by sticking his arm out.

"Bite me, Spike."

Spike drew back in alarm.

"Er, Xan? Haven't we already walked this road one time too many? It's not a good idea. 'Sides I had me chip last time and it didn't go off."

"Wait. You bit Xander? When? Why? How?"

Both men groaned as they realised they would have to explain. Spike turned panicked eyes to Xander and felt a flood of relief when Xander nodded his understanding. Buffy wouldn't find out about the sex.

"I was bleeding, there was some just-awakened confusion going on and I asked Spike to do it. Practically forced him to. Mistaken identity; right vampire, wrong version."

Buffy frowned thoughtfully.

"Oh. So, you and the other Spike... There was biting? Like he ate you?"

Spike snickered and Buffy blushed at the double entendre.

"So not what I meant."

"Wasn't like that. I'm not Spike's food. Biting isn't always about feeding, Buffy; sometimes it's about love, about expressing things that you can't say with words. I have a bond with my mate - the blood sharing just reaffirms it, makes it stronger."

"So, what? Now you're, like, bonded to Spike? This Spike?"

"No. I'd have to take his blood as well for that to happen..."

Xander trailed off with a horrifying moment of clarity. He had taken Spike's blood. He had bound himself to this Spike as well in a moment of passion-induced stupidity. At least Spike didn't know what he'd done. Spike could barely stop himself from growling in frustration. He should have realised this earlier; he had known about the blood sharing, about what would happen, but he hadn't allowed himself to make the connection. No wonder William was screaming at him not to bite. Damn foolish demon - always thinking with heart and cock instead of brains.

"Let's just do this then, yeah? Try not to want it this time." In his anger at himself, Spike morphed and bit savagely into Xander's forearm. The blood streamed forth and he swallowed it with a sense of awe and dread. He could taste it, that little part that said Xander was his. Abruptly he closed the wound and pulled away.

"Ow! Fuck, that hurt."

"Well, that tears it then. So, now what?"

"Now nothing. Nothing's changed, Spike. So your chip's gone; big deal."

Spike looked at Buffy to see what she thought about the matter. He was surprised to see her smiling at him.

"Slayer?"

"Spike, what I said to you before still stands. I believe in you. You can do good things, this doesn't change that."

"Thank you."

Spike swallowed hard and really wished it were night time. He needed some time alone, time to figure out what was going on inside of him. He was mated to Xander as surely as his double was, and yet he still loved Buffy. He needed to figure out what he was going to do about it.

Xander could sense that something was troubling Spike; it didn't take a genius to see that. The painful bite on his arm was testament enough. If he didn't know better, he'd think the vamp knew what he had done.

"I'm sure Spike's worn out. Why don't we let him rest for awhile."

Buffy nodded and followed Xander to the stairs. She had a feeling there was more going on than they were telling her, but she had too many things to deal with right now to try to find out. If they survived the First Evil, then she'd get to the bottom of whatever was going on between Spike and Xander.

Part 26

Xander was dangling from the large wheel. The large wheel that Spike had been hung from once before. The large wheel that was at this moment hanging over the satanic manhole cover he and the girls had buried not too long ago.
"And how did you get yourself into this one, Xan man?"

Xander sighed as he remembered how that had happened. He had left Buffy's place after the realisation of his bond with Spike. He wandered for awhile, eventually went home and unplugged the phone and crawled into bed.

When he woke up, he decided to just ignore all things hellmouthy and have one normal day. So he went to the building supply store - they were putting on a demonstration that sounded interesting.

He had a conversation with an attractive woman over rope, and being the nice guy that he was, he offered to help her string up her kayak. Next thing he knew - he was the kayak. This was ridiculous; if he had still been under Willow's spell he probably would have been dating the nice demon lady by now. The nice demon lady who had stuck a knife in his belly. He was never more happy in his life to see Spike and Buffy - even if they did bring her boss along. And what the hell was up with that?

Of course the seal had to start opening at that very moment. Buffy was fighting with Lissa - the demon lady - and so was Spike. She was tough. The principal was cutting him loose, and even through his pain and confusion he worried about Spike. He had been knocked for a loop by Xander's abductor.

