Consequences

Part I “So how are you? Really?” asked Giles, looking at her earnestly.

“I’m really okay. Really,” she replied, patting his hand reassuringly. “And I really wish everyone would get over it.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, not looking the least bit sorry. “We’re all worried, and rightly so. What Willow did was ….unconscionable. It’s hard to believe that it all went as well as it seems to have.”

“I’m really-truly fine. Back for a week and no bad.” She looked guilty. “Except for the not sleeping too well.”

“Dreams?” he asked quickly.

“You know, the waking up in a box type,” she clarified. “No - of course you wouldn’t.”

“I’m sorry, Buffy,” he said, shaking his head. “What you went through – it’s unthinkable.”

“But it’s over,” she interrupted. “And I’m back. All is good. Don’t go giving Willow a hard time!”

“I wasn’t going to!” he defended himself. “Okay, I was,” he admitted, under her cynical scrutiny. “But she needs to understand the danger of what she did….magick like that is dangerous, sometimes fatal. There are always consequences.”

“That’s what Spike said,” remembered Buffy.

“Spike isn’t always wrong,” conceded Giles. “But never tell him I said that!”

“Wouldn’t dream of it. But go easy on Willow, won’t you?” pleaded Buffy.

“She has to learn. She can’t just let her emotions control her magick. Sunnydale is quite dangerous enough already.”

“And on that note…” Buffy stood up and began to wrap her hands, still painful despite Slayer healing. “How is if everyone is so concerned about me that I can’t get a Watcher’s note to get out of patrolling?” She smiled at him.

“I think you should patrol,” he said wryly. “As long as you feel up to it.”

“I feel fine,” she said, exasperated.

“You going alone?”

She snorted. “As if! Spike’s tagging along. I’m not allowed move a step without someone shadowing me to make sure I don’t…I don’t know, accidentally stop living?”

Giles suddenly looked serious. “It was a long summer, Buffy.”

“A hundred and forty-seven days,” she replied, absentmindedly.

“What?”

“147 days,” she repeated. “Spike counted. Is that sweet or really creepy?” she wondered. “I can’t decide.”

“I don’t think I can comment on the mating rituals of the young,” said Giles, with a well concealed smile.

“Giles!! Eww! And he’s not young, he’s like, twice your age!”

“He’s one hundred and forty!” protested Giles in disgust. “Twice my age indeed!”

They were interrupted by a blond head at the door and a call of “Oi, Slayer, you ready yet?”

“Yup,” she replied. “And do I really have to be babysat?”

“Well now I feel so welcome!” snorted Spike. “And yes! Rupert, what have you done to her? She’s crankier than usual!”

“Been patronising and annoying, no doubt,” said Giles, looking at her affectionately.

“No!” protested Buffy. “You weren’t! Not at all! I’m glad you’re back.” She gave him a hug.

“Okay, feeling sick now,” Spike offered. “Buffy? Violence?”

“Don’t tempt me!” she said, wagging a finger at him.

“I shall see you tomorrow,” said Giles, “Might get some reading in before bed. God, I miss these books…”

“Right then,” said Spike, “You and me, violence.”

“Okay.” Buffy turned to follow him.

“That was not very enthusiastic!” Spike sounded concerned. “What’s wrong, pet?”

“Why does there have to be something wrong?” she asked, exasperated. “You’re all driving me mad!”

“Sorry,” said Spike, looking at her cautiously.

“Everyone is being so damn…”

“You wanna try hitting me?”

“Nice,” she finished. “What?”

“C’mon, hit me! Might make you feel better!”

She began to laugh. “No one else has gone quite that far with the being nice!” she admitted.

“You’re not going to hurt me,” he reminded her.

“Wanna bet?” she said, a gleam in her eye. He grinned. That was what he wanted to see.

She punched him in the face and he staggered. Okay, he’d forgotten quite how strong she was.

“Doncha miss this?” she said, advancing towards him. “You and me, beating the shit out of each other? Oh, of course without you being able to do much really.”

He ducked her next blow and parried a vicious right hook.

“Hey! Mind the face!” he pouted, rolling to the ground to avoid a kick.

“Spike, stop running away!” she shouted, diving to the ground on top of him.

“What would Xander say if he walked in?” chuckled Spike, now enjoying himself.

Straddling Spike. Compromising position, she realised. She thumped him for good measure. Pest probably got off on that. While she processed these uncomfortable ideas, she found herself flying through the air and hitting the ground, hard.

“What happened?” she said, scrambling to her feet. Something not right. “Why aren’t you in pain?”

Spike was looking confused but not hurt.

“I don’t know,” he said, worriedly.

Her eyes widened.

“The chip! What did you do to it?”

“Nothing!” he said indignantly.

They glared at each other.

“Spike, hit me,” ordered Buffy.

“What? No!”

“Spike, come on,” she urged. “We have to test it.”

“I don’t want to hit you,” he said stubbornly, crossing his arms.

“Like you’re going to hurt me,” she taunted. “You never did before!”

“That’s not going to work, pet,” he said evenly.

“Double dare ya!” she said, throwing a punch at his chest.

He glared at her.

“Double-triple dare ya!” she mocked, beginning to make chicken noises.

“Oww!” she yelled, bringing her hand to her bruised face.

Spike looked at his own fist, bemused.

“Isn’t this the kind of thing we should tell Giles?” wondered Buffy.

“Should we test if I can bite you first?” he asked mischievously. Seeing the look on her face he reconsidered. “No, maybe not.”


*****


“You can WHAT?” Xander was not taking the news well.

“Hit her,” repeated Spike slowly and loudly, as though speaking to the hard of hearing.

“You can what?”

“Can I hit him?” an exasperated Spike begged Giles. Buffy laid a restraining hand on his sleeve, calming him instantly.

“This can’t be good,” said Giles, stating the somewhat obvious. Spike and Xander gave him identical looks of disgust.

“How did you find out?” demanded Xander, practically dancing with excitement. “If you’re really all Watcher’s pet these days then why were you trying to hit Buffy? How do you accidentally find out that you can commit random acts of violence?!”

Spike looked at Buffy and then at the array accusing faces.

“She double-triple dared me,” he finally admitted with great reluctance, rolling his eyes.

“We were training,” added Buffy in further explanation.

“I thought you were supposed to be patrolling,” Giles reminded her.

“Well, we forgot about the time,” she said defensively. “And I need to train. I’ve been lying on my back for long enough. And it’s not like there’s any great evil out there at the moment.”

“No, it’s right here, drinking blood under our noses. And it’s got its arm around your waist, Buffy!” Xander pointed out.

