Chapter 10 - Anger


A few days later, Buffy was flipping through her mail as she was
getting ready to leave for work when a plain white envelope caught her eye.
Opening it up, Buffy’s eyes widened in indignation.

“That son of a bitch!” she spat out as she reached for her phone.
“Xander, it’s me…yeah, do me a favor and tell Lorne I’ll be running late…I just
have some business to take care of.”

After hanging up the phone, Buffy rushed out of her apartment, clutching
the piece of paper in her hand, slamming the door on her way.

* * * * *

Once Buffy entered the prestigious law firm, she asked for directions to
Spike’s office, or more accurately, William Chase’s office. Jogging up the
stairs in her high heels, Buffy breezed past his ditzy blonde secretary and
threw open his office door.

“You bastard!” she yelled as she caught sight of him, leaning on his
desk and laughing with two other men. Buffy recognized one from the bar the
other night but didn’t pay attention to him.

Spike raised an eyebrow as Buffy stomped over to his desk, slamming her
hand down on the wood surface. Looking down, he noticed a wrinkled check.

“What? Did you forget to leave it on the nightstand? I can’t believe you.
You sent me money! And what, may I ask, is it for, Spike? Services
rendered?”

Spike wisely stayed quiet through Buffy’s rant, noticing over her shoulder as Angel grabbed an amused Lindsey by the arm and led him out of the office, shutting the door on the way.

“Calm down, luv,” Spike said in a soothing voice.

“No! I will not calm down! Why would you do it, Spike?”

“You said you needed money- I’m giving it to you.”

“If someone asks for money, you give them twenty bucks. I never asked!
I’m doing fine without your charity, and I sure as hell don’t need you to
write me checks for thousands of dollars! I’m not some little pet project of
yours! And I really don’t appreciate being treated like a whore!”

Turning to head back to the door, she heard the amusement in Spike’s
voice. “We didn’t sleep together the other night, luv. Now, I could
understand this little scenario would be quite different if we had. Then you
could have taken it as some type of payment, but I’m sorry to tell you that this
is just me being nice.”

“No, Spike,” she said quietly as she turned to face him with her hand
on the door handle. “This was about you not feeling guilty.”

With one last look, Buffy turned and left the office. Spike didn’t
follow her. She didn’t expect he would, but it still left her a little
disappointed, which in turn, made her mad at herself. As she reached
the front door of the building, her path was blocked by a large, well-built
man in a very expensive suit. Buffy looked up at him questioningly as she
tried to remember where she’d seen him.

“Quite a little show you put on,” he said with a smile. “Haven’t seen
anyone lay into Spike like that in a long time.”

‘Oh yeah,’ she thought. ‘He was upstairs.'

“And you are?” she asked.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Liam Angelus,” he said, shaking her hand. “Most people
call me Angel.”

“Pretty name,” she said. “I’m Buffy. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m late
for work.”

“Oh yeah, sure. Listen, I was wondering if I could ask you something?”

“And that would be?”

“There’s this restaurant opening tomorrow night, and I still don’t have
a date. I was wondering if you would allow me to escort you.”

“Listen, if this is about what happened up in Spike’s office, I’m not
that type of girl-“

“Never crossed my mind. I was just in need of a date, and I don’t think
I’ll be bored with you,” he said with a warm smile.

Buffy seemed to think about it for a minute. She hadn’t had a date in
five months, and this man wasn’t bad to look at. “Okay,” she agreed with an
answering smile. “It’s a date.”

“Great. If you’ll give me your address, I’ll pick you up at seven.
Oh, and it’s one of those boring black tie events.”

“Shouldn’t be too bad,” she said, writing her address down for him.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you then, Buffy.”

Buffy put the finishing touches on her dress the next night as she
waited for Angel to pick her up. Making sure she looked okay, Buffy did a
little twist for the mirror, watching as the black halter dress clung to the
appropriate curves. The dress had a low cut front and was completely
backless, cutting dangerously low in the back. Even in her tall high
heels, the dress still swept lightly across the floor, with a slit up the
back.

As Buffy finished fixing her hair, which was swept up in a
twist with a few loose tendrils around her face, she heard someone buzz from
downstairs. Glancing out the window, she saw Angel and quickly buzzed
him in, grabbing her purse and her wrap as she headed for the door.

Swinging it open as Angel’s hand was poised to knock, Buffy gave him a
bright smile. “Hey!”

“Hi,” he said with an answering smile. “You look lovely.”

“Thank you.” Buffy turned to lock the door as Angel led her down the
stairs and out of the building.

Twenty minutes later, their car pulled up in front of a beautiful restaurant with ivy and numerous flowers growing along the exterior. Angel offered Buffy his arm as he led her through the throngs of people to get to the front door.

As they entered, Buffy handed her wrap over to Angel to check with his
overcoat as she stared around the building in amazement. The level
they were on appeared to not have a purpose. Instead, the floor split, with
some stairs leading downward, as the rest of level seemed to wrap around the
huge floor below, creating a balcony effect. As Angel led her to the lower
level, Buffy looked at the hard-wood floor with elegantly set tables spread
periodically throughout the vast space. A band was playing on a stage in
the back with a space set aside to use as a dance floor, which a few couples
were taking advantage of.

Angel led Buffy to a table set for eight people. Right before they arrived to sit down, Buffy saw the familiar bleach blonde head sitting next to a blonde woman.

* * * * *

Spike sat at the table, listening to the incessant whining of his date.
“Harm, why don’t you just ask for another drink if you hate that one so
much?”

“Spikey, I don’t think it’s fair that they should advertise it as having
alcohol when it clearly doesn’t.”

Spike rolled his eyes. “It’s a margarita. If you wanted more alcohol, why not
order a straight drink?”

“Eww.”

