Chapter 9: Sexy British Guys Talk

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A/N: Ok, so after reading through my most recent reviews, I realized that I haven’t made certain things clear. So that’s what this lil’ interlude is about - cleaning up my mistakes.

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Spike wearily plodded down the stairs. For what felt like the millionth time, he’d taken Dawn and Buffy to bed; hopefully, this time they’d actually sleep. He needed to get some rest himself, but wanted to talk to Giles before he did so.

Upon entering the living room, Spike was relieved to find only the Watcher. “Where’d the other two go?”

“Angel’s sleeping downstairs and Anya decided to go to the Magic Box,” Giles replied. “You know how she gets about missing work.”

“Yeah, I do. Nearly took my head off last summer when I suggested she miss a day or two for a sprained ankle.”

“Sounds like Anya,” Giles said fondly. “So, what have you got to drink?”

“Not much. Some imported beer - the good stuff, not the piss Americans call beer.”

Giles chuckled. “Sounds good.”

Once the men had gotten their beers and settled down in the kitchen, Spike began. “So, old man, what now? Plannin’ on movin’ back in?” he asked.

After Buffy’s death, Spike had refused to leave Dawn’s side. So he had moved in with her. Had the rest of the gang not been in deep mourning for Buffy, they likely would have protested; as it was, no one had to energy or the will to do so.

Giles had suggested that Willow and Tara also move in; to his surprise, they had refused. He now realized that they probably didn’t want to worry about hiding their planning for Buffy’s resurrection.

So Giles had moved in. Spike originally slept in the basement, but Dawn had terrible nightmares, from which only he could rescue her. He took to sleeping on her floor, by the side of her bed. Buffy’s door remained shut; the only thing her room was used for was a space to store and recharge the Buffybot.

With the Buffybot, they hadn’t needed to worry too much about Social Services, as long as Giles and Spike weren’t around too often when the caseworker dropped by. She was programmed to be perfect - she was never impatient, cleaned the house, etc. And Spike came up with the idea for her to get a job. Giles had protested initially, but Spike had pointed out that not only would that solve some of their financial issues, but it would look good to Social Services. Giles gave in. She turned out to be the ideal worker. Her co-workers were amazed at her ability to remain cheerful after dealing with annoying customers for 8 hours.

There had been a lot of stress in the Summers’ house following Buffy’s demise. Spike was upset with himself for failing Buffy, and with Giles for demanding that his Sweet Bit should die. Giles didn’t like Spike, and - at least subconsciously- blamed Dawn for Buffy’s death.

Back in what he thought of as ‘the good old days,’ Spike would never have tried something as civilized as sitting down and talking through a problem with someone - he’d probably have just torn their head off. But, realizing all the tension wasn’t good for Dawn, he went with the talking method. So, in one of the most shocking displays of maturity Giles had ever seen from him, Spike sat Giles down and told him they were going to settle matters between them.

They’d ended up getting slightly sloshed, and bawling together over Buffy’s death. Luckily, Dawn was over at a friend’s house, so she didn’t witness the embarrassing and unmanly display of emotions.

They’d never spoken of that night again, but from then on, their mutual animosity lessened to the point that, if one weren’t a Watcher and the other a vampire, they could be called friends.

Giles had eventually decided to head back to England. Most of what was left for him in Sunnydale was bad memories. Willow and Tara had finally agreed to move in, saying that they had another month on their lease, and then they’d live in the Summers’ home. With them going to England, however, that plan was no longer viable.

Giles sighed, thinking over Spike’s question. Should he move back? He’d created a nice life for himself over in England; on the other hand, he couldn’t deny the pull his surrogate daughter had on him.

“I don’t know, Spike. I’ll need to think about it. At any rate, we should discuss Buffy’s situation. How is she, truly?”

“Look, Rupes, she just came back from the dead a few days ago. How do you think she is?... I guess she’s still in shock, or somethin’. From whatever her experiences were after her death, and then th’ whole havin’ to dig herself out of her grave...” Spike shuddered at his memories of doing the same. He shook off the unbidden thoughts and continued. “She’s been sort of stuck in ‘fight or flight’ mode since she got back, though lately - as you saw with the Poof - it’s more fight than flight, which I’d say is a good sign.”

“Has she spoken?”

Spike sighed regretfully. “Nah, not yet. But she seems to understand Dawn an’ me... Did ya find out anythin’ from those books of yours?”

“Not much, unfortunately. It is extremely rare for a resurrection to actually bring back a person back as human. In those few cases, the person usually went mad.”

Spike snorted. “Thanks, Rupes, that’s real reassurin’.”

“However,” Giles continued, ignoring the interruption, “in the only instance I could find in which the person brought back did not go mad, he was raised using the same spell that Willow used.”

Spike grinned. “Well, that gives me some hope. If anyone can do it, Buffy can. Now, I’m gonna go try and actually get some sleep.”

Spike threw his beer can in the recycling bin - Dawn had been on his back about recycling lately - and started leaving the room.

Giles called out to him. “One more thing, Spike- are you familiar with this ‘backlash’ Anya was talking about? If it’s true, it could affect Buffy as well as those who cast the spell.”

Spike turned back to face Giles and shrugged. “Dunno. Most of the time, people who cast evil spells are either evil or on their way there, so maybe their extra-evilness due to the backlash just doesn’t usually get noticed,” he hypothesized.

Giles nodded thoughtfully. He’d discovered over the summer that Spike was actually quite intelligent. “That’s possible... well, go get some rest. We’ll talk more later.”

