“Of course it’s what I want.”

Chapter 5:

Willow managed to keep her mouth shut as she followed Azrael to the bar, then fought through the crowd to find an empty table on the top level of the club, which was smokier than she ever imagined a place could get without being on fire.

But when Azrael began their conversation with a simple, “So, what’s been up with you?”, a cute grin plastered on her face, Willow couldn’t keep quiet any longer.

“What's been up with me? Is that all you have to say?” The angel dropped the act, the smile slipping from her face. “Where have you been? You just disappear into thin air, and that’s all you have to say?”

Azrael played with the swizzle stick in her drink, sighing. “I’m sorry.”

“I should hope so,” Willow replied, her brow furrowing angrily, though it didn’t quite match her eyes, which were more concerned than anything.

“I am. Really.” She finally looked up from her drink with pleading eyes. “I just… I had to take care of him.”

“Which I understand. There was no reason for you to disappear like that.” Her expression softened. “How is he?”

“Terrible,” Azrael replied. “I got him to his place, put him in bed, and he hasn’t left it.” She took a long drink. “He sort of kicked me out, the other day. I’m worried he’s going to do something stupid, but it’s not like there’s anything I can do about it.”

“Why not? You’ve been his guardian for how long? Isn’t there anything you can think of to help him? I mean, you have to know him better than anyone.”

“He’s never done anything like this, not to someone he cares about as much as Buffy. It must hurt so badly. He always wanted to find a way to keep his soul, to bind it to him, hoping he could be with her.”

“And now he has it, but he can’t have her.”

“Exactly. I couldn’t even mention her name, anyone’s name. He’s completely pulled himself out of reality.” Her hands gripped the glass she held tightly. “It scared me.”

Willow was trying to think of something to say, but was interrupted by Sophie coming up to the table. “I think I’ve figured it out,” she told them. “Maybe.”

“What is it?” Willow asked.

“That song, the one that they played earlier, when you two left.”

“That’s one of the d.j.’s originals,” Azrael informed them. “Heard someone say something about it last time I was here. Great beats.”

“I think it’s more than a great beat,” Sophie said. “People were practically swooning off the balcony. I told Buffy and Spike; he’s going to try to get a copy.” She looked to Willow. “Maybe you could analyze it?”

“Well, I don’t have the equipment, but I’m sure Wolfram and Hart does.” She turned in her chair, looking down into the club. “Where are Gunn and Fred, anyway?”

“They just got here,” Sophie told her. “They’re keeping Buffy company.” Azrael grinned. “Good thing. If I know Spike, he’s probably gonna flirt a copy of that song away from pixie girl.”

*

“So, how long have you been at this gig?” Spike asked, smiling charmingly as he exhaled smoke, one elbow on the partition that separated the d.j. booth from the rest of the stage.

The vamp shrugged, one headphone still pressed to her ear. “Month or two, here,” she replied in a surprising Cockney accent. “Been around before that.”

“From London?” he asked.

“Yeah. You?”

“Same.” She smiled around her bubble gum, and he could tell he had her. He also knew this one wasn’t from the Remelius line. They’d gotten themselves minions; no one from their line was this young or stupid, at least not that he remembered. Rigsby was the worst, and he had a few years on Spike. “So, I heard you wrote that song yourself, the one that played earlier?”

Her huge green eyes brightened. “Yeah, I did! Fancy it?”

He nodded. “Seemed like everyone did.”

“It’s a pretty big hit ‘round here.”

“Well, I was wondering if maybe you had it on disc, or something? My girl, she liked it quite a bit?” He gestured to Buffy, still standing at the bar, with Fred and Gunn.

The vamp’s eyes glittered for a moment, and Spike was sure that Sophie’s suspicions were well founded. “Sure, I got a demo. You have to ask for it up at the bar, though. Five dollars.” She smiled coyly at him. “Might want to get one now; they sell out every night. I’m constantly burning copies.”

“Will do,” Spike promised, leaving the stage to walk back to Buffy.

“Gee, flirt much?” she asked, pretending to be angry, but he could see the smile in her eyes.

“I do what I have to,” he replied smugly.

*

A few hours later…

Spike jumped awake, nearly falling off the edge of the bed as he unthinkingly gasped for air.

He’d never had such a vivid dream; even the ones that had plagued him when he’d went to Africa hadn’t been so real.

Feeling shaken, he turned to look at Buffy, who was sleeping peacefully next to him. She stirred slightly, mumbling some question to him in her sleep. He ran his hand down her arm and she was still once more. Trying to forget his nightmare, Spike took her in his arms and closed his eyes.

*

Just miles away, another dream was being had, and its similarities to Spike’s were striking.

Azrael walked through the darkened space, listening to the echoes of her footfalls. She could see nothing, but there was sound, from very far away. The rhythm of voices that spoke of dark magic.

She followed the sound, but it only led her into a corner, and in that corner lay Buffy.

Even in the blackness, the angel could see the Slayer’s pale skin, and blue lips. She was dead, or very close to it. “Not this,” Azrael whispered. “This isn’t what I was told.”

Azrael flinched as Buffy’s eyes snapped open, revealing red pupils that glowed in the dark. Not a vampire’s eyes; she didn’t know what the girl had now become, only that it made her skin crawl, and she wanted to be very far away.

Her vision changed, and suddenly she was seeing the city, all of Los Angeles spread below her, just as dusk was settling. The sight was beautiful to her, somehow, because in such a short time, this place had become her home.

Azrael’s attention turned west as she heard/felt a rumbling, and closely following was a giant explosion, followed by another, and another. She watched as buildings went up in huge balls of fire, and she could hear screaming, sirens, panic everywhere. She wanted to turn away, but couldn’t. She stared on as the entire city was consumed in flames.

She woke, blinking back tears, her chest rising as she choked back a sob. There wasn’t time.

