DISCLAIMER:All of the BTVS characters appearing in this story belong to the WB. MGM owns the Wizard of Oz and the Bible is owned by everyone. I created Eve, and the song is 'Number 1 Crush' from Romeo and Juliet. Please note, this story was written before BTVS showed Restless, just to clear up any confusion.
RATING:PG to PG-13. Buffy/Spike. Lots of allusions to violence and suicide.
BACKGROUND: Season 4 story. Everyone wanted to know what happened after Retribution. The first pieces of what will come are put into place as Buffy weighs the fate of the world against her love for Spike.

It was so bright, the light. The birds were singing, and a little girl walked by the playground all alone. The wind swept by her, momentarily blinding her by pushing her long hair in front of her eyes.

When she could see again, she saw him.

He was standing in the shadows under a tree by himself. As small and even blonder than she, he watched her with surprised eyes.

When he made no move toward her, she ran under the shadow of the tree to him. "Hi!" she held out her hand.

"Hullo," He answered hesitantly holding up his own hand.

Their palms touched, cool meeting warm, and instant connection.

"Don't I know you?" the question formed on both of their lips.

"It's you," They voiced the same reply.

Her hazel eyes bored into his blue ones, a soundless communication swelling between them. A yearning for closeness, a welcome, beckoned them to the light.

"I'm Anne," The little girl said, finally breaking the spell by dropping his hand. "Who 're you?"

"Liam," the reply came with an accent she didn't recognize. "I like you," he blurted out. "You're so purdy." His hand brushed her blonde hair, asking innocently, "Can I keep you?"

She smiled shyly. Something about this boy; she liked him. She really, really liked him. "I just met you. Mommy says not to talk to strangers. You wanna play first?"

His face fell, "Not allowed to play with you."

"Why not?"

"My daddy says we're not allowed to play wit' you. We can keep you but not play wit' you. Right, Ang'lus?" He looked behind into the shadows. "Ang'lus, where you go?"

"Is he your daddy?"

"No," the boy giggled. "He and I 'ave the same Daddy. Just like you an' her," He pointed to Anne's left.

"'Delia!" Anne greeted the dark-haired girl standing beside her. "You wanna play with me an' Liam?"

The other girl shook her head, "Nope, I'm lookin' for Ang'lus. Gotta wait for 'im."

Anne returned to the issue at hand, "Why can't you play?"

"Daddy says I can't. I'll hurt you," Liam gazed at her longingly for a few seconds. "But I like you. I could hide you from Daddy, make sure you're not hurted."

"You sure you don' wanna just play on the swings? We'll be okay; Delia could watch for us," Anne suggested.

"Lookin' for Ang'lus," Delia repeated.

A black cloud crossed over the sun, casting shadows over the day. Liam's face was a reflection of terror, "Uh-oh, Daddy saw us. Come on, I'll hide ya," He pulled on Anne's arm, hard.

"Ow!" she exclaimed loudly in pain.

Liam let her go like it burned, "I'm sorry. I hurt you. I'm so sorry. Daddy was right, I'll only hurt you." He stepped back into the darkening shadows. "I'll go away."

"No, no!" Anne called to him. "Wasn't on purpose! It was a mistake!"

"I'll go away." He backed away further from her. "You never saw me. I'm going all away. You never saw me." And he faded from view, gone without a trace.

Anne blinked.

She blinked again.

What happened? She had been meaning to play at the playground. There was no one here but Delia, and Delia never played because it got her clothes dirty. Why was she by the trees? She was supposed to be at the playground.

Turning to Delia, Anne saw Delia was staring off into the darkness beyond the trees, "What?"

A figure stepped out from behind the nearest trunk, reaching for them, and Anne heard Delia whisper, "Initium conficio."

Buffy was sitting on her bed in her own room. There were so many pretty colors in there, pinks and yellows. She was surrounded by her many stuffed animals, including Mr. Gordo and Kermit. The ceiling light was very bright, upholding the cheery atmosphere.

She cocked her head uneasily. Something was missing. What was it?

Her thoughts flashed briefly to a dimly recalled summer day. The breeze on her skin, standing near the playground, hearing the bees buzz. There was more but-

Eve bounced into the room, her black hair up in pigtails. She hopped on the bed, plopping down on Buffy's lap. "Hi, Mommy Buffy."

"Hi, Eve," Buffy hugged her close. Eve. Her precious daughter. That she remembered, and a question came out of her mouth, "Where's your daddy?"

