Open and Shut Case

Open and Shut case Part 1

Bye Ayt Gimm

Buffy/Spike relationship

Spoilers: Only gets very specific about season three.. Assumes the events of season four, five, six and esp. "Once More, With Feeling" occurred. So I guess it would go between "Once More.." And "Tabula Rasa"

summary: When Buffy kills a vamp she discovers was different from most she begins to question her ethics, her feelings for Spike, and the nature of souls in general.

Buffy pulled herself out of the pool and walked to the health club locker room. She felt better, clear headed, and purposeful. Her heart was still accelerated from the effort of her workout and she hummed cheerfully, her mood temporarily boosted by exercise endorphins. She grabbed a towel and headed for the showers.

As the hot water hit her body she breathed deeply and rinsed the suds from her hair. She felt like she could take out an army of Hellgods. She stretched her limbs and emerged from she shower. She immediately sensed something was wrong. Wonderful. With her Slayer instinct setting in she sensed a vamp and sprinted to her locker. Pulling on her clothes on as quickly as possible she sensed the creature behind her.

Buffy spun around quickly to see a pale, weak looking girl. She looked about twenty, but vampire looks can be very deceiving she reminded herself. She was tall, broad, and muscular, but looked like her whole body was sagging, spent, depleted. She wore dirty camouflage pants, boots, and a white T-shirt that eerily reminded Buffy of her time with the initiative. Strange sounds emitted from the vampire's throat and she vamped in and out right before Buffy's eyes.

"Slayer, I need.."

The vampire's voice was ragged and her face returned to human form. She shook a moment and slumped down against the row of lockers behind her.

"I need..."

Buffy rolled her eyes "Why, Why couldn't you wait outside? I was having a really great night. Would it KILL you to wait a few extra minutes for eternal damnation?"

"I need.. I can't..."

The vampire shakily stood up and stared at the slayer's exposed throat. Buffy immediately noticed the eyes becoming frenzied and the demon face's return. Buffy Sighed and sprung into action, grabbing the vampire's neck and pinning her to the locker. She took a quick look around and without taking an eye off the vampire used her free hand to grab a stake out of her gym bag. The vampire struggled weakly against her and tried to bite her like a rabid dog, barking and howling, her eyes rolled up into her head and she shook. The vampire desperately tried to bite Buffy's arm, letting out a tortured moan with each failure.

"Yeah, well, it's been really nice meeting you too. When you get there," Buffy indicated a downward direction with a nod of her head "be sure to tell everyone I said 'Hi.'"

Buffy drove the steak into the vampire's heart and watched as it fell into a pile of dust.

Great, big pile of dirt in front of your locker. If it doesn't tip anyone off on the "dead vampire" front it will certainly get your membership revoked. Buffy walked over to the janitor's closet in the muttering for the millionth time "This SO was not part of my job description."

