Chapter 13:

__________________________________________
Manic Monday

Monday didn’t start off well. In hindsight, Buffy knew that she should have seen it from the first words that Spike said that morning.

“The poofter knows.”

Those ominous words greeted her. Spike must have known that she was awake. Clearly he had not slept. Buffy didn’t even remember him coming home last night, she had been completely exhausted from engagement party planning.

However, Buffy realised that she should have asked Spike, the hows and the whens. How did Angel find out, and when was he going to beat down her door.

At the time the sunny day out side prevented her from thinking that she was going to get accosted by the broody one for at least 12 hours.

It wasn’t that long though.

What Spike didn’t tell her was that Angel had arrived in the middle of the night and that he had had a confrontation of sorts with his grandsire at Willy’s.

Of course it wasn’t until Buffy was safely working away on her research that Angel entered the Magic Box and shocked the hell out of her.

“Maybe we should put a bell on the sewer entrance,” said Anya at one point. “I mean it would be nice to know when customers are entering the shop. Vampire’s are welcome to purchase items just as long as they don’t kill anyone.”

“Anya, you might want to keep that welcome to yourself. You never know when the vamps might start taking an interest in the shop keeper as well as the shop merchandise,” said Buffy, looking intently at her notes.

“Hello Buffy,“ said Angel all of a sudden.

Buffy jumped, 3”x5” cards went everywhere.

“God! Angel! Don’t do that!” yelled Buffy, trying to centre herself and beginning to pick up her cards. Anya laughed hysterically.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I just thought, with you being the Slayer and all, you could feel when a vampire is nearby.”

“Well, Spike’s having really erotic dream right now...It’s kinda distracting. The tinglies are cancelling each other out.”

“So it’s true then?” he asked, as he began to pace.

“True?”

“You’re mated to Spike.”

“Oh, ya, I am,” she said happily. “How’d you find out?”

“That’s not important Buffy.”

“Ok, what is important then? Why are you here?”

“He, he didn’t force you did he?”

“No.” Buffy rolled her eyes.

“Then...How?”

“Well it involved a pointer, Giles, Spike as audio visual, and me getting carried away. It’s a whole big thing.”

“Huh?”

“I’m the one that claimed Spike, Angel.”

“You what?”

“I. Claimed. Spike.”

Angel shook his head. “That can’t be, you don’t know the rites.”

“I do. I said them. Hey, I just realised something. I’m Cookies!”

“Now I’m confused...” stated Anya.

“We haven’t had the cookie dough conversation yet have we?”

“The what?” asked Angel.

“It was an analogy, it sucked. I learn from my mistakes. The important part here is that I am the Mate of Spike, William the Bloody, Slayer of Slayers.”

“I anticipate he will propose actual human marriage to her very soon,” added Anya.

Angel glared.

“But it’s Spike.”

“I love him Angel. I chose him to be my champion and my heart. I’m his soul. Don’t make me choose between you, cause you won’t like what I decide.”

There was silence for a while as Buffy stared at Angel, Angel stared at the floor and Anya counted money.

“You know you’re the only one that Buffy didn’t rush to hug...well except for that Nate guy. Are you not hugging exs?” asked Anya.

“That’s right! I haven’t hugged Angel!” Buffy’s face lit up.

Without warning, Buffy launched herself into Angel’s arms, catching the vampire off guard.

“Uh...Buffy? What’s going on?” he asked.

“Not much, just I kinda missed you and all.”

“You missed me? Even after all that ‘don’t make me choose’ speech?”

Buffy pulled away from the hug and sat back down at her notes and books.

“Ya, I missed you, I haven’t seen you in a little over a century...”

“Excuse me?”

“This isn’t our Buffy, this is Buffy from 102 years in the future,” supplied Anya.

“What?”

“There was a spell, we don’t know who did it. I switched bodies with my past self. But it’s totally ok, cause everyone is happy this way.”

“Everyone, what about our Buffy?” asked Angel.

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Do I have to have this conversation with everyone? I’m gonna have to have this conversation with Riley when he shows up too aren’t I?”

Anya nodded.

“K from the top, I, Buffy Summers, age 122, was dying, cause well I was 122, and then all of a sudden I wake up in my bed, in Sunnydale, not London and I’m in my 20 year old body. Now Buffy who was here, she got swapped into my body, so I figure she’s in heaven, where she wants to be, by the way.”

“And you know that she wants to be there how?” he asked.

“Cause I’m her. So how long are you sticking around?”
__________________________________________

Angel had left in a huff. Buffy didn’t want him to leave like that, but what else could she do. She knew that she was still bitter that Angel crossed over to Wolfram and Heart, or will cross over. The truth was that even after 101 years Buffy still really hadn’t figured out what had killed Angel, or Wesley. She simply knew that they were gone. A tragic loss, yes, and she had even gone to Wesley’s funeral.

Buffy walked home, wrapped up in her thoughts, her mind drifting to what day it was, and how she had things to take care of today.

Buffy returned home in time to see Spike, just up, paw around the kitchen for his first mug of blood of the day.

“Have some good dreams?” asked Buffy.

Spike just smirked and walked towards her for a kiss, but he stopped short. He wrinkled his nose.

“You smell like Angel,” he said with a sneer.

“So I gave him a hug. I didn’t bite him. I didn’t even tell him about my teeth.”

“Only those you love get subjected to that delight.”

“You betcha.”

Buffy reached up and ruffled his hair. Playfully he swatted her hand away.

“I like your bed hair.”

Spike growled. “You watch it Missy.”

“Hey! I’m not Missy! Buffy! Great Aunt of Missy.”

Spike took a sip of his blood ignoring the comment.

Failing to get a rise out of him, Buffy continued on with random thoughts that deposited themselves into her head.

“You know, today is the day that you are supposed to find out you can hurt me.”

“Beg pardon?”

“You know, that intense migraine pain? The one you would need happy blue pills for but are too manly to break down and take drugs? You don’t get the pain with me. Come on...You have noticed right?”

“I seem to recall, biting you one or two times last night...”he said with a leer.

Buffy rolled her eyes.

“So what did the great ponce have to say for himself?”

“Not much. Angel was never one for talking.”

“Unless he was drunk.”

“I’d pay money to see Angel drunk... But that’s completely off topic. He came, he spoke his piece, I left. Thus endth the story.”

“And he just buggered off... after you gave him what for?”

“I didn’t give him what for Spike. I just let him know what was going on.”

“And you think the great poofter is going to leave it at that? We are talking about the same Angel right pet?”

“Tall Dark and Forehead? Yes Spike.”

Spike smirked at her use of the nick name he had for this grandsire.

“But you think that he’s not going to leave it at that? Why not? I thought I was pretty clear about what was going on...”

Spike just shook his head.

“What?”

“Peaches is not gonna let well enough alone, Slayer. He thinks you are his. Tried explaining to his high and hair gel-ness that you are mine...”

Buffy smiled.

“...But if that little tid bit of information got into his gel saturated cranium, you and I can have that outdoor wedding in the park you wanted so much.”

Buffy rolled her eyes.

Spike took another sip of his blood.

“Do you think he will make a formal challenge?”

Spike stopped and took a look at his mate, disbelievingly.

Buffy sauntered up to her bare chested lover and snuggled in close. Spike wrapped his arms around her.

“Spike you’ve got to get over the idea that I’m just a 20 year old slayer. There’s lots that I know now, I’m a wealth of information. Things like Claiming and Vamp family structures have been my specialty for years and years. If Angel wants to exert his rights as your grandsire and take your mate away from you...well I won’t be letting him. You are mine. And even if I have to fight him myself...”

