Sins Of The Father

By DM Evans

Chapter Six

Love bites, love bleeds
It's bringin' me to my knees
Love lives, love dies
It's no surprise
Love begs, love pleads
It's what I need

Love Bites ­ Def Leppard

 

“It has to hurt,” Cordy said, dabbing ointment on the bite marks gnawed into Connor’s back. He was so thin, she could nearly count his vertebrae. She knew the boy could eat like a horse but she’d swear he survived on air alone. Fred was likewise tending to Angel for a bite on the back of his neck.

“I’ve had worse,” Connor said, still glacial cool towards her.

Cordelia flinched, knowing that she had caused this rift between them. It had been a week since Darkness’ twin had arrived and they had yet to see it again. Wesley hadn’t been wrong. The demon had summoned untold numbers of demons and other nasties to L.A. A type of vampire whose heads could detach and fly had crossed their paths tonight. The look in Angel’s eyes when Connor had gone down under six flying heads had terrified Cordy. All could feel the pain reflecting in their dark depths at seeing his son suffer. Luckily the creatures weren’t impervious to fire.

“Wesley, what is this stuff?” Cordelia asked, seeing Connor grit his teeth.

“Alcohol, holy water, some herbs,” Wesley replied, looking up from where he was tending to Gunn’s arm. “Like most vampires those things transmit vampirism through their bite. This will prevent it from taking hold on Connor.”

“I don’t want to be a vampire,” Connor growled, his blue eyes wild. He half rose from his seat and Cordy forced him back down.

“And you won’t, not with this treatment,” Wesley assured him.

“We need help,” Gunn said, flexing his arm after Wesley taped off the dressing. “It’s getting too close out there. We’re not enough.”

“I’ve been in contact with the Watchers’ Council about that very thing. I might have a solution,” Wesley said, packing away their dwindling medical supplies. They’d need to restock soon.

“Care to share?” Cordelia asked, hopeful for the first time in a week.

“Not yet, not until I’m certain,” Wesley said, feeling guilty he hadn’t kept it to himself. It was unfair to raise their hopes falsely. “Connor, you should get some rest.”

The boy just nodded and got up shakily. Angel followed him back to his chosen room. His son ignored him but that didn’t deter Angel, not this time. His son was too withdrawn. He could see the burden behind the boy’s wide eyes.

“Is there anything I can get you?” Angel asked, looking around Connor’s room. He saw subtle signs his son had taken over the place. A chair near the door which Angel had no doubt went under the knob at night, a knife on the bed stand and a pile of bedding just visible in the closet which had to feel like a safe cave to the boy. “You haven’t eaten all day.”

“I’m fine,” Connor grumbled, fatigue tremors betraying him.

“No, you’re not. You’re exhausted and hungry and you’re full of bite marks.” Seeing the irritation in Connor’s eyes, Angel changed to a less officious tone. “At least let me get you something to eat.”

Connor gingerly laid on his bed. “Do we have any bologna?”

“I don’t know.” Angel grimaced. Outside of his blood bags he had no clue what was in the refrigerator. “I’ll see what we have.”

“No tomatoes,” Connor said, punching up the pillow into a more compact area.

“You don’t like them?” Angel felt his grimace deepening. He didn’t know what his son did and didn’t like. The boy might as well be a stranger.

“No.”

“You like pizza.” He remembered watching the boy power through the ones they had gotten the day before last. “That has tomatoes in the sauce.”

“Not the same,” Connor argued, using the toe of one foot to try and pry off his boots.

Angel smiled gently. “I’ll trust you on that.” He turned to go. This might be the worst time to try and mend bridges between him and Connor but there might never be a tomorrow for it. At least he had made an effort.

“Dad.”

Angel froze. There was something in how Connor said that word that tore at him. Usually Connor made it sound like a four letter word. Now it sounded like a plea. He turned back and looked at his child, his voice suddenly evaporated as the shock that Connor might actually want something from him hit.

Not for the first time he wondered where this boy got his looks. Angel had forgotten what he himself looked like until that reminder on Pylea. Connor’s hair color was about the only thing he seemed to have inherited from him. Connor resembled some fey creature, delicately boned, nearly feminine. The long wisps of hair did nothing to help that image. The same went for those full lips that never seemed to close. Darla had pouty lips like that. On her they looked inviting, but they made the boy looked constantly bewildered. The thinness of him could be contributed to poor nutrition in Quor-toth but something told Angel this was all the bigger his son was going to get. He might as well be one of the sidhe. Angel finally found his voice again. “Yes?”

Connor rolled onto his side, facing Angel. “What did I do wrong?”

Angel didn’t have to ask what Connor meant. It wasn’t about how he had gotten bitten tonight nor losing to the horrific demon. This was a young man facing his first break up. No, that wasn’t even the right word for it. That would indicate it had been more than a one night stand. Angel had been there himself but he had been such a womanizer at Connor’s age he never let it bother him for long. But Connor felt things so much more intensely than he had.

Angel sat on the bed hesitantly. Connor had always been squirrelly in regards to any closeness between them. Angel didn’t blame him. It was Holtz’ fault. The fact Connor was even looking to him for comfort stunned Angel and heartened him. He happily noted that Connor didn’t roll away from him. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Connor.”

“But…”

“Just listen to me.” Angel touched Connor’s arm. The boy’s eyes flicked down to Angel’s hand but he didn’t pull away. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But she doesn’t even want to talk to me.” Connor swallowed hard, his eyes misting. “I know that this isn’t a good time but…”

“She’s acting like you barely exist,” Angel finished for him.

Connor rubbed his eyes. “Yeah.”

Angel ran his hand up and down Connor’s arm. This time the boy shuddered. “Sometimes it just happens that way, Connor. Things don’t work out. I wish I could say this will be the only time it happens but it won’t…unless we lose the battle. And it hurts like hell every time.”

“I don’t want this pain.” Connor couldn’t stop the tears that trickled down his face.

“It’s part of the price you pay for love, Connor.” That sounded so ineffectual. Hadn’t he said something similar to Buffy once? No one had believed it then either.

Connor curled up tighter, burying his face in the pillow. “Did she do it to hurt you?”

Angel wished he had a good answer for that so he went with what he wanted to believe was true. “No. Cordy wouldn’t do that. She…cares about you but this just got too complicated.”

“Everything you touch goes bad.” Connor lifted his head, eyes flashing blue fire.

Angel let it go. He understood that Connor’s pain had to go somewhere. He felt like doing the same himself, blaming everyone for the betrayal he felt about what Cordy had done but he had to be the adult. Part of him wanted to blame Connor as well but he knew that part had to be held in check. “I’ll go get you something to eat.”

“Not hungry,” Connor grumbled.

“Maybe not now but you will be.”

Angel went downstairs. He hoped to get to the kitchen without anyone stopping him, wanting more from him. Cordy was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. He tried brushing past her but she wouldn’t let him.

“We really need to talk,” Cordelia said, her arms crossed over her chest like armor.

Anyone with intelligence would have know better to push him at this point but Cordelia had always been blind to anything that wasn’t directly revolving around her. Other people’s emotions usually didn’t qualify. “No, we don’t.”

“Angel…” She put a hand on his arm.

Angel shrugged away from her. “Cordelia, just leave it. We’re all too tired for this. Right now my son doesn’t know if you love him, hate him or just planned to use him and, to be honest, I’m mostly feeling the same way so let’s not do this when we’re sure to say things we can’t take back. In the mean time, you think about what you did and what you’re going to do. As far as I’m concerned you and I are friends, nothing more by your choice. You can’t live with Angelus and I don’t blame you. Truly I don’t. But you also have my son’s heart in your hands and he’s bleeding. You decide what you’re going to do about it.” Angel dragged a weary hand over his hair.

“Don’t I get any say in this?” Cordy’s dark eyes hardened.

“Not tonight.” Angel growled. “I’m not the one who needs you. Connor does.”

Cordelia dropped her armor, the metal leaving her voice. “I’m not trying to hurt him.”

“I know that. But you have and he’s starting to blame me for it. The last thing we need right now is for me and Connor to be fighting. How much do you think it’ll take to remind him that his primary mission in life is to kill me?” Angel paused. He hadn’t even thought about it until he said the words. He knew it was true and it left him cold. “If he thinks I’m standing between you two, he might just decide to remove the obstacle. So you need to think about what you’re doing, Cordy, and of what could happen.”

Angel turned his back on her, going into the industrial kitchen almost amazed at what he was willing to sacrifice for a son who hated him and was likely to continue to do so. Cordelia might just start hating him too but he trusted her to find it in herself to be mature about the situation. She had made it clear she saw no future for herself at his side. He didn’t think she saw one with Connor either and only hoped she could make the boy to see that he wasn’t trying to keep them separate. He could easily imagine Connor attacking him even though his son had turned to him for help tonight. In a matter of minutes he had gone from asking for help to accusing him.

Angel’s hope for a quick and easy raid on the fridge was dashed seeing Wesley standing there with the door open. “I thought you were going to get some rest, Wes.”

“My stomach remembered it was empty,” Wesley said, dragging the jelly and bread out of the fridge.

“Is there any bologna left? Connor should eat something.”

Wesley nodded. “In the meat drawer.”

Angel found it then turned to Wesley as he hunted down a plate. “What is this help you were referring to? You’re not going to get my hopes up, so you might as well tell me.”

“We need more fire power. I was thinking on a Slayer-level,” Wesley said, passing Angel some bread for the bologna.

“But Buffy is facing…oh, Faith.” Angel’s eyes narrowed. “You think you can get her out of jail.”

“The Council is trying to do it legally. If not, they suggested I stage a prison break.” Wesley slathered peanut butter and jelly on the bread.

