Jade

By Saffire

Part 1

It’s big. That’s the first thing I notice. It’s big and bright and everything that I just know I’ll hate. I stare at the high school looming outside the car window and feel shivers running down my spine. I don’t like it here. I’m not even inside yet and I’m sure that I’m going to hate it.

"I don’t wanna go."

"I’m sure you’ll be fine." His voice is gruff and I don’t think he even tried to make it sound reassuring. He’s probably still drunk. Stupid son of a bitch. He only took me in to get the check from Social Services. Like he gives a damn about me.

I turn in the seat to face him. "How am I gonna get home? Are you gonna pick me up?"

<Grunt.> Was that an answer? I open my mouth to spout out some of my typical witticism but I remember where that got me last time. The bruise hasn’t healed yet. Damn him. I’m tough! I’ve lived most of my adolescent years shuffled from foster home to foster home and I’ve never taken shit from anybody! But he’s different. Something about him makes me all weak and obedient.

I grab my bookbag and hop out of the truck, wincing as the bag bounces against the angry bruise on my shoulder. The truck takes off without warning before I even take a step away from it. Damn him. With a deep breath I walk up the steps to Sunnydale High. Somebody was on some serious crack when they named this town.

I hear they just rebuilt this place. It got like, blown up or something a few years ago and this is it’s first day back in use. I walk through the big doors (everything about this place is big) and through the crowded halls. Ugh…I knew I’d hate it. Everyone in here looks like a casting call for a Britney Spears music video. Some of the guys are kind of cute though…in a shallow everyone-looks-the-same kind of way.

As I make my way to my first class, I notice some of the guys looking at me. Oh yea, I know I’m hot. Eat it up, baby. Yea. A little bit more swagger in my step…a little swing of the hips…chest stuck out a bit more…devilish smile…mysterious eyes…oh yea, I’m good. They’re drooling. I’m gonna suck each and every one of these little boys dry.

A smile forms across my face. I’m in my element. This is me. The real me. Jade the randy sex kitten. Tough. Heartless. Chew ‘em up and spit ‘em out. The unease I’d felt earlier seems to wash away along with my feelings of weakness in regards to my new guardian. I’m fairly certain now that when I get home, I’ll be able to stand up to him. Confidence. That’s the key. If you think you’re hot stuff, if you think you’re a bad ass, then other people will, too.

I reach my first class just before the bell rings and I hurry to grab a seat at the back of the classroom. The other students rush to take their seats also and the teacher enters the classroom, closing the door behind him. He looks fairly young for a teacher. Maybe only twenty-five or so. Oh and did I mention, hot? I can hear several of the girls around me giggling amongst themselves. Schoolgirl infatuations. Cute really. But I see this as a real possibility. He looks like he’d be a good ride. I smile impishly to myself as I imagine all the things I’d love to shock him with.

But I know this game. Sadly, teachers are off limits. I learned that the hard way. So as much as I’d like to jump him right then and there, I resign myself to only petty flirtations with him for the rest of the year. Hey, a girl’s gotta have a little fun right?

"Hey guys, my name is Mr. Taylor and this is tenth grade English. Everyone take a look at your schedules and make sure you’re in the right place." He pauses and runs a hand through his sandy blonde hair. Then when he’s certain that everyone’s where they’re supposed to be, he begins class. And other than watching him strut around the room, it’s boring as hell. Tedious crap that’s frankly just common sense. English class always is. Of course, I’ve always been good at English. Science, on the other hand is another matter.

I sit at my lab table in my second class of the day- Biology. At least the first day is mostly taken up with safety procedures and the issuing of the books. "Also during the year we’ll be dissecting fetal pigs…" I hear the teacher announce. Fetal pigs? What the hell happened to frogs? I thought frogs were standard procedure. Every TV show that deals in any way with school always has the episode about frog dissections and the self-righteous environmentalist kid that is morally against it and sets the little amphibians free. I had hopes of one day being that self-righteous environmentalist kid. Or at least pretending to so that I could get out of the assignment.

"Eww. Fetal pigs? What’s the deal with the fetal pigs? Where’re the frogs?" Apparently my lab partner echoes my sentiments.

"I dunno. Apparently murdering Kermit wasn’t educational enough. Now we have to dissect the corpses of Miss Piggy’s unborn offspring." I quip. The brown haired girl beside me giggles.

"OK, now that you put it that way it’s way more disturbing than I originally thought. I’m Dawn Summers, by the way." she introduces herself.

"Jade Motley."

"Hey, aren’t you in my first period, too? English 10 with Mr. Taylor?"

"Yeah."

"Isn’t he just so incredibly hot?" she gushes. I chuckle and nod in agreement. Another cute schoolgirl crush. Dawn sighs. "What I wouldn’t give to get my hands on that nice tight little ass…"

Maybe not. I grin at her. "Well I’m an arm and chest person myself. But his ass was pretty tight and totally grab-worthy."

The bell rings and everyone slowly shuffles out the door, still groggy from the shock of an early morning after the long nights of summer vacation. The day progresses uneventfully. I eat lunch with Dawn and find that, although a bit naive and girlish, she’s actually pretty cool. I may have made a friend. Yey me.

*****

I guess that grunt meant ‘no’. Great. Now I’m supposed to walk home in these four-inch heels? Mental note: sneakers a must from now on. It’s funny I don’t even have to ponder whether this is going to be a regular event. I know it will be. Social Services really sucks if they can’t figure out that Roger is a alcoholic creep.

I sigh and I resign myself to walking home, figuring it’ll be dark by the time I get there since it is several miles away and I’ve already wasted over an hour waiting for him to show up. This is evident by the cigarette butts laying on the ground below my feet. I extinguish my current smoke and just as I hop down off the railing I’d been perched on I hear someone calling my name. Dawn’s running over to me.

"Jade!"

"Hey, what’s up?"

"Do you want a ride?"

"Yea. That’d be great. I mean…if it isn’t any trouble."

"No trouble! It’s not safe to walk around this late. This town’s kinda…dangerous." Dawn says cryptically. "Come on, Spike’s kinda impatient. He gets cranky if he’s kept waiting."

"Spike?" I ask in curiosity at the unusual name. She leads me over to a decrepit looking black car with blacked out windows. I can hear loud obnoxious punk rock music blaring from inside. How cool is this?

"He’s a…friend of the family." Dawn explains.

"Is he cool with giving me a ride?"

"Yea. I already cleared it with him. Here," she says, pushing me towards the passenger side door. "sit up front so you can give him directions to your house." I open the door and toss my bookbag into the floorboard as Dawn climbs into the back of the car. Then I slip inside, not minding my black skirt riding up as I sink into the low seat.

Oh. My. God. Holy hottie, batman! I think this is what it feels like to be hit by the proverbial ton of bricks. Spike- whom I’d suspected to be a large, bearded Harley Davidson enthusiast- is in fact possibly the hottest thing on two legs that I’ve ever seen. He’s smoking a cigarette, ever so casually while his eyes- which are oh-so-intensely blue- are giving me a long look-over.

I smile my trademark devilish grin and cross my long legs, making my skirt ride up even more. He’s still inspecting me and from my viewpoint he’s liking everything he sees. And I, in turn, like everything I see. From the peroxide white hair to the scarred eyebrow to the baby blues to the drool-worthy chiseled pieces of art that are his cheekbones. And don’t even get me started on the coat. One word- leather. Yea, baby.

"Hi, I’m Jade." I say with a smirk.

"Yea…I got that." Holy shit he’s British. He turns his attention to starting the car, leaving me somewhat disappointed. "So where’s your house?"

"457 Baker Street. It’s-"

"That’s just a few blocks from where I live!" Dawn exclaims excitedly from the back seat. "I live on Revello!"

"Cool." I say, trying to sound enthusiastic. Don’t get me wrong- it’s not that I don’t like Dawn. She’s cool. And being at such easy distance no doubt we’ll be hanging out at each other’s house. Or I’ll be over at her house at least. There’s no way I’m letting any of the friends that I may make within ten feet of Roger. "We’ll have to hang out." I say, purposefully not saying which house we’d be hanging out in.

From the looks of her, I’d say Dawn’s your typical American teenager. Probably has a nice two-story house with a van in the driveway, a loving father and mother, maybe a brother or sister, and a dog. Very wholesome Leave-It-to-Beaver sort of life. But then I look at Spike and I have to wonder about that assumption.

"Spike, your music sucks." Dawn calls from the back seat after we’ve been riding for a few minutes.

"What was that? I didn’t hear you." he responds as he turns the volume up. I can’t help but chuckle.

Soon we pull over to the curb and through the little space in the window that’s not blacked out I can see that we’re in front of a two-story house that’s just oozing with coziness. Dawn begins to gather her things and Spike turns down the radio. "You need a ride again tomorrow, bit?" he asks.

"Yea. We’ll probably make this a habit unless someone starts trusting me to walk home by myself."

"It’s for your own good. Lots of nasty…muggers out and about at night." He says and I notice how his eyes cut over to me as he says ‘muggers’. OOKKAAYY.

"Bye Spike. Bye Jade, see you tomorrow!" I wave a little goodbye as she ducks out of the car.

"Why are the windows blacked out?" I ask as we pull away from the curb.

"I have sun allergy." He explains simply.

"So you like…never go out in the sun?"

"Nope."

"Well that explains the paleness." I mumble under my breath. He gives me a sideways glance. Did he hear that? There’s no way he heard that!

"So you just moved to Sunnydale?"

"Um…yea. How’d you know?"

"Dawn told me." He’s silent for a while. "You know…this town’s dangerous. It may seem like a quiet little burgh but…it’s dangerous. I wouldn’t recommend going out at night alone. And don’t invite anybody in…no matter how normal they look."

"OK…I’m starting to feel like I’m in a really bad horror movie now." I say. Spike chuckles. "Is that funny?"

"Not at all." He glances over at me as he takes another puff from his cigarette.

"Can I have one?"

"Like hell."

"Hey! Come on! I’m out!" I exclaim, pulling out the empty pack from my bookbag as evidence.

"How old are you?"

"Sixteen."

"You shouldn’t be smoking. It’ll kill you. It gives you bad breath and makes you look old before your time." He says, wagging his fingers at me. That would be a lot more convincing if he wasn’t holding his cigarette between those fingers. I arch an eyebrow at him and he chuckles. "Hey, at least I can say I gave you the ‘smoking is evil’ speech."