"Don't have a daddy. Just you and Grandpa Giles and Grandma Joyce and Auntie Willow and Uncle Xander," Eve giggled at the long list she had given. "You're being silly, Mommy."

"I guess I am," Buffy sighed.

William the Bloody . . .

Her head shot around. Hadn't she heard something?

"Guess what I learned today," Eve got Buffy's attention as she slid off her lap. "Here it is- Evil done by good hands is still evil, and-"

"Good done by evil hands is still good," Buffy finished with her. She knew that one, but why?

. . . Drusilla.

Buffy set a hand on her neck and noticed something was missing. Her necklace. She distinctly remembered wearing a necklace or a chain. Why wasn't it there? Had she taken if off for some reason? Where would she have put it? Tapping her fingers on her collarbone, Buffy tried to figure out what she had done with her necklace.

She rubbed her neck again and found there was not any scar from when she had let Angel bite her.

Angel.

A new memory popped up the surface. Vampires were real. They were real. They killed people, and she killed them. And Eve. Eve was-

"Come here, sweetie," Buffy went to her vanity and picked up a brush. "I need to fix your hair."

"Okay, Mommy Buffy," Eve trustingly climbed back onto her lap.

Buffy looked up in the mirror and caught her breath. Eve had a reflection.

. . . Gee, and we'd all hoped those crazy kids would make it work . . . .

Buffy's hands slowly played with Eve's black locks and said shakily, "Eve, have you ever been sick?"

The little girl smiled sweetly, "No, Mommy. Always been good. Never been sick."

Her hands brushing Eve's skin, marveling at the delicate white. Almost in tears, Buffy whispered, "You're not real, are you?"

Eve's lip trembled. "Aren't you happy here, Mommy Buffy?" Eve slipped from her seat, "Isn't it nice this way? Don't you want me here?"

A tear fell on Buffy's cheek, and she gasped softly, "It's very nice." Her voice hardened, "But it's not real." Buffy slammed her fist through the mirror. It broke, but her hand wasn't cut.

"This is wrong. I'm wrong. It's so empty." Buffy paused for a moment, aware that she was missing a huge part of her life.

"You'll never find it. It went all away," Eve's voice was solemn. "Just stay here. Please."

"No!" Buffy flung her vanity to the floor and turned to face Eve.

"Mommy Buffy-" Eve cried in vain.

"It's not real. You're not real!" Buffy shouted, and suddenly there was no Eve.

Buffy raced to the door and threw it wide open. She didn't see her hallway. All she saw was an empty plain with a starlit sky, extending farther than eye could see.

She walked forward, leaving her room behind. Whatever it was that she was missing, it wasn't in her room. And she had to find it. Her instincts told her that she needed it more than anything. She had to find it, no matter how far she had to go.

. . . I love you . . .

Buffy marched resolutely onward into the endless night before her.

"We should have staked him," Xander said for the umpteenth time to Willow. "He drained her."

"We don't know that. It could have been another vampire. Spike does have a chip in his head," Willow pointed out, again.

"Yeah, so the blood in his mouth wasn't hers. Maybe the chip's not working so well."

"Well, it could be. Okay, so it probably is, but she is still breathing." Willow admitted and added, "He didn't kill her."

"Just almost!" Xander yelled.

"Besides, if we killed him, one of us would get his powers," Anya mentioned.

"Whose side are you on?!" Xander growled.

It was Giles whose shouting stopped the argument, "Could all of you shut up!" He pulled another blanket over Buffy's still form on his bed. "I know this is a very difficult time for all of you, but we need to concentrate on the current issue, not the blame. I need one of you to go check on Spike in the guest bedroom."

"I'll do it," Xander volunteered. "With a stake."

"Willow, could you please check on Spike again?" Giles politely asked her, knowing Anya would probably not object.

"Sure, Giles." She left.

"How long are we waiting again?" Anya's impatience had only grown with time. "It's been almost two days since we found them. If we took them to a hospital, wouldn't humans have pulled the plug by now?"

Xander burst out, "We are not giving up on Buffy. Spike can die for all I care, but Buffy is gonna make it. Right?" He was begging Giles to reassure him.

Giles took a deep breath, "Honestly Xander, I don't know. I wish we could take her to a hospital, but they'd be too suspicious of the cut." He tiredly pushed his glasses up his nose, "She lost a lot of blood, and her wound is showing no signs of healing."

"But- but, she's the Slayer. Ultra-fast recovery."

"I know. She should be awake again. So should Spike for that matter." The Watcher waved his hands powerlessly. "I just don't know."

