Armadillos & Salsa

By Syn

Chapter Two: Barn Talk

San Antonio, Texas

Texas passed in a blur of small towns and long, dry Interstate. Gunn had nearly fallen asleep at the wheel twice and only gave it up after the third time he nodded off in the warm sunlight. Wesley took over and drove into San Antonio just as the sun went down. Fred called her mother to tell her they were almost there as Angel took Wesley's place and followed Fred's directions toward her family's ranch just outside the city limits. They passed Brooks Air Force Base and turned onto a tiny side road, gravel flying out in a wave behind them.

"It's the next turn on the right Angel." Fred said, her face nearly pressed against the windshield as she tried to get a good look at her homestead for the first time six or so years. When Angel made the turn, she actually squealed and thrust her hands in the air. The squeal tore through the motor home and everyone winced.

Pulling up outside a wind-worn two-story farmhouse, they were immediately greeted by a familiar pair on the front porch. Fred barely waited until Angel stopped the motor home before she bounded out of the passenger side door and leapt at her mother and father.

Everyone piled out politely behind her, waiting as Fred hugged and kissed her mother and then did the same to her father. Gunn's grin was wide and happy. It'd been a long time since he'd seen her this carefree.

"Sweetie! Oh, look at you, you're skin and bones! Are you eating enough?" Trish Burkle exclaimed, holding Fred at arms length and examining her in the porch light with an appraising, motherly eye.

"Mom! Yes!" Fred said, exasperated, a grin on her face.

"Well, you're gonna get gain a few pounds while you're here and that's final!" Trish said and then turned to the large group standing in her driveway. She appraised them all for a second and then smiled.

"Angel!" Angel stepped forward and she gave him a peck on the cheek. "Are you still a vampire?"

"Yes, ma'am." Angel lowered his head and looked at his feet.

"Good. I slaughtered two pigs yesterday and I don't want all that blood to go to waste." Angel fought a grin at Trish's offhand manner. She smiled and moved down the line, hugging and greeting all the old faces. She stopped at Faith and Connor, appraising first one and then the other. "Lorne told me you put Angel in a box and sunk him to the bottom of the ocean."

"Uh...well...yeah." Connor stammered, glancing at his father on how to answer. Angel gestured to him to go on. "I mean, yes ma'am. But I...won't do it again."

Trish nodded and turned her attention on Faith. "And you're the murderer?"

"What of it?" Faith immediately challenged. Wesley put a hand on her shoulder, as if he could restrain her.

"We believe in the death penalty in Texas, ya know." Trish said coolly, one eyebrow arched as Faith bristled under her glare.

"Mom, Faith is a good guy--she saved the world n'stuff." Fred spoke up, taking her mother's hand.

"No, let her speak, Fred. We gonna have a problem?" Faith's face was hard and careworn as she looked over the aging woman before her.

Trish suddenly smiled. "If Winifred is your friend then I don't have a problem with you. After all, she brought a vampire, a former higher being and a demon with her. A convicted criminal actually puts me at ease."

"Just don't be gettin' any ideas though." Roger Burkle spoke up in his easy manner, eyeing Faith. He wasn't nearly so trusting. Faith opened her mouth to say what he could do with his ideas, but Wesley pinched her arm.

"Yes sir." Faith answered, tight lipped. Trish appraised them all again and then sighed.

"Well y'all can just come inside right now. I've had dinner warming since Fred called us. I hope you like fried chicken."

"Hell yeah!" Gunn exclaimed, his stomach rumbling. Everyone filed into the house and looked around at Fred's home as Trish got dinner ready. Fred was running around like mad, looking at things she hadn't seen in years and exclaiming over the newest additions with the wonder of a child at Disneyland. Cordelia personally thought they'd have to tranquilize her before she would sit down and be still for a minute.

The house was homey and warm, the walls painted an off-white that complimented the polished wooden floors. The furniture was worn and overstuffed, with homemade doilies strewn over the backs of the couches and chairs. There were many pictures on the walls. Everyone stopped before a large picture of a much younger Fred, who was grinning at them widely.

"What the hell did you do to your hair?" Faith asked, glancing over at Fred, who blushed scarlet.

"And what were you wearing?" Cordelia added, a look of disbelief crossing her features, her eyes wide.

"That's...I was ten and...and I was very into Dolly Parton okay. It was a phase!" Fred said, flustered, her hands fluttering in the air. Gunn smirked at the picture, noting the huge, hair sprayed helmet of hair, the turquoise cowboy hat, the beaded dress with the fringe and the huge grin that displayed two missing teeth. "We've all made fashion mistakes, okay!"

