Quantum Xander

By JamesChick

Part 46

We’re back at the hotel. Angel offered to let us stay, but we declined. I didn't want to make this world’s Spike uncomfortable, not after he's finally showing signs of improvement - maybe. At least I hope he is.

Spike is being pretty quiet; right now he's listening to the CD player and writing in his book. I pretend that I don't know he has one; he pretends too. He seems to think that it isn't manly or something - having a journal. Maybe it's just too William-y for him. I don't know, but if it helps him, I'm all for it.

I haven't been tempted to read it. I don't think I'm ready to know what kind of things he's written in there. Most likely it's a retelling of his life with Riley. If he wanted me to know, he'd tell me himself. At least I hope he would.

I have some clue as to what he's been through; I can guess from his actions and reactions. And what he asked me to do to Riley? Well, let’s just say that I hope that was the worst thing he had ever had done, but I know it isn't. It's the worst thing that he felt he could ask me to do for him. I castrated the bastard and made him eat his own nuts. Me, Xander Harris, full-fledged scooby and all-around white hat. Guess my hat's not so white anymore now. Thing is, I'm not sure that I ever was a white hat. A grey hat maybe, but not white. I didn't join up with Buffy's little group of slayerettes to save the world. I did it because my best friend was killed by vampires and I wanted a little payback.

The fact that Willow stayed, that she wanted to help... That's why I stayed. Yeah, Buffy's pretty hot, and yeah I lusted after her but that wasn't enough for me to risk my life over. There were other pretty girls who could ignore me just as well, some better. I stayed because I couldn't let Willow do it alone; if I lost her too, my life would have been meaningless. And look how she repaid me.

So here I sit, after six years of slaying the bad guys, killing demons to protect the human population, with the blood of a human on my hands. Not literally, cause eeewww! Also, I think Spike did a thorough job licking them clean. But I have led a man to his death - A human man - to protect a demon, a vampire, my lover.

Angel did a fair bit of damage to Riley. He stuck something the size of my arm up the guy’s ass, electrocuted him, beat him, cut him, bit him, peeled the skin from his back and then had me piss on him. And that was just today’s torture session. I have no idea what's planned for tomorrow, he only told us to be there again at sunset.

I think, if it weren't for Spike - not mine, the other one - Angel would have kept on hurting Finn until he died from it. But as it was, Spike needed rest; he had spoken to Angel, called him sire. When Angel smiled at him, he smiled back. Then Angel kissed him. I was wigged out. I mean Angel and Spike? Okay yeah, Angelus and William I can see. But Angel and Spike hate each other - at least the ones back home do. Anyway, after the kiss, Angel went back to his torture and Spike and I watched. I helped out when I was asked - like the pissing thing, and the other Spike slowly slipped back into himself again. By the time Angel called it quits, there was nothing behind his glassy-eyed gaze. I hope it's a good place he escapes to, somewhere that makes him feel safe and happy.

I asked Spike about the kiss after we left. He said that the bond between sire and childe was stronger than a soul, stronger than hate and pain, longing and love. It was everything. He explained that in Spike's current state, he needed that bond, to be connected to his sire. That after everything he'd been through, the Initiative, the torture, losing his childe, that Angel was the only hope of ever bringing Spike back. Spike still thinks that Angel should stake him, or drain him, something. That he's too far-gone to save and death - final death - would be a mercy. I don't know; I just can't stand the idea of Spike being dust, but I don't like thinking of him spending eternity the way he is either. I don't envy Angel; I wouldn't want to have to be the one to make that choice.

I did something else I should tell you. I took revenge for myself as well. I pulled Riley's teeth out. With a pair of pliers and a bit of assistance from Angel - he held him still and kept his mouth open. It was petty and mean, I know. I don't regret it though. I actually feel pretty good about it. You wouldn't understand, but then again, it wasn't your lover who had this done to him. You didn't see Spike - in game face with no fangs - if you had, you might understand.

I kept his teeth. I'm not sure why though? I just... wanted them. Like a trophy I guess. Not sure what I was thinking there, I mean what am I gonna do with them? Make a necklace? Hmm, maybe yeah. I could have them cleaned up and holes drilled into them, give it to Spike as a gift. I can't present him with his heart - as would be a proper token of love to a vampire, but I can do this. Give him something to keep with him, a message that he endured, and Riley did not.

I wonder what my life is going to be like when I get back home? Will the gang accept the changes in me? Will they accept Spike as my lover? Yeah, I can just see that going over well. Especially Spike - the Spike back home that is. I'm sure he's gonna be real comfortable knowing that I've seen him naked, seen him hard, felt his mouth on me, heard him calling my name, screaming it in ecstasy. Yep, that'll go over really well.

Buffy's gonna be a problem, she won't understand the gay thing, let alone the Spike thing. And when she finds out what Riley was capable of? Not gonna be fun. Fuck! I wonder just what the hell did happen to Spike back home when the Initiative first had him? Did Finn touch him? I always felt there was more behind Spike's hatred of Riley than simple jealousy over Buffy. Fucking bastard! And to think I defended him, stuck up for him to Buffy when all the shit with her Mom was going down. God I feel sick.

The way we all treated Spike, like he was a parasite or something to be scraped off the bottom of our shoes, it was beyond cruel. He may be a vampire, but I know the real Spike now, not the bad ass that he shows the world, but the caring, loving, funny, feeling man that he is inside. You know, from the day he was turned he was never alone? There was always Angelus, Darla and Dru. Then Angel got cursed and left them. Darla followed suit not too long after. But Dru was still there, and as long as Spike had her to care for and protect, he wasn't alone. Then she left him. Can you imagine what that must have been like? A century with someone, then to find yourself abandoned and alone?

Then after what the Initiative did to him, taking away his ability to feed himself, leaving him to starve to death or depend on his enemies for survival? I'm surprised he didn't choose to die. He's a proud man - vampire - whatever. The fact that he could do it, put up with all of us constantly teasing him and making cutting remarks... It shows how strong he is. Or how lonely he is. Maybe both.

It's really sad if you think about it. That Spike could be so lonely that he'd hang about, put up with the constant belittling, not to mention the beatings, just so he wouldn't have to be alone. I mean, it's not like he couldn't leave Sunnydale. Plenty of places he could go in the world, but he stays. Why? My guess? Because we - the scoobies - are the closest things he has to friends, and that's just pathetic.

Xander closed his book and then watched his lover as he sat hunched over the small table in their room scribbling away in his book. He wondered how much - if any - Riley's torture helped him. Did it make him feel better? Safer? In this world, yeah, maybe. But what about the next place? Was he going to have to do this every time they came across Riley Finn? Would it make a difference in the long run? Xander sighed; he had too many unanswerable questions running around inside his head. He was confused, tired and in need of a hot bath.

With a quick kiss to the top of his lover's head, Xander entered the bathroom and began filling the tub with hot water. When it was about halfway full he stripped off his clothes and climbed into the tub. Lying back with his eyes closed, he didn't see Spike enter the room and stand watching him from the doorway.

When the water level reached the top of his chest, Xander sat up and turned off the taps. He jumped in alarm when he saw Spike standing there watching him.

"Spike? What're you doing?"

"Admiring the view, pet. What else?"

Xander held out a hand to the vampire and smiled as Spike hurriedly undressed and joined him in the tub. Resting his head on Xander's chest, Spike closed his eyes and relaxed. This was nice.

"I wanted to thank you, luv."

"For what?"

"For today. For telling Angel, for taking me there, for making that bastard hurt. I know that it couldn't have been easy for you, he is human after all, and I just wanted to thank you for doing it."

Xander sighed and dropped a kiss to Spike's head.

"See, that's the thing. It was easy. I didn't ever consider not doing it. He hurt you, and yeah okay maybe it wasn't that Riley that did those things to you, but he did them to that Spike and that's enough of a reason. I only wish I could have done this to the one back in your reality. I love you, I would do anything to make your pain better."

"You did, luv. You did."

The pair fell silent, enjoying the feel of the hot water on their skin, the pleasure of being together and the love they felt for one another. It had been a long, emotionally draining day.

Eventually they drained the water from the tub, dried off and curled up together under the blankets. Sleep would not be long for either man, both were worn out on a mental and a physical level. Tomorrow was going to be another long day, filled with torture, revenge, and hopefully - for a couple of mentally fragile vampires - some much needed healing.

Part 47

Tonight was good. Woke up with my Xan cuddled in my arms, all warm and toasty, had a little while to just lay there and enjoy the feeling without worrying about being a ponce. Then we went over the hotel to start in on day two of torturing the soldier git. A fun time was had by all. God, my pet bloody amazes me! For a white hat, he has some wickedly cruel ideas in his head. Hells, even Angelus was impressed by him. And that's saying quite a bit; my sire doesn't impress easily.

Xander never even balked once throughout the whole thing. Not when Angelus poured acid on Finn or when he pulled off his fingernails, not even when he rammed the hot poker up his ass. Hells, even I was a bit nauseated by the smell of that; burnt flesh and excrement, not a nice aroma. The boy seems to have a particular fondness for pulling Finn's teeth. I think he's got all of them now. Kept them too. Don't know why, souvenirs I guess. Like that about him, sentimental fool.

I guess I’ve been avoiding the real issue here though. Threw me for a fucking loop, what happened tonight. Angel- Angelus more likely - slit the bastard’s wrists and let that other Spike and I drain him. Dead as a fucking post. Not for long though, he turned him. By tomorrow night, Finn'll wake up with a demon in him. But that's not the best part, oh no. Angel is gonna give the bastard his soul back.

So yeah, I'm thinking he's coming dangerously close to losing himself here. I mean, I understand the reasoning behind it, but he could be in serious jeopardy of losing his redemption, his promise of mortality. I wonder if I should stop him, make him stake the bastard and get on with his unlife. Bloody Finn shouldn't get to have that kind of power over him, be allowed to screw with his redemption; he isn't worth it.

And why am I sitting here brooding over Angel? Good question, that. Wish I knew. Seeing him though, the way he is with my double... It stirs up a longing in me, one I thought was long dead and buried. I miss the days when my Angelus was my world. He was everything to me back then: my father, my lover, my God. Then those fucking Gypsies took him from me. I thought I had gotten past all that, that I hated the fucker now. Guess not as much as I thought.

I never knew how much of my sire is still in there, hiding behind the soul and the guilt. He's still there though, just buried beneath the surface. I wonder what happened to my Angel, if he's okay. I hope so, God I hope so. Just the thought of him at the mercy of the Initiative... No. Buffy stills loves Angel, she'd never let that happen. At least I hope not.

Maybe I should ask Xander to talk to Angel. Get him to make the blighter understand the concept of enough is enough. Spike'll be okay I think, given enough time and encouragement. He tasted Finn's death, same as I. Nothing more can be gotten from dragging this out. Angel would be better served concentrating on getting him better than continuing his plans for revenge. Yeah, I'll get my Xan to talk to him. Maybe we both should.

My pet's sleeping; bloody worn out, he is. Not surprising though, it's been a hell of a couple days here. Torturing someone can really wear you out. Not to mention that I wasn't exactly gentle with him once we got home. I have to remember that the boy's only human, can't fuck him like that too often or I'll likely kill him. But, bloody hell what a shag that was!

I haven't felt this much like my old self in years. Not since I became the property of the US military. Amazing what a little revenge can do for you, even when it's just revenge by proxy. Christ it felt good though, telling Angelus and my pet what to do to him and having it done. Like having minions again, not that I'd ever tell Angel that - likely to earn myself a good beating if I ever did. Never call my boy that either; if I could turn him, he'd be a childe - my first - not a minion, never that. Not that there's even a point to thinking about turning Xan, with this fucking chip in my head.

‘Course that brings me to wonder just what the hell's gonna happen to us. He's human, supposed to be my food or a vessel to house a demon should he be worthy of turning. I'm a vampire - a demon for fuck’s sake. I'm not supposed to fall in love with a human. Did though, didn't I? So now what? I mean, if I turn him - if I ever get this chip out - he won't be the man I fell in love with, the man who risked his life to save mine, the man who stood bloody and smiling at me after cutting soldier boy's nads off. The man who looked at me with such love and longing as I slowly slid his length inside myself. That's the man I fell in love with, the one I want for eternity. A demon with Xander's face just wouldn't be the same. It's so bloody frustrating! Demons just weren't meant to love humans. Unless you have a soul that is; then you fall for little blonde girls with super strength. Look how well that turned out for the old poof. She's still shagging psychos and he's brooding in L.A. See? Demons and humans just don't work. It's against the laws of nature, against the rules of society or something. Then again, when did I ever follow the rules?

Spike closed his book as Xander began to stir in his sleep. With a gentle smile that really didn't belong on the face of a soulless demon, Spike crawled back into bed and pulled his lover into his arms. Xander sighed happily in his sleep and snuggled closer into the embrace. Spike pressed a soft kiss to his face and began a light, rumbling purr deep in his chest. He drifted off to the sound of his own contentment.

Back at the hotel, Angel watched as his childe sat up in his bed, blue eyes glassy with unshed tears. He could smell the desperation and pain on his childe and wanted nothing more than to make him better. Slowly - so as not to startle him - Angel made his way into the room and joined his childe in the large bed.

A single tear rolled down the blonde's face and the older vampire caught it with his finger and brought it to his mouth. He licked the tear away and gently pulled the smaller man into his arms.

"If I could take your pain, childe I would do it without hesitation."

The sobs broke free and Spike curled into his sire's embrace. He cried out his anguish and pain, he cried for all the times he couldn't bring himself to do so in the past. He cried because he had lost his childe, and finally he cried because he knew that he was finally safe. That it was over now, that his Xander had brought him here - to the safety of his sire - at the cost of his own unlife.

