Chapter Nine



“Listen mister, don’t think I’m easy just because you give me that look,” Buffy told Nate as she thrust one last cookie at him. When she had begun to put it away, Nate had looked so despondent that Buffy couldn’t resist the pouty lip. Probably because it was so much like her own. “Gonna have to sit down, buddy.”

Nate sat down on the floor with a plop as he gobbled his cookie. She smiled and sat down across from him. She watched him as he every so often would offer her a bite of his cookie and then giggle when she took what he offered. His giggle caused Buffy to giggle too, his merriment was contagious.

“Can I come in? Or is this a private party?”

Buffy looked up to see Spike standing in the door, smiling down at them. She started to get up.

“No, don’t get up pet. I’ll join you.” He strolled across the room and sat down, on Buffy’s right and ruffled Nate’s hair who promptly offered him a bit of cookie.

Spike took it and laughed at Nate’s giggle as well. Then, Nate stood and toddled over to him, turning around and carefully plopping himself down on Spike’s lap. The simple act warmed Buffy’s heart and she found herself staring fondly at them. “You know, you’d make a really good dad.”

He looked at her in surprise. “What makes you say that?”

“Because you’re so good with him. He loves you. Nate doesn’t just cuddle with anyone you know.”
“Does he cuddle with Angel?”

Buffy gave him a funny look as she stood and dusted herself off from cookie crumbs. “Jealous?”

Spike shrugged and looked down, she could have sworn he was pouting. “Maybe.”

Buffy chuckled, “nothing to be jealous about.”

Spike’s head popped up, “really?”

“Really. Nate loves his Uncle Spike and no one could ever replace you. Especially not his pediatrician, whose main function is to poke and prod him. Or, you know, prescribe him medicine when he’s ill to make him feel better.”

Spike leaned back against the fridge and watched as Buffy finished cleaning up from dinner. “So you guys really hit it off, huh?”

Buffy shrugged, “I think so. I’m not really sure. It was a short visit and I left definitely feeling something for him.”

Spike straightened, “oh? What’s that?”

“Gratitude. Nate was sick, he had it in his power to tell me what was wrong with him and then make him better.”

“Well, the amoxicillian made him feel better, not Angel himself.”

“You know what I mean. I don’t know, Spike. It’s been so long since I’ve had even the remote desire to date. So long since I’ve ever been attracted to anyone.”

“Buffy, you don’t date at all. You hate to date.”

“I know, that’s what I’m saying. Marvel at the concept that Dr. O’Connor made me want to date.”

“Or is it just gratitude like you said?”

Buffy frowned thoughtfully and sat back down on the floor, wiping her hands on a dishtowel. She looked at him, “you tell me.”

“Well, if it’s not gratitude then it could be that Cordy was right there shoving him down your throat. Not to mention that he was right there putting you on the spot, which I know you hate, so it could have been peer pressure.”

Buffy raised her eyebrow, “since when do I EVER give into peer pressure?”

Spike pretended to think about it, “um, never.”

“Exactly. So, what do you think I should do? I mean, should I go out with him and see if my prognosis is mere thanks that he was there to save the day when I felt helpless, or do I not go out with him because it could be just that?”

Spike stared at her for a long time, so long that Buffy poked him on the leg, wondering what he could possibly be thinking about for so long.

“I think you think too much Buffy Summers and should allow yourself some time out with him and see what you feel by the end of your date. If you don’t, you’ll always wonder what it was.”

Buffy nodded, “I think you’re right. I do think too much. He’s really cute, isn’t he?”

“I’m your best friend, and I’m a guy. I’m not gay though, Buffy. I’m not going to be bloody checking out guys with you.”

Buffy giggled, “you know who I think has a crush on you?”

Spike raised his eyebrows, intrigued. “That quiet bird that comes in every now and then with the notebook?”

“No, she’s gay.”

“How do you know?”

“I talked to her. She told me her girlfriend owned a daycare—hey there’s an idea!—and was still somewhat in the closet due to it. Doesn’t want it to ruin her business if people find out and whatnot.”

Spike looked at her incredulously as Nate leaned over and started to play with his shoelaces. “You always know what’s going on with people.”

Buffy smiled, “that’s because I take the time to talk to people. Especially if they’re a regular like she is.”

“Name?”

“Tara. Don’t go talking to her now,” Buffy poked him in the arm, “I don’t want her thinking I’m talking to everyone and their mother. She’s really kind of shy and soft spoken.”

“What are you trying to say? I’m shy and soft spoken,” Spike told her in mock offense, putting his hand over his heart.

“Please. You’re about as shy and soft spoken as a mack truck. Right Nate?”

Nate stopped inadvertently untying Spike’s shoe laces long enough to look up and say “yeah.”

Buffy gasped and held her hand over her mouth. “Did you hear that?”

Spike grinned, “Nate, do you want another cookie?”

“Yeah.”
Buffy jumped up immediately and grabbed another cookie and handed it to him.

“How could I resist that?” Nate forgot all about the shoelaces and attacked his cookie with vigor.

Spike whispered in his ear loud enough for Buffy to hear, “do you know how happy you just made your Aunt Buffy? I think your next word should be ‘car’. That way you’ll be sure to have one by the time you’re—Buffy, why are you crying?”

She shook her head, and reached for some paper towels. Spike stood and sat Nate down on the floor to eat. He went over to Buffy and took her in his arms. “What is it, pet?”

“I mean, it’s only one word. It’s only ‘yeah’. . . I just wish. . . I just wish Faith was here to hear it.” She hugged him as she cried into his shoulder. She missed Faith, missed her every day and it was times like this, when Nate would do something new, that Buffy felt her loss even more acutely. “It’s just so sad that she’ll never get to see him say it. She’ll never see him get all his teeth, go to kindergarten, lose all his teeth. . . she’ll never get to see all those things. It’s not fair.”

Spike stroked her hair, “I know Buffy, I know. You don’t think she’s watching over him at all? I do. I think she sees it all. With all the things Faith did wrong, I know she did love him very much. I’ll bet she heard him, and I’ll wager she’ll see it all.”

“Do you think so?”

“I do.”

She pushed herself away and wiped at her eyes with the towel. “It does get easier every day you know, I don’t always fall apart like this.”

“Buffy, it’s normal. She was your sister and that is her son. It’s normal to feel this way, it’s all part of the grieving process. No one expects you to be a hundred percent after a month.”

“I know, I just hate to feel weak.”

“You’re not weak, woman!”

“I can tell you’re frustrated with me when you call me ‘woman.’” She gave him a small smile.

“If you weren’t so bloody thick-headed—“

“Me? You’re one to talk!”

“Hey now—“

“Did you want to know who had a crush on you or not?”

Classic Buffy. Change the subject when she didn’t want to hear it anymore. She smiled as Spike shifted gears in his head.

“Okay, who?”

“Andrew.”

Spike’s eyes flew off his head, “Andrew?” He sputtered. “No way.”

Buffy nodded, “he talks about you as if you’re a god and he’s here to worship you.”
“I didn’t think he was gay.”

“I don’t know if he is or not, actually. He’s kind of. . . ambiguous. You guys could be the ambiguously gay duo!” Buffy burst out laughing at the look of horror on Spike’s face.





Spike was sulking. Today was the day. D-day. Date day. He had enjoyed their time the night before when it had just been them, the three of them just hanging out having a good talk, laughing, hearing Nate say a new word. There were tears, but Spike was glad he had been there for it. He wanted to be there every time Buffy cried. Every time she mentioned that day she had to take Nate to the pediatrician’s was another knife to his heart. He wanted to have been there for her. He knew she had to have been scared and feeling alone and he hated that she felt like that. Hated it because she wasn’t alone. She had him and if he could only find a way to tell her—

“What’s your problem?” Cordy asked, standing in front of his desk.

He peered up at her from where his head was resting on the desk like an insolent child. “Nothin’.”

“Liar. Oh, I know. Today is Buffy’s date with Angel. Relax, it’s not like she can have sex with him in only an hour. Well, she could—“

“Cordelia!” Spike shouted, sitting upright. “Do you mind? Don’t you have work to do?”

“Well, yeah. I just thought you’d like to know that Andrew is going to be a little late and Lorne needs to leave, like now. So, unless you want your bar unattended for God knows how long, I suggest you get your tight butt out there.”

Spike grinned, “tight butt huh?”

“Did I interrupt something?” Buffy asked, coming into the room. “Did I hear something about tight butts?”
Spike grinned devilishly, “Cordy was just saying I had a tight butt.”

Buffy raised her eyebrows, “okay then. I’m going to get ready for Angel. He’s going to be here in a bit, so you might want to get out there Cordy.”

“On my way. Make sure you wear that green shirt, it brings out your eyes!” Cordy called after her as she made her way out the door.

Spike pinched Cordy’s arm as they made their way to the front. “Don’t help her on her date for fuck’s sake!”

Cordy rolled her eyes, “whatever. I’m not going to tell her to go out in a brown sack like you probably would.”
“I thought you were on my side here?”

Cordy smiled cheekily, “I’m on the side I’m always on.”

“Which is?”

“Mine.”

“Cordy,” Spike growled at her.

“Besides, I enjoy watching you squirm. Makes me wonder just what you’ll do and how long it’ll take you to make a move. Oh, look. There’s Angel now. Excuse me while I go greet him.”

Spike glared at her and then at Angel as he came in having the audacity to smile.

Lorne came over and patted Spike on his back, “don’t worry crème brulee, it’ll all work out for the best.”

Before Spike could ask if he knew too, Lorne was gone. Spike sighed and then gasped when Buffy retreated from the bathroom. God, Cordy was right. Green was the perfect color on her. She had changed into a tight, soft green turtleneck and black skirt that came just above her knees. Her hair had been brushed out from her braid and it fell in waves around her shoulders. Her makeup had been touched up and made a tad darker. To sum up, she was glowing and beautiful and Spike wanted nothing more than to stop her. His feet seemed to have a mind of their own as he moved towards her.

“Buffy,” he told her, almost breathlessly.

She looked to him, halfway to Angel who was beaming at her. “Yeah?”

She was flushed and she looked nervous as well as excited.

Spike stopped. What was he going to say? Tell her that she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen and to not go out with Angel? How could he do that to her? Cordy had been right, she deserved to have a bit of fun. Wasn’t that the whole reason why he had told her to go out when she asked if she should or not? He didn’t want to advise her to not go out with the man and then have her wonder if there possibly could have been anything. He just had to make sure to give Angel a bit of competition, that’s all. Then Buffy would see that they were meant to be, always had been, and she’d come to him of her own accord. Wouldn’t she?

“Spike? What is it? I’d really like to go now.”

Spike swallowed and took a deep breath, forcing a smile. “Have fun. You look beautiful.”

Buffy smiled, a look of surprise passing over her features. Note to Self: Tell Buffy she’s beautiful more often.

“Thanks, Spike.”

Buffy made her way over to Angel who took her hand gallantly and kissed it. She smiled shyly at him and he held out his arm for her to take. Spike swore he heard Cordy tell her that if she wanted to take longer than an hour, it would be no problem.





Buffy was having a good time, she felt relaxed and not at all sick as she had first felt when she had started getting ready for her date with Angel. He was easy to talk to, kind, gentle and easy-going. He was soft-spoken, which she wasn’t used to because Spike was the complete antithesis of soft-spoken. Not to mention that Spike could at times be wound tighter than a drum when he wasn’t getting his way and Angel—why the hell was Spike making an entrance in her thoughts on her date with Angel?
As soon as she and Angel came back to the restaurant, she felt as if she were on display from the eyes that swerved in her direction. Cordelia gave her a huge smile, Andrew looked wistfully at her and smiled approvingly at Angel and Spike looked. . . well, he appeared to have a dark cloud looming over his head.

“I had a nice time, Buffy,” Angel told her gently and leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek. “I’d like to do it again sometime. Maybe when you have some more time?”

“Oh, I can help. I can watch Nate, Buffy,” Cordy came up and threw her arm around Buffy’s shoulders.

“Uh, okay—“ Buffy replied, her head on a tailspin all of a sudden.

“Great, I’ll call you.” He strolled out, waving to Spike who nodded and gave him a fake smile.

Cordy ushered Buffy into the back to change, chatting on and on about how she used to know Angel in high school and how he was considered the greatest catch and the most likely to succeed. Buffy was only half-listening, letting the events of her date sink in, and wondering why Spike was so gloom and doom.

