Dreaming the Past, Living the Future

Disclaimer: Think whatever you want, but I own NO ONE! They all belong to Joss & Co.

Setting: Post "Tabula Rasa" with spoilers for "Smashed" and "Wrecked" (in upcoming chapters). except I took the liberty to add my own little twist to the whole drama which is Buffy and Spike. This is only my second BtVS fanfic, so be nice with reviews please! Enjoy!

1 Chapter One: Comfort

It was late on a Friday night. Buffy was done patrolling for the night. There was nothing more comforting than sitting on the couch, cuddled up in a blanket, and watching some old movies on the TV. A cup of hot chocolate was set on the little coffee table in front of her.

Everyone in the house was asleep for the rest of the night, so there would be no distractions or interruptions. Willow was sound asleep in her mother's old bedroom, and her little sister Dawn was tucked into bed. No worries, just a relaxing, stress-relieving night on her own.

Though the movie was playing its way through on the television, Buffy's attention was elsewhere. Even though her eyes focused on the screen, zillions of thoughts spun through her head. First of all, Giles was gone. It was only three days since he left for England, but Buffy already missed him terribly. Then there was Willow. She had never seen her best friend this depressed since Oz left. Willow loved Tara incredibly, but Tara left as well. The guilt Willow felt was deeper than anything she had ever known. Xander and Anya were in their world of pre-marital bliss. It was still mind-blowing that those two were actually going to get married. It felt like Dawn was one of the only people in her (second) life that kept her sane these days. Of course she would, she was her sister after all. And then there was Spike.

There were too many thoughts about that bleached blond vamp swirling around her head. She didn't know what to think of what was going one between them. It almost felt like a replay of her whole Angel saga. *Almost*. Angel had a soul, whereas Spike definitely *did not*. That made all of the difference. She was the Slayer, and if there was anything more against the rules, it was being attracted to a vampire- minus the soul. But was it really attraction? Ever since she came back to this world, he was the only one who seemed to understand her. He kind of knew what it was like. Kind of.

Maybe it was because she could confide in him so much that made the comfort- level go up and the spontaneous make-out sessions surface. It happened twice. She had kissed him twice. *willingly*. Why, she did not know. It baffled her how she could be confiding in and kissing someone who was trying to kill her four years ago.

Four years ago, Spike was intent on eliminating Buffy, just to add to his list of Slayer-slaughters. It was amazing what four years and a chip in the head can do to a vamp. Spike's interest in the Slayer went from complete hatred to (almost) complete adoration. He loved her, plain and simply. Not obsession, but passion. He cared for her. He cared for Dawn. And in some weird, incomprehensible way, he somewhat cared for her friends as well. Well, maybe at the exception of Xander. Maybe.

Sometimes Buffy wondered about the old Spike. The old Spike. William. She wondered how he was when he was human, before the demon took over. Was he as cocky and egotistic as he was now? It was truly a mystery to her. What she did know, though, was that he was in love when he was human. That girl, what was her name? Cecily. Yeah, that was it. She broke him when she told him that he was beneath her. That happened the same night he met Drusilla. The same night he became Spike.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Spike stood outside Buffy's house, contemplating whether or not to knock. He saw the light and the flickering of the TV in the living room. He knew Buffy was in there. He wanted to see her, just to talk, primarily about what was going on between them. He knew he loved her, but he just didn't know what she thought.

If only she knew how deeply he loved her. If only she could look past his "Big Bad" persona and see him as a man, and not a vamp. If only she could see the vulnerable, caring, loving person that was William.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Buffy stretched out and lay her head on the arm of the couch. She continued to watch the movie and lose herself in her thoughts. Soon, however, her eyes slowly closed and she was swept away into dreamland.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To be continued.

Chapter 2: Just A Dream

"Excuse me miss, are you alright?"

Buffy's eyes opened slowly, as she felt cold, hard cobblestone beneath her.

"W- where am I?" she asked the man helping her up.

That was when she noticed her clothes. She was no longer in warm, fuzzy fleece pajama pants and a white tank. Instead, she was in a rather large, poofy dress. It was an off-white color, lots of frills and lace, and a *very* low-cut neck. When she put her hand up to touch her hair, she noticed it was swept up in an intricate hairstyle with a lot of curls.

"England, of course," the man replied with a strong accent and a smile. "Do you need help?"

Buffy looked around at the dank streets. There were no cars; rather, there were horse-drawn carriages. When she looked at the sky, it was pitch black, and when she looked around the streets again, they were lit by lanterns.

"What's the date?" she asked, completely ignoring the man's question.

"Oh dear, did you bump your head on that nasty little fall?" he asked. He put a hand on her shoulder to keep her steady. "It's December 1, 1880. Are you alright, love?"

"It's *what*?!" Buffy exclaimed. In a minute she was about to keel over. *This has got to be a dream,* she thought to herself.

The man looked at her like she had three heads. "December-"

"I heard you the first time!" she snapped. Then, realizing what she said, and what century it was, she looked down coyly and said, "I'm sorry. I mean, thank you. I think that bump on my head gave me a temporary lapse of memory. I'm fine. Just fine."

"Good to hear. Now, where are you staying? Let me walk you there. It's a lot safer, and I'll be there to catch you if you fall," he joked.

Buffy smiled. *This is some dream,* she thought, pinching her arm inconspicuously, which indeed hurt. That was when she realized she had absolutely nowhere to stay. She was walking around 19th century England, not knowing what the hell was going on or where the hell she was going. Embarrassed, she said to the man, "I... I... I don't know."

"Nowhere to stay? A pretty little lady like you? Well then let me offer you a place to stay," he said.

This guy just met her, probably thinking that she was psycho, and he was asking her to stay with him. Now it was her turn to look at him like he had three heads. But then again, it was better than nothing, and after all, this was just a dream. "I don't even know your name," Buffy said to him.

"Ah, forgive me love. My name is Christopher Eden," he introduced curtly. "And what is yours? I doubt I'll forget a pretty face like yours."

"Oh, my name's B- B- Bianca," Buffy said, realizing that her real name, "Buffy," would sound rather odd in this time.

She followed him home. It was quite strange to see everything so clearly like it wasn't a dream. She felt the cold, stale air around her. It was dreary, yet strangely romantic in a way. Apparently, they were walking through a downtown part of whatever city they were in. There were shops all around, but all were getting ready to close.

Buffy was taking in the sights of 19th century England when she noticed someone through a shop window. He looked familiar, but she couldn't place his face. She squinted a little to see if she could get a better look at him. This guy was busy stacking books in what apparently seemed to be a bookshop. He was bit on the clumsy side as well, considering the stack of books he was lifting ultimately ended up scattered on the floor.

It was his features that were the slightest bit familiar to her. He had a perfectly chiseled face and light blond hair that was frayed this way and that, making him look stressed beyond belief. He wore glasses that seemed to permanently place him under the "dork" category.

"Bianca...?" Christopher said, seeing her distraction to the man in the bookshop.

Buffy turned around abruptly. "Do you know who that is?" she asked.

"Oh, that bloke's name? He's nobody. You don't need to know."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To be continued...

