Of Fact and Fiction 5

"Do you think he'll accept my terms Slayer?"

Her nerves had been stretched out, and this wait was pure agony.

Buffy had never liked to wait. "Shut up."

Kage rolled his eyes, "Such disrespect for authority! Really Ms.

Summers!"

Buffy merely growled at him.

* * *

Dru had been dancing, Spike couldn't tell for how long now - he had

been immersed in thought.

Kage would return them to the outside world - if Spike agreed that he

would be out of Buffy's life. Her memories of him - of their time

spent together would be erased - never have happened. She would never

be his.

Was there any choice?

He called Drusilla's name, and happily Drusilla flew into his arms.

Spike stood numbed as she nuzzled against his chest. His thoughts

still in disarray.

There was no choice.

Slowly, he and Dru retraced their steps, until they were once more

facing Kage and the Slayer. Spike couldn't meet her gaze.

Buffy watched them, jealousy flaring up as she eyed Drusilla's arm,

which was snaked around Spike's waist. It didn't help that he refused

to look at her. She felt sick.

"So vampire? Do you agree?"

Spike looked up and for the first time stared into Buffy's eyes. "I

want to remember."

Kage sighed, and waved his hand, "Done, done! If you insist on

torturing yourself, I would gladly oblige."

"Wait! I want a little time..."

"I can do that too!" Kage was grinning. Finally this would be

resovled.

Buffy was confused, what was happening? Desperately, she searched

Spike's face, but found it curiously blank.

Spike nodded slowly, "I hold you to your word Kage."

Kage nodded eagerly, "Yes yes! You have my word vampire!"

Then swiftly, before anyone could blink he was standing before the

vampires.

First, he reached out to touch Drusilla's cheek. Drusilla eagerly

leaned into his touch. Kage smiled at her fondly, and before Spike

and Buffy's eyes - she disappeared.

Kage turned to Spike, and leaning in so only the vampire could hear,

he whispered. "Remember vampire - she will be mine eventually. You

promise she will be mine."

Mutely, Spike nodded.

Kage smiled, and with a flourish of his hands, all was darkness...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATED 9-3-01

Willow felt lost as the connection between her and Danica was

abruptly broken. She knew that they were no longer

needed. Buffy and Spike were safe, and that was the important thing,

she knew this, but the sense of loss was acute.

Touching Danica's mind was like touching Dawn's. It was a bit

unsettling to say the least, and she couldn't even begin to

understand how Dawn must've felt.

Anya moaned, holding onto her head. She hadn't felt this kind of pain

in a while, but then a

thought struck her - a thought that eclipsed all else.

"I'm still alive!" she glanced to her right. "And Xander's alive!"

With those two realisations, she pounced on Xander, while everyone

else looked anywhere

but the couple groping on the floor.

Dawn shook her head, trying to suppress her smile. She got up and

picked up the book, eyes

scanning the lines. "Hey guys..."

Everyone, except for Xander and Anya, looked up.

"They're back."

* * *

Buffy moaned, her head ached...well actually, everything ached. It

took several moments for anything else

aside from the pain to register.

She looked up into Dawn's concerned face, "Dawn?"

The girl shook her head sadly, and touched her cheek. "Buffy."

"Danica." Buffy squeezed her hand, as the girl's face brightened.

Then she remembered, her eyes searched the room until they fell on a

prone figure. "Spike!"

* * *

"Buffy!"

The Scooby gang all looked up, stunned to see a dishevelled Angel at

the doorway.

His dark eyes frantically scanned the room, finally settling on

Giles. "Where are they?"

Giles was baffled by Angel's behaviour, while Xander merely seethed.

How dare he just barge in

like this? As if he still had the right to.

Giles noted everyone's general distress, and stepped forward to face

Angel. "Angel we don't have

the slightest idea who and what you're talking about."

Angel tried to calm him self down. The vision of Buffy twined around

Spike had not left him. He knew

he shouldn't be so frantic, but he couldn't help himself. The thought

of Buffy with any other man had

been enough to make him sick to the stomach, but the thought of Buffy

with Spike...his Childe...

"Buffy and Spike...where are they?"

Angel watched them all shift uncomfortably, and he wished he was

anywhere but here. Why did he

come at all? What he didn't know couldn't hurt him...why didn't he

just bury himself beneath a rock?

Dawn stepped forward, highly conscious that this would be the first

time that she would technically

meet Angel, the love of her sister's life.

"They're not here Angel."

Angel glanced at her, for a moment not recognising her, then it

clinked into place. "Dawn. Where are

they?"

Dawn had been carefully watching his face, and saw the flicker. She

sighed, "They're trapped in a book."

"Dawn!"

"What?"

Dawn rolled her eyes at the gang, who all had sharply reprimanded

her. God, it was like a Buffy chorus.

Willow stepped forward, touching Dawn gently on the

arm. "Angel...it's complicated...."

Angel shook his head confused, "Buffy and Spike are what?"

* * *

Buffy rushed to his side, ignoring the pain that flared in her side.

She touched his shoulder anxiously. "Spike?"

He lay so still, and in her mind's eye she saw him lying on his side

so still in that other place. With a growl of frustration, she shook

him hard.

Spike groaned, and rolled onto his stomach. He blinked once, then

twice. With a hiss of pain he pushed himself

up in a sitting position. The pain in his head was reminiscent of the

worst hangover of his undead life. He groaned again and held his

head; afraid it would fall off his shoulders and roll on the ground.