Buffy and Lissa struggled over a sword before Buffy got a hold of it and beheaded her. Xander watched as she went to Spike and crouched down beside him. As she held his hand, he watched Spike look at her, his love laid bare to her eyes. Of course she immediately got up and came toward him and her boss.

"Hey, Buff. What's this? Bringing your work home with you?"

Before she had a chance to answer, Spike broke in.

"She was on a date - they were on a date."

"Oh."

It was the only thing he could think to say. It was obvious that Spike was hurting but that he was trying not to show it. So Xander just shrugged and asked her if it was going better than his was.

"You... you were on a date too?"

Spike looked about the room incredulously.

"Bleedin’ hell, what is it with you and demon women?"

Spike stalked toward the door and Xander hurriedly caught up to him.

"I wasn't on a date. I went to a demonstration at the building supply store this morning, and met Lissa - the demon. I didn't know she was a demon; she was looking at rope and I asked if she needed help. Long story short - I offered to help her string up her kayak and woke up here. Tied to that. Not a fun experience."

"Yeah, I remember. So, not a date?"

"No. Definitely not a date."

The drive back to the Summers' house was pretty quiet. Xander didn't much care for the looks that Buffy's boss kept giving Spike, but he figured he'd let it alone for now. He hadn't turned up anything suspicious on the man so he was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Back at the house, everyone was quiet. Buffy and Spike weren't talking to each other - hell they weren't even looking at each other. Tara and Dawn were in the kitchen making tea and Giles was talking to the new girl - she spoke Chinese and they weren't exactly understanding one another. Willow made a crack about Xander always attracting demon women and Xander bit his lip to keep from yelling at her. He wanted to tell her that he knew exactly why that was, that he was more powerful than she could even imagine, that he wouldn't be in this predicament if it wasn't for her interference in his life. But then he saw a chance to lighten the mood and went with that instead. Everyone looked as though they could use a bit of a laugh. It was time to be the zeppo.

"Yeah, you’re right. What is it with me and demon women? That's it. I've made a decision. I'm going gay. I've decided to turn gay. Willow, gay me up."

Willow looked at Xander like he had just asked her to turn him into a frog.

"What?"

"You heard me. Just tell me what to do. I'm mentally undressing Scott Bakula right now. That's a start, isn't it?"

Spike snickered from his spot in the corner and even Buffy smiled.

"Come on, let's get this gay show on the gay road. Help me out here."

Buffy giggled at him.

"What if you start attracting male demons?"

Dawn laughed too, an impish smile crossing her face.

"Yeah, Clem always liked you. Or hey, you could always hook up with Spike now that he's not with Buffy anymore."

Buffy glared at Dawn, and Spike and Xander both looked away from each other. Giles cleared his throat to interrupt but was cut off as Xander began talking again.

"I'd need some stylish new clothes..."

He knew he was on the verge of a major babble and was actually thankful when Giles yelled at them to shut up. Okay, yeah, so they were all in danger and it really was no laughing matter but they weren't kids anymore; they understood what was going on.

Later on, as Xander sat alone in his darkened living room, he heard the door open and then a moment later Spike sat down next to him.

"Anyone fill you in on what's been happening?"

"Yeah, the First, blah blah yadda yadda."

"I talked to Buffy, offered to go."

"You what?"

Xander could feel the panic rising in his chest. He couldn't do this. Not again. It was bad enough that he had unwittingly bound himself to this version of his mate, but to lose him now, as well?

"Why? Spike, you can't."

"I'm not, I won't. Slayer asked me to stay."

"Good."

Xander let out a relieved sigh. He was glad Spike wasn't leaving, but he was also a bit angry that he was only staying for Buffy. Would he have still gone if he were the only one to ask him not to?

"Spike? What about me? I mean... If I had asked you to stay would you still have left?"

"I dunno, Xander." Spike tilted his head back and closed his eyes. He didn't want to do this, but he had to. He owed Xander the truth.

"I arsed things up here, between us. What happened in the bathroom, it was more than just a suck and grope session, pet. That bite? It meant something - means something. You're mine, Xan. As much as you’re his, you're mine now, too."