Spike had to visibly restrain himself from banging his head against the
table. Or hers. That thought brought a smile to his face. Seeing a
movement out of the corner of his eye, Spike turned slightly and saw Angel
heading toward him. Just as he was about to greet him, Spike caught
the eye of his date and froze.

“Hello, everybody,” Angel said as they got to the table. “Looks like
we’re the last ones here,” he continued as he held out Buffy’s chair for her.

Buffy smiled at him and sat down in between Spike and Angel. Under
normal circumstances, this may have been thrilling, sitting between two handsome men, but considering her
history with Spike, Buffy sat rigidly as an older man stood up and offered his
hand.

“I’m Holland Manners. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Buffy shook
his hand and smiled as she was introduced to his wife.

“I’m not sure who you know, Buffy,” Angel said. “So this is Lilah
Morgan.” Buffy smiled at the woman who looked at her coldly. “Lindsey
McDonald.”

Lindsey stood up and kissed her hand. “It’s good to see you again,
darling.”

Buffy smiled as he poured on the charm. “You, too, Mr. McDonald.”

“Oh please,” he said with a wave of his hand. “Call me Lindsey.”

Angel continued his introductions. “This is Harmony Kendall.” Buffy
turned to Spike’s date and offered a curt nod, which went ignored by the
airhead. “And of course you know, Spike.”

Buffy didn’t look at Spike as she mumbled a hello.

Spike, however, leaned forward to whisper in her ear, “Hello, luv.”
The tickling of his breath sent shivers down her spine that Buffy
repressed.

Everyone made small talk for several minutes before a client of Angel’s
came over and asked him to speak privately. Angel excused himself as Lilah
turned to face Buffy. “So, you’ve managed to snag one of L.A.’s top
bachelors for the night.”

“Is there a problem?” Buffy asked with an edge to her voice.

“You’ll have to forgive Lilah,” Lindsey spoke up. “She has this thing
with Angel where she feels like he’s hers.”

“Must be tough,” Buffy said. “To want someone who clearly doesn’t want
you.”

Spike cringed at the obvious meaning of her words before shooting
daggers at Lindsey for what he said next. “Spike, did you two work out your
differences yesterday?”

“That’s really not your concern, is it, mate?” he said in a low voice.

“Differences?” Lilah asked.

“Yeah, Buffy and Spike got into it pretty bad yesterday.”

“Oh really?” Lilah said, looking at Spike.

“Yeah,” Lindsey continued. “Apparently, there’s still a lot of unresolved
tension from the break-up.”

“You dated her?” Lilah asked incredulously.

Spike stayed silent, staring at the place-setting in front of him, while gritting his teeth. Buffy waited for something, any kind of acknowledgement. When none came, she roughly pushed her chair back and walked away.

Angel saw his date moving toward the staircase and excused himself to
chase after her. “Buffy, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry, Angel, but I need to go.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing for you to worry about. Thank you for inviting me, but I
think it would be best if I left.”

“Okay, let me get my car.”

“No, that’s not necessary.”

“Buffy, I’m taking you home.”

“Angel, I’m fine.”

Angel sighed. “Well, at least let me call you a cab.”

“That you can do,” she said with a smile. Buffy collected her wrap and turned to see Angel behind her.

“I’m really sorry for leaving, Angel,” Buffy said. “I mean, I agreed to come tonight and then just
abandon you.”

“It’s okay. I just wish you’d tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s really nothing to worry about.”

“I’m guessing Spike fits into the equation somehow.”

“Yeah,” she said softly.

“I’m sorry, Buffy. I never should have left you alone with him. I know
how he can be.”

“It wasn’t anything he said,” she replied, staring out the front windows
of the building. “It’s what he didn’t say.”

Angel stayed quiet for a few minutes until he saw the cab pull up. “Are
you sure you’re okay?”

“I’ll be fine.”

He nodded as he escorted her outside to the waiting car. Paying the
driver in advance, Angel held the door open as he looked at Buffy.

“You heading home?’

“Actually, this may seem a little strange, but I was thinking about
going in to work.”

Angel smiled. “You’re all dressed up for a night on the town, and you
want to go to work?”

“I know it seems silly,” she said with a smile. “But I know they’ll be
busy tonight, and working is better than nothing.”

“Buffy, if you want to go somewhere, we can go. You never got anything
to eat- we could go to another restaurant.”

“No, you should probably head back in. I know it’s important to
schmooze the clients at events like these.”

Angel smiled at her and helped her off the curb. Buffy turned before
she got into the cab and gave Angel a soft kiss on the lips. It was sweet,
but there were no fireworks for either of them. With a smile, Buffy got
into the cab. Angel watched as it drove away and turned to head back into
the restaurant, only to be met with an outraged Spike.

“What the hell are you trying to pull, Peaches?” he growled in a low
voice.

“I don’t know what you mean, Spike,” Angel said with an honest expression, as he pushed past him.

“I mean, you bring a girl I dated to an opening you knew I’d be
attending. That sounds like something Lindsey would do, not you.”

“Yeah, Spike,” Angel said, whirling around to face him. “And you better be glad it was me and not Linds, cause you know what? He would have been in
that car with her, trying to get some right now.”

Spike watched as Angel walked back into the restaurant before turning and giving the
valet his ticket. He had to find out some answers.

* * * * *

Buffy quickly changed into her skirt and a pale blue tank top. As she
put on her shoes, she heard a knock at the door. She headed over to the
door and opened it to reveal a very angry Spike.

“How did you get in?”

“Your neighbor was kind enough to open the door for me,” he said,
walking past her into the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

“Please come in,” Buffy said sarcastically. “Don’t plan on staying. I have a cab waiting on me.”

“No, you don’t,” he said, turning to face her.

“What?”

“I said, no, you don’t.”

“Damn it, Spike, what are you doing here?”

“I want to know what you’re trying to do?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said. As she pushed past
him, she felt Spike grab her arm, halting her movements.

