Chapter 20 - Explanations


The anger seemed to be rolling off of him in waves as Buffy looked into his golden eyes with a tremor of fear coursing through her. She had never seen that look in his eyes- crazy, chaotic, out of control. And it was disconcerting that it was directed at her.

“Answer me,” Spike growled, gripping her shoulders in his strong hands.

Something inside of her snapped at his tone of voice. Who the hell was he to play the protective role?

“None of your damn business!” she cried, shoving him away to send him flying into the bed and angrily spinning around. She wasn’t stupid enough to think that he would let it go; she knew that he was just distracted for the moment. Buffy tensed when she felt his hands grab her shoulders once again before she could reach the door.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked in a warning tone.

“Explain to me how that’s your business?” she retaliated, spinning around to face him. Her eyes widened slightly when Spike slowly advanced on her, backing her into the wall. His features melted into his human mask as he tilted his head to look at her with cold blue eyes.

“Everything you do is my business,” he said in a low voice that was too calm for her liking.

“What’s the problem?” she asked, narrowing her eyes as she mimicked his movements, tilting her head toward him. “You don’t want me, so no one else can have me either?”

Seeing a blur come toward her head, Buffy cowered, not wanting to be hit in the face when she was pressed against the wall with nowhere to go. Jumping when his fist connected with the wall, she winced as the plaster cracked and his hand disappeared for a moment. As he pulled his hand away, Buffy rolled her eyes when she saw the hole that remained. ‘There goes that cleaning deposit.’

“Now…you’re going to answer me or-”

“Or what?” Buffy shot back, setting her lips in a firm line as she watched him. “You’ll do that to me?” she asked, gesturing to the wall.

“Tell me who did this,” he said in a warning tone that allowed no argument.

“None of your damn business,” she replied in the same deadly tone.

She never saw it coming.

Buffy barely had time to gasp as Spike shifted into his demon guise before lunging at her throat, viciously tearing at her skin and covering the previous mark. Squeezing her eyes shut, her mouth opened in a silent scream as he took deep pulls from her blood. Gritting her teeth after a moment, she was vaguely aware of how dangerous this was for Spike, considering he was disrespecting something that was steeped in tradition, but the other part of her brain didn’t care. The part that felt violated as he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her flush against him, grinding his erection against her as his other hand held her head firmly in place.

“Spike,” she whispered weakly.

Part of him wanted to turn her. The demon in him was calling for him to do just that. To show her and everyone else who she truly belonged to. But the man inside of him knew that Angel would kick his ass if he did that. He knew that Angel would probably do that anyway, once he discovered that Spike had the nerve to mark his daughter. But it wasn’t just the man in him that was holding him back. It wasn’t the lack of a soul or the fact that he could practically feel a soul burning through him whenever he was in contact with Buffy. It was the stronger part of himself that didn’t want her to lose the vibrant quality that caused her to breathe life into everything she touched.

And he was taking that away.

Realizing that her heartbeat was slowing down, Spike’s grip loosened on her as he extracted his teeth from her neck, licking the blood that pooled from the fresh mark, helping to stem the flow and close the wound. The claim was weak, almost non-existent, making it easier for him to bite her.

Pulling back to look into her eyes, Spike swallowed. Suddenly feeling as if he had just violated her when he saw her pain-filled expression, he watched as she weakly shoved his arms away from her body, breaking all contact with him.

She didn’t want to be touched.

Taking a few steps back to get some clarity on the situation, Spike’s brows knit together as he looked at Buffy, feeling everything that he had just done come crashing back to him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, looking away so he didn’t have to see the tears in her eyes even as the taste of her blood lingered on his tongue.

“What? Violence wasn’t enough for our first time together?” she asked, trying to cover how hurt she was with anger, even though the tears began spilling down her cheeks. “Anytime you do anything remotely intimate, it has to be on your terms?”

“Now wait a damn minute-”

“No! You wait! I’m tired of being your little plaything that you want to use whenever you have some kind of itch to scratch,” she said, holding her hand to her neck as she tried to stem the blood flow. “This is my life now and I’ll do whatever I want. So get the hell out of my home!”

Stumbling over to the door, Buffy was about to jerk it open when she saw his hands slam against the flat surface on each side of her, restricting her in the small space. Spinning her around, Spike could see the sparks that were shooting in her eyes as she glared at him.

“I’m not leaving,” he said in a low voice, his face only inches away from hers as he looked directly into her eyes. “Now…you’re going to go sit down and explain to me who the hell had the nerve to take what’s mine.”

“Yours?” she asked in a falsely calm voice as she spoke in a deliberately neutral tone. “I’m not yours. I’ve never been yours!”

“Think whatever you want, baby,” he whispered, tilting his head and giving her a slow smirk as his lips got even closer to hers. Searching her eyes for a moment, he saw the lust that clouded them for a moment as his expression softened, bringing his mouth closer to hers without ever making contact. “You belong to me. Now tell me,” Spike said in a deceptively low voice, narrowing his eyes on Buffy.

“What do you want to hear about, Spike?” she whispered in a seductive voice, taking on an innocent look. “The way his teeth plunged into my neck? The way his body felt against mine? Or how about the nights of ecstasy that I’ve spent writhing in someone else’s bed?

Spike’s hold on her tightened until she was sure her bones would shatter under the pressure, but she held his gaze. For her part, she didn’t flinch under the brutal hold, but Buffy briefly wondered if he was restraining himself from snapping her neck, and judging from his murderous gaze, he was.

His chest rose and fell with involuntary oxygen as his jaw clenched, never letting his eyes leave hers.

Feeling a tremor of fear race along her spine, she felt her scream of surprise swallowed by Spike’s lips as he angrily crushed his mouth to hers. Battling her into submission, he slowly pulled away, seeing anger cloud her green eyes.

“You better be joking,” he whispered, watching as she clenched her jaw.

“And if I’m not?” she asked quietly, not letting him know how much the kiss was affecting her.

“Who did this, Buffy?” Spike murmured, trying to make his expression soften as he ran a finger along the swollen flesh of her neck, the blood flow slowly trickling as the wound healed itself.

“You,” she hissed, narrowing her eyes. “It wasn’t even five minutes ago, or did you forget that little detail?”

“Who claimed you?” he asked through gritted teeth, trying to control his temper and not lose his patience.

Sighing in acceptance, Buffy tore her eyes away from his, her entire body sagging.

“Look, I…I was stupid when I first came here,” she whispered, pulling away from him and walking back to sit down on the bed, curling her knees up to her chest in an effort to protect herself. “I wanted to…I wanted to get back at you…I wanted to hurt you.”

“What did you do?” he asked, trying to keep the anger out of his tone.

“I started…there was this place that people go to, so that they can…get a rush.”

“You went to a nest?” he growled.

“Something like that.”

“Then what?”

Nervously letting her feet fall to the floor, Buffy took a deep breath as she stared at her hands, trying to figure out what to say next.

“The first time, it…it was nothing. I hadn’t been here that long and I just…I just wanted to do something to take my mind off you.”

“And then?”

“It got more intense,” she whispered. “I went to the same guy…vampire,” she corrected. “Each time. I felt like I was guaranteed not to die if I went to him.”

“Still listening,” Spike said in a deceptively low voice.

“And then he…got attached.”

“And claimed you,” Spike filled in, nodding before standing up and cracking his neck, trying to keep the anger from rolling out of him. He wanted nothing more than to scream at her. To yell at her and ask how stupid could she possibly be. But then the rational side of his brain kicked in, reminding him that he drove her to this. He pushed her away, made her run to this city, and it was probably his fault that she craved the darker aspect of her nature now. If it wasn’t for him, she would still be happily tucked away in her home in Sunnydale. She wouldn’t have the memory of her innocence being ripped away at the hands of a monster.

“And after that?” he asked, unable to turn around and face her as he tried to control his emotions.

“I ran away,” she whispered. “I didn’t want to belong to him or anyone and I sure as hell didn’t want to mate with him…I just wanted to feel better.”

“Claims don’t work that way, pet,” he whispered.

“I know,” she said softly. “But I didn’t return it, so it’s not strong. He…he tries to use it, but I don’t go to him. And he doesn’t know how to find me.”

“Then you two haven’t…?”

“What? No! God, no, Spike. The only person I’ve ever been with is…”

Finally turning around to face her, he frowned when she looked away, unable to meet his gaze. “Is me?” he finished for her, seeing her nod her head in agreement and breathing a sigh of relief.

Letting a soft smile play on his lips, Buffy glanced at him before rolling her eyes. “Don’t act so smug about it. It’s just not my style to go jumping into the bed of some random guy.”

“Didn’t say a word,” he murmured.

Briefly clenching her jaw, she narrowed her eyes. “Let’s keep it that way.”

Walking toward her, he frowned when she shied away from him, turning her head and giving him a perfect view of what he’d done to her moments earlier.

“I’m sorry I did it like that, luv. Never wanted to…just lost control, is all.”

“Happens a lot with you, doesn’t it?” she asked angrily, obviously referring to their first time together as she whipped around to face him. Seeing the shame on his face, she sighed. “Look…I’m sorry. That was as much me, as it was you. I knew what I was doing…I was the one who should have thought about what I was getting into and I shouldn’t throw it in your face like that.”

Slowly nodding, Spike averted her gaze as he looked at the mark on her neck.

“S-so what happens now?” she asked, wringing her hands together, suddenly nervous under his unwavering gaze.

Continuing to stare at the mark for a moment, letting anger fill him at the thought that some other vampire touched what was his, Spike’s eyes narrowed. “Now, I go out and find him.”

“And then what?” she asked, looking at him with a worried expression

“I kill him.”

“It’s not like it’s going to be that easy, Spike. Isn’t claiming the ‘be all, end all’ of vampire relationships?”

“Usually.”

