Shelter From The StormBy Ten
"My hat has a cow." Even as I said it, I couldn't believe it.
"I know that I'm putting you on the spot, showing up like this, but... but you know, here we are. I need the best. I need you, Buffy. Can you help me?"
I stared up at the extraordinarily tall soldier. He looked totally hot in his black, SWAT-type gear and wicked scar across his eye. Decked out in my flaming orange Double Meat Palace uniform, I looked up at him with what must have been a mixture of dumb-founded awe and complete embarrassment at not only what I was wearing, but, even more so, what I was doing, how I was making a living. God, how humiliating for him to see me like this. Let it be a dream, please, a really bad dream.
Riley Finn smiled slightly, seemingly glad to see me again. Was he completely unaware of the ghastly uniform, cow, and even the smell? He was so obviously in battle mode, ever the soldier boy come to save the world. I had to admire that, even still, after all the pain and deception the Initiative had served him, he still wanted to save the world. He still wanted to do right. And he still thinks I'm the best. The idea of where I might be or what I might be doing or if I even wanted to see him, I guess, hadn't even occurred to him. He thinks I'm the best.
Yet he was standing there, face to face with me, his mouth spilling information like a splendid water fountain, something about tracking demons and needing me. Needing me? How did I ever let him go? He needed me.
The smell of burgers, the feel of grease on my skin, the patronizing voices of the more 'educated' employees faded away. He needed me. Without a word, I took off my hat and followed him out of the hamburger joint and into a world of danger, the world we had fought in both together and separately, the world I knew best.
* * * * *
Speeding down the street in the covert, black SUV, Riley spoke stiffly about how much had happened to him since he left Sunnydale, about how he had changed.
"Did you die?"
"No."
"I'm gonna win." I made a mental note to tell him the tale. He was one of the few who would actually believe it all, one of the few who would listen to me, understand my pain, and not judge me. Riley had never judged me … even when he found out about Angel.
He went on to describe life in Central America, the constant operations, the danger, the primitive conditions, when blackness was a virtue and the road was full of mud. The mission in Sunnydale and particularly the Suvolte demon took a bit more time. He glossed over the details and suggested I change into something less … orange.
"Here. No offense, but this is black ops, and you look like a pylon."
"Ninja wear?" He was always so cute in his G.I. Joe outfits with his techno-toys.
"Battle gear. Lightweight Kevlar, state of the art."
"What a surprise." Yeah, right.
"Boys like toys. Put it on, thank me later." I was already thanking him. He reminded me not only of what I was, but what I was missing, and that he knew what he was doing.
"You won't look?" Did that sound like an invitation? I hope that didn't sound like an invitation. Or if it did sound like an invitation, I hope I didn't sound like a big ol' ho. Oh geez, look at him! What am I doing? It did sound like an invitation. He's going to think I've become some easy piece of Doublemeat meat and ….
"I'm a gentleman." He smiled but he didn't turn his head as if indicating he wouldn't look even before I change.
A gentleman he was and had always been. I thought about just how accurate pf a statement that was. Riley had always stood up for what he believed in, even when it meant standing against the Initiative. He had never deliberately hurt me and went out of his way to rescue the damsel in distress. His big mistake was in needing me to need him. So when I made it blatantly clear that I didn't need him and repeatedly shut him out of my life and it's big and little dramas, he found someone else who did need him, even though it was in a totally different way. The memory of seeing him with a vampire's teeth buried in his arm still makes me cringe. I had never told him that I understood. I had been angry and hurt, but I had understood what he was doing and mostly why he was doing it. And I never got the chance to tell him that I tried to meet him that night, that I had wanted him to stay with me, to stay in Sunnydale, that I had stood on the pad and watched the night sky until the helicopter was long out of sight. I had wanted him to change his mind and fly back and find me standing there waiting and wanting him.
"And if I pass this way again," I thought, "you can rest assured I'll do my best…. on that I give my word in a world of steel-eyed death, and men who are fighting to be warm. "
"You know, there's not many people I'd ask to risk their life for me, Buffy. It's really good to see you." Riley smiled over at me. It made all my muscles go weak, some more than others.
"Thanks." Okay, that was lame, I'll admit it, but I didn't know what to say. Brain! Work!
"You're welcome. And Buffy... love the hair. " Liar. Our smiles met. He knew I knew he was lying. Riley had always reveled in the long, blonde hair thing. Still, I appreciated the gesture. He was trying.