Buffy shook Spike off, cross with herself. Maybe she really wasn’t on her game at the moment. She should probably have noticed that….

“There’s only one way to test this,” declared Giles, looking resolute.

“What? Test what?” asked Buffy.

“They’re going to send me to a bloody lab!” wailed Spike. “Do experiments on me! Finish me off if I don’t work!”

“Oh for god’s sake man, relax!” snapped Giles. “You need to try to hit one of us. To see if the chip has stopped working or….if it’s just Buffy.”

“Why would it be….me?” Buffy trailed off, realisation hitting her. “Something went wrong with the spell.”

“Nothing went wrong!” said Spike urgently, gripping her by the arms and looking into her eyes.

“It can’t have!” said Willow, looking pale. “Everything went right. Buffy, you came back right!”

“Hit one of us,” repeated Giles tiredly, removing his glasses.

Spike squared up to Xander. Giles replaced his glasses.

“Hey!” protested Xander. “Why does it have to be me?”

“Spike’s choice,” said Giles, sanguinely.

“No fair,” grumbled Xander, shutting his eyes and tensing himself. He opened his eyes to snap, “You hurt me, you’re going to be sorry!”

“If I can hurt you, you’re going to be sorry,” corrected Spike, taking a swing at him.

They both yelled in pain. Giles sighed in something like relief.

“So it’s me?” wailed Buffy. “Giiiles!”

“We need to think about this,” said Giles slowly.

“Oh yes, much consulting of books,” agreed Buffy bitterly. “Hang on! What if Spike can’t hurt people he wants to hurt?”

She was greeted with blank looks.

“That’s what the chip was for, wasn’t it? Spike, do you want to hit Giles?” she asked.

“No,” he said, with a shrug.

“Then try him,” she urged, to Giles evident concern.

“Buffy!” he remonstrated.

“Everyone’s sooo worried about my resurrection until it involves getting punched by Spike!” she chided.

“I’m okay with the whole deal,” offered Spike.

“Take it like a man,” said Xander, still nursing his jaw.

Giles removed his glasses with a deep sigh. “Go easy on the nose,” he said.

Buffy found herself holding her breath as Spike’s fist moved through the air.

Giles staggered backwards, holding his face, and Spike clutched his head, cursing.

“Damn!” muttered Buffy.

Giles straightened himself and looked at her sympathetically.

“We don’t know what this means,” he said, attempting to sound reassuring. “We don’t even know how the blasted chip worked in the first place.”

“All we know is that Spike can hit demons,” Buffy said quietly. “And he can hit me. I don't have advanced degrees in logic but doesn’t that mean….”

“You’re not a demon!” gasped Willow. “The spell…it can’t have…”

“Honey, you’re not a demon,” said Tara firmly. She had watched the unfolding events with great attention. “We’ll have a look at the history of the spell, see if we can find an explanation but you – are – not – a – demon!”

Buffy gave her a weak smile.

“You know, pet,” Spike piped up, “You’re more likely to be an angel.”

“And you can hit angels?” said Buffy sardonically, for once glad of Spike’s ready wit.

“Do we have to listen to his crappy chat-up lines?” complained Xander. “This is serious!”

“No, it’s ridiculous,” corrected Tara. “We’re talking about Buffy being a demon. And that’s ridiculous.”

“Always consequences,” murmured Giles. Spike looked up abruptly and the two men exchanged knowing glances.

“I can do a spell!” said Willow, excitedly. “See what happened…we could see if…”

“We’re going home to look up books,” said Tara, decisively. “No spells!”

“But!” Willow looked hurt. “It would be quicker! You guys don’t trust me?”

“We trust you. But we’re doing this with books!” Tara looked amused but determined. “Think of it as homework!”

“Sounds more like punishment!” grumbled Willow.

“You like homework,” Tara reminded her, sweeping an arm around her girlfriend’s waist and escorting her towards the door.

“You should give us a call if you start growing a tail!” she quipped to Buffy.

“No tails!” said Spike firmly, laying down the law. There would be no tails.

Buffy relaxed. Things couldn’t be that bad if she had the whole gang around her, laughing at the notion of her being a demon. In fact, it was the most relaxed they had all been since she had come back…..

Before Willow and Tara had reached the door, it burst open; a hysterical Anya falling inside.

“Anya! What is it?” Xander ran to her side.

“Evil – giant – evil – bunny!” gasped Anya, sobbing.

Buffy looked at Giles, confused. “Is there a prophecy about this?” she asked. “Cos ya could’ve told me!”

“What – ah – type of big evil bunny?” asked Giles, in research mode.

Buffy and Spike both began to giggle.

Giles glared at them.

“I hope you’re still laughing when you’re fighting the big evil bunny!” he scolded, beginning to smile himself.

“Bring it on!” said Spike, trying to sound fierce, but looking less intimidating than usual as he tried not to choke with laughter.

“It chased me!” yelled Anya. “It chased me down the street and it growled at me!”

“Did it say anything?” asked Giles, ignoring Buffy’s collapse into near hysterics.

“It was a bunny!” said Anya, growing irate. “They can’t talk! You people aren’t taking this seriously!”

Buffy fell off her seat, sliding to the floor and clutching her stomach.

Something banged on the door.

“It’s found me!” screamed Anya, burying her face in Xander.

“It is technically possible that it could be a customer,” suggested Giles. “We do still have them, don’t we?”

“It’s a big, pink, furry customer,” reported Willow, peering through the window. “Do you sell carrots these days?”

“We’re all doomed!” wailed Anya.

The door crashed to the ground. Buffy was sure she could see Giles mentally calculating the cost of repairs.

Anya’s screams were loud enough to….well, wake the dead.

The uninvited guest did not look terrifying.

It was a bunny.

“Get away from my girlfriend!” yelled Xander, one arm protecting Anya and the other swiping at the rabbit.

“Oh for god’s sake,” said Spike, walking towards the monster rabbit, pulling up his sleeves dramatically.

He punched it in its furry face and it threw him across the room.

“Consequences,” said the rabbit in a sinister tone, advancing on Anya.

“This is really strange, even by our standards,” complained Buffy. “Are we in a Monty Python film or something?”

“Ow!” said Spike, pointedly, from the ground.

Buffy sighed and made for the rabbit. Spike got there before her, determined to have his revenge. Between them, they hauled it away from Anya. Buffy’s attempt to stake it had no effect. Spike straddled it and punched it repeatedly.

Buffy ran off for weapons and Spike continued his single handed assault.

“Owwww!” he yelled as the rabbit flipped him over and got him in a head-lock. “Any chance of a spell, ladies?” he gasped.

Willow and Tara looked at each other.

