Chapter 12:

Daylight

By: Addie Logan

Spike eyed Willow dubiously as she mixed up the ingredients for the spell she planned on performing. Giles and Buffy were at the kitchen table setting up his laptop, and Spike had to resist the urge to ask her to sit with him and calm him as if he were a child at the hospital to get a shot. It wasn't that he didn't trust Willow exactly. He didn't think she'd purposely do anything drastic like say, wipe his entire memory, but he knew all too well that that sort of thing had a way of happening where Willow was involved...

Buffy glanced up, noticing the extreme wariness written on Spike's face as Willow prepared her potion. "I'll be back," she told Giles softly before going into the living room and sitting beside Spike on the couch. "You okay?" she asked him, patting his leg.

"Sure. I'm doing bloody wonderful."

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "Uh huh. Spike, if you don't want to do this, just say so."

"Don't much like the idea of being as lab rat, yeah, but I need to know what's going on. I...I need to know what I am now."

Buffy was silent for a moment as she took in what Spike had just said. She hadn't thought about it until then, but this was more than just him not knowing what had happened to him. He didn't know what he was anymore. Human, demon, or something else entirely, he didn't know. She realized how frustrating that must be for him, and she reached out to touch him again, this time rubbing his arm soothingly. "We'll figure this out, Spike. I won't let you down here."

Spike gave her a small smile and brushed her hair away from her face. "You've never let me down, Buffy."

Buffy felt her heart speed up. The way he was looking at her now... "Spike..."

"I got it!"

Spike and Buffy turned quickly at the sound of Willow's exclamation. "Got what, Will? The spell?" Buffy asked.

"Yep. My potion's all...potiony." Willow held it up. "See."

Spike frowned when he spotted the murky liquid inside the clear container. "Please tell me I don't have to drink that."

"This from the man who drank blood with bits of cereal crumbled in it," Buffy muttered, earning her a dirty look from Spike that quickly morphed into a smirk.

"You don't have to drink it," Willow said. "It's a skin test."

"Skin test? That doesn't involve festering boils, does it?"

"Nope. It's really simple, actually. I just drop a little on you, and it will turn green if you're a demon and yellow if you're not. Oh, and it comes right off, so don't worry about that either."

"All right then," Spike said, standing up. "Might as well get this over with. Over the sink all right? I don't want to see what that stuff would do to my carpet."

Willow followed Spike to the kitchen sink, and Buffy went back over to Giles, close enough to watch but still out of the way. Spike took a deep breath and held his hand over the sink, letting Willow pour the potion onto him.

"Uh, Red, what does it mean if it turns a sort of murky gray?"

Willow glanced quickly between Spike's hand and Buffy and Giles. "I did it right, I swear! I don't know what went wrong..."

Spike turned on the water, rinsing the gray liquid off of him. "Well, that didn't tell us anything," he muttered.

"Actually, it may have told us a great deal," Giles said as he walked over and took the potion from Willow, spilling some over his own hand. As soon as it hit his skin, the liquid turned yellow.

"See! It works!" Willow declared with a grin. "And Giles is human."

Giles gave the young witch a sideways glance before turning to Spike. "I believe you got the results you did because human and demon is not an either or situation for you. Whatever happened to you didn't so much as make you no longer a vampire as it brought your body back to life again, making you essentially to be a living vampire."

"But he can go out into the sunlight, Giles," Buffy said, approaching the others. "And...and he eats real food instead of blood."

"Which both fit my theory," Giles replied. "Vampires drink blood because it is what the demon requires to keep what is essentially a corpse animated. As Spike himself put it years ago, well, blood is life. If his body were to be sustaining life on its own, which it appears to now be doing, then feeding on blood would no longer be necessary. And as for the sunlight, I suppose that would be much the same thing. A vampire's undead status provides for the negative reaction to sunlight, and now that Spike is, well..."

"Un-undead?" Spike supplied.

"For lack of a better term, I suppose. And if my theory is correct, well, you're something that's never existed before."

"Actually, that's not entirely true, Watcher," Spike said. "Or at least, I think so."

"Connor," Buffy said, knowing what Spike was thinking. "He has vampire strength at least. You should've seen how far he made Angel fly by punching him."

"Who is Connor?" Giles asked.

"Angel's son with Darla," Spike replied.

"What?!" Giles and Willow exclaimed in unison.

"Angel and...Darla...were able to produce a child, and we were not aware of this?" Giles asked. He looked at Buffy in shock. "When did this happen? How long have you known?"

"Chill, Giles. It happened a few years ago. Wolfram and Hart brought Darla back, and she got all groiny with Angel. Seeing as they were both vampires at the time, I have no clue how that made a baby, but it did. And I only found out about it a few days ago, technically. Angel had something done to erase Connor from everyone's memories. Part of the deal he made with Wolfram and Hart."

"So this Connor is a small child then? Who knocked his father across the room with one punch?" Giles asked, frowning.

"Not quite," Spike replied. "Kid spent some time in a hell dimension. Grew up faster than a soap opera brat."

"Where is he now?" Giles asked, the Watcher in him unable to keep from being fascinated by the idea of a child born of two vampires.

"Hyperion, last I saw of him," Buffy said. "He was yelling at Angel for selling him out to evil, or something like that. I left then. The guy looked pretty broken, and I figured I didn't need to intrude on the family moment."

"Well, then I suppose there is some degree of precedent for what you are," Giles said. "Although I doubt, um, Connor would allow us to compare the two of you."

"No, don't think that's going to happen," Spike replied. "Poor kid's got Angel for a father and he's dealing with some serious things right now, if the scene Buffy caught is any indication. He's got to be all twitchy."

Giles coughed. "If you don't mind, Spike, I'd like to test you a bit at some point. See exactly what this change entails."

"Sure you just don't want to feel like you flew all the way to LA to pour goop on your hand?" Spike asked with a crooked eyebrow.

"No, that is not it," Giles replied, giving Spike a dirty look. "We may have a theory now as to what you are, but we're still not even sure if this is a permanent change."

"It's permanent!" Buffy said, her tone almost frantic for a moment before she sucked in a deep breath, calming herself. "I told you about the prophecy, Giles. The Powers that Be did this. They can't just take it back.

Spike looked at Buffy askance. What did it matter to her if he was alive or not? It wasn't like she was going to stick around to see what he'd do with this new life he'd been given anyway.

Giles spoke again. "What you told me about that prophecy was very vague, Buffy. It's not one that I'm familiar with, and with the old Watcher's Library mostly destroyed, I don't think I could properly research it."

"Angel might have a copy," Buffy said. "Or at least know more about the particulars."

"He's read it," Spike said. "Well, a translation, but that's more than we have to go on."

"I'll go to the Hyperion," Buffy said. "See what I can get out of him."

"Need me to go with you, pet?" Spike asked, remembering how upset Buffy had been after her last conversation with Angel.

"Are you sure?" she asked Spike. "You've pretty much been avoiding Angel ever since this began."

"I'm sure. Gotta face ol' Granddad sooner or later."

Buffy turned to Giles and Willow. "Will you two be okay here?"

"We'll be fine," Giles replied. "We can research what I have of the Watcher's database, see if there's anything that can help us."

"Okay, you do research, we'll do reconnaissance. Ready, Spike?"

Spike could see in Buffy now how even with a year between her life now and her life as the only active Slayer so much of her was still the same. She still reacted as she always had when she was scared or nervous about something - she fell into action. As long as she was doing something, she didn't feel helpless. "Yeah. Let's go, kitten."

*** *** ***

It was quiet when Buffy and Spike got to the Hyperion, and Buffy realized that all the Slayers were gone. She thought she should probably feel guilty about basically ignoring them after leading them into a near-apocalyptic battle, but she didn't. She wouldn't have been able to do much with the healing anyway. They hadn't needed her, but Spike had.

"Peaches is around here somewhere," Spike said, glancing around the empty lobby. "Scent's still pretty strong. Angel and..." He stopped, sniffing again. "Cordelia? She's supposed to be dead..."

"Yeah, well, I don't think either one of us is in any position to point fingers where that's concerned. We've both been dead twice," Buffy replied. "So you think maybe he's got an ancient prophecy shelf that we can raid and then get out of here without a confrontation?"

"Don't think so, luv."

