Chapter 16 - Dare to Dream


Pulling into the circular drive of the O’Shea mansion, Spike stepped out of the car, jogging around to Buffy’s side and beating the attendant to the door. Offering his arm to her as she stepped out of the vehicle, he tossed his keys to the man as he guided her up the steps, into the entrance hall of the house. Buffy swallowed hard at the interior of the house, looking around the huge foyer that merged into a grand ballroom to her left. She hadn’t been in the O’Shea mansion since the Christmas party the year before, when she and Spike were still a blissfully happy couple. Even when she was dating Angel, she’d only been there a few times since he had his own apartment, and that was a brief visit. She always felt vastly overwhelmed in the manor.

Leading her through the throngs of people and into the ballroom where the banquet tables were lining the space to her left, complete with hors d'oeuvres and champagne, Spike kept his arm firmly wrapped around her waist. Straight ahead, and about fifty yards away, was the area reserved for dinner. Buffy looked to her right and noticed the open marble floor where couples were already dancing to the live band. The back wall to the right was covered in windows, along with several sets of open French doors, letting in the cool December air. Beyond that, Buffy could barely make out the outlines of a large patio and garden.

“Wow,” said Dawn, coming up behind the two of them. “I thought this was supposed to be an intimate dinner party.”

Giles and Joyce joined them as Spike chuckled. “Try intimate gala.”

“Yes,” said Giles. “The O’Shea’s often spare no expense when it comes to festivities.”

“Buffy!”

Turning at the sound of her name, Buffy smiled when she saw Angel approaching her.

“You look lovely,” he said, giving her a chaste kiss on the cheek that nearly had Spike’s jaw breaking from the force that he was clenching it before watching him turn to greet Joyce and Dawn.

“I wanted all of you to meet someone,” Angel continued, turning away from them and gesturing to a pretty, petite blonde woman to join them. “Everyone, this is Darla Mason. Darla, this is Joyce and Dawn Summers, Rupert Giles, Spike, and this is Buffy.”

Darla offered a shy smile to everyone and gave the group a little nod.

“Now, if you all will excuse me, I believe Buffy owes me a dance.”

Shooting a slightly nervous look at Spike, she sighed when she realized he wasn’t making eye contact with her, tentatively taking the arm Angel offered and letting him lead her out to the dance floor. Once she was encircled by his arms, Buffy gave him a questioning look.

“I know, I know, it wasn’t the stealthiest move to get you alone, but I wanted to see how you were doing? I haven’t gotten a chance to really talk to you since…it happened.”

Buffy sighed heavily before nodding. “I’m doing okay,” she said in a moderately convincing voice. “I think we might be working through it…or working toward something…or something,” she finished with a sigh.

“Do you want to make it work?” he asked, tilting his head to look at her.

“If he’s changed,” she murmured, avoiding Angel’s soulful eyes. “Spike really seems to be making an effort, so we’ll just see where it takes us.”

“He really wasn’t in a right frame of mind, Buff. I know you don’t want to hear one of his friends stick up for him, but he was miserable without you. He never stopped loving you…just tried to drink the pain away, and it led to some less than favorable things. Oz talked to me about it, and we never wanted you to have to see anything. We just felt that you deserved to know what could…and eventually did happen.”

“Then why didn’t he call me?” she asked miserably. “Why didn’t he ask me to come visit even earlier? Why did he wait until the tour was half over before screwing up? Angel, I don’t understand.”

“I can’t give you all the answers, Buffy. Again, he wasn’t in the right frame of mind- there is no right answer or credible reason…he just made a mistake.”

Taking a deep breath to control her emotions, Buffy nodded as she tried to keep the tears at bay. “Thank you, Angel. You and Oz did the right thing. I mean, it’s not like I’m jumping up and down because of it, but I’m healing. Yeah, I wish that it had never happened, but maybe it was supposed to,” she continued, looking over at Spike, who was staring at her intently. “Maybe we needed it to get where we are now, you know? To not confuse puppy love with true love.”

* * * * *

Standing to the side of the dance floor, Spike stared at the former couple, wrapped in each other’s arms. Why did it pain him so much to see her dancing with a friend? They were just dancing…what he had done to her had been so much worse.

“You really love her, don’t you?”

Turning to the side, Spike raised an eyebrow when he saw Darla standing next to him, staring at the couple. “Yeah,” he said softly, turning his gaze back to the woman he loved. “I really do.”

“She’s been hurt.”

Looking at the other woman with a questioning expression, he waited for her to continue.

“You can just tell. The way she looks at you- there’s a lot of pain there, but there’s love, too.”
Turning away from the dance floor, Darla gave his arm a gentle squeeze. “Don’t give up.”

Standing alone at the edge of the dance floor, Spike stared at Buffy, catching a glance that she sent his way. He frowned when he saw a dark-haired man cut in on Angel and wrap Buffy in his arms a little too securely for Spike’s liking. Slowly making his way around the perimeter of the dance floor until he was standing close to the French doors at the back of the room, he was only moderately satisfied that he was closer to the couple. Keeping a wary eye on the man, Spike nearly growled when he saw his hand drift a little bit lower towards the swell of her buttocks.

* * * * *

Letting out an irritated sigh when she saw Parker Abrams cut in on Angel, Buffy gritted her teeth, repressing the urge to roll her eyes. She definitely did not want to dance with him, but she kept an impassive face as he wrapped her tightly in his arms. Straining against his hold on her as he continued his somewhat discreet groping, Buffy let out a groan when he began talking about himself. After a minute, she felt his hand drift lower and waited for the motive to give him a good swift kick, but unfortunately, the opportunity never came.

“So, Buffy, when are we going to go out again?”

“Hmmm…try never,” she said with a faux bright smile on her face.

“Come on, Buff, I know you felt it. You feel it now, when I’m pressed so close to you.”

“Are you just trying to test my gag reflex, Parker?”

“Don’t play coy, baby. You want it just as much as I do.”

Standing in shock when his lips began to attack hers in a sloppy kiss, Buffy’s eyes widened in disbelief. After a few seconds of astonishment, she roughly shoved him away, kicking him firmly in the shin as she did so.

“Don’t you ever try that again, Abrams, or you’ll see how much I really do want it!”

With another swift kick, Buffy rushed off the dance floor, leaving a bruised Parker behind her.




Chapter 17 – New Beginnings


Standing in the crowded ballroom, Buffy scanned the area for any sign of Spike, growing frustrated when she didn’t see him anywhere. After a few minutes of searching the interior, she finally decided to expand her search, walking out into the gardens. Breathing a sigh of relief when she saw him standing alone under a gazebo in the garden, Buffy wrapped her shawl more tightly around her, trying to ward off the chill of the December air. Slowly making her way toward him, she noticed the lit cigarette burning in his hand as she approached. Studying his rigid posture as he leaned against the railing, staring at one of the fountains, Buffy nervously continued toward him.

“So, she’s back,” he said without turning around. “Thought you’d be off snogging the college boy.”

“No,” she said softly, walking up and leaning on the railing to his left. Both stood for a few moments, staring at the cascading water, each only slightly comforted by the blanket of darkness that seemed to surround them.

“Listen, Spike, what you saw-”

“Was none of my business,” he finished for her.

“What?”

