Beyond Expectation

By Talula

Part 1: B with an Itch

“Okay, so everybody has the project,” Professor Garvin said after his TA completed passing out the assignment description to the students. “Pair up and I’ll expect your completed assignments by next Tuesday. Then you’ll do peer reviews on how the project went. Dismissed.”

Buffy was wasting time reading the assignment while everybody else was pairing off. She was oblivious as the lecture hall started to clear. When she finished reading, she looked up to find the room was almost empty except for a few stragglers.

“Oh crap, I still need a buddy.”

She was wishing Willow had opted to take this contemporary literature course with her. But Willow’s schedule had already been packed with other courses. Buffy looked around and saw a girl up in the corner who was just starting to gather her things. She put on her best introductory smile and approached the girl. They almost collided when the girl didn’t notice Buffy. She was walking with her head down and seemed very shy. Buffy was up for that. Willow was quite the wallflower when they had first met. And look at her now, Buffy thought.

“Uh, hey, looks like we’re the only ones left without project partners,” she said. “If you want, we could pair up. I’m Buffy Summers.”

“Great,” the girl said. Buffy noticed the tone in the girl’s voice was more sarcastic than enthusiastic. The girl sighed and rolled her eyes. “You know, I-I’ll just do the project, put both our names on it and we-we can both lie on our peer reviews next week. It’ll save us both a l-lot of trouble.”

“Um, okaaay,” Buffy said as the girl pushed past her. She was a little confused about that reaction and definitely wanted to find out what was going on. She followed her out the door into the hall. “Or we could work on it together and both put our own work into it.”

“R-right. Your own work,” the girl said. Her tone was moving into pure bitter territory.

“Obviously, we haven’t got off to a great start here,” Buffy said in confusion. The girl stopped walking and glared at her. “Did I run over your puppy in a previous life or something? I don’t even know you.”

“You d-don’t remember,” the girl said, not surprised in the least.

“Remember what? I don’t even know your name.”

“Tara Maclay,” the girl replied. She waited for a reaction and watched as Buffy’s eyes widened and the recognition light bulb came on.

“Oh geez,” Buffy said, her surprise changed to guilt. “You went to Hemry. God, I should’ve remembered with the stutter.”

Tara rolled her eyes and turned, trying to retreat from this unwanted situation. Buffy hurried after her and stepped in her path again.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,” Buffy said apologetically. “Sometimes my mouth moves faster than my brain. You remember that, right?”

“Right,” Tara scoffed, not comforted by Buffy’s attempt at levity. “I-I remember you making fun of me every chance you-you got. You and your sh-sheep.”

“Okay, yeah, I was a bitch to you. I freely admit that,” Buffy said. She remembered what she was like at Hemry, what she called her Cordelia Era. She was prom queen incarnate and a pure nightmare for anyone who didn’t have an in with the popular crowd. Tara was one of those kind of people. “But I have really, really changed since I left Hemry. I mean, really. I don’t think I can say really enough.”

“You’ve changed?” Tara asked skeptically. She remembered all too well how Buffy treated her in high school. She had been ready to throw a party when she found out Buffy was expelled. Of course, she didn’t have any friends to invite to that party.

“Yeah, seriously, and you know, I think this project is a good way for me to make it up to you. I feel really bad about how I treated you,” Buffy said.

“I don’t w-w-want your pity,” Tara said sharply.

“Okay, no pity. Sure. Pity’s bad,” Buffy said, frantically trying to think how she could get on Tara’s good graces. “But let’s just try this project together. I really am a totally different person now. I do my own homework and everything.” Tara smirked slightly, and Buffy noticed that Tara genuinely seemed amused by that comment. “Well, that’s a start. So can we start over here? Clean slate?”

Tara looked reluctant. Buffy tried to think of something else she could say to convince her. She was digging through her memory for anything about Tara that might help her. Something personal to try and get on her good side. She thought of all the things she used to tease Tara about. Her clothes, her stutter, her shyness. Then it hit her.

“Witchcraft,” Buffy blurted out. Tara looked confused.

“What?”

“We used to tease you. We called you a witch because of the way you dressed,” Buffy said.

“Yeah, w-what’s your point?” Tara said, not fond of the memories Buffy was digging up.

“Sorry, I’m getting there. Are you really into witchcraft?” Buffy asked. Tara was too stunned to answer. “Because if you are, I know a guy. He runs a magic shop here in town. A real magic shop, not one of those hokey shops that deals in love spells and henna tattoos. If you’re interested, we could work on our project there. I could introduce you to him. So are you really a witch?”

Tara was hesitant. She wasn’t thrilled with revealing such personal information to someone she had hated as long as she had known her.

“I also have a friend who’s a witch,” Buffy said. “You could meet her, too. She helps out at the shop sometimes. I bet she’ll be there.” Tara was still hesitant. Buffy tried even harder. “Okay, so what do I have to do? Do I have to buy you presents? Because I will. Do you like chocolate? Or coffee? I can do bribery. I’m all over it.”

Tara couldn’t stop from chuckling. Buffy certainly was trying her hardest. So she gave in.

“Okay, we can w-w-work at the shop,” Tara said with a smile. Buffy smiled, happy with her success.

“Well, I got a full smile,” Buffy said. She turned, and the two of them began walking. “I’d say we’re getting somewhere.”

---

When they arrived at the shop, Tara was pleased to find that Buffy had described it accurately. It wasn’t hokey at all. It was the real deal, and as far as she could tell, the owner knew his stuff. Buffy introduced Tara to him, and the young witch was slightly surprised by his British accent.

“Tara Maclay, this is Rupert Giles,” Buffy introduced. “We all just call him Giles.”

“How do you do,” Giles said with a nod and smile. Tara smiled shyly back.

“Nice to meet you, M-Mr. Giles,” she said timidly.

“Mister?” Giles said in surprise. He shot a pointed glare at Buffy. “Well, that’s a refreshing change of pace. Perhaps you could learn a little respect from her, Buffy.”

Buffy just rolled her eyes and led Tara over to the large table where they would do their work.

“Tara’s a witch. Or do you prefer Wicca? I know Willow prefers Wicca,” Buffy said, not wanting to offend Tara. She had worked so hard to get her to agree to do the project with her, she was afraid to spoil it.

“Um, either is f-fine,” Tara said. Giles became curious.

“How experienced are you?” he asked.

“W-well, I’ve practiced my whole life, or ever since I w-was little, I mean,” she offered. “I-I don’t really do much anymore.”

“Why not?” Buffy asked, wanting to learn more about this girl she remembered tormenting in high school.

“I don’t know many other, um, witches,” Tara said.

“Yes, witchcraft—well, white magick rather—is a very communal practice, Buffy,” Giles explained. Buffy recognized lecture mode, but she was very used to it by now. “That’s why there are entire covens with anywhere from two to forty witches. Solitary practitioners tend to lose focus and they begin to stray into the dark magicks. It can be dangerous to practice alone.”

“Well, how come you don’t tell Willow that?” Buffy asked innocently. Giles scowled and removed his glasses.

“I have told Willow that numerous times. She chooses not to listen,” he said. “Something I’m afraid she may have picked up from you.”

“I listen,” Buffy said defensively. “I listen all the time.”

“Right,” Giles said dismissively.

“So, W-Willow is the friend you were talking about before?” Tara asked. She was definitely interested in meeting another witch. Her shy nature tended to get in the way of her meeting other witches, or anybody, for that matter.

“Yeah, she’s the one,” Buffy said. “Has Will been in yet today, Giles?”

“Not yet,” he said. “Actually, it’s Tuesday. She generally doesn’t come in on Tuesdays.”

“Oh yeah, she’s got chemistry lab on Tuesdays. Takes up all her time,” Buffy said. She looked apologetically to Tara. “Sorry. I really wanted to introduce you two. Will’s always wanting to meet other witches. I think you two would hit it off. She was a lot like you in high school, except she was a computer nerd instead of a literature nerd.” Tara scowled at Buffy, and the slayer looked up to see that Giles was offering the same scowl. “God, I’m sorry. Ask Giles, I have chronic foot in mouth disease. I didn’t mean to…well, I’m just going to change the topic to our project.”

“You mean our project on contemporary literature?” Tara asked pointedly.

“Wow, I really suck at making up for being a bitch,” Buffy muttered. The bell over the shop door clanged and Buffy looked over, hoping it would be Willow making a surprise Tuesday visit to the shop. The person she saw was almost as good as Willow.

“Xander, hey!” she said happily. She stood, went over to Xander and hugged him. “I’m so glad to see you. You know I love you, right?”

Xander looked at Buffy confused. Then he looked worried. “Is somebody dying? Am I dying? What’s going on?”

“Nobody’s dying,” Giles said dryly. “Buffy just insulted her new friend and is trying to awkwardly get out of the hole she’s dug herself into.”

Tara smiled. She knew there was a reason she liked Giles already. She could definitely get used to being around him.

“New friend?” Xander asked, now curious. Tara looked up at him shyly. He smiled broadly, trying to play it cool. It was his ‘there’s a new, pretty girl’ smile. “Hi, I’m Xander. If Buffy has told you anything about me, the good stuff is true and the rest is all lies.”

“I’m T-Tara,” she introduced herself. Xander nodded and sat next to her at the table. Buffy returned to her seat, glad that there was a distraction to get Tara to forget the unintended insult.

“So, Tara tell me all about yourself, starting with favorite restaurants and what you look for in a guy,” Xander said. Buffy shot a look at him.

“Xander, you’re dating Anya!” she said. He pointed at her and spoke in his defense.