Chapter 2: Dinner

But she wanted to know. "What do you mean that I 'don't need to know'?" Buffy asked. She was confused.

"He's a shopkeeper, love. There's no sense conversing with that kind, unless of course, you're the customer," Christopher explained coolly.

If that was the case, then that could only mean that Mr. Eden was one of the more prominent people. *And very snobby to be saying that stuff,* Buffy thought to herself, a tad bit disgusted at his answer.

Christopher continued to say, "Besides, he's got quite a crush on my sister. Though I don't blame him for that."

Buffy just nodded and continued to walk on with Mr. Eden. The stopped when they reached a very large mansion. Buffy had to blink to make sure it was really that big. It looked like one of those places where tons of balls and parties were held.

*No wonder this guy was so snobby. If I lived like this, I'd probably be snobby too,* Buffy thought, amazed as she walked up to this structure.

"This is my home," he said as they entered the mansion. "Just follow me, and I'll show you where you can stay." He motioned for her to follow him.

They traveled up a double staircase, of which Buffy was awed over. When she reached her room, she had a look of shock and surprise on her face. It was completely beautiful. There was a huge bed with curtains, but to her dislike, the sheets were red. So was the rest of the room. But she couldn't complain. The furniture was exquisitely detailed, each curtain folded in the right way, every piece of furniture and decorative item placed in the perfect place.

"I'm sorry it's not one of the best rooms in the house, but it's perfectly livable. Please, make yourself comfortable. Just to let you know, you can stay as long as you need to. The butler should be up shortly to let you know that dinner is ready," Christopher said. Then he nodded and left, closing the door behind him.

*So this is how the big, rich people in 19th century England lived. So much for history class,* she thought. *What am I going to do until dinner?*

Buffy took a seat on the bed, which wasn't as comfortable as it looked. It was hard, stiff. Not something she could possible cuddle up in.

Her thoughts suddenly went to those of the man in the bookshop. He looked so familiar to her, but she just couldn't think of who he reminded her of. Really, who *could* she find familiar in 19th century England? Giles was old, but definitely not *that*old.

There was a soft knocking on her door.

"Come in."

A man with a serious, straight face popped his head in the room. "Dinner Miss Bianca," he said.

"Okay... I mean, sure... I mean, I'll be down shortly," Buffy stammered. They must think that she was one strange bird, speaking the way she did.

A few moments later, Buffy made her way down the stairs and into the dining room. It was also a very large, very decorative room. Candles lit the dinner table, where two men, two women, and a little boy sat. There was one empty seat next to the younger one of the two women. Assuming that was her seat, Buffy made herself comfortable.

As soon as she sat down, the men stood up, noting her presence.

"So you are the young lady my son saved," the older man said. He was apparently Christopher's father.

"Father, she just fell. I was there to help her up," Christopher explained.

"Oh you're still a hero," he said to his son, adding a jolly laugh. "So what is your name young lady?"

"Bianca," Buffy replied with a nervous smile. After she said her name, everyone just stared at her. It took her a moment to realize they were waiting for her last name. "Sum... ford. Bianca Sumford," she said.

Christopher got a quizzical look on his face. "Sumford... That name, ah yes. The Sumford family, northern England, correct?"

"Y- Yes," Buffy said, not knowing what he was talking about.

"Wonderful. You're welcome to stay as long as you need Bianca," the father said, smiling. "Let me introduce you to my family." He pointed first to the woman sitting next to him. "This is my wife, Charlotte." The next was the little boy sitting next to her. "My son, Harold." And then the girl next to the boy. "And this is my daughter, Cecily."

*Cecily?!* Buffy thought in amazement. She looked at the girl more closely. She had dark brown hair, a slim figure, and big, brown puppy-dog eyes. Cecily was beautiful, but she had the air of a little spoiled rich- girl around her. Her nose was constantly turned up, and she had the "I'm better than you" attitude. What a snob.

"I'm John, and you know my son, Christopher," the father finished.

"It's... Thank you. Pleased to meet everybody," Buffy stammered out, yet again. She was more preoccupied with eyeing Cecily. She couldn't be... could she?

The father, John, continued with what he seemed to be speaking about before Buffy came down. "Tomorrow, Christopher, I need you to stop by the bookshop for me. I want your sister to come along. She needs to pick up the fabric for her new dress," he said.

Cecily frowned and whined, "Daddy! No! That means..."

Christopher laughed wildly. "You're going to see William!"

*William?* Buffy thought, apparently surprised. The man in the bookshop. The familiarity. The chiseled face. Cecily. It hit her right there. *SPIKE?!*

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To be continued...

Chapter 4: Back to the Future

After her startling conclusion, something flashed and Buffy felt her eyes open. She was back in her living room, and it was the middle of the movie. Whatever just happened, was a dream... but it felt so real. The store window... Spike, no William. And Cecily.

*So that was how she really felt about him,* Buffy thought, rubbing her eyes. *Poor guy.*

If only she could have gone further into the dream. If only she could've at least talked to Spike.

*But man, was he a dork!* she laughed. At least he looked the part. He looked the total opposite from what he looked like now. Spike with glasses? He could've been a dead ringer for Giles's son. That was kind of creepy. Looking at Spike now, no one could ever imagine him any different. And it was almost definite that no one could see Spike *without* the bleached blond hair 'do.

She smiled to herself thinking of the extremes of Spike. It was an amusing thought, actually. Buffy giggled and took a sip of her hot chocolate.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Spike was still outside of Buffy's house, but closer to the window so he could see her. With a cigarette in his mouth, he watched her as she sipped her drink. She had a wistful smile on her face. That meant she was thinking of something good. He only wished it was him she was thinking about.

He remembered trying to sort out his thoughts about Buffy a long while back. It was after he got that chip in his head and started to hang around the Scoobies. He thought it was the chip that made him become soft. Well, actually, it was part of the reason. If that chip wasn't in his head, he wouldn't have spent that much time with the Slayer and her friends. He would have killed them all. If it wasn't for the chip, he wouldn't have gotten to know Buffy. He wouldn't have had the chance to care for her, or her sister, even her friends for that matter.

He knew deep down even if that damned chip was taken out of his head, he wouldn't stop caring or loving her. He was too far gone for that to ever happen. No matter how much she said it would, no matter how much she blamed it on the chip, she didn't know how he *really* felt. He didn't have a soul to lose like Angel. Deep, down inside, he felt like he was human again when she was around him.

How could a human girl, especially the Slayer, make a demon like him feel like this? The answer to this question was easy. He knew exactly why. He just hoped that she'd figure it out too.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Buffy lay back down on the couch and turned off the light and the TV. There was no sense in trying to go upstairs now. It was late, and she knew if she did, she'd probably wake up Dawn. So she cuddled up in her blanket and lay back down on the couch.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To be continued...

Chapter 5: Goodnight

And in another flash, Buffy was back in 19th century England. This time, she was being held up in Christopher's arms on a couch. He was holding a cold compress to her forehead.

She opened her eyes to meet Christopher's gaze. *He really has wonderful eyes,* she thought to herself. They were big and brown, and it felt like you could fall into them and see in his soul.