With a heavy sigh, Spike looked down at his cigarette, studying it for a long moment for the sole purpose of keeping his eyes diverted. “I don’t deserve you, Buffy. I don’t have you. What I do deserve is all the pain that you can cause me.”

“Spike-”

“I’m a monster,” he finished in a choked voice.

“No, you’re not,” she said quietly, looking over at him as she spoke.

“You don’t know that. I know you, Buffy, and you don’t even know what you want. You have no idea what I’m capable of.”

“Oh, believe me, I’m well aware of what you’re capable of. So, this is the big plan? Standing around in the dark, feeling sorry for yourself? You think you have a little bit insight into what I’m feeling just because you might be coming to terms with how much you hurt me? You don’t know me. You don’t even know you.”

“I know what I did to you,” he said, finally looking at her, only to flinch and look away. “I know…for the first time…I realize the pain that you must’ve felt. I was always sorry for what I did…even while it was happening, I knew how much it would hurt if you found out…but right now…tonight…I realize how much you should hate me.” With a deep breath, Spike couldn’t tear his eyes away from the landscaping, afraid to turn and see the expression on her face.

“So what do you want, Spike?” she asked with an edge to her voice. “Do you want me to hate you?”

“I want you to love me!” he yelled, finally whirling around to face her. "But I fucked that up without giving it a second thought.” Calming himself down, Spike looked away from her again, gripping the railing in front of him as he continued, “I don’t know what you feel for me, Buffy. I don’t even know if I want to know. What I do understand is that I have to be the strong one right now. I need to make a clean break…I need to let you go. You deserve someone who never took your love for granted. Someone who will treat you the way you deserve. Someone who’s not me,” he trailed off in a whisper.

“You’re really seeing it now, aren’t you?” she asked softly. “For the first time, you realize what you did?”

“I always knew,” he muttered, closing his eyes as he tried to repress the feelings that were rushing through him. “Even when I was…flirting with other girls…it was just part of the job, but I knew that it would hurt you if you had to witness it. Then the alcohol started getting in the way and the temptation…”

Trailing off in a choked voice, Spike closed his eyes, trying to control his emotions as he battled the tears in his eyes.

“I just ignored all of it,” he continued in a strained voice. “If you ignore it, it’ll go away, everything will go back to normal. That’s what I was trying to do. Thought that if I could make you see how good we used to have it, we wouldn’t focus on the past. That if I looked forward to seeing you, I could ignore how much I hated myself.”

“And what about me?” she asked quietly, causing Spike’s head to snap up to face her. “I loved you so much…I never wanted any of this to happen and…and I hate it. I hate that it’s so hard…and that you can hurt me so much,” she said, her voice choking up as she looked away from him. “I know everything that you did because you did it to me,” she whispered in a firm tone, tears building up in her eyes.

“Buffy,” Spike whispered, wanting nothing more than to comfort her as he reached for her, his hands meeting with nothing but air as she stepped out of his reach.

“I don’t hate you, Spike…I can’t. I just wish it would go away. I wish everything would stop…the pain, the heartache…even the passion that I still feel for you. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m not ready to give up on us, yet.” Buffy finally looked at him and saw the
glimmer of hope in his eyes. “I’m not ready for you to not be here.” Shaking her head slightly at the injustice of everything in her life, Buffy turned to fully face him. “You know, everyone’s telling me how much you love me…so I have one question. Why? If you loved me so much, why would hurt me like that?”

Glancing down at the ground, Spike tried to gather his thoughts, crushing the cigarette under his heel before giving her an answer.

“I was being selfish,” he said quietly. “I could lie and say that I was completely out of my mind, that it wasn’t my fault, but it was my own selfish needs. I hadn’t seen you in months, and it felt like we weren’t even us anymore. We were both so busy, and I just chose to forget about everything. The main thing being you. You’re my everything, Buffy, and for some reason, I felt like I’d lost you. Gunn and Oz weren’t having any problems with the fame or with their relationships…it was just me. I let myself be deceived by the lights and the glamour of being a rock star, and I didn’t stop to think about anyone’s feelings but my own. The second I saw your face…the very second that I made both of our lives fall apart, I knew. I was sure of what I wanted out of life. I thought about the future and saw us…we were happy…and I knew. Nothing would ever be the same. I wasn’t faithful to you, Buffy,” he said, meeting her eyes with his own. “I can’t imagine what I’ve put you through, but I want you to know that I have been. Not when it mattered of course, but after that…every night after that. I knew I didn’t have you anymore, but if it means anything, I’ve been faithful to you ever since that night…and I will be for the rest of my life, no matter what happens between us. I owe you that much,” he trailed off quietly.

Exhaling softly at the admission, she finally let a few tears slip free, finally hearing what she needed to hear. She had been waiting for months to hear the truth, and it was finally in front
of her. Looking down at the ground, she found herself smiling.

“You know, when I first saw you,” she whispered, letting her memories taking over. “You were walking into the library that day and I felt like I was falling. I thought you were the hottest guy I had ever seen,” she said with a small laugh. “You thought you were such a badass, with the spiked hair and the swaggering walk and the smirk. Guess some things never change, do they?”

Turning toward him, she saw the smile playing on his lips.

“Well, except for the hair,” she continued. “I gotta admit, I like the curls better,” she said, reaching up to gently run her fingers through his soft hair. “I never wanted anyone more, and I never thought you would want me. I mean, your girlfriend could have been a model, and yet, you would still flirt with me on the side.” Her smile slowly faded as she let her hand drop away from his hair. “So, when I saw you a few months ago, every feeling I had came rushing back. The insecurities and all of the memories of those little side glances. I figured, since you didn’t kiss me while you were with Drusilla, that you really must have loved her…that you were one of the good ones. And yet…when you were with me… if you had to sleep around while you were with me, then I really was nothing to you.”

“Buffy, no! You were everything. Dru had nothing compared to-”

“I know. On some basic level, I guess I’ve always known that, but I need you to realize that if we do this…if we try and make this work…”

Trailing off as she stared out at the grounds, she took a deep breath. “You know, I can’t even remember that night.” Spike eyes snapped up to look at her in confusion as she continued, “I get flashes…here and there. I remember walking into the hotel, and it’s like my mind goes blank and the next thing I know, I’m in the stairwell with you. Sometimes I get flashes of certain images and I think it’s what really happened, but it could just be my mind playing tricks on me and making it all up. I see it…I see you with her, only it’s not her, at least I don’t think it is…it’s whoever my mind created.”

Buffy looked at him and saw the pain in his eyes that matched her own.

“And I’m grateful,” she whispered. “I know what you did, but it’s like my mind has filled in the parts that it doesn’t want me to remember. Like it’s selective memory or something. I don’t know if what I’m imagining is real or not…I don’t really care anymore, but I get scared sometimes that all of the memories will just come back until I realize that I lived through it once. I could survive it- I don’t want to, but I could. I just get so scared that you’d do that to me again, and I-”

“Never again, baby. I swear,” he said, his voice taking on a desperate quality. “You have my word that I will never hurt you again. Please believe me!”

“I do,” Buffy said, nodding slightly, staring off into the yard before slowly turning to look into his eyes. “I believe in you, Spike.”