“I have to stop this,” she said to her empty bedroom.

Chapter 6:

"Bound"

Buffy woke just before eleven that morning, with a smile on her face. Today was going to be the day. She would tell him.

Feeling happy with her decision, she laid her head on Spike’s chest, sighing with content as he came awake, his fingers running through her hair and sending shivers up her back. “’Morning,” he mumbled.

“Mmm-hmm,” she replied. “We slept late.”

“I’m sure there are worse crimes being committed,” he commented, before pulling lazily at her shoulder. She understood the gesture, and turned to kiss him before sitting up.

“Really, though, there’s stuff to do. Willow’s going to take that demo to Fred to have it analyzed, and I’ve got antsy slayers.” She smiled at his sullen pout. “You know, you can pull the ‘I wanna cuddle’ act all you want, but I know you’re really just hung over.”

Spike tried to look hurt, but a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Maybe a little. But it’s not fair, having to do all this recon around so much alcohol.”

“Don’t see me complaining,” she replied, trying to sound annoyingly perky, and she could tell it was working by the glint in his eye. She slapped at his arm. “Get up!” she ordered.

“Fine,” he growled, pushing the covers away, and sitting up. “But you’re training your bloody slayers today. I want some easy work.”

“That’s fine. You can help Giles research.”

Spike rolled his eyes, but knew it was his own fault, and silently trudged to the bathroom for a shower.

*

Downstairs, Buffy was settling down at the kitchen table when Willow appeared. “Hey,” the Slayer greeted her. “Are you going to Wolfram and Hart soon?”

“What?” Willow smiled. “I’ve already been.”

“Oh.” She looked sheepishly at her friend. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, Buffy.”

“So, did you find anything?”

Willow’s eyes widened as she joined Buffy at the table. “Yeah, definitely. There’s a track running under the whole song. Just a guy talking, but Fred said it was probably a thrall. She said she couldn’t be sure without a vampire to ask, and then she got all sad about Angel, so I left.”

Buffy’s eyes went distant. “Has anyone, you know, heard from him?”

Willow shrugged. “Azrael was taking care of him, but he didn’t want her around. She left, and that was a few days ago.”

“Oh. Well, I guess we could have Spike check that track out.”

*

Azrael entered the apartment with her key, and immediately knew that Angel had not killed himself. The place was a mess, and that meant someone was there.

“Angel?” she called.

He appeared from the bathroom, dressed in pajamas, his brow drawn down. “What are you doing here?”

“I need your help.”

“Look, if it’s a case, I told you to forget--”

“It’s not a case. It’s Buffy.”

*

Spike sat back after listening to the track. “It’s a thrall, alright. Not a very good one, but, yeah.”

“But why didn’t it work on us?” Willow asked.

“It probably did; they just didn’t choose to kill you, is all.”

Buffy settled her hands on Spike’s shoulders. “Well, I’m going out and trying to find these guys.”

“Sounds like a plan,” he agreed.

“Not you. I need you here, to tell Giles everything you know about this line.”

He turned his head back to look at her. “You can’t go alone, love. There’s no guessing how many of them will be there, if you even find them.”

“That’s why I’m going now, before it gets dark. I’m gonna check the club first, and see where that leads me.” She planted a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll be back before dark, I promise.” Spike said nothing as Buffy left the room.

*

Buffy parked across from Rouge, looking the brick building over carefully. Nothing special about it, but it had a convenient fire escape up one side, in the alley, and she quickly scaled the ladder, going to the second story.

The windows were blacked out, which gave her reason to believe that there could be vamps inside. The same was true for the next two floors, but on the highest floor, the window was clear, and she looked into an empty room. Making sure she had her stake ready, Buffy drew back her leg and kicked at the glass, sending shards of it flying across the unfinished wood floor.

She jumped inside, listening for any sounds of disturbance. Her vampire sense was going haywire, but she heard nothing, and she quietly walked to the door that appeared to lead into a hall.

As soon as she stepped out of the room, she was grabbed from the side. She fought, but her captor was stronger. Much stronger, and soon her stake was wrenched from her hands and thrown down the hall.

“Ah, Miss Summers,” a cool voice spoke. “Finally, you come.”

*

That Night…

Just after sunset, Azrael drove Angel to Rouge, where they went to the front door, knocking, since the club had not yet opened.

The door opened slightly, revealing the d.j. with the pink hair. She looked at Angel with undisguised fear. “Can I help you, mate?” she asked.

Angel said nothing, only grabbed the girl by her throat and pushed his way inside. Azrael followed, her arms crossed casually.

Angel pushed the girl against the bar. “Where’s Rigsby?” he asked.

“Rigsby? Who?” Angel’s grip tightened, and she made a strangled noise. “Fine! He’s in the back.”

Angel released her, and looked to Azrael. “You wanna?”

“Love to.” The angel pulled a stake from her jacket, and quickly dusted the annoying little vamp.

Before they could reach the back, Rigsby appeared, looking in alarm at the dust on the floor. He then smiled falsely. “Angelus! Why, hello! Fancy seeing you here, in the States.”

“You knew damn good and well I was here.”

“Well, yes, perhaps.”

“What’s your business in L.A., Rigsby?”

The vampire faltered. “Well, I don’t suppose you’ve claimed this as your territory, have you?”

“Not officially, no.”

“Then, I see no problem--”

“The problem is,” Angel interrupted, “that a lot of people are disappearing from your little establishment here, and my company’s confirmed that a whole lot of them have been turned.”

“Well, it is a rather seedy part of town, and--”

Angel pushed the younger vamp into the wall forcefully, holding him there. Azrael came behind with her stake, smiling. “What’s the plan, Rigs?” Angel asked. “And you better talk, because my lady friend has a reputation for being trigger happy.”

Rigsby gaped like a fish out of water, his eyes wide upon the stake. “Really,” he said, “there’s no need for all that. I’ll tell you, since it’s too late for you to prevent it.”