"Buffy, William! So good of you to drop by."

Buffy and Spike turned to see Angel coming down the stairs. Buffy could see the barely restrained anger in his eyes. "Um, hi Angel."

Angel stopped at the foot of the stairs. "So what brings such a lovely couple to my hotel on this very sunny afternoon?"

Buffy swallowed hard. Or course Angel wasn't going to make this easy... She resisted the urge to reach out and take Spike's hand, knowing that would only make things worse. "We wanted to talk to you about the Shanshu Prophecy." Buffy said, deciding there was no reason to be anything but blunt.

"Oh, that. Why are you asking me?" Angel gestured towards Spike. "He's the lucky recipient, after all."

"Because we don't know anything about it," Buffy said with a sigh. "You've read it. I thought maybe you could help us figure some things out."

"Yeah, I've read it, but it doesn't look like it did a lot of good. Who knows, maybe there was just more than Mountain Dew in that cup after all."

Buffy's brow wrinkled. "Mountain Dew?"

"Tell you later," Spike said.

Angel took a couple of steps closer. "What, you didn't tell Buffy yet? Thought for sure you'd give her a blow by blow, tell her all about how you proved yourself the better man." Angel sneered. "How was it you described your time with Buffy that day? Oh yeah, 'stickin' it to her' was the phrase, I believe."

"Oh, sure, take that out of context, why don't you," Spike snapped. "You know..."

Buffy put her hand on Spike's arm, getting him to be quiet again. "Look, Angel, I am so not in the mood for this. So how about you act like a grown-up here?"

Angel's eyes zeroed in on where Buffy's hand was resting on Spike's arm. Neither one of them seemed to flinch at all at the gesture, rubbing it in his face how comfortable they were with touching each other. "You want my help, Buffy? Fine. I'll give you some advice. Stay away from Spike. That should help you out a lot."

"Dammit, Angel, what is wrong with you? Look, I know you're upset that the prophecy wasn't about you, but..."

"Upset?" Angel started walking again, slowly moving towards them. "'Upset,' she says. I have everything I've worked for, my redemption, stolen from me by this pathetic excuse for a man here, and she says I'm 'upset.' Let me tell you something, Buffy. I'm a little more than upset."

Spike moved himself between Angel and Buffy. "Look, your problem is with me, not Buffy. Leave her alone. You've hurt her enough for one lifetime."

"Aw, what do we have here? William the Bloody trying to be all manly and stand up for a girl that's never going to be his. This just gets pathetic after a while, you know that, Billy?"

"I'm pathetic? You're the jealous wanker who's swaggering around here making an ass of yourself."

"Yeah? Then maybe we should cut the chit-chat." Angel punched Spike, sending Spike staggering backwards and to the ground.

"Angel! What the hell is wrong with you?" Buffy exclaimed. She turned to Spike, gasping as she saw his eyes turn to a feral yellow before he leapt up with a growl and charged at Angel.

Angel's eyes widened almost comically as he realized the Spike he'd just picked a fight with was not quite as human as he'd thought. But soon that didn't matter as he was struggling to hold his own in the brawl.

"Stop it!" Buffy yelled, but neither listened to her. She considered physically pulling them apart, but as wildly as they were fighting, she decided against that. But what could she do? They were likely to do some serious damage to each other if they continued like this.

Suddenly, a bright white light surrounded both Spike and Angel and they floated away from each other. They looked puzzled for a moment before trying to start up again, only to discover they couldn't move. Buffy looked over to see an extremely angry Cordelia coming down the stairs.

"You know, Angel," Cordelia said as she walked towards the vampire, "I was upset enough when I woke up alone a few minutes ago, but then to come down here and find you fighting with Spike... Did you not listen to anything I've said to you these past couple of days? Because honestly, if there's one thing I hate, it's being ignored."

Angel had the decency to look sheepish. "Uh, hi, Cordy. You think maybe you could..."

"Let you go? Nuhuh. Not until I'm finished talking, buster. See, I've said this over and over, but you don't seem to listen, so I'm going to try one more time. Maybe if you're a captive audience, it'll sink in to that thick skull of yours. The Shanshu Prophecy was not yours. It was meant for a Champion - not the CEO of Evil, Inc. You didn't prove yourself worthy - Spike did. Spike was instrumental in adverting four potentially major apocalypses, and two of those were before he had a soul. He risked himself out of selflessness time and time again, and that was almost always because of love. He continually put those he loves first, allowing himself to be driven by his heart, even when it didn't beat. That's what a Champion is, Angel. It's someone who loves with every bit of who they are, who puts love above all else. Love, real love, is the essence of selflessness, of sacrifice. You've had chance after chance to love like that, and you've run from it every time. Spike never has, even when it threatened to tear him apart."

Angel stared at Cordelia, not know what to say. He knew he had no rational way of arguing against that, not with her. She knew him too well. And truth be told, he was tired of trying. "But Cordy, what...what do I do now?"

"You're getting one more chance. That's why I'm here. Took an awful lot to convince the PTB you were worth keeping around after that stunt with the Circle of the Black Thorn, let me tell you. But we made a deal. You get to stick around - with a newly-anchored soul - in exchange for being the Champion I told them you could be. Means you're going to have to work a bit more there, buddy. No more going to bat for Team Evil."

"What about you?" Angel asked.

"I'm here to stay. Someone has to make sure you stay on your path after all. But all this Buffy jealousy crap has to stop, or I am so out that door."

With that, Cordelia released the hold she had on Spike and Angel, and Angel immediately pulled Cordelia into his arms. "I love you, Cordy," he whispered against her ear.

Spike moved around a bit trying to get over the feeling of being held almost completely immobile. He looked over at Buffy, seeing tears in her eyes. Angel's declaration of love to Cordelia had been so soft that he didn't think Buffy could've heard it, but it still had to hurt her, seeing Angel so close to another woman, especially Cordelia.

Buffy wiped at her eyes, then walked over to Spike. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine. You look beat up."

"Had worse."

"I can get you some ice. And maybe the Slayers left something behind that would help with the pain."

"Buffy, if you need to get out of here, you don't have to make up excuses."

"What are you talking about?"

Spike gestured to where Angel was still clutching Cordelia. "That. Made you cry, didn't it?"

"No!" Buffy sighed, glancing around until she spotted the exit to the garden. "Come on. Let's go talk for a bit. Give them some time alone."

Spike followed Buffy outside, sitting with her on a stone bench. "Kinda nice out here," he said, looking everywhere but at Buffy. "Angel always did like flowers."

"Spike, are you sure you're okay? You two were pounding each other pretty hard." He turned towards her then, raising an eyebrow at her choice or words. Buffy rolled her eyes. "I swear, you have the dirtiest mind ever. You guys were fighting - fiercely. No broken ribs or anything?"

"No. I'm fine. Probably look horrible, but I don't think anything's broken."

"Good. I was scared, watching that. I was afraid he'd really hurt you, as angry as he was."

"Please," Spike said with a snort. "I can hold my own against Angel."

Buffy rolled her eyes again at his words and slightly puffed up chest. "Well, sorry to hurt your manly pride then with my concern for you." Spike smirked at her, and something from the fight popped back into Buffy's mind. "Spike, do you realize that when you were fighting Angel your eyes went all yellow?"

Spike's obvious shock answered her question. "They did? Were there bumpies, too?"

"No. Eyes only."

"Huh. Guess that adds to the Watcher's whole 'living vampire' theory."

"Yeah, looks like."

"So is that why you brought me out here, pet? Talk about my eyes?"

"No." Buffy took a deep breath. "I wanted to let you know that I wasn't crying about Cordelia and Angel. If they want to be together, fine. I'm happy for them, actually. I was crying because of what Cordelia said about being a Champion and love. She was right, about you. You've always loved, Spike, loved so well, and...and all I ever did was throw it back in your face. I'm so sorry."

"Buffy, pet, don't feel sorry about that. I've always loved, yeah - it's part of me. Not even losin' my soul could change that. Loved my mum, loved Dru, loved Dawn, loved you. But don't feel bad about not loving me back. I don't think anyone's ever loved me back the way I loved them. I've come to accept it. There's just something about me, I suppose, that when you get right down to it makes me unlovable." He shrugged.

