The Whimsical Notions Of A Desolate VampireBy Buddy
Angel lay looking at the back of his eyelids for a while after he awoke. He could feel the warmth from the body next to him and feared if he opened his eyes it would disappear like the remnants of a pleasant dream. He couldn’t risk that happening because this was the first time he’d felt any optimism since Holtz had taken Connor.
So he would lie still a little longer, soaking up the heat and the scent, and enjoy the soft sleeping noises that came from his lover. He would risk a look in a while, when the need to bury his nose next to skin overwhelmed him, and the almost certain knowledge that it was all a dream forced him to open his eyes to make sure that it wasn’t.
Xander threw an arm around his waist, seeking him out in sleep. He snuggled close to his chest and muttered nonsense before pressing a morning erection into his hip. Angel’s eyes flew open at that, but Xander was still asleep.
He was also still there.
Angel gently stroked his arm from his fingers to his shoulder, a ghost like touch that barely moved his skin. Xander twitched and smiled and curled a leg around him too.
Angel followed the line of his thigh from his hip to his knee and swept around the back of it with his index finger. He followed the back of his calf to his ankle and then traced the raised veins on the top of his foot. Slowly, inch by inch, Angel tortured himself. He glided from his instep up the inside of his calf towards his knee and then realised he couldn’t continue on this route any further unless he moved him.
Where could he explore instead?
“Don’t stop,” a husky voice demanded.
Xander smelled like rain drenched earth and Angel rolled him onto his back and buried his face under his chin, inhaling deeply, then darted his tongue out to taste the skin over his pulse point. His finger continued it’s journey upwards, parting soft hairs until it came to rest at the crease of his thigh. Xander breathed out his pleasure with quickening heartbeat as other fingers joined it to continue the exploration. Angel stroked down and cupped his balls, then rolled them gently before moving up the length of his cock and teasing the head.
“Ok, now you have to stop.” Angel stiffened and Xander gave a self depreciating chuckle. “Sorry Big Guy, but if you plan on taking this further, first you have to let me pee.”
Angel inwardly smiled his relief and nipped Xander’s shoulder sharply before moving his weight. Xander shivered at the sensation and his cock twitched, which did nothing to ease his aching bladder. The protest against the implied punishment died on his lips when Angel covered them with his own. They were cool and dry and didn’t seek further intimacy, but he was thrilled at the pressure and it’s total lack of femininity.
Angel lifted his head and Xander stretched out his body like a cat waking from an afternoon snooze. His tendons pulled taut and his muscles became more defined under golden skin, and Angel’s mouth suddenly felt dry. What if he got used to this and then it was taken away? In fact if he were honest with himself, he should acknowledge that Xander leaving was inevitable. He was here to help him find Connor, this … well what was this exactly?
Xander’s eyelids fluttered open again and he smiled at him, rolled off the bed and padded naked to the bathroom. Angel felt bereft the moment that contact was broken, but contented himself by watching the way Xander moved, with confidence, despite his naked state. His shoulders dipped alternately with each step and the muscles in his back and his ass cheeks flexed seductively. Angel would never have known there was this much movement going on under his clothes.
He came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, rubbing his chin and distractedly combing his fingers through his hair. Angel peered at him through half-closed lids noting that his cock was still half erect. He hid a smile; it must have been a bastard trying to pee.
Xander slipped under the covers, providing welcome heat to Angel’s skin as he slid into his open arms and pressed against his chest. He kissed him, parting Angel’s lips without any coaxing, and threaded his fingers into his hair. He broke off the kiss to look at him.
“I’ve always wanted to muss up your hair, I just never figured this is the reason why I’d be doing it.”
He planted wet, open-mouth kisses down the column of his throat and worried at the scar that marked his Turning, with his tongue. Angel started to breath, soft long drawn out pants until Xander started to nip him gently, time after time. Then his breathing changed, became faster, more erratic and he wound his fingers into Xander’s hair so he could pull him closer, encourage what he was doing.
It had been so long since this particular erogenous zone had been paid any attention, and Angel had almost forgotten how erotic it was. He was disappointed when Xander moved down and started planting the same wet kisses across his collar bone and down his chest until he stopped at one pert nipple and suckled.