By the time we reached the dam I had finished changing clothes. With only enough rappelling gear for one, I wrapped my arms around his neck and hopped up, unhesitatingly, wrapping my legs around his waist. Our eyes caught and held for a moment longer than was comfortable. Uh-oh. Not a word was spoke between us, there was little risk involved. Everything up to that point had been left unresolved. The position was so familiar, so intimate, so tempting. I found myself wishing he weren't such a gentleman. I broke the gaze and rested my head on his shoulder as Riley began the descent into the heart of the dam and where he suspected the demon had nested.
When we touched down, he released the tether and his large, strong arms encircled me, ostensibly to help me down, I guess. Again we lingered, both bathing in the nostalgia of being this close again. Oh God, he felt so good, so warm and human and alive and strong and indestructible … and right. Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm.
Before I could dislodge from Hercules, the demon materialized from it's hiding place, oversized, alien head dripping drool and slobber with its scaly body doing Frankenstein-esque walk toward us. Sliding down Riley's body, every muscle in my body pulled taut, ready for the fight.
"Friend of yours?" I asked, my eyes glued to every move of the monster.
"That would be a no." He coiled and struck at the creature, trying to bring it down. Two seconds later I joined him.
We struggled with the demon, punching, hitting, pummeling, and spin-kicking it. Very little seemed to affect the mass of slime and scales, though occasionally it did stagger a little. It backhanded Riley against a wall making him obviously disoriented as he stumbled and tried to catch his balance.
"Riley!"
Just as I yelled, the Suvolte spun around and grabbed me from behind, elevating me over his banana head and hurling me across the concrete against the stairway wall. I hit hard but managed to hold onto consciousness long enough to see Riley whack it up side the head with a two-by-four. As it collapsed it managed one more mighty blow to Riley, sending him flying toward me. He landed and rolled toward me, shifting quickly upright and catching himself by placing one hand on either side of me. We were nose-to-nose, and we both stopped breathing.
He just looked at me, his eyes telling the story of being apart for so long and revealing every emotion he'd tried to overcome in that time. I felt like a mirror of him myself … I felt exactly the same way. He licked his lower lip. "Besides … I'm still a one-woman man."
"Huh?" I just stared at him, my mouth hanging open. At least I wasn't drooling.
"Riley … I … "
He cut me off. "Come on, let's kick this thing's ass and spend the rest of the evening catching up."
We gave each other mischievous smiles and ran at the beast together, arms, fists, legs, and bodies flying, blocking, punching, and kicking. It was like the old days all over again, just the two of us fighting together to take down another great evil. It was like really good sex. Almost.
* * * * *
"Is it dead?"
"Not yet, and the lab crew would like to keep it alive if we can so they can study it and analyze tactics for tracking and destroying them. Unfortunately we need to be sure it hasn't laid it's eggs yet, and that could get, well, messy." He looked at the demon again and an expression of revulsion crossed his usual stoic features. "Toss me your knife, it takes two to break through the skin." I tossed him the long blade, he added his to it as he kicked the unconscious demon over onto its back. With what seemed like all his strength, he plunged both blades into the creature's abdomen causing an explosion of noxious fumes and slime to spray us both and pretty much everything around us.
"We're in luck."
"We are?" Somehow I didn't feel lucky with greenish-yellow ooze clingy to my face and hair.
Riley looked up at me and chuckled. "Yeah, we are. The eggs are still here and if we kill this thing now we won't have to deal with the 100 or so babies that mature in less than 72 hours." He reached over and wiped sticky hair away from my face, smiling like the farm boy I used to know. "You're really beautiful, you know that?"
"Huh?!"
He laughed. "Let's get this guy dispatched and out of here." He grabbed the walkie-talkie from his Batman utility belt and barked some orders that might as well have been French for all I could tell. The communicator squawked back and a helicopter appeared from nowhere with a staff of black-glad commandos who broke record time in getting the oversized slime dog pumped full of drugs and into the lift cage. In less than three minutes we were standing alone on the concrete platform. Any sign of the demon's presence had been obliterated, except for the goo covering the two of us.
"Alone at last," I said, a little too flip than I had intended.
Riley just smiled and moved closer to me, his hand cradling my left cheek. He lifted my face up and our eyes locked and dreamed for a few moments. As he leaned down toward my lips I hesitated. "Riley … I don't know if we …."
