Changes

Chapter 27:

It's amazing how much of an effect the word 'goodbye' can have on a person. Afterall, it's only a word. How can one little word hurt so much? How can a word so simple leave someone feeling so empty?

So lonely?

So alone?

* Goodbye...William.*

Spike was still standing where Buffy had left him. He didn't know how long it had been. Minutes, hours, even days could have passed since she left. It didn't matter though.

Nothing mattered.

She was gone.

Buffy. Was. GONE!

He stood there saring at the closed door. He was thinking,

* Mabye if I stare at it long enough she'll come back. Maybe this whole thing is just a nightmare. Maybe she'll come back. She has to come back.*

But she didn't.

This wasn't a nightmare.

This was real.

And no matter how long Spike stared at the closed door, a part of him knew that Buffy wouldn't be barging back through it with open arms and loving words.

Buffy was gone

Reluntantly letting this fact set in, spike turned away from the door and made his way to his room. It was obvious that he wasn't gonna get much sleep tonight.

And strangly, he didn't care....because Buffy was gone.

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Buffy hadn't left. Not really. Even after she walked out of the door, she still stood and stared at it. Part of her exspected Spike to come rushing out of the apartment, begging her to stay.

But Spike didn't come after her.

And it was all her fault.

* Why did you leave??! Are you completely insane?! Now you've lost him forever.* Buffy's inner voice scowled. She knew that her inner voice was right but like always she chose to ignore it. Buffy knew that she should go back inside and atleast make an attempt to work things out with Spike but she didn't. At the same time, however, she couldn't turn away because that would mean taht her words would hold some truth...and they didn't. Saying goodbye was the last thing taht Buffy wanted to do but what Spike was asking of her was too much...wasn't it?

Was taking that big of a step with him really that bad? Was it really that hard?

It didn't matter now.

It was too late. Buffy had made her decision and considering that Spike hand't stopped her from leaving he had made his decision as well.

This was goodbye....

Instead of crying her eyes out on the doorstep, Buffy turned away from the door and from the love of her life and walked away with tears in her eyes and pain in her heart. She headed to the only place that she knew of.

Willow's.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

" Buffy?" Willow looked a little surpriesed. She wasn't exspecting her tonight.
" I didn't have anywhere else to go." Buffy claimed with a choked up voice. Willow took in her appearence and noticed that her face was streaked with tears.
" What is it? Buffy, what's wrong?" Willow asked, fearing the worst.

Instead of answering her, Buffy just broke down in tears on the doormatt.

Buffy didn't get much sleep that night either.

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Chapter 28:

" How could she leave?" Spike asked Xander the next day.

When Buffy and Spike never showed up for their double date with Xander and Anya, Xander called to find out what happened but Spike nor Buffy was answering the phone. Xander had practically called all night but still no one answered. The next day, Xander got fed up with worry and just went over to the apartment. After almost an hour of screaming at Spike for 'worrying' him to death and being 'too irresponsible' to call, Xander finally shut up long enough for Spike to tell him what happened.

" How could you let her go?" Xander shot back. After hearing what Spike had to say, Xander was pissed. He knew that it would come to this but boy did he hate being right.
" I didn't LET her go." Spike defended.
" Well, you sure as hell didn't stop her from leaving!" Xander exclaimed as he paced around the living room. spike was sitting on the couch with his elbows resting on his knees.
" And what was I supposed to do, Xander? Beg her to stay?"
" Duh!!!! Yes!!" Xander replied as if it was the easiest thing in the world to do. Spike got up from his seat and moved to the window to stare out of it but not before answering.
" No way! I stopped being that weak a long time ago. Besides, she wanted to go. Me beggin' 'er not to wasn't gonna make much of a difference." Spike returned. Xander just looked at him as if he was the dumbest man alive.
" Please tell me that you don't believe that bullshit."
" It's what I know." Spike said confidently with his back turned to his friend.
" Well then you obviously don't know much." Xander retorted sarcastically. Spike's head snapped around quickly to look at him.
" What's that supposed to mean, mate?" Spike questioned menacingly. He really wasn't in the mood for XAnder's jokes right now. Too bad Xander wasn't joking.
" It means, oh Wise One, that if you knew Buffy the way you say you do, you would have realized that she didn't really want to leave." Xander explained as if Spike were a three year old kid.
" Then why did she?!" Spike was fed up. He needed to understand why she left.
" Because she wanted you to stay." Xander answered calmly. Silence passed between the two heated men for a moment. Spike contemplated what Xander had just said and for a moment he understood. That moment didn't last too long.
" What's so wrong with going to New York?" Spike inquired began to pace in circles in front of Xander.
" What's so great about it?" Xander countered. in his opinion, Xander didn't believe that Spike should take the job promotion. He was doing fine right where he was. With Buffy.
" Hello?! It's New York!!" Spike exclaimed as if that answer alone was supposed to sustain Xander's curiosity.
" That doesn't tell me anything man."
" Well, how about this then? It's the opportunity of a lifetime. I'd be a fool to turn this down." he said hoping that Xander would get the point already.
" You'd be a fool to let a love like this go as well." Xander argued.
" I've been in love before, Whelp."
" No you haven't." Xander insisted. Spike looked up at him then. " You've had crushes, infatuations and even an obsession or two but you've never been in love. That all changed the day you met Buffy and you know it." Xander could tell that Spike was starting to crack but unfortunately, Spike was too stubborn for his own good.
" but it's the job of a life time." he almost whined.
" And what about Buffy? What was she to you? Did she mean ANYTHING to you at all?" Xander was a step away from loosing his patience with the bleached block head.
" How can you ask me that?" Spike questioned as he turned to face Xander. " I loved her more than-" He cut himself off with a sigh. " I loved her so much but this job...it's everything I've worked for."
" Forget about the goddamned job, William!!!" Xander yelled. Spike was more than taken back by his outburst. Xander wasn't usually so upset. " That woman loves you. Buffy loves you more than she should, more than you deserve and all you can think about is some stupid promotion?"
" I just-" Spike started but was cut off by a huff and a wave of Xander's hand.
" Forget it. If you want to trade all of that love and devotion for an office with a city view then Buffy's better off." Xander moved to stand in Spike's personal space. " but I want you to remember something, Spike. No one has ever loved you as much and as deeply as Buffy has and no one ever will. You‘re always complaining about not finding the love of your life. Take a look, Will!! The love of your life has been living with you for almost four months now but you let her go. YOU let her go.” Xander glared at him for a few more seconds, grabbed his jacket and left the apartment with a slam of the door.

And for once, Spike was speechless.

Xander was absolutely right.

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Chapter 29:

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Buffy awoke to the smell of breakfast being made in the kitchen. She really didn't want to deal with anything today. Crawling in a deep dark hold seemed more appealing. Buffy, however wasn't at in at home in her own bed. she was at Willow's and that meant that she was gonna have to get up and explain some things.

Since Buffy spent more than have of the night crying her eyes out, she wasn't able to tell Willow what happened. Even if she hadn't been crying, she still wouldn't have been willing or able to share anything.

It hurt too much to form words.

Everything just...hurt.

Reluctantly, Buffy made her way out of bed. When she passed a nearby mirror, she was shocked to see what she saw. Her eyes were big and puffy and her skin was blotchy and flushed. She didn't even look like herself.

" Who are you?" Buffy was thrown by her appearance.

After staring at her reflection for what could have been a life time, Buff left the comfort of the bedroom in search of Willow and food.

Crying makes you unbelievably hungry.

