Chapter 21

TWO YEARS LATER

Buffy pulled into her mother’s driveway, turning off the car and glancing back at the dozing toddler.
“We’re here, honey,” she said softly, reaching into the backseat and patting the fat little leg, smiling when sleepy blue eyes greeted her.
“Mama?”
“It’s me, baby,” she whispered, smiling at one of the words in his limited vocabulary. His favorite word….and Buffy’s favorite word to hear.
“Where is my grandson?”
Buffy climbed out of the car, smiling as her mother ran down the steps and practically threw herself in the backseat, unfastening the little boy. Buffy smiled with a roll of her eyes.
“Yes, forget all about your daughter,” she said good-naturedly. “I know when a baby makes an appearance, the parent ceases to exist.”
Joyce climbed out of the back of the car with her grandson securely in her arms. “You know that’s not true…entirely.”
Buffy laughed as she grabbed their bags from the trunk.
“I just can’t believe I get you both for more than a week,” Joyce said with an excited smile.
“Yeah,” Buffy agreed, although the enthusiasm wasn’t in her voice as they walked into the house. “Have you…”
“No,” Joyce said quietly. “I haven’t seen him.”
“Yeah,” Buffy said softly. “I didn’t really expect anything. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“You were thinking about Michael.”
Buffy gave her mother a genuine smile as she looked at her son. He was slowly waking up and taking in his strange surroundings. He seemed content as long as his mama and grandma were in the vicinity.
“You should go out, Buffy,” Joyce said with a smile as she put Michael on the floor. He stayed close to Buffy, clutching at her pants with one tiny fist, while the other clutched his small toy hippopotamus named ‘Tubby.’ He didn’t go anywhere without that hippo.
“Go see Willow and Xander,” Joyce continued. “You haven’t seen either of them since they went to visit you at Christmas.”
“I don’t know. I might go see them tomorrow. I want to make sure Michael is adjusted before I just take off.”
“Oh, we’ll be fine,” Joyce said in a playful tone as she scooped up her grandson again. “You’ll have fun with Gamma, won’t you?” she asked, tickling the little boy’s tummy.
Both women laughed at the giggle that erupted from him.
“Go,” Joyce said with a little push for her daughter. “Xander’s working at The Pub tonight, and Willow is probably close by.”
“Gee, I just got here and you’re already kicking me out,” Buffy said with a smile.
“I just want to take my grandson and show him off.”
“Aaah, and the truth comes out,” Buffy said with a laugh. “You want to kidnap my little boy and parade him around to all of your friends.”
Joyce smiled sheepishly. “Can you blame me? This is the first time you’ve been home, and all I’ve ever had to show them were pictures.”
Buffy shook her head with a grin before offering her mother the car keys. “Take my car, since you’ll need the car-seat. I’ll take the Jeep.”
Joyce happily took the keys from her daughter. “Take your time and have fun with your friends.”
“Okay, thanks, Mom,” Buffy said with a hug. “Bedtime at eight o’clock for the little one,” she continued, tickling Michael's legs as he squealed and squirmed around. “Mommy loves you,” she whispered with a gentle kiss to the top of his head.
* * * * *
Buffy sat in The Pub for over an hour, helping Willow plan her impending wedding. She and Xander were tying the knot the following week, and Buffy was the obvious choice for Maid of Honor.
Xander joined in the conversation when he could, but the bar was busier than normal that night, and he was the only bartender assigned to the shift.
“So when do I get to see your dress?” Buffy asked excitedly when Xander was out of earshot.
“Soon,” Willow said with an excited hop in her seat. “I have to go for the final alterations in the morning. You can go with me if you want to.”
“Great!” Buffy said, almost as thrilled as her friend was. “I’m so happy for both of you,” she said with a soft smile. “You two belong together.”
“Thank you for being here, Buffy,” Willow said, squeezing her friend’s hand. “It means a lot to me that you would come back to town considering…Spike.”
“It’s okay, Wills-“
“No,” Willow said, frantically shaking her head. “Spike’s here…right now.”
Buffy felt her chest tighten as she turned around, looking at a man she hadn’t seen in over two years. He wasn’t looking her way, and Buffy took a long moment to just stare at him. He was standing with another man, searching the crowded bar for a table.
Buffy saw his eyes drifting toward her and quickly spun around, not wanting him to see her. She felt the familiar tingle that ran through her body whenever he looked at her but shrugged it off as Willow gave her a sympathetic smile.
“Are you okay?” she asked softly.
“Does he come here a lot?” Buffy asked.
“Not much,” Willow replied. “He’s not exactly on Xander’s ‘favorites’ list, so the two of them tend to stay away from each other, but I have seen him in here every now and then. Are you okay?” she repeated.
“Yeah,” Buffy said with a soft smile as her mind flashed back to the past.
* * * * *
18 MONTHS AGO
Buffy looked at the tiny baby in her arms, letting the tears stream down her cheeks as she realized she was part of creating something so beautiful, so perfect. And the other person responsible for this tiny life deserved to know about him.
With a deep breath, Buffy lifted the phone off the cradle, next to the hospital bed, and dialed the number that was still familiar to her after all this time.
“Hello?”
“Spike.”
“Buffy?”
“It’s me,” she said softly. “I just…I just wanted you to know that…I had a little boy.”
Spike felt himself intake sharply, desperately needing the air to fill his lungs.
“Spike? Are you there?”
“Yeah,” he said softly. “Is everything okay?”
“We’re both fine.”
The silence stretched between them like a wide chasm before Buffy sighed.
“I just thought you should know.”
“I’m…I’m glad you did,” he said, overwhelmed with shock.
Buffy felt her heart break all over again.
“Yeah…well, thanks for caring.”
“Buffy, wait-“
But she was already gone.
* * * * *
PRESENT DAY
Buffy took a deep, steadying breath before standing up. “I should probably get going, Wills. I haven’t spent any time with Mom, but I will definitely be there the alterations tomorrow morning, bright and early.”
Willow stood up, hugging her friend. “Thank you for being here,” Willow said with tears in her eyes. “I need my best friend with me.”
“I can’t imagine not being here.”
“Hey, Buff, you taking off?” Xander asked as he wiped down the bar in front of them.
“Yep, but I’ll see you later,” she replied, leaning across the bar to give Xander a kiss on the cheek. “Bye, guys,” she said with a wave.
* * * * *
Spike looked up from his conversation with Charles Gunn to see a blonde woman hugging Willow Rosenburg. Spike hadn’t spoken to Willow very much since she graduated, but something about their interaction kept his eyes trained to them. He couldn’t see the woman’s face, but he watched as she leaned across the bar to kiss the whelp on the cheek.
She gave a friendly wave before turning to the door. Spike felt his breath catch in his throat. He couldn’t believe his eyes. She had lost at least ten pounds and her hair was longer and more of a honey blonde, but it was definitely…
“Buffy,” he murmured, causing Gunn to stop talking and look around.
“That’s her?” Gunn asked as he sat back and watched the woman walk toward the door. “Damn, she’s fine. Nice choice, my man,” he said with a grin as he slapped Spike on the back.
Spike sat still in stunned silence as Buffy walked out of the bar.
“What are you waiting for?” Gunn asked. “The woman you’ve been pining after for years just walked away, and you’re not going to go after her?” he smiled as Spike practically bolted from his seat and ran from the bar. “That’s what I thought,” Gunn said with a chuckle.
* * * * *
“Buffy!”
Buffy stopped walking, swallowing the lump in her throat as she turned to face him.
“Spike,” she said in casual greeting.
Spike stared at her for a long moment, not believing that it was really her.
“Well, if you’re done staring, I have to get going,” Buffy said, turning around and walking away.
Spike chased after her, grabbing her arm and spinning her around. “Listen, pet, I just wanted to talk to you…to check on you.”
“Check on me?” Buffy asked in disbelief. “It took you long enough. Since when do you care?”
“You know I care,” Spike said, tightening his hold on her arm as she attempted to walk by him. “I always have.”
“Just not enough,” Buffy replied with a raised eyebrow.
“Buffy, I was going to lose my job-”
“Yeah,” Buffy agreed with a nod. “You lost something else instead.”
“I never meant to…I never wanted to hurt you, luv.”
Buffy laughed in disdain. “Yeah…you never meant to hurt me. It’s too late, Spike. You’re too late.”
Spike watched as she turned her back on him, walking toward her car.
“I love you,” he said softly.
Buffy stopped at the admission, fighting the tears in her eyes. “No, you don’t,” she replied with more conviction than she felt.
“You think I haven’t tried not to?” he asked, taking a step closer to her as Buffy turned around to face him.
“Try harder,” she said, repeating the words he had told her so long ago.

Chapter 22


“So how did it go last night?” Willow asked from the other side of the
curtain that acted as a dressing room. “Considering Spike ran after you
like his hair was on fire.”

Buffy smiled at her choice of words before speaking. “Well, let’s see…the
man who is the father of my child chased after me to confront me in an alley
and confess his love for me but didn’t even mention the child he’s never
seen. So, peachy with a side of keen, that would be me.”

“Well, to be fair, Buffy…it’s like you said, he’s never seen Michael,”
Willow called out. “Not that I’m saying it’s right,” she added as an
afterthought. “It’s just I think you were his first priority.”

“I guess,” Buffy said softly.

“So what are the chances that you two will-“

“Willow, don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Buffy said, pacing around the
dressing area, watching the reflection of three other Buffy’s pace with her
as she walked in front of the mirrors. “You know things are different now.
You can’t just go back to the way things were, and I…I wouldn’t want to.”

“Really?”

“Things are different now,” Buffy repeated in a much softer voice, her resolve cracking.

Willow decided to drop the subject as she opened the curtain. Buffy gasped
at the sight of the redhead. Her hair spilled around her shoulders in soft
curls, the white A-line dress accentuating all of her best features.

“Oh my God, Wills, you look gorgeous!”

“Really?” Willow asked nervously as she walked over to the mirrors to
examine her reflection.

“Yes ‘really’! You look stunning! Xander’s not going to know what hit him.”

“What about my hair?” Willow asked, gathering it up at the base of her neck.
“I was thinking about wearing it up.”

“Don’t you dare,” Buffy said with a smile. “The curls are perfect with that
dress. Oh, I can’t believe in a week you’re going to be married,” she
continued with tears in her eyes. “It’s just too much.”

“Don’t you start crying, Buffy Summers, or I will have to kill you for
making me cry.”

Buffy laughed at her friend, brushing the tears away as the seamstress
walked up. “You look lovely, Miss Rosenburg. Let’s get these final
alterations, and then we’ll see to Miss Summers.”

“Ooh, I haven’t even seen my dress,” Buffy said excitedly. “You don’t have
me in some lovely little radioactive number, do you?” she asked with a
wicked grin.

