Quantum Xander

By JamesChick

Part 1

Xander stretched and rolled out of bed. He needed to get up and help Giles at the shop today. Deanna needed to train with someone and he had been volunteered. She was good. Not as good as Buffy, but in his opinion no one was as good as Buffy.

He had been here for two weeks now - two weeks in a place where everything was familiar but different. He wondered if he'd ever get home. As he showered, Xander thought about that first day.

::Two weeks earlier::

Xander yawned, opened his eyes and rolled over. He knew it was too early to get up because his alarm hadn't gone off yet. So why was he awake? Better yet why was he on the floor?

Xander stood up and stretched. He was still fully dressed just as he had been when he fell into bed last night. Patrol had been hard, two vamp nests and a coven of witches trying to open the hell-mouth.

As soon as the fact registered that he was in his bedroom, his completely empty bedroom, Xander began to worry. There was no way someone could have taken every last stick of furniture out of here while he was sleeping and not wake him. Something hell-mouthy was at work.

He left the bedroom only to find the rest of the apartment in the same shape - empty. It was as if he had never lived here. Even the paint was back to the same plain white that had been there before he signed the lease. He and Anya had the place painted in soft pastel tones. Her idea, but it did look good. With no phone and no electricity, Xander figured he'd have to walk over the magic shop to see if any of the others were experiencing weirdness.

The walk through Sunnydale was like something out of the 'Twilight Zone'. He swore he saw faces from his graduating class. Faces of people he knew hadn't survived the mayor's ascension. Shrugging it off as more of the same weirdness that took all his furniture, he continued on to the shop.

Xander walked through the front door of the magic box and was pleasantly surprised to see Giles there.

"Hey G-man! When'd you get back from the mother country?"

The crossbow aimed at his chest and the small brunette girl with a stake were not expected. Xander swallowed hard and tried again.

"Uh? Giles? I know you hate the nick name but is this necessary?"

Giles slowly approached Xander and opened the door. The morning sunlight poured into the shop and surrounded Xander in its brightness. Giles frowned and then withdrew a cross from his pocket. He pressed it to the side of Xander's neck. Nothing happened.

"Who are you?"

"What? I'm Xander. Who else would I be?"

Giles took several steps away from him and motioned for the brunette to come closer. Xander couldn't hear what was being said but he knew it was about him. He waited with a growing sense of wrongness. This was all wrong. Giles thought he was a vampire? Why? And who was the slayer wannabe?

"Xander?"

"Yeah G-man? Uh sorry, habit."

"What are you doing here?"

Xander sighed and motioned toward the research table.

"Can we sit? This might be kinda hard to believe but I don't think I belong here."

Giles nodded and the three of them took a seat.

"First off. I'm Xander. Do you know me?"

"Yes. You were one of Buffy's closest friends."

"Were? As in we aren't friends anymore? Or as in, one of us ain't breathing anymore?"

"You were turned. Last year as a matter of fact."

"How? Who? Why?"

"Well the how is pretty obvious. The who? Angelus. As for why? I can only assume to hurt Buffy."

"Which leads me to my next question. Where is the Buffster and who's the brunette?"

Giles pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. The brunette shot Xander a hate-filled look.

"Buffy was killed. This is Deanna, the new slayer."

Xander sighed and put his head on the table.

"Looks like I'm not in Kansas any more."

"Why don't you tell me what you remember. What's the first thing you remember that seemed different?"

Xander began talking, he told him about waking up in his empty apartment on the floor and everything that had happened between then and the moment he walked through the front door.

"And you say that Mayor Wilkins ascended? Fascinating. Buffy and Faith killed him before graduation in this reality. I assume that's why you recognised some of your former classmates. What else can you tell me about your reality?"

Xander and Giles talked for the next couple hours. Xander learned that in this reality Angelus had never been re-souled, as Willow had been vamped with Jesse in high school. Angelus had turned him, killed Buffy, and they had left town with Spike and Dru.

"What about the Initiative?"

"The what?"

"Riley Finn and his commando boys? Not ringing any bells?"

"Er, no actually. Please explain."

Xander went on to tell him about the military operation that had based itself in Sunnydale, how they had chipped Spike and he had come to them for help. How he had become somewhat of a colleague and had fallen in love with Buffy. He then asked about Glory and Dawn.

Giles told him that while he wasn't sure who this Glory person was, that Dawn had been killed by Drusilla. Xander assumed that because the key no longer existed, Glory had no reason to come to Sunnydale seeking it.

Giles couldn't believe some of the things he had heard. Faith being a rogue slayer, Dawn being a key that would destroy the barriers between worlds, Buffy dying and then being resurrected. Angel running a detective agency in LA with Cordelia Chase working for him. It was too much.

"And you say that Willow was a powerful witch in your reality? Fascinating."

"What happened to Willow and Jesse? Are they still vampires or did Buffy dust them?"

"Er, Jesse is still a demon as far as I know but Willow was dusted by Drusilla. It seems that Spike took a special ... interest in her and Dru got jealous."

"Oh. What about Cordy? What about Anya?"

"Cordelia left after graduation. I believe she is modelling in New York. As for this Anya? I'm afraid I don't know who she is."

"Of course! If Willow was vamped, there would never have been any kissing and Cordy wouldn't have made that wish and Anyanka would never have been here."

Giles spluttered.

"Did - did you say Anyanka? As in the vengeance demon Anyanka? The patron saint of scorned women?"

"Yep. She owned half this store, we almost got married."

Giles looked like he was about to faint.

"If it makes you feel better, she was human. You smashed her necklace and she lost her powers."

"I see. I must say, your Sunnydale seems like a very odd place indeed."

"Welcome to the hell mouth."

"Hell mouth? What hell mouth?"

Xander groaned. It was going to be a very long day.

::Present::

It had turned out to be a long couple of weeks. This Giles was just as obsessive as the one he remembered. They had read through countless magical texts trying to find a way to send him home. They had discussed the differences between their worlds, the possibility of endless realities existing. Xander knew there were at least four. This one, his reality, the wish-verse that Anya created and apparently a world without shrimp.

It made sense that there would be more. His inner geek told him the possibilities were endless. Every time you made a decision you created a reality in which you chose to go left instead of right, but somewhere, there was a reality where you chose the opposite. It was a scary thought. With that many possibilities he might never get home.

Xander finished his shower and got dressed. He felt a bit dizzy for a moment and closed his eyes. As he headed back downstairs he heard voices in the kitchen. As he got closer he recognised one of them as Buffy's. He grinned like an idiot and barged into the room.

Everyone fell silent and stared at him. He did the same. 'Cause there at the table sat Giles, Buffy, Willow, Spike, Tara, Dawn and.... himself.

"Well this is going to be fun."



Part 2

The shocked expression on everyone's faces made Xander want to giggle. He didn't, but he desperately wanted to. He realised that it was just the shock of obviously crossing into another reality and seeing himself. He wondered what things were different in this reality.

"Hey? Do you guys have shrimp on this world?"

Everyone looked at him strangely except Anya.

" Yes, we do. Have you been to the world without shrimp?"

"No, not yet anyway. This is only my second reality that isn't really mine."

"Oh, well when you get there, don't eat the seafood. It tastes funny."

"Thanks for the tip An, I'll keep it in mind."

Xander chuckled because it was just too funny not to. Everyone was still gaping at him like he was a side-show exhibit, and Anya just talked to him like it was perfectly normal for him to just show up from another dimension. Finally Spike found his voice and leaned over to the other Xander.

"He looks just like you pet, can we keep him?"

"Ew! No way, that would be like .... "

"Twins!"

Spike grinned lasciviously at the Xander sitting beside him before pecking him on the mouth. The Xander in the doorway stared in abject horror as he watched his twin kissing Spike.

"Oh God! It's a hell dimension. I'm macking on Spike!"

Spike and Xander both looked up at this and frowned. Spike pouted at his Xander and whispered in his ear. Xander just shrugged his shoulders and looked at his double.

"I take it you and Spike aren't a couple in your reality?"

Xander frantically shook his head. He then pointed at Anya and himself, unable to make words. Giles stepped in and tried to make sense out of this strange situation.

"You mean to tell us that you are Xander, but from a reality that differs from our own?"

"Yes."

"And that in your reality, you and Anya are ... involved?"

"We were engaged."

"And this is the second alternate reality you have found yourself in?"

"Uh huh."

"Fascinating. I would like to speak to you about all of this. Would you join us?"

"Uh, are they going to be doing ... that ... the whole time?"

'They' were Spike and Xander who were sitting close to each other, holding hands and whispering.

"Quite possibly. If you like we could talk in the other room?"

"Okay G-man, er, Giles. Sorry."

"Quite alright, tea?"

"Yes, please."

Xander told Giles everything he could remember about the other reality, and about the Sunnydale he was from. There wasn't much different here other that the fact that this Xander was obviously gay and very into Spike. Willow and Tara were a couple, as were Buffy and Riley. The shock was that Anya and Giles were married. Xander had tried to picture his Giles and Anya as a couple and smiled as he thought about how embarrassed the former watcher would be by his ex's blunt references to sex and her public demands for orgasms.

Giles suggested that Xander keep a journal, and gave him an empty book of lined paper. He also invited him to stay in the guest room for his duration in this reality in exchange for answers to any questions he might think up. Xander readily agreed and took the journal up to the guest room to be alone for a while. He decided writing things down would be a very good idea.

I got up this morning and showered in one reality and then found myself in another by the time I was dressed. I'm not sure what is causing me to shift or how long I'll stay in one place. It's kinda scary.

The first place was bad, no Buffy, no Willow. Hell, I was a vampire! Thank God I didn't meet myself. Apparently Angelus still reigns there and he turned me. The new slayer, Deanna, was okay. Nice kid, chip on her shoulder though. A bit like Faith. Speaking of Faith, she was doing the Slayer gig in Europe. Apparently a new hellmouth opened in France.

This place is better. Everyone is here and breathing. Except for Spike, but he's undead, so not a problem. The wiggy thing is ... I'm gay in this world. And Spike is my, his, this Xander's lover. I never thought about Spike that way, even when I was considering my sexuality, I never thought about Spike. Gah! Could be worse I suppose, could be Angel! ::shudder::

Giles has asked me to stay here - good thing too, cause Spike looked like he wanted to be the filling in a Xanderwich. Thank God my other self was not into that idea.

Anya is married to the G-man here. Strange, huh? I can see it though, they'd be kinda cute together. I'm just glad she's happy in this reality, I hurt her so much in mine. If I ever get home, I'll find a way to make it up to her. I'm sorry I hurt her. Oh my God! I wonder if she did this? Is she all vengeancy again? Is this my punishment? What if I never get home? I should talk to the Anya of this world, see what she thinks.

