CHAPTER 8

---------------------

The next morning Spike woke up around 12 and Buffy was still asleep. He decided they should get up and check in with Giles at the Magic Box. Spike whispered into Buffy’s ear.

“Time to wake up, luv.” She didn’t move. He waited. Nothing happened. “Come on, pet. It’s noon. We should get up.” She didn’t make a sound. “Buffy?” He waited. He got worried. He shook her a little. She just lay there. She was still alive, she had a steady heartbeat, and her pulse was fine… “Buffy, come on. Wake up….Buffy. Buffy?” Spike rolled her over onto her side. He sat her up. She was still asleep. *What the hell?*

“Buffy come on. Wake up!” Spike yelled. He shook her. Her mouth hung open, but she was still asleep. “Dammit.”

She was in a big field with flowers and grass. She was dancing around twirling a beautiful dress. She kept spinning. Then something stopped her. Big soft arms were wrapped around her. She looked up. It was him.

“It’s sunny out.” She said.

“Yes. It is, maybe I could get a tan.” He said.

Buffy took his hand and started to twirl around. She fell to the ground and closed her eyes. Spike lay down beside her. “I don’t wanna leave here. “ She said.

“Me either, pet. But we have to. I’m getting worried.” He said.

“Come on, pet wake up. Please.” Spike was getting really worried. Then he saw her move a little.

“Don’t be worried. I’m happy.” She said.

“But I don’t know that. I think you’re in trouble. You should wake up now. I might start to cry. You hate it when I cry.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Please wake up.”

Buffy started to shake a little. Her eyes fluttered open.

“I woke up.” She said.

“Yeah. You did.” He said hugging her.

“How long was I asleep for?” She asked still a little confused. She wanted to be asleep again, in that world.

“Well, I woke up about an hour ago. And I’ve been trying to wake you up for about an hour.”

“Oh..” She said getting out of the bed.

“Buffy are you okay? Why didn’t you wake up? You were in a coma-like thing.”

“It was nice there. You were there.” She laughed a little. “You wanted to get a tan.” She said smiling at him.

He smiled. “Who else was there?” He asked.

“No one. It was you and me. We were happy. And we were getting dizzy and falling in the grass. It was fun” She said sitting back down next to him on the bed.

“I wasn’t a vampire?’ He asked, noticing the word: happy. She wasn’t happy now? ‘We were happy.’ Those words burned in his mind. He was happy. Wasn’t she?

“I don’t know. You might’ve been. You might’ve been and still could go in the sun.”

“Oh.” He said looking at his hands.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

“Nothing…” he said. “Well actually. Yeah. Are you happy? I mean… now. Because you said we were happy. Aren’t you happy?” He asked.

“Spike I didn’t mean I wasn’t happy now. Of course I’m happy. You’re here.” She said snuggling up against him. Spike was relieved. He wrapped his arms around her.

“Good. I’m happy too…I wanted to get a tan?” He asked.

“Yeah. You were standing out in the sun and said, ‘Maybe I could get a tan.’ It was really funny the way you said it.” She said laughing a little. Spike leaned his head against her and buried his nose in her hair. He let out a little purr. It sent a shiver up Buffy’s spine. She loved it when he did that!

Spike felt her get goose bumps. He felt all manly.

She giggled a little. “Do that again.” She said smiling.

“You like it? I can’t control it. Just happens.” He said.

“Well make it happen again. Gives me shivers.” She said facing him. He kissed her cheek. Buffy sat on his lap and started to kiss his jaw line and went all the way up to his earlobe. He let out a little purr. She giggled in delight.

“I can make it happen.” She said.

“Of course you can, pet. Vampires purr when they’re really happy.” He said.

“Hmm…” She started to take off his shirt.

“Buffy…” He said wanting to stop her.

“Shh… no talking.” She said as she ran her hands up his back.

“Buffy. Are you sure you want to do this?” He asked.

“Yes. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

*****************************************

Faith was sitting at the bar talking to a bunch of people. Angel and Dawn were having their own conversation.

“Angel, now that we have Faith, what are we gonna do with her?”

“We’re gonna use her blood… oh wait. We can’t kill her! What were we thinking?” Angel screamed.

“Wait… I have an idea. They need the blood of a slayer? Well since there are two… how about we use half of Faith’s and half of Buffy’s?” Dawn suggested.

“Dawn, half of a person’s blood is a lot taken form them. It might kill them if we do that.”

“Oh… well couldn’t we have them get a blood transfusion thing after? Like directly after?”

“That could work.”

Faith approached the two. “What are ya talking about? Not me I hope.” She said.

“Well, Faith. We are. Should we tell her?” Angel asked Dawn.

“Yeah…”

Angel told Faith about Buffy and how she might die, and how they needed a slayer’s blood to close the portal that was making her die. He told her how they’d take half of Buffy’s and half of hers to stop it.

“Well, it’s a risky proposition. I’m in. Can’t have B’s organs liquefy now can we?” She said.

“Okay. How much longer till sundown so we can get going again?” Angel asked.

“Bout 20 minutes.” Dawn said.

“Alright. I’m goin’ to get another drink. Call me when we gotta go.” Faith said heading back over to the bar.

********************************************************

Xander and Anya were back at Giles’s house again. Xander was sitting on the couch next to Anya, (who had made up shortly after their little fight yesterday.) And Giles was pacing around behind them.

“Do you think Angel and Dawn are alright?” Xander asked.

“Yeah. They’re probably on their way back right now.” Anya said.

“Giles, do you mind. I can hear you pacing around” Xander said over his shoulder.

“Sorry.” Giles stopped. “I’m just worried about Buffy.”

“I’m sure Spike is taking good care of her.” Anya said.

***************************************************

Spike and Buffy were lying in the bed, Buffy’s head rested on his chest. Spike was stroking her hair. Spike purred low in his throat. *He’s like a big kitty…my kitty.* she thought.

“Damn slayer, you’re turning me into a bloody house cat.” He said.

“I like kitties. They’re cute, and fun, and cuddly.” She said kissing his ear.

“I love it when you do that.”

“This?” She bit his ear.

“No. Well yes. But that’s not what I was talking about.” She stopped.

“What were you talking about then?”

“When you relate me to all those strange bloody objects. Like popsicles, puppies, cats… even pigs sometimes.” He laughed.

“Know what I love?” She asked.

“Hair products?” he asked sarcastically.

She slapped his arm playfully. “No silly. You. And when you purr too. Makes me feel all weak kneed.”

“When you get all weak kneed it makes me feel all manly.”

“I thought weapons were supposed to do that to you.”

“Well yeah, but they don’t get all Jell-o kneed when I purr at them.” Buffy laughed. Then she remembered that she might die soon…she sighed.

As if Spike had read her mind, He said, “It’s gonna be alright, pet.”

She squeezed his arm a little. “You better be right or me and you are gonna have a talk.” Spike chuckled. Buffy started coughing. She sat up with the blanket around her and coughed into her arm. Spike sat up too. She stopped.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Just… I think this disease thing is starting to kick in.” Spike got worried. He wrapped an arm around her and she leaned into him. She coughed a little again and closed her eyes. “I think we better get dressed.” She said realizing what time it was. “We should go and see if the Gang got any info on my new accessory.”

“That’s a good idea.” Spike got up and started to search for his pants. Buffy just went into her closet and got a new outfit. She put on some jeans and a black tank top.

“Don’t you think it’s a little cold for a tank top luv?”

“Nah. Besides, I got an awesome coat to wear.”

“Oh really?” he said sarcastically as she picked up his leather duster.

“Yup. It should keep me warm.”

“It will, pet. Keeps me nice and room temperature.” He said while putting a blue button down shirt on. Buffy hugged the jacket and slipped it on over her clothes. The sleeves fell down nearly to her knees.

“Isn’t it a tad big? You’re bloody swimming in it.” He said looking her over.

“It’s fine. It’s better than fine… it’s… stylish.” She said twirling around in front of her mirror. “I love it.”

Spike stood behind her. He watched her twirl. But he didn’t see himself. He let out a sigh of disappointment. He wished he could be more. She deserved more.

“Spike is something wrong?” She asked turning to face him.

He looked up from his hands. “No, pet. Nothing.” He said putting on a fake smile. Spike looked out the window at the sun. It was just setting. Was this the only time Buffy could ever be with him? He wouldn’t be able to go outside. He wouldn’t be able to watch the sun set with her. There were so many things he couldn’t do. With her…

“Spike!” He looked at her. She was waiting in the doorway. “Come on! Let’s go!” She said striding out into the hallway. Spike followed her pushing his thoughts away from him. None of them would matter if they didn’t get this disease covered…

**********************************************

“Where are they…” Xander complained. “They’re late ag-“

“Hey guys!” Buffy interrupted by entering the room. She was holding Spike’s hand and she smiled at everyone.

“Hi Buffy…” Willow said noticing her sudden happiness. She went from depressed to happy. How could she become so happy? What did they do at her house… “Oh…” Willow said out loud.