"Bloody hell."

Buffy bent over him, hands gently searching for broken bones. "Spike?"

Her scent was the first thing he noticed, sweet and intoxicating -

filling his head and pushing out all thoughts of pain.

Then he felt her hair, the golden strands brushing lightly across his

face, imitating the gentle movements of her hands.

"Buffy..."

"Oh God Spike!" All the frustration, fear and rage that had been

bottled up in her rushed out of her in one sob.

Buffy hated to cry, especially in front of Spike, but even though her

pride protested, the tears won out.

Spike held her, pressing her as close as possible, and felt sorrow.

Kage had kept his word - he had given Spike

these few moments, and Spike was grateful that he recognised it for

what it was. He held Buffy, knowing he may never again have this

chance - and she didn't know.

Spike wanted to cry, but he would treasure these few moments that he

had been granted. He couldn't tell her; he didn't

want their last moments filled with pain. It wasn't supposed to be

like that.

Buffy sniffed, wiping her face quickly in her embarrassment. "I'm

sorry, I just..."

Soothingly, Spike hushed away her protests, cradling her in his arms,

giving her the support that she needed.

Soon Buffy's sobs quietened, and were gone, as she pressed herself

into his arms, stunned at how comfortable she

felt. She never wanted this moment to end. She had never felt such

peace and contentment before, and she was

loathe to give it up.

* * *

Angel rubbed his forehead, who said vampires didn't get headaches?

The whole situation was making his head throb.

He had yet to ask for the book, and he could see that they would be

reluctant to give it to him.

Dawn held a book, presumably *the* book, tightly to her chest, and

Angel couldn't understand the guarded statement

on her face. It was almost as if she didn't know him. Angel didn't

know why, but the thought of Dawn despising him for

some reason hurt. It was true that perhaps Angel had been more

preoccupied with Dawn's sister to take much notice of

the girl, but he had always been kind to her. He didn't understand

why she looked at him the way she did.

In his mind he saw Buffy and Spike lost in a passionate kiss, music

flowing around them...

He had to know.

Wordlessly, he held out his hand.

Alarm flared up in Dawn's green eyes, as her glance flicked from him

to Giles. Out of the corner of his eye, Angel saw

Giles nod. Dawn glared at him as she reluctantly handed over the book.

It was a simple book, the cover bare red. It was nothing spectacular;

it wasn't even a hardcover. But Angel knew the

saying. Never judge a book by its cover, and here a literal

interpretation would have to be taken.

For a full minute, he did nothing but stare at the book in his hand,

the thought crossing his mind that he had never held

anything that he so dreaded. In this innocent looking book lay the

answer to the one question that had compelled him

to drive from L.A down to Sunnydale - a place he thought never to see

again.

He flipped open the page, his eyes riveted on one sentence:

*The night looked on as Slayer and Vampire, lost in each other,

forgetting the laws of their society, throwing themselves

in the shades grey, consummated a love that knew no bounds...*

Hastily he snapped the book closed, his eyes closing as well.

Silently he turned away.

Angel realised that he had known the answer to his question, but he

had so desperately wanted it to be proved wrong.

He wanted to fly down here, have Buffy reassure him that his fears

were foolish, and that she would always love him.

Instead he found this.

In a blinding flash, all of dreams of the perfect love between him

and Buffy were dashed to the grounds. His dreams of

holding his golden girl in his arms, her looking into his eyes with

perfect and utter love...gone.

Angel knew that these dreams were foolish - what did he really expect

anyway? That Buffy would continue to love him,

and shun all happiness?

Happily ever after just didn't work. A wave of fatigue engulfed him;

he was just too damned tired.

In that moment, Angel knew he had to let go of the fairytale.

He just prayed to whatever greater powers there were that his heart

would follow his brain's lead. Though at that moment,

he doubted whether his heart and his brain could ever be reconciled.

* * *

Danica who had held back, now stepped up to them. Reverently, she

touched Buffy's hair.

Buffy feeling the light touch, looked up into green eyes that looked

so familiar but weren't.

Danica held out her hand, silently asking Buffy to take it. Without

hesitation, she did, feeling strangely

comforted by the girl's touch.

Danica pulled Buffy up, and Spike had to follow.

He wanted to stop her from taking Buffy away; he didn't want this to

end, not yet, not ever. For a moment, he watched

Buffy's retreating figure, marvelling at the grace in every move.

She stopped and turned, beckoning to him, and again he felt the

insane urge to just crumple up into a ball and bawl his

eyes out.

Drusilla's words were ringing in his ears.

*"...You'd let her walk in the sun, while you remain in the cold

shadows..."*

Yeah, his insane Drusilla was always right. He would let Buffy go,

and he'd remain, but at least he would have a candle.

A fragile flickering light that would cause him immense pain, but a

pain that he couldn't live without.

Buffy held his hand, squeezing it for comfort. The ordeal was over;

for once everything was going to be alright.

Unable to help himself, Spike pulled Buffy into his embrace, burying

himself in the golden silk that was her hair.

With a sigh, her small hand drifted upwards to caress his face. Spike

leaned into her touch, trying so damn hard to

control himself.

"Spike..."