At first he had thought he had truly gone mad, seeing an older human version of his beloved childe, seeing him standing there with William, the human he had once been. But it didn't make sense, why would his soul and that of his childe's be there in the first place? Then seeing Riley, remembering that Angelus had told him he was there, that he was going to be a part of his torture and death.

He could remember now, every scream, every moan of pain. He knew the scent of Riley's fear, the sound of his begging, the taste of his blood. He knew the taste of his death. That had been what finally allowed him to come back to the real world. Knowing that he would never be hurt by that bastard again, that his sire cared that much for him, even with his soul. He still craved death - oblivion - but perhaps now he could find a way to ask for it, to be at peace, maybe find his beloved childe in the next life.

"Sire… Angel."

"Will? I'm here. Will. I'm here, everything will be okay now."

Spike shuddered and then opened his eyes. Crystal blue eyes shining with pain and loss looked into deep brown eyes that were filled with hope. Spike took an unneeded breath and forced himself to speak.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, childe. I would do anything to make it better."

"Would you? Really?"

Spike sounded so hopeful, Angel could have wept for the pain he had caused him in the past, the betrayal that put that tone of wonderment in his voice, as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Anything, Will."

"Kill me. Please sire, I don't want to go on. I can't live like this; I'm tired, sire. Let me join my Xander."

"Oh God, Will. Please don't ask me to do this."

Angel's arms tightened around his childe and he felt his demon screaming inside.

"I don't know if I'm strong enough to let you go childe. I don't think I can do it."

"My life is yours sire. Yours to give and yours to take. Take it, please?"

"Let me think on it. Sleep Will, I'll give you my decision tonight."

Angel kissed his childe deeply and then laid them both down on the bed. He spooned behind the smaller man and held him tightly, knowing that this could very well be the last time he felt his childe's body pressed against him, the last time he smelled his childe's scent. Sleep would not come for Angel this day.

Part 48

Middle of the afternoon and Xander found himself in the very pleasant position of waking up to a wet suction on his cock. He cracked open one bleary eye and took in the sight of his lover's brunette head as it raised and lowered on his throbbing shaft.
"God, what a way to wake up."

He felt more than heard the vampire chuckle, the sensation dragging a moan from his throat. He could still hardly believe how much his life had changed in such a short time. A few months ago, if someone told him he would be in love with Spike - from any dimension - he would have first laughed his ass off and then had them tested for signs of possession. The fact that he had this beautiful man - vampire - practically worshipping his body right now, was beyond what his rational mind could take.

Spike released Xander's cock with a wet slurping sound and sat back on his heels to appreciate the view. Xander was magnificent in all his naked glory. Tanned skin over taut muscle, a light sprinkling of dark silky hair covered his body - thick in all the right places, beautiful brown eyes full of love and desire, a thick, long cock that just begged to be touched, licked, sucked upon, straddled.

Spike considered that idea for a minute; he had thoroughly enjoyed the sensation of having his lover inside him. He wasn't quite sure if he was ready to give over control to him just yet but he thought he might like to take another go at riding him. Xander seemed to know what he was thinking as he handing over the lube with a look of absolute lust and longing on his face.

With no hesitation, Spike slicked his fingers and began to hurriedly stretch himself. When he was sure that he could take Xander with a minimum of discomfort, he applied the cold gel to Xander's hot flesh and slid astride him. Looking into eyes darkened with desire, Spike slowly sank down until he was completely filled.

Xander groaned and reached out blindly for Spike. He felt the vampire take his hands and place them on his hips as he began a slow undulation that had him gripping his lover almost painfully in a bid to hold onto his control.

"You feel so good, luv. So hot and hard inside me, I could ride you for hours."

"N-not gonna l-last that long."

Spike chuckled and began to raise himself up before slowly sinking back down. He repeated the movement several times before speaking again.

"We need to go see Angel today."

"Wha... huh? You want to talk about Angel? Now?"

Xander could barely think, let alone carry on a conversation, and Spike wanted to talk about Angel?

"What? Can't shag and talk at the same time? This a human limitation? Or just that I'm too damn good a shag for you to concentrate on anything else?"

Spike had that look, the 'smug smarmy bastard' look. Xander decided to try and focus on conversing with him. Better than letting him know that yes, indeed, he was too damn good a shag to concentrate on anything else.

"Er, Angel? Talk, why?"

A deep rumbling laugh and Spike smiled before clamping his internal muscles around Xander's shaft in an almost painful grip. Xander groaned and his eyes rolled back in his head.

"I've been thinking about his redemption, his need for vengeance is going to screw it all up. We have to make him see that, make him end this thing with Finn."

Xander thought about what Spike said, knew he was right and nodded his head.

"We'll do that, make him understand. But first can we just..."

Xander trailed off as Spike smirked at him and slammed himself down on his cock. There were no more words spoken, the only sounds were of harsh breathing, moans, groans and the sounds of flesh on flesh.

While Xander and Spike were making love, Angel was sitting in his office thinking about the decision he had to make. His childe had asked for help; no matter what the request, he was honour-bound to fulfil it. The problem was, he didn't want to. If he was perfectly honest with himself, he would admit that he was afraid. Afraid of being alone, of losing the one person who truly knew and understood what he was. He had given up everything to help Spike - his friends, his purpose, his redemption. He had thought that he would be able to bring Spike back, restore him to the vampire he once was. That they could rebuild the relationship they had once shared, on equal footing this time around; partners.

Now, all his hopes and fantasies were shattered. If he did as he was asked, he would lose his childe. If he didn't, if he refused, Spike would resent him, and he would lose his childe. Or he would find a way to do it himself, and still, he would lose his childe.

Angel refilled the tumbler in his hand with the remains of the bottle of whiskey that he had opened early in the morning hours. He brought the glass to his lips and drank as he realised he had no choice. He would do what Spike had asked; he would give him his peace. At least this way, he would get to hold Spike again, feel him in his arms and his veins one last time.

Angel drained the glass and then picked up the bundle of spell components he had on his desk and made his way down to the parking garage. He stopped and looked at Riley, noticing that although the demon was in full possession of the body, he had yet to move or even open his eyes. In fact, as Angel got closer and closer, the new vampire tried to appear stiller and more lifeless.

Angel ignored him completely and set up the spell. He didn't even look over to see if the demon realised what was happening until he had belted out the last line of the curse. Then he looked; he looked and watched with satisfaction as his eyes flew open and the flames appeared in his irises.

Knowing that the curse had worked, that Finn's soul had been restored, Angel smiled and went back upstairs to his childe. Stripping out of his clothes he climbed into the bed and pulled Spike into his arms. He kissed the top of his blonde head and began to purr deep in his chest. He wanted his childe's last hours to be peaceful.

Spike and Xander arrived at the Hyperion just after dusk. They had meant to come earlier but between the sex, the shower and then the sex again, they hadn't made it. Plus they had had to stop for something to eat, and to get Spike some blood as well. Now that they were there, they wished they would have made it earlier, maybe they could have made sense out of what they were seeing.

What they were seeing was an obviously intoxicated Angel - in full vamp mode - destroying the lobby of his hotel and making this high-pitched keening sound. Xander looked at Spike for an answer but only received a wary look and a shrug of the shoulders. It didn't make him feel any better. In fact, he was thinking that turning around and leaving would be a very good idea. Unfortunately, Angel realised they were there before Xander got the chance to put his plan in motion.

Spike barely had the opportunity to brace himself before he found himself holding two hundred and fifty pounds of sobbing master vampire. He instinctively began petting him and purring. It was what he'd done when Dru was having a bad spell, it had always worked with her and it looked to be helping with Angel as well.

Xander stood in shocked silence as his lover lowered himself and the older vampire to the floor, all the while continuing to caress and soothe him. He didn't know what was going on, but he knew it wasn't good. He also knew better than to approach them at this time.

"Angelus, er Angel? What's wrong luv?"

Spike had never - never - seen his sire like this. Frankly it scared him.

"Gone. My beautiful Will, gone."

Spike tightened his arms around the older vampire and just held him. His double was gone. That explained everything, to lose a childe was hard, probably more so for Angel, his soul would cause him to feel pain as well as his demon.

"What happened? Can you tell me?"

Angel shook his head and continued to sob into Spike's chest. Spike motioned for Xander to bring the bottle of whiskey that was sitting on the floor a few feet away. Xander did so and was just backing away when Angel reached out - faster than either Spike or Xander had expected - and grabbed him. Spike tensed and began to growl possessively but then stopped as Angel merely pulled Xander into his arms and held him as he was being held by Spike.

The three men passed the bottle between them, sharing in the grief and pain of the older vampire. Eventually Angel told them about Spike's request for an end to it all. Then he told him what he had done to give him that final peace.

"I drained him, it was gentle. He was gone before the stake entered his chest."

Angel cried and clung harder to the warm body in his lap. He needed the contact, the feeling of warmth that Xander gave him. He was grateful to this human, for giving him back his childe, even if it was only for a few days. Spike waited until Angel had quieted again before he spoke.

"Sounds to me like you did what he wanted. You didn't live through it, I did. If he said he couldn't go on, trust me, he couldn't."

Xander shivered and gladly accepted the bottle when Angel pressed it into his hands. The thought of no Spike made him think about how close his Spike had come to wanting death. It was a thought that scared the bejesus out of him.

"I can still feel him, in here."

Angel pointed to his chest where his unbeating heart was breaking in loss. Spike looked at his lover, looked at Angel and then sighed. This would be so much easier if Xander was a vampire, and Angel didn't have a soul. Taking a risk that he wasn't out of line, Spike lifted Angel's head and looked into his eyes before leaning forward and pressing his lips to his sire's.

Xander watched as Spike kissed Angel; he should have been jealous, he should have been furious, he wasn't. He understood that this was about comfort, about blood ties that were strong enough to survive a century of pain and hatred, that were strong enough to be felt across dimensions. He made an effort to withdraw, to give the two some privacy when two sets of yellow eyes fixed on him and he was held in place by both Angel and his lover.

"Xan? You okay with this?"

Xander nodded and sighed in relief as Spike leaned and kissed him. He felt himself being drawn away from Spike by Angel and expected to see the older vampire claim his lover's lips once again. He was stunned when Angel kissed him instead.

Part 49

Oh my God! I had sex with Angel! Angel!!!! What was I thinking? I'll tell you, I wasn't thinking. That's always been my problem, I don't think. That's why I'm the guy who gets strangled as foreplay, the guy who gets thralled by vampires, chosen to fertilise a giant bug lady's eggs. I thought I said NO MORE BUTT MONKEY! I know I did, so what? The fates ignore me again? One more crappy thing to dump on Xander. Oh my God! I had sex with Angel!

Okay, panic attack dealt with. Babbling under control. I had sex with Angel, but that's okay because no one knows. We'll shift out of here and the only one who'll know is Spike. Spike, who watched as Angel took me, who stroked himself while watching as Angel fucked me. Spike who kissed me and told me how hot it was, watching us together. Spike who I'm in love with, who says he loves me but watched me get fucked by someone else.

All right, in all fairness it's not like I was the only one. Spike had sex with Angel too - and yeah, I watched, and it was hot. It was... primal. Like watching a cross between the best porn ever and the discovery channel. I mean, wow. They were so... I don't have the words.

Then of course, there was the free-for-all where I found myself wedged between two vampires - not a bad place to be. I will so die of embarrassment if anyone sees this. I wasn't even going to write it down but I had to. If I'm going to keep an honest record of my little "adventure" I should include the life-altering things that happen. I'll just make sure this never gets read - by anyone!

It was the first time I've been in control with Spike, inside him and being able to do whatever I want to him. Of course, having Angel in me at the same time made it different than I had fantasized about. Not bad, just different.

It was sex. Not love. Angel was hurting, simple as that. I don't know a lot about demons - vampires - but I understood what last night was about. It was Spike's way of offering comfort to his sire. I don't know what my reasons were. Too much whiskey and an overwhelming sense of loss? Knowing that it could easily have been my Spike that was pushed so far he didn't want to come back?

Maybe. But is that enough? Is Angel making Finn pay for what he'd done enough to make me forget two weeks in a hell dimension? Is seeing Spike drain the life from his worthless hide enough to forgive Angel for the horrors I witnessed? I don't know. After what happened to Willow in that place, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him, but it wasn't him though. It was Angelus. Angelus who gave me the opportunity to avenge my lover, Angelus who was howling his grief over his childe in my lover's arms.

I'm so fucking confused. I want to hold onto my anger at him. I do. But I'm so tired of holding a grudge. He's a demon - and not a very stable one at that - it's what they do. After a century of being locked up by a soul, having a conscience, what would you expect though?

I have to wonder though, what happened in that world? It seems to me that my decisions have had a bearing on the different realities I've been to. If that's true, then what did I do that let Angelus finish the ritual? Did I talk Buffy out of going after him? Did I delay her in some way so that she was late? Maybe when I jumped out of the bush at her she hit me and knocked me out, then had to call an ambulance to come and get me? Maybe I never brought her back to life after the Master and it was Kendra or Faith who had to go up against Angelus when he was trying to open Acathla.

So, in that context, it was my fault that that he succeeded. My fault that the world was sucked into hell. My fault that all those people... That Willow... God! It was my fault. Everything, my fault. Spike. Oh God, Spike was my fault! If I had been there, not in L.A. with Angel and Wes, he wouldn't have been recaptured. He would have been safe. And here, I was a vampire - turned by Spike - so again, no cosy basement to hide out in, no scoobies to take him in. They wouldn't, not if he had turned me - defenceless or not, Buffy wouldn't have helped him. How the hell did I get turned anyway? What did I do in this reality that made me a vampire?

Now I understand the depth of the curse. I hope Anya is happy, I couldn't be more miserable. It's all my fault; how many people have been made to suffer because of my actions? Or inaction? Jesus Christ, how many more horrors do I have to endure before she's satisfied that I've suffered enough?