“Having a girlfriend does not mean I can’t flirt,” he said. He looked back to Tara and noticed she was blushing. “You and Buffy go to UC Sunnydale together? You do the whole matriculating thing?”

“Yeah, Buffy and I are w-working on a project together,” Tara said.

“Well, good. That means we’ll see more of you then, right?” he asked. Tara smiled and nodded her head. Xander stood and turned to the counter where Giles was looking through some receipts. “I’m actually just here to pick up Anya’s paycheck.”

“Why didn’t she come herself?” Giles asked. Xander shrugged his shoulders.

“The line’s really long at the bank. She figured by the time I got back with her check, she’d be up to the counter,” he explained. Giles opened the register and handed over Anya’s paycheck.

“Tell Anya if she wants her precious money so badly, she needs to start picking up her own checks,” Giles said. Xander nodded his head and turned toward the door.

“Okay, I’m off to make Anya happy. With the check, not…” Xander trailed off, feeling slightly awkward having slipped up like that around Tara. “Bye ladies…and Giles.”

Once Xander was gone, Tara turned to Buffy.

“Okay, w-we need to get started on this,” she said. “How far h-have you read?”

“Um, well, I’ve read most of it, or some of it,” Buffy said. Tara just looked at her, waiting for a clear and honest answer. “Okay, I read the poem.”

“I guess that’s more th-than I expected,” Tara said. Buffy shot her a pointed look and Tara smiled innocently.

“It’s a long poem,” Buffy said defensively. “A 36-page poem.”

“What are you reading?” Giles asked. The former librarian in him always came to life when books were the topic of discussion.

“Pale Fire by Vlad…Vlad…Vladimmer Nabo…” Buffy said as she looked at the book, struggling with the foreign author’s name.

“Vladimir Nabokov,” Tara said, pronouncing it perfectly without even her typical stutter slipping through.

“Ah, yes, Nabokov,” Giles said. “I haven’t read that particular book, but Lolita was not really to my tastes.”

“Pale Fire’s better. It has such an-an interesting style. It’s so unique,” Tara said. Buffy felt left out so she started reading the first page. Then she looked up after reading a few lines.

“I thought this was a novel,” she said in confusion. Tara nodded her head. “It’s looking like a review of that poem.”

“It’s a novel,” Tara said. She pointed further down the page. “Keep reading.”

Buffy did as Tara said and then scowled. She quoted the book. “‘There is a very loud amusement park right in front of my present lodgings.’ What the hell does that have to do with anything?”

“You’ll figure it out w-w-when you read more,” Tara replied. “That’s what I was talking about, with the style. Nabokov wrote the book in the style of a literary critique. The main character, Ch-Charles Kinbote, is critiquing this poem, b-but the more you read, the more you realize that Kinbote’s, um, not quite right in the head.”

“Sounds interesting,” Giles said. Buffy pouted.

“Sounds confusing,” she said. She sighed. “Well, I guess I’ve got some reading to do before we start on this project. Sorry. I’m Miss Not Prepared.”

“That’s okay,” Tara said. Buffy noticed that Tara had lightened up considerably since they had arrived at the shop. “I-I can work on some outlines tonight, kind of, um, get things going.”

“Okay, well, I’ll give you a call and we can figure out when to meet again to work on this,” Buffy said as they packed up their things. “You’re in the campus directory?”

“Yeah, I-I am,” she replied. She smiled at Giles before she left. “Goodbye, Mr. Giles.”

“Goodbye, Tara. Pleasure meeting you.” Once Tara was gone, Giles went about his business in the shop while talking with Buffy. “She’s a pleasant girl. You went to high school with her? I don’t remember ever seeing her.”

“No, she didn’t go to Sunnydale High,” Buffy replied. “We went to Hemry together before I got kicked out.”

“Oh, you two were friends then?”

“Not so much,” Buffy replied. Giles looked confused. “I’m sure she had plenty of words for what I was to her. One starts with b and ends with itch. She was Willow. I was Cordelia.”

“Good lord, and she agreed to work with you?” Giles asked, remembering how Cordelia had treated Willow.

“It took a lot of arm twisting and promises that I had changed,” Buffy said. Giles looked concerned and Buffy realized why. “Not literal arm twisting. But anyway, we were the last two in the class who hadn’t paired off for this project. We got stuck together.”

“I suppose it’s fate’s way of allowing you to redeem yourself,” Giles suggested.

“Maybe. I mean, I’m glad that I’m getting this chance. I do feel bad about the way I treated her,” Buffy said sincerely. “I kinda wish I could apologize to everybody I tormented at Hemry. Although, that would take a while.”

“Long list?” Giles asked.

“Entire student body, excluding the cheerleaders and football players,” Buffy replied. Giles raised an eyebrow at her. “Yes, that was me. Just call me Cordelia’s twin.”

Giles chuckled and went back to his work around the shop. Buffy began reading the book, hoping she would understand it enough to make valuable contributions to the project. The last thing she wanted to do was make Tara feel like she was using her for a good grade.

Part 2: Withholding Information

Buffy left the Magic Box and went home. Joyce was surprised to see Buffy on a weeknight, but Buffy didn’t stop to chat. She went up to her bedroom closet and dug around until she found her freshman yearbook from Hemry High School. She flipped to the back index and scanned the names until she found the one she was looking for—Maclay, Tara. There was only one page number next to Tara’s name. Buffy flipped to it and found it was simply the freshman class pictures. She looked through the rows of students whose last names started with M, but she couldn’t find Tara’s picture. Then she got to the end of the freshman class and saw Tara’s name.

Tara Maclay – Not Pictured

“God, she’s not even in the yearbook,” Buffy muttered to herself. Then she flipped to the S list in the index. Summers, Buffy. There were 20 page numbers next to Buffy’s name. She sighed and shook her head. “No wonder she hated me.”

Meanwhile, in her dorm room, Tara was doing the exact same thing. She skimmed the index and found Buffy’s name. She marked that page in the index and turned to the first page listed. She already knew her picture wasn’t in the yearbook. She had missed photo day, and she never participated in extra curriculars. She never made the candids. Only the popular kids made the candids. She sighed as she made her way through Buffy’s pages. Homecoming court, cheerleading squad, prom court—the list was extensive.

She flipped to the front of the yearbook and started looking at the few signatures. There were a few people who wrote little messages to her. There were a few from a couple teachers she liked. The rest were the typical signatures of the people who didn’t even know whose yearbook they were signing. “Have a nice summer.” She looked toward the bottom of the first page and saw what she had been looking for.

Have a nice summer! Buffy Summers

She turned to the picture of the Homecoming court and just stared at Buffy’s face. It appeared that Buffy had changed like she said. But Tara wasn’t quite sure she trusted that yet.

---

Buffy had asked Tara to relocate their project planning to her house because Buffy’s mom had a doctor’s appointment and needed someone to stay at the house with Dawn. The younger Summers girl resented it, of course, and had locked herself away in her room to sulk. Buffy and Joyce were used to it. Buffy introduced Tara. Much like Giles, Joyce had taken an instant liking to her.

Once Joyce was gone, Buffy gathered popcorn and sodas, and the two of them sat in the living room discussing the novel, which Buffy had finished in record time. She had never completed a required reading assignment so fast in her academic career. She was very impressed with herself. Tara appeared impressed as well.

“So you think Kinbote is gay?” Tara asked with a raised eyebrow when Buffy presented her views on the relationship between Charles Kinbote and John Shade in their reading assignment.

“You don’t?” Buffy asked. Tara shook her head. “I mean, just the way he talks about Shade, and then there’s all the young students he invites over to his house. Guy students. Those twins and the ping pong tables…”

“But you have to keep in mind that Kinbote m-might not be real. He might be a figment of Shade’s imagination,” Tara said.

“Nah, this guy’s no figment,” Buffy said. “He’s real, he’s insane and he’s gay.”

“Who’s gay?” Dawn asked as she entered the room.

Buffy didn’t notice, but Dawn saw the expression on Tara’s face in reaction to that question. Tara looked flustered, as if the question was about her personally. The teenager filed that expression away for future investigation.

“Nobody,” Buffy said, the annoyed older sister tone saturating her voice. “Don’t you have homework that you could be doing? In your room…away from here.”

Dawn ignored Buffy and turned to Tara. “I’m Dawn. I hear you hate Buffy.”

“Oh, I-I don’t hate her,” Tara stammered with a nervous smile. “I-I just…we, um, didn’t get along in-in high school.”

“She was a bitch,” Dawn said with a nod, trading a sharp gaze with Buffy. “Thought maybe you and I could talk some time.”

“Dawn, we’re kinda busy here,” Buffy said. Dawn picked up Buffy’s copy of Pale Fire and looked at the back cover, reading the brief summary.

“So, Buffy says you’re a witch. Do you do spells and stuff?”

“N-not really. It’s dangerous to do spells alone,” Tara said.

“Magic’s so cool. Sometimes Willow shows me stuff,” Dawn said. “Have you met Willow yet?”

“Not yet.”

“She’s way cooler than Buffy,” Dawn said with a smirk. She tossed the book into Buffy’s lap and backed away. “I guess I’ll leave you guys alone then. I’m feeling major evil eye in here.”

Dawn left and Buffy shook her head in frustration. “Sorry about that.”

“No, it-it’s okay,” Tara said with a smile. “I used to wish I had a little sister sometimes.”

“I used to wish I didn’t have one,” Buffy said with a chuckle. “Nah. She’s okay, I guess. But what would sisterly love be without us being major pains in each other’s asses, right?”

Tara smiled and nodded her head. She had a feeling Dawn had noticed her reaction to the ‘Who’s gay?’ question. She just hoped Dawn wouldn’t draw anything off that reaction and tell Buffy. She wasn’t ready for that. Not yet.