“Surely you don’t need help fighting the bunny rabbit?” asked Tara with a smirk.

“Besides, it’s cute!” said Willow.

“And it’s dead!” declared Buffy, slashing it’s head off with one strike from a broad sword.

“You got blood all over my duster!” whined Spike, brushing himself off.

“Thank you, Buffy,” gasped Anya, throwing herself at the Slayer and hugging her. “You saved us all. And from a bunny!” She shuddered.

“What is it with you and bunnies?” asked Willow, with genuine curiosity.

“What do you mean?”

“No one else has an overwhelming terror of them,” pointed out Giles.

“None of you know….” Anya stopped herself. “And you never can. It would haunt you forever.”

“You’ve never even told me,” realised Xander. “Maybe you should share.”

“No, you’d never sleep again,” said Anya, firmly. “It’s a burden I must bear alone.”

“You can tell me,” drawled Spike. “I’m the Big Bad,” He was interrupted by a snort from Buffy, “And I don’t sleep anyway,” he continued, ignoring her. “Go on!”

“Okay, come here,” said Anya, reluctantly, beckoning.

To Xander’s horror, the two bent their heads together in secret consultation.

“Dear god!” said Spike, as Anya finished. Sounding rather like Giles, thought Buffy with unexpected affection.

“You’re a brave woman,” he congratulated the ex-demon, shaking her by the hand.

“Spike?” Buffy looked at him as he returned, the noise level of the room rising once more. “Tell!”

“Couldn’t, pet,” he grinned.

“Spike!”

“Not a word will I tell you,” he repeated, looking pleased with himself.

“Do I have to beat it out of you?” she asked. His grin broadened.

“I can hit back you know,” he reminded her.

She started to smile.

“Which means I don’t have to hold back any more!”

“You …hold back?” he said, horrified.

“Out of pity,” Buffy spelt out, knowing this was guaranteed to annoy him.

“Right, that’s it, you and me, outside!” he growled, rising to his feet.

“No, lots of research, inside,” corrected Giles, laying a hand on each of their shoulders. “We have both the resurrection spell and a giant evil bunny who intoned the word ‘consequences’ to look up.”

“Time to hit the books,” said Willow cheerfully.

“Time to hit you later,” said Spike under his breath to Buffy.

“It’s a date.”

Part II “How many books are there?” groaned Buffy.

“Same amount as always, too many.” Xander surreptitiously wiped spilt coke from a page.

“There will be as many books as it takes to find out what’s going on!” said Giles, in a voice of doom.

“Well, we’ve established that I have a suntan,” said Buffy peaceably. “Go us!”

“A deep submolecular suntan,” corrected Tara. “Because that’s what happens when you do the spell right.” She and Willow exchanged reassuring glances.

“So I was right,” said Willow, who had spent the previous three hours looking relieved.

“And irresponsible and dangerous,” muttered Giles.

“You don’t look any different.” Dawn, having campaigned fiercely to be allowed sit in on research, now seemed disillusioned.
.
“She’s not supposed to,” explained Tara.

“If we looked at her under a microscope?” Dawn asked hopefully.

“Probably not,” said Willow.

“Thought you’d be brown if you had a suntan,” grumbled Dawn.

“She has been in a coffin for four months,” said Spike, reasonably.

“Wanna see how you look with a suntan, mister?” asked Buffy, glaring at him briefly.

“Dawn, if you’re not reading that book, please stop leaning on it!” said Giles, reaching for it. Dawn took her elbows off the book with a deep sigh.

“Research is boring!” she lamented.

“Welcome to our world,” said Xander with a sigh. “You know, that one that we told you ten million times was boring?”

“And Buffy definitely isn’t going to grow a tail?” Dawn sounded distinctly disappointed.

“Hey!” Buffy looked up.

“But Spike can hit you. That’s way cool.”

“Dawn! You’re supposed to be on my side!” yelped Buffy. “I don’t want a tail and it’s not good that Spike can hit me!”

“Serves no benefit whatsoever,” agreed Spike in sugary tones, diligently reading his book. Giles looked at him with suspicion.

“Can you hit me?” wondered Dawn.

Spike closed the book. “Dunno, never tried.”

“You better not have!” said Buffy aggressively.

“Cos I’m The Key,” Dawn reminded her sister. “Would Spike’s chip know? Come on Spike, try!” she urged.

“No!” said Spike and Buffy in unison.

“Hasn’t Spike hit enough people for one day?” grumbled Xander.

“You still…sore about that?” asked Spike with mock-concern.

“Not as sore as you’ll be if you don’t shut up!”

“Any chance that research could be done here?” enquired Giles, rubbing his forehead.

“No fun,” complained Dawn, echoing the thoughts of all.

“This isn’t supposed to be fun!” argued Giles. “It’s…Okay, that was a little more discouraging than I had intended.”

“We need a break!” moaned Buffy, pushing her chair back and stretching.

“Want me to break your legs?” offered Spike.

Buffy brightened. “You can try.”

They grinned at each other.

“We could even things up?” she offered. “I could wear a blindfold, tie one hand behind my back?”

“Pleasant as that sounds…..”

“Right, you’re dead!” Buffy stood up and started towards him. Spike began a backwards retreat in the direction of the training room.

“Exercise!” Buffy hastily explained to Giles, who looked less than enthusiastic. “I’ve been sitting still too long.”

“Don’t kill each other!” he warned. “They’re going to kill each other,” he muttered to himself, watching Buffy break into a run.

“It’s kinda cool,” smiled Willow, watching them leave. “Buffy’s got someone to train with now. Someone who can give her a real fight.” She broke off and caught Giles eye. “Not that, I mean….she always loved training with you!” She slunk into her seat and concentrated on her book. “Oohh – cat demon!”

“We’re looking for a rabbit, honey,” Tara reminded her. “And I think it’s cool too. They’ve been getting along so well. And Buffy’s all enthusiastic about training now, that’s gotta be good?” she looked at Giles.

“I can’t believe we’re having a party about Spike being able to hit Buffy!” said Xander, no longer able to contain himself. “Where’s the streamers and balloons?! It’s not a good thing! Spike is evil or has every one else here forgotten that?!”

“Spike’s not evil!” protested Dawn. “He’s just….”

“Annoying,” supplied Giles. “He’s more annoying than evil and has been for some time. Buffy’s not concerned about this and I think we should trust her to look after herself.”

A yell of pain from Buffy and a triumphant cry of ‘Alright!’ from Spike reached them.

Everyone looked a little uncomfortable.

“You ready for another resurrection spell, Will?” scowled Xander.

The entire building vibrated and a roar of “Ow, ow, OW! Get off, you bitch!” was heard.