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" And then she just collapses on the front porch in tears. She wouldn't even tell me what happened. She could barely breath much less form coherent sentences." Willow expressed to Tara. Both of them were sitting at the kitchen table worried for their friend. " I think something may have happened with Spike."
" Where is she now?" Tara asked.
" I -I think she's still sleeping." deep sigh. " I just wish she would talk to me. I've never seen her like this."
" I'm sure she'll talk when she's ready, honey. Just give her some time." Tara suggested while rubbing soothing patterns on the back of Willow's hand.
" You're right. Do you think she'll want breakfast? I made her favorite; blueberry pancakes." Willow beamed nervously.
" Let's just wait until she-Buffy!" Tara greeted when she noticed said girl was standing in the doorway of the kitchen.
" Buffy, y-you're a-awake." Willow observed with a stammer. All Buffy did in response was offer a small smile. " You must be hungry. Are you hungry? I bet you're hungry. I mean with all the crying you did last night-" Willow's nutty rambling was cut off by the clearing of Tara's throat. Willow noticed that Buffy was looking down at the floor struggling not to cry." Oh Buffy. I didn't mean-"
" It's okay, Will." Buffy interrupted as she moved to an empty seat at the table.
" No, it's not." small whine. " You're obviously hurting and what do I do? I throw it in you face."
" Willow, it's really okay." Buffy lied. *Nothing is okay.*
" What happened, Buffy?" Willow inquired after a while, forgetting about Tara's earlier suggestion of giving Buffy some time to bring it up herself.
" Baby, maybe we should-" Tara intervened before Buffy could answer...not that it looked like she was going to anyway.
" No, Tara. Something is wrong with her Maybe I can help. Maybe we can help."
" You can't." Buffy interjected softly. " No one can."
" Just tell us what happened."

With much reluctance, Buffy told them events leading up to why she was in such a shitting mood that morning. Willow was wrong. Talking about it only made it worse. New tears had formed by the end of Buffy's story.

" How could he-Why would he-THAT JERK!" Willow was furious.
" Willow-" Tara began to soothe but the redhead wasn't having it.
" He hurt her, Tara. I should go over there and give him a big, violent part of my mind."
" No!" Buffy exclaimed. " You don't have to make him the bad guy, Willow. It's not his fault."
" Of course it is. He LIED to you." Wilow reminded.
" And I'm not condoning that but this IS my fault." Buffy returned.
" If that's true then why aren't you at home to make things right him?" Tara finally offered her voice.
" It's not that simple, Tara." She answered focusing her gaze on the flower pattern of Willow’s table cloth . Buffy didn't mean to sound harsh but no one understood what she was feeling at the moment.

Buffy was about to find out how wrong she was.

" You're afraid." Tara retorted simply. Buffy's head snapped up and her eyes locked with Tara's. She saw nothing BUT understanding in them.
" I'm terrified." Buffy replied with a sigh.
" You're afraid he's gonna leave you." Tara continued with the understanding. Buffy nodding in the affirmative while Willow just looked at her girlfriend in awe. Tara wasn't really much for many words.
" Everyone leaves me." Buffy began. " My dad, Angel, Riley-they all left me. It didn't matter how much I wanted them to stay or how much I loved them. All they cared about was getting as far away from me as possible." brief pause. " They all leave." While Buffy spoke, she didn't dare look into the faces of Willow or Tara. She couldn't bare the pity that she saw there. She didn't need that. " I guess I just thought that I'd end thing before I got too involved, before he left." she finished the last few words in a choked whisper.
" He wouldn't do that." Tara assured.
" We don't know that." Buffy denied as she wiped the tears from her eyes. Tara moved from her seat at the table to kneel in front of Buffy.
" Listen to me, Buffy." Tara waited for Buffy's attention. When she got it, she continued. " William loves you more than anything in the world. He would die for you." Tara put emphasis on the word 'die'. " I know that you have been through a lot and I'm sorry about that but Will has been thought just as much if not more. He could have easily gave up on love and everything love related a long time ago but he didn't. He fell in love with you." As Tara spoke the truth, tears were streaming down Buffy's face again. "He didn't have to fall for you but he did and he fell hard."
" but why? I didn't ask him to love me. I mean, for all he knew I could have hurt him just like al the other women did." Buffy cut in through her sobs. Tara reached up and lightly wiped the tears off of her face.
" You wouldn't have hurt him Buffy and even if you had it wouldn't have mattered."
" Why?" Buffy demanded to understand why Spike put so much trust in their relationship after all that they had suffered with past lovers.
" Because Will knows that you're worth every bit of pain that you could ever cause him. You're worth it, Buffy." short pause. " Answer me this; If for some odd reason you knew the problems that you and Will would face, would you still have wanted to be with him? Would you still have fallen in love with him?" Tara questioned curiously but already knowing the answer.

" Yes." Buffy breathed out. " I would still want to be with him. I would still love him because I would rather spend three amazing months being loved by the love of my life than not know what it was like to be love by him at all."

And then the tears came with a painful force and they didn't stop for awhile.

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Chapter 30:

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It hurt.

It hurt to breathe.

It hurt to think.

Everything just hurt.

For Buffy and Spike, the days trudged on like weeks. They both felt so lost and incomplete without the other yet both were to stubborn and afraid to do anything about it. Whenever Buffy would get the nerve to call him or go by the apartment, a small tinge of fear would always stop her. Every time Spike thought of contacting her, he chicken out and change his mind, fearing that she’d just slam the door in his face or hang up on him. They were so afraid of rejection from the other that they held back. No matter how many times Xander, Willow, Tara and Anya tried to convince them how ridiculous they were acting, Buffy and Spike just wouldn’t listen. Both of them new that they were being childish and way too insecure but neither one of them wanted to make a move so they just let the pain continue.

And it hurt.

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Spike had made a decision. It had taken him some time to come to it but he was finally there. He had decided that he was going to take the job in New York. He hadn’t seen or heard from Buffy in almost a week. Spike figured that if she really wanted to work things out with him, she would have contacted him a long time ago. He’d convinced himself that Buffy had just forgot about everything they had shared and fell out of love with him. He was so sure of this that he knew taking the promotion would be the only way to forget about her as well. Even if a huge part of him didn’t want to, Spike couldn’t live in the same city knowing that he would never be able to say that he loved her again.

Spike had to leave.

He decided that he wasn’t going to tell anyone about his leaving until he actually left. Spike knew that Xander would only try to talk him out of it. He didn’t want to be talked out of it. His mind was already made up.

In 24 hours, Spike was leaving.

FOR GOOD.

Everything of his had been packed up and put in storage for when he sent for it later. His clothes and everyday essentials were put in suitcases. Everything had been taken care of. There was just one thing Spike had to do before he left. He had to say goodbye to Buffy. Because he knew that he’d never leave if he did it in person, Spike thought it’d be better if he wrote it down on paper. He decided to write her a letter.

The letter took him nearly two hours to complete. At first he just stared at the blank sheet of notebook paper. He had no clue what he was wanted to say to her. Words couldn’t even begin to express how he felt but soon it got it all down. Once he finished, he had to figure out how he was going to give it to her. He didn’t want her to see him but he also wanted her to get the letter as soon as possible. There was only one way he could get the letter to her without having any interaction with her. With his plan in mind, Spike grabbed his duster and headed in the direction of Willow’s place.

He had to see her one last time.

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Spike had finally reached Willow’s apartment. It was dark outside but he could see light coming from the house which let him know that someone was home. With his last words to Buffy in his hands, Spike moved to the nearby window so he could get a look inside. What he saw shocked him. His love, his life and everything he ever wanted looked happy. It was as if nothing had ever happened. Buffy was sitting on the couch with Willow and both of them were laughing.

Buffy looked so beautiful and at peace. Her hair was down in golden waves and her face was void of make-up. Spike always loved her without make-up. She looked so natural and free. Her dress attire was comfortable and laid back. She wore a pair of gray sweats and a white shirt with the word ‘Brat’ printed on it. She looked happy. It was as if she didn’t have a care in the world. It was as if she wasn’t thinking about him at all.

* Had she cried at all? Didn’t she feel all the pain and loneliness that I was feeling?* he thought as he watched her continue her humorous conversation with Willow. This more than anything proved that his leaving was the right thing to do. “ It’s better this way.” he said softly to himself.

When Buffy’s girly laugh sounded in his ears, he couldn’t take it anymore. It was time to leave. He moved away from the window and was about to place the letter under the door but a familiar voice stopped him.