He looked up, and Buffy was confused by what she saw in his eyes. She

saw the pain glittering in his eyes, turning those

azure orbs into hardened ice. "Spike, you gotta know..."

"What luv?"

She turned in his embrace, "You gotta know right?"

Spike could see that she was struggling with her words, and it dawned

on him what she was trying to say. He smiled,

but the elation that he expected to see wasn't there, couldn't be.

The smile was one of saddened resignation.

"What do I know luv?"

Buffy blew out a breath of frustration, her temper flaring

briefly, "Spike!"

"Say it Buffy."

She couldn't refuse the plea in his voice, who could? "I love you."

Spike stared at her stunned. He had known what she was going to say,

but the effect those three little words had on

him was indescribable.

Buffy stared at him, fidgeting, "Aren't you going to say something?"

Technically, Spike had professed his love for the Slayer before, but

now she waited, anticipation and fear of rejection,

making her unable to find a comfortable spot to stand in.

He saw this, and it drew out a tender smile, he pulled her in for a

fierce kiss, and Buffy was once more lost to the world

as her senses were assaulted.

She shivered as he leaned close to whisper in her delicate

ear. "Always and forever Buffy-love. Until the day I crumble to

dust, I would always love you."

* * *

Willow watched the grief-stricken vampire.

He had yet to say another word, but wandered around the shop in a

daze, lost in thought.

Xander groaned, watching him as well, " I thought our brooding days

are over!" he glared at the oblivious vampire.

"Want me to get you a dusty cloak, a well-worn copy of Byron and a

couple of candles?" his tone dripped with

sarcasm. However they bounced off effortlessly, as the vampire

continued his seemingly torturous route.

Tara slipped her hand into Willow's, her eyes also on Angel.

"Is he ever gonna talk to us?" she whispered, not wanting to intrude

on Angel's moment.

Willow shrugged, "He was never much of a talker anyway."

Their respective musings were interrupted by a delighted giggle.

They all looked up, their gazes falling on Dawn, who was curled in a

corner, head buried in the book.

She glanced up feeling everyone's scrutiny, but she promptly

dismissed them and went back to Spike's and Buffy's world.

* * *

"Spike? Buffy?"

Their heated kiss was interrupted with the voice softly calling them

back down to earth.

Spike's arms tightened around her waist for a moment, before he let

them drop. Buffy sighed, completely content, as she

tried to lose herself in Spike's embrace.

They looked up, to find an amused Danica grinning at them. Buffy

blushed, and pulled out of Spike's embrace, but

maintaining her grip on his hand. Spike merely flashed both of them

his trademark smirk, and kept Buffy's hand firmly

in his.

Danica turned, and they obligingly followed.

Danica lifted her skirts and stepped over something that was sprawled

across the breadth of the hallway. As she passed,

a groan could be heard from the heap at her feet.

The heap stirred, and staggered upwards. Prince Rhys moaned, holding

onto his head.

Spike rolled his eyes, and promptly smashed him back down on the

ground. Buffy merely raised one eyebrow, which

Spike answered with a shrug.

Danica led them to the library. Spike and Buffy stayed by the

doorway, watching Danica.

Danica came back to stand before them, a simple red-leather bound

book in her hands.

"Buffy and Spike." she simply stated, holding it out to Buffy, who

took it, confused.

She flipped the book open, Spike looking over her shoulder

*It was just another night for Buffy Summers, as she nonchalantly

flipped over a tombstone knocking a

vampire down. She swiftly staked a vampire on her right, and before

the vampire's dust could fall on the ground, she

staked the one on the ground.

She straightened, dusting her favourite pants off. She caught a wiff

of cigarette smoke, without turning, she sighed.

"What are you doing here Spike?"

A figure moved in the shadows, a glowing cigarette butt flying to the

right. "My, my luv, what a horrific memory

you have!" The moonlight glinted off his peroxide blonde locks. "I

live here remember?"*

Buffy dropped the book, utterly shocked.

Spike turned his gaze to Danica, who smiled sadly at him. "Spike and

Buffy."

She took their hands, and placed it on top of the book.

Realising what she was going to do, Spike grabbed Buffy, his lips

grazing hers. "Love you Buffy."

Confused, Buffy answered, "Love you..."

Danica watched, tears forming in her eyes as the light engulfed them.

She lunged at him.

Spike was knocked backwards in sheer surprise, for a full minute his

brain refused to function as the blonde Slayer pummelled into his

defenceless body.

Still without thinking, Spike threw her off, but the second he did

so, a searing pain ripped through him. With a hiss of pain, he

clutched his head, the capacity for thought being robbed from him

once again.

Buffy muffled her own hiss of pain, as she lightly rolled to her feet.

She glared down at the vampire, refusing to acknowledge the twinge of

sympathy in her heart.

The horrifying truth dawned on him.

She was lost to him.

Spike looked up. Buffy was standing above him, so tantalisingly

close. All he had to do was reach out and...

Have the most horrific beating of his entire existence. He squeezed

his eyes shut for a moment, trying desperately to stop the tears from

flowing. He had done it. Buffy was safe, alive and back in her world,

while he...

Buffy stumbled back, as she looked into his ice blue eyes. The depth

of pain that she saw in those orbs had a profound effect on her. It

shouldn't have affected her like that, but it did. Why did she care

that Spike, soulless vampire, demonic killer, monster, was hurting?

Why did she want to reach out and caress his face and...