Buffy started to yell at him, to demand how he could presume to tell her own feelings. She remembered back in the Hellmouth when he'd used what they'd thought at the time to be their last few moments together to tell her she didn't love him. But then she looked into his eyes and really heard what he was saying. Spike thought he was unlovable. He thought he'd never have the unconditional love he felt so strongly returned to him. And he was just going to accept that... It made her heart break for him. She reached up, gently cupping his face in her hand. "You're not unlovable, Spike..."

"Buffy, I..."

Buffy pressed her finger to his lips. "Shh. Hear me out, okay? You're not unlovable. Love hasn't done right by you, that's true, but there's nothing wrong with you like that. The things I told you in the past, they weren't true. I did love you Spike, I was just so scared. There's no excuse for what I did to you, but it wasn't because of you. You gave me more than any of my other boyfriends ever did, loved all of me in a way they never could." She dropped her hand.

"I loved you. You didn't..."

"No! Stop saying that, dammit!" Buffy jumped up. Now she did want to yell. She'd tried to be nice and comfort him, but in typical Spike fashion he was being stubborn and pigheaded. "You don't know how I feel! You think you're the one with all the love here? Well, you're wrong, because I love you!"

It was the look of complete shock on Spike's face that made Buffy realize what she'd just said. They stared at each other until the garden door opened and Cordelia stepped out.

"Angel went upstairs, but if you two want to come in, I can tell you what I know about the Shanshu Prophecy."

Spike and Buffy shared a look. The prophecy was why they were there after all. "Yeah, we'll be right in," Buffy said to Cordelia.

"All right. I'll meet you in the lobby." Cordelia went back into the hotel, and Buffy started to follow her when Spike grabbed her hand. "We're going to have to talk about this."

"I know. Just...not now."

Spike nodded, knowing from experience it was better not to push Buffy when she wasn't ready. She walked off, and Spike followed her into the Hyperion.

*** *** ***

Cordelia sat with Buffy and Spike on the couch in the center of the Hyperion's lobby as they looked at her with hopeful eyes, as if waiting for her to answer all their questions. It was a different experience from what she'd known with either of them before, especially Buffy. The few times Cordelia had seen Buffy since she'd left Sunnydale, she'd still been the same stuck-up cheerleader in the Slayer's eyes, not the woman she'd become in LA. But now Buffy was looking at her differently, as if she were someone who could have something important to say.

It made Cordy realize how much Buffy must've changed as well in the past five years. Cordelia had never really cared for her in the past, even using her as a scapegoat for all her problems. However, when she looked at Buffy now, she saw a tired young woman who'd known too much suffering in her few years.

Cordelia could certainly relate to that…

She let out a deep breath, deciding on how much and what to tell them. In her recent time back in the Higher Realms, she'd learned much, seen numerous possible paths and outcomes for the future. Nevertheless, she'd also learned in the years since she'd become a Seer that nothing not yet done was set in stone. It was why prophecies were so often cryptic, much like horoscopes. You bettered your chances of getting something right if you made it vague and open to multiple interpretations.

Making up her mind about how much to divulge, Cordelia began to speak. "How the Shanshu Prophecy would be fulfilled has been up in the air for a while now. There wasn't supposed to be two vampires with souls. The PTB had planned on one vampire going from warrior of darkness to Champion."

"And what, I threw a spanner in the works by making myself all soul-having?" Spike asked.

"Actually no," Cordy replied. "That was Angel. His soul was never really supposed to be returned to him in the first place. That was just a fluke brought on by a gypsy curse. The vampire with a soul has been prophesized for thousands of years, and it was always believed that that vampire would actively choose the path of good, make a decision to be more than he was. But then Angel was cursed, and some of the Higher Beings started to suspect that they'd been wrong about that. So Angel was set on the path towards being a Champion."

"Wait," Buffy interjected, a frown creasing her face. "They're Higher Beings. Shouldn't they just know things? I mean, how could a Higher Being be wrong?"

"Buffy, I'm a Higher Being," Cordelia said with a small smile.

"Oh. How did that happen?"

"It's a long story and not really relevant here. The point is, well, two ensouled vampires running around mucked things up quite a bit, especially since the idea of being granted life through what is spoken of in Shanshu Prophecy came to both of your attention. The PTB were divided on the issue, trying to decide which one of you was the true prophesized vampire Champion, and therefore deserving of some kind of reward. It was close for a while, especially since Angel has had the soul for so much longer.

"But then he slipped. He could tell everyone—even himself—that his intentions when he became CEO of Wolfram and Hart were completely noble, but the Powers That Be knew better. I asked them to let me go to him, to warn him about where his path was leading him, but that turned out to do more harm than good. Instead of taking what I showed him as the warning it was meant to be, he took it as the go-ahead to do something that knocked him out of the running for true Champion status, quite possibly permanently. And well, while you can't really 'sign away' a prophecy if it's truly about you, Angel attempting to do just that was the last little push in Spike's direction that the PTB needed. To turn his back on a possible reward like that, well, it offended them to say the least. So the decision was made, and Spike's back among the living. Only they took a few liberties with that, since they didn't want to lose a fighter. After all, the Shanshu Prophecy just promised life. It never promised full humanity."

Cordelia stopped then, and the first question that came out of Spike's mouth surprised Buffy, particularly in the way she noted genuine concern in his voice. "What's going to happen to Angel now?"

"I'm not sure," Cordelia replied. "The Powers are angry. They've given Angel chance after chance, and he keeps blowing it—this time in a big way. And, well, I've seen many possible paths for him, and several of them are very dark. Even with his soul anchored, Angel's more than capable of slipping. I've seen it more times than I like to think about." Cordelia shivered, remembering all the times she'd seen the darker side of the ensouled version of the vampire with blinding clarity. "He…he wants to do good, but it gets too hard for him, and he just gives up. Takes the easier road, the one without as much struggling. I don't know how well I can keep him in check, but I have to try. The PTB wanted to let him be dust, and seeing where he could go, I wonder if maybe that would be best, but I…I just couldn't. He's Angel, and I…" Cordelia trailed off then, tears springing to her eyes.

Buffy reached over, placing a comforting hand on Cordy's leg. "I know. And I don't think you made the wrong choice fighting for him. You love him. I can see that. I can also see that he feels the same way about you. Angel, he's…he's a difficult man to love, but he won't let you down."

Cordy blinked, surprised to hear that from Buffy of all people. "But I…he let you down."

The smile Buffy gave in response to that managed to be both sad and accepting. "He did. But he never looked at me the way he looks at you." Buffy closed her eyes for a moment, preparing to say what she'd known for a while but had never had the strength to admit quite the way she was about to. "What Angel and I had could never last. We just didn't have that kind of relationship. It didn't grow strong through overcoming obstacles together. It anything, we came out of every trial weaker, not stronger. It was a relationship based on idealizations that could only come crashing down around us. Angel could never…" She glanced back at Spike, giving him a small grin. "Angel could never look at both the best and the worst of me and still tell me I'm the one."

Cordelia observed the subtle interaction of the two blondes in front of her, and realized that not all of what Buffy had just said had been completely meant for her. She smiled inwardly, knowing that they were on their right path together, whether they realized it or not. "Thank you, Buffy," she said, smiling warmly at the Slayer for what could be the first time ever in the eight years she'd known her. "That means a lot, coming from you."

Buffy returned the smile, noting to herself that she didn't feel a hint of jealousy at the idea of Angel being with Cordelia now. It seemed right, in a way that her teenaged, Juliet-wannabe self hadn't been able to see. If anyone could keep Angel in line, it was Cordelia Chase. "I wish you two the best of luck. And hey, now that the soul's locked in place, plenty of happiness, too."

Cordelia chuckled. "Thanks, Buffy." She sat up a little straighter, wiping the tears away from her eyes. "So is there anything else you want to know about the Shanshu Prophecy?"

"Just a guarantee that this is from the Powers That Be and not some cruel trick that's going to make things go all wonky as soon as I get comfortable," Spike said.

"I can promise you that much. The Powers consider the Shanshu Prophecy now fulfilled, and you the ensouled vampire in question. It's up to you to decide what you're going to do now that you've got yourself a beating heart," Cordy answered.

"But they kept me strong," Spike replied. "They obviously want me to keep fighting."