She grabbed a dustpan and a hand brush and kneeled next to the pile of dust. As she was about to sweep it into the dustpan she noticed something small, silver and blue, with tiny writing on it. Buffy held it up to the light and felt her stomach fall as she realized it was a microchip. Oh God, please tell me this is not what I think it is.

~~~

"Well Buffy, it does appear to be exactly what you thought it was. This is rather distressing. I had hoped we had heard the last of the initiative. What did this Vampire say to you?"

"Oh my God Giles. She just told me she needed me then went insane. Now I think it was from hunger. She was like a mad raccoon."

Buffy immediately felt ice in her stomach. She was worried about the Initiative, but she was ill with the realization she had killed a helpless creature.

"it Buffy"

"What?" At first Buffy thought she had completely zoned out and missed most of the sentence.

"Buffy, the vampire is an it, not a she. They have always been its"

"Giles, she looked so wild. She was starving. She was trying to ask me for help; she was turning to me because she had nowhere left to go."

"Buffy, this was a vampire. Not a she, not a starving girl, a demon that needed to kill to live. You put it out of its misery."

Buffy felt anger surge inside her. She couldn't help but compare that girl to Spike. She didn't know what Spike was to her, but he was at the very least someone she might miss if he was not around anymore. He was a pain, but a good pain, like a loose tooth or the first hint of lactic acid from a long run. She would have lost someone who did a lot for her if she had staked him and asked questions later. Her chest tightened at the thought.

"Giles, she couldn't feed. I kill vampires because they are killers. She wasn't a killer; she couldn't have been. Would killing Spike be putting him out of his misery?"

"That's debatable. It would certainly putting us out of our misery"

"Giles, Spike has done a lot for us. He would do anything for Dawn, for me, he helped you slay all summer. He went through torture for us. Who else has done that? You haven't done that."

"Buffy, I am not suggesting you stake Spike. I was making an attempt at humor. You have done nothing wrong. You are the Slayer; you kill vampires."

"Except when it is convenient for me, or maybe a vampire I think I might like having around."

"I don't think-"

"Giles, Spike is my friend.. kind of.. and I just killed someone that could have just as easily been him. Someone who wasn't a killer, someone asking me for help. Excuse me if that bothers me a little."

"Buffy, really it's-"

Buffy stopped him dead with a look and walked out of the Magic Box.

~~~

Buffy looked at the sky as she walked towards his cemetery his cemetery. The moon was full and surrounded by a glowing nimbus. Full moon, never good. When she reached the cemetery she immediately smelled fresh earth. Fresh earth, never good.

Buffy jumped as she heard footsteps behind her. She immediately spun and got into fighting stance, but she did not grab the stake she had tucked into the waistband of her jeans. The vampire looked like a forty year old man on his way to work in the office. Well, on his way to the office in a suit that desperately needed dry cleaning. As it lumbered towards her Buffy tried to make eye contact. She saw no pain or desperation, but she was still concerned. How many impotent vampires are even out there?

"Hi, I'm Buffy"

The vampire smiled demonically. "Hi Buffy, always nice to meet a pretty girl like you for breakfast."

It continued walking towards her, the smile still on it's face. Buffy was still holding off on reaching for the stake.

"So, you weren't looking for me or anything?"

"Oh, I was looking for you all right."

The vamp leaped forward and dissolved into a pile of dust two feet away from her. Buffy looked up to see a certain blond wielding a crossbow, an incredulous look on his face.

"Sorry to break up your little get together with your new friend, but it was his nap time."

"Spike, why'd you do that?"

"I haven't a clue. Something about not wanting you to be lunch for a dirty old man. A dirty old man that isn't me anyway. What was I thinking?"

Buffy looked up at him, here eyes wide and angry.

"Spike, I was trying to talk to him!"

"I don't think he was in a conversational mood, pet. Did you retire and forget to tell me? Decided to treat vampirism through therapy?"

Buffy glared at the Vampire and walked purposefully towards his crypt. When she got there she looked back to see if he was following her, pushed the door open, walked in, and made herself comfortable.

"Here for a little visit? My home is your home; just come on in."

Buffy stared at him a moment and looked at the floor, trying to hide the tears filling her eyes. She cleared her throat, got control of her emotions and looked up at him. She immediately felt a pang of guilt; what if she had staked Spike, what if someone else had? What if they had killed each other? She almost considered Spike her best friend. He loved her, he supported her, and he had always seen right through her; Always, from the moment they met. To so many guys she was always a mystery, an intrigue, a strong, yet frail idealized thing. A perfect thing. Spike saw through her, always, more than anyone ever and he loved her. It almost seemed like the more he knew her the more he loved her. That was special; that was real.

"Spike, I need to talk to you"

She was shocked when he didn't say anything, he just sat next to her and waited. She saw him studying her in her peripheral vision. He always knows what I need. It is kind of scary.

"Do you have a soul?"

"You know the answer to that love."