“I’m talking about you making your way through the Wolfram and Hart
lawyers.”

Buffy looked at him with disbelief and hurt evident on her face, before her hand came up to slap him sharply on the cheek. ‘Bloody hell,’ Spike thought. ‘Why do you always have to open your mouth, you wanker?’

“I can’t believe you.”

“Tell me I’m wrong then,” Spike said, rubbing his jaw.

“You’re wrong,” she said, jerking her arm out of his grasp. “I have
one date with a guy you know, and all of a sudden, I’m the resident whore?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to. ‘Making my way through the Wolfram and Hart
lawyers’ pretty much summed up what you think of me. You don’t even see me as good enough to let your colleagues know that we dated.”

“That’s not true,” he said quietly. “I see you as too good to let them know you dated me.”

“Whatever. I don’t know why you’ve turned into the biggest asshole I’ve ever met, but I’m not sticking around to find out. I’m leaving,” she said, heading for the door.

“Why were you with Angel?”

Buffy spun around to face him. “Because he asked me. What? Is he too good for me, too?”

“Buffy, listen to what I’m saying. It’s the other way around, pet. I don’t know of a soul in this city that’s worthy or what you have to give.”

Buffy took a deep breath as she looked at him, “You know, I
thought this is what you wanted. Figure out what I want before I settle on
anyone. Isn’t that what you said? You didn’t expect me to remain celibate for
the rest of my life, did you?”

Spike’s eyes flashed as a jealous rage flooded through him. He was on her in an instant, pushing her into the wall behind her. “Don’t think for one second you could ever forget about me.”

“Oh, believe me, I know that’s impossible,” she replied, anger dripping
from her words. “Why are you here? You don’t want me. Too busy going out
with your little bimbo to remember I’m alive.”

“Oh, trust me, luv, I could never forget about you.”

“Let go of me,” she said, struggling in his arms.

“What’s the fun in that? I thought this is what you wanted? For us to
be close again? We’re close now, luv,” he whispered as he gently nibbled
on her ear.

“Don’t,” she said in a strangled whisper, rapidly losing the will to argue with him.

“Stop me,” he murmured as his hands slid up her thighs.

Buffy suddenly realized what she was doing and pushed hard against his
chest. “No!”

The second the word was out of her mouth, Spike quickly took a step back and stared at her. He wanted to get his point across, but he wasn’t about to force her.

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked quietly. “Why are you acting like this? This isn’t you.”

“Bloody hell! How do you know this isn’t me?!” he yelled angrily. “You don’t know what I’m capable of!”

“You’re not capable of hurting me,” Buffy said with a level gaze.

Spike advanced on her like a predator, pinning her to the wall with a hand on each side of her face. “You sure about that?” he asked in a rough voice.

Buffy looked up into his eyes. “You’re the one who seems so sure of himself. Do something. You wanna show that you’ve got the power? Go for it.” Buffy stared at him, knowing he would never do anything that she wouldn’t want.

Spike clenched his jaw as she called his bluff. He stared into her face, she wasn’t scared or angry, simply looking right back into his eyes with an unwavering stare. Suddenly he began to shake as he realized that this woman had more trust in him than he had in himself. Pushing away from her, Spike took several steps to distance himself, hoping to clear his head.

“There are things you don’t know, Buffy,” he said as he stared at the floor. “You shouldn’t be with someone like me.”

“Why don’t you let me make that decision,” she said quietly, before looking at him in disbelief as realization came over her. “It’s all been an act.”

Spike looked up at her with tears shimmering in his eyes. The look was a vast contradiction of wanting to be loved, but wanting to be left alone as well.

“Everything…from the money to the badass attitude.” Spike watched as fear crossed over her face. “Was it an act with me?”

“What?” he asked in confusion.

“When we were…when you and I…became more intimate. Was it all just an act?”

“No,” Spike said vigorously shaking his head. “Never, luv. I care about you, I never wanted to hurt you.”

“You’ve never let yourself get close to anyone, so you pushed me away before you let yourself go,” Buffy murmured in comprehension. “You tried to get me to hate you. Spike what happened?”

She watched as he just shook his head, walking over to stare out the window as Buffy stood behind him.

“The check?” she asked softly. “That’s your way of dealing with everything, isn’t it? That way you don’t have to get close. You just sign away some money and feel better about yourself because you helped.”

Spike let out a shaky sigh, gripping the windowsill as she spoke.

“But I’m not like anybody else that you’ve dealt with, am I?”

“No, you’re not.”

“I never wanted your money, Spike. I want…I wanted you.”

“Buffy-“

“No,” Buffy said quietly as he turned around to face her. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. I know there’s a lot that you haven’t told me, that you probably never will.”

“Do you hate me?”

The question was so quiet, Buffy stared at him for a moment. “I hate the way you’ve handled some things, but no. I don’t hate you.”

“I never meant to make you feel like a…I never meant that, Buffy. I really do just want to help you.”

“It’s okay. I know you were just dealing with something the only way you know how, but I don’t need your help. Just don’t let it happen again.”

Buffy had to fight to hold in a sigh as his hand came up to gently caress her cheek. Suddenly realizing what she was doing, Buffy took a step back. “You can’t do this to me again, Spike. It will always end up the same…you
don’t love me.”

Spike looked at her for a long moment before turning and walking to
the door. “I never wanted to hurt you, Buffy. I never should have let myself get close to you.”

Buffy turned to look at him and saw the sorrowful expression on his
face. “But you did. Imagine what we would have missed out on if you hadn’t.” Buffy looked at him and let out a sigh. “I’m not going to put my life on hold just so you can feel better, Spike. I’m alone and I hate it. I’m miserable because I have nothing to look forward to anymore. So I’m sorry if I want to find
someone to be with, but you obviously don’t want me that way.”

Spike listened sadly to her softly spoken words. “You deserve better
than I could ever give you, Buffy.”