"Yeah, just look at Cordelia's hair!" Lorne exclaimed, pointing fingers.

"Hey!"

"Freddikins I think you look darling!" Lorne went on, ignoring Cordy and kissing Fred's forehead as he walked by. "Don't let the ugly stepsisters tell you different. And Dolly is a peach."

"This coming from the guy who watched "Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" twenty times before we left. And knew all the songs." Cordelia said, fingering her chin-length brown hair. She thought it looked cute like this...

"Burt Reynolds is the man!" Lorne exclaimed over his shoulder as he entered the kitchen after Fred's mother.

"He's completely delusional." Cordelia said sourly. Angel looked over at her and smiled.

"Well, Burt Reynolds was kind of cool back in the day."

"Not about Burt Reynolds, dumbass! My hair!" Cordelia said, smacking Angel's arm. He shied away from her and then touched her hair with one hand.

"I don't know...the blonde wasn't the best look ever. I prefer the brown." Angel said, pulling the silky strands of hair between his fingers. Cordelia sighed and let a contented grin ease over her face.

"That is the exact right thing to say." Cordelia said with another sigh. Angel opened his mouth to something, but Trish's voice stopped him.

"Dinner's ready!"

"Oh thank God, I was about to eat Wesley's arm!" Gunn said, tearing his eyes away from the photograph of Fred.

"You wouldn't want him anyway, Gunn. He's all stringy and bitter." Faith said, glancing at Wesley, who was studying the books on the shelf in the corner.

"As the owner of said arm, I resent that remark!" Wesley said, glancing up and meeting Faith's grin. He put a book back on the shelf and followed everyone into the dining room.

Two tables had been pulled together to accommodate the Burkles and their eight guests. Gunn's eyes went wide as he looked at the plates of chicken, mashed potatoes, beets, spinach, green beans, bright yellow ears of corn, biscuits, gravy, salad, and deviled eggs.

"Wow, mom. This is too much..." Fred said as she pulled up a chair and sat down next to her father.

"Oh please, you know how I love to cook." Trish said with a snort.

"No, really Mrs. Burkle. This is lovely. Thank you." Wesley said as everyone else sat down too.

"Thank you Wesley. Lorne, dear, I love that suit."

"Thanks Trish." The two exchanged a look for a moment and Trish grinned in conspiracy, glancing around the table. Lorne did too, noticing that Angel and Cordelia were sitting together and so were Fred and Gunn. They hadn't even noticed. Both of them watched as Faith pushed Connor out of the way and sat down next to Wesley. Connor gave her a scowl and sat down between her and Lorne with a thump.

Trish and Lorne kept glancing around the table as the meal went on. Angel sat back and watched everyone eat before tasting bits and pieces of everything. His stomach rumbled for something more liquid-y and red, but he obliged Mrs. Burkle, who was sitting next to him, as she piled mashed potatoes on his plate. She leaned toward him and whispered, "I've got a big glass of pig's blood in the fridge. You can get it whenever you want."

"Oh...um...thank you." Angel stammered as Trish just smiled and went back to her meal.

The meal passed in peace and polite conversation. Roger was really excited to have extra hands on the ranch for a few days and Trish was dying to take them all around San Antonio to see the sights. Everything was going great until Roger asked about the Apocalypse.

"So...big Beast, huh?"

"The biggest." Lorne said with a grimace.

"We were really worried about y'all when we heard it on the news. Between Iraq and the space shuttle blowing up, it was a little much to take in. I can't imagine what it was like for y'all, living there."

"It was rough, that's for sure. We lost a few, won a few." Gunn said around a mouthful of biscuit. Connor nodded in agreement, his eyes on Cordelia, who was studying the pool of gravy on her plate with interest.

"Actually, we'd like to...focus on other things while we're here if you don't mind. It's kind of tough to talk about." Angel said, noticing the paleness of Cordelia's face.

"Oh, of course."

The conversation immediately turned to a much lighter topic and soon, dessert--sugar cream pie--was brought out. They all ate as much as they could, bellies full to bursting. When Connor was ready to nod off, Trish looked at the clock on the wall and exclaimed about the time.

"What am I thinking keeping you up like this? I bet you're all exhausted from your trip."

"We didn't get much sleep, mama." Fred said apologetically, as she stood up and started stacking the dishes.