“What’s wrong with Spike?” Buffy blurted out.

Cordy stopped mid-sentence. “Oh-kay,” she said slowly. “I guess you didn’t want to hear about how Angel was Quarterback for his high school.”

“Sorry Cordy, I was listening. I just noticed that Spike seemed—“

“Cranky? Moody? Yeah, he’s been that way for a while now.”

“That’s not true. Spike’s not always like that. Sometimes it seems as if he’s cranky but really he’s just deep in thought—“

“You know him very well, huh?”

Buffy pulled her work shirt over her head and shrugged, “well, yeah.”

“And I’m sure he knows you just as well,” Cordy observed.

“Yeah,” Buffy said slowly. “Comes with the territory, I guess. So, what’s wrong with him?”

“Who knows. I don’t think he’s ‘deep in thought’. I think he’s just cranky. Well, I have to get back to work! We’ll chat later.”

Buffy watched her go and shook her head slowly. The girl was a whirlwind. Trekking out to front, Spike was talking to Andrew about something and Andrew was staring up at him adoringly. Buffy sauntered up behind Andrew and made kissy faces at Spike over the boys shoulder. Spike’s eyes widened and he stepped back considerably from Andrew.

Andrew spun around and smiled weakly. “Buffy, hi. How was your date? Angel looked. . . like an Angel. Very handsome. What kind of ice cream did you get?”

Buffy smiled. Some people found Andrew annoying, but she liked him. She found his offbeat sense of humor and personality refreshing. He saw things in a whole new light. “I had chocolate cookie dough. Very yummy. How goes things around here? I miss anything?”

“Oh nothing. It’s been kind of slow. I was trying engage Spike into a game of I Spy but he decided to lecture me instead.”

“Andrew,” Spike told him sternly.

“I’ll play with you, Andrew,” Buffy smiled. So that’s what got Spike all sour puss.

“Buffy,” Spike said on a slight whine.

Buffy blew Spike a kiss and headed for her table that suddenly had customers.



Spike pulled Cordy aside, discreetly, the first chance he got. “So, how’d her date go?”

Cordy rolled her eyes. “Are you kidding me with this? Why don’t you ask her yourself?”

“I’m afraid of the answer,” he grumbled. “She looked so bloody happy when she came in. . .” he trailed off, remembering her happy smile, flushed cheeks and wind blown hair. She had looked happy all right, happy and beautiful.

Cordy snapped her fingers in front of his face. “Hello, where’d you go?”

Spike shook his head, “sorry.”

“I really think you should ask her. I think you also might be interested to know that while I was telling her all about Angel’s virtues, she was concerned why you looked like such a sour puss when she came in.”

Hope dawned on Spike’s face, “she was worried about me?”

“Yes,” Cordy said as if he should have known this all along.

Spike paused and pointed at her, “you going to tell me how her date went or not?”

“Nope. If I tell you everything, then you’ll never talk to her. That’s the whole point, Spike. TO TALK TO HER. How else are you going to convince her that it’s you she belongs with?”

Spike nodded and looked down, “yeah, you’re right.”
“Duh.”

Spike shot her a glare. “Don’t you have work to do?”

“You brought me in here, remember? Keep it up and Buffy’s going to think there’s something going on between us.”
A light bulb went off in Spike’s head.

“Don’t even think it,” Cordy was quick to shoot it out. “That would be only playing a trick on her and do you really think Buffy would take too kindly to that if she found out?”

Spike sighed, “yeah, you’re right.”

“And this surprises you? So, why don’t you make sure you talk to her before she leaves tonight?”

“Yes, Cordy.”

“Just keep saying that.”



Buffy watched as Spike sauntered up to the bar where Buffy was helping Andrew wash glasses. He looked almost sheepish and she wondered what was up.

“Hey Buffy,” he said as he approached.

“Hey Spike, what’s up?”

“How was your date?”

Oh yeah, her date. It felt like hours and hours since she’d had that. She glanced at the clock. It’d only been four hours, but it felt more like eight. She nodded, “good.”

“That it? Just good?”

“It was an hour. What do you expect?”

“I don’t know. You usually know after an hour if you click with someone.”

“I think we clicked.”

“You think you did? You don’t know?”

“I’m out of practice with the clicking. If clicking means that I enjoyed his company and there weren’t any awkward silences, then yes, we clicked. If clicking means I was ready to have hot sex with him on park bench, then no, we didn’t click.”

His eyes glazed over for a minute and she wondered where he’d gone before he snapped his attention back to her. “Uh, yeah. So, did he ask about Nate?”

“Yeah, he asked how he was doing. Why?”

“Because if he didn’t ask how Nate was then it would appear that he doesn’t care how the little tyke is doing after being sick. That would just be wrong.”

She nodded slowly, “I see your logic there.”

“Did you ask him what his favorite movie was?”

She frowned, “no.”

“Buffy, you’re slacking.”

“You said it was a superficial question!”

“I changed my mind. I think you were right, it can tell you how deep a person is. I mean, if his favorite movie is, say, Starsky and Hutch, then he’s not very deep. However, if his favorite movie is say, American Beauty, then he’s a thinker.”

Buffy gave him a ‘are you kidding me?’ look. “Spike, MY favorite movie is Starsky and Hutch. Doesn’t mean I’m shallow, does it? No. Besides, it is a superficial question that ultimately doesn’t mean anything. So I’m not ‘slacking’. I’m just changing my tactics.”

“To?”

“I don’t know. It’s been one date!”

“I think you should have a way to guage whether or not he’s a good guy, Buffy.”

“And the fact that’s he’s my nephew’s pediatrician which means he loves children is not good enough?”

“Nope. Doesn’t mean he’s a good guy. That could just be a cover.”

“A cover for what?”

“He could be a serial killer. Luring young, good-looking SINGLE woman, just as yourself back to his apartment and then going Dahmer on them.”
“You know what I think?”

“What’s that?”

“I think you have WAY too much time on your hands.”

“I’m serious Buffy.”
“I know, that’s what frightening. Spike, I went out on ONE date in which he was a perfect gentleman and I had a good time. I can’t make big decisions about him after one date. If you like, you could babysit Nate for me and that could aid me in deciding.”
“I’ll do it. If it’ll help you—wait, how is my babysitting Nate helping you decide if Angel’s a good guy?”
Buffy grinned as she made her way to her locker, “that way I can have a real date with him, not just an hour. Thank you, Uncle Spike!”

Spike let his head drop with a thud on the bar. He felt someone suddenly rubbing the back of his head. He looked up to see Andrew. “It’s okay tiny dancer,” the young man assured him.

 

Chapter Ten



Spike watched Buffy run around the house and give him instructions about what to feed Nate and how.

“Buffy, I know how to give him a banana.”

She stood in front of him with her arms crossed, “okay. How?”

“Unpeel it, cut it up, and hand it to him,” he said in part like a question, because now he felt that his answer was wrong.

“No,” she told him slowly, “you can only unpeel it. If you touch it otherwise, he won’t eat it.”

Spike grinned, “really?”

Buffy nodded, “yeah, I don’t get it.”

“Seems the little tyke doesn’t want his food touched. Reminds me of someone I know.”
“Yeah, his mother,” Buffy muttered under her breath as she sat down to slip on her leather, heeled boots.

Spike eyed her, “you’re wearing those boots?”

Buffy stopped zippering them, looked at Spike and then back down at the boots. “Yeah, why? Do they not go?”

“Well, they go. . . they’re just not really second date material.”

“I didn’t know that there were dating rules for shoes.”

“Oh but there is. See, those shoes? They scream loose.”

“Oh. I get what you’re saying. These are what Faith would call ‘fuck me boots.’”

Spike nearly choked on his water, “yeah, exactly.”

“Well, no need to worry, because Angel’s not going to be getting any tonight. Now where is my purse…” Buffy trailed off, in search of her purse.

Spike followed her, “not tonight? You sound as if there is a chance that he could get some another night, like you’re not sure, like you don’t know—“
“A-ha! There it is. Nate likes to hide it. I swear that boy just takes things and hoards them,” Buffy said absently as she reached behind the couch and grabbed her purse. She smiled at Spike who stood there, looking frazzled.

“Are you all right? I haven’t even left yet and you look overwhelmed.”

Spike stared at her wondering how one woman could be so frustrating. “No, Buffy. I’m not worried about taking care of Nate on my own. I’ve done it before you know,” he couldn’t help the slight defensive tone creeping into his voice.

“Sorry. I’m just used to it being me that I feel guilty if I have to ask someone to watch him.”

Spike’s stern face came back, “don’t feel guilty, Buffy. You deserve to have a night out.” ‘Even if it is with Angel,’ Spike thought bitterly.

Buffy smiled warmly, “thank you.” She sauntered into the play room where Nate was happily playing with some cars on the floor and swept him up in her arms. “I love you, have fun with Uncle Spike, okay? Be good.” She gave him a kiss on the forehead and put him back down to play. She pointed at Spike, “and you be a good boy too, okay?” The doorbell rang. “That’s Angel. Stay here.” She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Have fun. I love you!” She told him brightly and practically sprinted to get the door.

Spike quietly crept to the door of the playroom and craned his neck to see into the kitchen. All he could see was Buffy smiling at someone and nodding. He turned to Nate, “stay here she says. How come I’m not allowed to go out there? You’d think she want us to give her a big send off, but nooo, I’m ordered to stay here.” Spike stopped. “Well, I was, but you weren’t.” Spike picked Nate up and carried him quietly out of the room and set him down. “Go get Auntie Buffy,” Spike whispered and Nate laughed, running into the kitchen with his arms up for Auntie Buffy.

“There’s the little guy. I was just asking about you,” Spike heard Angel say warmly.

Spike rolled his eyes, “of course you were,” he muttered. He strolled into the kitchen and Buffy looked up at him, a death ray glare shooting out behind the happy smile.

“Spike, right?” Angel asked as Spike came into view.

Spike nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Uncle Spike to the rescue,” Buffy said cheerfully. “Well, we should get going.”

“Yes, I made reservations at eight,” Angel told her.

“All right,” she leaned down and gave Nate one last kiss before Spike picked him up again. “Don’t forget to give him a bath, and don’t let him stay up too late, he missed a nap today—“

“Good night, Buffy,” Spike told her, rolling his eyes.

She sighed, “okay. Good night. I have my cell if you need it!” She called out just before Spike shut the door on her face. He chuckled to himself and when he heard Angel do the same, Spike scowled. Nate looked up at him curiously. “We can see them from the window in the living room.” Spike carried him into the living room and dimmed the lights, discreetly he watched through the window as Angel opened the door for her. He sighed, “at least he’s a gentleman. What do you think?” He asked and looked down at Nate.

Nate shook his head and held out his hand, “eh.”

“I agree.”



“You’re a mystery, Buffy Summers,” Angel told her as he walked her to her door.

She smiled at him, “really? I’ve never been told that before. I kind of like it.”

Angel chuckled, “glad I could be of service.”

They stopped in front of her door and she turned to him. “Thank you for dinner and the movie. Oh, and thank you SO much for your friends business card. I had no idea where to start to look for daycare’s for Nate.”

“Willow is a good person and an excellent teacher. I have a feeling you guys would hit it off.”

“It’d be nice to maybe make some female friends.”

“You’re not friends with Cordy?”

“In a weird way,” Buffy laughed.

“So, when can I take you out again?”

Buffy was shocked. He’d spent a whole evening with her and he wanted more? “I uh, I don’t know, I. . . don’t know. Can I call you?”
Angel leaned in and kissed her softly, just a whisper of a kiss that left Buffy standing there with her eyes closed and her lips still puckered. She wanted more.

“You better,” Angel whispered and kissed her again, this time, deeper.

Dazed, Buffy barely remembered watching Angel walk back to his car and drive away. With a dreamy smile on her face, she waltzed into the house, humming a happy tune. When she entered the living room, she stopped abruptly and a sappy smile tugged at the corner of her lips. Sprawled out on the couch was Spike and Nate. Spike was on his back, his mouth slightly open and Nate lay curled up on his side, his head resting on Spike’s chest. It had to be the cutest thing she’d ever seen. Creeping across the room, on top of the entertainment center, Buffy grabbed her camera and snapped a picture of them. She had decided after Faith died that she wanted to capture every moment she could with Nate. Looking through pictures she had and Faith had lying around of their small family hadn’t amounted to much, and what they did have, Buffy combined in a photo album. She wanted to be able to pass it along to Nate one day, so she was set on filling it. This was a moment she could not pass up.