“Apparently that’s not up for debate.”

Without another word, Spike turned and walked out of the apartment.

Buffy watched sadly, as he left. Wishing there was some way she could get close to him, without scaring him away.

Spike leaned against the door as it shut behind him and squeezed his eyes
shut as he brought a hand up to cover his face, stopping the flow of tears that wanted to emerge. He didn’t deserve her. Tonight, that point was made glaringly obvious, but why did he have to want her so much?

Chapter 12 - Revelation


Buffy got off work the next night and headed out the door of the club.
She stopped when she was encountered with a familiar face.

“It’s about time you showed up. I’ve been waiting out here for an
hour.”

Buffy stared in shock as Cordelia looked at her from where she was
leaning against her car.

“Cordy, what are you doing here?” she asked, walking over and giving
the other woman a hug.

“I came to kidnap you,” she replied, opening the car door. “Get in.”

Buffy smiled and hopped in the car as Cordy got in on the driver’s side.

“Let me guess, Spike called you.”

“Yeah,” Cordy said. “A couple of days ago, actually, but I’ve been
swamped with work.”

“So what are you doing here?” Buffy asked.

“Well, Spike told me what happened with your mom, and I felt terrible.
Everybody should have someone for the holidays, and since tomorrow is
Christmas Eve, you get me.”

“Cordy, that’s so sweet, but I can’t do that.”

“Sure you can. We are going to run by your place and pick up some
clothes, and then it’s off to my house for a fun-filled night of ice cream,
indoor swimming, and lots of corny eighties movies.”

Buffy had to smile. “Cordy, it sounds like fun, but aren’t you going to
be with your family for the holidays?”

“Well, I see mom on Christmas night. Sometimes Spike joins us, if he's
not working. That leaves tonight and tomorrow night open for some quality
bonding time.”

Buffy relaxed a little. “Okay, sounds good.”

* * * * *

Later that night, Spike walked into his office, deciding to get some
work done before the holidays.

“Was wondering where the hell you were. You always want to work over Christmas.”

Spike turned toward the voice and saw Angel sitting in his desk chair,
feet propped up on Spike’s desk.

“What the hell are you doing here, Peaches?” Spike growled.

“Temper, temper. I just came to talk.”

“I have nothing to talk to you about, Angelus.”

“Oh, I think you do. And I think her name is Buffy Summers.”

Spike glared at his friend. “Why? You wanna take her out again?”

“Not exactly,” Angel said, standing and walking over to stand in front
of Spike. “I want you to do it.”

“What the bloody hell are you goin’ on about?”

“I’m not blind, Spike. I’ve seen the way you look at her. And I’m not
the only one.”

“I thought you wanted her for yourself?”

“No…on the contrary, I just wanted to show you what you were missing,” Angel said with a smirk.

Spike looked as Angel in confusion. “Why’s that?”

“Because if you didn’t see her out with someone else, you would keep
her in this little fantasy world of yours where everything is perfect and you
can go get her whenever your brain and heart finally get on the same page.”

“And why would you do this, Angelus?”

“A few reasons, actually. One being the obvious depression you’ve been in for the past few months. The only time I’ve seen your eyes show any kind of life was when she came storming through those doors the other day. It’s obvious how you feel about her, Spike- you’re just trying to keep it a secret from her. I’m guessing you feel like you’re not good enough for her, am I right?” When Spike didn’t answer, Angel continued. “The second reason is if I didn’t ask her out, Lindsey would have. And his motives are nowhere near as friendly as mine,” Angel continued as he walked toward the door.

“And the third?” Spike asked.

Angel turned around with a smile. “The third is, I want to date your
sister.”

Spike stared at his friend for a long minute. “Why?” he asked suspiciously.

“I’m 33 years old, Spike. It’s time for me to settle down. I’ve known
Cordy for years, and I’ve been falling for her for nearly as long. Just didn’t want to say anything about it because I knew you’d have my head. So, when this little opportunity arose, to show you that I’m a changed man, I figured I’d go for it. I mean, after all, if I didn’t try and score with the woman you want, then I think that goes a long way. Especially since the woman in question is a knockout.”

Spike smirked. “You know…if you hurt my baby sis-“

“Yeah, yeah, ‘If you hurt her, I’ll have to kick your ass’.”

“Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of I’d run a railroad
spike through your chest,” Spike replied with a smile. “You know, add a new
meaning to my name.”

Angel laughed. “Thanks for the imagery, William.”

“Not a problem, Liam. But you better take care of my little sister,” he replied with a serious tone.

“I fully intend to,” Angel said with a solemn face before turning and
walking out of the office. “Merry Christmas, Will.”

“You too, Angel.”

Spike stared at the door for a long time after Angel left. How was
it that his friend could effortlessly see through him? Angel could see
enough to make him face something he had been avoiding for months.

Spike dropped into his chair with a heavy thud as the events of his
interactions with Buffy came rushing back to him. He felt like he
couldn’t breathe as he saw flashes of Buffy’s smile, the way her hair fell
around her shoulders, the tears that swam in her eyes as he told her she didn’t
really love him. Spike put his head in his hands as he heard her sobs again
as he remembered walking her home and hearing about her mom. He felt the
sadness weigh down his heart as he thought of the pain that he had caused her. Thought of all the moments he just wanted to take her in his arms, whether she was in his presence at the time or just his fantasies. He vividly pictured her face as he had made love to her. So full of hope and love. He was sure, now, that his face had reflected the same feelings to her.

“I’m in love with her,” he said to the empty room.

Chapter 13 - Trying


Spike paced his office for hours, unsure of what to do. He felt
certain what he had done to Buffy was unforgivable. He knew how devastated he would feel if the situation had been reversed. He still wasn’t sure he was
good enough for her, but he knew he had to be with her.

As Spike looked up, he noticed the sun was already shining. He grabbed
his keys and left the office, slamming the door behind him.