Buffy and Spike stared at each other for a moment. Spike seemed surprised by her question, and sad.

"Did you really love Drucilla? Do you really care about me?"

"I loved Drucilla. I loved her for a hundred years, I loved her with all my heart. I love you. I don't know if you'll ever love me, but I'll love you for a hundred years; I think I will always love you."

Buffy felt a sob in her throat but held it back. "Then what even is a soul? You love, you feel, how are you different from me? What does soul even mean? I thought Angel could only love me because he had a soul but he never loved anyone as long and as much as you loved Drucilla. What did his soul even mean?"

"For Angel, it meant he became a bloody poof."

"Spike.."

"I don't know what it means, pet. I guess for Angel it means he can't feed on people."

"You turned my friend Ford, do you remember him?"

Spike broke eye contact and nodded. He felt bad, he felt ashamed, he hated thinking about when he tried to take people from her, or took them.

"I told him when you became a vampire you weren't the same person anymore. A demon took over your body. It was the only part of you that went on. Is that even true?"

Spike lit a cigarette and took a deep drag.

"I still love my mum, my sister, my favorite book, my favorite song. Drucilla broke my heart, you break my heart. Sad movies still make me cry. If you tell anyone... " Spike paused for a moment and looked into her eyes "I've told you before; I'm loves bitch. I always have been, I always will be "

"So what does it even mean? Soul? Demon? Vampire? You can love, you can hate, you feel bad. How're you even different?"

"Love; Do you know why Vampires don't see their reflection? So we don't have to face ourselves in the mirror. We don't have to regret; it's just food. Sometimes I think that's the only difference. We hunt animals, we eat them; they know they are going to die. They're not cows or bison, but they're the food that keeps us alive."

"I don't hunt cows, I go to the grocery store."

"Well, Buffy, I don't have that luxury. But I don't exactly have the luxury of the hunt these days either."

"Why.." Buffy's voice was choked with emotion. If she kept talking she would cry. Spike put his arm around her, slowly, uncertainly. He put his arm around her like a friend. She knew he wanted more and truly appreciated his restraint.

"I don't know why Angelus couldn't be in love with you, Pet. We were never the same, I don't know what he was like before. I've always worn my heart on my sleeve, so to speak."

"Tonight I killed a vampire and she had a chip in her head. I always thought I killed vamps because they are killers, not just because they exist. I never killed Angel.. well, just that once. I don't even think about killing you anymore.. well, sometimes.. but I never thought I was just an assassin. Giles doesn't even see why I'm upset."

"Buffy, you are not a murderer"

"I don't know that. Faith killed a man once, it was an accident, but it tore me up inside. What is the difference between killing an innocent person, or an innocent vampire? How do I know there aren't other vampires with chips out there?"

"Pet, I love being a vampire. I love the hunt, I love the kill. I love how it feels. I hated this chip. I miss killing, sometimes I still want it so badly my teeth itch. I love this chip now. I thank whatever gods there are that I have it. I love it because it's allowed me to be close to you. I am happy to give up the hunt for one reason, only one reason: You. Not every demon has a you."

"Why do you love me?"

"I don't bloody well know. It's hard loving you. I haven't ever done anything so hard. You're the first thing I've wanted that I couldn't just take in over a hundred years. Whether I want to kill you or hold you."

Hold me... I am actually sighing in my head. Funny how I can just overlook the "kill me" part when I want to.

"Thank you Spike"

She leaned forward and planted a brief, but sincere and tender kiss on the corner of his mouth and walked to the crypt door.

"Slayer"

She turned at the sound of his voice and met hopeful eyes, intense, clear, and full of love.

"I will wait for you forever, I can wait for you forever. You're the one without all the time in the world."

She turned away from the gaze she found almost too penetrating to bear and said by way of good-bye:

"Tomorrow, you lead me through the caves to the initiative."

She walked out the door, closed it behind her, and let all the tears she had been holding back fall.