I just want to go home. I miss my friends, my job, my apartment. I miss scooby meetings, pizza night with Buffy and Dawn. I even miss playing pool and drinking beer at The Bronze with Spike. I must really be homesick.

Part 3

Three weeks. I've been in this world for three weeks and it has been three weeks too long. Know why I say that? It's because I've gotten used to seeing myself kiss Spike. It doesn't shock me anymore and it really should. But they're just like ... normal. They act the same way any gay couple would - well except for the fact that Spike and Xan (what Spike calls my other self) are more into PDA's than Wills and Tara are. The worst part is that I have to admit that they seem good for each other. This Xander is happy - way happier than I was with Anya. Which brings me to another point. Giles and Anya. Damn. They belong together, like really belong together. I know what Happy Anya looks like, and she is so happy with Giles that it makes my heart hurt. I could never have given her that kind of joy. He's given her such a real sense of humanity; she doesn't even make blunt public requests for orgasms. Though, Spike tells me she used to, and that it was quite entertaining. There doesn't seem to be much difference between this world and my own, other than my latent homosexuality and the Anya/Giles thing. Everything is basically the same. Buffy and Angel dated, he lost his soul, got it back, moved away. Faith went bad, went to jail. Spike got chipped, came here for help. Glory came, Buffy died, Wills brought her back. Same as my world. I have wanted to ask Xander how he and Spike got together, but I don't want to have that conversation in front of Spike. I'm hoping to get him alone for a bit today. He's going to meet me for lunch at the Doublemeat Palace. Speaking of which, I have to go or I'll be late.

Xander packed his journal into his backpack along with his extra set of clothes. He didn't seem to have any warning when he would shift realities so he tended to keep his things with him at all times, especially his journal. If he ever got home, Giles would find it fascinating. If he decided to show it to him.

Xander strolled down the street toward the fast food place. It was a beautiful day, sunny and warm but not too warm. It felt good to just be alive and outside. When he got to the Doublemeat Palace, his twin was nowhere to be seen so he got his food and sat down in a booth to wait. He didn't have to wait long. Within five minutes, Xander slid into the seat across from him. They both grinned when they saw that they had chosen the exact same meal.

"So, what did you want to see me about?"

"Ah, straight to the point. I like that."

"No sense in playing dumb with you, is there?"

"No. You're right. I have a few questions that I was hoping you wouldn't mind me asking. They're kind of personal."

"In other words, you didn't want to ask me in front of Spike?"

"Well, yeah. But the girls and Giles too."

"Okay, shoot."

Xander opened his burger and took the tomato and pickles off and discarded them. He watched as the other Xander did the same. He chuckled again. It really was too weird.

"I always forget to just order it without tomato and pickle."

"Me too. And you're stalling."

"I know. It's just ... "

"You want to know how I ended up with Spike, right?"

"Yeah, that and ... how come you're gay?"

The Xander of this world took a long sip of his soda and ran a hand back through his hair.

"It would be easier to answer the gay issue first, then I'll explain about Spike. Okay?"

"Okay."

"It started on my fifteenth birthday. I didn't have a party, mom was ... okay mom was drunk as usual and dad could give a shit whether or not I had food to eat, let alone a party."

"Yeah, I know."

"I guess you would. Anyway, Willow and Jesse threw me a secret party. It was out in Miller’s woods, in a clearing where we used to play. It was the place where Wills and I used to play doctor, only she never got it right."

"She brought a little black bag with a stethoscope and a thermometer. I remember that."

"Yeah, never had the heart to tell her."

"Me neither."

"Well, that night I stayed over at Jesse's. His Mom baked a cake for me and everything. It was great; we stayed up late watching monster movies and then stumbled up to bed. We were laying down in bed and I was just drifting off to sleep, then..."

"He kissed me. You. I ... it happened to me too. I pretended I was asleep and as soon as Jesse fell asleep I went downstairs and slept on the couch. He never did it again, and we pretended it hadn't happened. Never even talked about it."

"I didn't. I kissed him back. We dated secretly for a while, no one knew, not even Willow. When Darla turned him I wanted to die. I was lost without him and I couldn't even tell anyone why. I decided I would never hide who I was again. Life is way too short man, especially when you hang out with the slayer."

Xander and Xander finished their lunches in silence. Xander had a lot to think about. He remembered the night Jesse kissed him. He had often wondered how differently his life might have been had he only admitted he liked it instead of running away from it. Now he knew. This Xander was happy, he was in love and he was confident. No zeppo in him at all.

As they were walking back to the construction site, Xander had to ask about Spike.

"Oh that. Well it's kinda funny actually. I tied him to my barka lounger the first night he stayed in the basement with me. We had a nice little conversation about my bite-worthiness."

"Moist and delicious?"

"Yep, a real nummy treat."

Both Xanders chuckled at the remembrance of that conversation.

"Anyway, I started thinking about other places I could tie him up to. He knew exactly what I was thinking and called me on it. Eventually, we just gave in to it. Been together ever since. He's more than you think he is. You know Spike: the 'big bad', Master vampire and all that crap. I know William. The person he really is behind all those fronts. It takes a special person to stay with an insane woman for a century, you know?"

"Loyal, I get that. He defended Dawn with his life during the Glory thing."

"So, was there anything else you wanted to know? Size? Stamina? Technique?"

Xander spluttered and his double laughed.

"That wasn't nice!"

"I know."

"Actually I was wondering, if you're gay... who summoned Anyanka?"

"Willow, who else?"

"Wills? Why?"

"Cordelia cheated on her with Harmony. She was pissed. Who summoned her in your world?"

"Cordy. She caught me and Willow kissing after Spike kidnapped us."

The Xander of this world burst out laughing.

"You dated Cordelia Chase? Man and I thought you had class."

"Hey!"

"Please, I bet you chased Buffy too, didn't you?"

"Well ..."

"Over-compensating much? You chased after the most unattainable women. Did you ever wonder why?"

"And on that note, I'm going back to the shop. I told Giles I'd give him a hand with inventory."

"Chicken."

Xander straightened his backpack and walked away. Just as he turned the corner he felt that dizzy sensation again.

Part 4

When Xander opened his eyes, he was still standing on the corner; however, he knew it wasn't the same corner. He had shifted again. He figured the dizzy sensation must be a side effect of the shift. He chuckled a bit hysterically. He was never going to get used to this. Shaking his head, he walked toward the Magic Box. Time to check in with the scoobies of this world.

Xander paid a lot of attention to his surroundings on the way. Things didn't look any different from his Sunnydale but he wasn't about to get his hopes up.

As he entered the shop, Giles looked up at him and smiled.

"Ah, Xander. You're early. Faith isn't here yet, so why don't you have a seat. I'll make some tea while we wait."

"Uh, okay."

Xander sat at the table in the corner of the shop while Giles made tea. He figured the Englishman would appreciate having some while he told him who he was and why he was here.

"Wait a minute… Faith?"

Xander wasn't sure if he wanted to know. Maybe he should just find somewhere to hide until the next shift. Faith was bad news.

Giles came out of the small kitchenette in the back with a tray of tea and cookies. He placed it on the table and sat down opposite Xander. Xander took a deep calming breath and slowly let it out. Then he looked at Giles and grinned sheepishly.

"Giles? We need to talk."

The explanation itself took awhile, then there were the questions. Pretty much the same ones the previous Giles had asked. Xander was considering making a list to hand out. It would save time.

By the time Giles was convinced that Xander was telling the truth and he really wasn't the Xander of this world, Faith had come strolling into the shop. She plopped herself down on Xander's lap and kissed him soundly.

"Hey Xan, what's up? I thought we weren't meeting 'til later?"

Xander spluttered and stood up so fast he dumped the brunette slayer on her ass. Giles stifled a laugh and Faith glared at the man she thought was her lover.

"Oh God. Lips, Faith lips! Kissed by Faith! No, nononononono. Not good. I gotta go."

Xander made for the door, but Faith was faster. She held him back and looked at her watcher searchingly.

"What the hell is wrong with him? Did he get possessed again? Did Willow cast a spell? Why is he acting like he's scared of me?"

Giles took off his glasses and polished them with his shirttail. He sighed and motioned for Faith to bring Xander back to the table. Once they were seated again - Xander as far from Faith as he could get - Giles began to explain to Faith what had happened.

"So, you mean this isn't my Xander?"

"No. It appears that he is from an alternate reality - one in which you were not a nice person. In his world, you were the one who worked for Mayor Wilkins, not Buffy."

"Damn. No wonder he fled."

Xander had remained quiet, allowing Giles to explain the situation to his slayer, until he heard that Buffy had been the one to go bad.

"Buffy worked for Wilkins? No way! She wouldn't do something like that."

Giles went to speak but Faith held up her hand and silenced him. She looked at Xander with sympathy.

"After she sent Angel to hell, she was never the same. She left Sunnydale. She stayed away a long time. Angel came back; Willow found him and helped him. I showed up in town and started cleaning things up. The place was a mess. A hellmouth with no slayer is not a fun place to live. Angel helped me for awhile. I was an angry young woman when I first got here. He taught me how to channel my aggression into my calling. But you were the one who helped me the most."

"Me? How?"

"I ... I'm not proud of this. I took advantage of you, practically raped you one night. I tried to choke you to death, but Angel saved you. I expected to be run out of town, for you to hate me. You didn't. You forgave me. You said you understood what it was like to grow up without anyone who loved you, and that the darkness was an easy trap to fall into. I found a kindred soul in you."

Xander nodded. He did understand that, and yeah, things could have happened that way. It wasn't as far-fetched as it seemed. If anyone could understand Faith, it would be him.

"O-okay. But Buffy?"

Giles sighed and took over the explanation.

"When she left town, she was not in her right mind. She had just sent her lover to hell. She ended up in Los Angeles; she worked a few odd jobs but she seemed to be lost. A law firm took notice of her and ... well they weren't your average run-of-the-mill law firm. They worked for demons. They took her in, trained her to become a heartless killer. She wasn't Buffy any more. She was cold, hard, and vicious. Wilkins hired her as a bodyguard and to spy on us. She almost fooled us all."

Xander could see how hard this was on the man. Buffy had been more than just a slayer to him. She was like a daughter. He felt sick knowing that this could have happened in his reality, that his Buffy could have turned out this way. Giles continued the story.

"Surprisingly, it was Spike who informed us of her duplicity. He and Drusilla came back to town after being experimented on by some military group that was based in South America. He found out about the Mayor's ascension plans and traded us the information for fixing him and Drusilla. We didn't want to do it, but we needed to stop the Mayor."

"You de-chipped Spike? Are you nuts?"

"Well, it is not as if I wanted to. I really didn't see any other option at the time. If the Mayor had ascended, the whole town would have been destroyed."

