Remember When

By Ashlee

Prologue

Spike wandered through the streets of downtown Los Angeles, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts. He had been living there for several years, helping his grandsire, much to his annoyance. Years after Dawnie left Sunnydale for college, Cordelia and Angel had come to find him, claiming Cordy had a vision that Spike was meant to help the Fang Gang fight the good fight in L.A. He still wasn’t used to the city. Spike would never admit it, but he missed Sunnydale. He knew what he missed most was the feeling of family that he had with Dawn, his surrogate little sister. Now, Dawnie was married with three kids, and Spike was now Uncle Spike. They all made an effort to see each other for holidays and birthdays, but Spike still missed her.

Cordy had done her best to make Spike feel like family, and though he did feel like a member of the gang, he knew he wasn’t family. In spite of his blood link with Angel, the poofter still didn’t trust Spike.

Most of all, Spike still missed her. Buffy. It had been more than sixteen years since she died, and not a day went by that he didn’t think of her. Didn’t come up with a new and different way he could have saved her from making that jump. It haunted him as it would for all eternity. If he had done even one thing differently, he knew she might still be alive.

As Spike slowly made his way back to the Hyperion, he heard a scream pierce through the night. Quickly tuning into his instincts, he took off for a nearby alley. Turning the corner, he could see a young girl trying her hardest to defend herself against a vampire.

‘The chit’s doing pretty good for someone her size,’ Spike thought as he ran forward, knocking the vamp down.

After a combination of hits and jabs, Spike snapped his wrist and let the stake fly out of its sheath, right into the vamp’s heart. Pushing the stake back into its place, Spike wiped the dust from his hands.

“Thank you,” he heard the timid voice coming from behind him. “Thank you so much!”

“S’alright,” Spike said as he checked his weapon. “It’s late, you shouldn’t be out-“

Spike cut himself off as he turned to face the would-be victim. He felt certain that if he wasn’t already dead, he would have dropped from a heart attack.

“Buffy?” he whispered quietly. He stood, stunned at the girl. She was identical to Buffy, down to the smallest detail.

The girl looked at him almost fearfully. “I’m sorry; I don’t know who that is.”

Spike watched as she ran away, staring after her in shock. After a minute, he began to track her, using her scent. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but he would be damned all over again if he wasn’t at least going to find out where she lived and who she was.

Chapter 1 – Reconnaissance

Spike slammed through both doors of the Hyperion Hotel just before sunrise.

“Angel!” he roared, waking the hotel. “Wesley! Get your bloody asses down
here NOW!”

Both men came rushing down the stairs, along with Cordy, Fred, Gunn, and Lorne.

“What’s going on?” Angel asked as he buttoned his shirt.

“Buffy’s alive.”

The entire room froze at the admission, the majority thinking that Spike had finally lost it.

Cordy took a step forward. “Spike,” she said in a soothing tone. “Buffy died. You know that…you were there.”

“I know I sound crazy, but I’m not. Buffy’s alive.”

“What are you basing this on?” Wesley asked.

“I dusted a vamp that was attacking a girl. Turns out, the girl was Buffy.”

“Stop it, Spike,” Angel said in a warning tone.

“I know what I’m talking about, Peaches. Everything was her- the looks, the body, the smell…it was her, Angel, I know it. She looked like she did when I first saw her.”

“Did you follow her?” Gunn asked.

“What do you think?” Spike replied.

“Where’d she go?”

Spike turned to face Angel again as he asked the question. “She went to a rundown apartment building a few miles from here.”

“Alright,” Angel said with a nod. “Write down the directions. Gunn, you and Wes go check it out.”

“I’m going,” Cordy spoke up.

“Cordelia-“

“No, Angel. Buffy may not have been my best friend, but I cared about her. If this girl turns out to be her, I want to know it.”

Angel nodded in agreement as he and Spike both stared outside at the rising sun.

“And what if it is her?” Spike said quietly.

“Recon first. If it’s her, then we’ll think of something.”

* * * * *

Cordy knocked on yet another door in the large apartment building a few hours later, glancing at Wes and Gunn standing down the hall. When the door opened, Cordy put on her brightest smile at the overweight, balding man. He had a beer in one hand and a dirty magazine in the other. Cordy cringed as he leered at her through his drunken gaze. “What can I do for you?” he asked, the implication of his words clear in his voice.

“I’m looking for a blonde girl, a few inches shorter than me. You wouldn’t happen to know where she is, would you?”

“Why?”

“Oh, I saw her leave the building, and I noticed she dropped an earring. She was gone before I could get to her.”

The man seemed to consider her lame excuse for a minute before nodding. “She’s at work right now.”

“Do you mind telling me where that is?”

“You’re going to an awful lot of trouble for an earring.”

“What can I say?” Cordy said with another fake, but winning smile. “I’m a good Samaritan.”

“She works at a little diner. Called Mabel’s Place or somethin’ like that.”

“Thank you,” Cordy said, turning and heading down the hall.

“Hey, if you ever need anything, you just let me know. The name’s Rob.”

“I’ll do that,” Cordy called back, fighting her gag reflex, making her way back to the two men. “Okay, she’s at some diner, Mabel’s Place.”

“Good work, CC,” Gunn said with a smile.

“Yeah, no thanks to Rob the Slob.”

Gunn laughed as they made their way out of the dilapidated old building.

“If that place is up to code, I’m the Queen of England,” Cordy said as they got outside.

* * * * *

Half an hour later, the three walked into the diner, surveying their surroundings as they sat down at a booth.

Cordelia and Wesley both gasped as the waitress made their way to the table. Gunn looked up but apparently didn’t see what they saw.

Cordy stared as the young girl stepped up to the table. It could have easily been Buffy when they were juniors in high school.

“Hi, I’m Liz, can I get your drink order?”

Each placed their order, staring as she walked away.

“It looks like her, Wes.”

“It’s extraordinary,” Wesley replied as his eyes followed her. “But she said her name was Liz, not Buffy.”

“Wesley, Buffy could be standing right in front of you, and you’re worried about her name?”

“Yes, well…I think we should head back to the hotel shortly. Tell Angel and Spike what we’ve come across.”

* * * * *

Spike stood outside the diner later that night. It was getting close to eleven, and he had been observing the girl inside for close to an hour.

After the group had come back to the hotel, everyone had fallen into research mode for the remainder of the day. As soon as the sun set, Spike was out on the street. He took out his frustration on the demon population for a few hours before making his way to her apartment building.

Her scent had been so faint when he stepped inside that he knew she hadn’t been there recently. Now, as he stood watching her wipe down the counter, Spike took a deep, unneeded breath before walking through the door.

He avoided eye contact with her, knowing that she was probably skeptical about seeing the man who saved her less than twenty four hours ago show up in her workplace.

Taking a seat at the counter, Spike scanned over one of the menu placemats as he felt her approach.

“Um…can I help you?” she asked timidly.

“Yeah, pet, I’ll just have a coffee,” Spike said, never raising his eyes. He could tell she was standing there longer than necessary and had to fight the smirk that he felt.

A few minutes later, a cup of coffee was placed in front of him. “I’m sorry to bother you.”

Spike finally raised his eyes to hers and felt the emotions course through him at her youthful appearance. “Yeah, pet?”

“Were you the guy that…”

“That saved you last night?”

“Yeah,” she said with a sheepish smile as she glanced down at the counter.

“That was me.”

“Oh…I’m sorry for running away like that- it’s just not every day that I get attacked, you know?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Spike replied with a relaxed smile. Before he could say anything else, his cell phone began its incessant ringing. “I hate this bloody thing,” he muttered as he reached into his pocket, extracting the phone that the gang forced him to keep. “Yeah?” he said into the receiver.

“Spike! Where the hell are you?”

Spike smiled at Angel’s tone of voice. After all these years, he still loved to get under his skin. “Relax, mate, I’m just out for a cup of coffee.”

“Spike, you better not be where I think you are.”

“Think whatever you want, Peaches,” Spike said before hanging up the phone and turning it off.

“Sorry about that, luv. You were saying?”

“I just…thank you,” she said with a grateful smile.

“Need someone to walk you home, luv?”

“I-I don’t know…you seem nice and all, but-“

“I promise I’ll be a perfect gentleman,” Spike said with a smile. “Cross my heart.”

She smiled at him. “Okay, but if you try anything, mister...”
“I crossed my heart, didn’t I?” Spike replied with a smirk.

Chapter 2 - Protection

As they left the diner, Spike risked a glance her way. It could have been Buffy twenty years ago. The resemblance was remarkable, but ultimately, he realized that she didn’t give off the same presence as Buffy.

“I’m Spike, by the way,” he said, waiting for her to introduce herself. “So, what’s our name, luv?” he asked after another minute.

“Um…Liz.”

“You seem a little unsure.”

“It’s just, I used to go by a different name, is all.”

“Witness Protection?” Spike asked with a smirk.

“No,” she said with a laugh. “My guardian didn’t like it, so he calls me Liz.”

Spike caught her eye. “What should I call you?”

“It’s not important,” she said with a shake of her head as she picked up her pace. After a few minutes of silence, Spike heard her speak. “Do you know me?”

He stopped walking and turned to face her. “Honestly…you look like a woman I knew.”

“Who is she?”

“She died…years ago.”

“I’m sorry,” she said genuinely. “You loved her, didn’t you?”

“It’s a long story, pet.”

“I’ll tell you mine if you’ll tell me yours.”

Spike started walking again, a smile playing on his lips. “Alright, luv.”

“You first,” she said with an innocent smile.

“Okay, here’s the short version…I loved her. She didn’t return the feeling…she died because I couldn’t save her.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“Yeah, well…your turn.”

“Well, since you didn’t tell me the long version, you don’t get one either,” she said with a bright smile, trying to lighten the mood.

Spike returned the smile. “I guess that’s fair, pet.”

Her smile faded as she seemed to recall the memories. “My parents died in a car wreck a few months ago. Since I didn’t have any living relatives, I got put in foster care. I got my GED, and I have to work at the diner until I’m eighteen and can move out.”

“I’m sorry, luv,” he could feel his heart break for this girl.

“It’s not your fault,” she said with a shrug. “I just can’t wait to be out of there.”

“You’re foster family didn’t like your name?”

“Pretty much,” she said with a nod.

“I’m assuming it’s Elizabeth.”

“Yeah, but my mom and dad always called me Buffy.”

Spike had to fight against his brain shutting down as he comprehended what she just said as she turned to look at him. “When you called me that last night, I got scared and ran, I’m sorry.”

“Buffy?”

“Yeah…how did you know it anyway?”

“Um…lucky guess,” Spike said, staring down at the ground as they walked. Deciding it would be safer to change the subject, Spike quickly thought of a topic. “How’s the family you live with?”

He watched as Buffy scoffed. “They’re not a family. The guy’s a drunk, and the woman’s gone for days at a time.”

Spike glanced at her. “Bu…Liz-“

“Buffy’s fine,” she said with a smile.

“Buffy,” Spike said, the name tasting strange on his tongue after so many years of being a memory, and now it belonged to someone he knew. “Are you safe there?”

Buffy shrugged. “He’s usually passed out by the time I get home. I work a double shift almost every day, so I don’t have to see them that much.”

“But are you safe?” Spike asked again.

Buffy looked up at him with shining eyes. “I can hold my own.”

This answer didn’t settle Spike’s nerves in the least. They stayed silent as they approached her apartment building.

“Well,” Buffy said, turning to face him as they got to the front of the building. “I guess-“

“I’ll walk you up,” Spike said, cutting her off.

“It’s really not necessary, Spike. Thank you, though.”

“Buffy, I don’t mind.”

She gave him a small smile as they walked into the building. A few floors up, Buffy stopped outside a door. Spike could smell the cigarette smoke and cheap alcohol wafting through, even without his demon senses.

“Listen, pet, if you ever need anything,” Spike said as he reached into his pocket and retrieved a card for Angel Investigations. “I want you to call me, okay?”

Buffy took the card and stared at it for a moment. “You’re a detective?”

Spike scoffed at the statement. “Hardly. No, I just help with the muscle.”

He caught the glance she sent to his chest and had to fight the smirk that threatened to overtake his lips. Before either could say anything else, the door opened, and a cloud of smoke seemed to roll through it. Spike took a breath and realized it wasn’t just cigarette smoke.

“Where the hell have you been?!” a large, angry man yelled at the girl.

“I’m not late,” she said in a meek voice.

“Useless little bitch,” he spat at her. Spike grabbed the man by the neck, having heard enough, and flung him down the hall. Buffy stared in shock. The man must have outweighed Spike by over a hundred pounds, but he tossed him like he was nothing.

“Buffy, get your things,” Spike said, not taking his eye off the man struggling to stand.

“Spike, I can’t just leave-“

“Buffy…it will be fine, just get your things.”

Buffy ran into the apartment, into her bedroom, and hurriedly gathered the few possessions she had. She didn’t know why she trusted a man that she hadn’t even known for twenty-four hours, but she felt safer with him than she ever had with anyone else.

When her large bag and backpack were filled, Buffy took one last look around the room and then hurriedly ran to a ‘secret’ hiding place where her foster father kept his money. She figured after all the times he hit her and stole from her, she was well past due. Grabbing the tin from the back of a cabinet, Buffy checked and saw the bills inside, quickly taking the money out and shoving it in her pocket.

When she left the apartment, she was surprised at what she saw. Spike had his back to her, facing the man. He didn’t have a hand on him to restrain him, but the other man looked too terrified to move.

“Spike,” she said softly.

Spike quickly slipped out of his demon visage and turned to face Buffy. “You ready, luv?”

She nodded, a little nervous about leaving with her guardian standing right there.

“Let’s go,” he said, taking the bags from her.

Buffy ventured a glance at her foster father and saw him stare daggers at her. “Don’t think you’re going to get away that easily,” he hissed.

Spike turned, guiding Buffy behind him as the demon flashed to the surface. “I thought we talked about this, mate.”

The man didn’t say a word, merely ran into the apartment and slammed the door. The two walked out of the building and down the street in silence.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Buffy said quietly from his side.

“I know,” Spike said softly. “But I needed to.”

Buffy didn’t say anything else as she watched Spike pull out his cell phone and turn it on.

After a few moments, Spike heard Angel’s very angry voice answer. The thought of this alone made him smile. “Hey, Peaches, you havin’ fun?”

“Spike,” Angel said in a low tone. “If you went to see that girl, so help me, I will beat you to within an inch of your life.”

“I’ll go you one better than that. She’s movin’ in.”

Spike laughed as he held the phone away from his ear as Angel began yelling. He glanced over and saw the worried expression on Buffy’s face and shook his head to let her know it was okay.

Spike let Angel get it all out of his system before he put the phone back to his ear. “Put Fred on.”

“Spike-“

“Angel, I don’t have time for this, put Fred on the phone.”

He heard the grumbling as Angel went to go in search of Fred.

“So,” Spike turned at the sound of Buffy’s voice. “Are you two dating?”

Spike let out a long laugh at that question. “Why on earth would you think that, pet?”

“Angel…Peaches?”

Spike laughed again. “No, luv. Angel’s a man. That’s his name. 'Peaches' is just to piss him off.”

“Oh,” Buffy said with a nod of understanding.

“Hello?”

“Fred, I need your help, luv.” Spike saw the strange look on Buffy’s face and covered the mouthpiece. “Fred’s a woman.”

“Confusing names,” she muttered, causing Spike to smile again.

“Fred, I need you to do a little hacking for me.” Spike quickly explained the situation and guaranteed that, by the computer's records, she would reprocess everything so the new guardians would be Cordelia Chase and Wesley Wyndham-Pryce. He knew the social workers would figure out something was wrong, but hopefully, they’d think it was their mistake.

“I need her last name, Spike.”

Spike took the phone away and looked at the small girl beside him. “What’s your last name, luv?”

“Winters.”

Spike stayed quiet for a minute before uttering the name to Fred and disconnecting the call. He now felt certain that this wasn’t the Buffy he knew. This was just a coincidence. So what if she had the same first name and a similar last name and she looked like her? It didn’t mean anything.

As they got closer to the hotel, Spike found himself becoming more withdrawn as he was lost in his thoughts. If she was her, would she get any memories back? And if so, how would she react to him?

Chapter 3 – Who Are You?

Spike and Buffy walked into the lobby of the Hyperion, only to come face to face with an outraged Angel and a compassionate Cordelia. Spike merely smirked at the look on his grandsire’s face before gesturing to the girl standing next to him. When Angel made eye contact with her, he froze. Shaking off his shock, he mumbled a quick ‘hello’ before grabbing Spike by the arm and dragging him across the lobby.

“It’s her?”

Spike sighed. “I don’t know who she is. She obviously has no memory of either one of us, so I’m guessing she’s not.”

“But her name’s Buffy.”

“Coincidence,” Spike said with a shrug. “I don’t think it’s her, Angel.”

“Spike, you were the one who was convinced she was,” he replied. “You can’t ignore the facts.”

“What facts, Peaches? Her name is Elizabeth Winters. Weird, yes, but when has it ever not been weird around here?”

“We should have Lorne read her.”

“Yeah? And when you tell the green demon to come downstairs and have the teenage girl sing, let me know, cause I don’t think I’d want to be here to see her reaction.”

“Spike, you met her by dusting a vamp in front of her.”

“And she hasn’t mentioned it since,” Spike hissed. “I don’t think she’d take to having a demon introduced to her on her first night here.” He glanced over as Cordy led Buffy upstairs to a spare room. He caught the look that Buffy sent his way, and Spike immediately began walking toward her.

“We’re not finished here, Spike,” Angel said angrily.

“We are for now. I’m the only one she knows, Liam,” Spike said, practically spitting out his true name. “I’m not going to let her be scared by being in a new place.”

“What if it’s her, Spike?” Angel called after him as Spike climbed the stairs.

“It’s not!” Spike said with more conviction than Angel expected.

* * * * *

Spike made it to Buffy’s room as Cordelia was leaving.

“What’s the verdict?” he asked as Cordy came into the hall. She glanced at Spike and saw the nervous way he was hugging his arms around his chest.

“I really can’t say,” Cordy whispered as she looked back into the room where Buffy was unpacking. “If it’s her, wouldn’t she have our Buffy’s memories? I mean, if she was sent back for a purpose, wouldn’t it make sense to know that she was once the Slayer? And if it’s not her, why would the Powers of whoever give her nearly the same identity?”

“I don’t know,” Spike muttered.

“There’s more, Spike,” Cordelia said as she took another glance in the room. “Did you happen to ask her when her birthday is?”

“No, but by the look on your face, I’m guessing it’s the same as Buffy’s.”

“No,” Cordy said, shaking her head. “She was born the day Buffy died.”

“What?” Spike asked, looking at her in disbelief as Cordelia nodded.

“May twenty-second. Almost seventeen years ago.”

“Someone’s trying to toy with us.”

“Are you sure?” Cordy asked. “What if it’s her?”

“It’s not,” Spike said through gritted teeth.

“Spike, you were the one who thought it was her in the first place.”