“Prevent what, exactly?” Angel growled.

*

Buffy listened to the sounds around her, struggling in her bindings, but it seemed they had been magicked, somehow. She’d also been blindfolded and gagged.

She knew something of the most bad was going on. These vamps had a witch in their group, who was also a vampire, and she seemed to rival Willow in her powers. There had also been talk of Hidalgo, who seemed to be the master of the Remelius line.

Buffy heard the strike of a match, and low voices. She recognized it as Latin, and connected the language to a spell of some kind. Were they doing a spell on her? For what reason?

*

Spike knew something was wrong the instant the phone rang, and he watched closely as Willow answered it. The sun had set fifteen minutes ago, and Buffy wasn’t back. “Azrael? What’s wrong?” She listened silently, her eyebrows coming together. “Oh, my God. Are you there? Okay, okay. I will. ‘Bye.” Willow hung up, looking directly at Spike. “You have to go.”

He was already standing. “Where?”

Chapter 7:

"Dying of the Light"

Angel dropped into the room, looking quickly over the circle that was assembled around Buffy. Twenty or more vampires, dressed in black robes surrounded her.

And one was at her neck.

Not even pausing to debate his odds, Angel rushed the group, not caring about any of them but the one in the center. He heard one yell for the others to continue the spell, and screams behind him as Azrael started staking.

Angel threw the feeding vamp away from Buffy, and she fell to the ground, unconscious. He tried not to focus on her weak pulse, concentrating instead on her attacker.

“You’re too late,” he sang, wiping the slayer’s blood from his lips. “It’s coming, and in her It will be unstoppable.”

Angel took the vampire’s head of with a quick twist.

*

Spike entered the basement, finding the hidden entrance in the floor that Azrael had left uncovered.

What he saw once he dropped down stopped him cold.

Angel, bent over his slayer.

She was dying.

Azrael stepped in front of him, drenched in sweat. “It wasn’t him. Spike, you have to listen--”

He ignored her, seeing only Angel. “What did you do?” Spike roared.

Angel turned, and the sorrow in his eyes disgusted Spike, but also told him that his grandsire had played no part in this, as much as he wanted to believe.

“Spike, listen to me.”

“There’s really not time--”

“I know.” He took a deep breath. “You have to turn her.”

Spike’s eyes widened. “What?” He shook his head. “Are you insane?”

“No, I’m not. The spell the Remelius did, we couldn’t stop it. It’s been done. If Buffy dies…”

Spike felt Azrael’s hand on his shoulder, and turned to look at her. “If she dies, the First is going to take over her body.”

Angel watched as Spike completely shut down, all the expression leaving his face as he stared blankly at Buffy. “Spike, we don’t have time. If you don’t do it, I will.”

“Get away from her,” the younger vampire ordered, his voice a deadly whisper. “Leave. Both of you.”

“Will you do it?”

“Yes, I’ll bloody well do it!” he shouted, the rage he felt bringing out his fangs as his eyes turned to gold. “Just fucking leave!”

Angel nodded, carefully laying Buffy on the ground before stepping away. “We’ll let the others know,” he said before leading Azrael away.

Spike approached Buffy slowly, blinking away the tears in his eyes as he took her in his arms. She was so close to the edge, there was no way she could be revived.

Years ago, he’d considered turning her. That had been when he’d wanted her dead, however. Once, he’d fallen in love with her, it was the life and warmth that radiated from her that he craved to be close to.

She wouldn’t want this, he knew. Not to be what she’d been chosen to kill. Spike considered just holding her, until her heart finally gave up. The First could come, and it could kill them all, but at least there would be no more pain for her.

But he also knew she’d kill him for doing it, if she could. For giving up. It was her job to save the world, and so had become his. Angrily, Spike tore the flesh from his wrist, putting it to her parted lips.

“I’m sorry, love,” he whispered.

*

Azrael walked through the front door without knocking, calling for Willow.

The witch appeared, looking at her worriedly. “What happened?”

“Everyone needs to hear this. Get them in the library.”

“The slayers, too?”

“No. Just family.”

It only took ten minutes for everyone to gather, and Azrael stood before them nervously. She hoped they wouldn’t kill the messenger. Or Spike, for that matter.

“Alright. Spike will be back with Buffy soon. At least I hope so.”

“Is she okay?” Willow asked.

Azrael swallowed, fighting back tears. “No, not really. The Remelius were planning something larger than we had guessed. The people they were turning were for an army. An army to be led by the First.”

“The First?” Xander asked, confused. “We’ve done this already.”

“You can’t kill Evil,” Azrael explained. “Though It has been dormant since Sunnydale. Probably just waiting for something as stupid as the Remelius line to stumble upon the right spell. If they had any idea what the First was capable of, what It would do, they never would have attempted all this.”

“What spell was this exactly?” Giles asked.

“Well, the spell was to bring the First here in flesh, inside a host. The host would have to be human, and possess supernatural strength.”

“A slayer…” he said.

Azrael nodded. “Yes, that’s one of the possibilities, and L.A. is full of them right now. Buffy was their first choice. But this time, they’ve failed. And don’t forget when I’m done, that there’s still a houseful of slayers right here. This fight isn’t over.”

“But what about Buffy?” Dawn asked.

Azrael visibly cringed. “The spell required the host to be killed for the First to take over the body. They’d already started the spell when we found them. Buffy had been drained.” She paused, gathering her courage. “There was no way to save her. Spike showed up, and Angel told him what he had to do.”

There was silence as they all realized. Azrael couldn’t stand it.

“He made us leave,” she continued, “but I’m pretty sure he was--”

There was a loud thud, and everyone looked to see Xander standing, and several books thrown to the floor before he stalked out of the room.