Xander gripped Angel’s fingers and held his hands at his sides while he continued his ministrations across his chest to his other nipple. He trailed his tongue down passed his sternum to his belly button and dipped into it briefly before biting hard on the soft flesh that surrounded it. Angel felt his body turn to mush as his nerves were set aflame, and confusion filled his head as Xander continued to make love to him.
How Xander coveted this body, touching, tasting, and nipping Angel’s flesh until finally devouring his cock from tip to root. He sucked his cheeks in, wrapped his tongue around him and moved slowly up and down until Angel started to move his hips, seeking greater friction. He relaxed the back of his throat and took him in deeper, increasing his movements until Angel came with a satisfied groan.
Xander felt like he was on fire. Every nerve in his body was strumming with sexual energy and the heady sensation of power. He had done this, worked Angel’s skin, his flesh, manipulated his body until he’d surrendered it to him. Would it earn him a place in his life or would he have to move on? His heart ached with sadness at the thought, and his body ached with need, to be buried inside him, to touch him where no one else did. Angel splayed his hands across his chest.
“That was so good” he whispered. “But I want more, I want you inside me.”
Xander reached for the lubricant from the bedside table and unscrewed the cap with shaking fingers. Angel took the tube from him and coaxed Xander onto his back. He palmed a generous amount and reached for Xander’s cock, slicking over it with measured strokes before straddling his hips and impaling himself slowly.
Xander held his hips and started rocking up into him, already half-way to orgasm by the look of sheer pleasure on Angel’s face. He increased his pace and as his hips rose and fell he bit his lip in attempt to stave off climax.
“Let it go Xander, I want to hear you come.”
Angel started bearing down to meet his thrusts and Xander curled a hand around his still erect cock and started to fist him. Angel’s eyes flashed yellow and sensation started to build inside and out as they looked at each other and Angel’s human guise was lost to his demon. His fangs descended and his forehead rippled into ridges and he snarled as he spurted his release over Xander’s hand.
Xander went into free fall the moment he was faced with Angel’s vampiric image. He thrust harder, vaguely aware of the cool seed dripping down his hand and imagined cool, sharp tips grazing his skin before they plunged into his throat and sucked the desperation from him.
“Oh god! …Angel … oh god … oh god … oh god, oh …arrrrgh!”
Angel bowels were flooded with warmth and he turned his head to the side and willed his features back to normal. Xander’s arms crossed his back and pulled him forward, pressing him against the thudding in his chest. Angel enjoyed the sensation of his inner muscles fluttering and twitching around Xander’s softening cock for a moment before he eased himself off and lay down at his side.
Xander slid his leg across Angel’s hip and his arm around his waist and kissed him until his lips and face were sore from friction and stubble. He traced a cool cheek with his finger and refused to acknowledge the emotions that had been provoked and simply let the afterglow wash over him. Neither of them spoke for a while, alone with their thoughts.
“When do the other’s get here?” Xander asked eventually. “We can show them what Willow found and go get ingredients and stuff to make a potion. I suppose you do have a way of getting around in the day, and tell me please, that it’s more interesting than the sewer tunnels back in Sunnydale.”
“The other’s are probably already here, and I use the sewer tunnels to get around in the day here too. They are different to Sunnydale though, there are less vampires living in them and more runaways.”
“Man, that’s depressing. I didn‘t think I‘d ever prefer the idea of meeting vampires.”
Their gazes met and locked and Angel couldn’t resist the smile that twitched his lips. A blush spread over Xander’s face and he dropped his gaze for a moment before looking back up wearing an unreadable expression. He swallowed hard and tried to think of something to fill the silence, but for once, failed miserably.
“You said something about this whole thing being time sensitive, what do I need to do and when can I do it?” Angel asked him.
“You have to mix the ingredients under the light of a full moon. Now there’s a surprise, luckily you don’t need any virgins. Once you have the potion, it’s simply a case of drinking it, chanting some stuff and presto! Hello, ‘Evil Demon Dimension’ . The next full moon is this coming Saturday.”
“I can’t believe you did this for me.” Angel watched him closely, enjoying the animation in his face.
“Not bad for a days work eh? Willow actually found it, I looked up all the stuff on Quor-toth, which entailed sneaking into the Magic Shop and furtive fumblings in the books on the Dark Arts; which I might add, shouldn’t be confused with light night-time reading, especially if you’re half expecting a vengeance demon to appear and exact the vengeance!