“ It’s not better this way, William and I know a big part of you knows that.” Tara replied softly from behind him. Spike’s turned around startled by her presence. He hadn’t heard her.
“ I was just-umm- I’ll just go.” he moved to leave but Tara moved to block his path.
“ Don’t go.” Tara pleaded softly.. Spike looked down sadly at the ground.
“ It’s better this way.” he repeated. Tara sighed.
“ Better for who?” she questioned.
“ She’s doing fine without me.” Spike motioned behind him. Tara looked at him with sorrow-filled eyes knowing the real truth of just how “fine” Buffy was doing but she didn’t say anything about it. Instead she opted for a different topic.
“ You’re leaving.” It was more a statement than a question. Spike looked up at her in surprise.
“ How did you-” he began to ask.
“ I stopped by you apartment before I came here. I saw the ‘For Rent’ sign.” Tara interjected. Spike nodded in understanding. “ This is what you really want?” she inquired after of moment of silence.
“ It’s what I have to do.” he answered, obviously dodging her question.
“ I think you should know that you’re making a big mistake….. but it’s you’re mistake to make.” pause. “When are you leaving?
“ Tomorrow afternoon.” he answered quietly as he tried not to look her in the face. He feared that she’d see something resembling uncertainty.
“ I can give that to her if you want.” Tara offered, noticing the white envelope in his hands. Spike looked down at it suddenly remembering why he was on Willow’s doorstep in the first place. He looked up at Tara gratefully and cracked a weak smile. He handed her the envelope. “ And don’t worry; I won’t tell them that I found you lurking out here.” she promised.
“ Thanks, luv.” Spike walked around Tara’s forming and began walking down the path to the sidewalk. Tara watched him go.
“ Take care of yourself, Will.” Tara replied as quietly as she could so Willow and Buffy wouldn’t hear but loud enough so that Spike would. He turned to face her once more, looked through the window at Buffy with longing and said,
“ Take care of her.”

Then he was gone.

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Chapter 31:

Ten minutes before Spike arrives…..

Buffy was sitting on the couch flipping through the channels when Willow came in and sat next to her. At first, Willow said nothing but Buffy could tell that she was just dying to spill everything.. She decided to help her along.

“ Okay, Will. Spill. You have ‘ I want to say something but I don’t know how you’re gonna take it’ face.” Buffy spoke up. Willow looked like a dear caught in headlights but son relaxed.
“ I just wanted to ask if you were ok. You didn’t say much at dinner.” Willow observed. Buffy shrugged absentmindedly.
“ I wasn’t feeling very chatty tonight.” she answered. Willow took a deep breath as if she was preparing herself for an out burst for her next observation.
“ Actually, I noticed to that you’ve been this way ever since-” Willow cut herself off not wanting to upset buffy anymore than she already had. “ I’m just worried about you. We all are.”
“ Well, you shouldn’t be. I’m fine.” Buffy lied. * I feel like shit but she doesn’t have to know that.* Too bad for her that Willow saw right through her fib.
“ ‘I’m fine’ seems to be your theme song nowadays.” Willow returned. “ You’re not ‘fine’ Buffy and that’s okay. You don’t have to be strong all of the time.” Silence followed Willow’s words. Buffy seemed to be deep in thought over what Willow had just said.
“ Spike once told me that I was the strongest person that he knew.” Buffy said after a while. Willow looked a little confused at first. Once Buffy saw that she had caught on, she continued. “ There was this one time a few weeks ago with him and I. We stayed up most of the night just talking. He told me that I was the strongest person that he knew. He told me a lot of things that night. We talked about everything.” Buffy chuckles at the memory of it. “ You wouldn’t believe some of the funny things he told me.”
“ Do tell.” Willow wanted to get Buffy to talk about Spike. Whenever the subject ever came up in the past couple of days, Buffy would just really quit and leave the room.

( A/N At this point, Spike is looking through the window watching Buffy and Willow talk. This is when he notices her laughing.)

“ Did you ever wonder where Spike got that scar on his left eyebrow?” Buffy questioned with a knowing smile. Willow shook her head in the negative. “ When he was ten, he had thing huge craze for superheroes. He was always trying to be like them. I don’t know how he came up with this but he thought it would be a good idea if he taught himself to fly.” she laughs. Willow joins in. “ Let’s just say that he didn’t learn how to fly but he had a hell of a time explaining why the dog didn’t have a dog house anymore.” Buffy and Willow laughed like they had never laughed before.

( A/N At this point in the story, Spike notices her happiness and decides to leave. He hasn’t heard anything that was said but he thinks that her laughter said it all. He leaves but not before he runs into Tara.)

Eventually, Buffy’s laugh’s turn into sobs. Willow envelops her in a big hug and tries to ease her cries.

“ It’s okay, Buffy.” Willow soothed. Buffy just cried harder.
“ Why does it feel like my heart has been ripped out and stepped on?” Buffy sobbed. “ Why does it hurt so much?”
“ Buffy, maybe you should call him.” Willow suggested. Buffy pulled back from her long enough to respond.
“ What would I say? What would he say?” Buffy didn’t know how she’d take it if he rejected her.
“ I don’t know but it wouldn’t hurt to try. He loves you, Buffy.” Willow assured. Buffy just got up form her spot on the couch.
“ I’m gonna go to bed.” Buffy announced. Willow looked disappointed.
“ You don’t want to talk some more?”
“ I just wanna sleep.” she answered and then she was gone.

Not long after Buffy enters her room for the night does Tara enter the apartment.

“ Where’s Buffy?” Tara asked clutching at the letter that was in her hand.
“ Hello to you too, baby.” Willow pouted. Tara realized her mistake and gave Willow a kiss. “ That’s much better.” she smiled. “ Buffy’s turned in for the rest of the night.” Willow answered Tara’s previous question.
“ Oh.”

Tara thought about going in there to wake her up but decided against it. This was something that Buffy was gonna have to figure out on her own. Instead, she slid the letter under the bedroom door and hoped that Buffy read it in the morning.

Before it was too late…..

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Chapter 32:

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When Buffy woke the next morning, the first thing she remembered was the dream that she had the night before. It was the weirdest thing. She was standing in room full of people. It was so crowded. Spike was standing at the other end of the room but she couldn’t get to him. Every time she moved closer, Spike would move further away. She tried calling out to him but her voice was drowned out because of all the people. If that wasn’t weird enough, Tara was also in the dream. She wasn’t in the crowd of people but she was noticeable to Buffy. She could tell that Tara was saying something to her but she couldn’t make it out. When she turned back to the direction of where Spike was standing, he was gone. Before she could really grasp what had happened, she woke up.

Buffy had had weird dreams before but this put the icing on the cake. She felt like the dream was trying to tell her something but she just couldn’t put her finger on it. As she got up out of the bed to get dressed for the day, she noticed an off white envelope on the floor near the door. Buffy got up from the bed and hesitantly made her way over to it. Once the envelope was in her hands and opened she began to read.

My love,

Words can’t even begin to express what you mean to me. You were and still are the one thing in my life that truly makes sense. I know it’s hard to believe this considering what I’ve put you through but you have to know that I never meant to hurt you. I love you more than life itself and I would rather die than cause you any pain.

I want you to know that you were right about everything. I shouldn’t have lied to you about the promotion. I should have told you everything. If I had, you wouldn’t have left; you would still be here with me but you’re not and I have only myself to blame for that.

I also want you know that I understand why you refused to go to New York with me. It was selfish of me to expect you to just leave everything behind and follow me across the country all for some job. I should never have asked that of you and I shouldn’t have questioned you love because of your refusal. I know you loved me. You loved me more than I deserved and for that I thank you. No one has ever loved me the way you did and I know that no one ever will.

In all my life, I’ve never loved anyone or anything as much as I love you. It shouldn’t have ended this way. Not with us. We were supposed to be forever. How could I let you go? How could I let you leave? Without you, I‘m lost . Without you, I’m nothing . If I had realized this sooner, you’d be here and I wouldn’t feel like this. It wouldn’t hurt so much. Because of the pain cause by your absence, I’ve come to a decision.

I’m leaving.

I’ve decided to take the promotion in New York. I can’t bare to be in the same city with you and not have you in my life. You’re all around me. You’re everywhere I turn. The apartment is covered with everything that is you, that was us and I can’t take it anymore. My plane leaves tomorrow at 12. I believe I’m doing the right thing. It’s better this way. I couldn’t bare the thought of running into you on the street one day and having you walk right by me as if I was a complete stranger. It’s better this way.

