Long Time GoneBy Yindagger
Chapter Four
Someone was tugging on his toes. Xander shook his foot to make the annoying contact stop, but it came right back. He drew his foot up and under the covers. As he slowly came awake, he realized that he was lying in a strange bed. It was a really nice strange bed, though. The linens were soft and warm, and he was wrapped in a fluffy down comforter. The room was very dim. He pulled the covers away from his head and finally opened his eyes to look up at the strange ceiling. He probed with his foot, looking for whatever had touched his toes earlier. His toes encountered a leg, and in one swift motion, he swept his foot up Spike’s body and dug his toes into the surprised vampire’s ribs, tickling him mercilessly. Spike gave a very unmanly shriek and tried to escape off the end of the bed. Xander settled for one last dig in the ribs and let him go, throwing his long body back into a vertebrae-popping stretch.
He jackknifed into a sitting position and looked at the indignant blond vampire seething at the end of the bed, fists planted on his narrow hips. Both men burst out laughing, each raising a hand to their own hair.
“So, I’m guessing we both look like haystacks, huh?” Xander asked, trying to smooth his rumpled hair. He couldn’t help but think how cute Spike looked, with his bleached locks falling in soft waves over his forehead. He shook his head at the odd juxtaposition of “cute” and “vampire” in the same thought as he gave up and just ran both hands through his own messy mop.
“Nope,” Spike replied, “You look like a lion. You want breakfast?”
Xander consulted his stomach, which voted in favor of food. “What time is it?” he asked. “It’s 5:30.” Spike responded. “PM.” He added the second response before the question could be asked.
“Huh.” Xander snorted. “One day back in Sunnydale and I’m on vampire time again. Go figure.”
Xander climbed out of the bed and stretched some more. Spike preceded him out of the bedroom. Xander turned into the bathroom, waving the other man to the stairs.
Spike walked down the stairs and to the kitchen in the gloom of the well-shuttered and curtained house. He started cooking breakfast and thought about what had just occurred. After awakening, Spike had knocked at the guest room door, not terribly surprised when Xander hadn’t answered. The boy had always been a heavy sleeper, plus Spike was sure that the emotions of the previous day had taken their toll. Realizing that knocking wasn’t going to work, Spike had entered the room. He was happy to see Xander sleeping peacefully, the bed showing no evidence of tossing and turning. Only tufts of hair and one foot were outside the covers, so Spike had tugged the tanned toes. He had first spent a good five minutes just looking at the still form on the bed, wondering at the myriad feelings running through him. Then, realizing that he was brooding, he had shaken it off and woken the boy. The attack had been a surprise, but the laughter and goofing had been a much better way to begin the day than the embarrassment Spike had feared Xander would feel, so he counted himself lucky.
By the time Xander appeared in the kitchen, still in his sleepwear but with his face washed and teeth brushed, Spike was finishing placing omelets and crisp bacon on the table. Xander bounded over to the refrigerator and poured himself a glass of juice, checking to see if Spike already had a mug of blood in the microwave, which he did. As he passed Spike on his way to the table, he playfully kicked the vampire in the back of the knee. Spike’s knee buckled slightly before he regained his footing, and he twisted his body to lightly butt his shoulder against the larger man’s side. Xander absorbed the blow and dropped into his chair. As Spike moved to slide into his own chair, Xander pushed it away from under the table with his foot. Spike caught the chair easily and slid into it, flinging a piece of toast at Xander in a smooth move. Xander fielded the toast and took a bite out of it. The two men looked at each other across the table and each raised one eyebrow.
Spike took a deep drink of his blood. “Looks like someone is feeling cocky after wasting six Horta demons last night.” He observed. “That, or you finally got some sleep.”
Xander grinned, and Spike was relieved to see some life in his brown eyes. “That’s the best I’ve slept in a while,” he admitted. “And, though workouts and sparring are good, I’d forgotten how therapeutic a good fight to the death could be.” He smirked. “And it was seven – you killed six.”
“Oh, no whelp – that last one was a joint effort – you aren’t taking all the credit for him … her … it just because you wound up holding the larger piece.”
