The Wild ThingBy Purplefeen
Chapter 1: Orgy Central 2Willow’s POV
What is going *on* around here? Two days ago, Riley’s frat house turns into Orgy Central. Buffy and Riley do the Horizontal Mambo for something like nine hours straight. Almost everyone else at that party got some in one form or another, myself being the glaringly obvious exception.
And what was that business with everyone groping the *wall*? It was a *wall* for goodness sake and everyone acting like invisible elves were giving them the greatest oral sex of their lives. Maybe I should have checked that one out for myself. Hmm.
But *no*, I couldn’t just go with it, couldn’t have just given myself over to it like everyone else and had myself some mind-blowing sex. No. “Old Reliable” Willow had to decide something was wrong and go get Giles and rid the place of the thing that had given everybody in the place a happy but me. Why couldn’t I have gotten my happy *first* and *then* gone and got Giles? Hindsight, what a bitch.
And now, two days after the ‘I-didn’t-get-any-once-again’ fiasco, it’s started again. What has gotten into everyone and why won’t it jump into me? Sorry, back on track. Either all of UC Sunnydale has gotten a *massive* case of Spring Fever or somebody put something in the water. Get a *room* people! All of you. Well, separate rooms, I guess, but I don’t think Sunnydale has this many motels.
What is going on? I know that girl, she’s in my PoliSci class and she’s so unbelievably bashful she won’t even hand in her papers until the *instructor* has left the room. I didn’t think it was possible to do that while still fully clothed. And how did she bend herself into that position? Maybe if I lean this way I can see…
Focus, Willow! Something is up. This just isn’t natural, even for a Hellmouth. Maybe I’d better go get Giles.
“Old Reliable” strikes again.
---
“Giles! Open up, Giles!” Damn, where is he? That big red penis of a sports car is out front, so he must be here. He never walks. Maybe he’s got the stereo up too loud. Or he’s in the shower.
“Giles!” Ow, hurts when you bang too hard.
“I’m here, I’m here.”
Yep, shower. “Something’s up, Gi- Olivia- um –hi. I didn’t know you were coming back so soon. And so unclothed. Nice towel, maybe I’d better come back later. See ya, I’ll be back in an hour with Xander.”
He doesn’t look happy.
“Make that two hours.”
OW! Geez, the expression don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out is just an that – an expression. It wasn’t meant to be taken literally. Watch it, Giles. Geez.
Where to? Not Xander’s. Although, at least with him and Anya, I would know it wasn’t a spell, they go at it all the time. Where, where? Find Buffy? No, she went over to Riley’s this morning, don’t need that visual. I know, go to the ‘rents house, get my old spell books. Whew, a place to start that doesn’t involve watching people in heat.
Man, why couldn’t I have gotten my happy *first*? Shit
Chapter 2 : A Tourist
Spike’s POV
Cor, I hate this place. Too much bloody sunshine. Why don’t I go back to England where it’s nice and gloomy all the time?
Oh, right. Birds wear more clothes when it’s cold outside. Damn, why can’t they be more like vamps. Temperature doesn’t matter. Wear what we want whenever we want. Wear the coat in the middle of July I do. Heat never bothers me.
Aaarrgh! Too bleedin’ bored, that’s what it is. Nothin’ to do but sit around and wait for the sun to go down. Well, pace around, no point in sittin’ unless Passions is on the telly. Got to do something to keep up my youthful figure.
That’s it. Sit ups. Better than nothin’. Gotta do something til sunset.
What was that?! Some little nasty thinks they can squat in my lair do they? Not bloody likely. Hmm, nothing there.
Wait. Downstairs? There it is again. Gotcha, you’re too noisy by half. I’ll find you and when I do –
Nothing. Fast bugger. Must have high-tailed it. Guess it’s back to sit-ups.
That skull, I didn’t move that skull. They were all over there by the ladder just like they’ve been since I moved into this crypt. Wanker thinks he can invade my lair and then *move my stuff*. If I ever catch him, he’ll be dust.
Ow. Hey, skulls aren’t supposed to be warm.
“Who’s in there?”
“Who wants to know?”
“I asked you first.” Skulls aren’t supposed to light up like that either.
“I asked you second.”
“Look you little puissant, you’re in my bloody home and you’ll tell me who you are right this bleedin’ second.”
“Bob.”
Bob? A demon named *Bob*? Oh, that’s rich.
“Well, Bob, that skull you’ve decided to inhabit happens to be my property and I’ll thank you to vacate it immediately.”
“No.”
“Whaddaya mean, NO! Get the hell out of my skull you great git.”
“It’s not *your* skull, vampire. *Your* skull is sitting firmly atop your body, which you can locate quite easily if you just reach your hands up to that great empty bone located over your neck. *This* is my skull.”
“Hey, get back here. Fine, you may *borrow* my skull for the time being. What are you anyway?”