He reaches inside his duster and I see an opportunity. "No, I’ll get them." I say with a grin as I reach across his chest. "You need to concentrate on the road." He gives me a slightly amused look and I fumble around to find the pocket on the inside of his coat. I finally produce the cigarettes and pull one out before replacing the pack. "Light?"

"Left jeans pocket." He says and there’s a challenge in his voice. Sounds like he’s testing me. I’ve had guys do that to me before. They think I’m just a little girl trying to play grown up. Like I don’t know what I’m doing. I grin at him, keeping my eyes focused on his as my hand slides over his right thigh and between his legs, just barely grazing his crotch, then up over his left thigh. I slip two fingers into the pocket. It takes some digging to retrieve the lighter and the friction my palm is making against his crotch has got him hardening already.

Yea baby, I’m bad. Spike’s looking at me with those eyes- surprise, intrigue, and lust all glowing behind the bright blue orbs. I wonder idly how he can drive without looking at the road. With a short chuckle I pull out the lighter, making sure to graze his crotch as I pull back. I light my cigarette and go to replace the lighter.

As I do he tenses in anticipation. But I merely grin evilly and place the lighter in his duster pocket with the pack of cigarettes. He practically groans. "This is it." I say, motioning to the next house we’re coming to. He stops at the curb and I’ve got the door open when he grabs my wrist. Cold hands.

"If you need a ride tomorrow…"

"I will. Definitely."

"See you then."

I merely smile at him and close the car door. That was fun.

Part 2

I pull up outside the school the next day. It’s overcast, so I can roll down the window fairly safely to look for Dawn and Jade. They’re already hurrying towards the Desoto. Nibblet looks right brassed off while Jade’s face seems calmly indifferent.

They climb into the car and again I notice Jade’s skirt riding up. She doesn’t seem to care. Silly little chit. The girl practically screams jailbait. Little does she know, I’m evil and have no qualms about fucking a sixteen year old school girl. Although if I look in her eyes I get the feeling that she’s not the innocent Lolita I think she is- she knows exactly what she’s doing and would have no qualms about being fucked by me.

Dawn sighs loudly in the back seat, pulling me from my thoughts. "What’s wrong, munchkin?" I ask.

"Spike, if you were my big brother and therefore my legal guardian would you let me go to a party Friday night?"

"What kind of party?"

"Mary Ann Foster’s ‘First Week of School’ party."

"And might there be boys at this party?"

"Yes."

"No. Absolutely not."

"Why not?" she demands indignantly.

"You needn’t be exposed to the walking hormones that are teenage boys any more than you have to be. As a matter of fact, if I were your big brother and therefore legal guardian, I’d have you in a nice safe convent by now."

"Spike!"

I ignore her appalled exclamation. "So let me guess, big sis said no, too, eh?" I see her nod in the rearview mirror.

"It’s not fair! Brad Thomas is gonna be there! And if I don’t show it’ll make me look like the biggest loser of all the losers! Anyone who’s anyone is going!"

"I’m not going." Jade chimes in.

"Why not? Did your mom say no?"

The blonde is silent for a moment before she says bitterly, "I don’t have a mom. I have a Roger. And he could care less where I go or what I do as long as I smile nicely for the idiots at Social Services. No, I’m not going because of the colossal waste of time it is. I can get drunk at places a lot more fun than Mary Ann Foster’s ‘First Week of School’ party."

Dawn sits dumbstruck in the back seat. "You don’t have a mom?" she asks softly.

Jade stares straight ahead and it’s impossible to tell what she’s thinking. But all at once that cool indifferent face looks incredibly vulnerable- looks a little more human. Damn it. I’m starting to see her as a person. So much for no qualms about fucking her.

Finally she speaks. "No…I don’t have a mom." Pause. "She’s dead."

Dawn lays a hand on her friend’s shoulder. "Mine too."

Suddenly I feel like I’m intruding on a moment. These two girls- seemingly so different- share a painful bond- grief. I fumble in my pocket for a fag. I light one up and offer one to Jade. She accepts it and looks at me with big green eyes that silently thank me for the small gesture.

Any and all sexual tension between us is broken. I can feel it. By merely being present at this sort of moment I’ve been crossed off her list. Obviously she likes her guys somewhat distanced from her life. I’ve seen the type a billion times before.

I glance at her through the corner of my eye and see her puffing away on the cigarette. Although the cool façade is back, I can still see just a hint of that vulnerability in her pretty face. Poor kid. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to tell she’s had it rough.

"Can I have a cigarette?" Dawn’s voice interrupts my thoughts.

"Of course not."

"But you gave one to Jade!"

"Jade already smokes. And Jade doesn’t have an older sister who’d happily decapitate me if I let her lil’ sis have a fag." I explain patiently.

"That’s a horrible name for smokes." She taps Jade on the shoulder and nods toward the smoking cigarette between her fingers. "Can I?"

"Knock yourself out." Jade hands her the cigarette and I hear a large intake of breath followed by hacking gasping noises. Dawn hands the fag back to a chuckling Jade. She doesn’t ask for a cigarette again.

*****

"Dawn! Psst! Dawn!" I’m calling up at her window and I don’t dare throw a rock against the glass cause with my luck the whole damn window would shatter and all would be for naught. Finally after a few minutes the window slides up and Dawn peers down at me.

"Jade? What are you doing here? Do you know what time it is?"

"One in the morning. Hey, you wanna go to a party?"

"Mary Ann’s party is over by now."

"Not that! A real party!"

"I’m not dressed. I’d have to pick out something and…"

I hold up my backpack. "All taken care of. Come on down."

She looks like she’s thinking it over and finally she climbs out the window and down the trellis with the ease of someone with a lot of experience doing that. With a soft thud she lands on the ground and turns to me. "If I get in trouble-"

"Then it’ll have been worth it. Nice pajamas." I quip.

She looks down offendedly at the pink and white polka-dotted pjs. But she doesn’t comment. Instead she asks, "So what clothes did you bring me?"

I dig around in the bag and finally produce the garments I’d selected for her. We’re roughly the same size so I’m sure they’ll fit her. Dawn eyes the brown leather pants and black halter. They’re a contrast to my black leather mini and red halter. I’ve also brought a leather jacket for her since there’s a chill in the September air. It’s loose fitting and falls to the waist, where as my leather is form fitting and falls just above my knees between the edge of my skirt and top of my boots.

"Do you have a place you can change real quick?"

Dawn thinks a moment. "I guess the only option other than going inside- where I’ll be caught, by the way- is to change behind a bush or something. Here, follow me."

She leads me into her back yard to a cluster of high bushes. Ducking behind them quickly, she strips out of her pjs and they’re tossed to me over the bush. I hand her the clothes I brought and within minutes she’s stepping hesitantly from behind the hedge. "I dunno…" she says, looking down at herself. "It’s just not me."

"Well you can’t be you where we’re going. They’ll chew you up and spit you out. Come here…" I say, pulling out my tube of black eye liner. She obeys and I carefully line her eyes like my own- dark and thick. Then I apply some mascara, dark red lipstick and we’re set.

"We look like hookers." She says.

"That’s the idea." I start walking and she runs to catch up.

"We’re gonna be hookers?"

"No. We’re gonna look like hookers. Don’t worry, girlie, your virtue will remain intact if you deem it so. We’re just gonna have a little fun. But you can’t have fun where we’re going if you’re wearing Hello, Kitty pajamas."

"Where are we going?"

"Little place outside town. It’s fun. I went there last weekend." We walk to the bus stop and take a seat on the bench. I probably shouldn’t be taking her to this place. It’s not exactly a Bible study. I glance over at her and she’s looking around us nervously. "Relax, chica."

"Jade…we shouldn’t be out here. It’s dangerous."

Ugh. What is it with these people? You’d think we were a couple of Jews dodging the Gestapo. I sigh. "Let me guess…muggers? Listen, I’ve lived in New York. I can handle myself." I grin. "I’ll protect you."

She doesn’t smile back. "This is serious. This town…it’s different…"

Before she can finish, the bus pulls up to the stop and I jump up and board with Dawn close behind. The bus is dirty and smells like vomit poorly covered with aerosol spray. There’s fluorescent lighting, probably making me look down right demonic with my pale skin and dark make-up. I plop down on a hard seat and Dawn scoots in beside me. We have the bus to ourselves except for the driver.

The ride is silent. I think Dawn’s debating telling me something cause she keeps turning to me as if she’s going to say something but then she just turns away with this torn look on her face. I don’t comment on this and after a while I just look out the window at the bare streets.

The bus finally comes to a halt about a block from our destination. We walk in silence to the bar and when Dawn sets her eyes on the seedy building, her pace slows a bit. "It’s OK." I assure her. We approach the door and the bouncer- whom I got to know last Friday night- conveniently looks aside as we enter.

Dawn sticks close to me as she eyes the smoky room. It’s full of people at tables and at the bar and on the dance floor. Harsh, loud rock music is pouring from two large speakers on either side of a small catwalk. She looks at me questioningly when she sees the catwalk with its golden pole in the middle. "It’s a strip club six nights a week." I explain, having to shout to be heard over the deafening song.

I can’t hear it but I see her mouth form a small ‘o’. Her eyes are wide and she’s obviously very tense. A few drinks and some hotties should cure that. Let’s get this party started.

*****

What in the bloody hell is Nibblet thinking? I can understand Jade’s stupidity- she doesn’t know any better. But Dawn! Dawn’s the slayer’s little sister! She of all people should know better than to go out in Sunnydale at night! Bloody sodding idiotic chit!

I watched from behind the tree in the Summers’ front yard as Jade called up to Dawn from the lawn. Then when lil’ bit appeared, I listened to their conversation and watched as she climbed out of her window. They went around back and then came out again- this time with Dawn dressed like a regular whore. That nearly sent me off right there. I’ve come to expect that from Jade over the week that I’ve known her. But Dawn’s different, dammit. Technically speaking, she’s only three years old.

I followed them to the bus stop and watched them board, then hopped easily onto the back of the bus and rode precariously with them until they got off. And then I followed them here. Of all the places in Sunnydale- leave it to Jade to find the seediest.

A little flash of the game face and I’m past the bouncer and in the bar. Well, they certainly made themselves right at home right quick. Jade and Dawn are standing by a booth of four guys that can obviously drink the beer in their hands legally- unlike the girls. But that doesn’t seem to have stopped them as they already have two frosty bottles in their hands.