There wasn’t that much information, it certainly didn’t tell me how to get in. But it did tell me why it wasn’t possible. It was Will who figured a way around the physical limitations.”
Angel leaned over Xander and reached into the third drawer of his bed side table. He fished out a photograph and gave it to Xander. It was of him holding Connor with a smiling Cordelia and a green guy with horns standing next to him on one side, and Fred and Gunn grinning like idiots on the other. It didn’t take a lot of thought to figure out who had taken it, Wesley was conspicuous by his absence.
Xander felt a slight lurch in his chest, …they all looked so normal, like a family. But the weirdest thing of all was the fact that Angel looked the part of a doting father, the bundle in his arms right at home. Connor looked like any other baby, little, cute and largely nondescript, but the love everybody held for him was reflected in all their faces. This was a ‘welcome to the world’ photograph.
He tapped his finger over Lorne’s face.
“I take it he wasn’t there purely for entertainment at the party, though if he was, I have to say, way cooler than a clown.”
“That’s Lorne, he used to have a demon Karaoke Bar until it got trashed. He lives here now, well some of the time. He’s prescient.”
“I guess you could use his help right about now then?” Angel looked at him long and hard before answering.
“I have help.”
“Angel why do you keep this hidden away?”
“I look at it all the time, but I can’t leave it out in case I forget for a moment that it’s there … and well seeing it unexpectedly is painful.”
Xander stroked his hands soothingly up his back.
“I see your point.”
He kissed him softly on the lips and Angel’s mind reeled with the effect he had on him. But it wasn’t just physical, Xander soothed his mind and eased his desolation. Since he’d come back into his life such a short time ago Angel’s existence had become more bearable, and his heart had felt hope again. He still didn’t really know what he could possibly do in return, but at least Xander seemed to be where he wanted, needed to be; for now.
“Please tell me there’s food in the place now because my belly is beginning to think my throat has been cut.”
“There’s a deli over the road, we can get more in from the store later. I want to get on with this. Show me what Willow sent and I’ll look it over while you’re in the shower.”
“Ok then, I’ll try not to think too hard about Cordelia’s expression last night when I say hi, or it might prevent me from actually making it down the stairs.” His stomach growled. “Maybe not.”
Angel got out of bed and pulled on his boxer shorts and Xander watched him moving about the room. He was all business rifling through the bag that Xander indicated, retrieving papers and settling down in the easy chair to read, Xander apparently forgotten for the time being.
Xander tossed the covers off and stretched again when he got to his feet. He missed the warm look of longing that Angel levelled at him, but he felt the smile of pleasure when he dropped a kiss on his lips on his way to the bathroom.
*~*
Angel stared at the fake parchment in his hands. Its border was covered in hieroglyphics and runes but the writing on it was English. The life of his son could be saved because of this piece of paper and it looked cheap and tacky and not worth his time.
He’d spoken to Willow on the phone, to thank her and to get clarification on a few things He’d sensed her curiosity and felt her sympathy and hadn’t known what to do with either. She had promised him it was the real deal and told him how to use it. It wasn’t simple in its execution, even when he had all the other things he needed, it wasn’t an easy portal hop at all. For one thing there were no portals to the Quor-toth unless you counted tearing a hole in dimensional walls. There would be enough potion for five or six people and they each needed someone to anchor them in this dimension.
He smiled, thinking of the excited look on Xander’s face when he had tried to explain how it would work. His hands never ceased gesticulating and even when seated he seemed to be moving all over the place, never still for a second. He’d used analogies from programmes that Angel had rarely seen to explain what they needed to do, and called him a heathen because he wasn’t really sure which one was Scotty or Spock or Picard.
Angel had ignored Cordelia’s worried glances between the two of them and watched him openly when he reacted to the pentagram they still hadn’t managed to remove from the lobby floor, and as he’d joked with Gunn about a host of extraterrestrials that sounded a lot like Lorne’s former clientele. Angel didn’t need Cardassians or Klingons in his life, he had enough on his plate dealing with Wolfram and Hart and demons.
Especially those that were personal.
He had no problem allowing his body to be reduced to anti-matter. Nor any worries about a chant and a prayer being the only guarantees that he would become solid again once he arrived. He would do whatever it took to save his son, but he wasn’t willing to take that risk for the others and they sat and listened in silence as he told them all he was going alone.