“No.”

“What do you mean no? You don’t tell Buffy Summers no.”

“I do pet. You won’t take on Angel if he wants to challenge the claim. I will defend the claim.”

“Even if you kill him?”

“Even if I kill him.”

Buffy exhaled. “The most heinous crime a vamp can commit, is to kill his sire.”

“Nancy Boy Angel isn’t my sire pet, you know that.”

“He’s your grandsire, it’s virtually the same.”

“Makes a world of difference to me. Doesn’t matter anyway, love. Already an outcast from my clan.”

Buffy smiled. “Pretty much your entire clan is outcast. Besides you've made your own clan here with us,” Buffy hugged tighter.

“Does this mean that the whelp and the witches are the minions then?”

Buffy laughed. “Just don’t tell them that.”
__________________________________________
A mugging? That was something she hadn’t dealt with in good long time but the fact that Spike charged in to help without thinking, yes silly but oh so sweet. Buffy knelt down on the ground next to her ailing lover.

“You’d think if the government was gonna put a chip in my head they’d at lease make it so I could attack criminals and that sort,” he groaned.

“Yes, because muggers deserve to eaten,” she said helping him up.

Spike gave her a look.

“I know you wouldn’t eat them Spike...”

“You don’t know that love.”

“Maybe not when you first got the chip...But you are mine now and I trust you,” she said sweetly.

Buffy and Spike got home only to see Amy chowing down on cookies on the couch.

“Amy! you are back!” said Buffy astonished.

“Ya, I can only take so much father daughter time, was a bit, I don’t know, suffocating. I came by to see if Willow wanted to do something, but she’s not here. Dawn’s doing homework upstairs.”

Buffy plopped down on to the couch beside Amy and grabbed a cookie. Amy was watching the news. A report about a museum guard who was frozen solid. Buffy nearly choked on her cookie.

“Alright pet?” called Spike from the kitchen. He was getting himself a mug of blood.

“Ya,” she said recovering. “I...I just need to make a phone call.” Buffy got up from the couch and found the portable phone.

“Hello? Crime stoppers?”
__________________________________________
For those of you keeping track:

Buffy’s List of Things To Do Now That I’m NOT an Old Crone

1. Go to the Beach - work on tan, before the ozone layer completely evaporates - Take Dawn Done
2. Have sex with love of your life, as much as possible.
3. Eat junk food.Done
4. Shop, shop like there’s no tomorrow.
5. Bronze it up - Take Spike - Get Drunk - get the hang over of all hangovers Done
6. Visit Mom’s grave, if possible, look to move her out of Sunnydale.
7. Patrol, kick undead booty
8. Have talk with Willow about magic over use - possible prop, ice cream, chocolate chips and gummy bears.
9. Marriage counsel Xander and Anya (Pre marriage counsel?)
10. Put nerds in jail, possibly after diamond bust (note, what to do about Andrew?)
11. Have Giles start looking into the watcher’s diaries about the first evil - thus stopping the trip to England.
12. Get paid by watcher’s council. God knows they can afford it. Done
13. Find Cameras put up by nerds
14. De-rat Amy. Done
15. Find Rack and take him out. Done
16. Get that Double meat icky lady demon thing. Done
17. Girls night out with Willow. Done
__________________________________________
tbc...

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Chapter 14:

__________________________________________
Frost Monsters and Stupid Vampires

“Isn’t this something we should be taking care of?” asked Willow when Buffy told her friends about the frozen museum guard. “Maybe it’s some sort of frost demon who likes to eat diamonds.”

Buffy laughed. They were all sitting around the magic shop, Xander, Willow, Tara, Amy, Spike and Dawn.

“No, that’s a good idea Wills but I’ve done this before and it turned out that there was no such thing.”

“I’ve never heard of one before,” said Anya, her nose buried in Today’s Bride Magazine.

“I know Warren, Jonathan and Andrew took it and I really don’t want to end up blinvisible Buffy again. Although, the invisible Spike sex...lots of fun. Good times.”

“TMI! shouted Dawn.”

Buffy rolled her eyes.

“Warren, the guy who made the Buffy Bot?” asked Xander.

Xander had to be the one to ask that question.

“Yes Xander,” conceded Buffy.

“And Jonathan? Jonathan wacky glamour Jonathan?” asked Willow.

“What about the other one?” asked Amy.

“Andrew. Tucker Wells’ brother...”

“Who?” asked Xander.

“The guy who set hell hounds on the prom...”

“Ah yes. I didn’t know his parents decided to procreate again, after that stellar contribution to the population,” spouted Xander

“Apparently so.”

“Wait...Andrew Wells? Like Wells...Eleanor Michelle Summers-Wells?” said Dawn.

“Uh...” Buffy trailed off, hoping to be saved from those around the table.

“Oh god. I marry a guy who’s a diamond stealer?” panicked Dawn.

“I never said you married him.”

“I’m an unwed mother too! Oh god!” Dawn sat with a thump on the ladder.

“Dawn it’s not that bad!” protested Buffy.

“What are you talking about?!”

Buffy groaned. Truthfully she didn’t know how to handle this. She looked to Anya for a little help, but all the ex demon could do was to shrug.

“Dawnie I know nothing I say is gonna make you feel better, but it all makes sense when you have Eleanor, believe me.”

Dawn seemed happier at that statement. But the rest of the scoobies, except Anya seemed really very confused.

“So you don’t need Scooby action for this then?” asked Xander.

“Yes, we made plans for out own Scooby action,” said Anya proudly. “I’m mastering the art of the innuendo,” supplied the shop keeper.

Willow had gross face on.

“You should take lessons from Spike,” said Buffy

“Oy!” shouted Spike.

“Oh excuse me Mr ‘all we’ve done is dance.’”

Spike smirked.
__________________________________________

Buffy and Spike walked through one of Sunnydale’s many cemetaries hand in hand on patrol, only moments after the impromtu meeting about the frost monster.

“Why are you so worried about the three nerds love?” asked Spike.

“Cause they are more dangerous than they appear.”

“Fine don’t tell me.”

“Spike! It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, it’s just that, well, haven’t I let slip enough damaging future stuff? Hell, now that I’ve interfered, Eleanor might not even be born. I’m pretty sure that Dawn won’t have the opportunity to get to be friends with Andrew now...”

“What happens there?”

“Andrew’s gay. Dawn and he got to be very good friends after we moved to Rome. They both wanted a kid, decided to have one together...Andrew and Dawn were both watchers at the time. Andrew saw Eleanor as much as he could but he was assigned to Australia pretty soon after she was born. Then Andrew was killed by a Polgara demon, Dawn was killed by her slayer who was turned and Aunt Buffy got to raise a beautiful seven year old.”

“Why didn’t you tell the nibblet that?”

“I don’t know...It just seemed better if she didn’t know.”

They walked on for a few more minutes before Buffy felt tinglies on the back of her neck that were not Spike’s.

“Ok Angel, you can come out from where ever you are hiding,” said Buffy into the darkness.

From behind a monument, Angel crept, and stopped right in front of the couple.

Buffy looked at Spike contemplatively. “You win.”

Spike smirked and rubbed his hands together.

“Don’t look too happy,” continued Buffy.

“Dare I ask what he wins?” asked Angel.

“I have to get ‘Spike’s Toy’ tattooed on my ass,” said Buffy with a smile.

Angel growled.

“I think it’s a little unfair, I didn’t ask for body mutilation for my half of the bet.”