Bad Buffy! She was appalled at the way her thoughts were turning. She

had told herself a long time ago to stop fantasising about the

vampire. It had to stop. It was dangerous. It was wrong.

With a cold glare, she spun on her heels and left Spike sitting in

the dust, unwilling to acknowledge his suffering.

* * *

Angel slipped out of the Magick Shop.

He had seen it happen, and he didn't know what the implications were,

he had mumbled some excuse. Muttering something about the Apocalypse

and hell gods. He had watched Xander's face light up with a smug grin

as he calmly informed him that 'they knew all that and everything was

under control'. Angel had pleaded with them not to tell Buffy that he

had come. He didn't think he could handle dealing with the Slayer.

* * *

"Hey guys! Did I miss anything?" Buffy bounced into the Magic Shop,

happy at the thought of going home and sleeping.

"Aside from getting our eyes singed? Missed nothing at all!" Xander

chirped up happily.

Willow blushed, "Well...you see...I..."

Tara hugged her girlfriend, "It's alright honey, he's just teasing."

Willow fell back into Tara's arms, still muttering, while Xander

chuckled good-naturedly.

Dawn frowned, something felt off, she really couldn't explain it, but

it was seriously bugging her.

Buffy crossed over to Giles, "Dusted only eight vamps - one got away."

Giles' eyebrow shot up in surprise, Buffy hadn't allowed a vampire to

get away from her since she first started. "One?"

Buffy frowned, "Yeah."

Anya smiled mischievously, "Did he happen to have peroxide blonde

hair, piercing blue eyes and a drool-worthy body???"

"Anya!" Xander stared at his girlfriend in abject horror.

Anya suddenly seemed to realise that Xander was still around, she

instantly threw herself into his arms, "Oh don't worry muffin! He

won't ever be my orgasm friend!"

Xander continued to mutter, allowing Anya to...'soothe' his injured

pride.

Buffy rolled her eyes, avoiding looking Giles in the eye. "Anyway

people, we gotta go now - Dawn needs to hit the books and all that."

Dawn rolled her eyes, "Literally."

She still couldn't shake off the feeling of uneasiness, but shrugged,

as there was nothing she could do about it.

* * *

Spike watched her until she disappeared from sight, and still

continued to sit there even though she had walked away a long time

ago.

The feeling of loss was so acute.

He remembered everything that happened before...

He had come so far since then - they had. Now all of that was gone -

wiped away as if it never happened. Except he knew it did. He had

held her, he had loved her and most amazing of all - she had loved

him back.

Spike wanted to simply crumble into dust, he wanted...

Before he could finish that thought, someone had hauled him upwards

and slammed him into a wall. In the deep recess of his mind, he

realised that the it was the wall of his own crypt. Spike didn't put

up a fight, and allowed the name assailant to do whatever he wanted

with his useless carcass. It suddenly struck him that his body was

bruised all over as if...

As if that bint had tore into his body mere days ago. Spike groaned

mentally. These aches and pains had disappeared over the time he

spent in that other world. Now his body had yet to heal from the

beating he took, and was again being beaten up. Spike the Punching

Bag indeed.

"Spike!"

The deep rumbling voice penetrated through the haze on his mind.

Groggily he looked up, "Poof."

Angel rolled his eyes, and dragged Spike's dead weight into the crypt.

Unceremoniously, he dumped Spike into a chair, and glared down at him.

Angel still had no idea what had happened. He didn't even know what

he was doing. It was unreasonable. Spike probably had no recollection

of what had transpired, and that was perhaps for the best. But

something was nagging him - and Angel took the risk of seeing Spike.

Spike looked up at his grand-sire, and wished he didn't. Angel stared

at him with contempt and loathing - as he always did. Spike started

to look around for his flask, then it hit him. There was something

else in Angel's gaze, and Spike refused to look at him again to

confirm his suspicion. Besides, that one look had been enough. Angel

knew.

Spike didn't want to analyse the whys and wherefores. He simply

didn't care.

With a little sigh of relief, he spotted his flask of whiskey. He

started to reach for it, but Angel saw what he was doing and kicked

it away.

"Oh no - I'm going to talk to you, and I would prefer if you were

understandable."

Spike snorted, and settled into his well-worn chair, looking

everywhere but at the Poof.

Angel sighed; he pulled up another chair, and settled into it. He

leaned forward, eyes focused on Spike.

"What happened?"

Spike snorted again, eyeing the silver flask that lay just out of his

reach. He contemplated just sitting there in utter silence, then

remembered Angel's tenacious nature. "What else mate? The girl always

gets away from this old boy."

Angel ignored the edge of sarcasm in Spike's rich voice. "No one

remembers a thing you know."

This piece of information had Spike jerking upwards, "What? How would

they...how do you..."

Angel sighed, and quickly explained about the book.

Spike's eyes widened, "So you're saying that they knew everything we

did?"

Angel nodded mutely, knowing what Spike referred to.

At this confirmation, Spike burst out laughing, "Oh man! What I

would've given to see the Whelp's face!"

He collapsed back into the chair, laughter rolling from his mouth -

laughter with a tinge of hysteria in it's tones.

Angel waited patiently for the laughter to stop; the laughter

progressed to giggles, disintegrating to sobs.

It was the tears that did it. Angel had come with every intention of

beating Spike into a bloody pulp for daring to touch her. Angel had

left her so she could have some semblance of a normal life. Now he

had to deal with this and he was completely thrown.