I stick to the shadows, watching as Jade leans over the table- obviously showing off her cleavage- what little she has. The guys’ eyes all follow the path from her neck to the gaping top of her shirt. She smiles sweetly and says something and immediately the men scoot apart in the booth so that Jade can squeeze in between the two of them. Dawn takes a huge gulp of beer and follows the blonde’s lead. I sneak a bit closer and suddenly I become aware of the fact that there are only two heartbeats at that table. Dammit.

Part 3

What incredible luck! Fresh hotties, just itching for some fun! Yey! Dawn’s loosened up- the many advantages of lots and lots of beer. I think she’s had seven bottles already. The girl can’t hold her liquor. She giggling like an idiot at the two guys on either side of her but they seem to be eating it up. They’re smiling and laughing even as Dawn slams her bottle onto the table- sending beer splashing everywhere and the three of them into fits of laughter.

"Jade! Where’s Jade?" She looks around wildly before finding me directly across from her. "There you are!" She rests her elbow on the table and wags a finger at me. "I want to thank you…for…for?" She frowns then beams as if she’s made a magnificent discovery. "For bringing me here! Thank you!"

"No problem, honey, anytime." I smile at her as I finish another drink. Then I turn my attention back to the two guys beside me. One has his hand discreetly behind my back, planted on my ass. The other is more open- running his hand along my arm, up to my shoulder and over my neck where his hand is replaced by his mouth.

Both of their hands are cold and when I feel a cool tongue against my skin I jump slightly in surprise. But I forget the oddity as I close my eyes and roll my head to the side to give him better access. Vaguely I register the sounds of the bar around me- the blaring music, the clink of glasses, the chatter of the crowd, feet shuffling on the dance floor, Dawn’s guys talking and laughing, and Dawn giggling.

But then there’s a pair of cool lips against my own and then a cool tongue slides into my mouth. I can still feel a tongue running along my neck and now there’s a hand gently massaging my breast under my shirt. I’m dizzy as another hand runs along my thigh, under my skirt, and then two fingers make their way past my silky thong.

They start to do their work- delving inside me and rubbing my clit. I moan then but the sound is lost in the noise of the bar. I’m writhing in my seat, spreading my legs open as far as the cramped space will allow. Suddenly I feel cold air at my throat and then there’s two pairs of lips on mine. A second hand joins the first under my skirt and fingers my clit as the other’s fingers push in and out of me. I can feel the pressure building up as they work harder and faster.

Then I’m falling over the edge with a cry that is lost in the blaring music. My head snaps back, my hips buck up, and my knee comes up against the table. It teeters dangerously for a moment before righting itself. I look between the two men and laugh. They’re both grinning like Cheshire cats that just ate a canary as they lick their fingers clean. I grab one by the collar and pull him out of the booth. I turn back to the other. "You’re next." I say and start to pull the first guy away.

But before we go Dawn looks up from her place on the red head guy’s lap- when did she get there?- and looks at me in puzzlement. "Where are you going?" she asks in her slurred speech.

"Just to have a little fun. I’ll be back soon." Then I wink at the man I left in the booth and we head towards the back door.

*****

Bloody fucking hell! Does the chit have a deathwish? All right, in all fairness she doesn’t know that they’re vampires. That was quite obvious from that display just now. Shit…right in the middle of a bar…in front of Dawn…the girl’s obviously a little trollop and a horrible influence on the lil’ bit. I should just let that vamp drain her dry. I’ll just grab Dawn and get the hell out of here. This has gone on long enough. Jade can deal with her own consequences. So why am I going to save her?

I push my way through the crowd to the big metal door that leads to the alley behind the bar. Opening it and glancing around, I ignore the growing hardness in my jeans as I see them going at it against a wall. Jade’s eyes are closed and she’s moaning loudly with each thrust the vampire makes.

She’s on the brink of coming- I can sense it and so can the vampire holding her in his arms. He vamps out and just as her orgasm’s crashing down on her, he sinks his fangs into her neck. She gasps and her eyes fly open but there’s no pain in them- only intense pleasure.

But it’s short lived as the vampire explodes to dust under my stake. With a cry, Jade slumps against the wall- gasping for breath. She looks up at me- her eyes dazed and confused. "W-what…" She doesn’t finish. Her hand finds the twin puncture wounds on her neck and she pulls it away, looking curiously at her blood stained hands. Slowly she sinks down to the ground.

"That’s why it’s not safe to go out at night in this town." I growl.

She doesn’t respond immediately. Her eyes are fixed on the crimson dripping from her hands. "V-vampire…" Suddenly her eyes are filled with tears. "Oh my God…"

I soften a bit- I’m such a poofter- and squat down to look her in the eye. "Come on, pet. We’ve got to go. Dawn’s still inside with three other vamps."

"Dawn…" Jade’s voice is distant. "Shit, Dawn!" She jumps up, dashing past me and runs into the bar. I follow close behind. In no time she’s back at the table and pulling Dawn from the grasps of the other three vampires.

"We have to leave, now!" she screams.

"What’s the rush? We’re just getting this party started." A redhead vamp says. He gazes at the blood dripping from Jade’s neck and grins, shifting into game face.

"I think the party is over." I say, stepping behind the girls and growling protectively. Wisely, the fledging recognizes my seniority and backs off, motioning for the others to follow his lead.

Jade is already dragging a protesting Dawn to the exit. They’re out the door and on the curb when I reach them. Jade’s sitting on the sidewalk with her head in her hands and Dawn is close to passing out next to her. I sit down beside them and hand Jade a stake.

"It’d be wise to keep one of those on you at all times." I say as she takes it from me. "And don’t ever pull a stunt like this again. You wanna get yourself killed- don’t take Dawn along with you."

"I was just having some fun…I didn’t know." Jade says as she fingers the stake in her hands.

"We warned you enough."

"I thought-" She sighs and shakes her head. "I thought you were all just really over protective. I never imagined…"

"Well now you know."

"H-how did you find us?"

"I followed you."

Her eyes go wide. "The whole time…"

I chuckle. "That was quite a show you put on in there. Impressive, to say the least."

"Oh God…they were vampires."

I frown. "I thought we established that, love."

"Oh God…they were vampires! And I…at the table…and the alley…Oh God. Ew! I did it with a dead guy!" I take offense- though Jade obviously doesn’t know that I’m a ‘dead guy’ myself. "That makes me like…a necrophiliac! Ew!"

I remain silent but can’t help but chuckle as she shudders and pulls a face like she just ate a sour lemon. Just then, Dawn groans and slumps over, spilling the contents of her stomach into the street. Jade shakes her head at her friend. "Girl can’t hold her liquor."

"And for that, I’m glad. Maybe the hangover she’ll have tomorrow morning will convince her never to do this sort of thing again." I say as I rise to my feet. "Let’s get her home." I pick Dawn up and she groans loudly. "If she pukes on me, you’re bloody well buying me a new shirt."

Jade chuckles. "I should buy you a new shirt anyway." I ignore her statement and we start walking. "Tell me, do you own just a bunch of the same shirt or is this your only one?"

"Don’t try me, girl."

Part 4

As my eyes slowly flutter open I’m caught unawares by the harsh sunlight that bathes my room. The brightness intensifies the dull ache behind my eyes and my hand fumbles around the bedside table for my bottle of Advil. My fingers come in contact with the cool plastic of the bottle and I quickly pop off the cap, dropping two pills into my hand. Without water I swallow them and turn over onto my back, waiting for the pain to go away.

I wonder how Dawn’s doing this morning. Spike graciously opted not to tell her sister about our little excursion- but only under threat of severe physical pain if we ever pulled something like that again. So I imagine that Dawn’s trying to conceal her hangover by now. I honestly hope she pulls it off. It’d suck if she was banned from hanging out with me or something. I’ve had that happen with friends before. You’d think I’d learn my lesson.

After Spike dropped Dawn off- literally carried her up to her room and dropped her unceremoniously onto her bed without so much as another word- he escorted me home. He’s a sweetie- that one. Almost makes me feel bad about playing him that first day. Almost.

Suddenly I hear my door open. "Well, did you have fun last night?" a bitter voice asks.

Shit. This is all I need right now. "Go away." I mumble, rolling over and hiding my head under my pillow.

OK, that was sooo the wrong thing to say. Cold air washes over my body as Roger tears my blankets away from me. Thank God I had the sense to actually change into some shorts and a T-shirt before collapsing onto my bed last night. Next the pillow is yanked off of my head and a callused hand is firmly clutching my arm, jerking me harshly upwards. "Don’t you talk to me that way!" he shouts angrily.

I stare wide-eyed at him, suddenly feeling like a small child. I hate him so much. I hate that he can do that to me- that with one look or one angry word he can reduce me to a meek little girl. "I-I’m sorry." I mumble. My heart is racing in my chest as I prepare for the blow I know is to come.

"You need to learn some respect, girl!" And there it is- right in my gut.

I double over, clutching my aching stomach. Bile rises in my throat and I choke it back with a gasp. He doesn’t look like much, but he packs one hell of a punch. Dammit, I can feel hot tears welling up in my eyes. I don’t cry. I never cry. No, no, no!

"What are you crying for, bitch?" he screams.

I shake my head, unable to speak because of the lump in my throat and unwanted tears roll down my face. He grumbles and pushes me away from him before storming out of my room. I hear my door slam behind him and the room shakes with the force of it. Bastard. I should kick his ass. I’m tougher than this. I survived a vampire attack last night! I can take this! But all I do is curl up on my bed and cry.

*****

I ring the doorbell of the Summers’ home. My headache has cleared up- or maybe it’s just the effect of the Advil. That stuff works miracles. Anyway, I decided to come over and check on how Dawn’s holding up. And I brought her some Advil, too, just in case.

The door swings open and there’s a redheaded woman staring at me expectantly. "Can I help you?" she asks.

"I’m Jade…Dawn’s friend."

"Oh! Of course!" She steps aside for me to come in. I do and find myself in a cozy hall. There’s a staircase in front of me, a doorway leading to a dining room to my right and a living room to my left. All very cozy. I think I like it, though. "I’m Willow." The woman introduces herself.

I call upon manners I haven’t used in quite a while. "Nice to meet you. Is Dawn around?"

"Yeah. She’s upstairs in her room. But she’s not feeling very well at the moment."

I pull my best surprised face. "Oh…well, I’ll come back later if-"

"No, no. I’ll go check on her and see if she feels like company. She’s been cooped up in her room all day and she’s probably bored stiff. Make yourself at home."