"Yeah, I get that. So what happened?"

"Long story short? Faith and Angel killed the Mayor, Buffy escaped back to LA, and Spike and Drusilla left town."

"Is Buffy still working for those evil lawyers?"

"Er, no actually. Spike was able to add another slayer to his collection. She was killed shortly after returning to LA."

Xander put his head down on the table. This was a lot to take in - just knowing that all of this was possibly his fault. If only he had told the truth, told Buffy that Willow was trying the spell ... damn it! He had been such an asshole back then.

The shop door opened and he heard someone approach the table.

"Hey guys! How's my favourite brunette today?"

Xander looked up in time to see his double kiss Faith. It was going to be a nightmare explaining himself again. Hopefully Giles and Faith would do it and just let him brood in peace.

Part 5

Well, my double in this world is a pretty forgiving guy. Not only is there the whole Faith issue, but he gets along with Angel, too. I really can't understand why; I mean he's still the same brooding, guilty, jackass that he is back home.

I met Willow today. She and Oz have been making the L.A. club circuit. Get this: Willow dropped out of college to become a full-time groupie. It's way weird. She doesn't act like my Wills. Apparently she was quite miffed at me because I never returned her affection in high school. That's what Faith and my double tell me, anyway. She hooked up with Oz and hasn't been the same since. She doesn't do the witchy thing anymore - she stopped after restoring Angel's soul. I think she's a werewolf, but no one knows for sure. She and Oz don't come around much.

Oz is different here too. He's much more aggressive than my version. It's like he's embraced the wolf. Made it a part of him. He and Angel get in the same room and it's like a pissing contest. Alpha male style.

It's weird here. There is no Anya, no Tara, no Buffy, and no Dawn. Oh, and speaking of which, Faith has a kid sister. Her name is Hope. She is the 'Dawn' of this world. She's a cutie, but she's not ... Dawn. Too short, almost black hair, and the darkest brown eyes you've ever seen. It's obvious that she is Faith's sister, they act the same.

Faith… where do I start? She is NOTHING like the girl that tried to kill us all. She's sweet. She cares about people, about me - my double that is. Giles is her father; he adopted her and Hope. He's happy. It's kinda bizarre to see him act all parental around Faith. Just goes to show you that everyone has the potential to be good.

I don't hate it here, but I hope I leave soon. It's just too strange, too opposite of everything I'm used to. I wonder if Dru left Spike in this world, too? That's another thing that bothers me. Spike killed Buffy. I know she was a different person in this world, but the thought of him having his 'one good day' and killing my friend has always bothered me. In this world it's done. Then again, in this world he never loved her. I hope that makes a difference back home. I know that someday the chip will stop working. I just hope we don't all die when it does.

I've only been here for four days. I've been staying with Xander as Faith and Hope both live with Giles. It's peculiar; he looks like me, but we are so different. He works in an electronics store. He is the top sales guy, has a nice apartment, drives a pickup truck, and collects antique weapons. He never dated the fabulous Ms. Chase or made out with Willow. He has a perfectly normal 9 to 5 life. He just happens to date the slayer.

On that note, might I add that he and Faith are good as a twosome? They are. It is freakishly weird to see them together. When I think of Faith and me, I remember the feel of her hands on my throat, the lack of air and the dizziness that followed. But when I look at this Xander with this Faith, I see a happy couple who are so desperately in love it almost makes me sick. It's like watching Buffy and Angel before all the Angst, or Buffy and Riley before the Initiative turned out to be the bad guys.

Last night, she and Hope came over to watch movies with Xander. I guess they do this every week - family night. I tried to leave. I said I'd go visit with Giles to give them some privacy. They insisted that I stay. I sat through four hours of chick flicks, hand holding, and mushy sentiments.

Okay, I changed my mind. I hate it here, and I want to go home!

Xander closed his journal and slipped it into his backpack. He put the backpack on and prepared to head back to Xander's place. It was nice spending the day alone in the park, but it was starting to get dark and he really didn't want to die in some strange world where Buffy was the bad guy and Faith saved the day.

As he stood up, that eerie dizzy sensation hit him again. He held onto the bench and closed his eyes until it passed. He fell over as soon as the dizziness stopped. He opened his eyes to see why he had fallen. The question was easily answered when he saw that there was no bench in front of him. Actually there was no park, either. He looked at his surroundings and bit his tongue to keep from screaming.

There was a huge pile of rotting corpses in front of him. Some were human, most weren't. He turned around and ran as fast as he could.


Part 6

Running only led him further into town and further into trouble. Nothing about this world was right. It was dark, dreary, scary as hell and he hadn't seen any people. Other than the dead ones when he'd first arrived, that is.

The buildings still standing were in a state of disrepair, and the others were no more than piles of rubble, some of them on fire. He had to wonder what had happened here, but there was no time for thinking. Right now, he needed to find someplace safe and hole up till he figured out what was going on.

Xander didn't stop running until he found himself in the cemetery. He hid in one of the sturdier-looking crypts and sat as far back from the door as possible. He would never complain about where he was again if this was his punishment. Taking out his journal he began to write.

I don't know where I am or what I'm going to do. This world is not a friendly place. When I opened my eyes after the dizziness passed ... God. The sight, the smell ... All those bodies. I will never forget it as long as I live. Which may not be long judging from this place. It looks like a war zone.

I haven't seen any people. Then again, I haven't seen any demons either. Other than those bodies. I don't know what to make of it yet. I found a crypt to hole up in. Hopefully I won't be here long. I don't think I want to know how things are different here. I imagine hell looks a lot like this place does.

I don't want to die here, where no one will even know who I was. I want to go home. I want to see my Willow again, have her slap my arm and tell me I'm being silly. I want to have Buffy kick my ass while she trains; I don't care if I bruise for a month. I want to take Dawnie to the mall and buy her everything she smiles at. I want to watch Giles polish the lenses off his glasses as he explains why the world is going to end this week. I want to have an argument with Spike; one where we call each other creative names and smile at the inventiveness of the other. I want to tell Anya I'm sorry, that I never meant to hurt her.

Xander closed his book and waited for the sun to set. He only hoped that no one found him. He had a gut feeling that there was no slayer at all in this version of Sunnydale. No scoobies either. Hell, he'd be happy to see Spike, as long as he was chipped.

Xander must have drifted off, for the next thing he knew he was being dragged from the crypt by two of the ugliest demons he had ever seen - and he'd been up close and personal with Chaos demons, so he knew ugly.

These guys were big, nine - maybe ten - feet tall. They were the sickliest colour of green, and had dripping pustules all over their bodies. They smelled bad too. Really, really bad. Xander couldn't help but retch as one of them leaned over and exhaled in his face. The big ... thing ... didn't like that too much and displayed his anger by hitting Xander hard enough to knock him unconscious.

When Xander next awoke, he was in a cell. It was filled to capacity with other people, some of them in really bad shape. He didn't see anyone he recognised at first; then he saw a small shape huddled in the corner. If it weren't for the shock of red hair he wouldn't have even seen her.

"Willow?"

Xander quickly pushed his way through the other people and crouched down beside his long-time friend. He tilted her face up to get a look at her and gasped at what he saw. His Wills, his beautiful Willow was covered in scars; she was filthy and missing an eye. He pulled her into his arms and held her as he cried.

Xander realised that something was wrong when she didn't respond. He looked around at the others and wondered why it was that they just sat there, seeming to accept the fact that they were prisoners. Why did no one care?

"What the hell is wrong with her?!"

Xander was angry. He wanted answers and he wanted them now. He needed to know how things had turned out so wrong on this world and if there was any way to change it. One man sitting nearby looked at Xander and shrugged his shoulders.

"She don't speak. She don't cry. She don't fight. She's broken."

The simple speech turned his stomach. Broken. Willow was broken. And why did the man talk like that? Like he didn't know how to form sentences?

"Why? Why is she broken? Why do you speak like that?"

"We don't talk. Only when told to. Acathla don't like us to talk."

Xander's gut clenched at the name. Acathla was released here. Angelus had been successful. Hell on earth was reality here. He was going to die - he knew it. This was like a farm or something; sooner or later he would be killed for food. He wanted to throw up. Again. So he did.

Just then the door opened and two of those green things came in again. They grabbed a young man from one of the benches and dragged him out. The man didn't even put up a fight. What the hell was wrong with these people?

"What the hell is wrong with you people!?"

Several people turned to look at him when he yelled but then just as quickly went back to what they had been doing. Which as far as Xander could see, was nothing but staring off into space. Xander eased Willow out of his arms and leaned her up against the wall. He turned to the older man who had spoken to him before, the only one who seemed to speak, and asked him what happened to the people who were taken out of this room.

"They fight. They live? Maybe they come back. They die? They're food."

Xander's mind was spinning. Fight? Fight whom? What? And food? Oh hell no! He was NOT gonna be meat for those monsters. He just had to hold out until the next shift. He wished there were a way to take Willow with him.

"Who do they fight? Demons?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes humans. Don't matter. It's all just sport to them."

"Like throwing the Christians to the lions? That's ... That's ... Barbaric! Why don't you fight back?"

"No point. Where you from son? Everyone knows demons rule the world. No point in fighting it."

Xander shook his head sadly and went back to the still form of his friend.


Part 7

Xander must have fallen asleep for he was awakened rather abruptly by a very large orange-and-purple coloured demon dragging him across the floor and out of the room.

He fought. He kicked and hit and screamed bloody murder. It did him no good whatsoever - in fact it seemed to amuse the creature. Xander took one last look at Willow and closed his eyes. She was just sitting there staring blankly at the wall, the same as she had been when he'd first seen her.

The demon tossed Xander into a small cage-like cell and then walked away. Xander looked around, wondering what was going to happen next. He didn't like the feel of this at all. His 'Hellmouth radar' was going off in a big way.

The place was dark and he could just barely make out the shapes of other cells in the area. He figured this must be a holding area. But for what? He hoped it wasn't the food galley. At least he stood a chance of surviving if he had to fight. All those late-night beatings by various demons while on patrol would finally pay off.

At least he still had his pack on. The journal was the only thing that kept him sane sometimes. It reminded him that he had a home, someplace he belonged, someplace he would - hopefully - see again. If he were to lose his journal in this God-forsaken dimension he would never forgive himself.

Xander carefully slipped his backpack off and pulled his journal out. He tucked it into the back of his pants and pulled his t-shirt down over it. He put his pack back on and waited. At least this way, if they took his backpack or if it was torn off in a fight he would still have his most prized possession.

It felt as though he'd been in the cage for hours when finally someone came into the room. He watched as the cage across from his was opened and a man was pulled out. He didn't understand what the demon was saying to him, but he understood its intent when it licked the man's face and grabbed his ass. It put a whole new level of fear into him. Fighting was one thing, but no WAY was he going to give his ass to some demon. Uh uh!