“And you…you bit me,” she whispered, looking at the floor as the feeling of betrayal washed over her again.

“I did. And I’d do it again.”

“Not very comforting.”

“Sorry, pet. Didn’t mean it that way.”

“What I mean is…isn’t there something complicated that happens now? I mean, if you had…cared enough to claim me, then…”

“I do care,” he whispered, closing the distance between them and taking her chin in his hand. “It just wasn’t the right time for us, Goldilocks. I didn’t just want to possess you, I wanted to mate with you and that…it wasn’t the right time,” he reiterated.

“You wanted to mate with me?” she asked in shock.

Spike’s eyes widened when he realized what he just said, knowing that it was too soon for that. “Hypothetically…um…if I was to claim someone, I would want it to be about more than just the physical.”

“I see,” she muttered, taking a deep breath as her heart plummeted once again. “But didn’t you just break some kind of vampire constitution by biting me?”

“Yeah. Guess so. But he broke it first.”

“What do you mean?” she asked in confusion.

“Not important,” he replied. “As soon as he’s dead- problem solved.”

“Then what’s the point of claiming?” Buffy asked, pacing around the apartment. “If you can just ‘challenge’ it, then there’s really no purpose.”

“There’s a purpose, sweetheart,” he said softly. “A deeper, more intense connection. Feeling what the other feels. Added protection. Of course, that’s if the claim is reciprocated, which…it wasn’t…was it?”

“No,” she said softly, shaking her head as she bit her lip.

“Besides all that, not just anyone can challenge it. Has to be an older, respected vampire. It’s not like a fledgling can come along and decide he wanted to take you away from me.”

“Him,” she corrected.

“What?”

“Take me away from him,” she said softly. “I don’t belong to you.”

A low growl escaped Spike’s throat, causing Buffy to finally raise her eyes to his, surprised at the hardened gaze she encountered.

“Who is it?” he asked, narrowing his eyes as he tried to erase her words from his mind.

“A guy named Billy Fordham,” she whispered. “Goes by the name Ford.”

Spike’s brows knit together as he tried to place the name, unable to come up with anything.

“Is there sewer access in the building?” he finally asked.

“I think so,” she said softly. “In the basement.”

Without looking at her, he quickly put on his shirt and shoes, grabbing his duster as he walked toward the door.

“Spike!”

Turning around, he tried to keep his expression neutral as she looked at him.

Seeing the nervous way she was wringing her hands together and the way she was biting her lower lip, he tilted his head to look at her, unsure what she was about to say.

“If you kill him…will it hurt me?” Buffy whispered.

Understanding dawned on him as his expression softened. Walking toward her, he tenderly cupped her face in his hands, brushing his lips across her forehead before pulling back to look in her eyes.

“I would never do anything to hurt you, luv,” he whispered, letting his thumb gently caress her cheekbone, smiling when she subtly leaned into his touch. Reluctantly pulling away, Spike turned back to the door. “I’ll be back soon.”





A/N All credit for Ford goes to Allison. I had no idea who should have claimed Buffy and she came up with him. Thanks, sweetie!
 

Chapter 21 – Reversal Effects


It took the better part of the day to track down Billy Fordham, but that wasn’t surprising. Amazing what kind of information could be acquired when the person who’s doing the asking inflicts enough pain. The sun had already set, and Spike was eager to finish this and get back to Buffy.

Standing in the shadows of the bar, Spike studied the young man, feeling the familiarity wash over him. Narrowing his eyes on the brunette, he couldn’t refrain from closing his eyes and shaking his head at the irony.

‘Bloody hell,’ he thought to himself. ‘The annoying ponce who wanted to trade Lucy for immortality…I guess she didn’t expect me to turn him after the plan backfired.’

Strangely, the rare thought of Lucy didn’t send a pain through his heart and gut like it usually did.

He realized that he hadn’t felt it in a long time.

Unless he was thinking about Buffy.

Clenching his jaw as he remembered that this was the man who had dared to mark her, Spike walked over to the bar, waiting until Ford turned around before speaking.

“Remember me?”

Staring at him for a moment, Ford’s eyes widened in comprehension. “Spike? Man, it’s been forever. What brings you to Vegas?”

“You,” he said in a low voice, inwardly smiling when some of Ford’s bravado fell away.

“Is that right?” he replied, trying to keep the easy smile on his face. “Well, I’m a little busy tonight, but-”

“Oh, I think we can make time,” Spike growled, grabbing him by the back of the neck and dragging him out the door.

Throwing him against the wall as they exited the building, Spike called his demon forth, growling as he looked at the other man.

“What did I do?” Ford asked, more out of irritation than fear.

“You tried to claim my girl.”

“Buffy?” he asked with a smile. “Didn’t just try- succeeded. Didn’t know she was yours, though.”

“Well, now you know,” Spike replied, his eyes flashing as he looked at the other man.

“You know, if she’s your girl, why didn’t I feel your claim?”

“Because I didn’t give her a claiming bite.”

“Then she’s not yours,” Ford said, keeping the same annoying smile on his face.

“Oh, she’s mine,” Spike retaliated, smashing his fist into the other man’s jaw before grabbing his collar and slamming him into a wall again. “You just have to look a little lower, mate,” he continued in a low voice, seeing the look of surprise on Ford’s face. “Making a little more sense now?”

“Look, she didn’t say anything and-”

“Doesn’t matter,” Spike growled. “You had the nerve to touch the woman who belongs to me. I’m the one she consensually gave herself to…she’s mine, and right now…you’re just in the way.”

Not giving the other man a chance to react, Spike thrust the stake into his unbeating heart, letting a smile cross his face as the dust exploded around him.

* * * * *

Buffy gasped at the tightening feeling in her neck, shuddering as it spread through her body before an uncontrollable trembling took her over. Breathing heavily, she closed her eyes as the feeling of relief passed through her.

She felt free.

* * * * *

Walking into the apartment building an hour later, Spike was surprised to see Buffy moving around the room restlessly. Seeing her tuck a stake into the waistband of her pants, he watched as she turned toward the door, nearly jumping out of her skin when she saw him standing there, her hand flying up to her chest as she gasped.

“What’s wrong, luv?” he asked, shutting the door behind them.

Hiding the fact that she was relieved to see him without a scratch on him, Buffy began walking toward him.

“Why would something be wrong?” she asked in a bored tone, not meeting his gaze as she walked passed him, reaching for the doorknob.

Grabbing her arm before she could make it out the door, Spike pulled her back to him, looking into her eyes to see what was wrong.

“Talk to me, Buffy.”

Briefly clenching her jaw as she reached into her pocket and extracted a cell phone, Buffy shoved it toward him, seeing his brows knit together as he looked at the small object. Recognizing his phone, he clenched his jaw when he realized he must’ve left it behind in his hurry to find and kill Ford.

“Call Aubrey,” she said in a soft voice, not willing to admit how jealous she was saying those two words as she avoided his gaze.

“She called?” he asked in confusion, cursing himself for forgetting the phone and consequently making Buffy possibly think that he’d been lying to her.

“About five times,” she replied in an irritated voice, slipping on her leather jacket over her tank top and walking out the door.

“Where are you going?” he asked, following after her and slamming the door behind them.

“Out,” she tossed over her shoulder, adjusting the coat around her body as she jogged down the stairs.

Catching up to her when she walked out the door, Spike cut in front of her, sending Buffy to an abrupt halt.

“I know what you’re thinking,” he said in a quiet voice. “And it’s not true.”

Rolling her eyes, Buffy walked around him, cutting through the first alley she came to and gritting her teeth when Spike continued to follow her.

“It’s not…it’s you, Buffy. Just you,” he continued, trying to make her understand the full extent of his feelings toward her. “Talk to me,” he pleaded, once again cutting her off, not allowing her to pass by him as he blocked her path.

Refraining from hitting him in the nose, Buffy took a deep breath. “I have a life now. I don’t need you following me everywhere and…don’t you have some phone calls to return?” she asked, tossing her head to the side in mock ignorance before trying to move around him, only to be stopped again.

“You are more important than this,” he insisted, holding up the phone before putting it in his pocket.

Ignoring the thrill that rushed through her, Buffy desperately held onto her frustration and anger, unwilling to let him wedge himself into her life.

“You just don’t get it, do you, Spike?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest and leveling him with a cold gaze. “You don’t belong here. This is me now, and you don’t fit in my life. You had that chance and it’s gone now.”

Clenching his jaw in irritation, Buffy arched an eyebrow, refusing to be intimidated as his eyes sparked yellow.

She’d grown up.

The last year had turned her into a person she didn’t know she could be. And she wasn’t about to give up the feeling of independence and solidarity that she had created for herself.

Especially not for the man who had pushed her away and then did an about-face and decided he wanted her back.

Even if she did still love him.

“I have been searching for you for a year,” Spike said in a soft, menacing tone. “If you think I’m going to turn around and go home, leaving you here by yourself, you’re sadly mistaken.”

“You just don’t get it, do you?” she asked in exasperation. “I’ve been here by myself. I’ve survived and created something that no one was willing to let me do.”

“Because you were seventeen!” Spike yelled.

“And I’m not anymore,” she replied, throwing her arms out to her sides as her temper began to rise. Closing her eyes to control her emotions, she slowly opened them and took a calming breath. “I don’t need you assuming the protector role. I’m a big girl now, Spike. I can protect myself. I’ve been able to do that for years, but you just never cared to notice.”

“And if I want to be in the protector role?”

“I’ve had enough of being protected. Especially from…”

Trailing off and looking skyward as the familiar presence washed over her for the first time in over a year, Buffy licked her lips with a heavy sigh, not bothering to turn around as a disbelieving smile formed on her lips. “Hello, Father.”


 

Chapter 22 – Father to Daughter


Closing her eyes for a moment as she tried to control her emotions, she slowly reopened them to look at Spike.