I'm sorry Anya! I'm so, so, sorry. I never meant to hurt you, please make this stop. I want to go home, please. I just want to go home

Xander closed his book, lay down on the bed and let the tears fall. He hadn't cried like this in a very long time and he found that once he started, he couldn't stop. He was glad Spike wasn't here to see it. He couldn't face him right now, not after figuring out that this was all his fault.

---

Spike stood in front of the newly souled vampire and smirked. He had finally convinced Angel that he needed to let this go, to get back on track with his life and his mission. Xander had been a big help there, convincing him that his co-workers would come back, that if he explained to them what had happened - leaving out the torture of course - they would understand.

So now Spike had the pleasure of giving Riley his final death. He just couldn't decide how he wanted to do it - other than painfully of course. The table was still set up, the various torture implements in place. Of course, he could just leave him to starve; even if he let him go, he was defenceless.

Being turned with no teeth or finger nails, meant no fangs or claws. In fact the only thing Finn had going for him now was added strength, and being a minion, it wasn't much. He considered stuffing him in a trunk and having him delivered to the slayer, but it would only come back on Angel and he was in enough pain as it was.

"Hmm, not sure what I want to do with you yet. Tell me, how does it feel to be neutered? In every sense? Didn't you ask me that once or twice?"

Spike chuckled nastily at the glaring yellow eyes as Finn's demon made its presence known.

"See, thing is, mine grew back. Both bollocks and fangs; you? Well, you wouldn't survive long enough for it to happen even if they could. Turned without means you stay without. Think your little slayer would want you now? Knowing that you're a demon, an impotent one at that?"

Spike morphed into game face and growled in the fledgling's face.

"Stupid, stupid boy. You have no idea what you messed with, do you. Thought you could get away with it, that no one would care what happened to a demon. You thought wrong."

Carefully lifting one of the newer additions to the table of torture - a squirt gun filled with holy water - Spike walked closer to Riley and aimed the plastic gun at the soldier's face before pulling the trigger.

Riley screamed as the water burned into his skin like acid. He felt the droplets land on his chest and run down. It was agonising. Panic gripped him as he opened his eyes and saw the gun was now aimed at his groin. He shook his head frantically, hoping - praying that he wouldn't pull the trigger, knowing that it was futile, that his life was forfeit.

Spike snickered and lowered the muzzle of the gun. He watched as relief followed by suspicion flooded Riley's features. Then he took aim again and fired. And fired, and fired, and fired. By the time the gun was empty, there was nothing left of Riley's groin, his legs were covered in burns - clear to the bone in places.

"Be lucky I didn't have a hose handy, otherwise... well you remember don't ya? How I screamed, how I pleaded and begged? You remember how you made me suck you in order to stop it? Do you?"

Riley made no move to answer. Spike grabbed him by the throat and smashed his head against the wall.

"Answer the question - when I ask you something, you will answer!"

"Yeeeessss! I remember."

That earned Riley a backhand to the face so hard that it shattered his jaw. Spike was still disgusted by the memories of how this pathetic little pissant had broken him. Sure he had been helpless to defend himself, thanks to a nifty little piece of metal in his head... which gave Spike an idea.

As the former-blonde demon searched for something suitable to carry out his plan, Riley tried to recall everything he had ever done to the blonde version of this vampire. He cringed at some of the memories, knowing full well that he would likely experience them firsthand now, wondering if there was any way to escape the torture before he died.

Spike turned around - a maniacal grin on his face - and showed the helpless fledge what he held in his hand. It was a small surgical saw, an electric one at that. In his other hand was a jagged piece of sheet metal, not much larger than a quarter. Seems Angel - or possibly Xander had planned for this as well.

For the next few minutes the only sounds were of the saw's low buzzing and Riley's screaming as Spike sawed through his skull and then painfully shoved the metal deep into his exposed brain.

Spike stood back, satisfied that he had made that as painful as possible for the ex-soldier. He remembered well, the pain he felt when they had cut his head open to install the chip. He made sure this was worse. He didn't have the time to repay every painful, humiliating torture that he had endured, so he made sure the ones he did perform were as nasty as he could make them.

"Only a shame that I can't give you the pleasure of the chip going off. Nice piece of work, that; can't even step on a human's toes accidentally without a fucking migraine. But don't you worry, I've come up with something close to what it feels like."

That said, Spike drove a rusty spike through Riley's left eye. He pulled it back out with a wet sucking sound and then repeated the process, shoving the now bloodied and dripping spike into the right eye socket as well.

He left the spike deeply embedded in Riley's eye and withdrew a stake from his pocket.

"Well, it's been fun and all that, wish I had time to do this proper but my Xander is waiting for me, and given the choice between spending time with you or him, he wins."

Riley disappeared in a shower of ash and Spike walked away. He nodded once to his sire on the way out of the hotel and climbed onto the bike. He was looking forward to getting back to the hotel and Xander; hopefully he could persuade him to join him in the shower.

Part 50

There was something wrong with Xander. Spike knew the instant he entered their room that he had been crying; he could smell the salt in the air. Figuring that this whole dimensional travel gig was just getting to the boy, he decided to leave off and let Xander have the illusion of privacy. If his lover didn't want him to know he'd been crying, he'd pretend he didn't know. After all, Xander played the game for him from time to time.

Hoping to cheer him up somewhat, Spike stripped off his jacket and outer shirt. He toed off his sneakers - still not believing he actually owned a pair - and peeled off his socks. In nothing but his soft blue denims, he crawled onto the bed and lay down beside the television-watching human.

"Whatcha watchin' pet?"

Xander started at the sound of Spike's voice. He hadn't realised that Spike was back already. Struggling to get himself under control and not burst out in tears and beg the vampire to forgive him, Xander gave Spike a small sad smile.

"Everything go okay? You dust that asshole?"

Spike grinned and then sat up on the bed. He was practically bouncing as he told Xander the details of what he had spent the afternoon doing. He couldn't help but feel a little grateful to Angel for turning and then souling him, it let him get his hands dirty, so to speak, and give back some of the pain that he had been forced to endure. Xander smiled as he saw that Spike was actually happy, that he was more like the "big bad Spike" from back home.

"I'm glad you had fun. Did it... Does it make it better?"

"Bloody hell yes! I feel like a new man! Er, vampire. Christ love, I haven't felt this bloody good since before I tried to bite that little redhead and realised I was... damaged."

"Again with the me being happy for you, but you need to shower; I don't know how you didn't get stopped on the way here, you have blood on your face and your hands."

Spike looked down at his hands and realised Xander was right. He shrugged and then put on his best leer.

"Care to come wash my back Xan? Or something a bit lower, whatever you fancy."

Xander couldn't help but smile at the obvious innuendo. He wanted to, he just felt horribly guilty and wasn't sure if he deserved to touch Spike that way again.

"I... Um, well..."

"Come on love, not taking no for an answer. I'm a very... dirty boy."

Again with the leer and Xander finally broke, a smile lit his face and Spike kissed him before dragging him into the bathroom and undressing them both.

Spike was in heaven, hot water on his back, Xander on his knees before him, wet, warm suction on his cock. There was nowhere he'd rather be. He closed his eyes and gently tangled the fingers of one hand into his lover's damp hair.

"Christ, luv. You feel so fucking good."

Xander grinned slightly around his mouthful of vampire. He continued to suck on Spike's cock as he reached one hand down between his own legs and began to stroke himself off as well. The noises coming from the vampire were making him so very hot, and he desperately needed to cum.

Spike opened his eyes and looked down at Xander. His eyes were closed but he had such a look of contentment on his face as he bobbed his head up and down, like he was exactly where he wanted to be, doing exactly what he wanted to do. Spike looked lower and saw what Xander's hand was up to and groaned at the sight.

There was nothing hotter than watching his boy jerk himself off while giving him a blow-job. The very idea that Xander was enjoying this so much that he had to touch himself made Spike lose what little control he still had. His demon roared to the surface and he tore through his lower lip as he thrust into his boy's sweet mouth and came with an ear-splitting howl. He felt Xander swallow around him and then tense as his own orgasm ripped through him.

Xander vaguely remembered being pulled to his feet, kissed soundly and spun into the wall before Spike plastered himself against his back and began kissing and nibbling his throat. He moaned at the sensation and felt himself begin to harden once more. He spread his legs and thrust his ass back in invitation.

Spike frantically searched for something - anything - that could double as lube. Settling on the shower gel, he flipped open the cap and squeezed some onto the small of Xander's back. After setting the bottle down on the side of the tub, he ran his fingers through the small pool of soap and began to gently push first one and then two into his lover's body.

Xander pushed back against the invading digits, eager to feel more, needing to be filled by Spike, to feel him as deep inside as he could get. He panted as a third finger slid in beside the previous two and began to pump in forcefully.

"Spike. Now, please now. Need you in me."

"Shh, luv. Just another minute, don't want to hurt you."

Xander sobbed in frustration as Spike denied him his request, he was ready - more than ready - and he needed this so badly. He didn't even realise he had been chanting 'please, now, please' over and over until Spike finally withdrew his fingers and whispered in his ear.

"Okay. Relax luv, you got me."

And then Spike was pushing inside and Xander was pushing back against him. They were finally joined and Xander could have wept, he never wanted to lose this - the feel of his lover's cool skin against him, hard cock inside him - possessing him, soft lips brushing over the nape of his neck.

"God, Spike. Love you."

"Love you too, Xander."

And then they were moving, long slow strokes that made Xander shudder. Spike's hands were holding him steady, one on his hip and the other one tracing circles on his chest, absently pinching a nipple every once in a while, before trailing down to stroke his hard cock.

Xander came first, his muscles tightening and dragging Spike's climax out of him. They rested against the cool tiles for minutes before finally rinsing off and exiting the shower.

Dry, sated and exhausted they tumbled into bed and curled around each other to sleep. Xander still felt the guilt of his earlier revelation, he felt awful about what Spike had gone through, knowing that in some way it was his fault. He only hoped as he drifted off that he wouldn't have nightmares.

Spike watched as Xander closed his eyes and drifted off. He was more than a bit worried about his boy. He had seemed so... desperate earlier. As flattering as it was to have someone so eager, so needy to be filled by him, it wasn't normal behaviour for Xander. He wasn't sure what had set him off. Perhaps it was the whole 'sex with the sire' thing. Humans could be so weird about physical relationships.

Just as Spike was relaxing into sleep - having decided to talk to Xander about the sex-with-Angel issue tomorrow, he felt his lover's body tense. Xander hadn't had a nightmare in awhile now, not since before the reality where Xander was a vampire and Dru's childe. He had hoped his lover was past the terrors he had witnessed and endured in that demon dimension.

"No! Spike, God no, I'm so sorry."

Xander was sitting up in bed, his eyes wide and unseeing, still caught in the horrible images of his nightmare. He could see Spike, flayed and screaming as soldiers surrounded him. He watched as one of them buried a stake into his shoulder and then turned toward him. It was his face; he was one of them.

"My fault. All my fault."

Tears were streaming down his face and Spike was holding him, petting him gently trying to wake him without scaring him further. He hadn't seen Xander like this before. This was worse than the dreams he'd suffered from when they had first met up.

Eventually Xander came back to himself and sobbed in relief. He let Spike hold him until his tears finally tapered off and his chest stopped heaving. He soaked in the comfort being given, knowing that he didn't deserve it.

"Shh, pet. Spike's here, everything'll be all right. Nothing's gonna hurt you."

"Sorry, so sorry. My fault. All my fault."

Spike started to purr and wrapped himself around his lover. Xander relaxed into the embrace and held on to Spike as tightly as he could. Sleep eventually claimed him again, and he was met with the images of his lover's brutal torture - by his hands - once again.

Part 51

Well luv, we've been here a couple of days now and I still don't know what's going on. You won't talk to me and I'm starting to get a bit worried. I wish you would tell me what's eating you up inside; I can't help you if you don't talk to me.

After you got back from the poof's yesterday, you seemed okay. Told me how they were all normal, working at their little detective agency. That Angel was his usual uptight self with you.

What does it mean, love? Are we back in your reality? If so, why are we still in L.A.? I don't fancy the idea of going back to the hellmouth anytime soon, but it seems to me that we won't learn anything sticking around here. Why don't you wanna go home?

Your nightmares are getting worse, Xan. You wake up screaming every time you fall asleep. I don't know what's going on for sure but I have my suspicions. You keep telling me that you're sorry, that it's all your fault. It isn't. Whatever it is you think you've done, it's not your fault, love.

You saved me, you took me away from that hellish existence; you loved me, you gave me back my pride, my sanity, my unlife. I owe you so much more than I can ever repay you for. I love you, pet. I just wish you would tell me what was wrong.

If it's me, something I've done, I'll fix it if I can. Is it because of Angel? Because we shagged him? Do you think I love you any less because of it? I told you I didn't. We talked about this yesterday, you said you understood. Did you, or were you just humouring me? Won't shag anyone else for any reason if you don't want me to. I was only trying to help Angelus; I'm still his childe no matter what reality.

Bloody hell! This is so damn frustrating. I don't do patience well, you know this. I'm trying, you know. Trying to give you time, to let you deal with this but it's not in my nature. You. Are. Mine. And I protect what's mine. I can't protect you from your own thoughts, your own conscience. Damn it Xander, I wish you would talk to me.

Spike closed his book and crawled back into bed as Xander began to moan and whimper in his sleep. He had no idea how much longer they could go on like this, the boy's dreams were practically killing him. He was always tired, had little to no appetite and other than cuddling after a bad dream, they barely touched each other. In short, it was making Spike crazy.

"Xander, wake up, luv."

The body in his arms stirred and one blood-shot brown eye looked up at him. He gently stroked his fingers through soft dark hair and then leaned down to press a kiss on Xander's furrowed brow.

"We need to talk luv. These nightmares of yours aren't going away, and I want to know what started them."

"I-I can't."