Azrael ducked her head. “I’m sorry,” she told the rest of them. “There was no other way. I didn’t know.” When she looked up, the only one that would meet her gaze was Dawn.

“We’ll… have to get her soul, won’t we?” she asked.

“Yes, but we’ll have a couple of days, before she… wakes up. I hate to say this, I really do, but with Buffy out of commission, we’ll need all hands on this, to try to stop the Remelius from getting another chance to do this. There are slayers here, but there are other slayers, all over the world. And other supernatural humans. They came here because they thought it would be easy pickings. We need to prove them wrong.”

There were footsteps in the hall, and Spike appeared in the doorway, a dark look on his face. Dawn was up in a flash, running to him, and he wrapped her protectively in his arms as if it were instinct. “Think you can handle helping me?” he asked her softly. She nodded, and they left the room without a word to anyone.

Spike led Dawn outside to his car. “She’s in the back,” he told her, then looked at her softly. “She’s dead, Nibblet. Are you sure you want to see her?”

Dawn nodded slightly. “But she’ll wake up, right?”

“Yeah, she will, but that doesn’t mean she’ll be okay. I’d wager she’ll be far from it.”

Dawn understood. “Let’s just get her comfortable. We can worry about the rest of it when it happens.” She took Spike’s hand, cold around hers. “We’ll be there for her, right?”

He smiled sadly. “Right.”

Spike opened the car door, reaching in the backseat and bring Buffy out in his arms. Dawn hadn’t been prepared. She’d seen her sister dead once, but this was different. She knew this time that it wasn’t permanent, that Buffy would wake up, cold and pale, and hungry for blood. She would wake up with a demon inside her.

Dawn went ahead of Spike, opening the door for him, and following him up to Buffy’s room, where he laid her in bed, and took his place next to her. He then held his arm out to Dawn. “Come on, Bit,” he said.

“I should go help.”

“Is that what you want to do?”

After a moment, the girl shook her head. “No.”

“Then, sod the rest of them. We’ll stay with her. The others can handle it.”

Relieved, Dawn climbed in on the other side of Spike, nestling her head against his chest as she looked at her sister. The tears came freely down her face, and she reached out, combing her fingers through Buffy’s hair. “It’ll be okay,” she whispered. “Won’t it, Spike?”

“We’ll make sure it is,” he told her, placing his hand on her shoulder. “We’ll be here for her.”

“But what about those vampires?”

“There’s a whole group of Scoobies downstairs to take care of that, and no doubt Angel, as well. If they expect my cooperation, they’re out of luck. I’m done.”

“Done?” She looked up at him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that being right here is my priority now. And if anyone has an argument with that, they can bugger off.”

Dawn smiled as Spike’s arm around her tightened, and she knew that she was just as loved by him as Buffy was. Settling more comfortably against him, her hand still in her sister’s hair, she drifted off to sleep.

Chapter 8:

"Turning from Deceit"

Spike woke that morning to find Dawn gone, and as he looked down at Buffy, the depression he’d been holding at bay sank a dagger into him. She was cold against him, and would always be so. That was, if this wasn’t the last time he would be holding her. He wasn’t a fool; he knew she would blame this on him, even if it was in the smallest way. Even if she didn’t want to, she would forever hold it against him. He supposed he could have let Angel do it, but just the thought of him touching her made him feel violent. And he knew Angelus, knew that some small part of him would have enjoyed it.

But he was prepared for it. He’d lost her more times than he cared to remembered, and he was ready for that pain. But until it came, nothing was going to stop him from this time with her now. He wouldn’t leave her side until she woke up, and he would be ready for whatever came when that happened.

*

Downstairs, Dawn sat with Azrael, Fred, and Willow in the library. She felt numb, and didn’t want to think that her sister was lying dead upstairs in her bed. It was only temporary, she told herself, and until then, she had a job to do.

“So, you really think you guys can do this?” Azrael asked.

“Well, Dawn hasn’t attempted it, but from the research, she should easily be able to find Buffy’s soul,” Willow replied. “Or, at least open up a portal for one of us to get to it. It will just take some practice.”

“Practice?” Fred asked. “That sounds a little… dangerous.”

“Yeah, Will,” Azrael said, “I mean, she could open up a portal to anywhere, and we don’t even know where Buffy’s soul it. What if that spell sent it somewhere dangerous? I mean, it’s not impossible that the First could have it.”

“I doubt they planned that far ahead,” Willow replied. “But I have to agree, we don’t know where it is.” She turned to Dawn. “Do you think we could work on this today? Maybe study your abilities a little?”

Dawn nodded, determined. “Sure.”

*

That night…

The first thing she was aware of was Spike’s arms around her, and she knew she was safe. She knew what had happened, knew what she was. All her dreams finally made sense.

Buffy was afraid, though, of what she’d become. She didn’t want to open her eyes, but everything was too still. Her body, and his. There was no heartbeat, no breath, and she needed to see him.

She turned, to see him looking down at her. “I’m sorry, Buffy” he whispered, his eyes full of sorrow.

She took his hand, bringing it to her face. “But you had to, didn’t you?” He only nodded. “Then, don’t be. We’ll get through this.”

She could see the faint astonishment in his eyes. “You’re not…”

“Angry at you? Spike, are you crazy?”

“But--”

“But nothing! So, the third time’s the charm, that’s all. This is my job, and being with me makes you part of it. You did the right thing. And I’ve been dreaming about this for… a long time. I just didn’t know what it meant. I could hear you, you know, before you turned me. I know what the Remelius were doing.” She smiled softly. “You just saved the world again. I don’t think I can hold that against you.”

His face went slack with relief, and he pulled her closer. “I love you,” he said.

She pulled away to look at him, and her lips trembled. “I love you, too… That’s what I’ve been trying--”

“I know that, love.” He smiled, his fingers dancing down the side of her face. “I was afraid you wouldn’t anymore.” She saw his throat working. “And I was a little afraid, that you’d be… different. But you’re not.”