“I’m guessing this wasn’t a planned visit,” Buffy finally said in a tight voice, narrowing her eyes on Spike as she spoke to her father. “Did you get a phone call?”

“I did,” Angel said in a cold voice, slowly walking toward her.

Spinning around to face the larger man, she saw the anger in his gaze but refused to back down. “What’s the matter?” she asked, forcing a smile on her lips. “Not happy to see me?”

“Where the hell have you been?” he growled, his shoulders hunched as he visibly refrained from attacking his own daughter.

“Here,” she replied in a light voice before looking around the alley with a smile. “Well…not here here. I live around the corner. Cozy little place, maybe you should drop by sometime.”

Her patronizing tone of voice nearly sent Angel over the edge as his fists clenched at his sides.

“Don’t mock me, little girl,” he said in a low tone.

“Go mock yourself,” she replied, her smile falling, revealing the anger that was boiling, barely contained below the surface. “You two think you can just dictate my life,” she continued, turning her gaze to Spike. “Thanks for calling him, by the way. Really makes me want to trust you again.”

“Buffy, pet, I di-”

“And you,” she said, turning to Angel and narrowing her eyes. “Shouldn’t you be huddled up in a hotel somewhere? Doing your part to keep me safe? I mean, we’re in an alley for crying out loud. Anyone could see us and put it together. Anyone can hear me call you father.”

Fighting the tears that entered her eyes when Angel looked around, Buffy took a deep breath, trying to control her breathing.

“You know,” she said in a soft voice. “Just once, it might be a good idea to actually pretend to care about me. Keeping me alive is one thing- proving you’re actually a father is another story entirely.”

“Fine,” Angel replied, crossing his arms over his chest until he had circled around her, standing a few feet away from Spike. “You want me to play the father card? Then why the hell did you run away?”

Seeing the panic in Spike’s eyes, Buffy briefly smiled in his direction, deciding to let him worry for a moment longer.

“You mean you don’t know?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest, mimicking Angel’s stance as she looked between the two vampires in front of her. “I thought you were an investigator, Angel,” she said, spitting out his name as if it was poison. “Seems to me that after a year, you could have figured it out.”

“What’s that?” he asked, taking a step forward as neither made a move to back down from the battle of wills.

Buffy could practically feel the nerves radiating off Spike as he prepared himself for the attack he was sure would happen.

“There were certain…developments…that made me want to leave.”

“And they would be?” Angel asked, not giving an inch as Buffy’s gaze briefly flitted over to Spike again. She was suddenly glad he didn’t have a heartbeat- she was sure that Angel would have heard it and figured something out.

“Let’s just say…there were certain things that led to the ultimate, climactic decision to leave,” she replied sarcastically. Worried for a moment that she might have taken it too far with that comment, she prepared to step in and separate a possible fight, but Angel didn’t pick up on it.

“You scared the hell out of all of us. Do you not even care?”

Letting the mask fall away for a moment, Buffy looked at him with a soft expression. “I’m sorry for that. Really, I am. But it was necessary.”

“And why the hell is that?” Angel asked, his voice rising as his temper grew.

“What did you expect?” she asked, throwing her arms out to her sides as she grew more frustrated. “Did you think I would just sit around and let everything pass me by?” Noticing the tightening of Angel’s jaw, Buffy continued, “I was escorted everywhere for seventeen years! I was never allowed to actually have a life, and now that I have that, you all are mad at me for actually going out and trying to live! Well, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I worried Wills and Tara. I’m sorry that I was selfish and conceited for wanting to see who I was and what it was like to live on my own. I’m sorry that everyone felt like they had to look for me, even though I told them not to. But I’m not sorry for leaving- I’m sorry that you found me.”

Turning around and walking through the alley, Buffy sighed.

‘Should have known that would be too easy,’ she thought when both Spike and Angel appeared in front of her. ‘Great. They disagree on everything from blood to women for hundreds of years, but the overprotecting of Buffy, they both agree on.’

Locked in a staring contest with Angel once again, Buffy soon rolled her eyes. “You’re not taking me back there,” she said, crossing her arms and shaking her head to prove her point. “This is my home now and I’m not leaving.”

“Don’t be too sure,” he said in a low voice.

“I’m eighteen,” Buffy replied, not backing down. “Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t do anything legally. And you’d be surprised how much of a workout a single girl gets in Las Vegas when she goes out alone. I’ve dusted more vamps here than I ever did in Sunnydale, so I wouldn’t advise picking a fight with me.”

“Are you saying you’d dust your own father?” he asked with a sardonic grin, already knowing that she wouldn’t.

“No,” Buffy replied, shaking her head as she continued to look at him with an indifferent expression. “But I am saying I’d kick your ass without thinking twice.”

Seeing the smirk on Spike’s face as he turned away from Angel to hide it, Buffy felt a smile pull at her own lips but quickly swallowed the urge when she saw her father’s expression darken.

Rolling her eyes, Buffy shook her head before turning to look back at the two men in front of her, deciding to try a different tactic.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she said softly, shaking her head. “You know where I am. You knew the day would come when I wanted to leave and it’s here. I’m sorry if you’re not ready for that,” she continued, directing the statement at Spike. “And believe it or not, I am sorry that I worried everyone.”

“If you think I’m going to leave now that I’ve found you, you’re-”

“Dad,” she whispered, cutting him off with her soft words as she looked into his eyes, letting her expression soften to prove that she was still just a girl. “Go back to L.A. You said it yourself- I’m not safe when you’re near me. So, go home.”

The indecision was plain in Angel’s eyes when he realized what she was saying was true.

Waiting for his decision, Buffy nervously reached up, preparing to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear before she saw Spike’s eyes widen. Remembering the swollen bite mark on her neck, she quickly smoothed her hair into place, hoping Angel hadn’t noticed the flash of panic on her face.

Seeing Angel glance around the alley as if he was waiting for an ambush to jump out at them, she knew that she’d won this battle.

“Here,” he said, reaching into his pocket and extracting a cell phone. Buffy took it with a confused expression, looking between the small object and her father. “Keep it on you at all times.”

“Why? So you can keep track of me all the time?” she asked, trying to smile at him.

“Basically,” he replied, his expression finally softening as he gave her a smile of his own, obviously not comfortable with the idea of leaving, but not comfortable with staying, either.

Stepping forward and wrapping his daughter in a strong embrace, Angel held her in a bruising hold. Closing her eyes to try and battle the tears that were forming, Buffy made sure to position herself so he wouldn’t smell Spike’s scent on her neck. She had done her best to clean the bite mark, but knowing her father, he would still notice if he got particularly close to that side of her.

Battling the tears as he pulled away, Buffy offered him a tentative smile, trying not to cry as he stepped back. Yes, she wanted to be independent and have her own life, but it still didn’t fill the void that the absence of her father had left. She wanted a father, not a guardian.

“Don’t be surprised if Cordy moves here for a few months,” Angel said with a smile, seeing the distress on her face and trying to lighten the mood. “She’s been worried sick, and I’m sure she’d want to check out the stores in this city.”

Buffy giggled, relieved that she would be able to hold the tears back as she nodded. “No complaints here.” Pausing for a moment as she looked at the ground, she ignored the fact that Spike was still watching the entire conversation and probably still expecting there to be a surprise attack if the wrong information came out. Looking up at Angel, she let a smile play on her lips. “I missed you, Dad.”

“Missed you, too,” he replied, running his hand over her hair before stepping away. “I’m just a phone call away.”

“I know,” she said with a nod before turning her gaze to Spike. “And I am sorry.”

Both men watched her turn to walk away before Angel turned to the blonde. “And why didn’t you call me when you found her?” he asked with a slight growl in his voice.

“Because I just found her,” Spike replied. “I was trying to figure things out, make sure she wouldn’t run again.”

“And this has nothing to do with any feelings that might be there between the two of you?”

Resisting the urge to shift his weight from foot to foot or avoid the older vampire’s eyes, Spike shook his head. “You know how I feel about her,” he said, hoping that would be enough to appease his grandsire. “I want her to be safe.”

“Speaking of which- I should get out of here,” Angel said, looking toward the colorful lights of the city before turning his gaze back to Spike. “You know she’s not going to want you to stick around, right?”

Feeling the pain in his heart multiply, Spike glanced in the direction Buffy had walked in. His whispered words seemed to drift through the alley. “I know.”


 

Chapter 23 – Why Now?


Trying to unwind from the talk with her father, Buffy sat in her apartment, letting her head roll along the back of the couch as she kept her eyes closed. Not surprised to hear the knock on the door, she didn’t bother getting up to answer it. Knowing who was on the other side, she merely waited until the door opened.

“Why bother knocking?” she asked, never turning to face the him as she heard the soft click of it closing behind him. “Knocking is simply a way of asking for an invitation, and you’re going to do whatever the hell you want anyway.”

Slightly disconcerted when he didn’t say anything, Buffy fought the urge to turn around, not wanting to give him anymore power in the situation.

“I didn’t call him, Buffy,” Spike said from behind her, watching as she turned her head slightly, but still refused to face him. She didn’t have to look at him to know his hands were shoved in the pockets of his duster and he was nervously waiting for her to turn around. “I guess Aubrey did.”

“Have you talked to your girlfriend yet?” Buffy asked, standing up from her seat on the couch and ignoring him as she walked past, into the kitchen area.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” he said with a sigh. “We work together.”

“Cozy,” she muttered, grabbing a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and slamming the door shut.

“Bloody hell, woman! I stayed here last night, or did you forget that little piece of information?”

“I didn’t forget,” she said softly, still not turning to look at him as she fought the tears in her eyes, trying to distract herself by playing with the cap on the bottle. “But you shouldn’t have.”

“And why’s that?” he asked, anger tingeing his voice.