Willow disappears up the stairs. I take the opportunity to look around a bit. I make my way into the living room, glancing at a few pictures on the mantle- a woman with dark blonde hair smiling softly, another younger woman laughing with Willow and a dark haired boy I don’t recognize. Then I hear Willow call me from the top of the stairs. "Jade? You can come on up." I abandon the pictures and hurry up the stairs. The redhead is standing on the landing and motions me to follow her down the hall to an open door.

"Hey." I wave at Dawn from the doorway of her room and she smiles meekly at me.

"I’ll leave you two, to it." Willow says, leaving gracefully. I walk into the room and close the door behind me.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like several tons of bricks fell on me." Dawn groans.

"Sorry. I shouldn’t have taken you to that place." I say as I take a seat at the foot of the bed.

"No, no. I don’t remember much but…I think I had fun."

I chuckle. "Yeah…I should say you did. You were giggling like a maniac the whole time."

"Ugh. I was?"

I nod. "But don’t feel bad, I think the guys were digging it. Or…they could’ve just been hungry."

"Huh?"

"Geez, you really don’t remember do you?"

"I remember beer…and beer."

I sigh and finger a loose thread on her blankets. "They were vampires…"

"What?" she screeches, shooting up in bed. Then her hand grips her head and she lays back against the pillows. Composing herself she stares at me, a hundred questions passing over her face. "How did you…"

"I…uh…I kind of did it with one…in the alley behind the bar." I ignore her shocked gasp and continue. "I didn’t know…but he bit me," I pull down the neck of my turtleneck to reveal the twin puncture wounds. "and just when he did…poof."

"Poof?"

"Spike staked him."

"Spike?" she screams. Again she holds her head for a few seconds, waiting for the pain to go away, no doubt.

"Yeah. He followed us. He saved my life." The seriousness and gravity of it all suddenly hits me.

"So let me get this straight," Dawn begins. "Spike followed us to the bar, caught you in an alley getting it on with one of the undead, and staked him? Then what?"

"Well after I realized what had just happened, we ran inside, got you, and left. Spike left you in your room. He promised not to tell your sister. But he said that he’d kill us himself if we ever did that again."

"Figures." She mutters. "He’s all talk. He can’t do anything."

I shrug. "Well…I just figured I’d come by and see how you were. Make sure you’re still alive and all." I stand up.

"You’re leaving?"

"Yeah, I gotta hit it. I have some neglected homework to get to. I’ll see you on Monday?"

She nods. "Yeah."

*****

When I left Dawn’s house, I didn’t feel like going home. So I’m wandering the streets of Sunnydale aimlessly, just contemplating the events of last night. Vampires. Holy shit. I understand why Spike and Dawn didn’t tell me. If they had, I probably would’ve laughed in their faces. But after last night, there’s no denying it. I’ve always been one that reality tended to come up and smack in the face. That’s probably why I drink and party as much as I do.

But I keep wondering, what if Spike hadn’t showed up? What if that vampire had killed me? Would I have turned into a vampire myself? How does that work exactly? And would it actually have been a bad thing? I honestly don’t know. What’s it like to be a vampire? Are they immortal like on TV? Do they age? Is it like Anne Rice- all tortured and painful?

The vampires last night didn’t seem very tortured. In ‘Interview with the Vampire’, Lestat didn’t seem tortured, but Louis did. I kind of liked Lestat though. He was cooler than Louis. Louis was whiny. But he was like, so much hotter. If only Brad Pitt had played Lestat- that’d have been perfect…

I shake my head as my thoughts wander and finally approach the thought that had been nagging me all day. That with those vampires last night- it was better than I’d ever had. I don’t know if it was the chills they sent down my spine with their cold fingers and tongues and…other things. Or if it was their experience- perhaps acquired over centuries. Or maybe…it was the bite.

I’d never experienced anything like that in my whole life. It was amazing. No, more than amazing. Mind-blowing, wondrous, awe-inspiring! I shudder with equal parts excitement and censure. This is sick. They’re dead! Dead people! That’s why they were so cold! They feed off the blood of the living! That’s why he bit me! And he would have happily killed me right there if it hadn’t been for Spike. I sigh. I don’t know whether to thank him or hate him for that.

Well, speak of the devil. "Do I have to knock you over the head to get it through to you that walking out here after dark is dangerous?" Spike asks from where he stands a few feet in front of me.

I stop walking and glance around me. Somehow, it’s gotten dark and somehow, I’ve ended up by a cemetery. Well, no surprise there. There’re like…twenty in this town. I frown as the reason for that dawns on me. "I didn’t realize it’d gotten dark. I was just out for a walk."

He takes a few steps towards me. "Well, there’s lots of better times and places for a walk."

"It was light when I left Dawn’s house."

"Yeah, well it’s dark now. You’d best head on home before you’re a tasty snack for some fledgling."

I tilt my head at him curiously. "Fledgling?"

"Newly risen vampire." He looks at me thoughtfully. "You don’t know much about vamps do you?"

I shake my head ‘no’. "Unless it’s anything like in books or on TV. Do you know much about them?"

He chuckles, smirking at me as if I’ve said something incredibly stupid. "Yeah…I know a thing or two." I stand, waiting expectantly for him to enlighten me but he just studies me for a long moment and asks, "What are you doing out here?"

"I told you. I’m out for a walk." He looks a bit skeptical so I elaborate. "Not that it’s any of your business- but I had some thinking to do."

"Anything the matter?"

I look down at the ground, avoiding that damn blue gaze of his. It’s like he can see through me and right now, that’s something I’m not sure I want. Silently, I debate whether I should tell him what I’d been thinking about the vampires. ‘No, nothing’s wrong. I was just thinking how great fucks vampires are.’ Yeah right. I’d sound like a total pervert. So I shake my head. "Nope. Just needed to work some things out."

He nods, but I can tell he’s unconvinced. However he doesn’t comment, merely asks, "You want me to walk you home, then?"

"Yeah. That’d be good."

He steps to my side as I head in the direction of my house. His presence is soothing, like a teddy bear or a security blanket. And am I really comparing this incredibly hot guy to a child’s plaything? When did he go from potential lay to comfortable companion? I shake my head and continue walking.

After a little while I say, "I never thanked you, did I? For what you did last night…you know, saving me and all." He glances over at me but remains silent. "Thanks." I mumble.

"Don’t thank me. I should’ve let him drain you, you know." His voice is light- my guess, to cover his embarrassment. I don’t think he gets thanked very often.

"What would’ve happened if you hadn’t staked him? Would I be a vampire?"

Spike shrugs. "Perhaps. Though most likely not. He probably just would’ve killed you."

"So…just getting bitten doesn’t turn you into a vampire?" I ask, fingering the wounds under my turtleneck.

"No. You have to drink their blood before you die. Then you rise and you’re a vampire."

"How long does it take to rise?"

"Depends. Could be hours. Could be days. That’s why you should watch out around the cemeterys. Vampires tend to get buried sometimes. They’ll rise up from their graves and the first thing on a fledgling’s mind is the kill- the bloodlust. Slayer swats them like flies that way- they’re just so crazed."

"Slayer?"

"Oh. Right. Um…girl who’s ‘chosen’ to kill vampires. Super-strength, girl power, and all that. Pain in the ass, too. Oh, and Nibblet’s sister."

My eyes are wide as I take this in. All I manage is a small, "Oh." and a nod.

"That’s why I was so shocked last night. Dawn knows better than to go out like that at night."

"It was my fault. I pressured her into going. I don’t even know why…she’s not really the party girl type. And that’s a good thing." I add quickly. "I promise- she’s never gonna get caught up in that again. Or not with me, at least. I won’t take her with me ever again."

I’m a few steps ahead when I realize he’s stopped walking. I turn and look at him curiously. Finally, after a long look-over he asks, "You’re going out again?"

"Well…yeah. I mean…I know what to watch for now. It’s not a big deal. I can take a stake with me or something just in case. Don’t look at me like that! You can’t expect me to just stop living my life!"

He snorts. "Oh, you call that living? Getting fingered in the middle of some cheap bar? Banging some stranger in an alley, right in there with the garbage and the rats?" He closes the short distant between us in three long strides and he’s in my face, staring down his nose at me. "That’s not living, little girl. That’s dying- real slow like."

I push him away roughly, fury surging within me. "I’m not a little girl." I say and I’m a little surprised at how menacing my voice sounds. "I’m sixteen years old! I can make my own choices without any help from you!"

"Oh really? Was this your choice then?" He yanks down the neck of my shirt, revealing the two marks there. "I didn’t see you putting up much of a fight when that vamp sank his teeth into your pretty little throat. Liked it didn’t you? Believe me I know how gratifying a vampire’s bite can be. Maybe you’ve been thinking about finding yourself another to give you the high, eh?"

"You know nothing about me!" I shout.

"I know that you’re a hot little tramp who can’t keep her legs closed and gets her jollies whenever and with whoever she chooses. But it gets a little boring doesn’t it? The same routine night after night. Some little schoolboy cumming all over you- inconsiderate of your pleasure. But now you’ve found something new. Something exciting. Something dangerous. Well it’ll get you killed!"

The rage swelling inside me makes my breath shallow. My fists clench and unclench at my sides as I listen to his tirade. Damn him. That presumptuous bastard. But before I can retort with my own outburst, he says, his voice low and even, "You don’t get it. You. Will. Die."

"Maybe that’s not such a bad thing."

Part 5

So what, she’s suicidal now? "You don’t mean that." I say softly.

"Don’t I?" She shakes her head, laughing sardonically. Then she’s suddenly very serious. "You don’t know what it’s like…"

"What what’s like?"

Jade looks down at her feet. "Nothing. I don’t want to talk about this anymore."

"I think you need to."

"And I think I don’t." she says stubbornly.

"This isn’t a game! Dammit, girl!" I find myself shouting. Why am I shouting? Why am I so upset? What do I care if the bitch dies? Cause it’ll hurt Nibblet. That’s why. Yes, that’s why. That’s the only reason.

Jade looks evenly at me. "I can walk myself home." She says coldly before turning on her heel and charging determinedly down the street.

For a few moments I just stand there, thinking over what just happened. Then I follow her home, making sure she’s safe as she climbs through her window.

*****

The Bronze is crowded for a Sunday, I notice as I approach the bar. "Whiskey." I say. The bartender goes to fetch my drink and I drum my fingers anxiously on the bar. "Hey, Spike." A sheepish voice comes from behind me.