“Yeah, that was before common sense won out. It’s not her.”

“If you say so.”

Spike stayed quiet for a moment. “Angel wants Lorne to read her.”

“That would be good, except you’re going to have to explain-“

“I know.”

“Good luck,” Cordy said as she walked away.

Spike took a deep, unneeded breath before gently knocking on the open door. Buffy’s head appeared from around a corner. “Come in,” she said with a smile.

Spike walked through the door and watched as she walked back into the room. He knew that Cordy and Angel had reason to believe this was Buffy, but he wasn’t about to get his hopes up. Besides, even if it was her, she’d probably kick him in the head once she realized who he was.

“Can I talk to you for a minute, luv?”

“Sure,” she said with a bright smile. “I wanted to talk to you, too.”

“Oh, um, alright, you first.”

Buffy sat down on the end of the bed, patting the space next to her. Spike apprehensively walked over to her and sat down, making sure to keep a safe distance between them.

“I wanted to thank you,” Buffy said quietly. “You didn’t have to help me tonight, and then you give me a place to live, and it’s just…”

Buffy trailed off as tears came to her eyes.

“Buffy,” Spike said softly. “I couldn’t let you stay there.”

“But you don’t even know me,” she said quietly.

“I know. That’s what we do here, luv. We help people.”

“I don’t know why I feel so safe with you, but I do.”

Spike looked down, trying to hide the emotions on his face. If only the real Buffy had said that.

“What did you want to talk to me about?” she asked softly.

Spike tried to get his thoughts in order as he looked into her intense green eyes. “The other night, when you were in the alley…do you remember what happened after I fought the man who attacked you?”

“He turned to dust,” she said as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

“And you don’t think that’s just a little bit strange?”

“Well, yeah,” she said with a smile. “I know there are things that go bump in the night, I’ve just never seen a vampire before.”

“You know about vampires?” Spike asked incredulously.

Buffy shrugged. “I lived in Cleveland- there was a lot of strange things going on. I kind of figured it was something along those lines.”

Spike’s mouth hung open as he stared at the girl in front of him.

“Did I say something wrong?” she asked nervously.

“No,” Spike said, shaking his head. “It’s just…a lot of people tend to rationalize what they can’t explain.”

“Seems pretty explainable to me,” Buffy said with a shrug. “Vampires are real.”

“Okay,” Spike said, looking down at the floor, clasping his hands together. “Well, that makes what I have to say next a little easier.” He looked up and made eye contact with her. “We have a demon that lives in the hotel.” When he saw her tense slightly, he hurriedly added, “He’s a good one. He helps people…and we were wanting him to help you.”

“How?” she asked with uncertainty in her voice.

“Well,” Spike smiled slightly. “You have to sing for him.”

“Sing?”

“He can…read your aura…almost like a fortune teller, but he can see a lot more. Do you think you could do that?”

Buffy looked at him nervously. “You’ll be there with me?”

“If you want me to,” Spike said with a nod.

“Why do you need to know about me?”

“We just…want to make sure you stay safe.”

‘Not the entire truth, but not a lie either,’ Spike thought.

“Okay,” Buffy said quietly. “I’ll do it.”

* * * * *

Two hours later, Buffy stood nervously in the lobby of the hotel. She’d met everyone except for Lorne, and she was getting more nervous, shuffling closer to Spike. She didn’t know any of these people, but she knew she felt a connection with the blonde man, and that was enough for her.

Buffy turned when she heard the door open behind her and apprehensively looked at the green demon in the bright red suit.

“Alright,” Lorne said, clapping his hands together. “Let’s get this show on the road, kiddies. Where’s the lucky girl?”

Spike gently pulled Buffy from behind him and stood next to her in silent support.

“Well, cupcake,” Lorne said with a smile. “Aren’t you just the darlingest thing I ever did see? Care to rattle off a few notes for me, sugar?”

Buffy took a deep breath. “You're only misleading the sunshine I'm needing. Ain't that a shame? It's so hard to keep up with troubles that creep up from out of nowhere…"

Angel and Lorne exchanged a look at the familiarity that washed over both of them. Not only was it a song that was written long before she was born, it was also the same song that the human Darla sang when Angel took her to Caritas all those years ago.

“Thanks, sweetie pie. I’m just going to steal these two lovely men from your graces for just a minute,” Lorne said, grabbing both Angel and Spike by the arms and leading them away from the group.

“I know you didn’t just call me ‘lovely,’ mate,” Spike said when they were further away.

“Shut up, Spike,” Angel said. “What did you find out?”

Lorne gave Buffy another glance before turning back to the men. “It’s her.”

Chapter 4 - Destiny

“What do you mean, ‘it’s her’?” Spike asked in a growl.

“I mean, she’s a Slayer who gave her life to save the world. Draw your own conclusions on whether you think Elizabeth Winters is Buffy Summers.”

”Why was she brought back?” Angel asked.

“Some prophetic future,” Lorne replied. “That parts a little hazy- you may want to have the brainiacs working on it.”

“If it’s her, why doesn’t she know it’s her?” Spike asked, the anger shading his voice.

“Not sure about that either, sweet cheeks. I would think she would have a few vague memories, especially after seeing several people she used to know. That one’s not for me to say.”

Spike felt his jaw clench. He wasn’t sure why he felt so angry, but he did. Turning on his heel, Spike stalked out of the hotel. He could hear Angel calling him, but he didn’t turn around. He wanted to be alone right now, and he couldn’t get the space he needed in that hotel. He also knew that he didn’t have long before sunrise, and that only served to fuel his anger.

Walking down the street, Spike shoved his hands in the pockets of his duster. His mind was such a whirlwind of activity, he didn’t even hear the footsteps behind him. When he felt a hand on his arm, Spike’s first reaction was a powerful backhand. He frowned when it didn’t connect and looked down to see Buffy cowering, having narrowly avoided the punch.

“You shouldn’t sneak up on people like that, pet,” Spike said as he offered her a hand, fully aware that this was Buffy he was touching and feeling very strange toward her now.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I thought you heard me.”

Spike stared at her for a long time. This was nothing like the Buffy he remembered. Of course, he didn’t really know her when she was this age. Tried to kill her, yes, but he never got to know her. This girl was innocent, pure. She wasn’t hardened by a over who turned evil and mentally tortured her for months.

“Did I do something wrong?” he heard her ask quietly.

“No…Buffy,” he said her name quietly, realizing that this was the same woman he fell in love with. And also the same woman who rejected him. “You should get back inside, pet.”

“I-I don’t want to.”

“You don’t want to be around me, Buffy,” Spike said quietly, looking at the ground.

“Please don’t make me go back alone,” she said quietly. “I feel safe with you.”

“Don’t,” he said through gritted teeth. “You’re not safe with me.”

He saw a brief flash of fear in her eyes before she took a step closer to him. “Then why do I feel like I am?”

* * * * *

Spike sat in his room later that night, chain-smoking. He and Buffy had gone back to the hotel when it was clear that Buffy wasn’t going to leave him alone. After he had reassured her that his room was close enough to hers if something were to happen, she finally went to sleep.

Spike stayed up, talking to the group about what they were going to do. Wes and Fred were researching the prophecy of the Slayer who was supposed to live again, while the rest determined that it wouldn’t be a wise decision to tell Buffy who she was or is. If she were supposed to know, the memories would have come back to her.

Now, as Spike sat on the windowsill, staring out at the city, his mind drifted over moments that he tried to bury years ago. Everything seemed to come rushing back to him, as if he’d turned a key and veiled secrets seemed to become clear again. As much as he’d wished for this moment over the years, he now knew it wasn’t fair. Buffy had lived her life, she’d served her time, and it wasn’t right to bring her back just to throw her into yet another prophecy.

Spike still felt as drawn to her as he had when he first saw her. She had that essence about her that seemed to call to him, whether he was wanting to kill her or love her. He couldn’t be weak about this. Spike could plainly see that she looked at him as some sort of hero, and he couldn’t let that feeling develop into something more. Angel had to leave her to give her a normal life. Spike couldn’t risk getting close enough to her for that to happen. If Spike forgot for a moment what he was, it would be a mistake.

* * * * *

Buffy lay in her bed, tossing and turning at the blurry images that seemed to dance in her dreams. Flashes of people and places rushed in front of her.

“Angel was a vampire.”

Buffy awoke with a start. She gasped for breath as she tried to recall some of the people she had seen, but she couldn’t. All she could remember was that voice she had heard. “Angel was a vampire,” she whispered before jumping off of her bed and quietly opening the door to her room. Spike had said he was at the end of the hall, so Buffy hurriedly made her way there.

There were only two closed doors at the end, and Buffy could see a faint light glimmering around the edges of one of them. Knocking lightly, Buffy took a step back and bit her lip as she waited. Spike opened the door a moment later, cigarette in hand, hair a tousled mess from running his fingers through it. “What’s wrong?” he asked, instantly worried.

Buffy glanced around the hall before turning back to him. “Can I come in?”

Spike opened the door a little wider, allowing her in. He noticed the nervous way she was wringing her hands together and biting her lip. “You gonna tell me, pet, or do I have to guess?”

“Is Angel a vampire?” Buffy asked, figuring the direct course was the best.

Spike seemed slightly surprised by the question but shook it off. “Yes.”

“But…”

“He won’t hurt you, Buffy. He has a soul.”

“How?”

“A very long, boring story that you don’t want to get into tonight. How’d you find out anyway?”

“I-I had a dream.”

Spike seemed to look nervous for a moment. “Anything else in this dream of yours, pet?”

“Flashes,” she said quietly. “People I don’t know, but I can’t remember what they look like now. There was a voice right before I woke up that said ‘Angel was a vampire'."

“Spike, please, you’re a vampire.”

“Angel was a vampire.”

“Angel was good!”

Spike shook his head, clearing it of the memories that threatened to overload him.

“It was your voice, Spike,” Buffy said quietly.

“Yeah…um…probably just because you’ve talked to me the most.”

“But how would I know that Angel’s a vampire?”

Spike shrugged as he walked to the window, taking a long drag on his cigarette. “Maybe you have a sixth sense about these things. You never know.”

“Maybe,” Buffy said quietly, looking at the floor.

“You should get back to bed, pet. You need your rest.”

“Yeah,” Buffy whispered, walking to the door. “Sorry to bother you.”

“You didn’t bother me, luv. I know you’re confused and in a strange place right now, but don’t worry, no one here is going to hurt you.”

Buffy gave him a grateful smile. “Good night, Spike,” she said, shutting the door behind her.

“Good night, luv,” Spike said softly, his voice getting lost in the empty
room.

Chapter 5 - Memories

“The hardest thing in this world…is to live in it. Be brave…live…for me.”
________________________________________

Buffy woke with a jump the next morning. The words seemed to haunt her as she climbed out of bed.

Buffy quickly took a shower and got ready for the day. Dressing in jeans and an old sweatshirt, she walked downstairs to find Wesley sitting behind the reception counter.

“Mr. Pryce?” she asked timidly.

Wesley looked up and smiled at the young girl. What he wouldn’t have given to have gotten that amount of respect from her twenty years ago.

“It’s Wesley. What can I do for you, Buffy?”

“I, um, last night…”

“Is something wrong.”

“I don’t know,” she said with uncertainty. “Last night, I had these dreams and I have no idea what they mean.”

“Can you explain them to me?” Wes asked, grabbing a pen and paper. Buffy quickly described what she could remember of the first.

“Was there a second?”

“Kind of. I just heard, something about it being hardest to live in this world and then I had this falling sensation and I woke up.”

“Uh…yes…well, I’ll see what I can come up with.”

“You think they mean something?”

“It’s possible, though nothing for you to worry about.”

“There you are.”

Buffy turned and gave Cordelia a smile as she came down the stairs.

“I’ve been looking for you. I think today needs to be a shopping day.”

“Oh, that sounds nice, but I don’t have a lot of-“

“Money?” Cordy asked. “No worries, we have enough,” she continued, with a wave of her hand.

“That’s nice, but I can’t accept-“

“Nonsense. You’re practically family now, since Wes and I are your guardians. Albeit, illegally, but it’s for a good cause. Now, let’s go,” she said, taking Buffy’s hand and dragging her out the door.

* * * * *

Buffy and Cordelia sat in the food court of their third mall of the day, eating an early supper. Cordy had asked her questions all day, and Buffy was finally getting some answers of her own.

“So, are you and Wesley…?”

Cordy started laughing. “No, no, definitely not. We’re friends, that’s all.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I just thought since Spike made you my guardians, that you two…”

“No, we just won’t raise any questions if a social worker happens to drop by.”

“So, are you seeing anyone…like, Spike for instance.”

Cordy’s face softened. “No, Spike and I were never a couple. Actually, Angel and I are together.”

“Really?” Buffy asked with a smile, that did not go unnoticed by Cordy.

“Yeah, for about sixteen years now.”

“But, you’re not a vampire?”

Cordy laughed. “No. And here’s a little tip, vamps can’t go out in sunlight. Stake through the heart, beheading, sunlight, use whatever’s necessary if you come across one. I mean, an evil one,” she corrected herself with a smile.

They stayed quiet, eating their meals for several minutes.

“You like him, don’t you?”

Buffy looked up at Cordelia, looking like a deer in the headlights. “Who?”

“Who do you think?” Cordy asked with a gentle smile. “Spike.”

Buffy blushed as she looked down at her salad. “He’s nice. He’s the first guy to treat me like I’m an actual person, but he wouldn’t want me.”

Buffy looked up as she felt Cordy’s hand envelop her own. “Be careful.”

“What do you mean?”

“Spike’s a very passionate man. He very rarely thinks before he acts and he usually ends up saying or doing things that he didn’t mean to. But, once you get through the tough guy exterior, he’s a great guy.”

“Are you saying you want me to go after him.”

“Not necessarily. I’m saying, if you choose to, know what you’re getting into.”

Buffy nodded as they gathered their bags.

* * * * *

Spike was pacing the lobby of the Hyperion, irritating Angel and Wesley who were trying to do research. “Where the bloody hell are they? It’s almost dark outside.”

“Almost doesn’t count, and why do you care so much?” Angel asked, looking up from his books.

“I don’t…they’ve just…been gone all day and they should have been back by now.”

“Spike,” Wesley said. “Buffy’s with Cordelia. She’ll be perfectly safe and besides, just because Buffy’s not the slayer anymore, doesn’t mean she can’t take care of herself.”

“And that’s another thing,” Spike said, pointing at Wesley to emphasize his point. “We should be testing her strengths, seeing how much of Buffy is left.”

“She is Buffy,” Angel said, getting impatient. “It’s not a matter of how much of her is left, it’s her.”

“If it’s her, why doesn’t she remember, genius?”

“What about the dreams?” Wesley asked.

Spike stopped his pacing and turned to stare at Wes. “She told you?”

“What do you think we’re researching?” Angel asked, with annoyance clear in his voice.

“I think the better question to ask, is why did she tell you?” Wesley asked, raising his eyebrows at Spike. “And when?”

“She…I don’t know, she got scared about the poofter being a vamp and she came to asked me about it.”

Spike turned, avoiding Angel’s intense stare as he got up and walked over to his grandchilde. “Are you trying something with her, Willie?”

Spike whirled around in anger. “What’s that supposed to mean, Peaches?”

“Well, you couldn’t get her the first time around, so it’s logical for someone like you to go for it when she doesn’t know who you are,” he said quietly.

“What’s the matter, Angel? Scared she’d pick me over you?”

“She did the first time.”

“No, she didn’t. You were just there, all tortured and broody.”

“At least she loved me,” Angel whispered.

“You son of a-“

Spike pulled his arm back, ready to land a blow to wipe the smug look off his grandsire’s face.

“FREEZE!”

Both stopped and looked at the door, seeing Cordelia and Buffy walking through, weighed down with shopping bags.

“What the hell is going on?” Cordy asked, walking toward the men.

“You want to tell her, Gramps? Exactly what you told me?”

“Shut up, Spike.”

“Angel, what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Angel said, giving Cordy a kiss on the cheek. “Just been trapped with him all day,” he said, jerking a thumb in Spike’s direction. “It’s starting to get to me, I guess.”

Cordy raised an eyebrow, obviously not buying it as she thrust her packages at Angel. “Spike, aren’t you going to help Buffy?”

“Oh, uh, sure,” Spike said, heading toward the younger girl.

“You don’t have to,” Buffy said with a smile.

“I know,” Spike said, taking her bags from her. “But, I want to.”

Buffy gave him a grateful smile as he followed her up the stairs.

Once her bags were in her room, Spike headed for the door. “Spike?”

“Yeah, pet?” he said, turning to face her.

“Do you…never mind.”

Spike looked at her quizzically for a moment. “You can ask me, Buffy.”

“No, I…I don’t know what I was going to ask.”

Spike gave her a look, letting her know that he was well aware that she knew what she was wanting, but he let it go. “Listen, pet, I was wondering if you wanted to get a bit of a workout in the gym?”

Buffy glanced down. “Do I need to work out?”

“No, Buffy. More like sparring, learning to fight, how to defend yourself.”

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

Spike nodded. “I’ll meet you downstairs in ten minutes.”

* * * * *

A few minutes later, Buffy had changed into a pair of black cotton pants and a sports bra. She jogged downstairs and smiled when she saw Fred.

“Hi,” the woman said, giving Buffy a bright smile.

“Hi, I was wondering if you could show me where the gym is.”

“Oh sure, it’s straight down the hall, last door on the right.”

“Thanks,” Buffy said, heading down the hall.

Opening the door, she felt her mouth go dry at the sight of a shirtless Spike hitting a punching bag. Buffy swallowed as she followed the lines of his strong back, watching as the muscles bunched and released with every blow. Her eyes trailed lower to his low hanging sweatpants. Though they weren’t tight, Buffy could see the lines of muscles in his strong legs whenever his body shifted.

Licking her lips, Buffy realized she’d been ogling the man who had treated her so well and she was beginning to feel guilty. Although, she would have done it again in a heartbeat. Buffy shut the door, quietly, and sat on the mats to begin stretching.

Spike turned around to face her, having sensed her from the moment she stepped in the room. He swallowed hard, when he saw the taut body and smooth skin that was revealed as she stretched. Rotating his arms to stretch the muscles he’d been working, Spike walked over to her.

“You’re early, pet.”

“Is that bad?” Buffy asked with a smile.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “You ready?”

Buffy hopped to her feet. “What first?”

“I just want to see what kind of instincts you have, first.”

“Meaning…you’re just going to attack me?”

“I promise, it won’t hurt,” Spike said, smiling.

Buffy nodded and quickly spun out of the way as Spike rushed at her. Turning around, they circled each other. Spike threw a punch that was easily blocked by Buffy as ducked underneath the kick he threw her way. As Spike tensed to strike again, he was surprised when she not only blocked him, but landed a hit of her own, directly on his nose.

Spike reeled back, his hand automatically going to his nose as Buffy gasped. “I’m so sorry!”