Feeling the tears burning his eyes at her admission, Spike exhaled heavily as if he was letting go of everything he had been holding onto. Not wanting to startle her, he slowly shrugged out of his suit coat and stepped behind her. Slipping it around her shoulders, he hesitantly wrapped his arms firmly around her waist. Kissing her softly on the cheek, he tenderly nuzzled her hair, noticing the flash of color. “You wore the earrings,” he murmured with a sad smile.

“Yeah,” she said softly.

“I’m glad,” he said quietly before slowly lowering his forehead to her shoulder, feeling drained from the long talk. He felt more drained from the pain that he had caused them both, but he meant every word he’d said to her. He didn’t want to mess this up a second time. After spending too much time away from her for being an idiot, he wanted nothing more than to revel in the feeling of her body pressed against his, for whatever the amount of time.

“I didn’t kiss him back,” she whispered after a few minutes of silence, almost afraid to break the tranquility of the moment.

Raising his head to settle his chin in the crook of her neck, Spike took a deep breath as he stared out at the gardens. “I didn’t ask, love.”

“I know,” she murmured. “But I thought you should know. I know how much it hurts, and I
don’t want that for you.” Taking a deep breath, she continued, “We went out on a date…a few months ago.” Buffy felt Spike’s arms tense around her waist. “He just heard about what happened and felt it was his job to comfort me in my hour of need.”

Spike had a death grip on Buffy’s figure. “Did you…”

“No,” she said softly. “I thought about it,” she admitted after a moment. “But ultimately, I would have done it to hurt you. I didn’t think that was a good enough reason.” Turning around in his arms, Buffy felt her lower back being gently pushed against the railing as his body pulled closer to hers. “I guess you walked out tonight before you saw me kick him.”

This brought a bright smile to Spike’s lips as he tilted his head to look at her. “You kicked him?”

“Twice,” she admitted almost sheepishly.

“That’s my girl,” he said, the pride obvious in his voice before his smile faded, realizing what he said. “Buffy, I’m-”

“Shhh,” she whispered, putting her finger to his lips for a moment before wrapping her arms around his waist. Putting her head on his chest, she breathed in synchronization with him for a moment before continuing, “Always, remember? I’ll always be your girl.”

After a few minutes of comfortably holding each other, Buffy knew it was time to let go of everything. She needed to feel better, and she knew she had to make him feel better as well.

“I forgive you, Spike,” she whispered.

The admission was so soft, Spike thought his ears were playing tricks on him as Buffy pulled back to look up at him.

“I forgive you,” she repeated, her voice more clear as she looked into his eyes.

Breathing easier as a weight lifted off his chest, he pressed his forehead against hers. “Thank you,” he whispered, feeling the tears burn his eyes. “I love you, so much.”

“I know. Deep down, I knew that there was never a question of that.”

After a few more moments of enjoying the feel of each other, Spike pulled back to look at her. “I got an apartment the other day.”

“Really?” she asked with a sad smile. “Guess I won’t be seeing you as much.”

Tilting his head to look at her, his brows furrowed as he tried to figure out what she was saying.

“Los Angeles,” she clarified. “Two hour drive.”

“I’m not moving to L.A., love,” he said softly. “I’m living here.”

“Here?”

“Yeah, here,” he said with a smile. “And I was thinking you could come over and take a look at it…say around midnight on New Year’s Eve?” he asked with a shy smile.

“I don’t know…”

“I’m inviting the guys, too. I don’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for.”

Considering the option for a moment, Buffy took a deep breath as she nodded. “Okay,” she said with a smile. “As long as the guys are there, count me in.”

Smiling as he leaned forward to softly kiss her forehead, his eyes widened before closing when he felt Buffy redirect the kiss, pulling her to him to press her lips gently against his. Backing away before either of them could deepen it, Spike tried to regulate his breathing, smiling when Buffy whimpered at the loss of contact.

“Oh…almost forgot,” he said, reaching into his pocket and extracting a velvet box. “Merry Christmas, Goldilocks,” he whispered in her ear, sending chills down her spine.

Staring at the box in shock, she turned to look up at him with wide eyes. “Spike, I
didn’t get you anything-”

“It’s alright. I just saw this and knew that you had to have it…open it.”

Slowly opening the small box to reveal a beautiful heart pendant that was covered in tiny diamonds, secured to a delicate white gold chain, Buffy gasped, covering her mouth in surprise.

“Spike, it’s beautiful,” she murmured, removing it from the box and holding it up to catch the sparse light that was drifting their way from the direction of the house. “Put it on me?”

Taking the necklace from her, he watched as she turned around, offering him the opportunity to put it on her. Slowly securing it around her neck, he found his lips moving forward to gently brush along her pulse point, smiling against her skin at the shiver that ran down her spine. Turning around to face him, Buffy brought her arms up to wrap around his neck.

“Thank you,” she whispered, her eyes watering as she looked up at him.

“Merry Christmas, baby.”

Seeming to hesitate for a moment before meeting his gaze, she took a deep breath, coming to terms with what she was about to say. “I love you, Spike.”

Feeling all of the air drain out of him, he tilted his head to look at her, not letting himself believe what he’d just heard. She’d said it. He’d been told that she still loved him, but he hadn’t let himself really believe it.

“Buffy-”

His words were immediately silenced as her lips fused to his. Kissing each other frantically, neither wanted to give up the sensations that they were causing as Spike eagerly delved his tongue into her waiting mouth, groaning at the contact. Feeling lightheaded as he pushed her harder into the railing, Buffy pushed her lower body eagerly against his, returning his shallow thrusts as they familiarized themselves with the other after having been apart for so long. She felt a moan escape when they reluctantly pulled away, already missing the feel of the other.

“I’m in love with you, Buffy,” he said as she looked up into his watery eyes. Feeling her heart swell at the admission, she gently reached up to cup his face, watching his eyes close in relief of being with her again. “I’ve never loved anyone more.”

“Me either,” she said softly. “I love you, Spike. Merry Christmas.”


 

Chapter 18 – Waiting…


By New Year’s Eve, there were numerous changes in the Summers’ household. The main cause being Dawn, who had been dating Angel’s little brother Connor since the night of the O’Shea’s Christmas party. Buffy had attempted to settle into a hesitant relationship with Spike, provided that they each take their time and not rush anything. It was an agreeable arrangement for both, especially when they decided not to see other people. Spike had convinced Buffy that he wouldn’t be seeing anyone, even if that wasn’t the arrangement, further settling her fears. They’d made it a point to see each other over the last few days, enjoying the simple act of being together with no romantic pressure. Spike had even invited Dawn and Connor to his apartment to ring in the New Year, although Buffy thought it was just to keep an eye on his surrogate little sister.

Now as Buffy was hurriedly pulling on a pair of black pants and a white shirt that had a wrap-around style, forming itself nicely to her curves, she noticed Dawn nervously fidgeting around the door. Scanning the room for her shoes, Buffy dropped to her knees, flipping up the comforter of her bed as she looked beneath it.

“Out with it, Dawnie,” she finally said, stretching as far as she could before triumphantly pulling her hand back with both shoes in her grasp.

“Can’t you go any faster?” her sister asked, tapping her foot as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“I probably could if I didn’t have my bratty kid sister trying to tell me to hurry up,” Buffy replied with a raised eyebrow as she slipped on her shoes and walked toward the door.