I turn to find Dawn standing nervously- her eyes downcast. "Um…Jade told me…what happened the other night. I pretty much couldn’t remember. But…um…I guess I just want to thank you- for everything. For saving us…and for not telling Buffy." She chuckles awkwardly. "Just…thanks."

"Well, have you learned your lesson about the evils of drinking?" I ask. The bartender sits my drink down in front of me.

Nibblet eyes it for a moment before smiling and nodding. "Totally. The hangover- so not worth it." I nod and turn to my drink, expecting her to leave. But still she’s standing there and I look at her inquisitively. "Do you wanna…come hang out with us? Play some pool?"

I’m about to gracefully decline when I spot Jade sitting on the edge of a pool table- eyeing me warily. It’s obvious that she doesn’t want me over there. After last night’s little squabble, I don’t blame her. But her distinct objection does nothing but make me look at Dawn and nod.

"Thanks, Nibblet. I think I’ll take you up on that." She beams and leads me over to the pool table to an icy looking Jade. "Hello." I greet the blonde with an impish smirk and she huffs out a breath and rolls her eyes.

"Are we ready to play some pool?" she asks.

Dawn frowns. "I totally suck at pool. You guys play and I’ll stand by the table saying stuff like ‘nice shot’, like I know what’s going on."

Jade smiles- a bit evilly, I think- and looks at me. "I guess it’s you versus me, then. Ready to get your ass kicked?"

I merely laugh. Silly little chit. I’ve been playing billiards since before her parents were born. I was playing billiards when they still called it billiards. So that shows you just how long I’ve been playing and I’ve gotten quite skilled, I’d like to think. She has no idea what she’s up against. I smirk at her and grab a cue as she sets the balls up.

"Do you wanna break or shall I?" she asks, haughtily.

"Ladies first." Ladies…tramps…same difference.

Jade takes the shot. The balls crack as they bounce off each other and roll wildly about the table before the red solid drops into a pocket. "You’re stripes." She announces as she takes another shot. She doesn’t sink anything this time but she lines up a pretty good shot for her next go.

My eyes survey the table for my best shot. It’s pretty tough, but I can make it. When I sink the targeted ball, Jade’s eyes go wide a bit but she shrugs it off coolly.

The game progresses and mid-way through, Dawn excuses herself to go to the loo. I jump on the opportunity. "Did you mean what you said last night?"

"Which part?"

"That you didn’t think it was a bad thing if you died."

"I don’t know. Maybe." She says distractedly. She’s concentrating on lining up a shot.

"What do you say we make a little wager on this game?" I ask as she sinks the green ball.

"Like what?"

"A dance."

"What?"

"You heard me. If I win, I get one dance with you."

"And if I win?"

I shrug. "What do you want?"

Jade looks thoughtful. "Beer. And smokes. You’ll buy them for me for week."

"Deal."

Needless to say- I win my dance. Jade glares at me, dropping her stick roughly onto the table. "Now, now, love. None of that." I shrug off my duster and extend my hand to her. "It won’t be that bad."

"I’m not expecting it to be bad. I just wanted my smokes, dammit."

I laugh as I lead her onto the dance floor and thankfully, a rather slow song begins. She puts her little arms around my neck as I snake mine around her waist. And we dance.

You've got such a pretty smile.
It's a shame the things you hide behind it.
Let ‘em go give it up for a while.
Let ‘em free and we will both go find it.

I know there's no where you can hide it.
I know the feeling of alone.
I know that you do not feel invited,
But come back, come back in from the cold.

Step away from the edge.
Your best friend in life is not your mirror.
Back away come back away come back away.
I am here and I will be forever and ever and I.

I know that there's no where you can hide it.
I know the feeling of alone.

Trust me and don't keep that on the inside.
Soon you...you'll be locked out on your own.

You're not alone...

You're not alone...

And don't say you've never been told.
I'll be with you till we grow old.

Till I am in the ground and I'm cold.

Part 6

Mondays suck so bad. How I manage to survive them week after week is beyond me. But I’ve somehow gotten through another Monday and me and Dawn are sitting on the school steps, eating gummy bears and waiting for Spike’s decrepit car to pull up.

"…and Mr. Taylor said that he really liked my essay!" Dawn gushes.

"Really liked your essay?" I ask with a wink. She giggles.

With a contented sigh she leans back on the steps, propped up by her elbows. She tosses her head back dramatically. "Yes. I believe that he has fallen for me. But how awful…as we can never be together. We are but two lonely wanderers on the walk of life- sadly, whose paths can never cross, as it is forbidden."

I roll my eyes and throw a gummy bear at her. "Drama queen."

"So what was with you and Spike last night?" she asks abruptly.

"What? Nothing was ‘with’ us. We played some pool. We danced. End of story."

"Mm-hmm. And all that tension in the air was just the buzz of fluorescent lighting."

"Perhaps." She opens her mouth to speak but I cut her off, turning serious. "Listen, Dawn, there’s nothing between me and Spike. Think about this. If I wanted him, I’d have had him already."

"I wouldn’t be so certain about that. When it comes to love, Spike’s-"

"Love? Who said anything about love?" I laugh. "Sweetie, I’ve never been in love and I don’t plan to be. I was talking about sex."

"You never wanna fall in love?" she asks curiously.

"No way. Life’s simpler without all that. Think about it- what does love really boil down to eventually? Sex. You start with the dating, then if sparks fly you kiss, make out a little, then when you really form a relationship- maybe even get married- what happens? You have sex. And that finalizes things. But what’s after that? Nothing. Basically, I just skip the book and go straight to the last page."

Dawn is shaking her head at me. "That’s…really sad."

I shrug. "The truth hurts."

"Yeah, it does sometimes. But that’s not the truth."

"Well, that’s a debate for another time. Spike’s here." I nod towards the big black car and we stand, gathering our things.

We’re halfway to the car when it hits me. Blacked out windows. Sun allergy. Cold hands. Why didn’t I realize before? Spike’s a vampire! No! There’s no way. Why would a vampire be toting around two teenage girls in his car? Why would he know a vampire slayer? No. It's impossible. Or is it?

Slowly, hesitantly, I make my way to the automobile and slip in the passenger side. I glance over at him. He doesn’t look dead. He studies me carefully- I must look suspicious or something. So I smile at him as we pull away from the curb.

The ride is pretty much silent until we reach Dawn’s. As she climbs out of the car she says ‘goodbye’ and I wave to her distractedly. This is really bugging me. Is he a vampire? If he is, should I feel safe right now? Would he bite me? Would I like it? Wait. There’s a way I can definitely figure this out.

Acting casual, I dig around in my purse, finally producing my compact. I open it and pretend to powder my face, but really I’m slowly maneuvering it to see his reflection. My heart sinks. He has none.

I shove the compact into my purse, trying to stay calm. Why didn’t he tell me? ‘Do you know much about them?’ ‘Yeah…I know a thing or two.’ A thing or two…my ass. Well, we’re just gonna have to see about this.

We pull up in front of my house and I turn to him. "Can we talk?"

"About what?"

"Not here. Pull up into the carport." Spike looks at me curiously but obeys, pulling the car into the shade of the carport. I get out, motioning for him to follow me. I hope that all those old horror flicks were right.

As I open the door, I hear his boots slowly treading up behind me. I enter, leaving the door open for him. Act casual, girl. I toss my keys onto the kitchen counter and turn around expectantly to him. He’s standing just on the other side of the threshold with a slightly lost look on his face. As I stare at him with my hands on my hips- he knows. He knows I know.

"Can I come in?"

"I dunno…can you?" My voice is slightly harsher than I intended. But I’m mad, dammit! He lied to me! OK…he didn’t exactly lie but he didn’t tell the truth either! Everything he said to me- shouted at me- the other night floods back. ‘Oh, you call that living? Getting fingered in the middle of some cheap bar? Banging some stranger in an alley, right in there with the garbage and the rats? That’s not living, little girl. That’s dying- real slow like.’ Hypocrite! What the fuck does he know about living? He’s been dead for God knows how long!

"Jade…"

"Why didn’t you tell me?" I demand.

"Just let me come in. And I’ll explain." He says desperately.

"Is it safe for me to let you in? Are you gonna bite me? Are you gonna kill me?"

Spike looks at me evenly. "I thought you didn’t care about dying."

Stupid son of bitch. Throw that in my face, will you? "Shut up." Oh, great come back, Jade. "We’re talking about you."

He sighs. "Let me in. I’m not gonna bite you. I can’t."

"You can’t? What? You’re defanged or something?" I say skeptically.

"In a manner of speaking, yes. Come on, girl! The sun’s drifting and unless you fancy cleaning up a dust pile on your doorstep, you’ve got to let me in!"

"Fine, come in."

He takes a thankful step inside, shutting the door behind him. He’s just standing there now, watching me. I can’t tell what he’s thinking. Dumbass has that whole, strong-silent-mysterious-guy thing going on. I tense, not knowing whether at any second he’s gonna lunge out and drain me dry or not. But I remember how it felt in the alley- the pain and the pleasure as the vamp sank his teeth into my neck…

I look at Spike and his oh-so-studliness and shudder in anticipation of what will probably never come.

"I have a chip…" he begins.

"What?"

"A chip…in my head…that keeps me from hurting people. Blasted little piece of government machinery. You know if there ever was a cause for me to believe in anarchy-"

"So you can’t bite, at all?" I ask. Damn…I sounded a lot more disappointed than I intended. He’s gonna see right through that.

Yep. He smirks and takes two cocky steps towards me. "I can’t hurt anyone." He says. I gulp. Loudly. "But…as you know…a vampire’s bite doesn’t necessarily hurt…"

Jade the randy sex kitten has left the building. Now introducing Jade the big puddle of goo. Subject change…NOW! "S-so…um…how old are you?"

He chuckles. "Hundred and twenty-two. Well…that’s how long I’ve been a vampire."

I nod absently- overwhelmed by the revelation of his age and the quandary of how in the hell a guy managed to turn me to a puddle of goo. Suddenly I’m ran to earth by the slamming of the front door an a gruff call of my name. My eyes go wide and I push Spike toward the door. "Shit…you have to leave. Now!" He opens his mouth to object but I give him a pleading look and he nods, hurrying out to his car.

I slam the door and turn just in time to catch Roger entering the kitchen. "Who was that?" he demands.

"Um…nobody…just the guy who drives me home." Is it just me or did that sound incredibly dirty? Apparently it’s not just me.