Angel nodded his head. “Good suggestion.”

“If this demon keeps up his path of destruction, he might take out the jail for us. I’ll know tomorrow if legal means will work or if I should have Fred hack into the prison’s files for blueprints and find where Faith’s housed,” Wesley said. “That’s why I wanted to wait before I told everyone.”

“Understandable. I think Faith will help. She wants to redeem herself and going out in a huge battle…that just seems like her style,” Angel said softly.

“Here’s hoping with her help, none of us will go out in a huge battle.” Wesley slapped his sandwich together. “And the Council thinks they might have a line on who this demon is and if we know that, hopefully it’ll be a way to finding something to neutralize him.”

“We can hope. I’d better get this up to Connor.” Angel put half the remaining bologna between the bread slices, realizing he didn’t know what else Connor might like, such as mustard or ketchup. “And Wes.”

“Yes.”

“I’m very glad you’re back.” Angel managed a weak smile.

Wesley returned it. “Thank you.”

Angel went back upstairs. He listened for a moment but there were no signs that Cordelia was in Connor’s room. The boy was half buried in his covers, sobbing quietly. Angel just set the plate on the bed stand and gently stroked Connor’s hair. His son looked up at him with red, swollen eyes. “It’s there if you feel hungry. And Connor, I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but it will get better.”

Connor just put his head back down. Angel gave his shoulder a final pat and went to his own room, exhausted beyond reason.

Chapter Seven

I'm not a virgin anymore
I've been taken
I've been hung up
I get down and start it over again
I've been open
And I've been closed like a book
And burned down like a written sin
I just thought you should know my darling
Before we begin
I'm not a virgin anymore

Not a Virgin ­ Poe

Connor let the rain trickle down over his face. He didn’t know showers like this were rarely seen in southern California nor did he care. The night was young and he had anger to burn. He knew he should have stayed in the hotel. Wesley had gotten their reinforcements. Whatever it was, it was arriving today but Connor hadn’t waited to see.

He couldn’t hang around the hotel even though he knew he should. But Cordy was there and right now he didn’t want to see her. He knew Angel had to have prompted her to talk to him. It was something Angel would do. He could ruin anything. There weren’t words for the pain that tore through him.

Connor looked up at the dark sky, knowing he should just go back home. Maybe they hadn’t missed him yet. Maybe he wouldn’t have to endure listening to them berate him non-stop for not being a team player. All he needed was to listen to Cordelia yell at him or even speak to him one moment more, because after their afternoon talk it was all he could do not to put her through a wall.

Connor hated being angry at Cordy but he couldn’t help it. Earlier they had talked about their relationship while waiting for Wesley’s reinforcements. The talk left Connor on his knees, too weak to stand. He had wept piteously much like the sky was doing now and Cordelia had been less than sympathetic. After the why-we’ll-never-work-as-a-couple talk, Connor had fled the hotel. He knew there wasn’t a prayer of them not noticing his absence as much as he wished there were. Even if he went home now, he was in trouble.

And he didn’t want to go home. He wanted to kill something. The Beast that had broken his ribs, his father, something. An unfortunate something chose then to cross his path, a gang of vampires. Of course, he had gone into their territory to find trouble as he already knew of them from the times Gunn had dealt with them when trying to find Angel. He welcomed this battle with opened arms, flipping right into their midst.

“I care about you but!” Connor snarled, slamming a stake into one of them. “I can’t be with you or your father. It’s just too hard. It’s wrong.” Another staking, this time leaving him choking on the dust as he parroted Cordelia’s words to the vampires who were trying to encircle him. “I wanted to give you something special, like hell.” Stake one then dodge under the arms of another. “Don’t give me the happy puppy look.” Miss with the stake, break its neck instead. “You deserve someone your own age.” Stake, puff, spin to face another vampire. “Who’s she to tell me what I want and deserve?” Slam the wood home, feel the body dissolve around it, yes this is what he needed but there were still so many of them.

“Sure, surround and pick on the little guy.”

Connor whirled, hearing that cocky female voice. He saw her in the shadow and rain. She should have been terrified. Everyone was in vamp face. It was obvious he was surrounded by demons but the dark-haired woman wasn’t afraid. Before Connor could warn her off, she leapt into action. Two vampires were gone before they even knew what was happening. Connor whirled back after the vampires as well. Within moments he and the brunette were fighting back to back in a cloud of vampire dust. Then all was silent except for he and the woman panting softly from the exertion.

She shook herself like a wet dog, showering dust and rainwater everywhere. “That felt so good. You have no idea. It’s been nearly three years since I’ve had a good fight.” She ran her hands over her slim body. “And slaying still makes me hungry and horny. Spent those years waiting for a good meal and a better lay.” Her nose wrinkled as she looked around. “Guess I’m not going to find anything to eat around here.” Her wonderful eyes, darker even than Cordy’s, fastened on him. “But from the way you handled yourself in a fight I’m betting the other is a good possibility.”

“What?” Connor swallowed hard. He knew what. He had been offered sex very quickly in the past from women expecting money for it. He had always refused. Father taught him better than that. But tonight he felt like being what he was; the bastard son of two demons. He was going to be as bad as they were. He didn’t expect this warrior to ask for money. There was something different about her, just the way she moved and fought told him that much. There was something special about her. He could sense it.

“I think you know what.” She ran a hand over his sweaty cheek.

She was so warm. He could smell her desire despite the night rain’s attempt at washing everything away. Connor felt the lust washing through him, already heading south. “Where?” His voice went husky.

She took his hand and led him deeper into the alley. She jumped up and grabbed down the bottom edge of the fire escape. She scrambled up to the second landing then pulled him to her. His interest in her went beyond obvious. She fondled his erection through his pants. No words were exchanged before her lips met his. The kiss was so hungry Connor thought she might swallow him whole. She might not exactly be his age but he’d show Cordy just how well he could get along without her. The woman grinding against him wasn’t beautiful but there was something alluring about her.

She pressed him down onto the wet fire escape landing. She tore his pants down, leaving his bare skin on the cold, dirty, wet metal. Still no words as she shimmed out of her pants. She impaled herself on him without any of the gentle touches and teases Cordelia had shown him. As she thrust herself up and down on him hard, her hands dug into his shoulders holding him down. Her strength shocked him as she stripped his control away, making it hers.

Her lips met his again. She nipped at his chin and neck as he lifted his hips meeting her thrusts. As her lips found his again, her teeth caught his tongue. Connor’s hands moved over her, her shirt stuck to her firm body by the rain deluging down on them. It added a rawness to their coupling. With Cordelia, Connor had felt passion, love and joy. This was sheer animal lust. It felt dirty and wonderful all at the same time. The woman on top of him growled, rotating her hips on him, her short nails digging into him. He exploded inside of her and she continued to ride him until he went soft.

She swung off of him and pulled on her pants. “Thanks. I really needed that.”

Connor didn’t know what to say to that so he just pulled up his own pants, his eyes never leaving her.

She looked back at him and smiled. “How’d you learn to fight vampires like that?”

“Sort of born to it.” He offered her a tentative smile.

She snorted. “Same here. Let’s get out of the rain. Come on, I have a place not too far from here.” She smiled, crossing over to him. She ran a hand over his arm. “You have potential.”

Connor knew by now everyone was probably worried about him but he didn’t care. Too bad. What did the offspring of demons care about the following the rules? He didn’t want to stay in the hotel at the first place. “Sure. I’m Steven by the way.” Connor didn’t know why he said that. Maybe it was because he was tired of being Connor. He only took that name to disarm Angel but got stuck with it once Gunn and Fred decided they’d take over as parents for him. Maybe it was time he shed his skin and that dumb name with it.

“Faith,” she said, bounding down the fire escape.

Connor didn’t bother with the steps. He just vaulted over the side, landing like a cat.

Faith grinned at him. “Yeah, a whole lot of potential.”

She motioned for him to follow her and loped off. Connor matched her pace easily, surprised when she didn’t seem to tire much. Then again, the strength with which she had held him down told him she wasn’t a normal human. Still, she didn’t smell like a demon or look like one. And he didn’t care. Tonight, he was going to be his father’s son, no matter what the cost. Faith took him back to familiar ground. She paused at the front door to the Hyperion.

“Come on, I’m staying at the hotel,” she said.

He glanced at the front door nervously. He couldn’t believe this. He found himself hoping everyone was out. He knew Faith wanted more from him and he wanted to give it to her. Still, he knew this wasn’t’ exactly the right thing to be doing. “But I…”

“You haven’t changed your mind, have you?” She looked at him oddly. “I know this sounds bad, slutty even, but tonight I just need someone. I don’t need a lot of talk.”

Connor realized he must be looking at Wesley’s reinforcements. Either God had given her to him or he was laughing at him, as Gunn would say. Either way, Connor didn’t care. “I’m the quiet type.”

“Good.”

Faith led him inside. No one was around. Connor figured they were probably all out looking for him. He knew he should tell Faith that, that they should go and look for Angel but he didn’t. He just followed her upstairs and into her room.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m cold and I’m wet,” Lorne muttered as the group came back to the hotel.

“I’m worried about Connor,” Cordelia said as Gunn, Wesley and Angel put away their weapons.

“We looked everywhere for him,” Fred reminded her, wringing out her long hair.

“I can’t believe he just took off,” Angel muttered, pulling off his drenched duster.

“I can,” Gunn shot back. “The whole time we were looking for you, Angel, he’d just go off on his own. He doesn’t play well with others. I’m not worried about him. He does this all the time.”

“Yes, but back then we didn’t have the Beast out there slaughtering people,” Angel countered, pulling a cleaning cloth out of the weapons’ cabinet so he could dry off the sword before putting it away.