“Yay for you!” Anya said.

“What?” Buffy asked.

“You two. I can tell. Yay again.!” Anya screeched form the cash register.

“Oh…” Buffy said sitting down at the table. She twiddled her fingers. Spike took his hand and placed it on Buffy’s hands. She looked at him and smiled. Spike sat down next to her. Buffy coughed a little.

“Are you alright, pet?”

“Mm… Now I am.” She said leaning her head on his shoulder. Xander gave him a look of disgust and was about to say something when Willow covered his mouth.

“Don’t…” She warned.

Giles cleared his throat. “Well… we have some good news.”

Buffy looked up. “Really?”

“Hey, B.”

Buffy sat up and looked a Faith. She hadn’t seen her in a long time.

“Hey yourself. How’ve ya been?” Buffy asked.

“Pretty good. You?”

“Been better. Just trying not to die.”

“Well that’s why I’m here. I’ve got half of what you guys need.” She said leaning against the wall.

“Who’s got the other half?” Buffy asked.

“You do.” Angel said appearing out of the shadows glaring at Spike.

“Oh… Don’t you think that it’s a little dangerous to be taking half my blood… when I’m dying?” She asked.

“Well… we’re gonna be rushing you to the famous Sunnydale General afterwards. Fine place if you ask me. I was there for about a year if you guys remember.” Faith said.

“Yeah. I remember.” Buffy said. Angel was still glaring at his childe, whose arm was wrapped tightly around Buffy’s waist. He could smell him all over her. And the coat! Boy was he looking for a fight. Angel let out a small growl before saying anything.

“We’re gonna take Buffy’s blood first, then Faith’s. So then someone can drive Buffy to the hospital while we get Faith’s blood and fight whatever is over there.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Xander said.

“Alright. When do we do this thing?” Faith asked.

“A couple of days. Three tops. We still need to find out where the portal is.” Angel said.

‘Me and Tara are on it.” Willow said heading towards the books.

“What about Buffy? Is she gonna be alright?” Spike asked concerned. He felt like he was the only one worried about what was going to happen to Buffy. It seemed like everyone was obsessed with this ritual. Didn’t anyone care?

“We…we’re not sure.” Giles said…

Spike stood up furious. “Well bloody make sure she’s gonna be alright! She’s not going to die!”

“Spike… I’m going to be fine.” Buffy said softly pulling on his arm.

“We don’t know that… We don’t know anything…I’m sorry. I just... I just can’t lose you again.” He said sitting back down. He looked into her eyes. Buffy smiled sadly and took his hand into hers.

“I wouldn’t even dare to put you through that again.” She said leaning into him.

Angel was disgusted. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He yelled out the first thing that came to mind. “What the hell is this?”

Buffy turned around to look at Angel. Spike still in hand. “What?”

“What are you two doing? Are you under a spell or something?” Angel said furiously.

“No…”

“Well then why are two acting like you love each other!?” Angel said flailing his arms in the air.

Buffy looked at Spike. Spike looked at Buffy. “I thought you saw the whole ‘I love you’ scene at the hospital?”

“I did, but I thought… I don’t know. You don’t seriously love him do you?” Angel asked. Xander was tuned in. He was seriously hoping for a hell no.

“Yes. I do love him.” Buffy said looking at Angel.

“You’ve got to be kidding me! We’re talking about Spike here are we not? He doesn’t have a soul Buffy.” Angel protested.

Spike looked down. He knew it. But he’s changed. He has…

Buffy saw Spike’s reaction to his words. She squeezed his hand and pulled him close to her. She took his face in her hands.

“Spike…you’re different. You’ve changed.” She said softly.

“I hope you’re right.” He said, Angel’s words still stinging in his mind.

“I know I’m right.” She said looking deep into his eyes. Spike smiled and let out a small sigh.

“I just wish I could be more for you.” He said honestly.

Buffy had flashbacks of Angel saying the same thing. Then Riley. She felt suddenly sick to her stomach. She looked at him. She backed away from him. Buffy took off the coat and bolted for the door. She slammed the door behind her and ran as fast as she could away from there.

Spike sat there on the bench in shock. What had he said? What’d he do. He looked at the others. Willow knew something.

“Why’d she do that Red?” Spike asked.

“Well…It’s just… those are the same words Angel had said before he…and then with Riley…”

“She thinks I’m going to leave? I’d never leave her. I’m not a soddin’ poof who doesn’t care about her feelings either like this grand collection over here.” He said pointing to Angel. “I need to go after her.” He said picking up his duster and running out the door.

*****************************************************

Spike stood outside the Magic Box looking all around for her. He didn’t see her. He checked the air for her scent. He found it and followed it running.

He lost it around the cemetery because she was there all the time. He looked around for any sight of her. She was nowhere.

“Bloody hell.” He said and started searching the cemetery.

*******************************************************

Buffy ran all the way to Spike’s crypt. She locked the door behind her. He can’t leave. He can’t. Don’t they understand? They are enough for me! Why do they always do this…

Buffy went downstairs and lay down on the bed. She started sobbing. Buffy saw his shirt on the floor. She got up and picked it up on the ground. It was one of his blue ones. She loved it when he wore the blue shirts.

She sighed and got back into his bed. Buffy wiped her eyes with the shirt. She held it close to her and lay there mourning her love for him.

********************************************************

Spike searched the whole cemetery when he realized he hadn’t looked in his crypt. He started running towards the other side of the cemetery as fast as he could. He didn’t want her to think that he was leaving her.

*************************************************

CHAPTER 9

-------------

Buffy felt a sudden pain in her side. She sat up, and the pain spread throughout her body. She screamed.

Spike heard the scream from outside his crypt. He kicked open the door and jumped down to the lower floor of his crypt. He saw Buffy gripping the sides of his bed while a searing pain went through her body. Spike ran over to Buffy.

“Buffy! What’s wrong?!” He asked trying to hold in all his emotions.

Buffy took a deep breath. “It hurts.” She said holding her stomach. “I think it’s started.” She said.

Spike held her in his arms. He wasn’t going to let her die. Spike picked her up in his arms and bolted upstairs and out the door. He ran all the way to the Magic Box with a pained Buffy in his arms. He didn’t even know he could run that fast especially with another person in his arms. He ran through the cemetery dodging graves and statues.

“Hold on Buffy. You’re gonna be alright.” He whispered to her while jumping a tombstone. He saw the entrance to the cemetery which meant the Magic box wasn’t that far away.

Buffy tilted her head up. “Spike,” She started. She didn’t feel the pain anymore. Thank god. “I think it stopped.” She said looking at him. Spike stopped running and looked at her.

“What?”

“It doesn’t hurt anymore… well it does… just not as much. Just feels like someone is slicing me open now. Doesn’t hurt as much.” She said.

“We’re bringing you to the Magic Box. This isn’t going to happen again. We’re going to close the portal. Now.”

Buffy rested her head in his arms as he continued to run to the Magic Box. He saw the shop and burst through the door with Buffy in his arms. He noticed a little blood coming from her mouth. She coughed and held onto him tightly.

“Oh my god.” Giles said as he saw Buffy. Spike didn’t know what to say. Buffy’s eyes were tightly shut as she took in all the pain that was searing through her body. He lay her down on the table.

“Spike what happened?” Dawn asked. “Is she alright?”

“No, pet I don’t think she is.” He took a breath before continuing. “Red! Where the hell is that portal!?”

*****************************************

The gang researched the location of the portal. Spike stayed with Buffy. She was getting worse.

“Spike…?” She said wearily.

“Yeah, pet? It’s me.” He said trying not to cry in front of everyone.

“Am I going to die?” Buffy said wiping the blood from her mouth.

Spike couldn’t hide anymore. He started sobbing into her hand.

“Spike… Don’t cry.”

He looked up. “Buffy. You know before? I didn’t mean to give you the impression I was leaving. I’m not going to leave. Never.”

She smiled at him. Her lips were chapped and she was pale. Buffy started to shiver. All she had on had been that black tank top and jeans.

“Sorry about throwing your jacket on the ground.” She said.

“It’s alright, pet. You should probably put this on. You’re freezing.” He said softly. Spike slipped his jacket off and sat her up. She groaned a little in pain as she sat up. She put the jacket on. Buffy smiled at Spike. He was still crying. He didn’t want to lose her again.

“Thanks. I like this coat.” She said.

“You can have it if you want.” He said wrapping it around her tightly.

“Really?” She asked.

“Mmhmm.” He said.

“I’ll never take it off.” She said smiling at him.

“We found it!” Willow screamed. Spike looked at Buffy and smiled. Willow jumped out of her seat. “It’s called the portal of Opemisia. It’s in Sunnydale actually. It’s in an ancient tomb.” Willow read on…She stopped. “Uh oh..”

“What?” Spike asked.

“It says the portal can only be activated when the slayer has reached her final day… and Buffy still has 2 more weeks until it’s been a full month since she was diagnosed.”