“Because she’s in love with you,” Buffy replied, finally looking into his eyes and seeing the confusion in them. “And I was in that position…I know how it feels, and I know how much it hurts when you used to choose her over me.”

“So…what then, Buffy? I’m supposed to go shag her because you don’t want me here?”

Carefully hiding her reaction, she shook her head. “Do what you want to do,” she muttered. “Just don’t use me as a pawn in whatever you’re trying to play.”

“And what’s that?” he growled.

“How the hell should I know,” she said in a soft voice, clenching her jaw while she stared at him before walking back into the living room. “Maybe you do love her and want to make her jealous. Maybe you decided that I was a good ‘shag’ and wanted to try it again. Maybe, in some weird way, this is your plan to get back at Angel, since he actually had a relationship with Lucy before she died. I don’t…”

Trailing off when her shoulders were grabbed in a brutal hold, Buffy kept her calm mask firmly in place as Spike looked at her.

“It’s not any of that and you know it,” he said in a dangerous whisper before giving her shoulders a strong shake. “You know it, Buffy.”

The emotion in his voice shocked her as she looked into his pleading eyes. Tearing her gaze away, Buffy took a deep breath, trying to control her emotions.

“Go home, Spike,” she whispered miserably. “Just go home. I told my father and now I’m telling you…I’m not going to run- I have a life here and I’m going to stick with it. At least for a little while longer. I promise not to disappear again- just…just go home.”

“I can’t,” he whispered, turning her gaze toward him, looking at her through pained eyes.

“Why not?” she asked, fighting the tears that were threatening to emerge. “Why stick around? What’s the point, Spike?”

Gasping when she felt his lips on hers in a surprisingly tender kiss, Buffy felt lightheaded as his tongue gently swept along hers, eliciting a soft moan when his hands abandoned her arms to thread through her hair.

Enjoying the simplicity of the kiss for a moment, she slowly broke away, feeling a profound sense of loss when she saw him staring at her. His eyes were the most expressive that she had ever seen. Pulling herself away before she gave in to her desires, Buffy avoided his gaze as she stepped back.

Looking at her for a long moment while he gasped for unneeded air, Spike closed his eyes, realizing what he had to do.

“I’ll go,” he said softly after a moment. “I’ll go back to Sunnydale… give you the space you need, but you’re not going to shut me out, Buffy. Sooner or later, we’re going to work this out.”

Hearing him walk toward the door, she closed her eyes, battling the tears that were fighting to make themselves known. Letting her weight fall to the couch, she dropped her head into her hands, letting her palms put pressure on her forehead as she tried to stop the ache that was forming.

“Why now?” she whispered miserably, almost to herself, not bothering to look up as Spike turned back to face her. “Why did you have to come back now? Why did you have to want me now?”

Slowly walking toward her with a heavy sigh, Spike pulled his duster around him as he sat down on the coffee table in front of her. Nervously running his tongue along his bottom lip before answering, he took a deep breath as he hesitantly reaching forward and tilting her chin up until her eyes were looking into his. “Because you were too young, pet,” he whispered. “And I wanted you…God, how I wanted you,” he muttered to himself, running his hand over his face. “But it wasn’t right. Even when we actually…lost control…it was too soon. I wanted to wait. I wanted it to be right, and when it actually happened…I panicked. Wanted to take a step back, Goldilocks, but I never thought you would run off when I was trying to get some space.”

“What did you expect?” she whispered, once again avoiding his eyes as she looked at the floor in misery. “That you could ignore a seventeen year old girl and the problem would just go away?”

“Should have known better,” he said with a soft smile. “Too little, too late, eh, pet?”

“I’m still young, Spike,” she said softly.

“You are,” he agreed with a nod. “But things are…different…now.”

“Yeah,” she replied, taking a deep breath to steady her nerves and gain the courage to say what she needed to say. “Things are different…and I think it’s time for you to leave.”

Turning away so she wouldn’t have to see the hurt look on his face, Buffy bit her lip, wondering if she was making a mistake.

Seeing him stand up and walk toward the door, she could feel the tears that were burning her eyes, knowing that it was going to be a long night of sobbing into her pillow.

“Spike,” she whispered, watching as he paused with his hand outstretched to the doorknob. “I don’t know what to think anymore. I don’t know if you really want me or if you just want me because I’m unattainable now. I’d like to think it’s because you want me. But…maybe…someday, maybe this can be more. I just need some time.”

Slowly nodding, Spike glanced over his shoulder, giving her an understanding smile. “Not gettin’ any older, luv.”



 

Chapter 24 – Loyalty in Death


3 Months Later


“Hey, Wills,” Buffy said with a bright smile when she heard her surrogate mother on the phone. “You just left here a few days ago- did you miss me already?”

Now that her entire family knew where she was, Buffy had not lacked for visitors. Her apartment was rarely empty for a solid week- once she apologized profusely to everyone she’d left behind in Sunnydale. Cordy had been the first to visit, spending a week with her after Angel left town, taking Buffy on numerous shopping sprees and spoiling her ‘daughter’. Xander and Anya passed through on their vacation, stopping for a night. Dawn e-mailed her everyday, and Giles had made sure to call at least twice a week, after visiting to check up on her. That left Tara to stay with her, leaving after a week, only to have Willow to visit when she got a week off work. Everyone she loved made an effort to reach out to her.

Except one.

Spike hadn’t been back to visit, which was more than a little disappointing, but that didn’t stop him from calling and checking on her at least three times a week. More often than not, he called every day. After taking a little time away from him, Buffy was excited to take a trip home in a few weeks.

“There’s a reason I’m calling, Buffy,” Willow said softly after a moment. “Have you talked to Spike?”

“Not for a few days,” she replied, feeling the knot that was forming in the pit of her stomach double in size when she realized that Spike had never gone more than two days without calling to check on her. “Why? Has something happened? Is Spike okay?” she asked, her voice taking on a frantic quality.

“Not to him…but, Buffy…I think you should come home.”

“I’ll be there in two weeks. Do I really need to come earlier?” she asked with trepidation, wishing that Willow would just tell her what was wrong.

“I think it would be for the best,” Willow said, holding Tara’s hand as they sat in the living room of their house, making the call that needed to be made.

“What’s wrong, Willow?”

“I just think…”

“Don’t shelter me, Wills. Tell me what’s going on!”

“Buffy…Aubrey was killed,” she replied in a choked whisper, clutching at Tara’s hand.

“Oh my God,” Buffy muttered, grabbing the arm of a nearby chair as she sat down, focusing on inhaling and exhaling sharply. Staying quiet for a long minute, she tried to wrap her mind around what she had just been told. “How?”

“Vampire,” Willow said in a soft whisper.

“Just one?” she asked in disbelief.

“Yeah,” Willow replied. “It was just…it was bad luck.”

“When did it happen?” she asked, feeling a little lightheaded that someone she’d known was gone.

“Two nights ago.”

Staying silent for a moment, Buffy shook her head, making herself snap out of the shock that was seeping into her. “How’s Spike?” she murmured.

“He’s…he’s okay. He’s in the basement right now…I think he’s still in a little bit of shock.”

“Can I talk to him?”

“Hold on a minute.”

Nervously standing up and pacing around the apartment, Buffy ran her hand through her hair, trying to figure out what to do first while she waited for Spike to pick up the phone.

‘Pack,’ she thought, biting her lip. ‘Get packed and get to the bus station. At the very least, you’ll be able to make it to Los Angeles by tomorrow morning, even if there’s not a direct ticket to Sunnydale. Someone can get me there or pick me up.’

“Hello.”

The sound of his gravelly voice on the other end of the line nearly had Buffy running out the door to be with him as fast as she could.

“Hey,” she said softly, feeling a smile pull at her lips, even through the distressing circumstances. This was still Spike. Still the man she had given her adolescent heart to, and he was still able to comfort her by just hearing his voice. Wishing that she could reach through the phone and offer him the same amount of comfort that he was giving her, she knew that no words would allow him that. “I’m sorry,” she whispered after a moment of silence.

“Not your fault,” he murmured. Buffy could almost picture his head leaning back against the wall as he let his eyes close. “It’s mine.”

“Spike, don’t say that. Don’t even think it.”

“Why not?” he asked with an edge to his voice. “It’s true. If I had been faster or stronger…she would still be here.”

“You couldn’t have known. It’s not like you stood back and let it happen.”

“No, but if I’d staked the one I was fighting, she might still…”

“You can’t think of all the ‘what ifs’. You’ll drive yourself crazy if you do.”

“Yeah?” Spike replied skeptically. Buffy could hear the cot that he must have been sitting on squeak as he sat up. “And what about the one that keeps running through my head? What if it had been you?”

“Spike…”

“What if you had been here, Buffy?” he asked in a choked voice, losing what little control he was holding on to. “What if I wasn’t fast enough to protect you? What if it happens in the future? I couldn’t forgive myself if I lost you.”

“It wasn’t me,” she whispered in a soothing voice. “I’m fine. I’m here…right here. And you’re not going to lose me.”

“I need you, luv,” he said softly, obviously taking a deep breath to control his emotions. “Come home.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” she murmured. “I promise.”

* * * * *

Calling Willow from the bus station the next morning, Buffy was exhausted. She had managed to get a ticket directly into Sunnydale, but between having to wait in the bus station and the long trip, she was craving a hot shower and soft bed.

Letting a sad smile play on her lips when she saw the car pull up to the curb, she eagerly jogged toward it, wrapping Willow and Tara in a hug and clinging to them. She never let it set in how much she missed her family until she was with them again. Willow hadn’t been able to make the trip to Vegas when Tara had been there a few weeks before, and Buffy was relieved to see both women together.

“Are you okay?” she asked, pulling back to look at the women who had raised her, studying their sad expressions. She had barely known Aubrey, only seeing her as a rival for Spike’s affections, but Willow and Tara had been living with her for a year and a half.