"Yeah…I’ll bet he does." Roger grumbles as he retrieves a beer from the refrigerator and stumbles towards the living room. Minutes later I hear the blast of a wrestling match on the TV. Then there’s the sound as he pops the cap off his beer, followed by guzzling and then a loud burp. I shake my head to myself and head for my room. Pig.

*****

I enter the Summers’ home on Friday night to the sounds of giggling teenagers. Five giggling, pajama-clad teenagers to be exact. Bloody hell. I don’t often feel sorry for the slayer but tonight I do.

"Spike!" Dawn squeals, jumping up from the living room floor- which is currently covered in pillows, sleeping bags, and junk food. She throws her arms around my neck, jumping up and down excitedly.

"Um…hey…Nibblet." Now I spot the giant chocolate bar in her hand. Ah, that explains it. Although, I wouldn’t be surprised to find a bong hidden somewhere in those sleeping bags.

She turns to the four girls in the living room excitedly. "Guys, this is Spike. Spike, this is Ashley, Tina, Mary Ann, and you know Jade." Jade waves to me as she stuffs a handful of popcorn into her mouth. The other girls smile and giggle demurely.

"Spike! What are you doing here?" Buffy demands. She’s standing in the doorway to the kitchen, her hair tousled and a flustered look on her face.

I brush past her into the kitchen. "Just came to revel in your torment." I wonder if there’s any blood in the fridge…yep. Grabbing a packet, I tear the plastic open with my teeth and pour the blood into a glass from the cabinet. I stick it in the microwave and set the timer for two minutes. When I turn around, the slayer’s glaring at me with her arms crossed over her chest.

"What do you think you’re doing?"

"What does it look like?"

"I hope you don’t think you’re gonna drink that in front of Dawn’s friends!"

I shrug. "Why not? It’s not like they’ll know what it is. I can say it’s kool-aid or something. And anyway, Jade already knows."

"What?" she screeches. Damn…girl’s got a hell of a set of lungs on her for being so little.

"Shh. Cool your head, Slayer. I didn’t tell her. She figured it out."

"And how does she know about vampires in the first place?" Buffy asks, her voice low and deadly sounding.

Well, no reason not to explain. "I saved her from one, if you must know. She was in an alley getting gnawed on and I happened to come across her."

The slayer shakes her head and takes a seat at the kitchen island. The microwave beeps and I take out my glass, sipping it carefully as it’s steaming. "Figures. You know…I don’t know if I trust that girl. I mean, what’s she doing in an alley at night? And have you seen the way she dresses? She just seems a little…"

"Odd?"

"Slutty." I chuckle. She’s not wrong. "I mean…she came on to Xander when she met him." Bloody hell. Now that’s just low. She came on to that ponce? Has the girl got no taste, what so ever? "I dunno if I trust her around Dawn. She might be a bad influence."

"You may be right. But I’d let sweet bit choose her own friends, if I were you."

"Well, you’re not." And thank whatever gods for that. She sighs. "Willow met her last weekend. Jade came over that day Dawn was sick. Willow seemed to think she was nice. She said she was really polite. But…"

"You’re thinking Eddie Haskal?" She stares at me blankly. "Eddie Haskal? Leave It to Beaver?" More of the blankness. "Oh, never mind. Hated the show, anyway. Now, Dru, on the other hand-"

"Yea, that’s nice. Really not in the mood for tales of Spike and Dru’s wacky hijinks." She looks at me thoughtfully, completely unaware of what a bitch she was just being. But what else can I expect? "What do you think of Jade? I mean you drive her home every day."

Now that really caught me unawares. Not just the willing questioning of my- the evil undead’s- opinion, but the question itself. What do I think of Jade? Well…for starters, the word trollop comes to mind. But I’ve seen first hand that that is a façade and that façade can crumble. And there’s something under it that’s naked and sincere and intoxicatingly sweet, which is so much more desirable than her whorish ploys.

The girl’s a pill and a hard one to swallow at that. She’s running from something or maybe hiding from it. Maybe it’s her life- her childhood, which- from what I can tell- wasn’t the happiest of circumstances. But if she’d just stop running or hiding or playing these sodding games- she’d be beautiful.

All these thoughts run through my head as they have a hundred times over. But I look at the slayer and shrug indifferently. "She’s all right."

*****

The slayer retired to bed after I promised to keep an eye on the girls and listened to her threats of slow and painful death if anything should happen to them. Now I’m sitting in the kitchen, listening to the rapid popping of the corn kernels in the microwave. Yes, sadly I’ve been reduced to a manservant for five little giggling hormone-bombs. The timer beeps and a few extra kernels pop as I pull the bag carefully out of the microwave and pour its contents into a large bowl. I move to carry the bowl into the living room but pause in the hallway as I hear the conversation going on inside.

"That was just so…romantic." one girl sniffles. They’ve been watching chick-flicks all night- a startlingly thorough collection of movies that almost all star Meg Ryan.

"I can’t wait until I fall in love…" another nameless voice says dreamily.

"Oh, don’t talk about love around Jade." I recognize this as Dawn’s voice. It’s followed by a snort from Jade.

"Why not?"

"She doesn’t want to fall in love. Just this afternoon she gave me a long speech about how she’s never gonna fall in love because all it boils down to is sex and it’s pointless cause you can get that anytime…blah blah blah."

"That’s horrible! Jade, how can you think that?"

"What?" Jade asks defensively. "It’s the truth. Yeah, the stuff in these movies looks great- the happy fairy tale. But that’s not how it really works. You’re never gonna find a guy that’s gonna give up being an angel for you or who’s gonna meet you on top of the Empire State Building on Valentine’s Day. I believe that love’s just a cover for lust. Do you think once he gets in your pants that he’s still gonna spout love poems?"

"Well, I think that’s a horrible attitude. There’ve got to be some men out there who’re capable of love."

"There are." That’s Dawn. Oh, please don’t let her say what I think she’s about to say. "Spike is totally capable." Bloody fucking hell! "When it comes to love he’s…he’s very…" Please no. "…vulnerable." Shit! "When he falls in love, it’s serious business. He totally drops the whole bad ass routine and really puts himself out there. He’d do anything for love."

"How sweet!" "Oh so romantic!" "Aww!" I haven’t had thoughts this murderous since the last time I was in Xander’s company.

"And how do you know all this Dawn?" Jade asks.

"Well, Buffy told me that he referred to himself as ‘love’s bitch’ one time. Plus, he was with his girlfriend Drusilla for like a hund-…a really long time. And she was insane. Like…literally. And…this one time…I was going through his stuff when he wasn’t at home," What? That little- "and I found these poems. Like…love poems and stuff. They were so sweet!"

"I have really hard time imagining Spike like that." Jade says.

"I don’t! He’s such a hottie! And who’d think there’s a softie under that…hard…built…exterior." Another girl states breathlessly. The room fills with giggles and I take advantage of that and enter the room.

"What’s so funny?" I ask innocently as I hand the bowl of popcorn to a blushing teen.

"Nothing!" Dawn answers quickly.

"Some people in this room seem to think you have a-" Jade’s cut off as a brunette jumps up and clamps a hand over her mouth.

I merely smirk at the girls, earning several red faces and giggles. "Do you all want anything else?" I ask. There’s a resounding chorus of ‘no’s so, when I think no one’s looking I wink at Jade and return to the kitchen.

I’m in the process of heating up another glass of blood when I hear someone behind me. "It’s not polite to spy on other people’s conversations." Jade says from the doorway.

"Can’t help it." I motion to my ear. "Vampire. Kind of sensitive hearing."

"So how much did you hear?" she asks, going to sit at the island.

"About from when you all started discussing love…or not believeing in it." I look at her pointedly.

"I stand by my beliefs. But apparently we have a very different belief system. Dawn seems to think you’re a hopeless romantic."

"She’s right, I suppose. I admit it. I’m a sod when it comes to love." As an afterthought I add, "I’m gonna bloody skin that girl for going through my things, though." I pull out my glass of blood when the microwave beeps and take a sip.

"Is that…" I nod. "Oh."

"So, if you don’t believe in love, what do you believe in?"

She shrugs. "Nothing, I suppose. Well…lust. I know that’s real."

"I bet you do. Still…don’t you think it’s a little sad- never loving anyone?"

"No. Not at all. I’ve never been in love and I never will be. It’s as simple as that. I’m happy that way." She says decidedly.

"Oh…you’re happy that way. Which explains why you’re so casual about your own death."

She sighs. "That has nothing to do with loving or not loving."

"One of these days, girl, you’re going to get a rude awakening. One of these days."

Part 7

I lie on my back in my bed, waiting for sleep to overtake me. I always have trouble getting to sleep. Well, unless I’m drunk. I’ll knock right out if I’m drunk. But I’m not tonight, so it’ll take a while. The sound of the front door slamming jolts me. Roger’s not usually home this early from his bar.

I can hear him stumbling drunkenly in the hall, his heavy, uneven footsteps drawing closer and closer to my room. My eyes are fixed on the door and I’m disheartened- but not surprised- when it creaks open. He’s holding an empty bottle and I can smell the liquor on him all the way over here.

With agonizing slowness he moves towards me. Maybe if I pretend I’m asleep… "Jade! Wake up!" OK, maybe not.

"What do you want?"

"Is that any way to talk to me? After I’ve taken you in…fed you…clothed you…put a roof over your head?" he says in his slurred speech.

"You’re drunk. Get out of my room."

"Why, you little bitch."

I prepare myself for the blow. Surprisingly, it's across my cheek. Either we have a while until the next Social Services visit or he's drunker than I thought. My flesh burns where his hand made contact with my face. But he doesn’t stop there. His drunken state prolongs his anger where he would usually just leave me alone.

He grabs my wrists tightly in one hand and I cry out in pain. It hurts so bad. I fight him as he tries to push my arms over my head. I hear the sound of the bottle smashing into the floor and now he’s using both hands to restrain me. Then he’s climbing on top of me. I’m screaming and begging him to get off me but it’s like he doesn’t even hear me.

Roger smashes his lips into mine though I try to turn away. I can taste the bitter liquor on his mouth and his bristly, unshaven face scratches against my skin. One of his hands holds my wrists above my head while the other clutches a breast roughly and then works itself between my legs.

"Please! Please no!" I scream. "Stop!"

I can feel my heart drumming in my chest and the tears streaming down my face blur my vision. Somehow, through my fear, I manage to bring up one knee and connect harshly with his groin. He lets out an anguished bellow and rolls off me enough so that I can crawl away and leap from the bed.