Xander rolled away from Spike and tried to get out of the bed. Spike - frustrated by his lover's stubborn behaviour - pounced on him and pinned him to the mattress. He leaned down until they were nose to nose and growled softly.

"I said, I want to know what started them. Talk to me pet, I'm not letting you up until you do."

Xander took a deep breath and then closed his eyes; the nightmare images flashed through his mind and he shuddered. A lone tear slid down the side of his face and into his ear. He opened his eyes and looked at the worried face of his lover and sighed.

"It's my fault, all of this."

"Well, technically it's that ex-bird of yours' fault. She's the one who cursed you."

"No, not that. What happened to you. It's my fault."

Spike sat up and then helped Xander up as well. After making himself comfortable against the headboard he pulled Xander to sit between his legs and rested his head on his chest.

"Okay, explain."

Xander told him his theory, how every place he had been to was an example of what might have happened if he had made different choices in his life, or had been given the chance to make a different choice - like being bi instead of straight.

Spike listened and waited until Xander was finished talking before he gently turned him around in his arms and held him close again. He kissed the top of his head and then tilted Xander's face up so he could look him in the eye.

"Right then. So you figure that my being captured by the Initiative is your fault. That what Finn and his boys did to me is your fault. That you are single-handedly responsible for me? Bullshit. You weren't in Sunnyhell, so what. I was the one who came back there on a mission of revenge. I was the one who was stupid enough to get captured in the first place, not to mention dumb enough to stick around after I escaped the first time. I could have gone to Angel, Xander. He's my sire, he would have taken me in."

Spike looked into Xander's eyes and tried to make him see the truth. He saw the tears well up in those dark chocolate-brown eyes and wiped them away as they fell.

"Not your fault love, I don't blame you. I never will. Let it go, hey? Let it go and just be with me again. I miss the sound of your laughter, Xander. I miss the feel of you touching me. Not your fault love, let it go."

Xander grabbed on to the vampire and buried his head into the cool surface of his shoulder. He couldn't make the tears stop, but this time at least they were tears of happiness. He couldn't believe how easy it had been to tell Spike what was bothering him, how easily his lover had made him feel better.

"I should have told you sooner. I'm sorry."

"Yes, you should have. No more secrets, luv. We have to be honest, at least with each other."

"Okay."

Spike got up off the bed and pulled Xander to his feet.

"Get dressed. We're going to get you fed and then we're off to the hellmouth."

"Wha... huh?"

Spike chuckled and tossed Xander his shirt before starting to pack their things.

"Sunnydale, luv. You said that Peaches was the same as you remember from your world, so I figured we should check out what the cartoon gang is like."

"Oh, okay."

Xander was still a bit confused but he got dressed and followed behind Spike as they picked up their bags and left the hotel. A quick stop at the local diner and they were on the highway, headed back to Sunnydale.

It was dark by the time they arrived in town; Spike looked at the welcome sign and pouted. He really missed his car sometimes. But then, it would be bloody difficult to get the DeSoto out of a hotel room after a shift. The bike was portable that way.

"Well, pet. Where should we start?"

"Probably best to start with you, er, Spike. Aw, hell. Just go to the cemetery, we'll check his crypt first."

Spike chuckled and started the bike moving in the direction of Spike's cemetery. It would be easier to see him first. Demons were much more likely to accept the multiple realities theory than humans were, plus he knew that Xander was trying to shield him from having to see the humans until it became necessary.

Driving through town, Xander paid as much attention to detail as he could. So far everything looked familiar, just like back home. He wasn't about to get his hopes up though. He knew better than that.

They parked the bike just outside the cemetery and started walking toward Spike's crypt. When they were about twenty feet away, Spike pulled Xander to him and kissed him. It was a kiss of need and passion. Xander wasn't sure what had brought it on, but he wasn't fighting it.

Spike suddenly found himself pressed back against a tree while Xander tried to remove his tonsils with his tongue. He had no complaints, seeing as he was the one who started it and he liked when his boy was aggressive.

"Well, well. What have we got here then? Your bint dumps you to be a demon again and you turn into a poof? Should have seen it, what with you having no male friends an' all. Should I buy you a dress, Harris? Start calling you Nancy?"

Xander dropped his head to Spike's shoulder and chuckled weakly. He could feel his lover's silent laughter as well. There was no mistaking that voice, silk, honey, and just a bit of rough.

"Spike."

"Harris. Why the bloody hell are you making out in a graveyard? Oh, and you are aware that your boyfriend is a vampire, aren't you? Bloody thick-headed git."

Xander couldn't stop the snort of laughter that escaped him. He tried to hold it in, but once it was loose, it was followed by another, and before he knew it he was howling with laughter, tears running down his face. Spike was still keeping his features hidden from his doppleganger, but he too was finding this extremely entertaining.

"Er, Xander? Are you possessed again? Need me to fetch the slayer?"

Xander was finally able to calm down enough to speak and he shook his head.

"No. No, I'm not possessed again, and no I don't need you to fetch the slayer. I'm fine Spike, and yes I know my boyfriend is a vampire."

Xander turned back to his Spike with a questioning look on his face.

"Boyfriend? I'm not sure that works, what do you think?"

Spike smirked at his wicked boy. This was going to be fun.

"Well, I dunno. Seems I'm a bit old to be a boy, and I'd say we're a lot more than friends. So, no. I don't think boyfriend covers it at all, love."

Part 52

Xander watched as the blonde Spike's eyes widened in shock and recognition. He had never seen Spike speechless before; this was fun! His Spike stepped out of the shadows and put his arm around his waist and smirked at his double.

"What the bloody hell is this, then?"

Blonde Spike stepped closer to his dark-haired twin and looked him over sceptically. He frowned at the dark hair, and then snorted at the way he was dressed.

"You look like a right git. Where the hell did you come from, and what are you doing with Xander?"

"Long story, and sod off. I happen to be in disguise."

"As what, Peaches? A nancy boy?"

"Oh, right. And the bleached-out, leather look just screams hetero, does it?"

Xander couldn't help the smile. Hearing his lover dis his own tastes in clothing and hairstyle was too funny. He knew Spike missed his coat, and that he hated the dark hair but to hear him accuse this Spike of looking like a queer because of those very things was just too funny.

"Look, as amusing as this is we have more important things to discuss. Did you say Anya dumped me? To be a demon again?"

"Er, well yeah. You were there Harris, don't you remember?"

"Enlighten me, please."

Spike looked questioningly at Xander and then began patting down the pockets of his duster until he found his cigarettes. After lighting one and taking a long drag, he spoke.

"It was at your wedding, there you stood at the end of the aisle, waiting for your bride. The music started and the girls strolled out in their lovely puke green dresses. After a few minutes, when the bride still hadn't shown, Buffy went looking for her. Turns out D'Hoffryn made her an offer she couldn't refuse; she left a note. You were devastated, it was quite entertaining."

Xander absorbed this information and turned to his Spike.

"Not home. That is so not the way it happened in my world."

"Well, I guess we should find a motel then. Motorlodge?"

"Motorlodge."

As the two began to walk away, blonde Spike fell into step.

"So, what's the story with you two then? I think I deserve an explanation."

"We aren't from here. In my reality, I left Anya at the altar. She cursed me, and now I'm jumping from one reality to the next hoping to get home."

Spike whistled and gave Xander an appraising look.

"You are either truly brave or truly stupid. Leaving a vengeance demon at the altar? Not the smartest decision you ever made. So what's with Billy-boy there. You shagged him so she sent him along for the ride?"

Spike growled at being called Billy-boy and then glared at the blonde vampire.

"I was picked up along the way. And if you don't want to be wearing your stones around your ears, I'd suggest you don't call me that again. I may not look like you, but believe me, I am just as much a vampire as you are. Perhaps more so."

This time it was blonde Spike who growled.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Simple, you stink of slayer. What kind of vampire shags a slayer? Well, besides the souled kind. You don't have a soul, do you?"

Both Spikes looked horrified at the very idea. Blonde Spike vamped out and growled at dark-haired Spike.

"No I soddin' well do not have a soul. Wanker."

"Rather be a wanker than a slayer-shagger. Bloody pathetic if you ask me."

Xander finally found his tongue and interrupted their argument.

"Wait a minute. You and Buffy? Buffy and you? Oh this is just so wrong."

Xander walked away shaking his head and muttering under his breath. The vampires exchanged a look and then started to follow. Spike didn't know what had set his human off, but after the last few days he wasn't about to let Xander start blaming himself for anything again. The other Spike just wanted to make sure that none of the scoobies saw his dark-haired self.

That and he didn't want them figuring out that he was shaggin’ the boy. His version of Xander would likely be horrified; either that or he'd take the piss with him about his double’s hair and poofy tendencies.

"Oi! What do you mean it's wrong?"

Spike picked up the pace and reached out to stop Xander from walking away. He pulled his hand back fast when his dark-haired double snarled at him. He turned astonished eyes on his twin and then nodded his head in understanding.

"Sorry, mate. Didn't know seeing as he's unmarked. Answers that question though don't it?"

"Bloody chip."

They exchanged sympathetic looks and then Blonde Spike turned back to Xander again.

"So what did you mean? Why is my being with Buffy so wrong? Can't be because I'm a vampire, bit hypocritical there ain’t it?"

Xander shook his head and took a deep breath. He looked at his Spike and realised he was waiting for an explanation as well. He let out the breath on a sigh and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Did Buffy die here?"

"Yeah. Red brought her back. What's that got to do with it?"

"I assume that you and Buffy weren't together before she died?"

"No."

Spike was beginning to look impatient so Xander continued.

"It's wrong because you're going to end up hurt, Spike. Buffy is a mess; she was torn out of heaven. Once she starts to accept her life again, she'll walk away from you. She doesn't love you, but I think you know that. The point is, she will never love you, she can't. You're not Angel, and he's the only one she'll ever really love because she won't let herself love anyone else."

Spike wanted to argue the point, tell Xander he was wrong, that Buffy did love him, that they were together and that was it. Unfortunately the boy was right, and Spike knew it. He might lie to others but never to himself.

"Bit late for that. She's already dumped me like the trash. Bloody bint, won't even give us a chance. She's all, 'I used you, and it's killing me' never mind what I want, what it's doing to me."

Xander looked at his lover and smiled sadly at him. It was kinda sad, seeing Spike like this. Before this had all started, Xander had always thought Spike was unbreakable, the consummate tough guy. Now he knew better; he knew that this Spike was heart-broken, you could see it in his eyes. Dark-haired Spike threw a companionable arm around his double’s shoulder and started walking toward the cemetery exit.

"What say we grab a couple bottles of Jack and go get pissed?"

"Sounds like a bloody good plan to me."

Xander shook his head and followed behind his lover and the blonde vampire. He wondered if this was a good idea, considering what happened the last time he had gotten drunk with two vampires.

Part 53

Several bottles of Jack later, Xander sat on the bed, his back leaning against the headboard, his lover sitting between his thighs, back pressed against his chest. Blonde Spike reclined beside them - a half empty bottle of whiskey in his hand - watching them.

Xander's arms were around Spike; he absently ran one hand up and down the vampire's chest and stomach. He hadn't realised that his touch was attracting the other Spike's attention until he spoke.

"See? Now that's the kind of thing Buffy would never do. Just touch me like that, casually. Hell, she never touched me at all if we weren't shagging. Unless she was kicking my arse for something."

Xander noticed what he was doing and looked at the wistful expression on the blonde's face. He felt an overwhelming urge to reach out to him, to make him feel better. He was about to reach for him when his lover sat up and looked at him. Xander knew that look, he nodded his understanding and smiled at the look of shock on the blonde vampire's face as his lover leaned down and kissed him.

Spike's shock was quickly overcome by lust and he kissed back enthusiastically. It was a novel idea, after all, how often did a narcissist like Spike get a chance to kiss himself, and maybe more? He'd have to be crazy - or at least sober - to pass it up.

With lightning speed, Spike pulled his dark-haired double on top of him and then rolled them both until he was straddling the other vampire’s hips. He held his shoulders down and looked at the face he hadn't seen in a mirror in over a century. He found nothing but honest lust in the eyes that bore into his and smiled. If he had seen pity in those eyes, he wasn't sure what he'd have done.

"What about your boy there? He off limits?"

"Up to him; he can play if he wants to. Didn't seem to mind playing with Angelus last week."

The blonde vampire sat up in alarm and looked appraisingly over at Xander. He looked back at his double with awe and jealousy.

"Bloody hell! He must be something special if the wanker let him live."

"Oh, he's special alright. Let me tell you a little story about Xander, a hot knife, a pair of pliers and one ex-Initiative soldier."

By the time Spike had finished his story, both vampires were extremely aroused and looking at Xander with predatory gazes. He swallowed hard and adjusted the front of pants. He couldn't help but get hard when his lover looked at him like that. And the effect was doubled since there were two Spikes and they both had the same look on their faces, the same promise of exquisite pleasure in their eyes.

Brunette Spike crawled over to straddle Xander’s thighs and licked a wet stripe from his collarbone to his ear. He then bit down on the lobe gently and growled softy as Xander's hips bucked up.

"So, pet. Do you wanna play with us? Or do you just wanna watch?"

Xander swallowed past the lump in his throat and nodded his head.

"I wanna play."

The words were barely out of his mouth when he found himself looking into the yellow eyes of a demon. His lover sat back and pulled his shirt off and tossed it across the room before divesting Xander of his shirt as well. The blonde Spike began removing Xander's shoes and socks as the dark-haired vampire undid the human’s pants. Both vampires worked together to pull them off.

As Xander sat naked on the bed, the vampires turned and began undressing one another. Since their shirts were already gone, they each toed off their boots and shoes. Then they reached for each other's jeans and began popping open the buttons. Xander wiped his mouth as the drool threatened to spill over. They were beautiful together.

