By Beth Muramoto

RATED: NC-17

At the end of the Angel Series Finale Episode, Not Fade Away. A better ending for me.This turned out to be much longer than I anticipated, but I couldn't stop myself once I got started.

Spike looked around him and saw Angel, Gunn and Illyria bracing for the onslaught that was heading towards them. The rain was pelting them and they were all drenched to the bone. Illyria was on the verge of real tears after losing Wesley. It warmed him to know that some part of Fred had lived on enough that the love and emotion she felt for him transferred to Illyria and she was mourning Wesley's death, his good death.

He looked into the massive black shadow that was rushing towards them and was suddenly a little afraid. It wasn't death he was so afraid of. He had been prepared for that many times. Thought the battle with the First would have been the end for him. Despite Buffy moving on with the Immortal, he knew that he would always love her. The only moving on he would be doing would be to the end of his own immortality, which was probably only moments away. He was glad that Buffy wasn't here to be in danger and yet, he longed to see her one last time. The brief glimpse in Italy hadn't been enough. Without telling Angel, he had secretly asked Wesley about a way to telepathically communicate with someone. Though he never mentioned Buffy, Wesley was not dumb and after losing Fred, was sympathetic to Spike's request. He had given him an orb and an incantation that would allow him to send a message to Buffy when he was ready. Before heading to his mission, he thought about what to tell her. Maybe it was best just to tell her his feelings and leave her with good memories. He completed his message and then sent it off. Wesley had told him that it would come in a dream. "It will have to do," Spike thought.

"I don't know about you, but I want to slay the dragon," Angel said, breaking Spike's concentration.

He looked up and saw the looming darkness that was about to envelope them. He raised his weapon and yelled his battle cry as he ran headlong into the fray.

**

Back in Italy, Buffy slept softly, silently and alone. Suddenly, a strange dream began to filter slowly into her mind. When it began to clear, she saw that it was Spike standing before her. A deep sadness and regret hit her as she realized that she had stopped thinking about him lately. Her time with the Immortal and her work retrieving slayers had been all encompassing. She felt a sense of guilt wash over her. She looked into Spike's eyes and saw that they were rimmed with tears, but that he also had a faint smile on his face.

"Buffy, I don't know where to bloody start. I've missed you. I know that you have moved on with your life. The selfish side of me hates that I'm not there to see you and that it wasn't me that moved on with you, but the part of me that will always love you, care for you and wishes you happiness, is glad that you have found it. All I can hope for is that you will always glow with life, hope, and especially love. It's what I want for you more than anything…"

**

Spike, bloodied and battered, swung his sword and tried to cut down as many dark warriors as he could, but after seeing Gunn killed, he was beginning to feel that none of them would survive this battle. He had lost track of Angel and Illyria and could only hope that they were still fighting. Suddenly, one of the demons plunged its blade into his side, causing Spike to scream as the searing pain filled his body. His thoughts strayed to Buffy as he used all of the strength he had to slice the demon open. He knew he'd never see her again. That thought caused more pain than his wound. He was hoping his message got to her. As he struck down another demon, he felt a sword plunge into his stomach. The pain was intense and it brought him to his knees, but he managed to tap reserve strength to impale the demon who stabbed him, killing it. He pulled the sword out of his stomach and screamed Buffy's name into the rain soaked air.

**

Buffy stirred in her sleep. She whimpered and tears were streaming from her closed eyes. In her dream, Spike still smiled.

"…I want to tell you so much. So much has happened that you don't know. I was too cowardly to tell you, but ask Andrew. I left him all of the details. I guess what I need you to know is that I never forgot you when I died and that I will never forget you. I learned from dying that you are in my soul for eternity and it's a comfort to know that. I will never be without you. The same is true for you. I will never leave you. When you need someone to talk to, I'll be listening and though I can't be there to hold you, know that I am embracing you with my love wherever I am. Promise me you'll seek happiness, have a family and when you are finally ready to let my memory go, which you should, remember that you will forever be in mine…"

The dream ended and Buffy awoke with a start, tears rolling down her eyes.

"Spike…" She gasped, "No…"

"ANDREW!!!" She then yelled.

**

Spike crawled and leaned against one of the walls of the alleyway. Bleeding profusely and in tremendous pain, he laid down to await death. He had no more strength left in him. He stiffened and groaned as waves of pain hit him. The shadows kept undulating, but none of them were attacking him, finishing him off. He didn't know whether to be grateful or not. He stared as the rain stopped and the shadows seemed to be thinning, retreating.

Then one looming shadow covered his face and then it bent down. When the dim street lamp hit its face, he saw that it was Angel. He, too, was bleeding from various wounds, but seemed a little better off than Spike.

"Bugger…"Spike spit out, "Figures you'd get off easy."

Spike raggedly laughed, but could only close his eyes as more pain hit him.

"Gunn's dead." Spike uttered sadly and through gritted teeth.

"I know." Angel replied.

"Illyria?" Spike inquired.

"Still alive, but badly hurt. I think she'll live though…"

"More than I can say…for me…" Spike wheezed, "What happened? Why aren't they finishing us off?"

"I don't know and we don't have anyone to ask."

Spike could only nod as he felt himself weaken, biting his lower lip with the pain.

"Get out before the demons change their minds and come back…" Spike said, "I can't move."

"I hate to say this, but I'm not leaving you behind. The Hyperion isn't far."

"Why even bother? I'm dyin'. "

"Maybe."

"No, maybes about it, mate…" Spike groaned.

"Humor me." Angel said as he lifted Spike up and supported him onto his feet.

"Bloody hell, if the wounds don't kill me…you will."

"Don't tempt me."

**

Andrew finished telling Buffy all about Spike being alive and of the last communication he had with him. Buffy was filled with all kinds of mixed emotions. Happy that Spike was alive, angry that he didn't tell her, terrified that she'd be too late to help him. Then another selfish thought came into her mind.

"He knew about me and the Immortal?"

Andrew nodded, "Both of them came to Italy when they found out."

"And you didn't tell me?"

"Just before they left, Spike told me not to."

"What is it about him and not telling me anything?"

"It's partly my fault, I had told him that you had moved on and that both he and Angel should too."

"Andrew, I wish you had told me."

"Hadn't you moved on? You were so happy with the Immortal."

"He was there. He was a lot of fun, but-" Buffy thought wistfully.

"But what?"

"He wasn't him." Buffy said dreamily. "No one could ever be him."

"Spike?"

Buffy nodded.

"You really love him, don't you?" Andrew asked.

"Yeh, I was trying to move on, I mean I thought he was dead, but my heart was never in it. My heart will never be in it. It can't belong to anyone else, not completely. The Immortal was a nice diversion, a way to convince myself that I had moved on, but as soon as I knew Spike was alive, it was like a dead part of my heart started beating again. I knew then I'd always love Spike."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Buffy, I - " Andrew sputtered.

"Not completely your fault. Spike can be irritatingly protective sometimes, they both can be. Funny though, I can forgive it with Spike, but not with Angel." Buffy paused. "I guess Angel's protectiveness feels more like he treats me like a child…Spike's protectiveness, I don't know, he's more like a guardian angel."

Andrew nodded.

"I need to get back to L.A. I need to know if Spike's okay, or if he's -"

"Dead?"

"Again." Buffy said sarcastically, but her heart ached at the thought. "Either way, I have to be there."

**

Angel laid Spike's body on one of the beds in one of the rooms. What used to be his room. Illyria was able to walk and took Fred's old room to rest.

Angel was overcome with memories. This was where they should have stayed. He never should have made the deal with Wolfram and Hart. By doing so, nearly everyone had been sacrificed. Wesley, Gunn, Cordelia and Fred were all dead. Lorne left disgusted and disillusioned. All that was left was Fred's shell, Illyria, and Spike. Angel wasn't sure if Spike was long for this world either. His wounds were serious, but he couldn't tell how serious. He was in a lot of pain, he didn't need a doctor to tell him that. He went to the fridge and checked for blood. There was one packet in there, but it was spoiled.

Angel turned to Spike, "I'm going out to get some blood. Don't die on me until I get back."

"Don't get all sentimental on me, I might have to hurl…" Spike said tiredly, still feeling a lot of pain.Angel grinned a little and left.**

Buffy stood in front of the wreckage that was once Wolfram and Hart and her heart sank. There was nothing left. It was all rubble. She was always around rubble it seemed. Her only

hope was The Hyperion where Angel and his gang first started. She had to hope that someone had survived the battle and returned there.

**

Spike sometimes hated vampire physiology. If he were a human, he'd be dead by now, but as bad as his wounds were, they weren't serious enough to kill him outright. It could still be a very slow, agonizingly long death for him. He was bleeding to death for sure and he felt no healing inside of him. Angel was getting blood, but he wasn't sure that it would help. Every time he moved he enflamed more pain. Every breath that he took was agony. The only thing he could do was think of Buffy. Thinking of her eased his suffering.

**

Buffy arrived at The Hyperion and walked in. She was relieved to see it still standing, but it looked deserted and she worried that no one had come back alive. She was afraid to call out so she walked around. She went through the lobby and then up the stairs. As she walked through the hallway, her slayer senses alerted her to a vampire presence, but she didn't know who it was. Her senses thrummed as she walked in front of one door. She stopped and placed her hand on the door knob. Her hand shook and her heart was beating so fast she thought it would burst. She hadn't realized how much she missed the way that he made her feel just by being so close. How could she believe that the Immortal or anyone else could replace him? She opened the door and saw Spike laying on a bed. He was so still, she was afraid she was too late, but then she heard a moan and it gave her courage to walk further into the room.