"I understand. Now, I've pulled out the couch bed in the den for you girls since we're still renting out Fred's room, but I'm not sure where I'm going to put the fellas here..."

"We can sleep in the motor home." Gunn offered with a smile.

"Yes, it's quite cozy..." Wesley said as he stood up.

"Despite the smell." Angel finished, poking Connor awake with his finger. The younger boy shot up and looked like he was going to kill someone if they came near him.

"Smell?" Roger asked, his eyebrows shooting up in question.

"An Innishi demon was living in there for awhile. They give off a rather--pungent--aroma when they're in heat. It tends to linger. That's why I got it so cheap." Lorne said with a guilty shrug as he picked up the rest of the dishes and quickly walked into the kitchen after Fred and Trish.

"Now he tells us." Gunn groused as Faith made a face.

In the kitchen, Fred stacked the dishes next to the sink and reached for the dishrag. Trish slapped her hand away. "You're practically asleep on your feet. I'll do these while you go get the boys some extra blankets."

"But there are so many dishes, mom!"

"I'll help her." Lorne said, reaching for a dry towel. Fred sighed and then gave her mother a kiss. Trish shooed her out of the room and turned back to the green demon standing at her sink.

"So...how were things on the ride here?"

"Therapeutic, I'd say." Lorne mused, remembering Cordelia and Angel asleep in the berth and everyone else talking and laughing.

"So, how much work do they need?" Trish asked with a gleam in her eye, her voice a whisper as she dipped her hands in the hot soapy water, cleaning one dish after another and handing them to Lorne, who rinsed and dried them.

"Fred and Gunn have a lot of issues--mostly Wesley. We get them past that and they'll be fine. They're both still so in love it's blinding me."

"My little girl has grown up so much." Trish said with a sigh and then frowned. "What about...you said Wesley is a big issue for Winifred, right? Well...what is he doing here?"

"He's family, same as everyone else. And let me tell you something, he's got more on his mind than Fred right now sweetie pie."

"Like that convict with all the cleavage and the attitude?"

Lorne chuckled at the accurate description. "I didn't see it coming, but I don't think we'll have to worry about Wesley interfering with what we have planned. Those two crazy cats are ready to jump each other."

"Well then that works out nicely. I feel like some teenager with all this plotting."

Lorne laughed again and studied Trish's face. "Your daughter is a lot like you. I know if she wasn't one of my targets she'd be in here helping me get everyone else together. She's got the same plotting, scheming, romantic streak in her. I mean that in a good way."

"That's how I took it. Okay, now what about Angel and Cordelia?"

"Oh that's a hard nut to crack. They want to be together and he's all big with the guilt about being a vampire. That used to work fine for them; only now Cordelia is big with the guilt too. There can't be two broody people in one relationship--it just doesn't work." Lorne said, looking over his shoulder as he stacked the clean bowls on the counter.

"So what do we do?"

"Work them through it, I guess. We'll have to be really careful Cordy doesn't sniff us out; she's not stupid. Angel can be dumb as a post sometimes though, so he'll be easy to manipulate. It shouldn't take much. Just a little nudge."

"I wanna help." They both whirled to see Connor standing in the doorway to the bright, homey kitchen, a half-empty glass of milk in his hands.

"Connor! How long were you there?"

"Long enough. You're going to make my father and Cordelia get together, right?" Connor's blue eyes were shadowed. "And Fred and Gunn?"

"Yeah..."

"Well I wanna help."

"Why?" Lorne exclaimed. "I figured you'd be the last person to want them together..."

"Maybe. But...let me help."

Lorne looked him over for a few seconds, seeing the sincerity in his eyes. He shrugged. "Fine. Come in here and grab a towel. Join our pow-wow little man." Connor smiled, grabbed a towel and listened intently as Lorne went over The Plan.

****

"I say we kill it." Connor said shortly the next morning, eyeing the huge beast before him. Gunn chuckled and studied the creature with interest.

"I think we're supposed to milk it." He said, bending over to get a look at the underside of the huge creature. It stamped impatiently in place and looked back at the two men standing beside it, doleful brown eyes blinking in the dim light of the barn.

"How do you do that?" Connor asked, tilting his head to stare at the smelly creature.

"How the hell should I know? I grew up in the hood! The only thing I know about cows is they taste good with A-1 sauce." Gunn exclaimed, reaching out a hand to stroke the cow's short brown hair. The cow gave a plaintive moo and stamped away from Gunn's hand. "How about that? Even the livestock hates a brother in Texas."