Spike didn't open his eyes; he didn't want to see Xander's face when he realised what he had done to him. He swallowed and then carried on so softly that Xander almost missed what he said next.

"Just as I'm yours."

Part 27

"You're mine?"

Xander tilted his head as he looked at Spike. Yeah, he knew it was a two way street, he just didn't know how Spike knew. He wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"Yeah, but you knew that. These things are never one-sided. I could taste it the second time I bit you, in the Slayer's basement. I'm in your veins, Xander just like he is - just like you are in mine."

"I know."

"So, now what?"

"I don't know Spike. I don't know."

They sat in silence for a long time. Xander desperately trying to rationalise what he was feeling. He was mated to two Spikes. Two versions of the same vampire. One souled and one chipped. One here and one gone. One he missed desperately and one sitting right beside him. He was so confused. Hurt. He just wanted someone to tell him what was the right thing to do.

Finally, Xander decided that now was not the time to make any decisions; cooler heads would prevail in the morning. He wanted sleep. He wanted a break from his thoughts. He wanted someone to hold him.

"I'm going to bed. You coming?"

Spike was startled by the question and it showed clearly. Xander smiled and shook his head.

"Not for that. I'm tired, confused, I feel like my head just might explode and I want someone - I want you - to hold me."

Spike nodded and got to his feet. He could relate; he was confused as well, and his demon was looking forward to holding its mate - especially now that the blood bond was his own, not his by proxy.

"Right. That I can do."

There was no awkwardness as they shucked off jeans and t-shirts and climbed into bed. Spike opened his arms and Xander gratefully sank into his embrace. They were both in need of something they could only get from the other. Complete and total understanding. Spike didn't even blink when Xander brushed a light kiss across his lips; he just smiled and tightened his arms around him a little bit more. There was nothing sexual in the kiss or the way their bodies were intertwined. It was natural, comforting. Spike purred softly and felt Xander relax into sleep. He wasn't far behind him.

He was in Spike's arms again; the waves crashed against the shore and the salt air smelled wonderful and clean. He determined that he would take his vampire to the beach as soon as he got him back.

"I do love this place."

"Yeah, love. I know."

"I'm sorry."

"Shh, don't be. I know, I understand."

"You do? How? I don't even understand?"

"You need him, love. The bond draws you to him; he's me."

"The bond? Is that all it is, am I using him to try and replace you? God, I don't want that! I don't want to use him; he deserves more than that. You deserve more than that."

"It's not like that, Xan. I know you wouldn't do that to him, or to me. He's me, yeah? And you love me, right? So it was only a matter of time, pet. Whether I was with you or not, if you spent enough time with him this would have happened. You remember the other one? The one we took to our bed? If we'd have stayed there for awhile you would have felt it with him, too."

Xander relaxed back into Spike's arms. He was still unsure of what he was going to do as far as things with him and the Spike in his bed were concerned, but knowing that his Spike wasn't hurt by it, or angry with him, helped a lot.

"What about when you come back? What happens then?"

"We deal. Don't worry so much, love. Things will all work out in the end."

"I love you."

"I know, pet. I love you too."

"Spike?"

"Yeah, love?"

"How much do you know?"

"All of it."

"All of it?"

"Yes, pet. I know about the bite, the bond, the... what did you call it? Oh right, sort-of-sex. I know about that, too." Xander felt his heart breaking. He had done an unspeakable thing and he couldn't believe that Spike wasn't angry with him. Didn't he mean anything to him?

"Don't even think it, love. You mean everything to me. You're my everything, Xander. But why should I be angry? He obviously needs you. I know what that feels like. You gave me back my life - my sense of self worth - he needs someone to do the same for him. You are that someone." Spike kissed the side of Xander's neck - directly over the fresh scar.

"You may be the only one who can help him, Xander."

"But Buffy..."

"Is the slayer. She knows how to kill demons, love, not how to love them. And don't even bring Angel into this. If she had known what he was when they first met, she never would have fallen for him."

"He loves her."

"He loves you too."

"Not the same way."

"Give him time."