"Spike?" Buffy said softly.

Spike wasn't sure if he was hallucinating. He thought he heard her voice.

"Buffy?" He whispered out tentatively.

"It's me, Spike."

"No, I must be hallucinating. I must be dying now." Spike insisted.That's all it took for Buffy to rush to his side to prove to him that she was there. She took his hand and placed it against her cheek, coating it with her tears."No, Spike, it's me, I'm really here, please don't die." Buffy sobbed.

Spike turned his head and inadvertently took in a sharp intake of breath as the shock of seeing her registered. This caused more severe pain to hit him and all he could do was squeeze her hand and arch his body.

"Oh, Spike, god, you're here, you're really alive."

"So are you, really here, I mean." Spike said weakly.

"Yes, yes…"

"Not that I'm not happy to see you, luv, but what are you doing here?"

"I had a dream, your message and then Andrew told me the rest. I got here as soon as I could and hoped I wouldn't be too late. Why didn't you tell me, Spike? Why?" Buffy cried and kissed his hand.

"Wanted to…found more reasons not to…let you live your life…then when we found out…The Immortal…" Spike spoke tiredly, his voice laced with pain.

"Oh, god, Spike, I'm sorry I-"

"Don't be, luv. Andrew was right. You should move on…so should Angel and I…but…I knew I never would…I can't…move on from you…tried…can't even die without you…" Spike smiled then grimaced with pain.

"I can't either…I tried too…The Immortal, he's not you. No one can be you. I need you…" Buffy sobbed, "I knew that after I talked with Andrew…I was fooling myself."

Spike closed his eyes and licked his dry lips, "You have to go…you have to get out of here. Angel and I are fighting -"

"I know. Andrew told me that too. I contacted Giles and got some information from him before I left. Maybe I can help…but you have to promise me you won't die."

"Still ordering me…around, eh?" Spike smiled then groaned.

Buffy smiled back at him. It was so good to see him and a comfort that he was still the same man.

"Where is Angel?"

"Getting blood…don't think it will help in time…I'm slipping…" Spike said, still squeezing her hand for every wave of pain that assaulted him. He couldn't explain it, but her being there made the dying easier.

"No, you're not. Stay with me, Spike. Please stay. I love you." Buffy said.

Just as she said that, she felt another presence in the room. She turned and saw Angel at the doorway, bags of blood in his hands.

"Angel…" Buffy said, "How long have you-"

"Long enough." Angel said bitterly. "What are you doing here?"

"I -"

"It's not her fault…" Spike said, "I sent a message to her before we went to battle, never figuring she'd come here…Just wanted to say good bye."

Angel didn't say another word, he just came in and gave Buffy a couple of the bags of blood.

"Here, he'll need these. He's right though, I don't know if these will be enough to help him, but we both need it." Angel said as he started to head out of the room.

"Wait, Angel. I have to talk to both of you."

Angel stopped and reluctantly turned back around.

"I had Giles do some research on what's been happening."

"And?" Angel asked with a sour tone.

"Well, you both survived the battle. The demon horde seems to have pulled back and Giles said that it could be because of the two vamps with a soul thing. There's a prophecy -"

"Stop right there. Yeh. The Shanshu Prophecy. Been there and done it." Angel said, his tone becoming more and more bitter. "It's about a vampire with a soul becoming human again, but now there's only one who's eligible for it."

Angel looked over at Spike, but couldn't really find a reason to blame him, "I signed away my claim to it to get in good with the Circle of the Black Thorn and bring them down."

"So you knew about it?" Buffy said.

"For quite awhile."

"Then you know that it's pre-ordained."

"Yeh, so?"

"Giles thinks that it was supposed to be Spike all along." Buffy said, not wanting to hurt Angel, but having to tell him the truth.Angel was crestfallen. All the losses he had suffered, everyone he cared about and loved, like Cordelia, sacrificed for nothing, died for nothing. He sat down in a nearby chair.

"Angel, I'm sorry I-"

"No, this has all been my fault. My arrogance led me to believe it was me and now everyone I cared about and loved are dead because of it."

"No, mate…" Spike groaned, "They wanted to do the right thing. They all came into it with eyes open. They weren't doing it for you...at least, not just for you. They were doing it for themselves, because it was the right thing to do…God…" Spike cried, slowly losing his ability to fight off the increasing pain.

Buffy felt his grip and his cry of pain. It hurt her so much.

"Spike, you have to drink. You have a destiny. You can't die before you fulfill it."

Buffy reached for one of the blood bags and held it in front of him, but he could no longer sense it and he didn't have the strength to drink it.

"It's too late for that, luv. I can't…I can't even drink…too weak."

"Not from a bag anyway." Angel said.

Spike's eyes opened wide and flashed Angel an angry look.

"No! I won't do that…I'd rather die." Spike coughed from the effort of showing his determination.

"Spike, you have no choice…"

"Yes, I do. I didn't ask for this so I'm not going to -"

"What are you guys talking about?" Buffy asked, curious over the heated exchange.

"Nothing!" Spike spat out.

"He can't drink from a bag, he needs to drink -" Angel started.

"Shut up Angel! I won't do-" Spike shook from anger as well as pain. He hated being helpless. All he wanted to do was slug Angel across the room.

Realization hit Buffy and instead of being afraid or hesitant, she smiled and was determined. She turned back to Spike and he knew from the look on her face that she understood.

"No, Buffy…you can't do this…you don't want to do this…I don't want you to do this." Spike said defeatedly. He knew he'd fail at changing her mind.

"Yes, I do want to do this. Not because of the prophecy, but because I want you to live. I need you to live. I can't be without you. I love you."

Angel sat and watched the exchange and though it hurt like hell to witness it, he knew Spike's love for her was real and uncompromising. It was just seeing Buffy expressing the same devotion that hurt him. It hurt because he knew it was real too, not a passing infatuation. He felt it and saw it in her eyes. She had outgrown him. And though he would never say it to Spike, he had to admit that he had been there for her during the worst times of her life and stayed. Angel couldn't claim that.

"Please, Spike, let me do this." Buffy pleaded with tears in her eyes.

Spike knew he couldn't stop her and her tears melted his heart. He could only nod his head. Buffy smiled brightly.

"Thank you." She whispered, pulled her hair away and leaned into him, brushing her neck against his mouth. "Take what you need. Live for me."

Spike groaned from so many sources. He groaned from the pain of his injuries, but he also groaned that he would have to feed from the woman he loved to live, didn't matter that she offered it to him.

Angel felt the intimacy between them and had to leave the room. He wouldn't go far just in case he heard or sensed that Buffy was in danger, but deep down he knew that Spike would never hurt her. So many admissions tonight. Guess it was bound to happen. So many deaths and reminders and now to have to face that he wasn't the chosen vampire with a soul and probably never had been. It never occurred to him that maybe the Powers were punishing him instead of rewarding him with the cursed soul. That being forced to do good wasn't the same as choosing to do good. Spike had been right. His soul was cursed, Spike's was won without conditions placed on it. He wasn't meant to be happy and after all, didn't he deserve the cruelty of his fate? Even after learning that Spike had willingly sought out his soul and battled to claim it, he knew he couldn't do the same. Could he really judge Spike? Yes, they both had done terrible, evil things, but Spike changed both as a vampire without a soul and more so with one. Angel was still the dual personality, his flipside, Angelus, had clearly never wanted to be redeemed and never even tried to be good. What did that say about him? He walked down the hallway.

**

Spike, though weak, sensed Buffy's blood coursing through her body and neck. The demon within rose to plunge deeply into her, but he would die trying before he allowed his baser instincts to hurt her. So with all the power he had left in him, he exerted control over every demon impulse. He kissed her neck before piercing her skin with his fangs and he did so quickly, but not forcefully. The blood rushed into him and the warmth and coppery aroma brought out a sigh. He made sure his awareness of her condition was as razor sharp. He tried to sense any pain, discomfort, fear or regret, but he felt none. Buffy, as if reading his thoughts, sighed deeply as well and whispered, "I'm all right, Spike. I really am."

With those words, he continued to drink gently. It was difficult, but he was determined. Again, Buffy sensed his efforts and began talking to him to soothe his fears.

"Spike, I'm fine. You're not hurting me." She breathed a heavy sigh, "It feels right…I feel-" Buffy stopped to find the right words, "Cared for…"

She took in another breath and found her hands holding his head, stroking his cheeks with her thumbs.

Spike's hands held her waist and involuntarily began to move to her hips. Suddenly the both of them began to realize that passion had begun to enflame between them. So long apart and denied of their desire, the drinking of her blood became erotic. Spike, when he knew that he had taken enough, withdrew his fangs and his game face then looked into her eyes.

"Spike, why did you stop?"

"The healing, I feel it. Slayer blood is faster than any other. Didn't need any more." Spike stared into her eyes as if to look through her. "God, I have missed you so much."

He leaned up and his lips enveloped hers hungrily, "I love you."

"I love you too so much." Buffy said. "But you have to rest now."

Spike felt the pain relief wash over him and fell asleep.

**

Buffy left the room and closed the door behind her to let Spike sleep. As she walked down the hallway, she saw Angel sitting at the top of the stairs. She felt horribly guilty for hurting him and sat next to him.

"Hey." She said, interrupting his thoughts.

"He asleep?" He asked.

"Yes."

"How are you feeling?"

"Good." She said with a soft conviction. She felt great, in fact. "He didn't hurt me. It was hard on him though."

"Spike was always good at controlling his demon." Angel admitted. "I never could."