"Shhhhhhh," he said gently. "Later." His lips covered mine and my mind went completely blank.
* * * * *
I was burned out from exhaustion to the point I couldn't keep my eyes open. Somewhere on the drive home I had collapsed over onto one of those broad shoulders. At least I didn't snore. At least I hope I didn't. It was raining, which is unusual for this part of California, but it was welcome and cooled the air around us and it made my nap that much more enticing. As we pulled up in front of my house, I felt Riley's hand gently stroking my hair through the fog of sleep.
"Mmmmm," I moaned ever so quietly. "That feels nice."
"Yes, it does," he murmured as he leaned down and kissed my forehead. "We're in front of your house. I could really use a shower." He picked some of the now dried yellow gunk out of my hair. "And so could you."
"Hey, you have just as much of this ick on you as I do." My lower lip involuntarily poked out in an outright professional pout. It worked. Riley's mouth was immediately kissing and sucking on my proffered lip. There's still some guys getting it right.
"That's not what I'm talking about." He raised an eyebrow. "It's that … it's that burger smell."
My eyes flew open in horror. "You smelled the smell?" Oh God, just kill me now. "Look, Riley, I know everything is great for you now. You have your G.I. Joe gig which very obviously agrees with you and is something you wanted to do all along, and it all just seems so perfect for you, so I know you're leaving again to go kick demon ass or whatever it is that you do in the jungle or Central America or the North Pole … and my life totally sucks right now, I've made horrible choices, I almost lost Dawn to Child Protective Services, I can hardly support us with my lame-o minimum wage job, and I've been sleeping with Spike which is just an entirely new definition of depraved, and …… did you wait until your life was absolutely perfect and then send that demon here so you could throw it in my face?"
Why couldn't I shut up? Why was I so defensive? Spike! I told him about Spike! Oh God, no, Spike, I told him about Spike! I'm dead, okay, I wish I were dead. Stupid-stupid-stupid-stupid-stupid.
"Look... you think this was easy for me?" He was understandably defensive and the Spike thing had obviously punched him right in the belly.
"Yeah! I think it was a rollicking adventure, fun for the whole family." Sarcastic, why was I being sarcastic? Stop! Stop! Someone please stop me from doing this!
The wind picked up, pounding the rain into the tinted windows of the SUV. It forced us yell. Sort of.
"I was terrified about seeing you again." He was also visibly hurt.
"Well, I'm sure my incredible patheticness softened the blow for you." Great. I'd moved from sarcasm to resentment.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Yes, he did. He knew exactly what I was talking about, it showed in his face, his posture, and his absolute refusal to look at me.
"Riley, please don't patronize-"
"Hey! You want me to say that I like hearing that you been sleeping with that … that … Spike? Or that blinding orange is your very best color? Or that that... burger smell is appealing?"
I gasped. I was crushed, I couldn't hide it. I tried to, but I couldn't. Mentioning the burger smell again was more than I could take. My lower lip started to quiver. I bit it. It stubbornly continued.
Then Riley paused, he stopped it all with one deep breath and a complete change in his demeanor and his voice. And his touch. He took my shoulders firmly in his hands and turned me to face him. I tried to look away, he turned my chin back and forced me to look at him.
"Buffy, none of that means anything. It's past history. It doesn't touch you. You're still the first woman I ever loved... and the strongest woman I've ever known. And though I'm trying not to advertising this ... you're still quite the hottie."
He walked up to me so gracefully and took my crown of thorns. It all fell into place. It was okay. Everything was okay. Being ripped from heaven, struggling with what I had to do to pay the bills, alienating everyone, not being there for Dawn, even being with Spike … none of it mattered anymore. I could start over. We could start over.
"This isn't about who's on top. I know how lucky I am right now. I love my work, but I've been missing something, and now I know what that something is." His eyes sparkled just for me. "And I've come to get it."
He kissed me. Fiercely. Passionately. When he broke the kiss he still held firmly onto my shoulders.
"Wheel never stops turning, Buffy. You're up, you're down... it doesn't change what you are. And you are a hell of a woman." He meant every word of it.
"Riley, that night... I never got the chance... to tell you... how sorry I was. About what happened between us. I know you think I let you go." I looked down at my hands, they were almost trembling. I took too much for granted, got my signals crossed.