"I don't want to hurt her; she's my friend."

"But she doesn't love him, Xander. Not the way you could, if you'd let yourself."

Xander laughed. He shook his head and then laughed some more.

"I'm rationalising my own wants. It all makes sense now. I dream that you’re real, and you tell me it's okay to want Spike, to love Spike. That I can be with him without feeling guilty. It makes perfect sense now. I'm not going crazy, I'm already there."

"You're not crazy, love. I'm as real as a magically-linked, dusted vamp can be. Read the book, love. Find the poems, and believe me."

Xander woke with a start and opened his eyes. It was still dark in the room but he could see that the dawn would come soon. He gently slipped out of Spike's arms and rolled out of bed. He quietly took Spike's journal out of the bedside table drawer and made his way to the kitchen. After making a cup of coffee, he sat down and steadied himself. He opened the book, turned to the back and felt his eyes fill with tears. He read.

If my heart could beat,

it would pound in rhythm to your own.

If my breath could catch,

it would at the very sight of you.

Sable eyes and a gentle smile

pain deep in your soul that matches my own

you feel like a bit of heaven

a place I never dared hope to see.

for decades on, death was my art

blood my medium of choice.

I was a master, few could outdo me.

now I am nothing.

beaten and torn, pillaged and raped

a shadow of myself

my sense of self - non existent

I waited for oblivion

craved it

Then you, with one simple word

changed everything.

hope

'd almost forgotten

what it was to be myself

my life such as it was - restored

Still broken, I try to recover

I fail time and again

but you, you see through me

see who I am underneath it all

you love me - demon and all

why

I don't understand you

you make me feel things I shouldn't

things I couldn't

not before, not ever again

only you.

my Xander

my lover

my mate

Part 28

Spike woke alone. He sat up and fixed his senses on the rest of the apartment. He smelled coffee, tears, and Xander. He wearily got up and pulled on his jeans. He wondered what had set the young man off this time. After getting himself a cup of coffee, Spike joined Xander in the living room. He noticed right off that he was holding his mate’s - his other mate’s - journal. At least he now knew the reasons for the tears.

"You okay, Xan?"

Xander shook his head and thrust the open book at Spike. The vampire just shrugged and took it. He'd already read it, so he wasn't too concerned about what he'd see. Then he noticed the poetry. With an audible groan, he read the words.

"Okay, so he wrote poetry. It's horrible poetry, hardly enough to bring tears to your eyes. Is it?" Xander laughed at the edge of uncertainty in Spike's voice and shook his head.

"No. It is awful, but it's the most beautiful thing I've ever read. He wrote it for me."

"So why the tears then?"

"Because the dreams are real."

"Dreams? What dreams?"

Xander took a deep, fortifying breath and told Spike everything. He told him how he could still be with his Spike in his dreams, that somehow, they were still linked even after Spike's dusting. He told him about the bite - how it had happened in his dream yet was there in the real world, too. Then without making eye contact, he told him about his conversation with his Spike last night. How he said it was only a matter of time before things progressed between them. When he finished, he kept his gaze averted from Spike. He wasn't sure what the vampire would feel after learning all that.

"Xander."

When Xander didn't look at him or even acknowledge that he'd been addressed, Spike spoke again.

"Look at me, love."

Xander looked up and saw Spike smiling at him. He was instantly relieved that Spike wasn't angry.

"He's probably right. Buffy's moving on with her life, she still needs me, yeah. But not the way I want her to. I love her. I probably always will, but I'm not stupid. I'm not going to keep throwing myself at her. She doesn't want me; she made that clear. You and me, well we're friends. Okay, obviously there's more to it then that, but I don't want to rush anything. If it's meant to happen, it will; but as long as we stay friends, that’s enough for me. I don't want to be a replacement; I know you don't want that either, but until we’re both sure that that isn't going to be an issue, I think it best if we spend some time apart."

Xander nodded. He was both worried and relieved at the same time. Relieved that Spike understood what he was feeling, and worried that he was going to avoid him.

"I'm going to go back to Buffy's house to stay for awhile. I think it's the safest solution - I don't know that I won't just give in to the demon’s demands to claim you physically, otherwise. You're too much of a temptation, especially sleeping right next to me."