“What?! You can’t just open it now so we can get it over with?” He screamed.

“No…We have to wait.”

“But we can’t wait! Look at her! She’s dying!” He yelled tears streaming down his face. The color in his eyes wasn’t blue anymore. Hell, you couldn’t even see the blue if you wanted to. His eyes were filled with water.

“Spike… I’m sorry. The only thing we can do right now is wait. The best thing we could do for her is make her comfortable. Spike you should probably bring her home.”

Spike growled at them and lifted her up in his arms and left that hell hole.

************************************

“Spike, you shouldn’t be so mad at them. There’s nothing they can do.” Buffy said

“Pet, I can’t lose you. Not again. I just want all your pain to be over with. I want you to be well again. I want you to live.” He said looking down at her. She was half asleep in his arms as Spike was walking down Revello Drive.

“You’re not going to lose me.” She said gripping his shoulders. “You can’t lose me if you are always going to be with me. You’ll be with me when I die. You’ll be with me when you die. We’ll always be with each other.” Buffy said.

Spike couldn’t believe what he had just heard. She just said the words he’d wanted to hear for a long time. She just confessed her love to him. Now he knew. He truly knew deep within him. He knew she loved him as much as he loved her.

“Oh Buffy…” He felt a tear glide down his face.

“I love you Spike. Always remember that.”

“I’ll never forget.” He said.

They reached Buffy’s house. Spike opened the door slowly and closed it behind them. He looked at Buffy who was staring up at him smiling.

“What?” He asked laughing a little.

“You were purring.” She said giggling. Spike laughed and set Buffy down on her feet. “Mmm… thanks for the ride.”

“Anytime, pet.” He scuffed the toe of his shoe on the floor. “So…”

“Yeah…” Buffy looked at Spike. Spike looked at Buffy. A beat. Then Spike grabbed Buffy and kissed her passionately. Buffy’s tongue slid across his bottom lip. He opened his mouth to let her enter. They kissed with fire and passion. It felt like the first time.

They kissed for several minutes, Buffy having to pull back for some air every now and then. Then they both decided to stop.

Buffy started coughing again, more blood. Spike brought her into the kitchen and set her on the counter. He wiped her mouth off with a wet washcloth. Her hazel eyes were dropping and she yawned.

“Tired, luv?” He asked noticing her sleepy behavior.

Buffy just nodded her head like a little girl and smiled at him. Spike felt a chill go through him as he realized just how lucky he was to have such a girl. Spike lifted her back up and brought her upstairs to her room.

He set Buffy down underneath the covers. He tried to take his duster off her, but she didn’t let him.

“Remember? I said I wasn’t ever gonna take it off.”

Spike smiled at her. “Of course.” He said and pulled the blankets over her. He turned around to leave. Buffy sat up confused.

“Where are you going?”

“Somethin’ I have to take care of, pet.”

Buffy frowned. “Okay…” She pouted her lip a little. She was hoping that’d make him stay.

“Don’t do that! I’ll be back before sun up. Don’t worry. Are you gonna be okay here?”

“I guess… Just one last kiss before you go?” She said smiling.

“I could never refuse the offer of a lovely lady.” He said walking back over to her. He sat down on the bed and pulled her up onto his lap. She faced him and smiled, a little smile. Spike gave her a kiss, then kissed her forehead.

“I love you. So don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.”

“Like what? Burn the house down while I’m cooking, or something like… dying…?”

Spike looked at her and tried to smile. “Don’t use the ‘D’ word missy, or you might get punished.”

“Promise?” She asked seductively.

“Scout’s honor.” He said attempting a lame Boy Scout salute.

“Good. Love you too. Now go and do whatever you have to fast and get back here.” She said pushing him off the bed.

“See you soon.” And he was gone.

******************************************

He hated leaving her alone like that. Maybe he should just put this off till later… Nah. Spike walked into the Magic Box where everyone was surprisingly still there. He saw just the person he was looking for.

“Is Buffy okay?” Dawn asked.

“Yeah, pet. Just a little weak.” He said striding towards Angel. “Ahh… just the poofter I was looking for.”

“Well if it isn’t my grandchilde. How unpleasant.” He stated coldly.

“We need to talk.” Spike said and walked into the training room.

“Uh-oh.” Xander said as the two master vampires went in back.

Spike closed the door behind them.

“Yes?” Angel said annoyed by his sudden want for a fight.

“Well… I was just kinda mad about the way that you try to control Buffy’s life. Oh and how you insulted me before.”

“A huh… well first off, I’m not trying to control her life-“

“Bull. She can’t even decide who she loves? I’d call that control.” Spike said arms crossed. He was circling Angel. Like he was his prey.

“I never said she couldn’t love you. I just strongly hate the idea of it. Oh and you never let me finish. Second. I insulted you? How can I insult you about something you don’t have? You don’t have a soul and I think Buffy is totally off her rocker for loving you.”

With that, Spike lost all control and kicked Angel so hard that he went flying into the wall. Angel fell to the ground with a loud thud. Spike walked over to him and picked him up by his shirt collar. Angel’s face was covered with blood. Angel kicked Spike which caused him to tumble backwards and fall on the ground face first. Angel got up and repeatedly kicked Spike in the stomach until Spike grabbed Angel’s ankle and pulled it from underneath him. Angel fell backwards to the ground and Spike took the advantage to get up. Spike grabbed Angel and threw him into the wall once more. Angel then realized Spike was in a life or death fight, so Angel gave it all that he could. The vampire got up and charged at Spike. Spike was hurled into the weapons chest, his body being punctured with splinters. Spike turned over on his side and grabbed a sword that was lying on the ground. Spike slowly got up and made his way towards Angel. Spike swung the sword at him, but Angel ducked. Not quick enough though, and the sword cut deep into his arm.

Angel howled in pain. He put his game face on and threw a series of hard uppercuts and jabs at Spike. He blocked a few, but Spike got hit with most of the attacks. Spike dropped the sword and decided to throw his game right back at him. Spike started punching Angel furiously. Spike was recharged with energy at the sound and feel of broken ribs. Spike turned around as if to leave, but instead hit Angel with a back kick which sent him flying across the room. Angel rolled on the ground. He groaned in pain. Angel felt an adrenaline rush flow through him and jumped up, and picked up his childe. He threw the blonde across the room into the wall. A few bricks fell with Spike; he’d have to pay for that. He thought. Angel went over to Spike and he saw a stake on the ground. Angel bent down to pick it up, but Spike saw that coming and grabbed the stake before Angel. Spike jumped up from his spot on the ground and pinned Angel to the floor. He held the stake to Angel’s chest about to kill him. Then he realized he couldn’t. There were too many people in this world that cared for him, even if it was only a few…say 1 or 2.

Spike got up and dropped the stake. He wiped the blood from his mouth. “Don’t you EVER tell her who to love. Don’t control her life. Don’t hurt her. If you do, I will kill you next time.”

Spike strode out of the training room. All eyes turned to him. Everyone’s mouth dropped as they saw Spike. He was badly beaten and bruised, but there was a look of happiness in his eyes. He strode out of there like he was the Big Bad again. He knew what everyone was thinking.

“No, you poofs, I didn’t kill him. Almost… But I didn’t.” Spike said leaving the Magic Box once again.

“Wow…” Anya said as he left.

************************************************

CHAPTER 10

--------------

Spike entered Buffy’s house. He glanced into the kitchen. It was 3:07. Buffy might be up. She’s usually up at this time patrolling. Spike took off his shoes and left them by the front door. He headed up the stairs, gripping the railing, because the bruises on his legs were pretty bad.

Spike entered Buffy’s room slowly. He closed the door as quietly as he could behind him. He turned around and almost jumped at what he saw. Buffy was sitting up smiling at him. Spike gave her a little smirk.

“Hey, pet. What are ya doin’ up?”

She stretched her arms out a little. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“And why’s that?” He asked with a raise of his eyebrow.

“Because you weren’t with me. I didn’t feel safe. And plus, my stomach hurt a lot again while you were gone. Like earlier. Except worse. And it was worse because you weren’t here too. Will you come hold me now?”

Spike didn’t need to be told twice. He moved over to her and sat in the bed. He slid his legs underneath the blankets and pulled Buffy close to him.

“Still hurt?” He asked her.

Buffy looked at him. “A huh.” She looked at him a little closer. “Oh my god! Spike! What the hell happened to you?”

“Angel happened, pet. Don’t worry about it. I’m alright. He is too… well actually maybe a couple broken ribs but, hey. Who’s complaining.” Spike said trying to lighten the mood.

She smiled knowing he wasn’t that hurt, and she winced as she felt another pain. “Damn… why does this thing have to do this to me? Why can’t it turn my organs into -oww…- candy? Why does it have to liquefy them?”

Spike put his hand on her belly. “Here?” He asked.

“Mmm..” She said leaning into him. Spike began to rub her belly and kiss the top of her forehead.

“Well I dunno, luv. I like the candy idea, but it’d be a waste. You’d never get to eat it.”