---

They made their way back to the dorm and that’s when Buffy found out from Tara that they lived on the same hall. They had lived on the same hall for a year. Buffy tried to apologize for not talking to Tara already. She thought she had met everybody on their floor. Tara brushed off Buffy’s apology, stating that she had kept to herself a lot.

“It’s not your fault,” she said. Buffy wasn’t quite sure about that, but she accepted it as they arrived at her door.

“We can get together tomorrow night,” Buffy said as she opened her door. She saw Willow in the room with Oz and motioned for Tara to come in.

“Hey, Buffy,” Willow said with a smile.

“Hey guys,” Buffy said. She smiled and gestured at Tara. “Guys, this is Tara. Tara, this is Willow and Oz.”

“Hi,” Tara said quietly.

“Hey!” Willow said excitedly. She stood from the bed and stepped toward Tara. “Buffy’s told me all about you, including the parts that weren’t so nice. She’s definitely not like that anymore. I mean, when she first got to Sunnydale she stuck up for me and she’s saved our lives so many times…”

Buffy’s eyes widened and she gave Willow a look that said she was revealing too much. Willow got the hint and frantically tried to cover.

“Figuratively speaking, of course. She didn’t literally save my life because there’s never any reason to save my life literally,” she said.

“Yeah, same here,” Oz said in a calmer manner than Willow.

“Did she-she tell you to talk her up?” Tara asked, only half-serious. Buffy and Willow exchanged a nervous look, and Willow shook her head.

“Oh! No, no she didn’t. I was just…just over-compensating,” she explained. She looked flustered. “So…Buffy says you practice witchcraft.”

“Yeah, not much now, but I used to b-before,” she replied.

“Why’d you stop?” Willow asked curiously. She noticed Tara’s expression change. She looked sad. So she changed the subject. “Maybe we could get together sometime and do some spells or something. I mean, right now I’m mostly floating pencils and putting my friends in mortal danger. Might help to have a secondary or vice versa for you.”

“Yeah, that’d be cool…sometime.”

“How about tonight?” Buffy said. She shot a glance at Willow. It was highly suggestive. She hadn’t asked Willow to talk her up with Tara, but right now it didn’t sound like a bad idea. “I mean, the only reason we’re not working on our project is because I have pat…political science homework.”

“And it’s a full moon, so I’m busy,” Oz said.

“Full moon?” Tara asked. Oz realized he had slipped this time.

“Oh, my band rehearses when there’s a full moon. It’s like this…tradition thing,” he covered. Tara appeared to accept that.

“Are you sure?” Willow asked Oz. “You don’t want me there for…rehearsal?”

“Nah. It’s cool. I’ll manage,” he replied. Willow turned to Tara with an eager smile.

“What do ya say?” she asked.

She smiled and nodded her head. “Sure. Do you wanna meet here or my place?”

Willow noticed Buffy nodding her head to Tara behind Tara’s back. “Oh, your place would be good. There’s this spell with a rose that I think will be cool to try.”

“O-okay. I’m just down the hall in two-nineteen,” she said, gesturing toward the door in the direction her room would be. “What time?”

“Say seven?” Willow suggested. Tara nodded her head and turned for the door.

“Nice meeting you guys,” she said with a wave. “I’ll see you.”

“See ya,” Buffy said. They watched Tara leave and then Buffy flopped down on her bed. Willow returned to her spot next to Oz.

“She seems really nice,” she said.

“She is,” Buffy said. She pouted a little. “Just makes me feel all the more like a moron.”

“She’s kind of quiet,” Oz said. Buffy and Willow looked to him with raised eyebrows.

“Says the pot,” Buffy commented with a smirk. “You know, I think that’s the problem though. You were in her shoes, Will. The smart, quiet ones are the ones who get treated like crap and deserve it the least.”

“Sure, but you’re not like that. You’ve got all this perspective now from risking your life every night to save the world,” Willow assured Buffy.

“Well, I can’t tell her that,” Buffy said. “Giles is still pushing the secret identity thing.”

“You don’t trust her?” Oz asked.

“It’s not really about trust,” she replied. She sighed and shook her head. “I have to know, for one thing, that it won’t freak her out royally. And if she’s going to actually forgive me enough to stick around. What if we just work on this project together and that’s it? It’s obvious that if she doesn’t want to be found she can find a way to not be found. We’ve lived on the same hall for a year and we never met up.”

“Do you want her to stick around?” Willow asked. Buffy shrugged her shoulders. “You just gotta show her the new and improved Buffy, minus the slayage. Once she gets to know what you’re like now, she won’t run off and hide. Then you can tell her what you really do at night. And once she finds out that, she can run off and hide with the rest of us.”

“In the meantime, I lie.”

“Not lie. Fib. Embellish,” Willow said.

“Translation—lie.”

“Withhold information,” Oz added. “She’ll understand. We’ve all been there.”

Buffy wasn’t so sure about that. She knew Tara would be a little more receptive than most people due to her involvement in witchcraft, but she still wasn’t sure how well Tara would take the fact that demons and vampires were real. And she wasn’t sure if Tara would be around long enough to find that out.

Part 3: Just Good Friends

Willow arrived at Tara’s dorm room that night with a rose and some other supplies for the spell she had told her about. Tara let her in and Willow started setting up as she explained what the spell was supposed to do.

“We attune our minds and pluck the petals off one by one,” she said.

“Sounds cool,” Tara said with a smile. “Buffy says you’ve been practicing witchcraft for a couple years.”

“Yeah, I got into it in high school,” Willow replied. “How long have you?”

“Um, since I was little,” Tara said quietly. “My mom…she taught me a lot of stuff. Everything really.”

“Wow. All my mom ever taught me about witchcraft was the psychological ramifications of personal identity on society,” Willow commented. “You must know way more than me. Plucking rose petals is probably like witchy kindergarten for you.”

“No, it’s cool,” Tara said. “It-it’s been a few years since I’ve, um, done anything more than your basic spells.”

“Yeah, why is that?” Willow asked. Tara hesitated and Willow stumbled a little. “I mean, I guess you have your reasons and it’s none of my business. If you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay. I was just being nosey. That’s me. The cat curiosity killed. I think we’re almost ready here.”

Tara watched Willow, slightly amused by the breathless babbling. She could see why Buffy liked Willow. Or why anybody with eyes and ears would like Willow. The babbling was very endearing.

“What about you? How’d you get into witchcraft?”

“Oh, well there was this girl Amy and she taught me a bunch of stuff,” Willow explained.

“Does she live on campus?”

“Uh, yeah, she does,” Willow said. It wasn’t a lie.

“It’d be cool to-to, you know, meet her some time,” Tara said. Willow nodded her head and smiled.

“I’m…sure you will…eventually,” Willow said. She thought to herself, Maybe you can help me make her human again. “So, you ready?”

Tara nodded her head and sat cross-legged across from Willow. They took each other’s hands and then closed their eyes, concentrating on the task at hand. The rose began to float in the air between them. It turned until it was vertical. After a moment, the two opened their eyes and focused on the rose. Nothing happened at first, but slowly the first petal peeled away, floating gently to the floor between them. Each petal peeled away one by one until the two of them had their own little pile of rose petals. Then they lowered the empty stem to the floor back where it had started. They gasped as they released their hands and then smiled at each other.

“Very cool,” Tara said with a smile.

“Definitely worked better than some of my other spells,” Willow said with a smile.

Tara grabbed the rose petals in a fistful and sniffed them. Willow snatched one of the petals out of her hand and examined it intently.

“I used to love studying the parts of stuff,” Willow said. “Everybody else hated dissecting in biology.”

“I always believed insides should stay on the inside,” Tara said with a grin. “Buffy said you were, um, kind of…”

“The nerdiest of the nerds,” Willow said with a smile. “It’s okay. When you can calculate the square root of 1089 in your head, you have to come to terms with your nerdiness.”

Tara stared at her skeptically with a raised eyebrow and contemplated getting out a calculator before Willow realized what she was waiting for.

“The answer’s 33,” she said with a chuckle. She stood and dropped the rose petal, letting it flutter down to the floor in front of Tara. She scanned the spines of the books on Tara’s bookshelf and pulled out a text on ancient pagan rites. As she flipped through the pages a strip of paper slipped out and drifted to the floor. Before Tara could grab it, Willow picked it up to put it back where it had fallen from. She noticed it was a strip of black and white photos much like those taken in photo booths at the mall. It was Tara and another girl. “Who’s this?”

In the first picture they were smiling and trying to take a nice picture. In the second picture, they stuck their tongues out at the camera. In the third, they were pouting their lips and trying to ‘sex up’ the camera. Tara stood and took the strip away just as Willow got to the fourth and final picture. In it Tara and the other girl were kissing, much like the way Willow would kiss Oz. Or the way Buffy would kiss Angel. Or the way Xander would kiss Anya before Anya dragged him off amidst the announcement of pending sexual intercourse.

“Oh,” she said, her eyes widening in surprise. “So she’s your…uh…”

“She-she’s, um, she’s m-my ex. I mean, ex-girlfriend. She’s…” Tara paused and laughed a little. “What other kind of ex w-would she be, huh?”

“Well there’s ex-employers and ex-teachers and ex-doctors,” Willow suggested. “Of course, I don’t usually kiss any of those exes so…I guess ex-girlfriend is the only one that fits. So you’re—”

“Don’t tell Buffy,” Tara interrupted suddenly. She gripped the strip of pictures in her fist and crossed her arms across her chest, looking down at the floor. “I-I, uh…she would freak out. She-she would…I can’t trust…”

Willow’s surprise disappeared and was replaced with understanding. She closed the book and put it back on the shelf, resting her hand gently on Tara’s arm. The two made eye contact and Tara forced a smile.