Buffy didn't say anything. She knew what he was referring to and it didn't matter anymore. It was in the past. She was determined to leave the past behind her.

"Angel, I'm sorry I hurt you with what I said-"

"It's not your fault. Hell, it's not Spike's fault, pains me though to say it. I deluded myself. Unfortunately, he was right about our souls. He fought for his, earned it. He can have happiness. I was not meant to."

"Yes, you can, you can just get your soul -"

"Like Spike did?" Angel laughed, "Buffy, you don't understand. It's not that I don't want to, but in order to get a soul like Spike did, I would have to give up the soul I have. I'd have to become Angelus. It's the demon that has to want it, want to be redeemed and we both know too well that Angelus doesn't want that."

Buffy didn't know what to say. She knew intimately how evil Angelus was. How he relished tormenting her and killing Jenny Calendar. There was nothing in him that wanted redemption. Loving her wasn't enough as it was for Spike. It drove home how amazing it was that Spike, as his demon, had wanted a soul.

"Spike deserves the prophecy. He's never run away. Not from his past, not from any battle, not even death. He's faced everything head on. I used to call it foolhardy, hell, downright stupid, but you know, it's not. This is his destiny. If you tell him any of this I'll deny it, of course."

"Boy, you're particularly broody tonight, aren't you?"

"Reality checks do that to you."

"Angel, just because you don't have this prophecy doesn't mean you can't go on fighting."

"Oh, I know. I realized when we got into this fight that I had lost my purpose. Someone I detest who wasn't Spike for a change, had to point out to me that heroes don't question the doing good. They just do it. Just like you." Angel said smiling at her with admiration. She would always be a hero to him.

Buffy blushed a bit.

"I wouldn't put me on too high a pedestal there fella. I may not have done evil, but I wasn't always a hero either. I hurt a lot of people without throwing a single blow."

"We all go through moments where we think we've lost our way. All that matters is that you came out on the other side."

"But Angel, the hard lesson I learned way too late was that you don't come to these things alone. My biggest problem is that I always have to feel I'm above asking for help or that no one could ever help me because they could never understand. Once I got over my high and mighty, I was able to see that I was lucky, loved, and protected."

"I suppose Spike helped you with that." Angel said in reluctant admittance.

"In so many ways, Angel. By simply not leaving, he helped me, but what amazes me is that no matter how cruel I was to him, he stuck by me, even when my family and friends abandoned me. That's the difference. It's all anyone needs to know in this life. We aren't alone in the fight. You're not alone. I'll always be here and despite your blockhead stubbornness, you know that Spike is there too."

Angel smiled. Buffy had grown up. She had done in 24 years of her life what took both Angel and Spike hundreds of years to finally come around to.

"What's next?" Angel asked.

"According to Giles, once Spike recovers, we'll need to perform a spell that essentially transforms his body, changing his vampire physiology into a human one, more than human. He'll have the same strength, he'll just be mortal and be able to do all of the things humans can." Buffy said shakily. "I'm not too crazy about this part."

"Why? Because you're afraid he won't be the same Spike?"

"Oh, no, not that. I know in my heart that he'll be the same man I love and even if he weren't, I couldn't love him any less. No, it's more that he might not survive the human transformation."

"You mean he might die?"

Buffy could only nod her head in affirmation as tears began to well in her eyes.

"A selfish part of me doesn't want to do this. I've already gone through his death once. I barely survived it. I don't think I could take it, if -"

"Well, one thing I do know about Spike, he's stubborn and he loves you more than anyone and like I said, he's a fighter, always has been. I can't promise you anything, but if anyone can survive it, it's Spike."

Buffy smiled, reassured a little.

"Let's go check on him and see if he's awake and tell him the score. Are Giles and the others coming here or are we heading to them?"

"The latter. There's too much evil influence here."

"Hard to argue that." Angel agreed.

**

Spike awoke drowsily and tried to remember where he was. He then remembered Buffy and how she had let him drink from her to save his life. He didn't remember passing out. He tested how he felt by trying to move and sit up. There was still pain, but he was stiff more than anything else. He tried to stand up and though he was weak, once his legs stabilized from underneath him, he was fine. He took a few tentative steps and he knew that if he took it slow, he'd be okay. He opened the door and stepped out onto the hallway. He heard the voices and as he walked closer, his vampire hearing picked up on the conversation. It was Angel and Buffy.

"Why? Because you're afraid he won't be the same Spike?"

"Oh, no, not that. I know in my heart that he'll be the same man I love and even if he weren't, I couldn't love him any less. No, it's more that he might not survive the human transformation."

"You mean he might die?"

"A selfish part of me doesn't want to do this. I've already gone through his death once. I barely survived it. I don't think I could take it, if -"

"Well, one thing I do know about Spike, he's stubborn and he loves you more than anyone and like I said, he's a fighter, always has been. I can't promise you anything, but if anyone can survive it, it's Spike."

"Let's go check on him and see if he's awake and tell him the score. Are Giles and the others coming here or are we heading to them?"

Spike quickly headed back to the room before they could discover that he had overheard their conversation. He was filled with so much emotion. Buffy's declaration of loving him no matter what the outcome of the prophecy only made him love her more if that was even possible. More surprising was Angel's vote of confidence. Maybe he had some rethinking to do. He laid back down on the bed.

He heard the door open and turned towards it to see them standing there. Buffy's eyes were red from her tears. It always killed him to see her upset or in pain.

"Spike, you're up. How are you feeling?" Buffy said as she walked over and hugged him.

"Better, pet. Thanks to you. You'll never know how much it meant…" Spike stuttered, "I'll be me old self again in no time."

"Great…" Angel said rolling his eyes.

Buffy smiled at him, "I'd do anything for you…anything." Her eyebrow cocked a bit, flirting with him.

Spike smiled back at her. He understood her inference. His desire grew with the anticipation of making love to her. It was a shared moment that made Angel feel a little left out, but he suppressed his feelings.

"We have to talk. I have to tell you what's next on our To Do list." Buffy said.

"I'm all ears, luv."

**

After Buffy outlined the plan, Angel left to make arrangements for them to leave for England. Buffy and Spike sat together on the bed, holding each other's hands.

"I never thought I'd see you again," Buffy said, "I still can't believe you're here…Spike, I have to tell you…about the Immortal. I thought you were dead and -"

"You don't have to explain. It's only right that you move on with your life. I didn't tell you I was back so how could you know? You did nothing wrong. Truth be told, I'd want you to go on without me, but both Angel and I are jealous gits and we always will be when it comes to you. I will say that dating the Immortal really hit our egos hard. He's about the only thing that Angel and I agree on and who could turn us into insecure schoolboys. We tried to convince ourselves that you were under some kind of spell…what a couple of wankers we are." Spike laughed at himself as he shook his head.

"I don't love the Immortal. I stopped seeing him before I found out you were back. Like I told Andrew, my heart was never in it. He just helped me forget for a little while. He wasn't really all that good a lover."

"Buffy, you don't have to lie to me. His reputation is…I hate to say it, legendary. There have been testimonials, if you get my meaning." He grinned a little. He had remembered his and Angel's reaction to Darla's declaration that the Immortal had made love to her and Dru concurrently.

"You're the only one who can make me feel alive, really loved, safe. Anyone can do the mechanics, but after it's all over, it wasn't him I was thinking about. He just had my body. You had my heart and soul."

He looked into her eyes and realized she wasn't just smoothing his ego. She meant it.

"No one will ever be you in my heart, in my soul or in my body. I've always known that. No one makes love to me with the kind of love that you do. No one makes me feel cared for, or that I am the only one they could ever love. You do those things. And I can tell you that no one can make me tingle…" Buffy said as she leaned in to kiss him. He felt her hot breath brush his lips, "can make my heart race just by being in the same room…" She grazed his lips gently then pressed more passionately, "can make me ache with desire…" She then devoured his lips and sighed into his mouth.

Spike closed his eyes and was drinking in her breath and words. Her body was trembling against him and it made him groan. His arms enveloped her and drew her tightly to him. His wounds had healed and the only pain he was feeling was the intense fire of having her pressed against him.

"I've missed you so much, Spike. Missed your body against mine…I love you so much." Buffy panted through their frantic kisses.

"God, Buffy. You're so beautiful, you intoxicate me…" Spike panted.

Their passion exploded and too much time without feeling each other's bodies just drove them to heights that didn't need any foreplay other than each other's presence. They took off their clothes almost simultaneously. His shirt, her top, her pants, his jeans. One piece after another was peeled off until they could feel skin against skin. His wounds were only red marks marring his ivory skin. His marble carved beauty still made her breathless. Spike could only groan deep in his throat as he took one of her breasts into his mouth and began to lick and pull. Buffy arched and cried out in joy at feeling his lips on her skin. She pulled herself into his lap and felt his hardness sliding across her thigh as she positioned herself over it, ready to plunge onto it, but wanting more for him to thrust into her.

"Spike, it's been so long, I don't think I can hold out, please, please, enter me…please now."

Spike took her cue and knew that, he, too, would not last long after so much time without her. He grasped her hips and she lifted to position herself. Quickly and with a passionate force that surprised even him, he entered her. They both arched with the entry and began to quickly move in and out of each other in a timed dance. Spike ground himself into her, clenching her firm and smooth ass to press into her deeper. Buffy moaned long as she bent her head down and laced her fingers through his hair. Her breath caught as he plunged deeper than she thought possible and hit something from within her that made her cry out, "Spike, oh, god, I love you…I'm so close, please harder, faster. I need you, need to feel you. Don't ever leave me again…"

Spike's rhythm sped up and Buffy began to roll her hips as if to grind him deeper into her. Their pace became frantic and Buffy squealed with delight as her building orgasm was taking her breath away.