"So...how should we milk it?" Connor asked again as he crouched down in the trampled hay and dirt. Gunn thought a moment, studying the underside of the cow with shrewd eyes.

"Well, I think you grab those dangly things right there and pull really hard."

"Okay, so...pull em." Connor nudged Gunn forward.

"Yeah, maybe I will. It ain't like it's hard, right?" Gunn said as he tentatively reached forward. He grabbed an udder in his fingers and tugged it downward. Instead of the expected warm stream of milk, he was suddenly drenched in warm, yellow liquid. He sputtered and fell backward. "What the hell?"

"I don't think it liked that."

"Shut up Connor!" Gunn growled as he pulled off his shirt and wiped the icky warm liquid off his face.

"Whoa, what did we miss? And why is Gunn shirtless?" Faith asked she and Fred walked into the barn. She looked Gunn over and smiled. "Scratch that. Gunn should always be shirtless. But why is he covered in piss?"

"He pulled too hard." Fred said with a giggle, walking over to the cow and petting it. It stayed in place as she scratched it behind the ears. "When you milk a cow, you've got to be gentle. Or they'll let you know."

"Can't they just moo really loud?" Gunn said with a scowl as he walked splashed water from the trough on his face. Fred grabbed a tiny stool and set it down next to the cow. She reached for a bucket and placed it under the udders, then petted the cow, her tone soothing as she talked.

"Watch, Charles. It's pretty easy once you get the hang of it." Everyone leaned down and watched as Fred took two of the udders in her hands and tugged them gently. Milk shot out of them and hit the bucket with a metallic ping. "See? Easy-peasy."

"That's just about the dirtiest thing I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot of shit." Faith commented with a disturbed expression on her face.

"Fred the Milkmaid. I'm in a wrong place, mentally." Gunn said with a smile. Fred turned her head and grinned at him.

"You wanna try? I promise you won't get peed on again."

"Uh, I'll catch the next cow, thanks. You take this one." Gunn offered, tucking his soiled shirt into the waistband of his old jeans. Fred sighed and went back to milking the cow. She looked around the barn, smiling at all the familiar stalls and the old leather horse tack on the walls. Nothing had changed in all the time she was gone. Not even the manure pile outside the wide barn doors.

She breathed in, the cow's flank soft against her cheek. The smell of animals and hay filled her lungs. She was sharply reminded of Pylea, but this was a familiar scent. This was home.

She looked up to see Gunn watching her, a smile on his face. Her heart did a familiar pitter-patter in her chest and she tugged too hard. Instead of a shower of warm liquid, she got smacked in the face by the cow's tail.

Just then, something smoky barreled into the barn and they all turned to watch as Angel stumbled to a stop and yanked a blanket off his body. Cordelia came in after him, followed by Wesley and Roger.

"He always has to make a showy entrance." Gunn commented as Angel shot him a dirty look. The vampire looked around, his eyebrows drawn up in concern.

"See, I knew I'd get you in here in one piece. You're such a worry-wort, Angel." Cordelia said, waving away the smoke with a grimace.

"I don't know...I get real nervous in barns. I'm always afraid someone is going to knock me out and steal my horse." He said, stepping over a stinky pile of dung on the ground.

"Oh look. Horse poo." Cordelia said, looking around with distaste at the dirty barn and all the animals. "Reminds me of Pylea. Let's leave."

"At least its not demon horse poo." Fred said cheerfully, avoiding another swing of the cow's tail.

"Thank God for small favors. Will it bite me?" Cordelia asked, approaching the cow Fred was milking. When Fred shook her head, she reached out and petted the chewing cow. "Now this is the kind of cow I like. Well, I like em better on my plate, but I can handle em like this."

"I never thought I'd see the day when Cordelia Chase was in a barn." Angel said, studying her as she petted the cow.

"I'll have you know I had a barn at my huge mansion in Sunnydale--complete with my own horse!" A shadow fell over Cordelia's face. "I miss Keanu."

"What? You named your horse Keanu?" Angel exclaimed, his eyes going wide. "Why?"

"No reason." Cordelia said, glancing around with huge eyes.

"That could explain why she has a copy of every Keanu Reeves movie known to man, including "Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey". That's just unnatural." Gunn said with a grin as Cordelia smacked him on the arm.

"Let's drop it okay? I was fourteen when I got him and "Speed" was still really popular at the time. Drop. It."

Gunn threw up his hands in defeat as Angel eyed Cordelia, a scowl on his face.