Remember that I love you. I never stopped

And I never will.

All my love and more,

William

By the end of the letter, Buffy was in tears. She could barely breath

* He’s leaving?! He can’t leave. I can’t let him leave. * Buffy thought as she rushed out of the bedroom to find Willow and Tara.

“ Did you know about this?” Buffy questioned frantically when she located Willow and Tara sitting on the couch.
“ Buffy, what’s wrong?” Willow asked concerned.
“ Did you know about this?” she repeated as she waved the letter in their faces. Willow still looked confused. Tara looked guilty.
“ I knew.” confessed Tara.
“ And you didn’t tell me?!” Buffy was furious.
“ I promised him that I wouldn’t.” Tara defended herself calmly. Buffy blinked. Willow just listened to the conversation very confused and a little fearful of Buffy’s anger.
“ Wait a minute. You saw him? You spoke to him?” Buffy rushed out. Tara nodded in response. “ When?”
“ Last night. I found him snooping outside the window. I guess he was just came by to drop off the letter but I offered to do for him.” Tara explained.
“ He was here.” Buffy whispered to herself and then shook herself out of her thoughts. When Buffy noticed that it read 10:05 on the clock, she ran back to the bed room and put on her tennis shoes. She grabbed her jacket and put it on “ I have to catch him before he leaves for New York. I can’t let him leave.” brief pause. “ I love him.”
“ Then go do what we’ve been begging you to do and go to him.” Tara encouraged. “ Don’t let him leave California without telling how you feel.”

With that said, Buffy made a dash for the door. Not trusting the traffic of the afternoon, Buffy decided to run her way to the apartment.

* He can’t leave! I won’t let him leave!* were her only thoughts as she ran to catch the love of her life before he was gone for good.

Would she make it in time??

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Chapter 33:

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Buffy ran as if her life depended on it. If you really thought about it, her life did depend on it. Spike was her life. She just had to catch Spike before he left for the airport. She couldn't lose him. As she ran, the sky began to pour down with rain. The wet substance blurred her vision but Buffy continued to run. Her clothes and hair were now soaked and yet she kept on running. She couldn't let him leave.

Not now.

Not. Ever.

As soon as the apartment complex came into Buffy's view, she sped up. It was as if something was deep down inside her and it made her run faster. All the while, the ran continued to poor.

*I have to catch him. Can't let him leave!* she thought. Luck was on her side. Spike's car was still parked outside.

And the rain stilled poured.

Not trusting her timing, Buffy decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator to get to the apartment. Instead of knocking on the door and waiting for an invite, Buffy decided to just walk in. She couldn't believe what she saw, even if she had just been told it not long ago.

Spike really was leaving.

The furniture had been moved. The placed looked as if no one had lived their at all. No traces of their once happy home were left. Too make it worse, Buffy noticed two big boxes (the only two boxes in the entire apartment) with the words 'Buffy's Stuff' printed on them in black marker. This sight didn't fuel her sadness.

It only pissed her off!!!!

Not being able to wait any longer, Buffy marched to the location of Spike's room and was relieved to know that he was in there. Apparently, he was conversating with the storage guy. The bedroom door was open. Buffy just stood on the outside of it, taking him in. Spike didn’t seem to notice her presence.

It was if she hadn’t seen him in months, not just a week. He looked tired and ragged. Spike’s usually slicked back hair was in a mess of curls. His roots were starting to show. Yet, somehow to Buffy, he was till the most gorgeous man that she had ever laid her eyes on.

" Are you sure you want me to leave those last two boxes behind?” the mover asked. Buffy noticed a hint of sadness pass across Spike’s face as he though over his answer.
“ Yeah.” he answered so softly that Buffy almost didn’t hear him. “ I’ll get someone to pick them up later..” he decided. That’s when Buffy figured that enough was enough.
“ That won’t be necessary.” Buffy said as she stepped fully into the room. Spike’s head snapped in her direction in surprise.
“ Buffy?!” Spike wasn’t expecting any visitors on his last day in Sunnydale…especially not Buffy. He took in her soaked appearance and figured that she must have ran all the way here. She was still the most beautiful woman that he had ever laid his eyes on.
“ Thought I’d stop by. Being your last day in town, I thought we’d have a little chat.” Buffy replied a little too calmly for her and Spike’s tastes. The storage guy looked a little uncomfortable with the situation.
“ Uh…..should I leave?” the man asked.
“ No.” “ Yes.” Both Spike and Buffy returned at the sane time. The man looked between the two blondes and knew that leaving was the best thing for him to do at the moment.
“ I’m just gonna go.” the man decided and bolted out the door.

Spike and Buffy were the only ones in the room now.

And boy, was there unresolved tension. Some of it was of the sexual kind but Buffy had to place it on hold. As much as she wanted to jump into his arms, she had to get this out. Spike wasn’t fairing well either. He didn’t know why she was here and how she knew about him leaving.

* The letter.* he remembered to himself but still acted surprised when he asked his next question.

“ What are you doing here?” he rasped out. Buffy glued her eyes to his as she answered.
“ What’s the matter, Will? Surprised to see me?” asked Buffy with a glare that didn’t go unnoticed by Spike. “ I got your letter.” she finally answered.
“ I see.” he nodded. He noticed that Buffy began to move toward him with a slow and steady pace as she continued talking.
“ A letter, Will? A fucking letter?!” she exclaimed. Spike gulped as she got closer and closer to him. “ Did you actually think you’d get away with this? Did you really believe that you could pack your bags and leave without so much as a goodbye?”
“ The letter was my goodbye.” Spike defended. Buffy rolled her eyes and turned away from him.
“ A real goodbye, William.” Buffy replied, turning back to him. “ Not some goddamn letter. I deserve better than that and you know it. You hate me that much?” Buffy knew that he didn’t hate her but she was angry at the moment and didn’t mean half of what she was saying.
“ Hate you? Of course I don’t hate you.” Spike moved toward her, wanting so bad to take her in his arms and make it all better.
“ Oh really?” she scoffed. “ I don’t hear from you for over a week. When I finally do, you’re telling me goodbye. Yeah, lots of love there.” Buffy finished sarcastically.
“ I wasn’t the one who left!” Spike barked back. He hadn’t meant to snap at her but her attitude wasn’t helping matters. “ I’m also not the only one with telephone access. You could’ve called me but you didn’t so you’re just a much to blame for that as me.”

Buffy took in what he said and realized that he was right. She could have called him but she didn’t. She was afraid that he’d just hang up on her or something.

“ You’re right.” she finally said. “ but that still doesn’t excuse the fact that you were just gonna take off without a word to me or to anyone for that matter.” Both of them chose to ignore the fact that Spike had ran into to Tara the night before.
“ I thought I was doing the right thing.” he offered lamely.
“ Well, you’re not.” Buffy took a shaky breath before and moved to stand right in front of him before continuing . “ Did you really think I’d be okay with this? That I’d just shrug it off as nothing?” Tears trailed down her face as she sobbed out this last part. “Did you believe that I be able to handle you leaving me?”

Spike was battling his own tears. He hated that he had caused her this pain. He was honestly trying to make things easier on her but he obviously didn’t think his plan through because somehow he had managed to only make thing worse. He wanted so bad to hold her.

Buffy was standing there with her heart bared for him to see but he wasn’t even responding. Spike just stared at her with sorrow-filled eyes. It was what he said next that told her that she was really too late.

“ I’m sorry.” Spike returned softly. He had intended to apologize for what he had done and not a way of rejection but that’s how Buffy took it.

Buffy bolted for the front door in tears. There was nothing left to say. * I really am too late.*

Spike stared after her in longing and some confusion. He didn’t understand why she ran.

* What did I say?* he thought. It didn’t take long for him to realize the mistake in his words but when he finally did he silently cursed himself. “Great move, Spike.”

Spike had a decision to make. He could go to New York and live out his dreams as a writer or he could stay in Sunnydale with the woman that he loved more than anything in this world. What was he going to do?