"And you don't? Would have preferred them to return you exactly to your human self, William the Bloody?"

The twinkle in Cordelia's eyes told Spike that she somehow knew exactly where that particular moniker of his came from, and he fought the urge to blush. "Well, um, I suppose you have a point there."

"They kept you a fighter because that's what you are," Cordy explained. "Nowadays, you're fighting the good fight, but that's still a part of you. You wouldn't be able to go into quiet retirement and live a 'normal' life anymore than Buffy here would, despite what she loves to tell herself. You're a Champion because of who you are, not because of a label given to you by the Powers. It's in your blood—no pun intended. Letting you retain your vampiric abilities is just going to make that a little easier for you."

Spike merely nodded his assent, knowing Cordelia was right. Maybe it was the soul trying to atone for the sins that threatened to choke it, or maybe it was something else about him entirely, but he wouldn't be able to turn his back when he knew what was out there, waiting to prey on the innocent.

"So is that all then?" Cordelia asked. "Not to rush you guys out of here, but I have a cranky vampire upstairs that needs some attention…"

"We're fine," Spike said. "Thank you, Cordelia. Go see to Peaches. Sure the old grandsire could use himself a hug right now." He ended his sentence with a smirk, as if trying to convince the two women that he really wasn't in the least bit worried about Angel.

"All right then," Cordelia replied, getting to her feet. Before she walked away, she looked down at Buffy and Spike and spoke again, deciding one more thing needed to be said. "Both of you know what's in your hearts. You need to let go of what used to be, because what can be is beautiful." She smiled at them one more time before ascending the stairs to Angel.

Silence filled the lobby for a long moment as Spike and Buffy looked at each other. Finally, Spike broke the gaze and spoke first. "I suppose we should get back to my apartment, let Giles and Red know what Cordelia said."

"Yeah," Buffy replied, trying to mask her disappointment that that was all Spike had to say. She started to walk off, but Spike went after her, taking hold of her hand and spinning her around to face him.

"We're still talking about what you said out there, Buffy. Now just isn't the time or the place."

Buffy gave the hand linked with hers a gentle squeeze. "I know. And I meant it. We just…need time to sit down and figure out what we want to do. Even with love, nothing's ever simple."

"I know." Spike chuckled, though the sound held little amusement. "Believe me, I know."

They walked out the Hyperion, still hand in hand.

*** *** ***

Giles and Willow were in the living room when Spike and Buffy returned. "Did you find anything regarding the Prophecy?" Giles asked almost as soon as they were through the door.

"The cuts and bruises on Spike don't mean we ran into any serious trouble, and he'll be fine in a day or two, thanks for asking," Buffy replied, giving the Watcher a disapproving look eerily similar to the ones he used to give her.

"Oh. I…I didn't see those," Giles said, beginning to fidget.

"They're not bad," Spike said with a shrug. "Angel just threw a little fit."

Willow's eyes widened. "Angel hit you?"

"Well, yeah. He does that a lot," Spike replied. "I've had enough time to get used to it." He added with a grin, "But the look on his face when he realized I still had my strength was enough to make this little tussle worth it."

Buffy rolled her eyes at that. "You are so pathetic."

"Oh come on, Slayer. You can't tell me that wasn't at least a little bit funny."

"I was a bit too worried about your well-being to be laughing, dear," Buffy said, trying to retain a stern look on her face.

"Since when do you care about that?"

"Hey! I care! I totally care! How many times have I saved that cute ass of yours, mister?"

Spike smirked. "Okay, good point. And it is rather cute, isn't it?"

A slow, almost predatory smile crept across Buffy's lips. "Very."

Willow's cough pulled Buffy and Spike back to the present moment, and they both turned quickly to look at Giles and Willow. "Oh. Right. The Shanshu Prophecy," Spike said, deciding to hold off on any analyzing of how easily he and Buffy slipped into flirty banter. "Angel was too busy playing Jake LaMotta to be too forthcoming with information, but Cordelia was there, and she says the Powers That Be did it."

Giles frowned. "Cordelia? Chase? How would she know? And isn't she…dead?"

"She was," Buffy said. "Guess she can join the 'I was dead and now I'm not' club now, too."

"That's a club? Can I join, too?" Spike teased.

Buffy giggled. "Sure. You can be vice-president."

"And I suppose you're president, little miss bossy?"

Buffy put her hands on her hips. "Well, yeah. I was deadest."

"What? I was dead for one hundred and twenty four years!"

"Yeah, well, I rotted."

Spike's nose wrinkled. "Okay, you win that."

"Can we possibly discuss the subject at hand, please?" Giles asked.

"Sorry," Buffy muttered, noting the annoyance on her Watcher's face. Did he still have a problem with the idea of her and Spike? "Turns out Cordelia's a Higher Being now. She had info direct from the Powers."

Willow snorted. "Well, she always thought she was one. Might as well make it official."

"So then this transformation of Spike's is genuine?" Giles asked.

"Looks like it, Rupes," Spike replied. "I've got myself a life to live now."

"And will this life…be with Buffy?"

Buffy and Spike exchanged a glance at Giles's question. "We haven't talked about that yet," Buffy said after a moment.

"Then just let me say, well, I'm not sure if it means anything anymore, but if the two of you were to decide that that was what you wished to do, well, I…" Giles took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "You would have my blessing."

It took only a second for Buffy to run to him, wrapping her arms around him in a crushing hug. "Buffy…lungs…they need to work."

Buffy pulled back, her arms falling to her sides. "Sorry, Giles. Just…that did mean a lot, hearing you say that."

"I was wrong before, Buffy. What I said—what I did. I wasn't looking at the situation rationally, too blinded by past events that had nothing to do with Spike at all. I betrayed you in one of the worst ways possible, and I don't even know how to being to apologize for that."

"This is a start," Buffy said softly, the tears that were forming making it hard for her to speak.

"I am sorry. For everything I did to hurt you then."

"I know. And things were…difficult then. Everything was so dark, so muddled. But maybe we can move past that now?"

"I'd like to very much." Giles pulled Buffy back into another hug, feeling as if a weight had been lifted from him.

"You know, I'm feeling sorta beat after all that magic and research and stuff, and I bet Giles has wicked jet lag. How about we go find a hotel where we can crash?" Willow said after Giles and Buffy had broken apart again.

"I'm…" Giles stopped as he glanced between Spike and Buffy and realized what Willow was doing. "Right. Jet lag." He forced a yawn. "Horrible, horrible jet lag. We'll leave now and give you a ring later then?"

"All right," Buffy said with a nod. "You guys be careful out there."

"We will be," Willow said, already moving to gather up her and Giles's things.

It wasn't long before the witch and the Watcher had said their good-byes, leaving Spike and Buffy alone in the apartment. They stood in front of each other, a space separating them that neither seemed able to breech.

"So…" Spike said, for once at a loss for words.

"So," Buffy replied, and the silence returned. When the awkward stillness became too much, she blurted out quickly, "Let me do something about your cuts."

Spike frowned. "Do they really look that bad?"

"No!" She grinned then, feeling her heart lighten again. "They're sexy wounds, I swear."

Spike shook his head as he remembered the last time she'd used that phrase. "Are they now?"

"Uh huh. But you're not dead anymore, so they might get infected, and that wouldn't be sexy. That would be all oozy and ick."

"Oh. Well, in that case, by all means, do something about them."

"All right. Go sit down on the couch, and Nurse Buffy will get to work."

Spike leered at that. "Does Nurse Buffy have a tight white dress?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Pig."

"Your point?"

She lightly slapped his arm. "Go sit. You have anything first aid kit like?"

"Under the sink in the bathroom."

Buffy went then to get it, and Spike went to the couch, sitting down. The events of the day started to hit him, and he didn't know if he should be happy or very, very afraid.

If he didn't know any better, he'd swear he had Buffy's love and the blessing of the closest thing she had to a parent these days…

*** *** ***
 

Chapter 14:
 

Spike watched as Buffy tended to his wounds. She'd done this for him before, after he'd been a prisoner for the First, but it seemed different now. Less like a comrade-in-arms tending to battle wounds, and well, more like a girlfriend taking care of him.

"You said you loved me," he said, the words leaving his mouth before he was able to fully realize he was even thinking them.