“I think they’re having fun,” suggested Tara, with a small smile.

“If he was really all that evil he would have run for it as soon as he found out he could hit Buffy,” said Willow thoughtfully. “Gone on the rampage to see who he could eat. Instead he stood here and let us test him.”

“That was quite impressive,” agreed Giles.

“He was just trying to impress Buffy,” snorted Xander.

“Sounds like he’s making quite an impression at the moment,” laughed Tara, as they listened to various thumps and bangs from the training room. She turned to Willow and under her breath said, “I think they seemed kind of – flirty!”

Willow’s eyes widened.

“Anya!” said Xander, spotting her. “Are you feeling better?”

“I’m okay,” replied the ex-demon, looking wan and shaky.

“Good. Then perhaps you can help with research,” said Giles briskly.

“About…bunnies?” asked Anya fearfully. “I’m not sure I’m quite that much better…”

“Well, it would be nice to avoid the arrival of armies of demon bunnies,” Giles suggested dryly.

Anya whimpered and Xander, wrapping a protective arm around her, glared at the Watcher.

“Myxomatosis!” said Willow, abruptly. “I could do magical myxomatosis! Or - not magical,” she continued, to a look from Tara, “Cos everyone thinks I’m doing too much magick!” She pouted.

“I think we need to concentrate on the origins…” pondered Giles, rummaging for a book.

Buffy and Spike emerged from training, looking flushed and high spirited.

“What have you been doing?” asked Anya.

“Beating up the Slayer,” chuckled Spike, getting her in a head-lock. “This is the way the world should be!”

“Spike can hit Buffy,” explained Xander, “And we’re all so very happy.”

Buffy struggled against him, then flipped him over her shoulder, throwing him to the ground. She rested a foot on his chest, crowing “Who’s the champion of the world?”

“Oh, I see, violence as substitute for sex,” said Anya matter-of-factly.

Willow and Tara seemed suddenly and deeply engrossed in research while Buffy’s jaw dropped.

“Okay, ready to read books now!” said Buffy, looking embarrassed.

“Was that an inappropriate comment?” asked Anya, concerned.

“Don’t worry about it,” said Xander affectionately. He stood up suddenly.

“Guys!” he said nervously. “I have an announcement.”

Anya looked at him in amazement.

“Me-and-Anya-are-getting-married!” he said in a rush.


*****


“Pity we don’t have decorations,” said Anya wistfully, as everyone jostled to admire her ring.

“Next time,” promised Tara. “If you give us a bit of warning!”

“Why wait?” said Willow, cheerfully. “Aratata !”

Tara rolled her eyes and Giles shook his head.

The Magick Box was filled with decorations. But something strange was happening to Willow. Her eyes flashed black and red. With a gasp, Tara realised that her girlfriend was hovering some inches from the floor.

“Get back!” she urged the others. “Willow!” she pleaded. “Can you hear me?”

“You thought there would be no consequences?” snarled Willow, crackling with magickal energy. “You thought that because you were not the one to cut the throat that you were safe? Always consequences!”

She raised one hand and a lightning flash was unleashed at Tara. Spike simultaneously dived at Tara, knocking the witch out of harm’s way.

“You think you could stop me?” spat Willow, with a flick of her wrist.

“I’m on fire!” yelled Spike. “I’m on bloody fire!”

He leapt about, trying to shake off his burning duster. Xander grabbed a jug of water and threw it over him.

“Willow, please listen to me,” said Tara, “Tell me what’s happening? What do you want?”

“You’re all going to suffer,” said Willow, throwing her head back.

The shop began to shake with the power of her magick.

They stood, transfixed, as Willow slowly dropped to the ground, revealing Buffy and a baseball bat standing behind.

“You guys know I hate earthquakes!”

*****

“She will be okay?” asked a tearful Tara.

“She’s just knocked out,” said Giles, reassuringly. “But we need to find out what happened there.”

“Will she be normal Willow when she wakes up?” asked Xander.

“Or will she be all black-eyed-world-destruction?” Anya elaborated.

“I’m sure that was the kind of thing I wasn’t supposed to see,” said Dawn, a little fearfully, watching Willow’s prone body from slightly behind Spike.

“At least you missed the killer bunny,” pointed out Anya.

“Giles, could they be connected?” Buffy wondered.

“I really don’t see how. It doesn’t make any sense.”

“No,” Tara shook her head. “It’s the magick. She’s been doing too much lately. And after the spell..” she indicated Buffy, “I’ve been so scared that this could happen.”

“The spell,” said Giles to himself. “There’s something…..”

He went to get a book, scanning through it quickly.

“I thought so,” he said, finally looking up. “The spell that Willow performed is ancient, hasn’t been used in centuries. There isn’t much information about it. What we do know is that it involves sacrifice on the part of those who perform it.”

“Like Willow doing the snake party-piece,” suggested Xander.

“I would suspect it is not that simple,” said Giles, rubbing his brow.

“Some day I want to find one thing that is that simple,” complained Buffy. “Giles, what the hell is going on?”

“Consequences,” said Giles simply. “A price to be paid by all who took part in the spell.”

“And that price is - what? Any chance the powers-that-be would take a blank cheque?”

“From what’s been going on here, probably the thing each person fears most.”

“Killer clowns?” gasped Xander in horror.

“Bunnies for Anya,” realised Buffy, “And…”

“This is my nightmare,” said Tara quietly, “Willow so consumed by magick that there’s none of her left.”

“She’ll be okay, I promise,” said Buffy, consolingly.

“She has to be.”

“What the freakin’ hell was that?” gasped Willow, sitting up suddenly.

“Consequences,” said Spike casually. “Oh, and you set me on fire, which I think is very unfair cos I had nothing to do with the bloody spell!”

“What!!”

“We’re reaping the rewards of your decision to perform a dangerous spell regardless of the consequences,” stated Anya. She saw the frowns of the scoobies. “That’s what Giles said!” she defended herself. “Of course, I’m paraphrasing, he was much ruder.”

“I’m quite sure I said no such thing,” blustered Giles, not meeting Willow’s eyes.

“What did I do?” wailed Willow.

“Gave me magical decorations, then went all kablooey and tried to kill us all,” explained Anya.

“It wasn’t your fault,” added Tara immediately, “It was like the killer bunny. The Osiris spell - we all have to pay a price, for tampering with those powers.”

“Didn’t I kinda do that at the time?” asked Willow, looking shaken, “Not that I’m saying it wasn’t worth it and all…but you know, snakes and stuff?”

“This wasn’t your price,” said Tara quietly. “It was mine.”

“I’m your….” Willow looked at her with pain in her eyes.