“As good as can be expected,” Willow said, trying to give her a smile as they walked toward the car.

“How’s Spike?”

“He’s…we’re not really sure,” Tara said as they climbed into the car. “He left last night after the two of you hung up. We think he went back to the crypt, but…”

“He wasn’t real forthcoming with the destination,” Willow added as Buffy stared out the window, looking at the town she hadn’t seen in over a year. The place that would always be a home to her.

“He’s at his crypt,” she murmured without a shadow of doubt in her voice, watching the trees fly by as they drove through the town. “Take me to him.”


 

Chapter 25 – When Things Go Wrong


Walking into the crypt, Buffy could immediately feel Spike’s presence radiating around her. His signature was practically burned into her. So familiar that she would be able to tell if he was the vampire who was close to her, before she would be able to tell if it was her own father.

Slowly making her way to the ladder, she descended to the lower level, turning around when her feet made contact with the ground.

Tilting her head to study Spike, she frowned, wondering if he even knew she was there.

Sitting on his bed, wearing nothing but a pair of black jeans with the sheets tangled around his body, Buffy took in his appearance. The sculpted muscles of his chest, one leg propped up at an angle as his elbow rested on his knee, staring at the burning cigarette he was holding, but never actually bringing it to his lips. She watched his unfocused eyes as he ran his hand through his hair, sending it into even more disarray.

“Do you want me to go?” she finally asked when he still didn’t acknowledge her presence.

“No,” he said, shaking his head, his eyes never making contact with hers.

Gingerly sitting on the edge of the bed, she reached out to take his hand in hers, surprised when he pulled away from her.

“Spike…”

“Don’t touch me, Buffy. You shouldn’t have come.”

“What?” she asked in disbelief. “I just …you were the one who asked me here.”

“You’ll just get hurt,” he whispered, shaking his head. “Anyone I get close to dies.”

“That’s not true,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s happened twice, Spike. Two Slayers. And you know why? Because they’re Slayers! It’s their destiny, and you know that. Nothing has happened to Willow or Tara or anyone else you care about.”

“It shouldn’t have been her…should have been me,” he mumbled, looking down with watery eyes.

“Were you in love with her, Spike?” Buffy asked, watching as he raised his eyes to hers.

“You know I wasn’t…just wish that…”

“Stop blaming yourself!” she said in exasperation.

“You think you know what’s going on?” he asked, finally looking over at her. Seeing the yellow sparks flashing in his eyes, Buffy prepared for the explosion that she knew was coming. He’d have to let it out eventually, and she could see the anger and confusion in his eyes that needed an outlet. “You don’t have a clue about anything around here. You’ve been off living it up, and you don’t give a damn about what happens here. You don’t even know me!” he yelled in frustration, jumping up from the bed and throwing the cigarette onto the floor. “Not anymore.”

“Yes, I do,” Buffy countered in a dangerous tone as she stood up and took a step toward him. “Your favorite color is black. You like playing pool. Your favorite things to eat are those onion blossom thingies and spicy buffalo wings. You like the Ramones and the Sex Pistols. You prefer staying in the shadows and watching rather than actually risk getting out there and living. It doesn’t matter how long I’ll live- you’ll always think of me as a kid or as Angel’s daughter. And no matter what you say or what you think that you want or wanted from me, you’re scared to death of taking a chance on someone who wanted to take a chance with you.” Taking a challenging step closer to him, Buffy crossed her arms over her chest, masking the hurt that welled up as all of the old feelings poured out. “Am I close?” she asked in a low voice.

Clenching his jaw as he looked down at her, Spike narrowed his eyes. “And you think you’re any better?” he growled. “A girl who finally gets what she wants and throws it back because it’s not on her terms? A girl who’s too scared to actually admit what she’s feeling, when the opportunity presents itself?”

“I’m not doing this,” Buffy said, turning around and walking toward the ladder. “I’m not going to rehash past mistakes until we both feel worse about ourselves. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I shouldn’t have come.”

Climbing up the first few steps of the ladder, Buffy gasped when she felt his strong arms wrap around her waist and pull her back to the ground. His arms still tightly banded around her, Spike carried her over to the bed. Sitting down and depositing her on his lap as he clung to her with his full strength, Buffy could feel the tension in his arms. Hearing his whispered apology, she didn’t dare to move, even as her body protested his strength that was threatening to crack some of her ribs. Not wanting to risk pulling away from him, she took a deep breath when she felt his quiet sobs shaking his body.

Clinging to Buffy, Spike felt the tears rolling down his cheeks. He hated himself for showing this weakness. And he hated himself even more for the fact that he wasn’t crying entirely for Aubrey’s death. He was crying for the simple fact that she was here…she was in his arms, and he’d missed her more than he’d cared to admit.

Loosening his hold after several long moments, Buffy breathed a little easier as she turned in his arms, cradling his head to her chest while he continued to let the tears spill over. Feeling her hands running through his hair, Spike slowly pulled away, looking up into her eyes.

Seeing her soft smile when her fingertips ran over his cheeks, brushing away the remaining tears, Spike didn’t let himself think as he gently tugged her downward until her lips met his in a tender kiss.

Buffy felt like she was drowning from the simple caress of his lips against hers. “Spike,” she murmured against him, feeling her breath catch in her throat when he flipped her over, easily pinning her in place between his body and the mattress.

Her stomach clenched in anticipation as his hands wandered along her body, barely caressing her curves and leaving her aching for more. Buffy trembled when he slowly broke away from her, trailing kisses along her neck until she was practically arching beneath him, craving what he was offering.

Wrapping his arm around her body, Spike pulled her more securely to him, grinding his growing erection against her as he kissed her again.

“I need you,” he whispered against her lips.

Buffy’s eyes flew open when she realized what was happening. “No,” she said softly, pushing herself away from him, trying to disentangle herself from his strong hold.

“I need you, so much,” he said softly, pulling her closer to him as he ignored her mild protest.

“We’re not doing this, Spike.”

“What?” he asked in confusion, pulling back to look at her.

“I’m not going to be your substitute for her.”

“Buffy-”

“I can be there for you as a friend, but that’s all. There’s nothing else. I’ve moved on,” she said unconvincingly. “I’m not going to jump when you say how high just because I happen to be second best and I might be a woman who’s sharing your bed tonight.”

“But I want to be with you.”

“Since when?” she asked in disbelief, pushing him away and climbing to her feet. “The only time you ever wanted me was when I was there to scratch an itch.”

“That’s not true,” he growled.

“Isn’t it? Everything you’ve tried to drill into my head is because ‘you’re too young’ or because ‘you’re Angel’s daughter’, so what makes today any different?”

“I made a mistake.”

“You’ve made a mistake?” she replied sarcastically. “I’m shocked. And when did you realize this?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest as she looked at him.

“The minute I realized that you were gone. The very second that I thought I’d lost you forever. Buffy, I lo-”

“Don’t!” she cried, holding up her hand in warning, feeling panic rise within her as she tried to stop the lies from coming from his lips. “Don’t say it.”

Practically running for the ladder, Buffy stopped and took a breath when she realized what she was doing. Slowly turning to face him again, she tried to keep her chin from trembling as her emotions seemed to weigh her down. She wouldn’t do this. She wouldn’t be the one to run away…not again. She might need to get away from him before something happened that they both might regret, but she refused to run.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I shouldn’t have let it get that far and…I’ll see you later tonight. I’m…I’m sorry.”

Watching with pain-filled eyes as she climbed the ladder, Spike felt the tears burn his eyes when he heard the slam of the crypt door closing behind her. Slowly taking an unneeded breath to get his emotions under control, he blinked the tears away. “Me, too.”




Chapter 26 – A Night of Questions


Watching as the coffin was lowered into the ground, Buffy stood next to Spike, holding his hand as the service came to an end. She had been by his side since it began, giving her silent support when he needed it.

It was decided that the funeral would be at night so Spike could attend. Willow and Tara had cast a protection spell around the rest of the Scoobies in case any vamps tried to take them by surprise.

Never letting go of her hand as Buffy turned and said a quiet goodbye to her friends, Spike continued to stare straight ahead, not really seeing anything as his thoughts drifted.

‘She loved me,’ he thought to himself, remembering Aubrey. He hated that the thought of that love didn’t cause any type of reaction. No hope, no despair, just a void of nothing. ‘She told me that…on more than one occasion, but I just couldn’t reciprocate…not like she wanted. Not in any way. I couldn’t willingly use her and end up hurting her. But I also hated to hurt her unknowingly. I should have handled it better…I’ve been on the receiving end of the situation, I should have…’

What would have been worse? Having to live with an unrequited love? Or getting what you wanted, but never actually having it?

His relationship with her had been merely a shadow of what he had with the other blonde in his life. He didn’t try and delude himself into thinking that he wanted to be with Aubrey. She was simply a poor reflection of the woman he loved now, and that was another reason why he couldn’t just use her.

It was too late now. He had made the right decision- he was certain of that fact. She had been his partner for over a year, and he didn’t regret not taking her up on any offers. But why the hell did it always work out this way? Was he destined to fall in love with those who didn’t want him and gain the love of the ones he didn’t want?

It was a never-ending cycle.

Spike’s thoughts were chaotic as he thought of the differences in this Slayer and the one he had once loved. Aubrey was willing to love him and let him love her, even though he would never feel the same about her. Something that Lucy would have never allowed. She had made it known, repeatedly, that Angel was her one true love and Spike would never have a chance. That he would always fall short of being whatever she needed him to be, because he wasn’t his grandsire.

And now, here he was with Angel’s daughter.

‘No wonder she thinks I’m just using her.’