“You accepted the bet fair and square Slayer. I agreed to your corn on the cob fest, so that you could enjoy the wonderfulness of your teeth.”

Buffy smiled again and planted a kiss on his cheek.

“So what can we do for you Angel?” asked Buffy.

“Leave him,” stated Angel.

“Well that’s not going to happen, poofter,” said Spike.

“It will if I challenge the claim, childe.”

“Whoa, there will be no challenge-y talk here!” shouted Buffy.

“Stay out of this Buffy!” ordered Angel.

“NO! I will not! He’s mine Angel, I won’t be giving him up not for you, not for Xander or Riley or Giles or Wood. He. Is. Mine. So you can just back off brood boy.”

“This is not your place Buffy.”

“Oh no? But is it yours? Are you the head of the Aurelius Clan?”

Angel looked at Buffy oddly.

“I never told you she was back...How do you know...Did you see Darla?” said Angel.

Buffy let her mouth hang open.

“Darla’s dust, you traitorous childe!” shouted Spike.

Buffy could tell that this was no joking matter for him. The death of Darla had always grated on his nerves. The fact that Angel had killed Darla to protect Buffy, was a painful fact. Sure he had threatened to stake Dru for her...but that was different right? He hadn’t actually done it.

“When did she come back Angel?” asked Buffy.

“You mean you don’t know?”

“No, I was going to refer to the fact that you had a soul and are hardly qualified to be head of the clan. When did Darla come back?”

Angel hung his head.

“When did she come back?” Buffy asked louder.

“She’s been back since last year,” mumbled Angel.

“Wow, so you really aren’t the head of the clan then are you?” said Buffy. “Maybe we should go pay great grand mummy a visit then?”

“No!” shouted Angel.

“No?” asked Spike. “Don’t think you’ve got the right to tell me what to do there, Angel, you’re all soul having.”

“Why can’t we?” asked Buffy.

Angel hemmed and hawed some more before Buffy decided to let the matter drop.

“Are you still intending to challenge the claim Angel?” she asked.

Angel looked up at the blond couple.

“You were mine,” said Angel.

“No, I was never yours. You fed off me Angel. That was it. There were no rights. If anything I was Dracula’s. Doesn’t matter now though. I am Spike’s and he’s mine.”

“I don’t accept that.”

“Do you feel like we are going in circles here?” Buffy asked Spike.

“Little bit,” agreed Spike.

“Angel. Nothing you can say is going to make this go back to the way it was. Either challenge or leave. Cause frankly this is getting kinda tedious.”

Buffy grabbed Spike’s hand and walked past the brooding vampire.
__________________________________________

Buffy and Spike returned home from patrol, ‘bringing the building down’ sex and a visit to the tattoo parlour. That wasn’t something she was going to change. How many people can say that a building fell down because they were having sex in it? It’s a mark of achievement. They didn’t stay though. Why bother, when they had a comfy bed waiting for them at home.

Sitting on the couch watching TV were Dawn and Tara.

“I’m excited. Are you excited. Party tomorrow!” said Dawn as soon as Buffy kneeled/sat down beside her on the couch. Her ass was a little sore from the visit to the tattoo artist.

“I just hope that it doesn’t scare Xander too much,” said Tara.

Dawn giggled. “I wonder if he’ll faint.”

“Did we get replies from everyone?” asked Buffy.

“Almost. The important people at least,” said Dawn.

Buffy looked at the clock, it was way past Dawn’s bed time. Anticipating her sister, Dawn announced that she was going to bed. Walking towards the stairs, Dawn let out a scream as she passed the door of the house.

“Buffy!”

Buffy shot up out of the living room and ran to her sister’s side.

On the front lawn was Angel, in game face, carrying a torch and pouring blood in a circle on the lawn. Ordinarily Dawn wouldn’t have screamed at that. It was the fact that Angel was naked that had caused the hysterics.

“Dawn go to bed,” ordered Buffy.

“What the hell is he doing?” asked Dawn.

“Challenging the claim,” muttered Buffy. “Dawn, bed, now.”

“Bloody buggering hell,” muttered Spike from behind her.

Spike moved to go out the door and face his challenger.

“No,” ordered Buffy, pulling him back.

“Slayer, you can’t deny me this.”

“No I can’t. But it’s my challenge too. I won’t let you fight him alone. I claimed you first.”

“The poofter doesn’t care who claimed who, Buffy.”

“He should. Let me try to talk to him again.”

“Won’t do any good.”

“Perhaps, but I have to try.”

Spike stared into her eyes for a moment, silently asking permission to do something she knew he was going to do anyway. Without a word, Buffy tilted her head to give him access to her neck and his marks.

“Mine,” he growled sinking his fangs into her neck.

“Yours,” she answered.

Spike licked his marks and tugged his shirt over his head, then tilted his own head for her better access.

“Mine,” she said simply, before biting hard into his neck.

“Yours,” he acknowledged.

Buffy wiped her blood covered mouth and planted a kiss on his lips.

“Don’t do anything stupid out there,” she warned.

“Me? Never.”
__________________________________________
tbc...
 

Chapter 15:

__________________________________________
Naked Challenge

Spike strode out of the house with purpose. Buffy could only hope that this would end soon, without Spike getting hurt.

Behind her Tara watched the scene unfolding. “Buffy? What’s going on?“

“It’s a fight to prove who is more worthy of being my mate,“ said Buffy sadly.

“Why?”

Buffy laughed. “That is a very good question. I’m going to chalk it up to Angel being dense.”

“Spike won’t get hurt will he?”

“Not if I can help it.”

Buffy stepped out on to the porch.

“Angel! Could you please at least put some pants on? The neighbours are gonna start to complain and call the cops.”

Angel stopped what he was doing and looked at her.

“Go back in the house Buffy. This doesn’t concern you,” said the brooding one.

Buffy rolled her eyes. “I see we are on the merry-go-round again. This is as much my fight as Spike’s, but he wants to go first. I hope you realise exactly what you are getting yourself into here.”

Angel ignored her. He and Spike stepped into the circle of blood.

“I challenge my Grand childe for the right to claim this human, this slayer as mate,” said Angel.

“I defend my right to claim this slayer as mate. We have performed the rights,” answered Spike.

Buffy jumped off the porch and entered the blood circle on the lawn.

“I defend my right to be mate to Spike, William the Bloody, Childe of Drusilla. I am his mate and he is mine. We have performed the rites,” said Buffy.

Buffy moved off to the side of the circle, she wouldn’t leave the circle until there was a winner. Spike and Angel crouched down in defensive positions.

Buffy couldn’t help but watch as Angel and Spike went at it on her front lawn. Angel naked, Spike shirtless. Spike got in a few good hits before being slammed down onto the ground hard by the elder vampire.

“I am your grandsire childe!” shouted Angel. “I will always be stronger than you”

Buffy stood up as Angel walked closer to Spike, who was only now attempting to get up. Moving between Angel and her lover, Buffy stood defiantly protecting Spike from Angel.

“Guess this means it’s my turn,” said Buffy with a smile on her face.

“It doesn’t have to be this way Buffy.”

“It does now. You started the challenge, now we have to finish it.”

Buffy ducked as Angel swung at her. She circled around and kicked Angel in the back, causing the dark vampire to land on top of Spike.

Spike groaned.

“Sorry!” she said in a high girly intonation.

Spike pushed Angel up off of him and belted him one in the gut.

Buffy moved to the sidelines once more. Angel had opened up a cut on Spike’s jaw line, and Angel was favouring his left arm.