Spike stirred and Buffy stood still, not sure if she should wake him completely up, or let him sleep. His eyes slowly opened and he shifted carefully, seemingly aware that he held Nate on top of him. He peered over at Buffy.

“Hey, how long you been standing there?”
“Just got home,” she whispered. She held up her camera. “I had to capture the moment. You guys are too cute.”

Spike smiled sleepily and looked down at Nate. “I think we tuckered each other out. Didn’t tell me he loves taking a bath. Felt like a bad man when I had to get him out because he was pruning.”

Buffy smiled, “did he throw the Kermit sponge against the shower wall and laugh as it slid to the tub?”
Spike chuckled softly, “he did. Then he kept taking the cup I used to wash his hair and dumping it over his head. He sputtered each and every time, but he kept doing it.”

“He’s something, ain’t he?”

Spike met her eyes, “just like his Auntie Buffy.”

Buffy felt a warmth spread over her at his words and she suddenly felt uncomfortable. She moved to them, “I should get him in bed.”

“I’ll do it,” Spike told her and sat up easily, sliding Nate to his lap. Picking him up easily, Spike cradled him close and Nate curled right into him, resting his head on his shoulder. Spike started for the hall to bring him to his room when Buffy called softly for him to stop.

Spike turned and Buffy snapped another picture. Spike smiled at her and the two of them walked to Nate’s room together. Lying the boy down in his crib, Buffy covered him up as Spike turned on the monitor. Buffy pressed a kiss to her fingers and then laid said fingers to Nate’s head. “Night baby boy,” she whispered. Then, she looked up at Spike and did the same. “Thank you baby boy.”

“You know there isn’t a lot I wouldn’t do for you, Buffy,” Spike told her quietly, gazing at her.

There was that warmness again, spreading all over her, enveloping her. She let out a tiny sigh as the silence became thick and Spike’s gaze remained intently on her face. She looked up at him, “so, then you’d watch him again so I could go out with Angel?”



 

Chapter Eleven



Buffy lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Nate hadn’t woken up yet and Buffy decided to take advantage of these few moments of peace to relax in bed and think. Something she didn’t get to do much of these days.

So, Angel.

She sighed heavily. Yes, she liked that kiss. Yes, she had wanted more kissage. But did she want more kissing because of Angel himself or because she hadn’t had that in so long? He was attractive, there was no getting around that. She just could not shake the feeling that something was missing. Something vital. And, if she really was into Angel, shouldn’t she still be on a high from last night? Shouldn’t she not be questioning this?

Okay, so, what’s the checklist? Intelligent-check. Likes kids-check. Double check, actually. Kind-check. Honest-well, yeah as a doctor, but as a guy? Who knows? The only guy she’d ever been able to trust was Spike. Spike. Her bottom lip jutted out into a sappy pout. How cute was he with Nate? There was something so sexy about a guy with a child—whoa! Hold the phone. Sexy? Spike? No, she wasn’t saying that. She was just thinking about how sweet it was, how NICE it was to see them together like that. Wasn’t she? She bit her lip. What about that warm feeling she got when she was watching them? It hadn’t been so much about THEM per se, more about Spike. He was most definitely her rock, someone she loved, adored and trusted with her life and god he just looked so cute as a Mr. Mom type. Definitely someone she wanted part of Nate’s life. He could teach Nate all sorts of things. Nate could definitely go to Spike for man- to- man chats—although, he would NOT be allowed to teach him anything naughty. She could see them going on picnics together, and oh, Spike could teach him how to shave when he got older and he could maybe even do Dad type things with him at school events. She remembered what it was like not to have a dad to do those things with, how she felt like such a loser because her dad couldn’t be bothered to do those things with her and Faith. He was just nonexistent. Much like Nate’s. Would Spike be willing to do those things for Nate though? She thinks he would, but it wasn’t very fair of her to make these plans without him. He was her best friend, yes, but that didn’t mean he wanted the responsibility of being the man in Nate’s life. That wasn’t fair to Spike. He still had a life in front of him. He would one day have a family of his own. Buffy frowned sadly at the thought. What would she do without Spike? She sat up. This was exactly what she was afraid of. If she allowed herself to lean on Spike too much, she’d come to depend on him to the point where he had no other life than tending to her and Nate and that was not fair to him. He deserved to have a life. He deserved to find. . . love. Love with a nice girl. A nice, single girl that adored him as much as she did.

This all came back to Angel. Angel was there and he was interested. He also knew she had a child to care for and that hadn’t bothered him in the least. Just because he was good with kids though did not mean he was good with her. And Buffy needed someone good with her too. Someone who didn’t put up with her bullshit, who knocked her down off her high horse once in a while and showed her the gray areas instead of always seeing thing in black and white. Could Angel do that? He just seemed so. . . agreeable. She needed someone she could fight with as well as laugh with. The only person she knew that was like that with her was—

Spike.

She had a headache now. This apparently is what happens when she’s left with her thoughts for too long. They just run rampant. Taking a deep breath, Buffy decided it was time to get ready for the day and enough with the thinking and laying about. She had things to do today. She had a woman to see about daycare. And, there would be no more thinking about Spike and Angel. None. No more. It was impossible to compare the two because Spike was her friend and Angel was her. . . was her. . . all right, enough thinking Buffy.



Buffy was beaming from ear to ear as she entered work. She absolutely LOVED Willow and what was more; Nate loved her too. He took to her right away. She met the other teachers at the school and found herself adding a point in Angel’s favor. He’d done good by giving her Willow’s card. She had daycare for Nate and now she was going to tell Spike she could only do days. He knew it was eventually coming, he was just biding his time until she had found it so he could find someone to do nights.

She came in with Nate babbling in her ear and she was giggling at him. As soon as she entered she saw Spike talking with Lorne, his back turned. She set Nate down and pointed at Spike. “Go get Uncle Spike,” she told him and he bounded off after him, running up to him and hugging his legs.

Spike jumped and turned a bit in order to see Nate hugging his legs and babbling loudly at him. His face broke into a wide smile and he bent down and scooped Nate up in his arms.

“Where’s Auntie Buffy?”

Nate pointed to Buffy.

Buffy and Spike locked gazes and she found herself blushing. She was BLUSHING IN FRONT OF SPIKE! Why? When the freaking hell did THAT happen? Shaking herself out of it, she started for him.

“To what do I owe this honor?” He asked.

“We’ve come to talk to you.”

“Oh?”

“Can we go to the office?”

“Sure, Lorne I’ll be out back.”

“Sure thing Boss. Hey Buffy, I’ll watch the little guy if you want. It’s not very busy right now and I’m sure he could probably get some business going on account of his adorable face,” Lorne reached over and lightly pinched Nate’s cheek, causing the boy to squeal and laugh in delight.

“Uh, sure. Just be careful. Make sure he doesn’t get into anything.”

Lorne raised his eyebrows, “Buffy, I’m not going to let him hurt himself. Geez, I’m just going to have him help me set the tables. You know, give him some knives and forks to run with.”

“Very funny, Lorne.”

“I do my best, buttercup. Come see Uncle Lorne, yes that’s right.” Lorne took a laughing Nate away and Spike offered his arm to Buffy.

“Mi’lady?”

She giggled and took the offered arm.

“What’s this all about? You’re not leaving me are you?” He asked and Buffy could hear worry in his voice.

“Nope, not leaving you. I found daycare for Nate.”

“Ah, I see,” Spike shut the door behind him as they entered his office. “So, Willow was good, yeah?”

She nodded, “LOVED her. And, so did Nate. Everyone was so nice. I know he’ll be good there.”
Spike smiled, “good. I’m glad. Seems Angel came through. Again.”

“Again?”

“Well, with him being sick.”

“Oh yeah, right.” She nodded, not wanting to talk about Angel right now.

“You all right? You look a little funny. Tense, anxious.”

She shook her head, “I’m fine. I think I’m just hungry.”

“Well, say no more. Has Nate eaten yet?”

“No.”

Spike picked up the phone, “hey, it’s me. Yeah, can you make two big plates of Hamburgers and French Fries? Oh, and a couple cokes and a cranberry juice. Very funny, the juice is for my nephew smart ass.”

“Thanks, Spike.”

“Welcome.”
“Spike, if Nate had a dad day at school, would you go for him?” Buffy blurted out.

“Come again?”

“Say Nate has like a special fathers thingie, you know, like a concert for dads or a fathers day lunch or something like that, would you go for him?”

He stares at her for a long moment and she swears his chest puffs with pride and he even seems a bit, well, sentimental. “Is there something going on for him?”

“No, not yet, but if there was—“

“I’d be honored Buffy,” and Buffy can see that he meant it.

Smiling she nods and a second later, Lorne comes in with Nate. “Sorry to do this poodle, but it’s starting to get busy now and I don’t want anything to happen to the little tyke.”

“Thanks, Lorne.”

As soon as Nate is free, he runs directly to Spike and tries to crawl in his lap. Spike’s smile stretches from ear to ear as he picks him up. Buffy watches the two interact and wonders if Angel would be as good with Nate as Spike was. If he’d garner the same affection that Nate had for Spike and vice versa. Wasn’t she supposed to NOT be comparing the two?

“Buffy, luv, you all right? You look upset.”
“I’m fine,” she chirped, “just hungry.”

“Should be on its way soon luv. Why don’t you tell me what brought on this line of questioning?”

“I don’t. . . I just. . . I was thinking.”

“Care to elaborate?”

Not really. “Well, Faith and I might as well have grown up without a father and Nate most definitely does not have an active father figure. I know how lonely and depressing it is not to have a dad, and I can only imagine that for a boy it has to be even harder. I mean, girls need their moms for stuff like periods and boys—“

“I get the picture there, Buffy.”

“Right. So, I was thinking that one day Nate is going to need someone to talk to about girls and. . . other stuff. I just thought that if you were still around in his life—“

“What do you mean ‘still around’ Buffy? Do you think I’m going somewhere?”

“Well, no, not in the sense that you’re moving away. Although, conceivably one day you could.”

Spike furrowed his brow, “where?”

“Wherever your wife wants you to move.”

He was clearly confused, “and whom am I marrying?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then how is it that you have me married and moved already?”

“I don’t. I’m just saying that it could happen one day.”
“And you don’t think I’d be here for you and Nate?”

She looked down, suddenly feeling very foolish. “I think you’d always be there for us, but things change. People move on. They even die,” she spoke very quietly, “so it’s conceivable that one day you could leave.”

“Buffy look at me,” he half-demanded as he moved to sit in front of her on the desk, Nate resting against him.

She looked up at him.

“I’m never leaving you, Buffy. Never. When are you going to stop thinking that I will? When are you going to realize that I’m here to stay, that you are NEVER going to get rid of me?” He sounded so earnest, even almost angry at the thought of ever leaving that Buffy felt guilty.

“I’m sorry. I just, I’m just used to people leaving that it just seems that it’s inevitable. Ever since Faith died I’ve almost felt like I have to gear myself up for it and that I can’t really count on anything—“

He stopped her, taking her hand in his. “Buffy. Luv, you can ALWAYS count on me.”

Her eyes welled up with tears, not having been prepared for her abandonment issues to rear its ugly head. As tears tracked down her cheeks, she said a silent “thank you.”

“I hate it when you cry,” he moaned and tugged on her hand, forcing her to stand up. She did so and he cradled her against his side as he held Nate against his chest. The boy was now asleep against him.

“Well, we’re even because I hate to cry,” she admitted, wiping at her tears and attempting a light laugh.

She stepped back so that she could put Nate on down on Spike’s leather couch he had in the office. They set chairs in front so that he wouldn’t roll off and fall to the ground and once done, Spike gathered Buffy up in his arms.

She held onto him as if he were her lifeline and really, at that point, she felt that he was. God only knew where she’d be without him.

“Thank you for being so stubborn,” she told him.

He pulled back and wiped her tears away with the pads of his fingers. “I don’t think it was a trait I had well honed until you came along Summers.”
She giggled at that.

“Now that’s a good sound,” Spike told her softly, “music to my ears.” He pushed some hair away from her face and she found herself being taken in by him. His eyes. . . my god they were blue. Like sparkling blue gems. So intense and beautiful.