Glancing over at Buffy, Spike was suddenly aware that they were alone. Gently squeezing her hand in a silent thank you for staying and letting him take his time getting through his emotions, he felt his heart tighten when she turned to look at him, offering him a soft smile. Continuing to stare at her, he felt mesmerized as he looked at the moonlight shimmering over her hair. Her expressive eyes, showing the pain that she was feeling, reflected from him, wishing that she could take his pain away.

How did he get here? How did it come to this?

A year ago, Buffy would have given him anything.

Spike knew it.

There wasn’t a question in his mind of that fact. But now…now, she had changed. She wasn’t the same girl that she had been a year ago. What Spike wouldn’t give to have that girl back.

Especially now that he wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anyone in his life.

“Want to sit down?” he quietly asked after a moment, pulling her closer to his side and leaving a lingering kiss on her forehead.

“Yeah,” she murmured, slowly pulling away and tugging on his hand as she guided him a few yards away from the fresh grave.

Sitting down and leaning against a nearby tree, Spike pulled Buffy onto his lap, banding his arms around her waist as he breathed in the lavender scent of her hair.

“I did miss you,” he whispered, closing his eyes when he felt her relax against him.

“I know,” she said softly, letting her head rest against his shoulder. “I missed you, too.”

Sitting in comfortable silence for several long minutes, Spike let his eyes close in exhaustion and relaxation when he felt her gentle touch against his skin. His hand was resting on her thigh, and he smiled when her hand began to gently caress his own, idly brushing her fingertips over the exposed skin.

“What happens now?” he asked after a moment, almost scared to break the tranquility between them.

Pausing in her movements for a brief moment, Buffy soon resumed what she was doing as she looked around and breathed a heavy sigh. “I don’t know,” she murmured.

“But you’re not staying,” he said, trying to keep the accusation out of his voice as he turned his eyes away when she glanced back to look at him.

“I don’t live here anymore,” she said gently, trying to make him understand. “I have another home.”

“Without me,” he muttered.

“What do you want me to say, Spike?” she asked, pulling away from him so she could turn and look him in the eyes. “That I’m going to move back here and you can resume the role of ‘protector’? I don’t need one.”

“What if something happens to you?” he asked, grabbing her wrists when she tried to pull away and jerking her back toward him, ignoring her feeble attempts to put distance between the two of them and inadvertently causing her to straddle his lap. “What if you need a protector?”

“I don’t,” she whispered, relaxing her body until his grip loosened. “But I do need a friend. I’ll always need you as a friend, Spike.”

“Don’t want to be your friend, Buffy.”

“But I need you,” she murmured, looking at him with wide eyes, hoping he would see the truth behind that statement.

Seeing the need in her eyes, he tried to give her a smile as he nodded. “You’ll always have me.”

Visibly relaxing, she gave him a soft smile as she played with his leather duster. “Could have its advantages.”

“What’s that, pet?” he asked, raising an eyebrow when she moved her body closer to his.

“Certain…benefits,” she whispered, gently brushing her lips against his before pulling away to study his reaction.

“Weren’t you the one who ran out of my crypt earlier this morning, virtue fluttering?”

“Yeah,” she murmured, briefly casting her eyes downward. “But that was about something different.”

“That right? And what would the difference be?”

“This isn’t about me being a replacement-”

“Buffy-”

“This is about,” she continued, cutting him off as her hands ran along his shoulders. “The two of us having something that’s familiar.”

“And what does it entail?” he asked, tilting his head to study her, trying to suppress his body’s reaction to her hands running across the leather of his duster.

“Us,” she whispered, stopping her movements and looking him in the eyes. “Us…being there for each other. Being friends. Not much more,” she continued, brushing her lips against his again, pulling away before he could deepen the kiss and turn it into something it wasn’t. “But ‘friends’ can be a comforting thing.”

“And if I want something more?” Tilting his head to study her as Buffy stared at him, Spike sighed before nodding. “Right. So, I get to act like a teenager and chase you around, stealing kisses whenever I get a chance?”

“Play your cards right,” she said with a smirk that Spike returned.

“Just what I’ve always wanted,” he said with a playful roll of his eyes, smiling when she giggled.



 

Chapter 27 – Talking It Out


“Hey.”

Pushing away from the tombstone to turn around at the sound of the soft voice, Spike offered the young woman a slight smile. “What are you doing out here, luv?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” Buffy said with a shrug, hugging her arms around her body as she approached him. “I was beginning to think it was your turn to leave town.”

Looking up at the moonlit sky, Spike took a long drag of his cigarette before heaving a deep sigh, watching as the smoke twisted and swirled in the night air before disappearing. Crushing the rest of the cigarette under his heel, he took a deep breath. “Thought about it,” he muttered, avoiding her eyes. Staring straight ahead for a long moment, the tension was too much as he slowly turned to face her. Seeing the distraught look on her face, he narrowed his eyes on her. “Something wrong?”

“No,” she said quickly, shaking her head as she took a deep breath.

“What is it, Buffy?”

“What do you want me to say?” she asked, her voice sounding strained as she wrapped her arms more tightly around herself. “You want me to get a taste of my own medicine? Well, congratulations…it worked.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You obviously want to hurt me…just when I come back into town, you decide it’s time to take off? Or avoid me. Either way…it’s nearly been a week and every time I stop by your crypt, you’re nowhere in sight.”

“Just felt like bein’ alone, pet.”

Staying quiet for a moment as she stood next to him, Buffy closed her eyes, taking deep breaths to try and soothe her nerves, waiting and wishing for him to continue. When he didn’t say anything after a moment, her lips parted in despair as she slowly looked at the ground, battling the tears that were stinging her eyes. “Sorry to bother you,” she whispered, her stomach churning as she turned to walk away.

Swallowing the gasp of surprise when his hand grabbed her arm, Buffy slowly turned to look up at him, seeing his brows furrow in confusion when he saw her watery eyes.

Closing the distance between them, Spike took comfort in the feel of her body comfortably resting against his as his hand tenderly cupped her cheek. Letting his thumb brush along her cheekbone, he relaxed as he watched her close her eyes, leaning into his touch.

“But I don’t want to be alone now,” he whispered, lowering his head until his forehead was touching hers.

“Did you ever love her?”

The soft question stunned them both as they each pulled back to look at the other. “No,” he whispered, shaking his head to confirm his answer. “I never did. Nothing ever happened between us, Buffy…it was always about you.”

“Is that good or bad?” she asked with a slight smile.

“Depends on the timeline,” he answered with a grin. “Right now,” he continued, pulling her a little closer to him. “It’s looking pretty good.” Pausing for a long moment, he took a deep breath as he looked at her. “What about you?”

“What about me?” she repeated.

“Was there anyone…”

“I told you…you’re the only one I’ve ever been with,” she said softly. “That hasn’t changed.”

“So there were no feelings for anyone else?” he asked, hating his insecurities for coming forth as he avoided her eyes.

“No,” she whispered, shaking her head. “I had a few friends, but it was completely feeling-free…on all counts,” she added with a smile.

“Not on all counts,” he muttered.

“What?” she asked, her smile fading as she looked at him in confusion.

“What about your little vampire friend? Got pretty close to him, didn’t you?”

“Spike,” she whispered, shaking her head when she saw his hardened gaze directed at her. “Don’t do this.”

“Don’t do what?” he asked calmly, feeling the suppressed jealousy rising up inside of him. “Don’t point out how stupid you were by going to the hazards of the underworld and giving a vampire a tap to some hot-running blood?”

Taking a step away from him, Buffy crossed her arms over her chest as she stared at him. “And who caused it?” she asked calmly, feeling her emotions reeling out of control. “Who was the first one to bite me? Who sent me craving that feeling of needing the darkness?” she continued, her voice rising as she gestured to his crypt. “Who was the one who fucked me against the wall of that crypt and then tossed me aside like it didn’t mean anything?!” she yelled, feeling her heart racing as all of the old feelings came back. The adoration, the love, the pain, the fear…

The encompassing agony.

Realizing what she’d just said when she saw the look in his eyes, Buffy ran her hands through her hair, fisting in it as if it would relieve the stress she was going through. They were doing it again. The cycle was starting all over again, and she felt powerless to stop it.

“Damn it!” she screamed, spinning around with a vicious kick and successfully snapping a headstone in half, sending it flying through the cemetery to land with a soft ‘thump’ in the grass.

Watching her in confusion, trying to pull himself together from what she’d just said, Spike tried not to think about what he had put her through.

Turning to face him with pain in her eyes, she took a deep breath, trying to control herself. “Out with it.”

“With what?” he asked softly.

“Let’s just get it all out in the open. What the hell is going on, Spike? I want the truth. I want the truth about everything- you, me…everything.”

“The truth,” he repeated, taking a deep breath. “What do you want to hear, Buffy? That you’ve meant everything to me for so long, I don’t know how I can go on without you?”

“Is it obligation?” she asked softly, trying to keep the accusation out of her tone.

“No,” he replied, shaking his head. “Not to your father, not to you. Just the simple fact that you’re my world.”

Letting go of some of her frustration, Buffy smiled, relieved that they were finally talking. “Simple fact, huh?”

“That’s about right,” he said with an answering smile.

Looking down at the ground for a moment, Buffy took a deep breath, trying to get the nerve to ask the one question she’d wanted to ask for so long. “And Lucy?”

“Is dead,” he said calmly, barely showing any emotion as he said the words. “Has been for nearly two decades.”

“I know you, Spike,” she whispered. “When you love someone, you don’t let go.”

“No,” he murmured, closing the distance between them and tenderly cupping her cheek in his hand. “I don’t.”

Hearing her heart begin to race, he smiled as he tenderly leaned in to brush his lips against hers in a soft kiss before pulling away to press his forehead to hers.

“What else do you want to know?” he asked quietly. “That I’ve wanted you for so long, I don’t remember when there was a time that I didn’t?”

“I’m hoping you can remember a time, considering you’ve known me since…forever,” she replied with a grin, pulling away from him to look in his eyes. “That would be a major ick factor.”