“Give it up Peaches,” said Spike wiping the blood off his chin. “She’s my girl, not yours.”

Angel let out a feral roar and charged towards Spike. Buffy caught a flash of something in Angel’s hand. He had a stake! That wasn’t allowed in the challenge!

“Angel!” screamed Buffy.

Angel and Spike were now wrestling on the ground, each struggling to wrench the stake away from the other.

Getting the upper hand again, Angel thrust the stake at Spike’s heart.

“NO!” Buffy screamed.

An intense light emanated from Buffy and stopped the two vampires in their tracks.

Panting with the expending energy, Buffy shook off the static of magic that she had used and walked over to the two frozen vamps and took the stake out of Angel’s hand.

“Buffy? What did you do?” asked Tara.

Buffy had completely forgot that Tara had been watching. Buffy looked up at Tara, her eyes completely white. She smiled.

“Surprise?” shrugged Buffy.

“Buffy? You are a witch?”

“Not really. It’s kinda hard to explain. I couldn’t let Angel kill him. I love him.”

Tara nodded.

“But what about the...” Tara waved her hand towards Buffy.

“Oh, I don’t like to flaunt it. There’s a time and place for everything.”

“Willow’s eyes go black when she’s caught up in the magic. Your’s are white.”

Buffy nodded.

“Your’s would be white too Tara.”

Tara blushed.

“Is Willow evil?”

Buffy laughed. “No, she’s just a different kind of witch. Magic isn’t evil or good, it’s what you use it for, you let it control you or you control it.”

Tara nodded. “Are you just gonna leave them like that?”

Buffy chuckled. “No I suppose not. I just don’t know how to stop this with out hurting the both of them,” she sighed.

Buffy released the spell. Suddenly without the stake, Angel fell forward onto Spike’s chest. Buffy stood before them and waved a hand. Suddenly Angel was being dangled in the air.

“Angel, I told you that you would have to take on the both of us. Well here I am, not even touching you, and yet you can’t get away.”

“Buffy?” asked Angel surprised.

“That’s right Angel, I’m more powerful that you ever imagined. Spike is mine, Angel. Mine. And I am his. If you ever try to stand between us again, you won’t get out of the challenge alive. Do you understand me?”

Angel nodded.

“Put some clothes on and go back to LA Angel.” Buffy floated Angel over to where his clothes were.

“Buffy?” asked Spike confused.

Buffy’s hardened expression suddenly softened as she beheld her lover undead and well. Buffy rushed to his side and did a surface check of all his injuries.

Spike stared for a moment at her colourless eyes.

“What happened to the green?”

Buffy ducked her head and relaxed. She looked back up at him, her eye colour back to normal.

“That better?”

“Yes. Were you going to tell me about the whole witchy thing?” he asked.

“Eventually.”

“You turned Amy back didn’t you?”

“Yep. Come on in the house. You probably want to talk about this.”

“Damn right I do.”

Buffy looked out of the corner of her eye to see Angel slink off by himself.
__________________________________________
It was nearly 4 am and still Buffy hadn’t slept. She and Spike had stayed up talking about everything. He had been hurt that she had had secrets from him even now. Five hours of dishing secrets would make anyone tired but not Buffy. Spike was lying on his stomach growling in his sleep.

Placing a peck on his cheek, Buffy trod down stairs and got out that piece of paper on which held her list. She hadn’t looked at it in a long time. Looking it over she couldn’t believe how many things were missing from it. She should have anticipated Angel’s reaction to the claim. She should have had a secret swapping session with Spike.

Buffy’s List of Things To Do Now That I’m NOT an Old Crone

1. Go to the Beach - work on tan, before the ozone layer completely evaporates - Take Dawn Done
2. Have sex with love of your life, as much as possible.
3. Eat junk food.Done
4. Shop, shop like there’s no tomorrow.
5. Bronze it up - Take Spike - Get Drunk - get the hang over of all hangovers Done
6. Visit Mom’s grave, if possible, look to move her out of Sunnydale.
7. Patrol, kick undead booty
8. Have talk with Willow about magic over use - possible prop, ice cream, chocolate chips and gummy bears.
9. Marriage counsel Xander and Anya (Pre marriage counsel?)
10. Put nerds in jail, possibly after diamond bust (note, what to do about Andrew?)
11. Have Giles start looking into the watcher’s diaries about the first evil - thus stopping the trip to England.
12. Get paid by watcher’s council. God knows they can afford it. Done
13. Find Cameras put up by nerds
14. De-rat Amy. Done
15. Find Rack and take him out. Done
16. Get that Double meat icky lady demon thing. Done
17. Girls night out with Willow.

And there were still things to do. She really had to have that talk with Willow about Magic. She hoped that the engagement party for Xander and Anya would open Xander’s eyes and Anya’s. It’s not that she didn’t want them together. She wanted them to be happy together.

It was time to throw out the list. She debated for a while whether or not she needed a new list and after significant internal debate she decided against it.
__________________________________________
Giles had made up some sort of excuse for Anya not to be at work the next day. Employee of the year or some such thing. It was silly really, cause only Anya and Giles worked there. The scoobies sans Xander used the Anya free Magic box to set up the engagement party to end all engagement parties.

The walls were hung with heavy green cloth. Candles were set up to burn, and Dawn and Willow were at home concocting demon food goodness.

Buffy was busy, laying on her tummy, painting a banner to say ‘Welcome to the Arashamahar Family Xander.’

She was pretty sure he was going to flip. Or maybe it was flip out. She wasn’t sure. She had had confirmations from both Hallfrek and D’Hoffryn, they were both coming to the party.

Buffy checked her watch. She had 20 minutes to get to her dental appointment. Buffy dragged the banner into the training room to dry. She just hoped that Giles didn’t step on it.
__________________________________________
Buffy looked nervously around the dental office. She was quite familiar now with the torture that was the Dentist, having had to spend long hours awaiting her turn to get her dentures fitted or fixed.

But here she was for a check up and cleaning. She was determined to take care of her teeth this time around.

The other people in the dentist office weren’t as entertaining as she had deluded herself into thinking, the magazines were old and gross. Buffy wished that she had brought something to read. Even Moritz’s compendium on demon greetings would be better than sitting here, staring at the wall.

Luckily her boredom was solved by the hygienist calling her name. Walking to the chair as happily as she could Buffy struck up a conversation with the woman who would be cleaning her teeth. Buffy realised right away that the woman was not all she appeared to be. She was a demon of some sort. And the fear radiating off of the hygienist was well...frightening.

“Look, I know that you’re a demon, and You know that I know you are a demon. I’m not here to kill you. I don’t see you doing anything wrong. I’m just here to get my teeth cleaned,” said Buffy.

The hygienist looked visibly less scared but Buffy couldn’t help but feel that the fear was going to be there the entire appointment. This was probably the first time in the history of dentistry where the patient would have to reassure the hygienist.

“So what are you then?” asked Buffy.

“Excuse me?”

“What species are you?”

“Brownie.”

“Huh, cool. Never met one before. I usually meet the bad ones. You know, the vampires, the polgaras, the ones that want to destroy the world.”

Brownie nodded.

“Got a name?”

“Rowan,”

“Pretty.”

“Thanks”

“You don’t have to scared of me you know. I’m really a very nice person once you get to know me. I have demon friends. Well a couple anyway.”

“Anyanka and William the Bloody.”

“Ooh looks like you know more about me than I do about you.”

“Everyone knows about the Slayer. You’re famous.”