“Knock, knock. Food’s here,” Lorne pushed the door open.

Moving away quickly from Spike and trying to stop the blush that seemed to start from her toes, she went to Lorne to help him carry the food in. Her stomach growled at the smell and sight of the food.

“Someone’s tummy’s rumbling!” Lorne chirped.

She laughed, “I just want to stick my head in a vat full of fries,” she picked up a fry and munched on it. She closed her eyes in utter bliss, “well slap my ass and call me Sally this is good.”
Spike and Lorne laughed and Spike, of course, took it upon himself to slap her ass playfully. “Dig in Sally.”

Buffy’s eyes widened that he had actually did that and then lost herself in the heaven that was food.

 

Chapter Twelve



Buffy watched as Spike chatted up an older married couple a couple weeks later. She chewed her bottom lip as he grinned and laughed, patting the older man on his back before promising the best service and sauntered away. He was still grinning when he caught sight of Buffy staring at him. She jumped into action, pretending to be arranging the menu’s in a neater order.

“Buffy?” He asked, his voice deep and quiet. He sounded almost husky.

She looked up, a picture of innocence, “hmmm?”

“What’s up?”

“Nothing, why?”

“You had pensive face.”

“I did?”
He nodded.

She shrugged and shook her head, still feigning that innocence.

“All right. Well, if you need me. . .”
She stared at him as he walked away and found herself blushing furiously when her gaze started to drop to his well-defined ass in the dress pants he wore. He was going back to his office for a while and Buffy didn’t want him to. She missed him. While it was true she saw him nearly every day, it was always at work. She wanted some Buffy, Spike and Nate time.

“Something on your mind, sweet cheeks?” Lorne interrupted her thoughts as he stood in her line of vision.

“Nothing at all.”

Lorne raised his eyebrows. Buffy scrunched her eyebrows together.

“Okay, fine. Lorne do you think I could bend your ear later?”

Lorne nodded, “of course, honey. You can tell Papa Lorne anything.”

She smiled, “I know. And I think you’re the best person to talk to. Nothing gets by you.”

“You’re right,” he winked, “especially when I see certain ladies checking out her boss’s ass.”

Buffy’s eyes widened and she gulped. “Don’t say anything?”

“About what?” He grinned. “Come get me when you go on break. I’m sure Spikey cakes won’t mind if we leave for a bit together.”

She nodded in agreement and turned to greet the customers that had just walked through the door.



Walking out of the restaurant together, Buffy looked over her shoulder to see Spike standing in the doorway, still frowning. She’d requested that Lorne join her on her break and when Spike had asked why, she told him she just needed some Lorne time. He’d pouted about not having any ‘Spike time’, but she had remained firm despite her desire to give in and stay with him. There was something nagging her though, something she needed to talk about. She couldn’t think of anyone more intuitive and best with the advice than Lorne. He had a way of putting her difficult thoughts in perspective and making her see things that her tired mind didn’t pick up on because it was so tired of overanalyzing.

So, they sat, with burgers, fries and Coke’s outside a nearby café. Lorne was waiting for her to start and Buffy was trying to find a way to start.

“Lorne—“ she started.

“You having feelings for Spike, honey?”

Her jaw dropped, and when her shock wore off, she plowed ahead, “I don’t know.”
“What do you know?”
“That I keep thinking about him and Angel and comparing them.”

“What have you come up with?”

“While Angel is good with kids, I don’t know if he’d be good with me. And Spike is already great with me—“

“But you don’t know if he’d be great with kids?”

“Right.”
“You know the answer to that already, Buffy. He adores Nate and you know it.”

“I feel like I’m interviewing them for a position.”
“That’s what dating is all about, Buffy.”
“I’m only dating Angel.”
“You’ve been dating Spike for years. You just didn’t know it.”

“Lorne, you’ve only known us for two years.”
“You pick up a lot in two years.”

“Such as?”

“What I just said. And, oh yes, he’s over the moon for you.”

“Get out.”

“Nope, sorry kitten. He is.”

“Did he say anything to you?”

“He doesn’t have to.”

She sat back and frowned, crossing her arms.
“Now what?”

“Say I believe you and he is ‘over the moon’ for me. That doesn’t mean he wants the responsibility of stepping into a more, uh, detailed role than just Uncle Spike.”

“You mean Father Spike?”

They both giggled at the image that produced. “Can you imagine that one?” Buffy said, wiping away some tears of laughter.

“Well, he’s got the all black down.”

Buffy laughed even more. “That’s just wrong.”

Lorne turned serious then. “Buffy, Spike’s feelings for Nate have nothing to do with you. Wait, let me rephrase that: Spike loves that Nate is a part of you. Spike considers himself your family, nothing you do will rid yourself of that boy. To him, you and Nate come as a package deal and he wouldn’t want it any other way. He loves that kid. Did you know he had a framed picture of him on his desk?”

Buffy got sappy, “no. He does?”

Lorne nodded. “The million dollar question here is how do YOU feel Buffy?”

Buffy sighed, “I don’t know, Lorne. That’s the thing, I just don’t know. I like Angel, I really do. I just don’t know if I feel that. . . thing for him. And. . .I don’t know if I even really feel that for Spike or if I’m just wanting to feel something so bad that I’m just putting that on Spike.

I’ve found myself comparing Spike and Angel constantly. And I try to stop. I mean, how fair is it to Angel that when I speak to him, I’m thinking about what Spike would say or how Spike would react to me. See, Spike has been such an important part of my life for so long and he’s put up with so much crap from me that I wonder if a lot of what I feel for him is gratitude. Which is kind of funny because that’s what I think first made me go for Angel in the first place.

You know when Faith died Spike wouldn’t let me not ask for help. He got so mad at me when I tried to take everything on, on my own. And boy did I give him a fight. Then there was the problem with Anya trying to come between us, and that spell where we didn’t talk. Thing is, ever since then, I’ve felt closer to him and let him in even more than I did before. I really do consider him part of my family. I can’t imagine Spike not being there. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s love. I mean, I love Spike, but am I IN love with Spike? I don’t think I am.

Then there’s Angel. He’s interested, he’s attentive, he’s smart and he’s so, well, hot. He treats me well, he’s good with Nate and I know he isn’t weirded out by the idea that I have a kid. I mean, he wouldn’t have pursued me if he was.”

“But something’ missing?”

“Yes.”

“Spike?”

“Passion.”

“You don’t have passion with Angel? Well, no kidding. Honey, have you heard yourself? You talk about Spike as if he were the sun, moon and stars. When you talk about Angel, you sound as if you SHOULD feel something for him because he’s attentive, smart, hot and good with kids. Not to mention that you compare Spike and Angel all the time. Let me tell you something Buffy, it’s not fair to them. Spike is waiting for a bone here, and Angel, well, he deserves to be with the person who does feel passion for him.”

“How do I know that I feel passion for Spike? What if all I’m feeling is gratitude?”

“Are you kidding me with this?”

Buffy groaned and leaned forward, banging her head on the wire table in front of her. “No, unfortunately I’m not.”

“Buffy, I can only skirt my way around it so much. Do you have any idea what I’m trying to say to you?”

She looked up at him and stared at him for a long time. “Yes. You’re saying that I have that passion with Spike.”

“Finally! Give the girl a prize!”

“That’s all well and good, Lorne, but just because you say it doesn’t mean it’s getting through in here,” she pointed to her heart, “or here,” she pointed to her head.

Now Lorne stared at her. “You’re scared,” he pointed at her and sat back, pleased with himself.

“Give the boy a prize!”

“So what are you going to do, Buffy?”

“I don’t know. Just because you say Spike has feelings for me, doesn’t mean you’re right.”

Lorne rolled his eyes, “you are STILL second guessing my powers of intuition after all we’ve shared here?”

“Doesn’t mean anything until I hear it from the horse’s mouth.”

“Except that it’ll send you running for the door.”

“You’re absolutely right.”

“You’re a complicated woman, you know that?”

“I’ve been told.”

“Let me guess. By Spike?”

“Shut up. Eat your burger.”

 

Chapter Thirteen

"She gets around huh?" Cordy said distastefully as Buffy and Lorne left the restaurant together on break.

Spike shot her a deadly glare, "just what are you trying to say?"

"I think her actions speak for itself. First Angel and now Lorne? And you. What the hell are you still waiting for? Christmas?"

"How'd you guess?" Spike muttered and hunched his shoulders, heading for the bar. Cordelia followed. "She was checking out your ass earlier."

His head shot up, his whole gait straightened, "what?"

She nodded, "saw it with my own two eyes."

"Where were you when she did this?"

"Across the room."

"You may have been mistaken."

"Why don't we go with I'm right? Make this easier for me."

Spike crossed his arms, "okay, so what do I do about it?"

"Let me ask you a question Spike. How long has Buffy been dating Angel?"

Spike frowned, "for about three weeks now."

"So, are you waiting until he moves in completely and takes Buffy AND Nate away from you?"

Spike's jaw clenched, "Nate and Buffy are MINE."

"If you don't do something about it soon, Spike, it's going to be their wedding I'm going to, not yours. Then you're going to be a bitter old man with a penchant for black leather and chaps. You'll turn this place into a strip club and hire only blondes with green eyes trying forever to find your 'Buffy', only Buffy will have moved on to Angel and whiteket ket fences with more kids. She'll keep Nate and her kids away from you because she's not going to want them hanging out with the bad influence you will then be. Nate will point you out to his friends on his way to school as you hang outside this joint, smoking clove cigarettes because they're heavier and last longer and for some reason, you t the they taste better. Only they'll leave you in a cloud of smoke where no one will want to come near you aside from the floozy of the month with the fake boobs looking to get a job and fast cash. Nate will point at you and say 'see that guy? He used to be my Uncle Spike.' Is that what you want?"

Spike's jaw dropped during her tirade. "Put much thought into that have you? The detail you put into that is mind-boggling and frightening."

"I call em' as I see em'," she shrugged.

"Chaps?"

"That one just came to me. Who knows, might work. With the way Buffy was staring at your ass earlier, she might like it."

"I don't think so.""You"You going to tell her?"

"Yes. Soon."

Cordy shook her head.

"What?"

She started to hum the wedding march and then stood straight, pretending to hold a bouquet of fls ins in front of her, "I Buffy Summers, take you, Angel O'Connor to be my-"

"Okay, I get it Cordy, knock it off." He started for his office. "Send Buffy in when she gets back would ya?"

"Sure thing boss!"



Buffy bounced into the room, "you wanted to see me?"

"Yeah, uh, Buffy I-" He choked. Okay, he HAD thought just coming out with it was the way to go, but now that he was faced with her, he found he couldn't do it. "I miss you."

Her whole expression softened and she smiled. "That's funny because I was thinking today that I missed you too."

"You do?" He asked hopefully.

She nodded vigorously and sat down, "everytime I see you lately it's just at work. I miss just hanging out with you. Nate's been asking about you too."

"He has?" More hope.

"Yep. Well, he points at that picture of you and him and holds up his hand as if to say 'what?' So I know he misses you."

"I miss him too. It's just been so hectic lately-"

"With business picking up-"

"And you dating Angel."

She looked down. "Yeah. I have Thursday off. Do you want to go with Nate and I to the aquarium? I think he'd get a kick out of it."

Spike smiled widely, "I'd love to."

She wove her way around his desk and snuck a peak at the pictures on his desk. He had two: one of her and one of Nate. She smiled.

"I told you that you guys are part of my family," he whispered seeing the question on her face. Would this freak her out? God, please don't let it. If it does, then this won't bode well for me.

"You ARE my family Spike," she told him softly.

"Buffy-" He stood, facing her. Close.

"Yeah?" She asked quickly, expectantly.

"I wanted to. . . That is, I wanted to. . . how are things with Angel?" Coward.

"Fine."

He nodded curtly. "Bells and whistles and all that rot?"

She took a step back, and shook her head. "Not exactly."

"Oh?" Hope.

"Spike, can I ask you a question?"

"You should know by now that you can ask me anything," he smiled at her silliness and sat on the edge of his desk, facing her.

"How long before you slept with Anya?"

He didn't want to answer that. He knew she hadn't slept with Angel yet. Buffy wouldn't just have sex if she weren't sure. She made sure she was the complete antithesis of her sister on that. Now that Nate was in the picture, Spike knew she was even more cautious of such activities. She had hated the revolving door Faith had with Nate around and because of that; Buffy was not about to let Nate have the chance to see them in any compromising position. Even if it was just sleeping in bed.