“I know I’ve only known you for…well, less than a day, and you don’t have much reason to trust me,” Willow said. “But you don’t have to worry about Buffy. It takes a lot to freak her out. If a giant snake tries to eat the entire UC Sunnydale student body, she wouldn’t bat an eye.”

“Me being gay is-is a lot different than a giant snake,” Tara said. She smirked. “It actually involves the total absence of s-snakes.” She noticed the uncomfortable expression on Willow’s face and apologized. “Sorry. Bad joke.”

“It’s okay,” Willow said, trying hard to wipe away her discomfort. She smiled sympathetically. “I won’t tell Buffy, but you should. It’ll be okay. You can trust her. I promise.” Tara nodded her head nervously. Willow felt very awkward as they remained in silence. “We could, uh, talk about something else. Or do another spell. Or I could conjure a little hole for one of us to crawl into and then we can fight over who gets to crawl into it.”

Tara laughed finally and loosened up a little. She glanced at the pictures and hid them away in a desk drawer, deciding she could trust Willow. And if she could trust Willow, maybe—just maybe—she could trust Buffy.

---

Moonlight and the bedside lamp were all that lit Buffy and Willow’s dorm room. Tara and Buffy had spent the entire night putting the finishing touches on their literature project. Willow was staying over at Oz’s place for the night, so the two didn’t notice as midnight approached.

Their project had been set aside for quite a while, and they were simply chatting about various things. They talked about music and movies, and finally they began talking about Hemry. Tara couldn’t believe how comfortable she had become talking to Buffy. The feeling was mutual. Buffy was just glad that Tara had set aside her grudge against her so quickly. She hadn’t expected them to get along so well.

“Did you really burn down the gym?” Tara asked curiously. “Ev-everybody said it was you.”

“Yeah, that was me,” Buffy said sheepishly. Then she became defensive. “But that gym was a death trap. Honestly, I did the school a favor. Asbestos and…gas lines. Bad gas lines.”

Tara chuckled and looked back down at her notes. Buffy decided to ask a few questions of her own. It was time to really do the heart to heart.

“So, you really hated me, huh?” she asked. Tara looked up. Now that she knew the new and improved Buffy, she didn’t like dwelling on how much she hated her.

“Yeah, I guess I did,” Tara admitted. Then she shrugged her shoulders. “But you w-weren’t the worst. You just got me for the superficial stuff. Liz Lopez was worse.”

“Oh yeah, I remember her. She and I were kind of opponents in the Queen Bitch of the Universe contest at that school,” Buffy said. “She really knew how to hit a person where it hurt.”

Tara nodded her head, remembering some of the things Liz would say and do to her in school. Buffy noticed the sullen look on Tara’s face.

“She really hurt you, didn’t she?” Buffy asked.

“She pretty much took over when you got kicked out,” Tara replied. She sighed. “You weren’t there w-w-when she found out about me.”

“Found out what?” Buffy asked, not understanding.

“W-when she found out I’m, um, gay,” Tara replied. She looked to Buffy to gauge her reaction. She had dropped the bomb. Time to see the fallout.

“You’re…oh…” Buffy said, trailing off. She wasn’t sure how to respond to that. She did remember some people teasing Tara about never getting guys, but Buffy just assumed that was because Tara was unpopular. “Well, hey, you know, that’s great. I mean, it’s okay to be gay. Lots of people are. Not many that I know, but my circle of friends is small and I don’t get out much anymore. Busy all the time. So I don’t meet people. But it’s cool.”

“I’m sorry. I d-didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” Tara apologized, looking down at her hands and letting her hair hang in her face. Buffy sighed, realizing her reaction wasn’t very comforting. Tara was putting a lot of trust in her and she was being a spaz.

“No, I’m not uncomfortable,” Buffy said. She nudged Tara on the arm to get her to look up. “I’m okay with it. I was just surprised.” Tara nodded her head and smiled a little. “Liz really used that against you, didn’t she? I can only imagine what she’d do.”

“Does spray-painting d-dyke on my locker come to mind?” Tara asked Buffy.

“She really did that?” Buffy asked in shock. Tara nodded her head. She felt bad that Tara had never had a friend at that school to stick up for her like Buffy would stick up for Willow if someone teased her. “I’m really sorry. I hope you know that even at my bitchiest, I never would’ve done that to you.”

Tara nodded her head. Then she made eye contact with Buffy. “What would you have done?”

“What?” Buffy asked, not understanding what Tara was asking.

“If you had, you know, still been at Hemry when that happened, what would you have done?”

Buffy thought about it for a moment and she hated the answer she was about to give. She decided to lead in with some reassurance that she had changed.

“Well, if Liz did that to you now, I would kick her ass into next week,” she said. Tara didn’t smile. Tara knew as well as Buffy that there was a ‘but’ coming. As Buffy would phrase it, she had ‘but-face.’ “But honestly, the way I was back then, I wouldn’t have said anything. I would’ve stood back like the insensitive bitch that I was and done nothing. I wouldn’t have risked tarnishing my precious reputation to stick up for you.”

Tara looked away again and blinked back the hint of tears stinging her eyes. Buffy shook her head. She hated that she had ever been the way she had been.

“I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to lie to you,” Buffy apologized. Tara nodded her head and then started gathering her things. Buffy felt worse by the second. She heard a waver in Tara’s voice when she spoke.

“It’s late,” Tara said once she had her books gathered. “I should go. I-I have an early class tomorrow. We can meet before l-lit tomorrow to double check everything.”

Buffy followed Tara to the door. As Tara stepped out into the hall, Buffy touched her shoulder and Tara turned.

“I am okay with it…you being gay,” Buffy assured her. “And I would never let anybody hurt you like that. Not now. I promise.”

They held eye contact for a long moment and then Tara turned, heading down the hall to go back to her own dorm room. She had just willingly revealed one of the most important aspects of her life to Buffy, and she couldn’t believe it. She rarely revealed that to anyone, not after what had happened in high school when Liz Lopez found out. She was afraid to put herself through that again. Willow had been an accident.

She knew it was more than just her newfound trust in Buffy that got her to reveal it. She was feeling something more than friendship between the two of them. She was certain Buffy didn’t feel it. She was almost certain that Buffy was straight. But Tara couldn’t get over the attraction she was starting to feel. It scared her. She didn’t want to fall for Buffy and find out Buffy didn’t feel the same way. It would ruin their blossoming friendship, and it would hurt too much. Tara vowed at that moment that she would do everything she could to keep herself from feeling that way about Buffy. They were just friends, and that was how it would stay.

---

The next day Buffy noticed that Tara was a little stand-offish. When Buffy sat next to her in class, Tara simply offered a small smile before turning back to proofreading their report one last time. Buffy stared at the blank page on her notebook, wondering how she could get Tara to loosen up. She had a feeling that what she had said the previous night had caused Tara’s current mood.

“Hey, about last night—”

“Well, attendance is down today,” Professor Garvin interrupted Buffy when she had finally decided to say something to Tara. She scowled and turned to face forward. Tara glanced at her, relieved that the professor had interrupted. “Thank you to those of you who actually decided to come today. I can only assume that the rest of the class is willing to drop their project grades a letter grade for being a day late. Those of you who are here will turn your projects in at the end of class. But let’s discuss the question I posed to you.”

As Professor Garvin continued, Buffy glanced over at Tara, who was dutifully taking notes. Buffy uncapped her pen and scribbled a short sentence quickly before nudging Tara and holding up her notebook.

I’m sorry if what I said last night upset you.

The two made eye contact and then Tara took the notebook to respond.

Forget it.

Buffy noticed a small smile on Tara’s face and took that as an apology accepted. She turned to begin taking notes. The professor continued talking about Kinbote and Shade. Every time he would ask a question, he would answer it himself rather than allowing one of the students to answer. Buffy looked to her right when Tara poked her with a pen. She was gesturing to the top of her notes.

I thought discussions involved more than one person. Do you think he likes to hear himself speak?

Buffy smiled and wrote her response.

Only when he’s awake.

Tara giggled and then threw her hand up to her mouth in a belated attempt to cover it up. It was definitely too late as it drew the attention of the professor.

“Is there something you’d like to share with us, Miss…?”

Buffy and Tara exchanged a look. They both hated the ‘something to share with the class’ routine. It was like it was in the college professor handbook. Tara stood and looked down to the professor in embarrassment.

“M-Maclay. Tara Maclay.”

“Do you have something to add to what I’ve said about Kinbote’s personality, Miss Maclay?” the professor asked, his tone extremely condescending. Buffy wanted to throw something at him, like a battleaxe.

“Oh, I w-was just saying how-how Kinbote’s very arrogant and-and, you know, long-winded,” Tara said. Buffy leaned forward and hid a smile with her hand. “He-he liked to, um, hear himself speak.”

“Very true,” Professor Garvin responded. He turned and returned to pacing, continuing his lecture. Tara sat down next to Buffy and the two of them did their best to stifle their laughter.

At the end of class, Buffy and Tara made their way out of the lecture hall after Tara quickly turned in their project. Once they were out in the hallway Buffy turned to Tara and released the laughter she had been holding back.

“Oh my god, that was classic,” she said through her laughter. Tara laughed with her. “He was all ‘Do you have something to share?’ and you were totally awesome.”

“I wasn’t that good,” Tara said modestly, laughing along with Buffy. She turned when one of their classmates tapped her on the shoulder.

“Hey Tara,” the girl said. “That was hilarious what you said in there. I thought I was the only one who noticed what a pompous ass Professor Garvin is.”