Angel sat back, unsure what to feel as he watched Drusilla's Childe

cry. Spike cried - harsh sobs ripped from the very depths of his

being. Angel felt inadequate.

In his opinion, he always thought that Spike felt too much. Events

had always had a profound effect on this particular vampire. Angelus

had always scoffed at Spike's exuberance, always seeing him as a two-

year old.

And now, Angel feared that Spike would end his life.

He saw the desperation and sheer despair in the younger vampire, and

mourned with him - even if Spike would never accept.

"How does it feel?" the words came out from Spike's constricted

throat.

"How does what feel?"

"Loving her and never being able to have her." Spike looked up, and

Angel was stunned at the profound well of pain expressed in his

eyes. "Doing the right thing bloody sucks you know that? I'm not

meant to be the bloody hero - we've got you for that - you even threw

in the whole brooding thing for free!" Spike chuckled weakly.

"I'm just not cut out for it mate...just not!"

Angel sighed, "Yeah you're not."

Spike glared at him, but remained silent.

Angel continued, "Look, I don't understand what happened, and I don't

understand why I have the misfortune of remembering..."

Spike muttered something, and when Angel pressed, he said

loudly, "Kage."

The name sent a shiver coursing through Angel's body; he repeated it

slowly, rolling it out - testing it on his own tongue.

Spike rolled his eyes, "Yeah - guy's got a pretty twisted sense of

humour...must come with the territory and all that."

"Territory?"

Spike itched to just hit him - but he lacked the energy and the

motivation. "Yeah - lord of darkness and all that. Course he wasn't

The Man or anything like that."

Angel frowned, and filed the information away for later. "Spike..."

"Yeah?"

Angel heard the weariness in his voice, "She may not remember a

thing - but you do."

Spike searched his face, not knowing how take that statement.

Angel shrugged, "There's really nothing for me to be angry about...at

least not yet.

* * *

"Dawn! Are you in bed yet?"

Dawn rolled her eyes, "I'm not a little kid you know Buffy!"

Buffy poked her head through the door, "Look, I kinda remember that I

had bed-times, and you have bed-times and..." she glanced at the

clock, "It's past yours!"

Dawn sighed, "Yeah, yeah! Let me just finish brushing my hair!"

Buffy stared at her, and Dawn picked up her brush slowly, and slowly

pulled it through the long strands. Buffy's eyes narrowed, before her

head retreated.

Dawn sighed again, and laid the brush down. She picked up her bag,

and a book slipped out.

She picked it up, remembering that it belonged to Willow. She made a

mental note to return it to the witch the next day, chuckling at the

thought of Willow reading trashy romance novels. Dawn stared at the

cover, for a moment she thought of running in and showing Buffy, but

then thought better of it. She knew her sister wouldn't appreciate

the observation that the couple passionately entwined on the cover

looked a lot like her and Spike.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several days had passed, and Spike had thought never to feel such torment. Everything had gone back to what it was

before. He was madly in love with the Slayer and she could barely tolerate the sight of him. Every time he saw her, his

stomach would flip over, and the pain of not being able to hold her tore him up.

Spike remembered her expression when she came to him the other day. Her face twisted, as she asked him to take

care of Dawn. He knew that she hated to ask him, but she was backed into a corner and was helpless. His mind

flicked back to when she had asked him to take care of her sister and her mother. This time he had said nothing. No

taunts, no demands.

He was finding it hard to slip back to that time - the time when he would have snapped some comment. Spike

could see that she had completely slipped from his grasp. Her mind was focused on the coming Apocalypse. There

was nothing from him to do now, but just ride it out, hoping for the best.

The door of his crypt slammed open, Spike hissed with pain as sunlight struck his outstretched hand.

"Bloody hell woman!"

The very object of his tortured thoughts strode in, brisk and businesslike. Spike found himself longing to see her

once more in some utterly feminine gown. Then he shook his head deliberately. He had to constantly remind himself

that it never happened. It was less painful that way.

"Spike you have to help..."

Spike rolled his eyes, "What now?"

He was about to go on, when he noticed her face. "What is it Buffy-love?"

Buffy frowned, for a moment distracted by what he called her. Why did she feel that she heard him call her that

before? But it couldn't be. Spike rarely called her by her name.

Spike was mentally cursing himself for letting it slip.

Buffy shook her head lightly, now was not the time. "She knows Spike."

It took a moment for that piece of information to sink in, and when it did the implications left him breathless.

"Buffy..."

Buffy staggered backwards, uncomfortable with what she saw in his eyes. She wanted to wave aside his concern,

but didn't know how. "We gotta get out of here...we..."

She took a deep breath to calm herself down, and not for the first time, wished that she could just crumble into

Spike's arms and draw comfort from him. "Transportation...we need..."

"That's easy love - me, you and the Nibblet and the Desoto..."

Buffy frowned, "No - we take everyone. I'm not leaving anyone behind."

He saw the steely determination in her eyes, and decided not to push it. The image of the three of them driving

off into the sunset shattered.

"Right pet - we're not leaving anyone behind..." he paused, he couldn't help himself. "Well what about the whelp..."

She glared at him, and promptly dropped the subject.

"Come on - grab your blanket. We leave now."

* * *

"Come on luv! I'm burning up under here in case you hadn't noticed!"