“Oh, OK,” Xander conceded with a sigh. “Six and a half each then.”
Spike grunted in reply and began eating. After a few bites, he looked across the table, waiting until Xander met his eyes. He cleared his throat, and then began speaking hesitantly.
“OK, Dawn knows you’re here. She wants to see you. We can go there, or she and Jase and Sara can come here.” Spike hesitated, watching for Xander’s reaction when he said Sara’s name. He noted that the other man flinched but did not drop the eye contact. “All she knows is that you are here. You can tell her whatever you want and I’ll back you up.”
Xander looked down at his plate, and both men finished their breakfast in silence. Xander drained his juice glass and pushed himself away from the table. He sighed and looked at Spike. “Let’s have Dawn and her family here tonight – we can get pizza and hang out and swap stories. Before that, I need to work out – is there any clear floor space around that I can use?”
Spike nodded. “Yeah – go get your workout gear on and I’ll show you the basement.”
Xander picked up their plates and placed them in the sink, adding his juice glass and Spike’s mug. He glanced at the back of Spike’s head as the other man remained at the table and bit back the urge to thank him yet again as he turned and left the kitchen.
Spike stepped aside and let Xander precede him into the large open basement as he flicked the lights on. Xander let out a low whistle as he took in the layout of the space. The walls were painted black, the floor carpeted in steel grey. One corner held a heavy bag, a speed bag and a complete set of free weights. Part of one long wall was covered with shelves and racks that held boxing gloves, jump ropes, sparring pads and assorted martial arts weapons. With a clatter, Xander dropped the long black bag he had carried in from the car and walked quickly to the weapons. He had changed into loose black drawstring pants and a black tank, his feet still bare. He looked around the well-appointed room and tried to put his finger on what was missing. He laughed when he realized that it was the expected wall of mirrors.
As he looked around, Spike told Xander about outfitting this space, as well as the complete gym located in Angel’s hotel. Spike proudly explained to Xander how he’d assisted Angel in picking out all of the equipment along with Buffy’s help.
As he reached the far corner of the room, Xander reached out to lift a long weapon from where it leaned in the corner rack. Before his hand closed on it, he looked back at Spike and asked, “May I?” Spike nodded, and watched as Xander lifted the long staff that had a wicked looking curved vertical axe-head attached to one end. Spike’s smile broadened as the other man stepped to the center of the floor and began twirling the weapon in an intricate pattern. He enjoyed the show, watching Xander’s back and shoulders ripple as he swung the weapon in arcs in front of and behind his body. He was amazed that this lithe, graceful man before him could be the doughnut-boy of old. He moved like a jungle cat, prowling forward and back, thrusting and parrying with an imaginary opponent. Xander ended his form with a quick downward thrust of the weapon that brought him to one knee. He bounced back onto his feet and carried the weapon back to Spike, who was still waiting at the door.
Spike couldn’t help but return the grin Xander turned on him. “That was nice.” He said. “You know Kwan Dao” he named the long weapon.
Xander nodded toward the bag on the floor, “Get mine out of there and we’ll play.”
Spike dropped to his knees and unzipped the long bag. It was full of weapons. He sifted through them carefully, noting a straight sword, a broadsword, a pair of sai, a pair of hand axes, several daggers, a bo, a triple jointed fighting stick and several things he didn’t recognize before his hand closed on the smooth handle of Xander’s Kwan Dao. A zippered, padded sheath covered the axe head, and the staff itself was highly polished. It was completely smooth except for three Chinese ideograms carved near the center balance point. Spike rubbed his fingertips over the carving and looked up, questioningly.
Xander touched each character as he named them. “Strength. Balance. Violence. It’s our unofficial school motto.” He removed the cover from the weapon and exchanged the one he held for his own, dropping the cover on the floor. As he turned back toward the practice floor he said over his shoulder, “I’d let you use mine, Spike, but it was made for my height and you’re so much shorter …” He spun around and caught the expected thrust against the handle of his Kwan Dao and the battle was on.