She tripped and fell to her knees in exhaustion. A hand gripped her arm, helping her up.

Buffy's jaw dropped. It was her mother. Except her mother was wearing all pink, from her shoes to her crown to her long wand.

"Mom?" Buffy asked hopefully. Maybe her mom would know what it was she was searching for. Her mom had to help her fill this emptiness she was feeling.

Joyce adjusted her very familiar poofy pink dress. "Buffy. What happened?"

"I lost something. I can't find it?"

"What did you lose?" Joyce patted Buffy's hair.

"I don't know. It wasn't in the house."

"Are you sure? There's the house, and here you are. And there's nothing else remaining." Joyce pointed with her wand, and Buffy saw the door she had left so long ago only a few feet away.

"What?" Buffy looked at her mother in confusion. "No, it's not something I could find in the house."

"Was is it good or bad?"

"I already told you. It's not something like that!" Buffy cried. "I feel like there's a hole in my soul. I'm so alone."

"It's okay. I'm here," Joyce held Buffy close against her.

Buffy shook her head, "It's not okay. I keep listening and listening, but I can't hear it."

"What can't you hear, my dear?" Joyce asked her daughter.

Tapping her chest, Buffy replied, "Right here. My heart. There used to something there. And I had something here too." She clutched at her neck, "When I was worried, I held it. It was there. What was it? How do I get it back?"

"The one person who may know is the great and powerful-"Joyce stopped. "On second thought, you don't need to remember. Let's go back in the house. Everything will be okay." She started to walk Buffy to the door. "You can take on anything in the big bad world after you get some rest."

Her words rang a bell in Buffy. * . . .I'm the Big Bad . . .*

"I'm not going anywhere," Buffy repeated the words Spike had spoken to the Kwaini demon.

"What?" Joyce's confusion was evident.

"I said, "Buffy snarled. "'I'm the Big Bad. I'm not going anywhere.'" Buffy's hand dropped to the ring that now hung from a chain around her neck, and memories flooded her. "The ring. I said I couldn't wear it because my friends would know, and he told me to do whatever I wanted." Her eyes opened wide, "Where's Spike?"

Joyce's mouth closed with a crunch, "I don't know what your are talking about, Buffy darling."

"You are so not my mother." Buffy glanced at Joyce's outfit. "You're Glinda the Good Witch." She went back to the real matter, "Where is he? Why can't I feel him? Has something happened to Spike?"

"I may not be your mother," the Joyce said, "But it doesn't matter now." She tried to pull Buffy toward the door.

It was like trying to shift the foundation of the earth. Buffy stood stock-still. "I'm not going anywhere without Spike. I want to see him."

Her 'mother' grimaced, "So you want to see him? Fine. Come with me." She traced a square with her long wand, and a new door popped into existence. 'Joyce' opened it, revealing the interior of Giles's house. She raised an eyebrow, "What were you expecting? A bubble? After you Buffy."

"There's no place like home," Buffy muttered as she stepped through the frame-

-And into Giles's bedroom. She looked down and found she was looking at . . . herself?

"That's me?" She was laying on the bed covered with blankets up to her chin. Her skin was very pale like she was sick. "Am I alive?" She faced Giles who was sitting nearby in silence. "Hey, Giles. Yo hoo. Can you hear me?"

"Buffy, he can't hear you," The doppelganger Joyce was standing near her shoulder. "None of them can," She gestured at Xander and Anya. They were also sitting by the bed, leaning tiredly on each other.

"What happened here?" Buffy took a step toward Giles and looked at his face. She had never seen him so old or helpless looking as he was right then. Her hand shot up. "I have a question. Am I dead? I saw this once on Saved by the Bell."

"If you were dead, we wouldn't be having this conversation," her 'mother' said.

"Where's Spike?" Would he be able to hear her either?

"Next room. Follow me." The quasi Joyce walked through the wall and into the next room. After a moment of hesitation, Buffy carefully stepped into the wall too.

She was in the guest bedroom. Willow was in there, crying quietly. Buffy's gaze fell on the white figure stretched out on the bed.

It was Spike. He resembled the Buffy she had seen earlier, quiet and pale. His eyes were closed as if in sleep, but there was something wrong with the picture. "How long have we been like this?"

"Time is of no consequence. Five minutes or five years, it doesn't matter."

"I asked how long."

"Two days."

So something terrible had to have gone down to put both of them out of action. It had to have been something very serious. "Did we fight something? Something took us out?"

'Joyce' examined her calmly, "You really don't remember?"