Spike pulled his hand away and saw the thin trickle of blood that was left on his hand. Resisting the blood lust that seemed to flow through him, Spike wiped the rest away and grabbed a towel off the nearby workout bench to clean his hand. “It’s okay, pet.”

“I didn’t mean to.”

Spike smiled. “I know, you always had a…”

“A what?”

“Um, nothing. I meant you’ve got a mean right hook.”

Buffy smiled sheepishly. “If you want to quit for the night, I’ll understand.”

“No, we’re here. May as well go for a few more minutes.”

Buffy nodded as they both got into position again. For ten minutes, the sparring went back and forth. Buffy gasped when Spike rushed her, as they each grabbed the other’s shoulders and fell back on the mat. Buffy easily kicked her body up, flipping them over and straddling Spike.

Spike stared up at the beautiful young woman. Her hair framed her face as she looked down at him, her breath coming out in pants causing her body to move against his. Spike felt his own body trying to react to having her so close. When a voice suddenly came back to him that he couldn’t push away.

“That’s enough, Buffy.” She quickly jumped up, offering him a hand which he ignored as he jumped up and grabbed his shirt. Walking toward the door of the gym, Spike turned back and saw her watching him in confusion. “You did great, Buffy.”

She watched, feeling slightly hurt as he walked out the door.

Spike quickly pulled his shirt on as he walked down the hallway. The voice echoed over and over in his head- “You’re beneath me.”

Chapter 6 – In Pain

Spike stood out in the garden, smoking a cigarette, while he stared up at the moon. He felt Buffy behind him but didn’t let himself turn to look at her.

“Spike?”

“Yeah, pet?” Spike replied, exhaling a large puff of smoke.

“Did I do something wrong?”

Spike nervously licked his lips before looking over his shoulder. She was standing in the doorway, hugging her arms around her thin body as she watched him timidly. “No, luv…you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Buffy bit her lip before taking a few steps toward him. “You don’t like me very much, do you?” she asked quietly.

Spike smiled slightly as he looked at the ground. “I like you just fine, Buffy.”

“It’s just…after I sang for Lorne…”

“It’s nothing for you to worry about, pet,” he said softly, finally looking over at her. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

“Can I help?”

“No,” he said quietly, looking away. It hurt too much to see her. He could remember everything about that night. From the fake sparring, to the kiss that wasn’t, to her shoving him to the ground. But then, he also remembered Buffy letting him comfort her. Everything seemed to be a whirlwind in his mind, and the one thing he always wanted was standing here beside him, but she didn’t even know who he was...or who she was. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted her to remember. She’d probably just kick him in the head and yell at him for getting too close to her again.

Buffy stood quietly for several minutes before turning and walking back inside. She knew that despite whatever he said, Spike was irritated with her- she just didn’t know why. With a heavy sigh, she made her way upstairs to her bedroom. She already felt at home in the hotel, but she was scared to get too comfortable. Cordy had nearly bought out the mall, getting them both new clothes, and everyone else always made an effort to check on her, but Buffy knew that being happy wasn’t a permanent fixture in her life.

Sitting down on her bed, Buffy picked up the picture on her nightstand of her and her parents. It was taken a few months before they died, and they all looked so happy. She felt a tear trickle down her cheek as she stared at the photo. She hadn’t cried since the funeral, feeling it was a sign of weakness. She didn’t like to be weak in any circumstance. Even when her foster father was beating her up, she never gave him the satisfaction of crying. Now, one tear was turning into more as she remembered the events of the past few months. She felt tired, drained to the point of not wanting to
do anything anymore.

Buffy had her GED, but she didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life. She felt lost and alone, despite the people that she was surrounded with. Buffy slowly put the picture back on the nightstand before curling up in the middle of her bed and bringing her hands up to cover her face as the tears kept spilling down her cheeks. She quietly sobbed into her hands, wishing that all the pain would go away, even though she knew it was worthless to waste her time making such foolish wishes.

* * * * *

Spike slowly walked back to his bedroom when he heard her. His vampire senses could hear every tiny sob that she was obviously trying to keep concealed. For a minute, he fought the urge to go in there. This was Buffy- she would get over whatever was bothering her. Then, at the same time, this was a girl that he didn’t know as Buffy. She had the looks, the memories, but inside, she didn’t seem to be that similar to the woman he once loved. Spike tried to refuse the feelings that her sobs were causing, but he felt too protective of her to let her be hurting.

Ignoring the voice that was warning him not to get too close, Spike quietly opened the door and slipped in her room. He didn’t bother knocking, knowing that she needed someone, and she would try and act like everything was okay, if given the time.

He stared at the tiny girl for a moment. Her back was to him and shaking slightly with the force of her crying. Taking a deep unneeded breath, Spike laid down on the bed and gathered her into his arms. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, maybe for her to shove him away or yell at him. He even expected her to jump at the feel of a virtual stranger getting so close to her. What he didn’t expect was for her to roll over and bury her face in his chest.

Spike stayed quiet through her tears, not sure how to comfort her except for being there. Her tiny hands clutched at his shirt as she slowly began to calm down.

“What’s wrong?” he asked softly, his voice full of concern.

“I just miss them so much,” she whispered.

“Your parents?”

Buffy nodded, never raising her eyes to his, as she sniffled, trying to get some semblance of control back.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled quietly.

“It’s okay, luv.”

Buffy slowly pulled away, looking at him through bloodshot eyes. “Will you stay?”

“I don’t think that’s such a-“

“Just until I fall asleep. Please?”

Spike considered it for a minute before nodding. “Alright then.”

Buffy gave him a grateful smile before closing her eyes and moving closer to
him. Spike closed his eyes as well, not noticing when she went to sleep.

* * * * *
________________________________________

“Death is your art. You make it with your hands, day after day. That final gasp. That look of peace. Part of you is desperate to know: What's it like? Where does it lead you? And now you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw, or the kicks you didn't land. Every Slayer... has a death wish. Even you.”
________________________________________

Buffy sat up in bed, gasping for air, her hand clutching at her chest.

“What is it, luv? What’s wrong?” Spike asked as he woke up.

Getting her breathing under control, Buffy slowly turned to him. “What’s a Slayer?”

She watched as Spike froze, his eyes widening slightly at the question.

“Why do you want to know?”

“I was dreaming about it. Something about Slayers and death.”

Spike glanced down, trying to figure out what to tell her, before looking up and meeting her eyes again. “A Slayer kills vampires, pet.”

”How would I know what they are or what they’re even called?”

Spike nervously licked his lips before answering, “You’re not ready to know.”

“How do you know? When will I be ready?”

Spike stayed quiet, not looking at her. He couldn’t tell her who she was, or used to be- she’d think he was crazy. Spike suddenly looked up at her, meeting her eyes. “Why did you think I would know about Slayers?”

He saw her nervously pull at a thread from the comforter. “It was your voice,” she said quietly. “I think you were talking to me. Something about ‘death is your art’, and ‘every slayer has a death wish.’

Spike’s jaw clenched as he rose from the bed. “And the other night? When you dreamed about Angel being a vampire- was that me telling you?”

Buffy stayed silent as she nodded.

“Right then,” Spike said, backing toward the door. “I think…maybe you should talk to Wes in the morning. I’ll see you later.”

“Spike, wait! What does it-“

She watched as the door shut behind him, more confused now than when she woke up.

Spike quickly made his way to his room, nearly slamming the door behind him.

“Her memories are coming back,” he murmured to himself, running a hand through his hair. “Stay away from her, Spike,” he muttered in a warning tone. “You’ll get close, just to lose her again. She won’t choose you, mate. You’ve known that for years.”

Chapter 7 – Who Am I?

“Wesley?” Buffy said timidly, walking into his office the next day.

“Yes, what can I do for you, Buffy?”

“I need to try and find out some things.”

“Such as?”

“I’ve been having more dreams…and I need to know what they mean.”

“What did the dreams entail, Buffy?” Wesley asked with a worried expression.

“The first one was about Slayers. I asked Spike, and he said a Slayer kills vampires.”

“And that’s all he told you?” he asked anxiously.

“Yes,” Buffy said, nodding. “He told me I wasn’t ready to know and that I should tell you about the dream.”

“You said the first, was there a second dream?”

Buffy nodded again. “I don’t really know what it was about. It was a bunch of people I’ve never seen.”

“Can you describe them?”

“Um, a redheaded woman…a man with brown hair…and an older man, he had glasses. That’s all I remember.”

She watched as Wesley jotted down some notes before looking at her again. “Buffy, let me talk to Angel, and we’ll see what we can work out.”

“Do you know what’s going on, Wes?”

Wesley seemed to hesitate before answering. “I think I should talk to Angel first.”

Buffy nodded. “Thanks, Wesley,” she said softly before turning to walk out of the office. Walking through the door, Buffy ended up running into a young man that she’d never seen.

“Hi,” he said in a friendly tone, holding out his hand. “I’m Connor.”

“Buffy,” she said, introducing herself as she shook his hand. “I haven’t seen you around.”

“Yeah, I’ve been out of town with some friends. My dad told me we had a guest staying for a while.”

“Your dad?”

“Angel.”

Buffy gaped at him, turning when she heard a noise, and saw Angel approaching. “Oh, Buffy, I see you’ve met my son.”

Buffy absentmindedly nodded as her mind kept trying to turn over the situation. “But aren’t you a…”

“Long story,” Angel said with a nod. “But Connor is my biological son. You two may have some things in common. He’s a few months younger than you.”

“Yeah,” Connor spoke up. “We can have a night out, if you want. Get away from the old fogies around here.”

Buffy smiled as Angel playfully hit Connor on the shoulder.

“So what do you say, Buffy?” Connor asked.

“Um, that sounds good, I guess.”

“Great! We can go catch a movie or something.”

* * * * *

Spike paced the lobby chain-smoking as Wesley, Angel, and Cordelia discussed what should be told to Buffy regarding her dreams. It was getting close to midnight, and Spike was getting more impatient to get out and slay something.

“I think we should tell her,” Cordelia said.

“Cordy, if we tell her everything, it could cause an imbalance in this dimension,” Wesley said.

“How so?” Angel asked.

“If Buffy understands everything about her life as a Slayer before it naturally comes back to her, it may severely impact on things to come. On the prophecy that she was brought back to fulfill.”

“If we tell her, and she was meant to die, maybe this could save her life,” Cordy reasoned.

“And what if she’s not meant to know and the information we give her ends up
killing her?” Wesley countered.

“What do we know about the prophecy?” Spike asked, finally speaking up.

“Not much,” Wes admitted. “Fred’s working on it, but it’s taking a while to decipher it’s specific meaning.”

“Where is Buffy, anyway?” Spike asked. He hadn’t seen her since he left her room in the predawn hours. He was trying to keep his distance, but it didn’t stop him from thinking about her.

“She and Connor went out,” Angel said.

“What!?”

“Relax, Spike, they just went out with some of Connor’s friends.”

Spike tried to control the jealousy that seemed to flood through his body as his pacing increased.

“What if we just tell her a summary of her life?” Cordy said, trying to change the subject.

“Like what?” Angel asked.

“Like…she used to know all of us. She was the Slayer. Nothing too specific, just some basic things that might help her understand what she’s dreaming.”

Spike felt a stab of panic but ignored it. It was inevitable that they would want Buffy’s memories to return- he just wasn’t ready for the abrupt change in her behavior. The innocent girl he rescued would be no more. In her place would be the woman who loved Angel and thought of Spike as a disgusting thing.

“That does sound like the best idea,” Wesley agreed with a nod.

Everyone turned when the door to the hotel opened, revealing Buffy and Connor walking through, laughing at something. Spike tightened his jaw and walked to the other side of the room, not trusting his temper around the younger man.

“Whoa,” Connor said, coming to stop next to his dad. “Team meeting?”

“Something like that,” Angel replied. “Connor, can you do us a favor and go see if Gunn needs any help with the weapons in the back?”

Connor looked around the room at all of the somber faces and nodded. “Sure thing, dad.”

Buffy stood nervously as all eyes turned to her. “I can go up to my room, if-“

“No,” Wesley said. “We needed to talk to you about your dreams. Explain a few things.”

Buffy stood, waiting expectantly. “I’m listening,” she said softly.

“You should probably sit down,” Angel said.

* * * * *

“Sooooo,” Buffy said slowly, her eyes unfocused as she looked down at the floor. “I was a vampire slayer in a former life…I knew all of you in some way…and The Powers That Be, whoever they are, decided to bring me back for some reason.” She watched as everyone nodded before standing. “Can I ask all of you a question? Are you completely stoned?!” she yelled, pacing the room. “Okay, some of the things I can understand, like a man exploding into dust when he was trying to attack me…obviously not human, so of course it’s some otherworldly creature. And I’ve given you all the benefit of the doubt. I mean…you,” she said, pointing to Angel. “You’re a vampire, but apparently the cuddly kind, and you all have this bizarre career where you chase demons and vampires, and you have a green demon that can read your destiny if you sing. I think I’ve had a very open mind about a lot of this,
but to tell me that I’ve lived before and known all of you fairly recently, it’s just…”

Buffy trailed off as tears sprung to her eyes. What she had just learned was too much for her. She didn’t understand anything. She couldn’t understand why these people might lie to her about something like this, but she also new it was probably the closest thing to the truth that she had.

“Buffy,” Cordelia said gently, approaching her. “We just thought you should know. The dreams you’re having are memories of what happened to you in the years leading up to your death.”

Buffy took a shaky breath before turning to look at the older woman. “Does this mean I’ll start remembering even more things that I don’t remember?”

Everyone looked slightly confused. “You know what I mean.”

“Yes,” Wesley said, standing up. “Being around people you knew has triggered something that is letting you know through various pieces, who you used to be.”

“How did I know all of you?”

“I was your temporary Watcher,” Wesley said.

“And a Watcher is in charge of the Slayers?” Buffy asked.

“Yes.”

“What about you?” Buffy turned in Cordy’s direction.

“We knew each other in high school. I moved to L.A. after we graduated.”

“Were we friends?”

“More like…acquaintances. I wasn’t the person I am today.”

“Then I’m technically your age?”

“Technically.”

Buffy nodded. “And Angel?” she asked, looking at him. She noticed as everyone in the room seemed to become a little more nervous.

“We, uh…we kind of…dated.”

“So, I dated a vampire…well, this just keeps getting better and better,” she said sarcastically. “No offense,” she added as an afterthought, looking at both Cordelia and Angel.

Both nodded as she turned to look at Spike. Before she could ask, she heard Angel’s voice behind her. “Spike was an ally of yours.”

“Ally?” she said skeptically with a raised eyebrow, never taking her eyes off the man in front of her.

Spike was frozen in place. For a second, just the smallest of seconds, he’d seen the old Buffy come through. He couldn’t even be sure what it was. The look in her eyes, the slight tilt of her head, a brief flash of recognition. He couldn’t be sure.

“I helped out before you died,” he said quietly, averting his eyes as he inhaled sharply on his cigarette.

Buffy nodded, turning to face the remaining members of the group. “I think I need to get some sleep,” she muttered, turning for the stairs.

“Buffy, if you need to talk, we’re all-“

“I’ll be okay,” she said, turning and offering a smile to Angel. “It’s just a lot to process.”

* * * * *

Spike had been pacing his room for over two hours. He knew that he should have gotten out of the hotel while he had a chance, but his mind was a wreck. The look that Buffy had given him was burned into his memory. The disbelieving way she had said one word made him think she knew more than she was letting on about.

Hearing a knock at the door, Spike went to answer it and was only slightly surprised when he saw Buffy standing on the other side. Walking in before he even moved out of the way, Buffy shut the door and turned to face him.

“Were we in love?”

“What?” he asked, the shock evident in his voice.

“You heard me. I want to know.”

“Why do you think we were in love?”

“I remember a marriage proposal.”

Spike started laughing- he couldn’t help it. Everything coming back to him about the false engagement:

“Do you want to be William the Bloody or just Spike? 'Cause either way, it’s going to look majorly weird.”

“Whereas the name Buffy gives it that touch of classic elegance.”

Spike shook his head, trying to control his laughter.

“I didn’t think it was that funny.”

“It was a spell, luv. You never loved me, you definitely never wanted to marry me. At least, not when you were in control of your own free will.”

“Were you in love with me?” she asked quietly, taking a step closer to him.

Spike’s smile faded as she closed in on him. “Why do you ask?”

“’I loved her. She didn’t return the feeling…she died because I couldn’t save her’,” Buffy recited what he had told her the night that he’d walked her home.

Spike clenched his jaw. “Why is it that whatever I say always comes back to haunt me?” he asked to no one in particular.

“You said it was a woman that I reminded you of,” Buffy said softly, taking another step toward him. “A woman that you were in love with.”

Spike suddenly had to fight the feeling of needing to breathe as her body brushed against his. “Things were different then, Buffy.”

“Things are different now,” she replied quietly, letting her hands trail along his chest.

“You don’t know what you mean,” Spike said, closing his eyes to try and reign in his emotions.

“I know enough,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling his lips to hers in a soft kiss.

Spike tried to fight it with everything he had left in him. This was wrong, this wasn’t the Buffy that he knew. And when her memories returned, she wasn’t going to be happy with the way she was acting right now.

Spike’s eyes squeezed shut as Buffy moaned into his mouth, arching her body against his. He felt his hands, of their own accord, begin to run the
length of her back as they deepened the kiss. Spike jumped slightly when he felt her tongue stroke his before she pulled away breathlessly to look into his eyes.

“I want you, Spike,” she whispered, pulling him toward the bed.

This seemed to snap him out of the daze he was in. Pulling his hand away from hers as if he’d been burned, Spike took several steps away from her, needing distance in his favor. “We can’t,” he said in a gruff voice.

“Why not?” Buffy asked, taking another step toward him.

“Don’t,” he said in a menacing tone that caused her to stop. “You don’t want this, Buffy. You never did. This isn’t you.”

“No,” Buffy replied angrily. “This isn’t her! I’m not her, Spike. I don’t care what happened, what memories I might get back, I know what I want!”

“No, you don’t. You think you do. You think because I saved you that you know me? You don’t know anything!” he yelled, turning his back on her.

“Then tell me!” Buffy cried. “What do I need to know, Spike? Tell me!”

Buffy gasped and stumbled backwards as Spike whirled around to face her, his demon mask firmly in place. “How about this, luv? Is this a face you want?”

Regaining her composure after a moment, Buffy took a step forward. “You told me that there was nobody here who would hurt me. So, I get one more shock of the day- it doesn’t change what I feel for you.”

Spike reverted back to his human features as he looked at her through cold blue eyes. “No. It doesn’t change anything…until you remember some more. I’m not your bloody knight in shining armor. I’m a demon. Evil. There’s nothing you can do about that, so why don’t you get out?”

Spike couldn’t watch as he saw the tears in her eyes. Turning his head, he saw her cover her mouth as she ran from the room. He knew he’d hurt her, but he couldn’t live with it if he’d done something tonight that would make her hate herself later. He might hate himself, but he couldn’t do that to her.

Chapter 8 - Remembering

________________________________________

“You can’t deny it. There’s something between us.”