* * * * *

Buffy and Cordy woke up early the next morning, even though they had
stayed up late the night before. Each in their bikinis, they made their way to
the indoor pool. When Buffy walked in, she was in awe of the area. Three
glass walls and a glass ceiling expanded from the back of the house to
enclose the pool area and give a spectacular view of the grounds. The large pool took up the majority of the room, with a hot tub in the back corner,
furthest away from the house. It was above ground to offer more privacy, and
there were tropical plants and small trees spanning the length of the room.

“Cordy, this is amazing,” she said in admiration.

“Thanks,” Cordelia said, tossing her towel down onto a nearby chair.
“I added it on when I bought the house. I always wanted a pool, so I
figured, why not?”

A few moments after Cordy dove into the pool and resurfaced, the doorbell chimed throughout the house. “Damn,” she said. “Buffy, do you mind
seeing who that is?”

“Sure,” Buffy said, grabbing an oversized button-down shirt off a
chair and pulling it on. She didn’t bother to button it, but instead wrapped it
around her body and headed for the door. When she got to the front door and
flung it open, both people stood staring at each other in shock.

“Buffy,” Spike said. “What are you doing here?”

Buffy swallowed hard at seeing Spike standing in front of her. “Cordy
invited me over. I-I’ll just…go…”

Buffy turned to get her friend when she felt Spike’s hand on her arm.
Turning to face him, the front of her shirt opened, leaving Spike
practically drooling at the view he was offered.

Noticing the direction his eyes were going, Buffy self-consciously pulled the fabric back together. Before she knew what was happening, Spike’s mouth
was on hers, kissing her almost brutally as his hands slid beneath her shirt
to clutch at the bare skin of her back.

Buffy felt light-headed as Spike deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue
into her mouth to tangle with her own. Her hands came up to grip his
shoulders for balance as Spike lifted her into his arms. Pushing her against the
wall, Buffy’s legs reflexively went around his waist as one of his hands
slid up to her shoulder, pushing the shirt away from her skin. Buffy moaned
into his mouth as his hand slid downward to cup her breast and squeeze
gently against the skimpy fabric of her bathing suit.

Breaking away for air after a few minutes, Buffy pulled back and looked into
Spike’s lust-filled eyes. Suddenly realizing what was happening, Buffy
straightened her legs to the floor and gently pushed at his chest until he
backed away slightly.

“Buffy, I-“

“No,” she said softly, shaking her head. “It’s okay…it’s just as much my
fault, so don’t worry about it. I’ll get Cordy for you.” She quickly turned
and made her way through the house.

“Buffy!”

“Spike, don’t,” she cried, spinning around to face him. “It’s too hard. I know you don’t want me the way I want you. I don’t hold it against you…you can’t control who you love.”

Spike watched speechlessly as she turned and disappeared through a
doorway. A few minutes later, his sister emerged. “What’s up, Spike?”

Spike snapped out of his train of thought as he saw Cordy. “Actually,
Cordelia, I don’t think I need to talk anymore.”

“Spike, are you alright?”

“Fine…its just, I have a lot on my mind.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.”

“Yeah,” he said, nodding slightly, as he turned for the door.

“Spike?”

Spike turned as Cordy called his name.

“You should talk to her.”

“I’ve tried.”

“No…talk to her. Get everything out in the open and really talk to her.”

“I’ll try,” Spike said with a nod.

Chapter 14 - Gifts


Spike stood in his office the next day, staring out the window. It was
Christmas Day, and he was standing alone with a drink in his hand. He
would be leaving later for dinner with Cordy and her mother, but now he was
content to just be alone.

“Spike?”

Spike spun around at the softly spoken word and stared at the doorway
in disbelief. There stood Buffy, in a red shirt with a scooped neck and
dark blue jeans. Her hair was left falling loosely down her back, and Spike
blinked hard to make sure she was real.

“Buffy?”

“The, uh, the doorman, he let me in,” she said, gesturing toward the
front of the building with one hand.

“How’d you know I was here?”

“I didn’t…just decided to take a shot.”

“Why are you here?”

“Um, I-I brought you something,” she said, taking a step forward and
holding out a box with red wrapping paper and a green ribbon.

“Buffy-“

“I didn’t really have anyone else to buy for…it wouldn’t be Christmas
if I didn’t give someone a gift.”

Spike smiled despondently at the sorrow in her voice and set his drink
down to accept the box. Gesturing over to the couch, they both sat down as
Spike ripped open the paper and pulled off the top of the box. Seeing what was
inside, he took a deep breath. “Buffy, this is too much.”

“I know you already have a similar one,” she said as he pulled out a leather duster. “That one was getting pretty worn, so I thought you could use a new
one. I hope you like it.”

“It’s wonderful, luv, but it really is too much to spend.”

Buffy shrugged as she stood up. “Don’t worry about it. It’s really not
a problem.”

Spike noticed she was heading toward the door and bolted out of his
seat after her. “Wait!”

Buffy spun around, alarmed at the tone of his voice.

“I have something for you.”

Buffy looked at him quizzically as he walked to his desk. Pulling out
a small box from one of the drawers, Spike smiled slightly. “Sorry it’s
not gift-wrapped, I wasn’t expecting to see you today.”

Buffy took the box and opened it to reveal a beautiful diamond bracelet.
“Spike, no. I-I can’t accept this.”

“It’s yours, Buffy. I saw it and knew you had to have it.”

Buffy simply stared at the jewelry in shock as Spike took it out of the
box and slipped it around her wrist.

“Spike, you really-“ Buffy was silenced as Spike put a finger over her lips.

“It’s yours, luv.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why?”

“I mean, it’s an awfully expensive gift to give an ex-fling.”

Spike cringed at the description of their relationship. “You were never a
fling, Buffy,” he said quietly.

“No offense, Spike, but you could have fooled me.”