Metal rang on metal as the two whirled and struggled across the floor. Xander was pleased to see that he was holding his own with the vampire; though he knew Spike was not exploiting his superior strength. The two men snarled, grimaced and laughed out loud at each other as they crossed and recrossed the floor, each taking and losing the advantage numerous times.
Xander lost himself in the fight, in the primal joy of taking on a new opponent. He’d sparred with everyone in his own school so many times that the bouts had become predictable, but Spike was something completely different. Spike felt no need to conform to the dictates of the martial arts form, so he mixed in street fighting moves, low blows and outright cheats. Finally, with a burst of preternatural speed, the vampire pinned the larger man to the wall, the Kwan Dao’s blade pressed against his throat. Their eyes locked as Spike grinned triumphantly. “Ha!” he crowed, “I win.”
Xander grinned back at him and gave a little whistle as he tapped the blade of his own Kwan Dao where it rested just below the blond’s crotch. They both looked down and then back up at each other. Spike’s grin faltered and he said in a small voice, “Draw?” Laughing, they both sank to the floor and set the weapons aside.
An hour later, they had fought with the Kwan Daos again, bo staffs, broadswords and had each logged a little time with the heavy bag. Xander had taken a hard shot to the arm from Spike’s bo, and was bruising nicely. Spike’s cut lip and black eye were already healing as they put the weapons away and peeled the tape off of their knuckles. Spike noted with satisfaction that Xander did not return his weapons to the bag, but placed them next to Spike’s own on the shelves and in the racks, tossing his folded weapons bag onto a low shelf.
Trudging upstairs, Xander walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Standing in the blast of cool air, he peeled off his sweat-soaked tank and wiped his face with it. Draping the garment over one shoulder, he pulled an unopened beer out and applied it to his bruised arm. He looked up to see Spike standing in the doorway with his back to him, pulling his tee shirt off over his head, leaving him clad in only his drenched, low hanging sweat pants. Taking a long look at the pale muscled back in front of him; Xander immediately stuck his head back into the refrigerator to cover up his surprise at having rediscovered his inner babble, which he thought he had silenced years ago.
Xander was distracted from his inner monologue by Spike’s voice. It took him a moment to realize Spike was on the phone.
“Yeah, Bit – in about an hour. We just got through working out and we need to clean up.” He paused, and then grinned at Xander. “Yes, half-naked and sweaty. No, you can’t come over now.” He paused again and Xander could practically hear Dawn whining. “Bit ….. Bit….. Dawn! Knock it off; you’re being a bad example for Sara.” Spike held the phone away from his ear and Xander really could hear Dawn’s raised voice. He choked on a laugh as Spike frowned at the phone and waited for it to fall silent before returning it to his ear. “Dawn, could you cut the vampire hearing some slack, here? OK. Thank you. An hour. What do you want on your pizza? That’s disgusting. Bye.” He hung the phone up and shared a glance with Xander. “She’s pretty excited about seeing you.”
Xander grabbed another beer and tossed it to Spike as he closed the refrigerator door. He popped the top off of his own beer and drank a little. “You know what, Spike, I’m excited about seeing her, too. “ He drank a third of his beer in one long swallow. “I’m gonna go clean up.”
Chapter Five
The door flew open and Xander found himself the recipient of a lap full of smiling, shrieking, babbling, crying Dawn. He wrapped his arms tightly around her slight frame and buried his face in her shiny brown hair. After several long minutes she began to struggle, so he let her go. She sat up on his knees and braced her feet on either side of his legs on the couch. Her hands came up to caress his face, her thumbs wiping the few tears from his cheeks. She leaned forward and planted a hard kiss on his lips, then sat back and blushed furiously as he smiled at her.
“OK, so I swore to myself that if I ever saw you again I’d kiss you, so what?” She ducked her head and returned to exploring Xander’s face with her fingers. “Look at you! You’re so …. hot! When did this all happen? How have you been? Where have you been? Where’s Spike?”