“Angel, Connor knows not to go up against it alone,” Wesley said, drying off his lenses.

“Does he? He blames himself for it being here in the first place,” Angel said, his eyes squeezing shut against the anguish that thought caused. No one had really disabused Connor of that notion. What if his son did go find the Beast thinking he had to be the one to slay it.

“And he knows it can hurt him. You know he doesn’t really want to be here. He’s probably out sulking.” Gunn shrugged.

“I hope you’re right,” Angel said, shooting a hot look Cordy’s way. She flinched.

“I just wish I hadn’t told Faith to go out on patrol by herself,” Wesley said. “We could have used her to help find Connor but she was so adamant about just getting prison out of her system.”

“I shudder to think what that means,” Cordelia said, shivering in her wet clothing. “I need to get dry.”

“We all do. We should just turn in. Faith will come back when she’s ready and so will Connor I guess,” Angel said, hating the idea that his son might be out there doing something stupid that could get him killed.

As the others dispersed, he caught Cordelia before she went upstairs. “He left after you spoke to him, didn’t he?” Angel asked.

Cordelia couldn’t quite meet his eyes. Guilt should have been on her face but Angel knew she didn’t seem to have much acquaintance with that emotion. “I’m sorry, Angel. I did what you asked. I told him how I felt.”

“And that wasn’t what he wanted to hear.”

“No. I didn’t mean for this to happen.” She glanced up at Angel. “I’m sure Gunn’s right. Connor is probably just off somewhere cooling down. He’s not stupid, Angel. He wouldn’t go after that demon alone.”

Angel let her arm go. “I know. Go on, get into something warm before you get sick.”

Angel watched her go then headed upstairs. He decided to check and see if Faith had come back already. He heard something coming from her room. There was no mistaking the sounds he heard but the scent leaking around the badly fitted old door shocked him. This couldn’t be right. Angel knew he should just keep on walking, go to his room, get some sleep and pretend his senses weren’t telling him anything but he didn’t. He rapped on the door. “Faith?”

He heard them shuffling about and someone came to the door. Faith opened it a crack, just enough to peer around it. He could see a little of her dark bare flesh and could smell his son all over her.

“Um, Angel, is there something you need? I’m sort of busy,” Faith said, her voice thick and low.

“Yes, I know, with my teen-aged son,” he said and instantly wished he hadn’t. He should have just stayed out of this but this was his child and he had to look out for him.

Faith dropped back, letting the door open. She didn’t seem the least bit shy about him seeing her naked. Connor, while not shy, looked fairly afraid to see his father looming in the doorway. “What?”

“We’ve all been out looking for Connor. Looks like you found him,” Angel said, trying to sound less angry.

Faith whirled back around, facing Connor, her dark eyes hardening. “You told me your name was Steven.”

“It is,” Connor said, glaring at his father, shifting on the bed as if unsure if he should stay there or get up and get dressed.

“It was,” Angel countered. “Or have you decided to make another change?”

“If I had any idea, Angel I’d never…” Faith said, casting an angry look Connor’s way.

He rolled out of bed, face red with rage. “Why is it every time you show up, Dad, I’m suddenly not good enough to be with?” he snarled.

“Just get your clothes and get to your room, Connor,” Angel said wearily.

“Connor just keeps getting used. And you wonder why I want to be Steven again?” Connor snatched his pants up off the floor and struggled into them.

“Look, kid, I’m sorry. It was just supposed to be fun, you know.” Faith seemed uncharacteristically embarrassed.

“I know. It was until he showed up.” Connor shot his father a withering look.

Faith blushed a little at that. “Yeah, well, maybe you ought to just listen to your father.”

“Why start now?” Connor asked, brushing past Angel as he left the room.

Faith grimaced. “Sorry, Angel.”

He held up a hand. “I’ll deal with him. Don’t worry about it.”

Angel shut the door and ran after his son. “Connor, wait up.” The boy didn’t listen so Angel dragged him to a stop. Connor shrugged free. “What do you think you were doing, Connor?”

Connor refused to look at him. “Having a little fun.”

“That isn’t right,” Angel said softly, flashing back to this exact fight with his own father over two centuries before.

Connor’s full lips twisted. “Why not? We fought together, took out a whole gang of vampires. She’s the one who wanted to so why not? It’s not like Cordy wants me any more. And now Faith doesn’t either thanks to you. Anything else you want to ruin for me?”

Angel let his son’s anger just wash over him. “Connor, jumping from one woman’s bed to another’s is wrong. You can’t do something like that.”

“Why?” Connor thumped Angel’s chest. “Isn’t that what you did when you were my age?”

The venom in Connor’s voice numbed Angel. He felt his anger go from simmer to boil and he tried to battle it back. “If you want to be like me, Connor, I can go out and buy you some beer. You can get drunk, screw around and end up dead in an alley just like I did. Is that what you want?”

“Why not? Fitting isn’t it since I was born in one,” Connor shot back, shoving Angel.

Angel just let him do it. “Connor, letting yourself get used isn’t going to make you feel any better about what happened between you and Cordy.”

Connor cocked his hand back as if to punch his father. His lips trembled as his eyes misted. He let his hand fall as the tears came. Angel pulled his son against his chest.

“I know you’re hurting, son. And I don’t know how to make it better. But you’re just making it worse. You scared everyone by running off like that and Faith…well, I’m not going to tell anyone about tonight, all right?” Angel rubbed Connor’s back.

The boy broke away from him, wiping his face. He just nodded and started for his room. Angel just watched him until he was sure Connor was indeed going back there then he headed for his own room. He felt bad about embarrassing Connor and Faith like that but he knew he had to end that relationship quickly. He didn’t blame either of them really. Faith was just Faith. He knew what it was like to be a highly sexual creature locked up without a way of getting release. He suspected that was part of the reason Wesley had let her go as well. He just didn’t want his son to turn out like him, bedding every woman he could find just for the pleasure of it. He knew deep down Connor wasn’t like that, that tonight was all about pain and betrayal. He could keep it a secret and come morning, he’d talk to Faith and ask her to do the same.

Chapter Eight

You sucked me in
And played my mind
Just like a toy
You would crank and wind
Baby I would give till you
Wore it out
You left me lyin’ in a pool of doubt

Life Goes On ­ LeAnn Rimes

Connor had slept late the day after meeting Faith, shocked that no one had awoken him for a planning session or something. Going downstairs, he saw Fred and Wesley almost touching noses over a huge book in his office. Gunn was nowhere to be seen but Connor could just imagine the sniping if Gunn could see Fred now. And they said he was the child. He figured Angel was still asleep. Faith and Cordy were nowhere to be seen and he was thankful. He wanted nothing between him and the kitchen. His belly was threatening to eat itself.

Connor hurried in, hoping to find something to eat. Buying supplies wasn’t high on the list just now. Faith was there, crouched down examining the lower refrigerator shelf. She looked over her shoulder at him and smiled.

“Good morning…afternoon…whatever.” She shrugged.

He smiled back, opening a cupboard. He grabbed down a box of moon pies and started munching.

“That’s not breakfast.” Faith straightened up, gesturing at the stove. “Can you use this thing?”

Connor frowned. “I can cook meat on a spit over a fire…I’m not sure how this thing even turns on.”

“Some help you are.” Faith grinned at him.

“Like you’re doing any better,” he said, polishing off one moon pie and starting another.

“Good point.” Faith made a face. “I think I can scramble eggs.”

“Okay.” He paused in devouring the snack cake and asked, “Can I help?”

“Find a pan and a wood spoon,” Faith said, turning back to the refrigerator.

Connor scrounged up the utensils. Faith put the eggs and some cheese on the counter.

“I think the cheese will help and maybe some pepper,” Faith murmured, her mind back on the days of her childhood desperately trying to impress her alcoholic mother by making breakfast. “Get me down a bowl to scramble these in.”

Connor obeyed. Faith’s fingers brushed his as she took the bowl. He looked down at her hand then up into her eyes. She smiled uneasily then both of them looked toward the kitchen door hearing someone pass. It was just Gunn heading somewhere.

“Connor, I’m sorry about last night,” Faith said softly.

Connor stiffened. Why did women have this reaction? Sleep with him then get all sorry. What was wrong with him? “Why?” he grated out.

“Because I got you in dutch with Angel.”

The tension ran out of his slender body. “Oh.”

“I’m not sorry about what we did, if that’s what you thought,” Faith added quickly, reading his body language.

“I kinda did,” he admitted, his face red. “Don’t really care what Angel thinks.”

“Been there with my mom.” Faith touched his shoulder. “That can be a bad place to be.” He looked away from her so she pressed on. “Your dad’s a pretty okay guy.”

“So everyone tells me.” Connor sat on the counter. More noise came from the hall but he was getting used to it. His companions seemed to be buzzing around like flies today. “But you’re not going to do anything to upset Angel.”

“Connor, I want things to be five by five with him but that doesn’t really have to do with you and me. Last night was just about…” Faith twisted a lock of hair around her fist trying to figure out how to handle this.

“Last night,” he finished for her. “I knew that before we…” He trailed off, his blush deepening. “I mean you didn’t even ask my name first.”

Faith smirked. “Yeah, great first impression, Faith.”

“It wasn’t so bad really.” Connor licked his lips. “Good…great.”

Faith snorted. “Thanks. It was pretty damn good. You’ve got a lot of potential, kid.” She rested her hand on his knee.

He covered her hand with his. “I won’t get you into trouble with Angel. I won’t…what did Cordy call it? Act like a happy puppy around you.”