As the vampires kissed and ran their hands over each other's bodies, Xander's hand crept down towards his straining erection; he wrapped his fingers around it and began to stroke himself leisurely. He was startled as two pairs of yellow eyes turned on him and narrowed in displeasure.

"Uh uh, pet. That's mine."

Xander moved his hand as the vampires prowled toward him, joining him on the bed and nuzzling his neck at either side. He was helpless under their attack, unable - and unwilling - to put up any resistance. He groaned as cool lips and tongues tasted him, cool fingers traced random patterns on his overheated skin. When one cool mouth engulfed his cock he screamed out in pleasure before another cool mouth silenced him with kisses.

The vampires worked in tandem, where one left off the other began; soon there wasn't an inch of Xander's body that hadn't been licked, sucked, kissed or nibbled. He thought that if hell was like this, he would be glad to end up there. Having his body worshiped by demons was turning out to be a regular occurrence for him. One he wasn't at all opposed to.

Xander found himself turned on his side, his lover spooned up behind him and his soon-to-be lover in front of him. He kissed the blonde vampire and was pleased by the growl he got in response before his mouth was plundered in a fierce and possessive kiss. He couldn't help but respond in kind.

Xander whimpered as Spike pulled away from the kiss. He felt his leg being lifted and draped over Spike's hip as slick fingers probed the opening to his body. He moaned and pushed back, trying to get those fingers to go deeper, faster, anything. He sobbed as the fingers withdrew, only to hiss as something much larger began to push its way inside.

"Fuck, Spike!"

A dirty chuckle met his words and he opened his eyes to see a smiling blonde demon in front of him. His mouth was taken in a brief but searing kiss before a tube of lubricant was pressed into his hand.

"That's the plan, luv."

The blonde rolled over so that his back was to Xander's chest and then lifted his leg. Xander wasted no time in slicking his fingers and preparing the vampire. Once he was sure he'd done a thorough job, he used more lube to slick himself as well and slid inside the blonde.

The three men set a slow rhythm rocking their hips, and Xander wrapped one of his hands around Spike's cock to give him something to thrust into. Their slow lazy pace didn't last long though and Xander soon found himself on all fours, a vampire underneath him and one behind him.

He was lost to the pleasure - as he pulled out of the blonde Spike, the brunette one pushed into him. Back and forth he went between the two demons. He fucked harder when he was ordered to - slamming himself inside the cool snug channel of the vampire under him as he was taken just as hard by the one behind him. As his climax approached, Xander acted out of instinct and leaned forward and sank his teeth into Spike's shoulder. The blonde howled and clenched around him as he spilled his seed over Xander's fist. That was all it took to bring Xander over the edge and the other Spike right behind him.

They lay slumped together in a tangle of limbs. Lazy caresses were exchanged and slow, sleepy kisses. Before long they had all three fallen asleep - Xander in the middle with a vampire cuddled into each side

When Xander woke the next morning he couldn't move. There was a solid weight on his chest and legs. He lifted his head and smiled at the sight that met him. His Spike was lying across his legs - his face pressed into his groin, the other one was asleep on his chest - head tucked under his chin. With a dopey grin on his face, Xander lay back down, unwilling to disturb either of the demons currently using him for a cushion. Before long he was asleep again.

Part 54

It's been a while since I've written, things have been hectic. You're probably wondering what happened after the whole "I slept with Deadboy" and "everything is my fault" brain melt down. Well, to be truthful, alot has happened since then.
I won't go into detail on the nightmares I suffered - no, not about sleeping with Angel, they were about Spike, about what happened to him and my part in it all. Spike finally forced me to tell him what was going on and then he basically told me to get over myself. That what happened to him wasn't my fault.

We left Angel with good wishes and hope for his future. I told him to explain to the guys what had happened to Spike, that they would understand why he had to do what he did and things would be okay. Of course we agreed it was best if they never heard about what Angel did to Riley.

The last place we landed in was so close to being home it made me ache. The difference was that Anya stood me up at the alter instead of the other way around. She left me to be a demon again.

Spike and I ran into the Spike of that world first. He had just recently been dumped by Buffy. Yeah, go figure. We tried to cheer him up by getting him drunk. Worked out well, he was in a much better mood the next day. 'Course that could have had something to do with all the sex that was had.

Yep, I ended up the creme filling in a Spike-wich. I'm still confused about why this doesn't bother me. I mean, if I'm in love with Spike, shouldn't it be pissing me off that he's "shaging" someone else? Shouldn't I have a moral objection against me sleeping with someone else? I get why it doesn't bother Spike, I mean Angel was his sire, and Spike is .. well he's him only blonde still. It's a demon thing I guess, he says that vampires don't look at sex the same way humans do. That it's okay to share your body with someone else as long as both partners are okay with it. Plus we won't be staying around long, so no chance of me leaving him for someone else.

After telling that worlds Spike about what we had seen and done, he decided that maybe he'd be better off taking a break from Sunnydale for a while. As far as I know, he was heading to LA to see if he could patch things up with Angel. I wish him luck.

We didn't see the scoobies while we were there. I figured it would be too wierd for that world's Xander. He would be messed up as it is, finding out that there's a reality out there where he was the one who walked away might not be the best thing for him, or me for that matter. Spike said he'd likely hit me. He's that messed up.

Spike and I shifted out late last night, so we haven't been out to check the situation in this world yet. I'm not getting my hopes up, I have the feeling that Anya plans for me to suffer for some time before I get to come home - if I get to come home. I could grow old and die - or just die - on this journey before it ever reaches the end, and wouldn't that suck? If that's the case, I hope this book gets home at least. I'll be sure to write out my will in it. If the bike makes it as well, give it to Spike. He'll appreciate it.

I wonder if the gang misses me? I'm sure that on a personal level everyone is all "gee I miss Xander" but what about the fight against evil? Has my unique input been missed on that front? Who else can you get to chauffer Dawn to school, fix broken shelves, fetch donuts and be the butt of all jokes? Oh hey, maybe you guys have adopted Jonothan in my absense. Or better yet, Andrew. He'd do in a pinch, not quite witty enough, but he'd be eager for the attention. Just don't let him have my comic books or my Babylon five collector plates. I'll be severly pissed if you do. Then again, if I'm dead, maybe you should give them to him. He's geek enough to appreciate them.

Spike's out of the shower, looks like it's time to find out what brave new world we landed in this time. Maybe this will be the one where I've made all the right decisions, I'll be rich, famous, successful and have a harem of beautiful women at my beck and call. Yeah, and then I'll wake up, I doubt a reality like that one even exists. And if it did, I'm sure I'd find some way to screw it up for myself.


Xander put his journal away just as Spike exited the bathroom - wearing nothing but a towel - a cloud of steam billowing out behind him. He debated on whether to jump the vampire or let him get dressed so they could go eat. His rumbling stomach made the decision for him.

"Okay, breakfast first, then we tour the town."

"Sure thing pet. Just let me get my kit on."

Once they were dressed, they headed out to see what this Sunnydale had to offer in the way of sustinance. A quick trip to the butchers for Spike, and then a leisurely stop at the ihop for pancakes.

It was a beautiful day, sunny but not too hot. They drove past the construction site where Xander worked in his reality, they didn't see a Xander there so they kept going. The next stop was the Magic Box but it was closed, the sign said it was closed indefinately. That wasn't a good sign. After a bit of hesitation on Spike's part, they drove to Buffy's house. Spike stayed with the bike while Xander went to the door. He was just about to knock when the door was flung open.

Dawn stood and stared at Xander in shock. She lifted one hand and reached out toward him before drawing it back without even touching him. She had tears in her eyes and her lip started to tremble.

"Xander?"

Xander smiled reassuringly and wondered if he was dead in this reality. Why else would Dawnie be looking at him like he was a ghost? He cleared his throat and then gave her the pantented 'Goofy Xander' grin.

"Hey Dawnie."

Dawn turned around and ran into the house screaming for Willow. Xander looked back toward Spike and the bike and shrugged his shoulders. The vampire tilted his head in question - he wondered if he should join his lover or not - but Xander shook his head and then turned back to the house.

Willow came rushing out, followed by a tear streaked Dawn and Tara. Xander found himself in a crushing embrace from his childhood friend. He felt like an ass. What ever had happened to this worlds Xander had devestated his friends, and now he was going to make it worse.

"Hey, Wills. We need to talk."

Xander disengaged the red heads arms from around his waist and held her at arms length. He looked into her eyes and saw overwhelming guilt and sadness. He wondered what had happened to put that look on her face.

"Oh, Xander. Thank the Godess you're alright. How did this happen? When did this happen? Why didn't Spike call me?"

"Woah. Hold on there. We really do need to talk Wills. I'm not your Xander. I'm sorry I should have told you right away. I'm from a different reality, I was cursed after I left Anya. I'm so sorry."

Willow crumpled and Xander barely caught her before she hit the ground. He looked at Tara and Dawn and then slumped in defeat. He definately wasn't home, and he wasn't so sure he even wanted to know what had happened in this reality. Tara held out her arms and Xander guided Willow into them before turning around and heading back to the bike and his vampire. He was almost there when Dawn stopped him.

"You really aren't our Xander, are you?"

"No, Dawnie. I'm sorry."

"Did Anya curse you?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was her."

"Hmm, well that sucks. Oh hey, who's your friend?"

Xander chuckled and whispered in her ear.

"No way! That's Spike! I can't wait to tell him I saw him with brown hair and wearing ... are those Reboks?"

"Yeah. He's going for low profile."

"How can he be outside? It's daytime?"

"Magic spell, but keep that quiet okay?"

"Sure. Hey, can you give a copy of it to Willow and Tara? It would make things easier on our Spike."

"Sorry, kiddo. I don't know the spell. It was done a few realities ago."

"Bummer."

"Uh, Dawn? What happened to me here? Why were you guys so freaked out, am I dead, am I in a coma?"

"No. It's ... Well, it's a long story. Do you know about Glory?"

Xander groaned and shook his head. Yippee, another 'fucked over by the hell god' dimension. He wondered how many places were effected by what did or didn't happen with Glory.

"Yeah, more than I want to. What happened?"

"You got brain-sucked. You and Tara both. Willow tried to fix you guys, she got Tara back but ... Oh Xander, she did try, really she did. Just, you were crazy, and you ran and after the spell Willow was weakened and she didn't have power left to do it again. Giles said there wasn't time to try again, that they had to kill Glory right away before she destroyed the world."

Dawn was crying again, Xander pulled her into a hug and made shushing noises. He was shocked by the information, but he understood. Him or the world? No question, it had to be the world.

"So I'm crazy?"

"Uh huh."

"What did Willow mean when she asked why Spike didn't call?"

Dawn pulled away and grinned somewhat sadly at him.

"Spike lives with you now. He takes care of you, he has alot of experience with crazy people. Willow and Tara help out too, but they spend most of their time looking after me and trying to find a way to fix you."

Xander noticed that she hadn't mentioned Buffy. He assumed that since Willow was busy trying to help him, she hadn't ressurected her. He didn't want to ask though.

"What happened to Anya?"

"She ... She died, Xander. During the fight with Glory, she was burried under a pile of bricks. There was internal damage."

"Giles?"

"He's in England, he left right after Buffy's funeral. The council wanted him to give a detailed account of his years on the hellmouth."

"Where do I live?"

Dawn gave him the address and said she'd call Spike and tell him they were coming, Xander promised to come back around later when Willow was calmer. He got on the bike behind Spike and they left.

Part 55

Okay, just got back from seeing my double of this world. Poor bastard - he's completely out of it. Glory sucked his brain out, and Wills wasn't able to restore him. She did however manage to save Tara. Okay, in all fairness she is her girlfriend and they're in love, but we've been friends since we we were five, doesn't that count for anything? What does it say about our friendship that she chose to save Tara over me?

I know I sound bitter, but it really freaked me out seeing myself like that. And to top it all off, the poor crazy bastard has a vampire for a guardian. I mean yeah, I'm sleeping with and am in love with the evil undead , but I don't know how much I'd want to have to depend on him to take complete care of me. I mean, he can't even go outside in the daytime. Plus, how much does he really know about taking care of a human?

Speaking of which, Spike thinks his double is up to no good with my double. He says he can smell them on each other. Like they're having sex. I told him he had to be wrong, that Spike wouldn't take advantage like that. I know him now, he wouldn't do that. Spike told me if I believed that, I was fooling myself. Of course the way I treated Spike back home - well I guess maybe he could do it.

I don't have any proof though. He looked happy enough for being looney-tunes. When we got there he was sitting on the floor by the couch, as soon as Spike sat down he started playing with his fingers and making them run through his hair. It was kinda sweet in a totally sad and pathetic way. And the smile that lit his face when Spike took up the motions in his own was huge.

I pointed that out to my Spike after we'd left and he snorted at me and called me niave. He said that crazy me was displaying submissive behaviour to his master. That perhaps, Spike had him well trained. He told me I was being stupid if I thought he wasn't capable of this. He reminded me that he's evil, a demon, and that this version of himself might have been in love with Buffy but he didn't give a damn about the rest of the scoobies - save Dawn of course.

So where does that leave me? I don't want to believe that Spike could do that to me, but he as much as told me he could. So what do I do? Do I tell Wills? I mean she has enough on her plate as it is, doesn't she? Do I confront Spike? And say what? "Hey, stop having sex with the vegetable." That'll work. Oh yeah, and Spike thinks that his double is feeding from Xander as well. I didn't see any bite marks, but apparently there are lots of places to bite that wouldn't be so noticable - the inside of the thigh or the juncture between thigh and groin for example. So, according to my lover, his double is using my double as a food source and a whore. Fuck this sucks!

If I go after Spike - cause you know, him chipped, me human - he'll just take it out on the poor crazy version of myself. That is, if what my Spike suspects is true. If it isn't, and I accuse him of something he hasn't done, then what? Will he laugh it off or would it give him ideas? I'm so friggin confused. My head hurts and I just want this all to stop.