“Loathing. Disgust.”
________________________________________

Buffy’s eyes fluttered open. For the first time since the dreams started, she didn’t awake with a start. But that didn’t make it any less painful to endure.

Glancing at the clock, Buffy realized that she had only been asleep for an hour. The sun was beginning to rise, casting her room in a soft golden glow. It had taken her several hours to get to sleep once she had finally calmed herself down.

Spike’s rejection was still with her, his words still haunting her. But now she couldn’t stop thinking about what she had said to him, once upon a time. The dream practically had surround-sound. She could clearly see his eyes, begging her to give him a chance. The little boy that was wanting to be loved, as well as the man who closed himself off to any emotion other than hate. She had rejected him. She knew she couldn’t stay upset with what he said tonight when she realized she had probably done something even more hurtful at one time.

Standing up, Buffy walked over to the window, pulling the curtains closed. She didn’t want the happiness that the sunshine had to offer. She wanted to be alone. Sitting back down on the edge of her bed, Buffy ran her hands through her hair, fighting tears for the second time that night. This time, the tears weren’t for her.

Buffy gasped and jumped to her feet when she heard a knock at the door. Breathing in a deep breath, Buffy reprimanded herself for being so jumpy. “Come in,” she called quietly.

Buffy was surprised when she saw Connor walk in. “Hi. Did I wake you?”

“N-no, but…what are you doing here?”

“I heard you moving around. Figured you couldn’t sleep.”

“You heard me?”

“Super-hearing,” Connor replied, pointing to his ear. “One of the benefits of being a child of two vampires.” Buffy nodded as he continued. “So, you wanna talk about anything?”

Buffy hesitated for a minute. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Connor- she did. But definitely not in the way he seemed to hope. She didn’t want to get his hopes up when she didn’t return the same feelings that she was afraid he might have. “I’m okay,” she said, trying to offer a small smile.

“Well, you wanna go down and get some hot chocolate or something?”

“Sure,” Buffy agreed with a nod. “That sounds great.”

Grabbing a sweater on her way out the door, Buffy pulled it around her thin frame, covering the tank top she had been sleeping in. She hugged it tighter to her body, walking down the drafty corridors of the old hotel until they reached the door of the kitchen.

Buffy sat down on one of the stools at the island as Connor began searching through cabinets, pulling out the necessary items. Both stayed quiet as he fixed their drinks. Buffy offered him a grateful smile when he set the steaming mug in front of her.

“So…would you like to talk about it?”

“Nothing to talk about,” Buffy said with a shrug. “Couldn’t sleep. That’s about it.”

“My dad and the others talked to you about something?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said quietly. “Nothing for you to worry about.”

“But you’ll still be staying here, right?”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” she said, looking into her mug as Connor wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders.

Both turned, hearing a noise behind them, and Buffy quickly averted her eyes, seeing an angry Spike standing there.

“Hey, Spike,” Connor said, obviously not noticing the heightened tension in the room.

Buffy watched as Spike’s eyes drifted from Buffy to the arm that was still wrapped around her shoulders. “Buffy, can we talk?”

Buffy was about to tell him they had nothing to talk about, but that would probably lead to more questions from Connor. Instead, she nodded and gave Connor an apologetic smile as she followed Spike out of the kitchen.

Both walked into the back garden, Buffy standing close to the door as Spike began pacing the length of the area.

After a few minutes, Buffy crossed her arms over her chest. “You wanted to talk…so talk.”

Spike stopped his pacing to come to stop in front of her. “You’re Buffy.”

“Boy…did it take you all this time to figure that out?” she asked sarcastically.

“You’re the Buffy I knew. You’re not her, but at the same time, you’re exactly her.”

“Is this why you brought me out here? Trying to figure out which of my split personalities that I am right now?”

“I’m sorry about what happened up there, luv,” Spike said quietly as he gestured toward the hotel.

“Don’t worry about it,” Buffy said, turning to head back into the hotel when she felt his hand on her arm.

“But I am. I am worried about it.”

“Why?” Buffy asked, turning around to face him.

“Because I never meant to hurt you.”

“You haven’t even come close to hurting me,” she said stubbornly.

“That’s it!” Spike said, pointing to her. “Right there… that’s the Buffy I know. The stubborn little chit who can’t show any weakness because she's scared someone might get too close.”

“You know, I’m really getting sick of being thought of as her. You act like I know what you’re talking about…I don’t!”

“You will,” Spike said quietly. “And nothing will be the same between us, luv. That’s why I had to stop what we were about to do.”

“What do you mean, Spike? What happened?”

Spike bit his lip, staring down at the ground as he took a step away from her. “I was your enemy, Buffy.”

“That’s not what Angel said,” Buffy replied, shaking her head.

“Not when you died, but…I was.”

“It might help if you gave me the whole story.”

“I went to Sunnydale to find the Slayer. To kill her…you.”

“When?”

“When you were the same age you are right now. I failed…a lot, but you did, too. Eventually, you started paying me to help.”

“That’s how you became an ally?” she asked in confusion.

“At first.”

“And then you fell in love with her…me?”

Spike nodded, never looking at her.

“What happened, Spike?”

“You need to figure that out on your own, pet.”

“What are you so afraid of? What are you hiding?”

“I can’t tell you that, Buffy.”

Buffy watched as Spike turned and walked back into the hotel. She was more confused than ever, and no one would explain to her what was going on. Didn’t they realize that she was just a sixteen year old girl? She had tried to take all of this remarkably well, but she was feeling the girl she once was slipping away. In her place was a woman who knew far too much about the ways of the world for her age.

* * * * *

Later that day, Buffy laid in her bed, asleep. She had been up most of the night and wanted to get some much needed rest, but now as she slept, she desperately tried to wake up as the images filled her dreams. She knew she was dreaming. She was coherent enough to realize it, but it was still disconcerting as she watched her dreams play out. She found herself watching a Buffy that was a few years older than her, walking through a graveyard. “You know what, Spike? The more I get to know you, the more I wish I didn’t.”

The scene changed to an old warehouse. “That chip in your head? That’s not change. Th-that’s just holding you back. You’re like a serial killer in prison!”

The younger Buffy shut her eyes at the pain in Spike’s eyes when she heard the older Buffy’s voice, “You don’t know what feelings are!”

The setting changed again, getting hazy as she looked around the drab interior. She could see Spike, standing in front of her, only it wasn’t her- it was who she used to be. “It’s not love. You can’t love without a soul.”

Buffy felt the area spin as she stood in a street, watching as Spike followed her toward a house. “I want you out of this town, I want you off this planet.”

A few seconds later, she was standing in the house. There was no older Buffy in sight- now it was her. She stood looking at Spike as he stood on the other side of the door with a confused and expectant look on his face, moments before she closed the door in his face.

The location changed again as she looked around an alley, watching as Spike stared at her with hurt in his eyes. “Say it’s true…say I do want to.” Buffy fought it with everything that she had as her hands, of their own will, shoved Spike to the ground. “It wouldn’t be you, Spike. It would never be you,” she said as she threw some cash at him. “You’re beneath me.”

Buffy opened her eyes, grateful that the nightmare was over, but horrified at the person she used to be or was supposed to become. Tears fell from her eyes as she jumped out of the bed, pulling on some jeans with a white turtleneck and some shoes. She nearly ripped the door off its hinges as she ran from the room.

Buffy tore through the hallway of the hotel, down the stairs, and through the lobby, desperate to get out of this place. To get away from people who knew who she used to be. To get away from Spike before she caused him any more pain.

Throwing the door open, she was about to run into the garden, only to be stopped when she collided with two solidly muscled chests. Buffy gasped as she felt her arms seized on each side.

“Buffy, luv, what’s wrong?” Spike asked with concern in his voice as he stared down at her from one side.

“Let me go,” she whispered with tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Buffy, what happened?” Angel asked in confusion.

Buffy didn’t answer. She jerked her arms out of both of their grips, shoving each of them away as she ran outside.

“Buffy!” Spike yelled as he tried to chase after her. Unconcerned with his own safety, he felt a strong hand grasp the back of his duster and throw him back into the hotel. “What the bloody hell are you doing, Angelus?” he growled, letting his vampire visage come over his face.

“I’m saving you from going up in flames, Spike,” Angel said through gritted teeth.

“Something’s wrong, Angel. We need to go after her.”

“You take a few more steps out of that door, and you won’t be any help to any of us,” Angel said, jogging toward the stairs. “I’ll get Gunn and Connor. They can go after her.”

Spike paced the lobby like a caged tiger, waiting for the men to return. After what seemed like hours but was actually only a few minutes, he saw Gunn running down the stairs, pulling on a coat, as Connor followed closely behind.

“I’m hitting the tunnels,” Spike said, heading for the basement.

“Spike, she’s not underground,” Angel replied.

“Well, you don’t expect me to stay here and do nothing, do you? It’s another two hours before the bleedin’ sun sets,” he said, pointing outside. “I’ve gotta do something.”

* * * * *

Buffy hugged her arms tightly to her body, letting her hair fall in her face as she walked through the city. The sun had set over an hour ago, leaving Buffy feeling even more discouraged as the darkness surrounded her. The tears hadn’t stopped falling since she left the hotel.

She couldn’t believe the person she used to be. She had accused Spike of not knowing what feelings were, when apparently, it was her that was guilty of that. She obviously had no compassion if she didn’t see the look in his eyes.

Buffy squeezed her eyes shut, trying to rid herself of the ever-present anguish that seemed to reside in Spike’s eyes. She couldn’t get the image of those eyes out of her mind. He had never looked at her that way before, and it was eating her up inside to know what she had done.

Buffy looked up and found herself in a cemetery. She frowned, not sure how far she had walked or even where she was. She had run as far away as her legs would carry her before slowing down, and now she didn’t even know if she was still in the city.

“Not like it matters,” Buffy said softly to herself. “You can’t go back to the hotel anyway.”

Buffy gasped as she felt her arm grabbed from behind. Spinning around, she let loose with a flying kick, effectively dislodging the man’s grip from her arm and feeling satisfied at the sound of ribs cracking. She gasped when she looked down to see Charles Gunn groaning in pain. Connor came rushing toward them as Buffy went into fighting stance.

“How did you find me?” she asked quietly.

“We’ve been tracking you since you left.”

“Tracking?” Buffy asked in disbelief.

“You need to come back to the hotel, Buffy,” Gunn said, trying to get to his feet.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“I don’t want to fight you, Buffy,” Connor said, advancing on her.

“No…you really don’t,” Buffy replied in a menacing voice.

Before Connor could get any closer, she attacked, feeling power surge through her that she didn’t know she had. Connor fought back with as much strength as he could manage, but he was ultimately no match for her.

When he was effectively incapacitated, Buffy took off running. Gunn watched her go, painfully reaching into his back pocket to extract his cell phone.

* * * * *

Spike ran through the cemetery, his demon features taking over to heighten his senses. Pausing briefly, he focused on a particular area. Gunn had called him ten minutes ago, while he and Connor were on their way to the hospital. Spike was scared that Buffy had already gotten away when he caught her scent.

Running as fast as he could, her scent got stronger as he came to the outer edges of the cemetery. He stopped, looking over at a crypt, when he heard a tiny noise. Walking softly so as not to alert whoever or whatever was inside, Spike carefully looked around the corner, through the door.

Breathing a sigh of relief when he saw Buffy, the relief was short-lived as he looked at her. She had pulled herself into a ball, trying to keep her sobs quiet as her tiny body shook with their impact.

Cautiously, Spike stepped through the door, not wanting to alert her to his presence until he was closer. Crouching down in front of her, he gently reached out to caress her hair, not surprised when her body tensed and she flew to a standing position.

“Spike?’ she asked, not sure if it was him she was seeing.

“It’s me, luv,” he whispered quietly.

“Please go away,” she said, looking away from him.

Not listening, Spike took a step closer, wrapping her in a strong embrace. She tried to put up a fight, but her tears eventually began to fall again as the teenage girl won her inner battle. Spike held her firmly as Buffy sobbed into his chest, clutching at his duster as he held her upright.

“Talk to me, Buffy,” he whispered. “Tell me what happened.”

Chapter 9 - Comfort

After a few minutes, Buffy tried to get herself under control. Her tears began to fade, and she slowly realized where she was and who she was with. Stepping out of Spike’s comforting embrace, Buffy put some distance between them.

“What’s going on, luv?”

Buffy wiped the tears from her face, avoiding his eyes. “I’ve just…I’ve just been having more dreams.”

Spike took a step forward. “From the night you died?”

Buffy shook her head. “You,” she whispered, feeling the tears begin to fall once again.

“Me?” Spike asked in confusion.

Buffy nodded. “The things I…memories…things I said to you…”

Spike’s eyes widened in comprehension, his mouth opening slightly, as Buffy looked at him with a tear-streaked face. “What memories, luv?” he asked quietly.

Buffy took a long time to answer, taking a deep breath before she did. “Sometimes we were walking, and I was just…I was constantly berating you. The worst was…was…”

Spike stepped closer to her, tenderly tilting her chin up to face him. “Was what?”

Buffy took a shaky breath as she stared into his eyes. “We were in an alley…I told you that…”

“That I was beneath you?” he asked softly.

Buffy nodded, trying to put more distance between them, but Spike was too quick for her. Pulling her back into his arms, he held her tight as she tried to get away from him.

“No, Spike. How can you want to be around me? I was horrible to you! How can you not hate me?”

Spike buried his face in her hair, holding the back of her neck and tentatively rubbing it as her breathing slowed. “I don’t hate you, Buffy. I can’t,” he whispered. “I’ve tried, and I just can’t.”

Buffy took a step back to look at him, seeing the same emotions she was feeling mirrored in his eyes. “I don’t want to turn into her, Spike,” she said quietly. “I never want to treat you that way.”

Spike offered her a slight smile, gently tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “I fell in love with you in spite of that.”

Buffy stared at him with shimmering eyes. “You love me?”

Spike seemed to realize his mistake as he quickly averted his eyes, taking a step toward the doorway. “We should get going, pet. Everyone is worried about you.”

“Spike-“

“Buffy…don’t,” Spike said, never turning to face her. “It’s not important, so just…it’s not important.”

“It is,” she whispered. “What if I feel the same way?”

Spike felt his heart swell and drop at the same time. This wasn’t his Buffy saying these words. “Listen, pet…we’ll talk more when you get more of your memories back.”

“Alright,” she said softly as she followed him out into the cool night air. “But I’m holding you to that.”

* * * * *

Cordelia and Fred both ran toward Buffy as she entered the hotel.

“Buffy, where were you?” Cordelia asked.

“We were so worried,” Fred added.

“I’m sorry. I just got some memories back that I didn’t know how to deal with.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Fred asked.

“No, I think I’ll be okay,” Buffy said, shooting a nervous glance at Spike. He offered her a tender smile of reassurance, setting her mind at ease.

“I think, maybe I’ll just go up to my room, if that’s okay.”

“Sure,” Cordy said. “I’ll check on you later.”

“Thanks,” Buffy said, offering a grateful smile as she began walking up the stairs.

Entering her room, Buffy dropped down on the floor next to her bed with a thud. She did feel a little bit better, but she was still trying to come to terms with who she once was. Hearing a light knock on the door, Buffy quickly wiped her damp eyes. “Come in.”

Spike opened the door slightly and caught sight of Buffy on the floor. “You okay, pet?”

“I’ll be okay.”

Spike nodded. “I just thought I’d check on you before I head out.”

“You’re going somewhere?”

“Just patrolling. I haven’t been out as much as I’d like lately.”

“Oh,” Buffy mumbled, glancing down at her hands.

Spike sighed. “Do you want to come with me?”

Buffy hesitated, not sure if she wanted to be in such close proximity with a man she had obviously hurt years ago.

“Buffy, you’re going to have to get used to working with me. I’m here to stay, pet. And you are, too, if I have anything to say about it.”

Buffy seemed to think about it for a minute before nodding. “I guess if I used to be the Slayer, I need some practice, don’t I?”

Spike’s mind flashed to the prophecy that hadn’t been deciphered. It would be better if Buffy started getting back in the mindset of a Slayer. Even though the last thing that Spike wanted was to lose the fragile relationship he had with her now, it could help to keep her alive. “It couldn’t hurt.” Buffy gave him a smile as she stood up and followed him out of the room, jumping slightly when Spike spun around to face her again. “But you stay close to me at all times, understand?”

Buffy nodded, staying quiet as they walked out of the hotel.

Chapter 10 - Changing

Buffy wrapped her arms around her small body, staying slightly behind Spike as they made a sweep of the area. Her comfort level had severely decreased around the blonde vampire now that she knew more about who she used to be. She knew she didn’t deserve him.

“What’s going through that mind of yours, pet?” Spike asked, slowing his pace to walk beside her.

Buffy paused for a few moments before answering. “What happens when I get all my memories back, Spike?”

“What do you mean, luv?”

“Why am I here? If I’ve lived my life, why am I back?”

“I’m not supposed-“

“So help me, Spike, if you say you’re not supposed to tell me, I will personally kick your ass.”

Spike had to hide his smirk. ‘There’s my girl,’ he thought.

“Alright,” he said. “I’m not giving you details, because I don’t know any, but there’s a prophecy that mentions you.”

“A prophecy? Like, something written millions of years ago and telling the future?”

“That would be the short version.”

“And you don’t know the details of this thing?”

“Not yet,” Spike admitted.

Before Buffy could respond, she felt herself grabbed from behind. Without stopping to think, she wrenched herself free and spun around, facing a vampire. She could hear the fighting behind her and knew that Spike was taking care of another one.

Buffy reeled back as she was punched in the face. Righting herself, she landed a solid kick to his stomach. “Note to self- learn to duck,” she said, throwing a few more punches, when she heard Spike call her name. Turning toward him, she deftly caught the stake he threw at her before plunging it into the vamp’s heart.

Breathing heavily from the adrenaline coursing through her, Buffy brushed the dust off her hands as she turned to face Spike.

“You okay?” he asked, stepping closer to her.

Buffy took a step away, still not allowing herself to get close to him. “I’m fine,” she murmured, trying to control her breathing. She jumped when she felt Spike’s hand trace her cheek.

“You’re hurt,” he murmured, carefully touching the reddened skin.

“No, I’m fine,” Buffy said, shaking her head as she averted her eyes, trying to fight the natural pull she felt toward his body.

Spike’s hand dropped away as he looked around the area. “I think that’s all the action we’re going to see tonight, luv. We should probably be getting back.”

* * * * *

Buffy sat up in bed later that night, unclear as to what woke her up. Pausing for a moment, she closed her eyes, trying to remember the dream. Her eyes flew open as she gasped. “Dawn!”

Scrambling out of her bed, Buffy pulled open her door and almost ran over Cordelia, walking down the hallway.

“Buffy, what’s wrong?”

“Dawn,” Buffy said, the memory already fading. “I need to see Dawn, she’s my…my…”

“Dawn’s your sister, Buffy,” Cordy said gently. “Do you remember anything else?”