“Point taken,” Spike said with a smile.

Seeing her smile fade as she glanced down at the ground, he tilted his head to study her.

“And Angel?” she whispered.

“Angel asked me to protect you,” he said softly. “But if there wasn’t something there between us, I would have left the protection to Red and Glenda and gone away, whenever I felt like it.”

“What made you stay?” she asked, feeling her breath catch in her throat.

“You know what made me stay,” he whispered, trailing his hand along her arm until he took her hand in his, interlacing their fingers.

“You loved me,” she whispered, remembering him telling her that on numerous occasions. Remembering that her young heart always wished for more. “What makes you stay, now?”

Staring into her eyes for a long moment, Spike gave her a tender smile. “You,” he whispered. “It always comes back to you. I wanted everything for us…I wanted you to be older…to be able to understand what was happening between us…”

“Am I old enough now?” she asked with a slight smile.

“You tell me,” he replied in a soft voice.

“How do you feel about me, Spike?” she whispered. “Really feel about me?”

“You’re not ready to know,” he whispered, giving her a smile when she looked up at him with wide eyes.

Thinking about what he said for a moment, Buffy finally nodded. “Maybe you’re right.”

Cupping her face in his hands, he tenderly kissed her forehead, feeling his heart swell when she clung to his arms, afraid to let him go.

“When you’re ready…I’ll tell you.”

“Fair enough,” she murmured. “What happens now?”

“Thinking it’s time for me to take advantage of that offer you made me,” he replied.

Before Buffy could respond, she gasped when his lips covered hers in a passionate kiss. Clinging to his arms, she felt a thrill rush through her when his hands clutched at her waist, pulling her more forcefully to him as his tongue brushed against hers.

Swallowing her moan of pleasure, Spike didn’t make any move to push her further, wanting her to familiarize herself with just being with him without any sexual pressure. Moving his lips over hers for a long minute, Spike slowly broke the kiss, pulling away to see her wide eyes.

Smiling at the unfamiliar look, he tilted his head to look at her, taking comfort in the fact that she looked like the girl he once knew. The innocent expression on her face reminded him of easier times.

“Guess that was more undertones than overtones,” she said with a smile, giggling when he looked at her in confusion. “I just mean there was no pressure…thank you.”

“Never wanted you to feel pressured,” he said softly, his eyes becoming worried as he looked at her.

“I know,” she murmured. “And I didn’t. The first time was just…rushed.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Wanted to give you a night you deserved, not…”

“Hey,” she said softly, reaching up to brush her fingertips over his cheek when he avoided her gaze. Waiting until he made eye contact with her again before continuing, “It was just surprising…and a little brutal. Perfect for us,” she finished with a grin, seeing a smile pull at the corners of his lips as he looked downward. “I don’t regret it.”

Raising his eyes to hers once again, he felt relief when he saw the truth behind her statement before focusing on what she’d said. “Us?”

Opening her mouth to respond, Buffy took a deep breath when she heard the soft ring of his cell phone. “Wonder who that is,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Only one person I know has such perfect timing.”

Reaching into his pocket, he flipped open the phone. “What?”

Listening to the one-sided conversation, Buffy smiled as she watched Spike talk to her father.

“Yes, she’s here…no, she’s fine…not sure, said she was staying for a little while…no, I don’t know why- wanted to see her family and friends, I s’pose…of course she’s not with me- you do have clocks in L.A., don’t you, Peaches? It’s three in the morning…don’t worry, your little princess is all tucked away, safe and sound in her beddy-bye,” he said, slipping a hand beneath the hem of Buffy’s shirt and letting his fingertips run along the flat muscles of her stomach, never letting them travel any higher, simply relishing the fact that she was with him- reassuring himself that she was actually there. “Well, if you don’t believe me, I could always go check on her. It’s kind of late, though…may have to stay over there.”

Hearing Angel yelling through the phone, Buffy had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.

“Only joking, you git, relax…she’s fine…uh, yeah…yeah, she’s mentioned you and Cordelia…no, I don’t think she’s seeing anyone…well, she hasn’t mentioned it…no worries, you’re still the number one man in her life…yeah…alright.”

Flipping the phone closed, he looked at Buffy, seeing her nervous expression.

“What’s wrong?”

“He’s starting to suspect something?”

“It’s Angel, pet. He’d have to walk in on us together before he put two and two together and came up with a moderately correct number.”

Shaking her head as she smiled, Buffy sighed. “I guess I better go,” she murmured.

“I can walk you.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s okay. I kind of feel like walking alone.”

“This is the Hellmouth, Buffy.”

“And I grew up on it, Spike,” she reminded him with a smile. “I’m ten minutes away- I’ll be fine.”

“If you’re sure…”

Stepping forward and pressing her lips to his in a tender kiss, she pulled back after a moment that was too short for either of them. “I’m sure…but thanks.”

Walking away, Buffy barely made it a few feet before she was turning to face him again. “And Spike…Angel’s important to me,” she said, seeing him nod in understanding. “But he’s never been the number one man in my life.”

 

Chapter 28 – Running Scared


Biting her lip as she walked into Spike’s crypt a few days later, Buffy resisted the urge to wring her hands together, wanting to do what she could to maintain a level of calmness about the upcoming conversation. An inevitable conversation that she didn’t want to have.

“Evenin’, pet,” Spike said from the shadows, causing Buffy to jump as she spun around to face him.

Seeing the carefully arched brow and confused expression as he shut the door of the refrigerator, she felt like smacking herself for her strange case of nerves.

“Hi,” she said with a soft smile, feeling a thrill rush through her when he slowly stalked toward her. Coming to a stop in front of her, his expressive eyes seemed to search her face, looking for an answer to a question that hadn’t been asked. He could feel the heat radiating from her body and her pulse was jumping to a nervous beat beneath her skin.

“Out with it.”

“Wh-what?”

“You heard me,” Spike said, taking a step away from her and grabbing a bottle of tequila before turning his attention back to the small blonde.

“What makes you think I came here to…out something?”

Giving her a patented ‘Spike look’, he watched as Buffy’s eyes darted around the interior of the crypt before settling back on him. The nerves were practically radiating off of her.

“You’re right,” she said with a soft smile, trying to force herself to relax. This was Spike. No matter what she told him, he would never hurt her…physically. It was silly for her to be scared of him…she hoped.

“I’m leaving,” she whispered, nearly squeezing her eyes shut as she waited for the explosion.

The words were spoken so softly that after a moment, Buffy was beginning to wonder if he had actually heard her. Feeling her stomach clench when she noticed the flashes of yellow that were trying to make themselves known in his sapphire gaze, she resisted the urge to step away from him when he slowly looked away. Refusing to be intimidated by a man she trusted…even if the demon was lurking closer to the surface than she was used to, Buffy stood her ground.

Carefully setting down the glass bottle before he hurled it to shatter against the wall, Spike didn’t raise his eyes to hers. Unable to see his eyes anymore, the only indication that he had even heard her softly spoken words was the fact that his jaw tensed, tightening his neck and letting her know just what his rigid posture meant. It was his universal symbol of frustration.

“’S’that right?” he finally asked, not looking up at her.

“You knew I would be,” she whispered, gently touching her hand to his forearm and shrinking back when he angrily slapped it away, leaving a stinging sensation in her hand to match the burning in her eyes. Swallowing the lump in her throat as she took a step back, Buffy angrily blinked back the tears in her eyes. “If that’s the way you want to say goodbye…”

Trailing off as she walked toward the door, Buffy paused when she heard his soft-spoken voice behind her.

“Are you coming back?”

“I don’t think I’m really wanted here,” she murmured, not bothering to turn around and face him again.

“Why’s that?”

Pulling open the door, Buffy’s lips set in a firm line as she turned around to look at him, not bothering to give him a verbal answer as the pain in her hand began to subside, leaving it tinged pink from the slap she’d just received.

“I thought things were going to be different after the other night…I thought I could talk to you. And the moment that I tell you about a decision I’ve made, you react like…this,” she finished, gesturing toward him. “I thought things had changed,” she whispered in a choked voice, never looking away from him.

Seeing the vulnerability and anger swirling in her eyes, Spike had to fight the sudden arousal that threatened to overwhelm him as he stared at the fighter emerging from the woman he loved.

“And if I don’t want you to go?”

“I’m leaving, Spike,” she whispered in a tone that allowed no argument. “I’m sorry.”

“Where are you going?” he asked before she could turn and walk out the door. Out of his life.

“Los Angeles,” she said softly. “I figured I might as well visit my dad for a week before heading home.”

Hearing the word ‘home’, Spike felt rage begin to race through him.

And something inside of him snapped.

Gasping when she found herself pinned to a nearby wall, Buffy’s eyes widened when she saw the yellow gaze of Spike’s demon staring at her.

“Don’t,” she whispered, shaking her head as she tried to raise her shoulders and offer her neck some coverage from the bloodlust that was raging in his eyes.

Pinning her in place with one had wrapped around her throat, the other twined threw her hair, jerking her head to the side and further exposing the sensitive flesh.

“Spike,” she whispered, half in plea and half in protest as he lowered his head to inhale her scent. Clinging to the soft t-shirt that was molded to his body, she fought against the desire that rushed through her when she felt his tongue brush along her shoulder. Shivering when it ran up the line of her neck, Buffy gasped as he settled over his previous mark.

Sucking the tender flesh into his mouth, Spike could feel her trembling against him.

Memories assaulted both of them as they stood in the same place that Spike had taken her virginity over a year ago.

The demon screamed for a repeat performance of that night. To take her- make her his, once and for all.

Fighting everything in her body, she kept her feet firmly planted on the floor, wanting nothing more than to jump up and wrap her legs around his waist, letting him take care of the ache that was rapidly making itself known between her thighs.