“No, but now that you mention it, I still think something in green would be good
for your skin tone. You know, they say you’re supposed to make the
bridesmaids look horrible so the focus is on the bride.”

Buffy laughed. “I guarantee the focus will be on you,” she assured her
friend. “I’ll just be the window dressing.”

“You couldn’t be window dressing even if you tried,” Willow said with a
laugh.

“Well then, don’t put me in anything too horrible or I’ll be taking the
focus off you, but not in a good way.”

“Don’t worry,” Willow said with a smile. “You’ll be wearing a tastefully
simple black dress.”

“Sounds good to me,” Buffy said, sitting down in one of the plush chairs and
flipping through a bridal magazine.

Both were quiet for a few minutes until the seamstress walked away to get
some more pins.

“Buffy,” Willow said quietly. “I have a confession to make.”

Buffy put down the magazine, worried from Willow’s quiet tone. “What is it,
Wills?”

“Well, you know how Michael is the ring bearer?”

“Considering he’s my son, yes, Willow, I know that he’s in the wedding,”
Buffy said with a smile. “Even if he is a little young.”

“He’ll be adorable,” Willow said, waving her hand dismissively. “But
actually…I kind of invited Spike.”

Buffy’s eyes widened as her heart rate skyrocketed. “What?”

“Well, his son is in the wedding. I thought it would be the nice thing to
do,” Willow said in a meek voice.

“A son he’s never seen, Wills.”

“Now to be fair-“

“Yes, Willow, I know that I’ve never given him a reason to see him, but
that’s not the point! He hasn’t seen him for the past eighteen months, why
would he care to see him in the wedding?”

“If you want me to uninvite him, I will.”

Buffy took a deep breath, knowing that she was being selfish. “No, don’t do
that. I don’t want you to have to worry about hurting his feelings just
because I’m acting like a teenager.”

“To be fair, you were a teenager just a few months ago,” Willow said with a
smile, giggling when Buffy picked up a discarded veil and threw it at her
friend.

* * * * *

Buffy spotted his car even before she pulled onto Revello. “Perfect,” she
muttered, throwing her car into park and stepping out. Spike got out of
the Desoto, staying where he was.

She stood next to her car for a moment. It was clear that it was up to her
to make the next move. Either go into the house and put the past behind her
for good, or give him the chance to talk to her. With a sigh, she took a few
hesitant steps toward the street, letting him walk the rest of the way.

“Buffy,” he said with a nod of his head.

“Hello, Spike,” she said quietly. “What are you doing here?”

“I needed to talk to you,” he said softly, looking into her eyes.

“Okay,” she agreed, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Where’ve you been?”

“School,” Buffy said softly. “Dad surprisingly pulled some strings and got
me enrolled in Pepperdine.” Spike’s eyes widened as Buffy continued. “I’m
working on my Bachelor’s degree. I’m halfway finished.”

“That’s…that’s wonderful, Buffy.”

Buffy nodded, unable to make eye contact with him as she crossed her arms
over her chest.

“What about money?” Spike asked, guilt lacing his words.

“Another shocker…Mom talked to Dad and he paid for all the prenatal care.”

Spike’s eyes widened. That was the last thing that he’d expected to hear.

“She said that it was the least he could do and he apparently agreed,” Buffy murmured.

Spike hung his head, knowing that it was the least he could do, not Buffy’s father.

“And…the baby?” he asked quietly.

“Michael,” she whispered, finally looking at him. “His name is Michael.”

Spike gave her a gentle smile. “How is he?”

“He’s amazing,” Buffy said with a soft smile, forgetting who she was talking
to while discussing her pride and joy. “The sweetest, most loving little
boy in the world. He’s really smart, knows just how to test people. He’s got my mom
trained to do anything he wants. He knows he can get away with it.”

Spike felt the lump in his throat. “Do you think I could…”

“You want to meet him?”

“If you’re okay with it,” he said softly. “I don’t want to do anything to
upset you.”

Before Buffy could answer, a silver Mercedes pulled in the driveway. Spike
looked at it questioningly as the door swung open, revealing a tall,
dark-haired man in a suit.

“Hey, babe,” he said with a smile to Buffy as he took off his sunglasses. “Sorry I’m late.”

Spike’s brow furrowed as the man approached. He felt as if his heart
shattered when he saw the man take Buffy in his arms and leave a tender kiss
on her lips.

Buffy pulled back with a flushed face.

‘I really didn’t want to go through with this right now,’ Buffy thought to herself. ‘It was going to happen sooner or later, but could he have worse timing? He was supposed to be here this morning.’

“Spike,” she said softly. “This is Angel.”

That was it. No other introduction was needed. Spike understood the role
this man played in her life, and he felt the last remains of hope drift away.

Chapter 23


The two men were locked in a staring contest for several long moments, neither offering to
shake the other’s hand, not wanting to get close enough to touch each other.
Unless it was a violent touch, that is. This thought almost brought a smile to both faces.

“Spike,” Angel finally said, as if he was thinking about the name, even
though he recognized it the second it left Buffy’s lips. “Michael’s…”

“Michael’s dad,” Buffy said softly as Angel’s arm went around her waist in a
possessive hold.

“Michael’s father,” Angel corrected, his eyes clashing with Spike’s.

“What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?!”

“Have you been there from the beginning?” Angel challenged as Spike clenched
his jaw, narrowing his eyes.

“I was there for the conception,” Spike replied in a deadly tone as he took
a step closer to the other man.

“Yeah,” Angel said with a glower. “And guess who’s there now?”

“That’s enough,” Buffy said in a low voice. Both immediately shut up, not
wanting to be on her bad side. “Angel, go inside, I’ll be there in a
minute.”

“Buffy, I don’t think-“

“I said go!” she said forcefully as she pushed Angel away from her.

“Is Michael here?” he asked with a smile that was obviously for Spike’s
benefit.

Buffy sighed, giving him a look. “Yes, he is,” she replied. “Mom was
watching him this morning.”

“Great,” Angel replied, giving her a kiss on the cheek before turning to
Spike. With one final glare, he left Buffy and Spike alone.

Spike took a deep breath, shoving his hands in his pockets as he looked up
at the sky. “Well…”

“Now probably wouldn’t be the best time for you to meet Michael,” Buffy said
softly.

“I guess not,” he whispered. “I expected it to go a little better than
this.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Buffy replied. “If you two had to meet, I was kind
of hoping for a more controlled situation.”

“He seems pretty controlling,” he muttered under his breath, but Buffy could hear him anyway.

“Spike, please…”

“Sorry, luv,” he said, avoiding her eyes. “I forgot, it’s not my place to
say anymore.” Both stayed quiet for a minute before he spoke again. “How
long?”

Buffy took a deep breath before speaking. “A year,” she said softly, not
needing to ask him to clarify. “We’ve been together for a year.”

‘Longer than we were together,’ Spike thought with a pain in his heart.

“So you two have…”

Buffy’s breath caught as she looked away, not wanting to hear the rest of
Spike’s question. And she really didn’t want to answer it.

Spike shut his eyes, trying to reign in his emotions. “When can I meet him?”
he asked, wanting to change the subject.

“Can you come by later?” she asked, her tone taking on a hopeful quality.

“Yeah,” he said softly. “Whatever time is good for you, I’ll be here.”

“He wakes up from his nap around four. Anytime after that will be fine.”

“And what about Captain Forehead? Will he be here, too?”

“Spike…”

“Simple question, luv.”

“I’ll make sure he’s not,” she said softly.

“Okay,” Spike said with a nod before turning and walking back to his car.
Opening the door, he turned to see Buffy standing in the same place, staring
up at the sky as she seemed to be lost in thought. “Buffy?”

“Yeah?” she replied, snapping out of her daze as she turned her attention
back to him.

“Thank you,” he said softly.

* * * * *

Buffy walked into the house, slamming the door behind her, causing three
heads to turn toward her. She saw Angel and her mother sitting on the couch
in the living room with Michael playing on the floor. Angel caught her eye
as Buffy pointed to him and then the kitchen, disappearing around the corner
with a dangerous look in her eyes.

Angel followed her, leaning against the island as Buffy paced around along
the tile. “What the hell was that?” she finally asked.

“What did you expect me to do, Buffy? The guy just shows up after being Mr.
Absentee Father, and you really didn’t expect me to be nice to him, did you?”

“He didn’t ‘just show up’- he lives in this town, and as much as I don’t want
to defend a lot of his actions, there were reasons that we weren’t together.
I’ve never lied to you, Angel, so don’t start treating me like I’m the
helpless victim. I knew exactly what I was getting myself into when I moved
away, and I don’t need you playing the role of ‘protector’. I can take care
of myself just fine. I did it for a year before you showed up, so don’t
think that I need a guardian.”

Angel sighed, looking around the room before catching her eye again. He
normally liked it when Buffy got worked up, she was a very passionate
person, but this conversation had the makings of something bad happening
unless he did some damage control. “I’m not going to be nice to him, Buff.
Even if Michael wasn’t involved, he would still be your ex and therefore not
on my ‘getting to know you’ list.”

“You knew when you agreed to come this week that this was a possibility. You can be civil without being nice,” Buffy said, her tone softening as she ran her hands through her hair, her eyes becoming glassy with unshed tears.
“Please,” she whispered. “I’m under enough stress as it is, please don’t
add to it.”

Buffy felt herself wrapped in his arms as she cried into his chest. “This
is why I hate him,” he whispered. “Every time you cry, it’s because of him
in some form or another.”

“Angel, please…”

“If it means that much to you, I’ll try.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, her eyes slowly drying as she pulled away from him, not liking the fact that his touch wasn’t the familiarity she longed for. Taking several deep breaths, she left him standing in the kitchen as
she walked into the living room, saying hello to her mother before settling in to play with her son.

She found her mind drifting to the events of the last twenty-four hours.
The object of most of her thoughts was Spike and the nagging little voice
that kept trying to remind her how happy she used to be with him. For just a few
months, she wanted nothing and she longed to have that again, in some form.

‘When did life get so complicated?’ she asked herself before nearly rolling
her eyes when she realized what a ridiculous question that was. ‘Right
around the time that you started screwing your history teacher.’

Chapter 24


Buffy was frantically trying to get Angel out of the house before Michael woke up from his nap. Or more importantly, before Spike arrived.

“Buffy, if he’s coming over, I want to be here. I think I have the right.”

“Angel, he’s meeting his son for the first time. I don’t think we need to
add to the situation by having my boyfriend here. Now, please just let me
do what I think is best.”

“I’ll give you an hour.”

“Angel! Are you really going to stand there and give me a time limit?” she
asked through clenched teeth.