“You weren’t,” he said, more forcefully than he intended.

Buffy looked up at him in alarm before backing toward the door. “Thank
you…for the gift. I should be going.”

“No, pet, don’t leave.”

“It’s okay, I should let you get back to what you were doing,” she
said, turning and reaching for the doorknob.

“Please stay.”

Buffy paused but didn’t turn to face him. “Why?”

“I’m sorry.” Buffy turned at the soft admission and looked at Spike, who was
staring down at the floor, biting his lip.

“For what?”

Spike looked up and met her eyes. “For everything. For hurting you.
For not being man enough to admit how much I need you.”

Buffy swallowed hard. “You need me?”

“Yes…I do.”

“And you just realized this now?”

“What can I say? Always the last to know.”

Taking a deep breath, Buffy took a step toward him. “To know what?”

Spike closed the distance between them as he looked deep into her eyes.
“That I love you.”

Before either knew what happened, his lips were on hers. His hands
held her arms as he dragged her upward to meet his lips. Though the kiss was
intense and passionate at first, soon it tapered off to gentle caresses. “Buffy, I
love you so much,” he whispered against her lips.

Chapter 15 - Loving


”I’m in love with you,” Spike whispered again.

Buffy felt Spike lift her up and set her on his desk. She stared at him in amazement,

Watching as he held each side of her face, to trail kisses along her cheeks and forehead. “I want you
now, Buffy.”

Buffy kissed him passionately, not bothering to think as her fingers unbuttoned his shirt, slowly
revealing the smooth muscles of his chest. The kiss intensified as Buffy
dragged her nails over the ridges of his stomach. Spike rapidly stripped
off her sweater and bra, kissing his way down to her chest and latching onto
a nipple, smiling briefly as he felt Buffy arch her back and cry out at
the sensations he was causing. Twining her fingers through his hair, Spike
began unbuttoning her jeans and sliding them down her shapely legs, quickly
removing the rest of her clothes and shoes. Shedding his shirt, he pulled
Buffy against him, grinding the evidence of his arousal into her hot center.

“Please, Spike…I need you…please!”

Spike kissed her again as his hands sought out his wallet and extracted a
condom. Unbuttoning his pants but not bothering to remove them, Spike
quickly rolled on the condom and eased into her soft depths. Sheathing
himself fully inside her, both Buffy and Spike moaned at the contact.
Spike slipped his hands around and cupped her butt, pulling her fully onto
his length as her back arched.

Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and strained to get closer to him,
frantically pushing herself onto his erection, wanting more. “Harder,
Spike.”

He felt his eyes roll back at the combination of her request and the
tightness of her inner muscles clamping onto him. Pumping into her harder
and with more passion, Spike sped up his thrusts, angling them upward.

Buffy felt her body begin to shake as Spike plunged with more emotion,
feeling himself begin to lose control. “Come for me, baby…let it go.”

Buffy pressed herself harder against him as she felt her climax approaching.
Screaming out her release at the sensations he was causing, Spike reached
in between them to softly finger the bundle of nerves. Before Buffy knew
what was happening, she was overwhelmed as wave after wave of pleasure
coursed through her body. She found herself laying down on the desk as Spike
thrust into her a few more times and quickly found his own release as he
let himself go.

Both lay panting on the hard surface for several long minutes as they tried
to catch their breath. Spike was the first to stand, disposing of the
condom and pulling his pants up, his back facing Buffy.

Buffy watched him for a moment before gathering her own clothes. Pulling
on her panties and jeans, Spike turned to face her as she put on her bra.
He noticed she wasn’t making eye contact.

“You okay, luv?”

“Fine,” she said abruptly.

“Buffy,” he said, trying to get her to look at him as she pulled her shirt
over her head. “What’s wrong?”

After a few moments, Spike took her chin in his hand. “What’s wrong, luv?”

“Is this the part where you run out again?” she asked quietly.

Understanding dawned on Spike as he stared at the young woman, guiltily. “No, pet.
I’m not leaving again.” Spike stepped forward and pulled her into his arms. “I promise.”

Buffy held onto him for several minutes, when she heard him speak. “Come with me tonight.”

“No, Spike. It’s a family thing. I don’t want to impose.”

“I wasn’t asking, luv,” he said with a playful smile. “Cordy will be there,
and Madison, her mom, is really nice. You’ll be completely at ease…please.”

Buffy giggled as Spike stuck his lip out in a mock pout. “Okay. I’ll go.”

Leaning forward, Buffy planted a soft kiss on his lips.

“Let’s get outta here, pet.”

Chapter 16 - The Truth


Spike was right. Dinner was fun, and Buffy found herself relaxing as she was
embraced into a family environment again. Cordelia had been thrilled when
Spike had walked in with Buffy. Cordy’s mom had openly embraced Buffy into
her home, and they had proceeded to get to know each other and share stories
for the next three hours. Buffy noticed Cordy pull Spike aside at one point
and appear to be lecturing him about something, but Madison had been talking
to Buffy so she wasn’t sure what they were discussing.

As they left the house several hours later, Spike asked her to come home
with him. Buffy had been hesitant at first, but ultimately agreed when he
pouted at her again. Now as they were walking up the path to his house,
Spike wrapped his arms around Buffy’s waist from behind her and nuzzled
her hair. Buffy smiled at the intimate gesture and stopped walking to enjoy
the sensations he was causing. Turning in his arms, Buffy wrapped her arms
around him and buried her face in his chest, inhaling the scent of leather
wafting off his duster. “I love you.”

Spike lovingly ran his fingers through her hair. “I love you, too, baby.”
Kissing the top of her head, Spike gently pulled away from her and smiled
down at the delighted look on her face. “Let’s go inside, luv. It’s
getting cold out here.”

As they approached the door, both Buffy and Spike stopped as it swung open.
Buffy felt Spike’s body go rigid as they looked at the person standing
there.