"Yeah, I get that."

Xander chuckled as he noticed that his eyes had barely left Spike's mouth the entire time he had been talking. He had to restrain himself from kissing him. Time apart sounded like a good idea.

"I'm going to L.A. Will you cover for me with the gang?"

Spike looked taken aback and blinked in confusion.

"You don't have to go away, Xander. I have some self control, you know." Xander chuckled.

"It's not about you - us. Angelus is loose again. I need to go, but I don't want Buffy involved. She's dealing with enough as it is. I can restore his soul permanently, but I don't want to tell her that. After it's done, it can be his call whether he tells her or not." At Spike's stricken look, Xander rolled his eyes at his own stupidity.

"God. I'm sorry. Jeez I'm such an insensitive asshole sometimes. I didn't even think about what this would do to you."

Xander put his arms around Spike and squeezed him tightly. He wanted to take the last two minutes of his life back and reword them. He felt Spike bury his face into his neck and press his lips against the scar. He knew he was reaffirming that he wasn't alone anymore, that even though he didn't have Buffy, he still had Xander. He would always have Xander.

Xander lifted Spike’s head and looked at the miserable expression on the vampire’s face. He just looked so hurt and lost and in need of reassurance that Xander didn't question what he was doing as he leaned in and kissed him. It was meant to be a reassurance, comfort. It started out that way, but quickly it became a lot more. The kiss deepened and Xander pulled Spike onto him so that the vampire was straddling his lap. Xander's hands tightened on Spike's waist as the vampire's hands fisted into his hair, tugging lightly. They bumped their teeth together in their urgency, trying to climb into the other man’s mouth.

Xander tugged on Spike's waist, pulling him impossibly closer. The movement sent their cocks sliding over one another’s and they both groaned into the kiss. Before Xander knew what was happening, he was on his back; his boxers somewhere around his knees and Spike was on him.

The blonde’s jeans and boxers were rucked down and he was grinding his erection into Xander's hip. Xander wriggled until he had freed one leg and wrapped it around Spike's waist. With the added leverage, he pulled Spike down onto him and returned the frantic movements. He was reluctant to end the kiss but he wanted something else more, something that the vampire seemed to instinctively know as he moved away from Xander's mouth and buried his fangs into his neck.

They both cried out as they came almost at the same instant. Xander let his leg slide bonelessly back to the couch and held Spike to him as the vampire licked over the fresh wound and purred contentedly. They were still lying that way five minutes later when the phone rang. Spike reluctantly rolled off Xander and grabbed the phone. Tossing it to Xander over his shoulder he pulled up his boxers and jeans and headed for the kitchen to get a proper breakfast.

Xander answered the phone.

"Hello? ... Oh, okay... Uh sure, no problem. I'll be there in an hour, gotta shower first... Really? Okay then, give me fifteen minutes... yeah, okay. Bye, Wills."

Xander hung up the phone and turned to see Spike watching him from the kitchen while sipping on a mug of blood.

"Take it that was Red?"

"Yeah, some girl from Angel's office called and asked her to come down and resoul him. She needs a ride, so I guess you won't have to cover for me after all."

"You should get ready then, jump in the shower and all that."

"No time. Gotta grab a few things and go."

Xander dashed off to the bedroom to dress and get his journal. It was where he had written the permanent soul restoration spell. He also brought his spell book. Just in case.

After packing these things into a bag as well as a change of clothes, he stopped briefly to kiss Spike goodbye and then left. He didn't see the satisfied smirk on the vampire’s face or he might have rethought his "no time to shower" policy.

Part 29

The drive to L.A. was uneventful. Xander and Willow made small talk, not really wanting to discuss Angelus, The First, or anything else that was going on. At least Xander didn't want to. He could tell Willow wanted to ask him about what was going on with him. He knew her well enough to know she was practically bursting with concern for him. It almost made him laugh. He wondered if she would still be concerned if she knew the truth. After parking the car and gathering their things, the two Sunnydale natives made their way to the front of the hotel. Xander whistled and looked up at the big hotel.