“You need to get some sleep, too, old man,” Spike said as he ascended the stairs.

Giles chuckled softly. Somehow, he found it humorous to have a 120 year old call him ‘old.’ Or perhaps he was just tired. He’d planned to do a bit more reading, but Spike was right; he needed sleep. Hopefully, everything would be clearer after they’d all rested.

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Chapter 10: Words

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Spike woke around sunset. He came downstairs to find Dawn and Buffy in the kitchen.

“Hey, Spike! Guess what?” Dawn squealed. “Buffy’s started talking!”

“That’s great, luv,” Spike said, smiling warmly at Buffy, keeping his tone of voice calm. Dawn’s hyperness could be enough to bother most anyone, especially someone recently traumatized.

Buffy blushed and looked away. “Thanks,” she murmured quietly.

“Ok, so she really hasn’t said more than a few words, a-and she doesn’t seem to remember much... but hey, it’s a good sign, right?”

“Sure, Nibblet. It’s definitely a good sign. Let’s not overwhelm your sis, though, k?”

“Oh! Ok, right. Yeah, no overwhelming... whaddaya wanna do now, Spike?”

“Breakfast.”

“Ewww, blood, gross,” Dawn responded, with a face scrunch, as she did every time Spike went to eat. “Come on, Buffy, let’s go watch TV.”

“Wait a sec, Bit, where’s everyone?” he called after her.

“Uh, Angel just left and Giles left a note,” she hollered back as she led her sister into the family room.

I’ll be at the Magic Box, researching, should anyone should have need of me.
Giles

Spike headed for the phone, figuring he should tell Giles about Buffy’s speech recovery. He hesitated, however, and decided to wait on it. He didn’t want Giles pressing Buffy with too many questions, however good intentioned they may be.

On the other hand, he wasn’t sure he could resist asking her questions right now, either. But he somehow sensed he should leave her be for a bit. Give her some time.

Standing in the entranceway to the family room, Spike watched his girls. Dawn was talking and gesturing animatedly, and Buffy was looking a bit lost, but not unhappy.

My girls, he thought happily, realizing he was grinning like an idiot, but not caring in the least. All those months of mourning Buffy together had made Dawn and him even closer, and now, with Buffy back, he finally felt like he was where he belonged- with his family. Wish Joyce were here... he thought idly.

Just then, Dawn looked up to see him. “Hey, Spike, come on, it’s your favorite show!” she teased. “The Powerpuff Girls!”

“Bloody hell,” he groaned halfheartedly, proceeding to sit between his girls, an arm around each. “Not this bleedin’ show again!”

“Whatsa matter, Spike, got a problem with strong females?” Dawn joked.

“Ha, bloody ha, luv,” Spike groused back.

Buffy just looked at them, her lack of comprehension clear. Then again, Spike speculated, the way Dawn and he communicated was enough to confuse anyone.

Spike resigned himself to watching ‘this bloody show’ as he referred to it. He didn’t really mind it, though, as Dawn well knew. He’d never admit it, but the little girls were kinda cute.

When the show was over, he stood. “Gonna go patrol for a bit. Nibblet, you ok with things here?”

She nodded. “No problem.”

“Now, don’t stay up too late,” Spike admonished. “School starts soon and you need to get back in the habit of sleepin’ at night, and bein’ awake durin’ the day.”

Dawn rolled her eyes. “Says the vampire!” When he gave her a serious look, she relented with a sigh and another eye roll. “Yes, Mom, we’ll go to bed and eat our broccoli! Now, shoo! Go patrol.”

“Yes ma’am!” Spike mocked her gently.

With a kiss on both their foreheads- which was quickly becoming a habit - he left.

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After a fairly normal patrol, Spike headed to the Magic Box to see if Giles was still there. Sure enough, there was the Watcher, working away.

“Didn’t I tell ya to get some sleep?”

“What? Oh! Hello to you, too, Spike,” Giles responded. Wearily, he leaned back in his chair, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes.

“Find anythin’ useful?” Spike asked as he seated himself at the table.

Giles sighed. “Unfortunately, not a whole lot. Anything interesting occur at home, or on patrol?”

“Patrol was pretty normal. Killed a G’las’chn’htudhca demon, those are rare in this climate. At home... well, Buffy can speak a bit.”

Just as Spike had predicted, Giles was excited by the news. “That’s most excellent, indeed! Why didn’t you call to tell me? How much does she remember? Can she-”

Spike cut the Watcher off. “She doesn’t seem to remember much. And she hasn’t spoken more than a few words, so calm down. I don’t want you pesterin’ her with your questions.”

“ ‘Pestering’ her! I wouldn’t ‘pester’ her, Spike, don’t be ridiculous,” Giles spoke indignantly, his fatigue heightening his reaction.

“I know, Rupes, I know. I just... though she needed a bit more time, that’s all. You can talk to her tomorrow. Come on, let’s head home.”

Giles looked as though he wanted to argue, but decided against it. The two rose and left the Magic Shop, Giles carefully locking it behind it.

As they walked home, Giles said, “A new development has arisen, one which I wish to discuss with you.”

“That doesn’t sound too good. What’s goin’ on?”

“Well, as you know,” Giles began in ‘lecture tone,’ “with the discovery and subsequent destruction of the Buffybot, the demon world considers Buffy to be dead. News of that sort travels quickly around the world. Now, I called the Coven. Willow and Tara are safely with them, and they’ve assured me that it would be permissible -”

“Watcher, you gonna be gettin’ to the point anytime soon?”