“You’re the only person in the world who could ever really hurt me,” said Tara simply.

*****

“Ain’t love grand,” said Spike sardonically.

“You big cynic. It’s sweet,” said Buffy, watching Will and Tara leave, hand in hand.

“Well, I feel in need of some violence,” said Spike. “How about it, pet?”

“Sure.” She stretched. “You wanna train or patrol?”

“Hmm. Do I want to fight random vampires or do I want to fight you. Let’s have a think about this one…”

She sighed. “You’re never going to fight to forces of darkness again, are you?”

“You’ll have to make it worth my while,” he said suggestively, earning an easily ducked punch.

“Or I could put you back in a wheelchair right now and get back to patrolling on my own again?” she offered cheerfully.

“You wanna bet?” he said with a challenge in his eyes.

“Nope. Wanna fight.”

He tackled her, grabbing her round the waist and pulling her to the ground with the full weight of his body.

“You could at least train properly,” commented Giles, stepping over them as they wrestled on the floor. “If you’re going to make noise and break things then do something useful. I’ll wager you haven’t picked up a sword since you’ve….. been back.”

“You’re allowed say it. Since I was dead. And that’s not going to help Spike on this one,” said Buffy, scrambling to her feet as Spike headed for the training room.

Giles watched from the door as Buffy caught with ease the sword thrown by Spike. He followed up with an agile attack, forcing the Slayer to be quick on her feet.

“Buffy! Mind your…” He was only going to distract her, he realised, deciding to be quiet. He wondered did she really know what she was doing here. She looked so happy, so immersed in the joy of the fight. Spike looked - like a vampire, thought Giles with sudden realisation. Sometimes he forgot. He had a feeling that Buffy did also.

And they looked happy together. Perfect, in fact. Tara and Willow were right. There was no one else who could train with Buffy like this.

“Oh for goodness sake, Spike, block with your left, you’re leaving yourself wide open,” he snapped, tired of watching Spike make the same elementary error and so narrowly avoid paying for it.

Giles turned his head to the ceiling. “I’m training a vampire,” he groaned. “The Council would have me killed.”

“Thanks, Rupert,” said Spike with a broad grin. “You know, this one’s got herself fiendishly strong. Could do with a few pointers or I’m never going to get my third Slayer. Ow!!”

He clutched his ribs, scowling at a grinning Slayer.

“You stabbed me, you bitch!”

“I did tell you,” said Giles. “You pay no attention, you’re worse than Buffy.”

“Hey!” said Buffy indignantly, waving her sword at him.

“And I think I’ll leave you to it now.” Giles left.

“Now then. You’re going to pay for that, pet.” Spike advanced slowly, a glint in his eyes.

He laid into her, fast and furious. Buffy dodged and weaved, enjoying this more than she had anything in a long time.

He forced her back, almost against the wall, still grinning. Finding herself cornered, she kicked viciously at his sword-holding hand, hard enough to break bones and make him drop his weapon.

“Mind your head!” she mocked, resting her sword at his neck.

“Lost my head over you a long time ago,” he replied, his arms by his side and defenceless.

Her own arm dropped slowly to her side, sword crashing to the ground.

There were many things she wanted to say.

She could have said, ‘I know how you feel but this can never happen.’

Or, ‘Spike, I know we’ve grown close lately but that doesn’t mean that….”

Or, ‘Spike, I’ve come to like you, respect you but I can’t….”

Instead she kissed him.

That had really not been the plan.

It seemed to take him by surprise too.

It took him long enough to react and grab her by the waist, deepening the kiss. A bloke could get used to this.

She broke away.

“I can’t do this,” she gasped, eyes wide with shock.

He came to his senses. Back to reality. To the real world where Buffy looked at him shock and horror and was not kissing him.

“I’m sorry,” she said, avoiding his eyes.

“Give me one good reason,” he said, determined to keep the plea from his voice. “And none of that ‘you’re a vampire’ lark.”

“There’s no way this could end well,” she replied, shaking her head.

“And a really good way to find out is by not trying. You can’t tell me you don’t feel something! You just kissed me, girl. And when we fight….I can see it Buffy, you come alive.”

“This could only end with bloodshed and horror and probably an apocalypse and all of us doing research till unholy hours,” she continued, ignoring him.

“That’s it? You’re just going to walk away?” He looked at her in disbelief.

“I’m sorry.” And she walked away.

Part III “This just isn’t fair. I can’t believe this is happening to me!” repeated a panicked Xander for the tenth time in as many minutes.

“So it’s fair for the rest of us to go through hell, but not you?” queried Tara with a raised eyebrow.

“No. Yes! Stupid spell wasn’t my idea! Sorry, Buffy,” he added as an afterthought.

“’S all right,” she said quietly.

“Would you just shut up! It’s not even happening yet and you’re driving us all in-bloody-sane!” snapped Spike.

“Well, it’s okay for you, isn’t it?” said a bitter Xander. “You don’t have to worry about your worst nightmares coming to life to haunt your sleep for the rest of your life!”

“Says who?” muttered Spike. He had a nasty, foreboding feeling that he might just be due something of the very type. Tired of the tension in the room, Buffy’s ignoring of him and the Whelp’s whining, he strode off with a swish of his duster.

Xander dismissed him. “We need to prepare for the worst,” he urged the others. “Who knows what horrors are on their way!”

“I thought it was killer clowns we were expecting,” said Tara dryly.

“More likely to be something to do with me,” said Anya, egotistically. “You know - the way Willow was Tara’s nightmare.”

The collected group cringed.

“It’s okay, I know what you mean,” said Willow, “And hey! Giving up the casual magick. Gonna save it for the big stuff from now on!”

“She made coffee by boiling a kettle today,” reported Tara with an affectionate squeeze of her arm.

“But you’ll use magick for my test. Won’t you? You have to, Will! You’ve gotta help me!” Xander’s stress levels were rising by the moment.

“We’ll zap any nasty clowns that show their faces here today,” agreed Willow. “But Anya’s right. All of the tests have been very personal, things with strong emotional connections to the….testee. So, you know, Anya could become a vengeance demon or something.”

Anya brightened considerably.

“But they can’t! I mean…no!!” Xander looked less happy.

“You wouldn’t use magick against me, would you?” demanded Anya with a touch of anxiety.

“Hmrr,” said Willow, non-committally. “Or, you know, you could find Anya, say, sleeping with Spike.” She cast a sly look at Buffy.

“Why?! Why would that happen?!” yelped Xander.

Willow observed the faintest of reactions from Buffy, who seemed to concentrate all the more vigorously on the most boring of ancient texts. Ha! She had suspected as much!