The answer was rather simple.

Spike had made his choice.

With his mind made up, Spike headed for the door. He knew that the decision he had just made would effect his life forever.

*************************************************************************************

Chapter 34:

As soon as Buffy made it out of the apartment, she exhaled a deep breath. Her tears were being mingled with the fall of the rain. Her heart was breaking and it felt like it would never be whole again.

* He's really leaving. I was too late. I should've beenhere sooner. I shouldn't have left.* Buffy thought regretfully as she walked away from the life that she had unintentionally gave up.

The rain was pouring harder now and so was Buffy's tears. She was sure that her entire was blue from the cold air and water but she didn't care. Nothing mattered. Spike was really leaving and now she felt empty and lost. All those chances that she had of calling him or doing something to make things better. It was no use in worrying about it now.

Buffy had been too late.

" Buffy!"

Or had she?....

" Buffy, wati!"

Buffy turned at the sound of her name being called and was very shocked to see who it was calling her.

Spike.

" Buffy, stop!" he pleaded but Buffy didn't listen. Instead of running to him like he expected her to, Buffy turned away from him and continued walking away. Spike didn't give up. He continued to call and run after her. It didn't matter that he was getting soaked with rain. All that mattered was that he got to Buffy before she walked out of his life forever.

Buffy didn't want to believe that he was really there. It had to be a dream. She had to be imagining things. Reality was slamed into to her when she felt a very strong hand turn her around. Spike's lips instantly met hers when she finally faced him.

The rain continued to pour as they got reaquainted with one another. It was as if all had been made right with the kiss. No words needed to be said because the kiss conveyed everything that both of them were feeling.

Love.

Promise.

Devotion.

The fact that they were standing in the middle of the street didn't seem to register with them. The fact that they were making out as it poured cats and dogs didn't seem to matter either.

Chapter 35:

After a ten-minute make-out session in the rain, Spike led Buffy back up to the apartment. He took it as a good sign that she didn't object to this and even though nothing was said as they walked up the steps he knew everything was okay now.

When they entered the apartment, the lights that were once on blew out from the storm. The only form of light was now coming from outside and it wasn't that much. Because of the weather, the sky had took on a dark quality. Spike didn't say anything as he removed his shoes and socks and went to find something for the both of them to dry off with. Luckily, the box with all of his towels and bathroom supplies hadn't been picked up yet.

Spike observed that Buffy had removed her jacket and shoes when he returned to her. He suddenly had a sense of familiarity as he watched her. The night that the two of them had got together for the first time flooded his memories.

* That was the best night of my life.* he thought as he continued to watch her attempt to dry herself off.

That night had been what Spike had been looking for. It wasn't just making love with her that was so amazing. Everything that he felt was more than he could have asked for. To be allowed to touch her and know her body better than his own was a blessing as well as a privilege. That night changed the person that Spike was for the better. That night would be a memory that he would carry to his grave.

“ Are you okay?” Buffy asked suddenly. She could tell that she had brought him out of his thoughts because of the way he was looking at her. It was as if he was noticing her for the first time.

Instead of answering her, Spike began to walk slowly over to her. Buffy had no choice but to stand still and wait for him to get to her. Buffy noticed his nervousness because she felt it herself. This was the first time that she had been alone with him since the night she left.

What was going to happen?

What would she LET happen?

Buffy shivered at the possibilities of it all but then cursed inwardly when she allowed it to be noticed by Spike. Luckily, Spike mistook it for something else.

“ You’re shaking.” he observed softly. He was standing in front of her now, mere inches away from her body. He longed to take her in his arms once more but held back for some reason.
“ Cold.” answered Buffy, not meeting his eyes. This was true but Spike’s closeness was also having an effect on Buffy. In response, Spike wrapped the towel around her shoulders and began to rub them as he spoke.
“ Well, let’s get you out of these wet clothes.” he suggested but didn’t move to do that.
“ What about you? I mean, you’re soaked too. You’re probably gonna catch a cold.” she pouted and spike had to restrain himself from leaning and capturing her lips
“ Buffy-” he tried
“ You should get out of these clothes.” As Buffy rambled on, she absentmindedly roamed her hands around various parts of his upper body.
“ Buffy-” Spike tried but failed.
“ Did you box up all of your stuff cuz that would be bad. I don’t want you to get sick and if you don’t change out of these wet clothes you’re gonna get-” Buffy continued to ramble nervously. During her little ramble, she didn’t dare look him in the face, fearing what she might see there.
“Buffy.” Spike interrupted softly but firmly enough for her to calm down. When Buffy finally summed up enough courage to look at him, Spike and brought his hand up to her face and lovingly cupped her cheek. “ I’m okay.” he assured. “Everything’s okay.”

I will meet you in some place
Where the lends itself to a softer pose

All of Buffy’s nervousness went away with those two words. It wasn’t the words that set her at ease completely. The look in his eyes was what really did it for her. They told her that she didn’t have to cry anymore and that he wasn’t going anywhere.

Buffy held his gaze for a few more moments and then dropped her attention to his soaked blue shirt. The first two buttons at the top were undone and she could see his chiseled chest through the thin material. Buffy slowly reached both of her hands out to unbutton the rest of his shirt. Her actions were slow and concentrated. Spike didn’t say a word and she continued with her task. Once the garment was completely undone, Buffy removed it from his shoulders and let it drop to the floor. Buffy looked back up at him and reached for his hands. When she had them, she guided them to the hem of her shirt as she silently gave him permission with her eyes to remove it. Spike’s mouth watered at the sight of her bare breasts but held off from bending down and taking them into his mouth. Instead, he slowly got down on his knees and reached for the tied strings on her sweat pants. He hooked his fingers inside of them and pulled them down.

I will let you undress me
But I warn you I have thorns like any rose

* It’s nice to know that I’ve rubbed off on ‘er.* he thought with a small grin as he took in the sight before him.

Buffy was standing before him completely naked. This was a sight that he never thought he’d witness again. He leaned in and placed a chaste and tender kiss on her mound. Buffy nearly collapsed at the contact.

* It’s a good thing he’s got me at the waste. Really wouldn’t want to ruin the moment by falling flat on my ass.* she thought. All thoughts were soon lost when Spike stood back up. Buffy used this as an opportunity to remove his pants as well. She took the belt out of the loops on his pants on dropped it on the floor and as she unzipped his pants she heard Spike’s intake of breath. When the pants fell to his ankles, Buffy inhaled a breath of her own. * That’s a sight I’d thought I’d never see again.*

Buffy was pulled out of her appreciation when Spike lifted her chin up with his finger and raised her face up to his. He softly kissed her lips, making sure that he didn’t deepen the kiss too much or he’d would have been forced to pull her down on the floor and take her right there. He didn’t want that so he bent down a little and picked her up in his arms and carried her to her bedroom, kicking his pants aside along the way.

You could hurt me with your bare hands
You could hurt me using the sharp end of what you say

Even though all of her stuff had been boxed up, her bed was still there. Once they made it to the bedroom and neared the bed, Spike laid her gently upon it. Buffy stared up at him shyly and waited for his next move. Spike looked down at the goddess exposed before him in awe. He had never seen someone so..

“ Beautiful.” he murmured. Buffy blushed in embarrassment but held his gaze. He slowly began crawling up her body and stopped at her stomach. He felt her tremble when placed kisses upon the flattened area. “You’re trembling, sweetheart.” he observed, as he breathed her vanilla scent. Buffy looked down at him with reddened cheeks. “ We don’t have to do this now.” Spike needed her so much but he could wait.
“ I want to.” Buffy answered softly. “ I need you.”
“ I know what you mean.” he sighed out. Then he returned to his task of kissing her stomach. Things really start to get interesting when he moved towards her sweet smelling center. Buffy gasped out when she felt him kiss her outer lips.
“ Will.” she sighed pleadingly.
“ I know, luv, I know. Let me take care of you.” Spike responded and moved to do just that.

Buffy felt his tongue trace her outer lips. It was as if he was purposely doing it slow to tease her….not that she minded. He could pull her right out of her body with just a look. Imagine what his mouth was doing to her.