"So, English, what are you doing?" Faith asked, walking over to him, where he stood, a bit away from everyone else.

Wesley looked up from his study of one of the horses in the stalls, his fingers between it's ears. "Looking at Mr. Burkle's horses. Beautiful, aren't they?"

"You seen one stud, you've seen em all, I guess." Faith said with a shrug as she eyed the horse and the man petting it. It stamped around in its stall and tossed it's head as it preened for the visitors. Wesley laughed and reached for the currycomb hanging on the post beside the door.

"There ya go Rufus." Wesley said, combing the fat horse's shining russet coat.

"How the hell do you know so much about horses?" Faith asked as she hopped up on the stall and sat on the edge. Wesley looked up at her with a smile.

"Equestrian lessons were required courses at the academy I attended as a boy. My father also had his own stables and I was allowed a horse if I kept my marks up." Wesley said, his eyes far away. Faith sensed the bitterness just below the surface of his voice.

"What did you name it?"

"Nothing as exciting as Keanu, I assure you."

"Come on, tell me."

"Godiva." Wesley said with a sigh.

"Godiva? What kind of a pussy name is Godiva?" Faith snorted as Wesley furrowed his brow at her.

"Godiva is a historical figure--"

"I know, she rode on a horse naked. I'm not stupid! It's just a pussy ass name."

Wesley glared at her. "I didn't ask for your opinion."

"Hey, whatever young Master Wesley wanted to name his pussy ass horse is none of my business. I'm just surprised you didn't grow up to be some fa--"

"I'm not talking to you." Wesley sniffed and turned on his heel. Faith jumped down and followed him out the door. Connor watched them go with a frown.

"You don't think they're going to go kill each other do you?" He asked his father, who was busy trying to wipe horse poo off his boot.

"Huh? What?" Angel asked as he looked up from his work, confused.

"Wesley and Faith." Connor prompted, peering out the barn doors in the direction the two of them took.

"No, they're probably going to go fight some more and let the sexual tension mount." Cordelia said sarcastically as Fred laughed against the cow's flank. "So Fred, what's on the schedule today? We've seen the Burkle family homestead, and now the wonders of the barn. What's next?"

"Ah don't know. Daddy, what's goin' on today?" Fred called, giving one more gentle tug on the cow's udders, a warm stream of milk landing in the half-full bucket with a ripple. She let go and felt an ache go through her hands that told her it had been way too long since she'd done this.

"I thought I'd take y'all out ridin', if you want. Chores are almost done and it's a beautiful day." Roger said as he picked up a bag of feed and prepared to go out and feed the rest of the cattle.

"Oh." Fred said, casting a guilty glance in Angel's direction. "But Angel can't..."

"It's okay Fred. I've had enough horse riding to last me a few centuries. You guys go on ahead." Angel said with a small smile. Cordelia frowned and glanced at the horses with longing.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, go ahead. I'll just stick around here and...not burst into flames."

"Okay, if you're sure." Fred said and then turned back to her father.

"Alright. Well, here comes Grayson. Tell him to saddle you up while I feed the rest of the cattle, okay?" Roger said and then walked off, leaving Fred to gasp out loud, her hand at her throat.

"Fred? What is it?"

"Grayson! Grayson Wells?!" Fred screeched, knocking over the little stool and spooking the cow.

"Yeah, he's the guy who rented out your old bedroom. I heard your mom talking to your dad about it this morning at breakfast. I think he works around the ranch too. Why?" Gunn said, watching Fred's face as she smoothed her hair down nervously.

"Nothing...I...Grayson WELLS?"

"Winnie?! Is that Winnie!?" A low male voice called from the doorway. Everyone swiveled to face him, eyebrows raised in surprise. Gunn glared at the tall, muscular man with floppy blonde hair and tanned skin. He was wearing a worn brown cowboy hat, tight jeans and a faded Tim McGraw t-shirt with the sleeves cut off.

Gunn immediately hated him.

"Grayson? Oh my God!" Fred exclaimed, her mouth open wide enough to catch flies.

"Gal, you'd better get over here and give me a hug!" Grayson said, holding out his arms. Fred launched herself at him and hugged him tight. He let go, holding her at arms length, his light green eyes appraising. "Look at you Winnie, you done gone and growed up on me!"

"Winnie?" Cordelia asked, eyeing Fred, who ignored her and stared at Grayson with huge eyes.

"Grayson...I...it's been so long. How are you?" Fred asked, clearly flustered, her face red.