I land on the broken bottle and a few shards of glass slice into the tender skin of my bare feet. But I won’t let it stop me. I’m running. Running fast and hard and I don’t even know where I’m going. I’m in my pajamas- an old T-shirt and pair of shorts- and it’s horribly chilly outside. My feet are bare and bleeding and as I run down the street, the cuts open wider and pebbles and rocks form new scratches.

I have no idea how long I’ve been running. Mailboxes, houses, and streetlights are nothing but blurs on either side of me. But suddenly a pair of strong arms halts me and for a moment, I think they’re Roger’s and a scream and try to get away but they hold me tight.

"Jade! Jade!" His voice runs me to earth and I stop struggling and turn to look at the vampire.

"Spike?"

"Yeah, love, it’s me." he says gently. He looks me up and down- from my tear soaked face to my makeshift pajamas to by bare and bleeding feet. "What happened? What’s wrong? Why are you out here?" To my horror I find that I can’t talk. I open my mouth but all that comes out are sobs. He nods in understanding and sheds his duster, draping it over my shoulders.

I pull it tight around me, inhaling the scent of leather, smoke, and cologne. Spike’s hand is on the small of my back and he’s guiding me…where? I don’t know or care. I just follow where he leads me and I find myself in a…crypt? OK…vampire…makes sense.

He motions for me to sit and I do. Surprisingly, there’s a chair in here and even more surprisingly, it’s really comfortable. Spike disappears for a moment and then he’s back and handing me something. I stare at it blankly. "Take it. Put it on that bruise." Bruise? What bruise? Impatiently, he takes my hand, shoving the object into it and holds my hand to my cheek.

I cringe. It’s cold. It’s an icepack. Then I feel something at my feet. Looking down, I see Spike knelt on one knee, holding my foot in his hands. I’m vaguely reminded of ‘Cinderella’. I liked that movie. The cat kinda scared me though… When’s the last time I saw it? I can’t remember.

Wait, what’s he doing to my feet? Ow! That hurt. I jerk my foot away and he glares up at me. "Hold still, girl. This’ll only take a second." After a while he stands and I look down at my feet. There’re several bandages on the soles and I can feel the squishy cold of some kind of antibiotic ointment under them.

"Those were some nasty cuts you got there. You’re lucky, I don’t think you need stitches. They’re not too deep." I nod. "Now…would you like to tell me what happened?" I shake my head. "Were you attacked?" Nod. "Vampires?" Shake. "Human?" Nod. "Listen pet, as much as I love twenty questions…well…you know, I actually can’t stand the game. So why don’t you just tell me what happened, eh?"

I’ve stopped crying and slowly things in my mind are beginning to make some sense. I stare at him for a long time before opening my mouth and saying softly, "I don’t wanna talk about it."

He sighs anguishedly but doesn’t comment. "Well, you can’t stay here. Let’s get you home-"

"NO!"

I can see the pieces of the puzzle coming together for him now. His jaw clenches, making his cheekbones even more pronounced if that’s possible. "Did what’s his name…Roger do this to you?" He gets his answer when I can’t look him in the eyes. For a long minute he’s silent and when he finally speaks, his voice is low and dangerous. "Is this the first time?"

"No…I-I mean…yes…sort of. He hit me before but…never… He was drunk…and he tried to-…but he didn’t! I stopped him." There’s a distinctly deadly look in Spike’s eyes. Did they flash yellow there for a second? "I-It’s OK. I just…I can’t go back there tonight. Please…can I stay here? I’ll go back in the morning but-"

"Like hell you are!" he roars. "You’re never going back there, you hear me?" I don’t respond. "You hear me?" he repeats more forcefully. Finally I nod. He steps away from me and begins pacing, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck thoughtfully. "You can stay here tonight…and then in the morning we’ll go see Red…find out what our options are…" I yawn, snapping him out of his thoughts. "Oh. Right. Sleeping. Uh…there’s a bed downstairs. You can sleep there tonight."

"Downstairs? Your crypt has a downstairs?"

He nods and leads me to a manhole cover. Lifting it with no effort, he motions me down a ladder inside. I’m too tired to object, despite how dark and creepy it looks down there. When I reach the bottom, I glance around warily, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness. Spike appears behind me and he quickly moves to turn on a lamp.

The room lights dimly revealing a large bed settled against a cavernous wall. It was all very dark and gothic but at the same time oddly warm and inviting. "Where will you sleep?"

"There’s a stone sarcophagus upstairs. I’ve slept on it before."

"Doesn’t sound very comfortable."

"It’ll do for tonight." He glances around, checking that everything’s in order and then says, "Well, sleep tight." He makes for the ladder but I stop him.

"Wait." He turns and looks at me questioningly. "Tomorrow’s a school day…"

"Not for you, it isn’t."

"Oh…OK…well…goodnight."

"Night, pet."

And then he disappears up the ladder and I’m left alone. I’m very tired, my eyelids feel heavy and I’m weak on my feet. Funny…the cuts on them don’t even hurt. My mind is just numb and I collapse onto the bed and crawl under the covers. His duster is still around me and I pull it closer- not because I’m particularly cold, but it’s just comforting. The bed is comforting. It smells like him. And that’s the last thing I register as I drift off to sleep.

Part 8

I have just enough time before sunrise to run an errand. Jade’s out like a light- she won’t wake up before I get back. Damn…girl’s still got my duster. Oh well. I don’t really need it anyway- no body temperature and all. I duck out into the night and begin stalking to my destination.

Within no time I’m there, standing on the doorstep debating what to do exactly. Well, I’ve never been one to plan things out- always been the spur-of-the-moment type myself. So this isn’t any different. Without much effort I kick down the flimsy door and enter the small house. I stop, listening for a heartbeat. Finding it, I follow the sound into what must be Jade’s bedroom.

My eyes fall on the shattered glass on the floor first, then on the body on the bed. It’s a man, passed out or asleep and stinking of liquor. With just enough force so as not to set of this bloody chip, I nudge him in the gut with my boot. The wanker’s awake in a moment, staring up at me in drunken rage.

"What are you doing in my house?" he screams. He moves to get up but I knock him back down. The chip sends a small jolt through my brain but I ignore it. "Who are you?"

"A friend of Jade’s. There’re a few things we have to get straight."

*****

As my eyes flutter open, I’m caught in that moment of disorientation when you wake up. But then the events of the previous night come flooding back to me. My bedroom…Roger…the broken bottle…the street…Spike… I rub the sleep out of my eyes and then swing my feet over the edge of the bed. For a dilapidated old thing, it’s one comfortable mattress. I don’t think I’ve slept that well in years. With a great yawn I stand up and make my way up the ladder to the main level of the crypt.

"Well, look who’s awake." An unfamiliar voice exclaims.

I whirl around to find a…thing…sitting on the chair I was in last night, watching TV. Hmm, I hadn’t noticed the TV last night. I hadn’t noticed a lot of things. There’s a little refrigerator and candles and odd little knickknacks sitting around everywhere. I turn to the creature- who kind of resembles a pig, but on two feet and with really, really loose skin. I wonder if it has a little corkscrew tail…but I’m soo not looking.

"W-who are you?" I ask warily.

"Oh, I’m Clem." He holds out a hand and I shake it timidly. "Spike asked me to hang around in case you woke up. He had to go on a blood run. But he should be back any minute. Cheeto?" Suddenly there’s a cheesy-smelling orange bag in my face. I push it away and shake my head.

"No thanks. Um…what time is it?"

"Nearly eight o’clock. I thought only vamps slept during the day. You aren’t a vamp are you?" I shake my head. "Oh, OK. Just checking. But it’d be fine if you were. I’m totally down with the undead thing. I mean, Spike’s-"

"What’s that?" I interrupt as I spot a familiar trunk by the door.

"That? I dunno…"

I open it, finding it full of very familiar clothes- my clothes. All my clothes, in fact. Skirts, jeans, shirts, dresses, shorts, sweaters, socks, underwear, shoes- it’s all there. Rather hastily packed though. Some stuff is still on hangers and none of it’s folded.

"We can go back and get the rest of your things later. That’s all I had time to pack." Spike says from behind me. I jump, whirling around on him. When did he get here? I was right by the door and I didn’t see or hear anything. "Sorry everything’s all wrinkled. But it was almost dawn and-"

"You went to my house?"

"Well, yeah. You’ve got to have something to wear."

"And Roger?"

"You don’t need to worry about Roger anymore."

"But where am I gonna go? I don’t have any place to live!"

"Well, I told you you’re not going back there!"

Clem clears his throat suddenly, looking nervously between me and Spike. "I’ll…uh…just be…yeah." He ducks out the door, leaving Spike and I standing in the middle of the crypt facing off.

"I talked to Willow," he begins as if we were never interrupted. "She says that we have a few options. Either you can be sent to another foster home or there’s this thing where you can live on your own- get emancipated or what not. And I think that’s the best thing to do."

"Roger will never let-"

"I told you! You don’t have to worry about him any more!" he says harshly.

I eye him distrustfully. "What did you do? Did you kill him? Oh my God, you killed him!"

"I did not kill him! He is, unfortunately, unharmed. We just…had a talk, is all. Came to an understanding."

I sink down into the chair, staring straight ahead. "What am I gonna do? Where am I gonna go?"

"I told you. Get emancipated."

"I would have to get a place and a job to pay for it and keep up my grades at school and-"

"Listen, I’ve been thinking…and this is just an idea, mind you. Nothing’s set in stone. But…for a while I’ve been thinking about getting a place of my own…something not in a cemetery. What if we went halves on it? I’m sure demon girl would give you a job at the Magic Box and I get money my own way and-"

I cut him off with a dry laugh and he stares at me, perplexed and maybe a little bit hurt. "There’s no way. It’s impossible."

"Is it? How?"

"What, do you want a list or something? Cause I could make you a list- a very long one with different sections. Bullets, numbers, letters, roman numerals- the works."

"Come on now, pet. It’s very logical. You can stay here until we find a place. And then-"

"No. I’ll just go to another foster home. I only have a few years until I graduate. It won’t be that bad."

Spike snorts. "Right. So you’ll end up with another Roger or end up a thousand miles from here."

"Why do you care?" I shout angrily.

He stills, seemingly considering my question. "Maybe…I’ve grown a bit fond of you." I don’t even see it but he’s suddenly inches from me, staring down at me with those damn eyes.