When the door closed and the room was silent again, Xander risked taking his journal out to write in it. It was the only thing he had to pass the time.

This place is worse than I thought. Acathla was set free here; I guess Angelus wasn't stopped in time. I found Willow. Gods ... she isn't there, ya know? I was captured, taken prisoner. I don't know what's gonna happen to me. From what I've learned, humans are kept for entertainment and food. The entertainment comes in two forms, fighting - against demons or other humans - and sex. I'll die first.

If I thought it was oogy knowing that my alternate was doing the naked mambo with Spike, you can imagine how I feel about this. At least Spike looks human. He's not so bad once you get to know him, and from what Xan says, he's a totally different person with him. The Big Bad thing is just his cover. These guys? They're disgusting. I've only seen a couple different types, nothing I recognise, but eewww! I'd shag Spike willingly compared to them. Hells, I'd shag Angel! Blech!

I'm in a holding pen of some sort. I've been separated from Wills and the others that I was with. I'm not sure why, but I know it can't be good. A man was just taken from the room a few minutes ago, and he wasn't going to fight - if you get my drift.

This place is a nightmare. I want to go home. I swear the first thing I'm going to do when I get home is drive to L.A. and punch Angel in the face. Damn stupid vampire! What the FUCK was he thinking? I knew there was a reason for my hating him.

I can't help but wonder where Buffy was when Angelus was opening the portal. I mean, she should have stopped him right? She did back home, so what happened here? Did Spike double-cross her? Did Angelus kill her? So many damn possibilities, and no way to know for sure. I'm afraid to find out what other possible nastiness awaits me. There have been so many close calls, so many apocalypses ... apocalypti? Whichever.

Xander closed his journal and slipped it back into his pants. He had just given himself something to think about there. What if the next place he went was worse? What if he died before getting home? He could end up anywhere. A world where the Master rules, or a place where they didn't stop Glory in time. What about ADAM or the First Evil?

It was suddenly too much for Xander and he gave in to his emotions. He hung his head in his hands and allowed the tears to fall.

Part 8

So far I have had to fight ten times. I hate it here. I've had to kill demons before, but not like this. These creatures were pathetic, harmless things that didn't want to be here anymore than I do. It's almost as bad as killing a human being.

Don't get me wrong, I want to survive this. I will kill if I have to; I just don't want to. They are slowly killing me anyway - at least that's how it feels. I haven't seen Willow since that first day. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I mean, she looks like Wills, but she isn't. She's empty, hollow; nothing there but a husk. I feel bad that I'm almost relieved to not have to look at her.

I spend almost all of my time in this cage. They take me out to fight in the pen and afterwards they bring me back here. Wherever here is. I wish I'd paid more attention in school, then I might know what to compare this place to. It's not unlike the Coliseum, but it isn't the same as that either.

The pen where the fights take place is disgusting. It reeks of decay and there are bodies piled up the corners. I know if I die, I won't end up there; the only bodies there are demon. No, if I die here, I'll end up something's dinner. It's that thought, among the many others that keeps me going. I refuse to be food.

I remember taunting Spike about how biteable I am: "moist and delicious" is what I told him. He finally sneered out that I was a real nummy treat. Gods, what was I thinking? Telling a demon, even a chipped one, that I would be a good meal is suicidal. I must remember to tell Spike that I take it back. I'm NOT biteable. No numminess at all! That is, if I ever get home.

This place is like something out of a nightmare. At night, or whatever passes for it around here, I hear the screams. The ones that aren't entertaining enough for the pens - the men, the women, hells, I think some of them are children - I hear them scream and beg for death. They won't find it. Not until they are so used up that they are no fun anymore. When they refuse to scream, when they stop fighting back, that's when they may finally find death. But then again, maybe not.

I know in my heart, that Willow was one of them once. One of the unlucky ones. It kills me. I refuse to think about it when I hear the screams. If I don't block it out, if I even once envision her screaming like that, I will go mad. I have to keep my wits if I'm going to survive this place long enough to shift.

Xander tucked his journal away just as one of the large orange-and-purple demons stepped into the room. This was not a good sign. He had already been taken out earlier to fight, and the time for fighting was long past. There could only be one reason for this visit and Xander would die before he allowed that to happen to him.

As soon as the door on his little cage-like cell had been opened, Xander charged. The demon had not expected the attack and therefore Xander caught him off-guard. As his shoulder plowed heavily into the demon's mid-section, the demon let out a burst of foul breath and doubled over. Xander took the opportunity to make a run for the door.

Outside in the hallway, Xander paused for a quick look around. He knew the way to the pit but other than that he was completely lost. He turned in the opposite direction of the pit and ran like hell. He could hear the demon following close behind him. He ran faster, but he was quickly tiring. Weeks of being underfed and forced to fight for his very life had drained his energy, so it was not very surprising that he was soon caught.

The demon didn't seem to be all that put out by the chase, in fact it seems downright happy about it. Xander figured that the demons of this world didn't get to hunt their prey very often, judging by the calm acceptance he had seen from the humans around him. The thought sickened him. He would never surrender to this willingly.

He continued to struggle against the large arms that held him. He kicked out with his legs; he clawed and bit. It did nothing except further excite his captor. When he realised that he had been dragged into a darkened room by the thing, he screamed.

The demon began pawing him and snuffling at his neck. Xander was almost violently ill as he felt the vile tongue of the demon taste his skin. He couldn't ever remember being more repulsed than he was at this moment. The demon ripped his shirt from his chest and Xander felt hot salty tears run down his cheeks. For all his earlier bravado, he knew he wouldn't die first. He would endure this and live through it. He felt the demon's clawed hands at the fastenings of his pants; he closed his eyes and wept with relief as the dizziness overtook him.

Xander opened his eyes to see that he was standing in a classroom. It was night-time and the room was dark, but he recognised it as being his fourth grade classroom at Sunnydale Elementary School. Was this really the same place he had been kept prisoner all this time? As a child he had often felt like a prisoner at school. Life was just full of bitter ironies.

Being careful to make no noise, Xander left the classroom and headed for the front door of the school. He didn't care if he set off the alarms; he was not staying here one more moment. He needed to find out if this world was friendly or not, and he needed to find a place to clean up. A couple of weeks under a hot shower might erase the feel of those clawed hands on his skin, that slimy tongue on his neck; the scent was still lingering on him.

Out the door and into the night he went. At first impression, this place wasn't overrun by demons, but you could never be too careful. Xander kept to the shadows as he moved towards Giles' apartment complex. So far, he had been the one constant in every shift except the last one. He figured if he was going to find help, there would be the place to look.

Xander stopped outside the door and listened. He could hear voices inside but he wasn't sure whom they belonged to. He hesitated for a minute but finally got up the courage to knock. It couldn't be worse than where he had just been.

The door opened and a very shocked-looking Giles stood there and stared at him. He was sure he looked frightful - half dressed, filthy, covered in demon gore and blood - but he hoped that he would be welcomed inside.

"Xander? Is that really you?"

"Yeah, G-man. It's me. Can I come in?"

Giles did not ask him to enter but he did step aside, allowing Xander entrance to his home if he was able to cross the barrier. Xander, of course, did.

In the living room, five sets of eyes turned to look at him. Willow, Tara, Buffy, Riley ... and Spike. Xander couldn't quite fathom what was wrong with this picture but something was definitely off. He heard Giles talking and spun around to look at him.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I said, what brings you to Sunnydale and are the others with you?"

"Uh, no others Giles. Just me. Can we ... Can we talk in private for a minute?"

"Of course. Would you like to clean up first? You look like you've spent a week in a hell dimension."

"Two actually, but that's another story. Do you maybe have some clothes I could borrow? I think these need to be ..."

"Burned?"

"Yeah, that or exorcised."

Xander followed Giles upstairs to the bathroom and was handed a clean t-shirt, socks, and a pair of soft grey sweatpants. He smiled in thanks and then closed the door before stripping out of his soiled clothes and setting his journal on the counter. It was now the only thing he owned.

The hot water was a balm to his soul. He scrubbed himself raw with his fingernails and the soap. Every place the demon's hands had touched received extra scrubbing. He washed his hair until the water ran cold and he had to turn it off. He dried himself slowly, luxuriating in the feel of the soft towel against his newly sensitive skin.

Once he was dressed and feeling a bit more human, he rummaged in the medicine cabinet until he found a spare toothbrush. He thoroughly cleaned his mouth and then drank about five glasses of water. Knowing that he couldn't put it off any longer he picked up his journal, tucked it into the back of his pants and left the bathroom. He knew that Giles would have questions; Giles always had questions.

Part 9

Xander was extremely relieved to see that the others were gone by the time he got downstairs. He wasn't up to a full disclosure of the past two weeks with the whole gang. Especially Riley. Something about the soldier had always bothered him, and this world's version was setting off his Hellmouth radar in a big way. He did not trust Agent Finn.

Giles walked out of the kitchen with a tray of sandwiches and a tea service. He spotted Xander and motioned for the boy to take a seat in the living room.

"I thought you might be hungry."

"You have no idea!"

Xander shuddered in remembrance of the things he had been given to eat on the last world. He was sure he would never complain about health food - or any food - ever again. Hell, he'd eat Buffy's cooking and like it, after what he had ingested there.

Giles poured them both tea while Xander tried not to wolf down the sandwiches as if they were going to grow legs and run off if he didn't. He smiled apologetically at the older man and sipped at the hot tea.

"So ... You mentioned others? What others, and why would I 'bring' myself to Sunnydale? Don't I live here?"

"Er ... No. You live in L.A., with Wesley. Don't you remember? Did you suffer a recent head injury? Demon attack?"

Xander couldn't help the giggle that escaped at the English man's confusion and worry. He shook his head and took a deep fortifying breath. He put down his now-empty teacup and sighed.

"Giles… There are some things I need to tell you, things that you may not believe, but I swear they're true."

Giles quirked an eyebrow but settled in to listen. It took Xander several minutes to explain the basics of his situation. Immediately following came a lengthy question and answer period. By the end, Xander had lost track of how many times Giles had said 'fascinating' and polished his glasses.

"So, now you know my story. How about telling me what's the what in your world?"

"What exactly would you like to know?"

"First? Riley, I guess. In my world he and the Buffster split up. Are they still an item?"

"Yes, they did go through a bit of a ... rough patch. However with Joyce's illness, then her death, Buffy needed someone to lean on."

"Okay. So what's the deal with Spike?"

This was the question that interested him the most. It hadn't occurred to him just what had been so off about the scene he walked in on until now. Spike had been sitting on the couch beside Riley. Those two never sat anywhere near each other.