Turning her attentions back to Xander, who she had frightened into a dance of terror, she replied, “Probably to get a reaction like that.”

“You do know that’s an ancient prophecy that you’re tearing the corners off?” enquired Tara.

“Some of these possibilities are quite interesting,” said Anya thoughtfully. “After all, it’s not as though I want to sleep with Spike or become a demon again, but it wouldn’t be permanent and it would be necessary.”

“Why necessary? I don’t think we’re doing enough to weasel out of this whole thing!” ranted Xander. “What ever happened to thinking outside the box?”

“Isn’t that what caused this?” asked Buffy. “Getting me – out of the – box? Okay, being quiet now.” She returned to the reading.

“This is very necessary,” said Anya sternly. “You meddled with powers you shouldn’t have and if I have to suffer then so should everyone else! And…cosmic karma and so on and so forth.”

“You just want to sleep with Spike,” grumped Xander, sitting down more peaceably.

“Nobody wants to sleep with Spike,” said Buffy. “I think I need to get out of here for a while. Call me for the horror and the bloodshed.”


*****


“Buffy? What’s going on with you and Spike?” asked Giles, stopping her as she left the shop.

“Nothing,” she lied. Or was it the truth?

“Buffy. I’m not an idiot. Yesterday you two were cheerfully attempting to hack each other into small pieces. Today you’ve barely insulted each other. Something’s going on.”

“We’re just…nothing.”

Giles held her wavering gaze.

“Or …something,” she admitted. “In a very nothing sort of way!”

“Yes, I thought as much.”

“It’s okay. I promise. Nothing’s going to happen between us.” She sounded resolute.

“But you have feelings for him?”

“I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. He’s a vampire, Giles! Remember how well that worked out last time?”

“And you think he’ll try to suck the world into hell.”

“No,” he said, reluctantly.

“Or hurt your friends?”

“Chip?” she reminded him.

“If he got the chip out tomorrow would he hurt you?”

“Already can,” she pointed out, suddenly beginning to suspect a trap.

“Do you think he’d hurt Dawn?”

“No. But I can see him killing Xander!” she said defensively.

“Yes. Well. There are times that I want…that’s not the point.”

“Why are you on his side? Surely there’s some Watcher rule against encouraging me to date vampires?”

“I do find his reluctance to hit me a charming contrast to your ex-boyfriend’s delight in torturing me,” said Giles thoughtfully. “Plus, there’s the fact that he seems to make you happy. I find that quite a persuasive trait.”

She groaned. She was an idiot. And she had a very clear memory of the look on his face when she had dismissed his feelings as bad-prophecy-material.

“And life is short. Unless Willow insists on repeatedly raising us all.”

“Or my vampire boyfriend turns us?”

“This one’s up to you. All the rules in the world are against it. The Watcher’s Council will probably fire me again for not preventing it. Xander is liable to kick up a fuss. But if it’s what you want then you have my support.”

“You know I’m going to blame you when he sucks the world into hell?”

“He won’t. Are you going to..?”

“Going. Going now. Thank you!”

*****

“Hey.”

Spike looked up. Huh. Great. Probably gotta go and save the Whelp.

He was slouched on a chair watching a TV that Buffy hadn’t noticed before.

“When did we get a TV in the Magick Box?” she asked, momentarily distracted.

“When you….I mean, when I started spending more time here. They all drive me mad otherwise. So I can hide in here and watch Passions.”

“Ah ha.” She took the barest of breaths and walked closer to him, stopping at his feet.

“I’m sorry,” she said, coming forward and almost straddling his legs.

Hang on a minute. This wasn’t Buffy. This was a very pleasant daydream.

She slapped his arm. “Spike!”

Okay, maybe it was Buffy.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated quietly.

“For? Oh, skewering me yesterday?” he asked casually, pulling up his shirt to reveal the puncture mark.

“Oh. Shit. Sorry!” She involuntarily reached out a hand to touch the wound, realised what she was doing and withdrew it.

“Doesn’t hurt,” he commented, fascinated by the movement of her hand.

“I might have been an idiot,” she said.

“No, it was the right thing to do. I was going for your head and you blocked with your….”

“Spike,” she chided. “I’m serious.”

“And I’m ….a big evil vampire,” he waggled his eyebrows, wondering how much further she would approach. Any closer and she’d be sitting on him.

“No, you’re not,” she said confidently, running a finger down his cheekbone.

He closed his eyes, almost purring with pleasure.

“Am too evil,” he said insistently. “Really evil. Really really really…”

She slid into his lap. Lips brushed his, just barely.

“Really, really….” he continued to murmur desperately. “Workin’ for the Slayer.”

They kissed, properly this time, Spike sliding his hands under her clothes to pull her closer and she wrapping herself around his body.

“This Slayer,” she gasped. “What exactly are you doing for her?”

“Pretty much anything she wants,” he replied, nuzzling her neck.

“That should work out nicely then.” She tugged him backwards onto the floor.

“We could take this somewhere more private,” he suggested, looking around.

“Who are you working for again?” she demanded, making good progress on his belt.

“You. Only you,” he choked, abandoning caution.

He took her face in his hands and kissed her, effectively ending any need for conversation. His hands found the hem of her skirt and relocated it in the direction of her waist.

“Oh. God. I want you,” murmured Buffy as his hands explored further.

He looked up.

“Say that again,” he ordered, with a grin.

“What? Oh!” She lightly slapped the side of his head in rebuke.

“Wanna get it on tape,” he elaborated. “Play it in the demon bars…slayer wants me!”

“You want a fight?” she growled, pulling his shirt over his head and trailing her tongue up his chest. He moaned and surrendered.

“There are things that might be more fun,” he conceded, reaching in to kiss her.

Neatly dodging him, she flipped him on his back and straddled him. With purpose this time. Bad purpose. Or good purpose depending on your point of view.

Cold hands reaching under her skirt and rearranging underwear in a more convenient way. Human teeth ripping her top apart and soft chill lips licking and kissing the flesh exposed. Lips of Spike, she thought, with a moment of coherence and amusement, not a bad thing at all.

“Hey, Training-girl, oh god, no!” Xander, still holding the door handle with one hand, covered his eyes with the other. “No!”

“Xander!” yelped Buffy, rolling to the ground and covering herself.

“Oh, just bloody great,” muttered Spike, banging his head off the floor in disgust.

“This isn’t real!” chanted Xander. “This is just a test. If I close my eyes it isn’t there.”

Spike let out a feral growl.

“Okay, but it’s only a test!” Xander argued with himself. “I can do this. Just stay calm and it will all go back to normal.” He groped blindly for the door.