"Oh, god, oh, god." She uttered. "Oh, the way you feel inside me."

Spike could only grunt, his orgasm feeling like it would burst within her, "Buffy, I love you, never leave you again. God, god, god. Oh god, my god!"

They both arched into each other as the spasms hit them at the same time. Their bodies shook from the intensity and it seemed that the waves of pleasure would never end, their breathing shallow, only interrupted by rapid swallowing. Finally, Buffy laid herself against him and Spike wrapped his arms around her. She would never feel this way with any other man. She didn't think she could ever love a man so deeply, be so lost in loving him and making love to him as she did with Spike.

Suddenly, Spike was startled by Buffy's trembling body and felt her crying against him. He got worried and pulled her up to look into her eyes.

"Buffy, what's wrong? Did I do something? Did I hurt you?"

"No, no, Spike. It's nothing wrong. I'm just so happy to be here with you. I never thought I'd be this way again and making love to you like this, you are so the best lover I will ever have.

The Immortal doesn't even register on my richter scale. I'm happy crying and maybe a little scared crying."

"Why are you scared, luv?"

"It's nothing, it's just that I may have grown up a little over the last year, but there's a part of me that still believes that when good things happen to Buffy, bad, apocalyptic things are around the corner to take it away. That I can only be happy for a little while and that the people I love leave or die. I still get scared that someone, somewhere wants to take my happiness away from me."

Spike was so moved by her admission. She had grown up. She had become a wonderful, mature woman. The pain of her lack of purpose in the world was gone. Her eyes were bright with promise and hope. He stroked her face with his hand and smiled at her.

"No one will take your happiness away. I promise."

"Spike, this ritual to make you human, you could die, you know that, right?"

Spike nodded. "But I want to do it."

"Why?"

"Not because of fulfilling of some prophecy. Bugger the prophecy. It's more selfish than that."

"What do you mean?"

"I never got the chance to have a real 'human' life. No regrets, luv, don't get me wrong. What happened to me then got me to where I am right now, loving you and being with you. I wouldn't trade that for any other kind of life. I have never wanted or longed to be human until I met and fell in love with you. Loving you the way that I do, I want to give you everything you deserve. I want to give you children. I want to have children with you. I want to give you that normal life and in some way, give me a chance at that normal life too. I want to grow old

with you. I don't want to live forever if that means living without you anywhere in that life."

Buffy was so touched by his words. He always had a way with words. Spike was extraordinary as vampires go, as demons go, hell, even as humans go.

"I want you to want it too, but I also want you to know that if you didn't, it would be okay. I would be okay with it. Don't do this just for me, Spike. You could die. It scares me so much that I could lose you again, but I want it to be what you want. I will love you no matter what you decide or what happens."

"You'll never know how much it means to me to hear that. I know I could die, but nothing worth having isn't without some risk, right?"

Buffy nodded.

"Right, then let's just hold each other and forget about the future for now."

She nodded again and settled into his chest, feeling herself mold to his body. They were the perfect fit, light and dark, man and woman, vampire and vampire slayer. So many paradoxes, but so many similarities.

**

All three warriors arrived in England with old friends waiting to greet them. Before they left, Angel explained to Illyria what was going to happen and she elected to stay behind. She had not fully healed for travel and admitted in her blunt fashion that she had no investment in the outcome of Spike's success or failure at becoming human. She needed some time to mourn her loss alone. She would warn him if the demons returned and protect the battleground, if needed.

Everything was hugs and joy when they were greeted at the newly appointed headquarters, at least for now. Even Xander was glad to see Spike alive and gave him a tentative hug.

"Wow, you're really hard to kill, aren't you?" Xander joked with a slap on Spike's back, "Seriously, thanks for what you did. Buffy told us everything. She was really devastated after what happened. I know that I haven't been very supportive of your relationship, but after losing Anya, I've learned that you can't take moments for granted and especially love. When I saw how Buffy suffered without you, I finally knew how much she loved you and that it wasn't an obsession for you either."

"Thanks, Xander. I appreciate that. I'm also sorry about Anya." Spike said earnestly, "Buffy told me. She was a forthright and good woman."

"Thanks. I still miss her. It's the regrets that sometimes keep me awake at night."

"Usually do. I well understand. Look, I know it's too late to say this and I may not even have the right to, but I need to set some things right before I do this, just in case I don't -" Spike swallowed, "I'm sorry about what happened between Anya and me two years ago. I wanted you to know that she never stopped loving you and all I was to her was convenient. She was hurtin'. I was hurtin'. We never planned to hurt you or Buffy. It was just two people seeking solace because we couldn't find it anywhere else. It doesn't make it right, but I wanted you to know that I regret it." Spike took a deep, unneeded breath.

Xander looked at him and smiled, "Thanks, Spike. I really do appreciate it. Anya and I straightened a few things out before - well, you know, before…and we were okay at the end. I was a jerk. I deserved it. One of those regret things."

Spike just nodded.

"Thanks, really." Xander said as he walked away.

Buffy walked up to Spike and squeezed his arm.

"That was a good thing you did."

"Well, I should have done it sooner, but when you told me Anya died, I just felt like I had to tell him. I'm also sorry for what that did to you."

"Under the bridge, no more looking back at the past. Just looking forward, right?" Buffy beamed at him.

"Right, forward." Spike agreed as he stroked her face and kissed her softly.

"Okay, guys, get a room!" Dawn teased.

"Niblet!" Spike said as he turned to face the voice.

"Spike! I'm so glad to see you." She said, wrapping her arms around him hugging him tight. Buffy's heart clenched at the sight. Dawn had her own regrets since he'd been gone. It was wonderful to see her face light up as it always did for Spike. "I'm so sorry!"

"Sorry for what? You have nothing to be sorry for." Spike said puzzled.

"For not telling you that I loved -" Dawn choked back the tears, "My pride got in the way and then the whole battle thing, I didn't get a chance - But I wanted to - so much."

"Niblet, no, you had a right to hate me. I never expected you to ever forgive me. What I did was unforgivable. I didn't love you any less for it. I bollixed it up."

"When you died -" Dawn's words were coming out in hiccups through her tears, "I was so- and now you're here - I'm so happy. I'm so sorry - I've missed you so much- I love you so much -"

Finally, she couldn't stop the flow of tears and all she could do was hold on to Spike and cry. Spike rubbed her back softly to comfort her and closed his eyes to stem his own tears from flowing. He could die happy now. He had made peace with everyone who he had hurt, for the most part anyway. It would be a good day no matter what happened now.

Buffy watched her almost grown up sister weeping in the arms of the man she loved more than life and smiled brightly. It was like her family was put back together. All the tattered and broken pieces mended together without any lingering scars. It was everything she had always wanted and also denied herself. She didn't think it would ever happen. It filled her with joy, but that damned, nagging insecurity kept rising up in her stomach telling her that this wouldn't last. "Stop it!" She thought to herself. "I deserve to be happy. Spike deserves to be happy. Please let us be happy."

Giles walked over to Spike after Dawn went over to hug Buffy.

"Spike." Giles greeted with a shaky smile.

"Watcher." Spike responded in kind.

"Um, Spike, might I have a word with you in the library?"

"What is it with you and libraries?" Spike teased, but followed him into another room.

The walls were covered with book shelves, each of them completely filled with books. Many showing their age, others barely held together with twine to keep them intact.

"Quite a collection you have."

"It's only a fraction of what the Council had, but we are trying to reconstruct as much of it as we can. Most of it was lost in the explosion."

Giles sat at a large conference table and pointed with his hand to a chair opposite him, inviting Spike wordlessly to sit and join him. Spike complied, feeling a little wary and unsure of what the Watcher wanted to talk to him about. He was expecting a lecture or some kind of threat. The only time that the Watcher was civil to him was when Buffy had died and they reluctantly worked together to fight demons. The last year fighting the First, their relationship had deteriorated to the point where Giles made a pact with the Principal to have him killed.

"Spike, though it may seem odd and highly suspect coming from me, I wanted to thank you for your sacrifice. When Buffy told me, I was ashamed of how I treated you." Giles said, "I want to apologize for misjudging you."

Spike was surprised, but pleasantly so. Her Watcher was someone Buffy needed and cared about. He didn't want any ill feelings between them to strain her relationship with him. He didn't want her to have to choose between them again. The rift had been hard on her last year.

"No need, Watcher. I couldn't really blame you for wanting to protect her and for distrusting me. I had just killed half of Sunnydale and didn't know why. I understood that I was the First's bitch and that you had to be wary of me. The only thing I was angry about was your turning your back on her, all of you. You left her alone, making her feel unsure of herself. Don't you think that the casualties at the vineyard hurt her too? Already made her question herself? Of everyone, you, Dawn, and her friends, should've known what abandoning her would do to her. She needed you to tell her that you were with her, but instead, you left her just like everyone else did in her life. I just couldn't stand for it. What I said at the time was probably uncalled for but -"

"No, no, you were right. I was too busy trying to be a Watcher instead of listening to Buffy's instincts, her heart, really. I was wrong to do that to her. We all were. We were wrong to doubt her and I was wrong for doubting you." Giles paused, "I know you probably won't remember this, but back when I paid you for helping me when I became a Fyral demon, I asked you if you might consider having the chip as an opportunity for doing good things, but you were too busy counting the money to hear so I dropped it. I see now that I was wrong there too. It wasn't the chip that was your opportunity. It was Buffy."