Xander took her hands in his and ignored the stream of questions. “It’s good to see you Dawn. I missed you. Stand up – let me get a look at you as an adult.” She obediently hopped off of his knees and he stood in front of her. She was still thin and coltish, but she’d matured and gotten a little curvier. Her face was still dominated by her big eyes and even bigger smile. Her hair was shaped into a shoulder-length bob, the front held back with a little clip. She was wearing a tee shirt and jeans and had sandals on her feet. She didn’t look a day over eighteen to Xander.
They both turned as they heard a commotion at the door. Xander smiled and stepped forward as a young man entered the house, leading a little girl by the hand. The child was asking questions in a steady stream, and the man was trying to answer them as fast as possible. He flashed Dawn a look of relief as she stepped forward and swept the little girl up in a hug, carrying her over to Xander. Shifting her daughter to one hip, Dawn introduced them. “Sara, this is Xander – he’s an old friend of Mommy’s. Xander, this is Sara.” Xander could hear the happiness and pride in Dawn’s voice as she presented her child.
The little girl had her mother’s dark hair, broad smile and big eyes, except hers were as crystal blue as Spike’s, instead of being dark blue like her mother’s. Xander reached out to Sara as if to shake hands and was gratified when she gingerly grasped one of his fingers in her tiny hand and said, “Bander” at him. Dawn giggled. The little girl looked across the room and dropped Xander’s finger as she raised both arms in the air and shrieked, “Uncle Will!” at Spike, who was just coming out of the kitchen. Dawn placed the struggling girl on the ground and Xander watched open-mouthed as she ran into Spike’s outstretched arms as he knelt on the floor. The vampire pulled the tiny girl up to sit on his knee, and she showered his face with kisses. “Hey there, Littlest, how are you today?” He stood up, holding the child easily as he closed the distance between himself and Dawn, giving her a one armed hug. He turned to the door. “Come on in, Jase – don’t mind the family reunion.” He gestured at the young man, bringing him into the small group. Dawn linked her arm through his and introduced him to Xander as her husband.
Xander shook hands with Jase and really looked at him for the first time. The younger man was slight in build. He had a shy smile, sandy hair that fell in loose waves around his face, and startling blue eyes behind gold wire-rimmed glasses. Xander’s smile brightened even further as he made a quick observation and filed it away for later reflection. The two men exchanged small talk as Dawn and Spike got Sara settled on the floor with some toys and then rejoined the group.
“I ordered pizza, we’ve got beer and wine and soda and juice, and there’s a chocolate cake for later. I’ve got a Disney DVD for the Bitty to watch and then some old favorites for us for later,” Spike announced. He punched Xander on the arm as the other man mouthed “Martha,” at him. Xander hissed as Spike’s fist connected with his bruise from earlier. Dawn turned quickly toward him and rolled up the sleeve of his black silk tee shirt, exposing the bruise.
“Um, wow,” she breathed.
“Is it bad?” Xander twisted his neck to try and see the damage.
Dawn blushed. “Um, no … I was wowing at the arm; the bruise is nothing special.” Xander flexed his arm and Dawn squeaked. She quickly rolled his sleeve back down and let go, glancing guiltily at her husband, who surprised them all by laughing out loud.
“OK,” Jase said ruefully, “I guess it’s time to get Will to whip me into shape so Dawn can squeak at me like that.” They all laughed companionably.
After they polished off three large pizzas, including the pineapple and ham monstrosity that Dawn had insisted on, the four adults lay sprawled out comfortably in the living room. Jase was on the floor, his head resting on a couch pillow, drifting in and out of a post-dinner nap. Spike was draped bonelessly over an easy chair with Sara draped equally bonelessly across his chest, fast asleep. Xander and Dawn shared the couch, each propped at an end with their legs mingling in the middle. The Disney DVD was finishing up. Xander pushed Dawn with a foot to make sure she was awake and gestured to the pizza boxes and crumpled napkins when she raised an eyebrow at him. She nodded, and they untangled themselves and began clearing the debris.
In the kitchen they bagged everything up and stepped outside to place the bags in the trash can. Xander put the lid back on the receptacle and sat down next to Dawn on the back step. Hoping he was out of the range of vampire hearing, he turned to Dawn.