“Finally,” Dawn muttered, practically stepping on Buffy’s heels as they walked down the stairs. “Let’s go.”

“Is it okay if we say goodbye to our mother first?” Buffy asked sarcastically, rolling her eyes at her sister’s impatience, suppressing the giggle when Dawn’s face began to redden as she tightened her jaw.

* * * * *

Arriving at Spike’s new place ten minutes later, Dawn raced to the door, not wanting to lose anymore time with Connor. Gunn answered the door, smiling at Dawn before practically jumping out of her way when she nearly ran him over.

“Aah, young love,” Buffy said with a sardonic smile, shaking her head as she hugged Gunn.

“Remember when it was still that new and fresh?” he replied, smiling as he watched Dawn make a beeline for Connor, greeting him with a kiss on the cheek.

Giggling while she watched her sister, Buffy scanned the apartment, hoping to see Spike. She was overwhelmed with how much the interior wasn’t like the man she knew. It seemed to be decorated in things that Buffy would have picked out, not Spike.

“Hey, Buffy!” Willow squealed, running over to her friend. “Isn’t this place amazing? It’s just so…classy. So grown up. Oh, Spike had to run out and pick up Oz. His van broke down, but he said to show you around.”

“Breathe, Wills,” Buffy said with a grin, following her friend as they began walking from room to room, starting with the spacious living room in the front of the apartment. Smiling and greeting her friends who had arranged themselves on the overstuffed couches and chairs with their refreshments, Buffy surveyed the huge front room. The open area was accentuated by hardwood floors and expensive rugs. It was all incredibly simple and clean. Seeing where the band's instruments were currently residing in the corner brought a smile to her face.

Walking toward one of the back corners of the apartment, her eyes widened as she took in the open kitchen with stainless steel appliances, a bar, and a huge island in the center. On the opposite wall, located behind the living room, was a set of French doors, which Buffy realized led to a roomy office, complete with a mahogany desk and bookshelf. Her brow continued to furrow as she looked around the apartment. If she didn’t know better, she would have thought that this place belonged to her…or at the very least, was decorated by her.

Following the hallway from the kitchen, she glanced into the two bedrooms and bathroom on her way to the master bedroom at the end of the hall. Wandering into the carpeted room, she finally let a smile play on her lips as she took in the interior. This room was more Spike. While the rest of the house was done in light, airy colors and tones with darker wooden accents and hardwood floors, this room had a hardness to it that still left Buffy remaining comfortable in her surroundings. The dark cherry wood of the furniture complimented the rich burgundy and black tones of the rest of the room. The burgundy carpeting ran the length of the room, creating a darker look that was obviously brightened during the day when the sun poured in from the French doors that lead to the balcony. Walking into the attached bathroom, her eyes widened when she saw the size of it. It was practically as big as her bedroom at home.

“Where did he find this place?” she asked in awe, staring longingly at the whirlpool tub.

“I don’t know,” Willow said. “I think he knows somebody in real estate.”

The girls both jumped slightly as the heavy front door was slammed, and Willow went running out of the room to greet her boyfriend. Buffy lingered a moment longer, walking out onto the balcony to take in the view of the twinkling Christmas lights that still covered most of Sunnydale’s homes.

Feeling her breath catch in her throat when a pair of strong arms encircled her waist, Buffy slowly relaxed against his chest.

“Do you like it, Princess?” Spike murmured before gently nibbling the edge of her ear.

Smiling at the sensations he was causing, she nodded her agreement. “It’s beautiful.”

“Thought you might like it,” he said between trailing a series of soft kisses down the line of her neck.

“Mmmm, you better quit that, or we’re going to do something bad, with our friends in the next room.”

“What’s the harm in that, pet?” he whispered sensuously.

Shivering at the suggestive tone in his voice, Buffy slowly turned in his arms. “Because we’re not ready,” she murmured, taking one of his hands in hers and squeezing it gently.

Seeing the disappointment briefly flash on his face before he nodded his understanding, Buffy gave him a soft smile in thanks before pressing her lips to his in a tender kiss, pulling away before either could deepen it.

“And I really don’t feel the need to have my little sister walking in on us at an inopportune time,” she teased, pulling away from his embrace with a smile.

“Well, when you put it that way, how can I argue?” Spike replied with a heavy sigh before smiling to show her he wasn’t pressuring her.

“We better be heading back out there.”

“Actually, before we go, there’s something I need to tell you.”

Looking up at him with a questioning expression, Buffy waited for him to continue.

“I have to leave in two weeks. We have a bunch of meetings in New York, and the guys and I have to be there.”

Trying to mask her disappointment with a smile, Buffy nodded her understanding, trying to walk past Spike.

Seeing right through the weak façade, Spike gently grabbed her arm before she could pass him, pulling her back into his embrace to reassure her.

“It’s only for a week, baby, and then I’m here for a long time.”

“I know,” she said. “I just…I don’t know…”

Trailing off with a shake of her head, she sighed when she couldn’t express what she wanted to say.

“Buffy,” he whispered, tilting her head up to look her in the eyes. “Do you trust me?”

Swallowing hard as she stared at him, she let the pain slowly settle on her features. “I want to,” she whispered in a strained voice. “I guess it’s up to you.”

“What do you mean, love?” he murmured, brushing the hair away from her face as he tenderly cupped her cheek in his hand, letting his thumb trace over her features to relax her.

“Can I trust you?” she asked softly.

“You can,” he said with a nod of affirmation. “I promise, you have nothing to worry about.”

“I’m putting a lot of faith in you,” she whispered.

“Yes, you are…and I won’t let you down,” he replied, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“I’ll miss you,” she said, her voice muffled against his chest as he held onto her.

“I’ll miss you, too, but I’ll be back before you know it.”

Each jumped as the sound of the voice coming from the hallway startled them. “I don’t know what you two are doing in there, but you’re going to miss the new year if you don’t get your asses out here and start partying with us!”

“Give it a rest, Peaches. We’ll be out when we’re bloody well ready to come out!” Spike yelled back with a grin.

“Okay, but no funny business. We have minors present tonight!” Angel called back with a smile in his voice.

Spike laughed and shook his head as he looked back at the woman in his arms. “Happy New Year, Buffy.”

“Happy New Year,” Buffy said, giggling. “Do I get my New Year’s kiss?” she asked with that pout that Spike could never resist.

“Bloody right,” he said, angling his lips to connect with hers. Moving his lips over hers for a long minute, each relished the taste of the person they loved. Breaking away as the passion of the kiss began to escalate, they breathed heavily, looking at each other through lust-filled eyes.

“Guess we better get out of here before something really does happen,” she said in a husky whisper.

“I think I’d rather stay in here,” Spike said with a grin, wrapping an arm around her waist and leading her toward the door, knowing that they should join their friends and ring in the New Year. “But you’re probably right. This can wait…for however long you need to wait.”





Chapter 19 – When Tragedy Strikes


Over two weeks later, Buffy wandered into her house, tossing her keys on the end table that sat next to the door and listlessly dropping her book bag on the floor beneath it. It was her first day back at classes, and already she felt drained of all her energy. Spike and the rest of the band had left for New York two days earlier, and Buffy hadn’t stopped missing him since they said good-bye.