“That’s kind of cold.” Faith rolled her eyes. “But from what I remember of her, she was all that and a big helping of bitchy on top. So, you and her?”

“Yeah. Once. She was sorry, too,” he said, bitterly.

“Her loss. I’m not sorry about last night, though I wish you had been honest with me about who you were.” Her dark eyes knifed into him.

Connor sighed, squeezing her hand. “I was honest.”

Faith detached herself from him and went back to scrambling eggs. “Melt some butter in that pan,” she ordered and he hopped off the counter to do so. “You lied about your name.”

“No, I didn’t.” He flung half a stick of butter in the pan, managing to figure out how to turn on the flames. “My whole life my name’s been Steven Franklin Thomas Holtz. Only no one here will call me Steven. They looked at me all sad and mad when I tried to make them call me that. No one understands. I don’t know who Connor is or who they think he should be. I haven’t been me in months and they act like it’s my fault that I’m not still a baby. I don’t even know my last name any more. I’m just Connor who wants to be Steven,” he snarled, slapping the butter around the pan with the spoon.

Faith kissed his cheek, taking the spoon away. “I can’t imagine how you feel. Wesley did tell me how he took you as a baby, trying to protect you.”

“God’s will. I was meant to be with Father,” Connor said as someone else walked past the kitchen yet again.

Faith didn’t know what to say to that. “I think that’s too much butter.”

He eyed her sourly. “I don’t think it goes back into stick form now.”

“It can. Ah, well, you could use some fat. There’s not much to you.” Faith dumped the eggs into the pool of butter, listening to it hiss and spit much like she could see Connor wanted to do at this point.

“Hey!”

Faith hip bumped him. “You can’t argue facts, kiddo.” She sobered up, giving him a cautious look. “Wes also mentioned you tried to kill Angel.”

“I failed.” Connor seemed particularly upset by that. “Father gave me one mission and I failed. Then Angel murdered my father so I put him under the ocean for it. He deserved it.”

“Angel killed your dad?” Faith raised an eyebrow. “That doesn’t sound right. Angel wouldn’t just kill someone.”

Connor sighed. “He said Justine did it because Father wanted her, too. But that has to be Angel lying because that would mean Father wanted revenge more than he loved me.”

Faith heard the boy’s voice break. She brushed his hair off his forehead. She knew what it felt like to come in second to a parent’s vice. “I’m so sorry. I wish I knew what to tell you.”

“Nothing you can say,” Connor muttered, looking away as his blue eyes sheened with tears. “I think the eggs are burning.”

“Damn.” Faith started stirring them vigorously through the butter. “Anyhow Connor, I owe your dad a lot. I want you to understand that. He’s been almost my lone support, the only one who believed I could turn my life around. He’s understanding.” Faith swallowed hard. “I’ve killed people, Connor and I’ve been in jail paying for it.”

“Oh.” Connor studied her. “I’m glad you told me…I can’t see him helping though. He’s not big on understanding. I don’t care what you say. Or maybe it’s just me he’s not understanding or forgiving.”

“Well, he didn’t punish you for leaving him down there for Shark Gordon to find,” Faith said.

Connor’s eyes, no tears now, slotted angrily. “He threw me out. I’d been here three months but I guess he figured if I can survive hell I can learn how to live in L.A. even though I don’t know the first thing about being a human kid. I didn’t even really know what money was or what it was for. It was scary…never seen so many people before and didn’t know they could all be so weird,” Connor said sardonically, scrounging up a sad loaf of half-crushed bread. He put a few slices in the machine he had seen Fred use.

“Yeah, well, that’s a problem.” Faith’s head bobbed sympathetically. “I’ve been out there myself when I was younger than you.”

“If it weren’t for the Beast I’d be out there now, especially since I took Cordy from him or whatever it is he thinks I did. Way she’s treating me, he can have her back.” Venom ran in his voice.

“Getting dumped for the first time is always hard,” Faith said, unconvincingly. She tried to remember if she had ever let anyone get close enough to her, stay with her long enough to actually dump her.

“Angel said it’d happen again.”

“More than anyone cares to think about. Relationships usually don’t work.” Faith said, hunting up two plates.

“So I’m finding out.”

“Well, if it weren’t for the fact we’ve got a lot more important things to do and that Angel would probably hit the ceiling, I’d toss you back on that table and show you a few more things I know how to do.” Faith’s dark eyes glittered like obsidian.

“You mean there’s more?” Connor wished he hadn’t said that. It had just fallen out from the shock.

Faith laughed, shoving eggs onto the plates. “Last night was just a small sampling,” she promised as he put the toast on the plates as well.

“I told you he could ruin anything,” Connor muttered, digging into his eggs even before he was completely seated.

“Ruin what?” Angel asked, coming into the kitchen.

“See?” Exasperation colored Connor’s pale face. He had heard someone approaching but so many of them had wandered passed already he hadn’t thought much of it.

“Just eat your eggs, kid. Which are about the only thing ruined,” Faith said, taking a mouthful herself.

“What are you even doing in the kitchen? You don’t eat,” Connor said, a sulky look on his face.

Angel opened the fridge and pulled out a blood bag. “I eat, Connor.”

Connor wrinkled his nose. “Not in front of us.”

“Fine.” Wearily, Angel put it in the microwave. “I can eat it elsewhere. I have some books to look through in my office.”

“Need help with that?” Faith asked.

“When you two are done eating, sure.”

“Isn’t there anything else I can do?” Connor whined. “I’m no good with the books.”

Angel leaned against the counter, looking at his petulant child. “Well, until we learn what we’re dealing with and if and how it’s connected to you, no. It’s time for researching and learning everything we can. We could use your help.”

“I’m no good at it. I can’t read very well in English,” Connor snarled. “And half those books aren’t even in English.”

“You can’t…” Angel trailed off, looking stunned.

“You never even asked if I could read, did you? You just gave me a bunch of books cause you liked them and assumed I did, too.” Connor’s eyes went cold. “Father only had a Bible to use to teach me. I think I memorized it by listening more than I ever learned to read it. There weren’t schools in Quor-Toth, no books, no paper and pens, nothing. Father showed me how to scratch my name in the dirt. I don’t even think I can write. I’ve never tried and I can’t read those books of Wesley’s. I don’t understand them.” His voice got louder and more broken with each word.

Angel put his hand on Connor’s slim, shaking shoulder. “It’s okay, son. I didn’t even think…I’m sorry. I should have realized. We’ll find something else for you to do and once we beat this thing, we’ll help you learn.”

Connor just stared at him. “Okay, I guess. I think your blood’s done.”

Angel smiled and retrieved it. “And Faith, about last night.”

She held up a hand. “It’s our secret. Don’t worry. I’m not biting at the bit to tell everyone I pulled a teenager down on the fire escape and had my way with him.”

Angel paused in pouring his blood into a mug. “Fire escape? What fire escape?”

“Never mind. Don’t drink that in here. I’m eating,” Connor said.

Angel just left the kitchen wagging his head. “Fire escape.”

“He’s gonna be thinking about that all day,” Faith said, polishing off her eggs.

“Oh, let him.” Connor scowled. “On second thought, I don’t want him thinking about me doing anything.”

“What son does?” Faith shot back. “Probably shouldn’t have mentioned us doing it on the fire escape before we came back here.”

“What?”

Connor and Faith both looked back at the door, having dismissed the footsteps nearing as just more of the traffic the hall seemed to be getting today. Cordy stood there, her dark eyes wild.

“You did what on a fire escape?”

“None of your business,” Connor snapped, getting up from the table.

“Like hell. Connor, baby what do you think you’re doing?” Cordelia asked, crossing over to him.

He backed away. “Don’t ‘baby’ me. You made it perfectly clear you didn’t want me around so you don’t have a say in anything I do any more.”

“So, you thought you’d just pick up the first thing that came along and get your jollies?” Cordy asked, stabbing a finger at Faith.

“All right, now I’m insulted,” Faith said darkly, also getting to her feet.

“What do you care what I do and who I do it with?” Connor got up in Cordy’s face.

She pushed him away. “So I meant so little to you, you can replace me in one day?”

“Me? You’re the one who tossed me aside, remember? ‘Don’t come around with the puppy look, Connor.’ ‘It’s not going to work, Connor,’ ‘Go away, Connor.’ Now that I’ve gone away, you think you have the right to yell at me?” Connor’s eyes narrowed, his body quivering with rage.

“Well, I didn’t think you’d pick up the skankiest person you could find.” Cordy jammed her fists into her hips. “Faith slept with half of Sunnydale the last time she saw the light of day from a place that didn’t have bars on it.”

“That’s it. You’d better get out of here, Cordelia, before I end up right back in jail for twisting your head off.” Faith took a few steps toward Cordelia who didn’t back off.

“Give it a try. I’m not the girl you used to know.” Cordelia poking Faith’s shoulder, failing to see the barely repressed rage building in Faith’s dark eyes.

“Yeah, she’s a champion now,” Connor sneered, making it sound like a four-lettered word. “She’s got demon in her…by choice. I wish I had remembered that the night it rained fire or the day I was dumb enough to say, ‘come stay in my place.”

“Demon?” Faith’s eyebrows shot up.

“Yeah, I let a demon seduce me. Father would be so disappointed in me,” Connor said bitterly.

“Connor, don’t be like this.” Cordelia turned her hot gaze on Faith. “It’s amazing how fast you can twist a guy’s head around. Angel, Xander, even Giles wasn’t immune. Did she mention how she tried to sleep with your father, Connor?”

“Shut up now, Cordy,” Faith growled, her fists clenching.

“So what? You did, too, or did you forget that, Cordelia?” Connor asked, slinging his hair back.