I sent Spike out to get dinner, I needed some time alone with my thoughts. I mean, I just found out that I could have been a vampire's mindless fuck-toy and all you can eat buffet. Worse off is that it's the same vampire I'm in love with, just a different version of him. I really need to go to another reality now. Please? Hello, who ever is in charge of this ride? I'm ready to move on. Stop the world and let me off.

Xander had given himself the mother of all stress headaches by the time Spike came back to the hotel. He winced as the door slammed shut and a paper bag of take out was dropped onto the bed in front of him.

"I'm going to Willy's. Don't wait up."

Then Spike was out the door again and getting on the bike. Xander watched through the window as his lover tore off on the bike. He scrubbed his face with his hands and then threw himself back on the bed.

"What the hell was all that about?"

Spike had been in the bar for an hour when he saw his blonde haired self walk in. He lowered his head and then thumped it on the table a few times for good measure. This was the last person he wanted to see right now.

The blonde vampire ordered himself a beer and then slid into the booth opposite his double and watched as the other man continued to thump his head on the surface of the less than pristine table. Eventually the brunette vampire looked up at his blonde twin and scoweled.

"Go 'way."

He got an ammused snort in reply.

"Sorry mate, see this is my reality. And in my reality, when the witches come by to take their turn at babysitting, I come here and knock back a few. So, if you don't like the company, you go away."

They both drank in silence for a while, neither one willing to bring up the subject that they both knew the other was thinking about. Eventually the darker of the two demons slammed his empty bottle down and glared at his smirking double.

"Are you hurting him?"

"Not much."

"Is it consensual?"

"Inasmuch as it can be, what with him being loopy an all."

"The girls don't realize what's going on?"

"Dunno. Maybe. But as long as I don't hurt him, and keep lookin after him, I don't think they much care."

"You feeding off him?"

"Sometimes."

"How's that work? Doesn't the chip stop you?"

"Nah, the boy likes it. Chip doesn't register it as pain. Course I only bite when he's cumming, no sense in taking any chances."

Spike slid out of the booth and went to the bar, he came back and handed a fresh bottle of beer to his double before sitting down and swallowing down half of his own. He sighed and then rolled his eyes.

"Look, I can't say that I don't understand why you're doing it. I do. Xander's told me how they all treated you, how he treated you, and in your position, I'd likely do the same. But you have to know a few things about Xander, maybe it won't make any difference to you, maybe it will."

The blonde raised an eyebrow in question and waited for his double to go on.

"I never knew the Xander from my reality, well, aside from kidnapping him once. But this one, he's not like the one you know or maybe he is. Where I'm from, I was recaptured by the Initiative, given to Riley Finn as a pet, basically. Fuckin wanker did everything you could think of to break me. Almost did. Then Xan came along. He called Angel, told him what was going on and then helped to get me away."

There was silence for a moment while the blonde demon took in the fact that in some other world, he was Riley Finn's bitch. He growled at the idea of it and then took a long pull from his beer.

"Go on."

"They came looking for me, found us in LA with the poof. Shot me with a tazer and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in the hotel kitchen with a brassed off brunette pointing a crossbow at me. Turns out, Xander shifted realities and since he was on me at the time - he fell when they shot him - he took me with him. The version of him in that world was a warlock. He mojo'ed me so I could stay with the boy."

"And this has what to do with me?"

Spike shot his double a disgusted look.

"Look, long story short. Xander's grown up some on this trip through realities. A couple realities ago, we ran into a version of me - you, us - whatever. Point being, he was what I'd have been if Xander hadn't come along. He was in LA, staying with Angel. Xander told him who was responsible, and Angel went and collected him. Xander castrated the bastard and made him eat his own stones. He did that for me, cause I asked him to. He did this as well."

Spike reached into his coat and pulled out a thin silver chain, adorned with a complete set of human teeth. He passed it across the table to his twin who took it with a look of utter bewilderment.

"Finn's?"

"Yeah. He pulled them all out by himself."

Spike got a wistfull look on his face and smiled.

"Effin beautiful it was."

Spike fingered the teeth on the thin silver chain. He looked up and saw the expression of pride on the other vampires face. He shook his head and handed the necklace back.

"Alright, so your Xander has a bit of darkness in him. So what?"

"So what? Christ you're thick. Knowing what you do now, what do you think he's gonna do to you when the witch fixes him?"

"You and I both know that's not likely to happen."

"I don't know, I've seen what that girl is capable of."

Looking for a change of subject, Spike pulled out his smokes and offered one to the brunette. He lit his and then held out his lighter for the other vampire. After several drags, he blew a series of smoke rings and then looked pointedly at his double.

"So, if your boy is so great an' all, why are you here with me instead of where ever it is you would be with him?"

"Because, you pillock, he's pissed with me because of what you're doing. He wanted to believe that you were better than that, that I was better than that. I told him the truth."

"And now he's pissed with you."

"No, he's pissed with himself. For allowing himself to forget what I'm capable of."

Spike nodded his understanding and the two drank in companionable silence for a while before heading out. Spike dropped his blonde self back at his building before going back to the hotel and his boy - who would hopefully be asleep.

Part 56

Xander woke the next morning to find Spike sleeping ontop of the blankets next to him. He wondered what was going on in his lover's head, he just took off the night before, and now he was sleeping ontop of the bed instead of getting in with him. Xander wondered if he had done something to piss him off. He couldn't think of anything that he could have done, aside form not want to believe him about their doubles.

Xander shook his head as he began to make the connection. Spike wasn't pissed with him. He thought Xander was angry, because he now knew what his lover was capable of. Well, duh. He knew he was a vampire when he began to feel things for him. He never fooled himself about what Spike was, he just got comfortable with the idea that the vampire would never hurt him. He was right - at least about his Spike, but he had forgotten that not every Spike and Xander out there were in love. He needed to remember that. They were bound to run accross countless versions of themselves that hated each other.

Xander leaned over and kissed his sleeping lover softly on the lips before climbing out of bed. He needed a shower and then he needed to go and see Willow. He still wasn't sure what to tell her, but he had promised to stop by again.

Xander left a note for Spike and then took off on the bike. He was starting to enjoy driving the motorcycle when he had the opportunity. He still didn't think he wanted to do it all the time, Spike was much more experienced with it than he was, and Xander had never had to take the bike out on the highway. He wasn't sure he was up to that yet.

Willow and Tara were sitting on the front porch when he pulled the bike to a stop. They both looked up and Willow smiled at him. He could tell it wasn't a genuine Willow smile, but then under these circumstances, he understood. She was trying at least, and that had to count for something.

"Hey."

Xander climbed off the bike and walked toward the house.

"Hey back. How are you?"

"I'm good. Look, I'm sorry about yesterday. I had no idea that my showing up like that would cause so many problems. I just ... I needed to find out if I was home or not."

Willow nodded and gestured for him to sit with them. Xander smiled in thanks and sat on the steps just below her and Tara. They were all quiet for a moment and then Xander sighed in frustration and decided to see if they had any suspiscions about his double and Spike.

"I saw Xander yesterday. He looks good for a raving loon, Spike takes good care of him?"

The girls exchanged a look and Xander smiled ruefully. Yep, they knew or at least suspected. He wondered if they would tell him what they suspected.

"Oh, yeah. Spike's good with crazy people. Plus, you know, it gives him a better place to live than a crypt and with Buffy gone, we've been trying to raise Dawn, keep up with patrol, and find a spell to fix Xander. He was our only option other than having Xander commited. I didn't want to do that. Those places are horrible, you always hear horror stories about the patients being abused and neglected. I couldn't do that to Xander."

"Yeah, much better this way, at least Spike is the only one abusing him."

Willow turned cold eyes on him and glared. Tara got up and went into the house.

"You don't have any right to judge me Xander Harris! I'm doing the best I can here, and okay, maybe Spike is taking advantage of the situation but he hasn't hurt Xander. And I don't have any other options. I can't afford to hire a live in caretaker, hospitalisation is out of the question and Spike knows that if he ever did anything to harm Xander I'd dust his ass."

"Willow, he's feeding from him."

The witch sighed and looked at the unimpressed version of her best friend in front of her.

"Xander? Have you ever been bitten? It doesn't have to hurt you know. It can be quite ... pleasant if done a certain way. Spike has a chip, he can't hurt Xander, so if he is biting him, it's a pleasureable bite."

"Pleasureable? And you know this how?"

"Spike's fed from Tara and I a couple of times. After the battle with Glory, he was in bad shape and there was no time to get him blood. Then once when we were on patrol, he got hurt pretty bad, a demon almost sliced him in half. I fed him and then helped him home. I know you don't understand it Xander, but I think Spike cares about him in his own way. He won't hurt him."

Xander shook his head and sighed. That's what he had thought too, before his lover told him he was being naive. He smiled sadly at Willow and got up to leave. She reached out to touch his arm and he stopped.

"Where are you going?"

"To talk to Spike. I want to hear it from him. If he tells me he's not hurting Xander, maybe I'll believe it."

Xander got back on the bike and drove away. He wasn't sure that going to see Spike was such a great idea, but he didn't know what else to do. He couldn't just leave here without knowing the truth, could he?

Spike woke up and knew immediately that he was alone. He got off the bed and looked around the room, half expecting Xander to have packed up everything and left. He wouldn't be surprised, after finding out what he was capable of, why would he stick around?

Everything was still there though, everything but Xander that is. He saw a sheet of paper on the corner table with his name scrawled accross it. He picked it up, scanned the note and sighed in relief. Xander had just gone to see the witches. He would bring back lunch and blood for him. That meant he wasn't leaving him, he wasn't angry. Spike smiled, shook his head at his own paranoia and headed to the bathroom to shower.

After drying and dressing, Spike put on the headphones and popped in his favorite Sex Pistols cd. He bobbed his head along to the music and danced around the room. He tidied up the room a bit as he danced around, he found Xander's journal and briefly contemplated reading it. He shook off the idea and put the book away with the rest of his lovers things.

Eventually Spike settled in the chair with his own journal and started writing. He wrote for a long time, switching the cd when it was finished. He was still writing and singing along softly to the clash when Xander entered the room.

Xander looked at his lover and smiled. Take away the cd player and the modern clothes and he could see the man that Spike was when he was human, hunched over a book, scribbling away furiously. Except of course, the vampire wasn't writing poetry like William would have been.

Spike jumped when Xander bent down and kissed the top of his head. He growled playfully at him and pulled the human onto his lap. He nuzzled into Xander's neck and then licked along his pulsepoint. He desperately wanted to bite him, mark him as his own. He now knew that it was possible, at least he hoped it was, but he wouldn't do it unless Xander wanted it. Spike pulled away from Xander's neck and turned his lover so he could look him in the eye.

"I'm sorry about last night luv. I thought you were angry with me, angry with yourself for loving me. Shouldn't have left you like that."

"No, you shouldn't have. But I understand why you did."

"I saw my double at Willy's, we talked."

"Yeah, he told me. I went there today."

"You did? Why? I thought you were visiting with the witches?"

"I did, we talked. They know what's going on. Willow said that Spike cares about Xander and he wouldn't hurt him. I went to ask him if it was true."

"What did he say?"

"Not much, he just said he wasn't hurting him and that should be enough. That he likely could, seeing as Xander was nuts but he didn't."

Spike nodded in understanding. That was probably the best he'd get. He held no illusions that his double had any romantic feelings towards the boy. He was just doing what he could get away with being a chipped vampire. For the humans sake, he hoped his double remained chipped. Then again, if the boy got better, he'd need to be able to defend himself, Spike wasn't fooling himself there either. This Xander would kill the vampire if he got his mind back.

"Enough about them, pet. I missed you."

"Yeah? How much?"

Spike's eyes flashed gold and then back to blue. He picked Xander up off the chair and tossed him onto the bed. He started stripping off his clothes as he walked toward the bed.

"How about I show you?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Part 57

Naked, Spike crawled onto the bed and slithered up the length of Xander's body. He could feel the hard flesh trapped in the human's denims and pushed his own naked length against it. The feel of the rough material on his sensitive skin was intoxicating. He lay fully atop his lover and began trailing soft kisses and nips along his throat. When he reached the juncture between neck and shoulder he suckled on the skin there until he felt his fangs begin to descend. He pulled away before he could cause any damage.

"Xander, I want to ask you something."

Xander was panting, glassy-eyed with lust beneath him. He tried to get Spike's lips within kissing distance but when he realised that it wasn't working, he shook his head and tried to pay attention to the fact that Spike was speaking to him.

"Wha ... huh?"

"I said, I want to ask you something."

"Now? You want to talk now?"

"Yes, now. That alright?"

"Okay."

Something about the serious nature behind Spike's question made Xander take notice that this was important. He moved to sit up but Spike kept him in a laying position by pressing him down with his own body weight.

"I want to mark you Xander, claim you."

Xander's eyes grew large and he frantically tried to remember everything he knew about vampires and their mating habits. He realised he was freaking his lover out, and immediately tried to calm himself. Instead of panicking, he decided to just ask Spike what it meant.

"Claim me? How? What does that mean?"

"Yes, claim you. I'll bite you, here in the muscle."

Spike ran his fingertips over the spot he had been sucking on before.

"It would mean that you belong to me. That you love me. That you're not a plaything, but a mate. My mate."

It was a lot to take in. The possessive tone in the vampire's voice was doing funny things to Xander's insides. He wanted to think, to analyse the situation, but mostly he wanted to know if a bite was as pleasurable as he'd been told.

"Would it hurt?"

"No, pet. It'd feel good. So good. I'd make sure it did, never want to hurt you."

"If we do this, would that mean you were mine as well?"

Something base and primal broke free inside of the vampire, blue eyes bled to yellow, teeth elongated and sharpened and ridges formed on his handsome face. He looked deep into whiskey-coloured eyes and spoke in a voice that belied no argument.