“Dru,” Spike muttered in a half-hearted greeting.

“Spike,” the woman said in an upper class British accent before turning to
look at Buffy. “And who is your little friend?”

Buffy stared at the woman skeptically. “I’m Buffy.”

“Drusilla, what are you doing here?”

“Can’t I visit my husband on a holiday?”

Buffy felt as if the breath had been knocked out of her as she stared at the
woman before turning her attention to Spike. “Husband?”

Spike couldn’t look at her, even after the whispered question she uttered.

“Spike? What is she talking about?”

“You mean my naughty boy didn’t tell you he was married?”

Buffy didn’t spare a glance at the woman as she continued staring at the man
in front of her. “Spike? What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry, Buffy. I should have told you.”

“So it’s true?”

Spike took a deep breath. “Yes, it’s true, but Buffy, I can explain.”

Buffy was already backing away from him, shaking her head. “There’s nothing
to explain, Spike. I think everything is perfectly clear.” Spinning on her
heel, Buffy headed down the street, fighting the tears that were stinging
her eyes.

“Buffy!” She could hear his footsteps getting closer as he chased after
her. “Please, Buffy, let me explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain, I already told you,” she ground out between
clenched teeth.

“Buffy, we’re not together anymore.”

Buffy turned around to face him, stopping as she looked up into his shining
blue eyes. “Are you still married to her?”

“Yes, but-“

“NO! No buts, Spike. You’re married!” she shouted. “You’re married, and
you didn’t even tell me. All those nights we went out. Everything you
shared with me, and you never told me. Why? Why would you want to hurt me
again?” she trailed off in a whisper.

“I never wanted to hurt you, luv. It’s been over for a long time between
me and Dru.”

“Yeah, it looks like it’s really over, what with her having a key to your
house and all.”

“Buffy, please, believe me. I love you. YOU! Not her!”

Buffy looked down as tears clouded her vision. “You love me so much you
pushed me away. And yet, you don’t love her and you stay married to her.”
Buffy looked up at Spike with tear-streaked cheeks. “Do me a favor,
Spike…don’t love me. I don’t know if I can last much longer.”

Spike felt as if she’d slapped him as she turned and quickly made her way
down the street. “Buffy,” he said softly. Wanting to go after her but
knowing she needed time to cope with this, Spike stood cursing himself for
not telling her sooner. Pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his
eyes shut, Spike turned and headed back to his house.

He entered to see Dru sitting in the living room with a bored look on her
face. “She’s a little young, Spike.”

“Get out,” he growled.

“Now, my little Spike is mad. Don’t be mad at princess.”

“Get out, Dru…now!”

“You mean, you don’t want to celebrate the holiday?”

“GET OUT!” he yelled, nearly pulling the door off his hinges. As she
floated past Spike, he turned to face her. “I’m filing for divorce, Dru. I’m
in love with Buffy.”

Shutting the door in her face, Spike leaned back against it, slowly sliding
to the floor. As Buffy’s words caught up with him, Spike felt his eyes
burning. After several minutes of feeling sorry for himself, Spike jumped
up and ran out the door. “Bloody hell! She can be mad at me, but she’s not
walking home alone!”

Jumping into his car, Spike sped out of the driveway.

Chapter 17 - Apologies


Spike drove for over an hour, looking everywhere he could think of, taking
every possible route from his place to Buffy’s. He couldn’t find her
anywhere. Finally parking around the corner from her building, Spike sat on
the steps, praying she would come home.

After an hour of sitting, Spike heard footsteps approaching. Lifting his
head from his hands, Spike turned his bloodshot eyes in the direction the
noise was coming from. When Buffy appeared a few moments later, he
vaulted from the steps and was by her side before she even recognized him.

Buffy narrowed her swollen eyes at Spike and side-stepped him.

“Buffy, luv, where were you? I looked everywhere.”

“Well, apparently not, because you didn’t find me. That was the idea,” she
spat back. “I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

“Buffy, I don’t blame you, but please believe me when I tell you that Dru
and I are over. I told her I’m filing for divorce. Buffy, I told her I was
in love with you.”

Buffy stopped but didn’t say anything.

“I love you, Buffy. I can’t say it enough. I love you, and I want to be with
you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked softly.

Spike watched her as she turned around. The hardened expression was gone.
In its place was obvious hurt and pain of what he had put her through…again.

“If I told you, that would have meant we were serious.” Seeing how upset
she was, Spike quickly continued. “I didn’t want to be serious with anyone.
I didn’t want to love anyone ever again. Dru hurt me, and I vowed to never
be victimized in a relationship…but then I met you. I fell in love with
you, and I couldn’t ignore it forever.”

“Why didn’t you ever divorce her?”

“It was never necessary. We both just ignored the fact that we were
married. That’s why we were separated…she ignored it while we were
together. I caught her with another man. Found out there were several
others throughout the years, and I packed my bags. Buffy, you have to believe
me, I was going to tell you. I just didn’t want it to happen on Christmas
Day.”

Buffy looked into Spike’s pleading eyes and felt her resolve slowly melt
away. “Give me a few days.”

“What?”

“Spike, I understand…at least I think I do, but just give me a few days.
Okay?”

“I can do that, luv,” he said quietly.

Buffy nodded as he stepped forward and planted a tender kiss on her cheek.
Stepping away, he gently trailed the back of his hand over the area still
tingling with his kiss before turning and walking away. Buffy watched him
go before turning and walking into her building.

* * * * *

Buffy let out a heavy sigh as she unlocked the door to her apartment. It
had been a long night at work, and she was sorry that Spike had
stayed true to his part of the deal and given her some time, because she really wanted to see him.