“Why do Jase and Sara call Spike Will?” he asked.
She looked at him for a moment and then replied. “Yeah, it was after you left. He started going by Will again after he started getting used to the soul. You knew that his name was William when he was alive, right?” When Xander nodded, she continued. “That’s how he kept the two personalities separate. Will was the soul and Spike was the demon. He had a lot of trouble getting the two sides balanced. Once he did, he realized that Spike wasn’t the demon; Spike was the “real” him – the combination of the two. The demon doesn’t really need its own name – not like it cares. So, those of us who knew him before call him Spike, and people who met him in the “Will” phase call him Will. We thought that Sara screaming “Uncle Spike” would be too strange, so she calls him Will. He answers to either.” She hesitated. “My turn. Why did you leave?”
Xander leaned his head down on her shoulder, and she raised a hand to brush through his hair. He felt her smile against his head when he made a happy noise and leaned into the contact. “I forgot how much you like to be petted.” She giggled. “You and Spike are alike that way – all touchy-feely. Like big cats. It’s nice.” She hesitated again. “Xander …..”
“I was exhausted. I didn’t have any more fight left in me. I thought there was nothing for me here, and I was miserable.” He drew in a deep breath. “Can you forgive me for leaving like that, Dawnie?”
She continued to pet him, twining her fingers through his hair. “I already did, Xander – a long time ago. We all understood. You couldn’t be anything here. You were always going to be the one to fix the broken window or go get stuff for Buffy if you stayed, and you needed to find your own life. Even I understood that and I was practically a child.”
They sat silently for a while, and Xander put his arm around Dawn’s slender waist, snuggling in closer. “I missed you. I missed all of you,” he said quietly. “You’ve changed so much. Spike, too.”
Dawn laughed. “Did you notice his accent?” Xander thought for a moment and then shook his head. She continued, “Over the last few years he’s lost that tough-guy accent, and he sounds way more like Giles than he used to. He also stopped calling everyone ‘luv’ and ‘mate.’” He mostly calls people by their actual names now, except for Sara and me. He’s also so much steadier than he used to be. It’s nice.”
Xander lifted his head and looked at Dawn. “He’s been great to me since I got here. I could hardly believe it. Well, except for the bruise.”
“Spike hit you?” she asked incredulously.
Xander laughed. “We sparred this afternoon, it’s no big deal.”
“What were you doing sparring with him – he’s super strong. You’re lucky all you got was a bruise!” her eyes flashed at him.
Xander ducked his head. “Give me some credit, Dawn, I actually managed to give him a black eye and bust his lip. Already healed though.”
Dawn’s eyes widened. “Oh, so those muscles aren’t just for show, then? I guess you’ll have to help Spike train Jase, too!”
Xander smiled. “Jase is great – so’s Sara. You have a beautiful family.”
She nodded, “I never thought I’d be so lucky.”
They were still smiling at each other when the door opened behind them and Jase stepped out onto the porch. He dropped a hand to the top of his wife’s head. “Will went to put Sara down – he says we should come in and have cake.”
Before the last word was out of his mouth the dark haired man and woman were on their feet, heading for the door. Jase laughed and followed.
Sara was sleeping peacefully upstairs and cake and cocoa had been consumed. Spike, Dawn and Jase all sat around the kitchen table, looking at Xander. He stood nervously in front of them, clutching a medium-sized black book. Spike pushed the fourth chair toward him with his foot, and he sank into it gratefully. He laid the book on the table in front of Dawn, who sat in the middle. He cleared his throat.
“OK. This book sort of answers the million-dollar question: What has Xander been doing for the past eight years? You guys ready for this?” He looked around the table and into two sets of ice blue eyes and one set of navy ones. Seeing nothing but support and curiosity, he opened the book. All three laughed out loud. The first page was an enlarged picture of a mug shot.
“Ah, yes,” Xander began “My short-lived life of crime. A bar brawl in Albuquerque. I’d been out of Sunnydale for a month. I guess I’d gotten used to fighting. I got the living crap beaten out of me in jail.”