“Oh, well thanks,” Buffy blushed and leaned back in the chair. “Well let’s get this show on the road. Slayer’s gotta take care of her pearly whites.”
__________________________________________
tbc...

 

Chapter 16:

__________________________________________
The Crantanouk Champion of Sunnydale is...

“I sorta invited my dental hygienist to the party,” said Buffy to Spike as they were putting the finishing touches on the arrangements. “She’s a Brownie.”

“Rowan Greentree?”

“How’d you know?”

“She’s my hygienist too.”

Buffy laughed. “You go to the dentist? Big Bad, Spike, Slayer of Slayers...goes to the dentist?”

“What?”

“It’s just too funny.”

“Gotta take care of my fangs luv. Fangs make the vamp I’ll have you know.”

“And here I thought it was the body count.”
__________________________________________
D’Hoffryn scorched the hardwood floor when he entered the shop. He took one look at that decor and smiled.

“I’m so glad you could make it,” said Buffy immediately.

“Anyanka was one of my favourites for a millennia. Though it pains me to see her marry beneath her, I am resolved to be supportive.”

Buffy nodded.

“We invited Hallfrek too,” said Buffy just as a flash announced that the demon in question appeared.

Now that everyone of the guests had arrived...all they had to do was wait for the happy couple.
__________________________________________
“I don’t see what the problem is Ahn. I just don’t think it’s appropriate to tell everyone that you used to be a vengeance demon,” said Xander as they walked into the shop.

“Xander why are the lights off?” said Anya.

“Surprise!” screamed everyone, jumping out of the shadows.

Tara did a spell to light all the scattered candles., illuminating all the persons assembled in the shop. Buffy and Dawn had invited all the various acquaintances of Xander and Anya, from Anya’s demon friends and business contacts, to Xander’s construction worker pals.

“Holy mother of god,” whispered Xander as he took in the scene.

“I love it!” cried Anya.

“It’s an engagement party,” explained Dawn.

“I can see that you goose,” Anya reached out to hug Dawn.

“Anyanka!” cried Hallfrek from the back of the room.

“Hallie!”

Needless to say that there was much greeting, all the while Xander was staring horrified at the assorted demons and humans interacting. It wasn’t until he saw the sign that Xander Harris fainted.
__________________________________________
When he came to, he was faced with concerned fiancée and friends who were all standing above him, in party hats.

“What the freak is going on here?” asked Xander.

“It’s your engagement party,” said Dawn...again.

“But there are demons here...” he whispered.

“Yes! Isn’t it wonderful!” beamed Anya.

“I wouldn’t call it wonderful Ahn...”

“I would. Look there’s Rowan your dental hygienist, she’s a Brownie, and over there, Bob from the doughnut shop, he’s a M’haloren.”

“You mean I’ve been buying doughnuts all these years from a demon?” asked the overwhelmed carpenter.

“Yep. Small world isn’t it?”

Willow appeared at his side with a plate of food.

“Here, eat. Food always made you feel better.” Willow thrust the plate at him.

Xander eyed the various weird and wonderful contents of the plate. “What is it?” he asked.

“Oooh, well that there,” said Anya pointing to some brown mush with green things in it, “is corma’nik, and that,” she pointed to some blue cabbagey looking stuff, “is morginnahz, and that there,” she said pointing to some yellow and red kernels that looked kinda like corn but bigger and with spikes on them,” are Portantus.”

“Is it strange that I’ve never heard of this stuff before?” asked a weary Xander.

“Oh no, you can only get this stuff in Arashamahar.”

“Then why is it here? We aren’t trying out caterers are we? Cause my parents won’t eat blue cabbage.”

“Hey! I’ll have you know I worked long and hard on this,” said Willow.

“I helped,” added Dawn proudly.

“R-ight”

“Come on whelp, get your ass off the floor and get to socializing. The Slayer, the Bit and the Witches put a lot of effort into this gathering,” said Spike, hoisting Xander off the floor.

“I’d say it was more of a shindig,” said Willow. “There are going to be games later.”

Xander made a sort of helpless whimper as Anya pushed him towards some of her demon friends.
__________________________________________
Buffy was casually munching on some Portantus watching the championship round of Crantanouk, a demon game, which Buffy could only describe as a cross between Poker, Pictionary, and Dodgeball, except the ball was a handful of slime from a Op‘link demon. She had been knocked out of contention in the second round. She had wiped the floor with Twister though. Dawn had even mentioned that she didn’t know a human body could get into those positions. Buffy had just smiled and said she wasn’t really human. She was the Slayer.

Spike slid up to her and pulled her onto his lap.

“It’s a great party love,” he said into her hair.

Buffy planted a kiss on his cheek and continued to munch. “I don’t think it was Xander’s idea for his engagement party.”

“No, not at all,” snickered Spike.

“I just wanted him to realise what he was getting into with Anya. She has all this great demon heritage behind her. It would be shame if she was forced to not express it.”

“Perhaps it’s something that they have to discuss themselves pet.”

“I agree and I’m not trying to meddle...well maybe a little. But last time it was left up to them and it blew up at the wedding. Bad things happened.”

As expected D’Hoffryn won the game of Crantanouk and it was suddenly time for presents.

Unfortunately the presents in general made Xander greener and greener as the night progressed. Hallfrek gave the couple a blessed flagellation paddle, for the groom’s right of flagellation, D’Hoffryn gave a large quantity of burlap and three buckets of blood larva, for the bride’s maids dresses. Bob the Doughnut guy gave the couple 2 dozen doughnuts filled with corma’nik filling, which Buffy had tried, and was surprisingly yummy. Bob had even promised to supply the reception with the doughnuts. Dawn gave a Marriage for Dummies book and Spike and Buffy had gone to the sex toy shop for their gift.

Giles’ contribution was the gift everyone passed around. The normal humans, who still thought that D’Hoffryn and Clem were dressed up in costumes, thought it was a joke, but Xander knew better. Some how, Giles had found a copy of that Arashamahar best seller: “Living with a Vengeance Demon, a Survival Guide.”

Anya insisted that it would be Xander’s bed time reading until the wedding.

Xander balked at the idea that he was going to read it at all.

Willow and Tara had complied an Arashamahar cookbook. Truth was that Willow was really into demon cooking now. Buffy had been threatened with something called Kweenriel for dinner when it was Willow’s turn next to make supper.

She was willing to try anything once.
__________________________________________
Buffy snuggled up to her mate in bed after all the guests had gone home.

“You know Willow wanted to throw us a Claiming party...” she began.

Spike snorted.

“Ya I didn’t think you’d like that.”

“Claims are meant to be private and meaningful. Not a bloody parade for the plebes.”

“They just want to be happy for us.”

“Can they be happy for us without 76 bloody trombones?”

“What’s wrong with that? You said when I sussed out what I wanted there would be a parade with 76 trombones.”

“Was being facetious love.”

Buffy smiled.

“Well I’ve made up my mind already. Get with the trombone-ing.”

“If you say so,” he said as he rolled on top of her and turned out the light.
__________________________________________
Xander regained his ability to speak and process thought in time to celebrate Thanksgiving with the Scoobies.

Unfortunately for Buffy she had been persuaded to make Thanksgiving dinner again. Sure she was more confident in her cooking abilities, but it would have been nice if people had agreed to help. The only one she had managed to coerce into helping her was Spike. But he said that there was no way he was taking responsibility for the disaster that the meal would inevitably turn out to be. So she whacked him on the head.