"I do remember, but back then, I wasn't interested in anything else but profiting from doing good. Of course, it wasn't much later that I began to realize I was changing. I tried to ignore it, tried to convince myself it was just lust, evil after all, but it grew…I can't be scientific about it, that's your job. I only know that I realized that my love for Buffy was real, different from than anything I had ever felt and that it was my love for her that was changing me. I was doing things, feeling things that were totally against my nature. I wanted to protect her, care for her instead of kill her. I felt physical pain whenever I saw her in pain or in tears. When I tried to hurt her, I felt no satisfaction from it. In fact, I hated myself for hurting her. Even when I thought I was helping her by showing her Captain Cardboard getting bitten by those vampire trolls, when I saw what his betrayal did to her, I cursed myself for causing that pain. I began to need her in a way that I have never needed anyone in my life, feeling that I would rather die than be without her. I couldn't feel or do otherwise. I couldn't convince you lot that it was real. Believe me, I didn't know what to do. It was the most helpless time of my life."

"I realize that now. All our prejudices were ingrained. We were all wrong, Spike. There is no excuse for it. I only hope that we can do right by it now." Giles paused again, "Which leads me to ask, are you sure you want to do this?"

He thought about Buffy and how much he could give her as a human man and his resolve was certain.

"More than ever."

"You do understand you could die, don't you?"

"Yes, but how can any man pass up a chance to have a lifetime with the woman he loves? Give her everything she deserves? Sod the prophecy. I'm willing to accept whatever happens with that, but if I live, then a life with Buffy is all I want."

"Do you know what the prophecy entails?"

"No. Suspect that Angel does, but he hasn't shared."

"Spike, it's more than just rewarding a vampire with a soul with humanity. You won't be human like us. You'll be equal to your old self in power and strength along with all of the human characteristics that we have. You'll also be just as mortal as the rest of us. You and Buffy together will be deemed the defenders of the world against evil. I believe that's why the demon horde retreated when they did."

"Does Buffy know this?" Spike asked, stunned about his "new role".

"Not yet."

"We should tell her before I go through with this. My mind is set, but I can't do anything without her knowing the full truth. I don't want to hide anything from her."

"I understand. I just felt that since you were the one going through the transformation, you should know first."

"I appreciate that. It's all such a revelation. I could never have imagined coming to this. Why do you think I was pre-ordained? Why not Angel especially since he was the first to get a soul, cursed or not?"

"Well, therein lies the key. Angel's soul was as a result of a curse. Not obtained of his own free will, but as punishment. There is subtext that hints that the soul is the key. The good deeds, as you called them, yes, they play a part, but it's not the doing good that matters. The most important factor is obtaining the soul legitimately, for lack of a better word, through the trials as you did. It's also about the free will. You sought out your soul. It didn't matter your reasons. Characteristically speaking, there has never been a vampire or any demon who has ever sought out their soul. It's all very unprecedented."

Giles watched Spike's face as he took in all of this information. He was a marvel, Giles thought. He was nothing like the Spike who came to Sunnydale seven years ago. He knew now that he would never have to question his loyalty and love for anyone, least of all for Buffy. He had to admit that being able to document Spike's "evolution" was exciting. Nothing in the annals of demonology has there ever been an example like Spike's. Probably never would be again.

"It would also seem that Buffy does play a part in this prophecy though she's not mentioned specifically, of course. The reason for believing Angel to be the one was because of their love. There are notations about an extraordinary, unlikely love guiding the destiny. I'm assuming it was the vampire/vampire slayer falling in love that was unlikely. At the time, Angel only loved one woman, Buffy, so it seemed to make sense, but their love didn't last and wasn't able to withstand its own trials. Your love for her was challenged at every turn even by Buffy, herself, unlike with Angel where the love was reciprocated. In essence, you fought for her love as well. Endured all manner of impediments to prove yourself and yet never received acceptance. Still, your love for her never broke unlike Angel who let her go, thinking he was doing the right thing for her, being noble, perhaps, but by letting her go, he let go of any potential that love might have had to grow into something much more. But, for you, even at its darkest, your love endured. Maybe that's what made it unlikely. Yes, a vampire and a vampire slayer falling in love seemed impossible enough, but perhaps it's just as much your unwavering love for her, despite her denial of it being real or even possible, that was also unlikely about it."

Spike sighed, "It's all very overwhelming, but why didn't we know this before?"

Giles took his glasses off and wiped them with the ever present cloth he carried in his pocket.

"I'm afraid no one can be blamed but me. Angel must have known, but never mentioned it. There seemed no reason to research it."

"If Angel never mentioned it, how is it your fault that you didn't look it up? Wouldn't've occurred to most people to do that."

"I should have realized that a vampire with a soul was unusual enough to be looked into more thoroughly. I just took Angel's story at face value and then Jenny's confirmation of it seemed good enough. I knew about Angelus, but he seemed safely contained. Neither Angel nor Jenny told me about the clause that would resurrect Angelus. I should've researched it when I realized that Buffy had fallen in love with him. I might have saved her from the pain of Angelus if I had, just like I might have been able to save Jenny-"

Giles bowed his head. Spike could tell that Jenny Calendar's death would weigh on him for the rest of his life.

"It wasn't your fault, Rupert. Angelus killed her. You couldn't have stopped it. He would have killed you too. He almost did when you went to seek retribution. Don't blame you though. Would've done it myself, if I were in your place. It took stones to go up against him."

Giles looked at Spike and smiled, "Perhaps, but -" He paused, "after she was killed, I had no desire to learn more about Angel's past and certainly not to help him. All I wanted was to kill him. I let my personal feelings get in the way. The Council was right for stripping me of my Watcher's duties. I wasn't objective any more."

"If being like a father to Buffy, caring about what happened to her and her friends was doing wrong, then you're better off. Piss off the Council of Wankers."

Giles smiled. He admired Spike's ability to question authority and to defend those he felt were wronged. His defiance was refreshing and Giles envied it.

"Thank you, Spike, but in essence I let you down too by shirking my duties. If I had been more diligent, you would have known about your fate, come to understand it sooner."

"Wouldn't've mattered, mate. I wasn't ready to know or accept that. You keep forgetting that I was the Big Bad then. I would've killed you for even suggesting it. Besides, maybe it was meant to follow the path that it did. Maybe part of the whole seeking the soul out came from all the pain and suffering I went through." Spike paused and sighed, "If I had known about it, gotten my soul just from the knowing, it wouldn't have meant as much. I had to discover it on my own. I'll give you that those were hard times for me. I did ponder death as an option once. End the pain, the helplessness, but I couldn't. The idea of leaving Buffy…it was worse than death. Thinking of Buffy and being a fool for love, I couldn't give up the hope that someday she'd come around." Spike paused, looked away ashamed, "That night…the night I…I hurt her, that did it for me. That was the most horrible pain I had ever experienced and that finally drove me to get my soul. I just had to be a better man for her. I realized that she could never love someone who could be capable of doing that to her. As much as I wish I could erase that, done something else, ANYTHING else than that to bring me to it, maybe it had to be that horrific to do what I needed to do."

Giles admired Spike's analysis and his gentle understanding of it.

"Perhaps you're right. I have to admit that I do admire your determination to continue on." Giles said. "While you were gone, I talked with Buffy. We not only mended our relationship, but we talked about what happened that night. Of course all I knew of it was hearsay, mostly from Xander, and I judged you from that, but she explained that it wasn't just you. She told me what she had done to you that year. Though I knew she was going through so much pain herself, I know now that I contributed to it by leaving her, thinking it was the right thing to do just like Angel did. But now, in retrospect, it was probably the worst thing I could have done. I should have stayed and helped her from a distance. Instead, I just became another person who left her and that drove her even further into her self-imposed torment. Spike, if someone I loved had used me the way that Buffy said she had used you, I would have left without a moment's hesitation. That says more about your strength and your commitment to your love for her than anything else. It explains a lot."

"Don't EVER justify what I did, Watcher." Spike said with a touch of anger in his voice, aimed at himself than at Giles. "Sorry, it still angers me when I think about what I did. Nothing could or should rationalize that. It was a monstrous thing to do. No matter what she did to me, she didn't deserve what I- I was a weak, pathetic git. I will never let that happen again, but it will always disgust me that I let it happen at all. I swear on my life, I didn't go there intending to do that to her." He closed his eyes fighting off tears and pain.

"I know, but Spike, you were in pain and had been for a long time. You wanted it to stop. She told me about the spell you sought from Anya to take away that pain. I can't even imagine that kind of pain."

"I wouldn't wish it on anyone, mate, and yet somehow for me, it seemed right. I told Buffy that I had come to redefine pain and suffering after falling in love with her. I didn't mean it cruelly, but it is true. Nothing I have ever experienced in all my hundred years had felt like that. It was like I was -"

"Transforming?" Giles finished for him.

"I guess so."

"Maybe you were, Spike. You talk about how you felt like you were changing, well, perhaps you have been all this time. Becoming reborn, of sorts, bringing us to where we are now to complete that transformation."

"You make it sound like I'm some kind of butterfly."

"Well, it's not very much different." Giles smiled, "What we are going to be doing tomorrow night will be to literally change you into a human. Willow and I have been researching extensively on this. When we do perform the spell, your body will be undergoing a drastic metamorphosis on a molecular level. That's why the risk of dying. If anything should go wrong in the process -"

"You could die." Buffy finished as she walked into the library.

Spike and Giles turned to see her there. Spike got up from his chair and went towards her. He hugged and held her tightly.

"I won't, luv. It will be all right."

"You don't know that. Neither of you do."