Angel stared at Buffy as she stood in front of him, seething with anger. He
knew that if he persisted with the conversation, then he would be
overstepping some very serious bounds. Ultimately, he realized it wasn’t
worth it. “Fine,” he muttered, acting like a sullen little boy. “I’ll have
my cell phone on, and I want you to call me the second he leaves.”

Buffy arched an eyebrow in his direction but finally relented. As long as
Angel wasn’t there when Spike arrived, she didn’t care what happened after
Spike left. “Okay,” she agreed. “But I need you to leave now,” she said,
turning to pick up some toys that were scattered on the ground.

“You’re in a rush to get me out of the house,” Angel said skeptically.

Buffy sighed, rolling her eyes as she turned to face him again. “What
exactly are you insinuating, Angel?” Buffy asked, crossing her arms over her
chest as she glared at him.

Angel realized he better do some damage control before things got too out
of hand. Taking a step toward her, he put his hands on her shoulders. “I’m
sorry,” he said softly. “I just get so worried that I’m going to lose you.”

“But you knew,” she said softly. “You knew when we got together that I had
a baby and that Michael had a father.”

“I didn’t know he would be involved, though,” Angel said quietly, trying to
make her see his point of view.

“It was always a possibility. And today, it’s turned into a reality. You’re
going to have to make some decisions if it bothers you too much…if
you think you can’t get past it.”

“I’ll call you later,” he said, leaving a soft kiss on her lips.

Buffy pulled away before he had a chance to deepen it, turning away and
walking with him to the door. “Bye, Angel.”

* * * * *

Twenty minutes later, Buffy was giving Michael his juice cup when she heard
a knock on the door. She let her son follow her to the door, pulling it
open to reveal a very nervous Spike. She had to smile as he nervously paced
back and forth and, she had no doubt, was desperately wishing for a
cigarette.

“Spike,” she said softly, alerting him to her presence.

Spike turned to face her, giving her a tight smile.

“You do know he’s practically a baby, right?” she asked with a gentle smile.
“You don’t have to worry about impressing him. He basically just thinks,
‘oh, a new big person to play with’.”

Spike scratched the back of his neck as he nodded. “Yeah, it’s just…”

He trailed off as he got his first look at a little boy who was a miniature
version of himself. Spike could have sworn that he was looking into his own
eyes at that age, based on his mum’s baby pictures. Kneeling down to his
level, he tilted his head, giving the toddler a soft smile as the boy held
onto his mother’s leg. “Hi, Michael,” Spike whispered, not wanting to
startle him. “You’re a big boy, aren’t you?”

Michael responded by holding his arms up in the air to demonstrate how big
he was. Spike smiled, impressed by the simple gesture.

“Yes,” Buffy agreed with a smile. “You’re soooo big.” Turning to face
Spike, she gave him a gentle smile. “Come in, Spike,” Buffy said, moving
out of the way. Michael, still not sure about this new man, stayed
partially hidden as Spike walked into the house.

Buffy turned to pick him up, smiling when he burrowed his face into her
neck. “He’s amazing,” Spike whispered, watching the interaction between
mother and son.

“He’s just being shy right now. Do you want to hold him?” Buffy asked.

“I don’t think he’ll let me.”

“No, he just has to get used to you for a minute. All you have to do is
stand close to him for a few minutes, and as long as he’s not crying, he’ll
reach for you.”

Spike took a step closer, noticing how close he was to Buffy, as well when he
felt his heartbeat pick up at their proximity. Michael slowly lifted his
head, looking at the new man.

“Does he say anything?” Spike asked, his eyes darting between the two.

“A few words,” Buffy replied. “‘Hi’, ‘juice’, ‘baby’, ‘Mama’.”

“What about ‘Daddy’?” Spike asked with trepidation.

“No,” Buffy said softly.

“Not even with Angel?” Spike asked, practically spitting out the name of the
new man in Buffy’s life.

“Angel’s not his father,” she whispered, making sure Spike was looking
directly in her eyes. “He’s Uncle Angel. I made it clear from the beginning
that he wouldn’t be filling the position of Daddy.”

“Just the position of lover,” he muttered under his breath.

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Good, more jealous guy crap, that’s exactly what I
was hoping for…”

Buffy trailed off when Michael held out his little arms to his father.
Spike’s eyes widened as he took the little boy from his mother, feeling his
throat close and his eyes water as he held his flesh and blood for the first
time.

Buffy could feel her eyes watering. Biting her bottom lip to try and hold back
her tears, she quickly blinked them away when Spike turned toward her.

“Before I forget, this is for you,” he said, pulling a slip of paper out of his pocket.

Buffy gave him a curious look, unfolding the paper and gasping for breath. “Spike?”

“It’s everything I would have spent on Michael if I’d been there from the beginning,” he said, watching her carefully.

“No,” Buffy said, shaking her head and staring at the check. “This is much more than you would have spent. Spike, where did you get this?”

“I’ve been saving since you left,” he said with a shrug, turning his attention back to his son. “It was the least I could do. No arguments. If I’d been able to get to you, you would have had it a lot sooner.”

“Get to me?”

“I wanted to find you,” he murmured. “But I knew if I just showed up before you were ready to see me, it would have done more harm than good.

“You’re probably right,” Buffy whispered with tears in her eyes. “Thank you.”

She was still staring at it the check in shock when the phone began ringing. Turning to answer it, she tried to catch her breath.

“Hello?” she said in a choked voice.

“Hey, baby,” Angel said on the other end.

“Angel? It hasn’t even been an hour.”

“I know,” he replied. “But I was making a reservation at Alessandro’s for
tonight, and I wanted to make sure you kept your schedule clear.”

“Um…okay.”

“Do you think your mom can baby-sit?”

Buffy turned, watching as Spike sat on the couch with Michael, bouncing the
little boy on his knees as they both laughed. She felt herself tear up
again as she smiled at the display. “Don’t worry about it. I have someone
in mind.”

Chapter 25


Buffy walked down the stairs, putting her earrings in when she saw Spike.
He sat in the living room with Michael, and he seemed to be eyeing her,
almost hungrily. Buffy shifted slightly under the extra attention but
couldn’t stop the thrill that coursed through her.

“What?” she asked with a smile, straightening her coffee-colored pants in
self-consciousness.

“You look beautiful, luv,” he said softly, taking in the silky cream-colored
top with the cowl neck. Her hair up in a loose bun with pieces
falling to frame her face just seemed to complete the picture.

Buffy blushed under the praise and smoothed out her top. It was actually
very modest compared to some of the other things he’d seen her in. The long
sleeves partially covered her hands, and the only exposed skin was a
hint of cleavage, but Spike couldn’t take his eyes off of her.

Spike watched Buffy walk around the room, his look slowly turning to a
frown. ‘She looks so grown up,’ he thought. ‘She doesn’t look old, just
more mature.’

He realized, with a sinking heart, that he’d caused that look. He’d left
her alone when she’d needed him the most, and it was his fault that a twenty
year old girl could pass for a sophisticated twenty-five year old.

“Hey, what’s with that face?” Buffy asked with a concerned smile as she sat
next to her son and his father.

“I was just thinking, luv,” he said softly.

“About what?”

“You.”

“Me?”

Spike looked down at the little boy, quietly flipping through the pages of a
book. “It’s not important,” he murmured.

“I think it is,” she said softly.

Both jumped slightly at the knock on the door, seconds before Michael jumped
up and fell on Spike’s stomach.

“Oomph!”

Buffy laughed as the little boy giggled, wrestling with his dad. She slowly
got up, answering the door for Angel.

“He’s still here?” Angel asked, gesturing to the Desoto parked in front of
the house. “It’s been hours.”

“He’s watching Michael tonight,” Buffy said with a shrug.

“He’s what?”

“Michael’s father is staying with him tonight,” Buffy clarified, letting him
in to see the two wrestling around on the carpet.

“Well, isn’t this cozy,” Angel muttered sarcastically.

Buffy shot him a look before walking over to her son. “Spike, my cell
phone number is on the refrigerator next to Mom’s. She’s out for the night,
but she said to call her if there’s anything you need and we’ll be back by
nine.”

“Ten,” Angel said from the doorway.

Spike glared at the other man before nodding at Buffy. “Bedtime at eight
and you just fed him dinner. We’ll be fine,” he replied, picking up his son
and carrying him over to Buffy.

“Bye bye, baby,” she said softly, smiling when he waved at her. “Can Mommy
have a kiss?” Spike felt his heart clench again when Michael leaned forward
and left a drooly kiss on his mother’s lips. She laughed, wiping her mouth
with the back of her hand. “What a good kiss,” she praised as she ruffled
his sandy blonde curls. “You have fun with your Daddy.”

Spike watched sadly as Buffy was led out the door with Angel’s arm wrapped
around her waist. ‘That should be me,’ he thought, growing more depressed
before Michael pulled on his hair. He laughed at the little boy’s antics
while putting him back on the floor for another tickling match.

* * * * *

“My God, Angel! He’s Michael’s father- it’s not like I left him with a
serial killer!”

The two had been arguing about Spike since they sat down at the table. This
came after a very tense car ride in which nothing was said.

“How do you know how he’s going to act with Michael?” Angel challenged,
taking a long swallow of his wine.

“Because I know him,” Buffy stated simply. “Because I trust him.”

“Do you trust him more than you trust me?”

Buffy began to get angry as she stabbed at her food. “Is that your
business?”

“Considering you’re with me, I’m thinking ‘yes’.”

“Do you really want to be having this conversation, right now? I thought
you wanted a night out to relax.”

“I did! That is, until you had the bleached wonder over to spend the entire day
with you.”

“He did not spend the entire day with me- he spent it with Michael. You’re
really going to have to get over your issues, Angel. Spike is Michael’s
father, and that’s the end of it. It’s my prerogative to leave him with
whomever I choose.”

Angel sat in silence as he finished his meal. Buffy pushed her plate away,
her appetite completely depleted.

* * * * *

Joyce Summers got out of her car when she saw the Mercedes pull into the
driveway. She was stunned when the normally happy couple got out arguing
about something.

“I hope you don’t think you’re staying here,” Buffy said, slamming her door
as hard as she could before walking around the front of the car.

“I’ve got a hotel room booked.”

“Good, you can go there now.”

“Is it a crime to want to check on Michael before I leave?” Angel asked in a
mocking tone.

“Bullshit!” Buffy cried, causing Joyce to raise her eyebrows as she searched
through her purse for her keys, actually just using that as an excuse to
stay outside a little longer. “You just want to go in there and argue with
Spike some more! Look, Angel, I’m sorry if my having a past bothers you, but
you’ll be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn’t have one!”

“At least I could find someone who hasn’t fucked their high school teacher!”

Buffy’s face seemed to turn to stone as Angel realized his mistake.