“Angel if you try to stop me coming along, I’m leaving the Hyperion and never coming back.” Cordelia looked close to tears.
Groo stood before him like a knight before a king. “You have befriended me in this strange land of ‘Ellay‘, I will not forsake you when you go to yours. He looked at Cordelia, love shining from his eyes. “And where my princess goes, there I ever shall follow.”
Xander stood up so quickly that his chair overturned, startling the pleased smile from Cordelia’s lips. Angel had never seen him look so angry.
“Xander?”
He looked at him in alarm and for one horrible moment Cordelia was back in the library at Sunnydale High. She had seen him this angry.
“I guess I shouldn’t blame you,” he burst out. “Why should me sleeping with you lead you to think I’ve changed? Because we know I sleep with men … vampires ALL THE TIME, so it’s no big deal. And the research, well it was mostly Will anyway, ‘cos let’s face it I don’t know my ass from my head.”
He turned and stalked up the stairs, his back rigid, and disgust radiating from him in waves. Panic unfurled in Angel’s chest whilst his needs warred with his responsibilities. He ignored the shocked looks from the others and followed him two stairs at a time. This was it, this was the part he was waiting for, the part where he found out that Xander was leaving after all and he was right to say he shouldn’t go to the Quor-toth.
Xander stood in Angel’s lounge room, uncertainty making him want to flee to somewhere else but desperation keeping him rooted to the spot. He noticed for the first time since his return that most of the debris that had littered the place before had been cleared away and wondered how such trivia was even registering in brain.
Why should Angel trust him? Why should he have to be responsible for yet another human life? But that wasn’t the point was it? He had what he needed now, so maybe Xander had fulfilled his mission and all that was left now was an awkward (devastating) goodbye.
Angel stood behind him and put his hands on his shoulders. Xander resisted his efforts to turn him around so Angel used force. Xander’s face was so full of anguish that Angel took a step back from him.
“I’m not leaving, I’m coming with you! You can’t really stop me, unless you kill me, and I have it on good authority you don’t kills humans unless they’ve passed the Bar.”
“I’m not going to stop you, but I had to offer you a way out the same as I did everyone else. … I can understand Cordelia insisting that she comes and strangely even Groo, but a few days ago we weren’t even friends and now because of some kind of … I don’t know, some kind of crisis in your life your willing to risk it all for a vampire you don‘t even like. Why?”
Xander stepped closer to him and clenched his fists at his sides before putting them on the sides of Angel’s waist and twisting them in the fabric of his sweater. He looked at him with a sorrow filled expression.
“What else is there? If it isn’t to do some good, have a little pleasure along the way, what’s the point?”
“What makes you think it’s any different here than in Sunnydale?”
“Maybe it’s not that much different, but nothing there makes any sense to me anymore. I don’t know, maybe I just like your cynicism, I know I’m sick of hoping that things will get better ...
And you don’t have Spike here, that’s always a bonus, though I don’t know that I’d choose to swap him for Cordelia ...
What do you want me to say Angel. I’m crazy? My feelings for you have changed? They have, just don’t ask me to explain why because I don’t know if I can do that.”
Angel stepped closer to him and put his arms around his shoulders. He rested his forehead on his and hovered his lips close to his mouth. Xander tentatively stuck out the tip of his tongue aiming for his top lip but Angel captured the tip and suckled. He drew him in, massaging the length with strokes and licks and parted his lips wide so he could deepen the kiss.
Xander slid his hands from Angel’s waist to his ass and squeezed two handfuls of cheek. Angel ran his hands up the side of his throat and cupped Xander’s jaw, not wishing to stop kissing him but letting him come up for air. Xander squeezed harder and laughed, a shaky laugh that dispelled some of his tension.
“It must be your ass, did I mention you have a very nice ass.” He felt Angel smile against his cheek before he groaned.
“ I have to take my ass and go see a Grengosh demon about buying some Tourmaline imbued with its sperm. You really can’t come with me this time, it will be offended.”
“What if I promise not to talk? I find that usually helps with most people.”
“They can only be looked upon by humans under special circumstances, and I don‘t think you would like what they are, so, I‘m thinking you could help the others research the whereabouts of a Hineaon Cauldron and I‘ll be back as soon as I can.”