Buffy ignored Spike's whinging, carefully assessing the vehicles. She knew what she wanted.

Spike longingly at a black Porsche. Buffy caught him staring and merely raised one eyebrow. Spike sighed, and

walked on, unable to cast one last glance at the Porsche.

"It's calling me luv."

Buffy ignored him, shaking her head, then she saw it.

"There! It's perfect!"

Spike peered over her shoulder, "Oh bloody hell! You must be kidding!"

Buffy shook her head, and strode resolutely forward, once more ignoring Spike's muttered comments.

* * *

The door of the Winnebago banged open. Spike winced; he wasn't relishing this. He reminded himself that he had

swore that he would do anything for Buffy - even put up with the whelp and the Watcher.

"What's he doing here?"

Spike sighed inwardly, and turned in his seat, glad for the black goggles that he had to wear. This way, he didn't

really have to look at them, and see the disgust in their eyes. "Just out for a jaunt. Thought I'd swing by and say

howdy."

Giles glared at him, wondering what in God's name possessed Buffy to bring along the infernal vampire. "Out."

Buffy, who had been silent until now, looked up. "He's here because we need him."

Spike's chest lifted with pride, she needed him.

Xander, who had been glaring at Spike, now spoke up. "The hell we do."

Buffy sighed. She really didn't have the patience to deal with this. "If Glory finds us, he's the only one besides me that

has any chance of protecting Dawn."

"Buffy, come on..."

Her patience snapped. "Look, this isn't a discussion! He stays. Get over it."

Buffy grabbed a map, and strode to the back; her fury causing her to slam the door.

Spike couldn't help himself, he felt the grin stretching his lips. Buffy needed him.

"Buckle up, kids. Daddy's puttin' the hammer down."

* * *

Never again did he want a repeat performance of that harrowing ride.

His hands had never been so abused...well there was that one time with Dru...he shook his head.

First the blonde witch had singed his hand. This was the first time that Spike had seen what the hell-bitch

had done to Red's lover. His respect and admiration for the red-haired witch grew in leaps and bounds. Seeing how

she handled the situation, had made Spike realise the gravity of the situation, and finally Spike pushed thoughts of

that other time and place out of his mind. Now was not the time - it may never be the time.

Now his hands had been reduced to bloody strips as he had held onto that sword, instinct driving him.

Spike sighed, and pulled out his cigarettes. He badly needed to feel the smoke moving through his dead veins -

making him feel alive again.

He mentally cursed as he fumbled with his lighter, the bottom of the lighter jabbing into his bandaged hands.

"Ow."

He shook his head, pain and annoyance building into anger, but before he could throw away the lighter in anger,

the whelp walked over to his side. Spike looked up, wary. He was certain that the whelp had found his perfect

moment to ridicule him...

Xander took the lighter and lit it, holding it out to Spike silently.

Spike sighed, muttering his appreciation.

The smoke swirled into his dead lungs, and he sucked it in with vicious appreciation.

"You know, those things'll kill you."

Spike looked up, trying to hide his amusement behind a facade of annoyance.

"Oh. Right."

Spike wanted to chuckle at Xander's disconcerted expression, but refrained from saying anything.

"I mention today how much I don't like you?"

Spike grinned internally; outwardly he nods casually. "You mighta let it slip in ..." he glances at Xander. "Once or

twice."

Spike saw the small smile, and was at a loss. Nothing like your world collapsing around you to form friendships.

"How're your feelers?"

Spike sighed, quickly glancing around to make sure that Buffy wasn't in hearing distance. "Nothing compared to the

little bits we're gonna get chopped into when the Renaissance Faire kicks the door in." he gestures to the door,

drawing Xander's attention to it. "And here we bloody sit."

Xander sighed dejectedly, "It's not like we got much of a choice."

"Could make a break for it!" Spike began to warm up to the idea. "Use General Armour-All as a shield, get to the doc's car, and..."

Xander interrupted him. "Great plan. And while all the hacking and slashing's going on, what are you gonna be doing,

huh? Throwing migraines at 'em?"

Spike was irritated at the reminder of his helplessness. "Look, we stay here, we all die! At least this way, some of us

might get..."

"No."

They spun around, to see Buffy standing in the doorway.

Spike felt a stab of guilt, he knew what all these people meant to her, but this waiting was driving him nuts.

"We're all gonna make it. I'm not losing anyone."

* * *

Everything exploded as Glory surged forward, dragging a screaming Dawn.

Spike had been knocked into Xander, groaning, he surged to his feet. He had become to know Glory's fist too

intimately for his taste.

He ran out, acutely aware of the Scoobies following him closely. His steps faltered as the scent of blood in the air

reached him. Before his eyes saw, he knew. Glory had come, and left in a blaze of death.

Refusing to just stand there, Spike pointed to the car, ready to follow the bitch.

He and Xander reached the car, and he spun around, expecting to see the Slayer close on his heels. He was shocked

to see her kneeling on the ground, tears streaming down her face.

"Do it Spike. I want it to end...Death is my gift Spike, and I'm through giving it."

Spike shook his head. He had seen that empty look in her eyes before, saw that she had given up. He ran back

the way he had come, calling her name.

* * *

"Oi! Rise and shine luv!"

Spike wanted to shake her again, but knew it was fast becoming useless.