"Damn. Deadboy sure likes to show off, doesn't he? No old factories for this vamp, eh? Gotta be mansions and huge abandoned hotels. Although, you gotta wonder where he gets the money for these things. I mean, does being evil really pay that well? 'Cause if it does, Spike must have missed the memo."

Yeah, he had already seen the hotel in another reality, but Willow didn't know that. So he played along, acting as though this was his first time to the Hyperion.

Willow just giggled at Xander and headed up the steps to the door.

"Come on. The sooner I do this, the sooner you can ask him about his investment portfolio."

The pair walked undetected into the hotel. Xander was suddenly inundated with images of him and Spike and Angel having sex on the floor right where the others were standing. He shook off the images and tried to pay attention to what was going on in front of him.

There was an argument in progress - obviously about Angelus. They listened for a minute, but when the teenager started talking about putting Angelus down, Xander figured it was time to announce their presence. Willow beat him to it.

"I don't think so. I think you need a witch."

Everyone turned to look at them and Xander smiled goofily and then asked,

"So, who's the brat with the hard-on for staking Angelus?"

Willow scowled at Xander and walked towards the others.

"Did I come at a bad time?"

Wesley looked at her and then spoke her name. Connor gave her a disgusted look and asked if she was a witch. Willow just smiled and replied that yes, she was a witch.

"And you must be Angel's handsome-yet-androgynous son. Oh look, and the sneer is genetic. Who knew?"

Xander grinned at the look of outrage on the kid’s face.

"It's Connor."

The skinny brown-haired girl stepped forward and introduced herself, then Willow babbled on about Wesley’s new look - something Xander had to admit was working for the guy. If he had looked like this in that other reality, he might have been better able to understand that Xander's attraction for him. The Marlboro Man image looked good on him.

Willow wanted to look in on Cordelia, so she and Xander headed for the stairs. About halfway up, Xander stopped and concentrated on the uneasy feeling he was getting.

"Hey, Wills? You go on up, I'm going to go back down and talk to Wes; I don't think Cordy would want me to see her if she's not well. You know, if she looks bad?"

"Oh. Right. Good idea. I won't be long."

Xander went back down the stairs and motioned for Wesley to join him. When the older man came over, Xander threw an arm over his shoulder and drew him away to the furthest corner of the lobby.

"You're good with the magics, right?"

"Yes. But I am nowhere near the level of Miss Rosenburg. Why do you ask?"

"Well, it's just... Look. Some things happened over the summer, and I can feel things. There is something wrong here, upstairs. I think it might be Cordy."

Wesley stepped back in shock from Xander. He looked at him as though trying to read his mind. Xander sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Look. I don't have time to explain everything, okay? I was cursed. By a vengeance demon. I spent two and a half months - here time, ten months - my time, hopping from one reality to the next. I learned a few interesting facts. One, I know that you are not as straight as you'd like everyone to think..."

Wesley’s eyes bugged out and he looked frantically over at Gunn. Xander just continued speaking as though he hadn't just outed the man.

"Two, I have an uncanny ability when it comes to magic. Three, I can restore Angel’s soul to him permanently. Four, I'm not as straight as I thought I was. And lastly, I learned to trust my own instincts. My instincts tell me there is something off about Cordelia."

"You, you won't say anything to them about me, will you?"

"No. But you just keep this conversation between us, all right? I haven't told Willow what happened over the summer. She doesn't know about the permanent soul spell, either."

"But won't you have to perform the ritual then?"

"No. Willow can resoul him, I'll anchor it afterwards. So, do we have a deal? I keep your secret and you keep mine?"

"Of course. But what about Cordelia?"

"One crisis at a time Wes. First we get Deadboy back among the soul-having, then we'll figure out what Cordy's deal is."

"Very well. I suggest you keep an eye on Connor; he is very protective of Cordelia."

"Yeah, and he seems to hate daddy dearest, too. What's up with that?"

"Long story. If we have time, perhaps I'll fill you in later." Just then a green-skinned man came down the stairs and headed towards them. Xander's eyebrows disappeared into his hairline and he whispered to Wesley.