“I-I’m supposed to protect her,” Buffy replied softly. “I don’t remember why.”

“It’s okay,” Cordy said with a gentle smile. “You’ll remember more, I’m sure of it.”

“Is she safe?” Buffy asked.

“Yes, she’s safe. She’s happy.”

“Okay,” Buffy breathed out a sigh of relief. She was getting flashes and images of a girl that she knew was supposed to be her sister, but she didn’t remember any particular events. Regardless, she was relieved that Dawn was safe.

“Are you okay?”

Buffy nodded. “I think I’m going to stay up for a while,” she murmured, walking to the end of the hall.

Cordelia watched the younger girl as she disappeared around the corner before turning and walking to the other end of the hall. Knocking on the door, she almost laughed as a very disheveled Spike answered the door.

“What’s wrong, Cordelia?” he asked, rubbing his eyes.

“Buffy needs you.”

Spike was instantly awake. “Where is she? Is something wrong?”

“She’s downstairs,” Cordelia replied. “She remembered Dawn.”

Spike’s mouth dropped open slightly before he turned and jogged down the hallway. Practically flying down the stairs, he could see Buffy sitting on the couch, her legs pulled up to her chest with her chin resting on her knees. She looked so tiny and frail that Spike wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms.

Buffy looked up, hearing a noise. Her eyes widened as she stared at Spike. His shirt was open, leaving his chiseled abs and muscular chest in plain view. His hair stood up in spikes all over his head. She didn’t say anything as he walked over, sitting down next to her.

“So…you remembered Dawnie?” he asked softly.

“Kind of,” Buffy replied in a quiet voice. “I remembered feelings. Emotions that I couldn’t turn off. I knew that I needed to protect her, but I didn’t know from what. I knew that I loved her, but it was a sudden kind of love, you know?”

Buffy turned to look at Spike. He did know what she was talking about, but he didn’t feel this was the right time to explain about her sister once being a mystical ball of energy. She would figure it out soon enough on her own.

“You loved her,” Spike said with a soft smile. “More than anything or anyone…you loved her.”

“And she’s safe?” Buffy repeated the question to Spike, needing it confirmed again.

“Yes,” Spike replied. “She’s safe.”

“Does she know about her…me?”

“Not yet.”

Buffy nodded, standing up. “I should probably get back to sleep. More memories are waiting to assault me, I’m sure,” she said in a sardonic voice.

Spike began walking with her as they climbed the stairs. “It’ll be easier, Buffy,” Spike said softly as Buffy looked over at him. “When you remember everything…it’ll get easier.”

“You’re so sure about that?”

Spike stopped in front of the door to her bedroom, turning to face her. “You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever known,” he murmured. “You can make it through anything they throw your way.”

“I’m not her, Spike,” Buffy whispered, tears shimmering in her eyes. “I don’t want to be like her.”

“Yes, you do,” Spike said, offering her a small smile. “You just don’t know it yet.”

“You don’t get it,” Buffy said, more forcefully than she intended. “Even if I get every last memory of who Buffy Summers was, I am not her!”

Spike sighed, deciding it was best not to argue with her tonight, as he slowly leaned forward to brush his lips against her cheek, surprised when he was met with her lips instead. The kiss wasn’t passionate. There was no eager need to deepen it, but it held a fire and electricity that they both felt. Pulling away after a few moments, Spike stared into her deep green eyes, gently trailing his fingertips along her cheekbone.

“Good night, Buffy,” he whispered.

“Good night.”

Buffy turned and walked into her room, shutting the door behind her before leaning against it. Spike just didn’t get it. Nobody did…or could. She was turning into Buffy Summers- she could feel it. With every memory, with every minute of the day, she was changing. She knew that she would soon remember the woman she once was, but that didn’t mean she had to allow herself to change.

Chapter 11 - Remember

The Scoobies, the Master, Angelus, Acathla, Faith, The Mayor, Riley, Dawn, Glory, the portal…

* * * * *

Angel and Wesley looked up from the prophecy they were trying to decipher to see Buffy slowly walking down the stairs.

“Buffy, are you alright?” Angel asked, standing up to walk over to her as she looked at him in confusion.

“Angel?” her voice was laced with uncertainty. “Where am I?”

Both Angel and Wes looked at each other, starting to get worried. “You don’t know?” Angel asked her as she looked around the lobby and out into the darkening night.

“Dawn,” Buffy said with clarity in her voice. “I-I have to save Dawn.”

“Yes, Buffy, you’ve done that,” Wesley said, coming to stand next to Angel.

“I did? I did…I jumped,” Buffy replied, her eyes widening. “I jumped off the tower…how am I here?”

“You remember?” Angel asked in disbelief. “You remember who you were?”

“Who I was? Angel, what are you talking…”

Her mouth dropped open as more memories assaulted her. Images of her with her family, only it wasn’t Joyce and Hank, it was two strangers. Except they weren’t strangers- they were her parents. Growing up, her brain recalled two different sets of memories. She couldn’t decipher the fine line between Buffy Summers and Elizabeth Winters. She had strength, she had lost her family, she’d met the people who she once knew, she…Spike!

“Spike,” Buffy whispered, running both hands through her hair. “I need Spike,” she whimpered, nearly falling to the floor. Angel caught her, nodding to Wesley, who turned and ran up the stairs as Angel put her down on the couch.

“Are you okay, Buffy?” he asked, standing next to her.

Buffy looked up and noticed him towering over her. “Were you always this tall?” she asked, not remembering ever feeling overwhelmed by Angel until this minute.

Angel smiled. “For as long as I can remember.”

“Remember,” Buffy repeated, putting her face in her hands.

Hearing a noise, Buffy was about to look up when she heard the distinct British accent. “What’s wrong, luv?”

Her hands were gently pulled away from her face as she stared into Spike’s deep cobalt eyes as he crouched in front of her. “Spike?” she asked, tenderly touching his face. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Angel and Wesley backing away, presumably to give Buffy some space to deal with her memories and not to leave the couple alone. “It’s you,” she whispered, tracing the sharp edges of his cheekbones.

“What’s wrong, pet? Wesley said you needed me.”

“I do,” she whispered, feeling tears begin to threaten her. “I do,” she repeated as she threw her arms around his neck, burying her face in his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her.

“Buffy, what’s-“

“I remember,” she said in a strangled voice, pulling away to look into his eyes again. “I remember everything.”

She felt Spike’s muscles go rigid against her fingertips as he stared at her. Very slowly, he got to his feet and began taking a few steps away from her.

“Spike?” she said, standing to look at him with a confused expression.

“You’re back,” he mumbled. It wasn’t a question, and Buffy could hear the dismay that seemed to thread its way through his voice.

“Yeah,” she said, taking a hesitant step toward him. “It’s me, Spike.”

“Right then,” he said, turning and heading for the door.

“Where are you going?” she called after him.

“Patrolling,” he called over his shoulder as he walked through the door.

Buffy stared after him in disbelief before tightening her jaw. “On no you don’t,” she muttered as she stalked toward the door. “You’re not running away from me, mister.”

Spike heard the hurried footsteps behind him but didn’t bother turning around. Feeling a hand on his arm, he was surprised when he felt himself spinning around to face an outraged Buffy.

“Bloody hell!” he yelled. “You nearly tore my soddin’ arm out of its socket!” He seemed to pause for a moment as he looked at her hardened expression, his own features closing off, not wanting to be vulnerable around her. “Good to have you back, Slayer,” he said in a low tone.

“Don’t,” she said in a falsely subdued tone. “You don’t get to call me that, you jerk.”

“And there she is,” Spike muttered with a sigh as he looked at the ground.

“Why are you acting like this, Spike?”

“Because everything is different now, Summers!” he cried, throwing his arms out to emphasize his point.

“So, I should have just acted like I was fine? That I didn’t remember who I used to be so you wouldn’t treat me like I’m some kind of outcast?”

“I’m not treating you like an outcast, Summers, I’m going back to the way it was!” he yelled.

“WHY?!” she yelled back, taking a step closer to him in her anger. “Why the hell do you think I want it the way it was?”

Spike was at a loss for words as she advanced on him.

“Why, Spike? I told you that she wasn’t me.”

“She is now,” he said through clenched teeth.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m not either of them…I’m both, don’t you see that? I’m just me. That’s all I know how to be, Spike.” She stared at him for a minute, trying to gauge his reaction before continuing. “You don’t think I remember everything, do you? That I don’t remembercoming on to you and you turning me away? That I don’t remember kissing you? That I don’t remember you being my friend?” she trailed off in a whisper.

“Buffy-“ Spike began, shaking his head, only to be cut off.

“You’ve been there, Spike,” she said softly. “You’ve been there for me, when no one else has. I still need that…I still need you.”

“You don’t need anyone, Slayer,” Spike replied, trying to fight the torrent of emotions that were threatening to overwhelm him.

“I need you, Spike,” she whispered, closing the distance between them. “I need to know you’ll be here.”

“I’ll always be here, Buffy,” he said in a choked voice, not sure how much more of this he could take.

“With me?” she asked timidly as she reached out and grasped his hand in her own.

Spike stared at her, not sure he knew what she was asking. Not sure if he wanted to know.

“You said we’d talk about it when I got my memories back,” she said softly, looking into his eyes. “So…do you still love me?”

Spike squeezed his eyes shut. “Yes,” he whispered in a husky voice. “I never stopped. I tried, but I couldn’t stop.”

Before he realized what was happening, her lips were on his. Not wanting to think, his arms wrapped around her waist as they brutally kissed each other, both needing reassurance from the other as they fought for dominance. Buffy surrendered, letting Spike take control, as his hands came up to her face. Buffy moaned as she felt his tongue lightly brush against hers, tightening her hold on him at the lightheaded sensations he was causing her.

The frantic pace slowed down after a few moments as they gave in to each other, slowly breaking away as Buffy gasped for some much needed air. Spike found himself inhaling as he stared down at her flushed face and swollen lips.

Reaching out to gently stroke her cheek, Spike tilted his head to gaze at Buffy as she stared back at him. Slowly reaching up to take his hand away from her face, she smiled as she interlaced their fingers before taking a step closer to him.

“It’s me,” she whispered.

Chapter 12 – Questions and Answers

So, what’s the what?” Buffy asked, walking back into the hotel and dragging a very reluctant Spike with her.

“Buffy?” Cordelia asked, taking a step closer to her.

“Yeah,” Buffy said softly. “It’s me, Cordy.”

“Oh my God,” Cordy cried before hugging the younger girl. “So, you remember
everything?”

“Not everything,” Buffy admitted. “I remember the most important stuff, and the rest is like…flashes, I guess. Extra puzzle pieces that are thrown in for my benefit. Now, my question for you all is…why am I back?”

Buffy looked at each person in the room with an expectant face. When no one answered, she continued. “Come on, guys, I know it’s a prophecy, so tell me what I’m up against.”

“We don’t know,” Angel said softly, clasping his hands in front of him. “We’re working on it, Buffy, but we just don’t know much of anything right now.”

“But it’s soon?” Buffy asked, trying to keep the tremor out of her voice.

“Sooner rather than later,” Fred replied, hating herself for being the bearer of bad
news.

“Okay…well…hey, whatever this thing is, it shouldn’t be a problem,” Buffy said with more confidence than she felt.

She felt the tension leave her body as Spike gently took her hand in his and gave it a light squeeze, a move that did not go unnoticed by the entire room.

“So, you two are….?” Connor asked, jealousy tingeing his voice.

“Friends,” Spike supplied with a brief nod, causing Buffy to look at him in confusion.

“Excuse us,” Buffy said with a falsely sweet smile as she pulled Spike toward the office, shutting the door behind them. “Friends?” she asked with a hurt expression.

“What did you want me to say, Buffy? That you hated me in a former life and all of a sudden developed feelings for me overnight?”

“Not overnight,” Buffy said, shaking her head. “They started earlier than that. A LOT earlier, Spike.”

“When?” he asked, hating himself for the insecurity in his tone.

“When you didn’t give us up to Glory,” Buffy said softly. “You let her torture you, but you never even thought about giving her Dawn.”

“How do you know? What if I almost did?” Spike asked. “What if I came so close to telling her that if you hadn’t shown up when you did, I would have given her everything?”

Buffy stayed silent for a moment. She knew he was just trying to get a rise out of her, and she wasn’t about to let that happen. “So that’s why you told me that you’d let Glory kill you first?”

“I…I was just trying to get a reaction out of you.”

“You didn’t even know it was me, Spike,” Buffy said with a smile as he tilted his head to look at her.

“I thought you said you were only getting flashes,” Spike said in confusion.

“I told you I remember the most important things,” Buffy said softly as she took a step closer to him. “And our first kiss…our first real kiss, with no magical influences, definitely qualifies as important to me.”

Spike took an unneeded breath as she came to stand in front of him, her hands resting lightly on his stomach as she looked up at him with those expressive green eyes.

“Buffy, this feels strange,” Spike whispered as his hands brushed the hair away from her shoulders.

“Why?” Buffy asked softly. “Because I’ve changed? I thought you would have liked it,” she said with a pout.

“I do, it’s just…” Spike trailed off at the incredible urge to kiss her.

“You’re scared I’m going to change my mind,” Buffy said softly.

Spike noticed she wasn't asking him- she was simply commenting.

“Buffy,” he whispered, avoiding her eyes as his hands traced up and down her arms. “I know you remember some of the things you said to me…but when you remember some of the things I’ve done to you…”

“Like trying to kill me?” Buffy asked. “Like…kidnapping my friends? Assembling The Judge? Threatening the Initiative doctor instead of helping Riley?”

Spike growled at the mention of the other man.

“I also remember you helping me save the world when Angelus was free,” Buffy continued, wrapping her arms around his waist and propping her chin against his chest. “I remember you helping when you didn’t have to, just because you wanted to. And I know you kept your promise to look after Dawn until the end of the world.”

“I had to,” he replied in a voice that was choked with emotion. “I couldn’t save her, and you had to-“

“Shhh,” Buffy whispered, placing a finger over his lips. “You did your best, Spike. Deep down, I knew what I had to do. It wasn’t your fight, it was mine.”

“It should have been mine,” he murmured.

Buffy felt Spike’s arms go around her in a tight hold before his lips met hers. She could feel the desperation in his punishing kiss. He needed reassurance, and Buffy wasn’t about to let go. Her arms wrapped around his neck as her lips parted, moaning as his tongue began to tangle with hers.

Pulling away after a minute. Buffy panted for air as Spike trailed his fingertips over any exposed skin that he could find.

“Why me, Buffy?”

“What?”

“Why not the poofter?” he asked, gesturing toward the lobby.

”Angel,” Buffy corrected with a smile. “We weren’t meant to last,” Buffy replied after a moment as she, glanced at the door that separated them from the rest of the group before turning her eyes back to his. “You never left me…even when you hated me, you couldn’t stay away.”

“I’ll never leave you,” he whispered, brushing his lips against hers again. He would never get enough of her.

Chapter 13 - Prophecies

“Ummm…guys?”

Both turned when they heard Cordelia calling them from the next room. Buffy frowned at the nervous tone in her voice. Cordelia may be a lot of things, but nervous was not usually on the list.

With trepidation, Buffy clasped Spike’s hand in hers as they walked back into the lobby.

“Yeah, Cordy?”

Angel spoke up instead. “Buffy…I think we deciphered the prophecy.”

“And from the look on your face, I’m guessing it won’t be fluffy bunnies that I’ll be facing,” Buffy said nervously.

“No,” Angel said. “It won’t.”

“So, what’s the prophecy say?” Buffy asked, her voice filled with anxiety as she sat down, holding Spike’s hand in a death grip- something that did not go unnoticed by Angel.

“From what we’ve deciphered,” Wesley began. “It says: The Slayer will be reborn to confront the cause of her death.”

“What?” Buffy asked in disbelief. “But it was me…I was the reason I died. I was the one to call the shots, no one forced me to jump.”

“Not necessarily to confront what took your life, but more accurately, the one who caused you to make that decision.”

“That could be any number of things,” Spike said in confusion. “It could be the monks, Doc, even Dawn, or…”

“Glory,” Buffy murmured, her eyes trained on the ground as they became unfocused. “I’ll have to face Glory.”

“You don’t know that,” Spike said softly, kneeling in front of her. “Glory doesn’t exist anymore. Ben was killed.”

“And that doesn’t sound a little strange to you, that you have to kill a human in order to kill a Hell-God?” Buffy asked, standing up to start pacing, letting her anger mask the slight tinge of panic she was beginning to feel. “That’s not the way it works, and all of you know it. The weak die and the strong prevail- that’s the way of the world.”

“And you’re the strong one, luv,” Spike whispered, coming up to stand behind her.

“I think it’s time to get the Scoobies together,” Cordelia spoke up.

Buffy’s eyes widened. She wanted to see her friends…her family, more than anything in the world, but what would they say?

“I don’t know Cordy,” Buffy said, shaking her head. “They all have their own lives. I can’t ask them to come back and fight after so long.”

“You won’t,” Cordy said, already walking toward the phone. “I will. A quick phone call to Willow and Tara, and they can assemble the whole gang. And hey, you’d get to see Dawn.”

“NO!”

Everyone turned at Buffy’s outburst. “I don’t want her anywhere near this!”

“Buffy,” Angel began gently. “She’s not the Key anymore. She doesn’t open anything. Her blood is as normal as yours.”

“I don’t care,” Buffy replied, looking around the room. “If this thing is Glory, I don’t want my sister anywhere around it. She may not open anything, but that wouldn’t stop the Hellbitch from exacting a little revenge for not getting what she wanted the first time around.” She paused before turning to face Wesley and Fred. “How much time do we have?”

“A few weeks…at the most.”

“Weeks?” Buffy asked in disbelief before turning panic-stricken eyes to Spike and Angel. “I’m not ready,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m not even as strong as I was when I was this age…the first time around. I faced Glory after training with Giles for months, and even then, I had that Troll hammer thingy.”

“Buffy…relax,” Angel said in a soothing tone.

“You’ll be ready, luv.”

Buffy turned grateful eyes to Spike, her chin trembling slightly at all the emotions coursing through her.

“This is quite a lot of information to absorb,” Wesley said. “You should probably get some rest, Buffy. We can work on this tomorrow.”

Buffy nodded, turning toward the stairs and slowly climbing them. She felt like she finally got her life back, only to be stripped of it yet again.

Pausing outside of her bedroom door, she turned and was surprised that Spike hadn’t followed her.

* * * * *

“What’s it say?” Spike asked, turning glowing eyes to Wesley.

“I’ve already told you, Spike.”

“Is she going to die?” he asked with fear in his voice.

“That part's unclear.”

“Well, clear the bloody thing up!”

“Spike,” Angel said softly, using the voice he rarely used with his Grandchilde. The authoritative, yet warm tone that reminded him of their blood link. “She won’t die if we can help it, you know that. We’ll do everything we can…”

Spike closed his eyes, wishing there was more he could do. “Everything wasn’t enough last time,” he whispered.