The next page showed the “Welcome To …” signs of various small towns across the West. Xander continued with his narration. “I traveled the world, or at least the parts that weren’t too terribly far. I slung many exotic kinds of hash and built many substandard structures.”
The next pages showed Xander with other people. In most of the pictures he looked drawn and haunted, but in one he was actually smiling. In the photo he was sitting at what looked like a restaurant table between two other young men. The one on his left had curly red hair and a huge grin, but was looking at something outside the frame. The man on Xander’s right had close-cropped dark hair and a goatee. His green eyes stood out in the photo. He had his arm around Xander’s shoulders and they were both smiling widely at the camera. Dawn reached out to touch the photo and said, “You look happy here.”
Xander looked down at the photo, and his finger joined Dawn’s on the photo, his touching the green-eyed young man. He swallowed.
“That’s Danny. We … dated, for a while. We had a lot of fun, but the relationship was stormy at best. He left me for Julian.” Xander’s finger moved across the photo to point at the redhead. Dawn met Xander’s eyes and smiled at him sympathetically. “That stinks,” she said. “It’s OK,” Xander replied. “I broke them up in the first place.”
Dawn snorted. Xander couldn’t bring himself to meet Spike’s eyes. He knew that he could have skipped over the story of Danny, or just said they were buddies. He also knew himself well enough to know that he’d told the story for a reason, and that the reason had something to do with Spike.
The next few pages of the book showed scenery shots. Xander explained that he’d taken them on the cross-country drive that had landed him in Atlanta. A page of photos showed a bright, clean-looking city under a sunny blue sky. There was one photo of Xander, sitting on the hood of his crappy car looking exhausted. Dawn frowned when she saw this one.
“You can say it.” Xander spoke quietly. “I looked like Hell. I call that the ‘rock bottom picture’. I had a drug problem, I was broke, and I couldn’t sleep without having nightmares about demons. I hated my life and myself. I was even more miserable than when I left Sunnydale. You can turn the page – it gets better from there.” He smiled at Dawn encouragingly, and she flipped the page. Again, all three of his audience members burst out laughing. The next page was a photo of Xander in a white martial arts uniform, sprawled on the floor looking pissed. A tiny Japanese woman stood over him with an inscrutable expression on her face, one hand reaching down to help him up. Xander swallowed audibly. “That’s Shari.”
Xander sat with his head bowed for a moment, and he felt a light touch as Spike’s hand brushed over his own, which rested on his knee under the table. On impulse, he captured Spike’s hand and clasped it hard, fighting to remain in control. Spike’s cool hand squeezed his back strongly, his attention never leaving the photo album page.
In a measured tone, using the photos, he told the story of how he and Shari had met at the martial arts school. He explained how they had become friends, teacher and student, and then lovers. How Shari had encouraged him to go to school and get a good job. There were pictures of his graduation, their first apartment, their first “good” car, Shari receiving her black belt, and Xander doing the same. There was an engagement photo, with Xander looking absolutely dumbstruck at the tiny woman at his side. His fingers brushed the photo.
“I couldn’t believe she wanted to marry me. Hell, I couldn’t believe she wanted to date me. She was so incredible.” He clutched Spike’s hand even harder; glad that there was no way he could hurt the vampire.
Dawn turned the page and said “Wow”. The left page showed Xander, barefoot and shirtless, wearing a pair of black drawstring pants. Shari stood in front of him in a black sports bra and similar pants. They were both holding a stylized pose with their arms stretched above their heads and intertwined. Shari’s eyes were closed, her head tilted back. Xander was looking down at her with a breathtaking expression of love and longing on his face. Dawn drew her finger down the black and white portrait. “This is awesome,” she said.
The right-hand page was another posed portrait, this one of Xander alone. He faced the camera at an angle. He was holding the handle of a jointed metal strand that flowed across his bare shoulders. The handle had yellow and red silk scarves tied to it that trailed down his side. His muscles stood out in sharp relief, and he stared out of the frame.
Spike spoke for the first time since they had settled at the table. He traced his fingers across the weapon in the picture and asked, “What’s that?”