Moving away from her before his teeth penetrated her skin, the demon stayed on the surface as he tilted his head to look at her.

“I need to go,” she whispered, silently willing her hands to let go of his shirt and push him away, needing to walk through that door and put some distance between herself and this place.

Gasping in surprise when she felt his mouth crushed against hers with surprising force, Buffy clutched at his shoulders as her lips and tongue were savaged by the demon inside of him.

Tasting the blood that was slipping from the small scratches that his fangs were making on the inside of her bottom lip, Spike nearly snarled with the need to fully taste her again.

Grasping her shoulders and pushing her into the wall, Buffy felt a mild sense of panic fill her when she saw him pull away with the intent clear in his eyes.

Cringing as she waited for his fangs to sink into her throat, her entire body tensed in preparation.

Feeling the pliable, willing body in his arms turn rigid in anticipation as the scent of fear hung in the air, Spike battled his demon for dominance, barely able to control himself from plunging his fangs into her neck.

‘No,’ he thought, shaking his head to clear it. ‘You’re not doing this to her again. Next time will be because she wants it and not because you can’t control yourself. You’re not going to make her afraid of you.’

Sensing the change in his mood, Buffy slowly turned to face him with apprehension in her eyes. Seeing the yellow eyes melt away to reveal his comforting blue gaze, she let her shoulders sag in relief.

Running his fingertips over the scar that still resided on her neck, the scar that he’d put there three months ago, he watched as she briefly closed her eyes. Feeling the relief that passed through her, he waited until she reopened her eyes, looking directly at him.

“I’m coming with you.”

“You’re what?” she asked in disbelief.

“Coming with you,” he repeated with a shrug. “It’s about time I had a vacation.”

“Visiting my father is your idea of a vacation?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head and taking a step toward and tenderly running his fingertips along her cheek. “But I’m not passing up an opportunity to spend time with you. Not letting you leave me again, Goldilocks.”



 

Chapter 29 – Unhappy Homecoming


“You know this isn’t going to be a happy homecoming, right?” Buffy asked, biting her lip as she stared at the imposing hotel, taking strength from the man standing beside her.

“Could be worse,” Spike replied, tilting his head toward her as he continued to stare at the building, half-expecting something to jump out at him while he stared at it with trepidation.

“How?” she asked, finally turning to look at him.

“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug, glancing over at her with a smile. “Isn’t that what people say in these situations?”

Giggling softly, Buffy swatted his shoulder, silently grateful that he had broken the tension that seemed to be between them since they left Sunnydale.

It hadn’t been an easy job, convincing Buffy that he make the trip to L.A., and now that they were finally here, he wanted nothing more than to take her to a remote hotel and not have to worry about facing the magnificent poof. Standing in front of the Hyperion, Spike stifled the urge to light a cigarette, closing his eyes and refusing to think of the calming effect the nicotine could have on him.

“Come on,” Buffy said with a heavy sigh, dreading what was beyond those doors when she walked in with the man Angel trusted and hated. Grabbing the sleeve of his duster and pulling him toward the main doors, she could feel Spike’s resistance as she walked toward the door. “Let’s get this over with.”

“Wonderful,” Spike muttered sarcastically.

“Hey,” she said, turning around with an indignant expression on her face, bordering on anger as her eyes narrowed. “You were the one who wanted to come with me! Don’t act all put out by the unsurprising turn of events that I wanted to see my father…he was the reason I made the trip in the first place, and if you don’t like it, you know how to get home-”

“Easy, luv,” he murmured, firmly gripping her shoulders and letting his hands gently massage them. “Just not that excited about seeing him, is all. Has nothing to do with you. I tagged along on this excursion because of you…and that’s why I’m staying.”

Feeling a blush creep into her cheeks, Buffy slowly pulled away from him and nodded, unsure of what he was actually hoping to get out of the situation.

“What do you want from me, Spike?” she whispered after a moment, looking up at him in confusion and innocence.

The world seemed to melt away as Spike got lost in her gaze. He couldn’t hear the cars whizzing by or the horns honking. All he saw was the expression that was so familiar and unfamiliar to him at the same time. This was the girl he remembered. The one who had turned his entire world upside down from the moment she’d entered it and continued to do so on a regular basis.

Resisting the urge to reach out and caress her cheek, Spike shoved his hands in his pockets. “Nothing you’re not willing to give,” he said softly, not wanting her to feel pressured.

“That’s not a lot,” she whispered. “Not yet.”

Offering her a tentative smile, he nodded. “I can live with that.”

With a heavy sigh, Buffy turned back to the hotel. “Let’s go.”

Smiling when Spike took her bag for her, she slowly walked toward the door, practically holding her breath as she opened it. Entering the Hyperion, she exhaled softly, looking around the unfamiliar interior that had such a strange familiarity to it. “Hello?”

“Buffy?”

Turning toward the voice, she smiled when she saw Cordelia behind the counter with a stunned expression that soon turned into a bright smile. Eagerly hurrying around the counter, she practically ran toward Buffy.

“What are you doing here?” Cordy asked, enveloping the younger woman in a warm hug.

“Just needed a change of pace, I guess,” Buffy replied. “I missed everyone.”

“You’re always welcome here,” Cordy said, pulling back to look at Buffy before seeing Spike standing behind her. “And you brought your own bodyguard,” she said, both girls giggling as they looked at Spike’s serious expression. “I’m impressed. That’s traveling in style. And look…he even carries your bags.”

Arching an eyebrow at the brunette, Spike’s body went even more rigid when he felt Angel’s presence.

“How’ve you been, Spike?” Cordy asked, noticing the look on his face as his eyes glanced at the upper level before turning his gaze to Buffy for brief a moment.

“Been alright,” he replied with a slow nod, hesitantly glancing at the blonde once again as he spoke.

‘Mental note,’ Cordelia thought to herself. ‘Keep an eye on these two. Definitely more than meets the eye.’

Giving Spike a smile, she turned toward the stairs where it was obvious Angel was lurking. “Are you going to come say hello to your daughter or are you going to stand up there like a lump?”

Slowly walking down the stairs, Angel glared at the woman he loved.

“What?” she asked in mock indignation. “You know that I always know when you’re around. Part demon, remember? Have been for eighteen years. And, as for these two,” she continued, gesturing to Spike and Buffy. “They already have the enhanced senses. I thought you were smarter than this.”

Offering him a bright smile when Angel shot her a withering gaze, which Cordelia eagerly ignored, she turned to face the young woman, nearly rolling her eyes when she heard Angel’s voice.

“And what are you doing here?” he asked, crossing his arms as he looked at Spike.

Shooting a quick look at Buffy, Spike saw the understanding expression on her face, putting him at ease before he answered. “Told you I’d watch after her, didn’t I? You expected me to let her make the trip from Sunnyhell to Hell on her own?”

Hearing the girls stifling their laughter at Angel’s darkened expression, Spike rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

“What did you expect? That I’ve fallen in love with your daughter and we came here to tell you that we’re living our happily ever after?”

Buffy’s eyes widened as she waited for Angel to respond, nearly fainting when she saw him smile.

“Yeah, now that you mention it, I shouldn’t have bothered asking.”

Clenching her jaw in frustration, Buffy looked at the ground, never noticing Cordelia watching her intently.

‘Am I not good enough for a vampire to fall in love with me? Is it such a ridiculous idea that Spike and I would be together? Or am I really just a possession to be protected?’

Studying the young blonde who was deep in thought, Cordelia slowly turned and walked toward Spike, taking a few of the bags from him. “I’ll show you where you’ll be staying.”

“Separate rooms,” Angel called after her as the two of them began to climb the stairs, leaving him alone with his daughter.

“What?” Cordy cried, spinning around and putting her free hand to her heart in fake astonishment. “I thought in a hotel with over two hundred rooms, you’d want your daughter staying with the hottie.”

Hearing the growl that erupted from Angel at the combined thoughts that his mate was looking at another man and the equally nauseating thought that his daughter might want Spike, he shuddered.

Cordelia repressed the smirk at his reaction but couldn’t help to notice that Buffy’s face immediately flushed a bright shade of red. Something that went unnoticed by Angel. ‘Yep,’ she thought, trying hard not to shake her head and smile at how obvious the two of them were and how clueless Angel was. ‘Definitely something going on.’

“Come on, Spike,” Cordy said, turning and continuing up the stairs. “Maybe we can fit in a quickie before they finish talking,” she said in a mock whisper.

“I heard that,” Angel said in a low voice.

“Isn’t it fun getting him all riled up?” she asked the blonde as they got to the second level.

Spike chuckled, finally loosening the grip on the bag he was holding as he relaxed, remembering that this was the normal Cordelia. “That it is, pet. Always been one of my favorite pastimes.”

* * * * *

“How’ve you been?” Angel asked, looking at Buffy and seeing an unreadable expression on her face. ‘Was she always this small?’ he wondered, noticing that she looked more rundown than usual.

“I’m okay,” she replied with a slight nod, feeling a little uneasy with the situation.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest and trying to keep any accusation out of his voice.

“The, uh…the Slayer…she died. I came back for the funeral.”

“I’m sorry,” Angel said with genuine honesty. “But that still doesn’t tell me what you’re doing here in Los Angeles.”

“Just missed you, I guess,” Buffy muttered, looking at the floor, wishing that she hadn’t made the decision to come here. ‘Of course he wouldn’t be happy to see me. I’m a liability when I’m close to him.’

Seeing the indecision on her face, Angel took a few steps forward, wrapping his arms around his daughter and pulling her close for a warm hug. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Closing her eyes, Buffy fought the tears that were trying to make themselves known. This was what she had wanted for years. The familiar connection to someone who loved her.

And now that she finally had what she wanted, why was she wishing for the embrace to be different? Why was she wishing for a different man to be holding her?


 

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