So now he didn't really know what to do with her question. He opted for honesty. That was the only way to win points with Buffy.

"On the first date."

Buffy let a look of disgust cross her face and she seemed to catch herself because her face became unreadable immediately.

"Never mind then," she waved her hand, dismissing the whole thing. "I think I'm going to have a chat with Lorne. Or Andrew. Excuse me." Okay, now she sounded angry. Why was she angry? Was she disgusted by his inability to control himself? Anya had been there too and for crying out loud, he was just a guy! He was about to tell her that when the door opened.

"Spike, sweet cheeks, there's an issue in the kitchen. Can you come?"

Buffy, he noted, was already on her way out the door. Spike sighed and followed Lorne to the kitchen.



What the hell had possessed her to ask such a stupid question? She had meant to ask him his thoughts on passion, but instead she asked the one question she really didn't want to know, nor need to know. Well, maybe that wasn't entirely true. The thing was though, if Spike was so freaking in love with her as Lorne had said then why the freaking hell was he waiting so goddamn long to tell her? And why had he gone and dated that tramp?

Okay, that wasn't fair. Was it? She had always thought that when you loved someone you couldn't sleep with anyone else. On the other hand, men had the uncanny ability to have sex without attachment. Then why had he dated her for so damn long then? If he possessed the ability to have sex without feeling, then he wouldn't have dated her for so long. He had said himself that he wasn't in love with her. She felt that she loved her boyfriend in high school and so she'd given him her virginity. It was the kind of teenage love that wasn't built to last or endure anything remotely difficult. They'd broken up soon after her mom died; he claimed he felt neglected. After that, it was Parker. He wooed her with big, flowery speeches on how special she was and how he really felt they had something. Needing, just like anyone, to feel loved, she slept with him, thinking he was her knight in shining armor. He took off shortly thereafter, giving her the great big blow off. From then on, Buffy had sworn she would NEVER do what Faith did and never have sex with someone unless she was a hundred percent sure she loved them and could trust them.

She was beginning to wonder though if bedroom activities could INDUCE those feelings of passion she felt she was missing with An So So far all they had done, all she had allowed, was some kissing. She knew he wanted more, but she just wasn't SURE.

Obviously Spike was not the person to ask. She wasn't about to ask him if she should have sex with Angel. Not that at all. She had meant to ask if he'd ever met someone that chemistry and passion was something that wasn't there right away, that it was something that came over time. But he had looked so cute and sexy sitting there with that boyish grin os fas face and she found all she could think about WAS sex. Then somehow that vile question had come out her mouth before she could stop it.

Then, the idea of Spike having sex with Anya had angered her. That gave birth to the thought that maybe there was something wrong with her. Faith and Anya, girls she knew at school, had sex without a second thought. Love was not in the equation. Chemistry wasn't necessarily in the equation either. Just as long as the guy was cute, that seemed to be enough. So maybe it wasn't that something was wrong with THEM, maybe it was HER. Maybe she should have sex with Angel. Maybe just doing it already would help her figure it out. She snatched the phone behind the bar.

"Hello?"

"Angel? It's me."

"Hey, Buffy. What's up?"

"Can you come over tonight?"

"Sure! Everything okay?"

"Perfect. Come over at nine, okay?"

"Shall I bring something?"

"Wine."

He coughed, "okay."

"Bye."

"See you tonight."

"Big plans tonight?" Cordy asked, suddenly right next to her.

She tucked some hair behind her ears, "uh, just Angel coming over."

"Oh? I thought you had a strict rule about male company at night. Unless of course it's Spike."

"Mind your own business Cordy," Buffy told her. "I'm going home now. If you'll excuse me."

"Have fun!" Cordy called after her. When Buffy was out the door, Cordy rushed to see Spike. Bursting through the door, she found him with his head on the desk.

"Feeling sorry for yourself?" She asked.

"Shut up Cordy."

"Well get used to it! And the chaps!"

Spike looked up then, "what the hell are you blathering on about?"

"Buffy is planning on having sex with AngeNIGHNIGHT! You didn't tell her did you?"

Spike paled, "she's WHAT? How do you know?"

"She called him. Asked him to come over tonight at NINE and to bring WINE."

"She has a rule about that. Well, unless it's me."

"Thank you from the department of the obvious!"

Spike jumped up, "I need to talk to her. Send her in?"

"She left Einstein. Her shift is over."

"Can you just--?"

"GO already!"

"Yes, drill sergeant, sir!" And he ran out the door.
 

Chapter Fourteen

She wasn't home. For fuck's sake, where was she? His mind was running through the possible scenarios as he paced on the deck, waiting for her. Maybe she was still getting Nate. She seemed to really like that Willow girl a lot, she had even babysat for her while she went out with Angel once or twice. He tried hard not to keep track of how many dates the two went on. That only led to his mind playing tricks on him that would lead to drinking and drunk, late night confessions of love. Buffy would kick his arse for that. She hated it when he drank, told him he only became pathetic, incoherent and annoying.

Okay, so maybe she was still chatting with Willow. He stopped pacing and paled. What if she went to get some sexy lingerie before picking up Nate? Oh god, no. His fists clenched at his sides as he imagined Angel being the one to unwrap such a precious gift as Buffy in sexy lingerie. Did he know that her neck was a pleasure point for her? He did. He knew because one day they'd had a discussion on what made their knees wobble. For Buffy it was her neck and stomach. And Buffy knew that on Spike it was his ears being nibbled and his nipples. He just didn't want them to have the knowledge of pleasure points on each others bodies, he wanted to be able to APPLY that knowledge. He sure as hell did not want Angel to experience it!

He heard the car before he saw it and he turned to stare her down. She looked confused. He then saw Nate pointing at him and babbling, a big smile on his adorable face. Spike grinned. Did Nate get that excited when Angel came around? The thought filled him with more jealousy. Did Angel know that Nate loved taking baths and would throw the Sponge Bob sponge against the tile wall and laugh hysterically every time he did it? Did Angel know that Nate had one favorite stuffed animal that Spike gave him when he was just a baby? Would Angel try to replace it and shove Spike completely out of the picture?

"Spike, what are you doing here? Is everything all right?" Buffy asked as she climbed out of the car.

He nodded and started forward, intent on doing something to stop his trembling hands. He shooed Buffy out of the way so he take his nephew out of his car seat.

He picked the tot up and Nate hugged him, wrapping his long, slender arms around his neck. "Missed you, Nate the Great."

Nate smiled and pointed at Buffy.

"Missed your Auntie too."

Buffy looked over her shoulder as she took some bags out of the passenger side. "Just couldn't wait for the aquarium huh?"

"Not really. What do you have there?" He asked, pointing at the bags.

"Oh, uh, just some food and stuff."

"What stuff?" He asked as he followed her to the door.

She gave him a funny look, once again looking over her shoulder.

"Do you want to see my grocery list?"

"Are you having company tonight Buffy?" He asked as she slid the key into the door. She froze for a second, then turned the key and pushed the door open. She held the door open, letting him and Nate inside as she gave him an icy glare.

Setting Nate down, he tore into the playroom and left Spike alone to deal with the wrath of Buffy. He looked at her, almost sheepishly.

"What are you doing here, Spike? Don't tell me you're here because you heard from the Rumor Queen that I was having Angel over tonight?"

"That's it exactly."

She rolled her eyes as she started to unload the groceries. She turned to him, juice in hand. "I have had sex before, Spike. Not like I'm a virgin."

"I know that, but you don't just HAVE sex Buffy."

Buffy peered into the living room to see Nate carrying some trucks. She turned back to Spike. "Are you telling me you're here to defend my honor?"

"Yes."

"Give me a break," she said on a sigh, shaking her head. She opened the fridge and set the juice inside.

"Buffy, you barely know the guy-"

"I'm taking heat from the guy who had sex with Anya on their first date. I wonder if anyone came over before you two went out to defend her honor?" She raised her eyebrows, "somehow I'm thinking not."

"This isn't about me and Anya."

"Well, leave it to me to MAKE it about you and Anya."

"It's different."

"Oh, trust me, I know. Anya will sleep with anything and pretty much so will you."

Spike glared at her, clenching his jaw and balling his fists at his side. "That's not fair," he said evenly, trying to keep his rising anger in check. "And it's not true and you know it." He cocked his head to the side, "that really kind of hurt Buffy."

Her shoulders sagged, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"Yes, you did."

"Well, to your credit you were with Anya for a long time
"
"And I broke up with her because I knew I wasn't in love with her and never would be."

"Well, you didn't know you never would be. I don't think you really gave her much of a chance."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I don't know. . . you're difficult? After Dru you put walls up."

"Not always. Not with everyone."

"No, I pretty much always reserved the right to scale that wall."

"Doesn't that tell you anything?"

"I'm special?" Was it him or was her face paling?

He moved closer to her, slowly, deliberately, "you are special," he whispered softly and moved a tendril of hair away from her face. He stared at her, taking in her soft skin, her beautiful green eyes, her lush lips. And the fact that she was trembling.

She took a large step back, "so, uh, what is it that you wanted?"

"Why are you breaking your rule about male guests tonight?"

He watched as she swallowed loudly, "because I. . . I really feel that Angel and I should explore the next phase of our relationship. I believe it will be conducive to finding out if we are compatible."

"Well, Dr. Summers, that's quite an interesting theory you have there. Shouldn't you already know if you are 'compatible'?"

"Dr. Summers?"

"You make it sound as if you're conducting a science experiment Buffy."

She looked at a loss for words.

"Let's play a game. The game you always do with me when I'm confused."

She groaned, "oh on, on, Spike. You make it sound as if I'm marrying him. I'm just having sex."

"Buffy, you don't JUST have sex."

"Well, maybe I should start JUST having sex."

"You bloody well will not!"

"Why not?" She asked, her hands on her hips. "Why does this matter so much to you? I thought you wanted me to be happy!"

"I DO want you to be happy!"

"Let me guess: With someone YOU choose for me, right?"

"No."

She threw up her hands, "then who Spike?"

"Me. I want you to be happy with me. I want you to MAKE LOVE-to me-not have sex. I want you to love me because I . . . I love you. I don't want Nate to call Angel dad one day. I don't want Angel to do dad things with him. I want to do those things with him. I don't want you to be with him, Buffy because I want you to be with me."

Her jaw dropped as she stared at him.

He took that opportunity to move closer to her and wrap his arms around her waist. Leaning in, he pressed his lips to hers, tentatively at first. He wasn't sure if she'd knee him in the groin or just push him away. Encouraged by neither happening, he deepened the kiss, running his tongue along the bottom of her lip and then nibg ong on it. Her lips were softer than he'd imagined. She tasted like strawberries and candy. So sweet. When she opened her mouth to him, he moaned as his tongue came in contact with hers, sending jolts of electricity running rampant through him. He gripped her hips tighter, pulling her body flush against his. They molded together perfectly. When he felt her fingers in the curls at the nape of his neck, he groaned with desire and ground his erection into her. Mistake.

She jumped back as if burned and put her hand over her mouth. She stared down at his jean clad erection and pointed at him. "I did that?"

"Yes, baby, you did."

"Don't call me baby, I hate that."

"Buffy-"

"Did you talk to Lorne?"

He looked at her, confused, "about what?"

"Forget it."

"Tell me what you're thinking."

"I'm thinking it's too quiet in the other room and I need to check on Nate."

Strolling into the living room with Spike at her heels, they found Nate engrossed with his toys, moving a car back and forth as he lay on the floor.

Taking her hand, Spike led her back into the kitchen. "Buffy, I told you I loved you."

"I don't know how to respond to that William!" She burst out. Spike was taken aback. She rarely called him that. Usually only in times of distress or when she was exasperated with him. He decided it had to be a bit of both at this juncture.

"Could you say that you love me too?"

"I do love you Spike. I just don't think it's in the way you want me to."

"Bollocks!"

"You haven't given me any time. . . I don't have time to figure it out. . . " She sounded lost now.

He put his hand under her chin and forced her to look at him. "Do you feel that way when you kiss Angel?"

She looked down.

"That's a no if I ever heard one."

"I didn't say anything."

"Didn't have to."

"Why are you planning on sleeping with Angel, pet?"