"Spike is ... Well Spike is a bit of a long story. Are you familiar with the work of the Initiative?"

"Oh yeah."

"Oh well then, that simplifies things. Spike is Riley's"

"Spike is Riley's what?"

"Property, so to speak. He's been fitted with a behaviour modification chip. He obeys whatever command Riley gives him. He's been a great asset to us with his knowledge of demon languages and his fighting skills. Does the Spike of your world not have such an implant?"

Xander was horrified. This casual acceptance of Spike's slavery was unbelievable to him! The Giles he knew was better than that. Still, Xander tried to make light of it.

"Oh yeah, he's chipped. He doesn't exactly belong to anyone though. But he does work for us."

Another question was suddenly on his mind.

"Does Angel know?"

"About Spike? I don't think so, at least if he does, he hasn't said anything. In fact, I don't think we've heard from him more than once since his move to L.A.."

Xander didn't think too much of Deadboy, especially after the place he just left, but even he wouldn't let Spike become property to Buffy's boy toy. At least he hoped not.

Xander needed time to think; he needed time to process this new and extremely startling information. He hoped that this Giles would be gracious enough to offer him a bed for the night. If he was going to figure out how to get Spike away from Riley, he needed a good night sleep.

"Hey, Giles? Would it be all right if I crash here tonight? I don't exactly have anywhere to go."

"Certainly. I'll make up the guestroom. I would like to speak with you some more about your ... travels. Would that be acceptable?"

"Sure, but can we do it tomorrow? I've been in hell for two weeks and I'm beat."

"Oh! Of course. Terribly sorry about that. Where are my manners? I'll just go fix up the room."

After Giles left, Xander searched the room for a pen. He'd lost his in the last world and he desperately needed the clarity his journal provided. Maybe, if he wrote this down and looked at it objectively, these versions of his friends wouldn't seem like heartless monsters.

Xander found a pen and tucked it into a pocket just as Giles came into the room and told him the guestroom was ready. The two said goodnight and Xander headed upstairs.

Riley owns Spike. Riley owns Spike, and no one here seems to be bothered by that fact. Buffy, who dated a vampire, is now dating a man who owns a vampire. Giles, a man who has many times threatened to stake Spike but never will as long as he remains harmless, who I know watched Passions with Spike - faithfully I might add - is not bothered by the fact that Spike is essentially a slave. Willow and Tara - two of the kindest, most soft-hearted people I know - are not bothered by this? Willow? A Jewish Wicca is okay with the owning of a sentient being?

Okay. I wrote it down, I read and re-read it and it still doesn't make sense. These are not the people I know. My friends would not stand for this. Okay Spike is ... well he's Spike - a demon, an evil soulless thing. Yeah. An evil soulless thing that risked his life to save a frightened young girl from a hell God, that endured hours of torture from said hell God for the same young girl. An evil fiend that has saved my ass on more than one occasion when he could have let me die. How evil is that? How evil is a guy who laughs at Monty Python and watches Saturday morning cartoons?

Spike may be a demon, he may be soulless and evil, but I've seen him do things for the people he loves that souled beings wouldn't risk. He fought through a mob for Dru, knights on horseback and a hell God for Buffy and Dawn. He's saved Willow and Tara from countless beasties. He befriended Anya when she needed someone to talk to. Someone who would understand all that she had lost by becoming human. Spike is evil, but he's my friend. I won't leave him to this fate.

Xander closed his journal and tucked it under the pillow. He wasn't lying when he told Giles he was beat. He needed sleep in the worst way. He would figure out a plan tomorrow. Unfortunately, he knew it would involve calling L.A. and talking to Angel.

Part 10

Xander rolled over onto the warm, sleeping body of his lover. He nuzzled into the other man’s neck and gently placed one of his legs between his lover’s thighs. He languidly rubbed himself against the hard thigh that was pressed into his groin. He smiled when he felt the other man begin to stir. He kissed his way down the smooth chest underneath him, stopping to taste each tiny pebbled nipple before thrusting his tongue into his love’s navel. Wesley sat up with a screech.

"Ack! You know I hate it when you do that! It tickles."

"I know. Let me make it up to you?"

Xander didn't wait for an answer, he just sucked the head of Wesley’s cock into his mouth and brought one hand down to caress and fondle his balls. He liked waking Wesley up this way; the older English man was not in a very alert state in the morning and made the cutest noises during sex.

While Wesley was moaning and trying not to thrust too hard into his mouth, Xander took the opportunity to open his legs wider. He then flipped open the bottle of lube and squirted some onto his fingers. He gently inserted them into Wesley’s ass and began stretching him. Once he was sure he wouldn't cause the man any discomfort, he released his cock from his mouth and crawled up his body.

"Morning, lover."

Wesley merely squeaked in reply and Xander chuckled before kissing him. He pulled Wesley’s legs up over his shoulders and eased his way inside his lover’s tight, hot body.

Xander cherished every day he and Wesley had together. In their line of work - demon hunting - death was a common occurrence. Not to mention the fact that being Angel’s seer wasn't exactly making him friends with the power players in this city. Wolfram and Hart were always seeking ways to get to Angel; he knew that first hand. He had inherited his visions from his former lover, Doyle. When they had met while Xander was working at a bar in Oxnard, it had been love at first sight. There was just something about the Irish half-demon that called to Xander. He moved to L.A. with him and never looked back. Not even after he and Doyle learned that Angel was the champion he would be working for.

Doyle’s death tore Xander apart. He was heartbroken and wasn't taking the visions too well either. He just wanted to give them to someone else and crawl into a hole and die. He even kissed Angel, trying to pass them to him. All that happened was that he got the first real laugh he'd had since Doyle died. The look on Angel’s face when Xander kissed him was the funniest thing he had ever seen. Up to that point, he didn't know that vampires were capable of blushing, or that Angel had such a ... vulgar vocabulary.

After that it got easier. He worked with Angel at night and held a job at a demon karaoke bar during the afternoon. When Wesley strolled in one day looking for a demon he was tracking, they started talking. Before they knew it, Wesley was a full-time employee of Angel Investigations. Xander fell for him soon after. Since then, they hadn’t spent a night apart in over two years.

There was nothing Xander would rather do than spend Sunday morning making love to Wesley. It was the day they set aside just to be together, no outside influences. Except, of course, for visions sent from the PTB. He could feel Wesley tightening around him and knew he was going to cum soon. He sped up his pace, increasing the strength of each thrust until they were both crying out their release. Wesley’s arms came up around Xander’s back and pulled him down to sprawl across his chest.

As they lay there basking in the afterglow, Xander began to thrash wildly and gripped his head. Wesley held him as still as possible and waited for his lover to ride out the vision.

~Soldiers~ ~Running~ ~Fear~ ~Woods~ ~Xander~ There was more, but it was fuzzy and Xander couldn't quite grasp it.

When Xander finally lay still once again, Wesley rolled him over and got out of bed to fetch him a glass of water and some painkillers.

"Should I call Angel or should we just go over?"

"I'm not sure. This one didn't make a lot of sense. There were these soldiers, chasing someone? I think it was me - but not me. Does this make any sense, Wes?"

"No, not really. Was there anything else?"

Xander closed his eyes and concentrated. Lately the visions had gotten increasingly more painful and it was harder to recall the details. He tried to pay more attention as he reviewed the information.

"Shit! Get dressed. We gotta go see Angel, now."

"What is it? Xander, you're scaring me."

Xander stopped and pulled Wesley into his arms. He held him for a minute before pulling away.

"There was someone else in my vision. Someone I was trying to help."

"Who?"

"Spike. That's why we need to talk to Angel. I mean why the hell would I be helping Spike? The bastard tried to kill me, he tortured Angel, and I won't even mention the things he called Doyle."

Wesley nodded and began dressing. He was worried about Xander’s health. The visions were getting worse and causing his lover to practically have a seizure each time he experienced one. Though he was glad the vision hadn't come any earlier. Say, when Xander was giving him a blowjob. He really didn't want to have his penis bitten off!

---

Xander woke to the sound of voices downstairs. He wondered how long he had slept… He opened one eye and peered at the clock beside the bed. It was after 11 A.M.; that meant he had slept at least ten hours. He wondered who was downstairs with Giles.

"Only one way to find out."

Xander pulled on the socks and t-shirt, having slept in the pants, and after once more tucking his journal into the back of his pants, left the room. He made a quick stop-off at the bathroom to freshen up, wishing he could jump in the shower and scrub himself raw. Again.

The first thing he noticed as he started down the stairs was that Spike was sitting on the sofa and Riley and Buffy were arguing with Giles in the kitchen. He studied the blonde vampire for a minute. He looked like Spike, except he seemed ... broken.

"Hey, Spike."

The vampire swung around to look at him, wariness written on his face. He didn't speak, but he didn't look away either. Xander figured it was the best he was gonna get and took a chance.

"Look, I don't know how long I have until they come back in here, so listen up. I'm not from here; this isn't my dimension. In my world, we're ... friends. I don't like Riley and I think what he is doing to you is wrong. I'm going to try and get you away from here."

Spike still looked sceptical but nodded at him. Then with a move that was pure Spike, cocked one eyebrow and tilted his head.

"Why?"

"I told you. In my world, we're friends. Hell, we were roomies for a while after you got chipped. Just try to trust me okay?"

Whatever Spike might have said to that, Xander would never know because in that instant, Riley walked through the door and Spike went back to what he was doing before he had spoken - nothing. Xander tried to look innocent and shrugged at Riley.

"Hey, how do you keep him quiet? The Spike on my world never shuts up."

Xander really didn't like the feral grin that Riley gave him as an answer. Nor did he like the way Spike flinched away when Riley strode toward him. It was all Xander could do not to throw up when Riley tipped Spike’s head back and wrenched his mouth open. There were holes where there should have been teeth. Teeth that would grow into fangs when his face changed.

"It learned not to disobey me. It wasn't easy at first but eventually the training took. It doesn't do anything without my permission, including speak."

Xander swallowed the bile that had risen in his throat and tried once again to act casual.

"Hmm, so how many vampires do you own, or is this a one-of-a-kind?"

"This one is mine. It's a prototype. I'm working the bugs out, so to speak. We believe that with the chips and the right training, demons could be taught to serve humanity; free labour if you will."

"Like undead houseboys?"

Xander gave the patented goofy-Xander grin and Riley actually laughed. He slapped Xander on the shoulder and headed back to the kitchen. Xander shook off the feeling of revulsion he had after being touched by him.

"I'd rather have that demon’s hands on me again than his."

Spike snorted.

"Yeah, tell me about it."