Chapter 14 – Loving

Buffy gave up on trying to fall asleep, two hours later. Her thoughts were fluttering all over the place, from the impending battle to wondering why Spike never came to check on her.

Throwing her covers off of her, Buffy made her way to Spike’s room, hoping he was there. The old Buffy part of her wanted to just open the door. The woman she was now timidly knocked before stepping back and hugging her arms around her small body.

Spike opened the door wearing a pair of low-hanging sweatpants, his hair disheveled. He didn’t say a word, just opened the door for her to enter before closing it behind her. Buffy turned to him with watery eyes and offered him a small smile when he opened his arms to her.

She didn’t hesitate to step into the embrace, letting the tears fall as his strong arms wrapped around her protectively.

After several minutes, Buffy pulled back to look at him, her body trembling as he looked down on her with his own tear-filled eyes. “I don’t want to die, Spike,” she whispered.

Spike could almost feel his heart breaking as he gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m not going to let you die, Buffy,” he whispered. “You can beat this… you’re the Slayer.”

“No, I’m not,” Buffy said softly, shaking her head. “I’m not the Slayer, I’m just stronger than a normal girl. I don’t even know who the Slayer is.”

“You’ll beat this,” he murmured again, pulling her close to him as he inhaled the vanilla scent that seemed to waft off of her.

Spike didn’t have time to register what was happening as Buffy pulled away from him before her lips found his. He hesitated for a split second before leaning into the kiss, each seeking comfort.

Spike could feel her blood pulsing under his fingertips as the kiss deepened, hear her heart pounding rapidly.

Buffy’s hands traveled up his bare arms to gently play with the soft hair at the nape of his neck, bringing him closer to her as his own hands slid under her camisole, caressing the soft skin of her back as he held her.

Both sighed as his tongue brushed against hers, chasing any coherent thought from both of them as they got lost in the kiss.

Her lips were so needy, so desperate, but at the same time, giving him the reassurance that they both needed.

Buffy gasped as he pulled away, trailing light kisses down her neck and over her collarbone as her head rolled back. Spike nearly growled at the trust that she seemed to have in him as his blunt teeth scraped over the sensitive flesh.

“Spike…I need you tonight.”

Spike pulled back with wide eyes, staring at her. “Buffy, I-“

“Please,” she whispered as she looked at him with watery eyes, her hands trailing over his chest. “This isn’t about sex…it’s about us.”

“Us?”

“About all the times you helped me when you didn’t have to,” she said softly, backing him toward the bed. “About falling in love with your worst enemy in spite of the way I treated you. It’s about you still helping without having a soul…or the chip.”

Spike’s eyes snapped to hers in shock as she gave him a small smile. “When we were training…I remembered it never went off, and some of those moves would have definitely caused you some pain.”

“Buffy-“

Her hand covered his mouth as she shook her head. “I don’t care how it happened,” she said softly. “All I know is…you’re a good man, Spike. Deep down, you always have been.” Buffy slowly sat down on the bed, looking up at him with hopeful eyes. “Make love to me?”

Spike felt as if his heart was going to burst as he gasped for unneeded air. He slowly removed her shirt, letting his hands linger on her skin as he looked at her. She was so young, but her eyes showed her true age. They were so expressive…did she even know how he could look into them and practically know what she was thinking?

Buffy unhurriedly pulled his sweatpants off, letting his erection spring free, as he closed his eyes. Spike slowly followed the path that Buffy was making to lay down on the bed. He was uneasy as he removed the rest of her clothing before settling between her legs.

Buffy could feel the tension rolling off of him as he looked down at her, gently running his hands through her hair. “Relax,” she murmured, giving him a soft kiss as she felt the tip of his shaft probe her entrance. “I want this,” she continued. “I want you.”

Spike inhaled sharply as he slowly pushed into her, inch by agonizingly slow inch. He paused, his eyes widening, when he came to her barrier.

Buffy saw the look on his face and gave him a gentle smile. “New body, remember?”

“Buffy, are you-“

Buffy silenced his worries with a kiss as she arched against him, swallowing her scream as he tore through her virginity. Having to go through this twice was definitely where she got the bad end of the deal on the ‘living again’ policy.

Spike stilled his movements as he waited for her to get accustomed to him.

“Are you okay?” he whispered, breathing heavily in spite of his inability to need oxygen, as his hands caressed her skin, trying to soothe the pain.

Buffy gasped for air as she nodded, offering him a tiny smile before slowly arching her hips against his, needing the friction to make the pain subside. Spike complied as he slowly began thrusting into her, fighting off an orgasm at the exquisite feel of being inside the woman he loved.

Buffy began moving faster, already seeking her release as Spike moved with more confidence, pulling almost all the way out of her before pushing back in until Buffy was nearly writhing beneath him.

“Easy, luv,” he whispered into her ear as he began speeding up his thrusts as Buffy moaned beneath him.

Buffy gasped as he grabbed her hips, changing their angle to penetrate her even further. Her hands abandoned his shoulders to fist in the sheets as her head rolled back. She could see stars dancing in front of her eyes seconds before she was pushed over the edge, arching her body against his.

Spike felt his demon come forth as he buried his face in the pillow, his hips never stopping their rotation.

“Spike,” Buffy whispered, trying to get him to raise up and look at her. He merely turned his head, not wanting her to see him like this. “Spike, look at me,” she said softly, pulling his chin around until he was facing her. She gave him a gentle smile as she traced the ridges of his forehead before baring her neck to him. “Do it.”

Spike’s mouth dropped open in shock, his body frozen at the admission. “What?”

“You heard me,” she said with a soft smile. “I want you to.”

Spike swallowed as he looked at her unmarred neck. “I can’t,” he whispered, shaking his head but never tearing his eyes away from her skin.

“I trust you,” Buffy said, moving her hips slightly, causing him to groan as his eyes rolled shut. “Do it,” she said with more force before pulling his head down to her neck and arching her body against his.

Spike couldn’t resist anymore. His fangs sliced into her neck as she continued to hold him to her. Buffy gasped when she felt him imbedded in her throat as he began rapidly pumping into her. Her eyes squeezed shut moments before a second more powerful orgasm overtook her. Her fluttering muscles squeezed Spike, setting off his own release as he pulled gently on the wound in her neck.

Both slowly came down as Spike extracted his fangs, slipping back into his human mask as he lovingly ran his tongue over the mark he’d left on her. Just as he was about to roll away, Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist, holding him inside of her as she pressed her lips to his.

Pulling back, she stared into his eyes, letting her hand follow the same path it had taken minutes before, only this time, it was to trace his human features. “I love you, Spike,” she whispered, smiling at his shocked expression.

“You love me?” Spike asked in disbelief.

“I said that out loud, didn’t I?” she asked with a smile.

“Buffy,” he said in a warning tone as she giggled.

“Of course I love you, silly,” she murmured, her expression turning serious. “I wouldn’t have said it if it wasn’t true.”

Buffy gasped as his mouth attacked hers before smiling against his lips. The kiss quickly went from savage to soft, loving caresses to a more passionate duel between the two lovers.

Buffy’s eyes widened when she felt him harden inside of her. Spike pulled away with a smile as he looked into her eyes. “I think we’re going to be up for a while, luv,” he whispered before nuzzling the tender mark on her neck. “I love you, Buffy.”

Chapter 15

Buffy walked down the stairs the next day, trying to keep the bright smile from appearing on her lips. She knew that it may as well have been written on her face what happened last night, but she didn’t have to let everyone know. After all, she was facing a potential apocalypse or her impending doom. Either way, she had no reason to be smiling. No reason, that is, until she thought of the blonde menace who was still sleeping upstairs.

“Hey, Buff!” Cordelia called from across the lobby. “Great news. I explained everything to Willow, who was very confused, by the way, and she’s rallying the troops.”

“So they’re coming?”

“In about a week. She was going to call Giles after we hung up. She said we’d be in touch later. Oh, and I didn’t call Dawn…I figured you’d want to handle that one. Or let Spike tell her.”

“Yeah,” Buffy murmured.

“Angel wanted to see you, whenever you get a minute,” Cordy continued, walking back to the reception area. “He’s in his office.”

A minute later, Buffy apprehensively knocked on the door.

“Come in!”

Buffy slowly walked in, quietly closing the door behind her. “You wanted to see me,” she said, looking at the man who she had once loved more than anything in this world. Now, those feelings were just a distant memory, almost a dream.

“Yeah, Buffy…look, I know this is none of my business, but I was…I was wondering about you and Spike.”

Buffy took a deep breath, feeling her heart pound a little faster at the mention of his name. “I love him, Angel,” she blurted out, figuring the truth was always better than dancing around the subject.

“You…”

“I love him. Buffy…Elizabeth, whoever you want to call me- every one of my personalities has fallen for him,” she said with a smile.

Angel raised both eyebrows. “You’re not schizophrenic, Buffy.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “It was a joke, Angel. I don’t actually believe that I have more than one person living in here,” she replied, gesturing to herself.

“Okay.”

“And…you have Cordelia,” Buffy continued. “You two are happy together.”

“We are,” Angel agreed with a nod.

“Anyway, I was wondering if I could ask you something.”

“You know you can.”

“I need to get back in shape. I need to at least try to be the Slayer again, and to do that, I’m going to need your help.”

“What do you need?” Angel asked in concern.

“I want to train with you…not just you. Spike, Gunn, maybe Connor. I just need to go against the odds on my own terms first, and I’d rather do that in controlled circumstances.”

“When do you want to work?”

“Whenever we can.”

* * * * *

An hour later, Buffy was dragging Spike down the stairs as he was grumbling under his breath.

“Do you mean you don’t want to help me?” Buffy asked, turning around to face him with a pout.

Spike leaned forward, capturing her lips with his and running his tongue over her bottom lip before pulling back to look at her. “I will do anything to help you, luv. I just don’t see why it had to be now when we could be spending some quality time together,” Spike finished, raising his scarred eyebrow suggestively as his tongue traced over his teeth.

“Stop it,” Buffy scolded with a smile. “We’ll have plenty of ‘quality time’ later,” she promised.

Buffy led him to the training room, smiling at the three men that were waiting on them. “Thank you, so much, you guys!”

“Not a problem,” Gunn said, finishing his stretches. Wesley stood with Cordelia and Fred off to the side, looking as if he was taking notes.

“So, how are we going to start?” Connor asked, sulking slightly at the closeness between the two blondes.

“You mean you don’t know?” Spike asked with a smirk before charging at Buffy.

She easily anticipated his move as she rolled out of the way, only to be encountered with Gunn’s fist, which she narrowly dodged. Angel was able to grab her around the waist, but his victory didn’t last long as Buffy spun away, using his arms for leverage as she flipped him onto the mat.

Connor didn’t take long jumping in, but Buffy quickly swept her leg under his, knocking him off his feet as well.

After fifteen minutes, Buffy was slightly winded as Connor and Gunn panted heavily.

”Okay,” Buffy said, catching her breath. “Enough sparring. I think it’s time to go full-force with these two,” she finished, gesturing to Angel and Spike, who both nodded.

Connor and Gunn gratefully took a break as they walked over to join their friends. Buffy never even had to say anything before Spike and Angel attacked simultaneously. She dodged a couple of blows, cringing when a fist hit her ribs, before spinning around, landing a solid kick to Angel’s midsection.

Spike was able to grab her around the waist, bringing her down to the mat, before pinning his arms above her head and flashing his fangs at her. “You gotta do better than that, luv,” he said softly, smiling when Buffy clenched her jaw and bucked him off.

Springing to her feet, the three traded blows before Buffy finally got the upper hand again. Holding up her hand, she signaled the need for a breather as she dropped onto the mat, smiling when Spike came to sit behind her, pulling her into his lap and nuzzling her neck.

Connor and Angel both watched the display with separate expressions. Angel seemed to be more accepting as he walked over to put his arm around Cordelia, while Connor’s was pure jealousy.

“You’ll be ready in no time, luv,” he whispered against the swollen bite mark, sending tingles down her spine.

“You think so?” she asked, leaning her head back onto his chest and closing her eyes.

“I know it.”

”Good,” Buffy replied. “Because there’s something I have to do before the next Big Bad comes hunting for me.”

Chapter 16 – Loose Ends

Spike turned Buffy to face him as he looked at her questioningly.

“What do you need to do, luv?”

“I have to go see Dawnie.”

Spike stood up, pulling Buffy to her feet as he led her out of the training room. “You sure you don’t want to wait until all of this is over?”

“Spike, I might not be here when it’s over.”

“Don’t say that,” he replied through gritted teeth.

“Why not?” Buffy asked, shaking her head slightly. “You know it’s true. The Powers or whoever brought me back haven’t exactly given me the longest life span in the past.”

Buffy tried to smile, wanting to lighten the mood, but failed miserably. “You still don’t know that it will be the same this time around.”

“I’m going to be going up against the thing that managed to kill me the first time around.”

“No,” Spike said, shaking his head. “You said it yourself- YOU called the shots. It wasn’t Glory, it was you that decided when it was over.”

Buffy sighed, looking at the floor. “You’re right.”

“Damn straight, I’m right,” Spike replied, pacing in front of her. “You beat this chit once, you can do it again.”

“How?” Buffy asked skeptically.

“That’s what your friends are working on.”

“I have to see her, Spike,” Buffy said quietly, causing Spike to halt in front of her, tilting his head to study her. "I have to see my sister."

“You do know she’ll want to fight in this, don’t you?”

“I know,” Buffy murmured. “But she has a family. She has a life, and I won’t let her throw all that away.”

“Since when do Summers women listen to anyone?” Spike said with a scoff.

“I’m going,” Buffy said more forcefully this time as she turned to walk down the hallway. “Whether you come with me or not is up to you.”

Spike closed his eyes for a split second before catching up to her.

Buffy jumped slightly when she felt a hand on her arm, expecting Spike to go patrolling and work off his aggression, not to follow her. She turned around, keeping her eyes downcast as he gently tilted her chin up to face him.

“Look at me, luv,” he whispered, feeling his heart wrench when she raised her watery eyes to his. “You know I’ll go with you,” he said softly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“You will?” she asked timidly.

“I’m not letting you out of my sight longer than I have to. Just let me call the Niblet and give her a heads up, alright?”

Buffy threw herself into Spike’s arms, letting a few tears fall as he held her. “I love you so much.”

Spike felt tears come to his own eyes as he tightened his grip. “I know, luv.”

Buffy pulled back, her eyes widening, causing Spike to turn and see what she was staring at. He suppressed a sigh when he saw Connor standing behind them before the boy turned and ran down the hallway.

“Go after him,” Spike said softly.

“You’re sure?”

Spike seemed to hesitate before he nodded. “I’ll go call Dawn, you straighten out this mess.”

Buffy stood on her tiptoes, pressing her lips to Spike’s in a soft kiss before pulling back, tracing her hand along his cheek. “I’ll be up in a minute.”

Spike took her hand, leaving a delicate kiss on her palm, before they both turned to go their separate ways.

* * * * *

“Connor?” Buffy called quietly as she opened the door to his room. She could see him sitting in a darkened corner, flipping through a magazine that she was sure he wasn’t reading. “Hi,” she said softly, stepping into the room, making sure to leave the door open.

“What do you want?” he asked in the sulking tone that only teenagers could manage.

“I wanted to check on you.”

“Oh, please,” he replied with a sneer. “You don’t care about me. You’re too interested in your undead friend upstairs.”

“His name is Spike,” she said, using the same tone that she had used when correcting
Xander all those years ago, whenever he called Angel ‘Deadboy.’

“Whatever,” Connor said, tossing the magazine aside.

“Connor, who are you really mad at?”

“Why him?!” he yelled.

Buffy would have felt slightly intimidated as he advanced on her if she hadn’t just wiped the floor with him and three other men who were each twice her size.

“Because I love him.”

“This is new,” he said mockingly.

“Yes and no,” Buffy replied. “We went on one date, Connor, and it wasn’t even really a date.”

“It was to me.”

“After I got my memories back, it never would have worked out between us, even if I wasn’t in love with Spike.”

“Why not?”

“Because my first love was your father!” Buffy cried, losing her temper as well. “Do you know how weird that would be?” Connor glared at her as she continued. “I loved him, Connor. With everything I had, I loved Angel. You were born three years after we broke up. Can you comprehend how weird that is for me? I’m the same age as Cordelia…as your surrogate mom.”

“So why not go back to my dad?” he asked mockingly.

“Because I’m not in love with him anymore. He’s happy…not perfectly happy, which is a very good thing, but he’s still happy. And so am I. I love Spike…that’s not going to change.”

Connor sat down on his bed with a huff. “I like you.”

“I know,” Buffy replied, making sure to not offer any comfort. She definitely didn’t want it to be taken the wrong way. “I’m sorry.”

* * * * *

“It was for your own good, Dawn!”

Buffy smiled as she walked into the room to see a red-faced Spike yelling into the phone in exasperation.

“You didn’t need to know she was back, she-“

He growled as Dawn interrupted him.

“She wouldn’t have known who you were, even if you had been here! She didn’t even know me or Cordelia or the Poofter.”

“Angel,” Buffy corrected with a smile as she leaned against the doorway, causing Spike to turn and face her.

“She’s right here. Do you want to talk to your sister or yell at me some more?”

Buffy smiled as she eagerly ran over to Spike when he held out the phone.

“Dawnie?”

“BUFFY!”

“Easy, Dawn, I kind of like my eardrums.”

“It’s you. It’s really you, I can’t believe it!”

“It’s me,” Buffy agreed with a smile.

“When are you coming to visit? I can’t wait!”

Buffy bit her lip before looking at Spike. “We’re not coming.”

Spike felt his stomach knot up as he looked at her before taking the phone away. Never breaking eye contact with Buffy, he spoke into the receiver. “Niblet? She meant we’re not coming until tomorrow night…yeah…we’ll see you then.”

Spike hung up the phone as he pulled Buffy into a comforting hug. “Thank you,” she whispered against his shirt.

“No need to thank me, luv.”

Chapter 17 – Understanding

“Dawnie!” Buffy squealed as the front door opened, revealing her sister.

“Buffy!” Dawn cried with as much excitement as they jumped into each other’s arms.

The girls held each other for several long minutes before reluctantly pulling away. Dawn turned to give Spike a hug as Buffy slowly entered the house. Dawn and her family were still living in the house on Revello, and it looked almost identical to the way it had looked seventeen years ago. New furniture, new pictures, but the feeling was still the same. It still felt like home.

“So, where’s my nieces?” Buffy asked, picking up a picture of Dawn with three girls, each very similar, one looking decidedly like Buffy, and the others seemed to take after Dawn.

“They went out with RJ,” Dawn said with a smile as she pointed out a picture on the wall. Buffy gasped as she looked at it. Dawn was in a beautiful wedding dress, standing next to a handsome man in a tux. “I wanted to see you alone before the little rugrats come back,” Dawn said affectionately.

“What did you tell him?” Buffy asked, turning to face her sister with a worried look on her face as Spike sat on the couch.

“The truth,” Dawn said bluntly, shrugging her shoulders. “We live on the Hellmouth- I didn’t see any reason to lie to him when we got engaged, so he’s used to strange occurrences.”