"Remember what?"

"It's always best to start at the beginning. Tell me what you do remember."

Buffy started, "I am Buffy the Vampire Slayer-"

"Start at the ring," Joyce interrupted.

Buffy glanced at Spike, and her voice swelled with emotion. "He came to tell me he was leaving for a few days. I was sad, and he gave me his ring. I give him some blood pills, and then-" Buffy blushed, "We kissed."

"You just kissed?" 'Joyce' said doubtfully.

"Well, not just kiss," Buffy admitted, "But you're wearing my mom's body." Buffy shook her head. "So he left, and I was upset. I felt like he was leaving for a long time."

"Then what?"

She stared blindly at her boyfriend. "I didn't hear from him for days. Sometimes I thought I could feel him around me, holding me." She folded her arms in a phantom embrace. "I got worried. I went looking for him. I didn't find him. I found Riley though." Buffy allowed herself a small smile, "I kicked him in the balls."

"That's my girl."

"Then I found the locator spell. I cut my hand on the glass," Buffy didn't notice the cut that appeared on her palm. "It had been left in my room while we were . . . kissing."

"'Kissing?'" her 'mother' guffawed.

"Yeah, kissing." Buffy went back to her memories, "I was a mess, and my friends found me. They thought I was losing it. They tied me up. I escaped and ran into a commando who gave me Spike's location, the Lowell House. I went back; this time they drugged me." Needle marks appeared in her arm.

"And?"

"Well, it's really hazy in here. They kept me under for a few days." She thought for a moment. "I think I knocked Willow out and got away. I went to the Lowell House." Buffy stopped, fear of what she would find haunting her.

"What happened at the Lowell House?" 'Joyce' asked quietly.

The words were practically dragged from Buffy's throat. "I got there. It was night, but everything was uneasy, like something was happening that I couldn't see." Her words became even slower, "I was going to go in-" She paused as she couldn't quite remember what happened.

"But you didn't. Why didn't you?"

"Spike came out," Buffy whispered. "I- I hugged him." Buffy touched the left side of her neck and pulled her hand away red with her own blood. "Spike wasn't in there. He bit me."

The final sentence hung in the air. "He bit me. No." Buffy stared dumbly at the blood.

"Spike tried to kill you," her 'mother' confirmed.

"No." Buffy tried to deny. "No. He loves me. He would never hurt me."

"He tried to kill you."

"No! That wasn't him. It was his demon! It wasn't him." Buffy stopped short, "And I'm still alive."

"Barely," 'Joyce' conceded. "I've brought you here for a reason. Do you want to see it?" Buffy nodded. "Alright. Close your eyes. Things will look different." Buffy obeyed and heard Joyce say, "Apertus portam. Open your eyes."

When Buffy complied, the room had changed. The physical surroundings had faded to a shade of gray, which was constantly overlaid by a shifting pattern of yellowish light. It was hard to watch, but the biggest difference was in the people.

She stepped through the nearly non-existent gray wall to look at Giles, or rather two Gileses. They were sitting next to each other on the chair, but one was threaded with glowing green lines. "Am I seeing things, cause it looks like there are two of him."

"That's normal."

"Last I knew, the evil twin thing was not normal."

"You are looking at his katra, his inner self, his essence. It shows how he is really feeling."

"They look exactly the same."

"They should since he looks how he feels," the doppelganger explained.

"How do you know?"

"Touch the green one. It won't hurt," the Joyce suggested.

Buffy set a tentative hand on the green Giles's shoulder.

*Buffy. I'm so sorry. Buffy. Buffy. I wish I would help you. I don't know what to do. I can't help you. Buffy. I'm so sorry.* A tired voice said over and over again.

She removed her hand, and it was quiet.

She moved to the tired normal Xander who had a standing angry Xander that was pure blue, broken only by a single green strand. "Why is he blue?"

"Green is humans touched by the supernatural. Blue is a normal human. He was a little supernaturalness in him. Half of Sunnydale does."

"And Giles is green because he's my Watcher."

"Former Watcher, but that is correct," 'Joyce' said.

Buffy touched the angry Xander and let go quickly.

*I should have let him stake himself.*

She looked at the second Anya who was nearly completely yellow with one green thread woven into the mix. "What is she?"

"A demon. A human form does not a man make."

"I don't think you could have made that less clear." She touched Anya's yellow arm.

*Live or die. One or the other. They don't want you to die, so live already!*

Buffy checked out her body on the bed. Her body didn't have another person, "Where's mine?"