Giles and Spike were speechless. They had no rebuttal for what she said.

"It's true, Buffy. We can't guarantee that. It's the risk that comes with magicks -" Giles said.

"And with doing something that you truly believe is the right thing to do." Spike completed. "Remember, nothing worth having -"

"Yes, I know." Buffy smiled, "I hate it when you're heroic."

She returned his hug.

"I suggest that we get some rest, spend time together and catch up. Make the present count." Giles said, smiling at Buffy's happiness and from feeling that a weight had been lifted from him by talking to Spike and clearing the air with him.

"I'm with you, mate. Best idea you've had all night." Spike agreed.

With that, the three of them exited the library and back into the welcoming warmth of friends and family. The past was gone and the future unknown, but the present they had all to themselves. No one could take it away from them.

**

After everyone had gone to bed for the night, it was just Angel and Spike left sitting on a couch in the library in silent reflection.

"You know, before I faced my battle with Hamilton, I told Harmony that I had forgotten what it was like to be human. Do you remember what it was like? Have you wondered what it would be like to be human again?" Angel asked.

"I remember little things about it, some good, some not. Do I miss being human? Not at first. Too drunk with the power of turning into something other than who I was, which, at the time, was a poofter. Too excited about having the power of life and death over others." Spike paused, "Have I wondered since about what it would be like? Not until I met Buffy."

"I never missed it, never thought about returning to it until I met Buffy too, but I don't even remember my human life anymore, or it's like it's someone's else's life, memories, not mine."

"Doesn't surprise me, mate. You hated your family. Your father was a tyrant. Didn't love you. Probably don't want to remember it."

"Did I actually tell you all that?"

"On one of those drunken raids we did, yeh." Spike paused, "You see, that's the difference between you and me. I had me a good family. I loved my mum and she loved me. I had good memories. Dru just got me when I was ripe for the picking. Caught me vulnerable. I don't regret it, mind you, can't really, it got me to where I am today."

"I never thought to ask you then, but when you were turned…"Angel paused to find the right words, "When Giles described how you never gave up on Buffy and on trying to convince her of your love, I began to wonder if you were always that way, even when you were human. You see, I'm trying to understand and maybe face up to the fact that I never had what it took in the first place because I gave up, no matter if I thought I was giving Buffy a better life."

Spike thought about Angel's question and tried to remember if his determination was always there or if it came after falling in love with Buffy.

"Well, you know that I've always insisted that I was love's bitch even back when I was in love with Dru. Look at the time when she dumped me and I came back to get a love spell? I didn't accept that she didn't love me anymore. I did the same thing with Buffy. Giles seems to think that it was all part of the prophecy, that this transformation bit was going on even back then. I couldn't tell you why it was different with Buffy. It was like I couldn't help myself and that I couldn't give up even when I wanted to. I didn't feel that way about anyone, not even about Dru." He stopped to think for a second, "When I was William, I was a hopeless romantic git, but when Cecily told me that I was beneath her and set me on that course with Dru, I knew that I didn't want to try to win her love. All I felt was defeat. I didn't live long enough after that to know if I would have fought for her love, but to be honest in looking back, I don't think I would have. Times being what they were, I knew I didn't have a chance with her so I probably would have let her go." Spike bowed his head, "Maybe it took being turned into a vampire to give me the resolve to withstand the pain of disappointment that comes with love, but the romance of it, the belief that there was such a thing as everlasting love, probably came from William, much as I hate to admit it. For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted love. Truly believe then and now that you're nothing if you don't have love."

Angel nodded. "I envy your capacity to love." He admitted reluctantly, "I think that I would have given anything to be so much in love as to risk everything, to be happy."

"You did do that, you let yourself fall in love with Buffy."

"But it unleashed Angelus and caused so much more pain…if I had only been stronger, resisted-" Angel berated himself. "Then when the going got tough, I left her -"

"Don't go getting all regretful. It's a bloody waste of time. We're dealt the cards we get, mate. It's not your fault that your soul was cursed. Life or unlife isn't painless. I know that from experience. Guess our destinies are played out given what our hand is. I can call myself lucky now, but what I went through to get here, believe me, I found myself wondering why me, why did I have to go through this. It wasn't all hearts and flowers. At least Buffy loved you from the beginning. She chose you, she wanted you from the start and she gave you happiness. The Angelus factor was out of your control. You wanted to make love to her and put in your place, I would have done the same thing. Love makes you selfish. It makes you want to risk it all just for the joy that it brings you, even if it's only for a moment. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Be honest, would you trade any moment of time you spent with her?"

Angel shook his head without even thinking about it.

"Well, then, what's the point of regretting? Even though Buffy didn't love me straight away, I don't dwell on why she didn't from the start, not anymore. It's more important that she does, that I still do."

Angel nodded and sighed.

"I just wish that loving her had been enough. I just wish that, for Buffy's sake and selfishly, for mine, loving her would have caused Angelus to seek a soul like your demon did for you. I hate that it wasn't enough, but I guess it just proves that it wasn't meant to be."

Spike nodded his head this time in agreement, "Sometimes you just have no control. Love takes you against your will. Besides, maybe it wasn't my demon. Maybe William was a lot stronger than I gave him credit for." Spike sighed.

There was a moment of contemplative silence again between them as they thought about their mutual confessions tonight. They had never really confronted their issues, at least not without it ending up in blows or what Spike liked to call fists and fangs. Yet, tonight, it seemed time to bury the past behind them.

"So, what do you really think about all this?" Spike asked.

"When Giles filled me in on everything, somehow, it all seemed to make perfect sense. He was right about the opportunities I wasted with Buffy by leaving her. A soul doesn't make you any smarter, that's for sure. It is harder to work at problems than to face them. I've done a fair share of running away from my problems." Angel paused, "I didn't know about the Shanshu when I fell in love with Buffy so I couldn't have told Giles anything then that would have helped. I should have told him about the curse. I should have told them both. I just had hoped that Angelus would never return. I was being a coward. I figured he never would because I didn't think I could be so truly happy as to lose my soul, but I didn't count on falling in love with Buffy." Angel smiled at the memory.

"Me neither, mate." Spike agreed with a similar smile on his face. "She's an amazing woman and has done things as a slayer that should never have happened even before I met her. She cheated death twice, lived longer than any slayer, loved two vampires, she had family and friends who she loved and who protected her. She's defied everything a slayer was supposed to be."

"Well, so have you as vampires go. What's happening now clearly proves that, all the more reason that this should come to you. All that anger that I vented about what I thought was your arrogance and foolishness was jealousy. I realize that now. It's been jealousy all along."

"Are you angry that it isn't you?"

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little, but it's more from knowing that I can never achieve my true soul the way that you did because of Angelus. Yet still, it's given me a clarity that I haven't had since starting Angel Investigations. I knew what I wanted and what had to be done then. Didn't matter, in looking back, that it was misguided. I have some hope that I can still be useful. I have a purpose again. I don't regret signing away the Shanshu now. It wasn't mine to have."

"What about Buffy?"

Angel paused to think about his answer.

"I lost Buffy on my own. I understand that now. I didn't have enough faith in our love to stick with it. I'm glad that she and I are now friends and would fight by each other's side. It's enough to know that."

"Do you love her?" Spike asked without any trepidation about the answer.

"I will always love her, Spike." Angel looked over to see if Spike's face revealed anger or jealousy, but neither emotion surfaced. "How do you feel about that?"

"I'm all right with it, mate. All the petty jealousies are a waste of time now. I'm secure that Buffy loves me and I'm not saying that to hurt you. I've just come to accept that with my whole heart and not to doubt it anymore." Spike said as he paused to think about what he wanted to ask. "I want you to promise me something."

"What?"

"If anything happens to me, if I should die, promise me you'll take care of her. I'll rest in peace knowing that. I know that you love her and that you would die to protect her. I never had any doubt about that and it'll be good to know that you'll be there for her."

Angel was taken aback by Spike entrusting Buffy to him.

"Spike, you know I'd do that without you asking, but I'm glad that you asked. I don't think it will come to that. I think you'll come out of this fine."

Spike paused, "Thanks, mate. Coming from you, after everything, it means a lot. I hope I do and I do want to, but you know I've never been trusting of magicks and it doesn't hurt to have things in place just in case. All I care about is that Buffy will be okay."

Angel nodded in agreement.

"Does this feel weird or what?" Angel said with a grin.

"Very." Spike agreed.

**

The next evening, everyone assembled in one of the rooms where a long table sat in the center. Candles lit the semi-darkened room with soft and peaceful light. Everyone wanted to be present to either provide moral support or any power and strength for Spike to draw on if he needed it. Willow was dressed in a black velvet dress with multi-colored crystal necklaces around her neck. She hugged everyone and then stopped at Spike. She slowly embraced him and when they parted, she looked into his eyes.

"I promise to do my best, Spike. I want to do this for you. You deserve it."

"Thanks, Red. I don't know if I'd go as far as to say I deserve it, but knowing you will be doing this gives me peace. You are a powerful wiccan with a loving heart. Your best is better than

I could ever hope for. I trust you with my life and no matter what happens, I'm grateful for the chance of the new life that you are giving me."

Willow grinned and set out to complete preparations with the help of Giles. Everyone began to seat themselves around the table.

Buffy and Dawn went up to Spike. Their hands were held together tightly.

"I love you, Spike." Dawn told him. "I know that you'll come through this."

"With your strength there with me, Niblet, I have no doubt."

Dawn gave him a kiss on both cheeks then hugged him warmly. She then left to take her place at the table.