“Nope. Still Buffy.”

“Yeah.” His face turned serious. “They haven’t got your soul yet. They’re working on it; the Bit came in earlier to fill me in.”

“Oh.” She laughed a little. “You know, I don’t feel that different.”

“It won’t be much of a change for you. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“But I’m probably going to want to, right?”

“Oh, the soul wouldn’t stop that, pet. Just makes it easier not to.” He kissed her forehead. “I’ll be here.”

“I know.” She sighed. “How did everyone take it?”

“Not sure, I’ve been here with you. Nibblet’s pretty shaken up, but she’s a fighter, that one. She was here earlier, spent the night with us.”

“I should go to her.”

“Yeah, but not yet, love. We need to get you fed first, or you’ll be looking at your nearest and dearest like they’re snack cakes.”

Her eyes grew wide with fear. “Are you serious?”

“Well, I might be exaggerating a bit, but the first few times you’re near a human are going to be a might extreme. It’d be better if you weren’t hungry.”

*

Downstairs, Spike went to the library first. His presence there was enough to inform the girls that Buffy was awake, and Dawn stood, staring at him with wide eyes.

“She’s alright,” he told her, and the girl visibly relaxed, her eyes shining with tears.

“Is she?” Willow asked, her brow puckered. “I mean, with the soul--”

“Just keep working on it,” he said. “But I wouldn’t worry much. I just came down to get her something. She’ll most likely come down after that.” He disappeared, leaving Willow to think of what would happen when Buffy came downstairs.

*

In the kitchen, Spike was mildly surprised to find Giles sitting alone at the small table. The look the watcher sent him was unmistakable. "Look," Spike began, "I know what you're thinking, but don't--"

"I'm aware that you didn't want to turn Buffy. I know there wasn't a choice," Giles said. "But..." He sighed. "I still feel I've failed her." He stared down at the surface of the table. "How is she?"

"Awake," Spike replied, opening the fridge. "We'll deal with the rest as it comes."

*

Buffy lay alone in her room, staring into the darkness. She was amazed by her new senses, and frightened as well. She could smell them downstairs, different scents mingling together to create a horribly enticing aroma. She'd had no idea that each person's blood had its own unique scent.

"I'm a vampire," she told herself, her voice impossibly loud in the silent room. She couldn't quite grasp the concept. She was now a creature she had been chosen to kill, and for years she'd done just that. She'd followed her teachings, believing that vampires were evil, thoughtless beasts, only out for blood and the kill. And yes, blood was on her mind, even as it disgusted her still, but the love of her family was still there, and it seemed her morals were still intact.

Was it different for her, because she was a Slayer? She hoped so. She couldn't imagine that she'd killed anyone, anything, that felt like she did, that had feelings. She had to be different, there had to be something about her, because...

"If there's not, I'm a murderer," she whispered.

Chapter 9:

"Crucified"

The Next Morning...

"I'm not sure I can do this," he said in the elevator.

"Yes, you can," she assured him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "They need you."

Angel looked at her warily. "Do you think so?"

"I know so," Azrael said. "You're like the driving force behind them. Without you, Fred's in the lab, Wes has his nose in a book, and Gunn's looking over case files. You're the one that brings it all together."

The doors opened, and Azrael stepped out, practically pulling Angel behind her. She knew it would be hard at first, but the gang was eager to have their boss back, and she knew Angel would fall back into his role as leader quickly.

Then, she could go see Willow.

Azrael almost found her feelings for the red-headed Wicca funny. At first it had been lust, but lately the angel found herself always wanting to be near Willow. She loved the way her eyes danced when she laughed, and how everything she said included massive hand gestures. It was even cute the way her forehead wrinkled when she was deep into studying...

Azrael shook her head, trying to focus on the task at hand. Angel first, then Willow.

*

What are you thinking about, love?" Spike asked, his arm pulling her closer as they lay together in bed.

"How do you know if I'm thinking?"

"Because, you've been awake for at least half an hour, and you're not running in five directions at once trying to keep yourself busy."

The day before had been painful for him, watching Buffy try to pretend as if everything was normal, busying herself with her Slayers, ignoring their stares. Everyone wanted to talk about it, and he knew that Dawn needed to. He'd seen the way she'd looked at her older sister, and couldn't imagine what the Bit was going through. But Buffy wasn't up to talking just yet.

Her finger traced random patterns on the bare skin of his chest. "You can still tell whether I'm sleeping or not?"

"Yeah, but only because you stopped all that mumbling." His eyebrows drew together. "you can't still have Slayer dreams, can you?"

"I don't know," she replied. "It wasn't one, anyway. Just bad."

"Is that what's on your mind?"

"Sort of."

"I'm gathering you don't want to talk about it, then?"

Buffy sighed. "I wouldn't know where to start." She sat up on her elbow, looking down at him. "I mean... you were evil, weren't you, Spike?"

"Of course I was, back in my glory days."

"Why, though?"

The question shocked him. She'd always seemed to have very clear views on why, pretended she knew everything. He supposed being the enemy was playing games with her head now. "I'm not exactly following you, pet."

She took a deep breath, finding his hand and holding it. "I mean, I've killed vampires for years; no telling how many. Maybe thousands. Because they're evil, and they kill people." Her brow furrowed. "But here I am, minus a soul, and drinking blood, and I don't feel evil. Weren't they evil?"

"Yes, Buffy. Of course they were."

"But what if they weren't? What if they were like me?"

"Don't start down that road, love. You were given a job, and you did it. There's not reason to start trying to suss out the rights and wrongs of it now."

"But am I different?" There was a desperate edge to her voice that worried him. He didn't know how to answer such a question.

"Different how?"