She had talked to him when they landed, and again the night before, but she knew he would be busy with meetings over the next few days and the phone calls would get more sporadic until it was time for them to come home.

Slowly drifting into the living room, she walked over to the couch, letting her legs give out on her when she reached it. Buffy was surprised she didn’t go to sleep the second her head hit one of the throw pillows, using the opportunity to grab the blanket from the back of the couch and cuddle up beneath it.

She knew it was her night to start dinner, but it was likely to be a disaster if she didn’t get in a little bit of sleep. Closing her eyes and letting her body relax, she groaned when she heard the doorbell ring, stirring her from her near slumber. Slowly standing up, Buffy trudged back to the door, using all of the energy she had to twist the knob, pulling it open to reveal a tall man on the other side. A frown immediately settled on her features when she noticed the uniform and somber-looking expression of the police officer standing on the other side.

“Can I help you?” she asked with trepidation in her voice.

“Are you Buffy Summers?”

“That’s me.”

“I’m Officer White. I’m…uh…I’m afraid I have some bad news.”

Feeling the color immediately drain from her cheeks, her hand reflexively gripped the doorknob in a seizing hold.

“What is it?” she whispered.

“I’m afraid there’s been an accident.”

Her heart jumped into her throat at the sound of the simple statement, taking a deep breath as she waited for him to continue.

“You’re mother was presumably on her way home when the side of her car was hit by a man that ran a stop sign.”

“S-she’s fine, though…right?” Buffy asked, her voice getting a little louder as she tried to stop the hysterical panic from rising up inside of her. “I mean, she’ll be okay. She’s just at the hospital, right? I-I need to go get her? She just needs a ride home?”

“Miss Summers-”

“It’s Buffy,” she snapped, cutting him off. “Ms. Summers is my mom, and she’s not here right now.”

“Buffy, I’m sorry, but-”

“No…no…I just saw her…a few hours ago, and she was okay…she’s not…oh God!” Buffy cried, falling to the floor in sobs as the officer tried to console her.

“I’m sorry, Miss. I understand how hard this must be, but your mother…she passed away before she could receive any medical attention.”

“No…not my mom, she was the strong one. She knew what had to be done.” Buffy suddenly gasped in shock as another thought entered her mind. “My sister! M-my mom, sh-she was picking up Dawn, a-and-”

“Your sister is fine. The car impacted on the driver’s side, and the only injuries your sister sustained were a few minor bumps and bruises. She’s asking for you.”

“Dawnie,” she whispered. “I need to get there, I have to see her.”

“I’ll drive you.”

Forcing herself to function enough to locate her keys and lock the front door, Buffy allowed Officer White to help her outside and into his patrol car. Sitting solemnly in the passenger seat, she tried to make her brain comprehend everything that was happening. Before she knew it, she was being led into the emergency room of Sunnydale Memorial with no recollection of actually going the distance to get there. Feeling as if she was on autopilot, Buffy followed the officer through the corridors of the Emergency room, going numb when she was lead behind a curtain to see her sister. Aside from a bump on the head and a shallow cut on her cheek, Dawn didn’t even look hurt, which further clouded Buffy’s mind that her mother was alright and waiting in another vicinity of the hospital.

“Dawnie,” she said softly, causing her sister’s head to snap up before the younger girl immediately launched herself into Buffy’s arms.

“It’s all my fault, Buffy,” she cried into her shoulder.

“Dawnie, don’t say that. You couldn’t have known.”

“But she was picking me up. If I had been a little faster, or even a minute slower in leaving…it’s all my fault.”

“Dawn, listen to me,” Buffy said in a firm and gentle voice, trying to stay strong for her little sister. “I don’t want you to blame yourself. There was no way anyone could have realized what would happen.”

Slowly nodding with tears still in her eyes, Dawn clutched at her sister as if she was a lifeline.

“Miss Summers?”

Turning to face the nurse speaking quietly to her, Buffy nodded, waiting for her to continue.

“We need to further observe your sister to make sure there are no internal injuries. She’ll be free to go home in an hour or so.”

“O-okay,” she whispered, nodding as she turned back to face Dawn. “Honey, I need to go make some phone calls. Will you be okay?” she asked, soothingly running a hand through her long brown hair. She waited for Dawn’s nod before turning and making her way back through the hospital corridors and out of the hospital, inhaling the crisp January air as she tried to control her emotions. Pulling her cell phone out of her pocket, Buffy dialed the first number that came to her mind, having to dial it twice when her shaky hand wouldn’t cooperate.

After a few rings, she heard the comforting voice. “Hello?”

“Spike,” she whispered softly.

“Buffy?” he asked in confusion, straining to hear her voice over the men who were talking around him.

Listening to him fumbling around in the background, Buffy bit her lip as she waited until she heard a door close, muffling the noises before he spoke, “I’m in the middle of a meeting, pet, what is it?”

“I need you,” she replied, never raising her voice above the numb tone that she had been speaking in since her breakdown in front of the policeman.

“I need you, too, baby, but this is a really bad time. I’ve got about five suits in the other room waiting on me.”

“Spike, I want you to come home.”

“Buffy, we’ve been over this. I’ll be back at the end of the week,” he said in a gentle voice. “Now, I love you, and I’ll call you later.”

Hearing the click on the other end of the line, she felt her heart begin to race. “Spike…Spike!”

When he didn’t answer, she ended the call and tried again, only to be met with his voicemail. With tears burning her eyes, she quickly dialed another number.

“Giles…”

* * * * *

Sitting in the middle of the Summer’s living room later that night, Giles was exhausted after making funeral arrangements and filling in other necessary odds and ends so his girls wouldn’t have to be burdened by it. He had finally managed to get Dawn to sleep, but Buffy was a different story. She had remained somber and quiet, silently sitting next to him as he made all of the calls that needed to be handled, never shedding a tear in front of him, even when she said good night and practically clung to him before she went up to her room.

Now, he could still hear the quiet sobs that were coming from her room. The doctor had given both girls a prescription for Valium to sedate them. Giles had given one to Buffy before she had gone to bed, but it still hadn’t taken affect. His heart broke as he heard her hoarse voice carry through the house, the same soft plea on her lips.

“I need him…I need him.”

Giles was ready to gut his son when he was met with the answering service at the hotel, which refused to disturb any of their famous guests, no matter what the emergency was. He didn’t have the cell numbers for the other boys, and Spike’s was still turned off. Hearing his surrogate daughter in so much pain, Giles had to restrain himself from throwing the phone against the wall.

* * * * *

Awaking with a pounding headache the next morning, Spike almost couldn’t hear the sound of someone banging on the door as it blended with the thudding in his brain. Realizing what was happening a moment later, he rolled out of bed with a groan, making his way toward the door. After spending all day yesterday being shuffled in and out of meetings and finally breaking for dinner, only to return after an hour, he was starting to feel like he was a
lawyer instead of a singer. He hated having to sit through all the legal hassle of exactly how to put out the next album.

“Spike, open up!”

“Don’t get your knickers twisted, Peaches. I’m coming,” he said, unlocking the door as he ran a hand through his sleep-tousled hair with a yawn. “What the bloody hell do you want this early in the morning?”

“Call your dad.”

“What?” he asked, furrowing his brow as he looked at his friend.