"Do you wish you hadn't?" He sounded so self-assured, so confident in himself and in me. It took courage to say that, but then courage is something Riley always had in spades. It was one of the things I loved most about him … well, that and that he was basically just a normal guy. And that he was so tall. And that he was strong. And those eyes. And that I thought he'd never hurt me. And …
I wasn't sure how to respond. On one hand I wanted to hurl myself into his arms and beg him to never leave me again. On the other, it had all been so complicated, and there was so much pain and hurt between us that needed airing and needed to be resolved. Did he want me to want him? Or would I just be a burden to him, slow him down or distract him from his soldiery stuff, or worse yet, maybe he really had come back to show off how terrific he was and rub my nose in the depression that was my life now, and this was all a lie, a really bad, cruel lie. His hands touched mine, enveloped them all warm and reassuring.
"I wish things were different. I-I'm not trying to... I don't... uh, you know." I looked Captain America straight in the eyes. "Yes … I wish I hadn't." There, I'd said it out loud. I did wish things had been different. I did wish I hadn't let him go. Life with Riley would have been an adventure, but at least it would have been a somewhat normal adventure. Be all that you can be. We could have picnicked in the daylight, slept the same hours, fought the same battles. We could have gotten married. We could have had children. We could have grown old together. God, yes, I wished I hadn't let him go.
"Do you want me to stay here, Buffy? Stay in Sunnydale?" He was so sincere. How did he do that? He was making all the pain and the embarrassment and the failure that I felt melt away with those eyes and that voice and the slim hope that we might be able to fix what went wrong. "Beauty walks a razor's edge, Buffy. He kissed me again, this time tenderly, searching, asking, even pleading.
When he released me, I kept my eyes closed tightly. I was afraid once I answered that Satan would take over and with a devilish grin he would scorn me and laugh at me … if I could only turn back the clock …
"Yes," I said quietly.
"Done," he said matter-of-factly, then his voice turned to satin, caressing me with gentleness and with love. "I didn't mean to put you on the spot, Buffy. Neither of us was the bad guy when I left. I had to work things out for myself, just like you've had to. The only thing that could help me was time. Lots of time. I was pretty ripped up inside, and it took me a year to figure out what I wanted. It turned out to be you." He smiled, closing the distance between us. "I asked for this assignment, Buffy. I asked to be sent here, and when I left, I told them I wouldn't be back."
I just stared at him like a drugged guppy, my mouth hanging open with no words forming, no real thoughts able to burst through my catatonia, nothing except him.
* * * * *
I flounced into the house like Dawn would have if the cutest boy at school had said hello to her. "Hi guys."
"Well, you're sure not of the mopey mood you left with." Dawn hopped off the couch and for some odd reason came to hug me. "Eww, you're all wet, and EWWWWWW what is this stuff in your hair? And … and what are you wearing? Doublemeat Palace under attack or something?" Oops, I'd forgotten about the commando wear.
"Had to do some demon hunting," I laughed and hugged her, and took her into the living room where Willow was curled up on the sofa reading.
"Hey, Will? Why don't you take Dawnie to the movies? I know there's something you've been begging to see lately." I reached into my pocket and came out with some bills and palmed them to Willow.
"No, Buffy, you should go. You've been working so hard, you and Dawn should go, I'll stay here and …"
"I insist! Besides, I need a shower. I don't know if I'll ever get all this demon gook off of me. You guys have a great time. " I smiled and shoved them out the front door … then ran to the back door.
Riley was standing on the back steps soaking wet, but he didn't seem to care. He sported a goofy grin that wouldn't quit and the moment I opened the door he scooped me into his arms and spun me around.
"Hey! You're getting me all wet."
His eyes flashed, "Mmm, that's the idea."
My mouth flew open, but I couldn't help laughing. "Riley Finn! That is not what I meant!" He set me down inside the kitchen but remained on the porch.
"Hey, I'm soaked to the skin, here. I parked all the way over on the next block, I didn't want Dawn to see the truck until we'd had a chance to explain everything." He was flapping his jacket and stomping his feet to get bits of mud and puddles of water off of him. He shook his closely cropped hair and droplets of water sprayed me. He wiped my cheek, the yellow slime sticking to his thumb and leaving my skin washed fresh by the rainwater. "Uh-oh … looks like a made a clean spot there. Shall we shoot for the rest?"
"Are you going to come in or just stand out there in the rain, you goof?"
He smiled. I didn't have to ask twice.