Giles glared at him. He was just as bad as Buffy when it came to his impatience! “I was getting there, Spike. My point is that, with the Coven assuring me that it would be all right for the Council to know about the resurrection spell, I decided to call up Quentin Travers and tell him the whole story.”

“Wait a sec, you sayin’ the Council didn’t know Buffy was dead?”

“No, they had no idea up until the time word reached them via their contacts in the demon world. Unfortunately, they heard about this before I called them. By then, events were in motion, and couldn’t be stopped. What do you know about Faith, Spike?”

Spike was bewildered. “Uh... it has to do with religion?” he guessed.

“No! Faith, the other Slayer! The one that was called after Kendra was killed.”

“Oh! That kinda Faith. Hmm... probably heard about her, but nothin’ springs to mind.” Didn’t pay much attention to her, since I never tried to kill ‘er or shag her,Spike thought silently.

“Faith was... difficult. She rebelled, allied with the Mayor. She killed humans, tried to kill Buffy, poisoned Angel, stole Buffy’s body... well, the list goes on. At any rate, with Angel’s help, she apparently saw the error of her ways and turned herself the police. She has been in jail for the best few years. Upon hearing of Buffy’s demise, the Council managed to pull some strings and get her released. She’s on her way to Sunnydale as we speak.”

“Huh. That was a rather long way to go about tellin’ me that, mate. Could’ve just told me that last bit.” Seeing that Giles was about to protest, Spike spoke over him. “So what do we do with her?”

Giles sighed, rubbed his brow. “I don’t know, Spike. I’m not even certain how to contact her. Tomorrow I will call Angel, see if he knows where she is, precisely.”

“So you think she’s really on our side, for good this time?”

Another heavy sigh. “I’d certainly like to believe so. Angel assured me that she was, and the fact that she turned herself over to the police would certainly indicate that. However, I’ve made the mistake of trusting her before... I simply don’t know. We’ll have to watch her, judge for ourselves.”

Spike nodded. “Sounds like a plan. We do nothin’ till somethin’ happens, and then we do whatever needs to be done. My kinda plan.”

Giles snorted inelegantly. “Thank you for your summary, Spike. Just keep your eye on Faith when she’s around, all right?”

“Whatever you say, Pops.”

Spike chuckled at Giles’ groan as they walked into the house.

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Giles headed upstairs to sleep, while Spike wandered into the kitchen for some blood.

With his vampiric vision, there was no need for lights. He heated up his blood and crumbled up Wheatabix in it, then headed for the back porch.

To his surprise, his usual spot was already occupied.

Sitting down slowly, so as not to startle her, Spike said softly, “Hey, pet, what are ya doin’ out here?”

Buffy just shrugged a little, without turning to see him. She was staring out into the darkness, expression thoughtful. Her arms were wrapped around herself defensively.

Since he was uncertain of what to say, Spike sat there silently for a while, sipping on his blood while he meditated what he should say to her; if, indeed, he should say anything at all.

It had almost been easier for him when she was acting wild. That, he knew how to deal with. But this? This was new. It vaguely reminded him of the time when he had come to kill Buffy, and found her crying over her mother’s illness. He hadn’t known what to do then, either. Funny how it was always the back porch.

Finally, he broke the silence. “Can’t sleep?” he guessed.

Buffy shook her head.

“Not sleepy?”

She shrugged again.

“More nightmares?”

She nodded hesitantly.

“Oh, luv... look, those monsters aren’t real. Try to remember that, ok?”

Spike wished he could give her some better advice. He’d been plagued by nightmares after her death, and still was occasionally.

Buffy shook her head in response to his statement.

Noticing that she was shaking - and figuring that it wasn’t from the cold, given the fact that it was summer in California- he slowly scooted closer to her, and put his arm around her shoulders. She nuzzled up against him, her head resting on his shoulder. Spike stroked her hair soothingly, loving the feel of her long, silken hair.

After a few minutes, Buffy rasped, “Real.”

“What’s that, luv?” Spike asked, startled.

“Monsters... Real.”

Spike considered this for a minute. “Well, yeah, monsters are real... but not the ones in your dreams. And real monsters, Slayer - we can fight them, you and I. And kick their asses. So no worrying about monsters, all right, pet?”

Buffy nodded hesitantly. She pulled back a bit, and turned her head to look him in the eyes. She started to say something, and then - Spike couldn’t tell. Either she didn’t have the words for it, or she decided against saying whatever it was.

With a gentle sigh, she lay her head back on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around him.

After several minutes of sitting like that, Buffy murmured sleepily, “Bed?”

“Sure thing, luv.”

Spike waited for a moment for her to pull back her arms and get up. When she showed no inclination to do so, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her. She was fast asleep by the time he put her in her bed, next to a snoring Dawn.

Checking to make sure the blinds were fully closed, Spike lay down on the floor beside the sleeping sisters, and was soon dead to the world.

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Chapter 11: Memories - who needs ‘em?

Summary: The Story so Far....

Buffy was brought back from the dead, a là Bargaining. Spike is the first one to find her. He saves the wild Buffy from a biker, and she clings to him from then on.

The four Scoobies who brought Buffy back are suffering from the negative backlash of the resurrection spell. Tara and Willow are off to England to study with the Coven, Xander is who knows where, and Anya’s around. Dawn, Buffy, Spike, and Giles are living in the Summers’ home. Buffy has just begun to talk, but still has no memories.

