Be Careful What You Wish For

 AUTHOR: Taramisu
 WRITTEN: 5/17/02
 E-MAIL: taramisu1@yahoo.com
 SUMMARY: Spike really should learn to be mare careful with his wording.
 RATING: PG-13

SPOILERS: Villains
 

Mr. Big Green Eyed Uber Demon smiled a wicked smile.  “You are an exceptional specimen, vampire.”

A bloodied Spike laid spread eagle on the sand.  If the gang from Sunnydale were to have seen him now, they would have no clue who lay before them.  His head, previously adorned with white-blonde hair, was a mess of ash and blisters with serous fluid draining down his neck.  Every stitch of clothing had long been lost in the previous battles.  Certainly, had he not been immortal, this man would have long been dead.  Lacerations covered his limp body, many large enough to allow for the protrudance of inner organs.  His left leg unnaturally turned outward, with bone jutting out through the skin.  His left arm did not fare much better.  At this point, it took all Spike had just to focus on the demon’s raspy voice.

Due to the considerable damage to his chest area, he was physically unable to draw in air in order to speak.  After several moments of contemplating the vampire, the uber-demon continued.  “I have never seen a creature fair as well as you, my friend.  I see that I have no choice but to grant you that which you seek.”

If he could have, Spike would have smiled a little half smile and let off some cocky remark.  But as it was, the best he could do was close the one eye left with an eyelid.

With a disinterested wave of the demon’s hand, the broken mass of flesh and bone became obscured by light, then was gone.

*************

“Buffy!  Where are my red jeans?  I can’t go out until I find them!”  Dawn yelled across the house.

Her sister just sighed, then looked toward the general direction of Dawn and replied.  “You did the laundry last week.  Remember?”

Buffy continued her chore, wondering when her life had become that of Miss Suzy Homemaker.  When her mind’s meanderings caused her to slow on her progress, a voice shot out.  “Buffy!  You’re getting it all over my face!”

She looked down at an irritated Willow.  “Sorry, Wills.  Just thinking too hard again.”

“Well, mind the chemicals, there.  The box says that they could blind me.”  Willow indicated the box of hair coloring, then pointed at the warning.

“Don’t worry.  I got it under control.  One perfect black to red hair dye job coming right up, Madame.”

************

The first thing he noticed was the hard, cold pavement under his body.  The second thing he noticed was a large sign.  He opened both eyes in an attempt to discern where he was, but the sign was just too blurry.  Apparently it said “Welcome to Sommerville”, but he couldn’t be sure.

What he could be sure of was that this was no longer the desert, and his body seemed to be intact once again.

*****************

“Can you possibly make more of a mess, Dawny?”

The younger sister looked up from her sandwich and grinned.  “Why do you think they call them Sloppy Joes?”

“Apparently, it isn’t for their tidiness,” Willow added.

Buffy continued.  “Yeah.  ‘Cuz then they’d call them Neaty Peters.”

Dawn smiled a bit bigger, then began speaking without thinking.  “The last time I had these, Spike and I ended up in a food fight.   I never saw a vampire covered in ground beef before.  He had those tomato stains in his hair for weeks.”  As she ended her story, she looked up at the others expecting a giggle, a grin, something.  But all she got was Buffy’s sad little face and Willow’s frown.

“What?  I can’t even talk about him now?  He was my friend, damnit!”

“Dawn.  Language.”  Buffy put on her stern, mommy face.

“Screw my language.  Just because you can’t deal with the fact that you lost another man because of your self-centered, egotistical, insane behavior…”

Dawn was only a quarter through with her teenage rebel yell when she suddenly realized no one was listening.  Buffy and Willow were staring at a figure in the doorway.  A figure that was very familiar…but not quite right.

The mysterious figure dipped its head down reverently and spoke.  “Buffy.  Dawn.  Willow.  It’s good to see you looking so…” he paused as if trying to find the right word.  Each one he picked was not quite right.  He feared if he chose incorrectly, his entire presentation would be ruined.  Finally, he settled on: “…vigorous.”

The two older females remained in their seats, while Dawn cautiously got up from the table and approached the man.  “S-spike?  Is that…you?”

“My dear girl.  I do not wish to be called by that horrible, vulgar name any longer.  Please.  Do call me William.”  At that, the brown haired man bowed, sweeping his arm out as if it were a first introduction.

Upon resuming an upright position, the human William found himself facing three very stunned faces.

“What the hell is going on, Spike?”  Buffy stood up.

“Um, that’s William, please.”  He pushed his plain, oval glasses further up his face.  “It seems as if that ruffian, Spike, made a wish that he could be as he was previously.  And, so, here I am!”

Silence descended upon the Summers’ house.

Buffy, dumbfounded, eventually managed to find her speaking skills.  “Previously?”

“Yes.  He was evidently quite unhappy with the place his life had taken him.”  Suddenly, William changed his focus and addressed just Buffy.  “My, you certainly are a beauty.  The very personification of effulgence.”

Dawn and Buffy looked at each other, torn between confusion and just plain wanting to laugh out loud.

“So, let me get this straight.  Spike made a wish for him to be as he was before, and someone granted it.”  Willow was trying hard to understand.

“Yes.  Well, more or less.”  The man took his glasses from his face and began to wipe them with a handkerchief retrieved from the front pocket of his tweed jacket.

“What more or less?  What’s the more?”  Buffy questioned.

“I believe he had wanted the…oh, what was that called…CHIP!  Yes.  He wanted the little chip out of his head.  But, you know how these things work.  ‘Be careful what you wish for’ and all.  My dear hostess.  Do you happen to have any tea?”

“Tea?  Tea?!  Oh, my God!  Spike was Giles as a human?”  Dawn couldn’t decide if she was upset or amused.  Her face threatened to break from holding back a grand guffaw.

“Listen, Sp…William.  I have to be going now.  I have patrolling to do.  Why don’t you have a seat here with Willow and…um…chat.”  She attempted to walk out the door, but was halted by his gentle grasp on her arm.

“My dearest Elizabeth.  You surely cannot expect me to let you go out into the dark, dangerous streets of Sommersville by yourself.  Here.”  He held out his arm for her to take.  She stared at it, speechless.  “Let me escort you.  Where is it you said you were going, my lady?”

“P.A.T.R.O.L.  You know?  Demons, vampires.  Have to go kill ‘em before they hurt some innocent person out there.”

William’s face screwed into a look of consternation and disgust.  “What horrible, horrible business of which you speak.  Please.  I prefer not to think of such things.  That is for the police to deal with.  Here, my dear.  Have a seat and I shall read you some poetry.”

Three pairs of eyes sought each other out, trying to silently communicate amongst themselves.  It was Buffy who spoke first.  “I never thought I’d say this.  Not in a million years.  Certainly not in this lifetime.”  She took a deep breath.  “I miss Spike.”

The End