She looked up at him, staring at him hard. "Because I. . . " she pushed at him. "It's not fair to spring this on me. I don't even know if I believe you! I mean. . . you're just figuring this out NOW? How convenient. Buffy's got a boyfriend and Spike's alone for once in his life. We can't have that now can we? Buffy's meant to be all alone, isn't she?"

"That's not true and you know it. You're just reaching for straws now," he grabbed her arms and made her look at him. "Buffy, look at me. Anya knew, okay? She knew how I felt long before I did. She told me that you always came first, that I was always running after you, that I never ran after her like that. I knew then, well, I started to put it together then anyway. After Faith died, seeing you so hurt. . . it tore me up inside. I wanted to be there for you just like the times you were there for me-"

"You wanted to be my Knight In Shining Armor," she pushed at him. "You wanted to rescue the damsel in distress. I'm not a charity case, Spike."

"I'm not saying that Buffy! God, why do you have to twist everything say around?"

She stared at him, her bottom lip trembling. "I-I want you to go."

His eyes were pleading, "Buffy, no."

"Please just go. I can't think and you're not helping matters-"

"That should tell you something right there."

"Just go, Spike, please!" She sounded desperate.

"Don't sleep with him, Buffy. You don't love him."

"You don't know how I feel about anything."

He answered her by crushing his lips against hers, hungrily. He broke the kiss, and she looked at him wide-eyed, her eyes glazed over and her mouth slightly open. He whispered to her, "don't sleep with him. I love you," before giving Nate a quick hug and kiss good bye.

Once outside, he bit his lip as he stared at her closed door. He was terrified. God, what was he going to do if she had sex with Angel? What would he do if she ended up really loving the ponce?

It was time to get pissed.

TBC...didn't think I'd make it that easy, did you? LOL
Review please!!!!

Chapter Fifteen



All Buffy could do was stand there as Spike left. She stood there for at least a good five minutes before checking on Nate.



Did Spike just—?



No.



He just said–?



No.



Buffy touched her lips. He did. He kissed her and told her he was in love with her. She just didn’t know WHAT to make of it. She knew that her and Spike had always shared a special bond. A bond that no one, not even Anya could penetrate. Spike knew everything about her. The bad parts, the good parts and all the parts in between. And conversely, she knew all of that about Spike. She smiled as she remembered meeting the shy, quiet boy who was new and felt wildly out of place. Her heart had ached for him and she had made it her goal to make sure he felt as if he belonged.



Sure they’d gone their separate ways, but they had still remained best friends. They didn’t need to have lengthy conversations everyday to stay that way. Oftentimes all it took was a single look to check and see if the other was doing all right.



Spike had been there for her when others had failed. She was the Queen of Arms Length and pushed people away at the moments she needed them the most. She supposed she was partly masochistic in that way. If she was going to feel awful, then might as well make sure she did a bang up job of it.



Spike never let her do that though. No, he was steadfast and stubborn in making sure he was going to stay by her side and weather any and all storms with her. She supposed that was why she could be so hard on him and, she hated to admit, so difficult and mean. She knew he’d never leave her, that he’d always be there no matter what, so with him she felt she could let it all hang out. Spike always took it in stride. He never took her crap for long. No, he gave back what she dished out.



Did that mean she loved him?



Well, now, what about Angel?



She sat down on the couch as Nate played in front of her and would now and then stop and watch the TV that she kept on Nickelodean, and she thought. Hard.



On the one hand, Angel was a great doctor, had a wonderful and pleasant personality, he was good with Nate. . . but was he GOOD with Nate? Sure he could make him laugh and keep him healthy, but was he the long haul guy that Nate needed in his life?

Then there was her. Okay, so he was pleasant, but could he fight with her like Spike could? Could he hold his own with her sometimes demanding attitude? Could he put her in her place and in the next instant make her laugh? More importantly, could he argue AT ALL? For Christ’s sake, pleasant could be downright boring as hell.



Had any of Angel’s kisses made her feel even close to what Spike’s kisses had made her feel?



God no.



Her whole body had pulsed with Spike’s kisses. Electric currents had shot up and down her body. Angel’s kisses felt nice, but within minutes she had forgotten all about them. They never left her trembling and wanting more.



“Spike, Spike,” Nate was saying and pointing at a picture on the coffee table.



Buffy looked to see it was a picture of Spike. “What Nate the Great?”



“Spike,” he repeated.



Nate laughed, throwing his head back.



“You love your Uncle Spike don’t you?”



“Spike,” Nate said and lost himself in his trucks.



Buffy looked up at the clock. It was time to start getting ready for Angel.



'''''''''''



“What the hell are you doing?” Cordelia asked as Spike took his fifth shot of whiskey.



“Getting pissed.”



“That’s British for drunk, right?”



“How very,” burp, “cultural of you.”



“I take it, it didn’t go well?”



“She got mad at me.”



Cordy rolled her eyes. “She’s afraid, she’s confused. You spring this on her as she’s planning on having se–“

“Can you stop now please?” Spike slurred angrily. “I don’t want to hear anymore about that oversized...oversized....guy.”



“Pathetic.”



“Shut up.”



“So this is your answer. Getting ‘pissed’. Maybe if you had, oh, I don’t know, DONE something about this a long time ago like I TOLD you to, you wouldn’t be sitting here alone, grumpy and PISSED, you’d be the one she was ready to have sex with.”



Spike stared at her, his eyes welling up. He shook his head, trying to clear it, trying to clear images of Buffy and Angel doing the deed.

"I'll be in my office."



Cordy shook her head as she watched him stumble to his office. What in the world were the two bumbling idiots going to do now? Why did Buffy have to be so difficult when it was so blantantly obvious she loved Spike back? God, they were a stubborn pair. "Never a dull moment,' Cordy muttered.



"Is Spike okay?" Andrew asked, coming up to her.



"No, not really," Cordy sighed.



"What did you do to him? Did you break his poor, fragile heart?" Andrew sounded exasperated with her and near tears at the thought of Spike in pain.



Cordy blinked, "what? Break his heart?"



"I see you guys talking all the time, bickering back and forth. I'll be very upset with you Cordelia Chase if you shattered his heart!"



"I didn't--I'm not--we're not--" she stopped. Andrew thought they were together? Well, no wonder with all the freaking counseling sessions she gave him about Buffy. She looked towards his office, and bit her lip. A plan forming.



"Andrew, what time is Buffy in tomorrow?"



Andrew's eyes widened. "She'll scratch your eyes out for hurting Spike."



"Andrew, focus! What time?"



"Nine."



"My shift is over in about. . . thirty minutes. I'm going to take Spike home--to my house okay? Mend his broken heart."



"As well you should, you ungrateful woman!"



Cordy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, whatever. Are you in tomorrow?"



"I am!"



"Okay, just call my house if you need him okay? I'm sure he'll be nursing a hang over tomorrow."



"Will do," he spun around, then spun back. "Boxers or briefs?"



"Huh?"



"Spike. Boxers or briefs?"



"Oh! Uh. . . " She grinned, "nothing."



Andrew looked wistfully at her, "you're so lucky." And he walked away.



"Oh, I'm lucky all right. I'm the lucky one helping the next Dumb and Dumber get together. I swear to God if this doesn't work in waking up one Miss Buffy Summers, I don't know what will." She shook her head and then chuckled, "scratch my eyes out." Cordy shrugged and then nodded, "yeah, she probably would. But I scratch back."





********************



Dinner was ready. Nate was asleep. All she needed was Angel. Grabbing a beer from the fridge, she chugged it down. Letting out a mighty burp, she set it down and the doorbell rang.



With liquid courage, she swung the door open and put on the brightest smile she could muster. "Hi."



He smiled, almost shyly, "hi." He thrust the bottle of wine in his hand forward and extracted red roses from behind his back.



"You didn't have to do that, Angel."



"I wanted to."



"Come in, please," she held the door open and he walked through. She finally noticed how spruced he looked. Well, truth was, outside of work, he always dressed nicely. Always with pressed pants, a nice button down, sometimes a blazer to complete the ensemble. Each strand of hair perfectly placed. . . did he ever just roll out of bed and not care? Could he pull a Spike and just wear a pair of sweats? Could he not do his hair and be like Spike and let his hair run wild? Spike's hair had natural curl to it and when he didn't tame it, it just---Buffy took a deep breath and turned to Angel.



"You look beautiful," he told her.



She looked down at the simple black dress she wore. The same dress that Spike once told her she could stop traffic in. She placed her hand over her necklace and twirled it between her fingers.



"What's wrong?" He asked her.



"What?"



"You're frowning."



"Oh. I am?"



He nodded.



"Angel. I think we need to talk."

 

Special thanks to my reviewers--you guys rock!! special shout out to CordyKitten and Beth (which just to let you know, I will be using the lyrics you provided me with in the epilogue). I'm glad all of you have been enjoying it and have stuck with me no matter how annoyed you got with Buffy lol.

Chapter Sixteen

Buffy woke up with a smile on her face. She looked beside her and smiled even wider. She'd forgotten what it was like to have someone else in bed with her. Reaching out, she ran a hand down his soft hair and covered him up to his chin.

Eyes, blue ones, popped open. "Auntie Buffy," he said on a whine. Yep, that was Nate all right. Not a morning person. At all.

"You want some breakfast?" She asked him.

"Juice box," he said and sprang up, scooting himself off the
big bed and bounding down the hall.

She laughed and followed him. Finding the remnants of
dinner from the night before, Buffy slightly cringed. Settling

Nate down in the living room with milk instead of the
preferred juice and a pop tart until she could whip up a real breakfast for him, she wondered how Angel was that morning. She was sure he was fine. Even if she had, in essence, dumped him. He'd actually taken it quite well, and to her surprise, hadn't been all that stunned by it. He'd even asked point-blank if it had anything to do with Spike.

"Spike?" She'd asked, dumbfounded. Had he known?

"Yeah, you know, Nate's uncle. The guy that gives me death glares every time I come within a foot of you and Nate. The guy whose handshakes threaten to break my hand. The guy—"

"I'm aware of the guy," Buffy said, waving her hand at him to stop. She stood up and grabbed the bottle of wine from the counter and proceeded to pop the cork under Angel's amused and yet, hurt and watchful eyes.

"What's going on with you two Buffy?" He asked quietly.

"Why are you bringing him into this?" She'd asked, wondering how he came into everything that concerned. . . everything.

"I didn't," he said and she stared at him, bottle in hand. She knew then. She had. All the musings she thought she'd done in private, well, she hadn't.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, defeated. Shoulders slumped, bottle back on the counter she slid back into her chair, stared at her hands.

"You love him," Angel said softly, matter-of-factly.

She didn't say anything. She didn't think it was right to voice something to Angel before she could to Spike. She simply nodded, slowly. Still unsure about the when, the where, how—Spike had had time to come to the conclusion and accept it before telling her, Buffy. . . well, she was a novice. She'd gone from being the best friend to being the romantic lead in the span of a few hours. She knew she did want to be with him, she just wanted to take it slow and develop it before jumping into anything. Sensible Buffy. Her first task had been to break things off with Angel. It was pointless to try and forge something that wasn't there.

"You should tell him. He loves you too."

Buffy looked up at him, surprised again. Not only had she been transparent, but apparently so had Spike. Who else knew for Christ's sake?

"I'm going to go now Buffy," Angel stood, looking uncomfortable all of a sudden. He put his napkin down. "Walk me out?"

She sprang up, silently and walked him to the door, handing him his coat. He turned and smiled at her, pushing a stray hair away from her face. "See you at Nate's next appointment. Take care of yourself Buffy." And he walked out, leaving her shell shocked and uncertain. She'd tried calling the bar and spoken to Lorne. He told her he'd left early and then abruptly hung up. Needing to gather her own thoughts together, she decided to wait until morning before she made any decisions.

So, now, here she was. She needed to speak with him, that much was obvious. And what she wanted—and needed to tell him? That she loved him too and she wanted to give them a chance. First things first. She had to call Willow and find out if it she could just watch Nate for a couple hours while she spoke to Spike.

"Hello?"

"Wills? Hi, it's me, Buffy."

"Hey Buffy how are you? What's up?"

"I uh, well, a lot actually."

"Oh? Do tell."

"Um, I would love to, but before I can really tell you much of
anything there's something I need to take care of. Do you think you could watch Nate for just a couple hours?"