“Angel … why did you never like me?” Angel’s face darkened for a moment.
“You were a pain in the ass that’s why, and ok in the beginning I was jealous of you. I thought Buffy would choose you over me, at least you could offer her the daylight.
Actually, it wasn’t so much that I didn’t like you, it was more a case of me reacting to you not liking me. You give ‘good hate’ Xander, if that energy could have been harnessed, you would have been a very handy weapon for Buffy and probably managed to prevent getting your ass kicked so much.”
Xander felt the old frustrations of being sixteen creep over him and realised his life hadn‘t changed that much since. He was permanently frustrated and no closer to getting what he wanted. An echo of resentment tried to surface but he shrugged it off.
“Buffy’s the reason I didn’t like you. I’m not talking about all the stuff that happened when you lost your soul, and let‘s not - ever. I’m talking about you. I was jealous of you, because Buffy was with you, and because …because I could understand why. You were everything I wasn’t.”
Angel kissed his pulse point and Xander shivered as he trailed his tongue up the side of his throat and kissed the spot underneath his earlobe. Xander turned his head and stole a kiss for his lips.
“I think I may have let the cat out of the bag down there, d’ya think they noticed?”
“They know it was you who found a way to get into the Quor-toth, I don‘t think they‘re thinking much past that, ok, Gunn and Fred may be a little surprised but I doubt they’ll say anything to you. I can’t promise Cordelia won’t.”
“Are you sure I wouldn’t rather take steps to avoid offending the Grengosh demon and come with you?”
“Not unless you’re willing to go through a barbaric ceremony that involves knives and genitals and playing host to it’s gestating spawn.”
“Cordelia seems so much more pleasant these days, I really must go catch up.”
“If it’s any consolation, I wish you could come with me, I like having you around.”
Xander’s head shot up and he stared at him and waited for the punch line. Angel kissed his startled lips and pushed his hard length against him, leaving him in no doubt about the effect he had on him. Xander met the steely pressure with his own and wondered if he had enough breath to actually speak.
“You’re meant to be getting portection ingredients, not angling for blow jobs.” He whispered.
Angel brushed over the bulge growing in Xander’s jeans with the heel of his hand and is voice was rough.
“If that’s an offer I’ll collect on it later, but that’s not what I meant when I said I like having you around.”
He dropped to his knees, lowered Xander’s zipper, and freed his erection from the waistband of his shorts. Then cool lips and cool tongue were on Xander’s skin, and heat flared in his veins as Angel opened his mouth and leisurely sucked him in. He played with his balls, gently rolling them around, before dipping down lower and teasing his puckered opening. Xander moaned, he was used to going from anguish to pleasure in a matter of seconds, but no one had knelt at his feet before to pleasure him this way.
Angel scraped his fingernail across his perineum before breaching his hole with a repetitive thrust. Xander held onto Angel’s shoulders tightly to prevent himself from falling, and started to rock slightly into Angel’s mouth. He watched Angel’s head bobbing up and down, taking his penis again and again into those delectable lips and then closed his eyes as he shot his orgasm to the back of Angel’s throat. He felt Angel swallow around him and held on tighter, his arms trembling and his head dizzy from the rush.
“Oh god!” He managed to gasp out when he finally found his voice.
Angel stood up, tucked him back in his jeans, and embraced him. Xander rested his flaming cheek against the coolness of Angel’s and slid a hand over his crotch. He was turgid beneath the fabric of his trousers and Xander wanted nothing more than to return the pleasure but Angel stopped his hand.
“I have to go, but … later. Are you still pissed at me?”
“I know why you said it, I should have realised I was just getting the same consideration as everyone else. I don’t know why I expected different treatment … it’s not as though …“ Xander made an effort to stop babbling. “I guess I’ll just have to stick around and prove to you that I mean what I said. When we find Connor …”
“I like it when you say that. When we find Connor. You make it sound like a done deal. Thank you.” Angel smiled at him and said,
“I have to go.”
“I know.”
Angel clasped his chin between his thumb and his forefinger and planted as soft kiss on his lips.
“Are you coming down?”