"You are yours."

Buffy held up a hand, really seeing it for the first time. "Why am I purple?" She was completely laced with bright purple, not a single piece of green or blue in her.

"You are the Tool. You're not a human touched by the supernatural; you are supernatural human."

"Oh," She crossed into the other room and examined the other Willow. She was all green, mixed with yellow strings curling up her hands. "I see. She's green because she's a witch. Why is she yellow?"

"Yellow is for natural magic."

"So demons are natural?" Buffy doubted.

"They are part of nature."

"I think I kind of see," Buffy poked Willow's shoulder.

*I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let you go. This is my fault. If I had stopped you-*

The guilt was so strong that Buffy drew back. "It wasn't her fault." Her eye fell on Spike. He too didn't have another person. "Where is the other him?"

"Come over here," Joyce beckoned her to the window.

"Where is his?"

"You need to come here first. You must see this before I can show you him."

Buffy came reluctantly. "What do I need to see this-" She froze at the sight. "Wow."

The entire landscape was alive with glowing colors. The ground and plants outside were shining yellow. There was blue moving among them, which she knew to be people. A certain harmony was about it, every color fit together. It was bright, breath taking, and beautiful.

"Look over there," The wand pointed in the direction of U. C. Sunnydale.

Buffy didn't see anything at first, but then she squinted and saw a new color. Dirty orange, it was small, hardly there at all, and still it instantly repulsed her. It seemed to have hands, reaching out toward the blue walking by it and hooking on to them. It stuck to them like briars, marking the blue with its filth. It was trying to grow, to spread as a disease. "What is it?" Simply seeing it disgusted Buffy.

"It has been called many names over the centuries. For today, let us call it the Blight." Her 'mother' answered in a deadly serious tone.

"What does it do?"

"It is like poison on the hearts of both human and demon. It feeds hate and distrust, preparing the way for that which is coming."

"And I'm going to take a guess here, but the thing 'that is coming' has an intent something along the lines of world domination and Hell on earth."

"Yes, it has come before, but it has always been fought off." Worry was very clear in 'Joyce's' voice.

"So why are you all worried?"

"It is different this time." The pseudo-Mom replied. "This is the last time it is coming. The Blight is the harbinger of the war that will be the end of all things."

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked, scared by the turn things were taking.

Her question was ignored, "Now we can see Spike," the Joyce led her back to Spike, who still lacked a second person.

"Where is he?" Buffy looked around.

"He is inside. Take my hand. Be ready for anything," Buffy grabbed her 'mother's' hand, and she touched her wand to his temple.

The light was suddenly blotted out, and they fell down, down, down in the blackness. Inky night air twisted around them as they finally landed hard on black rock.

Buffy slowly turned her head, seeing all sides. It was black in every direction, up, down, forward, back, right, and left. The only light was coming from 'Joyce' who shone white in all the darkness.

"What are you?" Buffy gasped, understanding that she was seeing the katra of her 'mother.'

"If you needed to ask, then you don't need an answer." The being next to her answered, and Buffy knew she had to be talking to one of the Powers.

"Where are we?" Buffy inquired cautiously as the surrounding darkness swirled. Even with the white light, it hung heavily around them, the very air itself.

"In him. This," 'Joyce' indicated the heavy black air, "Is his pain. He has pulled his katra into himself."

"Why?"

She didn't get an answer. "Over there," Her 'mother' slid her wand through some of the dark fog, parting it.

And there he was, curled in a small ball, rocking back and forth, crying soundlessly. His color was a twisted kaleidoscope, blue, yellow, green, and purple. Over and over they spun, an endless tangle of string.

"Why is he four?"

"Did you forget? He has pieces of four katras living in him."

"Eve's, Dru's, his demon's, and his body's," Buffy whispered. "I don't understand. Why are you showing me this? What does Spike have to do with the end of the world? Can't we help him?"

'Joyce' moved more air and touched Buffy's neck. There was a cord of blue, yellow, green, and purple floating between her and Spike.

"Buffy, you are dying," 'Joyce' said slowly. "He almost killed you. As we speak, he is smothering you with his power. Can you feel it?"

The Slayer held very still for a second, and the cord on her neck contracted a hardly perceptual amount. Buffy tried to grip the cord, but her purple hand went right through it. "Oh, my God."

"When Spike was granted his powers, he had a specific purpose," Joyce said, "'And your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions.'"

"Hey, that's from the Bible," Buffy exclaimed.

"Yes, it is. As the world ushers in the End of Days."