"I already am. You've claimed me a hundred times over, with your actions, your words. You've shed blood for me, maimed and tortured for me. You've risked yourself for me time and again. You already own my heart and mind. This gives you ownership of my body as well. All that I am will be yours."

Xander looked and saw the sincerity in those feral yellow eyes. He knew that any sane person would run from a declaration like that. He must be as crazy as his double then because he had no intention of running.

"Do it, Spike. Make me yours."

Xander arched his back and groaned as Spike growled and dove for his throat. He expected to feel the sting of razor sharp teeth in his skin, but instead he felt soft lips raining light kisses all over his skin, cool hands began to pluck at the buttons of his shirt before opening it and pulling it down and off his arms. Xander lifted his hips and assisted as Spike removed both jeans and boxers. He lay naked and aroused beyond belief, waiting for his lover to bind them in blood. At some point, Spike had shifted back to his human face. Crystal blue eyes full of love looked into his own and Xander shuddered with need.

"Please, Spike. Need you."

"Shh, luv. You have me."

The vampire tenderly prepared his soon-to-be mate before slowly filling him. He paused and looked deeply into his lover's eyes. He saw no doubts, no fear, only love, passion and acceptance.

"Are you ready, love?"

"Yes, I'm ready, Spike. I love you."

"Love you too, Xander. Mine, all mine."

Spike slowly morphed back into his demon form and nicked his wrist with his fangs. He held the dripping appendage to his lover's mouth and as Xander swallowed the blood that filled his mouth, Spike spoke.

"By accepting my blood into yourself, you pledge yourself to me. From this moment until I am dust, you belong to me. Do you agree to these terms, do you accept me as your mate?"

Spike withdrew his wrist and watched as Xander licked his lips.

"Yes. I am yours. Your mate until you are dust."

Spike growled and swooped in to kiss Xander possessively. He began to move within his lover, angling so that he stimulated his prostate on every thrust. He reached between them and began to stroke the boy in time to his thrusts. As he felt Xander begin to tense, he pierced his flesh gently with his fangs and drew on the wound as his lover screamed out his pleasure and tightened around him. Spike withdrew his fangs and licked the still-seeping punctures until they were sealed.

"By taking your blood into myself, I state that I am yours. That I accept my position as mate to you. From this moment, for as long as you walk the earth; whatever your form, I am yours."

Xander smiled and looked deeply into the eyes of his mate.

"Mine. My mate. Always."

Spike collapsed onto Xander's chest and they fell asleep in each other's arms.

Okay, my life has officially passed into the Twilight Zone. I let a vampire bite me. I, Xander Harris, let a vampire bite me. And I liked it. All right, explanation time.

It's not just a bite; it's a claim mark. Spike claimed me. I know what you're thinking; how can he bite me with a chip in his head? I thought the same thing when he mentioned it. Turns out, he learned a couple things from the other him. The Spike in this world told him that he could bite as long as it was pleasurable. And boy howdy was it pleasurable!

So what does this mean? It means that I belong to him. I know, how caveman does that sound? But in demon terms it means I'm not just a fling, a warm body to snuggle up with. It means he loves me, he wants me, and he sees me as his mate. I know what that word means to... oh I don't know… a hyena demon for example, but is it the same for a vamp? 'Cause if it is, then I basically married a vampire - and why am I not freaked out about that?

I should be. I left Anya at the altar because I wasn't ready for that kind of commitment, but now I've basically given my life to a vampire. And that takes on whole new meanings of the term forever. So, why am I not babbling in panic and screwing myself into a corner?

Guess it must be because I love him, because I want this, because no matter where I end up, no matter what happens to me, I want him with me. I want to see his face first thing when I wake up. I want to feel his body next to mine as I fall asleep. I want him with me always. I love him.

Now, if Giles ever reads this he'll know that there is more to this than just him biting me. There were words, an exchange of vows, basically, and then blood - I drank from him, then he drank from me. Go ahead, eewww to your hearts' content, I know I did - internally at least - when he first presented his bleeding wrist to me. But it wasn't bad, good actually.

As well as the blood claiming there was the "physical aspect of the bonding" or for those of us who aren't British, sex. I am so not giving you details on that. It's personal.

So, now I am a vampire's mate. Spike's mate. I can't stop smiling when I think about it. I know he's just as happy as I am. He hasn't been this cuddly and purry before - he's like a big cat.

I have to wonder what this means for the physical aspect of our relationship. I mean, we haven't exactly been monogamous recently. There was Angel, and then Spike, so does this change things? Are we no longer taking others into bed with us? Not that I care; as long as I have Spike I don't want or need anyone else.

Xander watched his mate sleep as he trailed his fingertip over the mark on his neck. He shivered and had to suppress the sudden jolt of arousal that washed over him. He wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed and wake his vampire so they could make love again; his mark tingled at the very idea of feeling those sharp incisors plunge into him again.

He fought the urge for a full five minutes before giving in and stripping off his clothes and climbing back into bed and trailing kisses along the expanse of Spike's naked back. Hopefully the vampire would wake up soon.

Part 58

They were sitting in the far corner booth at Gus' Donut Emporium. Site of Xander's crappy job #17 in his post high school career of minimum wage-paying jobs. Xander had just finished licking the chocolate frosting from Spike's fingers and was seriously considering taking him into the men's room to lick something else when it happened.

The world spun out of focus for just the briefest of moments and then they were somewhere else. Where, he didn't know. It sure as hell wasn't Gus' Donut Emporium, unless the Gus of this world had some serious issues.

They were both sitting on their asses on the floor as there were no chairs in this place. There wasn't much in the way of furniture period, unless you wanted to be strapped into an A-frame, chained to a wall, tied to a rack or literally have your ass in a sling. Xander looked around the room with shock clearly written on his face.

"Holy bondage, batman."

Spike smirked and looked longingly at the assortment of leather whips and wrist-cuffs in a display case nearby. He fantasised for a moment about restraining his mate with the soft-looking leather and spanking him until his bum was nice and rosy. He snapped out of his imaginings when he heard Xander snicker softly in his ear.

"So, I assume in your mind I was just handcuffed to the bed and at your mercy, huh?"

"Leather cuffs actually and you were over my knee."

Xander blushed but Spike didn't miss the increase in his mate's heartbeat, or the tantalising scent of arousal that poured off the boy.

"We'll have to see about getting a pair and finding out how much this damn chip will let me get away with."

"Okay."

"Meantime though, we should find a way of getting out of here without setting off any alarms seeing as the place looks closed."

Xander looked around and saw that the place was indeed empty of customers. He ran his hand along the countertop and frowned at the dust that covered it.

"Might not be a problem. I don't think this place has been open in a while."

"Hmm, might as well do a bit of shopping then, eh?"

Spike waggled his eyebrows and collected a pair of the leather cuffs, a wooden paddle, and a soft-looking leather flogger. Xander gulped and shook off the lust-induced haze that surrounded him as Spike stuffed his new toys into one of their duffel bags.

"Come along now, pet. Time to see the new and improved Sunnyhell, eh?"

Xander opened the shop door as Spike pushed the bike outside. He stopped dead in his tracks and Xander walked into his back.

"Spike! What the hell..."

Xander trailed off as he saw what had caused his mate to freeze on the spot. It was dark outside, but only on this side of the street. On the other side, the sun was shining brightly on a field of purple grass and Day-Glo orange flowers. It was beyond bizarre.

Looking further down the street, Xander squeaked and grabbed tightly onto Spike's arm.

"S-Spike? Is that a dragon? It looks like a dragon."

"If it isn't, I ain't gonna be the one to tell him."

"Can we go? Preferably in the other direction?"

"Oh yeah. Definitely in the other direction. What say we push the bike for a bit, yeah? Not draw any attention from the big scaly reptile over there?"

Xander nodded his approval of Spike's plan and they quietly, but as quickly as possible, moved away from the dragon. Turning the corner had Xander biting his cheek to keep from laughing in hysterics. He almost lost the battle when Spike's eyes bugged out anime style and he whispered a string of curses that would have made a truck driver blush.

The scene looked like something from the imagination of a Disney animator on crack. The colours were all ten times brighter than anything ever seen in nature; there were little mushroom-type beings running all willy nilly and Xander was sure he saw a winged horse. Officially freaked out, Xander began to panic.

"Well, Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

Spike snorted.

"Not unless someone has been dropping acid into the town's water supply. Sod the attention; get on the bike, Xan. We're getting the hell out of here."

Xander climbed on behind the vampire and held on tightly as the bike roared to life and the mushroom critters all turned toward them and opened mouths full of razor sharp-looking teeth. Spike drove through the middle of the crowd, kicking out at anything that got too close.

Xander watched in wide-eyed fascination as they drove through the streets. In places, the pavement turned to dirt or cobblestones and even something that he was sure was actually gold. But it was the people - beings - he saw that held him in awe. He was almost positive he saw Ewoks, Gremlins and something that looked like a Sasquatch.

They drove through places where it was darker than night - the only illumination was the headlight on the bike, a place where there were two suns shining in the sky, a place where the buildings were so tall they blotted out the sunlight and the trees were all silver and pink. It was beyond disturbing. Eventually they came to a place - near the old high school if Xander was correct - where it looked like home. The trees were green, the sky was blue with only one sun, and there were people - actual human people - outside in the daylight. Spike pulled the bike to a stop and Xander got off and looked around.

He asked the first person he saw what was going on. He received a strange look before the woman blinked, shook her head and walked away. Xander tried again - several times - but got the same result. Everyone looked at him like he was a simpleton or something. He was getting extremely frustrated by the whole experience.

"Give it up, Xan. Obviously no one is going to tell us what we want to know."

As soon as Spike spoke the man next to him stopped and looked at the vampire carefully. His eyes widened in fear and he began to tremble in fear before bowing down at the vampire's feet.

"What the hell?"

Spike looked from the man at his feet to his lover and raised an eyebrow in question. Xander merely shrugged. After everything he had seen so far, this was nothing.

"Please, I didn't realise."

The man at Spike's feet was pleading with the vampire.

"Didn't realise what?"

"That you were a vampire, of course. If the Master finds out you have been treated this way, he'll be sure to punish everyone."

"No worries, mate. Tell us what happened here and I promise not to say a thing."

Spike helped the man to his feet and then pulled Xander into his arms. They listened in shock as the man told them how all of California had been changed overnight. That someone had made a great tear in the fabric of worlds. That monsters and demons now lived among the human population. That this was the only part of the entire state that still had humans in residence - only because there was no way to escape. There were still things here that would eat them or worse but that the Master protected them.

By the time the man had finished, Xander had a pretty good idea of what had happened. Glory. He shook his head sadly and wondered if any of the scoobies had survived. He also wondered who the Master was. He could only think of two vampires that would protect the humans here. Angel and Spike. If it was Spike, then it meant that at least some of the scoobies had to have survived; otherwise he would have left Sunnydale.

Spike dismissed the man and turned Xander around in his embrace. He kissed him softly and rested his forehead against that of his mate's. He was hoping that this would be one of their shorter visits. He didn't fancy the idea of sticking around this place for a long time; leaving now would be good as far as he was concerned.

Xander noticed that as it got darker the people seemed to all disappear indoors. He wondered if they should follow suit and take shelter as well. Spike seemed to realise what was happening, as well.

"Come on, love. Let's not stick around to see what comes out at night here, eh?"

They got back on the bike and drove towards the hotel that the man from earlier had directed them to. Tomorrow they would look for the town's Master and see what was going on. Tonight, Spike was looking forward to testing his limitations where the chip was concerned.

Part 59

The hotel wasn't much. Then again, Xander didn't expect that Sunnydale got many visitors these days - not the human kind anyway. He dropped his bag in the corner and went to check out the bathroom while Spike brought the bike into the room; he said he didn't trust leaving it outside in this place. Xander didn't blame him.

While Xander was in the bathroom, Spike took a minute to unpack his new toys. The paddle was just your everyday simple wooden paddle, nothing elaborate, but it had a good weight and was smooth as silk. He wondered if he could get Xander to use it on him at some point; it had been a while since he'd had a proper spanking.

Next he pulled out the leather wrist cuffs. They were small - only an inch wide - with silver buckles and adorned with small silver spikes on them. That was the reason he picked that particular pair. They were soft, like the leather had been worked in extremely well. He was glad of that; he didn't want to leave marks on the boy - not on his wrists, at least.

The flogger was a thing of beauty. Black and red deerskin leather. The tails were a foot and a half long, half an inch wide, with angled tips. A ten-inch handle adorned with a red and black herringbone design and a six inch braided wrist loop finished it. Spike held it to his face and inhaled the intoxicating leather scent.

He had picked up two other prezzies for his pet, things that the boy had yet to see. An adjustable black rubber cock ring and a set of anal beads. He smirked when he pictured the boy's reaction to these items. He was pretty sure his Xander wouldn't have clue one about the beads.

Xander walked back in from the bathroom declaring that the shower was tolerable but that no way was he sitting in that tub. He saw the assortment of toys that the vampire had set out on the bedside table - along with a bottle of lube - and blushed. He and Anya had played around with spanking and tying each other up before so he wasn't exactly new to it, but this was different. When he had played with Anya, she was the submissive one. He somehow doubted that Spike was looking to be on the receiving end.

"Er, Spike? What the hell is that?"

Spike grinned and faked innocence.

"What's what, luv?"

"That purple thing. It sorta looks like a necklace but for some reason I highly doubt that's what it is."

Spike chuckled and picked up the string of beads. He ran them through his fingers and then looked at Xander with a leer.

"They're beads, Xan."

"Okay, I know I'm going to regret this but... what do you do with them?"

The vampire looked at the puzzled expression on his mate's face and smiled. He had so much to teach the boy, so many pleasures to show him. But they had time for all that later.