Christopher was a very handsome man. He was definitely an aristocrat, and probably one of the most handsome *and* eligible at that. He was tall, and had dark brown hair, just like his sister. He had a very commanding air around him, but when talking to him, he was quite easy going. And he had this wonderful smile that could make a girl melt into a puddle in front of him.

"And she wakes," he said, smiling that killer smile of his. "Are you alright Bianca?"

Buffy sat up but fell back into his arms again. She felt dizzy.

"I guess not," he said.

She was confused. Last time she was here, she was eating dinner and then there was a flash and *poof* she was back in 2001. Then she fell asleep again on *her* couch at home and woke up back here. What was going on?

"What happened?" she asked Christopher, her voice a bit shaky.

He looked at her and blinked. "Well one minute, you were eating dinner with us, and then the next, you fainted and fell to the floor."

She fainted and fell to the floor. Maybe that was why her head hurt. Then she remembered just before that flash, they mentioned something about the guy in the bookshop. Christopher and his sister were going there tomorrow, and Cecily threw a fit because she was going to see William. And William was Spike. Then *flash* back to her time.

"I'm so sorry. Did I ruin dinner?" Buffy asked, a little embarrassed.

He chuckled. "No, not at all. You may have ruined *your* dinner, but not ours," he joked.

That comment made her giggle. Then she sat up. "I'm sorry about that, really. I don't know what was wrong with me. I think I just might need a rest or something." She stood up and wobbled.

"You might need my help up there, love. Let me help," he took her hand and led her up the stairs.

"Thank you," she said as he opened the door to her room for her. Then embarrassed, she blushed. "I don't have... anything to wear."

"Oh..." he said, scratching the back of his head. "I'll ask Cecily. I'm sure she'll help you." Then he exited the room.

Buffy planted herself on the bed almost immediately. She let out a long breath. Why was she dreaming the past? And why was she dreaming in 19th century England, where Spike was? It baffled her.

Moments later, there was a soft knock on her door.

Buffy sat up and said, "Come in."

Cecily walked into her room with a pile of night garments neatly folded and placed them on the bed next to Buffy. "My brother said you needed some," she said to Buffy with a smile.

"Thanks," Buffy replied.

"And I have a message from my brother," she added. "He would like you to join us tomorrow when we go to town. He would like to show you around."

Buffy smiled. She knew Christopher was developing a small crush on her, just by the way he acted. He was technically asking her out on a "date." But it would feel awkward. She was going to see Spike, or William in this case, and with another guy. Well, he didn't know her yet so maybe it wouldn't be *so* weird. Besides, she was curious to see how William was- his personality and all that stuff.

"I'd love to," Buffy answered. Then she added, "Though it would have been better if he asked me himself."

"My brother is shy. I think he likes you, Bianca. You've made quite the impression on him, why, falling in front of him twice and such," Cecily said to her.

*Yeah, like fainting twice in front of a guy so he can save you must really put a boost on his ego,* Buffy thought to herself. Out loud she said, "He's a nice man."

"Why Bianca, you should feel quite pleased that you have the most eligible bachelor trying to court you," Cecily said. "I can only wish that someone just as prominent and wealthy as my brother would come and court me."

*Oh dear God, she's as shallow as they come,* Buffy thought, a little appalled at Cecily's comment about men. But then again, this was a time where women did marry for wealth and social status.

"But what's wrong with William?" Buffy asked, apparently trying to get some information out on the man in the bookshop.

"William? Ha!" Cecily said, rolling her eyes. "He's nothing but a poor, homely merchant! I could never accept anything from his kind! And not to mention, he has been obsessing over me since I first stepped into that bookshop, writing me those bloody poems that are hideously awful. Do you know what it does to a woman of my status to have someone like that following me everywhere?"

Buffy wanted to slap this girl from here to kingdom come. She had no right to say something like that, even though he *was* below her on the status list. But then again, she could relate to what this girl was feeling, having Spike/William obsess over her like he was some lost puppy without her or something. *And wait a minute, Spike used to write poems?!*

"But enough about that, we must get to bed. We have a busy day tomorrow," Cecily finished. She nodded and left the room.

Buffy got dressed into her night garments and crawled into the uncomfortable bed. The garments weren't all that comfortable either. But somehow, she fell asleep, hoping that when she woke up, she'd be back on her living room couch.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To be continued...

Chapter 6: Shopping

Highly unlikely. When Buffy woke up, she was still in the stiff, uncomfortable bed and those itchy nighties. When she looked out of the window, it was definitely morning, but it was foggy and dreary outside. It was a rather depressing sight to wake up to.

She yawned and stretched. As soon as she did, she heard a knock on the door. "Come in," she said groggily.

A maid or servant or something came in holding a dress and undergarments. "Miss Bianca. From Miss Cecily," she simply said, laid them on her bed, and then walked out.

As soon as the maid closed the door behind her, Buffy stepped out of bed and picked up the clothing to take a closer look at it. There were stockings, bloomers, and a corset. The dress was a dark blue color, less fluffy and lacy than the one she was wearing the day before.

Well, it was no problem putting on the bloomers and stockings, but the corset was different story. She had to call the maid it to help her out. It felt like the maid crushed her ribs and squashed a couple organs in Buffy's body. It was the most God-awful article of clothing for women that was ever invented. When the maid left, she slipped on the dress. Again, it was very low-cut, but this time, it fit the contours of her body much better because of the lack of frills. Buffy brushed her hair straight and pinned half of it atop her head.

She emerged from her room and down the stairs to the dining room for breakfast. The table was silent in the morning, which made Buffy feel just a bit uncomfortable. Maybe it was because it was morning. She did notice Christopher though. He looked up as she entered the room. He smiled at her and nodded, his dark eyes acknowledging her presence.

After breakfast was over (without her passing out), she, Christopher, and Cecily met in the lobby area. There was a carriage waiting outside to take them into town. First, Christopher helped his sister into the carriage and then held his hand out to Buffy to help her up.

The ride only took about five minutes, and in no time at all, they were in town walking around. Buffy vaguely remembered the town from when she was there the night before. If she were to go out on her own, she would definitely get lost. It was fortunate that she had Christopher and Cecily with her.

"We'll be going to the bookstore first," Christopher said, which initiated a sigh of frustration from Cecily. "Then we'll get your fabric."

Buffy felt a little weird about walking into the bookshop and seeing William. She always wanted to know what he was like, and this was her chance. If he were anything like she saw him as the other night, there would be no problem. For some reason, she didn't think there would be in the first place. William wasn't Spike yet.

There they were in front of the bookshop. Christopher had already walked in. Cecily was about to follow, but she noticed Buffy standing at the doorway looking a little sick.

"Bianca, what's wrong? You do look like you've seen a ghost," she asked Buffy.

Buffy mumbled, "Something like that," and walked in.

When they walked in, Buffy immediately noticed William. He was standing on a ladder, placing some books on the shelves. He still had that frazzled look about him. It made Buffy smile and let out a small giggle.

"What are you laughing at?" Cecily asked her quietly, but not inconspicuously. Apparently, William heard her and looked in their direction. "Oh no," she sighed.

"Stop gawking at my sister," Christopher said. "Now, my father needs a book..."