“What the hell is going on in here?” Angel asked, storming back into the kitchen.

Cordelia turned to him. “Do you know what your son did with Faith?”

Angel looked between all three of them. “I didn’t know you knew. But frankly, Cordelia, it’s far less disturbing to me than what you did to Connor.”

Cordelia’s mouth went fish-like, opening and closing before she regained her composure. “So you’re okay with him hanging out with Ms. I get off on torturing and killing people?”

“No, I’m not thrilled about it because of why he did it, but you’re not his mother, Cordelia, or his lover or probably not even his friend at this point so you don’t get a say in this.” Angel said. “And Connor, why is it whenever you’re around everything is always in an uproar?”

“Oh, so it’s my fault,” Connor growled, pacing around the room much like his father was wont to do.

“I didn’t say that,” Angel said, trying to soften his voice.

“Yes, you did.” Connor ranged over to him. “You don’t want me here.”

Angel went to touch Connor’s shoulder but his son leapt back. “I think maybe you need to go somewhere to cool off for a little while.”

“Fine.” Connor kicked a chair half way across the room. “I’m going back to my place and I’m staying there.”

“Connor, I don’t want you to…” Angel said but Connor shoved past him.

“Too bad. I’m not coming back,” Connor said, racing off.

“He’ll be back once he…” Cordelia started but Angel held up a hand.

“Don’t say another word. You’re more responsible for this mess than anyone. You’re just lucky we need you here or you’d be out there finding a new place to live,” Angel growled.

Cordelia choked back a sob and ran out.

“You want me gone, too?” Faith eyed him angrily.

Angel sighed, slumping against the counter. “No. I don’t want anyone gone. Once Connor has some time to cool off, I’ll go bring him back from the warehouse he flops in.”

“Yeah, maybe you’d better ‘cause just in case you were wondering, the first time you tossed him out was pretty scary for him. Now he’s out there with that thing roaming around and he’s thinking he’s not wanted here and that we all think the demon’s connected to him. I think he’s going to be beyond scared,” Faith said, cautiously.

Angel scrubbed a hand through his badly chopped hair. That was the last time he let Cordy improve his look. He couldn’t see it but neither Fred nor Lorne couldn’t keep from snickering when they saw it nor Gunn from staring. “I know, Faith. I’ll go bring him back but he doesn’t like me. He’s been taught to hate me his whole life. It might be better if you go get him later.”

“I’ll do that if you want.” Faith headed for the door. “But I think it would be better if you did it. He might not like you but he thinks no one here likes him. He told me no one understands him. You might want to prove him wrong.”

Angel just nodded, thinking, ‘any suggestions as to how?’ At this point he nearly wished he didn’t have a son. He hadn’t any conception of how hard being a father could be. In that moment, he regretted every single thing he had done to his own father, up to and including murdering him.

Chapter Nine

Welcome to the jungle
We take it day by day
If you want it you're gonna bleed
But it's the price you pay
And you're a very sexy girl
That's very hard to please
You can taste the bright lights
But you won't get them for free
In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Feel my, my, my serpentine
I, I wanna hear you scream

Welcome to the jungle
It gets worse here everyday
Ya learn ta live like an animal
In the jungle where we play
If you got a hunger for what you see
You'll take it eventually
You can have anything you want
But you better not take it from me

Welcome to the Jungle ­ Guns-n-Roses

Connor heard the shrieking and ran toward it. He knew this street. This is where Anne’s safe haven for teens was. The screaming echoed from inside of the shelter. Connor knew better than to charge in without knowing what was inside, but L.A. had plunged into forever night so what was a little impulsiveness?

He went through the door, nearly falling over a dead teen. He didn’t know what the thing was tearing through the middle of the place. It seemed like a ball of brilliant, multi-colored feathers and a couple of ravenous beaks, all held up by thickly clawed legs. It had Anne treed up on the second floor, second away from making her a meal.

Connor jumped over the railing, short sword in one hand, and the long curved axe blade that fit into his arm bracer on the other, turning his limb into a weapon. What Connor hadn’t counted on was how quick with those claws the feather-ball was. It nearly disemboweled him. It left him crouched on the floor, bleeding heavily. The thing spun, its beak snapping at him. Connor executed a one-hand back flip, his boots slamming hard into the beak, cracking it. The creature screeched, rushing him, a thin stream of ichor trailing from its beak.

“Duck, kid!”

Hearing Faith’s voice, Connor went down and she sailed over him, burying a sword in the feather-ball. It slammed into her, knocking her down. Connor finished it off, it’s death cry making his ears ring.

“What the hell was that thing?” Faith asked, rolling to her feet. Brilliant feathers floated around her, some of them decorating her hair.

“No clue.” Connor looked up at the top of the stairs. “You okay, Anne?”

The blonde nodded. “Thanks to you two.”

“What are you doing here, Faith?” Connor asked, hints of anger in his voice.

“Looking for you. It’s been three days since you took off. Everyone is worried about you.” Faith crossed over to him. “Very worried, especially your father.”

“Oh, I bet,” Connor snarled, holding his belly.

“You’re hurt,” Anne said, hurrying down the steps.

“I’ll be fine.” He turned his back to her, keeping her from seeing the wound. “And I’m not going back with you, Faith.”

“Connor, you can’t be alone, not at a time like this,” Anne said, touching his shoulder. “Please, stay here if you left your home. That’s what we’re here for.”

He brushed the hair out of his face, leaving a trail of his blood over his pale skin. “I have a home, Anne, but thanks.”

“It might not be a bad idea to stay here, if you won’t come back with me,” Faith said, gesturing to the fallen teens. “They could use a protector.”

Connor glanced around. “I’ll consider it. I just want to go home now.”

He didn’t wait for further arguments, stalking out into the streets. Faith shot Anne an apologetic look and Anne just waved her on. Faith didn’t know what Anne would do about the dead demon or the kids but she had bigger concerns. Things were happening that Connor needed to know about, even if Angel didn’t want him to. She caught up to the boy who was trailing blood.

“I think we should get you to a hospital,” she said.

He shook his head violently. “I heal fast. I just need to rest a little. I don’t live that far from here.”

Faith caught his arm, dragging him to a halt. She pointed to the deep purple Fat Boy Harley that was a block away. “I’ll drive you.” She had taken the bike from its dead owner the day before. It was brand new and it felt odd having nearly sixteen thousand dollars worth of bike between her legs. There hadn’t been enough of its owner left to tell if it had been a man or a woman. Still, she felt vaguely nervous about riding on it since it was technically stolen but she needed to be able to get through the city fast.

Connor climbed on behind her, clinging to her since the bitch seat didn’t have a sissy bar for him to hold on to. She felt his blood seeping into her clothes as she sped back to his place. She knew she should take him to a hospital or back to the hotel but she figured he’d bolt and he was quick enough that he might just elude her, despite the trail of red he was leaving.

He didn’t need her help to get up into the loft as she suspected he might. He flopped on the window ledge and let her hike up his shirt. The gouges in his belly were deep but not so deep she could see muscle. The bleeding had slowed and she didn’t doubt he was already knitting together much like she or Buffy would.

“Do you have anything that might be used to bandage you up?” she asked.

“I think Cordy brought over medical supplies once. They’d be in the bathroom.” He pointed out the way.

Faith might never have thought much about Cordelia but she had to admit at least the girl had the sense to stock up on dressings. She got some gauze and antibiotic ointment and took them back out to Connor. The wounds already looked slightly improved. Despite that, she slathered him with the ointment and bound him up. He tried to hide how much he was hurting as she did it.

“That was bad. You shouldn’t be out there fighting alone,” she said, her dark eyes gauging his reaction. She had learned quickly how explosive he could be.

His sullen look deepened. “You were.”

“I was looking for you. No one other than Angel can keep up with me on foot,” Faith said levelly. She didn’t want to pressure him. “I wasn’t lying when I said we were worried and we want you to come home.”

Connor snorted cruelly. “No one wants me there. You don’t understand, the only one who’s ever liked me was Cordelia. The rest of them are afraid of me. Okay, not Angel but you know what I mean.”

“I think you’re wrong. Fred and Gunn are every bit as concerned as Cordy.”

Connor slid past Faith painfully, holding his stomach. “You have no idea. The damn green demon left the state because of me. He didn’t say it to me but he did tell Dad and Cordy and she told the others. Fred and Gunn would talk about me when they thought I couldn’t hear. Faith, those two kept me busy while Angel went to kill my Father. They knew what he could do to Holtz and they let it happen. Do you think they care at all what happens to me?”

Faith stared at him, trying to think of something to say or do. She settled for prowling the room to see if she could find a closet or anything that might do as one so she could get him a change of clothes. His were blood-soaked. Did she dare argue their case or did she let it slide? She decided they needed Connor around and she’d have to fight to win him back. “They care. If you could see them now you’d know that they do. And do you really think they’d have allowed Angel to just go and kill Holtz?” she asked and the way Connor’s blue eyes fixed on her made her feel like prey.

“You tell me. They were discussing what Angel might do while they took me to the beach. That’s how I knew Father was in trouble.” Connor laughed bitterly. “I should thank them, I guess. If not for that, I wouldn’t have known what an ocean really looked like, never would have thought to sink Angel to the bottom of it.”

Faith didn’t even try to tell him that was wrong. She could tell he wouldn’t see it that way. He wasn’t ready to see his mistakes and she knew how that was. “But he didn’t kill Holtz,” she said, finding Cordelia’s clothing. There were a few masculine shirts and no other pants. Did Connor only own one pair? Giving up, she took down a pair of Cordelia’s jogging pants and the least hideous of the shirts, a blue thing with a collar.

Connor flopped onto his bed, ignoring her words.