Xander chuckled and replied, “It’s a chain whip – I’ll show you sometime. It’s incredibly destructive; you’ll love it.” They shared a smile and Xander felt Spike’s hand tighten on his. Reluctantly, Xander released Spike’s cool hand from his sweaty one and turned the next page of the book himself. As the others took in the image, Xander started twisting the two platinum bands on his left ring finger. It was his and Shari’s wedding portrait. In the photo, she stood directly in front of him. She was wearing a long, white silk sheath with delicate straps. Her black hair spilled out from under a pure white veil that was attached to her hair with tiny white roses. She carried a bouquet of white calla lilies. Xander’s arms were around her tiny waist, and he towered over her as she was tucked neatly under his chin. His black tuxedo and gleaming white shirt emphasized his dark coloring and deep tan. They looked ecstatically happy.
The next few pages showed typical wedding shots, the last one was of their hands crossed over Shari’s bouquet, emphasizing their rings. Shari wore a diamond solitaire and platinum band that matched the thick one on Xander’s hand. Spike wondered for a moment about the thinner band that Xander also wore. He looked up and realized that Xander had removed both bands from his hand and was holding them out to him. Meeting Xander’s eyes with a questioning look, he took the two rings and turned them over in his hands. They were both engraved on the inside. The thicker one said “Shari”, the thinner one “Lex”. As Dawn turned the page, all three voices asked as one “Who’s Lex?”
Xander touched the photo on the last page of the book. It was a 3-D sonogram photo. Under the picture was scrawled the name Lex. Three pairs of blue eyes searched for brown ones, but Xander chose to look deeply into Spike’s.
“Lex was my son,” he said quietly. “He was never born. When Shari was murdered he died with her.”
Chapter Six
Spike closed the front door behind Jase, Dawn and Sara. Just as Xander had dropped his bombshell, Sara had awakened. Spike had gestured for Dawn and Jase to go get her, and the vampire had turned back to Xander just in time to see the dark man slip out the back door. With a sigh, he’d joined the others in getting Sara ready to go home and to bed. They had not spoken about the night’s revelations, but as Dawn hugged Spike on her way out the door she had whispered fiercely in his ear, “Take care of him.” Spike listened, and was able to hear Xander’s heartbeat. It was slow and steady. He followed the sound to the back porch.
Xander stood at the bottom of the stairs. He was still barefoot, wearing the black jeans and black silk tee he’d changed into after their sparring earlier in the day. The wind had picked up, and Xander was facing into it, his long hair blowing back from his face. Spike looked at his profile, silhouetted in the moonlight, the tracks of drying tears shining on his cheeks. Xander turned toward the other man and a small smile twisted his lips. He gestured for Spike to join him and seated himself on the bottom step. Spike settled next to him. Xander felt a soft touch on the back of his hand. He looked at Spike and felt his cool hand press the two platinum bands into his palm. As he realized what they were, he clutched Spike’s hand in his briefly, and then pulled away to resettle the rings into their familiar groove.
The two men sat in silence, listening to the wind blow. After a few moments, Xander turned on the stair, pulling one knee up and wrapping his arms around it so he could face Spike. He looked at the vampire until the blue eyes met his and then began to speak.
“Spike, I need you to shut up for a few minutes and let me say some things.” He paused to grin as Spike’s eyebrows raised and his mouth opened and then shut with a nod. Xander drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Spike, I owe you a lot right now.” He shot the other man a quelling look as his mouth opened again. “I owe you a world of thanks, for accepting me, for putting me up, and putting up with me; I owe you major gratitude for the comfort you’ve offered me since I showed up. I didn’t know how much I needed it, really. And don’t think it’s done – I’m still a wreck, so I’m probably gonna fall apart on you again shortly.”