“This is your bloody nightmare?!” yelled Spike, jumping to his feet. He glared at Buffy. “Are you even real? Or is it you under some poxy spell? You’re going to wake up tomorrow going ‘Ew, I was possessed. Nearly slept with a disgusting vampire!’”

“I can’t hear you!” insisted Xander, shutting his eyes tightly and moving his hands to his ears.

“Fuck this,” growled Spike. “I’m sick of being the pawn in your little power game with the powers that be. Cos I’m the one who loses.”

He stormed off.

Xander followed, blindly and deafly.

Buffy lay on the ground, wondering what the hell had just happened.


*****


“You’ve certainly managed to stir things up,” said Giles, finding a cigarette-smoking vampire outside the shop that evening.

“Oh yeah. All my bloody fault of course. Who always gets the blame for the bloody trouble around here.” Spike viciously stamped on his cigarette.

“Hardly your fault at all,” said Giles with a conciliatory air.

“No, nothing to do with me, I’m just a puppet for the powers to torture Harris, apparently.”

“Yes, well, Xander has had an epiphany on that point. Or just changed his mind. You and Buffy may in fact not be his moment of unparalleled doom. In fact that moment may perhaps have been when Anya found out and told him she wouldn’t marry such a wanker…sorry, I’m paraphrasing here.”

“Not at all,” said Spike, bewildered. “Anya found out, you say?”

“Yes. The girl was understandably unhappy that her fiancé could be more upset about what some other girl does with a vampire than he could be about something to do with her. So she yelled a lot, threatened to have some former acquaintances remove parts of his anatomy with blunt and original instruments and then said she wouldn’t marry him.”

“And what happened then?” Spike seemed temporarily distracted from his own problems.

“He said something along the lines of ‘Why this is indeed my nightmare to end all nightmares, what a fool I’ve been’ and Anya forgave him.”

“So the sod got a happy ending,” realised Spike with bitterness.

“Seems that way.”

“He wreaks things for everyone else and then the bastard gets to live happily ever after.”

“He wreaked everything?” repeated Giles politely.

“Yes, he did!” exploded Spike. “And - then - I - wreaked everything. Oh, fuck!”

“I presume standing around cursing Xander is part of some long-term and cunning plan to right the mess?”

“What do you know, anyway?”

“A sight more than you do apparently!”

“I’ve wreaked it. The whole thing is doomed. I should just give this whole sodding fantasy up and let her live in peace!”

“Yes. Because the prophecies always say that the path of true love runs very smoothly with rarely a problem of any type.”

“What, you really think that it could work?”

“Frankly, probably not. You’ll undoubtedly come across insurmountable obstacles. But not if you give up as soon as Xander screams like a woman!”

“I see your point.”

“She cares for you.”

“And I love her. More than unlife itself.”

“So you are standing here talking to me…why?”

“Because I’m an idiot,” he said, resignedly. There was going to be some crawling to be done.

“Well, at least you have that in common.”

*****

“Hey,” he said, nervously. For a start, this was the girl he loved and she might never forgive his blithering stupidity. For second, she was the Slayer and might well decide to shove a stake through his heart.

She barely glanced up. “Spike,” she said calmly.

“I’m sorry, you know,” he said.

“What on earth for?” she enquired with polite unconcern.

“For the – earlier.”

“Oh, you mean for throwing my, my feelings back in my face and acting as though this was some spell of Willow’s making us get married?” she asked icily.

“Yeah, for the….that.”

“I see.”

“Well, what’s a bloke supposed to think? I mean, first I thought ‘it’s a dream’ and then I thought ‘It’s the Buffybot’ and then the clown price of panic says it’s his nightmare and I…”

“Listened to him. Because you always listen to Xander. It’s like a whole regular character trait of yours.”

“I couldn’t believe that you, real you, could love me,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Never said I did,” she said indignantly.

“No, but there was the seduction and the kissing and the nakedness, well nearly…..

“Ha! And instead there was the stomping on my heart and the running away. And of course the yelling and the screaming.” She was at least looking at him now. With a very evil glint in her eye.

“I may have over-reacted,” he conceded, looking at her hopefully.

“I might have overreacted to the overreaction,” she said.

“That you might,” he agreed.

“Or I might not,” she said warningly.

“Any chance you’d let me…convince you?”

“Might be hard work,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “You sure you’re up to it?”

“I do have the stamina of ten men,” he said, with a poor attempt at a modest smile.

“Perfect match,” she said.


*****


“That should wrap everything up then,” said Giles satisfied.

“I can’t believe we did a spell of thanks for getting put through hell on earth,” grumbled Xander.

“We did a spell of thanks to the powers for releasing Buffy. And for not killing any of us in return,” corrected Tara.

“How do you know it’s over?” insisted Spike.

“Oh for god’s sake, it’s over, move on!” said Giles, tiredly.

“Yes but….”

“Spike, what is the problem? You really have a bee in your bonnet about this. Just what do you think is going to happen?”

“I keep expecting the prancing ponce of poofiness to put in an appearance,” admitted Spike reluctantly.

“Why?” asked Giles warily. It was nice to have notice of such happy events. And time to prepare weapons.

“You know, a great big, brooding consequence. I just can’t help thinking I still might get a nightmare.”

“Well who says he’d be your nightmare?” demanded Giles, indignantly. Although there was that rather pleasant dream involving the angle-grinder…..

“Yeah, there’d be some competition over that kind of nightmare,” agreed Xander, fervently.

“Sometimes I forget you guys aren’t all that bad,” said Spike with something like affection.

“What are you all talking about?” asked Buffy, joining them.

“Nothing of any consequence,” said Spike with a good imitation of a straight face.

“Well that’s good. I was hoping for a nice consequence-free evening.” She looked at him flirtatiously from under her eyelashes.

Xander with difficulty refrained from shielding his eyes.

Giles laid a firm hand on his shoulder and escorted him to something very interesting on the other side of the shop.

“Anything in particular in mind?” enquired Spike, still wondering if he was going to wake up soon.

“Well, I was thinking you’ve only showed me the stamina of three men. I was hoping to meet the other seven?”

“You know, pet, I do believe that could be arranged.”

Epilogue “So it’s over?” said Spike, kicking her legs from under her.

“Really over!” she gasped, flipping back to her feet and landing a good kick to his face.

“Not quite believing you, love,” he replied. He grabbed her by the waist and smashed her into a wall.

“Ow, that hurt!” she grumbled, flying at him, lifting him bodily up and hurling him across the room. “Spike, you’re not concentrating,” she scolded, shaking her head mockingly as she helped him up.