“Oh, you know, somebody had to say it,” Tara said with a smile. The girl nodded her head and started to head off.

“You should say it again,” she commented. “See you next class.”

They watched the girl walk off and then they began heading down the hall. Buffy sighed.

“Well, the project’s done,” she said. “It’s out of our hands and in the hands of fate.”

“Actually it’s in the hands of Garvin,” Tara said.

“Oh, that’s slightly worse,” Buffy said with a scowl. Tara chuckled and Buffy’s smile resurfaced. “I say we celebrate.”

“Celebrate? We don’t know what our grade’s gonna be.”

“This is just a post-project stress release celebration,” Buffy said. “One thing you’ll learn is that I like the celebration. As long as it’s not in my honor.”

“Why not in your honor?”

“Parties in my honor end in mayhem and…lots of mayhem,” Buffy said, trying not to give too much away. “Anyway, this is just a mini-celebration. I was thinking the campus café and highly caffeinated goodness.”

“You thought this through,” Tara said.

“What can I say? I’m a thinker.”

---

When they arrived at the café, Tara was grateful to see that Willow and Oz were there. She was finding already that it was difficult to be alone with Buffy and think of her in only a friend sort of way. She had wanted to say ‘no’ to the stress-relief celebration, but she couldn’t resist. It was like a psychological impossibility. They each got a coffee and then joined Willow and Oz at their table.

“Hey, so your project’s all handed in, right?” Willow asked. Buffy nodded her head and Willow wanted to encourage Buffy with the fact that Tara hadn’t run screaming after their project was done. “Awesome.”

“Yep. We’re just indulging in a little post-project jolt,” Buffy said. “What’s up with you guys?”

“Spending a little quality time together. Oz has rehearsal tonight,” Willow said.

“Hey, when are the Dingoes playing the Bronze again?” Buffy asked curiously. “I haven’t gotten my Dingoes quota this month.”

“We’re playing Thursday and Friday,” he replied. Buffy smiled.

“Perfect. We should be getting our project back on Thursday, and if all goes well, we’ll have something to celebrate,” she said. Tara nodded her head in agreement. “Then we can both get our groove on on the dance floor.”

Tara had been taking a drink of her coffee, but she took what Buffy said the wrong way and sucked in a breath, inhaling the hot liquid and causing herself to choke and sputter. The others looked concerned as she coughed.

“You okay?” Buffy asked, resting her hand on Tara’s shoulder. She spoke between coughs.

“Yeah…just…coffee…hot,” she gasped. It took her a moment until she could finally clear her throat and breathe normally. She stood quickly and grabbed her bag and coffee. “I, uh, just remembered I have study group for ph-philosphy…in like ten minutes. I’ll see you guys.”

They watched Tara leave and then Willow’s eyes widened as her mind played the last couple minutes in instant replay. Buffy’s comment had surprised Tara, and then Tara left. She looked from Tara’s retreating form to Buffy and back to Tara. As she put two and two together, Tara was already out the café door.

“Oh! I just remembered…something…about a spell. I wanted to ask Tara about it…you know, to help Amy,” she said. “I better go…I’ll be right back.”

Willow then rushed after Tara, leaving Buffy and Oz confused. The slayer looked to the werewolf for some kind of explanation. “What’d I say?”

“Tara!” Willow called as she jogged after her. Tara didn’t stop, but Willow caught up to her and walked beside her. “Hey, wait a minute.”

“What’s up?” Tara asked, trying to hide her embarrassment. She was already scolding herself for her reaction to Buffy’s completely innocent comment. She had taken it completely the wrong way.

“Back there, when Buffy said that—”

“I just sucked the coffee down the-the wrong pipe,” she interrupted.

“Yeah, but the speedy exit wasn’t exactly subtle,” Willow said. “And I bet you don’t have a study group.”

“You’re reading into this when there’s n-nothing to read,” Tara said sharply. “I’ve gotta go.”

“Do you like Buffy?” Willow asked. Tara looked over at her with an annoyed scowl.

“No,” she said. “Well, I mean, not the way you think. She’s a friend. That’s it. I don’t like her th-that way.”

“Are you sure?” Willow asked. “I mean, with the choking and leaving…”

“I’m telling you, I-I just inhaled the coffee accidentally, and-and I do have a study group,” Tara said, her tone adamant. Willow didn’t look like she fully believed that, but she decided to accept it.

“Okay, I guess I’m just imagining things,” she said. She smiled. “See ya.”

“Bye,” Tara said. She watched as Willow returned to the café and then she continued on her way back to her dorm room. She didn’t have any study group. She wasn’t even taking philosophy that semester. She walked with her head down and chided herself. “Stupid. Stupid.”

---

Tara had reluctantly agreed to join Buffy and her friends at the Bronze. The young witch had never been much for crowds, and the way Buffy talked about the Bronze, it sounded like a crowd place. Buffy had insisted that they celebrate their fabulous success on their literature project, which they had received back with a perfect score. As Buffy had said on Tuesday, with the Dingoes playing the Bronze they were due for celebration.

“All work and no play makes Buffy cranky,” she said with a smile. Tara chuckled. “And I just have this feeling you’re a social butterfly. Get you around the right people and we won’t be able to contain you, right?”

Tara smiled at Buffy’s playfulness and nodded her head. “Sure, I’m very much like a butterfly.”

“That’s the spirit.”

When they arrived at the Bronze, the Dingoes had already begun their set. Buffy quickly spotted Xander and Willow on the dance floor. Xander saw her and the two joined the newcomers.

“I still can’t believe you’ve never been to the Bronze before,” Buffy said. “It’s the only place to be in Sunnydale. Otherwise, you’re stuck at home playing checkers with a foreign exchange student or something.”

Tara cringed at that comment, but Buffy didn’t notice her expression as Xander and Willow arrived.

“Hey! You guys made it,” Willow said excitedly. She gestured to the dance floor. “Come on. Come dance with us.”

“Come dance with her,” Xander said. “I’m danced out. I’ve danced till I can’t dance no more. And I’m saying no more.”

Tara and Buffy laughed.

“How long have you guys been dancing so far?” Buffy asked.

“We got here an hour ago,” Xander said. “The Energizer Bunny here is a dance machine.”

“I like to boogie. There’s nothing wrong with that,” Willow said defensively.

“But there is something wrong with you using the word boogie,” Xander joked.

“I could use some dancing,” Buffy said, taking Willow’s side. She turned to Tara. “What about you?”

“Oh, I’ve got this warm-up process,” Tara said with a shy smirk. “It involves w-watching other people dance first so I know how much of a spaz I’ll look like compared to them.”

“All right, but I’m giving you ten minutes and if you’re not out there, I’m dragging you out,” Buffy said. Tara nodded her head.

While Buffy and Willow retreated to the dance floor, Xander noticed the expression on Tara’s face. He recognized it. It was one he had worn in high school for the several months after he had first met Buffy. He also noticed where Tara’s glance shot for a moment. It was a little lower than most people’s gaze fell.

“Nice view, huh?” he asked with a wry grin.

“Yeah,” Tara said absently. Then she realized what she was saying and looked over at him in shock. “I mean, no. I w-was, um…I-I w-w-was just…admiring her…pants.”

She sighed in embarrassment from her lame excuse. He simply smiled and motioned for her to join him at one of the tall tables. They each took a stool, and Tara’s gaze fell directly on the table’s surface and didn’t leave it.

“I recognize that look you’re sporting there,” he said. “I saw it in the mirror for a long time after I met Buffy. And besides, she told us you’re not much for the Y chromosome.”

“She told you?” Tara asked, looking up in shock. She hadn’t exactly told Buffy to keep that fact a secret, but she hadn’t expected her to rush off and tell her friends either.

“I’m sure she just told us to warn us in case it came up somehow. She said her reaction wasn’t exactly calm and collected,” Xander said, noticing he had seemingly made a big faux pas. “It’s not a problem anyway. We’re all cool with it.”

“You’re not freaked out?” she asked.

“Tara, I’m a man. Man doesn’t get freaked out when thinking about two women together. Man gets the exact opposite of freaked out. Man gets a video camera and makes a movie that plays late at night on cable,” he explained. Tara looked at him with a raised eyebrow and he smiled sheepishly. “And I really should think about these things before I say them.”

She smiled and then looked out to the dance floor. She watched Buffy move and couldn’t keep herself from admiring every curve on Buffy’s body. She watched her move and twist, her body flowing in perfect rhythm with the music. There was such energy in her movements. She radiated heat and veracity.

“So, I’m trying to gauge exactly how deep in it you are here,” Xander said. “You look like you’re past the ‘construction worker howl’ stage and into the ‘I wanna take her to a double feature and make out’ stage.”

“It’s n-not like I’d have a chance with her anyway,” Tara commented with a resigned sigh. Then she looked to Xander curiously for confirmation. “Right?”

“Well, Buffy’s never mentioned liking girls. Believe me, I would remember if she did,” he explained.

“She’s, um, had boyfriends though,” Tara said, fishing for Xander to continue.

“A few. Only one really serious one. His name was Angel. But he left,” Xander explained. “It was all angsty and depressing with the whole loss of soul if he experiences one true moment of happiness. Well, Buffy made him happy and he had to take off.”

“Oh,” Tara said. Then she caught a confusing phrase in Xander’s story. “Loss of soul?”

“Metaphor,” Xander said with a nervous smile. “Figurative loss. They were all about the drama.”

“What kind of a name for a guy is Angel?” Tara asked. Xander nodded his head vehemently, jabbing his index finger forward for emphasis.