She decided she should call him as she pushed open the heavy door and froze
at what she saw. Outlining the length of the tiny hallway were dozens of
tea candles leading a path to the living room with sprinkles of rose petals
completing the effect. Buffy gasped as she quickly hung up her jacket and
made her way to the room, her eyes widening at the sight before her. Dozens
of candles let off a soft golden glow from every surface of the room with
petals scattered all over the floor. In the middle of the room, Spike stood,
looking nothing like himself. Gone were the clothes and the slicked back
hair. In their place was a nervous-looking man in khakis and a black
sweater. His hair was in its naturally curly state, and he waited with a
perfect red rose.

“I did what you asked, luv. I just couldn’t stay away any longer.”

Buffy felt lightheaded as he walked over to her. “What is all this?”

Spike glanced around the room. “Well, some of it is a long overdue apology.”

“Apology?”

“For everything…for anything. I never meant to hurt you, Buffy. I filed
the divorce papers, and I’ll be free and clear in a few weeks.”

Buffy smiled. “And what’s the rest of it for?”

“A question.”

Buffy stared up at him. “You gonna ask me, or do I get to guess it?”

Spike took a deep breath before stepping close and wrapping his arms around
her waist. “I love you, Buffy. I’ve never loved anyone more. I feel lost
when I’m not with you, and I don’t ever want to feel that way again. I want
to spend my life with you, luv. I want to marry you.”

Buffy inhaled sharply as Spike dropped down on one knee, producing a
beautiful princess cut and white gold ring. “Buffy…will you marry me?”

Buffy could barely form the words as she vigorously nodded her head. “Yes!”

A smile spread on Spike’s face as the nervousness fled from him. He gently slipped the ring on her finger before standing and picking her up in his arms, spinning them in circles. When he stopped, Spike claimed her lips with his, smiling as Buffy moaned into his mouth at the long overdue contact. With a sweeping motion, he quickly lifted her up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom, his lips never leaving hers.

Spike set her back on her feet, quickly stripping her of her clothes as he his lips trailed down her jaw to her neck. Buffy gasped as she felt his tongue circle a nipple, before he rose and gently pushed her back onto the bed. Buffy briefly wondered when he had gotten rid of his own clothes, but the thought fled her mind as he grasped her hips and rolled them. Buffy giggled as she found herself straddling Spike, leaning forward to give him a soft kiss as she raised her hips and slowly lowered herself down onto his hardened length.

Both moaned at the sensations that coursed through their bodies as they moved together. Spike kept a firm hold on her hips as she moved on top of him, clenching his jaw to maintain a small semblance of control.

Buffy saw a brief smile flicker over his face as he watched her arch her back, impaling herself even further on him as her movements picked up.

Spike heard the tiny whimper as it left her throat, knowing that she needed release as badly as he did. Loosening his hold on her hips, he let one hand slowly trail over the soft skin of her thigh to settle in between them. Buffy gasped as she felt his fingertips slowly graze over her flesh, moving faster as she tried to reach her climax.

Before Buffy could fully comprehend what he was doing, she saw stars burst in front of her eyes as he gently pinched the sensitive bundle of nerves, falling over the edge as she screamed out his name in release.

Spike smiled as she fell forward onto his chest, her body limp, but her hips still rocking against his, obviously enjoying the aftershocks of the sensations he was causing. Spike pushed into her a few more times before he wrapped his arms around her tiny body, holding her in a crushing embrace as he came.

Coming down from the bliss that they were feeling, Buffy slowly raised her head, planting her chin on his chest. Spike tried to calm his irregular breathing as they stared into each other’s eyes.

Leaning forward, Spike planted a soft kiss on her lips. “I love you, baby.”

“I love you, too, Spike.”

Epilogue

6 Months Later


“Why me?” Buffy asked as she snuggled deeper into Spike’s arms.

Spike looked down at her with a puzzled expression. “Why you, what, pet?”

“Why did you pick me? Out of all the women you could have possibly had, why
me?”

“Well, that’s the thing, isn’t it,” Spike asked as he playfully dipped her.
“I didn’t pick you, luv…you picked me. I love you, Buffy, and a very wise
person once told me that you can’t control who you fall in love with.”

Breathing out a soft sigh, Buffy held him tighter as she looked around their
wedding reception, smiling as she saw all of her friends watching them dance, with
smiles. Looking back up at Spike, she whispered, “I love you, too. I have
since our first date.”

Holding on to each other, Buffy caught Angel’s eye as he held tightly to
Cordelia. He gave her a thumbs up as she smiled at him. Angel and Cordy
had been dating since New Year’s Eve, and they were getting closer everyday.
Buffy was guessing that Angel was going to propose soon, but Spike still
wouldn’t give her any details, even though Buffy was sure that Angel had talked to him about it.

Buffy smiled as Spike’s arms tightened around her waist, pulling her even closer to him, almost protectively. Buffy lay her head on his chest, enjoying the soothing thumps of his heart beating.

Spike had insisted on getting married as soon as possible, surprising Buffy since she assumed he would want to wait a while, considering how his first marriage ended up. Spike had argued against her point, saying that his first marriage was insignificant. This one was real. This was where he wanted to be.

Buffy would be starting school again, in the fall. That had been the source of many arguments. Spike wanted to pay her tuition, but Buffy insisted that she would keep working and pay her own way. They finally came to the mutual agreement that Buffy would work at Caritas until they got married. Afterward, Buffy would focus on school and quit the bar, letting Spike pay for school, since they would be combining their money anyway.

Spike considered this a winning situation, since the woman he loved was no longer working around a bunch of drunks, leering at her. As an added bonus, Spike got to see her more, now that she didn’t work such long hours every night.

Breathing a sigh of relief that she was in his arms and that he would never have to let her go, Spike pressed a kiss against the top of her head as she raised watery eyes to his.

“Something wrong, luv?” he asked, concern lacing his words.

“No,” Buffy said with a smile, shaking her head as she reached up to leave a gentle kiss on his lips. “Everything is just right.”

The End