"Can't complain. Sorry I wasn't here last night to greet y'all. Had to go down to Corpus Christi for your dad, but I hurried home when I heard you was back." Grayson said, slinging an arm over Fred's thin shoulders. Connor glanced at Gunn, seeing the scowl spread over his features even more. "These your friends?"

"Oh yeah...this is Angel. That's Connor over there and that...is Charles." Fred said, pointing to everyone in turn. Grayson said hello to everyone. He stopped in front of Gunn and stared him down.

"So you're Chuck, huh?" Grayson said with a lift of his eyebrow.

"Call me Gunn." Gunn said with barely contained rage. They were both about the same size, but Gunn was beefy where Grayson was wiry. Cordelia glanced from the two of them and back again as they tested each other. She expected them to butt horns any second.

"Wesley and Faith are around here somewhere and so is Lorne." Fred said, breaking the tension with a nervous laugh.

"Green fella? Already met him. He's an interesting sort, ain't he?" Grayson said with a charming smile as he turned away from Gunn and let his gaze trail over to Cordelia, who was still petting the cow with interest.

"You don't know the half of it." Angel said with a tight-lipped smile.

"And who is this charming little thing? Winnie, you ain't introduced me to your other friend here." Grayson said, taking Cordelia's hand and kissing it.

Angel hated him on the spot.

"Grayson, this Cordelia. Cordelia, Grayson." Fred's smile faded and she hung back, watching her childhood friend and Cordelia. Cordy smiled and glanced at Angel, who was glaring at the blonde man holding her hand. Gunn nearly sighed in relief and stepped closer to Fred. He seemed much more at ease now that Grayson's attentions were elsewhere.

"Nice to meet you." Cordy said and then pulled her hand out of his. He flashed her a dazzling smile and tipped his hat at her.

"The pleasure is all mine. So, what are y'all doin'?" Grayson asked, clasping his callused hands together as he tore his gaze away from Cordelia's face.

"Daddy wanted to take us riding. Would you start saddling us up while I take the milk in to mom?" Fred sniffed, gesturing to the pail of milk. Connor immediately stepped forward and grabbed the pail.

"I'll do it."

"Thanks Connor." Cordelia said with a smile, surprised to see him so helpful. He nodded and took off toward the house as Grayson started getting the tack down. Fred helped him, talking in low tones so that they couldn't hear her.

Angel glanced at Gunn, who was pulling his dirty shirt back over his head with a jerk. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna go find Wes and Faith. I don't want to be stuck riding alone with Rhett and Scarlet over there." Gunn's snapped as he walked past Cordelia and Angel.

"Good idea." Angel said darkly.

"You two okay?" Cordelia asked, watching Gunn go and then sizing up Angel, who was glaring at Grayson's back. Angel glanced at her and nodded, his face dark. Cordelia went back to watching Grayson pull down the tack. She looked back at Angel and saw him frown. "What?"

"Is Keanu Reeves cuter than me?"

Cordelia could only groan.

****

"Shit."

"Trish!" Lorne exclaimed as he looked over at Trish, who was leaning over the engine of a huge yellow school bus that was parked next to the house, her arms greasy to the elbow as she fiddled with car parts. Lorne was sitting on the edge of the porch a few feet away, watching her.

"Sorry...but well, shit. I didn't think about Grayson at all."

"I just thought I should tell you." Connor said, glancing backward at the barn in the distance. "He was giving her that look, you know?"

"That 'I want to be more than friends' look?" Lorne asked as Connor nodded and set down the pail of milk. "How was Fred looking?"

"Like she was going to pass out. But that guy wasn't looking at Fred like that--he was looking at Cordy."

"Shit. This complicates things quite a bit. But no matter! I never fail. Grayson, in all his yummy cowboy splendor, is going to wish he'd never looked at my--I mean Gunn's--Fred. Or Cordelia." Lorne exclaimed, lifting his hand in the air and shaking his lime green fist at the sky.

"Lorne, don't do anything to him; he's a good guy." Trish protested with a sigh as she swiped at her hands with a dirty towel.

Lorne's eyes were far away for a moment and then he refocused his attention. "Don't worry, Trish. We're just going to make sure he doesn't make Gunn jealous--that will only make things worse. No, I know another broody guy who thrives on jealousy and who needs a kick in the ass. This could work well."

"As long as you don't hurt Grayson in the process. He's the best cowhand around."

"I know, and did you see his ass? That was a nice ass. Don't you think?"

Connor and Trish just stared at him.

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