“I am an air spirit, vampire, don’t you know anything? And I thought vampires were supposed to be reasonably intelligent. Wait’ll I tell Harry about you. He won’t believe me.”
“Harry, who’s Harry?”
“Harry is my wizard.”
“Harry is your wizard?”
“Yes, Harry is my wizard. Is there an echo in here?”
“Harry who?”
“No, vampire. I’m not giving myself away that easily. I worked hard to get myself this little vacation and I’m not going home just yet. I’m having way too much fun.”
An air spirit? And a wizard named Harry? Wait an unholy minute-
“Are you pullin’ my leg? The only wizard named Harry that I’ve ever heard of is in that silly book Red was readin’. Some children’s book. A *fictional* children’s book. Don’t tell me you’re from some soddin’ dimension where books are *real*?”
“No, you moron, not Harry Potter. Lord, I miss the good old days. One word from me and poof, no more idiot. Now it’s all rules and laws and no love potions on unsuspecting reporters. Listen to me, vampire, I’m not fictional. I’m from Chicago. I’m out for two blissful weeks and I intend to rest in this skull until I feel like venturing out again. Now go bite someone.”
“Spike.”
“What did you say, vampire?”
“Spike, my name is Spike. If you’re going to be my roommate for two soddin’ weeks at least call me by my name.”
Tourists.
Chapter 3 : Time for A Little Fun
Bob’s POV
Lots of sunshine, this makes a nice change. Winter in Chicago is just so dreadful. Spring isn’t much better, too wet. Not that I get to see any of it being stuck in that lab.
Ah, two whole weeks. Shame I have to live vicariously through humans. What a waste of a functional moving body human beings are. Being an air spirit leaves no room at all for physical pleasure. Shame, I would have been so good at it too. Casanova, my ass. He had no imagination what-so-ever.
So, I have to get my pleasures in whatever form I can find them. And I’m insatiable. I can go forever. But, humans have limitations, so I just have to move from one to the next to the next.
I wonder if the women I seduce through these mere mortals miss me when I’m gone. I mean, please, it’s *not* as if they got anywhere near the pleasure - from a simple human - that I gave them while I was orchestrating one of *my* trysts. What I wouldn’t give for a penis. Ah, well.
I promised Harry no more hanky-panky in Illinois after the fun I had at Loyola made the papers. I suppose it’s a good thing when world news is so slow that a little college orgy makes the front page.
Okay, I’m being modest. It was a big orgy. A *very* big orgy. Lasted for days, they kept at it even after I left. I *am* good.
So, a nice trip to sunny California. A Hellmouth. I’ve only ever seen one Hellmouth before but that was over 150 years ago. The wizard I was with then never wanted to let me out. Man, am I glad he’s dead.
The people here are just ripe for a little fun. Didn’t bat an eye when I warmed up the other night at that fraternity house. And I wasn’t even trying then.
Cupid’s got nothing on *me*. I would have made an excellent god.
Bob, god of love, has a nice ring, don’t you think?
Well, must rest. My little jaunt this morning (well, last night and this morning) has worn out the fragile humans. I find it helps to meditate while the humans are tired. Gives me a faster startup later on. So little time, so many humans to please.
I do hope this vampire won’t be a bore.
Chapter 4: What’s Wrong With This Picture?
Willow’s POV
I have a new mantra. ‘What’s wrong with this picture?’
It’s evening. The sun has set. The commons of UC Sunnydale are deserted. Absolutely deserted. Not a single solitary person, save me.
Why you ask?
{{Great, now I’m asking myself questions. Will I answer myself?}}
{{I guess I will, no one else here to care.}}
Ahem. Why you ask? Because every student, teacher and facilitator within a mile of Sunnydale is inside…
What was that?! Oh.
Inside, or in the bushes, doing the nasty with the person or people of their choice.
What’s wrong with *me*? Why hasn’t this thing hit *me* yet?
That’s it. I can’t take this anymore. This is the last circuit and then I’m going home. Not the dorm, way too much visual and auditory stimulation there. Going to my parents’ house. Wonder if they’re there? Who cares, kinda hope they’re not.
I hope I can remember where I hid that vibrator.
“Sorry, I wasn’t –“
“Hey, watch where you’re goin’!”
“Spike? Spike, what are you doing here? There’s no one here, they’re all inside, um…”
“Yeah, I noticed that pet. What the bleedin’ hell is goin’ on in this town? Only humans I run into, few that there are, are naked and pantin’. Vamps too. You should see the cemetery. Freakin’ orgy goin’ on there. Petersen plot, ya know that big monument in the middle of Heavenly Slumbers Cemetary, looks like Times Square on New Year’s Eve.”
“I – I – I, uh, kinda noticed something like that here too. Only less out in the open, ‘cause you know, people, not so much with the - uh – openness.”