"Are you all right? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. I just need to talk to Spike for a little bit. Alone."

"Awww…the Spike I hear so much about."

Apparently, she'd had been talking about him a lot.

"Yeah. Is that okay? Can you watch him?"

"Uh. . . yeah, it's just, well, my um, friend is here."

"Oh, that's no trouble at all. Unless you have plans?"

"No, we don't. I mean, I can watch him, you don't mind if she comes with me do you?"

"Not at all! Do you want me to bring him there? Would that be easier?"

"Actually, yeah, that'd be great. Thanks."

"No, thank YOU. We'll be over in a couple hours. I just need to make him a decent breakfast. The poor kid gets cereal and pop tarts during the week."

Willow laughed, "I understand. We'll be waiting."

"Thanks."


Two hours later Buffy finally had Nate fed, clothed, washed and ready to go. The kid was dangerous with maple syrup and Buffy found a bath was in order after breakfast. By the time she fought him to get dressed, Buffy was worn out and needed a nap herself. When she pulled up to Willow's, Nate
was fast asleep. Carefully she carried him to the door all the while lugging his diaper bag with her.
Willow opened the door with a big smile and then noticed Nate was sleeping and whispered a small "Hi."

"Hi. He fell asleep in the car on the way over. We had a busy morning. And it was just breakfast."

Willow giggled, "they can be that way sometimes."

"I'm seeing that," Buffy chuckled.

"Oh, is the little tyke—Buffy!"

Buffy recognized that familiar face and did a double take when she saw Tara standing just behind Willow. She wasn't quite sure what she should say or do at that point and decided to let Tara be her guide. The pieces had all fallen into
place now. Willow was the girlfriend that feared her business would be ruined if everyone knew she was gay. Buffy's heart went out to her. Someone as wonderful as Willow shouldn't have to worry about something like that.

"You know each other?" Willow asked as she ushered Buffy in.

"She waits on me at The Watering Hole," Tara explained, darting a glance at Buffy that could only be read as ‘please don't say anything'.

"Oh really? Geez, I really need to start eating there. You love the place, the elusive Spike owns it. I need to get out more."

Buffy giggled and settled Nate down on the extra crib Willow had set up. The woman had extra everything from the daycare and from all her days babysitting. Nate stirred just a little and then rolled over on his tummy.

Buffy pressed a kiss on his head with her hand. "Come down some night. Let me know when you guys want to come and I'll make reservations. I'll even wait on you." She told Willow as they left Nate in the extra room.

"That would be really nice. We could dress up, have a night out—" Willow stopped. "Because sometimes you need a girl's night," she said nervously, darting a glance at Tara.

Buffy saw the hurt look on Tara's face and decided to jump in no matter what she told herself about getting involved.

"Or sometimes you just need to go out with the one you love," she said as diplomatically as she could and stole a
cautious glance at Willow, who was doing a perfect impression of a guppy.

"It's okay Wills," Buffy assured her.

"How do you--?"

Buffy shrugged, "I'm intuitive that way." Unless it comes to my own life, she added to herself. "It's really no big deal."
Willow was blushing. "I just don't want anyone at work to know. . . I don't want to lose my business. I know some of those parents, some of them aren't as open minded as some. It's not that I want to live my life in the closet, but I just have to be careful. You understand?"

Buffy nodded vigorously, "I do, but at the same time, you have to do what's right for you."
Willow nodded, looking down. "I know."

"So if you wanted to take Tara out for dinner, no one has to be the wiser."

Willow grinned and took Tara's hand in hers, staring at the girl with complete love in her eyes. "Absolutely."

Tara beamed back at her and Buffy decided it was a good time to leave. "I'll be by in a couple hours. Thanks guys."

"Welcome Buffy. Take your time. If you uh, get held up just let us know. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink."
Buffy couldn't help but laugh at Willow's non subtlety and slipped out the door.

Arriving at the restaurant, Buffy's stomach chose that moment to be full of butterflies. Her throat suddenly felt dry and she was starting to ring her hands. Taking a deep breath, she made herself go inside. She stopped just in the doorway and looked around. She didn't see Spike anywhere, but that didn't mean anything. She went up to Andrew behind the bar.

"Hey, Andrew."

"Hi Buffy! How are you today?"

"I'm great, thanks. Is Spike here?"

Andrew broke out into a wide grin. "He's not. He's getting his poor heart mended."

"Excuse me?" Buffy asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Cordelia saw the error of her ways last night and took him home."

Buffy blinked, "excuse me?"

"Oh you know those two have had something going on for months now! Well, she finally saw the light last night and took him home to make him all better." Buffy swallowed, her throat drier than the Saharra. Her heart was thudding out of her chest and she suddenly felt as if she couldn't breathe.

"She took him home?" She chirped.

Andrew nodded vigorously. "Yep! I'm sure they're all better now."

Tears pricked her eyes and she stood there, still. She stared at a spot over the bar, fixated on it. Then, "I'm going to fucking kill him," came out her mouth.


Chapter Seventeen


"I warned Cordelia that you'd claw her eyes out for hurting him!" Andrew exclaimed. Then softened, "Buffy, it's okay. He's all right now. She's making amends now. That's all that matters."

All Buffy could do was stare at him speechless. She was still trying to wrap her mind around what Andrew was telling her, trying to make sense of it. Was it true? Had she been the butt of some cruel joke? How could Spike do that to her? No, he wouldn't—would he?

"Buffy there you are! Whew, thank God." Cordelia.

Buffy spun around and faced the woman that was ‘making amends' with HER Spike. "What the hell is going on? What happened to Spike last night?" Buffy demanded.

"He got drunk," Cordelia rolled her eyes, "or as he kept saying ‘pissed.'"

"I just told Buffy you took him home to make him all better.
She was not happy that you upset him Cordelia Chase!" Andrew butted in.

"Andrew, I love you to pieces, but shut up please," Buffy told him.

"Fine," Andrew pouted and scuttled off.


Buffy pointed at Cordelia, "you brought him home? Which home would that be exactly?"

Cordelia looked at her as if she'd grown three heads, "mine of course."

"You brought—what is going on?!"

"Would you stop screaming? You're going to scare everyone away."

"I don't care! I want to know what's going on Cordelia. What's all this stuff about you mending the heart you broke. . . Are you and. . . Are you and Spike. . . together?"

"As if! Not only would I never go out with him, but his heart belongs to another."

Buffy's lower lip trembled, "who?" She asked meekly.

"Don't you know?"

"I don't think I know much of anything anymore."

"Do you love him Buffy?"

"Yes," a tear trickled out.

Cordelia smiled broadly. "It's about friggen time!"

Buffy stared at her. "What?"

"How did it feel to know that he possibly could have been doing the deed with me last night? Be honest."

"It felt as if someone had reached in and ripped my heart out."

"Then you have an idea of what Spike felt like thinking you
and Angel did the deed last night. Which, did you?"

"Cordy!"

"I'm helping you here. Tell me."

Giving her a look, Buffy confessed. "No. I couldn't do it," she said in a small voice.

"Because?"

Buffy glared at her, "because I love him."

"And you didn't tell him that when he told you, did he?"

"Cordy, what are you? Dr. Phil?"

"For the record, I did tell him that springing it on you the way he did was way wrong. I've been pushing the boy for months to say something to you, and when does he decide to do it? Just before you decide to go ‘all the way' with Angel. Pity you didn't do it. I would have liked to know if I was missing something."

"You knew this whole time about Spike?" She needed to sit. Slumping into the bar stool, Buffy reached for a bottle. She didn't care what it was, she just needed to calm her up and down nerves.

"Of course I knew. I've known since High School. Pretty much everyone knew since then except for you two."

"Why didn't you give me a heads up at least?"

"Not for me to do. It had to be Spike."

Buffy swigged down something hard and strong. "Blech. You're right."

"I know," Cordy said on a sigh. "And I only took him home to my place last night—where he spent the night on the couch FULLY dressed—because I was hoping you'd come to your senses if you thought he and I were. . . intimate."

"I came to my senses before that thank you. I was ready to kill him!"

"You still can. For me. Drunk Spike. . . " She shuddered. "Let me just say that you need never worry about him being unfaithful. All I heard last night was how ‘bloody' wonderful you were and that kiss you shared—you did share a kiss didn't you?"

Buffy nodded, smiling. No, beaming.

"I have to say Buffy, I'm envious. I wish I had a guy that loved me as much as Spike loves you."

"You will, Cordy. Where is he now?"

"His home now. I sent him away. He's got a massive hangover and he doesn't plan on coming in today so if you wanted to drop by on your day off and nurse him back to health, I think he'd like that."

"He's not mad at me?" Buffy asked sheepishly.

"Mad? No. Scared? Yes. He's so afraid that you slept with Angel last night. I think his hangover will be relieved ten tons by knowing you didn't."

Buffy placed the bottle back on the counter and hugged Cordy. "Thanks for the help Cordy. And thank you for taking care of Spike."

"Yeah, it won't be happening again."
Buffy smiled and started for the door. "Hopefully not."

Making her way to Spike's apartment door, Buffy hesitated with her hand over the door. That would not help his head. Or his mood. Spike with a hungover was not pretty. She tried the door and it opened. She frowned. She'd have to talk to him about that.

"Spike?" She called out, trying not to be too loud.

No answer.

"Spike?"

"Buffy?"

"Yeah, it's me."

Suddenly Spike appeared before her in navy blue
sweatpants and no shirt. He looked a mess, but a cute mess.
HER mess. His hair was spiked in all different directions, he
looked exhausted and in pain. She couldn't stop herself from
going up to him and wrapping her arms around him.

"Buffy?" He asked softly.

She pulled back and ran a hand through his hair. She finally met his eyes and found him staring at her blankly. "What's going on? Am I dreaming?"

She shook her head. "Nope. I've come to take care of you."

He grimaced, "you heard."

She nodded.

He pushed her away then. "No. Don't you have things to do with Angel? Post morning bliss and all—"

"I didn't do it Spike. I didn't have sex with Angel."

He blinked. "Y—you didn't?"

She shook her head.

"Why?" He whispered.

"Because I love somebody else and I don't want to just have sex, I want to make love," she told him, using his words.

He shook his head as if he were in a fog. "Are you saying that--?"

"Yes."

"And you're not with—"

"No."

"And you're with--?"

"Yes. If you still want me."

"Want you? Are you kidding me? I've never wanted anything more." He grabbed her and pulled her against him, smothering her in a kiss that left her breathless. He pulled back and regarded her quizzically. "Why do you taste like whiskey?"

Buffy started to laugh.


Chapter Eighteen

Spike turned over on his side and immediately reached for Buffy. Only to find the spot she had been occupying in his bed empty. He shot up in bed.

"Buffy?" He called out. He hadn't dreamt that she had been there, had she? She had really come to him and said—well, in so many words—that she loved him, right? "Buffy!" He called out again, this time louder.

"Coming!" He heard her call back.

He grinned to himself, "not yet, but you will soon," he murmured and started to get out of bed.

"Nope, stay there. How's your head?" She came into the room carrying a tray of what appeared to be tea, coffee and Tylenol. He grinned at her and sat up against the headboard.

"Good kitten, I'm feeling much better. Got a little nervous when I woke up and you weren't here. Thought maybe I imagined the whole thing," he took his cup and looked up at her over the mug. He was nervous, waiting for a reply, a confirmation that she was still with him.

She smiled at him. "You didn't imagine it. I just had to call Willow and see if she could keep Nate just a little while longer. You slept forever."

He put his mug down and moved the tray out of his way, pulling Buffy to him. "Kiss. Lot of kissing time to make up." He curled his tongue behind his front teeth, "among other things."

Buffy rolled her eyes, "is this what Anya had to put up with?"

"You're kidding right?"
"Good point. She's just as bad."

"Tell me honestly pet. Were you jealous?"

"Of Anya?"

Spike nodded.

She cocked her head to the side thoughtfully. "Not at first. I was jealous in the way that maybe she'd take my best friend away from me."

"Never," he told her and began to nuzzle her neck.

"Then I was okay until I let her get to me and made me put distance between us—well, you know that part. Then I was really jealous when you told me how soon you had sex with her."

He pulled back, "I knew it!"

She gave him a withering look. "No you didn't."

He shrugged, "okay, I had an idea at least."

She smiled. "When did you know?"