“Yes, I’ll go help the others find a Hineaon Cauldron, though you know it might be easier to speak to Giles or Spike to find out where to get stuff like that. Any way I’ll do that, and try not to blush when Cordy grills me about my being here, …with you,” he stroked a finger lightly down Angel’s cheek and lowered his voice to a whisper. “but I will think about what I’m going to be doing to you when you get back.”
He looked at him with such naked need and longing that Angel’s head reeled again. This wasn’t just desire he could see on his face, there was evidence of a gaping hole, something deep inside of him that had never been filled and Angel wondered if he would ever be big enough.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can. Ring Spike about the Cauldron, he probably would know where I could get my hands on one.” Angel started walking towards the door.
“You think you’re crazy, I’m asking Spike for help, it must be catching.”
~*~
Xander’s heart was racing in his chest. He kept taking deep breaths and it wasn’t doing anything to stop the measured looks that Cordelia kept giving him over the top of her book, but he couldn’t seem to steady himself. He tried chanting a mantra in his head, nonsensical words that he’d always used to stay calm in his life on the Hellmouth, and facing whatever it regurgitated from it’s gaping maw.
If he didn’t get a hold of himself soon he was afraid that he would be in full blown panic mode and it was hot in here. Did anybody else seem hot? There was very little air despite the open doors and instead of the low murmuring that occasionally came from Fred and Gunn calming him, he found it irritating and wanted to shout at them to stop.
They hadn’t said much yet about his outburst, apart from asking if everything was ok. Groo had tried to put him at ease by regaling him with tales of the bravest knights from the scum pits of Ur, who had often taken each other as lovers because they believed that the love of a female would diminish their strength. Cordelia had managed to snort out something about strength not being an issue with Xander, before Angel had glared at them all and said he would be back soon.
Xander pulled at the neck of his t-shirt and shifted in his chair. He’d over-reacted. What did he expect from Angel anyway? The more he thought about it the more he realised that there was more to this mission than a change of scenery.
It was huge.
He’d left Sunnydale, let Spike stay in his apartment, and he hadn’t even bothered to tell his best friends in the world that he didn’t intend to go back, ever. Buffy had been more than surprised when he told her he was going back to LA to help Angel find Connor.
“You don’t even like Angel, why would you want to help him?”
“Some things are bigger than the way we feel Buff, it’s not as if you can go help him is it?”
“Xander are you alright? You seem … No word from Anya?”
“No but on the upside I haven’t seen Anya. Don’t worry, I’ll be ok. I just need to get away for a while.”
Spike had sounded very amused at first when he called asking what he knew about the Cauldron and where he could get it.
“Peaches to important to ask me this stuff himself?”
“He isn’t here Spike, he’s gone to see a Grengosh demon about some crystals. Have you burnt down the apartment yet?”
“Right after you left as it happens. The only thing still working is the bloody phone line. You’d do well to stop worrying about my behaviour and start thinking about your own.” He paused for a moment.
“Has he got you begging yet Xander? Because he’ll creep under your skin until he’s an itch you can’t scratch … and then he’ll leave you. Do you hear me? He’ll get what he wants from you and then he’ll drop you like a lead weight.”
“Why are you saying this to me?”
“Because you stupid git … I’m trying to save you some heartache. Do what you have to do, go off and have your own excellent adventure without your Scooby pals and then come home.”
“Can you get it or not?”
Spike sighed heavily. “Yeah, I reckon I can. Give me a day or so. But if I get it I’m bringing it, and I’m coming with you to Quor-toth.”
“What? You can’t be serious, Buffy needs you in Sunnydale.”
“Nah, she doesn’t. She doesn’t need me at all.” He said bitterly. “And I fancy a bit of an adventure of my own. Red’ll keep an eye on the place. Then it’ll be all nice for you when you come back.”
“Angel won’t be happy about this.”
“I don’t wanna fight him for you, I’m just trying to get you to see sense.”
“I mean, he won’t let you come to Quor-toth. What happened Spike, did Buffy finally dump you?”
“Piss off lack-brain, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“And I suppose you do?” He heard Spike let out another heavy sigh.
“I’ll get back to you if and when I find out about the Cauldron.” Then he hung up.
Yes it was definitely too hot in here and the air was thin and why was everything looking so dark all of a sudden …
Xander looked up from his position on the floor into the faces of three very worried looking people and one highly arched eyebrow.