Buffy stood there with Cecily while Christopher spoke to William. This time, Buffy had the chance to get a better look at William.

He was quite handsome as a human. Well, not that he was any less handsome when he became Spike. Nevertheless, he was definitely *not* homely. One thing that did bother her though was his glasses. They covered his beautiful blue eyes. His hair flapped about around his face, and this was the very first time she ever saw him in anything other than black. He was wearing brown trousers and a white shirt. He looked rather ridiculous to her in this getup, considering she had never seen him in anything like it before.

This thought made her let out another giggle, much louder than her last.

And everyone turned around.

"Bianca?" Christopher said. Cecily and William were looking at her with inquisitive looks.

"I... um... well... nothing," Buffy stammered out, looking this way and that. "I'll be quiet now."

Christopher and William continued to talk. Buffy looked around the shop more. There were certainly a whole lot of books in here. Giles would be quite content in this atmosphere. But then thinking of Spike in this atmosphere, let alone *books*...

Another giggle, but to herself this time.

"Thank you, William," Christopher said and shook his hand.

"Y- You're welcome," William replied.

Christopher started walking out the door, his sister following, then Buffy. Just as Cecily was about to walk out the door, William spoke up and said, "Cecily..."

She turned around and glared at him. Then she said, "William, will you stop? I do not want you haggling me every time I walk into this shop. Leave me alone!" Then she turned around sharply and stomped out.

Buffy stood there, feeling bad for William. She saw the look on his face, like a hurt puppy or something. She wondered if that's how Spike looked whenever she let him down. She felt for the guy. Cecily did treat him like dirt. He was staring at the door where Cecily made her exit.

"You might want to try to be quick on your words. You'd be surprised the effect that has on a lady," Buffy told him with a smile.

William looked at her, seeming to acknowledge her presence in the shop for the first time. "Excuse me?" he asked.

"I said, next time, try being a little more confident. I think you might like the outcome better," she said, looking him straight in the eye.

"Bianca?" she heard Christopher say. He had opened the door.

She looked over at him and then to William. "Bye," she said, turned around, and left.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To be continued...

Chapter 7: The Shopkeeper

William watched the door close behind the strange woman that was just in his bookshop. She seemed rather witty, and that comment was quite brave of her to say. She was actually giving him advice on how to win over a woman! But then again, he could use all the help he could get.

He so adored Cecily Eden. He loved the way her hair curled around her shoulders, the way he could drown in her big brown eyes, her smile, the way she walked, her voice... She was everything he wanted. She was the leading woman in his dreams every night. No matter how many times she'd turn him down, William knew he would never give up.

But in a helpless sense, he knew that even if she'd give him her love in return, there was almost no way they would be able to be together. Their social classes just didn't mix well. There was no way Cecily would ever accept William the Shopkeeper. He would always be a shopkeeper, until the day he died. There was no way to change that.

Thinking about it all made him depressed. But it was no use getting depressed. There was always a way. If he believed in love like he did, love would always win. He knew he would walk to all ends of the earth for her.

"...next time, try being a little more confident. I think you might like the outcome better," he remembered the mysterious woman had said to him. Then she smiled at him and left.

That woman was a pretty picture herself. She was almost the opposite of his Cecily though. She had blonde hair, flowing down her back and falling over her shoulders. Her eyes were green, and she had a darker complexion than Cecily. By the way Christopher was tagging her along, it looked like he was her beau, or he was courting her. Another rich one, but she didn't seem to have the same attitude that the rest of them did. If William could remember the tone of her voice, it sounded like she was helping him, being nice. And she smiled at him. A pretty smile at that.

He sat at his desk, writing yet another poem. Well, at least he was trying to, but had no success whatsoever.

It was almost dark when he looked up from his desk. There were no other customers today, his business seemingly going down the drain. If that happened, he didn't know what he would do. He liked to write, maybe that was an option, but no. No one liked his poems. They all thought whatever he wrote was garbage.

"Bloody fools," he mumbled to himself. "I'll show them one day."

It was about time for the shop to close soon. William got up and was about to lock the shop door when he heard a knocking coming from the window. He looked over and saw her. It was the same woman from earlier.

He opened the door and told her, "I'm sorry love. We're closed for the night."

"I'm not here to shop, I'm here to talk," she said quite bluntly, which took William off guard. And when he didn't say anything, she added, "About Cecily."

As soon as he heard her name, he was all ears. "Come in," he told her, locking the door behind her.

She smiled at him again. "I knew that name would get me in," she said.

"Precisely. What about her?" he asked.

The woman looked thoughtful for a second. Then she said, "Why exactly do you like her so much?" She took a seat on the chair at his desk. Her behavior was not at all lady-like.

"First of all, you've got to let a man *offer* you a seat. Second, what right do you have to ask me about Cecily?" he said.

Her face scrunched up in a questionable look. "Okay, then offer me a seat."

"You're rather odd, has anyone ever told you that?" he commented. "You can sit there since you're already sitting."

She continued talking about Cecily, ignoring the little rift in their conversation. "It doesn't take a genius to see you're head over heels in love with this girl. I just want to know, why do you like her so much? Has she done anything for you to make you fall?" she asked, a bit long- winded.

He thought about her question. All this time, no one has ever questioned his actions. Now this witty, un-lady-like, beautiful woman was bluntly asking him about his feelings. But when he thought about it, the answer was no. She never did a thing to make him fall so hard for her. Cecily treated him like the scum of the earth.

He took a deep breath and said, "No."

"You're just in love with her beauty, aren't you?"

*Yes.* "Yes."

She rolled her eyes. "You're a fool. Even though she treats you the way she does, you still love her, don't you?"

*Yes.* "Yes."

She let out a breath, and started to sway. She put a hand to her forehead. "Oh... I'm not feeling very well..." she said, swallowing.

William walked up to the side of her chair. "Miss, are you alright?"

"No..." she said faintly and then passed out.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To be continued...

Chapter 8: The Morning After

Buffy awoke and popped her head up. She was back on her living room couch and there was daylight. The TV screen was blue, obviously, since the movie was long passed over. She looked around, making sure she really was home.

"Hey Buffy, ya sleep down here last night?" her sister Dawn said, walking down the stairs. She was still dressed in her pajamas, but that was normal. It was Saturday after all.

"Yeah... What time is it?" Buffy asked, wiping the sleepiness away from her eyes.

"It's ten o' clock. Time for breakfast... Well, technically it is. Willow doesn't seem to be in the mood to cook anything," Dawn said. "So what do ya say? How about a sisterly breakfast-making session?"

Buffy was still a little confused over what had happened to her the night before. Was it a dream or not? It seemed so real to her. And the fact that she met William...

"Buffy?"

She stood up slowly and smiled. "Sure Dawnie. Let's get cracking."

They went into the kitchen and started cooking. It wasn't long after that Willow came down, still looking depressed as ever.

"G'morning Willow," Dawn greeted cheerfully.

"Morning guys," she replied sullenly. "How was your night Buffy?"

Buffy gave her a half-smile and said, "Same old, same old. Dusted some vamps, and then came home and watched some old movies."

"By yourself?"