He stared into her vacant eyes; he would've given anything to hold her as he had before. But knew he couldn't...

The witch was planning again, but Spike was too preoccupied to care.

* * *

Willow sat on the bed. If Tara had been...normal...she would've protested strenuously to what she was doing right

now. But Willow had run out of options.

She closed her eyes.

When she opened them again, she was in a brightly lit room; she blinks in confusion. Willow looks around, taking

note of all the flowers in the room.

"Hi Willow."

Willow turns and smiles, "Hello Buffy."

* * *

Willow's headache was worsening. She stood back, watching the vicious cycle for what had to be the fifth time.

The little girl ran up to her mother and father, gazing at her new little sister. Willow listened with a sick feeling in her

stomach, as the young version of Buffy begged her mother to take care of baby Dawn.

Then Buffy was putting a book back on the shelf, pausing for a moment. Willow's confusion was growing by leaps

and bounds.

In a flash, they were in the desert, Willow shuddered lightly, she hated seeing the First Slayer - still hadn't gotten

over the whole killing in the dreams thing.

Willow sighed, as she followed Buffy to Joyce's grave, and watched in sick fascination as the Slayer suffocated her

sister.

Then in a flash they were back at the beginning.

Willow had been unsuccessfully trying to grab Buffy's attention - and then...

Willow stopped, and stared, unsure what she was seeing. The moment passed quickly and the cycle resumed.

This time, Willow waited patiently, something about what she had seen had stirred something within her.

There...Willow wanted to grab the remote control to Buffy's subconscious, and freeze the moment.

Spike was holding Buffy's hand, his thumb gently stroking Buffy's hand. Spike was wearing old-fashioned clothing,

Willow had never thought to see the blonde vampire in tights, but she didn't have the time to appreciate the view.

Willow grabbed this Buffy's other hand, "Buffy!"

Buffy's head snapped up, "Willow?"

"What is this?" she waved her hands frantically.

Buffy stepped back from Spike, looking at him, "I...I...I don't know..."

"When did this happen Buffy?" Somehow, Willow knew that this, seemingly unimportant scene was key to what was

troubling the Slayer.

Buffy frowned, genuinely distressed. "I don't know Willow."

They both stepped back, and everything around them flashed. Willow grabbed this Buffy's hand tight, not wanting

to lose her.

They were outside, and it was dark. Both Buffy and Willow looked around, confused. Then in the distance, something

caught Willow's attention.

As she watched the figures became shockingly clear.

It was Spike and Buffy, and this time, both of them were dressed in old-fashioned clothing. Buffy wore a gown

of brilliant sapphire, and she held Spike's hand.

Willow glanced at her Buffy's face, and noted the shocked expression on her face.

Another flash. Willow looked around, still gripping her Buffy's hand. She immediately spotted Spike and Buffy.

They were dressed the same as before, and it was a scene that Willow had witnessed often. They were arguing.

Willow felt more comfortable with a scene such as this, she and her Buffy watched intently as the two argued.

Spike spun on his heel, and Buffy's hand reached out to grab his.

Both Willow and her Buffy gasped, as the other Buffy grabbed Spike's neck and pulled him down for a vicious kiss.

"Holy Mother of Christ!"

The Scoobies turned; Xander had flung the book across the room, and was now

standing on the chair, staring at it aghast.

Willow bent to retrieve it, "Xand..."

"Don't touch it! Oh God - that isn't Buffy - she is not doing that!" Xander panted

frantically, his eyes wide. Anya tried to calm him down, but he refused to let her

touch him.

Hurt, Anya drew back, staring at Xander, uncomprehending.

Confused, Willow opened the book and read. She gasped. "Oh God..."

Willow's eyes snapped open, mouth dropping. She stared at the couple before them, her head felt clammy. Why

hadn't she noticed it before?

The Buffy that stood by her side, stared, her own eyes wide.

The scene before them changed once more, this time, instead of the violent flash, the scene before them slowly

melted away, revealing another beneath it.

Buffy's body shook, as she watched.

Spike was seated at the piano, fingers dancing over the keys. The music changed again, this time

effortlessly slipping into a soft romantic song, every note was filled with sweetness and longing.

And her heart found what it had been looking for.

Buffy's feet led her to his side. The music softened even more, she watched his fingers caressing

the keys, and her stomach clenched as she imagined those fingers dancing effortlessly

on her body.

"They say..."

She was startled when he started to speak, but she stilled her racing heart, and listened.

"...that love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules." He looked up, and

she was caught up in his eyes, his eyes which held her captive just as surely as any steel chains.

"Then you must forget the rules and play from the heart..."

Willow and Buffy's eyes met.

* * *

Buffy gasped as her eyes snapped open. "Willow!"

Willow took her time in opening her eyes. Finally, when her eyes opened, she could do nothing but stare at her

best friend.

Buffy's head whirled. She was so confused.

Willow shook her head lightly, trying to clear the heaviness she felt. Why didn't she notice it before? This heavy,

oppressiveness - weighing down on her mind.

They stared at each other for a full minute, before Buffy stood. "Later."

Willow nodded slowly, still staring at Buffy.

* * *

She was furious. How dare he suggest such a thing to her.

Buffy had been shocked when Giles had suggested the most unthinkable thing.

Spike followed her, he could almost feel the tension rolling off her shoulders in palpable waves.

She strode into her house, her determined strides not faltering.