“Can’t help it. I’m still convinced some big nightmare is going to turn up, just for me. You know, some big, brooding nightmare,” he clarified.

“It’s over. Giles says it’s over, Willow says it’s over, the big, boring books say it’s over.”

“And none of those are ever wrong,” he snorted.

“Or maybe you just have a guilty conscience,” she suggested, looking at him slyly. “Cos you’re sleeping with your sire’s ex!”

“Yeah, I am, aren’t I?” he said with a grin, pulling her closer.

“Not here! Been here, done you, got caught, remember?”

“So where do you fancy? Cemetery? Crypt?”

“You ever heard of this thing called a bed? Meant to be really….cut it out! Get off me!” she giggled as he pulled her to the ground, tickling and tormenting her. “Alright! Anywhere!” she moaned, clutching him.

“You’ve gotta pick one,” he growled, concentrating his hands’ attack more firmly on her waist now, as his mouth sought her neck, nipping and kissing.

“Crypt. Now!” she gasped, pulling his mouth to hers.

“What’s the hurry, pet? Just getting, uh, comfortable here,” he groaned. “Buffy! Stoppit! What are you….? Ow, okay, crypt!”

Mastery of the situation achieved, Buffy sat back on her heals, smile on her lips.

“You’re a bitch, you know that?” he grumbled.

“Yeah. So you’re going to send me back to your crypt all on my own?” she teased, starting out of the room. Glaring at her retreating back, Spike groaned and silently admitted defeat. She wasn’t going anywhere on her own.

Following at a jog and catching her outside, he spun her round. “Where’d you think you’re going?” he demanded, weakening at the sight of her laughing face. Bloody beautiful.

“Buffy!” called a familiar voice. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

“Riley!” gasped Buffy.

“Oh fuck,” said Spike.


*****


“What are you doing here?” demanded Buffy, torn between shock and anger.

“Isn’t it obvious? He’s a bloody consequence!” growled Spike, pacing away from them. The nightmare to end all nightmares. Buffy would never have got back together with his poncey sire but he wasn’t so sure about the nice human soldier boy.

Riley looked confused by the presence of Spike, but pressed ahead.

“I need your help, Buffy,” he said.

“Ha!” said Spike, bitterly, “Of course you do!”

Riley ignored him. “I’ve been tracking a demon for days, dangerous thing. We think someone’s selling its eggs on the black market, you know, to foreign dictators. These things could wipe out a country. I need to find them.”

“Eggs?” said Spike, looking interested.

“Yes, demon eggs,” repeated Riley patiently, addressing himself pointedly to Buffy. “Buffy, will you help?”

“I might be able to help,” said Spike. “Eggs, you say? Big, pink eggs, about so high?” He indicated with his hands.

“Yes,” agreed Riley suspiciously, “What do you know about them?”

“Got’em back in my crypt, about a dozen of ‘em. Friend came by yesterday and asked me to keep an eye on them.”

“You’re the smuggler!” said Riley, shaking his head, “There’s a surprise!”

“That’s not exactly what he said,” corrected Buffy. She turned to Spike. “How do you even find the time to do these things? You’ve hardly been out of my sight for five minutes!”

“What can I say, pet? My life is a rich tapestry.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Come on, let’s go get these things. If you have no objections,” she added sarcastically.

“None at all, love. I have no interest in helping foreign dictators,” said Spike cheerfully.

“Well, that’s okay then,” said Riley sardonically. “You know, I do have authorisation to take the holder of these eggs out.”

Buffy froze. “No you don’t,” she said firmly. “You can come with us and help destroy the eggs and then you can leave. You’ve done enough harm here.”

Spike began to feel that he rather liked consequences.

“We’re not destroying the eggs!” said Riley quickly. “My orders are to take them back.”

“The lethal things that can wipe out a country?” asked Spike, scratching his head in fake bewilderment. “And you’re going to what, hand them over to George W. Bush?”

“You know, not really liking that plan,” said Buffy calmly.

“It just doesn’t sound like the right thing to do, does it?” said Spike with apparent sincerity, beginning to enjoy himself. “Innocent people could get hurt.”

Buffy, with difficulty, kept her face straight. “Riley, face it, the big killer eggs die here. I’m not having them turn into big killer - easter bunnies or something.”

“It’s not up to you to decide, I have orders,” repeated Riley, looking frustrated.

“And this is my town. I’m the Slayer, and you know what? If these are monsters then I’m going to slay them!”

“Pity you don’t take that line with all the monsters,” said Riley bitterly, eyeing Spike. “You could at least be grateful. It’s thanks to us that he can’t hurt you. It’s thanks to us that you can trust him enough to….do whatever you’re doing with him.”

“Spike,” said Buffy wearily. “Give him the demo.”

“You sure, pet?” he looked at her with concern. She nodded. He punched her.

“Crappy government technology,” she said to Riley, indicating a smugly grinning Spike. “Maybe you guys could look into that instead of finding killer eggs to set on people?”

“You’re insane,” said Riley, bemused. “You’re still defending him and he can do that?”

“I’m still going out with him and he can do that,” she clarified.

“Your loss,” he said quietly, turning to leave. “I presume you’ll deal with the eggs before he gets everyone killed? See you around, Buffy.”

“Yeah.” She watched as he turned to leave. “And Riley?” she called sweetly. “Bite me.”

“That really wasn’t my nightmare,” said Spike, puzzled.

“I think it was just real life,” she said thoughtfully. “That does happen sometimes, even around here. Come on, we better go clean up your demon spawn.”

“They’re not my demon spawn!” he protested, following her.

“If this takes more than ten minutes I am so going to kill you! I wanted a nice relaxing evening with a nice relaxing bath…”

“I’ll relax you,” he promised with meaning.

“You,” she began, jabbing a finger at his chest, “Are not relaxing. You cause trouble and keep demon eggs and never let me get any sleep!” She began to smile despite herself. “Not relaxing!”

“Complaining?” he enquired, drawing her closer and dropping his mouth to her neck. “Wanna swap me for the more relaxing version?”

“No-oo,” she admitted.

“He’s just back there, I can call him for you if you like,” he offered, taking a step away from her. She grabbed his arm and tugged him back.

“I think I’ll stick with what I’ve got, thanks,” she said softly, touching his face. He gazed at her in rapt adoration.

“Crypt?” she reminded him, waving a hand in front of his glazed expression. “Eggs?”

“Eggs can wait,” he declared with a grin. Evil grin. “First I’ve gotta shag all memory of your ex out of your head.” He picked her up despite her half-hearted struggles.

“That could take ages,” she whispered wickedly, capturing his lips with hers.

“No hurry, pet. I’ve got a whole long forever.”


**The End**