“My question exactly,” he agreed. “But yeah, he was the big, dramatic guy in Buffy’s love life.”

“So you think she likes only guys?”

“I guess. I don’t know. She’s never mentioned it, but lots of people keep that kind of thing a secret. Or sometimes they don’t even realize it themselves,” he answered. He gave her a comforting nudge on the arm. “Couldn’t hurt to try.”

“Did you ever try?” Tara asked.

“Yeah, I did.”

“And did it hurt?”

“Only in the worst way possible,” he admitted. Tara looked down at the table. “But only for a little while. Then she saved the world from hell, and we’re still friends.”

“Oh,” Tara said. Again something Xander said confused her. “Saved the world from hell?”

“Did I say that?” he asked with a smile that was too big. Tara nodded her head. “When I said world, I meant the school. And when I said hell, I meant…a bomb.”

“A bomb?” Tara asked. She didn’t quite know how Buffy could save the school from a bomb. After all, she was just a teenage girl at the time she allegedly saved the school from this bomb.

“Yeah. Big bomb threat during the spring fling,” Xander said, spinning a story as fast as he could. “I was using more metaphor. Like the loss of soul thing.”

“Metaphor,” Tara said, skeptical of Xander’s story. Something seemed a little odd about the way he was trying to cover up his word usage. He simply nodded his head. “You like metaphor, huh?”

“I sure do,” he said. Then he grabbed her hand. “Come on. Let’s go dance.”

“Okay,” she said as she let him lead her to the dance floor near Buffy and Willow.

She tried to ignore her curiosity over Xander’s supposed metaphors. She also tried to ignore how great Buffy looked with the stage lights illuminating her face and her hair and her body. She was suddenly very self-conscious about where her gaze fell for fear of Willow, Xander or, worst of all, Buffy catching her. But she couldn’t keep from looking.

Part 4: ‘Tis the Season

Buffy was walking down the hall with Willow, both of them carrying their duffel bags to head home for Christmas break. They dodged students rushing down the halls in celebration of the end of the semester. A nerf football flew past their heads and they barely ducked out of the way in time. Near the end of the hall they started to pass Tara’s open door. Buffy noticed Tara inside and the two of them stopped. Tara looked up when Buffy knocked, surprised to see her there.

“Hey,” she greeted them. She stood from her bed, where she had been reading. Buffy looked around and noticed there were no signs of packing for the holidays.

“Hey, I thought you’d be long gone by now,” Buffy said in surprise. “Everybody’s clearing out for break.”

“Oh, I’m not,” Tara said.

“You’re not going to spend the holidays with your family?” Willow asked curiously.

“I don’t really get along with my family,” Tara said. “The only one I ever cared about was my mom and she’s…”

“What?” Buffy asked when Tara trailed off. Then she saw the sadness in Tara’s eyes, and she had a pretty good idea. Willow did, too. “Oh, I’m sorry. When did she…pass away?”

“W-when I was 17. After that I couldn’t wait to go to college and get out of there,” Tara said.

“So you were just going to spend Christmas alone in your dorm room?” Willow asked, suddenly shocked that anyone could spend Christmas like that.

“Yeah,” she said. “I did it last year. It-it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay,” Buffy said resolutely. “You’re spending Christmas with us.”

“I don’t want to, you know, impose,” Tara said.

“I know it seems like a last minute pity invite, but I just assumed you were going home for Christmas,” Buffy said. “I would’ve invited you a long time ago if I had known you were doing Christmas solo.”

“We’re all getting together for dinner on Christmas,” Willow said, trying to help encourage Tara to come. “It’ll be fun.”

“Come on. Pack some stuff. You can stay at my house,” Buffy said. “You shouldn’t be stuck in the dorms alone.”

“Are you sure it’s okay? Your mom w-won’t mind?” Tara asked.

“Are you kidding? My mom loves you and she only met you twice,” Buffy said with a laugh. “Sometimes I think she wishes you were her daughter instead of me.”

Tara chuckled a little and nodded her head. “Okay.”

Buffy and Willow waited while Tara packed her things. Tara couldn’t help the delighted smile that had spread across her face. In all honesty, her last Christmas break had been horrible. Christmas dinner had consisted of chicken flavored ramen noodles, and the only person she had spoken to in the dorms was a foreign student named Deepak who hadn’t been able to afford a flight back to visit his family in India. The two of them spent New Year’s Eve playing chess and watching the ball drop while sharing a bottle of champagne he had snuck into the dorm. Deepak was a nice enough guy, but they didn’t have a whole lot in common to build any kind of friendship. They hadn’t spoken since that holiday break. In the back of her mind, she hoped Deepak had found a way home this year. Her smile widened as her mind wrapped around the concept—she was spending Christmas with Buffy.

---

Tara walked down the hall to find Buffy pulling a door down from the ceiling. The ladder slid down and she realized Buffy was headed for the attic.

“What’s up?” Tara asked. Buffy turned and smiled.

“Oh, I’m on the great wrapping paper hunt,” she replied. “Rumor has it there’s some hiding in the attic.”

“Want some help?” Tara offered. Buffy nodded her head and the two of them climbed up into the darkness. Buffy fumbled around till she found the light bulb hanging from the rafters. She pulled the chain and the dim light illuminated most of the attic. Tara looked around and spotted an old rocking horse.

“This is kinda cute,” she said, surveying the old toy.

“Yeah, that’s my inheritance,” Buffy commented as she sifted through boxes. Tara looked confused and she explained. “It’s an antique. Mom says it’s been in the family for, like, forever. It’ll be passed on to me.”

“Oh, well, that’s good,” Tara commented as she moved to look for the wrapping paper as well. “Family heirlooms are good.”

“What about you? Any weird centuries old stuff that you get to inherit?”

Tara paused for a moment and then spoke quietly. “My mom left me something. It was a Herkimer Diamond. Been in her family for, um, pretty close to forever, too.”

“Herki-what?” Buffy asked.

“Herkimer Diamond. It’s a crystal. Kinda rare. It has mystical properties,” Tara explained. She sighed. “But I couldn’t find it when I was packing to go to college. I don’t know w-what happened to it.”

“You lost it?” Buffy asked.

“Maybe,” Tara said. She stopped looking for the wrapping paper and looked down at the floor. “My-my dad…he took a lot of my mom’s stuff before I left for school, and he sold it. He always said witchcraft was bad. He-he would yell at her for it. And me. He might have…”

When Tara trailed off, Buffy looked up and couldn’t believe what Tara was implying. “Your dad stole your mom’s crystal?” Tara said nothing. “You think he did, don’t you?”

“He wasn’t exactly a Norman Rockwell f-father,” Tara said with a sardonic smile. “He never liked me. He had his own opinion about women and Wicca. M-made sure we heard it loud and clear.”

“That chauvinistic jerk,” Buffy said angrily. Then something else crossed her mind, something that chilled her to the core. She had read things about abuse. She had seen plenty of movies. Tara fit the perfect profile of the shy, timid victim. Buffy hoped it wasn’t true. “Did he hit you, Tara? Did that pig hit you?”

“No,” Tara said quickly, looking to Buffy in surprise. There was also a hint of anger and apprehension in her gaze. “He didn’t.”

“That’s the truth?” Buffy asked, not entirely convinced.

“Yes, it’s the truth,” Tara replied.

“Tara—”

“He n-never hit me. Okay? Can-can we just drop it?”

Buffy was taken aback. She had never heard Tara raise her voice like that. It worried her. Something that could get the shy witch so riled up had to be pretty serious. Buffy nodded her head and tried to shrug it off, forcing a smile.

“Sure. Sorry,” she said. Then she pointed past Tara and moved toward the box she was looking at. “Hey, I think that’s the wrapping paper.”

Tara sighed as Buffy passed her and turned. “Buffy—”

“It’s okay,” Buffy said, looking over her shoulder and giving a reassuring smile. “I was being pushy gal. You don’t want to talk about it. That’s fine. I understand.”

She grabbed the wrapping paper and tossed it down to the hallway through the attic entrance. They climbed down the ladder quietly and then Buffy picked up the box. Before they headed their separate ways Buffy turned back.

“If you ever do wanna talk about it, I’m all ears,” she said. Tara nodded her head and then went down the stairs while Buffy headed for her room. Buffy just couldn’t shake the feeling that Tara hadn’t told the whole truth up in the attic. Something wasn’t right. Whether it was simply verbal abuse or also physical, Buffy worried about whatever Tara’s father had done to her. She just hoped Tara would feel comfortable enough to open up about it. Something told Buffy that opening up was exactly what Tara needed.

---

Willow and Buffy sat in the Magic Box, and Buffy was at a loss for what to get Tara for Christmas. Willow was attempting to help, considering she knew what a witch would like.

“I mean, I had actually planned on getting her a present anyway,” Buffy said. “But then I couldn’t think of anything, and I thought she was going to visit her family. I’m totally clueless here, and it’s Christmas Eve.”

“Don’t worry, Buffy. I’m sure between the two of us we can come up with something,” Willow assured her friend as they stood to start browsing the merchandise.

Buffy browsed the shelves and came upon a crystal that was about the size of a ping pong ball in a glass case with several others. It was transparent but when it caught the sunlight just right it sparkled beautifully. She liked it and had a feeling Tara would, too. She turned to Willow.

“Hey, Will, what about this?” she asked her friend’s opinion. Willow came over, caught one look at the label by the crystal and her eyes widened.

“A Herkimer Diamond? Giles didn’t tell me he had a Herkimer Diamond,” she said in surprise.

“A diamond? That’s a big diamond,” Buffy said, staring at the crystal. Willow shook her head and explained.