"Spike, I staked vampires fresh out of the grave. I waited for them, because I knew that they'd go kill the first person they could get their hands on. But I've been around people all day, and I haven't even thought about doing something like that. Yeah, I smell blood, but it's just not really connected. It's just overwhelming."

He squeezed her hand gently. "In a way, I guess you are different. You had knowledge of vampires before becoming one."

"You didn't?"

He chuckled. "No. Just thought of it as a fairy tale."

"So... what made you do it?"

"What, kill people?"

"Yeah."

He shrugged. "I was weak as a human, and bitter. Being turned... it made me feel powerful. I lost everything, and I was happy for it. Gave me a chance to start over, to show I wasn't weak. It's just what I did."

"So... being a Slayer isn't helping me?"

"I'm not sure, love, but I'd say no." He looked at her softly. "I think it's just you. What you believe in, it's stronger than the demon inside."

"But if that's true..." Her eyes grew, and he could see the shine of them in the dark. "How many vampires did I kill that didn't deserve--"

"Buffy, no."

"But--"

He took her face in his hands. "In your line of work, you couldn't pick and choose. Kill or be killed. No room for remorse." She was still for a moment, before her shoulders relaxed, and she laid against him once more.

"You're right," she said finally, but he could hear the uncertainty in her voice.

*

Willow and Dawn sat together at the dining room table, having breakfast long after the Slayers or anyone else. Neither had gotten much sleep.

"When do you think she'll be down?" Dawn asked after a sip of orange juice. She'd barely touched her food.

"I don't know, Dawnie. I mean, I'm sure she'll try to keep a daytime schedule, but who knows? It might be hard for he to do."

The younger girl seemed thoughtful, finally shaking her head. "I don't get it," she said softly. "I can't believe she's a vampire. She just doesn't seem any different. And she wouldn't say anything about it."

"She's just not ready. I'm sure she's having trouble believing it, too."

Just then, the doorbell rang and Willow sprang out of her chair, expecting it to be Azrael.

She opened the door, her eyes widening as her mouth fell open.

Kennedy smiled brightly. "Hey, sexy!" Willow stood frozen as her girlfriend stepped inside, throwing her arms around her. Willow barely registered as Faith followed behind her, smirking at the couple.

Kennedy pulled away, noticing Willow's confused expression. "Aren't you happy to see me, baby?" she asked.

"What are you... I mean, of course!" She managed to smile.

"We heard about B," Faith explained, throwing a battered knapsack on the couch of the front room. "Figured we'd give you a hand against the vamps. Things are slow in Cleveland."

"And it gave me an excuse to come visit," Kennedy added, grinning mischievously.

“Yeah,” Willow managed, unable to come out of her daze.

“You okay?” Faith asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Uh, yeah. It’s just... it’s been hectic, you know, with Buffy, and all.”

“How’s she?” Willow saw the worry cross over Faith's face for a moment, but it was quickly gone.

"She's..." Willow didn't have the words. "Well, you'll see for yourself, soon enough."

Chapter 10:

"Don't Cry"

Azrael pulled her Chevelle up to the curb, and stepped out the car, a smile still on her face. The reunion at Wolfram and Hart had gone better than she'd thought, and she was feeling good.

At the door, she was greeted by Dawn. "Hey, girly," she said, stepping inside. "How you doing?"

"Okay," Dawn replied, nodding. "Here for some more research?"

"You know it. Did you start without me?"

"Um, not exactly." Dawn stopped Azrael before they went into the library. "You should know, Kennedy's here."

"Oh, really?" The angel felt a strange squirming in her stomach. She remembered Kennedy, but hadn't heard anyone mention her at all since she'd come to know Willow. "Well, the more the merrier, right?"

Dawn gave her a knowing look. "Right. Faith's here, too."

"Does your sister know that?"

"Yeah, she just got up." Dawn's eyes immediately darkened, and Azrael could practically see her walls go up.

The girls entered the library, to see everyone was gathered, including Slayers. Her eyes swept over the table Willow sat at, with Kennedy next to her. The witch's eyes met hers for a bare moment before looking away.

Azrael took a seat with Buffy, Spike, and Dawn. She could see the Slayer's skin was already paling, and knew it would soon look striking with the blond of her hair. Spike sat protectively next to her, only nodding when she sat down to join them.

"What's going on?" she asked quietly.

"Watcher called a meeting," Spike replied, looking unimpressed.

He seemed to be right, and Azrael watched as Giles walked to the front of the room. "Alright everyone," he began. "I've asked to talk to all of you for different reasons. The first being the Remelius line. I've no doubt that they will try again to manifest the First. And there are now eight Slayers to choose from, since Faith and Kennedy are here now as well. There will be no Slayer patrolling alone. You will go in groups of two, along with myself, or Spike." Spike seemed surprised by this bit of news, but said nothing.

"The first patrol will be tonight," Giles went on. "Buffy will choose which two Slayers will go, and I'll be going along. We'll be trying to find a new location for the line, since I've no doubt they've relocated."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Spike informed him. "They're not the brightest buggers."

"You do have a point," the Watcher agreed, lifting his eyebrows. "We should probably check at Rouge for any clues as to where they might be now." He paused, removing his glasses and cleaning the lenses. "Buffy, who would you like to patrol tonight?"

Buffy raised her eyebrows. Her Watcher had barely even looked at her in the past two days. "Well, I'd like Faith to go. Maybe with Blake?"

Giles nodded. "Alright. Willow, Azrael, and Dawn, you'll be working on the spell tonight?"

Willow nodded. "Sophie will be over later, to help."

"Any help would be appreciated," he replied. "All other Slayers will be helping with research."

"Everyone at Wolfram and Hart is researching, too," Azrael piped up. "If they find anything, they'll call."