Xander swung around to look at Spike. He hadn't expected him to talk to him again, not after the way he had just acted with Riley. The look in Spike’s eye told Xander that there was more to this 'training' than beatings and fang-removal. He almost didn't want to know.

"Does he ... hurt you?"

"What do you think. Look, you serious about helping me?"

"Yeah, very."

"Then call my Sire."

"Dru?"

"Angelus! Dru couldn't help herself out of a corner with a map and a flashlight. Please, call my Sire. Tell him..."

"I will. I promise."

Spike nodded and went back to ignoring everything around him. Xander slowly let out a breath and tried to put on a goofy face as he walked into the kitchen to meet the others.


Part 11

When Xander walked into the kitchen, Buffy eyed him warily. She didn't remind him of his Buffy at all. This girl was cold, cynical, and hard. He tried to set her mind at ease by giving her the patented 'Xander is a goofball' grin. It wasn't working.

"Hey Buff. How are you?"

"Fine. You?"

"Amazingly well for a guy who just spent the last two weeks fighting for his life in a hell dimension."

Buffy didn't seem impressed but, surprisingly, Riley did. The soldier looked Xander over from head to toe and then nodded.

"You must have done well. I'm impressed. Military background?"

"Well, I was possessed by a soldier once on Halloween. But mostly, what I know, I learned from helping Buffy."

This peaked Buffy's interest and she perked up.

"So, you still work with me where you're from? Not Angel?"

"Deadboy? No way! Still a scooby, through and through."

That made Buffy smile, something Xander wasn't sure this version of his friend knew how to do. It warmed his heart to see at least a small trace of the girl he knew reflected in the woman in front of him.

"So, I was thinking. I could be here for a while and I should at least know the basics of what the situation is here in this world. Any big nasties on the current agenda?"

"Nope. All clear on the hostile front. We took out a large nest of vampires just outside of town two nights ago. Things have been quiet since."

Xander nodded to Riley and then turned to Buffy.

"Is it okay if I ask a question - it's kinda personal?"

"Shoot."

"Did you die here? See, ‘cause on my world, you died in the battle with Glory. I've been trying to figure out if there was some way we could have stopped that."

Buffy looked sad and Riley put an arm around her. Giles glared at Xander and Xander suddenly felt very afraid of the older man. He stepped back and said he was sorry.

"It's okay. No, I didn't die here. Dawn did. Before the ritual, she was coming home from school and was... "

Buffy broke off with a sob. Xander felt like an ass. He wished he hadn't asked the question now. No Dawn meant that Buffy was truly alone in this world, no family to fall back on at all. No wonder she was so cold and hard. He was so caught up in his guilt that he almost missed the look that passed between Giles and Riley. Almost.

"Um... I think I'll take a walk around town. See what's different here. Besides, after two weeks in that place, I really feel like I need the wide, open space and plentiful fresh air. So, can I come here later?"

Giles looked up from the book he was studying.

"Oh, of course. I still have a great many questions I would like to ask you, as well."

"Sure thing G-man!"

Xander grinned and then made for the door. He spared a quick glance at the vampire on the sofa before leaving. Spike sat just as he had before Xander entered the kitchen. He wondered if the vampire were allowed to move without permission.

---

Angel awoke to the sound of loud knocking on his bedroom door. He groaned and rolled out of bed. The only reason for him to be awake at this time of the day was if Xander had a vision. He grabbed his slacks and tugged them on as he walked to the door. He just finished doing up the button and was pulling on a shirt when the knocking started again.

"I'm up! Hang on."

Angel opened the door to find a haggard looking Wesley waiting for him. He didn't see Xander and was about to ask where he was when Wesley answered his question.

"Xander is in the office, he's had a vision regarding himself, some soldiers and ... Spike."

Angel’s eyes locked on to Wesley’s and he growled. The last time he had seen Spike, the younger vampire was watching amusedly as another vampire ran hot pokers through his body. He stormed down the stairs to the office. He wanted to know exactly what Xander’s vision had been.

A few minutes later, Angel was still trying to figure out what he was supposed to do with the information Xander had given him when the phone rang. Without even thinking Angel picked it up.

"Angel Investigations, we help the hopeless. How can I help you?"

There was a pause on the other end before the caller spoke.

"Deadboy, don't hang up. This is going to sound seriously fucked up, but it's me, Xander."

Angel looked at his seer, who was currently lying with his head in Wesley’s lap, while the English man massaged his lover’s temples and tried to soothe away his headache.

"Okay, explain. 'Cause from where I'm sitting, you're here in my office."

"Shit! All right, short version. I'm not from this reality. I think my ex-fiancé - who is an ex-vengeance demon by the way - cursed me. I've been hopping from one reality to another for a while now. I showed up here last night, and Spike is in big trouble. He needs your help."

Angel smacked his forehead on his desk several times. Xander’s vision was beginning to become clear. Two Xanders, and now he had to save Spike. Redemption was dirty business sometimes.

"What has Spike gotten himself into this time?"

Wesley and Xander, who had been following the one-sided conversation as best as they could, stiffened at the tone of Angel’s question. They knew by the resignation in their boss's voice that they were going to be saving a vampire very soon. They just wanted to know why.

"There's this military group here in Sunnydale, called the Initiative. They're bad news, they capture demons - any demons - and experiment on them. The got a hold of Spike. They put a chip in his head that keeps him from hurting humans. He can't defend himself, Angel. But that's not the worst part. Riley, Buffy's new boyfriend, is one of them, and he now owns Spike. Angel, he pulled out his fangs."

Angel growled and damn near crushed the phone in his hand. He didn't like Spike, but he was still family, and his demon side roared at the injustice of what had been done to his childe. He looked over at his co-workers and sighed. He hated dragging them into danger but he would need their help on this one if he were going to rescue Spike.

"We'll leave when the sun sets. Where are you staying?"

"Giles’ place. But don't come here. I'll meet you at the mansion on Crawford Street. It's probably the safest."

"We'll be there two hours after sunset."

Angel didn't say goodbye. He just hung up the phone and waited for the questions to start.

---

Xander hung up the phone and headed for the park. He was in no hurry to go back to Giles’ place any time soon. The man gave him the creeps. There was just something not right about the way he and Riley interacted. Back home, it was no secret that Giles didn't care much for the Initiative or Riley Finn in particular.

Upon reaching the park, Xander found a secluded bench and pulled out his journal. He was really glad that he had this; he thought he might keep up the tradition if - when - he got home. It did seem to help him figure out his thoughts.

I don't like the way Giles and Riley interact with each other. Earlier today, when I asked about Dawn and Glory, they shared this ... look. I didn't like it then, and the more I think about it, the less I like it now. Dawn was killed here; therefore, Buffy didn't have to die to save the world. I just don't like the coincidence.

I was told that Dawn was killed on the way home from school. I never found out how, since Buffy began to cry. That was when I saw the "look". I think Riley and Giles are behind her death. I know it doesn't sound right, but this is NOT my Giles. This man is someone else, someone who sees only the black and white in the world - just like Riley.

I know that my Giles has it in him to kill, I mean look at Ben. But to kill Dawn? No way. I remember how hard it was for him to even suggest it back home; there is no way he could have actually done it. But here? It looks like he did, or helped Riley do it, at least.

I called Angel. I don't know if it was the right thing, messing in the goings-on of alternate realities, but I can't just leave Spike to Riley. Not after what I saw. I suspect that there is a lot more going on than I've been told. Spike wouldn't break that easily. I might be wrong; God I hope I'm wrong, but I think Riley rapes Spike. It wouldn't surprise me; he seems to like the power he has over him too much not to do that as well. I hope Angel can help get Spike away from here, I kinda hope he'll take me too, ‘ cause I doubt I'll be wanting to stay after this.

Part 12

Rather than go back to Giles’ place, Xander wandered around town until the sun began to set. He knew Angel would be leaving L.A. any time now, and he was looking forward to meeting the Xander of this reality. If he could not only put up with, but also actually work for Angel, he must have either the patience of a saint or a masochistic streak a mile wide.

He found himself wandering through one of Sunnydale’s cemeteries. He knew it wasn't a very smart thing to do, but from what he had been told, this Sunnydale wasn't the vamp-infested town that his Sunnydale was. Besides, he was hoping to catch sight of Buffy and Riley. If he was lucky, maybe he could get Spike away from them and make a break for the mansion.

Xander heard noise up ahead and slowly crept forward to investigate. It looked like Buffy and Riley had found some trouble after all. There were a couple of large greyish demons, both armed with broadswords, circling them. Xander didn't see Spike anywhere close but that didn't mean he wasn't nearby. The vampire was very good at stealth. Riley's stun gun was having no effect on the demons and they were closing in. Buffy wasn't doing so well holding off her attacker. It seemed this slayer wasn't as good as his Buffy. That, or she had gotten sloppy, letting the commandos do most of the work.

Riley let out a loud whistle and seemingly out of nowhere, Spike attacked. He was vicious and bloodthirsty, attacking the demons with fists and feet. Xander saw him go into game-face and wince at the pain his transformation caused. It just made him all the more determined to help Spike escape from these people.

Once the fight was turned back in their favour, Riley and Buffy went on the offensive. Spike was left to watch and be ready in case he was needed to fight again. Xander took the opportunity to sneak closer. Spike must have smelled him approach for he turned and looked at him.

Xander motioned for the blonde to follow him and slowly crept away. Spike looked around to make sure that he wasn't being watched before following him. Once they were far enough away to talk without being overheard but still close enough for Spike to hear the fight, they stopped.

"Angel is on his way."

Spike gasped in surprise. He hadn't really thought the human would call his sire. And even if he did, he hadn't really expected Angel to come this quickly.

"Now?"

"Yeah, he said as soon as the sun set he'd head out. I'm supposed to meet him at the mansion. The one on Crawford Street - you know the place?"

"Yeah, I do."

"Then come on. If we get there now, and lay low, we can leave as soon as Angel gets there."

Xander grabbed Spike’s arm and began pulling him away. Spike struggled with himself to follow, but his 'training' kept nagging at him that he was supposed to stay with his master. That he would be caught and then punished for running away again. Xander felt Spike slowing down and almost growled in frustration.

"Come on. Spike, we have to go!"

"I know. I just..."

Xander knew all about conditioning thanks to his soldier memories. He knew that Spike was having difficulty disobeying his programming, but they didn't have time for this right now.

"Spike. Riley Finn is an asshole; he isn't worthy of you or your protection. Let the big grey bastards eat him and let’s go! I promise, I will stake you myself before I let him get his hands on you again. Okay?"

Spike looked at Xander in awe.

"You will?"

"Yes."

"Promise?"

Xander took Spike’s hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"I promise. Now come on before they realise you're missing."