Buffy smiled. “True. But at least I’d be sweet.”

“You already are, pet.”

Buffy kissed him. “Love ya.” She said into his ear.

“Love you too. Now. What do you say we sleep? I dunno bout you but I’m tired.”

“I thought you’d never suggest it.” She said sliding down into the bed with him. She still had his jacket on. He guessed it reminded her of him. Bad Spike. Don’t get conceited now… oh who the hell cares.

“Here...” he said pulling the covers over them. Spike pulled Buffy into him, so they were both on their sides. Spoon style. Spike had his arms around Buffy and as he felt her muscles tighten with the pain in her stomach, he started to rub her belly again, and she calmed down and fell asleep.

************************************************

Spike didn’t sleep. He had too many thoughts going through his head. Was this how it was going to be? Her being in pain? For two more weeks?! He couldn’t deal with that. Plus Angel being on his back for beating the shit out of him.

Spike hugged the sleeping Slayer a little tighter when he felt her shiver a little. She snuggled into him a little further. He just wished they could spend their life like this. In each other’s arms. Not having to stop one another from dying! Because what if one of them did die? They’d be in so much pain.

Then he thought about Angelus. The Grand Poof of them all. He hated his grandsire more than anything in the world. He wanted to kill him so bad… but Buffy would probably be upset. Even though she doesn’t love him anymore, she still likes him probably.

Buffy shifted uncomfortably under the sheets. She turned and lay on her back. Her eyebrows furrowed a little. She looked like she was in pain. Spike brought her head onto his chest, letting her soft blonde locks tickle him. He wrapped one arm under her, and with the other he pulled her close to him.

Spike kissed her cheek and did the only thing he knew to ease her pain. He took his hand and rubbed her belly. She wriggled a little, and then her eyes opened. She closed them again when she felt the pain. She sat up and clutched her self.

“Oh my god.” She groaned. Buffy screamed. Spike didn’t know what to do. Buffy started breathing heavily. She winced in pain as she tried to move. “I can’t keep doing this!” She yelled. Buffy’s eyes were shut tight. Spike wasn’t good with this kind of thing. So he took her hand and started to rub it up and down. Spike pulled Buffy onto his lap. He rocked her back and forth.

“It’s gonna be alright, pet…sshh..” He whispered.

Buffy had tears of pain rolling down her face. Spike felt like there was nothing he could do.

“Do that again..” She sniffled.

“Do what, luv?” He asked.

Buffy took his hand and placed it on her stomach. “This. It makes me feel better.”

Spike smiled. Well maybe he actually could do something. He wasn’t totally useless. Spike rubbed her until she calmed down. She rested her head on his shoulder.

“Make it stop… please…” She said.

“We’re doin’ everything we can, pet. Don’t worry.”

“Okay… I’ll just think of candy. Candy. Candy.” She repeated. Spike gave her a weak smile. He hated seeing her in pain. He couldn’t stand it.

“Spike?”

“A huh?”

“How do you do it?”

He was confused. “Do what, luv?”

“Make me feel better? Not just physically… but mentally too…”

“Dunno. Must be the sexy body and charm.”

“Mmhmm… that’s what I was thinking too.” She said smiling. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah why do you ask?”

“Before. Your fight with Angel. Are you alright? Any major hurties I should be warned about?”

“No… nothin’ to worry about.” He said.

“Good.” Buffy sat up. She looked around the room. “I’m hungry.”

******************************************

Spike carried Buffy downstairs. He sat her on the counter again and stood in front of her.

“So, what are up for?”

“Water. And maybe some soup. And maybe some chocolate. And ice cream. And maybe some-“

“Okay okay. One thing at a time. You wanted soup? What kind? Chicken noodle? It’s the kind my mum used to make for me when I was sick.”

“Okay. That sounds good.”

Spike went in the cabinet and pulled out some chicken noodle soup mix. He got out a pan and water and mixed in the package.

“I don’t see why Americans these days rely on pre-made food. It’s absurd if you ask me.”

Buffy swung her feet. “Yeah, but it’s yummy…Just like some other things I know.” She said grabbing him by his shirt and pulling him into her.

“Naughty naughty. Play nice.” He scolded seductively.

“No. I don’t wanna play nice.” She said and dived into his lips.

Spike pulled away. He tasted blood in her mouth. “What’s wrong?” Buffy asked.

“I-I don’t know if I tasted your blood, then… then I might… you know…”

“Spike,” She whispered softly. “I trust you.” She smiled at him and then gently brushed her lips against his. He gave into the kiss. They sank into each other. Buffy’s arms were tightly wrapped around Spike’s neck. His arms were around her waist. Buffy pulled away her eyes still closed. She outlined his features with her hands. Her forehead fell onto his. She hugged him tightly.

Spike felt her temperature drop. He pulled away from her. She was shivering, her eyes were bloodshot, and she couldn’t breathe easily. Spike panicked. She was dying. Now.

“Buffy?” He asked worried. She just breathed heavily, her shoulders moved with her. It felt like she was breathing threw a straw. “Buffy?” He asked again gripping her shoulders. No. Not now. Buffy, don’t do this.

“Spike...” She exhaled. “I love you. Remember that. Always.” She whispered. Spike had tears rolling down his chiseled features.

“No, Buffy. Don’t give up. Please.”

“Do you promise to love me forever?’ She asked ignoring him.

“Buffy..”

“Do you?” She asked again, coughing and getting paler. Spike felt her heartbeat drop. She was crying now too.

“I promise Buffy. I will love you forever. No one else but you.”

“Good. I promise too. I love you so much Spike.” Spike couldn’t stop from weeping like a little baby. He lifted her into his arms.

“I love you too, pet. Always.” He said while carrying her up the stairs. He set her down on her bed, and handed her Mr. Gordo.

“Spike…”

“Yes, Buffy?” he asked holding her cold hands.

“Tell Dawn I love her, and Willow and Xander they’re my best friends. Tell Anya she was awesome. Tell Giles..” She coughed. “Tell Giles I’ll never forget him, and I love him. Tell Faith and Angel they’re my friends.” She smiled weakly. “And tell yourself that I’ll always love you. Forever.” Spike was crying so hard.

“Don’t cry… It makes me sad.”

Spike smiled at her. He tried to stop, but he couldn’t. “I- I can’t I’m sorry.”

She motioned for him to get beside her. He sat next to her. She cuddled up beside him and closed her eyes. “Never let go.” She said.

“Never.” He whispered and gave her a kiss. Spike felt her heartbeat drop again. He looked into her eyes. She tried to smile. She mouthed out the words ‘never let go’… and collapsed into Spike’s arms. She was forever gone.

He sobbed and held onto her tightly. He rocked her back and forth. His face was bloodied and covered in fresh tears. “No…” He said. He held her tighter. He cried and cried. He mourned. He held onto her and promised to never let go. Spike cried. That’s all he did for 2 whole days. He didn’t move. He sat there with her in his arms. Crying. Until someone knocked on the door.

******************************************

CHAPTER 11

--------------

Willow walked into the Summer’s home since no one had answered the phone for the past day. “Buffy? Spike?” She didn’t hear an answer. But she did hear tiny sounds coming from upstairs. Willow slowly crept up the stairs.

“Spike?” She asked slowly opening the door to Buffy’s room. She almost fainted at what she saw. She saw a vampire. Covered in crusty blood. Holding Buffy. He was crying. He had wet marks all over his shirt. Willow got closer to him. She looked at his face. It was pale. And his eyes were bloodshot. He had tears streaming down his face. He looked terrible.

“Spike what hap..” Willow nearly vomited. She saw Buffy. She was pale. White as a ghost. Her arms hung from her sides. Her hair was in her face. “Oh god.” Willow almost fell over.

“Oh… my god. Spike? What happened?” She said stepping backwards. She started to have pools of wetness in her eyes.

Spike didn’t even notice she was there until she spoke to him. He turned to her. “She died 2 nights ago… I - I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you guys. I couldn’t move. I had to stay with her. I’m sorry.” He said. It was the truth. “She- she told me to tell you… that you were her best friend. You and Xander. She also said to tell Anya that she was… what was it? Awesome. And she said to tell Giles… that she loved him and would never forget him. And to Faith and Angel… that they were some of her closest friends. And to tell Tara that she was always there for her. And to Dawn… that she loved her.”

Willow blinked back a few of the salty water droplets she was ready to drop. “Oh..” was all she could manage. Spike looked around the room. He got up and went to her closet. He found a stake. Spike sat back next to her. He wrapped his arms around her.

“Spike? What are you doing?” Willow asked concerned.

“You’re amazing Red. Tell Glinda the same. Tell Dawn I love her. Tell the Whelp he was annoying but alright. Tell Anya she was very outspoken and I’ll miss her. Tell the watcher I never really liked him, but he was alright. Tell Poof that I hate him. And never will like him.” Spike held the stake over his heart.

“Don’t worry pet. I’ll never let go.” He said and drove the stake straight through his heart. He smiled at Buffy and turned to dust.