"I did. And I do. You?"

"I've loved you for so long. Couldn't stop if I tried, but…"

Buffy put her finger to his lips. "No buts right now, okay?"

Spike moved her hand away and shook his head. "I can't do that, kitten. Too many of 'em. I can't have you back in my arms only to lose you again."

"You won't."

"Buffy, luv, we don't even live in the same county. Besides, you have a boyfriend."

"Yeah. You."

"No, not me… Wait a minute."

"I want to be with you. And I know there's all that other stuff, but can't we just sort it out in the morning?" She gave him a slow smile. "Or maybe the late afternoon."

"You know what you're sayin', kitten? 'Cause I can't put myself that that again. I need it to be real this time."

"It's always been real, Spike. But yeah, I know what I'm saying. And I know it might take a bit of work, and I doubt things will ever be easy for us, but I made a decision today, and I plan to stick with it."

"Yeah? What's that?"

"You're worth it. We're worth it. What we have between us, I'm not going to let it go."

Spike looked at her with awe. "You really mean that?"

"I do. I love you."

In an instant, Spike was kissing her. The feel of warm lips touching hers surprised Buffy for a moment, as feeling any heat from him despite that which he borrowed from her was a new experience. But the feel of his kiss was so undeniably Spike that she soon settled into it. The movement of his lips, his tongue, were as familiar to her as anything she'd ever known. Living or undead, he was hers. She closed her eyes, melting into the sensation of coming home.

Suddenly, Spike pulled away, gasping for breath. Buffy was confused for a moment before she started to laugh. "Didn't take enough air for that, did you?"

Spike coughed. "Never had to before."

Buffy rested her hands against his chest. "Then I guess we're just going to have to get some practice in so you can get used to it."

Spike's eyes stayed trained on her lips, red and swollen from the kiss he'd just given her. "Yeah, we will." He pulled her to him again, wanting to kiss her senseless even if it took every breath away from his body.

The next time it was Buffy who broke away panting. "Bedroom. I need you."

Spike replied by lifting her off her feet and carrying her the short distance to his bed. He laid her down gently, then pulled back, his heart tightening in his chest at the sight of her in his bed, her golden hair fanned out on the pillow.

"Are you going to stare at me all night, or are you going to make love to me?"

A lump formed in his throat. In all their time together, she'd never used those words to describe their coupling. Buffy, his Buffy, loved him and wanted his love in return. "I'm gonna make love to you, baby. Gonna show you just what you mean to me."

Buffy reached out, beckoning him to her arms. He moved into them without hesitation, covering her body with his own. "Love you," he groaned into her hair. "Love you so bloody much."

"Love you, too, Spike. Never gonna lose you again."

Her promise made his need grow even stronger, and he lifted himself up to pull off her shirt. "Wanna make this slow, luv," he said as he tossed the shirt aside. "Wanna spend hours learning you all over again. But…"

Buffy leaned up and kissed him softly. "I know. We have all night for that. Right now I need to feel you inside as much as you need to be inside."

"Are you sure? Because if you need me to get you ready…"

"I am ready. I've been waiting a year to have you back in my arms."

"Right then." With her permission to go at the pace he craved, Spike moved to her jeans, making quick work of the fastenings. Buffy helped him to undress her and then himself, her writhing movements as she did telling him she was indeed as desperate as he was.

They clung to each other with a need bordering on desperation, Spike's hot lips on hers like a brand. He wanted to make her his, and for once, she wasn't going to fight it. She wrapped one leg around him, pulling him close. "Spike, I need you. Oh god, William, please…"

Spike lifted up, wanting to be able to meet her eyes. The love he saw there overwhelmed him, and his heart hammered inside of him. He took her hand, placing it over his chest. "Is it beating too fast, Buffy? Been so long since I've had one that works, I don't…"

Buffy took his hand and placed it over her own chest. "It's okay. Mine's fast right now, too. They're beating together now."

"I love you. I know I keep sayin' it, but it keeps going through my head, and I can't help it coming out."

Buffy nodded in response, cupping his cheek. Spike took a deep breath, savoring the feel of air circulating through his lungs. He knew Buffy wanted him—loved him even. It was time to make their reunion official. He slid inside of her with ease, marveling at how he always fit so perfectly. She was tight, but never too tight, always enough to welcome him into her heat. He kept his eyes locked with hers as he buried himself to the hilt. Buffy moaned, thrusting her hips up, letting him know how much she wanted him to stay inside of her. It was almost bliss for Spike, almost the moment he'd been yearning for since his days as a human poet.

Almost.

"I need you to say it now, Buffy. I need to hear it now, when I'm inside you. Please, kitten. Please. Please…"

"Shh. You don't have to beg for that anymore." She stroked his face, then ran her fingers through his hair. "I love you."

Spike could feel the tears forming in his eyes, and he mentally berated himself for being such an emotional wanker. He was supposed to be making love to Buffy, not crying all over her. But this was it. The moment he'd craved for so long. He felt loved, wanted. And he'd found it here, in the arms of his golden goddess.

Buffy guided his head down, cradling him against her body. Her hands glided through his hair and over his back as her hips moved just enough to massage his cock, still nestled in her folds. After a moment, he pulled up a little. "Not very manly of me," he muttered, pressing a kiss against her neck.

"Spike, look at me."

He did, meeting her eyes only to find them full of tears as well. "'I'm right here with you."

"I know." He started moving then, sliding in and out, never taking his eyes away from hers. He could hear their hearts beating together and their breathing synched in a perfect rhythm. She'd always seemed so hot, but now he could feel his heat warming her even more from the inside instead of pulling her warmth away.

As the pace of their actions increased, Spike lost track of where he ended and she began. He was lost in the moment, absorbing it all through his vampiric senses as well as through a new intensity brought on by his recovered humanity.

Then he was lost, the pleasure too much for him to do anything but let go. He felt Buffy clench around him, heard her call his name, and knew she was there, too. Then it was all too much, and his world went dark.

 

Buffy came to curled up against Spike's side. She looked up to find blue eyes staring down at her, and she blushed. "Sorry. I think I passed out for a minute there."

"That's quite all right, luv. Nice to know I can still do that to you." He kissed the top of her head. "Besides, I did, too."

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "You did?"

"Well, yeah. That was…"

"Intense?"

"That would be the word."

The two were silent for a while, enjoying the feel of simply being close to each other. Then, Buffy spoke. "So was it the way you remembered?"

"What?" Spike asked with a small frown. "Sex with you?"

"No. Sex as a human."

"Well, um, I… I really couldn't tell you."

"I guess it has been a while. I probably couldn't remember that far back either."

"It's not remembering that's the problem. It's that there's nothing to remember."

"What are you saying? That you were a virgin when you were turned?"

"Yeah." Spike shifted, uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken.

"How old were you?"

"Twenty six."

"Twenty six? Seriously? You were twenty six and you'd never…"

Spike turned his head away from her, staring up at the ceiling. "Yes. Could you not make a big deal out of it? It was a different time. Things were…"

"I'm not making fun of you," Buffy cut in. "It's just… Whatever happened to 'I've always been bad?'"

"Never said what I was bad at."

"Okay. So tell me now."

"No."

"What? Why?"

"I'm not up for a post-coital confessional." Spike tensed up beside her. He couldn't stand the thought of her laughing at him. Things had been perfect, and now it was becoming this. Wasn't that just his luck…

"Spike, honey , please—don't shut me out. I want to know about you. It's important to me."

Spike sighed. "Fine. Poetry. I was bad at poetry."

"What? You are so not."

Spike looked over at her sharply. "When did you read my poetry?"

"You'd leave it around your crypt. Little scraps of paper here and there with bits of poetry on them, in your handwriting. I figured they were works in progress. But they were good."

Spike wasn't sure how to respond. On the one hand, he was a bit perturbed that Buffy would've secretly read his poems without saying anything to him. Although, given the nature of their relationship at the time, he knew why… But on the other hand, he was happy at the thought of Buffy enjoying his writing. "You really liked them?"

"Yes. And would I be completely self-absorbed in thinking that a few were about me?"

"More than a few, luv. Hell, in that time period, I think there were all about you."

"You're the only man to ever write poetry about me," Buffy said quietly.

"It doesn't bother you?"