"I'll show you later, pet. For now, c'mere."

Xander slowly approached his mate, his eyes darting back and forth between the vampire and the flogger. He wasn't really concerned about the paddle, he'd used one on Anya before and she'd liked it. But a leather whip-type thing? That was uncharted territory, for sure. Then again, he knew Spike couldn't hurt him; wouldn't even if he could.

He laughed as the vampire's hand shot out and grabbed the front of his jeans and tugged him close. One thing Spike was not was patient. He could be the poster-vamp for ADD. Xander's laugh turned into a moan as the vampire's hands began to touch him in interesting ways. He was quickly divested of all of his clothing and hauled onto the bed. Spike sat up against the headboard and pulled him across his lap.

"Now, just relax, pet. Gonna make you feel good. Trust me."

"I-I do, Spike. I trust you."

"Good."

Spike bent over and pressed a quick kiss to Xander's ass before lightly rubbing his hand across it. He continued to gently caress the smooth globes until he felt the boy begin to squirm in arousal. He then brought his hand down and lightly smacked his lover, bracing in case the chip kicked in.

It didn't, so the next time he put a bit more force behind his slap. Xander moaned and bucked, Spike grinned and rubbed his hands together in glee. At least the damn chip hadn't spoiled all his fun.

By the time Xander's ass was a nice rosy pink colour, he was writhing, moaning and begging for Spike to fuck him. The vampire had other ideas, though. He rolled his mate off of his lap and positioned him on his back in the middle of the bed. Xander looked a question and Spike held up the leather cuffs.

Spike cuffed Xander's wrists to the bed and then put the cock ring on him. He laughed at the boy's indignant protest to wearing that particular device.

"Sorry, luv. Tonight you don't cum 'til I say so."

Xander swallowed and nodded his agreement. It wasn't as though he didn't have a choice. He knew if he asked, Spike would take it off, the cuffs as well. But it was kind of sexy being so completely out of control. His ass was still burning from the spanking and the cool sheets felt incredibly good on his abused skin. He let out a soft sigh and looked at his mate.

Spike - still fully dressed - picked up the flogger and stood at the end of the bed and looked at his lover. He was sure he'd never seen the boy look as beautiful. He was rock hard, flushed with arousal, excitement, and a bit of embarrassment. His eyes were glassy; his breath was coming in short, hard puffs. The muscles in his arms were tensed with the strain of being held apart. Spike almost decided to chuck the plan and just pounce on the boy.

Xander watched as Spike stood completely still, just staring at him. It was extremely arousing to be the focus of that stare. After a few minutes passed and Spike still hadn't budged he began to squirm. If it weren't for the fact that Xander could see Spike's face shifting in and out of its natural state he would have thought Spike wasn't interested.

Xander watched as Spike finally moved. He watched as the vampire brought the flogger to his face and inhaled the scent of the leather. He watched as the vampire's eyes drifted closed and his hand crept down to rub himself through his jeans. Blue eyes then snapped open and focused on him once again as the hand continued to stroke the hard flesh encased in denim.

Spike slowly crawled up the bed. He positioned himself between Xander's legs and brought the flogger down to rest on his chest. He slowly dragged the soft leather tassels across and then around his right nipple. He repeated the process on the left one as well. Xander panted beneath him and arched into the contact.

Spike dragged the leather slowly down his mate's torso, letting the soft tassels brush against his hard, dripping cock and down to stroke over his balls, as well.

"Oh, God! Holy fuck!"

Xander cried out and spasmed helplessly. If not for the cock ring he would have ruined Spike's toy just then. The vampire chuckled and lifted Xander's knees and spread him wide open before letting the leather thongs caress his ass as well.

"Doesn't have to hurt to be torture, pet. See, I could keep you on edge for hours this way. Just letting you get a taste for it, for the loss of control, the absolute surrender of yourself to me. Feels good though, doesn't it, love? Giving away your power, letting someone else take charge?"

Xander whined and his head thrashed on the pillow. He could barely think past the vivid picture his mate was painting. It was tempting, giving up complete control, not having any responsibility. Just letting Spike do whatever he wanted to him.

"Surrender to me, Xander. Give yourself to me, let me have everything."

"Yeeeeessss."

Xander hissed his response and Spike growled and vamped out. He leaned in and buried his tongue in his mate's ass, his fingers digging almost painfully into his lover's waist. He could hear the high-pitched keening noise Xander was making and knew that he wouldn't be able to take this for much longer.

Spike sat up relishing the sounds of disappointment his lover made and tore his pants open. He just barely uncovered his aching cock before he was looming over his bound mate and rubbing his drooling shaft against the tender opening of Xander's body. He swooped down and kissed him as he eased himself inside the tight heat of his boy's body.

Reaching between their bodies, Spike flicked open the rubber ring around Xander's cock and then sank his fangs into his mark on his mate's neck as he thrust hard and fast in his willing body.

Xander cried out in ecstasy as he came and came and came. It was the most powerful orgasm he could remember. He slid into unconsciousness with a sated smile on his lips and the feel of his lover's cool seed flooding his ass.

Spike pulled out and gently released Xander from his restraints. He slipped off the bed, undressed and went into the bathroom. He returned a few minutes later with a warm, wet cloth that he used to wipe the boy clean with. Afterwards, he covered his sleeping lover and then sat in the chair with his journal in hand as he watched his mate sleep.

Part 60

When Xander awoke the next morning, the events of the day before seemed like a bad dream. That or a vivid hallucination. Dragons? Mushroom people? What the hell was that all about? He rolled out of bed and sleepily made his way into the bathroom.

After taking care of his "nasty human business" he brushed his teeth and then started the shower. He was studiously avoiding looking outside. He didn't want to think about where he was; this place was just too weird. He started briefly when cool hands touched his shoulders, followed by a hard chest pressed into his back. A hard something else was pressed against his butt.

"Mornin' luv. Sleep well?"

"Mm hm. Slept great!"

Xander grinned a dopey grin. He had thoroughly enjoyed what his lover had done to him last night. He definitely wouldn't object to playing that particular game again.

"Good. 'Cause today probably won't be much fun. Need to be alert, make sure we don't drive off into dragon land or something."

"Oh. Right. That wouldn't be good."

"You think?"

The pair finished in the shower; the talk of dragons and the reminder of where they were killed any notion of sex that either man had. They were both rather subdued as they dressed and gathered their belongings. Xander took the bags as Spike rolled the motorbike through the door. They needed to find the Master of what was left of Sunnydale.

"Er, Xan? No offence meant pet, but why are we out here looking for the vamp in charge instead of hiding in the hotel until we shift?"

It was a good question. One that Xander had asked himself many times since he'd begun this journey. The simple truth was, he was curious. He couldn't not find out all the details he could about each new place. It was like he was driven to explore each new reality. In some cases he was glad he did. It had led him to finding Spike; it had resulted in Riley Finn getting what he deserved. There were other reasons, but those were the two that stood out in his mind.

"I don't know, Spike. I just ... need to do this. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, luv. I do. Come on then, let's go."

They hadn't gotten very far when the biggest demon Xander had ever seen stepped out into the street directly in front of them. It was the size of a Clydesdale and as ugly as a bloated corpse. It smelled bad too. Spike swerved the bike and tried to go around it but two smaller versions of the demon stepped out from behind the big one. They took up positions on either side of the leader and Xander knew they had no chance of getting past them.

Spike knew it as well; he tried to swing the bike around and go back the way they came from. He might have succeeded, too, but the demons were faster than they looked. The bike went down on its side, wheels still spinning as both vampire and human were swept up and into the demon's arms.

"Oi! What the hell is this then? Put me down! Now!"

The demon merely chuckled - at least that was what Xander assumed it was doing - at the vampire's outrage and then ignored him. Xander tried to remain calm; panicking wasn't going to get them out of this. He needed to stay calm, wait for Spike to give him some kind of signal. He had to be alert.

Spike struggled fruitlessly in the large demon's grip. The bastard was strong. He wasn't sure what they wanted with him and the boy, and he wasn't planning on sticking around to find out, either. He saw that Xander was doing his best to remain calm, he felt a swell of pride for his boy. Most humans, hell even some demons he knew, would be sobbing hysterically by now. He had chosen his mate well. Xander was one of the bravest individuals - of any species - he'd ever met.

When the opportunity presented itself, Spike took it. He lashed out with fangs and claws and managed to rip a good-sized gash into the demon holding him. It was enough to make it release its grip on him and he immediately rushed to the one holding his mate.

Between the two of them, they freed Xander and made a run for the bike. They were almost upon it when Spike pushed Xander in front of him and turned back to fight their pursuers.

"Xander! Get the hell out of here!"

"No! Not with out you, Spike. I won't leave you."

"Go! Bloody hell, I'll be fine, you won't. Fragile human, remember?"

"Spike..."

"Please love. If I don't find you beforehand, I'll catch up next world eh? Motorlodge?"

"Okay. Be careful."

"I will, love; go now."

"I love you, Spike."

"I love you too, Xan. Now get the hell out of here!"

Xander hesitated briefly but got on the bike. He knew Spike would be more effective if he didn't have to worry about his safety. That was the only reason he had agreed to go. He took one last look behind him and saw Spike rip the head off one of the smaller demons before he tore off in the direction of the hotel they had just left.

Xander found a drugstore, parked the bike and went inside. He purchased a large bottle of peroxide, some heavy-duty antibiotic creams and a shitload of bandages. He was just exiting the store when he saw a familiar face.

"Oz?"

The werewolf turned and snarled before stepping back in shock. He cocked his head to the side and delicately sniffed the air. In a decidedly Oz-ish fashion he nodded to himself and 'hmm-ed'.

"Xander."

It was more a statement of fact than a greeting but Xander was too distraught to notice. He hefted his shopping bag and crossed the street toward the only friendly face he'd seen in this reality.

"Hey, man."

"Who are you? I mean, I know you're Xander. But you're not Xander. You smell off."

"Wow. A complete sentence, I'm impressed. I am Xander, I don't know about the 'smelling off' as you put it, but I'm from a different reality."

"Cool."

"Not really. This place is... beyond description actually. Very much looking forward to leaving; the sooner the better."

Oz gave him an appraising look and asked Xander what his story was. Xander told him he'd be happy to explain but not there. He had to get back to the hotel and wait for Spike. Oz raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. He followed Xander back to the bike and climbed on behind him.

Back at the hotel, Xander got the same room as before and led the werewolf inside. He unpacked his first aid supplies and paced the floor waiting for the vampire to return. He told Oz the edited version of his story while he wore a groove in the floor. The wolf listened attentively and then pulled out a cell phone. Xander watched as he dialled a number and waited for it to be answered.

"Hey. I just ran into a very interesting person. You should come. Bring her with you."

Xander wondered who the hell Oz was talking to. He didn't like the idea of his whereabouts being broadcast. He tuned back into the one-sided conversation just in time to hear the other man say goodbye and hang up.

"Who were you talking to?"

"The Master of Sunnydale."

"Ah. So, Angel or Spike?"

Oz quirked a brow but otherwise didn't let his surprise show.

"Spike. Angel's dust. He tried to hold on to the L.A. territory. The new breed didn't like that idea. They tore him apart. Don't mention it in front of Spike; better yet don't mention Angel at all. It's a sore spot for him."

Xander nodded his acquiescence. He understood the bond between Spike and Angel a lot better now than he used to. And if this Spike were anything like his mate, the death of his sire, especially that kind of death, would be hard on him.

"Not a problem. So, who's he bringing? And why are they coming?"

"You'll see when they get here. I'll explain why when he gets here, as well."

About twenty minutes later a knock sounded on the door and Xander looked at Oz before going to open it. The werewolf nodded and Xander opened the door to Spike and... Dawn. Well, it made sense to him now. If Dawn were here, that was why Spike was still here. Hell, even Oz could probably hold his own with most of the beasties out there enough to get out of Sunnydale. But there was no way Spike would risk Dawn.

"Er, come in."

The vampire ushered his young charge into the room ahead of him and looked at Xander suspiciously. He sniffed the air and then stepped back in alarm. Xander heard the snarl before he saw the demon features break out on the blonde's face. He held up his hands in a placating manner and stepped back.

"I can explain."

"I bloody well hope so!"

Xander told Spike the same story he had previously told to Oz and watched as the demon paced the length of the room and back. He still wasn't sure why Oz had wanted him to come. Once he finished telling his story, he asked about the demons that had his mate.

"Not a lot of fun, those guys. But I'm sure that this other Spike'll be fine. I've tangled with those buggers a time or two myself; as long as they don't manage to get him back to their camp, he shouldn't have too much trouble."

"And if they do? Get him back there, I mean."

Spike looked a bit apologetic before answering.

"Then he's in for a world of hurt. They ah, they like the taste of dead flesh. They'll try an' eat him alive."

Xander looked horrified at the idea. He rushed to the door, intent on finding his mate, but strong, cool arms grabbed him before he got within four feet of it.

"You don't want to go after him; you, they'll kill. Save you for desert, they will."

"I don't care. I have to find him!"

"Make you a deal then. You take Dawn and I with you when you go, and I'll help you find your Spike."

"Fine. Deal. Let's go!"

"Not so fast. First you do whatever it is you have to do to make sure we get out of here. Then we'll go save your mate."

Xander gave Spike a dirty look and then stormed over to the bike, where the bags were still strapped to the back fender. He dug around until he found the vial of spell oil and pulled it out. He uncorked the stopper and walked toward the vampire.

"Give me your hand."

Spike held out his hand and watched as Xander drizzled a small amount of oil onto it. He looked at the man questioningly and smirked as he received an eye roll in return.

"Not all magic is a big production you know."

The vampire snorted in amusement and pulled Dawn to him so that Xander could do the same to her. Once finished, they left the girl with the werewolf and took the bike to find Xander's mate.

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