I am lost to you now
There’s no amount of reason to save me

When she felt his teeth graze her clit, she nearly came undone. Her hands were fisted in his hair while Spike’s hands firmly held her hips in his. He missed doing this. The way she felt. The way she tasted. He couldn’t get enough of her. He swirled his tongue around in circles and smirked against her when he heard her moan out his name. When he looked up at her, he was surprised to see that she was looking down at him. As intense as the stare was, Spike still continued to please her.

“ Oh God.” Buffy whimpered. She was feeling that amazing feeling in the pit of her stomach. It was rising and rising. All she had to do was let go. As if Spike knew what she was trying to accomplish, added a finger and pumped it in and out of her. “ I can’t-I can’t…Will!”
“ That’s it, luv. Let go. Come for me.” he purred up at her. His mouth may have stopped his pleasure on her but his finger sure didn’t and Buffy was getting closer with every stroke.

Yet something was missing…..

“ Stop.” she croaked out pleadingly. “ Please stop.” Spike immediately backed off, thinking that he had somehow cause her pain. He looked up at her confused.
“ What’s wrong? What is it?” he questioned worriedly.
“ Come up here.” she returned. Spike looked at her wondering if she had gone crazy.
“ I was kind of in the middle of something, luv. Can I finish?” he responded. Buffy shook her head in the negative.
“ I want you’re with me” she grabbed him and pulled him on top of her. “ Let’s do it together.”

So break me
Take me
Just let me feel your love again

Spike didn’t need to be asked twice. With one smooth twist of his hips, he was deep inside of her.

“ Ughh!” both of them moaned out at the heated contact. They stared wide eyed at one another. Spike didn’t move right away. He had to control his emotions first. She was so tight and hot that he feared he’d end this before it really got started.

Then, ever so slowly, he began to move…..
Break me
Take me
Just let me feel your love again.

Nothing had ever felt so good. So right. So complete. Buffy and Spike both found the part of them that had been missing. One week had felt like a life time and Spike planned on making up for every bit of time that was lost.

“ I missed you.” she whispered up at him as they moved in sync with one another. Spike just responded by capturing her lips in a feverish kiss that left her breathless when he pulled back.
“ I missed you.” he replied before nibbling at the spot on her neck. He knew that drove her crazy and as he expected her to she moaned out. “ I’m never letting you go again. It’s been hell without you.”

Spike’s thrusts picked up tempo just a little. Buffy’s legs wrapped around his slim waist and her finger nails raked down his back hard enough to leave marks. Spike responded to the pleasure/pain with a moan of his own and rewarded her with a swirl of his hips. This cause a deeper penetration for him.

“ You’re so tight….so wet…you burn me from the inside out.” he huskily said in her ear. He was ever so surprised with what happened next.
“ You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Buffy smirked against his cheek and squeezed him with her vaginal muscles.
“ Ugh!” he lifted his head up from her ear and looked down at her in adoration and surprise. Buffy knew at that moment that she would do absolutely anything if he would always look at her like that. It gave her a feeling of womanly pride that she could please him like that.

Feels like being underwater
Now that I’ve let go lost control

Buffy wasn’t done surprising him yet. She used as much strength as she could muster and switched their positions. Now was on top. That was something that had never been done before. Usually, Spike was in the driver’s seat but he didn’t mind her taking control. In fact, he liked it better when she was on top. Buffy looked down at him and ceased their movements for a bit. Since she had never been in this position before, she didn’t know what exactly to do.

“ Put your hands on my chest.” Spike said. Buffy did what she was told while Spike put his on her hips and helped her along. He wanted her to be comfortable so he started off with a nice and steady pace. Once Buffy got it, she removed his hands from her hips and placed them on her breasts. He cupped them in his hands and watched her bounce on top of him with lust filled eyes. “ You’re amazing.” Buffy smiled down at him and he thrusted his hips forward Buffy threw her head back with a loud cry of his name. To make it all the more better, Spike used one of his hands to play with her clit while she rode him. Buffy reached for his hand and held it there.

Their movement was becoming erratic now. Beads of sweat cover both of their bodies. Spike could tell that she was close but he also knew that she was quickly tiring herself. That’s when he knew it was time to get back in the driver’s seat. He returned them to their original position and began encouraging her to give into her release.

“ I love you, Buffy. I’ve never loved anything or anyone more. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you.” Spike replied softly. Their foreheads were against one another and their gazes were locked. He noticed tears in her eyes. This brought some to his own.

“ I love you too, Will.” she whimpered up at him. “ Don’t ever leave me. Stay with me.” she pleaded.
“ Til the end of the world.” he vowed. He kissed her soundly. Buffy broke away from his mouth with a gasp.
“ Ugh! Oh, I think I’m- I can’t-” she stumbled out.
“ Let it go, kitten. Come for me.” he pushed and with every word he thrusted deeper and deeper inside of her. Buffy began biting her lip to keep from screaming but Spike wouldn’t have any of that. “ Let me hear you, baby. I want to hear you.” he wasn’t getting off until she did. He was pumping faster than he ever thought possible. “ Come for me.”
“ Ughhhhhhh!” Buffy practically screamed her release so loud that Spike was sure everyone in the apartment heard it. It didn’t matter thought. He came right after her with a roar of his own.
“ Buffy!!!! Love you. God, I love you so much.” he rambled as he spilled himself inside of her welcoming heat.

When Spike got his breathing under control, he tried to pull out of her but Buffy wasn’t having it.

“ Stay.” she replied firmly. Spike looked down at her.
“ Luv, I don’t want to squish you.”
“ You’re not. I’m okay.” pause “ I’m just not ready for you to be apart from me yet. Stay.” she repeated. She pulled his head down on her chest and rubbed his lower back with her hands.

Buffy’s heartbeat eventually lulled him to sleep.

All thoughts of New York were forgotten.

Until tomorrow anyway……

Break me
I’ll let you make me
Just let me feel your love again

*************************************************************************************

Chapter 36:

When Spike opened his eyes later on that night, he noticed two things. One: the rain had stopped and that there was someone in bed with him. Suddenly, memories of the day’s earlier events were coming back to him. Spike was relieved to find that Buffy was still there with him. He had feared it was all a dream, that none of it had really happened. Spike didn't know what he would have done if all of it had turned out to be just a figure of his lonely imagination.

Spike's gaze traveled over Buffy's face as she slept peacefully in his arms. He never thought that he would be this close to her again. As he watched her sleep, he used his index finger to trace her features. It amazed him that even in sleep Buffy reacted to his touch. Spike just couldn't get enough of her. He could watch her like this forever if he had the chance.

" Can't believe I almost lost you, pet." he whispered and unconsciously tightened his hold on her. As he placed a kiss to her forehead, he continued. " Not gonna letting you go again. You're mine. Forever."
" I like the sound of that." Buffy's raspy voice spoke with her eyes still closed. Spike smiled down at her lovingly and caressed her face.
" Open your eyes, kitten." he requested softly. When Buffy did what she was asked, Spike's heart beat picked up speed. She could turn him into mush with just a look. " Hi."
" Hi." Buffy returned shyly. She wanted to look away from his intense stare but could do so. Instead, Buffy did the only thing that seemed right.

She kissed him.

The kiss was soft and loving. Spike even had the restraint to keep his tongue out of her mouth. This kiss was about reassurance. When they mutually broke apart, Buffy propped her head up on one hand and used her other to stroke his chest.

" This is weird." At Spike's frown, Buffy explained her wording. " Not a bad weird. It's a good weird. I didn't think I'd be here like this with you ever again. Apart of me is thinking that this is all a dream and soon I'll wake up and you won’t be there with me.” she confessed and then “ You’re really here?” she asked, not sure of anything. Buffy couldn’t bare the thought of him just being something that her mind had conjured up to heal her broken heart.
“ I’m really here.” Spike assured her with a smile. “ I’m not going anywhere.” he vowed firmly and then sealed his vow with a kiss. Buffy broke away from him to lay her head down on his chest while her hand moved to intertwine with his. She let a moment of comfortable silence pass before speaking again.
“ We should probably talk about what this means.” she suggested.
“ Yeah. I guess we should.” he agreed made no attempt to start said conversation so Buffy tried instead.
“ What happens now?” she asked, feeling suddenly afraid of his answer.
“ Well, you’re moving back in here for one thing.” he answered after a beat. “ You belong here with me.”