"Uh, Buffy... "

Spike sighed inwardly, he waved his hand in front of him, indicating the barier. Buffy frowned at him,

and he sighed. "If you wanna just hand them over the threshold, I'll..."

Then it clicked. "Come in, Spike."

That he didn't expect. Slowly, as if not willing to believe, Spike stepped forward.

A smile lit up his face, and Buffy's heart clenched - she had seen that smile before...or not...

"Hmm." Spike murmured appreciatively. "Presto. No barrier."

Buffy stares at him, wondering if she should say something, then Spike abruptly broke the eye contact, and

strode purposefully into the living room.

"Um, won't bother with the small stuff. Couple of good axes should hold off Glory's mates while you take on the lady

herself." He needed to be in action, not wanting to stop and allow himself to think.

But obviously she had other things planned.

"We're not all gonna make it. You know that."

Spike looks up at her, not knowing what else to say, he simply said, "Yeah."

He grabbed a couple of weapons, and walked over to her side, "Hey. Always knew I'd go down fightin'."

He was desperate to lighten the mood, but once again, Buffy had other things on her mind.

"I'm counting on you ... to protect her."

Spike finally turned serious, as he stared into her eyes, 'Till the end of the world. Even if that happens to be tonight."

"I'll be a minute."

"Yeah."

She turns and proceeds up the stairs, Spike felt he had to say something...anything...it may be his last chance.

"I know you'll never love me." At least, he thought to himself, not in this lifetime.

She paused, and turns back to face him, something in her face, made him press on. "I know that I'm a monster. But

you treat me like a man. And that's..."

Spike forced himself to stop. Get over it mate - that time...it's done.

Buffy gazed down at him, unsure what to say.

"Get your stuff, I'll be here."

She paused for a moment, before continuing up the stairs.

Buffy was a wreck - she didn't know what she should do. She and Willow had not talked about what had happened,

and she didn't know if she would be able to.

But then Buffy, steeled herself - she had to do this now, she didn't have the time to waste...

She walked into Dawn's room, she went to Dawn's bed, and turned the covers down. She had to reassure herself

that she was getting her sister back, and when she did, she'd want to sleep and she would...

Buffy's troubled mind stilled as her gaze fell on a book on Dawn's bedside table.

Slowly she picked it up. She stared at the cover. Slowly she sat down.

"Pink Slayer? Why do I suddenly think of fluffy bunnies?"

Buffy jumped a little, as she felt his breath tickle her ear. "Bunnies Spike? I

have no intention of scaring Anya."

Buffy flipped through the pages some more.

The door opened slowly, cautiously, as if the person opening it was unsure if she wanted to let

anyone in.

Danica peered around the frame, her eyes seeking the large eyes of the one known as Buffy.

Buffy's eyes widened, "Danica!"

Spike felt numb, what was she saying? "Well pet, in this case, I would like a little something.

I begged you for a crumb..." he paused to think. "Alright I got more then a crumb - I got a

whole slice. But Buffy, I want the loaf."

Buffy blinked, amusement dancing in her eyes, "What's with the bread metaphors?"

"Buffy..."

"Oh God Spike!" All the frustration, fear and rage that had been bottled up in her rushed out of her in one sob.

Buffy hated to cry, especially in front of Spike, but even though her pride protested, the tears won out.

Buffy sniffed, wiping her face quickly in her embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I just..."

Soothingly, Spike hushed away her protests, cradling her in his arms, giving her the support that she needed.

She turned in his embrace, "You gotta know right?"

"What do I know luv?"

Buffy blew out a breath of frustration, her temper flaring briefly, "Spike!"

"Say it Buffy."

She couldn't refuse the plea in his voice, who could? "I love you."

Spike stared at her stunned. He had known what she was going to say, but the effect those three little words had on

him was indescribable.

Buffy stared at him, fidgeting, "Aren't you going to say something?"

Technically, Spike had professed his love for the Slayer before, but now she waited, anticipation and fear of rejection,

making her unable to find a comfortable spot to stand in.

He saw this, and it drew out a tender smile, he pulled her in for a fierce kiss, and Buffy was once more lost to the world

as her senses were assaulted.

She shivered as he leaned close to whisper in her delicate ear. "Always and forever Buffy-love. Until the day I crumble to

dust, I would always love you."

Buffy dropped the book. Her eyes closed, before it had been snatches here and there of what seemed to be

memories. But now it had changed - it was different. Now she knew.

Buffy's arms wrapped around her stomach, she felt physically ill. She wanted so badly to just curl up into a ball,

and wait for all of this to end. She simply couldn't deal with it, she didn't want to deal with it.

But Spike...

No, nothing has changed, at least not yet. Buffy could never forget that her sister's life was still in jeopardy. Forcefully,

she pushed aside all thoughts of Spike and another world.

She'll deal with it later - everything had to wait until later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

"Someone's up there."

Spike, Xander and Anya cowered behind fallen debris, and they sat tense, waiting for an opportunity

Spike stared up at the platform. The first time he had seen the tower, his stomach had flipped upside down. The

thought of Dawn up there, terrified and alone made him want to tear someone into tiny bloody pieces.

Xander's voice broke him out of his reverie, "Okay, we gotta charge or something." Xander eyed the minions that had

gathered at the base of the tower, reminding himself that most were innocents.

"We tried that."

* * *