“Buffy, I didn’t mean that.”

“Yes, you did,” she said in cold tone. “And why wouldn’t you mean it? It’s
true.”

“Buffy-“

“Leave me alone, Angel. I really don’t want to talk to you tonight,” Buffy
said, turning around to walk away. She caught her mother’s eye, giving her
a tight smile before walking around the house to the backyard, wanting to
have a few minutes to herself.

Joyce watched Angel get back in his car, pulling away before she opened the
door to her house. She saw Spike sitting on the couch flipping through the
TV stations. He got to his feet when he saw Joyce. “Mrs. Summers,” he said
politely with a nod in greeting.

Joyce realized in that moment the kind of man that Spike really was. He’d
made some mistakes in the past, but he was still first and foremost her
grandson’s father, and she could forgive any indiscretions in the past.
Especially considering the act she’d just seen played out in her driveway.

“I told you a long time ago, Spike, to call me Joyce.”

His stance relaxed a little as he shoved his hands in his pockets.
“Michael’s asleep. I just checked on him. Buffy’s still not home.”

“She’s home,” Joyce said quietly. “It’s probably not my place to say this,
but they had a big fight.”

Spike felt his body flood with different emotions. “Really?”

“She seemed kind of upset,” Joyce said. “She’s in the backyard, and I think
she may need someone to talk to.”

Spike gave Joyce a grateful smile as he grabbed his duster. “I think I can
manage that,” he said, feeling his heart speed up as he walked toward the
backdoor.

He took a deep breath when he got to the kitchen. “Don’t mess this up,
Spike,” he muttered to himself. “This could be your only chance with her.”

Chapter 26


Spike slowly walked out the backdoor, seeing Buffy standing at the top of
the steps, a few feet away. Her arms were crossed over her chest as she
stared out into the backyard.

“Hello, Spike,” she said softly, a gentle smile playing on her lips.

“How’d you know it was me, luv?” Spike asked with a smile as he stepped up
to stand beside her.

“I always know when it’s you,” she whispered, causing Spike to look over at
her.

He stared at her for a long moment before speaking. “When did you grow up
so much?”

Buffy gave him a smile as she shook her head. “My guess would be right
after Michael was born. Is that a bad thing?”

“No,” Spike said quickly. “It’s just you’re so different. Still the same
girl I was originally attracted to, but not…”

“But not a girl anymore,” Buffy finished for him.

“Yeah,” he said softly.

“I had to do a lot of maturing in a short period of time.”

Spike nodded as they stood in silence. “Why did you disappear?” he asked
after a minute. “I couldn’t even get your mum to tell me where you were.”

“You made it pretty clear that you didn’t want to be with me,” Buffy said
quietly. “And then you made it clear that you didn’t want the baby.”

Spike clenched his jaw in frustration. “I always wanted you,” he whispered,
neither making eye contact as they stared into the shadows of the night. “I
wanted you and I wanted…I want the baby, but it was a lot to absorb and I
just didn’t have the time I needed. A week later you were gone.”

“I wanted to stay,” Buffy whispered. “But it was too hard here. All the
whispers and the gossip and the judgments. I just needed to be able to do
something for myself.”

“I came after you, you know.” Buffy finally turned to look at him as he
looked at the ground. “It…I was too late…you’d already gone.” Spike turned
to look at her with sad eyes. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry…for
everything.”

“Don’t be,” Buffy said softly with a slight shrug. “I’m not.” She had to
smile at the confused look on his face as she continued. “Spike, you gave
me something that I’ve never regretted…not for one day. Not for one minute.
Even when I thought I couldn’t do it anymore. Even when I felt too
exhausted to go on…he made it better. From every little kick that he gave
me when I was pregnant to the way he smiles at me today…he is my
strength. He’s why I’m here.”

“I wish I could have been there,” Spike said in a whisper. “I wish I could
go back and not act like such a ponce. Just say ‘sod it’ to anything that
stood in our way and tried to make it work. Maybe then you wouldn’t be
with…”

Spike trailed off, not knowing if he wanted to get into this conversation tonight.

“You can ask about him, you know,” she whispered. “I know you’re probably
curious.”

“Is he good to Michael?”

“I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t,” Buffy replied.

“So, you’re still with him?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy said with a sigh, avoiding Spike’s eyes. “We had a fight. Granted
it was the worst fight we’ve ever had, but I can only imagine the stress he’s under.
Although, it’s probably nothing compared to the stress you and I are dealing with,”
she added with a smile. “But I hardly think I’d be gracious in a similar situation.”

“I guess not,” Spike agreed, deciding to give the other man the benefit of
the doubt, even if he did hate him. “Is he good to you?”

“I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t,” Buffy repeated with a smile. “I
wouldn’t bring someone into Michael’s life that I wasn’t…”

“That you weren’t sure about?” Spike asked, feeling his chest tighten.

“Yeah,” she whispered, sitting down on the top step.

Spike took a deep breath, sitting next to her and propping his arms up on
his knees.

“Did you ever…”

“What?” he asked her gently.

“Have you been seeing anyone?”

“No,” he said quickly.

“Why?” she whispered, glancing at him.

“Because I could never get you out of my mind. You were…you are everywhere.”

“I wasn’t going to,” she whispered, looking down at her hands.

“Weren’t going to what, luv?”

“Move on,” she murmured. “That’s not even the right term for it. I didn’t move on…I couldn’t. But he was there and I desperately needed someone to be there. I needed emotional support and friendship and there were all these voices in my head that were telling me I couldn’t live my life waiting for…”

Spike watched her carefully, seeing the tears come to her eyes.

“Waiting for me,” he finished sadly.

“Yeah,” she whispered. “But I couldn’t wait for you and not want you to come for me at the same time. So I tried to be normal. Or as normal as a teenager with a baby can be. I had a few close friends and they set me up on a few dates that didn’t amount to anything. Then this nice guy comes along and he’s…he’s the exact opposite of you and yet sometimes he seems exactly the same…does that make sense?”

“Perfectly,” Spike muttered.

“I didn’t want anything serious,” she continued. “Just dinner and a movie. Just a night out to have fun and then go home to my little boy, but he was just so persistent and…and you probably don’t want to hear this,” she said, with a soft smile.

“Actually, I really do,” Spike replied, wanting to know what it had been like for her.

“He was a nice guy, he was good to Michael, he just…”

“What, luv?”

“He wasn’t you,” she whispered, the tone of her voice letting him know that it was a fault of Angel’s and not something she willingly looked for. The same tone also let him know that what she was saying was not meant to be taken as anything more than words. It wasn’t an invitation to get back together or even hold her, it was merely her way of telling Spike that she missed him.

“And then he told me he loved me and…”

Spike was desperately trying to get a hold of his emotions and get
enough control to ask his next question. “Do you love him?”

Buffy stared into the blanket of darkness, sighing as she shook her head.
“I don’t believe in love,” she whispered.

Spike turned to face her in disbelief. “What?”

“Love is just a figment of people’s imaginations,” she said softly. “It’s
just…lust and obsession and fear of being alone that causes people to think
they’re in love. I’m not that naïve anymore.”

Spike could feel the shock seeping through his body at her words. “What
about your family?”

“I believe in that,” Buffy whispered. “I believe in loving someone through a blood link, but as far as falling in love…I just don’t believe it exists.”

“So…you’re telling me that what we had was lust, obsession, and fear? Is
that all we had, Buffy?”

She let out a mirthless laugh as she shook her head. “WE didn’t have
anything, Spike. YOU had an easy lay and I had a crush that manifested.”

“You weren’t an ‘easy lay’, Buffy,” he said, shaking his head. “I never
thought of you that way.” Spike looked over, staring at her for a long
minute before she turned to look him in the eye. “You don’t believe that
what we had was special?” he asked, fearing her answer.

Buffy gave him a small smile. “What we had wasn’t real,” she whispered.

“It created something real.”

Buffy sat in silence, unable to argue with that as Spike got to his feet.

“I should get going,” he murmured.

“Spike,” she said softly, standing up as he turned to walk away. “There’s something
I need to know.” Buffy waited until he turned to face her before
continuing. “Back when we were…”

She trailed off, taking a shaky breath. “It’s just…I remember that I
believed I did at some point, even if I don’t believe it now, and I just
needed to know…did you love me?”

Spike stared at her with his feelings plainly shown in his eyes as he took a step forward. He slowly reached up to cup her face in his hands before brushing a tender kiss to her lips. “Then…now…and every moment in between.”





A/N I had to give you a little Spuffy moment! Merry Christmas!!!

Chapter 27


“So, how’d it go?” Gunn asked later that night as he watched Spike finish
his beer. “I’m guessing not too good, since you’re here with me instead of
curled up in a nice comfy bed with her.”

“It wasn’t exactly the way I had planned, Charlie-boy,” Spike replied
sullenly.

“I’m sure it didn’t go that bad.”

“She’s with someone else,” Spike muttered, staring into the bottle.

Gunn gave him a sympathetic look. “Man, that sucks.”

“Yeah,” Spike said softly.

“Is it serious?”

“They’ve been together for a year,” Spike replied. “That doubles the
relationship I had with her, so I’m guessing…yeah.”

“Does she love him?”

Spike finally raised his eyes to his friend. “Does it matter?”

“Is that a ‘no’?” Gunn asked with a smile.

Spike sighed, looking back to the bar. “She said she doesn’t believe in love
anymore.”

Spike’s eyes flew up to look at his friend when Gunn started laughing
uncontrollably.

“I didn’t think it was particularly funny, mate,” Spike spat out.

“Spike, my man, you are so clueless,” Gunn replied, controlling his
laughter. “How long were you with this girl?”

“Five months,” Spike responded skeptically.

“And this new guy has been in her life for a year?”

“Are you going to get to a point anytime tonight?”

“You said that she fell in love with you while you were together. Shouldn’t
she feel the same thing for a man she’s been with even longer?”

Spike’s brow furrowed as he tried to decipher what his friend was saying.
“She was young,” Spike muttered in response. “She was impressionable…she
didn’t know if she was in love with me.”

“She’s young now, Spike,” Gunn said with raised eyebrows. “That doesn’t
mean she can’t understand who she wants to be with. You share a child
together. You’ve been in love with her how long? And you’re just going to
give up? You’re going to let another guy have her? What happened to the guy
I knew who would fight for what he wants?”

“If she wanted to be with me-“

”She would what? Come running back to you with open arms? Spike, you told
me what happened. You broke up with her and then you rejected her. Do you
really expect her to risk coming back to you and getting hurt again? You’re
going to have to make the first move. Call the girl and talk to her.”

“And ask what?” Spike asked, losing his temper. He couldn’t control
anything about the situation and it was eating away at him.

“Ask her to meet you. Get her someplace that has a lot of memories for both
of you.”