*****************************************************

~Stop complaining! Spike dies and that’s how it is.

Yea yea super short chapter, but I had to get this part in!~

CHAPETER 12

------------

Spike fell onto a hard marble floor. “Bloody hell.” Spike stood up. All his cuts were gone. He was wearing the same outfit when he- he remembered. He remembered Buffy. And then him. He staked himself.

“Vampire.” A man’s voice said. He looked around. There was a man and a lady. They must’ve been- oh my god. They were the Powers That Be.

“Vampire. What do you seek?”

“What?” Spike asked confused.

The woman decided to speak. “What do you seek? Do you want to go back to Earth?”

Spike stood there dumbfounded. Did they just ask me if I wanted to go back to Earth?

“Well…I want to be with her.” Spike said.

“With the slayer?” The woman asked.

“She’s not just a Slayer you ninnies. She’s a woman. She’s beautiful and wonderful. And she’s more than I could ever dream of.”

“I see… So you want to be where the Slayer is?”

“Yes.”

“One minute…” The woman turned to the man standing beside her. “Well… what do you think?” She asked.

“I don’t know. I’m not good with this true love thing. You take care of it.”

“Well do you think I should send him to heaven to be with her? Or to bring her back?” The woman asked.

“I don’t know. Does he truly love this woman?” The man asked.

“Yes. I could see it. And feel it. It was burning. This was love like no other I’ve seen, brother.”

“Bring the Slayer back. She will bring him back. If not, we will. Their love is great.”

The woman waved her arm and a flash of light appeared. Spike felt like he was being pulled. All of a sudden he was in hell.

*********************************************

Buffy awoke in a dark room. She was breathing heavily. She sat up quickly to find that she was in a morgue. Oh my god… I must’ve…

Buffy quickly got up and ran out of there glad she was still clothed. She ran out the front door and into the night. How long was I gone? Who- Spike. Spike! Oh my god! Buffy ran all the way to her house. It took her about 5 minutes since it was on the other side of town.

Buffy burst open the door. She was surprised at what she saw. All her friends were sitting in her living room. All except for Spike.

Everyone’s eyes fell on hers. “Buffy?” Dawn asked quietly.

“Yeah Dawn. It’s me.” Dawn ran into her sister’s arms. Everyone seemed to stand up at the same time. They all ran to hug Buffy.

“How long was I gone?” She asked.

“About 3 days.” Giles said.

“Wow. So that makes it three times I’ve died.” She looked around the room. There was Anya, Xander, Dawn, Angel, Faith, Willow, Giles, and Tara. But no Spike.

“Hey guys, the gang’s all here. Where’s Spike?” She asked.

Everyone looked at their feet except for Anya. She just looked to the side of the room. Buffy got worried. Where was he?

“Guys, you’re not telling me something. Where is he?”

Tara spoke up. “He-he’s umm…upstairs.” Tara said quietly. Buffy ran up the stairs, and into her room. There was no Spike. Just her floor, and her bed, and- what was that?

Buffy saw something on her bed. It looked kinda like a spot. She got closer. Dirt? What? She got even closer. It was-

Buffy almost fainted. She grabbed onto the bed. Tara came in the room behind her. Buffy’s eyes started watering. “What happened?” She asked.

“He-he staked himself.” Tara said… “To b-be with you.”

“But I’m alive now. And he’s not here.” Buffy said. “You have to bring him back! Please.” She whimpered. Tara didn’t know what to say. “Please! Please bring him back to me!” She screamed.

Tara didn’t know if there was a way to bring a vampire back. She missed Spike too. He was always very nice to her. She decided she should look for a way. “I-I can see if there’s a way to b-bring Spike back.” Tara said.

Buffy burst into tears. She sat on the floor and wept.

Tara left the room and went downstairs to find Willow. “Willow?”

“Yeah?” She said from the kitchen. A cup of coffee was in her hand.

“It’s Buffy…” She said.

“Is something wrong?” She asked concerned.

“No, no. It’s just… Spike. She’s really upset.”

“Well I would be if I was her.” Anya said. She was getting some cereal.

“She wants us to bring Spike back. And I don’t know if we can do that. C-Can we do that?” Tara said.

“I don’t know… Maybe. Should we even do that?” She asked.

“Yeah. I mean, y-you should see her up there. She looks like how you described Spike when you found him…m-minus the blood.” Tara said.

“Wow… I think we should look for a way.”

“I don’t” Angel said entering the room. “He’s useless.”

“Actually he isn’t. He’s rather helpful in fights. And wow Angel Spike really did kick your ass.” Anya said looking him up and down. All his bruises still hadn’t healed.

Angel didn’t say anything. “I think we should bring him back. He was very nice.” Anya said.

“Count me in for the resurrection.” Faith said looking through the refrigerator.

“I- I wanna bring Spike back too.” Dawn yelled from the living room.

“I don’t.” Giles called after her.

“Me either.” Xander piped in.

“Well it’s 6 against 3, guys.” Dawn said.

“How do you get 6?” Xander asked.

“Me, Anya, Willow, Tara, Faith. And then Buffy.” Dawn replied.

“Oh. Whatever.” He said.

Tara and Willow left to go to the Magic Box, and everyone else went home. Buffy stayed in her room, while Dawn stayed downstairs waiting to talk to Buffy.

**************************************************

Spike was dragged across the floor into a dark cave. It was barely lit. From the time he’d been there, about 3 years (time is different between dimensions, remember after Angel came back he said he’d been in hell for a couple hundred years and only 2 months had past? Yeah yeah.), he’d be dragged, cut, kicked, tortured, sliced, diced, punched, and whatever else you could think of.

“Buffy…” He whimpered. Something attacked him and beat him reckless. Spike wasn’t in a good condition. He was surprised he wasn’t dead… but he already was dead so he figured he couldn’t die.

He screamed when a sharp knife cut right through his flesh. Blood poured out of the wound and formed a pool on the ground.

“Buffy…” He sighed. And another slice was made into his skin.

********************************************************

Buffy sat on the floor in her room. Her sobs had finally calmed down a bit. How she missed him. She felt as if she was empty. She felt like there was nothing in life to live for. He was gone.

The petite blonde stood up and sat on the bed. She traced her pillow with her finger. They had slept here so many nights. She would lie in his arms. The world around her didn’t seem to matter. But that was gone.

********************************************************

“I found something!” Willow exclaimed. She jumped out of her seat after hours of research. “Oo! Oo! It- it says here that there’s a spell, that we can do!”

“That’s great! H-how do we do it?” Tara said excitedly.

“It says that we need the remains, and something that belonged to him. We have to perform the ritual with blood of- ugh. As always. The slayer. But only a little blood. Not like her entire blood.” Willow stated.

“Hey, we don’t always have to use B’s blood. Besides, she’s probably too weak for anything like this.” Faith said.

“I can go to his crypt and get a shirt or something.” Anya suggested.

“That’d be great. I’ll go set things up where… he is… and tell Buffy what’s happening.” Willow said. She got up and left, heading towards Buffy’s house.

****************

When she got there she wasn’t surprised to see Buffy crying. She sat next to her on the bed and rubbed her back. “Buffy?”

“A huh?” She whimpered.

“We found a way to bring Spike back.” She said softly. Buffy suddenly jerked up.

“Then do it. When? Where? Now? Can we do it now?” She asked, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“We’re doing it as soon as we get everything we need.” Willow said.

“Okay. When! Hurry! He could be suffering in hell! Re-remember? Angel was in hell for hundred of years, and it was only a 4 month period of time here! He could’ve been there for 2 or 3 years by now! OH MY GOD! Willow!”

“Buffy calm down. We’re doing this as fast as we can.” She said.

Buffy took a deep breath. Her love was coming back to her.

*************************************************

“Osirus, keeper of the dead, let the undead relive again!” Faith was about to slit her hand with a knife, but Buffy stopped her. She took the knife and slit her own hand, and the blood dripped onto the pile of dust. “We ask for him! Let him cross over!”

A loud noise was made as a figure appeared on the bed. It was Spike. He was totally naked and curled into a ball. Buffy ran to his side. He turned over on his back and screamed. Buffy didn’t notice. She was too happy. He stopped screaming. He vamped out and threw himself at Buffy. She held him down on the bed by his shoulders. He de-vamped.

Spike’s face was covered in fear, confusion, sadness, and pain. What was happening?! He looked into Buffy’s eyes. She was hurting. Was he back? Was he? He reached up and touched her face. She was real. It wasn’t a dream. She had saved him. Spike started crying. Hard.

Buffy held him, her own sobs filled the air. Dawn put Spike’s shirt on the chair.

“Why’d we need something of his again?” Dawn asked.

“So when he comes back he could have something to put on. But, I don’t think he cares that he’s naked right now.” Willow said.

Buffy crawled in the bed next to him. She wrapped her arms around him. He sobbed into her. What had happened to him? Had he been in hell? God she hoped not. Everyone else in the room agreed they should be left alone. They silently left the room. She sat Spike up to a sitting position. She brushed her lips against his.