"Oh I had help with the dusting thing. Spike came along," Buffy explained. "The movies, actually, I let Spike come in and we snuggled on the couch as we watched the movie," she joked.

Dawn and Willow looked at her, surprised.

"Joke guys, joke. As if I'd ever let Spike cuddle with me. Spike... cuddle... ick!!!" Buffy said and shuddered. "Thinking about it gives me the willies."

Dawn looked away, wishing her sister would let Spike in. She knew Spiked loved her sister. Dawn saw Spike as the big brother she never had. He took care of her when Buffy was... away. He was her guardian, and did a hell of a lot better than Willow, Tara, Xander, or Anya could. She wished the three of them could live like one big happy family. It was something she wished because she never did have one.

Willow wasn't too sure of what to make of Buffy and Spike's relationship. It was weird to know that Buffy confided in him first when she came back. It was even weirder to see them patrolling together, as if they were the closest of battle-buddies. Buffy was beginning to withdraw from the Scooby- gang more and more lately. Whenever she was in trouble, who would be the first person she'd go to? Spike.

"And there was silence. I was only joking guys. Laugh. Ha, ha?" Buffy said.

"Y- Yeah. You and Spike. Funny, yet scary. I can't see you two cuddling on the couch. I see you tearing the couch to shreds with your bickering," Willow replied and let out a half-hearted laugh.

Dawn spoke up and said, "I like Spike. He's a cool guy to hang out with."

Willow and Buffy gave her an "are you kidding?" look.

"You're forgetting that I did hang out with him a lot when Buffy was... not here this summer," Dawn stated.

"More than five minutes talking about Spike makes me feel icky. I think I'm gonna go upstairs and take shower now," Buffy said as she took off her apron and turned to walk upstairs.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Daylight meant bedtime for Spike. Yet, he sat in is crypt that morning, unable to get to sleep. Thoughts of the Slayer plagued his mind.

*One-hundred and forty-seven days,* he thought to himself. She was gone for that long, but when she was, it felt like an eternity for him. Every dream he had was about her. Saving her. Bringing her back to him. And every night he would wake up from those dreams in a sweat, and then bury his head in hands, sobbing like a baby.

And then she came back. When he saw her for the first time since she came back, he didn't know what to say, or think. He didn't know if she was real or it was just a dream. He didn't know whether or not to run up to her and hug her or just burst into tears of happiness. Neither won over though. As soon as he saw her hands, he understood what had happened to her.

He knew all along she wasn't the same Buffy as before. Though she did act like Buffy, had her trademark Slayer abilities, and looked like Buffy, she wasn't the same. She was indifferent. If her little groupies didn't notice by now, she kept her distance from them all. They unnecessarily brought her back from a place she deserved to be in.

Spike was beginning to get annoyed at himself. He did everything he could for her to accept him. In a way, she already did accept him. He was the one she came to these days when she needed things sorted out. He knew in the back of her mind, somewhere, that there was something connecting them.

He remembered the first time he professed his love to her, about year ago...

"What's going on?"

"Simple. I'm gonna prove something. I love you."

"Oh my god..."

"No, look at me! I... love you. You're all I bloody think about. Dream about. You're in my gut... my throat... I'm drowning in you, Summers, I'm drowning in you. You can't tell me that there isn't anything there between you and me. I know you feel something."

"It's called revulsion. And whatever you think you're feeling, it's not love. You can't love without a soul."

Well, maybe it was a bad move on his part to chain her up with his two other ex-girlfriends... but that wasn't the point. He loved her and he wanted to prove it. And he did it in so many ways since then, better ways.

And the part about him not having a soul? Every time he saw her, every time they were together, it felt like she gave him back his soul. He didn't need to have a bloody curse put on him like that sorry old poof, Angel.

Every time he thought of that sorry excuse of a vampire, he felt like he needed to punch something. He knew that Buffy and Angel met a few days after she came back. Buffy was reluctant to talk about it though. She didn't even give Spike any details, which made him wonder. What was their deal?

*I want to ring his bloody neck,* Spike thought. *He doesn't deserve her.* And Spike did? Well, he thought so. What did Angel ever do but bring her unhappiness and torment? He boned her and went evil, whereas Spike took care of her sister and joined the Scooby-gang.

He took a deep breath, sat up, and lit a cigarette. *Damn that Angelus! Always meddling in my business!*

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"What's wrong Buffy? You've been distant all day," Willow said to Buffy later that day.

"I just haven't been sleeping well, that's all," she replied, reluctant to tell Willow about her dreams. She didn't want her to intervene with magic.

"Oh... I can relate to that. With Tara gone and all..."

Buffy nodded. She understood what her best friend was going through. Having someone you love so much leave you in an instant. Of course she would know. It happened to her twice already.

"I'm going to take a nap. I'll talk to you later Will," Buffy said and headed to her room.

She lay in her bed for a moment, still thinking about her dreams. But in an instant, she was pulled into a deep sleep.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To be continued...

Chapter 9: Helping Out

Buffy felt something cold on her forehead. When she opened her eyes, she was in a small bedroom, lying down on the bed. She sat up for a moment and looked around. William was sitting at the side of her bed.

"Are you alright?" he asked. "You passed out, so I carried you up here, to my room."

She slowly pulled the wet cloth on her forehead. He carried her? That was interesting. She tried to swing herself out of bed, but William took her hand.

"No love. You still don't look so well," he said to her.

"I'm fine..." Buffy said, trying to get up. She felt dizzy and lay back down again. "Okay, maybe you're right."

He helped her lay down again and smiled.

*He's really got a nice smile...* Buffy thought to herself. "I wasn't planning on passing out on you tonight, so don't get the wrong idea."

"I assume so," he said and chuckled. "You came to talk to me about Cecily. How do you know her? I'm curious. I have not seen you around here before."

She didn't know what to say. *I passed out in front of her brother and I stayed at their place last night?* That would sound ridiculous. Instead she said, "I'm a family friend. I'm staying with them for a while."

He gave her a thoughtful look. "I see. So what did you want to say to me before your little incident?"

Buffy had to think for a moment. She had to remember what had happened before she fainted in front of him. They were talking, and she was being nosy and asking why he loved that girl so much even though she treated him like dirt. After reminding herself of their past conversation, she said, "I just wanted to know why you're so in love with her, even though she treats you so awfully."

William shrugged. It was her presence. Anything about her made his knees feel weak. Every time someone said her name, something jumped up inside him. She was in his dreams every night. "She's everything I want," he said to her.

That answer made Buffy feel nauseous. He was a hopeless romantic, this guy, and his previous comment just proved it. It was beginning to look like this was the only trait Spike held on to from his human life. It wasn't a very good trait at that, since Buffy was now his new object of affection. William was essentially a sap.

"You've got to be kidding me," Buffy mumbled. "Well, I'll help you get her. She doesn't know what she's passing up."

Buffy's reasoning was plain and simple. This no longer seemed like a dream to her. It felt as real and clear as day. If she was really in the past, maybe she could alter everything. If she could make Cecily love William as much as he did, maybe Spike would have never come to be. And if Spike never came to be, then he wouldn't be there to cause her so much trouble in her time.