“That would be my classroom in the high school,” Spike replied, finally
cracking a grin.

“Okay, that was way more information than I needed to know.”

Spike chuckled before responding. “Truthfully, it would be on my desk…lots
of good memories on that desk.”

“You’re killing me here, Spike,” Gunn replied, shaking his head before
reaching into his pocket and pulling out a cell phone. “It’s still
early…call her,” he insisted firmly.

Spike took a deep breath as he picked up the phone, staring at it for a long
moment before finally dialing her number. He gave Gunn a nod as he stood
up, walking out of the bar to get some more privacy.

“Hello?”

“Buffy.”

“Spike? Is something wrong?” Buffy asked nervously.

“Can I see you tonight?” he asked quietly.

“I…I don’t know, Spike.”

“Please, Buffy,” he whispered, closing his eyes as he leaned his head
against the brick wall. “Come by the house later.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” she whispered.

“I just want to talk about Michael.”

“What about him?”

“Please, Buffy,” he repeated, his voice taking on a needy quality that was
very unlike him. “I need to see you.”

Buffy stayed quiet for a moment, obviously thinking about it. “Okay,” she
said softly. “Give me an hour…I’ll be there.”

Spike breathed a sigh of relief as a smile briefly fluttered on his lips.
“Thank you, luv.

* * * * *

Buffy hung up the phone, feeling as if she was moving in slow motion. She
sat still for several long minutes, not sure why she felt so much anxiety at
the thought of seeing Spike again.

Buffy looked up, hearing the soft knock on the door of her bedroom.
“Honey,” Joyce said quietly as she opened the door for her. “Angel’s here
to see you.”

“And so my night is complete,” Buffy muttered, letting her head drop into
her hands. “Tell him I’ll be down in a minute.”

“Okay,” Joyce said quietly.

Buffy stared at herself in the mirror. She could see so many different
reflections looking back at her. The loving mother, the attentive
girlfriend, and somewhere, buried deep, was the girl who she had once been.
The girl who had stayed after school for a tutoring session and ended up
finding a man who she would hold in her heart forever…and who in turn, would hold her heart forever.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy stood up, walking down the stairs, gripping the
banister as she got to the bottom and saw Angel standing there with a
sheepish look on his face.

“Outside,” Buffy said softly, walking past him and out onto the front porch.

“I came by to apologize,” Angel said quietly as the door shut behind him.

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest, closing herself off to the man in
front of her. “I guess I owe you one, too.”

“This is just a lot for me to deal with, Buffy.”

“I know,” Buffy replied, swallowing hard. “But it’s hard on me, too,” she
whispered with tears in her eyes. “And I really needed your support, and you
haven’t even…”

Angel took a step forward to comfort her, mildly surprised when she stepped
back.

“I think we need to spend some time apart,” she said softly, avoiding his
eyes.

“Buffy-“

“It’s for the best, Angel. I need some time.”

“Because of Spike?” Angel asked through gritted teeth.

“Because of a lot of things,” she whispered.

“Like what?”

“It’s just…Angel I don’t love you.”

“I know that,” he replied calmly.

“And if I never love you…you’re okay with that?”

This was the same conversation they’d had several months before, but things were much different now.

“I don’t know,” he replied truthfully.

Buffy took a deep breath. “You’ve been so good to me and Michael…and no matter what, you’re always welcome to see him, but…”

She trailed off, not knowing how to go about doing this.

Angel took a deep breath, obviously trying to control his temper as he
nodded.

Buffy felt tears spill down her cheeks as he turned and walked away. She
watched as he pulled out of the driveway before telling her mother that she
was leaving, as well. She decided to walk to Spike's, needing some time to
herself.

Chapter 28


Spike stopped his car, surprised to see Buffy sitting on his front steps.
His heart filled with dread as he jumped out and ran toward her.

“Buffy? Luv, is something wrong?” he asked, stopping in front of her.

“I’m okay,” Buffy replied with a tight smile. “I just needed to leave a
little early…get some fresh air.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I didn’t expect you this soon.”

Spike offered her his hand, but Buffy stood up on her own, brushing off her
pants while she waited for him to open the door.

Spike held open the door for her and watched as she entered the house with
trepidation, looking around the foyer as Spike stepped in behind her. “What
is it, pet?” he asked, seeing her look around the house with apprehension.

“I just…I haven’t been here since…that day.”

Spike felt his heart tighten as his mind flashed back to her words that day.

*I give you everything I have and…and it’s still not enough.*

But it was. It was enough, and he couldn’t tell her. It was all he ever
wanted…she was all he ever wanted.

“I shouldn’t be here,” Buffy whispered, running her hands over her face but
not turning away.

“Why?” he whispered, taking a step closer to her.

Buffy suddenly realized how close they were to each other. She realized
that the only light in the room was the moonlight spilling through the
windows of the house, casting a silvery light and shadows over anything it
touched.

She felt her heartbeat speed up at his close proximity. “I really shouldn’t
be here,” she repeated, turning away from him as she reached for the
doorknob. Spike covered her hand with his causing her breath to catch as
she remembered the first time he’d touched her hand in such a similar way. Nobody
would have expected it. Nobody would have thought that it started with
something so effortless, so undemanding. That something so involved and
full of such an array of emotions could have started with a simple brush of
their hands.

Memories flooded through her- the kiss, the two of them in his classroom, in his car, in bed together…his bed.

Buffy slammed the door shut, turning and grabbing the lapels of his duster
before smashing her lips to his. Spike’s arms immediately wrapped around
her waist, reflexively pushing her against the door and letting his tongue
brush against hers, eliciting a soft moan from her.

Buffy pushed her body against his, dislodging herself from his grasp as
their lips separated. Spike felt a momentary sense of panic before she
grabbed his hand and led him to the bedroom.

“Buffy, we don’t have to do this now,” he said in a husky whisper, seconds
before she stripped off her shirt and pants, leaving her in a lace bra and
panties.

“The hell we don’t,” she replied, crushing her lips to his while slipping
the duster from his shoulders.

Their entire relationship he was the instigator of anything that happened between them. To have her take control was surprising and arousing to both of them.

Spike closed his eyes when she unfastened his belt, pulling on it and letting the leather
slip through the loops before dropping it on the floor. He quickly pulled off his shirt as she
divested him of the rest of his clothes.

“Buffy-“

“Don’t say it,” she whispered, leading him to the bed. “I just want to feel
you,” she said in a breathy voice, making eye contact with him while
removing the rest of her clothing. Taking a step forward, Buffy ran her
hands over his strong chest, licking her suddenly very dry lips. “I’ve
dreamed of you every night for over two years,” she said softly. “Touching
you, holding you, feeling you…please let me feel you tonight.”

Her whispered plea was too much for Spike as he pushed her down on the bed,
leaving soft kisses along her body.

“Spike, now,” Buffy moaned, arching her body against his, craving the
friction that only he could provide. “I need you inside me.”

Spike’s breathing escalated as he settled himself between her legs, sliding
into her with one powerful thrust. Buffy cried out, arching her body
against his for more contact. Both moved together, their bodies trembling
after going without the other for so long, needing to feel the completion of
being connected.

They set a slow, steady rhythm, staring into each other's eyes as they each
gasped for breath. Spike met her lips in a gentle kiss, keeping his body
pressed to hers, wanting to be as close to her as he could. Pulling away
after a moment, Buffy breathed heavily when Spike brushed the hair away from
her face, maintaining eye contact with her.

“Do you love me?” Spike whispered, desperately needing an answer.

Buffy looked up at him with tears shimmering in her eyes. “You know the
answer, Spike,” she said in a choked voice. “Please don’t make me say
it…it’s just too hard.”

“Buffy, I love you,” he whispered, burying himself within her as he stopped
his movements. “I love you,” he repeated, needing her to understand.

He watched as tears streamed down her cheeks, her body quivering against his
soothing touches to her skin.

“I love you, so much,” he murmured, plunging into her with renewed force,
feeling his heart swell when her body arched against his. “I never
stopped…I never stopped…”

He trailed off in a whisper when he felt her muscles clenching around him,
triggering his own release. Silence filled the room as they held onto each
other, shaking from the bliss that was coursing through them.

Spike gathered Buffy into his arms, rolling with her and letting his hands
run along her skin. “I need to know how you feel,” he whispered into her
hair as he kissed the top of her head.

“Spike, I-“

She stopped when they both heard a loud banging on the door.

“Bloody hell,” Spike muttered, not wanting to extract himself from his
lover’s arms.

When the knocking persisted, he got out of bed with a growl, searching along
the floor. Angrily putting on his pants and zipping them, Spike didn’t
bother with the button as he walked back to Buffy, giving her a tender kiss
and running his hand along her cheek. “I’ll be back in a minute, luv.”

Buffy nodded, a shy smile on her face as Spike left the room. She felt her
heart stop a moment later when she heard Spike yelling. Considering what
had just been interrupted, Buffy wasn’t surprised to hear him losing his
temper. What surprised her the most was that Angel was the other raised
voice she could hear in the foyer.

 

Chapter 29


Buffy practically scrambled out of bed as she looked around for her
abandoned clothes. She could hear Spike’s voice get even louder as she
hurriedly got dressed, listening to the heated exchange and knowing that it
was about to boil over. She hesitated when she got to the door, not wanting
to alert Angel of her presence but knowing that there could be disastrous
consequences if she left the two men alone for very long.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy opened the door in time to hear Angel’s angry
voice.

“Why gain a sudden interest now? You haven’t wanted anything to do with her
or her son since you left her!”

“Only because I didn’t know where she was, you git! I wanted both of them
in my life, but they weren’t here. I’m Michael’s father, not you, so stop
trying to fill the void because I’m not going anywhere!”

Angel’s eyes clouded over with anger. He was about to respond when he saw a
movement behind Spike. His eyes widened when Buffy appeared, wearing the
same clothes she had on for dinner, but now they were slightly rumpled.
Everything fell into place when he noticed Spike’s shirtless state. Buffy’s
hair was falling freely around her shoulders, but he remembered it being
pulled away from her face less than an hour ago.

“You son of a bitch!” Angel yelled, throwing his fist at Spike.

Spike quickly ducked the fist, landing his own in Angel’s stomach.

“Stop it!” Buffy screamed, not caring about her own safety as she ran
forward and pushed herself between the two men.

Both froze as the tiny girl wedged herself in between them. The men glared
at each other but stayed still, not wanting to risk harming Buffy just to
get to each other.

“Everyone just stop,” she said in a surprisingly calm voice, looking back and forth to
make sure neither was planning any surprise moves.

“What are you doing here, Buffy?” Angel asked, his gaze still leveled on
Spike.