Xander took another deep breath. In coming back to Sunnydale, he had known that he owed apologies to all of his friends. He had practiced what he would say to Dawn and Buffy and Willow, but had been unable to plan what to say to Spike, not knowing what to expect from the vampire. He plunged ahead with his explanation. “The main thing I owe you is an apology, and it’s been a long time coming. When I left Sunnydale, and for all the time we knew each other, I was a complete asshole. I treated you like crap, and I’m both stunned and humbled that you are able to even talk to me now, much less treat me like a friend.” As he spoke these words, Xander realized exactly how true they were. The easy, simple friendship that Spike had shown him in the previous 24 hours had made him feel safe and calm for the first time in six months. He drew in another breath and kept talking. “ I, I …hate like hell to admit it, but I resented you because I always felt like you were in my way. For some stupid reason I thought that if you hadn’t been around I could have maybe had a shot with Buffy. And I hated like hell that you slept with Anya.” Xander paused and raised a hand as Spike’s mouth opened yet again.
“Not yet. I’m not done; you get to talk in a minute.” Xander softened his words with a small smile. “I know now that I never had a chance with Buffy; and I know that you and her together was not about love or anything good. And I even understand the whole bathroom scene.” Xander saw the pain in Spike’s face and reached over to touch the other man’s hand. “I said some awful things to you after that, and I hid behind a lot of inflated self-righteousness that was only fronting for jealousy. I was so angry that you were the only one who could make her feel anything then, so I just let loose on you.” He took in another long breath and let it out with a shuddery sigh. “Let’s not even waste any breath on Anya. I really understand that one now. She was hurting, you were hurting – and you used each other to feel loved, or even just liked for a little while. I can honestly say I understand that now. So, I guess what I’m doing is saying that I’m sorry, and I’m asking for forgiveness.”
Spike quirked his scarred eyebrow at Xander, who laughed and said, “OK, your turn to talk.”
“Xan, why don’t we give all of that crap from the past a skip, yeah? Neither of us was exactly the model citizen at the time. I said and did a lot of things back then that I’m not exactly proud of either. I accept your apology.” He paused, and the two men smiled at one another. Spike looked down, and then met Xander’s brown eyes again. “The reason I’m treating you like a friend is because you are my friend. We should have been better friends before – I always thought we had the most in common of the whole gang. Hell, maybe that’s why we couldn’t get along. We’ve both done a lot of growing up in the last eight years. You were a kid then, and I was pretty much an adolescent myself, at least as far as behavior goes. I hope that we’re both better people now.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes. Xander surprised himself by breaking it to ask a question.
“When you were a human, did you look like Jase?”
Spike spluttered, “Huh? Like Jase?” He paused, and said, in a voice filled with wonder, “Bloody hell! You’re right! I did look a lot like him. I never noticed.” Spike’s mouth hung open.
“When I met him tonight, I realized it. He’s about your size, but slighter, and his eyes are really close, but not as beautiful. He’s got your same bone structure. Put brown hair and glasses on you and there you are – Human Spike, er … William, I guess.” Xander grinned broadly. “I bet if we got him to do the accent it would be uncanny!”
Spike shut his mouth, equally taken aback by the thought that Dawn’s husband looked like his human self and that Xander had said his eyes were beautiful. Xander kept speaking.
“Do you think Dawn did it on purpose? I wonder if she’d even admit it. Figures, though. Another reason I hated you – displacing me as Dawn’s crush object. Heh. I leave town and she married a lookalike. Who would have guessed?”
Spike finally smiled and shot Xander a sideways look. “Just how many reasons to hate me did you have? And did you keep an actual list on paper, or was it just mental?”
“Oh, it was mental, all right. Mostly just Buffy, Anya, Dawn, being cooler than me, stronger than me, more useful than me, and probably a couple more.” Xander ticked off the reasons on his fingers. Spike stared at him for a long moment, appraisingly.
“Xan, when did you get so honest?”
Xander sighed. “It was Shari. Man, she wouldn’t let me get away with a thing. She made me take responsibility for everything. I thought I knew about responsibility – you know, saving the world since I was fifteen and all? But I had zero sense of personal responsibility. I wanted everything to be somebody else’s fault, and she wouldn’t let me play that game for a second. God, she was tough. She made a man out of me.” Xander lapsed into silence, lost in thought. He almost missed Spike’s very quiet comment.
“She made a good man out of you, luv.”
Return to Round Winners
Return to Listing