William looked at the woman doubtfully. How was she going to help him? "How are you going to help?" he asked her.

"Well first, you've got to open up more. You're shy, I can tell. You need more confidence. You barely got her name out and then she stomped all over you before you could say anything else," Buffy told him bluntly. "And she told me that you like to write poems..."

"She said that?" His blue eyes flickered with hope.

"No, it was more like, 'I wish he would stop writing me those bloody poems!'" Buffy told him, imitating Cecily in her best try at an English accent. Then she noticed whatever was flickering in his eyes fade away. "But... Look, William, all you have to do is show her the good man that you are. And even though I've only just met you, I know you are."

"Thank you," he said, nodding once. "What is your name? I don't believe you told me that."

She smiled and said, "Bianca."

"What a beautiful name," he commented.

It made her blush a little. *I wonder what this guy would've thought of the name "Buffy"?* she thought to herself and smiled. "Thank you," she said, as she sat up.

This time, William had a better look at this woman, Bianca. She certainly was beautiful. Blonde hair, green eyes, and wonderful smile. She looked just a bit flushed at the moment, probably from her recent unconsciousness. She wasn't pale like some of the other women in town; rather she looked like she had a lot of life in her. Her wits were what impressed him the most. He liked the way she could say anything and not feel the least bit embarrassed. Most women would be afraid to say some of the things she did, especially to a man.

And she was being nice to him. She was one of the aristocrats, and she was talking to him like a normal, human being. Bianca didn't look down on him like a lot of people did. She was odd, different. But it was a good odd and different.

Now she offered to help him win Cecily. He didn't know how to react exactly. It was strange how she basically interrogated him when she barged into the store earlier this evening, and now was offering to help him. Maybe she was losing her mind.

Buffy noticed William staring at her, with the same sappy look Spike would give her sometimes. *What in the world?* she thought unbelievably. "What?" she asked, breaking the seemingly trance he was in.

"I... Well... You are... You're an aristocrat like Cecily. I don't see how you could understand," he told her.

Buffy looked down. She understood more than he knew. More than he would ever know. She knew she could give him happiness if she did this right. He wouldn't have to spend an eternity of looking for and losing love, like she already knew.

"Love. I know what it feels like," she simply said. "I know how it feels to love someone so much and not be able to spend your life with them because the circumstances don't work out right." She reminisced for a second about her relationship with Angel. It still made her heart sink. She shook herself out of those painful memories and continued, "I don't want to see it happen to you too." There was a double-meaning to her words.

William noticed the damper in her tone when she told him her reasoning. What could have happened to her that hurt her so much?

Then she chuckled for a second and smiled. "You probably think I'm some sort of a crazy-woman, don't you?" her eyes squinting as she spoke.

Actually, no he didn't. Even though she was an odd bird, he understood every word she said perfectly. He felt like they had some sort of understanding between them, though they just met. So he said to her, "No. I'm the one who's crazy, crazy enough in love to let you help me."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To be continued...

Chapter 10: Thoughts

"Hey...! Ow!" Buffy complained as the maid was tightening her corset. "I don't see why we have to wear these things. Aren't they responsible for ribs breaking and all that stuff? Ow!"

"Now Miss Bianca, corsets are an essential part to a woman's wardrobe. A slim woman is an attractive woman," the maid told her, pulling the corset even tighter.

Buffy rolled her eyes and winced as she pulled the strings tighter. "Well, a slim woman who can't breathe because her corset is cutting off her circulation isn't much of an asset in the world of attractiveness. Ow! Are you done yet?"

"Yes. Now get dressed. Christopher is downstairs waiting for you," the maid told her and left the room.

Buffy rolled her eyes again and picked up the maroon-colored dress on her bed. She slipped it on and brushed her hair down. She picked up the mirror on the dresser and looked at herself. She frowned a little, wishing there was some sort of makeup available to her. Since there wasn't she sighed and put the mirror down. Then she made her way downstairs.

"Are you ready to go?" Christopher asked, holding out his arm.

Buffy nodded and hooked her arm under his.

That night, they were going to a party. She didn't know what it was for, but she agreed to accompany Christopher anyhow. What better way to experience 19th century England than to attend an aristocratic party?

It was *boring.* The party was unbearably boring. Thinking Christopher would spend the night with Buffy, she got all dolled up for him. Instead, they had dinner, and then the men retired to the study, where they drank and talked about meaningless things. She was stuck with the women, listening to their mindless jabber. Each and every single one of them was stuck up and shallow. If only they could listen to themselves talk.

Buffy sat back on the couch she was sitting on. She was exasperated. If she heard anything else about "oh my dress" or "oh he's rich" or "oh my father" she would die from utter frustration.

Her frustration led her to standing up and heading for the door.

"Why Bianca, where are you off to?" one of the women asked, noticing her departure.

"I just need some fresh air," she said, and then under her breath she added, "and a couple gags so I can shut you people up." Then she stormed out of the mansion and sat herself down on a bench outside.

Happy to be away from the party and outside, Buffy relaxed and looked up at the sky. It was amazing how you could see the stars. It would be nice to be sitting with someone looking up at those stars.

*Oh God Buffy, get a grip,* she told herself. But the view was kind of romantic.

She looked in the window and saw all the women fussing around. Her gaze went over to the big clock. It was nine o' clock, and she had a feeling Christopher would be staying for at least another hour or two... or three... or four.

That's when she thought of something. She would go visit William. He probably wasn't doing anything special. Probably cleaning the store. She stood up and started walking towards town.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

*The rays of moonlight dancing on her dark hair...* William thought. He was writing another poem about Cecily. This was his normal routine every night. Well, except for last night. He was too preoccupied talking to Bianca.

For some reason, it made him blush, thinking of Bianca. Not only was she beautiful, she was witty, smart, and her brow wrinkled in this cute way whenever she thought she said something inappropriate. All night they talked about ways to win over Cecily. This woman had some pretty wild ideas. It was funny how they seemed to understand each other. It did seem like she was once in love herself.

There was a knock on the window. William looked outside and there she was. No, not his Cecily; rather, it was Bianca. He smiled at her and gestured for her to come in.

"Good evening Bianca," William greeted.

"Writing a poem, are we?" she said, snatching the poem from under his pen. She started reading, pacing around the room. "This is beautiful," she said when she was finished. She was looking at him with those big, green eyes.

Yet another unexplained emotion swept over William that second. For a minute he felt like he was blushing. Maybe it was just because of embarrassment. "It's not finished yet," he said, looking down hoping that she didn't see him blushing.

"But it looks like it is. Have you ever thought of keeping things short and sweet?" she asked him. "Maybe that's why she thinks that your poems are 'so bloody awful'."

He looked at her, a little offended. "Now see here. I find it rather rude for you to be passing judgment on the structure of my poetry. There are not enough words in the English language to convey my feelings for her."

"You're a sap," was her comment to him. "Women don't like long, drawn out professions of love and adoration. A simple and meaningful, 'I love you' can do more than a storybook of words that half the people in town probably can't understand."