"Bother me? Why would it bother me? It's very touching, actually."

Spike pulled her closer so her head was resting on his chest. "You know, I'm starting to wonder if maybe I died in that battle, and this is Heaven."

"No. Heaven doesn't feel this wonderful."

Spike blinked. "You can't really mean that. It was Heaven. It must've been…well, heavenly."

"It can wait until it's time for me to go back. Right now I'm perfectly happy to live my life with the man I love. Besides, Heaven isn't exactly the place for mind-blowing sex."

"No?" Spike leered at her. "In that case, maybe I'd rather be damned."

"Well, you just went and got yourself redeemed, so if you want damnation, you better start sinning." Buffy winked.

The look he gave her in response was enough to make Buffy swoon. He rolled back on top of her, supporting his upper body with his arms outstretched on either side of her. "That an invitation?"

"Uh huh. You gonna accept?"

Spike responded with a grin, then slid down her body, stopping when he was resting between the apex of her thighs. He gave her a long, languorous lick, moaning as he did. "Buffy…luv… Bleedin' hell, I've missed the taste of you."

Buffy whimpered, deciding right then that there was nothing better in the world than an orally fixated man with a talented tongue. "I've missed letting you taste."

"Don't wanna taste right now. Wanna feast." His mouth was back on her in an instant, and Buffy had to fight from grabbing hold of his hair and keeping him close the way she was used to, reminding herself that he had to breathe now.

She wanted to let him know how wonderful what he was doing was, how good he could make her feel. But she couldn't find the words, the pleasure overriding her brain and stealing her voice. When Spike added his fingers, slowly pumping three of the long digits in and out of her, any coherent thought was gone from Buffy completely, and she thrust her hips, unable to keep them still any longer. Then Spike curved his fingers inside her, hitting just the right spot, and bit down lightly on the bundle of nerves he'd taken into his mouth, and Buffy screamed in release, her legs clamping around his head.

As she came down, she realized she had him trapped, and relaxed her legs quickly. "Spike…I'm so sorry. I forgot, that you breathe now. I tried to remember, but I'm so used to…"

Spike moved back up quickly, kissing her lightly to silence her. "You didn't smother me, Buffy. Didn't even come close. And hell, if you had—what a way to go."

Buffy tried to slap his shoulder, though the effects of the bone-melting orgasm he'd just given her made it a weak attempt. "Freak."

Spike licked his lips. "Not my fault you taste like ambrosia."

"I think you're exaggerating a bit there, mister."

"Nope. Not one bit. You're my own personal little honey pot." He curled his tongue behind his teeth to emphasize his words.

"You are such a pig." Buffy rolled her eyes as she spoke, but then her expression turned to a grin. "But I like it."

"I always knew you did." He rolled over on his back. "C'mere, baby. Wanna watch that hair of yours bounce while you ride me."

"You and my hair," Buffy replied as she moved to do what he said. She slowly sank down on his length, her hands gripping his shoulders tightly for support.

Spike's eyes rolled back in his head as he felt her encase him in her velvet heat. When he felt that she wasn't moving, he looked up into her eyes and took hold of her hips. "You waiting for something?"

"You."

"I'm more than ready, luv," he said huskily. He started to slide her up and down with the grip he had on her hips, watching Buffy as her head fell slightly backwards, biting her lip as she whimpered. She soon started to move on her own, the pace faster than the one Spike had set. "That's it, kitten. Ride me. Make it feel good."

Buffy pulled her head up, her eyes locking with his. She added a twist to each downward thrust, remembering the way he liked it. Spike groaned her name, one hand moving from her hip to tangle in her hair. He pulled her closer, kissing her as she kept her hips moving in a steady rhythm. "Just like that, baby," he panted as he broke away.

Buffy stayed close to him until the pressure building inside her was too much, and she had to sit up again, grinding her hips harder against his is a desperate search for more friction. Seeing how close she was, Spike moved his hand from her hair to her clit, moving his thumb over it in a blur. He felt her internal muscles clamp around him as she spasmed, her rhythm broken when her orgasm tore through her. As Buffy began to slump forward on his chest, Spike rolled them over, pumping into her as he found his own pleasure.

He remained conscious this time, only moving to rest his head against Buffy's breast. She ran her fingers through her hair, mussing up the curls even further than they already had been. "I love your hair, too, you know," she said after a moment.

Spike glanced up from his position on her chest. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. It's so soft. And I like playing with the little curls."

Spike snorted. "Those curls are a pain in my arse."

"But if you fix them right, they're damn sexy."

"Whatever you say, kitten." He rolled over with her, her head now resting on his chest. After a moment, he asked, "Are you getting tired, or…"

"Just give me a minute, and I'll be good to go." She looked up at him. "Unless you can't keep up with me anymore."

"Oh, you are not getting away with that, missy," Spike said, pushing her on her back again. "I'll show you who can't keep up." He pounced, and Buffy squealed even as she pulled him closer.

 

Chapter 15:

Spike lay perched on his elbow, watching Buffy as she slept. She was curled on her side, blanket wrapped tightly around her, and Spike couldn't think of a time when she had looked more beautiful. And she was really his. Completely this time.

Buffy scrunched her nose up in her sleep, and Spike couldn't help but grin. She was adorable. He loved that he could see this side of her, the girl who was buried beneath the Slayer. That she'd let him in, let him get this close to her, meant everything to him.

It was some time later when her eyes finally fluttered open, and a slow, lazy grin spread across her face when she saw him looking down at her. "Hey."

"Hey. Sleep well, kitten?"

Buffy stretched, a very close imitation of what he'd just called her. "Wonderfully. I should sleep next to you every night."

"That could be arranged."

"Oh yeah?" Buffy moved closer, draping her arm over him. "Care to make that official?"

"How? Marry you?"

Buffy blinked. "I…I wasn't thinking about…I…"

Spike felt his heart drop a little. He hadn't planned on saying that, hadn't even given all that much thought to actually marrying Buffy. But then it had popped out, and now she was probably scared again. Dammit… "Buffy, I didn't… That wasn't a proposal."

"I know." She frowned, and Spike could swear he saw disappointment in her eyes. "Why not? Don't you want to marry me?"

"I…I hadn't thought about it. I mean, I want to be with you, but… Did you want it to be a proposal?"

Buffy figured they must've held off the serious relationship talk as long as they could. Might as well get it over with. She pulled back, and saw the fear on Spike's face as she did. "Just getting comfortable," she assured him. Then she reached out and took his hand. "See? I'm not going anywhere."

Spike raised her hand to his lips and gave it a soft kiss. "Good. You're a hard woman to chase."

"And yet, you never given up."

"Nope. I'm annoyingly persistent like that."

Buffy chuckled. "That's one way of putting it." She pushed a wayward curl away from his face.

Spike reached up, feeling his hair. "I probably look like Shirley Temple."

"No, not at all. It's very sexy bed hair."

"If you say so," Spike said, leaning in and kissing her, all thoughts of the serious conversation they'd started to have fleeing from his mind.

Suddenly she broke away, avoiding Spike's attempt to pull her back. "So we were talking about marriage?"

"Were we?" Spike replied, wrinkling his brow.

"Well, sort of. We do need to figure out what we're going to do. I mean, we can't really have a relationship with you here and me in Rome. I mean, I guess we could, but I don't want to be that far away from you."

"Buffy, luv, I hate Los Angeles. You tell me you want us to move to a remote outpost in Siberia, and I'm there. I told you once I was your willing slave, and that hasn't changed. I'll go where you go."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah."

"Cause, well, I was sorta thinking about going to London."

"London?"

"Yeah. That's where the Slayers are based now. Giles has been prodding me for a while to take a more active role in what they're trying to set up there, but I wasn't ready for a while."

"And you think you're ready now?"

"Yeah, I do. Rome is nice and all, but I sorta miss being the Slayer. Not that I've given it up completely or anything, but I still haven't been as active as I used to be."

"This coming from the girl who used to lament about her lack of a normal life," Spike teased.

Buffy looked sheepish. "I know. I've just…grown up, I suppose. Realized who I really am."

"And that would be?"

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer of course," she said with a giggle. "I can be both. Buffy and the Slayer. And being the Slayer, well, that's my normal. And even now that I've shared my power with all those other girls, it's still who I am. It's who I'll always be, and I think…I think I'm okay with that."