"That I loved you?" He swept some hair away from her face and gazed at her adoringly. "Oh, I'd say I always knew on some level. I'd always put you up on some kind of pedestal, Buffy."

"You shouldn't do that. I'm human. And, I'm afraid of heights."

He grinned. "yeah, but up there I can see up your skirt."
She hit him on the chest playfully and he laughed, bringing her down for a kiss. "You saved me when I moved here. You were my first friend and you made me feel welcome and be welcomed. I never forgot that Buffy. And no, it wasn't just gratitude. You were always a bit of a mystery to me. When we were in high school, before your mum died—sorry pet—as close as we were, there was always a part of you that was held back. And it wasn't just from me, it was from everyone. I knew then that I wanted to be the one to know all your secrets, all the things that made you Buffy. I wanted the right to know everything and in that way, be YOUR everything, the way you were mine."
"That was beautiful, William," Buffy told him with a teary voice.
He smiled tenderly at her, "it's all true." And he leaned in and kissed her sweetly and gently, letting the passion between them build naturally.

She pulled back just as his hands started to wander up her shirt.

"Am I going too far?" He asked, trying to reign in his raging libido. He'd wanted her for so long it seemed and now that she was here, he just wanted. . . well, he just wanted to
make her his. Forever.

"No, well. . . I want to, I do. I just. . . Nate. I do have to see him at some point. I left him at Willow's for what was supposed to be a couple hours. Now it's turned into four. I really need to get him."

"I understand pet."

"Do you?"

"Bloody Hell woman! Of course I do. I'll come with you."

"You don't have to—"

"Hey now, none of that. We're a family, remember?"

She smiled. "I remember."

"Come on, let's go get the little guy."

Buffy filled Spike in on Tara and Willow on the way over and made him swear not to let on that he knew anything and to keep his big mouth shut. She laughed when he pouted at that. A second later, he reached over and took her hand in his and kissed the back of it, staring at her adoringly. She grinned back at him, feeling her heart thudding in her chest. She wasn't used to so much attention. She also wasn't used to feeling so much love coming from anyone before. It made her feel whole, something Buffy had never felt before. This time, she had the flash of them. She saw siblings for Nate, a big family with Thanksgiving dinner and tons of Christmas presents under a large tree.
Nate was thrilled to see them and after giving Buffy a big hug, he reached his little body over to Spike's for his hug from him. Spike automatically took the tot in his arms and beamed at him as Nate said "Spike, Spike."

"I don't think I ever actually heard him say my name before." If Buffy wasn't mistaken, Spike looked almost teary. "I think I need to buy him something now. Whaddya say Nate? How bout a shiny new bike?"

Buffy, Willow and Tara giggled. "He doesn't ride a bike yet, Spike," Buffy informed him.

"Well, I could get him one of those toy car things. Teach him
how to ride it around the yard."

Buffy shook her head and smiled at the girls. "He's got him wrapped. The kids going to have a car by the time he's ten."

"Hey, I heard that!"


The three of them spent the day together, having lunch, going to the park-swinging on swings, going down the slide,
and as promised, buying Nate a toy car. By the time dinner was over, Buffy was wiped.

"Pet, why don't you take a hot bath and relax. I'll put Nate down."

"Are you—"

He shot her a look.

"Right. Sorry. I have to get used to it."

"You better. When we have a house full of kids, I don't expect you to have to do everything," he told her absently as he cleaned up Nate's tray. Buffy stopped on her way to the bedroom and turned around to see a nervous Spike, apparently having just realized what he let slip.

She smiled, "I should hope not." And when she saw him visibly relax and beam at her, she walked away.

She went rummaging through her closet and drawers as soon as she entered the bedroom and shut the door behind her. She made sure to first flip on the faucet to the tub. She didn't want the fact that she was tired to stop her from being with Spike. If she did that, they'd never be together. She was a ‘mom' now, she was always going to be tired. But, taking a bath was a brilliant idea and just the idea rejuvenated her. Fishing around, she finally found a black silk nightie that was cut mid thigh and had lace all around its edges. She found a matching silk robe and a black thong. Rushing into the bathroom, she poured half a bottle of bubble bath in the tub and proceeded to find every bottle she could that smelt pretty and would make her skin the softest in the world.
She wasn't sure how long she was in there, but at some point Spike had called to her in the bathroom and let her know Nate was asleep. Lathering up with lotion and running a brush through her hair, she took a deep breath and made her way out of the bathroom. She gasped when she saw what Spike had been busy doing aside from getting Nate to sleep. He had lit the room with candles and put fresh flowers—no doubt picked from the neighboor's yard in a vase next to the
bed, and, for added measure, sprinkled the bed with petals.

Spike stood before her in black silk pajama bottoms. His jaw was on the floor.

"Spike it's beautiful in here."

" This? Luv, have you seen you? You're bloody perfect."

She felt a blush coming on. She stared at his naked chest, trying to look him in the eye. "You're pretty."

"Hey!"

"Right, not pretty. Handsome. Sexy. Better?"
He reached out and pulled her against him, letting her feel how better it was. He smothered her in a kiss that turned her knees to jelly and sent her body ablaze.

"I want to make love to you. Do you want to? I mean, are you too tired because if you are, I can just hold you—"

"Spike, I NEVER wear this. And I wouldn't wear it just because. I wore it for you. Because I want to."

He nodded and leaned in again. This time as he kissed her,
he scooped her in his arms and brought her to the bed, laying her down upon it. She gazed up at him, watched how the candles light lit up his skin in a kind of golden color. He looked like a God. She realized she must have spoken the though out loud because the sheer force of the adoration and love
shining in his eyes made her want to melt into the bed.

"Say it Buffy," he requested softly.

"I love you."

"Again."

"I love you."

"And you're mine? Forever?"

"Forever yours."

"And I'm forever yours."

She smiled broadly and pulled him down to her so that his body was flush against hers.

"I want to feel your skin," he muttered and began to move the robe off her shoulders, kissing each part of her skin became exposed. Running her hands through his hair, she took delight in his curls springing free. Sitting up, she helped him in discarding her nighty and Spike reverently ran his hand all over her silken body, taking delight in the goose bumps left in the wake of his hands. "So beautiful. Gorgeous. I love you, every part of you."

She started to feel a tad uncomfortable when he started for her panties.

"What is it?" He asked hoarsely.

"No one's ever. It's just that. . . "

He grinned, "don't worry, kitten. Make it good for you I will." And with that, he slid her thong down, leaning in and kissing her sex as he discarded her thong somewhere on the floor. He opened her legs for him, gliding his hands along her thighs, teasing her with his fingers. He flicked his tongue against her sweet spot and she gasped at the feeling. It felt so good!

"So tasty, pet," he groaned. "Like a sweet peach."

"More."

He chuckled and slowly slid a finger inside her as he ran his tongue up and down her slit before settling on the spot she wanted him to settle on so bad. As his tongue worked its magic and left her a trembling, quivering ball of satisfaction and need for MORE, she found herself becoming increasingly more and more jealous of Anya. When she came the second time in his mouth, she pulled lightly on his hair, wanting his body against hers, wanting him inside her, over her, all around her. As he kissed her and she could taste herself on his lips, she reached between them and lightly grasped his engorged manhood, guiding it to her entrance. He gazed at her, his eyes nearly black with lust and need as he slid inside. His eyes closed and he grunted before lavishing her face with kisses and nuzzling her neck.

"You fit inside me so perfectly," she whispered as she started to move under him, causing him to grunt and then groan.

"Was there ever any doubt we were made for each other,
luv?" He whispered back and began to thrust inside her.

She shook her head, feeling that familiar tingling feeling start in her belly. Spike leaned in and kissed the breath out of her as he moved.

"I love you," he gasped.

"I love you," she gasped back and soon they were crying out softly their release. Spike fell against her, wrapping her in his arms and pulling her against him as they lay, side by side, limbs entwined. He brushed her hair away from her face and gazed at her, a soft smile playing across his lips.

"You complete me," he told her.

She kissed him and then started to erupt in laughter.

"What's so funny?" He asked.

"Nothing if you're Dr. Evil and I'm Mini Me. ‘You complete me.'"

Spike started to laugh and then when she moved against him JUST RIGHT, he growled and toppled her, effectively stopping all laughter for at least an hour.

One more to go.....:)



Epilogue

"Did you know this would happen one day?" Buffy asked Spike as he twirled her around the dance floor.

All of this time
Guess I must have been blind
Not to see you and me
We're picture perfect
Now baby we've been friends
For such a long, long time
We've been through lessons and we've been through cries
But lately have you seen
The way my tongue gets tied
Can't hardly speak when I look into your eyes
It's because of the way I'm feelin'
It's somethin' I never dreamed
And our love has a different meaning
It took so long to reveal but now I know that

He grinned at his bride and kissed her quickly. "Yeah, actually. When I started to figure out how much I loved you, I saw us together. Like a movie in my head you know? I saw us with a family. Did you ever think it would?"
She smiled, "I had the same kind of vision."
"Well, whaddya know?" And he leaned in to kiss his bride once more.

All of this time, guess I must have been blind
Not to see you and me we're picture perfect I'll be yours, be mine
We're picture perfect
Forever picture perfect


I showed some friends of mine
My favorite photograph
You know the one of you and me from way back
And when I told them all
That you were not my guy
They couldn't see it, couldn't understand why
Everyone thinks it's so romantic
They say we're two of a kind
And the more that I think about it
The more that I realize what I've been missing

Buffy glanced over to see Angel and Cordy talking and laughing. "I'm glad I was able play matchmaker as much as she was," Buffy told Spike gesturing towards the couple. "Plus, the girl was incredibly helpful as my maid of honor. She was my wedding planner practically."
He smiled fondly at the couple, "you know I don't mind him so much now."
Buffy rolled her eyes, "gee, I wonder why."
Spike chuckled, "because I got the girl."
"You always had the girl. The girl was just being dumb."
His eyes took on a tender glow and he held her tighter against him. "Seems Willow and Tara are happy too."
"They are. Willow wants to get married next year."
Spike shook his head. "You just get the scoop all the time, don't you?"


All of this time, guess I must have been blind
Not to see you and me we're picture perfect
I'll be yours, be mine
We're picture perfect
Forever picture perfect

My heart keeps tellin' me
Make up your mind about whatcha mean
You've been holding back for too long
You know it makes good sense
Best of lovers are the best of friends

"Did I tell you that I saw Anya the other day?" Spike told her.
Buffy froze. "Oh?"
"Nothing bad sweetheart. She asked me how everything was. I told her that you and I were getting married today. She said, and I quote ‘it's about friggen time!'."
Buffy's eyes widened. "Really?"
Spike nodded. "She's getting married. She met some bloke when she decided not to come to my restaurant anymore. His name is Xander Harris and he's an architect. She seems pretty happy."
"I'm happy for her. But I'm happier for me."
"Me too."

I guess we should have known all along
Everyone thinks it's so romantic
They say we're two of a kind
And the more that I think about it
The more that I realize what I've been missing

It was at that moment that Nate decided to sprint across the room and tug on Buffy's dress. "Auntie!" He called to her and held up his arms.
Spike and Buff started to laugh and Spike leaned over and tossed the toddler up and placed him on his hip as he brought Buffy back into his arms with one arm. Nate giggled and leaned over to receive a kiss from Buffy. He then wrapped his arms around Spike's neck and they continued their dance.
"Remember that family you saw?" Buffy asked Spike softly.
He smiled dreamily and nodded. "It's right here ain't it."
"Part of it is," she took his hand and placed it over her belly. "The rest is in here."
Spike's face change from one of shock, with his jaw dropping, to sheer and ecstatic joy as he let out a whoop and hugged Spike and Buffy to him.


Faith smiled down upon the heart-warming scene and looked over at her Joyce who hugged her.
"Good job," Joyce told her.
"Thanks. I always knew I had it in me."
Joyce grinned, "they just needed a little ‘faith' huh?"
"With one part fate and one part family."
Joyce and Faith grinned at each other before turning back to watch the happy couple—plus one—celebrate their wedding day.


All of this time, guess I must have been blind
Not to see you and me we're picture perfect
I'll be yours, be mine
We're picture perfect
Forever picture perfect


** Thank you to all my reviewers!! You guys were great and it was so much fun to share this with you. I hope this story was fun for you to read as it was for me to write! :)
**Lyrics by Angela Via (thank you Beth)