“What happened? Wh-where were you?” She asked.

“Hell… I think.” He said curling into a ball again. She fought back tears.

“H-how long were you there for?” She asked.

“Three… maybe four years…”He trailed off. She felt the sudden urge to hug him and plant kisses all over his face until he felt better, but she didn’t. Instead she took his hand into hers.

“Spike I’m sorry…”

“For what, pet. You didn’t do anything.”

“Yes I did. I died. And then you killed yourself. And if you didn’t, then you never would’ve went-“

“Buffy. This was definitely not your fault… And how are you alive?” He asked a bit confused. His grip on her hand becoming tighter.

“I knew… that you were in pain. I could see you. When I was dead. You held me. And cried. And then when I was just… alive… I knew you were in pain again. I could feel you…”

“Buffy. The only thing that kept me alive while I was there was the memory of you. It kept me going. I knew that I had to be strong. For you. But I didn’t realize that until after I staked myself…”

“I love you.” She whispered.

“I love you too.” He said.

A loud siren screamed, as an ambulance trailed down the road. Spike screamed. He was afraid.

“Spike?” He was holding his head and whispering to himself. “Spike what’s wrong?” She asked.

“That noise. Make it stop!” he yelled.

Buffy closed the open window. “Spike, it’s an ambulance. It’s okay.” She soothed.

He looked up. “I-I’m sorry. I forgot… I’ve just been gone for so long, and what happened to me… Sorry.” He said.

“Shhh… It’s okay.” She said rubbing his back. She finally noticed his nakedness and took off her leather duster. She slid it on him.

“My duster. I remember. You- you said you’d never take it off.”

“Well, I have nothing else to cover your lower half. All I have is this duster and your shirt.” Buffy explained.

“Oh.” Buffy slid an arm around him.

“What can I do?” She asked rubbing his back.

“Hold me… make me better…” he asked.

“Couldn’t say no to that.” She said and wrapped her arms around him and stroked his arm. She planted small kisses on jaw line until he fell asleep.

***************************************************

Spike was running. He was running away from something. He didn’t exactly know what. Then he saw people. They were all… dead. They lay in a pile on the ground. Stacked on top of each other. They were all people that he had killed. All people, innocent people, that he murdered.

They all started getting up and walking towards him. They all held a stake in their bloodied hands. One of the victims, a girl about Buffy’s age, walked up to Spike.

“Do you know what it feels like to have something sink itself into you? Rip out your throat? Have a railroad spike slammed into your head?!” She screamed and flung herself at Spike. Spike was trapped. He couldn’t move. Then all at once, they all turned into Buffy.

“Do you think you deserve me? You don’t even have a soul you worthless vampire. Why didn’t I just leave you in hell you pathetic monster. I could never love you. What were you thinking? What was I thinking?”

********************************************************

Buffy woke up to Spike’s shaking. He was whimpering almost. Buffy shook him to try to wake up.

“Spike. Spike wake up!”

His eyes flew open. Spike sat up. He looked around. Then at Buffy. His eyes were filled with fear, guilt, sadness. He was scared. He flew into her arms and cried.

“I killed all those people… Me. I did! I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.”

Buffy held him. She didn’t know what to do.

“I can’t. I c-can’t do it again. I need it. I need to get the spark.”

Buffy was confused. “What? What spark?”

“The thing that’ll make me… make me not want to bloody kill… be-because I can’t.”

He wasn’t making any sense. She rubbed his back. “What do you mean?”

He got out of the bed and stood there. He wrapped the duster around himself.

“I need to go now. I- I’ll be back.”

“Wh-what? No! You’re not going anywhere!” She screamed. “You can’t leave me again!” Her green pools were spilling tears. “Please don’t leave me.”

“I love you. I have to get what you deserve now. I will be back… After I get what you deserve.”

He wasn’t in a good mental state to go anywhere. He was still traumatized from being tortured.

“But Spike-“

“I love you.” And he was gone.

“No…..Don’t leave.” She whispered.

*****************************************************

CHAPTER 13

-----------------

The doors on the crypt flew open. Spike jumped down to the lower floor of the crypt. He threw on some jeans and a black tee shirt. Spike tried to do this as fast as he could, on account of him not wanting to leave. He had to though. To be worthy. To be worthy of her.

He had spent years in that hell dimension. Being tortured. He was tortured everyday. And he deserved every bit of it. Or at least he had thought he did.

Spike flew out the door. Duster whooshing behind him. He hopped on his bike, and rode out into the darkness. He had to get his soul.

**************************************************

Buffy sat in the corner of her bed crying. What did he mean? Why was he leaving again? She didn’t understand. He loved her. So why was he leaving?

Dawn opened the door to her room. She stepped inside. “Hey…”

Buffy looked up at her sister. “Hey Dawnie.” She said sadly.

Dawn sat on the bed next to her. The look in her sister’s eyes made her heart break. “I’m sorry…” She paused. “Buffy, you may get mad at me for saying this, but it’s the truth.”

The blonde sniffled and pulled her knees into her. “What is it?” She asked.

“Well… Ever since you’ve been with Spike, you’ve been… I don’t know. Distant. We never talk anymore. Or even see each other. I miss you.”

Buffy felt guilty. She had been pretty distant from everyone else. The only person she really wanted to be around was Spike.

“I’m sorry. It’s just…” There wasn’t an excuse for how she’d been acting. “I’m sorry Dawn. We could do something later if you want.”

Dawn sighed. “Buffy. We really need to talk. I know you love Spike. And I know Spike loves you. I’m happy for you guys! Really I am. Except it’s not just me that’s been feeling like this. It’s everyone. Even Anya was complaining how you never hang out with us anymore.”

“I’m sorry… It’s just first I come back from the dead. Again. Twice in one year. Imagine that? And then Spike is dead. Then he comes back. Then he’s gone.” She said blinking away waterfalls ready to fall.

“Buffy. I understand this. But I meant before all that happened. When you died, I felt like… I felt like you died not loving me.” Dawn whimpered.

“Oh Dawn. I love you. You know I do.” Buffy said hugging her little sister.

“No… I don’t know.” She said sadly.

This re-broke Buffy’s heart. God. How could she be so stupid? She had just come back from the dead and all her friends were worried sick. And all she could do is ignore them and weep over her vampire. Then. Then it was her friends that bring him back. She felt so guilty.

“Dawn… I’m so sorry. I was so caught up in my own world that I didn’t realize how you felt. How everyone felt. I love you. Please believe me. I truly love you Dawn. I do.”

Dawn gave her sister a little smile. “Okay. I believe you. But only if we can have loads of ice cream tonight.”

This brought a smile to Buffy’s face. “Sure.”

**********************************************

The girls ate 3 boxes of ice cream. Now they were working on a fourth. No bowls were used. “Yeah, and then she’s just like, ‘Good. Now get out of my face.’ Then I was like, ‘Get out of mine you ugly hoe.’”

“Dawn! Never call anyone that again!” Buffy screeched.

“But she said my shoes were ugly! You should’ve seen her outfit! She wasn’t wearing a skirt! It was more like underwear!” Dawn complained.

“Yeah, but unless she called you a hoe first, then you have no right to call her that.” Buffy said.

“Fine. But you should hear what she said next. After I said that, she was all like, ‘Ugh. Oh no you didn’t.’ Then she was about to slap me! And I did what you always do.”

“Which is?”

“I blocked the attack and tripped her from underneath.”

“Dawn! You’re only supposed to do that on vampires!”

“Well it didn’t hurt her…physically. Just reputationally.” Dawn said with a smile.

“What happened?!” Buffy asked with excitement.

“Well… let’s just say a bunch of tissues flew out of her shirt.” She said giggling.

“No way! Wow. I would think a high schooler would know not to stuff. That’s so middle school.” Buffy said taking another bite of ice cream.

“I know! But the best part is, everyone thinks I’m so cool now. Which I am.” Dawn said attacking the ice cream.

Buffy remembered when she was in high school. She was never cool. Everyone thought she was weird. Which she was. She didn’t have a lot of friends. But the ones she had and do have are great. They would always go to the Bronze and dance and-

That’s where she met him. A sudden feeling of sadness crossed her body. Dawn saw it. She decided to talk about something else instead.

“Hey remember when we went to the mall one time and saw that really old lady looking at thongs?”

Buffy laughed a little. “Yeah.” She did miss hanging out with Dawn. But she couldn’t help but wonder where he was.

*******************************************************

Buffy still hadn’t heard from Spike. Not one letter. Not one phone call. She wondered if he was dead. No, he couldn’t be. He was always a fighter. Nothing could kill him. Except for himself… And a broken heart. She tried not to think about what might’ve happened to him. Hell, she didn’t even know where he was going. She tried to concentrate on what was happening now.

Buffy was having a girl’s night out with Willow. They were sitting at a table in the Bronze, watching all the people dance to the music.

“So, my turn!” Willow yelped.