“You heard me. Your dad just called my cell and said he had to call my parents and get the number. He said if he doesn’t hear from you in exactly ten minutes, he’s going to beat the living hell out of you.”

Spike furrowed his brow at the unseemly approach Giles took. That sounded more like something he would have said in his Ripper days, not something that Spike familiarized with the Giles persona. Reaching for his cell, he noticed it was turned off and cursed under his breath.

“I was supposed to call Buffy back last night,” he mumbled, running a hand through his hair in irritation that he had forgotten. “I was so wiped out, I came back and crashed. She’s going to kill me.”

Dialing his father’s house, Spike’s frown only deepened when he was connected to the answering machine.

“Where the bloody hell is he? He’s the one who wanted me to call him.”

Quickly dialing Buffy’s house, he became worried when a strange voice answered.

“I need to speak with Buffy Summers,” he said, glancing over at Angel, who was watching him in confusion.

“Buffy’s unavailable at the moment.”

“Who is this?”

“Who’s this? You’re the one who called.”

“Is Rupert Giles there?” he asked, his patience running thin.

“One moment.”

Frowning when he heard his father was over at the house, he noticed Angel giving him the same questioning look, shaking his head to let him know he’d talk to him in a moment.

“Hello?”

Breathing a sigh of relief at the sound of his father’s voice, Spike let his eyes close as his exhaustion took over again. “Hello, Da.”

“Where the bloody hell have you been?!”

Spike pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it in bewilderment, shocked by his father’s shouting. Slowly putting the phone back to his ear, he shook his head as he spoke, “I’m in New York, Dad. Told you I was gonna be gone a week, remember?”

“That’s not what I mean. You have been out of contact with the outside world for nearly twenty-four hours!”

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. Forgot to turn my phone back on.”

“Spike, we need you to come home.”

“Listen, Da, I already had this conversation with Buffy, so let me tell you the same thing. I-”

“No, let me tell you something, son,” Giles spat out. “Maybe if you paid more attention to the woman you loved and spent less time on that blasted career of yours, you would have seen that Buffy did not just want you to come home…she needed you here. Like she’s never needed you to be here before.”

“Dad, what are you talking about? Let me talk to Buffy.”

“Buffy is unavailable at the moment, Will,” Giles said, his voice softening as he prepared to tell his son the news.

Spike’s temper erupted at being denied access to talk to her for the second time. “You know, Giles, that’s the second time I’ve heard that in less than three minutes, and I’m really soddin’ tired of it. Now put my girlfriend on the phone.”

“Spike,” Giles continued in a soothing manner. “Buffy can’t come to the phone because she’s finally getting some much needed rest.”

”Okay, I’m getting really sick of beatin’ around the bush, so why don’t you tell me what the hell is going on?”

“Son, there was an accident yesterday.”

Spike felt his heart stop in dread. “She’s okay, right…Buffy’s okay?”

“Physically, she’s fine, but William…Joyce was killed in a car wreck yesterday afternoon.”

Swallowing hard, he felt the world shifting around him. Staggering over to drop into a nearby chair, Spike let his head fall into one hand as the other tightened around the phone. “No…she can’t be…”

“Buffy needs you right now, son.”

“I’m on the next flight home,” he whispered, disconnecting the call. Sitting there for another few seconds as he tried to wrap his mind around what he had just been told. Taking a deep breath, he slowly turned to look at Angel.

“What happened, Spike?”

Instead of answering, Spike leapt from the chair, grabbed the nearest breakable object, and hurled it towards the far wall with a yell. Turning to look for something else, he felt Angel’s restraining grip on his arm.

“Spike, what the hell is going on?”

Sinking to the floor, he felt the tears stinging his eyes as his head dropped into his hands. “I’m such a soddin’ ponce. She needed me, and I…oh God,” he said as the awareness suddenly hit him. “That’s why she called…yesterday, she needed me, and I…”

Angel watched as tears began streaming down his friend’s cheeks.

“Spike,” he said softly, touching his shoulder.

Suddenly jumping up from his sitting position, Spike began running around the room, throwing clothes into his suitcase and quickly getting dressed at the same time. Finally turning to face Angel, he slowly took in a few deep breaths to try and calm himself. “Joyce was killed in a car accident.”

Staring at Spike in disbelief, Angel’s mouth dropped open as he shook his head in disbelief. “My God…do you want me to go back with you?”

“No,” Spike said, shaking his head as he picked up his suitcase and began walking toward the door. “No…you stay here and finish up. I have to go see about my girl.”


 

Chapter 20 – Raw Emotion


Pulling his car into the Summers’ driveway later that night, Spike barely put it into park before he began his run for the front door. Not bothering to knock, he pushed through the door and into the living room. Seeing several people he didn’t know giving him curious looks, he finally spotted
his father sitting with Dawn across the room. Making his way over to both of them, he was met with a crying teenager, throwing herself into his arms.

“I’m so sorry, Niblet,” he whispered, stroking her hair as she sobbed into his chest for a long moment.

Slowly pulling away, Dawn nodded, wiping her eyes and nose as she offered him a watery smile.

Turning to his father, Spike gave Giles a grateful smile when he gestured toward the stairs. “She’s in her room. She wasn’t up to seeing any guests tonight. She said she just wanted to be
alone.”

Barely nodding before turning and jogging up the stairs, Spike shed his duster on the way, taking a deep breath when he reached the top landing. Walking up to Buffy’s door, he gently tapped on it before pushing it open, not bothering to wait for a response. Nothing was keeping him from his girl for another second longer.

“I don’t want to see anybody,” he heard her say in a hoarse voice. Glancing around the dim room, Spike spotted her huddled in a chair, staring out the window at the side of the house next door, obviously not seeing anything as she stared.

“It’s me, baby,” he whispered, watching as her head snapped around to face him.

“Spike?” she asked, unable to believe it was really him after the last twenty-four hours.

Barely having the time to nod before he was assaulted by the woman he loved, Spike’s arms reflexively wrapped around her before flinching when he felt her fist connect with his chest.

“You weren’t here!” she yelled, hitting him repeatedly against his chest and stomach. “I needed you…I needed you, and you weren’t here…you weren’t…I needed you,” her voice continuously getting softer as the strength drained out of her, causing her punches to weaken until Spike was able to wrap his arms around her. Pulling her frail body closer to his, Spike buried his face in her soft hair and let his own tears fall. “I needed you,” she whispered over and over again, digging her nails into his chest as she clutched at his shirt, obviously scared that he was going to leave again.

“I know, baby,” Spike said in a choked voice. “I’m so sorry. I know you needed me, but I’m here now,” he said, pulling away to cup her face in his hands. “I’m here, and I’m not leaving you again.”

Nearly jumping back when Buffy’s lips attacked his, Spike was vaguely aware of the sound of the door slamming shut behind him as she pushed him against it. Eagerly returning her kiss, he tried to soften it as her tongue delved into his mouth to tangle with his own. Feeling her tiny hands trace the muscles in his torso, his body tightened when her hands moved downward, realizing that she was reaching for his belt buckle. Slowly intercepting her, he tried to gently pry her hands away as he pulled away from her.

“Buffy, not like this,” he whispered, in a strained voice.

“Exactly like this,” she replied in a rasping whisper. “I need you, Spike. Please! Make me feel something, anything…just make me forget for a little while. Please, Spike.”