“I could be asking you the same thing,” Buffy replied, turning to face the
taller man as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Is this why you wanted a break?” Angel asked her as he gestured to Spike.
“Wanted to ‘reminisce’ a little bit?”

“No,” Buffy said softly. “This was an accident.”

Spike could feel his body tense at her words, narrowing his eyes as Angel
shot him a look.

“Can we talk?” Angel asked Buffy in a soft, soothing voice, reaching forward
to gently touch her arm.

Buffy hesitated for a brief moment before nodding. “Yeah,” she said
quietly, giving Spike a small smile as she walked out the door.

* * * * *

Buffy leaned against the car, watching as Angel paced in front of her.

“It’s over…isn’t it?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“I’m sorry,” Buffy whispered, feeling the pain that she was causing him.

“Are you two getting back together?”

Buffy glanced at the house, taking a deep breath. “I don’t know,” she said softly, truly not knowing the answer to his question.

Angel nodded, before giving Buffy a hug. She closed her eyes, leaning into the embrace as she fought the tears in her eyes.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t give you what you deserve,” she whispered in a choked voice. “You can do so much better than me.”

“I think that’s up for debate,” Angel said with a soft smile. “I would still like to see Michael.”

“Anytime,” Buffy readily agreed, pulling back to look into his eyes. “No matter what happens with the two us, you’re family.”

Angel visibly relaxed. He would miss Buffy, but he knew that she didn’t love him. His biggest fear was that he wouldn’t get to see Michael anymore. “Thank you.”

* * * * *

Spike paced through the living room, refusing the urge to look out the window. He was driving himself crazy with the different possibilities of what could be happening outside.

‘What if she’s thinking of going with him?’ he asked himself, feeling the pain that ripped through his heart. ‘What if tonight was just a mistake for her?’

After a few minutes, he couldn’t take it anymore and grabbed a nearly empty bottle of whiskey, draining it in one long gulp. He relished the burning sensation it gave him as the liquid flowed down his throat, doing what it could to soothe the heartache he was feeling. Spike was grateful for a distraction. Anything to keep him from thinking about the woman he loved talking to her ponce of a boyfriend no more than fifty feet away.

Spike had opened a new bottle and swallowed a good portion of the alcohol
when he heard the door finally open behind him. He wasn’t drunk, not yet
anyway, but he already knew he would have one hell of a hangover tomorrow,
considering he didn’t plan on stopping with this bottle.

“Spike?” Buffy whispered, walking up behind him as she gently let her hand
trail over the bare skin of his back.

“She’s back,” Spike said with a raised eyebrow, not trusting himself to turn
and face her. “Thought you’d be halfway to Captain Forehead’s hotel by
now.”

“He’s gone,” she said softly.

“And why aren’t you with him?” he asked, trying to disguise the pain he was feeling.

“Because I want to be here,” she whispered.

“Why?” Spike asked, finally turning to face her. Buffy cringed at the alcohol that seemed to float around him in waves. His eyes were glassy as he looked at her with an unidentified emotion. “It was an accident, remember? Tonight was just an accident,” he continued, repeating the words she had spoken earlier, practically spitting them out to keep his voice from breaking.

“That’s not what I meant,” Buffy said softly.

“You could have fooled me.”

The pain was obvious in his voice.

“All I meant was, I didn’t plan on it happening, not that it shouldn’t have
happened.”

“Yeah, well that’s not what it sounded like,” Spike said as he shoved her hand away from him. “You seemed like you knew what you were talking about. Not planning on the outcome is a surprise if it’s a good thing…an accident is something you wouldn’t repeat if given another chance.” Spike took a deep breath, looking away from her so she wouldn’t see the tears in his eyes. “I think we’re done here.”

“So, we’re back to this,” Buffy said, more to herself than Spike as she looked at the ceiling. “Spike bosses Buffy around and expects her to do exactly what he says. Well, guess what? I’m not your student anymore, Spike. It’s been two years…two very long years, I might add. I’ve changed. I don’t need you bossing me around and telling me when I can stay and when I can go. Most importantly, I don’t need you.”

Spike cringed at her words, turning to face her. “Buffy-“

“No!” she yelled. “I’m not doing this, Spike. I can’t do this again. I
thought you’d changed, but you’re still the same guy who likes everything on
his terms. Well, I don’t go by your terms anymore…I’m not playing by your
rules. And I’m not hanging around here until you get tired of me. Goodbye,
Spike.”

“Buffy, wait!” he called desperately. He had wanted to push her away before she could do the same to him.

‘It never occurred to you that she would want to actually be with you, you pillock,’ he thought, wanting to hit himself for his stupidity.

“Why?” she asked, turning around with one hand on the doorknob. “You tell
me you love me and then you don’t even give me the benefit of the doubt. I
may be the one who left, Spike, but you left me long before I moved away and
I hate bringing that up again,” she said tearfully. “I don’t want to throw it in your face, and I
know that’s what I’m doing, but you don’t seem to realize how hard that was
for me. I know it wasn’t fair to take your son away from you. I know I was
being selfish and I know that it hurt you. But what you don’t understand is
that I was hurting, too.” Buffy took a deep breath as she swallowed her
tears. “We may share a son together, but I guess I was wrong when I thought
we could share our lives with each other.”

Spike watched in shock as she disappeared through the door, slamming it
behind her. Dropping into a nearby chair, Spike’s head fell into his hands
as the pounding headache began. “What have I done?”

 

Chapter 30


Spike was chasing his son around the yard when he saw Joyce Summers pull
into his driveway. It had been four days since Buffy walked out on him, and
Spike hadn’t seen or heard from her since.

Joyce had dropped off Michael everyday and come back a few hours later to
pick him up. She hadn’t mentioned Buffy, and Spike had restrained from
asking about her, but today he couldn’t resist. It was killing him knowing
that she was so close, but he couldn't have her.

‘I hope I gave her enough time to cool off.’

Picking up Michael, Spike walked to the car and greeted Joyce as she stepped
out.

“Did you two have fun today?” Joyce asked, smiling when her grandson giggled
and reached for her.

“Yeah, we had a good time,” Spike said with a small smile. “Joyce, I was
wondering…well, I…”

“Are you going to make me stand here all day or ask about my daughter?”
Joyce asked with a soft smile.

Spike grinned, shoving his hands in his pockets. “What are the odds that
she would slam the door in my face if I came over?”

“Right now? Pretty low, considering she’s not there.”

“Where is she?” Spike asked, his head tilting, brow furrowed in confusion.

Joyce sighed, setting Michael on the ground and watching as he ran off to
grab a rubber ball lying on the driveway. “She’s in Chicago.”

Spike restrained every impulse in his body to yell. “What’s she doing in
Chicago?” he asked in a deceptively low tone.

“She’s got a job interview.”

Spike felt his heart seize in his chest as his breathing became labored.
“When did she leave?”

“A few days ago,” Joyce replied. “She’ll be back tonight.”

*I’m not hanging around here until you get tired of me.*

Buffy’s words haunted Spike as he closed his eyes. “She’s hasn’t even
graduated,” he murmured, almost to himself.

“My sister has a friend who owns an art gallery there,” she explained.
“She’s been bragging about Buffy for so long that the owner wanted to meet
her. She’s willing to let Buffy take the time to finish school part-time in Illinois,
if she wants her to take the position.”

Joyce looked at the heartbreaking expression on Spike’s face and gave him a
sympathetic look as she picked up Michael and put him in his carseat.
Turning to face him again, Joyce gave him a small smile. “She’ll be home at
nine. Maybe you should stop by and talk to her.”

* * * * *

Spike knocked on the door later that night, feeling his heart thumping in
his chest. He gave Joyce a tentative grin when she opened the door.

“Is she back?” he asked softly.

“She just got in,” Joyce said with a nod. “She’s upstairs checking on
Michael. I’ll be in the kitchen…you two should go on a walk, get some fresh
air.”

Spike saw the smile playing on Joyce’s lips as she walked away. Seconds
later, he turned when he heard a sound come from upstairs. Buffy slowly
walked down the stairs, looking at him in disbelief, as if she didn’t expect
him to be there.

Everything faded into the distance as their eyes locked together. The world
seemed to turn into a dense fog as they looked at each other, both feeling
the charge that seemed to race through them as Buffy got closer.

“I didn’t expect you to be here,” she whispered.

Spike took a deep breath, fighting the urge to take her into his arms. As
wonderful as it might feel, he knew it wouldn’t solve anything. It wouldn’t
give either of them any answers that they needed.

“Can we take a walk?” he whispered.

Buffy nodded, hugging her arms around her body as he held the door open for
her.

They walked in silence for several minutes before he spoke. “Do you
remember the first time we met?”

Buffy turned to him with a smile on her face. “Outside the school with
Snyder lecturing about something pointless. I didn't hear him because I was a little
too distracted by the hot new teacher who was getting the tour.”

Spike smiled. "And I was kicking myself for lusting after my student." His
smile slowly faded as he seemed to remember something. “No one has ever
captivated me the way you have,” he whispered, glancing at her as they
continued walking. “I wanted you so much…in so many ways.”

“What ways?” Buffy asked in confusion.

Spike stopped, her question echoing in his head with so much uncertainty.
He slowly turned her to face him before he spoke. “Did you think it was
just sexual?”

Buffy bit her lip, avoiding his eyes as she nodded. “Most of the time…yeah.
Isn’t that what you thought? Isn’t that what it was?”

“No,” Spike whispered, shaking his head as he looked at her, tucking a
strand of hair behind her ear. “That was something so unexpected that I…it
was something precious that you allowed me to be a part of.”

“What are you saying?”

“Our first kiss…I started falling in love with you. I denied it. I wrote
if off as a lust-filled moment, but it wasn't. It was one of the most
tender moments I've ever experienced in my life. I would have been grateful for
anything we could have shared together, and when we actually made love…”

“I wouldn’t call our first time together ‘making love’,” Buffy said with a
grin, trying to lighten the mood.

“Every time we’ve been together we’ve made love,” he whispered, looking into
her eyes before slipping his hand behind her neck and meeting her lips with
his.

Pulling away after a moment, his other hand caressed her cheek and loosely
clasped behind her neck. “Have you made a decision?” he asked, his eyes
locked on hers, trying to convey the depth of his emotions.

“Mom told you?”

“Yeah,” he said softly. “It was a surprise.”

“I would have told you, but…”

“I know,” Spike whispered. “Our last meeting didn’t exactly go the way I
had planned.” He smiled before reconsidering his response. “Well…the
first part did.”

Buffy lightly smacked his chest, feeling a thrill rush through her when his
hands slid down to her waist, pulling her closer to him. “You know if I go,
I won’t keep Michael from you. You do know that, right?”

“Are you going?” Spike asked, a nervous tremor making its way into his
voice.