“It’s not really a diamond. It’s actually a rare kind of quartz. It’s just called a Herkimer Diamond,” she looked disappointed. “Man, I would really love to have one of those.”

“What does it do?”

“It helps provide focus,” Willow explained. She had a very excited look on her face. She was like a little kid who was eyeing a shiny new bike that she wanted. “They’re supposed to be really great for spells.”

“Well, if you want it, I can get Tara something else,” Buffy said. She looked at the tag. “It is a little pricier than I expected to spend anyway. I just thought it looked like something she’d...”

Buffy trailed off and Willow looked curious. “What’s up?”

“Herkimer?” Buffy asked. Willow nodded her head. Realization kicked in and Buffy’s eyes widened. “Ooh, we were talking about family stuff. You know that antique rocking horse my mom has up in our attic?” Willow nodded her head, knowing exactly what Buffy was talking about. “We were in the attic looking for wrapping paper. I told her about that rocking horse and how my mom’s going to pass it on to keep it in the family. Tara mentioned that her mom had passed on a Herkimer Diamond to her, but when she was packing for college, she couldn’t find it.”

“She lost it?” Willow asked, appalled that Tara could be so careless with something so important.

“She’s not sure. She doesn’t believe that she lost it, but I think she’s afraid to say what she really believes,” Buffy said. Just the thought of what little she knew about Tara’s father made her seethe.

“What’s that?”

“That her dad sold it.”

“Oh my god,” Willow said. “He would just take her stuff and sell it like that? That’s horrible. My parents neglected me, but they would never sell my stuff.”

“Yeah, well, from the teeny tiny bit of info she’s told me about her dad, Tara had good reason not to go home for Christmas,” Buffy said.

“Get it for her,” Willow said seriously.

“I don’t know. Are you sure? You can have it,” Buffy said. Willow shook her head.

“She should have it,” Willow said. She and Buffy walked toward Giles to get him to open the case to get the crystal. “Besides, she and I are a coven now. It’s all about the sisterhood and sharing.”

“Sisterhood and sharing? Why isn’t my sisterhood like that?” Buffy asked sarcastically. Willow simply smiled.

“See, it only took ten minutes and you already found the perfect present.”

“Yeah, I guess I did,” Buffy commented. “And Giles says I don’t listen.”

Willow prepared to get serious as they approached Giles. He looked up and saw Willow’s scolding face.

“Why didn’t you tell me you had a Herkimer Diamond? You’re supposed to keep me in the loop,” she said. Giles feigned ignorance.

“I thought I had told you about it,” he said.

“Not a peep,” Willow said. “I would’ve snatched that baby up right away.”

“Let me guess. You’d like to buy it now?”

“Actually, Buffy’s buying it,” Willow said, trying to hide the slight twinge of disappointment in her voice. “Turns out it’s the perfect present for Tara.”

“Really? How so?”

“She used to have one, but she either lost it or her dad sold it,” Buffy explained. Giles looked stunned by the latter possibility. “I’m thinking her dad’s behind it.”

“Buffy, do you honestly believe that girl’s father could do something like that to her?”

“I believe he did worse,” Buffy said solemnly. “So are you gonna sell me the Herki-thingy or not?”

“Well, you’re in luck. This one has a slight imperfection,” Giles said. “Nothing too serious to affect its mystical properties, but I had to reduce the price a bit because of it.”

“Lucky’s my middle name,” Buffy said as she followed Giles over to the display case. “Well, actually it’s Anne, but it should be Lucky.”

---

Meanwhile, Tara and Dawn walked through one of Buffy’s favorite stores—according to Dawn—in search of a suitable present from Tara to Buffy. Dawn held up a silver cross on a thin silver chain. There was a garnet set in the center of the cross.

“Here, this would be perfect. It’s Buffy’s birthstone,” she said. Tara looked apprehensive.

“Is Buffy, um, religious?” Tara asked. Dawn shrugged her shoulders and replied with a cryptic smile.

“Only around certain people.”

“I don’t know. I mean, it’s jewelry and that’s really…I-I don’t want her to think that I’m trying to-to…”

Tara trailed off and Dawn looked curious. “Trying to what?”

“Nothing,” Tara said nervously. Dawn smiled.

“I know you like her, Tara,” she said. Tara tried to play innocent.

“Well, yeah. We’re friends.”

“No, I mean in a more than friends way,” Dawn said. Tara looked away. “You’re afraid if you give her jewelry she’s going to think you want to date her.”

“Yeah,” Tara admitted.

“I don’t see anything wrong with her thinking that,” Dawn said with a shrug of her shoulders. Tara shook her head.

“There’s lots of things w-wrong with that. If she doesn’t feel the same way it’ll mess up everything,” Tara said. “And she’s n-not like me. She likes guys.”

“It’s not about her liking guys or girls,” Dawn said. “It’s about her liking the person. If the person happens to be a girl, that shouldn’t be a problem. I always thought she and Faith kind of...well, nevermind.”

“I don’t know,” Tara said with a sigh. She knew Dawn was right, but she still feared Buffy’s reaction. Then she scowled. “Who’s Faith?”

Dawn ignored the question, took Tara’s hand and placed the cross in it. Then she closed Tara’s hand into a fist around it.

“Give her that. She’ll love it,” Dawn said. “I promise.”

Tara opened her hand and stared at the cross. This was it. She was taking the leap. She hoped that it would be subtle enough to the point where if Buffy didn’t feel the same way, she would just see it as a nice gift from a friend. The last thing she wanted was Buffy to freak out about it. So she purchased the necklace, trying to will the knot in her stomach to untie.

Part 5: In Love With a Super Hero

Tara split up from Dawn after their shopping trip, wanting to pick up something from her dorm room that she had forgotten. By the time she was leaving the dorm, the sun was almost completely set. She became nervous as she walked down the street past one of Sunnydale’s many cemeteries. She paused when she heard something. It sounded like a growl. She began walking faster. She cried out when someone jumped over the cemetery fence and landed directly in front of her. It was a man, or someone who resembled a man. His eyes were yellow and his face was very disfigured. Tara saw his fangs and had a good idea what he was, as hard as it was for her to believe. She turned to go back the other way, but another vampire jumped in front of her. She looked around and saw two more vampires coming her way.

“Looks like we’ve got ourselves an appetizer boys,” the lead vampire said. He was the first one who had jumped in front of Tara. He was wearing black jeans, a white t-shirt and a Sunnydale Razorbacks letterman jacket. It appeared he had been turned in high school. Tara guessed that they all had. They were all wearing some type of Sunnydale High School memorabilia.

The lead vampire lunged forward and grabbed Tara, causing her to drop her belongings and scream. He threw her over the short wrought iron cemetery fence and the four vampires leapt over, landing all around her. She struggled to get to her feet. She wanted to run, but the moment she made it to her feet, one of the other vampires grabbed her and wrapped his arms around her from behind.

“We drew straws for first taste,” the lead vampire said. He pointed at the vampire holding Tara. “Mark won.”

Mark started to go in for his taste as Tara cried out and struggled. Suddenly she felt Mark’s grip release and she heard a sound that was sort of a combination between a screech and a hiss. She turned when she heard a familiar voice behind her.

“Mark won all right,” Buffy said. “He won a first class ticket to Dustville, but I’ll be charitable and let you guys tag along.”

Tara watched in awe as Buffy hurried past her and took on the lead vampire and one of the others. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Buffy fought with all the skill and power of a martial arts expert. Tara was so distracted by the fight she didn’t notice the third vampire coming toward her. She cried out as the third vampire pinned her up against the outer wall of a crypt. She couldn’t struggle free as he sank his teeth into her neck.

Buffy was almost twenty feet away from Tara when she dusted two of the three remaining vampires. She was horrified when she saw where the third vampire was, but she didn’t hesitate. She pulled a stake out of her jacket and hurled it expertly, watching it pierce the vampire through the back, hitting his heart and turning him to dust. When he disappeared, Buffy watched Tara slide down the wall of the crypt to the ground. She was clutching the right side of her neck and leaning back against the crypt.

“Tara!” Buffy called worriedly as she rushed over to her friend. She knelt beside Tara who looked very pale.

“Vampires,” Tara muttered. Buffy could tell she was in shock. Then Tara looked Buffy in the eyes. “How d-did…? W-w-what are you?”

“I’ll explain all that later,” Buffy said. She put her arm around Tara and helped her stand slowly. “Let’s take care of you first.”

Tara didn’t disagree as Buffy led her out of the cemetery and back toward her house on Revello Drive. When they arrived at the house, Dawn and Joyce were waiting, deeply concerned when they saw Tara was hurt. Joyce helped Buffy get Tara up to Buffy’s bedroom while Dawn retrieved the first aid kit. Buffy quickly went to work on bandaging Tara’s neck wound. Joyce excused herself to make Tara some tea.

“When Dawn told me you went back to the dorm alone and the sun set, we all got a little worried,” Buffy said. “It’s not a good idea to be out alone after dark in Sunnydale.”

Tara didn’t respond. She just sat there, staring blankly at the dried blood on her right hand while Buffy finished with the first aid. Joyce returned with the tea and handed it to Buffy.

“I made you some chamomile tea,” Joyce said. “It always calms my nerves when I get involved in one of Buffy’s slayer situations.”

Tara took the cup from Buffy with both hands, but Buffy took it back quickly. Tara’s hands were shaking so badly that some of the hot tea had spilled over onto them. Buffy set the tea on the bedside table and wiped off Tara’s hands with a towel.

“Maybe we’ll wait on the tea,” she said, offering a sympathetic smile to Tara. She turned to her family. “Why don’t you guys let me talk to Tara? I’ve got some explaining to do.”