Hearing rumors of Buffy’s death, the Council sprung Faith, who’s on her way to Sunnydale.

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The next night, Giles informed Spike that Angel didn’t know where Faith was exactly, only that she was somewhere in Sunnydale.

“Figures. Leave it up to Peaches to be useless,” Spike muttered.

As he so often did, Giles ignored Spike’s interruption, and continued on. “Therefore, I think it would be wise for me to patrol with you, tonight.”

“What?! No bleedin’ way, old man.”

“Faith will probably show up, and it’s extremely doubtful she’ll believe you when you say you’re on our side.”

“I can take ‘er,” Spike asserted.

Giles sighed. "Not with your chip, you can't.”

Spike looked unhappy at the reminder. “Bugger, I'd almost forgotten 'bout that damn chip. Fine, Rupes, have it your way. Come on, then, let’s get goin’.”

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As Giles had predicted, they did run across Faith that night. She and Spike sensed one another, and drew closer. Faith was up for a bit of bantering before the fight, allowing Giles a bit of time to catch up to the much faster vampire.

“Heya, Blondie, up for a lil’ roll in the hay before I stake ya?”

Spike chuckled. Always was nice to feel appreciated by the ladies. “Don’t suppose you’d believe me if I said I was a good little vamp, now would ya?”

Faith smirked. “Nah, you’ve definitely got the whole ‘bad boy’ thing goin’ for ya. Nice coat.”

“Thanks.” Spike argued with himself for a moment. Really, he should keep up the small talk, stalling till Giles could get there. But he couldn’t resist bragging. “Pulled it off the last Slayer I killed.”

He’d expected her to attack him immediately. Instead, she grinned. “Oooh, goodie, maybe this’ll be an actual challenge, for a change.”

Bloody hell, this girl had balls! And loved the fight as much as he did, apparently. Just as he was about to reply, Giles came stumbling up.

Breathlessly, the Watcher waved Faith back as she was about to attack. She rolled her eyes. “Hi, Giles, nice to see you - we’ll talk after I kill this vamp, k?”

“No!” Giles gasped. “He’s... he’s good!”

“Hey! I’m bloody well not! I’m evil, the Big Bad!” Spike protested. At Giles glare, he relented. “Fine, fine, I’m a bleedin’ white hat,” he muttered.

“Wait, for real? You’re one of the good guys?” Faith asked. At Giles nod, she burst out laughing.

And wouldn’t stop laughing for quite some time. When she finally settled down, she asked, “What’s the sitch? You gotta soul?”

Spike was horrified at the thought. “Bloody hell!! A soul? Like the Poof? No thanks!”

“The Poof?”

“Angel,” Giles explained.

Realizing that Spike had just insulted Angel, Faith got right up in his face. “Don’t say anything bad ‘bout Angel when I’m around, unless you wanna be dust.”

Spike’s expression darkened. “So his tortured act’s gotten to you, too, huh? Too damn bad, I’ll say whatever I damn well please about my grand-sire!”

Giles attempted to head matters off. “I propose Faith and I go to the Magic Box to discuss matters, while Spike finishes patrol.”

After one last glare between the two, Spike stomped off into the night, as the Watcher and Slayer walked the other way.

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“So, B’s back?” Faith shook her head. “Wild, man, just wild. Only on the Hellmouth.”

“Yes, quite,” Giles murmured, keeping his not-so-pleasant thoughts about Buffy’s resurrection to himself.

“Hey, if she’s back... do you really need me around?”

“Well, we’re not certain if she’ll be able to fight again...”

“Yeah, but you have Spike, right?”

“Yes, we do; however, we’ve had a bit of a decrease in the number of demons around here, lately - I suspect many found out about the failed attempt by the biker demons to take over the town, and were scared away. But I doubt that will last long.”

Faith sighed. “Look, to be honest, I don’t wanna be around here. Too many bad memories. I thought I could handle it, but... I’d really like to be elsewhere.”

“Anywhere in particular?”

“Anywhere but here sounds good.”

Giles took off his glasses. “Well... if you were badly needed here, would you be willing to come back?”

Faith nodded reluctantly.

Giles replaced his glasses, looking at her seriously. “There is another hellmouth, in Cleveland.”

Faith squealed, reminding him of Buffy rather than the usually tough Faith. “Thank you, Giles!” To his surprise, she threw her arms around him in a brief hug, before quickly backing off, still smiling.

“Ahem... yes, well, you’re quite welcome. However, it’s not quite as simple as all that, I’m afraid. I believe the Council will want you to have a Watcher.”

Faith winced. “Don’t suppose you’d be willing to move?”

Giles was sympathetic, and a bit pleased at her implied compliment. “Er, no, I’m afraid not. However, I will do all I can to see that someone appropriate for you is assigned... I have a young friend, very promising young man, who might suit you as a Watcher quite well. I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thanks, Giles, really.” Faith stood, stretching. “I guess till we get stuff settled I should chill here in Sunny-D, yeah?”

“That would be best, yes.”

“ ‘K. Night, Giles.”

“Good night, Faith. Oh, and it would be best to not discuss Angel in front of Spike. They have a lot of... issues... between them.”

Faith agreed, happy with the fact that she’d get to leave, and went back to her motel for the night.