Buffy was relieved to hear this but she still had to ask about New York. She had to know that he was absolutely sure about what he was given up. Buffy didn’t want him regretting his decision later and blaming her for it.

“ And what about New York? What about the promotion?” she asked timidly. Spike shifted his body so that he could look her in the face. Buffy’s heart skipped a beat at what she saw in his eyes.

Love.

Promise.

Forever.

Buffy then knew that New York was behind him and that he was staying with no intentions to leave her. Still, Spike felt the need to offer more assurance.
“ I’m not going anywhere, Buffy. With you is where I want to be.” he replied. “ It was stupid of me to think that I could just leave SunnyDale and put you behind me.”
“ Not arguing with ya there.” Buffy cut in and then giggled when Spike shot her a mock glare. “ God, I don’t know what I would’ve done if I had got here too late. If you had left-”
“ Don’t think about the ‘what ifs”. I’m here now and I plan to stay as long as you’ll have me.” pause. “ Will you have me?” he asked. He looked like a little boy, all shy and unsure.
“ You’ve got to promise me something first.”
“ Anything.”
“ Is this what you really want?” Buffy questioned. Spike looked a little confused. “ You shouldn’t give up something like this if you’re not absolutely sure.” she finished. Spike sighed with understanding.
“ Buffy-” he tried and Buffy could tell that he was about to tell her off. She wasn’t done yet.
“ No, Will. Just listen.” she ordered gently. “ I love you so much. I couldn’t picture my life without you in it but” sighs. “ I want you to be sure about what you’re giving up for me.”
“ I am sure.” he cut in.
“ Are you? I know your work means a lot to you, Will.”
“ You mean more.” Spike interjected. Buffy smiled up at him adoringly and cupped his cheek.
“ but I want you to be sure that this is what you want. I don’t want you regretting this later. If you were to leave now,” she shuddered at the thought. “ yeah I’d be devastated but if leaving to go do something that you loved makes you happy, then I want you to be happy.. I was wrong to ask you to choose that night.”
“ Buffy-” Spike tried to rush to disagree with her but Buffy placed and finger over his lips to stop him.
“ I get it now. You’ve worked so hard and come so far in what you do and I don’t wanna be the one to hold back from what you deserve. Even if I do love you, I couldn’t let you do that. Not for me.” she finished with tears glistening in her eyes.

Buffy was just covering all of her bases. She knew that Spike loved what he did and she didn’t want him having any regrets later on. She didn’t want to be the one that was blamed for his decision to stay, especially if he really wanted to go. She wouldn’t hold him back. Sure, she’d have to let him go but if he was happy then she was happy for him.

Spike took in what the love of his life had just said. Just when he thought he couldn’t’ love her anymore than he already did, she surprises him. Buffy had pretty much given him the opportunity to still go to New York and live his dream of becoming a famous writer. Even if it make them both miserable, Buffy was willing to deal and let him go if he really did want to leave.

* Then it’s pretty obvious what you have to do, mate.* he thought

Spike rolled over so that he was on top of Buffy and captured her lips in a passionate kiss. Buffy felt lightheaded and out of breath when they pulled apart. She looked up at him expectantly, not really sure how to respond to his response.

“ What I deserve….is you.” Spike purred down at her. Buffy’s breath caught in her throat at that. “ I’ve always been the one with the short end of the stick when it came to love. When you came along, I finally knew what it was like to fall.” The tears slipped out of Buffy’s eyes. “ I fell hard for you, Summers. You’ve shown me what it’s like to be truly in love and I love you so much.” As he spoke, Spike used the pads of his thumbs to brush the tears away from his dove’s eyes. He couldn’t stand to see her cry, even if they were happy tears. “ Yeah, the promotion was a great opportunity but there will be other opportunities. There’s only one you.”

Buffy pulled Spike down by his neck and kissed him senseless. * Was he always this good with word?* she thought as she explored his mouth. * He really is a great kisser.*

“ What kind of man would I be if I gave this up?” he asked as he nuzzled her cheek.
“ A real stupid one.” she joked.
“ So I’ll ask again: Will you have me?”
“ How long do I get to keep you?” she questioned him with a smile.
“ I’d say forever but even that doesn’t seem long enough.” he answered.
“ Well, we better make sure that we both get our full fill of each other then, huh?” she teased and noticed the lustful gleam in his eyes.
“ I could never have my fill of you, baby. I can’t get enough of you.”
“ I know what you mean.”

And then they proceeded to make up for lost time for the rest of the night.

*************************************************************************************

Chapter 37:

They had made love for most of the night before. It was now ten in the morning and both of them were wiped out. Buffy rested at the head of the bed while Spike was sprawled out at the foot of the bed. The sheet that had once occupied the bed was now tangled up in various limbs.

" You know we're gonna have to get out of this bed eventually right?" Buffy asked down at him with a grin. Spike looked up from his position a the foot of the bed with a pout.
" Who says?" he responded. Buffy giggled at his childish behavior. Spike didn't want to go anywhere. He would lay there with her forever if he had his way.
" I say. We can stay here all day."
" Why not?" he asked with another sexy pout. If it wasn't for Buffy's very sore limbs, she would've kissed that pout right off his face.
" Well, for starters, no one knows that we're back together. Willow and Tara are probably sick with worry. I mean, for all they know you're gone off to New York and I'm somewhere crying my eyes out over a big bucket of Chunky Monkey ice cream." Buffy explained. During her little explanation, Spike moved up towards her until that were only inches away from her face.
" but you're not are you? You're in good hands. Why don't we just call them and let them know that everything's okay now? Why get out of this big comfy bed if we don't have to?" Spike tried to sway her idea of leaving their comfortable and private sanctuary. Buffy looked as if her guard was coming down just a little.
" You do have a good point.” she admitted and then suddenly gasped out when his lips lightly kissed her neck. Buffy shocked Spike as well as herself with her next action.

She pushed him off of her!!!

“ No! We have to do it in person.” Buffy persisted and got up from the bed before Spike could reach for her and make her change her mind. She grabbed one of his blue button up shirts and put it on, only doing up two of the buttons.
“ Bloody hell, Buffy. I just got you back not even 24 hours ago. Can’t our mates wait for a little while longer?” Spike question as his head plopped down on the mattress with a sigh.

Buffy looked over at him and had to stop herself from laughing. Spike was all pouty as if he favorite toy had just been taken away. She walked back over to the bed and straddled his waste. His eyes were closed and he was pretending like he wasn’t aware of their position.

“ Open your eyes, luv.” Buffy commanded, using the same endearment that he always used on her. She saw his mouth twitch in a knowing smile but his eyes still remained closed.
“ No.” he answered stubbornly. Buffy sighed out but knew what would make him give her his attention.
“ Okay but you’re missing a lot of nakedness right now. Are you sure you wanna miss that?” Spike’s eyes immediately opened. He was annoyed and disappointed that she still had on his shrit and that he fell for her trick.
“ That wasn’t very nice, baby. Now you got me all excited.” he complained. Buffy laughed whole-heartedly.
“ And that’s a bad thing because……?”
“ We have to go tell Red and Glinda ‘bout us ‘member? You were so set on it not even 30 seconds ago.” he returned. Buffy used her strength to pull him up to her chest. She caressed his face as she spoke.
“ Will, I would love to stay here and lounge around in bed with you all day and I promise as we get back we’ll do that and more but we need to take care of this first. After all, if it wasn’t for Willow and Tara we might be here together.”
“ Meaning?” he inquired with a raised brow.
“ Those two women are very pushy. They helped me realize how stubborn I was being. They knew what an ass I was being and they called me on it. If it weren’t for those two, I probably would have gotten here a moment too late.” she paused until she saw understanding in his eyes. “ We owe them, Will.”
“ Alright alright.” he sighed out. “ We’ll go thank the birds but then we’re coming right back here.” he added firmly. “ I have a lot of time to make up for.”
“ Deal.” she kissed him quickly on the mouth and hopped off of him and the bed before he could deepen the kiss.
“ Hey! I wasn’t finished with you yet.” Spike groaned at the loss of contact.
“ Too bad.” she teased as she pulled out some clothes from the box with her name on it. “ We’ve got to get ready. I so need a shower.” Buffy said that last part more to herself than to him. Spike got out of bed and stalked over behind her until his semi-hard erection was rubbing up against her lower back. Buffy gasped in surprise while he arms wrapped around her and pulled her close to his body.
“ What for, luv?” he inhaled. “ You smell heavenly.” he finished with a nuzzle of her neck. Buffy tried not to let it show that he was effecting her as much as he was.
“ To you, maybe but I think Willow and Tara will think differently. Entering their home smelling like I’ve just participated in a marathon of incredible make up lovin’ is just way weird.” she responded. She made a move to get out of his embrace but Spike’s grip only loosened to turn her around to face him.
“ I like when you’re covered in my scent. It reminds me of all the naughty things I’ve done to you.” Spike purred huskily before he captured her lips in a feverish kiss that made her weak in the knees. When they broke apart, Buffy had every intention on dragging him on the floor and acting some of those “naughty” things out. Instead, she had a better idea.
“ Well, think of it this way: If you join me in the shower we can act out some of those “naughty” things.” she suggested with a grind of her hips that made him groan in pleasure.
“ That sounds like a grand idea, pet.”