"And is there room in the life of Buffy the Vampire Slayer for an ex-vampire husband?"

"Is…is that a proposal?"

"It is if you want it to be."

"I think I do." A smile slowly crept to Buffy's lips until it lit up her whole face. "Yeah, I do want it to be. I mean, if you want to…"

Spike grabbed her, kissing her hard. Buffy's eyes widened in surprise and the suddenness of his actions, but she was soon kissing back, reaching up to tangle her fingers in his hair. "You know," Buffy said, breaking away after a moment, "Technically, we've been engaged for four years."

"True," Spike said with a chuckle. "You never did give me my ring back. What sort of horrible fate did that thing meet anyway?"

"Oh… I, um…kept it in my jewelry box." The last part came out in a rush.

Spike arched an eyebrow. "You what?"

"I kept it in my jewelry box. And don't ask me why, 'cause I don't know. I just…wanted to keep it."

"I knew you wanted me even then," Spike said with a wide grin. "Couldn't resist my sinister attraction."

"Oh please," Buffy said, rolling her eyes. "I resisted plenty, mister."

"Yeah, and a lot of bloody good it did you, too, stubborn woman."

"Hey, I learned my lesson!" She pressed herself closer against him. "Look at me now, all…willing…and…wanting."

"Mmm…Are you now? And what exactly are you wanting?"

Buffy leaned in and nipped his earlobe, making Spike shudder. "My fiancé."

Oh, he liked the sound of that… "And where do you want him, pet?" he teased hotly.

"Inside me," Buffy replied, rolling them over so she was straddling his waist. "Think that can be arranged?"

"I do," Spike said, pulling her back into a kiss. Buffy positioned herself over his cock, sliding down to take all of him inside. She tore her mouth away from his, crying out when he filled her.

"Spike…it's so perfect…every time."

"I know, baby," he said, taking hold of her hips. "Meant for each other, we are."

"Yes…" Buffy moaned, throwing her head back. Spike watched her riding him, in awe of her beauty. He'd loved her for so long, and now here she was—his.

"Buffy…oh god, Buffy…" Spike thrust his hips up harder, slamming up to meet her downward thrusts. Buffy cried out in pleasure, bracing herself on his shoulders. Sex with Buffy had always been amazing, but this… Last night had been incredible, both of them managing to take each other to new heights of ecstasy. And now that Spike knew exactly where she wanted him in her life, what he really did mean to her…

He flipped them over, supporting himself on his arms so he could look down into her eyes. Their rhythm didn't falter as their gazes locked, and Spike continued to drive into her, bringing them closer.

"Never gonna let you go again, kitten," he vowed. "I'll be the one who stays forever. You'll never have to face anything alone again. I promise."

Buffy was too far gone to speak, too close to the edge. She nodded, tightening her grip on his arm, and hoping he could feel all the love and devotion she felt for him. He was her support, her rock—the one who gave her strength. So many times he'd been the only one to stay beside her, the only one to give her support when she needed it most. She'd taken it for granted so many times. She wouldn't ever again.

Spike's thrusts stayed steady and strong, and Buffy knew she wouldn't last much longer. With a cry of pleasure, she arched up, letting herself fall over the edge. Her internal muscles squeezed him tightly, pulling Spike over with her.

Spike rolled over on to his back and held her in his arms, basking with Buffy in the afterglow. It seemed almost impossible that this could be real, that they could've actually made it this far. He'd truly been given a new life—a new life with the woman he loved.

He felt Buffy's fingers tracing the outline of his abdomen, and he lifted her tiny hand into his, bringing it to his lips for a kiss. "Love you, kitten," he said, his voice rumbling through his chest and making Buffy shiver.

"Love you, too."

"And you were serious…about the whole wanting to marry me thing."

"Yes. There's no one else in this world I'd rather spend my life with."

"Good, cause I'd have to kill any bloke that tried to get you away from me, and I'm not supposed to be doing that anymore."

Buffy smirked. "I promise you you won't have to."

"And the Immortal?"

"Let me deal with that. It was fizzling anyway. It wasn't serious, Spike. I just needed comfort, and he wasn't asking me for anything permanent. You're who I was really wanting. Who I always want."

"Couldn't you have found someone less vile to seek comfort with?"

"Would you really want me to have a 'less vile' man waiting for me back in Italy?"

Spike frowned. "I hate that you have anyone wanting for you back in Italy."

Buffy pressed a soft kiss against his chest. "But you're the one I'm going to marry, Spike. The Immortal is history."

Spike grinned. "I really like the sound of that."

"Which part?"

"Well, both, but I'm partial to the bit about you marrying me." Spike shifted a little, though he kept Buffy pulled tightly against him. "I never thought about it before, us actually getting hitched. I mean, other than that crazy spell of Willow's. But now…maybe it's the heartbeat talking, but I think it's exactly what I want."

Buffy craned her neck to look up at him. "You think? You better do more than think here…"

"I know," Spike amended, pulling Buffy up for a kiss.

*** *** ***

Spike woke again later that afternoon to find Buffy moving around the room. "Goin' somewhere, pet?" he asked groggily.

Buffy looked up sharply at the sound of his voice. "I thought you were asleep."

"Was. Awake now. What's going on?"

"I'm going to see Angel."

Spike sat right up. "You're what? Buffy, no. If you remember from our last little visit, he's not exactly in a hospitable mood."

"I have to do this, Spike."

"So you were what, going to sneak out to see your ex while I was asleep?"

"I was going to leave you a note!" Buffy said in her defense.

"Fine. Just go then."

"You're angry with me."

"Well, yeah. You sneak out of bed after the night and morning we just had to go see Angel? What am I supposed to do, jump for joy?"

"It isn't like that! And I wasn't sneaking. I just knew you'd, well, do this."

"Why do you need to talk to him anyway? Wanna make sure he's really done with you before you get yourself hitched to me?"

"What? How can you ask me that? After everything we've been through together, everything we've shared? You honestly think I'd do that?"

Spike crossed his arms in front of him. "I don't know, Buffy. What are you doing?"

"I'm not…" Buffy closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before opening them again. "I'm not going to see Angel because I still want to be with him, Spike. That's the furthest thing from what I want. But you know how he is as well as I do. Nothing's more appealing to him than the thing he can't have. The first time he showed up in Sunnydale after he went to LA—and actually had the decency to show his face around me—was when he found out about Riley. And then he got in a fight with him in an alley."

Spike perked up a little at that. "Yeah? Who won?"

"So not the point, Spike. And Angel, I think. Anyway, I need to make sure he knows he's not in my life anymore. That I don't need him in any way, shape, or form. I don't need him being my Champion from afar. I'm no longer his concern, and I'm no longer his object of courtly love to place on some pedestal. I have to know that that's clear with him, and that he isn't going to cause us any trouble."

"And that's all?"

Buffy sat down on the bed, reaching out to take Spike's hand. "You don't have to be insecure."

"I'm not bloody insecure."

"Please," Buffy said, rolling her eyes. "I know you, honey, so no point in lying to me. But it's all right. You have me, and I'm not letting go of you ever again. I just have to do this, okay?"

"Be back soon?"

"Of course." Buffy leaned in and kissed him lightly. "Love you."

"Love you, too," Spike replied as Buffy got up from the bed. He watched her leave, and willed himself to be okay with it.

She was his now, not Angel's. He'd just have to hold on to that.

*** *** ***

"Hi, Buffy," Cordelia said from behind the reception desk as soon as Buffy walked into the Hyperion's lobby. "Angel's upstairs. I'll get him for you."

"Thanks," Buffy said, frowning a little. Cordelia as a psychic Higher Being as opposed to an airheaded cheerleader was something she was going to have to get used to.

Angel came down a short time later, and Buffy noted that Cordelia had remained upstairs, to give them privacy, Buffy assumed. "Hey, Angel."

"Cordy said you wanted to talk to me?"

He seemed more subdued than he had been the day before, and Buffy hoped that he wouldn't make things difficult again. For once, she wanted something with this man to go smoothly. "Spike and I have decided to get married."

Buffy could tell from the look on his face that Angel hadn't been expecting anything near that. "Oh. When?"