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Faith stayed around for several weeks before Giles could get everything arranged. In that time, she mostly stuck to herself, though gradually, she hung out more with Summers and co. She and Spike got to be fairly good friends - enough so, that one night Dawn asked Spike if he loved Faith, instead of Buffy. He’d laughed, and told her not to be ‘a silly bint.’

Faith finally remembered where she’d seen him before - when she had stolen Buffy’s body. She was tempted to tease him about that incident, but decided against it. Spike tended to be rather aggressive when it came to anything regarding Buffy.

Eventually, though, she left, and life settled into a routine. Buffy and Spike slept during the day, while Dawn was at school. Then the three of them would usually spend the afternoon together before Spike went off to his job as a bartender (with the Buffybot no longer working, they needed a source of steady income). Buffy would spend time making dinner and doing household chores while Dawn did her homework. Dawn went to bed, and within a few hours Spike would come home to pick Buffy up for training with Giles, then patrol.

She still hadn’t regained any of her memories, but her muscle memory was surprisingly good, considering she’d spent several months decaying in a coffin, and she quickly relearned those fighting skills she’d lost. Buffy was talking more these days, becoming closer with those around her. From their reactions, she could tell she wasn’t quite the same as she had been before, but they all seemed to love her, anyhow.

From some things she’d heard, it seemed she hadn’t been very close with Spike, before; but then other times, when they’d tell her stories of what had happened, it seemed the ‘old her’ had trusted him completely. She really couldn’t figure her old self out. Even her old diaries didn’t help much. And, really, if she couldn’t understand herself, who could?

Buffy decided to talk about her identity issues on patrol with Spike. So after they’d dusted their first batch of vampires - measly fledglings- she started out by saying, “Spike, how much like the old me am I?”

Surprised by the topic, it took Spike a bit to think about this. “Uh, well pet, I guess... I dunno, exactly. You’re still you, only different.”

She rolled her eyes, a trait Dawn insisted she’d picked up from her little sis, but which Spike assured her she’d had long before her death. “Gee, thanks Spike, that helped a whole lot.”

When he didn’t reply, because he didn’t know what to say, she thought he was insulted by her sarcasm.

“Sorry, it’s just-”

Spike cut her off. “That’s somethin’ that’s different. Not a bad different, but different.”

Confused, Buffy asked, “What is?”

“The apologizin’. Never heard that from the old Buffy. But, luv, you know the Coven’s lookin’ into ways to get your memories back. Pretty soon these sorta thoughts won’t have any meanin’,” he told her, trying to reassure her.

They walked in companionable silence for a few minutes before Buffy spoke up again. In a small voice, she asked hesitantly, “But what if I don’t want my memories back?”

Spike turned to her, shocked. “W-what?”

Chin tilted up defiantly now, she repeated more strongly, “What if I don’t want my memories back? Who says I have to get them back if I don’t want them?”

Briefly speechless, Spike just stood there and stared at her. Who, indeed, said she had to get her memories back? She seemed so much happier now than she ever had been, before. And so many of those memories would be painful for her, too.

But then Spike remembered that some of those memories would be good things, like growing up with Joyce and Dawn - ok, admittedly the Dawn part was fake, but that didn’t really make a difference.

And, finally, he came to realize that he didn’t want Buffy to get her memories back for a very selfish reason - she liked and trusted him more now than she ever had before.

Knowing his real, selfish motivations would taint anything he might say to her, he suggested that she talk to Giles and Dawn about it, and would say no more when Buffy pressed him upon his opinion of the matter.

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As she’d expected, Giles cleaned his glasses after she’d asked him the same question about her memories.

“Hmmm, well, frankly, that hadn’t occurred to me.... I suppose it’s a viable option,” Giles admitted reluctantly. Truly, he was surprised at the idea. Not get her memories back? Why wouldn’t she want to remember who she is?

When Giles asked Buffy just that, she sighed, and tried to explain. “I feel like... like I’ve been given a second chance at life. Well, ok, obviously... but I mean, not just at being alive, but at living, you know?” From Giles frown, she gathered that he didn’t, so she tried again, asking him, “Honestly, tell me - do you think the old Buffy was very happy?”

“Well, due to her -er, your - mother’s death, and the situation with Glory, no, but -”

“Yeah, but before that. From what I’ve read in my diaries, and heard from Dawnie, the old Buffy wasn’t happy... for years, probably since she slept with Angel and he went all evil-guy. And then there was that whole thing with Faith... and then she tried so hard with Riley guy, but that flopped... anyway, my point is, I think she was really unhappy, and pretty ready to die.”

“Buffy - the old Buffy, as you have been referring to her - had a strong will to survive. Yes, there were problems, but-”

Again she cut him off. “There’s one more thing. I don’t... well, I don’t know where I was when I was gone, but if I was in hell... I read about what happened to Angel after being in hell. I don’t want to remember that, Giles, I just don’t. I really feel I could be much happier without all of those old memories bogging me down!”

Once again, Giles cleaned his poor glasses while he thought. “Buffy... please, give me some time to think about it, all right?” She nodded grudgingly. “Meanwhile, I think you should talk to Dawn about this... idea of yours.”

“ ‘k. G’night, Giles.”

“Good night, Buffy.”

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The next day, Buffy talked to Dawn over dinner. To her surprise, Dawn had a completely different reaction then either of the men.

“Wow, Buffy! I never thought of that! Can you actually do that?”

“Uh, sure, why not?”