Buffy enjoyed being let loose in the kitchen, she came up with her best ideas while she was stirring. In fact the best idea she had ever had popped into her head at that very moment.

She could find the scythe by herself, before the first started getting interested in it. She could find a spell to make there only be one slayer. She didn’t care if it was her or not. That was the whole point. The first had decided to make it’s move because there was imbalance, because there was two slayers.

Buffy let out an audible squeal of delight as she stirred the gravy. She looked over at Spike, diligently peeling potatoes. He was even gorgeous when he was going menial labour. Something for which he was never destined to do. He was Childer, not a minion. She couldn’t help but think that somehow they had completely ruined his unlife. He was The Slayer of Slayers, not a house vamp.

“What was that about?” asked Spike, referring to the squeal.

“Nothing, just ...Well it’s nothing you have to worry about.”

“R-ight,” he said, turning his attention back to the potatoes. “It doesn’t have to do with your bloody teeth does it?”

Buffy smiled. “No, but now that you mention them...”

“Spare me please.”

Buffy laughed.

“I thought you said that fangs made the vampire? Should me wanting to take care of my teeth and appreciating them garner me some esteem from the fanged crowd?”

“Is she talking about her teeth again?” asked Dawn. “I vote for having them taken out in the middle of the night, so we don’t have to hear about it any more.”

Buffy gasped. “You wouldn’t dare!”

“Wouldn’t I?” said Dawn evilly, as she grabbed an apple and exited the kitchen.

Buffy was distracted from retorting by the phone ringing, and Willow coming into the room to hand her the handset.

“It’s your father,” said Willow seriously.

Buffy took the phone hesitantly.

“Daddy?” she whispered.
__________________________________________
tbc...

 

Chapter 17:

__________________________________________
Chapter 17: Thanksgiving with the Summers

“He’s coming for dinner,” said Buffy as she returned to her gravy, after she had handed the phone to Dawn. “He just invited himself over. In fact he‘s in the car on his way right now.”

“You don’t sound happy about that luv,” said Spike as he finished off the last of the potatoes.

“Why should I feel happy about it? I haven’t seen my father since his funeral, in which I found out that he had a whole other family that he never told us about.”

“He’s bringing some woman called Caprice,” said Dawn as she plopped down on a bar stool around the island.

“That would be her.”

“Her what?”

“Caprice, the step mom.”

“Huh?”

“Caprice will be our step mom, and Dad won’t tell us about it or even invite us to the wedding.”

“Why not?”

“Cause after tonight, Caprice will think we hate her. And she won’t be far off.”
__________________________________________
Buffy looked around the table. Everyone was chewing in silence. It was sad really. Everyone was petrified of saying the wrong thing in front of Hank and Caprice.

Not that Buffy blamed them. The thing was that she wasn’t afraid. In fact she wanted to see her dad’s face when someone mentioned demons or vampires.

Spike was carefully sipping his blood from a mug, and Anya was discretely munching on some Portantus.

“So Dad, I think it’s time I told you something. I’m a Vampire Slayer,” said Buffy between bites of mashed potatoes that had been pulverized to perfection by a slightly irate vampire.

Hank Summers spat out his wine. “Excuse me? Vampire Slayer? That nonsense that we had to put you in the home for?”

“That’s right Dad. Except I’m not crazy. Vampires are real. Demons are real and I fight the bad ones.”

“Oh this is ridiculous.” Hank dropped his fork on his plate. “I don’t have to sit here and listen to this crazy talk.”

“Although I do not agree with your daughter’s way of disclosing the information to you Mr Summers, Buffy is telling the truth,” said Giles. “Buffy is a Slayer, the one girl in all the world chosen...”

“That’s a load of crap,” interrupted Hank.

“It’s not a load of crap,” said Dawn forcefully.

“That’s right!” said Anya, “I was once a vengeance demon, I feared the Slayer until I was cast into this mortal coil once more to life and die as a human.”

“What about him?” asked Caprice pointing to Spike.

Buffy smiled. “He’s a vampire.”

Hank laughed out loud. “Really let’s see his fangs then, he looks like just another punk kid if you ask me.”

“Spike’s no kid Mr Summers,” said Tara.

“He’s 121 in vamp years,” said Dawn proudly.

“And them?” asked Caprice pointing at Tara and Willow.

“Witches,” supplied Xander,

“And I’m a mystical Key that opens portals between dimensions,” said Dawn. “I was created last year, I’m not really your daughter!”

“Dawn, you don’t know what you are saying! I remember you being born, bringing you home from the hospital.”

“The result of a spell,” said Giles, cleaning his glasses. “Buffy do you really think that this was wise? Telling your father and his friend about all of this.”

“Oh I think this was an excellent time to discuss this. It just made up my mind to take Dawn away from all this madness,” said Hank.

“I won’t go!” yelled Dawn.

“You can’t take her, Dad, she’s not yours. I’ll have them do a paternity test,” said Buffy. “And don’t you dare say that mom cheated on you. Dawn’s mine. She was made from me. She was made from my blood. She’s mine and Spike’s.”

Spike dropped his glass of blood, creating a puddle of red liquid in the middle of his empty plate.

“Ewww, is that blood?” said Caprice.

“Got yourself a real brain surgeon there Hank,” said Spike. “What did you mean about Dawn being mine and yours Slayer?”

Buffy gulped. “I think that was something I forgot to mention in our little secret tell all session...”

“Dear Lord,” muttered Giles.

“Ya think?” shouted Spike.

“Squee!” clapped Dawn.

“I always thought that Dawn looked a little like Spike,” said Anya, “Dawn doesn't look a thing like Buffy.”

Everyone turned to look at Anya. “Portantus?” she said offering her small bowl of the treats. “What?”
__________________________________________
Hank Summers ranted and raved for an hour before he decided that it wasn’t worth the effort and plopped down in front of the TV to watch Football.

Buffy stared disbelievingly at her father. She just couldn’t believe that he was still in her house given his outburst. It was completely like him to make everyone move to accommodate him. Spike was sulking off in a corner because he wanted to watch a Man U game instead of the Raiders game that Hank was watching. Spike had this strange notion that he should be nice to her dad.

Buffy crossed the room and turned the channel to Spike’s international Sports channel.

“Sorry Dad, but it’s Spike’s house, and he’s been looking forward to this game for a week.” Buffy tossed the remote to her mate and walked out of the living room.

“What do you mean that it’s his house?” asked her father getting up and following her into the kitchen.

“Spike lives here. He’s my mate. Vampire equivalent to marriage actually. In essence he’s my husband.”

“Excuse me?”

“Congrats Buffy!” said Caprice happily bounding into the kitchen. “Anya just told me that you were recently mated!”

Buffy smiled.

“Thanks Caprice.”

“Are you planning a human ceremony soon? I’d love to come. I love interspecies weddings, they are just so fun. Anya was telling me about her union with Xander. And the engagement party! What a great idea! I just wish Rowan would have let me know she was going.”

“You know Rowan Greentree?”

“She’s my cousin.”

“You’re a Brownie?”

Caprice nodded.

“You’re a what?” exploded Hank.

“The woman you love Hank dear,” Caprice said to Hank. “I was so scared when your father told me who you were. Rowan told me the Slayer’s name last year. When I met Hank it never occurred to me that he was the father of the Slayer. I mean, it’s so strange! Imagine a Brownie falling for the Slayer’s father!”

Buffy smiled weakly. “But you didn’t know that Spike was a vampire?”

“No, I’ve never seen William the Bloody in person, and Brownies don’t have a sense to tell the difference between demons and humans, just that they aren’t Brownies.”