“Oh, kid, no. You’re covered in blood. Let’s get you changed.” Faith held out the clothing.

Connor stood back up and stripped unselfconsciously. Faith discovered she hadn’t been imagining it the night she first met him. He didn’t wear underwear and it occurred to her that perhaps no one bothered to tell him that was a thing most guys did in this world. He pulled on Cordy’s ill-fitting jogging pants, hitching as his wound pulled.

“I know what Angel says happened and it can’t be true,” he said finally, lying back on the bed sans shirt.

“Why not?” Faith sat next to him. “Because Angel’s the one saying it?”

Connor’s eyes shut. “Because if Father asked Justine to kill him and pretend Angelus did it, then that means revenge meant more to him than I did. He knew what I would do if Angelus hurt him. If Father did what Angel said then I was never anything more than a tool and I’m not sure I can live with that.”

Faith reached up and touched his cheek where tears had begun to wet his blood-streaked flesh. “We can’t know what’s in a person’s heart, Connor. Do you honestly think Holtz didn’t love you?”

Connor crushed his fists to his eyes, rubbing them viciously. His voice cracked as he spoke. “He loved me but he loved revenge more.”

“He was an old man by the time you returned, from what I’ve been told, and two centuries out of his world. Maybe he just couldn’t go on any more, Connor.” Faith didn’t know where she was dredging up the words and couldn’t tell if they were helping but she felt they might be. Maybe this is how Angel found the way to heal her, finding ways through to the truth even if it wasn’t always pleasant.

“No. If it was that, he could have just…I don’t know but he didn’t need to do what he did.” Connor sobbed loudly. “He was the only person I’ve ever trusted completely and he betrayed me.”

Faith stretched out alongside of Connor, pulling him to her. She stroked his back, letting him cry against her. Finally she said, “You’re lucky but you don’t even know it.”

Connor sniffled, looking at her with bleary eyes. “I’ve never been lucky.”

Faith brushed his unruly hair back. “Yes, you have. You had a father who loved you dearly, loved you so much that he managed to keep you safe in that terrible place. You don’t doubt he loved you. Now answer me honestly, put your anger on the shelf for a minute and think, do you believe Angel when he said he loves you?”

Connor buried his face against her neck. “I don’t want to,” he mumbled.

Faith felt triumphant. She wondered if he even realized what he was confessing to. “But you do.”

“Yeah.” Connor squirmed free of her a bit. “The first day after I lost my fight with him, I took off. When he found me later, I was in this terrible place. Sunny had died from her medicine and the guy who gave it to her was trying to get it back from me. Dad was there. Men in blue uniforms came in and started shooting at Tyke, the guy with the medicine and Dad tried to get me out the window. I was too afraid to move. I didn’t know what was happening. The man in the uniform pointed this long gun at me and Angel shielded me when it went off. I know that he knew it wouldn’t kill him but it would hurt. At the time I thought he did it to try and win my trust just like Father warned me he would do. Sometimes, I still think that but then I think, he did it because he cares. When we were running away and he was still hurt, I was concerned for him. I try to tell myself that I felt that way because I needed to get his trust so I could kill but that’s not it, not entirely.”

“You care about him whether you like to or not and that’s why you’re lucky.” Faith’s dark eyes glistened. “Connor, I’ve never felt that way about my parents. Well, my father I never knew. He was never in my life. My mother drank all the time. I was a kid, a little kid and I was the one taking care of her. If I wanted to eat, I had to scrounge my own food. She didn’t even notice I was alive unless one of her boyfriends came over and then I was just in the way. For a while we lived with this loser who made a little money. Mom didn’t want to waste that, so when I told her he was messing with me she hit me and told me to quit lying or he’d leave. I was seven.”

“Messing with?” Connor eyed her curiously.

“He raped me,” Faith said then took in a deep breath, the air whistling in her nose. “I’ve never told anyone else that before. I got used to men messing with me, beating on me and my mom never caring. I didn’t know how bad it fucked me up but it did. By the time I became a Slayer, I was so broken inside it was easy for the evil to get into me. That’s why I say you’re lucky.” She stroked his back, feeling how thin he was. “You’ve known what it’s like to be loved and I never have.”

Tears flowing anew, Connor leaned close and kissed Faith’s cheek. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s why I think you should come home.” She kissed him back. “They do care about you Connor. You shouldn’t turn your back on that. When I was in Sunnydale, I did just that. I can tell you how it could turn out.”

“I just wish…I wish they’d understand that it doesn’t matter to me why Holtz took me in the first place. What matters to me is that he loved me and it hurts me when they talk about him like he was evil,” Connor said. “I miss him and I have nightmares about the night he died. I can’t tell anyone about that since no one wants to hear about him.”

Faith embraced him tightly. “It has to be weird for them, Connor. They missed your whole life in a space of a week as far as they’re concerned. Tell them how you feel or they’ll never know. Maybe if I had told someone how I felt, things would have been different. Tell me, I’m listening.”

Connor plumbed the depths of her eyes. Faith wasn’t sure what he was looking for but he seemed to find it. “I thought Father was killed by Angelus,” Connor whispered. “Justine told me so, I saw the wounds. Father would never want to come back as a monster so I did what I had to.”

“Is that what gives you nightmares?” She gave his hand an encouraging squeeze.

Connor nodded. “I see his eyes in the dark. I hear the sound of my blade going through his neck. I remember how it felt to cut off Father’s head and how it rolled in the grass. I can’t forget it no matter how hard I try.”

A whimper escaped him and Faith held him tighter. She didn’t have words to make that better. She just clung to him, feeling him quiver as the emotion tore out of him. A door opened, startling them but they were such a tight huddle of entwined limbs they couldn’t move. Cordelia came in. Her eyes narrowed.

“Oh, isn’t this nice?”

“It’s not what you think,” Faith growled, managing to get free of Connor. “And if it was, it’s still none of your business.”

“I’ve made you my business,” Cordelia shot back.

“Cordelia, we don’t owe you any explanations,” Faith said, getting to her feet.

“Maybe not to me but what about Angel? He trusted you. How can you do this?” Cordelia asked and Faith rolled her eyes at her.

Connor let out a bitter bark of laughter. “Look who’s talking.”

“Connor, Angel can’t think straight worrying about you,” Cordy said as Connor wormed deeper into shadows.

“Why do you think I care what Angelus thinks,” he snarled.

“You’ve never met Angelus, Connor.” Cordy’s face hardened. “But you might.”

“What do you…oh, Angelus knows the Beast. I know Gunn and Wes wanted to bring Angelus out to talk to him. Angel said no,” Connor said.

“There might be no choice,” Faith said. “It was one of the reasons I was looking for you. Angel wants you and me there. If it goes wrong, he wants us to kill him.”

“Gladly,” Connor said blithely.

“Connor! Sweetie, don’t say it that way. Angel loves you so much. He doesn’t even want you to see Angelus but he knows you need to be there to protect everyone from him if something happens. You can’t be here, especially not with Faith. You know Angel’s wishes on that count. You’re just inviting trouble and we don’t need that now. We need to be acting like a family and this isn’t the way a family acts,” Cordelia said, taking a step toward Connor but Faith blocked her way.

“My only family died in an alley thanks to Angelus and I had to burn his body,” Connor shot back, trying to get off the bed.

“That isn’t true. We’re your family. You just don’t want to see that,” Cordelia argued.

“You know, Queen C, you always were a bitch but now you’re a sanctimonious bitch and that’s worst,” Faith said.

“No one asked you, Faith,” Cordelia shot back as Connor finally managed to get on his feet. It was then she noticed his bandaged gut. Her face lost all its steel. “Oh, baby, you’re hurt.”

“It’s okay,” he said. “I’ll heal.”

“Are you sure?” Cordy crossed over to him, touching his face. Connor flinched away. “You look so terribly sad.”

“I’m fine.” He glared at her. “Why are you even here?”

“I was hoping you’d be here so we could talk.” Cordelia looked at Faith who didn’t make an effort to leave. “I’m tired of fighting with you, Connor. I’m tired of fighting with everyone, even you Faith. Sometimes I just can’t keep my big mouth shut. I can’t tell you how sorry I am for hurting you, Connor. I just want you to come home with us. Please.”

“This is my home.”

“Then come back to the fort, if you want to think of it that way. We need you. We can’t be divided. It weakens us,” Cordelia said.

Connor looked between both women then pulled on his shirt. “Fine.”

They hadn’t made it across the room when all the windows blew out of the place. Cordy shrieked while Connor and Faith fell into defensive stances. No one was prepared for the winds that whipped through the place or the large bird-like creature that soared in. From the waist up she looked like a beautiful woman and the rest of her resembled a giant eagle.

“Murderers,” the thing shrieked. “You killed my daughter.”

“What?” Faith asked, sliding a stake from her belt into her hand.

“That feathered thing,” Connor guessed.

“You killed a kid?” Cordelia asked, “not that I’m doubting it deserved it. Who or what are you?”

The harpy landed on the bed, looking at Cordelia. “I am Aello, the deliverer of punishment. You killed my child and now you all will die.” Aello looked skyward and it let go with rain and lightening. A bolt landed between Connor and Faith who were quick enough to jump out of the direct line but the electricity sent them both to the ground.

Cordelia picked up a crossbow from the table and shot. She hit the harpy in a wing. Aello screamed and sent a blast of air that knocked Cordelia into a wall. Connor and Faith regained their footing. Faith grabbed a sword off the weapon’s table and Connor his axe. They circled the harpy trying to figure out a way to get close without getting a lightening bolt through the head. Cordelia shot again wildly. It missed but it was enough to distract Aello. Faith ran her through and Connor took her head off with one blow. Her body shivered and quaked. They could smell the ozone building.