“That’s good,” Buffy said with a smile. “I’m happy you found someone you can be honest with. What about the girls?”

“They’re still young,” Dawn said, picking up a picture. “We told them you’re my sister, but as far as they're concerned, you’re my younger sister.”

Buffy nodded as she went over to stand next to Dawn. “Which one’s which?” she asked. “Spike told me names, but I need to put them with faces now.”

“This one is Joyce, she’s three,” Dawn said as Buffy gave a soft smile when she pointed to the little girl who looked a lot like Buffy. “This is Summer, she’s five.”

Buffy turned to face Dawn with a bright smile. “As in ‘Summers’?” she asked.

“I’m keeping it all in the family,” Dawn said with a firm nod as she turned her attention back to the picture. “This is Bethany…but we call her Buffy.”

Buffy turned shocked eyes to her sister. “After me?” she asked in disbelief.

“Spike didn’t tell you?” Dawn asked, shooting the blonde a look as he shrugged.

“He said her name was Bethany, but I never thought…”

“Buffy, you died to save me,” Dawn said quietly. “It was the very least I could do.”

“How old is she?” Buffy asked, looking at the brown-haired girl with emerald eyes.

“Eight,” Dawn replied softly.

“They’re beautiful, Dawnie,” Buffy whispered.

* * * * *

Two hours later, Buffy and Dawn were still talking and filling each other in on what their lives had been like in the past seventeen years. “Your birthday is in a few days,” Dawn said softly.

“No, it’s not it’s…oh…that birthday. It’s so weird- it’s like it should be my deathday or something,” Buffy said with a smile.

Dawn was about to reply when the door opened and three pintsized blurs flew through the room. “No running in the house!” Dawn called as they slowed down when they reached the living room.

“Uncle Spike!” squealed three small voices as they charged the vampire.

Spike chuckled as he was tackled to the couch as all three began to vie for hugs and attention.

“You stayed away too long.”

“Why didn’t you come visit when you said you would?”

“Did you bring me anything?”

Buffy laughed softly as he was assaulted with the questions. Before he got a chance to answer, all eyes turned to Buffy as the girls slowly got up and walked toward her.

The oldest one looked at her critically before smiling. “I’m named after you.”

“Yes, you are,” Buffy said softly.

“You’re pretty,” Summer spoke up with a grin.

“Thank you,” Buffy replied. “You are, too.”

The three girls beamed as Dawn led an attractive man over to Buffy. “RJ, this is my sister Buffy. Buffy, this is RJ.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Buffy said as she shook the man’s hand.

“I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“All good, I hope,” Buffy said with a smile.

“Most of it,” RJ said with a nod as he slipped an arm around Dawn’s waist. “A lot of it was very strange.”

“I’ll bet,” Buffy said with a laugh before looking around the room. “Where did Spike go?”

RJ and Dawn looked around. “I don’t know,” he said. “He said hello, and then I think he went outside for a smoke.”

“I’ll be right back,” Buffy said, heading for the door.

“Hey,” she said softly, closing the door behind her as she wrapped her arms around her body against the chill in the air. She could see the cloud of smoke rising into the sky as Spike stared out into the night, his back turned to her. “You know those things will kill you,” she said with a smile.

“Ha bloody ha, Slayer.”

“What’s wrong?” Buffy asked in concern as she walked up to him.

“Nothing,” he grumbled, throwing his cigarette to the ground as he stubbed it out with his boot.

“Tell me,” she said softly.

“I’m just thinking, luv.”

“Spike.” She gently turned him to face her. “You’re scaring me.”

Spike sighed. “I’m being selfish.”

“What?”

“You deserve this, Buffy,” he said quietly as he gestured toward the house. “The family, the kids, you deserve it all…not stuck in the dark with me.”

“No,” Buffy said forcefully as she shook her head, fear ripping through her. “You’re not going to do this, Spike. You’re not going to pull an Angel and run away on me just because you think it’s for my own good!”

Buffy turned away as tears came to her eyes. She couldn’t believe this was happening again. Did she have some kind of curse? She wasn’t allowed to be happy after waiting for so long?

She barely registered when Spike’s arms went around her to pull her against his strong body. Wrapping his arms around her in a crushing hold as he buried his face in her neck, he gently kissed her shoulder as she let her tears fall. “I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered, nuzzling his faded bite mark. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“No, you weren’t,” Buffy said with a sniffle. “And I’m not letting you do it,” she continued more forcefully. “I let Angel leave. I’m not doing the same thing again.” Buffy turned around in his arms, looking at him through shimmering eyes. “I can’t live without you, Spike.”

Spike slowly leaned forward, capturing her lips in a tender kiss. “I love you, Buffy,” he whispered against her lips.

“I love you, too,” she said with a smile as she touched her forehead to his. “We’ll get through this, Spike. We’ll get through it, and we’ll be together.”

Chapter 18 – Surprises

Buffy and Spike wandered through Sunnydale later that night with Dawn slowly trailing behind. They had left the kids with their father to enjoy the peace and quiet. Or at least enjoy how peaceful a town overrun with vampires can be, but they had spent the quiet time telling Dawn about the prophecy, and now she was trying to absorb the news.

Buffy shot Spike a worried look before glancing over her shoulder at her sister.

“So…she’s coming back,” Dawn finally said with a nod.

“That’s what all the signs are pointing to,” Buffy said, taking Spike’s hand and slowing down to walk with Dawn.

“How can I help?”

“By staying out of it, Niblet,” Spike said with a raised eyebrow. “You have a family now. Big Sis doesn’t need to be worried about you on top of everything else.”

“What about Xander?” Dawn asked, crossing her arms over her chest as she stared at them. “He and Anya have a son. Is he helping?”

Buffy gave Spike a surprised look at never hearing this piece of information.

Spike sighed. “It doesn’t matter. You’re not fighting.”

“Spike, this whole thing is because of me.”

“All the more reason to stay away from it, Dawnie,” Buffy said softly. “Spike’s right, I don’t want to worry about you. I want you safe.”

“Buffy, I-“

“Well, if it isn’t my favorite little girl, all grown up.”

Buffy felt frozen in place as she turned to see what she feared the most- Glory.

Spike was already moving to stand in front of ‘his’ girls as the Hell-God slowly approached, checking her nails as she walked.

“And you’re still hanging around the vampire,” Glory said as she walked. “Honestly, Dawnie, I thought you had better sense than that. I mean- this is the Hellmouth, after all.”

Buffy’s breathing became more rapid as Glory closed in on them. ‘I’m not ready,’ she thought. ‘I’m not ready, I can’t do this, I’m not strong enough.’

Buffy seemed to snap out of it as Glory got within touching distance. Her view was blocked by Spike, but Buffy could hear the sound of her heels on concrete, her voice quickly approaching. None of them had said a word to Glory, and Buffy knew she could easily see their fear.

Shaking her head as if to clear it, Buffy grabbed Spike and hauled him backwards before landing a solid, unexpected kick to Glory’s midsection.

“GO!” she screamed at Spike and Dawn.

“We’re not leaving you.”

“Get Dawn out of here,” she said in a clear voice as she kept an eye on Glory. “Keep her safe.”

She knew Spike was hesitating, but she heard a sigh before she heard them running. Turning her full attention back to Glory, Buffy smiled.

“Oh, don’t tell me they brought you back, too.”

“Yep,” Buffy replied, feeling her old bravado return as her smile broadened. “I guess it’s part of that whole ‘Good vs. Evil’ ‘Balancing the Scales’ crap that we hear so much about. Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll have just as much fun this time around,” she finished with a sharp kick, sending Glory reeling further back.

“You’re supposed to be dead.”

“I could say the same to you,” Buffy said with a shrug.

“You’re awfully confident without your hammer.”

“What can I say,” Buffy replied, ducking a punch. “I feel good.”

They traded blows as Glory slowly gained the upper-hand. Buffy could feel herself beginning to tire when her eyes widened in shock as Glory flew backwards into a tree. Buffy saw Spike standing where the Hell-God had just been before he grabbed Buffy’s hand and began running.

“I told you to watch after Dawn.”

“I did,” Spike argued. “She’s safe.”

* * * * *

Buffy and Spike ran through the front door of the house to encounter a flurry of activity. Dawn was calling out directions to RJ before turning to Buffy. “I don’t want to leave you.”

“I know,” Buffy replied, giving her sister a hug. “But it’s for the best.”

RJ came down the stairs with a sleeping Joyce in one arm, a suitcase in the other. “Where are we going?” he asked Buffy.

“I’ll call Angel. I’m sure all of you can stay at the Hyperion. You’ll be there in two hours.”

RJ nodded as Spike ran up the stairs, reappearing a moment later with Summer half-asleep in his arms. Buffy kept a careful watch as the girls were loaded into the minivan. Dawn and Buffy each grabbed the bags that were sitting next to the door as they walked outside. Bethany trailed after them, rubbing her eyes as she walked outside, dragging her teddy bear behind her.

“You guys are fast with the packing,” Buffy commented, loading a suitcase.

“Well, when Spike said you were back, I figured we should be ready for anything.”

“Good thinking.”

“I still think I can help.”

“The best way you can help is to stay safe. You have Spike’s cell number,
right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” Buffy said, giving her another hug. “I’ll see you when this is all over.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

Dawn turned as Spike came up behind her. “All of the Little Bits are loaded up. You’re ready to go.”

Dawn said good-bye to Spike as Buffy hugged RJ. “Sorry we couldn’t get to know each other better,” Buffy said with a sheepish smile.

“Maybe next time,” RJ replied with a nod.

Buffy turned to the backdoor of the minivan, smiling and blowing kisses to her two nieces that were still awake. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Bye, Aunt Buffy,” Bethany waved with a smile as Summer waved sleepily.

Buffy shut the door with a sad smile, trying not to cry as Dawn hugged her, yet again.

“Call me,” Dawn said in a warning tone before walking around to the passenger side and getting in. Buffy and Spike waved until they were out of sight before walking into the empty house.

“Do you think we should stay here? Glory knows where I used to live.”

“I think tonight was just to make her presence known,” Spike replied, wrapping his arms around her waist. “We should be okay.”

"I was so stupid,” Buffy murmured as Spike planted soft kisses along her shoulder. "What was I thinking? Of course she wasn't going to be in Los Angeles- she would come back to wear it all started, not wherever I happened to be. I guess I need to call Angel."

“You’re probably right,” Spike said softly. “I think the Scoobies need to assemble a little earlier than planned.”

Chapter 19 - Family Reunion

Spike stared down at the sleeping woman in his arms. Their naked bodies were intertwined as she snuggled into his chest, a sheet barely covering them. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was. He had waited so long for this feeling, never holding out any real hope that this dream would become a reality, but here she was. And she wasn’t just with him- she was in love with him.

Spike slowly leaned over, brushing a tender kiss to her forehead before pulling her closer to him and closing his eyes. He had waited so long for this moment, and he wasn’t going to let her slip away from him again.

* * * * *

Buffy hurriedly pulled on a white sweater and a pair of jeans as the doorbell rang. She and Spike had spent the better part of the day in bed, and now she was rushing around, trying to make herself look presentable.

Running down the stairs, she flung open the door and gasped when she saw Willow and Xander. “Oh my God!” the two girls screamed before they all jumped into each other’s arms.

Spike came racing down the stairs, dressed in a pair of black jeans, towel drying his hair. “What the bloody-“

He cut himself off when he saw Buffy in the arms of her best friends. Xander was the first to pull away, giving Spike the once-over before taking a deep breath and holding out his hand.

Spike raised an eyebrow in suspicion before sighing and accepting the handshake. “It’s been a long time, Spike,” Xander said with a nod as Spike offered a small smile and a nod of his own.

Willow and Buffy finally pulled away, and Spike jumped when Willow raced into
his arms. The years had done nothing for the excited little girl inside. “Good to see you, too, Red,” Spike said with a chuckle.

Buffy looked out the door and smiled when she saw Tara coming up the path, followed by Angel, Wesley, Cordy and Gunn. Buffy quickly embraced Tara, tears streaming down her face from all of her friends being together again.

“Where’s Anya?” she asked, wiping her eyes to turn back to Xander.

“She decided to stay behind with Zachery.”

“Your son,” Buffy said with a smile. “How old is he?”

“Just turned thirteen,” Xander said with a brilliant smile. Buffy smiled before saying a quick hello to everyone else.

“Did Dawn settle in okay?” she asked Angel.

“Yeah,” Angel said with a nod. “Lorne and Fred are with them.”

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief before smiling when Spike excused himself to go put a shirt on.

“Damn,” Cordy said good-naturedly, earning a look from Angel. “It’s a shame to cover up that beautiful specimen.”

“Amen to that,” Willow said with Tara and Buffy laughing along with her.

“Um…HELLO!” Angel yelled. “I’m standing right here!”

“Oops,” Cordy said with a grin before giving him a soft kiss. “Oh, come on, honey, you know you’re the salty goodness that I can’t live without.”

This brought a smile to Angel’s face, pulling Cordelia closer to him as Spike reappeared. “Thanks for the compliment, Cordelia,” he said with a grin, wrapping his arms around Buffy’s waist.

“You heard?” Cordy asked with a smile, not ashamed in the least.

“Vampire, remember?”

The group walked into the living room, each finding a seat, as Spike sat in an armchair, pulling Buffy into his lap.

“So, you two are…?” Xander trailed off.

“Yes,” Buffy said, turning to look into Spike’s eyes. “We’re together.”

Spike gave her a soft smile as her eyes seemed to twinkle at him.

“Okay, I think we need to get organized,” Wesley spoke up.

“Where’s Giles?” Buffy asked.

“He’ll be here in a few hours,” Willow spoke up. “He couldn’t get a flight any earlier.”

“So, what do we know?” Tara asked, holding Willow’s hand.

“The basic things that I told you about the prophecy,” Wesley continued. “I don’t know the details of the fight last night, however.”

“Not much to tell,” Buffy said with a shrug. “Punches were thrown, but I didn’t really fight her. Spike threw her into a tree, and then I think she just let us go.”

“Why did she come back?” Xander asked.

“Don’t know, don’t care,” Buffy replied. “I just want her gone…preferably with me still here this time.”

Spike tightened his hold on her, trying to ignore the feeling in his stomach.

“Okay, then,” Willow said. “I guess it’s time to get to work.”

* * * * *

Three hours later, Buffy felt exhausted. They had gone over all possible explanations for the reason Glory was back, the reason Buffy was back, the impending prophetic future. Buffy was ready to go out and pummel something but restrained herself long enough to be research girl.

A knock on the door immediately set her on edge, but she relaxed when she realized Glory would never knock. Opening the door, a smile lit up her features when she saw Giles standing there. She practically threw herself into his arms as they held onto each other silently for several minutes.

Pulling away with tears in their eyes, Buffy studied him for a moment. The years had been good to him, giving him a more distinguished look. His hair was almost completely gray, his eyes were still warm and seemed to be filled with wisdom.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” she said softly.

“I can’t believe YOU are here,” he replied. “I didn’t want to believe it.”

“It’s me,” Buffy said with a smile, leading him into the house.

Giles said hello to everyone, hugging the woman and exchanging handshakes with the men.

“What do we know?” Giles asked.

Buffy had to suppress a groan as Wesley started from the beginning.

* * * * *

Everyone was struggling to keep their eyes open as the sun began to rise.

“So, we’re all clear on what’s going to happen?” Buffy asked, looking around the room as everyone began to nod.

“Clear on all of it, except when it’s supposed to happen,” Xander said.

“Well, from what’s been deciphered,” Giles began, looking through a stack of papers. “Glory will be in full power in a week. That’s what the prophecy was interpreting, so as far as when…”

“Tonight,” Buffy said softly, resting her head on Spike’s shoulder.

“Buffy, we’re not ready to-“

“I’m not risking Glory becoming Miss All Powerful/Ruler of the World, Giles. It happens tonight.”

Chapter 20 – Are You Ready?

Buffy wandered around a house that used to be her home, walking onto the back porch as the final rays of the sun faded away. She was going on two hours of sleep, too nervous to rest any longer than that, and she was becoming more agitated as the darkness crept up on her. Running her hands along the sleeves of her sweater, she tried to ward off the chill that was creeping through her body.

Buffy jumped when she felt strong arms encircle her waist, relaxing when she felt Spike’s lips brush along her neck. “You worried?” he murmured, pulling her closer to him.

“Yeah,” Buffy said softly. “I am.”

“I’m not going to let anything happen to you,” he whispered, breathing in the scent of vanilla.

“It’s not up to you,” Buffy replied, turning to look at him.

Spike closed his eyes for a moment before deciding to let it go. “Everyone’s ready.” Buffy took a deep breath nodding as she moved to walk past him. Spike grabbed her arm, looking deep into her eyes before she passed him. “Are you?”

“I guess we’ll find out.”

* * * * *

Buffy took a deep breath as she stood outside a mansion that was on the outskirts of Sunnydale. A spell, similar to a locator spell, pointed them in this direction, but now that Buffy was here, she wasn’t sure if she could do this. She was suddenly, desperately, wishing for her trusty hammer that she’d had, but even if she did have it, she wasn’t strong enough to lift it anyway.

That’s what scared her the most. She was at full strength when she died. Now, she was little more than a girl. She had strength and she had speed, but the Slayer part of her felt like it was gone. She didn’t have the confidence she had when sparring with Spike and Angel.

“Are you ready?” Angel asked softly, standing slightly behind her.

“It’s now or never, right?” Buffy replied, trying to smile before turning and kicking the door in. Okay, so maybe she did have a lot more strength than the average girl, but she was still nervous.

“It’ll come back to you, luv,” Spike whispered, standing opposite Angel.

Buffy nodded but was soon distracted as Glory’s minions came rushing at her. “Let’s do this,” she said, a grin appearing on her lips as the three of them backed away from the door, staying close together in the open land.

Buffy fought, almost lazily, as she kept an eye on the door, waiting for Glory to appear. She found herself smiling when Cordy, Gunn, and Xander appeared behind the minions that they were fighting, taking them by surprise and dispersing the numbers.

“Well, this was certainly rude,” a voice announced from the direction of the house.

Buffy quickly killed one of the followers before turning her full attention to the Hell-God. “What can I say,” Buffy replied with a shrug. “I like a big entrance. Or exit, in your case.”

“Look at the brave little warrior girl,” Glory said mockingly as she put her hand over her heart. “Coming all the way here to scare me with two vampires and a handful of worthless friends.”

“This is who we’re supposed to be scared of?” Cordy asked with a smirk.

“Pathetic, isn’t it?” Xander replied with a laugh as Buffy suppressed a smile at the outraged look on Glory’s face.

“Come on,” Cordy said, rolling her eyes. “I was tougher than this chick when I was in high school.”

Buffy didn’t have time to be amused at Glory’s expression before she attacked her. Taken by surprise, Glory was quickly thrown off as Buffy went into full Slayer mode. The moves came back to her with a force as she fought- flying kick, right hook, spin kick to the stomach. Buffy could feel the adrenaline coursing through her, but began to get nervous as Glory seemed to remember who she was up against.