“Yeah, yeah. Try your best on me, Wills. You know I’m a killer.” Buffy replied.

“Oh, I will. Truth or dare?”

“Dare. As always. Duh.” Buffy replied.

“Yes! I dare you, to accept the next offer you get to dance.”

Guys had been asking Buffy to dance for months, but she declined every offer. Her heart belonged to another man.

“No way.” She said folding her arms.

“Come on! You have to! You made me dance with that other guy remember. If Tara was here, she’d probably dump me. You have to Buffy!”

“Oh alright. One song that’s it.”

What a coincidence. A guy, a college guy probably, walked up to their table. He looked at Buffy.

“Hey. Wanna dance?” He asked.

“Sure.” Buffy gave Willow a deadly glare as she got up and walked out onto the dance floor.

Buffy and that…guy, as Willow called him, were dancing. It looked like Buffy was having some fun. Then out of the corner of her eye, Willow saw him. Spike was watching the two. He looked scared. His hair… was different. She watched him run into a corner and sob. She knew he’d come back for her. He must have thought-. Oh no. He must’ve thought that was Buffy’s new boyfriend and she had totally forgotten about him! Willow started to bite her nails anxiously as she waited for the song to end.

***************

As the song ended, Willow kept nervously looking over at Spike who was crying so hard she’d never seen anything like it. Not even when Buffy had died. Second nor third time.

The song ended and Buffy thanked the guy for the dance. She put on the best fake smile she could and walked back over to Willow. Buffy slumped down into the chair.

“Well. You will definitely have to pay for that one. I’d say that was the worst time in my life I’ve ever had.” She said sipping on her soda.

“Yeah yeah, but I want another turn.”

“What! No. No. No.” Buffy said.

“You’re gonna like this one. I promise.” She said quietly.

“Okay I pick truth.” Buffy said lazily.

“No picking. It’s a dare only thing.” Willow said with a smile.

“Ugh! Fine fine. Go on. Torture me.”

“Yes! Okay. I dare you to ask the unhappiest person in this place to dance.” Willow said giggling.

“Well, you’re just asking me to dance with myself, Willow. I guess I’ll go hug myself.” Buffy said getting up.

“No. There’s another person in here that’s a million times unhappier than you.” Willow smirked.

“A huh. Prove it.” Buffy said folding her arms. Willow smiled and first checked to make sure he was still there. He was. Still all sad and teary. Willow pointed to the corner of the room behind where Buffy was standing. Buffy rolled her eyes then looked to see who she was pointing at.

******************************************************

TBC…

Hey, I like reviews just as much as I like ice cream. Feed me ice cr-… I mean reviews…

Don’t worry. More coming soon. All I do is write this thing and watch re-runs on FX. You’ll get your story. Be patient.

CHAPTER 14

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Buffy’s heart almost stopped at what she saw. Her mouth hung open and she squinted her eyes to make sure he was real. She quickly spun back around to Willow who was sitting there with questions in her eyes.

“Is that… Is that…?” Buffy stammered. Willow nodded her head and gave her a half smile. Buffy gasped for air as she bolted through the crowd of dancers. She pushed through people, her heart racing as she held back tears of happiness. It seemed like he kept getting farther away. Buffy accidentally pushed one guy out of the way so hard he went sailing into a bartender.

“Sorry!” She called over her shoulder and kept running towards Spike. Finally she made her way through the crowd and was standing about 10 feet in front of him. He was in a corner. Curled up, sitting on the ground. His hair was longer. It was only bleached at the tips.

She noticed his face. It was bruised and cut on some part. He was wearing a light blue button down shirt, and he was holding something in his hands. What was that? He was practically sitting on the thing, crying into it. Letting himself into it like it was a sanctuary or something. Buffy took a step closer. She saw what he was holding. It was his duster. God how she wished he’d left that here. While she was sick she felt safe in that duster. Now she realized why he was holding it. She felt safe in it. He felt safe when she was safe.

Buffy took another step. And another. And another. Then she was about arm length away from him. Spike knew she was there. He could sense it. It’s how he found her here. Hey tried to look up at her. But he couldn’t. He looked like if he looked up at her, he’d be hit like a scolded puppy.

Buffy crouched slowly down beside him. He continued to sob. Buffy reached out her hand and gently touched his. The lack of his contact for four months had defiantly made her want to touch him. All over. Buffy whispered trying not to startle him, or scare him, or send him running, or-

“Buffy.” Spike said. His voice was soft and light. Buffy slid her hand over his cold one and squeezed it gently.

“Spike.” She said.

Spike finally looked up at her. His eyes were red and scratchy. The blue that was once there had turned to dark. He was filled with fear. Buffy didn’t know of what. But she could tell he was scared.

“What did I do?” He asked looking back down.

“What do you mean? You didn’t do anything.” Buffy was becoming slightly confused.

“I must’ve done something for you to get a new boyfriend.” He said softly. Buffy looked him in the eye. A new boyfriend? What was he talking about? Oh… he must’ve saw me and that…guy… dancing.

Buffy couldn’t help but laugh. Spike looked up at her he was confused now. His lips were parted and then he looked away from her and started crying harder.

“Sorry. I didn’t think you’d find this funny. What’s his name?” He asked harshly.

Buffy stopped giggling. He actually thought she got a new boyfriend. She sat down on the floor next to him. She didn’t care if it was dirty or not. Spike tried to pull his hand away but Buffy wouldn’t let him.

“Spike. I don’t have a new boyfriend.” Before Spike could say the words she saw forming in his mouth she said, “ Before you say, ‘But I just saw you dancing with that guy.’, he isn’t my new boyfriend. I don’t have a new boyfriend. I don’t want a new boyfriend. And the only reason I was dancing with him was because Willow dared me to accept an offer to dance.”

Spike comprehended the matter in his mind. He had seen the two at the table, talking. Willow was dancing with another guy before. And every guy that walked up to their table had asked Buffy to dance. And she only accepted the last guy’s offer. It all made sense.

“Oh.” Was all he could say.

“Spike. I don’t want a new boyfriend either.” She said gripping his hand. Spike looked at her. Salty streams still rolling down his face. Buffy pressed her lips against his cheek, slowly kissing away the tears. This only made him cry harder. Not of sadness, but of happiness. Spike wrapped his strong arms around her and pulled her into a tight embrace.

Buffy ran her fingers through his soft golden locks. “I missed you.” She whispered softly. He hugged her a little tighter.

“I missed you too, pet.” He said.

***********************************************************************

Buffy’s hand snaked from his hair to the side of face. She tilted his face to look at hers. Her eyes felt like they were on fire every time she looked into his eyes. She hadn’t looked into these blue orbs for a long time. Buffy barely believed she was doing it now. She hoped it wasn’t a dream.

A slow song came on. The band playing was pretty good. They were a new band and most people seemed to like them. The girl singing had a pretty voice. It was intoxicating to Buffy as she kept staring into his eyes. Buffy couldn’t take it any longer. She finally spoke.

“Spike?” She asked calmly.

“Mm?” Was his reply.

“Will you dance with me?” She asked almost shyly. His tear stained face lit up… well as much as it could since it was totally wet and there were some bruises here and there…

Spike didn’t answer. He just stood up, and held out his hand to Buffy. She grasped it as he hauled her off the floor. Spike had a smile on his face. He walked her out onto the dance floor hand in hand.

Spike carefully slid his arms around her waist. He was afraid that he might… do something that might drive her away, so he started off slow. Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and stepped a bit closer to him. She stared into his blue eyes that were still emitting some water works, but Buffy didn’t care. Just as long as he didn’t run off like last time. Oh yeah! Where’d he go? Buffy shyly smiled at him.

“Spike?... Where were you?” She asked. Her little voice was just above a whisper. She instantly saw Spike’s lip trembling. A down pour of salty tears came streaming down his face. Obviously he didn’t want to talk about it so-

“Buffy! I’m sorry!” He screamed leaping into her arms. The entire crowd on the dance floor instantly looked over at them, but Buffy ignored them and tried to comfort Spike.

“Spike? What’s wrong? What’s the matter?” She asked trying to reach his face inside her chest. She still couldn’t see him so she took her hand and turned his face up to meet hers.

“Where I was. I got it Buffy. I really did.” He said. He was clinging onto her for dear life. It seemed to him if he let go, he would fall back down into hell.

“Got what? What did you get?” She asked.

“Angel. He should’ve warned me. Dumb poof keeps everything to himself.” Spike said hugging Buffy closer.

Buffy was in shock. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she could hear it herself. The man that was in her arms had just gotten his soul for her. Now it all made sense. “I love you. I have to get what you deserve now. I will be back… After I get what you deserve.” He felt like he didn’t deserve to be with her because he didn’t have a soul. She felt horrible.

“Oh god. Spike.” She paused. “I love you so much.” She said as she kissed him passionately. Wow. She missed this. The song ended and they both decided they should leave even if they didn’t say it. “Come on. Let’s go home okay?”