Is he gonna kiss me? Please don’t kiss me. I can’t take that. Not now. Not ever. Not from Spike. Somewhere along the line he’s become less of a kissing-and-more prospect to a friend prospect. He’s since reached friend status and if he kisses me now he’s going to cross a line into something I’ve never done before and don’t plan on doing- ever.

I stare at his lips for what feels like an eternity. The bottom is thicker than the top and they look very soft and just slightly pink. What would they feel like on mine? I bet they’re cool, like the other vamps’ were. I bet they’d send chills down my spine. But I don’t want them to. Oh God…he’s leaning in… When did his hand cup my face? His skin is cool against mine- his palm is rough but soft at the same time. Very masculine hands…very comforting hands. Oh…his face is barely an inch away from mine.

My brain screams at me to do something but my damn body won’t obey. I’m frozen in place and time is standing still. Dammit…I always hated that cliché but I never realized how true it could be until now. Do something, Jade! Run, scream, push him away, step on his foot, puke, ANYTHING!

My feet finally obey and they carry me fast and hard out of the crypt into the cemetery. I’ve been running for several minutes when I finally realize that (A) I have no idea where I’m going (B) my feet hurt and (C) I’m still in my pajamas and Spike’s duster. Dammit.

There’s a bench a few feet away so I take a seat, vaguely aware of the danger I’m in being alone in a cemetery at night. I rest my head in my hands, trying to work out what exactly just happened. OK…me…Spike…crypt…almost kissage… UGH! That bastard! I can’t believe he’d try to… Doesn’t he know what it’d do to me? If I kissed him now, after all that’s happened…doesn’t he know I’d fall in love with him?

But I don’t believe in love! I’m the cynical teenager with a rough family life that seeks solace in liquor, drugs, and lots and lots of men! I’m the bad ass that insists she doesn’t need anybody, is totally independent, and is self-sufficient, dammit! Does he not get that? Did he miss the section in the clause that says, ‘This girl doesn’t fall in love.’?

Apparently he did, as two boot-clad feet appear in my field of vision. I don’t want to look up cause he’ll be there, staring at me with those eyes of his. But I have to. And, just as suspected, he’s there and so are his eyes.

"You’re bound and determined to get yourself killed aren’t you?" he asks. I don’t respond. With a sigh, he takes a seat beside me on the bench. For a long time neither of us speak. But it’s not a comfortable silence like we have in the car on the way home from school. It’s not companionable or anything like that. It’s just awkward- very awkward- until he finally breaks the silence. "If we don’t talk about what happened back there, I for one, will most likely implode." When I still don’t respond, he reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. Out of the corner of my eye I can see a gentle smile on his face.

"You shouldn’t have tried to kiss me." I say finally.

"Well if you’re waiting for an apology, you’re out of luck, pet. I’m not sorry. And if I had it to do over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. Except maybe I’d keep a tighter hold on you." he jokes.

His attempt at keeping things light don’t affect me. "Why did you do it?" I ask seriously.

"Seemed like the thing to do at the time. Been wanting to do it for a while now."

"Let me guess…since the first day in the car?"

"No, actually. Well, yea- I wanted to shag you senseless which I would’ve done, I assure you. But I didn’t want to kiss you until after I got to know you. Don’t know when exactly…"

I laugh. "You’re so full of crap." I look at him. "If you want to screw me, just do it. Don’t give me all this. Come on, I’m doing every guy in this town, why not you?" In a second I’m off the bench and standing before him. I shed his coat, laying it on the bench carefully. The chill air hits my bare skin and I gasp a little as goosebumps cover my flesh. I slide onto his lap, straddling him and grinning wickedly. He watches me suspiciously, unresponsive and rigid to my movements. "I know you want to. You must have wondered what it’d be like- to kiss me…to feel my hot tongue in your mouth…how’d it feel to run your hands over my naked skin…to taste me…to be inside me…I know you’ve wondered…"

He pushes me away and stands. "You don’t get it." He shakes his head. "You’re just a scared little girl. Come on," The leather duster is tossed roughly at me. "Let’s get inside before you catch your death."

Spike saunters away in the direction of the crypt and I’m left standing, clutching the coat and wondering- again- what just happened. But a cold breeze stabs at my skin and I pull on the duster and quickly run after him.

Part 9

Well, as impossible as I believed it to be, here we are. Spike drops the last box of my things onto the floor in what’s to be my room in our new apartment. Our new apartment…it’s still weird to me. I mean…my roommate is a vampire…he drinks blood…I’m going to open up the refrigerator and there’s gonna be blood bags in there.

I look over at him to find him staring back at me with that look that I haven’t yet allowed myself to name. Over the past few weeks I’ve seen it dozens- maybe hundreds of times- and at the oddest moments, too. When I’m yelling at the TV or stuffing my face with onion rings or yelling at him cause he used all of my black fingernail polish.

We haven’t talked about that night and that almost-kiss since it happened. But it’s always there, I know, in his mind and my own. I find myself tense around him- scared he’s going to try it again. But so far, nothing’s happened. And I’m glad. Really.

"Thanks for helping me with this stuff. Unlike some people, I lack superstrength and those boxes were wicked heavy."

He merely chuckles and nods as he surveys my room. It’s pretty bare except for the stacks of boxes and the rickety bed that came with the place. But I’ll fix it up like I like it soon enough.

The silence in the room is tense, as usual and suddenly I’m aware that I can’t take it anymore. Spike’s my friend and now my roommate. I can’t have this tugging at me for the rest of my life. I have no idea what to say but I know I have to say it now.

"Spike?"

"Hmm?"

OK, in the movies this is where the heroine delivers her long speech about loving and not loving and the hardships that they’ve endured together and comes out sounding incredibly witty and intelligent. That’ll be happening any time now…any time…or not. He’s staring at me expectantly and all I seem to be able to do is stare back. Tension…lots of tension…

Finally I turn away and run a hand through my hair anxiously. "Things between us have been…"

"Yeah."

"I don’t like it."

"Neither do I."

"So what do we do?"

He shrugs. "Ignore it and maybe it’ll go away?"

"Yes, because that’s worked oh-so-well so far." I sigh. Time for bluntness. Time to ask the question that’s been bugging me for weeks, ever since that night. "Why didn’t you fuck me on that bench?"

For a moment he’s silent and then he looks at me seriously. "I like you too much." My mouth’s hanging open and I’m pretty sure that I resemble some sort of fish right now. He smirks at me and elaborates. "If I’d have shagged you that night, things between us would’ve never been the same. They probably would’ve been over." He runs his hand through my hair and cups my chin. "No…I’ll shag you one day, pet. But you’re not ready. You weren’t then, you aren’t now, but you will be soon. When I do, you’re going to want it as much as I do. When I do, I’m going to be with you- the real you, not this…front…this…mask you wear." With that and a smirk he turns and leaves and I’m alone in my room, staring dumbstruck at the place he’d just been standing.

*****

What’s the matter Mary Jane, you had a hard day
As you place the don’t disturb sign on the door
You lost your place in line again, what a pity
You never seem to want to dance anymore

It’s a long way down
On this roller coaster
The last chance streetcar
Went off the track
And you’re on it

I hear you’re counting sheep again Mary Jane
What’s the point of trying to dream anymore?
I hear you’re losing weight again Mary Jane
Do you ever wonder who you’re losing it for?

Well it’s full speed baby
In the wrong direction
There’s a few more bruises if that’s the way
You insist on heading

Please be honest Mary Jane
Are you happy?
Please don’t censor your tears
You’re the sweet crusader

And you’re on your way
You’re the last great innocent

And that’s why I love you

So take this moment Mary Jane and be selfish
Worry not about the cars that go by
All that matters Mary Jane is your freedom
Keep warm my dear, keep dry

Tell me
Tell me

What’s the matter Mary Jane…

Tonight was just another Friday night. Went to a bar…had a few beers…a few guys…then I came home. Nothing special or earth-shattering enough to bring on this sudden epiphany. But I’m sitting now at my vanity and I realize…I don’t recognize the face in the mirror before me. That girl isn’t me. It can’t be me. But I know it is. I stare at the familiar face. It used to be appealing to me. But suddenly it’s very harsh and frightening to look at. This isn’t me. Opening the drawer of my vanity, I pull out the photograph. It’s wrinkled and worn with time but still clear.

A little girl stares up at me from the lap of her mother. Her blonde hair is pulled into messy pigtails and there’s a bit of peanut butter smeared on her pink overalls. She likes to play with Barbies and cook on her Fisher Price stove. She likes try on her mother’s high heels and lipstick and sing to Aretha Franklin. Her father is absent from her life. She’s never met him. It’s just her and her mother in a little apartment outside Seattle. There’s not always food on the table and her mother’s sick but the smile on her face is bright and sincere. When’s the last time I smiled like that?

I lay the picture down and look evenly at my reflection. Then, emphatically, I begin to wipe at the make-up on my face with a damp cloth. The dark red lipstick disappears first, smearing across the white cloth to reveal soft, lightly pink lips, swollen from the vigorous rubbing. Then I attack my eyes. The mascara and liner rub off leaving dark smudges, which I work at until they’re barely visible.

I wipe at my cheeks, watching as the dark blush and foundation wash away. I’m finally done and I stare at the unfamiliar reflection. The girl in the mirror is a pretty, innocent looking, young woman. Her skin is fresh and pale but reddened in the cheeks from harsh scrubbing. Her lips are thin and delicately pink, formed in a line- not smiling nor frowning. And her eyes, now bare and exposed shimmer with unshed tears. This stranger is me.

I free my hair from its numerous pins. It falls awkwardly to my shoulders, crimped and curled from its restraints and stiff with hair spray. As I slowly begin to brush out the blonde strands, the tears spill from my eyes leaving ugly wet tracks down my cheeks. The hairbrush falls from my hands and I don’t even hear it hit the floor as loud sobs escape from my throat.

I choke and gasp on my cries and taste the salty streams of tears running down my face. And suddenly there’re two strong arms wrapped around me. Vaguely I hear a voice whispering comfortingly to me. But he doesn’t ask why I’m crying. He doesn’t ask what’s wrong, what’s happened. He just knows. He knows I’ve let go.

I turn in my chair- he’s knelt in front of me, his face even with my own. There’s understanding written on his features.

Understanding…compassion…love. Gently, he presses his lips to my cheek, tasting my tears. His fingers entwine themselves in my hair and pull me to him in a strong, safe embrace. And I cry, clinging tightly to him, I just cry.

~Fin~

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