Buffy looked into his eyes as hers began to well a bit and cupped his face. She gave him a long and lingering kiss. "Get through this and there will be more of these waiting for you." She grinned lovingly at him.

"With that kind of incentive, how can I bloody not?" Spike smiled back, loving her playfulness.

"You know I love you. You can feel it in my heart." Buffy said as she placed his left hand on her chest. "Hear it beating for you until yours beats for itself."

Buffy's voice, despite her best efforts, was beginning to crack with tears even though her smile was as bright has her green eyes.

"You will be with me no matter what happens, luv. Remember that. You'll feel my heart coming alive only for you because only you give it life."

Buffy kissed him again and then took her place at the table. Spike climbed onto the table and laid down. His head was in front of Willow with Dawn on one side holding his right hand

and Buffy on the other holding his left. What Willow called his heart side. Buffy would be the conduit to give Spike his new life.

"Are we ready?" Willow asked.

Everyone nodded their heads, including Spike, and he turned his head to look at Buffy. He mouthed I love you and gave her his brightest smile.

"Join hands." Willow said and everyone entwined hands creating what they hoped would be an impenetrable bond of love, family and friendship.

Willow then placed her hands on Spike's head. She began to chant in the language that always came to her as she summoned whatever it was that was going to come through. With the exception of Giles who probably knew what she was saying and doing, everyone just waited for their next directive from her.

"Hear me spirits of deserved souls. Give this dark warrior the light that he has earned through the love of a slayer. Complete his transformation to human form and reward his devotion, pain, suffering and gallantry for good with new life."

A glowing light began to form at the center of Spike's body. He felt the warmth building inside of him and it wasn't unpleasant. It was reassuring. The warmth and the light began to radiate through his body and through Dawn's and Buffy's hands that were joined with his. They also felt the reassuring warmth. Spike then closed his eyes as he felt something else grow from the glow. It was a low ache at first, but the ache then began to grow into a stronger pain. He was not afraid. He knew there would be pain. He was expecting it. The pain radiated like the glow and reached his whole body. The intensity grew until it was nearing unbearable. He squeezed Buffy's and Dawn's hands and his body began to squirm and arch. His eyes tightened closed and his jaw rippled from the pain. It was like he was having a seizure. She felt so helpless. She couldn't break the bond and risk tearing the strength that Spike needed, but her heart and throat clenched at watching him tense with pain, his breath shortening and his long groans turning into agonized grunts. She wanted to comfort him so much. All she could do was close her eyes, pour her love into him, hope that he felt her and that it helped eased the pain.

"Give this hero your healing light as every part of him transforms." Willow said.

Spike's moans and cries tore into her. Even his reward had to come with pain. "Why?" she thought. Hadn't he paid enough to prove himself? Hadn't he suffered long enough? There was torture from Glory, then from The First too and probably the worst pain came from her. Hadn't she tortured him enough because of his enduring love for her? Couldn't this one thing be painless? The glow brightened and it then bathed Spike completely.

"Buffy!" Spike cried out in pain.

"Spike, I'm here with you. Feel me holding you, tell me what I can do to help ease the pain."

Spike closed his eyes and moaned more. It was difficult to talk through the pain, but he had to tell her what he was feeling, to tell her it was worth it.

"I feel it - I feel you with me, luv - Your love - it's surging though me -You're bringing me back to life. It's everything I had hoped for. I feel my heart. It's yearning to beat for you. God, it hurts, but it's all right, luv. It's meant to be this way. I know it. It's been so long, I'd forgotten."

Spike then screamed, his body stiffened for a second and then went frighteningly still, the glow and warmth gone. Buffy panicked and screamed herself, never breaking her hold on him.

"Spike! SPIKE! Willow, Giles, what's happening?!! He's not moving. Tell me what to do!" She sobbed.

"Buffy, don't break the circle!" Willow yelled. "It's not over."

Minutes passed and everyone held their breath, not knowing what they were waiting for, not knowing what to do. Then Spike awoke, gasping for air, gulping in air like he was drowning, then his breathing eased, steadied then deepened. He turned his head tiredly and sighed. He smiled at Buffy then his eyes drifted closed and he fell into what looked like sleep. Buffy watched in awe as she saw Spike's chest rise and fall as she had never seen it do for as long as she had known him. It was mesmerizing to everyone, to watch something they all did instinctively and never gave a second thought to, happening to Spike. Hearing him breathe seemed alien and frightening, but Buffy could only smile.

"You did it, Spike." She said, "you're alive, you lived. I love you so much."

"It's over. Spike needs to rest now. We can let go." Willow said.

Everyone slowly let go, fearing that any sudden moves would hurt him. Angel and Giles carried Spike to another room that had a bed and Buffy was close behind with Dawn next to her, holding her hand. They placed him on the bed and Buffy covered him with a blanket.

"I'm going to stay with him." She softly insisted.

No one argued and left her alone with him.

**

Buffy sat on the bed and then gently lifted Spike's head into her lap. She stroked his face. She began to sob again. She was so on the edge emotionally since discovering he was alive. Every moment with him was a gift and it also felt like borrowed time. Feeling the warmth of his body against her and his steady breathing scared her so much. Even though he would have all the strength, power, and stealth he had as a vampire, it worried her that somehow being human would make him more vulnerable. Both of them had come so far to get where they were now, especially Spike. When Giles and Spike explained the "unlikely love" part of the destiny, it brought back all the memories of how unkind she had been, what she had driven him to, even if in the end it drove him to get his soul. It never ceased to amaze her how much he took from her, from all of he scoobies at one point or another and yet never left or gave up. When Angel left, he thought he was doing the right thing, when Giles left, he thought he was helping her to grow up and face her problems. Spike only left to get his soul and yet when he did leave, Buffy was ashamed to feel glad that he had left at first. No more hounding, trying to convince her that she loved him, but the longer he stayed away, the more she missed him. It became an ache in her heart. More importantly and amazingly, he didn't stay away. He came back, but suffered again. The madness of the guilt that came with the new soul caused him a new level of pain. She couldn't help but think he'd have been better off staying away from her. Still, he stayed to fight the First with her without asking for anything more other than to help. The First then captured and tortured him. It tried to sway him over to their side, but he never wavered, his devotion to her and the destruction of the First Evil was resolute. More pain and yet he still didn't leave, offered to leave to protect her and the others when the First threatened to use him against them, but stayed when she had asked him to.

They had become closer and even resolved a lot of the uncomfortable tension that had come from the attack and from time apart. What surprised her most was that when her family and friends abandoned her, voted her out of her own house, Spike defended her to them and then comforted her. He had given her the right words of strength, the perfect consoling hug that she needed to regain her security in her power and go after Caleb. He never initiated it into anything more than holding her. Later when he had told her how terrified he had been of that moment, that just holding her had been the best night of his life, she allowed herself to wonder what her future held and where Spike would be in that future, more surprisingly that she wanted him there. It also made her feel ashamed that she had so mistreated him over the years that something as innocent as holding her as she slept could scare him so much.

Giles was right, such an unlikely love. Such a strong, powerful vampire transformed, even though the man had already emerged years earlier. Showing himself in the only ways that he knew, some tender, some not, but always ever present. Hindsight is 20/20 and often painfully so. If she had only been a better person…

Spike began to stir awake, his eyes fluttered open. He was initially startled, not recognizing the thumping in his chest, the air that was perfumed with vanilla and lavender entering into his lungs and then he looked up to see the face of someone who could comfort with her presence.

"Buffy…" He sleepily uttered.

"Spike. How are you feeling?" She asked, still stroking his face. His eyes closed enjoying the sensation.

"Sore, like I've been hit by a truck, several times." Spike tried to rise, but grimaced.

"Relax, Spike, you shouldn't get up. I don't know what happened to your body, but whatever it was, it was painful. It killed me not to be able to help -" She said.

"But you did, luv. I felt your love surging through me. The light, the warmth, that was you inside of me. I knew it and it gave me strength and comfort."

Spike reached up to his chest to feel his heart beat.

"Yes, it's really there, you're really here." She choked on her tears. "I'm so happy you're here."

"Buffy? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just a bundle of emotions. I can't seem to stop crying." She giggled and hiccupped.

Spike reached up with his hand and touched her face, "No need for tears, luv."

"I know, but before you woke up I couldn't help thinking about all you went through just because you loved me and hating that even to become human you had to endure so much more pain. Sometimes I think I'm not worth all this." Her tears then turned into full blown sobs. Spike slowly propped himself up and then held her in his arms.

"Shhh…there is no amount of pain I wouldn't endure to be here with you like this, to love you as I do right now. My god, Buffy, I'm human. I feel my heart beating, my flesh is warm against yours. It's bloody remarkable. Nothing to cry about."

She swallowed her sobs and looked in his eyes. How could he make such a painful experience sound wonderful?

"You're the one who's remarkable. I look at you and it's like I feel like I don't -."

"Don't go there." Spike said sternly. "You do deserve to be happy. I want to make you so happy that you won't be able to remember what sadness ever felt like."

"You already do that."

"Not enough if you are still questioning all that has happened. Remember what Giles said, none of this would have been possible if I hadn't fallen in love with you. You are as much the reason I am here, alive and human, as any kind of magicks are."

"But the pain, when I saw you I-"

"Buffy, you can't have the good without the bad, the light without the dark, the love without the hate. All things have a balance. And sometimes, you can't have the reward without the pain, but if the reward is something you have wanted for a long time, never thought you could have and someone offers it to you with the small price of pain, it's worth it. You're worth it."