Spike nodded his head as Buffy carefully swept away some stray pieces of hair that were falling in his face. Buffy took Spike’s hand and they walked together out of the Bronze. As they emerged onto the sidewalk, Buffy decided to ask why he was all beat up and bruised.

“Spike? What happened to you? Why are you so beat up?” She asked gently touching his face. Spike looked down.

“Trials.” He murmured.

“Huh?” She asked a tad confused.

“Trials. I had to go through trials to get the soul. You think they just would’ve handed it to me because I’m just so deserving of it?” His head was hung low.

“You mean you spent the last 4 months somewhere going through trials?”

“They were rough. There was this one guy I had to fight. He had these glove-like things. They were on fire. That’s why I’ve got burns all over my body.”

Buffy was suddenly concerned. She just saw his face and hands. They were pretty bad. His body? Buffy stopped walking and stood in front of him. She slid her hands from the top of his chest slowly downwards. She carefully watched him for any flinches or quick movements of pain. As she ran her fingers lightly over his stomach he winced and grabbed her hand. Buffy looked into his eyes.

“Let me see.” She whispered. Buffy started to lift his shirt.

“No.” He whimpered. Buffy was shocked at what she saw. He had a huge gash on his stomach. It was still bloodied and moist. It was deep… really deep.

“Oh Spike…” She whispered. She looked back into his eyes. “These were the kinds of trials you went through? How long ago did this one happen?” She asked. Spike looked away. He didn’t want her to worry about him. “How long?” She said almost a little too harshly.

Spike looked back at her. He took a breath before saying anything. “3 months…” His accent was heavy and he started shivering as if he was going to be hit.

“Oh my god… 3 months? And it’s still… Spike. You got the soul 3 months ago and your wounds aren’t even healed yet?” She was on the verge of tears.

He could only nod in response. Buffy lowered his shirt back down. “I don’t wanna know what you looked like a month ago.” She said sadly. “Spike… the soul. The trials. Was it worth it?” She asked.

“Every bit of it.” He said smiling at her. Buffy couldn’t return the smile. She just stared at him. The green orbs were filling with tears. She couldn’t believe him. He did all this. To make himself “worthy” of her. She loved him just as much before… but his made her feel so… special. Unique. Loved. Scared. Terrified. Hopeful. Happy. Guilty. Sympathetic. Buffy finally returned his smile with a kiss.

They pulled away when Buffy felt Spike shudder a little with some pain in his abdomen. “Come on. Let’s go home and get you fixed up. Dawn’s at Janice’s so no one will be home.” She said pulling on his hand. Spike nodded and they walked home in the night together.

********************************************************

As the two entered Buffy’s house, Spike felt a feeling of happiness come over him. He smiled knowing he was back at home. Even though his real home was back at his crypt, he’d spent many nights here. He practically lived here.

“Come on. Let’s go upstairs.” Buffy said. They were still holding hands. Buffy sat Spike down on her bed. The same spot he’d been sitting at when she died. The same spot he’d been sitting at when he died. The same spot he felt the life be sucked out of his love.

“Spike, I haven’t told you this since you came back. So I thought I’d say it. Cause I still feel this way. And I hope you still feel the same way about me. I love you.” She paused. “A lot.” She added.

He smiled. “Of course I still feel the same way, pet. Well… maybe not.” Buffy was… confused.

“What?” She asked. Her lip was trembling.

“I don’t feel the same way… I love you about a million times more.” He said smiling.

Buffy’s feeling of worry and confusion dropped in an instant and she ran over and kissed him. The kiss was long and passionate. Buffy finally had to come back for some air.

“Okay. Enough playing… even though I like playing a lot… we have to do what we came here to do.” She said.

Spike nodded. He didn’t say anything. Not even a snappy comeback. Or a dumb remark. Not even a smirk?! Damn, this soul really has him feeling-

Spike let out a little sob. Buffy quickly turned her attention back to him. She knelt by his side. “Spike what’s wrong?” She asked concerned.

He took a deep breath. “I killed so many people, Buffy. And now I get something I couldn’t even ask for. I still don’t understand how… how I can kill so many and be forgiven?” He asked tears trailing down his cheek.

Buffy took his hand in hers. “Because you’ve done so much. You’ve changed everything just to be with me. And it’s more than anything I could ever ask for. And I love you even more for it.” She said smiling at him. If vampires could blush…

“Now. Here. Take off your shirt so we can get that fixed up.” She said rummaging through her drawer looking for a first aid kit. “Dammit… Spike, wait here. I need to see if we’ve got a first aid kit downstairs. Kay?”

He nodded, and Buffy quickly left the room to go find some bandages. She hurried down the stairs and searched through the kitchen drawers. There it was… with the forks. Now she remembered. Buffy grabbed the kit and a wet washcloth and ran up stairs. She entered he room slowly…just to be cool.

“Okay. Here’s…” Buffy stopped when she saw… Spike was scratching at himself. Clawing at his chest, crying. He had cuts dripping down his body. “Spike! Stop!” She yelled. Buffy raced across the room and grabbed his hands. “Spike! What are you doing?!”

He sobbed. “I can’t cut the soul outta me! I can’t cry it outta me either! I just want the pain to stop!” He yelled. “It won’t come out… It won’t leave me alone…It won’t stop killing me…” He whimpered.

Buffy, still holding his hands, leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “Spike, I know it’s hard. And I know you’re in pain. So much pain I can’t even imagine. But you shouldn’t be hurting yourself. Spike, we can do this together. We can get through this. I’ll be here. I’m here okay?” She said. Spike was crying even harder.

“I love you, Buffy.” He whimpered burying his head into her shoulder.

“Love you too.” She said rubbing soothing circles on his back. Buffy let go of his hand and reached for the first aid kit. She opened it up, and took out some medical gauze. Buffy bent down in front of him. He sat, arms by his side, watching her observe his wounds. Buffy winced when she took a closer look at the one on his stomach.

“This might hurt.” She warned before she carefully placed some gauze on the wound. He stiffened and grabbed the side of the bed. “Sorry.” She said.

“S’ok.” He said trying not to groan or make any other noises. Buffy gently, with one finger, applied the solution onto his skin as lightly as she could. After it was all applied, Buffy took the bandages and wrapped him up. She placed a small kiss on the front.

“All done.” She said happily. But then looked up, and saw multiple scratches and cuts near his heart. Some weren’t as deep as others, but Buffy decided to clean these up as well. “These are pretty bad.” She said looking up at him.

“Sorry.” He mumbled. Buffy took his hand.

“Ssh. Don’t be sorry. It’s alright.” The blonde said kissing his fingertips. Spike tried to smile. He didn’t know if it looked more like a smirk than a smile, but he really didn’t care, just as long as the burning in his stomach stopped. “Umm… you want me to clean these up too?” She asked gliding her fingertips over his chest.

Spike really didn’t know what to say. He knew it would probably make her happy if he let her clean him up. Spike quietly nodded his head. “Kay.” Buffy said as she reached for the wet washcloth. She carefully cleaned off some of the dried blood off his chest. She put some disinfectant on them just in case and blew cold air onto them to stop the sting.

Spike felt a feeling of contentment flow over him. Buffy stood up. “So. Are you tired? Do you want to stay here? Or go into my mom’s room?” She asked.

“I want to be with you, luv.” He said brushing some hair out of her face.

“Okay. We can stay here. Do you want to change into some other clothes?”

“I don’t have anything here, pet.”

Buffy lowered her head and went over to one of her drawers. She pulled out multiple articles of clothing and lay them on the bed. They were all Spike’s old tee shirts and there was a pair of jeans.

“Why do you have all these?” He asked.

“I-I kept them. Because I missed you. And they reminded me of you…” She said looking at the floor.

“I’m sorry again. I should’ve at least… called. But I was just trying to get back to you.” He said.

“Yeah I know. It’s okay. Umm… here.” She said holding out a red button down shirt similar to the blue one he was wearing.

“Thanks.” He said slipping it on.

There was an uncomfortable silence between them. Buffy decided to break it. “Oh the hell with it.” And she pounced on him and started kissing him. Careful not to hurt him, she slowly lay him down on the bed. “You alright?” She asked.

“Yeah.” He said still mesmerized by the passionate kiss he just encountered.

“Okay. You sure I didn’t hurt you?” She asked.

“You defiantly didn’t hurt me.” He said smiling at her.

“Good.” She said, and started to slowly plant small kisses on his neck. She slowly spread open his unbuttoned shirt, and planted kisses over his already healing wounds. When she got down to the one in his stomach, she laid down next him and wrapped her arm over him. Buffy slowly ran her fingers across the bandage. “I love you.” She whispered into his ear.

Spike rolled over onto his side. “I love you too Buffy.” He smiled and kissed her. “I love you so much.”

******************************************************

Spike… another Spike… ran into the room. “Don’t touch him! He’s not real!” Buffy sat up quickly and looked at the Spike standing in the door and the Spike in the bed with her.

“What?”

THE END.