"What?"

"That is why we let him live. He was chosen to be the one who would bring about the final battle."

"How? He was helping me. He killed vampires. He loved me," The last part was almost a plea.

"Two nights ago, he had all of the demons in the Initiative escape."

Buffy's heart dropped, "Uh-oh. Angry demons. Lots of angry demons and a ton of very pissed off commandos."

"Yes, the final battle between the humans and the demons will decide the fate of this world."

"Are you trying to scare me? I've seen the end of the world a few times, and believe me, if you were trying to scare me, I'm not," Buffy stuck out her chin.

"I'm not here to scare you. I'm here to guide you through the decision you are here to make. You see, dearie, when Spike realized what he was doing to you, he pulled his katra over himself. He is choking you, but he is trying to kill himself too."

A feeling of foreboding stole over Buffy. She glanced at the crying figure near her and dropped to her knees. Touching one colorful shoulder, she felt unbearable pain and guilt, looping over and over in time with each sob. She closed her eyes, "What happens next then?"

"That is up to you. If you break the cord on your neck, it will kill him. You'll live; he will go on a one-way trip to Hell."

"And? There has to be an 'and' in all of that."

"And you will also lead the humans in the last battle against the demons. You get another chance to save the world."

Buffy gazed at Spike, the pain so strong, "What if I don't break the cord?"

"In a few hours, you'll die. He will live, but to lead the demons against the humans. You will wake up somewhere in Heaven, soon to be joined by everyone else worthy on the planet." 'Joyce' shrugged "Don't blame me. I don't pick 'em. I'm just the messenger."

"One lives and one dies," Buffy hugged her oblivious boyfriend. "Life sure is swell. I knew something would screw this up. Does this sound familiar to anyone else? I save the world by sending my boyfriend to Hell! Where have I heard that one before?"

"He has killed many, and he is killing you." Her 'mother' wasn't pulling any punches.

"But he's sorry. He didn't mean to do it. He didn't want to either. Doesn't that count for something," Buffy defended Spike.

"He already had it," Joyce said harshly. "He saw the future, he was aware of it coming, and he didn't walk away! That was it."

A tear worked its way down Buffy's cheek as she understood Spike's actions in the church at last, "It wasn't his fault. When he tried to leave, I made him come back. I love him."

"And his love is going to kill you," 'Joyce' spat, "The demon is in him, killing you."

Buffy's face shot up, and she replied sharply, "'My only love sprung from my only hate.'" She pinned the pretender with one flinty stare.

'Joyce' softened, "And that prick Synder insisted that you weren't doing your English assignments." She touched Buffy's hair who pulled her head away. "It's time, Buffy. This is your chance to say good-bye before you choose."

"What if I don't want to choose?"

"You have to. You are the Chosen One. You are the only one who can lead the humans against the demons."

"Bull!" Buffy yelled. "'When one dies, another is called.' Don't give me that 'only you' crap. I've been here before; I'm just as replaceable as the next Slayer."

"You would let the world end to keep from killing him."

The answer was brutally clear. "Without him, I have no world."

"Consider what you are saying," 'Joyce' warned. "This is very dangerous ground you are walking on. You would sentence the world to Hell."

"I don't care."

"You should. All your friends, your family. All you need to do is cut the cord. You'll live and save the world."

"If you send me back and kill him, I would take my own life the first chance I get."

Her 'mother' was actually stunned, "You would sacrifice your life so you wouldn't live without him?"

"He did it for me." Buffy looked at the not-Joyce. "I would trade my place in heaven for a seat in Hell next to him." 'Joyce' sighed at her daughter's words, and Buffy went on, "Now you have a problem, don't you? The Slayer, the Chosen One, isn't going to play today. She's not going anywhere. She doesn't want to follow her destiny or your little plan. She'd rather die with him than live without him."

"You'll never be with him, even in death. You will go to heaven; he's going to Hell."

"Then there is no Heaven. For me, I will never be happy without him to love."

'Joyce' chose a new angle of attack, "Do you really love him? Or do you love the man we made? The one that found his humanity. The one with two extra people living in him. The one that touches your mind and spares lives because his powers make him."

Buffy's reply was flat, "I love the man who joined forces with his mortal enemy to save the world. I love the man who would do anything to earn the heart of that one special woman. I fell for the man who kissed me in a bathtub and moved away to give me space."

Her voice warmed, "The man I love read Dr. Seuss to a scared little girl. He burned himself nightly trying to protect her from the path you picked for her. The man I love kept his promise to that little girl though it killed him to do it." She faced her 'mother,' "This deal only works one way, full stop. He dies, I die."