The meeting began to break up. Faith disappeared with Blake, and the remaining Slayers gathered in the corner of the library around a pile of books with Xander, who was off work for the day. Azrael watched Willow as she mumbled something to Kennedy, who nodded, looking disappointed, and went to sit with next to Xander as well. Willow then looked to her, smiling nervously, and Azrael went to her.

Buffy looked to Spike. "Looks like I'm left without a job to do," she said, trying for a light tone, but he could see she was disappointed.

Then, Giles approached. "Buffy? Spike? I'd like to talk to the two of you alone," he told them. Confused, Spike followed Buffy and Rupert out of the library and into the dining room. "I just wanted to be sure everything was alright," he said to Buffy.

"I'm feeling okay," she said, smiling a little.

"I'm sorry... that I've been--"

"Avoiding me?" she supplied.

"Yes, well," he sputtered.

"It's okay," she assured him.

"I've been thinking, however, of things that need to be done. You will still be training the Slayers?"

"Of course."

"Very well. We'll have to replace the stakes used for training with some of the plastic ones we have. I'll have to find more. " He seemed to be thinking of something else to say, to come up with something else that needed to be done.

Buffy's smile widened. "It'll be fine, Giles."

*

Dawn left the library, retreating up to her room. She curled up on her bed, sighing deeply.

No one was saying anything about it. Her sister was dead, but not dead. She was something that everyone had always said they hated, and everyone was pretending that nothing had happened. It was so stupid.

She wasn't sure how to feel. She'd always had a fear of Buffy dying again, and it had happened, but in no way she had ever anticipated. She'd never even considered Buffy becoming a vampire.

And to top it all off, she didn't even have a soul yet, and she was still talking, and smiling, and acting exactly the same. Dawn couldn't wrap her brain around it.

There was a soft knock on the door, and Spike peeked in. "Everything where it's supposed to be?"

She smiled tiredly. "Last time I checked."

He stepped in, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "You alright, Nibblet?"

"Yeah. I mean, no. I'm not alright." Her lips thinned thoughtfully. "What's wrong with everyone?"

He shrugged. "They're probably feeling like you do. Like I do."

"Like you do? You mean..."

"You seriously think I wanted your sister to be a vampire?"

"Well, no, not really, but I guess I didn't think you minded so much."

"I'll get over it, because I love her. But turning her..." She saw his jaw twitch with the emotion he felt. "It was the hardest thing I ever did."

There was moment of silence, and Dawn scooted towards Spike, letting him put his arm around her in a comforting embrace.

"She's not dead, is she?"

"No, pet. Just different."

"Okay," she sighed.

*

In the library, Azrael and Willow sat going over their notes for the latest soul spell.

"Are you sure we don't need Sophie?" the angel asked. "I mean, I can't do much."

Willow smiled knowingly. "Please. You know you were totally necessary in the last spell."

"But I probably won't be the one doing the whole retriever bit this time. All Dawn has to do is open the portal with her mind now. Spike will probably go get Buffy's soul."

"Probably, but I'll need you." Her eyes widened at the admission. "In the circle, you know."

"Yeah. In the circle." Azrael's mouth grew very small, and she stood up. "Look, I really need to get back to Evil Incorporated. Angel might need me." Without another word, she was up and out of the library.

Willow had to take a moment to catch up mentally, then she was chasing Azrael, finding her nearly halfway down the block, even though her car was right in front of the building. "Azrael, stop!"

She did, but didn't turn around, and Willow had to walk around to face her. "Look..."

"What's going on, cutie?" she asked, trying for an air of unimportance, but her eyes were wild. "I mean, I know nothing's ever been said. About us. Being anything. But--"

"But we are. I know." Willow struggled for the words. "I just... I was trying to find a way to tell Kennedy, and she just shows up. Because nothing had happened. Yet. And I thought I could take my time."

Azrael licked her lips. "So, your going to tell her?"

"I... Well, there's a lot going on. I mean, eventually, but..." She took a deep breath, searching Azrael's face for any sign of understanding.

There wasn't any. Her heavy-lidded eyes were suddenly cold. "You know what, Willow? Take all the time you need." She turned, nearly stomping back to her car. Willow could only watch her, feeling defeated.

Chapter 11:

"Alone"

Angel sat at his desk, silent as he watched the others, his friends, go over options for that evening's hunt for vampires of the Remelius line. He couldn't believe how easily they'd accepted him back. There were uneasy glances, of course, and stumbling over the incident that had forced him into hiding for the past weeks. But it was all out of concern for him, and he couldn't understand it.

He was interrupted from his thoughts as the door to his office flew open, and Azrael entered, never breaking stride as she crossed the threshold, and only stopping as she slid onto his desk, smiling a little at him. "What's up, guys?" she asked.

"I thought you were at the Council," Fred said. "Helping with the spell?"

Angel saw the way her large eyes darkened, and how forced the perky expression on her face was. "They're smart kids," she replied. "They can do it without me."

*

Dawn let out a dramatic sigh, looking at Willow pathetically as the girls sat cross-legged on the floor, facing one another. "I can't do it."

Willow smiled sympathetically. "Sure you can, Dawnie." The girl looked to Sophie, who sat nearby at one of the tables of the library, and she smiled softly with encouragement.

"I really hope you guys can find a spell to help me out. This is so hard."

"Concentrating for so long? Yeah, it's tough, but once you get the hang of it, you can do nearly anything."

"Sure, I really bet Buffy's gonna want me learning Wicca when I'm done here." It hit her again what had happened to her sister, and her lips thinned. "Okay, let's try again," she said, more determined than before.

When Dawn closed her eyes, Sophie looked to Willow for permission, and the redhead nodded. Almost immediately, the vampire's lips began to move, mouthing words to the spell she'd put together to help Dawn focus. Willow knew that if she didn't tell Dawn, she would think she'd done it on her own, and would probably be able to do just that from then on.

Willow adjusted the flow of her breathing until it was aligned with Dawn's. "Just breath, Dawn," she instructed.