"We haven't decided yet. Just that it's something we want to do. Probably fairly soon, I'd suspect. We're going to go to London. I want to go work with the other Slayers, get back into my Calling."

"William the Bloody in a building full of Slayers. I guess if you think that's a good idea…"

"Angel, don't. He's not the man he used to be. You know that."

"So why exactly are you telling me this?" Angel asked. "Just felt like rubbing it in?"

"No. I wanted to make sure that you understand that this is what I want. You told me once to find someone who could take me out into the light. I have that now. And I'm happy. Can you respect that?"

Angel was silent for several moments, and Buffy wondered if he was going to snap at her. "Just answer me one thing," he said finally.

"What?"

"If I had been the one that the Shanshu…"

"No."

"That quick of an answer, huh?"

"Yes. I love, Spike. I want to be with him. The fact that he has a heartbeat now is just an added bonus. If the Shanshu had been about you instead of him, then I'd be with a vampire right now."

Angel closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them again. "Then I can respect that."

"Good. I don't…I don't want you in my life right now, Angel. Maybe someday, I'll be able to see you as a friend, but with all the hurt and betrayal…I can't right now."

"I know."

"Then it's settled." Buffy turned, walking towards the door.

"Buffy?"

She stopped, but didn't turn around. "Yes?"

"You told me once you'd always be my girl."

"I did. But I'm a woman now." Buffy walked out then, into the daylight.

*** *** ***
 

Chapter 16

One Month Later…

Buffy looked around the spacious apartment, a smile on her face. Even with the room filled with boxes and the furniture not set to be brought in until the following day, she felt at home.

Never before had a move felt so much like a true new beginning. Before, she'd always been running from something. When she moved to and from Sunnydale, she'd been trying to hide, to get away from the pain she'd felt in the last place she'd lived.

Coming to London hadn't been like that. She'd gone where she wanted to go, not because she had to, but because the time was right. She was starting a life with the man she loved. And while Buffy was far from naïve enough to think that that life would be nothing but smooth sailing, she wasn't worried about what the future had to hold. She was with Spike, and she felt in her heart that that would always be enough.

The door to the apartment swung open, Dawn marching in with Spike trailing behind her, his hands full of brown paper bags. "He insisted we get fish n chips, even though I told him he was being overly stereotypically British. He said that he hadn't had decent ones in like forever, and I was going to 'shut my bloody gob and eat them.'" Dawn said the last part in a mocking version of Spike's accent, earning her a dirty look from the blond man behind her as he kicked the door shut. "Personally," Dawn continued, "I don't see how exactly I can eat with my mouth shut, but Spike's always been weird."

"Gee, thanks ever so, nibblet."

"It's like living with a couple of children," Buffy said, a wry smile on her lips. "There's no table yet, but I put some newspapers down here, so we won't get the new floors all messed up."

"Be careful, Spike. Next thing you know, she'll be putting plastic over the couch. You know, when you have one," Dawn said.

"I will not!" Buffy protested as Spike set their dinner down where she'd indicated. "They're just…very nice floors."

Spike came up behind Buffy, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing the top of her head. "It's all right. I think she's cute when she's all domestic."

"You say that now," Dawn said, wagging a finger. "Wait until she has you scrubbing the bathroom."

"Can't we make some of the lil' Slayers do that?" Spike asked. "Tell them it's part of their training?"

Buffy pulled away from him, smacking his chest lightly. "No, we can't." She paused for a moment. "Can we?"

"You're the boss around here, Buffy," Spike said. "I think you can make them do whatever you want."

"I so like the sound of that."

"You always did have a bit of a dominatrix streak in you," Spike teased, making Buffy blush.

"Ugh. Gag me, much?" Dawn said, sitting down. "So are you two going to get all kinky or are we going to eat?"

Spike started to speak, but Buffy shot him a look, and his mouth shut quickly. "We're eating," Buffy said, sitting across from Dawn. Spike joined them.

"You know what the coolest thing about all of this is?" Dawn said as she opened the bag with her food. "That I get my own apartment."

"It's right across the hall from ours," Buffy said. "And I have a key, so I can come in at any moment."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Geez, a little overprotective there, Buffy? I know I still have to behave myself. But it's still like…my own apartment. With my own kitchen and everything."

"You did make sure the smoke detector is hooked up, didn't you, honey?" Buffy said, looking over at Spike.

"First thing," Spike replied. "There's one in every room actually."

"You two are smothering me," Dawn muttered.

"Says the seventeen year old girl with her own apartment," Buffy replied.

Dawn grinned. "Okay, so I can put up with you two mother hens for that. And I totally won't even question why you suddenly decided I should live there instead of the other bedroom in this place. I just figured it's so you can have loud sex anyway."

"Dawn!" Buffy exclaimed.

"What? Like I couldn't hear you two in Italy?" Dawn teased, snickering at the way Buffy turned bright red.

"It's not nice to tease your sister like that," Spike said, although Dawn could see him fighting the smirk.

Dawn shrugged. "The way you two go at it, it probably won't be long before there's someone running around here calling me Aunt Dawnie," she said, turning back to her food and missing the significant glance between the two blonds across from her.

Buffy moved a little closer to Spike as they ate, loving the feel of him so close to her. She caught the glint of the engagement ring Spike had given her back in Italy to "make it official" and smiled. Her life was going almost scarily well. Even Dawn, who had seemed to be getting more and more depressed the longer they were in Italy had perked up since they'd come to London.

At another point in her life, she would've been afraid. Things were almost too good, and in her experience, that meant that everything should soon collapse around her. But Buffy wasn't afraid.

She was happy.

*** *** ***

"Having trouble sleeping, pet?"

Buffy turned from the edge of the balcony, watching Spike as he came out to join her. He'd only slipped on a pair of jeans before coming out of the apartment, and Buffy's mouth watered at the sight. The knowledge that this gorgeous, sexy man was all hers was enough to make her brain want to melt. "No," she said in answer to his question. "Not really. I just wanted to come out for some fresh air. See the view."

Spike came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, and Buffy settled into the embrace, the two of them silent for a while as they looked out onto London's skyline.

"It's strange," Spike said after a moment. "So much like how I remember it being when I was a boy, but not at the same time."

Buffy craned her neck to look up at him. "Are you glad to be home?"

"Home's with you, Buffy."

Buffy kissed him before turning her gaze back in front of her. She felt Spike's hand wander to the front of her robe, slipping inside and pressing against her belly. "When is she going to start moving?"

"I'm only three weeks along. It's going to be a little while," Buffy replied. "And what makes you think it's a girl?"

"Because she is a girl. A little girl with her mummy's hair." Spike ran his fingers through Buffy's hair, then turned her around, kissing her on the tip of her nose. "And her mother's adorable little nose, too."

"I hope she has her daddy's eyes," Buffy said. "Even though they'll make the boys start pounding down the door."

"Not if her daddy has anything to say about it," Spike replied, pulling Buffy a little closer to him.

"Gonna be the protective type?"

"And you're what, surprised?"

Buffy giggled. "Not at all. And just for the record, I think you're going to make a wonderful father."

"I still can't believe I'm going to be a father. I never thought… Well, I guess bein' dead for over a century sort of makes you rule out that idea."

"But you are happy about it, aren't you? I know it wasn't exactly planned, and it was sort of sudden, so…"

Spike silenced her with a kiss. "Buffy, the moment I found out you were pregnant was the happiest moment of my life. We're starting a family, pet. I can't even begin to tell you how much of a gift that is."

"I know, Spike. It's a gift to me, too."

"I love you."

"And I love you."

Buffy turned again, resting her head against his chest as they stared out over the place they could now call home, watching the sun rise.

*** *** ***

Yeah, I know, the ending was a bit on the sappy side. So sue me. (Or don't, 'cause I'm really broke and stuff…) And the symbolism was a little heavy there, but if Joss can do it, so can I. *insert evil laughter here*

Hope you enjoyed the fic. And don't be too sad to see it over, but there will be a sequel. If things go the way I plan, several, in fact. This fic is the beginning of a series of Post-Chosen fics that can (or will) be found here: http://www.angelfire.com/scifi/addielogan/post_chosen.html

Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed this fic, especially the people who were there every chapter. It's reviewers that keep the fics alive.