The Joyce rolled her eyes, "I believe I've heard this once before. Is that your final answer?"

"Yeah, I choose D. Either both of us live, or both of us die."

"You would side with the demons over your own kind."

"Cut with the cryptic warnings already! It's not like the Initiative was such a stunningly wonderful breed of humanity. They probably aren't even going to tell the town that it's gonna be the site of 'Hell Comes to Earth 2000.'" Buffy paused as the truth in her statement hit her. "I know they won't tell the civilians." Her brief sight of the Blight flashed through her head, and she began to understand. "That Blight stuff. It was marking the blue people, the humans. The Initiative humans are just as bad as the evil demons! I don't want either side to win! They both suck," she glanced at her 'mother,' "And you know it."

"So are you going to come back then? Time is growing short, my pretty. Make your choice."

"I've already made it. I'm not leaving him."

"You're sure?"

"He wouldn't leave me. I can't leave him. I would die first," Buffy glared at her defiantly. "I love him."

'Joyce' laughed, "You humans are so amusing. You are such children," She placed her hands on Buffy's and Spike's foreheads. "So brave and so scared at the same time. You want to touch the stars, but have no idea how to get off the ground. The answer you search for has always been there, and yet you can't see it." Her voice changed significantly. "You are seeing the barest hint of the web that will bind all as you are bound to him. No one can see all the cards at the same time."

"I didn't get any of that. There is no way you're my mom." Buffy stated quietly, "What happens now?"

"You'll live or die."

"Which one?"

"Close your eyes and find out."

Buffy was about ready to do so when she stopped, "Wait. I need to do something. In case I never find him in Hell, and this is my last chance."

She turned toward Spike, "Spike, I know you can hear this. Don't worry about that trying to kill me thing; it's common. I'm over it, and you're forgiven." She pressed her cheek against his hands. "Whatever happens next, I love you. If I wake up even in Hell, I will still love you. I love you with my whole heart, and I know you love me as much. And I never once doubted that," Her voice dropped to a whisper as she faced the agony of the looming possibility of losing him forever.

"Done?"

"I'm ready now," Buffy said calmly, leaning one last time to kiss him. "I love you." She closed her eyes.

And there was silence within and without.

The door to Cordelia Chase's apartment was flung open even before Angel and Wesley reached it. Neither had seen Cordelia for two days. It was a weekend, but it wasn't normal for her to not even check in. Someone had also been calling the agency continuously, yet never speaking. It had prompted Angel to finally invest in Caller ID.

That was when he was able to understand the origin of the phantom phone calls. Someone was calling them from Cordelia's. Angel had desperately grabbed weapons and a sleepy Wesley to head to her apartment. He believed he was ready for anything, demons, pregnancy.

Anything except what he faced. The place was a wreck, glass strewn across the floor. Two-day old uneaten food covering the tables and furniture, attracting flies that buzzed lazily around. The walls were covered in graffiti and one symbol, repeated over and over again in all types of different materials, crayon, paint, marker, blood. In the middle of the all that broken glass, stood Cordelia.

She was dirty and sweaty, looking as if she had not eaten or washed in a month. Her face was thin, and her typically neat hair a straggly mop. She wasn't looking at Angel or Wesley, she was focused on the wall, writing the endless pattern of symbols with a magic marker. Blood was running off her feet, but she continued the flowing characters as high as she could reach, covering every available surface.

Angel ran across the shards and pulled her away roughly from the wall. "Cordelia! Look at me!" His worry was clear.

Her head lolled back, and he saw her haunted gaze. Parched lips opened to whisper, "Angel. I was looking for you. . ." Cordelia collapsed in his arms.

"What happened her?" Angel asked Wesley, holding Cordelia carefully.

Wesley picked up an item from the floor. "I believe you will recognize this." The pattern Cordelia had been drawing appeared to begin around the photo of Buffy that Wesley held.

"The symbol," Angel could smell Cordelia's blood on the picture.

"Oh, dear," Wesley coughed, looking at the round glyph drawn over and over again. "That is a katra web she drew. And the words . . . 'Initium conficio.' Well, in the original Latin it is 'Beginning of the end.'"

"What?" Angel's voice was deathly calm.

"Beginning of the end. It doesn't say of what though," Wesley added hopefully. "I could be wrong, but I highly doubt it. I'm not sure of the purpose of this number though." He pointed to one of the many 21011 on the wall. "I'm not up to date on my witchcraft. I am afraid I don't know that one.