"Um, is that a good demon, a bad demon, or the love-child of Kermit the frog and Liberace?" Wesley laughed and shook his head.

"Xander, this is Lorne. He's an empath demon - he reads auras."

"But only if you sing something for me."

Xander thought about what he should sing. Then he smiled and sang softly.

"I've paid my dues

Time after time

I've done my sentence

But committed no crime

And bad mistakes

I've made a few

I've had my share of sand

Kicked in my face

But I've come through

And we mean to go on and on and on and on"

"No, please don't. No need to go on and on and on, sugar. I'm reading you loud and clear. When the shit has finished hitting the fan, you and me? We need to talk."

"About what?"

"About a certain former-blonde with bad teeth, if you get my drift. I think I can help you."

"Cool."

Wesley had no idea what they were talking about. He figured it had something to do with what Xander had told him, but he also knew Lorne wouldn't betray a confidence so there was no point in asking.

"How is Faith?"

"The same."

Xander broke in.

"Um, excuse me. Did you say Faith was here?"

"Yes, she apprehended Angelus. She's changed a great deal, Xander. She's not the same girl you knew back in Sunnydale."

"Okay. Anything I can do to help? What's wrong with her?"

Lorne glared at Wesley and the Englishman returned the look. Xander knew whatever it was, they were not in agreement over it. He wasn't so sure he wanted to get involved in all of this. He was supposed to just come down here, resoul Angel, find out about spell options for bringing his Spike back, and go home. Things were never simple. Not even this far away from the hellmouth.

Part 30

Xander sat at Faith's bedside and watched over her. He had been angry when Lorne told him what had happened, but he understood it. Faith was just doing what she thought was best. Angel was her friend, and she wanted him back. Enough to risk her own life in the process of saving his. He would do what he could to help her recover.

Xander placed his hand on her forehead and channelled energy into her body. He couldn't do much, not with the limited amount of information they knew about this mystical drug she had taken. But as long as she stayed strong, she stood a chance of recovering.

Xander felt the magic start to build up in the hotel. He knew that Willow was beginning her spell so he focused on helping her channel her energies. She was good, and had done this before; but there was something else, something blocking her, trying to stop her from completing her task.

Xander left Faith's side to see what was happening in the lobby. He saw what appeared to be a huge head. A very ugly, very big head. It was growling and shrieking, and everyone was freaking out. Not Willow though; she was still chanting, still doing her job. Xander felt something for her at that moment that he wasn't sure he'd ever feel again - pride.

He noticed Connor break away from the group and run up the stairs toward him. He should have known, should have seen it before. The boy was obviously infatuated with Cordelia. Xander shook his head and snorted. He was in the same boat once, a very long time ago. All of a sudden the magic swelled and then blinked out. Xander frowned and went in the direction Connor had headed. He was stunned by what he was hearing.

"Oh Connor, I'm so sorry. I thought it came back. That horrible floaty head."

"Did it hurt you? Is the baby..."

"We nearly got killed!"

"Willow's spell, it must have opened a gateway to something."

"Evil. If she keeps at it there's no telling what will happen. She already let hell itself into this hotel."

"I know. I've seen it. It's not safe for you here. I'm gonna make her stop."

"Connor, you can't! She's too powerful. But you can stop it. The reason for all of this. You have to kill Angelus."

Xander blinked rapidly. Cordy was pregnant? Why didn't anyone tell him? And why would she want Angelus dead? Last he knew she was in love with Angel. Things were definitely fishy.

He tuned back in to hear Cordelia tell Connor that killing Angelus was the only way to ensure their family's safety. His jaw dropped open. He couldn't believe it. Cordy and Angel's son? Eeew! That was just gross. He went off to find Wes; they definitely needed to talk.

He found Wes sitting with Faith. He was just about to lay into him about not telling him about Cordy when Faith woke up. She blinked as she saw Xander standing there, but then suddenly cursed and took off.

"Well, that was rude."

Xander and Wesley followed after Faith, but she was too fast to keep up with. By the time they got to the lobby she was nowhere to be seen. Xander saw Willow and Fred talking together and called out to them.

"Hey, either of you see Faith come through here?"