“I did not know that.”

“William the what?” asked Hank.

“William the Bloody, Dad, Slayer of Slayers is my mate. I call him Spike. In public anyway.”

“What do you call him in private?” asked Anya coming into the kitchen. “Have you got anymore Portantus?”

“No I think that was the last of it. Ask Willow to whip up some more,” said Buffy.

“I think Willow and Tara went up stairs for some post feast sex...”

Buffy looked at her father expecting an outburst. He just stood there his mouth gaping.

“Willow and Tara are lesbians, Dad.”

“I need to sit down,” said her father trudging back to the living room.

“Huh, Vamps and demons he can handle...Lesbians not so much.”
__________________________________________
“So did it go like last time?” asked Anya after Hank and Caprice had gone back to LA, Giles had left for home and Spike and Xander were watching Monty Python’s Meaning of Life. Dawn had fallen asleep on the couch.

“Not really, no,” said Buffy. “Last time, I was all I was pulled from Heaven Girl. I was having secret sex sessions with Spike and beating him up at the same time. Giles wasn’t here. Willow and Tara were broken up, so Tara didn’t come. Dawn wasn’t speaking to me. It was a very different Thanksgiving last time.”

“But was this one better?”

“Absolutely.”
__________________________________________
“So you gonna ask Buffy to marry you?” asked Xander as he sat on one side of the sleeping Dawn.

“I don’t know what business it is of yours whelp,” responded Spike.

“I ask, because I’ve been instructed by my fiancée to do some intelligence gathering.”

“Which means Buffy subtlety let Anya know that she was wondering as well.”

“The womenfolk have their own ways of finding things out. It’s scary.”

“And you’re a bloody cog in the machine.”

“Hey, if I want to get laid tonight, I do what I’m told.”

Spike snickered.

“So?” prodded Xander.

“I’ll ask the bint when I’m good and ready.”

“So that’s a yes?”

“That’s a yes.”

More than half the movie passed before the two men spoke again.

“You tell anyone that I sat and watched Python with you I’ll bloody tear out your soddin’ throat.”

Xander nodded.

“Duly noted.”
__________________________________________
tbc...

 

Chapter 18:

__________________________________________
Chapter 18: Mole Girl

Buffy reluctantly left the warmth of her bed and the loving arms of her mate, shovel in hand and set out for the vineyard. She knew that Spike was going to be disappointed when he found out she wasn’t at home when he woke up, not only because he liked waking up beside her, but because he was having one of those dreams.

It was curious all the side effects of the claim. Buffy could feel when he was turned on, which frankly was like every time she walked into the room, she could feel when he was hurt and she could tell when he was thinking about her.

It was a nice feeling, to know that she was so loved.

Buffy arrived at the vineyard expecting it to be abandoned. But it wasn’t. It shocked the hell out of her to actually see the place active. Buffy decided that maybe going in through the main door was not the best idea out there. It had been a while, but she thought she remembered where the sewer entrance was. Buffy entered the sewers with confidence that she would find the entrance soon.

Turning a corner and squaring her shoulders, she marched on ahead.

An hour later she still hadn’t found what she was looking for.

“You would think that the entrance would be here,” Buffy groaned in frustration.

The problem was, that she was lost. Very very lost. She could be anywhere under Sunnydale. Buffy exhaled deeply. It was inevitable, if she wanted to get out of the sewers this millennium, she was going to need help. And the sad thing was that he was never going to let her live it down.
__________________________________________
Across town and much more above ground, Spike was startled from his sleep. Shaking his head to clear it, he looked about the room to find the person that was foremost in his thoughts at that moment. Buffy.

Spike whipped off the covers from his nude form, and grabbed his pants. It was almost a secondary thought to put them on before he opened the door that led into the hallway. Spike sniffed the air of the house to determine that his mate was not in fact in the house.

Spike grabbed his boots, a tee and his duster. He knew that Buffy needed him. He didn’t know where she was and that bothered him.

Spike pulled his duster over his head and headed outside into the sunny December morning.
__________________________________________
Buffy was getting tired of standing there. She couldn’t sit. She was standing in the freakin’ sewer after all. She stretched her legs. Spike was going to be all smug about finding her too.

Sure enough, Spike turned the corner and Buffy breathed. Unfortunately. She nearly gagged. Sewers not so pleasant smelling.

“Do you want to tell me why you are standing, with a shovel, under the Walmart?” asked Spike.

“Walmart? Good grief. I’m lost. How did I get under Walmart?”

“Where are you heading?”

“The Vineyard.”

“To do what?”

“It’s a thing, there’s a thing, a sharp metal pointy thing...”

“Buffy...”

“Ok, I need this scythe, it’s buried under the vineyard. It helped me defeat the First evil the first time.”

“Right then...this way,” said Spike without another word

Buffy picked up her shovel and followed after him.

“I’m sorry I woke you up.”

Spike snorted. “You are not, you were bloody lost, who else was going to help you out of the bind? The whelp? Couldn’t find his way out of a bag that one.”

Buffy chuckled. “I couldn’t very well get anyone else to help me could I? Don’t have a claim with any of them. Do I?”

Spike smiled. “No, you don’t.”

“And I don’t have Xander’s Toy tattooed on my ass do I?”

“Not unless you got it done since last night...”

“You wanna check now?” she offered.

Suddenly Buffy felt herself get caught up in Spike’s arms. Buffy leaned in to be kissed.

“I love only you Spike,” she purred between kisses. “But I really don’t want to do it in the sewer.”
__________________________________________
With Spike’s help, Buffy found the sewer entrance to the vineyard’s cellar. Unfortunately they discovered that it was going to need at least a jackhammer to get into the block of stone that Buffy said the scythe was encased in.

“Can’t you just magic it out?” asked Spike, lighting a cigarette.

“I could, but then again I could have magicked up myself some new teeth too, but I didn’t. Magic always has consequences.”

“Someone bloody brilliant came up with that line.”

“Fishing for a compliment are you? Alright. You said it Spike. You’re ‘Bloody Brilliant.’ Happy?”

Spike smirked.

“So how you propose to get the sharp pointy thing out of the hunk of rock then?”

“Right now? I’m thinking pick axes and sledge hammers.”

“Bugger, you want me to help don’t you?”

“Was thinking about persuading you, yes.”
__________________________________________
Buffy and Spike, returned dirty from walking around in the sewers to hear Anya and Xander shouting in the living room.

Why they were having a fight in her house, Buffy couldn’t understand.

“What’s up guys?” said the slayer trying to be positive.

“God, Buffy what happened, you look like you’ve been trapped in the sewers,” said Anya

“Cause I don’t ever do that...”

“Oh, did you have fun in the sewer then?” asked Anya happily.

“Not so much.”

“What the bloody hell are you and the whelp doing in our house, having a row?” asked Spike.

“Oh that’s not important now,” said Anya. “What is important is that the amount of money we are spending on this wedding is directly proportionate to number of fights we have about it.”

“So it’s what, 500$ a fight?” asked Buffy.

“Roughly,” nodded Anya.

“Hmm, so what was the fight about this time?”

“Apparently I’m not respecting her demon traditions,” said Xander.

Buffy nodded.

“I merely asked if you were willing to participate in the flagellating. And suddenly I’m getting lectured about the vile demons and the grossness of the food and weirdness of my demon family. I’m sorry if I don’t have crazy drunk parents like yours.”

“Hey! I think that’s hitting below the belt! No more hitting, down there!”