“I dunno, it’s just... huh. I guess I really do want you to remember growing up with me and mom, even though the memories are about me are faked... but I like having you happy even more. You’re still my big sister, just... a happier version. And I like that.”

“Really? So you’d be ok with this?”

“Totally!” Dawn squealed.

Buffy couldn’t figure out why her sister was quite so enthused. Little did she know that Dawn thought Buffy would be much more likely to get together with Spike without her memories. For a long time now, Dawn had wanted the three of them to be a family. They practically were, now, but if Buffy got her memories back, that’d all end.

Oh, and she really did want her sister to be happy.

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Chapter 12: It’s All About the Blood

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This chapter is rated PG-13, for Anya’s use of the “O-word” and some sexual innuendo.

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Several days after Buffy first alluded to her thoughts about not getting her memories back, she and Spike had a rather bad patrol.

First off, they weren’t communicating as well as they usually did. Buffy was still pushing at him to tell her what he thought about the memory thing, and he was grouchy at her for doing so.

Then, they ran into a few vampires; nothing unusual, but Buffy had been a bit sloppy, and would likely have been bitten had it not been for Spike. He berated her for her carelessness as they continued on their patrol. Their argument distracted them, and a group of demons got the jump on them.

Four went for Spike, and two for Buffy, indicating they weren’t from around Sunnydale, since they didn’t know to attack the Slayer in full force. They were big, burly demons, ones Buffy wasn’t familiar with. Hoping her slaying partner would recognize them, she called out, “Spike! How do we kill these things?”

“ I - grunt - don’t -smash - bloody know!”

“Great,” Buffy grumbled, “just great.” She was doing fairly well against the two demons. Ducking under a blow from one, she came up behind the other, and landed a good, solid kick on his back, sending him lurching forward, off balance. The first turned to get her, and, dodging another fist, she punched him smack in the face. The other was back, now, and managed to grab Buffy from behind. She leaned over, flipping the demon over her back, and quickly staked him through where his heart should be located; she’d found that often worked with other species, as well as vampires.

“One down, one to - oof!” Buffy gasped in surprise as the other demon she was dealing with gave her a blow that sent her spinning into a nearby gravestone. “Ouch!”

She didn’t have time to bemoan the rip in her new shirt, as the demon was upon her again. Buffy fought furiously, anxious to have this fight over and done with. She was starting to worry about Spike, dealing with twice as many monsters as she was.

Buffy managed to kill her last one with by snapping its thick neck, but not without receiving another nasty cut, this one to her leg. Listening for a moment, she heard sounds of Spike’s scuffle. In the process of their battle, she and the demons had managed to travel a little ways away from where the others where.

Buffy limped in Spike’s direction as fast as she could, pausing briefly to retrieve her icky stake from the first demon’s chest.

Spike had taken out one of the demons permanently, and badly wounded another. Buffy paused to finish off the wounded one before continuing on.

The other two were wailing on Spike, who now had numerous injuries. Buffy snuck up behind one, reaching up to snap it’s neck. Unfortunately, it sensed her, and spun around, delivering a blow that sent her crashing to the ground, several yards away.

But at least she’d distracted it. The demon was coming after her, leaving Spike only one to deal with. After a few minutes of intense fighting, Buffy managed to stake this one, as well.

Exhausted, she dragged herself towards Spike, just in time to see him finish off the final demon with the last of his strength. Falling away from the bodies, Spike lay where he landed.

“Oh, no,” Buffy breathed. Rationally, she was aware that Spike wasn’t dead, since he wasn’t dust. But logic rarely had anything to do with emotions.

“Spike? Come on, baby, talk to me!” she pleaded as she sank down beside him. Buffy looked at his wounds to see what she could do to help him. Only one, on his stomach, was still bleeding. She tore a piece off her already demolished shirt and applied pressure.

The bleeding stopped within a few minutes, but Spike still would not wake up. He’d obviously lost a lot of blood. Buffy tried to figure out what to do. Staying here and recovering wasn’t an option; sunrise was only a few hours off. She could get herself to safety, but there was no way she could handle a comatose Spike, as well. She could go fetch help and blood for him, but there was a serious problem with that scenario: he was a sitting duck out here, all by himself. If anything stumbled across him, they’d probably kill him. Not for the first time, she wished she had a cell phone.

Ok, Buffy, think - what can I do? Can’t carry him to safety, can’t go and bring help - damn!

Desperately, she glanced around, as if hoping something in the graveyard would inspire her. She caught a glimpse of red out of the corner of her eye - blood from one of her cuts.

She nearly laughed aloud, relieved to have stumbled upon a solution. She’d read somewhere that Slayer blood was more potent than most people’s; this would surely heal him.

Buffy propped Spike’s head up on her lap. Luckily, she’d torn a nail during the fight, and was able to make a small cut on her wrist. She figured that once she got a little of her powerful blood in him, instinct would kick in, and he should be able to take over from there.

She carefully let a few drops blood fall into his open mouth. As she’d hoped, he morphed into game face. When she brought her wrist right up to his mouth, his fangs sank into her and he sucked greedily.

Buffy gasped at the sensation, a new one to her. It hurt, yes, but there were other feelings besides just that. She felt.... love, lust, and... well, she didn’t have words to properly describe the experience.

After a few minutes, Buffy began to grow lightheaded as Spike continued to drain her. With a supreme effort of will, she tried to drag her arm away from him. A hand reached up and grabbed onto her arm, not letting her move. Another moment later, and Spike’s eyes began to open. When they did, he immediately released her wrist and rolled away from her.