"Breathing, check," Dawn joked, but it wasn't her usual light tone. She sounded drugged, distant. Willow looked to Sophie, and they shared a knowing glance. The spell was working.

After many long moments, Willow decided it was time. "Now, Dawn, I want you to focus on your sister's soul. Picture it any way you want to, just feel it."

Dawn thought hard, and it suddenly came. Buffy's smile, when she was really happy. Long ago, it had been a rare thing to see. Since Spike had come back, though, it was something she saw daily, at least before the whole thing with the Remelius. Dawn concentrated on that smile, and smiled herself. She'd see Buffy smile again.

Willow noticed something out of the corner of her eye, and looked to her right, her jaw dropping.

There was a hole in the air.

Not a hole, a portal. Only a few inches wide, but there. Afraid to say anything and break Dawn's concentration, Willow only looked to Sophie with wide eyes. The vampire took no notice, however; her attention was on the growing portal.

Willow watched silently as the portal expanded; six inches, a foot...

There was a sudden sound of rushing air, and it disappeared with a "pop!" "I can't do it!" Dawn cried, her eyes flying open, dismayed.

Willow smiled. "Really? Because you just did."

*

Spike had decided to take a long shower after the meeting with Giles and the others, and when he came out, he found Buffy gone from their bedroom. He knew where she would be, though, and quickly dressed, taking the lift down to the basement.

She was so focused on her blows to the punching bag that she didn't even sense him. He watched her take her aggression out on the inanimate object; her lowered brow and pursed lips, and could hear her breathing through the punches, out of habit. She was acting as if everything was fine, but he wasn't a fool, and he was a little angry that she seemed to think he was. It was true that he couldn't gauge her thoughts or emotions by scent, or by the racing of her heart, but he'd never needed those things. He knew her better than anyone ever would, and he knew something was gnawing at her insides.

There had already been times that he wanted to feel sorry for her, but he refused to let himself, knowing it would only anger her. The first time she'd fed, he'd seen the look of absolute disgust on her face, mixed with a desperate hunger that he knew she didn't understand. He hadn't. But it had been different for him. He'd had to train himself to kill people, and it hadn't taken long to get a taste for it. He was glad Buffy would never experience that. It was hard to start doing, but much, much harder to stop.

Spike was determined that he would be by Buffy's side for this, as her sire, and her his childe. The way he hadn't been for Sophie. No, he wouldn't be training her for the kill, but there was a whole world of things for her to learn.

"You can do that a lot faster, you know."

She visibly jumped, spinning around with wide eyes. "How long have you been here?"

"Couple of minutes."

"And what are you talking about?"

He reached into his pocket, lighting a cigarette. "Your reflexes. They're better now. I doubt you're any stronger, but you'll be faster now."

"Really? Cool." But her eyes were distant.

"Care for some rough and tumble?" he asked.

She seemed thoughtful. "Not really. Not feeling very violent today."

He smiled wryly. "That bag's probably got a different story to tell. Same thing on your mind?"

She looked defeated. "A little, yeah."

"Well, I'm glad it's not you patrolling tonight," he replied.

Her brow furrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"What do you think? I think it's better that a Slayer that's actually out to kill something is going out instead of you."

"That's completely off the subject! Of course I'm out to kill these guys! Look what they did to me!"

"No, love, what was done to you, I did."

"But you had to."

"No, I didn't." "...What?"

"I thought of not doing it. Of just letting you die in peace."

She crossed her arms. "And letting the First take over my body and destroy the world?"

He shrugged. "Wouldn't be like there would be anything left for me in it. 'Cept the Bit, and I doubt she'd want a world without you, either."

Her expression was one of disbelief. "I can't believe you would even consider that. Spike, you're a Scooby now, like it or not. You can't put me first in a situation like that. We're talking about the world here. We can't just let the biggest evil there is take it over. It's my job."

"Then, do it."

She realized his point. "Spike... I'm trying. I'm trying not to think of what I might have done. I'm trying to remember what I've been taught. But it's hard when..."

"When everything you were taught was a lie?" he offered. She only nodded, her eyes lost. "True," he continued, "it's all lies, but that doesn't mean that vampires don't go out and kill every night. They do. And most of them bloody love it. I know, because I did. The first few times, it was horrible, and I'll never forget it, but after that, it was everything. It all revolves around the blood, yeah, but the kill is a big part of that, for whatever reason. For Angelus, it was the art, the setup, the dramatic conclusion. For me, it was the action, the dance, the passion of it. We all find a reason, eventually, to enjoy it. Because if you don't find that, if you can't..." He swallowed. "If you can't, you die. Your life has just surrounded you with one in a million cases. Sophie, Angel, hell, even me. We're just exceptions to the rule, is all. And now you."

"There's got to be more."

"And I'm not arguing that point, love. But would you take that chance, that one moment of thought, and get killed for being wrong?"

"He's right."

Buffy and Spike turned to see Faith coming down the basement stairs. "What do you know about it?" Buffy asked.

"A little. Murderer here, remember?"

"I do," she replied baldly.

"Good. Makes two of us, B. And you can't seriously tell me you're having yourself a pity party for the vamps you've taken out?" Buffy didn't reply. "I don't think any other vampires have been practically raised with your pristine morals and chosen duty. You're different. Get over the fact that you have to kill your own kind, or you're expendable."

Buffy's jaw dropped. "I can't believe..."

"Believe it." Faith's calm facade suddenly disappeared, and her face showed the intense emotion she felt. "Because I have to." She laughed harshly. "Damn, B, if I'd been turned, the first thing I probably would have done was gone out there and had myself some fresh blood. Why? Because it's expected. Tell me, did you even think about it?" This time, Buffy didn't have to reply. "Yeah, that's what I thought." Saying nothing more, Faith walked across the room to collect some stakes, and disappeared back up the stairs.

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