“Oh shit!” Faith cried and they all ran for cover.

Aello exploded like a fireball and the loft burst into flames.

“We have to get out of here!” Cordelia cried.

“Go!” Connor cried, jumping over some of his burning bedding, axe still in hand. He darted into the closet and grabbed something from under a box.

Faith couldn’t see what was so important to him until they got outside. The loft was ablaze and it would be a total loss before the overtaxed fire company could get to it. In Connor’s hand was a bandolier of bits and bobs, including a human ear. Faith didn’t even want to know. Cordelia didn’t seem surprised so she must have already seen it. The Slayer decided it must have been something Connor had from the demon world. It looked demonic enough. The boy was a trophy taker and that sent a cold shiver up her spine.

“My home,” he moaned, draping his trophies around his slender neck.

“Is gone,” Faith said. “I’ll drive him back to the hotel, Cordelia. Do you have a way home?”

Cordelia nodded. “Connor, I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault. Let’s get out of here,” he said, heading for Faith’s bike. Faith followed him, looking at him in a slightly different light. She had been seeing him as a boy Slayer. Now she refined that image. He was a male version of her younger self and that was a dangerous and unnerving thing. She wondered if she were the only one to see it and if should she tell Angel.

Chapter Ten

Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond the illusion
I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high
Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man
Though my mind could think I still was a madman
I hear the voices when I'm dreamin'
I can hear them say
Carry on my wayward son
For there'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Now don't you cry no more

Wayward Son ­ Kansas

Angel sat outside, staring up at the black disc that was the sun. He couldn’t go inside and face his friends. He should never have allowed them to talk him into letting his soul be stripped away. The information Angelus had given them wasn’t worth what his demon had put them through.

No one was really talking to each other, especially Fred, Wes and Gunn. Faith, Cordy and Lorne were holding up better. Connor was gone, God knew where. It had been too much for the boy. He couldn’t deal with the things Angelus had said.

Angel felt the tears he was too proud to shed burning his eyes. He had never wanted Connor to see him like that, as the monster the boy had been raised to believe he was. Connor hadn’t been too affected by the Oedipus references. He honestly didn’t seem upset that his first lover was the closest thing he had to a mom. But why should he be? Angel realized that Connor couldn’t possibly remember Cordelia being his surrogate mother. He might have been completely unaware of it when he went to bed with her. Oddly enough, Angelus’ jibes to Cordy on the subject missed their target too. He had felt sure he could get her.

However, he hit a real nerve by bringing up Holtz. Connor came back to the basement on the sly once he, Wesley and Cordelia returned from their talk with the priestesses of S’Vear or the one that was left. The Beast had missed slaughtering her. Angelus had seen how upset Connor was and he took full advantage of his son’s state of mind. Connor had been easy prey after the trauma of seeing the massacred family.

All he had to do was start back in on how disappointing and dumb Connor could be. Again with how Holtz had killed himself rather than deal with his son’s failures. That opened Connor up like a spring flower and Angelus had finished him off with outright questioning of what sort of sexual release Holtz had had on Quor-Toth for eighteen years. He asked his son how he felt when the man he trusted most couldn’t keep from using him as a girl. After all, he was so small and feminine, how could anyone resist, especially since Connor had those big pouty lips. He speculated graphically what the boy might be able to do with them. Through Connor’s disgust and adamant denials, Angelus had seen the pain. He had known then that Holtz actually had never touched the boy but he kept it up until Connor charged the cage.

If his son hadn’t been unnaturally quick, he’d have killed him. No, not killed him. He would have made him his childe in yet another way, giving Angelus a perfect companion to hunt the night with. Connor would make a superlative vampire but he had escaped with Angelus’ fingernail marks cut into the pale flesh of his willowy neck. Now his son was gone and he didn’t have to be told Connor would never want to see him again.

What was even worse, the thing settling like ice inside him, was how Connor had verbally danced with Angelus. Connor had been every bit as vicious as his father. He gave no quarter and seemed to delight in the nastiness. What had been like a stake in the heart was Connor’s declaration he wasn’t Angel’s son. There was no doubt in the boy’s voice when he declared himself Angelus’ offspring. And Angel knew Connor had no clue how close to the truth he was. No one spoke of it but Angel knew his friends understood that he wanted to become Angelus again the night Connor was conceived. He remembered how only the sight of his vampire face had soothed his infant son. What did that mean? At the time he thought it was kind of cute but now he had to wonder if it had a more sinister meaning. Did Connor have some link to Angelus. There was certainly a link between him and his son. He didn’t doubt that for a moment. They had known each other the moment he reappeared on Earth. He had known deep to the bone he had been staring at his son even though it was a half-grown man before him. And Connor hadn’t hesitated in calling him Dad. There was a connection but was it to him or to his demon?

The prophecies concerning Connor floated back to the forefront of his mind. He knew some had been faked. He wanted them all to be. He didn’t want to think there was anything horrid hanging over his son’s head. But now he had to wonder if there was some truth to the prophecy about Connor bringing darkness. He could almost see it. There had been a coldness in Connor as he laid into Angelus, a dead zone so broad it was unnerving. Angel only wished he knew what it meant. Was that hatred reserved just for him or did it spill over to the others?

Angel heard the courtyard door opening but he didn’t look back. From the walk he knew it was Wesley. “I don’t want to talk.”

“I can imagine you don’t,” Wesley said. “But we have work to do. Karan is still at my apartment. I wish I could convince her to stay here but after the death of her sister’s entire family, I suppose she would want a little privacy.”

“You can deal with all those details, Wesley. Try to convince her to stay here for safety’s sake. Get her whatever she needs to banish the Beast,” Angel said mechanically, keeping his eyes focused on the courtyard wall.

“Angel, it's not a matter of that and you know it. None of us need to be told the obvious.” Wesley stopped just behind the vampire. He was so close Angel’s back was twitching. “What we need is to start acting like a group again. A good step forward would be for you to rejoin us.”

Angel turned and looked up at Wes. His bearded face seemed swollen and given the fight he had with Gunn, it was no surprise. “How do we do that, Wes?”

“Well, I don’t know but if we don’t we might as well just lay down and die now,” Wes snapped. “I don’t know how but we’ll do it. We have little choice.” He watched Angel’s face but the vampire had no response. He didn’t think he was getting through to him. Angel just didn’t seem to care

“You’ve given more rousing speeches,” Angel said, getting up. His tone, while defeated, gave Wesley a glimmer of hope that he could still be swayed.

“Probably. I’m not exactly at my best. And it doesn’t make what I just said any less true,” Wesley replied.

“I don’t know what to say to everyone.” Angel hated making that admission but it was getting hard to carry all this by himself.

“You’ll find a way to repair the rift, Angel. You did so in Sunnydale and I don’t have to remind you the horrors you inflicted on everyone there.” Wesley put a tentative hand on Angel’s shoulder. “They may not all have forgiven you but they learned to work with you again. I’m not saying it’ll be easy or instantaneous. Take a look at me, they’re working with me again despite what I did.”

Angel managed a wan smile. “That was a better speech. But I don’t see it happening with Connor. Now he’s truly seen what Angelus is like.”

“Angel, he’s always seen you as Angelus. Do you think this really changed his opinion of you that profoundly? He has never once regretted sentencing you to living death. A few ugly words isn’t going to make him hate you more than he already does,” Wes said with a stern, utterly unrepentant look on his face.

Angel frowned. “He took off, Wes, so you tell me.”

“He does this. Gunn and Fred have told you this before. He goes off sometimes for days. He used to get Fred frantic back when you were still imprisoned in the sea, so much so, she’d actually call me to see if I knew here he was.” Wesley reclined against the staircase wall. “I think she realized I was keeping tabs on everything. Angelus pissed him off. When he cools down, Connor’ll be back and if not, you know where to find him. Just look for the biggest fight happening in the city.”

Angel snorted. “That’s what I’m afraid of. He’s a boy. He’s not as good as he thinks.”

“That’s a protective father talking,” Wesley said, a little more kindly. “He had the worst of the dark realms calling him ‘The Destroyer.’ Connor’s every bit as good as he thinks he is.”

“I beat him, Wes.” Angel lifted his chin, trying to rein back his rising temper. Surely he knew his own son better than Wesley but the truth was he didn’t know Connor at all.

“No, you, Gunn and Groo beat him.” Wesley countered, wagging a finger at the vampire. “Gunn’s an able fighter. Groo was the best Pylea had to offer. Do you think things might have turned out differently if they hadn’t been there to deflect his attack and tire him out?”

Angel sighed. “Maybe. But the Beast can beat him.”

“He knows that. I wouldn’t worry about him going after the Beast. I think Connor would rather come back and kill you first before facing off with the Beast.” Wesley’s face went grim.

Angel scowled horrendously. “That’s not comforting.”

Wesley’s lips twitched up a bit. “It wasn’t meant to be.”

Angel slumped against a courtyard wall. “Do you think there’s any truth to the idea of the sins of the father being visited on the son?”

Wesley scratched at his beard thinking for a moment. “I think it would have to be a truly cruel God who would do such a thing and I prefer to believe that if there is such a being it would be kinder.”

“I’m not so sure. Connor’s already paid so much for my evil, growing up like he did and I can’t escape the feeling he’s going to continue to do so.” Angel sighed, staring out into the dark. It was hard to believe it was morning. “Did you hear the things that came out of his mouth when he was taunting Angelus?”

“Yes.” Wesley glanced up at the darkened out sun. “I can’t decide if it was bravado, his upbringing or…”

“Or my son’s a sociopath.” Angel flinched at his own words.