"Yeah, she ran down to the basement. Lorne went after her."

"Thanks, uh... Fred, right?"

"Yeah, it's short for Winifred."

"Oh. Okay."

Xander and Wesley headed for the basement, Willow and Fred close behind them. What they found when they got there was an unconscious Gunn, a recently-resouled Angel holding Connor by the neck through the bars of his cage, and Faith who looked better than she had earlier, but still really bad by slayer standards.

"Um, does someone want to let me out of the cage now?"

Angel looked around and then his eyes rested on Xander. He cocked his head and sniffed the air. Xander suddenly realised what it was he was smelling, and smacked himself on the forehead. He should have known better. Not only did he not mask the claim, he hadn't washed after fooling around with Spike. Too bad Wesley was already unlocking the door.

Xander turned and made a run for it. He got two steps away from the stairs before he was slammed face first into a wall by a snarling vampire. He heard the gasps from behind him, and Willow assuring everyone that he was Angel and not Angelus. He chuckled at his own stupidity and let Angel turn him around and press him back against the wall again.

"What. Did. He. Do?"

"Huh?"

"Don't play stupid with me, Xander. Spike. What did he do?"

"Oh! Um, not what you're obviously thinking. Can we talk in private? Please?"

"I don't think so."

Angel wrenched Xander's head to the side and tore open the front of his shirt. Everyone gasped as they saw the bite on his neck. Willow stepped forward, tears in her eyes.

"Xander?"

Xander sighed in defeat. This was not the way he wanted this to come out. Not here, and not like this. Then again, when had things ever gone the way he wanted them to?

"It's okay, Wills. It's not what you're thinking."

"Good, 'cause I'm thinking Spike's been using you as take-out."

Xander growled - actually growled - and Angel let him go. He didn't move away from him, however. Xander looked Angel in the eye and then smiled as a truly wicked idea came to him. He leaned forward and whispered in his ear.

Angel's eyes went wide and he staggered backwards from the smirking human. He couldn't believe what Xander had told him. But it had to be true. How else would he know that?

"Um, perhaps we should take this discussion upstairs. There is no need for alarm; Xander's fine."

Xander nodded his head in thanks and headed upstairs. Who knew that Deadboy would scare so easily? All he had to do was whisper a few words in Gaelic, and Angel was putty in his hands.

The others followed behind as Xander made his way back to the lobby. He wasn't looking forward to the explanation, but didn't see any way of putting it off. It wasn't likely that Angel was going to drop the subject entirely. Once he was seated somewhat comfortably on the round sofa-thing, Xander took a deep breath and began.

"Okay, some of you know exactly what this is."

He looked pointedly at Angel and Wesley, then at Lorne who nodded his understanding, as well.

"So I don't need to explain it you. But the rest of you just see a vampire bite. Am I right?"

At the collective nods, Xander smiled slightly and continued.

"Alright, first off, let me tell you that I am not a happy-meal. Spike isn't feeding from me; he's my mate. We're bonded."

Xander looked at the faces of the people assembled. Lorne didn't seem bothered at all, Angel was still in shock, and Wes looked like he wanted to say something but was biting his tongue to remain silent. Connor looked at him with pure revulsion, and Fred merely looked curious. It was Willow's reaction he was worried about. She was the one he had to see everyday, after all.

"Wills? You're awfully quiet."

"I... I don't know what to say, Xander. I mean you disappear for months, then you come home and you won't talk about it, you avoid me like the plague, and now you're gay? And with Spike? What about Buffy?"

"Buffy has nothing to do with this. This is about me and Spike."

"Okay, fine. How did this happen? What the hell happened to you in two and half months that made you seek out Spike as a boyfriend?"

Xander just knew this was going to turn ugly if he didn't do something soon. He looked around and his eyes settled on the door to the office. He stood and headed for the door.

"Deadboy? Is it okay if Willow and I talk in private?"

"Fine. But I want a word with you alone, as well."

Xander smirked.

"Okay. But remember, I'm a married man now. No funny stuff."

Xander laughed at the look on Angel's face and headed into the office with Willow right behind him.

 

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