* * * * *
The steam was so thick we could hardly see one another. It didn't matter, our eyes were closed anyway. Hands trailed over wet skin as our mouths explored each other anew. Kissing Riley Finn was like eating warm apple pie. Sweet, moist, filled with love and a desire for more. Demon slime washed down the drain and away from our lives, his lips lingered at my throat leaving little points of fire that made my knees go weak. I had to lean into him just to stay upright. He moaned softly into my skin as he turned me around and began to plant kisses down my spine. I reached back to steady myself against his shoulders when he began kissing back up again, his large hands tracing down the sides of my hips and thighs. He was taking his time. Dammit. Well, okay, not dammit. I both wanted it to last and wanted to jump him. Conflicted to the end, that's me. He moved around in front, examining every inch of me with appreciative eyes before using feather light fingertips to tease and pleasure all the most deliciously sensitive parts of me. He continued gently, tenderly, achingly until I begged for him. And there in the shower, washed clean of demon blood, our hurts and fears, we made love until the water ran cold.
* * * * *
By the time I finished with my hair, Riley was already snug in bed. Smiling at me. Inviting me without saying a word. I scrawled a note … "Go away. Will explain tomorrow," and hung it on the outside of the bedroom door.
I turned toward him, pulling my soft, comfy robe tightly around me. "Riley," I said almost timidly as I moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "I … I've done so many awful things. Things I'm ashamed of, things I wish I could change. I've been snowed under for so long I don't know if I can remember how to live in a world that isn't filled with daily tempests and hurricanes that spin me around and try to destroy me and everyone I love.
He folded back the covers, his hand reaching out to cover mine. "Come in," he said, "I'll give you shelter from the storm."
I smiled, dropped the robe, and crawled into bed beside him. He was so warm, his arms so strong. He kissed me on the top of the head as I nestled into his shoulder, our limbs beginning to intertwine, as he whispered sweet, loving words to me. I felt little goose bumps rise on my neck and arms. I was alive, and every inch of my body was reminding me and celebrating. Some parts more than others … gloriously so. Safe in his arms, for the first time I could actually see a future for myself, something beyond one apocalypse after another. For the first time I felt I could have a normal relationship, be just a normal girl falling asleep in the arms of her normal boyfriend. For the first time, in a very long time, I felt safe in the arms of a man who I knew loved me and wanted me for who I was and who I could be, not because I was the Slayer or because I was some unachievable goal to conquer and claim. For the first time I looked forward to tomorrow and the surprises it might hold for us.
And for the first time I let myself love him.
Bob Dylan's 'Shelter from the Storm'I was in another lifetime one of toil and blood
When blackness was a virtue and the road was full of mud
I came in from the wilderness a creature void of form
"Come in" she said
"I'll give you shelter from the storm".And if I pass this way again you can rest assured
I'll always do my best for her on that I give my word
In a world of steel-eyed death and men who are fighting to be warm
"Come in" she said
"I'll give you shelter from the storm".Not a word was spoke between us there was little risk involved
Everything up to that point had been left unresolved
Try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm
"Come in" she said
"I'll give you shelter from the storm".I was burned out from exhaustion buried in the hail
Poisoned in the bushes and blown out on the trail
Hunted like a crocodile ravaged in the corn
"Come in" she said
"I'll give you shelter from the storm".Suddenly I turned around and she was standing there
With silver bracelets on her wrists and flowers in her hair
She walked up to me so gracefully and took my crown of thorns
"Come in" she said
"I'll give you shelter from the storm".Now there's a wall between us something there's been lost
I took too much for granted got my signals crossed
Just to think that it all began on a long-forgotten morn
"Come in" she said
"I'll give you shelter from the storm".Well the deputy walks on hard nails and the preacher rides a mount
But nothing really matters much it's doom alone that counts
And the one-eyed undertaker he blows a futile horn
"Come in" she said
"I'll give you shelter from the storm".
I've heard newborn babies wailing like a mourning dove
And old men with broken teeth stranded without love
Do I understand your question man is it hopeless and forlorn
"Come in" she said
"I'll give you shelter from the storm".In a little hilltop village they gambled for my clothes
I bargained for salvation and they gave me a lethal dose
I offered up my innocence and got repaid with scorn
"Come in" she said
"I'll give you shelter from the storm".Well I'm living in a foreign country but I'm bound to cross the line
Beauty walks a razor's edge someday I'll make it mine
If I could only turn back the clock to when God and her were born
"Come in" she said
"I'll give you shelter from the storm".
~Fin~