“Buffy-”

“No, Spike. I know you want me,” she said, grabbing for his belt one again. “I know what I want, and I need you inside of me…now.”

Spike didn’t know what to do as she quickly stripped her clothes off, leaving her standing in front of him completely bare and vulnerable. His body had the natural reaction to having her naked body so close to his own, barely noticing when she jerked his shirt over his head.

“Can’t take advantage of you, Buffy,” he whispered, trying to stop her when she managed to unbuckle his belt and jerk his jeans halfway down his legs.

Before another protest could leave his mouth, he found himself lying on her bed as she straddled him. His breath caught as he felt her smooth body moving against his before she positioned him at her entrance and plunged herself downward.

Reflexively grabbing her hips, Spike nearly cried out at the fulfilling feeling of being connected again. Hearing her gasp of pain, he realized what was happening as Buffy began to move wildly on top of him. Her erratic movements showing the stress of the last twenty-four hours.

“Buffy,” he moaned, gripping her hips more firmly in his hands as he tried to slow her movements. He knew this had to be physically hurting her after not being together for a year, but she wasn’t letting him have any control.

“We shouldn’t be doing this, love,” Spike said, trying to use the only defensive weapon he had- his words. He almost couldn’t believe that he was even saying it when he felt her rotate her hips, sending tingling sensations through both of them, but he knew he had to stop her before she continued something that she would already regret.

“No,” she said, stretching her body to the length of his with her chest pressed tightly to his own when he tried to force her to stop once again. Continuing the gyrating of her hips, Spike felt his jaw clench at the rush that was going through him. “Don’t make me stop, Spike.”

Grabbing her thighs to slow her movements, he gritted his teeth as he tried to maintain the willpower to stop her. “Buffy-”

“No!” she yelled, pulling back to look at him with tears shimmering in her eyes. “If you want to hurt me, Spike, then do it! Hit me if you have to, but you will not make me stop.”

“What?” he whispered in disbelief, unable to understand what she was saying to him. Looking at her incredulously, he watched as the tears continued to stream from her eyes. Tightening his grip on her until he was flinching from the amount of force he was having to use on her, he breathed a little easier when her movements stopped.

“Hurt me,” she said in a low voice, looking into his eyes, silently pleading with him to do what she said.

“What are you talking about, Buffy?” he asked in a breathless whisper.

“I can’t hurt inside anymore, Spike,” she whispered as fresh tears began cascading down her
cheeks. “So if you’re going to hurt me, it’s got to be physically, because I can’t handle you rejecting me right now…not on top of everything else that’s happened. I can’t…I just can’t take you not wanting me right now…so do it…hurt me,” she choked out through her tears.

Understanding suddenly dawned on Spike. Gently grasping her hips, he rotated them until they were flipped on the mattress with Buffy lying beneath him.

“I would never hurt you, baby,” he whispered seductively, lavishing soft kisses all over her body before slowly moving upward until he met her lips in a passionate kiss. Rotating his hips, he relaxed when he felt her body respond to him.

Clenching her inner muscles around his length, she arched her back, craving his touch. Leaning forward, he eagerly drew a nipple into his mouth, flicking his tongue over it as he continued moving in and out of her hot depths, slowly running his tongue over her breast, along her collarbone and up her neck until she was trembling beneath him.

Kissing along her neck, he breathed heavily when he reached her ear, trying to maintain his control as his movements sped up. “I love you,” he whispered. “I’ll give you what you need…I’m not going to hurt you…I could never hurt you,” he continued as his thrusting sped up.

Spike met her lips in a searing kiss, letting one hand wander down her body until it wrapped around her hips. Tenderly holding her body closer to his, he began moving faster, feeling her muscles quivering around him, signaling her impending climax.

“Come for me, baby,” he whispered, kissing his way down her jaw to her neck. “You know you want to…we both know it’s what you need.”

Not caring who heard them, Spike sped up his thrusts, vaguely aware of the headboard thumping against the wall continuously. Smiling briefly when Buffy threw her head back with a scream, her body writhing as her climax crashed into her, Spike plunged into her four more times, soon finding his own release as he spilled himself into her hot depths.

Breathing heavily for a few moments, Spike slowly rolled away, never breaking full contact with Buffy as he pulled her against his chest.

Snuggling closer to him, she let her hand trace erratic patterns over his chest, feeling guilty as the memories began to come back to her from just moments before.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered after a few minutes of silence.

“For what, love?” he asked, kissing the top of her head before letting his hand trail along her arm, smiling at the shiver that raced through her.

“For what I said to you,” she murmured. “I didn’t mean it. I know that you would never hurt me like that, and I shouldn’t have said it. I just miss her so much, and it feels like I’m being turned inside out.”

“I know, baby,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “Don’t worry about it. You need to get some sleep.”

“Thank you for being here, Spike. I need you right now.”

Buffy closed her eyes and within minutes was sound asleep. Spike heard her breathing regulate and pulled her closer to him, closing his own eyes. “I need you, too.”


Chapter 21 – Surprising Surprises


As the months passed, Buffy found herself struggling with the added responsibilities of day-to-day life. Spike stayed with her for a solid week following the funeral until they realized they weren’t setting the best example for Dawn. Now they saw each other about three nights a week and only spent the entire night with each other whenever Dawn was at a friend’s house.

Joyce’s insurance had paid off the entire funeral, and there was a little money left over for a few house payments. Now, nearly three months later, Buffy was realizing she was going to have to make some major changes in her life. The problem was going to be trying to make these changes without Spike realizing about it anytime soon. Buffy knew that he would offer to pay all of her bills and anything else he could afford, but she didn’t want him to do that. Though he was fairly well off because of the hit record, he was far from rich. Maybe in a few years, but for now, he was living comfortably. Buffy didn’t want him feeling responsible for her monetary problems, and she was determined to support herself and her sister.

This led her to her latest, and last, option- the Doublemeat Palace. It was far from her dream job, but it was a steady paycheck and only working a few nights a week, for starters. Coming home from her interview that Tuesday night, Buffy was surprised to see Spike sitting on the railing of her porch, watching her approach as he inhaled on the cigarette he was holding. Pasting a smile on her face, she walked up to him.

“Hey!”

Inwardly cringing at the overly upbeat tone of her voice, she managed to keep the smile firmly in place.

“Where’ve you been?” Spike asked, raising one eyebrow in response, his tone of voice surprising Buffy as she managed to give him a flustered response.

“Oh, you know…out for a walk.”

“Uh huh,” he said, standing up to his full height and stubbing out his cigarette. Walking toward Buffy, Spike eyed her up and down, almost hungrily. “So you’re telling me you were just out for a walk, dressed in high heels, a short skirt, and a tight shirt?”

“Hey!” she cried indignantly. “I’ll have you know this shirt is not tight- it’s form-fitting!”

“Who were you with, Buffy?”

Rolling her eyes in disbelief, Buffy shook her head as she tried to walk past him. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me!”

Reaching out and grabbed her upper arm when she tried to walk past him, Spike loosened his grip slightly when he saw her cringe. “Where were you?” he asked, his teeth clenched tightly together.

“Take your hand off of me,” Buffy slowly replied in a cold tone.