Angel examined Cordelia's pale face, "I hope she can tell us when she wakes up." *If she wakes-*

"She's lost a lot of blood," Wesley gingerly stepped over a puddle of dried crimson.

"Then we need to get her to the hospital, now," Angel agreed moving toward the door by plowing through the glass. An invisible hand gripped his shoulder, "What Dennis?"

A book fell off one of the shelves and floated over to him. Angel winced, "Wesley, take the book."

"Why can't . . .oh, never mind," Wesley saw the title of the book, the Holy Bible. "I promise you, Dennis. We will pray for her." The pages flipped open to a spot near the center. A bookmark fell into place, and the book was shoved violently into Wesley's hands.

"Offhand, I'd say he wants you to read something in there," Angel bit out worriedly as they gently lay Cordelia's limp form in the back of his car. They climbed in and buckled up.

"I concur," Wesley said while Angel started the car.

They took off, and he gripped book tightly as he soon realized the vampire had every intention of breaking every speed limit between there and LA General.

Trying to hold his head still, Wesley studied the bookmarked passage under the rapidly changing streetlights. Suddenly he spoke up, "Angel, I think you should accelerate a little more."

Angel glanced back worriedly, "I'm going twice the legal limit as it is."

"Do it!" Wesley yelled at him. "I pray we aren't too late as it is."

"Too late for what?" Angel asked, pressing the accelerator down to the floor.

"Too late for us all," Wesley stated grimly.

Buffy opened her eyes. She was weighted down by blankets in Giles's bedroom. Gasps came from those watching her, and she wanted to reassure them, but she remembered what need was most pressing.

"Spike," she croaked from a mouth that hadn't spoken for two days.

"Buffy?" Xander was jubilant. "Are you okay?"

"Spike," she repeated.

"Yes, I know he did this to you," Giles said. "It may not have been what you wanted, but we haven't staked him yet."

"No." Buffy sat up with difficulty. "Spike," She swung her legs off the bed, shedding blankets in all directions, and stood.

Her body protested violently, and she staggered into Xander's arms. Shaking off his aid, she made her way unsteadily to the door. Giles, Anya, and Xander followed her with no small amount of trepidation into the guest bedroom.

As Buffy entered, Willow stopped weeping to jump to her feet in surprised greeting. Buffy paid her no mind, she was concentrated soley on the unmoving blonde figure on the bed.

He looked so cold, so silent. She set a hand on his forehead. He had to be in there; he had to come back to her. Their love had to be strong enough to bring him back. And if he didn't come back, she would die with him.

"What is she doing?" Willow asked out the side of her mouth.

"Not a clue," Giles answered quietly.

Buffy's hand caressed his blonde locks very gently, tracing his scarred brow. He wasn't in there. She couldn't feel him in her head or her heart. It was so cold and barren in the spot where she usually found him. She was alone, completely and utterly.

"Spike," she pleaded with her entire being, hoping he would come back at her call.

Had the Powers lied to her? Were they going to try to make her live without Spike? Did they think she really wouldn't kill herself if he was dead?

Seeing that he had not responded to her touch, she paused. What could she do? Was there a way to bring him back? What weird game were the Powers playing here?

When the solution came to her, she almost laughed and cried at the same time. Spike had been right; God did have a sense of humor.

She leaned forward and kissed him on the mouth.

For one awful second, nothing happened. Part of Buffy's soul crumbled as she faced her worst nightmare; there was no Spike.

Then the torrent washed over her, and she sensed Spike shoot back to the surface. An avalanche of happiness, love, contentment, and elation washed over her, and she saw the wonder in him as he comprehended that not only was she alive, she still loved him. They were melting into each other; their bond strengthening with every passing second.

Their thoughts mingled into one, basking in the warmth of each other. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and he pulled her onto the bed.

*I love you.*

After all they had been through, they were together. They had fought pain, darkness, and the Powers to be together at last in this perfect moment. No matter what happened next, whatever they had to face, all was right in the world.

Pulling back, arms still around Spike, Buffy became aware of several pairs of eyes on her.

Buffy turned to see the shocked expressions on her friends' faces. Willow looked like someone had hit her on the head. Anya stared with her jaw open. Xander was totally speechless, his mouth moving soundlessly. Giles blinked over and over again, trying to deny what his eyes were seeing. Spike's arm tightened around Buffy possessively, and she smiled sheepishly, "Hi, guys."

Joel 2:10-11