To keep her from saying anything more, Spike took her into his embrace and kissed her passionately. It was a long lingering kiss that left them both breathless. Their first kiss as two humans didn't lack any of the fire of the kisses they had shared in the past. Their love was passionate without conditions or limitations.

"Mmmm…" Buffy moaned.

"That's just the start. I seem to remember someone promising me more of those if I survived and I plan on taking her up on it. Evil after all." Spike slyly smiled.

Buffy smiled widely and recaptured his lips to hold him long and lovingly. Spike's breathing deepened, his heart raced. They were sensations that he never really actually felt as a vampire

making love to Buffy, but that his body reacted to from memory. Now that he was truly feeling them, he had forgotten so many smaller sensations that came with human anatomy. The dizziness from the lack of breath, the pounding rhythm of his heart, his skin tingling, they were all things he had forgotten about. It was making him feel like a giddy school boy. It was like he was making out with a girl for the very first time in his life, the heat from his blood surging through his body and pooling at his quickly burgeoning erection. He had always felt the pleasant pain of his stiffening member, but not the warmth and rush he felt now as the pleasure built up.

Buffy smiled as she felt him grow beneath her. "Some things never change." She teased.

"I can't wait to make love to you as a human man. I have never made love to a woman as a human."

"You mean I'll be your first?" Buffy teased.

"Yeh, I guess you can say that."

"Well, I better make this memorable then. You know what they say about first impressions." She said slyly and with a devilish smile. "You let me do all of the work."

Buffy got up and locked the door of the room so they wouldn't be interrupted. She came back and slowly started to do a seductive strip tease in front of him. She unbuttoned her shirt and peeled it slowly off her as she sauntered over to him. She draped the shirt off of her arm and let it drop. She slithered her hands down her body, caressing herself to turn herself on as much as to turn him on. She unclasped her jeans, unzipped them, let them fall and stepped out effortlessly, never losing a stride towards him. For each sensual move she made, Spike responded. He sighed from the erotic surge that rose inside of him. Buffy then draped her leg over his body and toyed with him by rubbing her breasts against his chest.

"Too many clothes," She whispered seductively.

She caressed the front of his t-shirt and began to pull it out of his jeans, gathering up the cotton in her hands until she saw skin emerge from beneath. She then snaked her hands underneath the shirt, her warm hands meeting his hot chest. Spike's breath caught and he closed his eyes and moaned. Her delicate fingers felt more silky than he had remembered, her touch like satin rising up his chest. His shirt followed the push of her arms as she lifted it up and off effortlessly. Once exposed, she bent down to kiss him, hot breath on tingling skin. She kissed and licked down, moving herself down and rubbing her body against his. Her moan from the contact sent shivers through Spike. She got down to his jeans and though she undid the button with her hands, she took the zipper in her teeth and slid it down slowly, again her hot breath trailing down his stomach until it reached his now, very painful erection. Spike just moaned and struggled with controlling his breathing. Such an amazing way to discover that he had forgotten how the sensations she was eliciting was causing him to stop breathing only to hitch and catch a breath after realizing he had stopped. He was wrong when he told her that the first time they made fiery love in that falling down house was a revelation, this was the revelation.

Buffy's hands reached in, but instead of touching his hardness, she just went to his hips and pushed the jeans down and off of him to reveal his intense desire to her. She then kissed back down his stomach until she reached it again. She was unaccustomed to the warmth that radiated from it and flicked her tongue on the tip of it, causing Spike to arch and his hands fisted the bedspread as he grunted from the surging contraction. Buffy smiled and enjoyed the power she had over him. His response to her power made her feel alive, wanted, needed. She then licked from the bottom of his shaft to the tip, causing him to tremble.

"Oh, god, Buffy…" Spike said as he reached up to hold her arms, wanting to feel her.

"Let me pleasure you, Spike. Let me give you fully of myself as you always have given me. Let me make love to you with all of my heart, my power, my love."

She then took him into her mouth, causing him to involuntarily lunge up.

"Oh…ggg-" Spike exhaled raggedly, his grip around her arms tightening, pulling her closer to him.

She began to massage him in her mouth, her tongue stroking from within, pulling gently up and then down again.

The blissful agony that Buffy was inciting with her love making was causing all manner of wonderful and new explorations of physical response. His limbs were trembling, his muscles were contracting and releasing. Most surprising was the flush of heat from the blood surging through him, pulsating powerfully. She licked and then would release to lap at one of his nipples. She would then reclaim his member and begin her massage again. She did this several times until Spike's bucking became faster and he could barely hold back the intense, explosive push that was rising.

"Oh, gggod, mmmm…" Spike grunted, almost breathless "Buffy, let me be inside of you, I need to mingle my warmth with yours, god, please."

She complied and reveled in Spike's power over her as he thrust into her passionately. Buffy cried out with joy then Spike began his own massage of her clit, rubbing it softly then pressing harder, drawing circles and feeling the swelling beneath his fingers. He began to move in a timed rhythm thrusting and rubbing and all Buffy could do was moan with the orgasm that was rising and she began to push down harder on top of him. Suddenly, Spike slowly rolled them over so that he could be above her, pressing himself deeper into her, resting his forehead against hers and pumping into and out of her with a loving, yet powerful surge.

"Oh, Spike, " Buffy squealed. Her small, high pitched grunts uttered in harmony with Spike's.

Finally, it was too much for the both of them. Spike felt himself about to burst and Buffy grabbed his shoulders, her knuckles white from pressing her fingers into his newly, human flesh.

"Oh, god, deeper, hurry, hurry, Oh! I'm so there just a little bit -UNH! Spike!" Buffy cried out as she arched into him.

Spike followed right behind her, thrusting down into her one last time, groaning her name, feeling the rushing release of his now fertile seed pouring into her before he collapsed in a heap. Both of them were hot, sweaty, breathless, their bodies trembling.

Once things started settling down, Spike looked down at his Buffy, the love of his two lives, both undead and now alive again and couldn't help, but smile.

"You'll never cease to amaze me." Spike said through deep breaths. "God, I love you so much!"

"You too and I love you so much it hurts. To imagine living a life without you…it's completely unthinkable."

"Now, we never have to. We're both reborn. To be able to start over again, to rediscover you all over again, it's a bloody miracle."

"It is, Spike. For the first time I believe."

"Believe what, luv?"

"What you said, we do deserve happiness. Not just you alone or me alone, but us together deserve happiness." Buffy smiled with a glow that matched the light that drenched Spike the night he was resurrected again.

This time, though, he was not emerging out of a coffin or a grave, but from the seemingly impossible love of a woman who was born to kill his kind, but found her equal in an unlikely vampire then his love for her transformed the both of them.

"I've never believed otherwise."

EPILOGUE

Nine Months later:

"Buffy, are you ready? On the next contraction, I want you to push."

Buffy could only nod as she took what little rest she could between contractions.

"Oh, god, here it comes…" She groaned.

"Push, Buffy, push as hard as you can." The doctor instructed.

The pain was intense, but she insisted on delivering their child without painkillers. She wanted to feel every moment. Spike, though wishing that he could take the pain from her, supported her by his presence. He held her hand, absorbing her pain as much as he could and held her with his arms to give her strength and leverage to make pushing as easy as possible for her.

It had been a miracle beyond all expectations when they both had learned that Buffy had become pregnant. Everyone was thrilled and excited, but none more so than Spike and Buffy. Spike was completely happy. Something that neither of them had ever dreamed would happen to either of them was coming true. A child created from their love for each other. It was truly wonderful beyond words.

Buffy squealed as she grunted and began to push. She felt the baby move and it made her happy despite the pain. After a ten count, she stopped and waited for the next contraction.

"Oh Buffy," Spike said as he dotted her face with soft kisses. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, so much. I feel our baby. It's so wonderful!"

"I wish I could take the pain for you, luv."

"I seem to remember someone telling me that if it's something that you truly want, a little pain is worth it and this is so what I have wanted since falling in love with you and it is so worth it…it's a gift…"

Buffy felt the pressure and pain start again and began to push without being told. She grunted long and hard."

"That's it, Buffy. You're doing great. I can see the head crowning. We're almost there. Only a few more pushes." The doctor encouraged.

Buffy relaxed again. She couldn't believe how happy she felt. Spike could only kiss, coo and murmur how much he loved her over and over again to encourage her. She finally believed that they could live happily. She was going to have her dreams after all. She had no more doubts.

As another contraction hit, Buffy put all her energy into the push and screamed from the effort.

"The head, it's here! Good, Buffy. Just one more push and your baby will be here."

Buffy took another deep breath and pushed as hard as she could. She half screamed and grunted. She felt the baby slip from her and into the waiting arms of the doctor. Exhausted, she

laid back against Spike, breathless, but fulfilled.

"You did it, Buffy! It's a boy! You and Spike have a son!" The doctor said excitedly.

"We have a son, luv. A beautiful son! I love you so much."

Buffy cried with joy. She'd just had a son. Spike could only hug Buffy and continue kissing her.

The nurses cleaned up their son and they heard him cry. One of them brought him over and laid him on Buffy's chest.

"He's so beautiful…"Buffy cried.

"That he is, luv. He takes after his mum." Spike said as he kissed his son and then her.

"Hey, he has a pretty hot looking father too." She smiled and sighed.

"What are you going to name him?" The doctor asked.

"For sure, William. It means protector. Just like his father was to me." Buffy said smiling up at her son then at Spike.

Spike could only gleam with pride and joy at Buffy's choice and declaration. He never imagined that he could love two people so much, so fully as he loved her and his son.

A normal life. Spike was in awe of it. It was better than the life he led as a vampire. This joy, this time together, it's all he wants. A happily ever after.

The End