Letting go of her arm, Spike wasn’t about to let her off the hook that easily as he took a step closer to her. “I asked you a question. Several actually.”

“What do you think, Spike? That I’m off fucking a bunch of random guys? That I’m prostituting myself to earn a little extra cash? Or that I’m just cheating on you? Because you know what they say- those who accuse are actually guilty.”

Seeing the tick in his jaw as he tried to control his temper, Buffy knew it was a low blow. She knew it, but she didn’t have any reason to feel guilty, and she wasn’t about to let him think that he could control everything that she did. Sadly shaking her head as she looked at the ground, Buffy slowly raised her eyes to his. “Spike, have I ever given you a reason not to trust me? Have I?”

“No,” he said quietly.

“Then what’s with the third degree? I love you, you know that, and no…I wasn’t out for a walk, but I don’t feel comfortable telling you where I was, either.”

“Why not?”

“Because I know you, Spike. You’ll get all judgmental, and you’ll start lecturing me, and I really don’t need to hear it right now.”

“Tell me, Buffy.”

Averting her eyes for a moment, she sighed as she crossed her arms over her chest. “I was on a job interview…”

“Why couldn’t you just tell me that? It’s not like I’m not going to stop you from working.”

“…at the Doublemeat Palace,” she finished, biting her bottom lip in embarrassment.

“Okay, maybe I will.”

“Spike, I can do this on my own, okay? I don’t need your help or your opinions because honestly, I have enough of my own, but I’m going to do what has to be done. I got a job there and it’s a way to support myself, so I’m going to do it.”

“You should have said something.”

“We’re okay,” she insisted softly. “But a few months from now, we might not be, and I want to be ready.”

“What if I told you I have a solution to make all of your problems go away?” he asked, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“I’d probably be very skeptical,” she said, in turn clasping her own hands behind his neck as he leaned forward to let his lips brush against her ear, sending shivers racing along her spine.

“Marry me,” he breathed softly.

Buffy froze, her eyes widening in disbelief. “Was that a question or a demand?”

“A request,” he replied with a smile. “Marry me.”

“Spike,” she said, breaking away from his grip and taking a step back as she shook her head. “I don’t think this is a good enough reason to get married.”

“What if I told you I’ve been thinking about it since Christmas?”

“I’d say we just started making our relationship work again, and this is moving really fast.”

“I know it is, but I love you, Buffy. Nothing’s going to change that.”

“Spike, this is all too sudden. I mean, it’s one thing to think about it, but it’s entirely different when you just spring it to me out of no-”

Buffy cut herself off when Spike reached into his pocket and produced a princess-cut diamond ring, set in a platinum band.

“I’ve been doing more than thinking about it, love,” he whispered, maintaining eye contact with her as he took her hand and dropped down on one knee. “Buffy Summers…will you be my wife?”

Buffy paused for a second before a smile lit up her face, she gave him the first response that entered her mind. “Of course I will!”

Slipping the ring on her finger, Spike jumped up, swinging her into his arms and around the yard until they both fell to the ground in a laughing heap of tangled limbs. Spike smiled at the woman beneath him and lowered his lips to hers in a soft kiss, brushing his lips against hers for a long moment before pulling away to look deep in her eyes.

“I want you to know, I do have some impending rules for this engagement,” Buffy said with a smile.

“Fire away,” Spike replied, eager to agree to anything she was about to say.

“Number one- we don’t get married for at least another year. Number two- we will still date. Don’t think just because you bought me a diamond you can get off the hook for taking me out, buddy. Number three-”

Buffy was silenced as Spike kissed her again, stroking his tongue against hers, eliciting a soft moan from her when he pulled away.

“I love you, Buffy,” he whispered. “And I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much.”

“I love you, too,” she said with a soft smile, gently caressing the angular lines of his face before grabbing the back of his neck to pull his mouth to hers, devouring his lips once again and giggling when he rolled them over, giving her more control. After a few minutes, Buffy pulled away and stared down at the man she loved.

“I never stopped loving you, Spike.”

“Me neither, baby. It’s always been you.”



 

Epilogue


3 Years Later


Making her way through the huge crowd at the stadium in Los Angeles, Buffy didn’t think she’d ever find Spike. She actually didn’t think she was going to make it at all that night, since she had no baby-sitter for their seven-month old daughter Joy. Dawn had surprised her at the last minute, coming back from the dorms, telling Buffy to go and that she would work on her paper another night.

Buffy and Spike had married a year after getting engaged in a small backyard ceremony, with Giles giving away the bride.

When the band hit it really big a few months later, Spike had paid off the mortgage to the house, but he and Buffy had moved into his apartment when Dawn moved into the dorms, wanting to start fresh. They kept the house, knowing that they would eventually want to come back, but for now, they were happy where they were. Not even a year after they had been married, Buffy discovered she was pregnant with their daughter and Spike made a big career decision.

Spike was as loving and attentive to his daughter as he was to his wife. The band was in a position now that they could pick and choose their concerts, and they rarely left the west coast. Oz and Willow were living together, and Gunn and Fred had been married a few months longer than Spike and Buffy. Angel was currently in an on-again/off-again relationship with Darla, and to Buffy's surprise, Dawn and Connor were still dating after more than three years.

Now, as she pushed her way through the crowd of screaming fans and showed the security guard her backstage pass, she caught a glimpse of her husband in front of her. Watching with some trepidation as a group of scantily-clad young women practically lunged at him, she felt her heart swell when he smiled and politely told them to back off.

Stepping up behind Spike, she smiled at the bodyguard whom she knew and wrapped her arms around her husband. Spike whirled around and shoved her away before he realized who it was.

“Buffy, pet, I’m so sorry! I didn’t know you were here.”

Giggling at his response, she walked forward and gave him a hug. “It’s okay. To be honest, I’m glad I got that reaction. I’m not really used to this anymore, so when the band is close…I guess I forget that you’re still the number one guy.”

“Used to be,” he said with a smile, kissing her forehead. “Now I’m just the manager.” Leaning forward, Buffy relaxed when he gently kissed her cheek before whispering in her ear, “And if it means spending more time with you, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Pulling back to give her a soft smile, Buffy couldn’t help the smug look of satisfaction that crossed her face as the crowd of girls around them continued to glare at her.

“And I made you a promise,” Spike continued, ignoring the other women around them. “I’m not about to lose you again.”

“That’s good you feel that way because I really don’t feel like letting you go again,” she replied with a bright smile. “But you know I’d kick your ass to the curb if you step outta line.”

“I know,” Spike said with a chuckle. “Don’t worry. Staying in the lines, on all counts. So, I take it you were able to get a baby-sitter?”

“Yep, Dawnie showed up at the last minute.”

“Good,” he said with a smile, bending his head to give the woman he loved a soft, tender kiss, much to the crowd's annoyance. Pressing his forehead to Buffy’s, he looked deep into her eyes, ignoring everyone around them as the ambiance seemed to fade away. “I love you, baby.”

With a smile, Buffy gave him another kiss. “I love you.”

Looking at his wife with nothing less than pure adoration on his face, Spike tenderly tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Did I ever tell you, Summers, that you’re one in a million?”

“I’m not a Summers anymore,” Buffy replied with a soft smile. “And yeah, you might have mentioned it.”

~THE END~