Spike and Xander ran from the cemetery in the direction of Crawford Street. They stuck to the shadows as much as possible and then cut through Miller’s woods. They were more than halfway there when they heard a group of people behind them. Xander swore softly and Spike sped up dragging Xander behind him.

"Soldiers?"

"Probably, yeah. They patrol the town nightly."

"You think they saw us?"

"Don't know. Keep running."

As they continued to run toward the mansion, a thought suddenly occurred to Xander. The Spike in his world had a tracking device implanted by the Initiative; it made sense that this Spike did as well.

"Tracking device."

Spike spun around and looked at Xander.

"What?"

"My Spike ... er, that is to say, the Spike in my world had a tracking device. Okay it was shot into him from a rifle, but still. Is there a possibility that you have one?"

Spike thought about the last -and only - time he had run away from Riley. He hadn't made it further than the bus station when he was rounded up by a group of soldiers.

"Bugger! How do we get rid of it?"

"Dig it out. Problem is we have to locate it first. Hopefully they aren't looking for you yet."

They continued to run toward the mansion hoping that either Angel would be early or that the soldiers weren't following them. It was still only an hour or so after sunset. If the soldiers were following them ... they were in a world of trouble.

Xander spotted the mansion up ahead and with renewed vigour increased his pace. He couldn't believe that he was relying on Angel, of all people, to save him - especially after the place he had just come from. Oh well, he would hit him after they were safe and sound in L.A.

The front door of the old house was locked up tight so they made their way around the back and broke in through the basement window. Spike pulled his lighter out of his coat and lit the way to help Xander see their surroundings. The basement was dusty and dank but at least they were safely inside. Now if only Angel would get there soon.

Part 13

Angel could sense Spike’s presence as soon as he pulled into the driveway of the old mansion. Unfortunately he could also sense several humans as well. He leaned over the back seat and informed his co-workers. If these soldiers in Xander’s vision were the same ones that had captured Spike - and it was probable that they were - they would know he was a vampire on sight. As much as he hated it, he had to let Wesley and Xander do the first search of the house and the grounds.

Xander and Wesley were checking around the side of the mansion when they heard footsteps approaching. Xander quickly pushed Wesley into the wall and began kissing him passionately. When three armed soldiers came around the corner - weapons drawn - the lovers pretended to be startled.

"Stand down!"

The man in the lead ordered the other two to holster their weapons while he looked at Xander and Wesley with unhidden disgust. Xander licked his lips and eyed the soldier appreciatively. It was the easiest way he could think of to get rid of them. Most homophobes thought gay men were all perverts who would fuck anyone. In this case, Xander was hoping to use that to his advantage.

"Look Wes, soldier boys."

Xander purred in his most seductive voice. It took Wesley a few seconds to catch on but once he did he played along.

"Mmm, very nice. Haven't had a military de-briefing before. You boys want to play?"

The soldier looked at the two in disdain and backed off. He nodded for his men to move out before backing away even further.

"You should go home. It isn't safe out here at night."

That said, he quickly left to catch up with his men. Xander looked at Wes and grinned.

"A de-briefing? Wes, that was great! Looks like I'm rubbing off on you."

Xander raised his eyebrows in a cheeky manner at him. Wesley just smiled and took Xander’s hand. They continued to make their way around to the back of the house. They spotted the broken window and were about to climb in when Angel joined them.

"The humans are gone. How did you manage that?"

"Homophobia."

Xander winked at Angel and then dropped down through the window. Wesley and Angel followed right behind him. Angel could hear three heartbeats. He assumed the third one belonged to the other Xander and began to hone in on it. Wesley and Xander followed behind him as he led them further and further into the basement. When they reached the door to the room with the furnace and water heater, Angel stopped.

"Spike, I'm here. Come out."

A few seconds later, Xander stepped out of the room. He looked at Angel, then at Wesley, and then lastly at himself. He shook his head and ducked back into the room. Angel could just make out Spike’s voice as Xander talked to him. A few minutes after that, Xander returned dragging a somewhat wary Spike behind him.

"Okay, Deadboy. Let’s get the hell out of here before Finn and his commando boys come looking for Spike."

The other Xander chuckled and then grinned at his double.

"Deadboy. Haven't used that one in years, I think I miss it."

"I don't!"

Angel growled and spun on his heel. He stopped below the window and listened. Once he was sure it was safe, he jumped up and grabbed the ledge before pulling himself through. He reached down for Wesley who gave him his hand allowed the vampire to pull him up. The Xander of this world was next.

Spike and Xander stood underneath the window and looked at each other. Spike was still heedful of getting caught and he didn't know if he could actually do this. Maybe he would be better off just asking Xander to stake him. The boy said that they were friends in his world, and he had helped him to escape. Would he do this as well? Put him out of his misery? Xander broke into the vampire’s thoughts.

"Your turn, bleach boy. Up you go."

"Why me? Why don't you go first?"

"’Cause I don't trust Angel to pull me through the window. He'll probably bash my head 'accidentally' or drop me on my ass. You go first and then help me up."

Spike grinned at Xander’s distrust of Angel. This human was amusing; he could see why he would be friends with him. Spike grabbed the window ledge and pulled himself through before reaching back in for Xander.

Once they were all outside they headed for Angel’s car in a hurry. None of them had the desire to stay longer than necessary. Xander jumped into the back seat and Spike got in beside him. He knew Spike didn't exactly trust the other humans in the car, and his relationship with Angel was tenuous at best. He figured it would be better if he sat beside Spike on the way to L.A.

Wesley and the other Xander piled into the front seat with Angel. Neither man wanted to sit any closer to the blonde vampire than they had to. He might be chipped, and also the victim of this particular vision-inspired rescue, but he was still a demon.

The ride back to L.A. was made in relative silence. Spike fidgeted and squirmed in his seat until Xander took both of his hands in his and held them. He figured this was the easiest way to calm him; touch always seemed to work for him when he was scared or nervous. Spike actually offered him a slight smile and relaxed a bit. Xander didn't relax until they reached L.A.

Angel parked the car at the hotel and everyone got out. Wesley and Xander made their excuses and beat a hasty retreat. Angel had already told them earlier that day that they should stay away from the hotel for the next couple of days. He needed time to make sure Spike wasn't a threat to them before they came back.

Xander looked around the lobby and whistled. The place was huge. He had never been to see Angel in L.A.; he had no reason to visit, after all. He hated Angel, and he and Cordy weren't exactly on speaking terms. Willow had told him about this place, but seeing it was another thing entirely.

"So, is there room here for the two of us or do we need to find a hotel?"

Spike snorted and then looked around nervously. He would need time to overcome his conditioning. Angel noticed his childe’s behaviour but didn't say anything. Instead he turned to Xander and frowned.

"You know, you're nothing like the Xander I know. He grew up."

"Yeah well ... You’re exactly like the Angel I know - still a depressing, broody bastard with no sense of humour. Oh, and I wanted to ask? Just what the hell were you thinking with the whole 'open Acathla and suck the world into hell' plan, huh? ‘Cause I just spent two weeks in that reality, you asshole, and let me tell you I was lucky to make it out alive and ... untouched!"

Xander felt all the rage he had stored up inside him bubble out, and before he knew it he swung out and decked the stunned vampire. He shook his arm to lessen the impact pain and let out a calming breath. He smiled at Spike and then turned to Angel who was rubbing his jaw.

"Well. I feel better. Now about those rooms?"

Angel gaped at Xander, and Spike burst out laughing. Maybe he'd be all right after all.

Part 14

Angel showed Xander and Spike to a couple of rooms right across the hall from each other. He made sure they were far enough away from his so as not to disturb him, but still close enough that he could keep an eye on Spike. For all the camaraderie between them, he still didn't trust Spike not to try to eat Xander.

After showing them to their rooms, Angel made the mistake of asking if there was anything else that they needed. Xander immediately answered that food would be a good thing, and possibly some clothes so he could shower. Angel gave them directions to the hotel’s kitchen, and then disappeared into his room to find suitable clothing for his ... guests.

Downstairs in the kitchen, Xander was making himself a couple sandwiches while Spike tried to figure out how to work Angel’s ancient microwave in order to heat his blood. It was not going well.

"Bloody hell! The bleedin’ poof lives in a fuckin' hotel for Christ’s sake - you'd think he could buy a microwave than doesn't have a dial on it."

Xander chuckled and walked over to see what the problem was.

"Oh, I remember these. My grandparents had one, you have to turn this and then push that. See? 'Sides, I'm surprised Deadboy even has a microwave, I didn't think he could wrap that Cro-Magnon brain of his around the concept of modern technology."

Spike turned and studied the human who had, for lack of a more accurate description, saved him. He noticed that while he was open and friendly with him, he was downright rude and snarky to Angel. He figured it couldn't be just an 'all demons are bad' thing, otherwise the boy would have left him to Finn. He wondered what Angel had done to him.

"You really hate him don't you?"

"Who Angel? Yeah, I guess I do."

Xander was just finishing making his sandwiches and cleaning up after himself. Spike retrieved his blood from the microwave and walked over to join him.

"How come? I mean if you hate him, which you obviously do, how come you’re here?"

"It's complicated. Angel and I have never liked each other. Plus there is that whole ‘suck the world into hell’ thing. That place was horrible. God, I can still smell it, hear the sounds when I close my eyes. If I hadn't shifted out when I did..."

Xander shuddered as he once again felt the clawed hands on his skin, the slimy tongue tasting his skin. He noticed Spike looking at him oddly and shook it off.

"Anyway, in my world, he offered me to you as a snack on parent-teacher night. He was trying to fool you, or so he would have everyone believe. Personally, I think he'd have been happy if you had eaten me."

Spike couldn't help but grin at the image of his sire presenting him with this tasty young man as an entree. It never would have worked; Angelus would have turned the boy, not eaten him.

"That never happened here. I would remember something like that. So, you still didn't answer the question. Why are you here?"

"Better than there. I mean, at least here I know what to expect. Angel is a vampire; he has a soul, yada yada yada. There? Those people are not normal. They're nothing like the gang in my world. I think Riley and Giles had Dawn killed, and look at how they treated you. Okay so yeah, we chained you up in the bathtub until we were sure you couldn't hurt us, but we fed you and didn't... torture you."

Spike smirked at Xander and raised an eyebrow.

"Chained me in the tub? Well, better than having me fangs ripped out. Any other little bondage scenarios you'd care to share?"

"Uh, I ah ... tiedyoutomybarkaloungerwhenyoulivedwithmeinthebasement."

"You tied me to what?"

"A chair. In my basement. So you couldn't eat me in my sleep. It was stupid, but I was scared of you."