“Are you sick?” Cordelia asked him.
Xander sat up quickly and groaned as his head spun. Gunn and Groo helped him to his feet.
“That’s the theory on the table. It’s still being debated.” Fred pushed a glass of water in his hands and Xander pressed it to his head.
“Is it a migraine?” Fred asked him. “Cordelia said you get migraine sometimes.”
“I do but it isn’t that, I guess I fainted, try not to ridicule me too loudly Cordelia.”
She smiled at him then and he stared at her in surprise. Perhaps he was dreaming? Perhaps the whole thing was just a dream and he would wake up soon. In his bed, at home in Sunnydale. Suddenly he remembered the feel of cool lips on his cock, the sight of Angel in game face as he reached orgasm and calling out Angel’s name has he reached orgasm himself. He sat back down on the sofa nearest to him. God he hoped not.
‘Has he got you begging yet Xander?’ Spike’s voice whispered in his ear.
He took in a deep breath, Spike was messing with him that was all. But didn’t he sound … concerned? Yeah right, this was Spike.
“Maybe you should eat something, you seem to have Fred’s metabolism so the six croissants you ate at breakfast must be all used up by now.” Gunn grinned at him.
“There’s nothing on those things, they’re all fresh air held together by more fresh air.”
‘He’ll creep under you’re skin until he’s an itch you can’t scratch …’
Xander shook his head as if he could shake his thoughts away.
“I’m ok, let’s get back to research. There you go Cordy, evidence for the prosecution, I actually volunteered to do research.”
“Xander can I talk to you?” She looked at him seriously.
“Sure you can.”
She grabbed his hand, led him into the office and closed the door behind them. Xander leaned back against the desk and crossed his arms in a self- protective gesture that made him look seventeen again.
“What are you doing?”
“I thought you got enough of a visual last night to know the answer to that.”
“You don’t even like Angel. This is lame even by your standards Xander Harris, what’s going on?”
Xander put his hands up in the air and shook his head from side to side.
“I don’t know, maybe you could tell me.”
“I don’t understand, when did you …? I suggest you’re very careful mister. Angel’s very vulnerable right now, he doesn’t need anything else complicating his life.”
“I’m not here to complicate anything. Look I don’t expect you would understand even if I tried to explain, I don’t really understand myself, but I am here to help find Connor.”
Cordelia thought for a moment and then her expression softened. “Thank you for what you‘ve done. We really didn’t think there was any way in and this is amazing. You really think this will work don’t you?”
“Yes I do.”
“What about afterwards if, when, Connor comes home, are you going back to Sunnydale?”
“I can’t answer that, I don’t know. I don’t want to; it depends on Angel I guess.”
“Do you love him Xander?”
Xander’s eyes widened and for a moment he looked like a rabbit trapped in the glare of oncoming traffic.
“I need him.“
Then he stood up, opened the door and left the office.
~*~
Angel cradled the Tourmaline orbs close to his chest as he limped his way back through he tunnels that led back to the hotel. Everything had seemed as though it was going to plan until the Grengosh had recognised the scent of human on him and tried to change the price. Angel could understand it in a way, how often did a vampire sleep with a human unless its ultimate aim was to turn it or kill it? The Grengosh couldn’t possibly understand …
Angel wiped blood from his eyebrow and stretched against the stiffness of his muscles. He was already healing but the fight had been nasty, especially for the Grengosh demon. It was over now, he had the orbs and he wasn’t acknowledging the pleasant ache in his ass or the permanent state of his hard on.
He’d slept with many people, but no one had ever made love to him before, not even Buffy who didn’t know how. He couldn’t help thinking that grief had finally blown his mind and he was reading it wrong. Yet … Xander had devoured him, he‘d taken what he wanted from him and in so doing had given him exactly what he needed. He’d taken his time, pouring himself into every touch, loving him, until Angel’s skin and flesh had felt resurrected and he thought his mind would break from conflicting emotions.
He didn’t think he would ever forget the look on Xander’s face when he thought Angel was rejecting him, that he didn’t want him to go with him, didn’t need his help. He was such a paradox, full of tortured vulnerability and ‘don’t fuck with me’ control. It was an erotic mixture and Angel couldn’t wait to get back to it despite the whispers in his ear that told him it couldn’t last; because that was a heartache for another day.