I hope my face is not red as I think it is. It couldn’t possibly be as red as I think it is or I would have spontaneously combusted by now. This is Spike, he is *not*, I repeat NOT interested in me in any way at all, so get my mind out of his pants – off of his pants. Maybe this thing *is* starting to effect me.
Spikes’ POV
“Hey, Red, how come you’re out here? Why aren’t you inside somewhere getting’ all hot and bothered and naked and wrigglin’…”
Breath, Spike breath. Oh, yeah, don’t have to. Concentrate! Not on Red, you ponce! Where’s the little spirit bugger? He’s what I came for.
“Never mind. You seen an air spirit by any chance?”
“A what?”
“An air spirit, an’ don’t look at me like that. I don’t know exactly what he is, but the blighter’s a right lot of trouble I can tell ya that. Been chasin’ ‘im since a little after sunset. Soon as he left my crypt, ‘bout a dozen birds showed up tryin’ to rip me clothes off and I just know that little bugger had somethin’ to do with it!”
“Women! Came to your crypt? And tried to – to – to – “
“Yes!” Uh, oh. What to do? Oh, yeah – lie.
“Would’ve been right fun ‘cept - oh, who am I kiddin’. It *was* fun, haven’t done that in, erm, well.”
I never was a good liar. Oh god, she looks like she’s gonna cry.
“Look, Red. Help me find this little thing, ‘kay? Pretty sure he’s the one behind all this. Isn’t that the kind of thing you bloody Scoobies do? Save the world from wicked little sex fairies?”
Good, a smile. Wow. She’s right beautiful when she smiles. Whole face just glows. Look at those eyes, never noticed before they were green. Maybe just one little…NO!
“BOB!”
Willow’s POV
Did Spike just try to kiss me?
Chapter 5: Amazing
Spike’s POV
“That’s it. That’s all I know. Bob, air spirit, two weeks, some bloke named Harry, commandeering one of my skulls. What are we gonna do?”
“How should I know? I’m research girl, I have to research.”
“Let’s get started then.”
“All my stuff’s at Giles’.”
“Let’s go.”
“Um, Giles’ is kinda busy.”
“Not him too.” Then again, I’m kinda impressed, didn’t think he had it in ‘im. One up for the librarian. Literally.
“Where to then?”
“I looked through all the books I had at home and I don’t remember seeing anything on spirits that cast love spells.”
“I don’t think he does normally. Seems to work for this Harry wizard, thinkin’ up potions and such from what he was blubberin’ on about this mornin’. Think maybe all this is just his hobby.”
“Oh, great. A disembodied miniature psuedo-baddie who’s good normally but gets his jollies making every available human get all lusty.”
“Don’t forget vamps.”
“Right. And vamps. Wait a minute. How come you’re not – I know you *were*, what with the dozen women and everything, but why’d you stop? Why aren’t you still there? Nobody else is coming up for air.”
Hmm.
“Don’t know. Didn’t really think about it. I mean, what do you do? People show up wantin’ ta fu- you know, you just get on with it. Had my fun, finished, left.”
“You got up and *left*? You could still – after all *that* - aren’t you tired? Do you want to sit down? Don’t smile at me like that, I haven’t had any experience with vampire, um, endurance. I don’t know what you can do.”
Now why didn’t I think of that. That’s an easy fix.
“I can go all night, luv. And all day. Anytime you want first hand experience with vampire, um, endurance, you let me know, I’d be glad to help you *research*.”
Oh look, Red’s all red. She’s getting’ all hot and bothered. Damn. She’s getting’ me all hot and bothered.
“C’mere.”
Hot. This girl is so hot. Hot skin, hot mouth, hot body. Cor, she feels so good. What am I doing? The slayer’s gonna stake me. Stop touching the girl. Stop. Get your hands off, now.
Hot. Hot face, hot neck, body, waist, hips, thighs. She doesn’t weigh hardly anything. Where to go? Crypt? No, too far. Dorm?
“Red?”
“Hmm…,? Don’t stop touching me, Spike. Please don’t stop touching me.”
“Where’s your room?”
“Room? Oh, left, go left. Other left.”
“Can’t wait, Red. In here, nobody’s in here. How do you get this off? Never mind.”
They don’t make panties like they used to. Thank god.
“Red, undo my, yeah, that’s it. How’s that? You like that, baby?”
SO HOT!
“Spike, please, harder, right there, oh yeah, love this, touching you, need you, need this, oooohhhhh”
“Come on, pet, that’s it. So wet, so tight, so good. Fuck! Aaaahhhhh!”
Amazing. Bloody amazing.
“More, luv. Let’s find a nice quiet place. I need *more*. I need more *you*.”
One little girl. Must be the spell. No. One amazing woman. Who would have thought? Please say yes.
“Yes.”
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