“What do you want me to do?” Buffy asked, her eyes wide as she looked at
him.

Spike considered his answer for a long minute before taking a deep breath.
“I want you to be happy,” he whispered, his hand trailing over her cheek.
“I’ve taken so much away from you, I just want you to be happy.”

Buffy stared at him in shock. “Spike, you haven’t taken anything away
from-“

“You’re not going to convince me otherwise, Buffy,” Spike said softly. He
took a deep breath before pressing his lips to hers in a loving kiss, trying
to tell her everything he ever wanted to tell her as his lips brushed
against hers. Pulling back, he pressed his forehead against hers, holding
his tears at bay as he spoke. “Do what makes you happy, baby.”

 

Chapter 31


A/N I have to give credit to Rebecca Rand Kirshner and Joss Whedon for a huge portion of this chapter, for dialogue used from the show (you’ll know it when you see it). I haven’t used a big segment of dialogue in a long time- I prefer using just a few choice lines, but there are two speeches (one in a later chapter) that just fit with this story.





“So what did you tell him?” Willow asked as Buffy buttoned the back of the
long white dress.

“I didn’t tell him anything,” Buffy replied. “What was I supposed to tell
him?”

“Oh I don’t know,” Willow said, looking at her friend in the mirror as she
adjusted the veil. “Maybe…’I’ve been in love with you since I was seventeen,
and it’s time we try and make it work since we share a son and everything.’”

“It’s not that easy, Wills,” Buffy murmured, not making eye contact with her
friend as Willow turned around.

“It’s not supposed to be easy,” Willow said in a gentle tone. “It’s
supposed to be real. No one ever said that life was easy. You have to
fight for what you want.”

“But is he what I want?” Buffy asked skeptically. “I was able to live
without him for two years. I was able to move on…somewhat.”

“Somewhat,” Willow replied. “That’s the key word. You never truly moved on,
and Spike never did. Shouldn’t that tell you how he feels for you?”

“So, you’re telling me that he loves me more because I started dating
someone and he never did?”

“No,” Willow said, shaking her head. “I think it allowed you to really grow
up and decide who you want. Can you imagine your life without Spike in it?”

Buffy looked into the distance, a faraway look in her eyes. “What if we try
and make it work and we still can’t?” she asked softly. “I can’t risk
Michael getting hurt, and the older he gets, the more difficult everything
becomes.”

“Do you want to move to Chicago?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy said with a sigh as she dropped into a nearby chair,
careful not to wrinkle her dress. “It’s a great opportunity and it’s
something I never expected. I would be stupid not to take it, but…”

“But?” Willow prompted.

“Would I be stupid to leave behind the father of my child?”

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you, Buffy,” she replied in a gentle
tone. “The way I look at it, you have a great opportunity waiting for you,
whichever decision you make.” Willow turned back to the mirror, critiquing
her reflection. “Would you mind going to check on Xander? Making sure he
hasn’t run away or anything.”

Buffy laughed as she stood up. “Yeah, I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

* * * * *

“How’re you doing, Buff?” Xander asked a few minutes later as Buffy worked
on his bow-tie.

“I’m okay,” Buffy said with a smile. “But, look at you. You look great, Mr.
About-To-Get-Married. Glowing.” Her smile faded as she got a shocked look on
her face. “Oh my God! Maybe you're pregnant!”

“Maybe,” Xander said with a grin. “I dunno. Maybe I'm just happy.” Buffy
looked up at him with tears in her eyes as Xander tilted his head in
concern. “Teary?”

“Oh!” she said with a sniffle. “Good. Good teary.”

“Happy teary?” he asked with a slight smile. “Not frustrated with bow-tie
teary?”

Buffy blinked back her tears as she nodded, still working with his tie.
“Yes. Happy. Happy for you. That makes me happy for me. You and Willow give
me hope. It's like…you two are proof that there's light at the end of this
very long, long, nasty tunnel.”

“It’ll happen for you, Buff,” he said in a gentle tone. “You’ll see,
everything will work out.”

“I thought you didn’t want it to work out?” she asked with an understanding
smile.

“Well, I wasn’t exactly in the cheering section for you and a high school
teacher,” Xander replied. “But you’re older now…and I think he really does
love you.”

“How can you tell?”

“Because I saw the way he looked at you last night…and it’s the same way I look at Willow.”

Buffy felt fresh tears in her eyes as she frantically tried to blink them away, thinking about the rehearsal dinner. Spike stayed by her side the entire time as if he was afraid she would disappear…which he probably was.

“Okay,” Buffy said brightly, trying to change the subject. “Willow will
kill me if I mess up my make-up. So, let's see,” she continued, looking him
up and down. “Found your shoes…your fly is zipped. I'd say you look like
you're ready to get married.”

Xander nodded with a smile as Buffy gave him a hug.

“You're one of the decent ones, Xander. I hope I'm as lucky as you guys
someday.”

“You will be.”

Buffy smiled as she turned toward the door. “Oh, by the way,” Buffy said,
turning around. “I love you, Xand…but if you hurt her, I will beat you to
death with a shovel.”

“Good to know,” Xander said with a laugh.

“I’ll see you out there, Mr. Harris.”

Buffy shut the door behind her as she left the room, surprised to see Spike
standing there with Michael. Spike’s eyes widened as he took in the black
dress. The neckline showing an impressive amount of cleavage.

“You look beautiful,” he whispered.

“Well, I lucked out,” Buffy said shyly. “Willow tried to put me in a
radioactive green dress, but I told her I would be the one objecting during
the ceremony if she even attempted it.”

Spike laughed as Michael squirmed in his arms, trying to reach his mother.
Buffy took the small boy, smiling at the tiny tuxedo he was wearing before
turning back to Spike. “You look pretty good yourself,” she said with a
smile, taking in his all black ensemble.

Spike nervously straightened his tie. “Thanks,” he murmured. “I think
they’re about ready to begin.”

Buffy nodded, reluctantly tearing her eyes away from him as they slowly
walked down the hallway. Spike looked at the crowd of people, all shifting
in their seats as they waited for the ceremony to begin.

“I better go sit down.”

Buffy saw Xander moving into position as she nodded, sitting Michael in the
little red wagon, decorated with flowers. He was going to be wheeled down
the aisle, and Willow had even thought ahead and put a bowl of Cheerios next
to it so he would be preoccupied throughout the wedding.

“I’ll see you at the reception,” Buffy said softly.

Spike was about to respond when a soft noise brought there attention to the wagon. Michael smiled up at his parents with a toothy grin before pointing at Spike. “Da da.”

Buffy’s mouth dropped open as Spike’s eyes widened in shock. “Yeah, Little Bit,” he said softly, crouching down to leave a kiss on the top of his son’s head. “I’m your daddy.”

Buffy fought more tears as Spike straightened, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I better go before Willow chases me away.”

“Yeah,” she agreed with a smile.

Buffy was surprised when his lips met hers in a gentle kiss. Her mind reeled,
trying to remember if this was the first time he’d kissed her in such a
public place. She quickly made her brain go on autopilot, letting the soft
caresses of his lips make her forget everything except the way his lips felt
against hers. Pulling away after a moment, Spike looked into her eyes,
giving her a soft smile as his hand trailed along her cheek.

“Save me a dance,” he murmured before walking away.

Buffy took a shaky breath as she watched him take his seat. “Always.”

* * * * *

Spike sat at one of the reception tables, staring at the dance floor as
Xander spun Buffy around. It was nice to see her be happy, free from any
worries or responsibilities for a few precious minutes.

“She’s happiest when she’s here.”

Spike turned to see Willow standing behind him, surprised that she was
practically reading his thoughts. “Mrs. Harris,” he said with a smile,
standing up to leave a chaste kiss on her cheek. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” Willow said, her smile broadening when she saw her husband dip her
best friend as they both giggled. “Are you going to fight for her?”

Spike followed her gaze. “Considering the man she’s dancing with is a very
recent newlywed, I don’t think he poses much of a threat,” he said with a
smile.

“You know what I mean,” she said seriously.

“I don’t know what to do,” Spike murmured, his eyes never leaving the
blonde.

“She needs a reason to stay,” Willow said softly.

Spike watched the couple dancing, a sad expression on his handsome face. “I
can’t give her one.”

Willow gently took his arm, turning him to see Michael giggling and running
around Joyce’s chair. “You already have…you both just have to see it at the
same time.”

Spike smiled, watching his son’s antics. “Now, go cut in,” Willow said,
giving him a little shove.

“She’s having fun, I can’t ruin that.”

“Fine,” Willow said with a smile, picking up her dress and walking out onto
the dance floor. “I’ll do it.”

Spike shook his head with a smile as Willow mockingly shoved Buffy away, all
of them laughing. The first few notes of a slower song began, and Spike
watched as Buffy got an almost whimsical look on her face, her eyes slowly
scanning the area.

Oh, oh my love
Oh my darling
I’ve hungered for your touch
A long and lonely time

Buffy turned, meeting Spike’s eyes across the room. She gave him a gentle
smile as he began walking toward her, already feeling short of breath as she
watched him.

And time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine

No words were spoken as he approached, taking her in his arms. They stared
into each other’s eyes before Spike wrapped one arm around her waist,
giving her a soft smile. Buffy felt her heart thudding in her chest when he
took one of her hands in his, bringing it to rest over his heart.

I need your love
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love to me

Buffy sighed when his hand started rubbing soothing circles along her back.
Their eyes never broke contact as they slowly moved together, swaying to the
soft beat.

Lonely rivers flow
To the sea, to the sea
To the open arms of the sea

The murmurs of the crowd faded into the background, leaving the music to
wash over them, surrounding them.

Lonely rivers sigh
Wait for me, wait for me
I’ll be coming home
Wait for me

Spike fought the tears from coming to his eyes as Buffy squeezed his hand,
understanding the meaning behind the simple gesture.

Oh, oh my love
Oh my darling
I’ve hungered for your touch
A long and lonely time

Buffy slowly let her head fall to his chest, moving her hand until it was
resting directly over his heart. Spike took a deep breath, covering her
hand with his, brushing a tender kiss along the top of her head and closing
his eyes.

And time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine

Both lifted their eyes to look at each other, feeling the rush of emotions
coursing through their bodies before their lips met in a tender kiss.

I need your love
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love to me
God speed your love to me

They broke away from each other, short of breath as the final few notes
faded into the distance. Everything seemed to slowly come back to them as
they stayed wrapped in the other’s embrace, neither wanting the moment to
end but knowing that it was inevitable.

They turned away, Spike’s hand still clasping Buffy’s, leading her off the
floor. They ignored the curious looks they were getting from the people who
knew them as the ‘history teacher’ and ‘Willow’s friend’.