William blinked. He had never had a woman say something like that to him before. He never had a woman pass judgment on his writings. He never got any input whatsoever on how his writing was, except for everyone saying that his poems were horrible. He was quite astonished.

"William, you're a wonderful, wonderful writer, but the drabble... She doesn't know how you feel. You can go on and on about how beautiful she is, but have you once told her that you're head over heels in love with her?" she asked.

She had one hell of a point. "No," he said, shooting his gaze to the floor.

"Then there you go. You have to tell her," Bianca said. William looked at her. She was mad. It was a lot harder than that.

That was when she grabbed his hands in hers and sat in front of him. "I want you to try something..."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To be continued...

Chapter 11: Pretend?

Buffy wasn't quite sure why she was going to do this, but it was the best idea she could think of to get William out of his shell. He was shy, and she needed to get him to be un-shy. She said to him, "I want you to pretend I'm Cecily. Pretend you're talking to me at a party and you're going to tell me that you're in love with me."

He looked at her unsurely. "Did you pass out again, Bianca?" he asked.

"No! William, trust me. I know I'm not 'your Cecily,' but at least I'm somebody," Buffy told him.

"I don't see how this can work," he said.

"Just do it," she said impatiently. "Close your eyes and pretend I'm her."

William shut his eyes. Buffy looked at him for a moment and noticed how handsome he really was. His hair was still in a frazzled state, which she wished she could reach up and fix for him. He looked calm and relaxed and she could see his perfectly chiseled face, that she wanted to reach up and caress. His glasses were settled at the end of his nose, which she wished she could just take off so she could see his striking blue eyes.

Then he opened his eyes, which took Buffy off guard. He was looking straight into hers. She forgot she was still holding on to his hands. Just sitting there like this was making her flushed. He was so handsome, so sincere, and he wrote beautiful poetry. How could Cecily *not* see how wonderful this man was?

"I love you," he said steadily, yet strongly.

To Buffy, it sounded like he was talking to her. He was, but not *to* her. He was talking to Cecily. She was the stand-in for his true love. And it made her feel... she didn't know how it made her feel. Second best, maybe. Well, it wasn't like she was anything on his list to begin with, besides an ally.

She didn't know what to say to that, even though she was only acting. Buffy was speechless. Was it the sincerity in his voice, or was it his deeply probing eyes? In one moment, she felt like she was under his spell... even if he wasn't Spike.

"William..." was all she got out, even though it was just a whisper.

"I loved you since the first day I saw you," he continued, holding onto her hands more tightly. "Even though I'm not what you want, I can be what you need. If you can find it in your heart to give me a chance, you will make me the most content man in the world. I'm drowning in you Cecily."

And Buffy was drowning in his eyes. They showed more feeling than they ever did. She didn't know what to do. At this moment, she wanted to fall into his arms and stay there. And it felt like she was too, because with every single one of his words they got closer to each other, until finally, they were basically face-to-face.

"Would someone like you ever let yourself love someone like me?" he whispered as he shut his eyes, obviously waiting for her lips to meet his.

Buffy was about to, because she wanted to, but it was *wrong.* This wasn't her place or time. If she kissed him, nothing would be the same. He wasn't supposed to fall in love with her, he was supposed to be in love with Cecily. And if Buffy didn't want to see Spike in the future, it was Cecily that William should be kissing, not her. She realized that she couldn't let herself fall in love with William.

"Good," Buffy said quietly, moving away and letting go of his hands.

William opened his eyes slowly, looking like he just realized what he was about to do. "Sorry Bianca," he said, scratching the back of his head.

"I... have to go. Christopher is waiting for me," she said and in one swift motion, she got up and left the shop.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

William let out a long breath. *What just happened?* he asked himself. Was he really about to kiss Bianca? It seemed so. And he wasn't stopping himself.

That moment was perfect. It was exactly as he planned out to be, but with the wrong person. It played out like he wanted, every word, every action... up until the kiss that didn't happen. The only problem was that it felt absolutely right. He wasn't nervous at all around Bianca. He felt comfortable. He wasn't afraid to say that to her. The words just flowed right out of his mouth like he was supposed to be saying them to her. And from what he saw in her actions and in her eyes, she was feeling every single word like they were really being said to her.

Now the dilemma was that William must have made a fool of himself and scared her away. He knew he should have stopped himself from trying to kiss her. William wasn't even sure that she would come back ever again.

*William you are an utter fool!* he scolded himself, smoothing out his hair with his hands.

"Idiot, idiot," he mumbled to himself.

Then he realized something. Why was he scolding himself so bad? First of all, he didn't have Cecily, so he shouldn't feel guilty. Second, Bianca was a beautiful woman who seemed interested in him, even if it was just as a friend. But something made him feel like he could do anything when Bianca was with him. She could make his mind think in way he could never imagine. She made him feel like a real person, not some speck of dust everyone would step on, like the people of town did.

*Could I...?*

William gave this sudden realization a thought. Could he have fallen in love with Bianca?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Buffy ran all the way back to the party. As soon as she reached the door, she was ready to curl up into a little ball and cry. How was it that one man in the future could cause her so much trouble and unnecessary pain, and the same man in the past make her feel love like she had never felt before? It wasn't fair how this was turning out. She knew very well that whatever they had going on couldn't happen.

But the feeling in her heart was just too awful to just pass over. It was unbelievable that she was falling for William! And it was almost incomprehensible that he was about to kiss her. She wanted to so bad, but she couldn't. He was in love with Cecily, not her. She knew this like she knew the back of her hand.

"Bianca? Oh Bianca! I was looking all over for you. Were you out here all along?" Buffy heard Christopher say, opening the door.

"Yes. I wanted to grab some fresh air. It was getting a bit stuffy in there," she explained.

"Well, I was wondering whether or not you'd like to stay or leave," he said to her. "I believe that these people were starting to bore you, as they did me as well."

Buffy smiled at him. He was right. "Yes, I would love to leave, but I'm your guest. Shouldn't you be the one deciding this?"

"Then we'll go, love," he said, and in another moment the carriage was there, ready to take them home.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It felt good to be back in that horribly stiff and uncomfortable bed again. She would rather be there crying than back at the party trying to get a hold of herself. It was horrible that she was feeling this way. She was confused over two essentially *different* men.

But it wasn't like she *wanted* Spike. He was an annoying little... wait a minute. Another thought pressed into her mind. William sounded as confident and pushy and sincere as Spike did when he was confessing his love to her.

Buffy didn't know what to think, and she ended up crying herself to sleep. She wanted to go back home.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To be continued...

Chapter 12: In and Out

When Buffy opened her eyes she was back in her room. Her eyes hurt and felt a little puffy. Had she been crying? That was odd. Then she remembered her dream. Dream? No, it wasn't a dream. It couldn't be a dream anymore. Her heart ached.

She looked out of the window in her room. It was already dark outside. It was time to patrol. It was time to inevitably meet up with Spike, so he could patrol with her. That's what would always happen. She'd be walking the cemeteries aimlessly, waiting for a vampire to come after her and then Spike would show up and end up annoying the living crap out of her. But she couldn't help it. It felt normal for him to be with her while she was patrolling. Besides, two is always better than one, and since she got back, she could use all the help she could get.