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Buffy and Spike were more than satisfied when they finished with their ‘playtime’ in the shower. Buffy was still applying the last of her make-up. Spike watched her from the doorway and wondered what he could have done to deserve such a vision. Buffy was wearing a form fitting pair of hip hugger jeans and a v-neck, blood red top. Her hair was put up in a neat yet comfortable clamp and her look was finished off with her light make-up that she had just finished applying. She was an angel on earth.

“ You’re look gorgeous, pet.” he observed from the doorway. Buffy turned around with a grateful but shy smile on her face.
“ Thanks.” and then went back to getting ready. Spike chuckled lightly at her shyness. He loved it when she blushed like that.

As Spike stared at her, he thought about all they had been they had been through. Sure, he hadn’t been with her long but Spike could guarantee that he knew more about her than he did about himself. He knew how giddy she was in the morning and how she always babbled when she was nervous. He knew every inch of her body. He could locate every scar, every freckle and every pleasure point. He knew that all of her darkest secrets not just because she told him but also because she sometimes talked in her sleep at night. Spike could write a book with all of the information he knew about her.

For a brief moment, he thought about his mother. He could bet his life that they would have gotten along great if she were still alive. Even though he was so young when she died, he still remembered everything about her. Buffy reminded him so much of her sometimes. His mother would be proud of the love that he found.

Spike reached in his front pocket and pulled out the only content of it. When he looked down at it and then back over at Buffy, he was suddenly nervous. He knew that he loved her and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her but what if she didn’t feel the same way? What if this was as far as she wanted to take it with him? What if she didn’t like his mother’s ring?

* Don’t back out now. She’ll say yes. The girl loves you. Why wouldn’t she say yes?* he thought. With a preparing breath, Spike walked over to where Buffy was sitting in front of the mirror.
“ It’s a good thing you hadn’t moved this vanity set out of here yet. God only knows how long it would have taken me to put on my make-up if that had happened.” Buffy said conversationally as Spike came to stand behind her.
“ Not that you need make-up. You’re a bloody goddess, kitten.” he complimented lovingly.
“ You’re really sweet you know that?” she looked at his reflection in the mirror as she spoke and smiled.
“ and you love me because of it.” he finished.
“ I love you for many many other reasons as well, baby.” she returned and noticed that her guy wore a thoughtful look at her statement.
“ Mind telling me what those reasons are?” he asked suddenly. Buffy turned around to face him with a confused yet curious look on her face.
“ Are you okay?” she asked concerned. He looked all serious. Buffy even thought he looked a little nervous. * He’s not having second thoughts, is he?*
“ I’m fine, luv. I guess I’m just a little curious as to why you love me so much. Would you mind filling me in on that bit of information?” he asked softly. Buffy looked at him for a moment and wondered what he was up to. Her confusion, however, did not stop her from answering his question.
“ I love you because of your heart. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as generous and considerate as you. Even if they don’t deserve it, you’re always offering your help to others.” she started. Spike showed no emotion on his face but inside he was smiling. “ You’re so funny and full of life. You always find a way to make me laugh, even when I feel like screaming.” she continued as she got up from her seat at the vanity and walked towards him. “ I love you because you know me better than myself. You know things about me that I’m still trying to figure out.” Buffy was only inches away from his face now. She brought her voice down to a softer tempo. “ Most of all, I love you because you make me feel special, wanted, sexy,” she winked at him and he laughed. “ and so beautiful. You make me feel worthy.”
“ Of what?” he asked quietly, anticipating her answer. She smiled brightly, wrapped her arms around his neck and replied,
“ Of you.”

Spike looked into the eyes of the love of his life and knew without a doubt that this was the woman for him.

The ONLY woman for him.

He wanted to grow old with her and make babies with her. He wanted it all. Hopefully, Buffy wanted the same. Before he could speak, Buffy moved out of their comfortable embrace and grabbed her purse.

“ Does that answer your question?” she asked. He nodded with a smile on his face. “ Good. We should probably get going. The sooner we get leave, the soon we can get back.” she finished with a smirk that reminded him so much of his own. Buffy turned and made for the door but Spike’s voice stopped her.
“ I think you dropped something, pet.” he was bended on one knee.
“ What did I-” Buffy cut herself off when she saw the position he was in and the object that he was holding in the palm of his hand. Buffy could barely speak, much less breathe. She couldn’t believe her eyes. “ Will, what are you doing down there?” she asked dumbly. He smiled up at her.
“ Enjoying the view.” he teased.
“ Is that a ring?” she pointed at the beautiful silver band in his hand. He looked down at it as if he was seeing it for the first time himself.
“ So it is.” he held it out to her. “Wanna try it on?” he offered. Buffy looked as if she was about to pass out with shock. She reached a shaky hand out and took the ring from him. “ Go head. Try it on.”

Buffy looked at him and then back down at the piece of beautiful jewelry in her hand. She timidly placed the ring on her ring finer. To her surprise and Spike’s pleasure, it fit. She loved the way it felt and looked on her hand. It was like it was meant to be there and that Spike was the person to give it to her. She just knew it.

“ Well, what do ya know? It’s a perfect fit.” he observed, stood and walked slowly over to her. Buffy looked up from her hand.
“ I guess it is.” she answered with a watery smile. The initial shock was starting to where off and in place was a sense of confidence and certainty. “ Can I keep it?” Spike’s face broke out into a huge grin. He closed the distance between them with a kiss.
“ So does this mean-” he asked when they broke apart.
“ Yeah.” she cut in. “ I’ll marry you.”
“ Well, technically I haven’t asked you yet.” he teased. Buffy playfully slapped him on his arm.
“ Very funny.” she said dryly.
“ It’s tradition. You can’t just say yes and I haven’t even asked the question yet.” he pushed.
“ Fine! Ask if you must.” Buffy returned dramatically and waited.
“ Buffy Anne Summers, will you marry me?” he asked. All traces of playfulness was gone from his voice now. He wasn’t expecting the answer that he got form her.
“ I’ll have to think about it.” Buffy was trying really hard to keep a straight face when she answered him. Spike looked confused for a moment.
“ but you just said that you’d-” he cut himself off when realization hit that she was just kidding. “ Very funny. “
“ Of course I’ll marry you, William.” pause. “ I love you.”
“ I love you too.” he leaned in slowly just as she did and took her lips in a gentle kiss. Before either of them knew what was happening, clothes were being removed.

They didn’t make it to Willow’s for another three hours.

THE END.

……..Or is it?

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A/N I hope everyone liked the story. I really enjoyed writing it. I didn’t expect it to get as much feed back as it did. I want to thank everyone who stood by the story and posted reviews. You people are amazing.!!!!! Please leave a review and let me know what you all think of the ending.