Buffy could see her mother watching them, a hopeful expression on her face,
obviously wanting her daughter to be happy. Spike pulled her into a more
secluded area, turning to face her. He let his hand slowly trace along
Buffy’s cheek before brushing his lips to hers in an intimate kiss.

“Come home with me tonight,” he whispered against her lips, his fingertips
grazing her exposed skin.

Buffy didn’t trust a verbal reply as she nodded, her entire body shaking
with want and confusion.

Spike pulled her to him, practically crushing her with the force of his embrace.
She clutched at him, feeling the desperation seep into her as they held
each other.

 

Chapter 32


Buffy let Spike lead her into his house later that night. She looked up at
him with glassy eyes, her body trembling as he cupped her face in his hands.

“Are you going?” he whispered.

Buffy turned her eyes away, feeling her chin quiver as she nodded, wishing
for so many things at that moment. Spike took a deep breath, expecting that
answer the entire time, but it still tore his heart out when it was
presented in front of him.

“Everything is different…I have to go,” she murmured, wanting nothing more
than for him to tell her that things weren’t different…that she should stay.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he caressed her cheek, a sad smile on his
lips. “Then let’s make tonight count,” he whispered.

Buffy let a few tears slip free when their lips met in a tender kiss, each
trying to show how much they loved the other.

Breaking away, Buffy could see the tears in his eyes as he looked at her.
“Make love with me,” he whispered, his hands running through her hair.
Buffy nodded, slipping out of her shoes before reaching up to unknot his
tie with shaky hands.

Slowly pulling it free, she let it flutter to the floor as her hands slid
his jacket from his shoulders. Spike watched her carefully. She appeared
to be studying every movement she was making, avoiding his eyes as she
slowly unbuttoned his shirt, revealing his muscular chest inch by inch.

Spike shrugged out of his shirt, pulling Buffy to him in a comforting
gesture. Her hands ran over his chest, relishing the feel of him so close
to her. His hands slipped around to lower the zipper at the back of her
dress, letting it pool in the middle of the floor, leaving her in a black
thong. He felt his breath catch in his throat, pulling back to look at her
body. A sight that he knew he would never get tired of…if given the chance.

“You’re more beautiful now than you were the first time I saw you,” he
murmured, running his hands along the flat expanse of her stomach. “And I
didn’t think that was possible.”

Buffy closed her eyes when his lips brushed over her neck, his teeth grazing
her throat and nipping at her gently. She slowly unbuckled his belt, easing
his pants down his legs while he removed the rest of his clothes.

Buffy kissed along his chest until she reached his shoulder, biting down
lightly before Spike picked her up, carrying her to the bedroom.

Laying her down on the bed, Spike stared into her eyes for several long
moments before he slowly pushed into her. His eyes rolled shut when he was
fully sheathed inside of her, still unable to believe how perfect it was to
be joined with her.

Spike caught his breath, pulling back slightly and burying himself inside
her again. Buffy arched against him, driving him deeper inside of her with
his lips meeting hers in a passionate kiss. Her hand came up to brush along
his cheek, surprised when she felt the wet tears against her fingertips.

Her legs wrapped around his waist, wanting to make him forget everything.
“Just feel me,” she whispered, brushing his tears away as their eyes
connected. “Don’t think,” she murmured, brushing her lips across any skin
that she encountered. “Don’t think about anything…just feel.”

Spike felt his breathing escalate, shifting his weight to plunge into her at
a new angle. He bent lower, taking one of her nipples into his mouth and
swirling his tongue around it. Buffy practically bucked off the bed,
arching against his mouth and his body.

“Yes,” she whispered, her hands holding his head in place, feeling a new
thrill rush through her when his hands wrapped around her back, holding her
even closer to him.

Buffy gasped when she felt his teeth scrape along the hardened tip, her
fingers fisting in his hair as a tremor wracked her body. Her breathing
escalated as his pace picked up, thrusting into her with renewed force

Kissing a trail back to her lips, Spike pulled back to look in her eyes
before they made contact. “You’re amazing,” he said in a husky whisper,
their movements never slowing as their lips met in a fiery kiss.

Buffy practically ripped her lips away from his as she whimpered. “Harder,”
she whispered. “Please, Spike…harder.”

Spike closed his eyes, trying to hold off his orgasm before plunging into
her, grinding his hips against hers.

“I’m going to come,” Buffy whispered, her voice taking on a desperate
quality as she frantically met his thrusts with equal passion

“Look at me, baby,” Spike murmured, pumping into her as their eyes locked
together before he pulled out and plunged into her with one forceful
thrust.

“Spike!” Buffy screamed, clenching her inner muscles in a vice-like grip
around his rigid shaft.

“Buffy,” he moaned, his hips still churning against hers as he practically
exploded inside of her.

Both lay together, gazing into each other’s eyes as they tried to regulate
their breathing. Their lips met in a tender kiss, Spike pulling Buffy
closer to him, not wanting to let her go, even though he was still inside of
her.

“Was that enough to make tonight count?” Buffy asked quietly, running her
hand along his chest.

Spike closed his eyes, reality crashing back to him. He wanted nothing more
than to forget what the future held as he rolled onto his back, taking Buffy
with him. Her eyes widened when she felt him begin to harden inside of her
as she sat up, straddling his waist.

“I think we’re just getting started, luv,” he whispered, his hands gripping
her hips as Buffy began moving on top of him, slowly building up momentum.

Buffy leaned forward, pressing her chest to his as her lips brushed along
his jaw. “I hope you weren’t planning on sleeping tonight,” she said with a
grin.

Spike felt a smile spread to his lips, his arms wrapping around her body.
“I have plans,” he said in a husky whisper. “But I guarantee you, they
don’t involve sleeping.”


 

Chapter 33


A/N Credit for this chapter goes to Joss Whedon and Drew Z. Greenberg



Spike leaned against the wall, staring out the window into his backyard.
The sun was setting, and he could feel his heart breaking. Buffy left today.
Spike desperately needed a drink, but it was decided that Michael would
stay with him until she was set up in Chicago, and Spike would never drink
with his child in the same house.

He watched as the final rays of light fell from the sky, leaving the world
looking hazy and gray. Leaving Spike’s life hazy and gray. He’d never felt
so lost, not even when he found out Buffy was gone. Now she was gone again,
and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. She’s made her decision,
and he wasn’t what she wanted.

* * * * *

TWO HOURS EARLIER


“Are you sure about this?” Spike asked, cupping her face in his hand as they
both fought back tears.

“No,” she said with a soft smile as she shrugged. “That’s kind of the
point.”

Spike nodded, feeling the all-too-familiar lump in his throat.

“I’ll see you in a week, when you bring Michael,” she said softly.
“Everything will work itself out.”

“Even us?”

Buffy looked away, biting her lip. “Is there an ‘us’?” she asked, genuinely
uncertain about the answer. “Is that what you want?”

“I love you, Buffy,” he whispered, avoiding the question completely before
running his hands through her hair and holding her in place as he left a
tender kiss on her lips.

They pulled away after a moment, tears in both their eyes. “I love you,
too.”

Spike looked away, letting his hands fall away from her and immediately
feeling the loneliness set in. He couldn’t ask her to stay. He couldn’t ask her
to give up what she wanted, just for his own selfish needs. But it still
didn’t tell him why things ended up the way they were.

* * * * *

“Why’d you have to leave?” he whispered, staring into the backyard but not
seeing anything.

“Because things fall apart.”

Spike froze when he heard her voice. He wanted to spin around and look at
her. He wanted to run to her, but he couldn’t. He was so afraid she wasn’t
real that he closed his eyes, frozen in place, before slowly turning to see
her leaning against the doorframe to the living room. He was speechless as
she continued.

“They fall apart so hard. You can't ever…put them back the way they were.”

“Buffy?” he whispered, tilting his head as she slowly pushed away from the
doorframe to approach him. “Are you okay?”

“I'm sorry, it's just…you know, it takes time,” she whispered, approaching
him. “You can't just…tell me you want me to be happy and that you love me
and still expect-“

Spike looked down at the floor feeling guilty. “I know.”

He longed to go to her, closing the distance that was separating them,
but he knew he couldn’t. She was here for a reason, and he wasn’t about to
scare her away.

“There's just so much to work through,” she said softly. “Trust has to be
built again, on both sides…”

Spike looked away, feeling his throat closing at what she was implying. He
slowly raised his eyes to hers as she continued.

“You have to learn if…if we're even the same people we were, if you can fit
in each other's lives. It's a long…important process, and…can we just skip
it?”

Spike’s eyes widened she came to stand in front of him.

“Can you just be kissing me now?”

A brief smile flashed on Spike’s face before his hands threaded through her
hair, pulling her lips to his in a passionate kiss, each letting tears
stream down their cheeks as their lips gave each other what they were
needing.

Pulling away after a moment, Spike’s hands drifted down her arms to clasp
both of her hands in his. “What about the job?”

”Come with me,” Buffy whispered, looking deep into his eyes.

“What?”

“Come with me,” she repeated. “All three of us…we can be a family, Spike…the way we were meant to be.

“That’s why you’re back?” Spike asked, holding his breath as he waited for
her answer.

“You’re why I’m back…I couldn’t leave again without you. Let’s make a fresh start…if that’s what you want.”

Spike breathed a sigh of relief, resting his forehead against hers. “I’ve never wanted anything more.

He slowly brought her hand up to his lips. He paused seconds before it reached his
lips, staring at the diamond band on her right hand.

“You still have it,” he murmured, looking at the eternity band.

“Of course I still have it,” she said with a smile.

“I just thought…since I didn’t keep that promise…”

“What promise?” Buffy asked, her brow furrowed as she looked at him.

Spike raised his eyes to hers. “Being with you for eternity.”

Buffy’s eyes widened. “You knew? You knew all this time what it meant?”

“Of course I knew,” Spike replied, his arms wrapping around her waist to
pull her closer. “You think I would get you something like that and not
know what it meant?”

Buffy stared at him in amazement. “You’re going to keep the promise now,
right?” she asked with a smile.

“As soon as we put it on the other hand and make it official.”

Buffy felt her heart flip in her chest as Spike pressed his lips to hers,
pulling her as close to him as possible.

Pulling away, Spike looked into her eyes. “Can we make this work?” he
whispered.

Buffy smiled, letting her hand trace along the strong muscles in his arms.
“What do you think, Mr. Bradley?”

“I think we’ve waited long enough, Miss Summers,” he whispered, a smile lighting up
his features, before their lips met in another kiss.

* * * * *

It didn’t start with lust. Contrary to what most people would expect, the passion
didn’t come until later, although the attraction was always there. The longing,
the excitement, the fixation- they were all side effects of what was really happening.
Of what was boiling below the surface…their love for each other.



THE END