Buffy walked over to her closet and pulled out her leather jacket. Then she walked down the stairs and was greeted by a happy-faced Dawn.

"Hey Buffy, are you going to patrol?" she asked her sister.

"Yeah, I'll be back later," Buffy told her.

Dawn noticed that her sister's eyes were on the puffy side. Something was wrong. So she asked her, "Are you alright? You look... Were you crying?"

Buffy gave Dawn the fakest smile she could muster. "No. I just woke up, that's all. Rubbing my eyes and all."

"Oh," Dawn replied, not completely believing her sister. "Well, good luck tonight. And if you see Spike, tell him that I said hi."

"I will," Buffy said and left.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"You" Punch. "have" Kick. "to" Chop. "do" Smack. "better" Headbutt. "than" Punch. "that!" Stake. It was routine. Play with the vampire for a minute and then stake him. Slaying was actually starting to get boring these days. Then again, everything in this world was getting on the boring side.

Buffy smoothed her hair and caught her breath. She continued to walk through the cemetery, knowing very well that there were no more vampires out to get her tonight. She just wanted to sit and relax, maybe enjoy the night. So she sat on one of the headstones and started staring up at the moon.

"You should be a bit more inconspicuous than that, love," she heard a trite British accent say from behind her. "You don't know what can sneak up on you."

Buffy turned around to meet Spike's eyes. *They're the same blue eyes,* she thought to herself. He was just standing there, hands in his coat pockets. He had a smirk on his face that looked like it was saying, "Come and get me." It was inviting, yet repulsing at the same time, thinking back to what happened at the Bronze the other night. *I can't believe I let myself kiss him,* she said to herself. But instead of letting her feelings get the best of her and yell at him, she just smiled.

"Cat got your tongue tonight, Slayer?" Spike asked, making his way closer to her. When he was finally right in front of her, he carefully placed his hand on her shoulder. Then he said, that same smirk playing on his lips, "Or do I?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. *Yeah, ruin the moment with your snide comments,* she thought to herself. "Spike, do you ever think of what you're saying before you say it? Oh, wait, you're a guy. That would be abnormal if you didn't," she said, turning around and standing up. She was letting her feelings get the best of her again.

"You know we have to talk about this. You can't just walk away," he told her. She turned around, rage now forming in her green eyes. "Something is going on between us, and you're too lost in your whole bloody righteousness that you just don't want to admit it!"

"How can you say that Spike? Do you *want* me to say it? Oh, 'it's not you, it's me,' Spike. Don't you see that we're completely wrong for each other? They were just a few simple and meaningless kisses. You happened to be the one there who was comforting me, and I was vulnerable and you took advantage of that. I'm not afraid to say that those two times we kissed were the most disgusting moments of my life," Buffy told him with all the fury she could unleash.

Spike was angry now. If anyone knew how to push his buttons, she did. He punched the headstone she was sitting on before. "You don't understand," he said and turned around sharply. He started walking away from her.

"Don't understand what?" Buffy yelled after him. "Spike! What don't I understand?" She went after him. And when she was about to catch up to him, he turned back to her abruptly.

"You're lost, Slayer. You still don't get it," he said, clipping each word, making sure she got the point. Then he turned back around and disappeared into the night.

Buffy stood there, trying to make sense of what he was saying. What didn't she understand?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Spike walked back to his crypt angrily. He didn't know who he was mad at, if it was himself or it was the Slayer. She knew exactly how to hurt him, emotionally, every time. She knew the right words to say to make him feel like dirt. She knew where to hit him so it felt like she was reaching into his chest and pulling out his heart.

God knew she did it enough times too. In many different ways...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Bianca, you can't deny that something happened last night between the two of us," William told her when she hesitantly walked into his shop the next day.

She rolled her eyes nonchalantly. "I don't know what you're talking about William. You did well. You captured all the feeling you had in those words. Cecily will surely fall in love with you," Bianca replied, her voice sounding just a bit unbelievable.

But it wasn't Cecily he was saying those words to. Those words were for her, the jewel standing in front of him right at this moment. He knew that she at least felt half of what he did. He could tell by the sound of her voice. She couldn't even look him in the eye.

Bianca smiled sweetly at him, that sweet and comforting smile. "Acting, William. It was all an act. And might I say, it was a wonderful performance. Cecily will..."

"I don't bloody *care* what Cecily would think. I *did not* say those words to her. I said them to you, and I am not frightened to say that I meant every, single one of them. Bianca, I've fallen in love with you," he said to her in a steady and confident voice. He stepped closer to her, and she stepped back seeming to want to keep the distance between them.

She had a profound look on her face. It looked like she didn't know what to say to that. William didn't know what to make of that face. Was it shock or surprise? Or was it repulsion? He couldn't bear it if it was the latter.

"What do you want me to say to that William? What do you expect? I... *can't* be with you. There are so many things that you don't know about me. I don't belong here, William. And because I don't, I can't be with you, even if I wanted to," she said to him, hurt reflecting in her green eyes.

What did she mean by that? She didn't belong here how? "Bianca, if this is about social status, sod it! You can't expect me to believe that. You were the first person in that crowd to treat me like a man, an actual man. And last night..." he swallowed, "Last night, we almost kissed."

"And the major factor in this equation is that we *didn't.* We did nothing. Why can't you just let it go? I think that it's good that we didn't get caught up in the moment, otherwise, one of us would feel used, a convenience. Did you really want that to happen?" Bianca said to him.

"No, but Bianca..."

"I've had enough. William, please stop. I have to go now," she said. She turned around quickly and exited the shop.

Frustrated, William knocked off the pile of books stacked on his desk. It wasn't fair. After all that had happened, she rejected him. She made excuses, acting like nothing had happened. Bianca had hurt him for the first time, and it was her words that did it. Nothing hurt more than her denial.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Buffy slammed the door shut when she got into her room and started pacing around. She was infuriated with Spike. It was unbelievable how he did that every time. She wanted to punch his face in, and she usually did, but she didn't tonight. What in the world was wrong with her? Every time he mentioned any chemistry between them, it would get her angry. The only chemistry that was there between them was the one of Slayer/vampire. She was supposed to kill him.

But she couldn't do it. There was the slightest bit of compassion for him in her heart because he had that chip in his head. He couldn't hurt her. And because he couldn't hurt her, she surely wouldn't hurt him. Then there was the other fact that he helped her patrol and kill the baddies.

She flopped herself down on her bed. She was still angry and a little frustrated. She still didn't know why she kissed him. As many times as she would try to reason her actions, she would never come up with a rational answer. Was it the heat of the moment? The only reason she could come up with was that she was lonely, and he seemed to be the only one there for her.

She remembered how gentle he was with her when she came back. He held her hands so tenderly. He counted the days she was gone. He was there to listen to her. He knew everything that happened to her before any of her friends did. He always seemed to come at the times she needed him the most. It was because he understood.

There were too many thoughts running through her head. It just wasn't fair. Buffy knew that if Spike were to leave, something inside her would be taken away. She would feel truly alone, even with all her friends with her. It didn't matter, he was like her equal.

"Spike..." she whispered. "I can't do this..."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To be continued...

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