Joyce and Dawn left the room and Buffy turned back to Tara. The young witch was still very pale. Buffy knew that was partially due to the blood sucking and partially due to shock. Finally she spoke.

“W-w-w-what h-happened?” she stammered.

“You were right,” Buffy began. “Those were vampires. Vampires, demons, ghosts, werewolves. All of that stuff is real.”

“A-and you…” Tara said, trailing off.

“Short version. I have super human strength and fight all of those things,” Buffy replied.

“And the l-long version?” Tara asked. The word ‘slayer’ that Joyce had said earlier was sticking in her mind.

“The long version is that I’m a slayer,” Buffy answered. She began spouting out the words Giles had first said to her five years before. “In every generation, a slayer is born. One girl with the strength and skill to fight evil. Blah-ditty-blah, it’s my sacred birthright.”

Tara stared at the bed for a while, mulling over this information. Vampires are real? It was hard for her to grasp, even though she had first-hand proof that they were real in the form of the bite mark on her neck. She blurted out the first thing that crossed her mind.

“Wow,” she said. “That must really mess up your s-social life.”

That comment elicited first a smile, and then quickly the smile turned into full-on laughter from Buffy. Tara chuckled a little, not fully realizing how amusing her comment had been. Buffy nodded her head.

“Yeah, it really does. Actually, it’s why I got kicked out of Hemry. I was fighting vampires when the gym caught on fire,” Buffy admitted as her laughter subsided. She used a wash cloth to wipe the blood off Tara’s right hand, and then she just held her hand gently, feeling that she had stopped shaking. “Are you okay?”

“I-I think so,” Tara said, looking down at their hands and blushing. She pulled her hand away and touched the bandage on her neck gently. “I’m still kind of f-freaked out.”

“Understandable. When I saw my first vampire, I was totally wigged,” Buffy said. Then she smiled. “Plus, when I staked my first vamp, I didn’t get the heart on the first try. I think it was more like his kidneys.”

Tara smiled slightly. Buffy could tell she wasn’t quite comfortable with the casual discussion of staking vampires.

“And you do this all the time?” Tara asked. Buffy nodded her head.

“Yeah, fighting evil’s a 24-7 gig,” she replied.

“Do the rest of your friends know?” Tara asked, suddenly feeling like she had been left out somehow.

“Well, yeah, they do,” Buffy said, knowing she had to explain why she hadn’t told Tara yet. “Giles is actually my watcher. Well he’s not officially my watcher anymore, but he, you know, trains me and guides me in the whole evil fighting thing. Willow and Xander found out by accident when I first came to town and I saved them from some vampires. And then Oz and Anya are part of the group by extension. I’m really supposed to have this whole secret identity thing. Giles says it’s supposed to help with the slaying if not so many people know.”

“Oh,” Tara said quietly.

“I was going to tell you eventually,” Buffy said. Then she looked embarrassed. “I probably should’ve told you before I invited you to stay at my house.”

“N-no, I understand. You had to keep it secret,” Tara said. “It’s okay.”

“You sure?” Buffy asked. She smiled when Tara nodded her head. “I’m glad you know. Now I don’t have to lie to you anymore. I hate lying to people about evil. Honestly, I don’t know why I have to be so secretive. I think people would be a lot more careful if they knew demons and vampires were real.”

“I know I’ll reconsider w-walking alone at night,” Tara said.

“If you ever need a late night escort, let me know,” Buffy said with a smile. Tara nodded her head and Buffy stood. “Okay, you should get some rest. We were worried so we didn’t have dinner. Mom’s gonna order some pizza. I’ll let you know when it’s here if you’re up for it.”

“Okay, thanks,” Tara said. Buffy started to leave and close the door when Tara called after her. “Buffy.”

“Yeah?”

“You saved my life,” Tara said quietly, the reality of what had occurred earlier truly sinking in. Buffy just nodded her head. “Thank you.”

“Any time,” Buffy responded.

She closed the door behind her and Tara laid back on the bed. She had a lot of thoughts running through her mind. Vampires were real. Buffy was a super hero. As she drifted off to sleep, one thought occurred to her. She was falling in love with a super hero.

---

Later Buffy knocked lightly on the door as she opened it to let Tara know the pizza had arrived.

“Tara,” she said softly as she entered the room.

She saw that Tara was sound asleep, curled up on her side. She had obviously been exhausted from her encounter with the vampires. Buffy smiled and grabbed a blanket off the back of her desk chair, gently draping it over Tara.

Buffy stood back and watched Tara sleep for a minute, thinking how she couldn’t understand what had been going through her head when she had teased and cajoled this sweet, gentle person in high school. She had thought being popular was so important in high school. Being the slayer had really opened up her eyes to what was really important. Her family, Giles, Willow, Xander, Oz and even Anya. And now Tara. They were the most important people in the world to her, and she knew she would keep all of them safe no matter what.

---

Tara awoke and was disoriented at first. It took her a moment to remember that she was in Buffy’s room and why she was in Buffy’s room. It was still pretty dark in the room. She looked at the clock and saw that it was a little after six in the morning. The sun hadn’t risen yet. She pushed back the blanket, not remembering how the blanket got there in the first place, and she looked around the room. She looked at all the pictures—Buffy with Willow and Xander, Buffy with Dawn, Buffy with her whole family. She picked up Mr. Gordo and smiled at the little stuffed pig. Then she turned and quietly made her way out of the room. As she crept down the stairs she noticed Buffy asleep on the couch and felt guilty that Buffy gave up her bed for her. Tara watched Buffy sleep for a moment and then headed for the kitchen where she saw a light on. Joyce looked up from the newspaper when she heard Tara approaching.

“Oh, good morning, Tara,” she said. A concerned smile appeared on her face. “How are you feeling?”

“Better. Thanks,” Tara replied. She sat on one of the stools at the kitchen island. “You’re up early.”

“So are you,” Joyce shot back. Tara smiled.

“I’ve slept enough. I was dead to the world. Except I w-wasn’t,” she stammered, realizing the irony of her phrasing. “Thanks to Buffy.”

“I’m just glad you both made it back alive,” Joyce replied. She pulled another mug out of the cabinet. “Coffee?”

“Yes, thank you,” Tara replied. She watched Joyce move about the kitchen. It reminded her of when she and her mother would get up early. Her mother would have coffee and Tara would have hot chocolate. It would be their time before her father and brother woke up and stole the rest of the day away from them.

“Milk or sugar?” Joyce asked, pulling Tara out of her thoughts.

“Oh, sugar, please.”

“I’ve always been an early riser,” Joyce said as she set the sugar and cup of coffee in front of Tara. She picked up her own coffee and sipped it. “There’s something about watching the sunrise that just makes me feel like I’m getting a fresh start. Does that make any sense?”

“Yeah,” Tara said. She spoke softly, and Joyce could hear both nostalgia and sadness in her voice. “I’m a morning person, too. M-my mom and I would watch the sunrise every morning. It-it was our special time.”

“I was sorry to hear about your mother. Buffy told me she’s passed on,” Joyce said sympathetically. Tara nodded her head and stared into her coffee. “You know, I actually think I met her once or twice. When Buffy told me your last name was Maclay it rang a bell. I believe we met at parent-teacher conferences at Hemry. You and Buffy had the same English teacher. Your mother’s name was Olivia, right?”

Tara nodded her head.

“She was a lovely woman, and she was so proud of you. While we were waiting, all she could talk about was what a wonderful writer you were and how she had high hopes for you.” Joyce noticed Tara’s eyes starting to tear up and she apologized. “And I am treading into very personal territory. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“N-no, it’s okay,” Tara said. She wiped at her eyes and managed a smile. “I like talking about my mom. E-even if it makes me sad. It helps me remember her. Sh-she died of cancer. She got really sick for a while and they did the treatments, but it was no good. One day she just couldn’t fight anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” Joyce said. Tara stared into her coffee and Joyce reached across the island, touching Tara’s hand gently. “She would be proud of you. I know it.”

Tara smiled in embarrassment.

“Well, you must be proud of Buffy,” she said, wanting to change the subject off of her. “She’s out saving the world from nasty monsters every night.”

“Oh, I’m proud…and terrified,” Joyce admitted with a smile.

“H-how do you deal with it?” Tara asked.

“How do I deal with the absolute fear of losing one of my daughters?” Joyce asked. Tara nodded her head. “Well, when I first found out, I was in pure denial. Things didn’t work out so well. But after a while I started getting used to it. Rupert assured me that Buffy is the best slayer he’s ever known. So, I try to think of it like she’s a police woman.”

“And that works?” Tara asked as she sipped her coffee.

”Most of the time,” Joyce said. “But even if she was really a police woman and not a vampire slayer, I’d still be worried. All part of being a mother I guess.”

“She’s lucky to have you,” Tara said. Joyce could see the sadness in Tara’s eyes. She was curious about the rest of Tara’s family. She wanted to ask why she wasn’t going home for the holidays but knew she shouldn’t pry. She had already gone too far with the talk of her mother. So Joyce decided to try to lighten the mood.

“So what do you hope for in the new year?” she asked. Tara thought about it for a moment and smiled slightly.

“To be happy. And n-not alone.”

“Well, we’ve got the not alone part more than covered,” Joyce said.

Tara looked up and smiled. She wished she had family like this. She wished that for once she had someone who truly cared for her. Then when Joyce motioned for her to join her in the back yard with their coffee to watch the sunrise, she realized that she did. Whether Buffy felt exactly the same way about Tara as Tara felt about her or not, Buffy and her family and friends genuinely cared about Tara. It was the kind of caring she hadn’t felt since her mother died. It felt good, and Tara didn’t want to lose that.

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