“Bloody hell!”

“Ok, not exactly the reaction I was expecting,” Buffy smiled weakly at him.

Seeing that her wrist was still bleeding, Spike came back over to her, and licked the wound till it closed. Then he sat back with a sigh.

“You all right, luv?” he asked softly.

Buffy nodded. “Yeah... you?”

“Yeah, thanks to you... I can’t believe you did that.”

“Why not? It was the only thing to do. I couldn’t carry you, and I couldn’t go get help and leave you here unconscious.”

“So you decided to feed me?!”

“Well, yeah! What’s the big deal here, Spike?”

“What’s the - ! Bloody hell luv.... look, let’s head home, sunrise is comin’, and then we’ll talk, all right?”

Buffy nodded mutely, and the two exhausted warriors helped themselves up and supported each other as they headed back.

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By the time they reached their house, Buffy was feeling the affects of the blood loss. Spike kept threatening to take her to a hospital, but she insisted that she was perfectly fine, nothing some food and sleep wouldn’t cure.

Spike sat her down at the kitchen table as he warmed up blood for him, and food for her. It was still before dawn, and Dawn and Giles would be asleep for another few hours.

Buffy ate her reheated pizza as Spike drank his blood with burba weed. Spike didn’t actually require much blood, seeing as how he’d had some of hers, and so didn’t drink very much. As Buffy finished her meal, he fetched the first aid kit. They talked as they began patching each other up.

“So?” Buffy demanded as she unrolled some bandages. “Wanna explain what that was all about?”

“Listen, Slayer..... Bloody hell, how am I supposed to explain this to you? A person givin’ up some of their blood freely, well, it means somethin’ - uh, except in the case of vamp whores. And with you bein’ the Slayer, your blood is even more important.... and besides that, you let me have human blood! The blood of a Slayer! Your blood!”

“You really can’t get over that, can you?” she asked, giggling slightly.

He shook his head. “No, not really... pet, this is something... let’s just say, when you get your memories back and are more like the old you, you’ll probably wanna stake me for feedin’ from you.”

Buffy frowned at the lack of logic in that. “But you were unconscious! It was totally my decision.”

Spike shook his head again. “Doesn’t matter.”

Buffy had been mulling over whether or not to get her memories back for the past week or so. This just decided her. “Listen, Spike? I’m not going to get my memories back. And no,” she continued as he tried to interrupt, “it’s not just ‘cause of this. Though this is a part of it. I don’t want to be someone who would do that, who would stake you for drinking my freely given blood. I like who I am now. I’m pretty happy with me, and you, Dawn, and Giles all seem to like who I am now. And it doesn’t matter what you try to say, I’m NOT getting my memories back, and that’s final!”

Spike blinked at her. “Ummm...” he tried to come up with something, something to dissuade her, but, then again - what reason was there, really, to do so? She was happy. Not to mention so stubborn that there probably really wasn’t anything he could say that would change her mind. So he shrugged, and said, “All right, luv, you win. No memories for you.”

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Buffy came to Giles later that day, and told him in no uncertain terms that she didn’t want her memories back. Giles disagreed with her, but she was her usual obstinate self, and eventually he gave in.

He’d been worried the Coven might protest that Buffy should get her memories back. To his surprise, the leader of the Coven agreed immediately to drop researching a spell to get Buffy’s memory back. Giles didn’t fully understand her explanation, but she said something about how it was actually more natural for Buffy not to have her memories - how it was more like a ‘rebirth from the earth,’ or some such thing.

The head of the Coven informed Giles that Tara and Willow were doing fairly well. There’d been a bit of trouble, at first, with Willow not being willing to do magic ‘the slow way,’ but the Coven had threatened to send Tara back if Willow didn’t behave, and Willow had quickly straightened up. The girls would probably have to stay there for another few months, meaning they’d miss a semester of school. As Giles saw it, that was a small price to pay for what they’d done.

As for Anya and Xander - well, after enough time had gone by (something to do with moon cycles), the Coven did a cleansing spell for all those involved in the spell. Luckily, they didn’t need to be physically present for the spell to work. Xander was now off somewhere, doing the road trip he’d attempted once before. He needed to ‘find himself,’ he said. Anya said that was a load of horse crap, that he was just running away from her. She remained in Sunnydale, running the Magic Box, and counting her money. She kept making vague threats to go back to the vengeance business because of Xander’s desertion, but her friends didn’t believe she would truly do that.

Giles wondered at what effect Buffy’s lack of memories would make on the Summers clan. He figured she and Spike were much more likely to get together, without her memories of Angel getting in the way. To his own surprise, he was rather all right with that. Not overly pleased, but he did want his surrogate daughter to be safe and happy, and Spike seemed to help her with both.

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Four months later....

The whole Scooby gang was back together again, and decided a party was definitely called for. They were all gathered at the Summers’ house. Many had announcements about their lives which they wanted to share with the others. So after some small talk and some food, Giles stood up to begin. “It is lovely to have us all here, together again. I have a bit of an announcement to make. Now, I don’t suppose many of you remember my friend, Olivia -”

“Your orgasm buddy,” Anya said brightly.

As everyone laughed, Giles cleaned his glasses. “As appallingly put as ever, Anya, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Please continue.” Anya said graciously - as always, unaware of her social gaffe.

“Well, due to some health problems, she needs to move to a warmer climate, and so, she will be moving in with me, in my new apartment, within the next month or so.”