With a solid hit to Buffy’s stomach, Buffy was sent flying back at least twenty feet. She painfully got to her feet, wincing at the pain that seemed to explode through her body as Xander came running over to assist her. Buffy turned to see Spike and Angel both lunge at Glory, taking her by surprise as they relentlessly struck out at her.

Buffy looked around, breathing heavily as she tried to spot Willow. “Xander, where are they?”

“They’re working on it, Buff. It could take some time.”

“We don’t have time. I thought they were ready.”

“Cordy went to check on them- she should be back soon.”

Buffy took a step forward when she felt Xander’s hand on her arm. “Let me go, Xander. They need my help.”

“Buffy, you’re hurt, you’re no match for her right now. If you try to fight her now, you could die.”

“Yeah, and if I don’t try to fight her now, they’re going to die. I’m going.”

“Is this all you got?” Glory asked, advancing on Buffy, leaving two bruised and bleeding vampires behind her. “Because, I gotta tell you, it’s not very effective.”

“I’m rash and impulsive,” Buffy said with a shrug. “It’s a flaw.”

Buffy made it a few steps before a powerful voice seemed to bellow out of the darkness. “Discede!”

Buffy watched as Glory disappeared, Willow and the others jogging over to Buffy. “Well, you’ve certainly gotten more powerful with that spell,” Buffy commented, bracing her hand against her back as they walked over to where Spike and Angel were painfully standing. “But what happened to the plan?”

“It’s going to take a little longer, and it may be a little more unpredictable than we originally planned,” Tara said softly.

“Oh boy,” Buffy said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Just the kind of thing you want to hear when it comes to a spell…unpredictable.”

Spike hurriedly made his way to Buffy, taking her face in his hands. “Are you alright?”

“You’re the one bleeding, and you’re asking me if I’m alright?” Buffy asked with a soft smile.

“Because no matter how much I bleed, I’m not in danger of dying as a result of internal injuries,” he replied with a worried expression.

“I’ll be fine. I guess we’re about to find out if my Slayer healing is still fully intact.”

“So, where is she?” Angel asked, looking around.

“She’s close,” Wesley said, keeping an eye on the surroundings.

“We should get started again,” Giles said softly.

“Yeah,” Willow agreed. “Let’s hurry.”

Chapter 21

Their break from Glory was short-lived. Ten minutes after she had disappeared, she seemed to come out of nowhere as Buffy caught a square hit to the jaw. Staggering backwards, Buffy fought the stars that were dancing in front of her eyes as Glory advanced on her again. “Did you really think that would work?” she asked, kicking Buffy in the stomach, sending her flying into the brick siding of the house.

“I think it worked just fine,” Buffy replied, painfully climbing to her feet as Angel grabbed Glory from behind while Spike managed to get some hits in “Come on, Willow,” Buffy murmured, joining in the fight again.

Gunn and Cordy did their best to draw Glory’s attention away from her main threats, but they were failing. Buffy gasped as Glory grabbed both Spike and Angel by their necks, spinning slightly to throw them as far away as possible.

“Your boyfriends are getting on my nerves,” she said, raising an eyebrow at Buffy.

Ducking a punch, Buffy swept her legs out from under her, proud when she knocked her off her feet. “First of all,” Buffy started, landing a hard kick to her head and smiling. “Only one of them is my boyfriend. Secondly,” she continued with another kick. “If you would just die, like a good little Hellbitch, then we could all go on our merry way.”

“You can’t kill me,” Glory said with a laugh, catching Buffy’s foot and throwing her backwards.

Buffy managed to flip herself, landing upright to stand face to face with Glory again. She could see Spike and Angel, painfully trying to get closer without being seen, but everyone soon became distracted as lightening flashed dangerously close to them.

“Here we go,” Buffy said softly, knowing what she had to do as a portal began to open.

“Buffy!” Spike yelled as Buffy advanced on Glory again, punching her in the jaw before taking a few steps back, needing to distance herself for the time being.

“What’s this? A little light show?” she asked with a sardonic smile.

“Something like that,” Buffy replied, watching as the portal got bigger. Taking a deep breath when it reached its full-size, Buffy began running at Glory, seconds before she felt the wind knocked out of her as she landed on the ground. “Spike?” she asked in confusion as she looked around before her eyes widened at the sight before her. “SPIKE!”

She jumped to her feet as Spike managed to wrap both arms around Glory’s waist, using his momentum to propel them both into the portal.

“NO!” Buffy screamed as she ran for it, screaming when she felt Angel tackle her to the ground as the portal closed. “Let me go!” she screamed, trying to struggle out of his strong grasp.

Angel checked to make sure it was closed before releasing his hold. Buffy ran for the area that Spike had disappeared, dropping to her knees, her body shaking with sobs as she clutched at the grass.

The rest of the group ran toward them worriedly.

“Did it…” Willow trailed off as she looked at Buffy. “Oh Goddess, what happened?”

“Spike,” Cordy mumbled as everyone stared in shock. “Spike jumped in…took Glory with him.”

Buffy suddenly seemed to realize everyone was there as she jumped up, tears streaking down her face. “Willow! You have to find him. You and Tara, you can do it, right? You can bring him home?”

“Buffy,” Giles said gently, taking a step forward to put a hand on her shoulder. “We chose that particular portal because there is no way to return from it.”

“It’s possible that he…” Wesley began, taking a deep breath before he continued. “It’s possible he didn’t even survive.”

“No,” Buffy said firmly, shaking her head. “You can find him, Willow, please,” she begged, her body convulsing in tears again. “Please!”

Tara whispered something to Willow, who nodded her agreement.

“Buffy,” Tara began, swallowing hard as she continued. “We can see where he is…if he survived. But there’s no way to bring him back.”

Buffy took a shaky breath as Xander wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders. “Do it,” she said forcefully.

“Buffy, you have to understand, it will practically be a glimpse,” Willow said gently. “We’ll be lucky if we can keep the spell working for more than five minutes.”

“Please, Willow,” Buffy begged. “Please just find him.”

Willow, Tara, Wesley, and Giles quickly arranged the crystals they had used for the earlier spell as Willow brought out a book of spells.

Several minutes that felt like hours to Buffy, passed before they began chanting. Buffy nervously wrung her hands as she began pacing, silently willing them to work faster. After ten nerve-wracking minutes, Willow gasped as she looked into the area the crystals were surrounding. “Oh my God.”

“What?” Buffy asked, practically flying toward the group. “What?” she asked again, the desperation evident in her voice.

“He’s not in the dimension,” Tara murmured as they struggled to keep the spell working.

“Where is he?” she asked as Angel came to stand behind her, looking over her shoulder as they stared at a very confused Spike, who was pacing in front of a strange-looking man and woman.

“Where the bloody hell am I?” His voice had a tin-like quality, as if they were listening to him through a wall- which they technically were.

Buffy let a small smile come to her lips, happy that he survived and didn’t seem to be in any immediate danger.

“The Oracles,” Angel said in shock.

“The what?” Buffy asked, turning to face him for a brief second.

“They’re kind of…they’re like the spokespeople for the Powers That Be.”

“I-I don’t understand,” Buffy said, looking at Spike’s image. “Is he in danger?”

“I don’t think so,” Angel said softly as he watched.

“Shhh,” Wesley commanded as they began listening to the conversation.

“You have done a very noble deed, lower being,” the woman said, circling Spike slowly.

“Is that right?” Spike asked skeptically as he kept an eye on both of them. “What’s it to you?”

“To us?” the man asked. “Nothing. The question you should be asking is, how does it affect you?”

“Alright then, I’ll bite…how does it affect me?”

“You have sacrificed yourself to save the woman you love,” the woman said with a bored expression. “For a soulless demon such as yourself, this is a huge accomplishment. For it, you shall be rewarded.”

Spike raised his eyebrow skeptically. “So…do I get to be a real boy?” he asked in a mocking tone. “Get to go all Shanshu, like Peaches is always going on about?”

“No,” the man replied. “The Shanshu prophecy is for the vampire with a soul. You have no soul.”

“What’s in it for me, then?” Spike asked, still doubtful.

“We have an offer for you.”

“You mean I don’t get to pick what I want?” Spike asked with a smile.

“Perhaps,” the woman said. “But our offer is this: you live out the rest of your days with the woman you love.”

“And when she dies?” Spike asked, his brow furrowed.

“When she dies, you live on. The offer is not to become human…merely to exist again.”

“Is this the only option?” Spike asked.

“Here is another,” the man replied. “You live. When she dies, you die as well.”

Spike closed his eyes, clenching his jaw. “And be separated for eternity?”

“That is not for us to decide.”

“What is your answer?” the woman asked.

Spike stared down at the ground, his jaw tightening as he came to a decision. “No.”

Buffy felt as if her heart was stopping as the spell broke. “Can you get it back?” she asked desperately, already knowing the answer. The group was exhausted. Willow would be lucky to do a simple levitation spell the way she looked.

“He said no,” Buffy murmured, her tears returning in full force. “How could he say no?” she asked, turning away as she nearly collapsed.

Angel quickly caught her in his arms, seconds before she lost consciousness.

* * * * *

Buffy opened her eyes, feeling the pain tear through her heart as she looked around her old house.

“Are you okay?” Willow asked nervously.

“No,” Buffy said, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks as she sat up to face everyone in the living room. “I’m not okay…how could he? I thought he loved me,” Buffy whispered as her body shook. Willow and Tara quickly sat on each side of her, offering her all the comfort they could.

“I’m sure he had his reasons,” Cordelia said softly, leaning forward in her chair as a soft knock sounded on the door.

Giles went to answer it. “Dear Lord!”

Everyone turned in time to see Spike walk into the living room. Buffy stared in shock, seconds before leaping to her feet and flinging herself at the blonde vampire. He caught her, bringing her close to his body and wrapping her in a tight hug as his face buried in her hair.

“You’re here,” Buffy said softly, pulling back slightly to look at him as everyone stared in surprise. “It’s really you?”

“It’s me, baby,” he whispered, his voice sounding exhausted. “Can we talk outside for a few minutes?”

Buffy nodded, walking out of the house with him, waiting until the door shut behind him before letting a punch fly to land solidly on his nose.

”Bloody hell! What’d you do that for?”

“I saw you,” Buffy cried, tears streaming down her cheeks. “I saw the…whatever they were, make you an offer. TWO actually, and you turned them down.”

“I’m here, aren’t I, luv?”

Buffy let the tears continue to fall as she pulled him closer to her, sobbing into his chest. “You scared me to death,” she whispered.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“You should be gone, Spike. You jumped into that portal, and you had no intention of coming back. How could you do that?”

Spike pulled back to cup her face in his hands. “Because I couldn’t let you do it…not again.”

“Then how are you here? Are you human?”

“No,” Spike said, shaking his head. “That wasn’t part of the deal. In fact…I’m still one hundred percent vampire, nothing was done to me.”

“Then…what was the deal?” Buffy asked in confusion.

“It was for you,” he said softly, almost ashamed.

“For me?”

“Buffy, I wasn’t thinking clearly, and I didn’t even stop to think about-“

“Spike! What was it?” she asked, turning his eyes toward hers.

“You’re Immortal.”

Chapter 22

“Immortal,” Buffy repeated in confusion. “Like…I’m going to live forever- Immortal?”

“God, Buffy, I’m so sorry! I was just being selfish, and I didn’t think how this may affect you, and I-“

“Spike!” Buffy yelled, interrupting his rant. “Am I going to live forever?”

“Yes,” Spike said softly, averting his eyes.

Buffy stood in shock for a few seconds before practically assaulting his lips with hers.

Spike stumbled backward into the railing of the porch before wrapping his arms around her small waist. Pulling Buffy closer to him, his tongue brushing against hers, eliciting a moan from her as her arms wrapped around his neck. Buffy slowly pulled away, lightly sucking on Spike’s bottom lip before separating.

“So, I take it by that little display, you’re not angry with me,” Spike said with a soft smile as he played with her hair.

“I get to be with you,” Buffy said softly. “That’s all that matters.”

* * * * *

An hour later, after an exhaustive talk with the rest of the group, Buffy and Spike finally made their way up to Buffy’s old bedroom.

The sun was about to rise as Buffy slowly removed her clothes before falling into the bed with a sigh. Spike stared at the beautiful woman in front of him as he removed his shirt. Various bruises and shallow cuts covered both of them, but neither noticed as Spike crawled into bed next to her.

“So,” he said softly, tracing a hand along her shoulder. “I’m guessing you’re too tired to do anything tonight,” he finished with a smile.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding,” Buffy said with a giggle as she rolled over to straddle his naked body. “We just had the battle of a lifetime, and I didn’t get the killing blow,” she said with a smile. “I have some frustration to work off.”

Spike growled as she rocked her hips against his, teasing him as she brushed against his painfully hard erection. She slowly leaned forward, claiming his mouth as she let her fingernails scratch lightly along the ridges of his abdomen.

Buffy broke away from his lips, proceeding to kiss her way down his body, his stomach tensing and releasing as she ran her tongue along his abs. His hips raised toward her, causing her to look up with a smile as his fingers tangled in her hair as he stared into her eyes.

She slowly trailed downward before being jerked up his body and flipped over. She gasped as she found herself pinned against the mattress, his lips capturing hers in an emotional kiss as he slowly left her lips to move down her body.

“I was going to do this for you,” Buffy panted softly as he ran his tongue along her stomach, letting it dip in her navel as he smiled.

“What can I say?” he asked with a playful shrug. “I couldn’t help myself.”

Buffy gasped as he gently bit her inner thigh with his blunt teeth before letting his tongue slip out to taste her. Separating her folds, Buffy moaned as her fingers weaved through his hair before his tongue delved into her depths. Buffy cried out in pleasure as her hips arched off the bed, writhing against him as his hands slipped around her body to pull her even closer to him.

Her orgasm seemed to crash into her as he continued to worship her with his talented tongue. She tried to control her cries of pleasure as his hand moved to her stomach, trying to draw out her climax before she finally seemed to collapse beneath him.

He smiled as he crawled up her body, meeting her lips in a tender kiss as he pressed his rigid shaft against her thigh. Breaking away, Buffy reached her hand in between their bodies as she positioned him at her opening, arching her hips slightly to give him the not-so-subtle hint.

Spike thrust into her wet opening, both moaning at the contact. Buffy let her hands come up to his shoulders, pulling him toward her for another kiss as his hand came up to catch one of hers, interlacing their fingers.

Buffy smiled at the tender gesture as Spike took long, sure strokes, causing Buffy to arch against him, needing to feel more.

His other hand slowly caught hers, pinning both of her hands to the mattress next to her face as he continued to move inside of her. Buffy realized what he was doing as he crushed his lips to hers. He was trying to dissuade the demon from coming to the surface by being more dominant than usual.

Buffy moaned as the tightening in her body was threatening to release. “Please, Spike,” she whispered, frantically pushing against him.

The whispered request was too much for Spike as his demon flashed to the surface. He quickly turned his head away so Buffy wouldn’t have to see.

“Spike,” she moaned, causing him to look at her against his better judgment. “Kiss me.”

“Buffy-“

“Just kiss me.”

Closing his eyes, his lips met hers, the demon battling for control as his fangs brushed against her lips, lightly scratching them. Breaking away, Spike shook his head, not sure how long he could control himself with the slight tang of her blood that coated his tongue.

“Spike, I love you,” Buffy whispered, causing his yellow eyes to turn back to her. “I love all of you. It doesn’t bother me.”

Spike could feel himself begin to lose control as Buffy bared her neck to him. “Please,” she said softly.

It nearly sent him over the edge as he sunk his fangs into her neck, pulling lightly at her blood and sending them both soaring into powerful orgasms. Buffy screamed out in pleasure, calling out Spike’s name as he emptied himself inside of her.

Breaking away, their movements stilled as Spike’s forehead pressed against hers, his human face now firmly in place. He could hear her heartbeat frantically trying to slow down as her breathing became more controlled.

After a moment, Spike went back to her neck, lightly cleaning the wound that he had reopened. Buffy moaned at the soft feel of his tongue brushing over her skin. Pulling out of her after a moment, Spike rolled them so Buffy was lying on his chest, keeping her as close to him as possible.

“I get this forever?” Buffy asked with a smile as Spike looked down into her vivid eyes.

“Absolutely,” he murmured, pressing his lips to hers in a soft, tender kiss.

“I love you, Spike,” Buffy whispered when they broke away.

“I love you. Happy birthday, Buffy.” She looked at him in confusion. “It’s technically May twenty-second,” he said, gesturing to the faint glow of sunlight that was radiating around the curtains. “Happy birthday.”

Epilogue

5 Years Later

“We really need to go see Dawnie soon,” Buffy said as she and Spike walked through one of the cemeteries in downtown Los Angeles, hand in hand.

“I know, luv. We’ll go back to Sunnyhell soon.”

Buffy and Spike were now living in the Hyperion with Cordelia and a newly human Angel. After averting, yet another, apocalypse two years before, Angel had finally been rewarded with the Shanshu prophecy. He and Cordelia were still helping to fight the good fight, but Buffy and Spike tried to patrol every night, wanting to give the two of them a break from fighting so often.

Connor had graduated from Yale and was a successful lawyer. Working at Wolfram and Hart and trying to turn the place around from the inside. Xander and Anya made it a point to visit once a year, and Giles tried to come back for Christmas each year. Willow and Tara had moved to San Francisco, and all made an effort to get together at least once a month.

Coming to a stop, Spike turned and lifted Buffy up onto a tombstone before slipping between her legs, resting his hands on her thighs he leaned forward, capturing her lips in a tender kiss as her hands came up to wrap around his neck. Pulling away after a moment, Spike looked deeply into her eyes. The green looked almost charcoal in the moonlight, and he found himself mesmerized with the color.

Buffy still looked the way she had five years ago. Her hair was longer, and she had lost a little weight as a result of so many nights patrolling and ‘working out’ with Spike, but she was still the Buffy he had fallen in love with.

Now, as he ran his fingers through her long hair, Spike took a deep breath as he looked at her. “I still can’t believe you want to be with me,” he murmured, watching as the strands fell from his fingertips to land on her shoulders.

“Of course I want to be with you, silly,” she said with a smile as Spike looked at her thoughtfully. “Spike, you looked after my sister after I died. You’ve been there for me every step of the way, and you were willing to die to save me. That, in my book, makes you one of a kind.”

Spike smiled as he tilted his head to study her. “I don’t think I’m the ‘one of a kind’ person in this relationship, luv.”

“That’s a matter of opinion,” Buffy said, grabbing the collar of his duster to pull him toward her again.

“Is that right?” Spike asked softly, a smile spreading on his face as he gently teased her, brushing his lips against hers but never giving her full contact.

“Yes,” Buffy replied with her own smile. “That’s right.”

Buffy jerked Spike forward, capturing his lips with hers as his arms wrapped around her body, practically melting together as they completed each other.

~Fin~