Spike puffed up a bit at that information. It had been a long time since anyone had admitted to being afraid of him. He could have wept for the sheer joy of it. Instead he smiled at Xander and then drained his mug. Xander watched the vampire feed with a mixture of curiosity and disgust. Whenever he'd seen his Spike feed, the vamp had gone into game face, this Spike didn't. It was weird seeing him drink blood while looking human.

"Hey, Spike? If we didn't meet on parent-teacher night, when was the first time you tried to kill me?"

"Well, there were a bunch of times. Let’s face it, hanging out with the slayer will make you a target. I think it was that time I kidnapped the witch; any other time, you just happened to be around when I went after the slayer - wasn't personal then."

Xander couldn't help but grin at the matter of fact statement. It was true; hanging out with Buffy did make him a target. But in the end, what he was doing - helping to save the world - was worth it. Spike rinsed his mug and headed for the door before turning back to Xander.

"So. You think the old poof has a telly?"

Angel had been listening to the conversation between the two in the kitchen. He began to understand this version of Xander a little better. In this reality, while he and Xander did have their problems, it was nothing like what the other Xander had just described. He had to wonder what his double was thinking trying to pass Xander off as food to Spike. Angelus would never have shared something as sweet-looking as Xander; he would have kept him around for weeks, breaking him in before turning him. His double must have been pretty dumb to think that even Spike wouldn't see through that plan.

He wondered what had possessed this version of Xander to help Spike, not that he didn't think he should have. He just wondered why. It wasn't as if they were friends - hell they didn't even know each other. Unless the Spike of his world was different than the one here, he couldn't see them being in the same room with out bickering and insulting each other.

He moved away from the door just in time to avoid being hit with it as Spike - followed by Xander - walked toward the back staircase and up to their rooms.

---

After a long hot shower, Xander was grateful to slide into the satin pyjama pants that had been left for him - even if they were Angel’s. He was extremely worn out from the running earlier that night. Take that, added to the stress of the past couple weeks and finding out that the people he should have been able to trust were monsters with his friends faces - it was no shock that he was falling asleep on his feet. He did feel sorry for Buffy; he was sure that she had no idea what had really happened to Dawn, even though she was taking Spike’s slavery in stride.

Spike had showered, dressed, and wandered downstairs to find a book or something to occupy himself with. Angel didn't have a television - big shock there - so he was bored. He was also trying not to think about where he should be, where some part of him insisted he belonged - at his master’s side.

Spike snarled and punched the wall in frustration. He hated this, being neutered and de-fanged. Helpless to defend himself, forced to kill his own kind under the orders of what should be his food but was in reality his owner. He heard Angel come up behind him and spun around to face him.

Angel took one look at his childe’s demon face, gaps where his fangs should be, and almost wept. At his worst, Angelus had never taken William’s fangs. He had beaten him, fucked him raw, starved him and left him strung up in chains for days on end, but he had never done anything like this. Even Angel, soulboy and champion for the Powers, considered this to be wrong. It would have been more humane to stake Spike then to make him live like this.

"What do you want, Poof?"

Angel tore his gaze away from his childe’s face and lowered his eyes. He didn't want Spike to see the pity in his eyes; it would only enrage him further.

"I thought you might be restless. I wondered if you wanted to check out the training room maybe spar for a bit. I haven't had a good work-out partner in a long time."

Spike grinned at Angel. He was actually looking forward to this. It had been far too long since he'd fought against his sire, and it was a good way to relieve some of his stress.

"Sure Peaches, lead on."

Part 15

Two hours later, two battered, weary, and bloody vampires trudged up the stairs of the hotel to their rooms. They had started off with light sparring, but it rapidly turned into something of a brawl. Angel had forgotten how fast Spike was, and how quick he was to learn his opponents’ weaknesses. All the years apart had made his childe a finely honed killer. He knew that Spike needed the release that a fight would give him; he had never liked being helpless in the past, a fact that Angelus had used in his favour. Besides, he figured if he wore Spike out, it might save him some repair costs to the hotel.

Spike was looking forward to a long hot shower and then a good night’s sleep in an actual bed. He had been sleeping on an old army cot while staying with - being held prisoner by - Riley. The thought of a real mattress, clean comfortable bedding, and a soft pillow was almost enough to make him skip the shower but he was covered in blood and sweat, so a shower was definitely needed.

Angel showered quickly and then called Wesley and Xander to check in. He wanted to keep them up-to-date on his guests and the situation in the hotel. He didn't have much to report, but figured they would appreciate the call.

"Hello?"

"Wes, it's Angel."

"Ah, how is everything there?"

"Good. Just thought I'd call and let you know I'm not dust."

"Very thoughtful of you."

"Could I speak to Xander for a minute?"

"Of course, one minute Angel."

There was a pause while Wesley put the phone and went to get Xander. Angel could hear the approaching steps on the other end of the line just before Xander spoke.

"Hey Deadboy! What's up?"

Angel growled in annoyance. He hated that nickname and was overjoyed when Xander had stopped using it. However, thanks to this other Xander it looked like it was going to be a frequent insult again.

"I really hate that name, Xander."

"I know."

Angel could hear the laughter in Xander’s voice and tried not to smile along with him. It didn't work.

"Look, do you think you could pick up a few things for Xander and Spike tomorrow? You would know his size and I will give you the sizes for Spike. Also, I think I'm going to need some groceries; he eats the way you do!"

"Sure, just let me grab a pen and you can tell me what you want."

---

Down the hall from Angel’s room Xander was having a nightmare. He was back in his cell; the orange-and-purple demon was coming toward him. When the door opened, Xander ran. He ran as fast as he could but the thing still caught him. He struggled uselessly against it, kicking and hitting it. He could feel it smelling him, tasting him. When the clawed hands unfastened his pants he screamed. It wasn't supposed to be like this, it hadn't happened this way, he had shifted!

Xander was trapped by the demon; he couldn't escape. He continued to scream and fight, he looked over the thing’s shoulder and saw Willow watching from the doorway. She stared at him with her one green eye, blinking. Then she tilted her head ever so slightly and spoke.

"You left me to this, Xander. Why? Why did you leave me behind?"

Xander shook his head frantically as the demon’s hands roamed over his most private places.

"No! No Wills, it wasn't my fault. I wanted to save you, I didn't know how. Please. It wasn't my fault. Please."

The demon continued its assault, fondling his cock and balls - squeezing them painfully hard. He felt a long sharp claw reaching between his cheeks to probe at his anus and he screamed again. Willow began to laugh.

---

Spike had just finished drying off and pulling on a pair of sweatpants that Angel had left for him when he heard the scream. He knew all about those screams. They were the kind you made when you were helpless to do anything else. He shook his head sadly and left the room.

Xander hadn't locked his door so Spike was able to enter the room without breaking down the door. He took a look at the thrashing, moaning man on the bed and then sighed. He wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do or not but it had always worked with Dru, so he slid into the bed beside him and began to softly stroke the boy’s back while talking to him.

"Come on, pet. Wake up now. Just a dream s'all."

Xander stopped thrashing but he was still moaning and whimpering quietly. Spike continued to speak to him in the same low, soothing voice while petting him softly.

"You gotta wake up, Xander. I can't do nothing to help you in your dreams, pet. Come on. Wake up, that's it. Nothing here but you an' me."

Xander started to wake up slowly, shaking off the nightmare. He realised that he wasn't alone in his bed, and tensed up until he heard Spike’s voice. He wanted to cry he was so thankful. He didn't cry, but he did burrow into Spike’s arms and squeeze him tightly. Spike just continued to pet him and lay down next to the boy.

---

Angel hung up the phone with Xander and went down the hall to check on his guests; he thought he had heard screaming. When he looked in Spike’s room it was empty so he moved on to Xander’s. He cracked open the door and was shocked to see Spike in bed with the man, holding him and gently rubbing circles on his back. It was a familiar scene, but back then it was a different brunette that Spike held in his arms.

Spike was aware of Angel’s presence but didn't say anything. What was there to say? He wasn't doing anything wrong, Xander had rescued him, and he was just returning the favour. When Xander lifted his head to speak though, he put his finger to his lips to quiet him before glaring at the vampire in the doorway. Angel got the message and slowly closed the door.

"Sorry luv, didn't figure you wanted Angel listening in on something that's obviously private."

"Angel was here? Shit. Thanks."

"No worries. Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No. Not really."

Spike nodded and just continued to lay there in bed with Xander. He knew he should leave but the heat was nice, and he could do with a bit of comforting himself so he stayed. Eventually, he heard Xander sigh in frustration.

"It might help to talk, pet. You don't seem to be able to sleep."

"I know. It's just ... It's hard."

"Yeah, but hey you survived it yeah? So it's over with. Whatever it was, you lived through it."

Xander took a deep, calming breath and then slowly let it out. He didn't want to talk about it, he wanted to forget it ever happened, but he knew that it wasn't going to just go away, and maybe he would feel better if he told Spike. It couldn't make him look any girlier than laying here clinging to the vampire.

"It was awful, Spike. That place? It was so horrible, and I found Willow, only she was broken. She didn't know me, she never even looked at me or spoke or anything. I held her and ... nothing. She was so beaten, scarred. It was like looking at a person whose soul had left but the body kept living."

Spike nodded to let Xander know he was paying attention and continued to pet him, trying to soothe him. Xander stared off into space for a moment before continuing.

"Just before the shift - before I ended up in this reality, a demon took me out of my cell. He - it was going to ... rape me. I ran. I ran as fast as I could. I was just too weak from fighting and not eating, it caught me."

Xander began to shake as the images assaulted him once again. He could hear Spikes low soothing voice speaking to him but he didn't understand the words. He was aware of soft cool hands rubbing his back and he sighed. It felt nice, being held and comforted. He was beginning to understand what the other Xander meant when he said Spike wasn't what he appeared to be. The man beside him was a caring, compassionate individual. Xander shook his head and began to talk again.

"In the dream, I didn't shift. After the demon tore my shirt, he licked my neck and then went for my pants. That's when it happened - the shift - but this time I was still there. Only I wasn't alone, Willow was in the doorway; she was blaming me for leaving her there. I tried to tell her that it wasn't my fault, that I couldn't help her. The demon’s hands were everywhere, it grabbed my ... and then I felt its claws at my ... she was laughing at me, Spike. She laughed and said it was all my fault."

Xander broke down and began to cry. Spike held him tighter and let him. He wasn't sure what to do for him; when Dru was this upset he usually distracted her with sex. Somehow he doubted that Xander was looking to get shagged after that. Especially by a demon.

Spike held the sobbing boy and made quiet shushing noises as he stroked his hair. He waited until the boy fell asleep before trying to extract himself from the warm arms that had wrapped around him. Every time he got free of one, the other would tighten. Eventually he gave up with a chuckle and settled down to sleep. He just hoped the boy wasn't upset with him in the morning.

 

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