“But just ‘for her health,’ right, mate?” Spike teased.

Giles glared at him. “Yes!” He sighed. “Anyone else have anything they wish to share?”

Willow spoke up. “Um, I just thought you all should know - Tara and I are probably going to be spending our summers, and maybe some other breaks, too, over with the Coven. There’s so much we can learn there, and, well, it’d be good to be away from the Hellmouth occasionally, and it’s not that we want to be away so much, it’s just that-”

“It’s ok, Will, we get it,” Xander assured his longtime friend. “My turn now, I guess.” At Anya’s sharp elbow to his ribs, he corrected himself. “Sorry, our turn. I did a lot of thinking during my trip, and I think I’m not quite ready to be married just yet. There’s some issues ‘bout my parents I need to deal with. So, Anya and I are gonna stay engaged, but we’re not gonna set a date for the wedding. It might be a while, but luckily, I’ve found a wonderful woman who’s willing to wait for me to be ready.”

Anya beamed at him as he squeezed her hand. “I’m pretty happy just being with you, and getting lots of orgasms. Besides, more time means more time to plan! When we finally do get married, I’ll have everything already decided, and it will be perfect.”

Dawn cleared her throat. “Well, not surprisingly, I don’t have much to announce-”

“Except for straight A’s at school,” a proud Spike interjected.

After a round of applause which made her blush, Dawn said, “Yeah, yeah, ok, I got A’s. But last, but not least...” she turned expectantly to Buffy.

Buffy rolled her eyes at her impatient little sister. She rose to her feet, tugging Spike up with her. “As some of you may know.... um, Spike and I, we’re together.... And if you don’t like it, you’ll just hafta deal with it ‘cause we love each other!” She turned her head and kissed Spike soundly to prove her point. Turning back to the group, she waited expectantly, next to a smirking Spike.

Giles and Dawn had already known about their relationship. Dawn, of course, was overjoyed, and Giles had accepted it. The real challenge would be the rest of the Scoobies. Spike had faith in Buffy, and in the strength of their relationship. Even if her friends disapproved, she’d still stay with him. But for her sake, he hoped her friends would come around.

Tara, for once, was the first to speak up. She’d noticed the romantic tension between the two long before anyone else, and wasn’t as fazed as the others. “I-I think, if he m-makes you happy, then good for you.”

Buffy stared at the normally quiet girl, surprised. “Thank you, Tara. He does make me very, very happy.” She squeezed his hand lightly.

“Well, I guess...” Willow began. “I guess if he makes you happy, and Giles and Dawnie and Tara are all ok with it... I am too. Might take me a little while to get used to it, though, ok?”

Buffy nodded, understanding where her friend was coming from - it had taken her some time to get used to the idea that Willow was a lesbian.

In her usual manner, Anya told Buffy, “I’m sure you will be very happy. He looks like he could give you many orgasms.”

Spike’s smirk grew, and Buffy held back a laugh.

“Anya!” Xander exclaimed, finally finding his tongue.

“What? It’s true!”

Deciding not to try and correct his girlfriend’s social etiquette yet again, Xander turned to the problem at hand. He really had matured since Buffy’s death and subsequent resurrection. But, still... “I don’t like it,” he finally said.

Buffy’s face hardened, and she opened her mouth to speak, but Xander continued before she could. “But I realize that I don’t have the right to make choices for you. I think it’s a mistake, and one that definitely could come back to bite you, and the rest of us, literally, if his chip fails... but it’s your mistake to make. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ll deal with it, but don’t expect me to be happy about it.”

Everyone was staring at Xander, shocked. That was the longest, most serious speech anyone had ever heard him make.

Noticing everyone’s attention was focused on him, he shifted uncomfortably. “What? I can be serious!”

“Yes, dear, you can be,” Anya assured him. “You just usually aren’t.”

The group laughed. They continued on with the party, which included the usual: food, drink, movies, and chit-chat. One by one, the Scoobies left. Xander and Anya were dropping Dawn off at a friend’s house for the night.

Finally, everyone else had left, leaving only Spike and Buffy.

“Guess that went as well as could be expected,” Buffy said as she wrapped her arms around her boyfriend. “You were kinda quiet for a while.”

Spike nuzzled her neck affectionately as he replied, “Yeah, well... the only things I could think to say woulda just pissed ‘em off. I get kinda touchy when it comes to you and me, y’know.”

Buffy giggled. “Yeah, I’d noticed. It’s ok, it’s kinda... cute.”

“Cute! Cute!! The Big Bad is cute?!” Spike exclaimed in mock outrage.

“The Big Bad, huh?” Buffy grinned. “Why don’t you give me a quick demo of just how Big and Bad you are.”

“Why, Slayer!” Spike joked. “Forsaking your sacred duty of patrolling? I’m a baaaddd influence on you.”

“Oh, we’ll patrol... just after the demo,” Buffy purred, as she dragged Spike up the stairs, both laughing.

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As Buffy finally lay down to sleep that night - after love-making, patrolling, and more love-making - she pondered the recent changes in her life. She’d never regretted her decision to not get her memories back, though having to re-meet the other Scoobies had been seriously weird.

But she was happy now, probably much happier than she ever could have been with her memories. She and Spike had their minor spats, but those usually just led to great make-up sex, rather than any real problems. Life, Buffy concluded, was good.

She smiled, and snuggled up to her sleeping vampire.

Mmmm... my fangy teddy bear....

THE END

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