Wesley shook his head. “I don’t think it’s as bad as that. He was kind to Cordelia and to Fred. He challenged Gunn a bit from what Fred’s told me but they had some bonding going on too before what he did to you came to light. His anger is focused on only one place, towards you.”

“Well, I’m not ready to test the theory my son will become a well adjusted member of society if he just kills me,” Angel said.

“Good. Because when I came out here, it was looking like you were. Come on back inside,” Wesley said.

Angel nodded then froze. He stared intently into the darkness. “Did you see something?”

“No.”

“Thought I saw something moving.”

Both men surveyed the area but nothing showed itself. They went back inside. Everyone was in the kitchen, trying to make a meal while not actually talking to each other. Gunn and Fred were busy pretending they weren’t ignoring each other. Faith was more honestly just ignoring the entire group and Cordelia was simply slathering toast with jam, looking pale and tired. Angel knew she had been ill since even before they forced Angelus to surface and had chalked it up to stress. Even Lorne was uncharacteristically silent. They all stopped, seeing Angel enter the room.

Angel forced himself to meet all the eyes on him. “I know sorry doesn’t cover it but that’s all I have. I know none of you are going to just walk away now so I’ll skip the speech about sticking together and all that crap. The things Angelus said…I don’t think of any of you that way. He did it to drive you apart and he damn near succeeded. We can work on rebuilding our bridges later. Right now we have a demon to banish. What does Karan need to work that spell?”

“Mostly she needed her sisters,” Fred said. “But she thinks if she translates the spell, Wesley and I can help her with that.”

Gunn couldn’t help but give her and Wesley a glare. “That leaves me, you and Faith to keep them safe until it’s done and to battle back any of the other minions the Beast has called. It’s a vampire free-for-all out there.”

Angel nodded. “I know. Cordy, have you had any visions, anything that might help us?”

Cordelia wilted a bit over the toast. Angel thought for a moment she might collapse. “No. I can’t help you there. I guess I can help gather up anything Karan might need. We were talking, Faith and I, about Connor. We might know where he’s gone since his home was burnt to the ground.”

Angel crossed over to her, an eager look on his face. “Where?”

“Anne’s home for kids. We rescued her a few days ago. She offered him a place then and I told him if he wasn’t going to live here that might be good. She’s not running off in spite of all the badness and hey, they can use someone who can kick ass,” Faith said, battering Spam slices around the frying pan. “I’ve gone by there a few times but I haven’t seen him. No one will even own up to knowing him but that’s how places like that work.”

“Okay. Right now, I can’t worry about him,” Angel said, unconvincingly. “Let’s get over to your place, Wes, and see when the priestess thinks-”

The sudden loud baying of many dogs cut off Angel. Everyone looked around, exiting the kitchen, heading right for the weapons’ cabinet. The howling hounds seemed to be getting closer. The sound drew a veil of despondency over everyone except Angel. The vampire could sense the changes in his friends, the looks of utter despair, the way they didn’t even try for the weapons and he could only guess whatever it was, it sieved into their minds like bad water.

“What the hell is that?” Gunn asked, glancing around nervously.

“We’re stuck in a rerun of the Hounds of the Baskervilles?” Cordelia shot back, slumping against the wall.

“You might not be far off,” Wesley said, pointing to one of the ground-floor windows.

A dog the size of a bull calf, leapt through the window. Its black fur glinted as if bejeweled from the lights on the shards of glass. Despite its bulk the only sound it made was the clicking of its nails. A half dozen more followed it and others came through other windows. Each one seemed to add to the air of desolation, their fiery red eyes cranking up the misery.

“What are they?” Fred asked, falling back against Gunn. He folded her in his arms.

“Unless I miss my guess, barghests,” Wesley said, managing to find it in him to pull a sword from the cabinet. “Black dogs. Stories about them abound in the British isles. The Beast must have sent them.”

“How do we beat them?” Angel asked, not waiting for his friends. Sword drawn, he hacked the nearest of the monstrous dogs, garnering their immediate attention.

“To hear their cry is to give up and die.” Wesley nearly took off his own foot as he let the sword drop.

“And we’ve already heard it,” Fred moaned.

“We’re not dead yet. They can be killed.” Angel pointed to the beheaded creature at his feet. “Get your weapons and fight back!” They all stared at him, motionless, and Angel felt his temper boil over. He felt the bones of his face shifting even before he could stop it. “Fight or we all die!”

He didn’t know if it was his tone of voice, their own natural survival instincts, or the look and attitude of Angelus, but whatever it was it shocked them into motion. Gunn had his hubcap axe in hand and sliced deeply into the hound that leapt at him. Cordy and Fred snared crossbows and let fly with bolts. Lorne grabbed a pike out of the cabinet and poked it around rather ineffectually. Wesley started hacking with his broadsword that seemed almost too heavy for him to lift. Faith leapt into the fray with her usual aplomb. Fists, feet and knives were her weapons against the rampaging barghests. At least most of the infernal howling had stopped.

Fred shrieked as a barghest bore her to the ground but Gunn splintered the black dog’s spine with a vicious axe blow. As he helped her up, Angel grunted, half of his arm crushed in the jaws of one of the beasts. He grabbed the creature with his free hand and tore out its throat with his teeth. He yanked his sword arm free of its jaws and looked for his next meal, blood sprayed all over his face. There was nothing left standing and his friends eyed him in muted horror. Seeing him like this, blood running down the ridges of his forehead had to be almost as bad as listening to Angelus’ babble. Humiliated, Angel’s face smoothed back over.

“Good team work,” he muttered, trying to deflect attention away from him.

Before anyone could say anything, Cordelia made some gagging noises. She tried to dart out to the courtyard but didn’t make it. Her stomach emptied all over the floor. She looked back at her companions, too sick to be embarrassed. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry, pixie-cat. We can clean it up. Why don’t you go lie down?” Lorne patted her back gently. “You can’t seem to shake this stomach flu.”

She didn’t protest and hurried up the steps.

Angel looked around at the dog corpses that didn’t have the decency to dissolve or dust. “I’ll be back to help with the clean up in a minute.”

Angel headed for Cordelia’s room. He knocked and heard her mumble a ‘come in.’ He entered her room but she wasn’t in sight. He heard water running in the bathroom so he waited for her to make a reappearance. She had washed some of the blood and vomit off herself and traded her stained clothing for a thick blue robe.

“Are you okay, Cordy?” he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

She shook her head, sagging on the bed. He sat next to her, concerned. He couldn’t remember seeing her this unwell. “It’s really bad, Angel.”

“We’ll beat this, Cordy.” He brushed some of her hair back off her face, noticing how puffy it was. “We have the priestess and-”

“That’s not what I meant. I don’t have the flu, Angel. It’s not nerves but it is sure causing a case of them.” Cordelia gulped air. “I found a doctor, can you believe that? Not all of them ran off. Some are here thinking they’re fighting the good fight. I know what’s wrong with me.”

“It’s not the flu…how serious is this, Cordelia?” Angel asked, his mind flashing quickly to Sunnydale and the death of a woman he considered far too young to die. What would he do if Cordy had something like cancer?

Cordelia opened her mouth to answer but only sobbed. She started bawling and Angel pulled her close to him, stroking her hair.

“Cordelia, what’s wrong? What did the doctor say?”

“That night in the loft…I thought the world was ending. I never thought to take precautions,” she babbled.

“What?” Angel asked, then his eyes opened wide. “Son of a...”

“Yeah.” Cordelia wiped her face with the thick sleeve of her robe. “I’m pregnant. The reason I keep throwing up is morning sickness.”

Angel didn’t know what to say as she broke down again. He rocked her, holding her in his arms. He tried to keep his mind empty or else he’d think on the ramifications of this. He couldn’t do that without rage building up inside him. Finally she cried herself out.

“I’m so sorry, Angel.” She rubbed at the tearstain on his shirt. “ I’m made such a mess of everything.”

“I know you didn’t mean to.” He stroked her back soothingly.

“What am I going to do?” Her fists thudded against the mattress. “I can’t have a baby in the middle of all of this.”

“Hopefully all of this will be over in the next day or two,” Angel said, at a loss for something more useful. He didn’t know what she was going to do. He couldn’t imagine what this would do to his son’s life.

“How can I be a mother, Angel? And Connor’s just a kid. He barely knows how to get by in this world,” Cordelia moaned.

“You’ll be a good mother, Cordelia,” Angel said, keeping the ‘now you remember he’s only a boy,’ to himself.

“I’m not sure I should even tell him. I mean, you’re not supposed to say anything for the first few months anyhow since things can go wrong,” Cordelia said, rubbing her belly. “What if it’s not human, Angel? What then?”

“Connor’s human, Cordelia.” Angel argued. “He’s special but he’s still human.”

“I’m not, not any more,” she said. “We tend to forget that. What if this child isn’t human?”

He squeezed her hand gently. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. I won’t tell anyone, Cordelia. You can do that in your own time and way.”

“Thanks, Angel.” She rubbed her swollen eyes. “You must hate me for getting us all into this mess.”

“I don’t hate you, Cordelia.” He slid his arm around her waist. “I don’t know what to think about all of this. I’m a little stunned but I don’t hate you.”

She kissed his cheek. “That means more than you know.”

“You rest. I have to help the others clean up the corpses.”

Angel left her, only then letting his emotions surface for just a moment. He felt a little like screaming. He wasn’t ready for any of this. He couldn’t even imagine what Connor would do when he found out. Groo had been gone too long to pretend it was his. Connor would eventually find out he was going to be a father and Angel expected all hell to break loose. There was nothing he could do about it now. He distracted himself with black dog bonfire detail.

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