“And telling me that we shouldn’t have my demon friends at the wedding at all cause they aren’t normal or important isn’t? They are important to me Xander!”

“Buffy back me up here, I just can’t let my normal human parents around vengeance demons. Bad things could happen, I mean just one I wish statement from my mom and it’s alternate reality time.”

Buffy put up her hands in defence. “I am so not taking sides here Xander. This is something you two have to work out yourselves.”

“And work it out in your own house!” said Spike angrily.
__________________________________________
For an entire week, Buffy returned home completely covered in dirt and debris. Spike had helped out for the first few days, but had eventually found excuses not to dig.

Buffy had thought about ranting at him that she was dong this to save his undead life...but thought the better of it. She really didn’t need more complications to her plan. If it even really was a plan.

Dawn was off of school now and studying for her Christmas exams, so were Willow and Tara. It was surprising really, to Buffy, that Willow had actually toned down her magic use, despite the fact that Amy was still very heavily into the witchcraft.

Buffy could only hope that everything would be rainbows and puppies in Willow land this Christmas.

Buffy stepped into the shower to wash today’s dirt and grime from her body. Dawn had started referring to her as mole girl to the other scoobies, and to tell you the truth it wasn’t really not deserved.

The warm water was welcome to her weary bones. Buffy had reached out to grab her shampoo when she accidentally knocked over a new bottle in the shower. Buffy groaned as she stretched her tired muscles to pick up the bottle. As the water dripped down her nose she read the label, ‘intensive care for dry damaged colour treated hair.’ Must be Spike’s she thought.

It was comforting how he seamlessly just fit into their lives. Buffy wrapped her arms around her sudsy self and exhaled contentedly. She just hoped that her plan with the scythe would work.
__________________________________________
When Buffy exited the shower there was an irate Dawn standing outside tapping her foot.

“You can’t ignore me forever you know...” began her sister.

“Ignore you about what?” asked Buffy innocently, clutching at the towel that covered her frame.

“Come on! I know you told Spike, why can’t you tell me?”

Buffy looked at her sister incredulously. “I honestly don’t know what you are talking about Dawn. I’m in a friggin towel in the middle of the hallway. You are going to have to enlighten me.”

“How I’m made of Spike and you.”

“Ohhhhh,” said Buffy now realising what the conversation was about. “Sorry, I’m old, sometimes, it just leaks out my brain.”

“Ya, ya you are old, not like I haven’t heard that excuse before. So tell already.”

“Right, ok, when you were pregnant with Eleanor, you went on this personal mission to find out as much as you possibly could about the monks and how they made you. You found the spell that they used to turn the key into you and started to translate it.”

Buffy yanked her sliding towel back up.

“Well?”

“Well, you translated the spell, found out that the spell had been modified from it’s original. That you were supposed to be a copy made from me, but that the monks, they chose to blend my DNA with someone else’s, so that you didn‘t turn out to be a clone.”

“How did you find out it was Spike?”

“I didn’t find out anything Dawnie.”

“How did I find it out then?”

“You had the council do a paternity test on yourself.”

“But I didn’t have options of who my DNA donor was.”

“No, but attach a spell to that puppy and whoosh, there were sparks. Spikes actually.”

“So was there like a big red light that whooshed him?”

“No, cause he was dead.”

“Then how?”

“Your big red light found something I had kept that had Spike’s DNA on it.”

“What was it?”

“I am so not telling you that.” Buffy blushed.

“And that’s how I knew...”

“And that’s how you knew... Can I get dressed now?”
__________________________________________
Christmas morning, Buffy was delighted by the scads of presents under the tree. Most of them seemed to be for her too. Unfortunately she caught on to her friends’ game half way through the present opening. Everyone had decided to get Buffy gag gifts too. Willow had given her a collection of toothbrushes, Amy dental floss, Xander toothpaste, Dawn Polident, and Anya a denture case.

It also seemed that some of the practical gifts were teeth related too. Giles had put a mouth guard in her stocking, and Anya gave her an electric toothbrush.

“Ok, I get the point!” said Buffy looking with puzzlement as she held up another bottle of mouthwash.
__________________________________________
It was on an early January morning that Buffy trudged home, completely covered in dirt, but confidently griping her scythe.

She had spent much of the Christmas holiday hacking away at that block of stone. Actually she spent a lot of time since thanksgiving stuck in that vineyard cellar. Probably not the best way of going about not ignoring Dawn, or helping Xander and Anya with their problems or Willow with her magic overuse.

She hadn’t been thinking about them at all. The focus was Spike. She couldn’t let him die, not again. Buffy stashed the Scythe in her bedroom closet and threw herself into the shower.

When she immerged, clean and no longer like the mole person she once was, she saw Spike sitting on their bed looking at the weapon from a cross the room, her closet door still wide open.

“This it then?” he asked.

“Yep, the reason Buffy’s been all mole person,” she said sitting next to him clad only in a towel.

“You gonna resurface now?”

“Yeah, I’m done with the digging.”

“Missed you,” he said sadly, gathering her into his arms.

“I missed you too,” she said into his shoulder.
__________________________________________
Buffy reappeared at her spot at the Magic Box the next day, eager to resume her normal life, which included her thesis on vampire mating and family structures, being maid of honour to Anya, annoying older sister to Dawn and dutiful slayer to Giles.

“You aren’t covered in dirt!” exclaimed Anya happily.

“Nope, dirt free today.”

“I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to rejoin us clean people.”

Buffy laughed.

“I’m sorry I’ve been unavailable for such a long time. I had something to find.” Buffy took the scythe out from its finding spot under the table.

“Wow, that is a very impressive weapon.”

“Shiny too. So where’s Giles? I want to show and tell.”

“He’s found fault with my inventory again. It is possible that he accused me of stealing the burba weed this morning. I couldn’t tell, he was muttering in that extremely strange British way he has.”

Buffy chuckled.

“I know who’s stealing your burba weed, Anya, just charge it to me.”

“Spike.”

“Spike, he likes to think he’s still evil.”

Giles emerged from the store room pleased to see Buffy at her spot at the table.

“Look Giles! I have a shiny pointy thingy!” said the Slayer pleasantly.

Giles was instantly mesmerized by the scythe. It took him at least a full 45 minutes to regain the ability to process conversation.

“Where did you find this Buffy?” he finally asked.

“The vineyard, it’s been there for centuries. It was meant for Slayers. I can feel it. Like it was meant for me.”

“Extraordinary. Does it have a name?”

“I think so... the only thing coming to mind though is question mark. I don’t know, it’s been a while since I had to explain it. Plus I had to give this baby away to another slayer when I stopped slaying.”

“Why did you stop slaying?” asked Anya

“I got old.”

“Oh that makes sense.”

“Buffy, may I take this to discover...” trailed off Giles.

“Oh yes, by all means, discover away,” said Buffy. “But I will need it back.”

“Oh yes of course,” said the watcher looking intently at his Slayer’s newest toy.
__________________________________________
Dawn strolled into the magic shop after her school day whistling a jaunty tune, but stopped dead in her tracks as she beheld her sister sitting a the table.

“Buffy! You’re clean!”

“Oh good lord,” said Buffy. “I really wasn’t down there that long.”

“You mean you don’t like being reminded that you’ve been mole girl for like ever?”

“Hardly.”

“I think that Buffy regrets her decision to be a subterranean dweller for the past month. We should not make sport of her new found delight in the above ground world,” declared Anya.

“Thank you Anya,” said Buffy, “I think.”
__________________________________________
tbc...

 

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